Thank you Diana this was very helpful for me and my partner. Over 25 years ago we had a conversation as we used to do (many deep and meaningful ones) in this my partner shared some of her past what she called shame and didn't feel that she could share the rest of her shame yet (didn't feel comfortable). Life then gets in the way kids career etc and our deep and meaningfuls stopped. Here we are many years later talking again and really rediscovering each other and that unfinished conversation came up. We were talking a few days ago and my partner used the safe word, she said she felt safe enough with me to share her shame. We had the discussion and I held her while we did as she was extremely nervous. She now feels that a weight has been lifted from her and I no longer need to fill in the gaps with my own narrative. I love her for who she is now and that won't be diminished by what she did in her past before me.
Tell them everything. Literally everything. If they leave, then they aren't the right person for you. We all have pasts and we all have made mistakes. The right person for you will appreciate your honesty and accept you and your past. Lack of disclosure is no different than lying.
LOL no, nobody has to accept shit. I broke up with her because her h*e phase disgusts me and I can't be with someone who can do very intimate things without a shred of intimacy. That's very weird to me. Get real for a moment. The RİGHT person is someone who literally cannot feel real intimacy and has broken morals. I'm happy I broke up and will eventually find a virgin who's mature and is not damaged at the core. Never committing to a h*e ever again, they are literally incapable of loving you the way you love them.
@@sirprize5191 I mean yeah, but not being a virgin doesn't make a girl a ho. Women can have sex before marriage and not be sloots. Just like men. I mean come on. If you aren't a virgin for her why should you expect different from her? Extremely hypocritical of you mate.
You can't tell them everything, I did that mistake and it ruined my life. Sometimes they won't leave, they'll stay and torture you. For MONTHS. Or even years. And also you can't trust someone so much, especially if you just met them or dated for a few months. When you break up they could disclose your secrets to everyone.
Yes, we need to know so we can decide if we want to be with you or not. Your partner gets to choose who they want to be with, without being manipulated.
You can't tell them everything, I did that mistake and it ruined my life. Sometimes they won't leave, they'll stay and torture you. For MONTHS. Or even years. And also you can't trust someone so much, especially if you just met them or dated for a few months. When you break up they could disclose your secrets to everyone. Imagine disclosing sensitive personal information to every person you go on a few dated with. They don't deserve to know anything about me that 1) has nothing to do with them and 2) they could use against me to harm me. I don't owe this person anything, but I do owe it to myself to protect me and do what's best for me.
@@ashley_brown6106 You can still do all of that without lying, Especially if they make it clear that promiscuousuty our having had partners of a different race is a dealbreaker
if they ask something and you withhold certain relevant answers, that's similar to lying. I'm sure most people value honesty in a relationship, so it's like building bridge on muddy grounds if you start things off with lying.
I had a past w my cousin when I was a kid, I’m not a victim of any sort of abuse but idk how to tell my bf, ik I should I’m just really scared I will lose him. Even tho I’m willing to tolerate and help and understand him for anything that he hasn’t told me in the past even if it’s as serious as impregnating a girl (I saw his picture of him and his ex w a baby in her arms) but I can’t guarantee or expect him to be capable to do the same, and it was just my assumption that he might have done it with no proof.
You can't tell them everything, I did that mistake and it ruined my life. Sometimes they won't leave, they'll stay and torture you. For MONTHS. Or even years. And also you can't trust someone so much, especially if you just met them or dated for a few months. When you break up they could disclose your secrets to everyone. Imagine disclosing sensitive personal information to every person you go on a few dated with. They don't deserve to know anything about me that 1) has nothing to do with them and 2) they could use against me to harm me. I don't owe this person anything, but I do owe it to myself to protect me and do what's best for me.
I don’t know why I should tell a man about my traumatic past and live through it again when all I want is to forget about it. What benefit it will add to the relationship? It will add nothing.
If you want to start a morally incorrupt relationship, then answer questions honestly, be vulnerable, be honest and do not omit. Otherwise you are just lying to yourself and to your partner.
You can't tell them everything, I did that mistake and it ruined my life. Sometimes they won't leave, they'll stay and torture you. For MONTHS. Or even years. And also you can't trust someone so much, especially if you just met them or dated for a few months. When you break up they could disclose your secrets to everyone. Imagine disclosing sensitive personal information to every person you go on a few dated with. They don't deserve to know anything about me that 1) has nothing to do with them and 2) they could use against me to harm me. I don't owe this person anything, but I do owe it to myself to protect me and do what's best for me.
