The no longer safe thing with partners IS SO FUCKING TRUE. it's a complete switch! I'll be OBSESSED and in love then decide after a few mishaps they don't want me. Suddenly they're unsafe until the end of the relationship with blips here and there of feeling okay with them. I''ll be in LOOOVE and then suddenly become anxious/afraid to be around them and with them
@@anxious_and_avoidant is your current relationship like this? or have you found ways to cope? every single of my relationships has ended bc of this tbh
@@Rachelxxc yeah, I don’t talk about it publicly on here but I’ve started to in the discord a little… it’s not great lol 😕😬 but I also have a pattern in the types of guys I date which isn’t helping me hahahha
I have quiet BPD, I would say it's regular BPD who became avoidant due many bad experiences. I don't resonate with the AvPD's safe person that much except the emotional safety. A favorite person is different, you want to mege with them to become a single entity who stops your moods swings and balance you (ironically they cause even more extreme mood swings). AvPDs hide themselves and protect their autonomy and independence in my experience. Now with BPD forget that, you constantly want to overshare and you wear your heart on your sleeves, you're skinless. And then you get hurt A LOT. Sometimes you feel so much pain it feels like an acid eats you up from the inside, it's fucking unbearably, so the suicidal ideation is always there to stop this pain. But often you hope for the best (or just being an ENFP always bring me optimism idk). But every single day you play russian roulette with your emotions which you have ZERO control over it. However quiet BPD does not means you're socially quiet too, I love being around people, I'm very open, accepting and curious, but any form of criticism brings chaos (except when I can't care less). It's a paradox itself.
Do you push away the people who treat you the best out of fear and self-sabotage your relationships for the same reason? Not being accusatory, by the way. Just trying to understand.
it's so refreshing to watch someone who actually can relate to how i feel everyday! ive always felt so alone and strange with this disorder until i actually discovered it
@@HollyMaysHarshAwakening2024 If we could somehow end child abuse and neglect, the eight hundred pages of DSM (and the need for the easier explanations such as DSM-IV Made Easy: The Clinician's Guide to Diagnosis) would be shrunk to a pamphlet in two generations. 🟦 John Briere
I lived with someone who is Avoidant Personality . And, someone else who had BPD, who is also very introverted. Diagnosed. Believe me, they are VERY different disorders. Like, until you see the differences, you cannot get the same understanding of it. But they are so very different.
Yes , I am very interested and curious for examples , because from what I've read about BPD and myself more than likely being avoidant, they seem very similar according to my knowledge and the research I've done. My ex had BPD , I am avoidant....I say the pronounced difference is probably her secondary psychopathy, and emotional dysregulation, I think she'll act out in a blind impulsive rage , then she feels shame , so we could not communicate over the issues. Me being avoidant, I find discussing my heightened emotions ( typically only intimate ) a little difficult at times , I fear abandonment ( like her ) so I'll often get a lil emotionally unavailable and pull away for a bit , but with the full intention of coming back and patching it up after my logical mind comes back online so I can make sure I do it right lol , I think this triggered in her , her terrifying fear of abandonment, so she'd pull away without intention ( seemingly ) of coming back and repairing.....she will abruptly block. Then I feel very guilty for making her feel or question being rejected , I am just stoic at times. By the time I'm ready to communicate, she hates me 😂🤦♂️ EDIT : Mind you it's usually over seemingly miniscule disagreements , but I think the tremendous chemistry we had established , triggers her more intimate feelings of passion, and she convinces herself when I need to isolate , that I coming back just to reject her , mind you which was never on my mind.....so she'd kinda preemptively reject me 1st 😢
The way you describe your relationships hit so close to home, hyperfixating because of the ADHD and as soon as any cracks show I panic and emotionally distance myself while still fearing abandonment. I’ve been alone for the first time in many years and it’s been a mixture of good and downright terrifying, but really eye opening and has given me a miniature confidence boost. At this point the isolation is more of a safety mechanism rather than an intentional act for self reflection. I’ve only been diagnosed with ADHD and depression but I find myself relating a lot to the experiences of those with BPD and lately AvPD. I try not to focus too much on a label and just watch content from people who I can relate to regardless of diagnosis. Thank you for sharing your experiences
It’s so tough 😭❤️ Even being aware of this pattern hasn’t made it much easier for me to navigate honestly. I feel at the mercy of my emotions all the time. I really think being on my own for a while (have been in one relationship or another from 15 to 30 years old) would do me a world of good in building confidence and getting to know myself. But easier said than done. 😅
14 Traits of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic ("The Laundry List") We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures. We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process. We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism. We either become alcoholics, marry them or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs. We live life from the viewpoint of victims and we are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc. We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others. We became addicted to excitement. We confuse love and pity and tend to “love” people we can “pity” and “rescue.” We have “stuffed” our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial). We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem. We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us. Alcoholism is a family disease; and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink. Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.
Very interesting, especially the ending and that it all stems from CPTSD. I’m off to study spiral dynamics now and attempt to comprehend how we overcome this on world wide level. It’s so sick.