He is insecure about himself, maybe you told him about your past history which is bothering him, because he’s telling you his past so that he’ll feel better when he remembers about your past story,
Thank you that helps me a lot actually :). Especially having a conversation about how much they actually want to know, which pieces are they curious about. That’s awesome again thank you.
I have 5 secrets or fibs to start with..... 1. About what I did to my own dog named King out of anger after I got home from Wendy's on March 5th, 2022 then panicked and felt guilty in massacre! 2. About my Sea Turtle arms and the reasons why I took them off! 3. About my recent Six Flags Gold badge I lost by accident and then got a new one without my parents permission first on July 26th, 2021! 4. Saved some chicken in the microwave for daddy to have the rest of, but mistakenly gave him food poisoning on Nov. 2017! 5. About my Class of 2017 Graduation Gown which was accidentally burnt through a hole on June 12th, 2017! But around this month of January 2023 of the New Year, I must embrace to tell the truth like I should've done a long time ago ☝🏽🥰 Happy New Year 🥳 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
I told my husband my past sexual history and there were only 4 people before him. He’s been with 40 women before me. He thinks there was more because I stupidly made up having other sexual experiences because he does not believe I went 2 years without sex. So I felt this ridiculous pressure to make up some things so that he would not think I was very inexperienced when we met. Please help! It’s caused him to not trust me. I feel like I’m being punished for not having more to my sexual past. 😢
Should be upfront before anything happens … years later when spouse is rejected for sex then they will be affected be retroactive jelousy and the marriage will suffer
If they don't want to tell you then you're not "important" enough for them to tell you, u aint "special" to them just move on bro find someone who actually cares and stop wasting your time with these "exploiters".
You can't tell them everything, I did that mistake and it ruined my life. Sometimes they won't leave, they'll stay and torture you. For MONTHS. Or even years. And also you can't trust someone so much, especially if you just met them or dated for a few months. When you break up they could disclose your secrets to everyone. Imagine disclosing sensitive personal information to every person you go on a few dated with. They don't deserve to know anything about me that 1) has nothing to do with them and 2) they could use against me to harm me. I don't owe this person anything, but I do owe it to myself to protect me and do what's best for me.
@Ilija Markovic You miss the point .If you'r so worried her past dont date , Insecure men do it all the time. its power and control . Her past is no not for you .
@@Rob2gs Committing to a h*e is a massive mistake. You will regret it every single time and deal with abusive behaviour, promiscuous and weird shit and all the baggage. Never again. Never make the mistake I did. If her past is off putting to you, there's a character flaw on her that you'll never truly move past.
Telling a man your past is none of his business is like telling someone who wants to buy a car that he doesn't need to know what work has been done on it and it's accident history. Any man who buys a car without a little research is an idiot. Anyone who marries someone without knowing thier past is an idiot. You get married to blend your lives together. All of it. The past the present and the future.
What I find to be quite telling is how a current bf talks about his past relationships. If he can't look back and find some good things to remember that's not good. And if I am not confident enough in my own worth to the point that I cannot hear a few of his good recollections that's not good either.
Reach out for SUPPORT or ask a QUESTION at www.truetoyoucounseling.com
Thank you Diana this was very helpful for me and my partner. Over 25 years ago we had a conversation as we used to do (many deep and meaningful ones) in this my partner shared some of her past what she called shame and didn't feel that she could share the rest of her shame yet (didn't feel comfortable). Life then gets in the way kids career etc and our deep and meaningfuls stopped. Here we are many years later talking again and really rediscovering each other and that unfinished conversation came up. We were talking a few days ago and my partner used the safe word, she said she felt safe enough with me to share her shame. We had the discussion and I held her while we did as she was extremely nervous. She now feels that a weight has been lifted from her and I no longer need to fill in the gaps with my own narrative. I love her for who she is now and that won't be diminished by what she did in her past before me.
Wow she’s blessed to have you
Tell them everything. Literally everything. If they leave, then they aren't the right person for you. We all have pasts and we all have made mistakes. The right person for you will appreciate your honesty and accept you and your past. Lack of disclosure is no different than lying.
I told him each and everything about my past. But he rejected me
@@tabasumhameed8825 than he wasnt going to be good for you in the long run. Sorry though that sucks and hurts. I know that feeling of rejection too
LOL no, nobody has to accept shit. I broke up with her because her h*e phase disgusts me and I can't be with someone who can do very intimate things without a shred of intimacy. That's very weird to me. Get real for a moment. The RİGHT person is someone who literally cannot feel real intimacy and has broken morals. I'm happy I broke up and will eventually find a virgin who's mature and is not damaged at the core. Never committing to a h*e ever again, they are literally incapable of loving you the way you love them.
@@tabasumhameed8825 I would have too!
@@sirprize5191 I mean yeah, but not being a virgin doesn't make a girl a ho. Women can have sex before marriage and not be sloots. Just like men.
I mean come on. If you aren't a virgin for her why should you expect different from her? Extremely hypocritical of you mate.
Everything . Honest can save your relationship or your time .
You can't tell them everything, I did that mistake and it ruined my life. Sometimes they won't leave, they'll stay and torture you. For MONTHS. Or even years. And also you can't trust someone so much, especially if you just met them or dated for a few months. When you break up they could disclose your secrets to everyone.
Yes, we need to know so we can decide if we want to be with you or not. Your partner gets to choose who they want to be with, without being manipulated.
You can't tell them everything, I did that mistake and it ruined my life. Sometimes they won't leave, they'll stay and torture you. For MONTHS. Or even years. And also you can't trust someone so much, especially if you just met them or dated for a few months. When you break up they could disclose your secrets to everyone. Imagine disclosing sensitive personal information to every person you go on a few dated with. They don't deserve to know anything about me that 1) has nothing to do with them and 2) they could use against me to harm me. I don't owe this person anything, but I do owe it to myself to protect me and do what's best for me.
@@ashley_brown6106 You can still do all of that without lying, Especially if they make it clear that promiscuousuty our having had partners of a different race is a dealbreaker
if they ask something and you withhold certain relevant answers, that's similar to lying. I'm sure most people value honesty in a relationship, so it's like building bridge on muddy grounds if you start things off with lying.
Thoeun Kong you are correct
And the jealous type(like myself) will peace together over many years anyway
@@jamierichman2920 And guys like me will peace out.
I had a past w my cousin when I was a kid, I’m not a victim of any sort of abuse but idk how to tell my bf, ik I should I’m just really scared I will lose him. Even tho I’m willing to tolerate and help and understand him for anything that he hasn’t told me in the past even if it’s as serious as impregnating a girl (I saw his picture of him and his ex w a baby in her arms) but I can’t guarantee or expect him to be capable to do the same, and it was just my assumption that he might have done it with no proof.
You can't tell them everything, I did that mistake and it ruined my life. Sometimes they won't leave, they'll stay and torture you. For MONTHS. Or even years. And also you can't trust someone so much, especially if you just met them or dated for a few months. When you break up they could disclose your secrets to everyone. Imagine disclosing sensitive personal information to every person you go on a few dated with. They don't deserve to know anything about me that 1) has nothing to do with them and 2) they could use against me to harm me. I don't owe this person anything, but I do owe it to myself to protect me and do what's best for me.
I tell them nothing. My past is my past.
Yes I will not tell my past about my HIV and gay relationships with multiple men
@@jasonsamuel6601HIV is literally something that you can transmit to your partner, they have every right to know
Even after several years, when I find she lied, I left. It happened two times.... and it was her fault for lying. Trust was gone.
You don't have to lie. A person has every right to say "sorry, I don't like talking about the past"
Tell your partner nothing cuz all they do is use the information to judge you in my experience 💯
I don’t know why I should tell a man about my traumatic past and live through it again when all I want is to forget about it. What benefit it will add to the relationship? It will add nothing.
If the person isn't safe, you should obviously not be with them.
If you want to start a morally incorrupt relationship, then answer questions honestly, be vulnerable, be honest and do not omit. Otherwise you are just lying to yourself and to your partner.
You can't tell them everything, I did that mistake and it ruined my life. Sometimes they won't leave, they'll stay and torture you. For MONTHS. Or even years. And also you can't trust someone so much, especially if you just met them or dated for a few months. When you break up they could disclose your secrets to everyone. Imagine disclosing sensitive personal information to every person you go on a few dated with. They don't deserve to know anything about me that 1) has nothing to do with them and 2) they could use against me to harm me. I don't owe this person anything, but I do owe it to myself to protect me and do what's best for me.