This resonates so much with me. I have ADHD and was diagnosed as BPD. I started DBT and then they changed my diagnosis to AVPD and removed me from the program.
fascinating. i'm diagnosed with BPD and it took me a long time to come to terms with because my symptoms really manifest as the quiet subtype rather than the stereotypical, more externalizing profile, to the point where i really doubted i even had any sort of mental disorder at all. but growing up i did read about personality disorders and related super heavily to AvPD And NPD 🥴 which sounds like a wacky combination but does more or less make sense if one looks at it as just being BPD. covers both the sensitivity & tendency towards isolation part + the angrier edgier features sometimes bordering on narcissism
i feel like AvPD NPD is a universal spectrum explaining most disordered behavior, and we could probably throw out most of the DSM-5 and stick with those three plus psychotic disorders, PTSD and OCD. :P imo even some people diagnosed with bipolar might be more accurately interpreted as oscillating between AvPD and NPD.
I've been recently diagnosed with AvPD with a heavy borderline indication. I jokingly called it "Synthetic Borderline". Then I had an episode with a favorite person. Then I read about quiet borderline for the first time. So i have been inwardly splitting this whole time. Wild.
So it's interesting that you bring this up. In your previous video where you compared AVPD with 'vulnerable narcissism' (which curiously is not in DSM... if I remember right from the previous vid), I started to realize that both of those parallel the way some people experience aspergers aka ASD level 1. From that video, I started to think perhaps what some people think is vulnerable narcissism is just misunderstood aspergers. Our defense mechanisms make others think we're jerks, but being genuinely confused socially and therefore vulnerable... Well, differential diagnosis happens all the time. But the reason I find this video so interesting is how it builds on that last one. There is a common thread between autism, BPD and narcissism. All three include struggles with the ego, but for different reasons. Times I have asked state provided therapists if they thought I had narcissistic traits, they didn't see it. One even was shocked I even thought they were similar. But in his case, he explained that narcissists typically know better but readily exploit anyway. Autism/aspergers is a developmental disability. We tend to behave less mature than expected for our age. Socially speaking, a bit slow, but certainly not stupid (some areas of study we have notable affinities towards). We're also extremely awkward and strive to fit in, often to our detriment. Loyal to a fault is one way this manifests. One last thing I thought was curious was your mention of PTSD. Sometimes autism is called "traumatism" because it goes hand in hand with trauma. Yeah, maybe we don't get it from military service, but the avoidant tendencies are absolutely there. This is likely because we can experience emotion at higher intensities-- the proverbial fuse is easier to burn out (my personal conclusion). I've never been diagnosed with AVPD but I've found your videos very helpful. PTSD has been suspected but never officially diagnosed. Anyway I'm no expert. Just some dude with an aspergers diagnosis and experiences I find relatable.
Yesssss I totally see where you’re coming from and never would have made the connection to vulnerable narcissism but I’ve seen a lot how ASD can tie in very closely to things like AvPD and BPD and especially CPTSD. I’ve wondered since before I was diagnosed with AvPD if I was on the spectrum and will always wonder. I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD but I think most of the traits I experience from that could be ones that overlap with autism. But 🤷🏻♀️ I’m unlikely to ever be assessed so I just try to learn as much as I can about autism too and use accommodations where I can when things resonate. ❤️
It all stems from exposure to narcissistic abuse in our formative years (ACoA and ACE). So narcissism is the cause of toxic shame and mental health issues we struggle with. Narcissists themselves never end up in therapy - their targets do. And ironically/paradoxically targets of narc abuse end up being diagnosed with issues which their abusers have. - Toxic people are shame based. They have been taught that in their childhood that their value is based on how they perform, what they do for someone else, how good they are. They weren't necessarily taught a structure like non shame based people were taught - that's usually more ethically morally grounded and more logical. Guilt based people (non shame) do something and if it contravenes value system they readily apologize. 🟥 "Toxic" people; Identifying them and healing. Shame and guilt are master emotions that are connected to the conscience. A shame-based person, if the do something wrong, will not necessarily apologize. Because there will be internal reason for why they have done that. And they are not aware necessarily of the external structures that they have breached or why they're important. Guilt based person has been taught as child what is right and wrong, objectively. 🟥 "Toxic" people; Identifying them and healing. Non shame based person will often readily apologize and come across with appearance of integrity. Because they recognize that their behavior has been not in line what's socially acceptable. Then when shame based person comes across guilt based person, the guilt based person may perceive the shame based person as “toxic”. It's just that internal operating system of shame based person has been conditioned differently. 🟥 "Toxic" people; Identifying them and healing. You'll find that shame based people are people pleasers. They have been taught that their value is based on what they can do for other people. Their rationalization of their actions is always externally motivated. Don't have internal locus of control. They will project their actions onto other people because they believe the reason of doing something is right because they were doing it at the behest of someone else. 🟥 "Toxic" people; Identifying them and healing. Behest - because someone may not told someone who is shame based 'I want you to do this for me'. A shame based person in search of validation may well do something that they think is going to make another person happy, unasked for, in search of validation. And when guilt-based person does not respond, as shame based person was expecting them, they are punished. Labeled as user without realizing shame based are users themselves. 🟥 "Toxic" people; Identifying them & healing Often shame based person comes from an undifferentiated family structure which means they have no boundaries. Shame based person will do anything and everything for you often unsolicited because they don't have enough boundaries to protect themselves from abuse of their generosity. When burn, they will blame other people for things they done willingly and unsolicited. Guilt based person will see shame based as non standard and exhausting 🟥 "Toxic" people; Identifying them It is highly draining to have shame based person because shame based person requires validation. Because as a child a shame based person was taught that their value is based on their contribution to other people. Their self-esteem is based on how other people validate them. If a guilt based person is not validating a shame based person, they will move on to the next person that does. “Toxic” is not permanent state of affairs. People can heal from shame. 🟥 "Toxic" people; Your decision to whether you should cut off a toxic or a shame based person is entirely predicated on whether they can heal (and they can), or decide they take ownership for the trouble that they are causing. Because shame based people know that they are causing problems. They are not ignorant of their own internal world, and conditions, but they are in so much pain, they feel so bad about themselves, can't get their needs met sufficiently. 🟥 "Toxic" people; Your boundaries are entirely up to you. How you treat a shame based person is based on their role in your life, how toxic they are, and how willing are you to tolerate and their willingness to change. Because they can change. How to identify toxic person: they are people pleaser, lack character, accountability, integrity, ownership, they blame things on other people, tend to be victim, locus is external. What they do for other people give them self of sense that they are worthy 🟥 "Toxic" people Guilt based non shamed: “Not good enough grade, try harder”. A shame based person is going to internalize that as if they've done the wrong thing, they are a bad person, that person is unhappy with me therefore I am a bad person and I need to try harder to make the other person happy with me to feel worthy. Guilt based person will think, that grade is measurable, I can improve. 🟥 "Toxic" people Guilt-based person is going to feel guilty for not studying hard enough but they won't think that's reflective of them personally. Shame-based person may fall into a hole: I feel terrible about myself, I must be a terrible person. A shame-based person is all dependent on how someone responded to external indicators of worth. Therefore shame-based person should not be judged. Society may label this behavior as “toxic”. 🟥 "Toxic" people It (toxic) was something that they learned in their formative years. They are not responsible for how they were conditioned how to behave. They are responsible for their behavior as an adult though. Shame-based person knows what they are doing. They are wholly accountable for their action. You can hold shame-based person to account. And a shame based person can change. Adult - they have choice. 🟥 "Toxic" people Unless they are tied to a personality disorder - if a shame-based action is independent of a personality disorder, they can change. Treating a borderline is exceptionally difficult. So you have to understand their shame based behavior differently. A toxic person that has a personality disorder is entirely different from a toxic person that has no presenting personality disorder. 🟥 "Toxic" people
I was diagnosed cptsd. MY husband 20 years older than me laughs and tells me to get over it💜💜💜💜💜💜 Im afraid its to late but i still share my story like you do daily and i can so relate hun. Thank you for talking about it we need more people like you speaking and educating others
😭❤️🩹 Thank you. I’m also in a relationship that isn’t always the best for my mental health and am often dismissed in my emotions and “special” needs from trauma. Thank you for sharing, I’m coming to follow your story as well!! ❤️
Improving our relationships is improving our mental health. William Glasser Interpersonal strife with those close to us leads to rifts and resentments that produce symptoms of mental illness; these problems are, in fact, the logical consequence of troubled relationships. Glasser emphasizes that lasting psychological problems are usually caused by problems in our personal relationships (rather than signifying a biochemical abnormality in the brain), and distress can be remedied through repairing these relationships without recourse to psych drugs. WILLIAM GLASSER Controlling Habits: Blaming Criticizing Complaining Nagging Rewarding To Control Threatening Punishing William Glasser William Glasser "What's my Choice" Connecting Habits: Listening Supporting Encouraging Negotiating Respecting Accepting Trusting
@@anxious_and_avoidant That kind of person is truly the worst for people like us... Going from a partner like that to someone who is actually supportive is night and day difference. It's like going from having undiagnosed AvPD to getting therapy; that feeling of relief from not having to shrink into yourself and accept the way things are anymore. I wish more people understood that our brains literally produce different amounts of chemicals than theirs do, which provokes emotions and levels of emotion. It's our physical bodies doing this; like a heartbeat, we're not choosing this, it just is...
I have BPD that stems from CPTSD from trauma beginning at age 4. I'm 45 now. I also have anxiety, OCD since age 7, anhedonic depression and AvPD. In terms of my BPD, I only split on my Favourite Person DURING the "Honeymoon Phase" or the infatuation / fixation time as I depend so much on them for my own mental stability and happiness. Once the Favourite Person feelings fade (and they always do, both romantic or friendship), I actually completely stop splitting as I don't feel that same interest and need for them. That's when my AvPD comes out again, as it already does with pretty much every single other person, even friends. I avoid. I don't share. Nope. Unless I feel like I'm in love with you, you will never get to know me no matter how friendly my outward facade is (which is tiring after a while).