My boyfriend talks about his past on a regular and I am getting tired of them keep talking about the same thing what to do
He is insecure about himself, maybe you told him about your past history which is bothering him, because he’s telling you his past so that he’ll feel better when he remembers about your past story,
maybe you should just let him know it bothers you, wouldn't that work?
Tell him to knock it off
The truth will eventually come. So it is better to be honest up front, once a relationship is serious enough
Thank you that helps me a lot actually :). Especially having a conversation about how much they actually want to know, which pieces are they curious about. That’s awesome again thank you.
Don't tell them shihh leave ur past where it is.... cause they can get mad and use it against u in an argument
I agree 👍 and DONT ASK IF YA CANT HANDLE IT
😂😂
Yes it true..thats what happening to me now..past is past but he cant move on for that
@@margesaripsa9788 2 of my exes tortured me for MONTHS I'm never telling my past to anyone ever again. Fuck this shit.
I have 5 secrets or fibs to start with.....
1. About what I did to my own dog named King out of anger after I got home from Wendy's on March 5th, 2022 then panicked and felt guilty in massacre!
2. About my Sea Turtle arms and the reasons why I took them off!
3. About my recent Six Flags Gold badge I lost by accident and then got a new one without my parents permission first on July 26th, 2021!
4. Saved some chicken in the microwave for daddy to have the rest of, but mistakenly gave him food poisoning on Nov. 2017!
5. About my Class of 2017 Graduation Gown which was accidentally burnt through a hole on June 12th, 2017!
But around this month of January 2023 of the New Year, I must embrace to tell the truth like I should've done a long time ago ☝🏽🥰
Happy New Year 🥳 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
Bro tf you mean you took the arms off your sea turtles, also what did you do to that dog WHAT THE HELL BRO
I told my husband my past sexual history and there were only 4 people before him. He’s been with 40 women before me. He thinks there was more because I stupidly made up having other sexual experiences because he does not believe I went 2 years without sex. So I felt this ridiculous pressure to make up some things so that he would not think I was very inexperienced when we met. Please help! It’s caused him to not trust me. I feel like I’m being punished for not having more to my sexual past. 😢
I am careful, too easy to learn what past women manipulate us with, what works, etc. Y'all need to put in the work yourselves, ladies! No freebies!
Should be upfront before anything happens … years later when spouse is rejected for sex then they will be affected be retroactive jelousy and the marriage will suffer
If they don't want to tell you then you're not "important" enough for them to tell you, u aint "special" to them just move on bro find someone who actually cares and stop wasting your time with these "exploiters".
Wrong. Maybe they're ashamed or just hate who they were back then and don't wanna remember it
@@ashley_brown6106 is this a bot
Everything..... Done.
You can't tell them everything, I did that mistake and it ruined my life. Sometimes they won't leave, they'll stay and torture you. For MONTHS. Or even years. And also you can't trust someone so much, especially if you just met them or dated for a few months. When you break up they could disclose your secrets to everyone. Imagine disclosing sensitive personal information to every person you go on a few dated with. They don't deserve to know anything about me that 1) has nothing to do with them and 2) they could use against me to harm me. I don't owe this person anything, but I do owe it to myself to protect me and do what's best for me.
🕊
none of your business
@Ilija Markovic You miss the point .If you'r so worried her past dont date , Insecure men do it all the time. its power and control . Her past is no not for you .
@@Rob2gs Committing to a h*e is a massive mistake. You will regret it every single time and deal with abusive behaviour, promiscuous and weird shit and all the baggage. Never again. Never make the mistake I did. If her past is off putting to you, there's a character flaw on her that you'll never truly move past.
Telling a man your past is none of his business is like telling someone who wants to buy a car that he doesn't need to know what work has been done on it and it's accident history.
Any man who buys a car without a little research is an idiot. Anyone who marries someone without knowing thier past is an idiot.
You get married to blend your lives together. All of it. The past the present and the future.
@@gibblets17 well, except that a woman is not a f*cking car?
@@ari_jean man... You are really reaching. Anything for a little victory I guess. Right?
What I find to be quite telling is how a current bf talks about his past relationships. If he can't look back and find some good things to remember that's not good. And if I am not confident enough in my own worth to the point that I cannot hear a few of his good recollections that's not good either.