This sounds so similar to my experience too 😩😵💫 I also just realized the other day the connection between my trauma being at the hands of a narcissist and how I basically only feel “safe” with someone if I’m being love-bombed. 🙂🙃 Lovely lol.
@@anxious_and_avoidant Omg yes! So lovely! 🥴🤪 This is what happens with complex trauma. Sometimes our brains perceive the abuse / traumatic situation to be normal or safe, as we adjust in order to survive, and then later, even though we KNOW it's not normal or safe, we unconsciously still react that way. Being love bombed feels safe because it's familiar and was / is a relief compared to the alternative. ❤️
Hey, we can have both. You got five traits, you got five traits as far as a clinician cares. I don’t even try to categorize myself. But they’re VERY similar, CPTSD, BPD, AVPD… all the research has done was make me stop caring if I met someone with NPD because at least they know what they want better than I do. 😅 Even ADHD and Autism and BPD and Addiction… they’re such similar experiences and results that I was joking about how confusing it is - they’re all just normal people! And my partner replied, “no one fits into a neat little box unless they’re dead” and shrugged at me. It was the perfect response. I’m more toward BPD and it’s not as though I don’t understand the things you’re saying. But we only need five. You don’t actually technically have to care about being abandoned physically OR self harm to have it diagnosed, unfortunately.
I heard in one video of that Indian psychologist healthy gamer gg that BPD can be gradually healed when in a sustained relationship that lasts at least 2 years. That those have good outcomes to heal from that disorder.
I hope your dental surgery went okay. I get doubtful of most things in my life. I think this tendency to doubt what I once thought of as beyond doubt is itself a symptom. It may, or may not, be a symptom of AvPD, but it sure is a symptom of some kind. It happens all the time, not matter what I’m doing. It’s debilitating to say the least. I’m glad you’re sharing about it, though. It helps to know that others do the same thing. In the case you’re describing in this video, it makes sense that there would be some confusion and doubt there, as, like you said, there are no pure cases of any PD’s. And we could indeed actually have many traits of other PD’s, but just with AvPD being the predominant disorder for us. But it’s definitely hard to tell sometimes. There goes that doubting again, lol. Well, recover well from your surgery. We’ll see you in a couple weeks or so. Take care!
Thank you, it went well and I think I’ll heal swiftly 😊 It is really so confusing and I think we’ll always wonder if we got it “right” but as long as we’re learning as much as we can about ourselves then that’s all we can do. ❤️
BPD has a fear of engulfment , Avpd does not . FA attachment doesnt necessarily mean bpd ( common attachment in avpd & apparently bpd but some attachment counsellors,Thais Gibson says she sees anxious attachment more in BPD) But that could be a lot of the issues too. - Avpd has a stable sense of self - a negative one lol
I think the big thing that makes bpd your main diagnosis can also be how you deal with things, with bpd I think they look for more destructive responses to yourself or others. Not sure though.
I don't think I've ever related to someone so much before. I have AvPD and I've been starting to wonder if ADHD could be an issue for me as well; I'm here because a friend started wondering about quiet BPD and I got confused. I think you're right about CPTSD; people with PDs can often relate to each other more than the general population because of that root we share, but I also worry a bit that AvPD is just being relabeled as "quiet BPD" and I don't like that. I know someone who was told by a psychologist "you don't have AvPD or you wouldn't be here." (Then how was the disorder ever discovered?!) BPD resonates strongly because we're the two most emotional/sensitive PDs, IMO, but BPD just doesn't fit me like AvPD does.
I hear ya. And that’s the thing about AvPD is that even I am able to talk myself into imposter syndrome with it like “you aren’t afraid of checking out and making small talk with the cashier so you must not actually have AvPD” when I’m ghosting all my real life potential friends because we’re getting too close and I feel too vulnerable 😂😭 It’s a shame that therapists aren’t more familiar with the nuances between PDs, and perhaps their connection to CPTSD. I haven’t had access to therapy in a long time, but I imagine if I ever do again, I’ll have to educate them first. 🥲❤️
@@anxious_and_avoidant '"You aren’t afraid of checking out and making small talk with the cashier so you must not actually have AvPD” when I’m ghosting all my real life potential friends because we’re getting too close and I feel too vulnerable'--OMG, I relate too hard to this!!! Sometimes I'll even end up doubting the small talk, too. I'll do great at it a few times, and then get nervous to see the person again because what if I ruin this somehow? And when I'm in the elevator with a guy who seems perfectly nice, but then I actually get anxious about whether he THINKS he's making me nervous or I'm judging him, and then I DO get nervous and stop breathing until one of us leaves. 🤦♀
of 2? 😏🧐 hehe check this out: These are all interchangeable: RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria) = Social anxiety = Emotional Dysregulation = Complex Trauma = Toxic shame = After-effects of ACoA & ACE = After-effects of narcissistic abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, mental abuse = Hypervigilance/hypovigilance = PureOCD = Unfavorable power dynamics = Trauma response = Trauma bonding = Neurodivergence = Spectrum, not binary thinking = Amygdala hijacking = Trauma triggers and flashbacks = being criticized for something you can't control = having high moral and ethical standards and enforcing them = someone random complains about our errors when we done superhuman efforts to avoid ALL mistakes which 98.5% percent of people never invest neither physically nor mentally = toxic person complaining and expecting us to know something for the first time without mistakes = Perfectionism = Protesting: someone toxic complaining without fair assessment and basing their protest on bias and prejudice and oversimplification = Protesting: trauma panic symptoms related in an attempt to express OUR OWN judgement and negative evaluation and holding criminals narcissists accountable for their crimes and hidden selfish agenda of exploiting others = Not conforming = Conforming (fawning) to unreasonable standards and neurotypical norms = Conforming to narcissistic abuser and psychopath who would punish us if we don't conform to their Coercive control, hidden agenda and manipulation and pathological lying = Being authentic true speaking the truth to fake people and toxic people who have hidden covert agenda to exploit others = being Agreeable (Big 5 personality trait) = being Open (Big 5 personality trait) = Being Neurotic (Big 5 personality trait) = being healthy, friendly and open to life and people = Attachment issues = Codependency = Listening to our gut feeling = Quiet BPD (PureBPD) = BPD Splitting = Inner critic = Imposter syndrome = Being exposed to Operant Conditioning of Negative reinforcement (rejection, cold shoulder) = Being exposed to Negative reinforcement Breadcrumbs hoping positive reinforcement will come instead = doing the best we can to avoid and mitigate negative reinforcement = Avoidance = Victim of false accusation and slander (overt or covert) = overcompensation and masking and making trauma and or abuse to be functional = being wounded and reacting to someone future faking our voids being fulfilled to hook us up to their lies = Self-referential thinking = identity being rooted in "I am not enough" instead of "I am enough" "People expect the quiet one to adapt to the loud people but not the other way around"
When I wrote about AvPD connections with trauma in AvPD videos for the past 3 years on You tube - I was labeled as abnormal and I was kicked out of discussion by AvPDers and ashamed by them over and over again. I was repeatedly told that AvPD has nothing to do with trauma.
ill be a 100% honest personality disorders are a hit or miss thing like I'm getting told that I have bpd and yet I'm having hallucinations and depression. they come and go quite often. but in most situations I just want to be alone and just get on with my life. like I have little interest in making relationships. however at times it can be lonely and that can lead to me looking for someone to talk to. However in the sort term it's okay it doesn't shake the feeling that people are planning something big about me. like I can think people want to try and ether poison me or I thinking people are going to treat me like I'm some dumb idiot that they want to make fun of me. there's also times where I believe people are talking about me behind my back. all that said leads to me distancing again. what's strange is that I don't have this fear of abandonment. like its the core root of bpd and yet non of it makes sense to what I experience on a day to day bases. I'm probably schizophrenia or schizotypal. I guess the mental health system is just not listening and don't want to really deal with anything as its been years and no therapy for anything and they seem so fixed on this bpd that I don't relate to at all. who knows I could be on the moon right now and I wouldn't realise it.
Yeah unfortunately I think mental health professionals are often undereducated and/or unreliable. Of course there is overlap in personality disorders that can make them difficult to diagnose, but delusions/hallucinations should be taken seriously and assessed closely. BPD would not account for that. 😕
Hi, have you been suffering from avpd to while now? And I would say that magic mushroom might reliefs as well as I can talk. You have been seemed fairly straight on your speech
Small dosages of LSD type of drugs help with anyone been traumatized into DSM CBT disorders - it helps us to clear chaos in our head and make sense what is going on. I would not encourage self drug though.
@@FloppedASF Plus, with a diagnosis - we don't resolve anything - we only add more toxic shame on top of the existing one. CBT ought to be banned, it is doing incredibly psychological damage to anyone being abused traumatized attacked and CBT keeps them locked into this trauma state forever through ineffective CBT explanations and methods such as exposure therapy or listing fears or facing pathological liars and expecting them to listen to us.
lol yup, I think it’s probably fairly common (especially with adhd) to span both, honestly. If anything, it just broadens our scope of resources as far as the specific traits we’re struggling with. ❤️🩹
@@anxious_and_avoidant yes, unfortunately😖I find that this borderline thing overlaps a lot with adhd and cptsd too. The identity crisis getting worse because all of these things have so many similarities 😅
Yup, that’s exactly where I’m at. Especially finding out CPTSD can cause ADHD-like effects im like 🤨 do I actually know anything? Hahahaha but 🤷🏻♀️ I’m just trying to learn as much as I can from anything that resonates I guess
i totally agree with what you're saying about personality disorders being forms of cptsd! and i like how you keep stressing on it. because it really makes sense and is probably true. i dont have a diagnosis (yet?) but im 100% certain i have cptsd. and the ways it shows up is kinda similar to bpd and avpd, though i probably dont fully fit the criteria for a diagnosis of either. that's only a theory i have. but treating my cptsd AS cptsd has been the most effective thing that has helped me improve. ive been on my healing journey for almost a year now, i have been healing without labels.. just self helping through resources online. of course i cant have made a full recovery in the span of one year, but i *have* made progress while healing..and i would say it's GREAT progress to make in only a year (so far). and that's something to be very proud of and celebrate!
I'm so glad none of us are alone in symptom overlap curveballs getting thrown at us all through our journey. AvPD, ADHD, CPTSD, ASD, BPD...they all feel like little pieces of a puzzle that fit differently for all of us. It's hard not to feel like they're connected the way you've been mentioning here and in previous videos. Looking back, I think the disorders I tend to gravitate towards are ones that most strongly resonate with a lot of the protective strategies I used during childhood. Anyone else go back and forth on whether they're actually neurodivergent sometimes? 🥲
To me, there’s no doubt in my mind that I’m neurodivergent at this point. It is just deciding which *kind* of neurodivergent. 😅 I didn’t bring up ASD in this video but maybe should have - that’s still one I am constantly going back and forth on. When I’m sitting in front of my blow dryer drowning out all other sounds and watching videos with subtitles (because I can’t hear them over the blow dryer lmfao) playing with a fidget toy, I feel very autistic. 😂 But then when I have to go to the store and I’m able to make casual small talk with the cashier, I’m like nahhhh you’re fine. What I always come back to though is that at the end of the day, it’s not going to change who I am just changing which label it’s given. So whether or not the content matches my diagnosis, if I can relate to it (be it ADHD, ASD, AvPD, BPD, PMDD, CPTSD, GAD, etc etc) then I’m going to learn as much about it as I can in an effort to have as many tools at my disposal to overcome the actual symptoms I experience. But yeah the imposter syndrome is a bitch. 😅❤️🩹
Narcissist Personality Disorder One of the few conditions where the patient is left alone and everyone else is treated. (PierceTheDarkness) Otto F. Kernberg suggested that narcissistic disorders of character are foundation of most mental health problems. If we understand disturbances in narcissism we would probably find a theory of everything YT Richard Grannon & Prof. Sam Vaknin about Fantasy
@@anxious_and_avoidantMy psychologist said that I have traits of BPD. I also suspected AvPD because of my social anxiety. But when I went to psychiatrist turns out that this "traits" was caused by autism and adhd😅
The no longer safe thing with partners IS SO FUCKING TRUE. it's a complete switch! I'll be OBSESSED and in love then decide after a few mishaps they don't want me. Suddenly they're unsafe until the end of the relationship with blips here and there of feeling okay with them. I''ll be in LOOOVE and then suddenly become anxious/afraid to be around them and with them
Yuuuuup 🥺 we just wanna feel unconditionally accepted but our brain is a little too irrational lol
@@anxious_and_avoidant is your current relationship like this? or have you found ways to cope? every single of my relationships has ended bc of this tbh
@@Rachelxxc yeah, I don’t talk about it publicly on here but I’ve started to in the discord a little… it’s not great lol 😕😬 but I also have a pattern in the types of guys I date which isn’t helping me hahahha
@@bill8039 very true lol
do they even care when they discard you? do they come back, it's been 2 months now no contact
I have quiet BPD, I would say it's regular BPD who became avoidant due many bad experiences. I don't resonate with the AvPD's safe person that much except the emotional safety. A favorite person is different, you want to mege with them to become a single entity who stops your moods swings and balance you (ironically they cause even more extreme mood swings). AvPDs hide themselves and protect their autonomy and independence in my experience. Now with BPD forget that, you constantly want to overshare and you wear your heart on your sleeves, you're skinless. And then you get hurt A LOT. Sometimes you feel so much pain it feels like an acid eats you up from the inside, it's fucking unbearably, so the suicidal ideation is always there to stop this pain. But often you hope for the best (or just being an ENFP always bring me optimism idk). But every single day you play russian roulette with your emotions which you have ZERO control over it. However quiet BPD does not means you're socially quiet too, I love being around people, I'm very open, accepting and curious, but any form of criticism brings chaos (except when I can't care less). It's a paradox itself.
Do you push away the people who treat you the best out of fear and self-sabotage your relationships for the same reason?
Not being accusatory, by the way. Just trying to understand.
it's so refreshing to watch someone who actually can relate to how i feel everyday! ive always felt so alone and strange with this disorder until i actually discovered it
Same!! I now share my story I found out a month ago I when doctor finally diagnosed me after 25 years of confusion
@@HollyMaysHarshAwakening2024 If we could somehow end child abuse and neglect, the eight hundred pages of DSM (and the need for the easier explanations such as DSM-IV Made Easy: The Clinician's Guide to Diagnosis) would be shrunk to a pamphlet in two generations.
🟦 John Briere
I lived with someone who is Avoidant Personality . And, someone else who had BPD, who is also very introverted. Diagnosed. Believe me, they are VERY different disorders. Like, until you see the differences, you cannot get the same understanding of it. But they are so very different.
Do you have any examples? I’d love to know more.
Yes , I am very interested and curious for examples , because from what I've read about BPD and myself more than likely being avoidant, they seem very similar according to my knowledge and the research I've done.
My ex had BPD , I am avoidant....I say the pronounced difference is probably her secondary psychopathy, and emotional dysregulation, I think she'll act out in a blind impulsive rage , then she feels shame , so we could not communicate over the issues. Me being avoidant, I find discussing my heightened emotions ( typically only intimate ) a little difficult at times , I fear abandonment ( like her ) so I'll often get a lil emotionally unavailable and pull away for a bit , but with the full intention of coming back and patching it up after my logical mind comes back online so I can make sure I do it right lol , I think this triggered in her , her terrifying fear of abandonment, so she'd pull away without intention ( seemingly ) of coming back and repairing.....she will abruptly block. Then I feel very guilty for making her feel or question being rejected , I am just stoic at times. By the time I'm ready to communicate, she hates me 😂🤦♂️
EDIT : Mind you it's usually over seemingly miniscule disagreements , but I think the tremendous chemistry we had established , triggers her more intimate feelings of passion, and she convinces herself when I need to isolate , that I coming back just to reject her , mind you which was never on my mind.....so she'd kinda preemptively reject me 1st 😢
Good video. You're exactly right that all of these disorders are different manifestations of CPTSD.
Seeing other people look at each other when they know you're not looking is one of the worst. I have never imagined it, Ive seen it myself.
The way you describe your relationships hit so close to home, hyperfixating because of the ADHD and as soon as any cracks show I panic and emotionally distance myself while still fearing abandonment. I’ve been alone for the first time in many years and it’s been a mixture of good and downright terrifying, but really eye opening and has given me a miniature confidence boost. At this point the isolation is more of a safety mechanism rather than an intentional act for self reflection. I’ve only been diagnosed with ADHD and depression but I find myself relating a lot to the experiences of those with BPD and lately AvPD. I try not to focus too much on a label and just watch content from people who I can relate to regardless of diagnosis. Thank you for sharing your experiences
It’s so tough 😭❤️ Even being aware of this pattern hasn’t made it much easier for me to navigate honestly. I feel at the mercy of my emotions all the time.
I really think being on my own for a while (have been in one relationship or another from 15 to 30 years old) would do me a world of good in building confidence and getting to know myself. But easier said than done. 😅
14 Traits of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic ("The Laundry List")
We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.
We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.
We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.
We either become alcoholics, marry them or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.
We live life from the viewpoint of victims and we are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.
We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc.
We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.
We became addicted to excitement.
We confuse love and pity and tend to “love” people we can “pity” and “rescue.”
We have “stuffed” our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial).
We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.
We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.
Alcoholism is a family disease; and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink.
Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.
Very interesting, especially the ending and that it all stems from CPTSD.
I’m off to study spiral dynamics now and attempt to comprehend how we overcome this on world wide level.
It’s so sick.
This resonates so much with me. I have ADHD and was diagnosed as BPD. I started DBT and then they changed my diagnosis to AVPD and removed me from the program.
fascinating. i'm diagnosed with BPD and it took me a long time to come to terms with because my symptoms really manifest as the quiet subtype rather than the stereotypical, more externalizing profile, to the point where i really doubted i even had any sort of mental disorder at all. but growing up i did read about personality disorders and related super heavily to AvPD And NPD 🥴 which sounds like a wacky combination but does more or less make sense if one looks at it as just being BPD. covers both the sensitivity & tendency towards isolation part + the angrier edgier features sometimes bordering on narcissism
i feel like AvPD NPD is a universal spectrum explaining most disordered behavior, and we could probably throw out most of the DSM-5 and stick with those three plus psychotic disorders, PTSD and OCD. :P imo even some people diagnosed with bipolar might be more accurately interpreted as oscillating between AvPD and NPD.
I've been recently diagnosed with AvPD with a heavy borderline indication. I jokingly called it "Synthetic Borderline". Then I had an episode with a favorite person. Then I read about quiet borderline for the first time. So i have been inwardly splitting this whole time. Wild.
So it's interesting that you bring this up. In your previous video where you compared AVPD with 'vulnerable narcissism' (which curiously is not in DSM... if I remember right from the previous vid), I started to realize that both of those parallel the way some people experience aspergers aka ASD level 1. From that video, I started to think perhaps what some people think is vulnerable narcissism is just misunderstood aspergers. Our defense mechanisms make others think we're jerks, but being genuinely confused socially and therefore vulnerable... Well, differential diagnosis happens all the time.
But the reason I find this video so interesting is how it builds on that last one. There is a common thread between autism, BPD and narcissism. All three include struggles with the ego, but for different reasons. Times I have asked state provided therapists if they thought I had narcissistic traits, they didn't see it. One even was shocked I even thought they were similar. But in his case, he explained that narcissists typically know better but readily exploit anyway. Autism/aspergers is a developmental disability. We tend to behave less mature than expected for our age. Socially speaking, a bit slow, but certainly not stupid (some areas of study we have notable affinities towards). We're also extremely awkward and strive to fit in, often to our detriment. Loyal to a fault is one way this manifests.
One last thing I thought was curious was your mention of PTSD. Sometimes autism is called "traumatism" because it goes hand in hand with trauma. Yeah, maybe we don't get it from military service, but the avoidant tendencies are absolutely there. This is likely because we can experience emotion at higher intensities-- the proverbial fuse is easier to burn out (my personal conclusion). I've never been diagnosed with AVPD but I've found your videos very helpful. PTSD has been suspected but never officially diagnosed.
Anyway I'm no expert. Just some dude with an aspergers diagnosis and experiences I find relatable.
Yesssss I totally see where you’re coming from and never would have made the connection to vulnerable narcissism but I’ve seen a lot how ASD can tie in very closely to things like AvPD and BPD and especially CPTSD.
I’ve wondered since before I was diagnosed with AvPD if I was on the spectrum and will always wonder. I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD but I think most of the traits I experience from that could be ones that overlap with autism. But 🤷🏻♀️ I’m unlikely to ever be assessed so I just try to learn as much as I can about autism too and use accommodations where I can when things resonate. ❤️
It all stems from exposure to narcissistic abuse in our formative years (ACoA and ACE).
So narcissism is the cause of toxic shame and mental health issues we struggle with.
Narcissists themselves never end up in therapy - their targets do. And ironically/paradoxically targets of narc abuse end up being diagnosed with issues which their abusers have.
-
Toxic people are shame based. They have been taught that in their childhood that their value is based on how they perform, what they do for someone else, how good they are. They weren't necessarily taught a structure like non shame based people were taught - that's usually more ethically morally grounded and more logical.
Guilt based people (non shame) do something and if it contravenes value system they readily apologize.
🟥 "Toxic" people; Identifying them and healing.
Shame and guilt are master emotions that are connected to the conscience. A shame-based person, if the do something wrong, will not necessarily apologize. Because there will be internal reason for why they have done that. And they are not aware necessarily of the external structures that they have breached or why they're important. Guilt based person has been taught as child what is right and wrong, objectively.
🟥 "Toxic" people; Identifying them and healing.
Non shame based person will often readily apologize and come across with appearance of integrity. Because they recognize that their behavior has been not in line what's socially acceptable. Then when shame based person comes across guilt based person, the guilt based person may perceive the shame based person as “toxic”. It's just that internal operating system of shame based person has been conditioned differently.
🟥 "Toxic" people; Identifying them and healing.
You'll find that shame based people are people pleasers. They have been taught that their value is based on what they can do for other people. Their rationalization of their actions is always externally motivated. Don't have internal locus of control. They will project their actions onto other people because they believe the reason of doing something is right because they were doing it at the behest of someone else.
🟥 "Toxic" people; Identifying them and healing.
Behest - because someone may not told someone who is shame based 'I want you to do this for me'. A shame based person in search of validation may well do something that they think is going to make another person happy, unasked for, in search of validation. And when guilt-based person does not respond, as shame based person was expecting them, they are punished. Labeled as user without realizing shame based are users themselves.
🟥 "Toxic" people; Identifying them & healing
Often shame based person comes from an undifferentiated family structure which means they have no boundaries. Shame based person will do anything and everything for you often unsolicited because they don't have enough boundaries to protect themselves from abuse of their generosity. When burn, they will blame other people for things they done willingly and unsolicited. Guilt based person will see shame based as non standard and exhausting
🟥 "Toxic" people; Identifying them
It is highly draining to have shame based person because shame based person requires validation. Because as a child a shame based person was taught that their value is based on their contribution to other people. Their self-esteem is based on how other people validate them. If a guilt based person is not validating a shame based person, they will move on to the next person that does. “Toxic” is not permanent state of affairs. People can heal from shame.
🟥 "Toxic" people;
Your decision to whether you should cut off a toxic or a shame based person is entirely predicated on whether they can heal (and they can), or decide they take ownership for the trouble that they are causing. Because shame based people know that they are causing problems. They are not ignorant of their own internal world, and conditions, but they are in so much pain, they feel so bad about themselves, can't get their needs met sufficiently.
🟥 "Toxic" people;
Your boundaries are entirely up to you. How you treat a shame based person is based on their role in your life, how toxic they are, and how willing are you to tolerate and their willingness to change. Because they can change. How to identify toxic person: they are people pleaser, lack character, accountability, integrity, ownership, they blame things on other people, tend to be victim, locus is external. What they do for other people give them self of sense that they are worthy
🟥 "Toxic" people
Guilt based non shamed: “Not good enough grade, try harder”. A shame based person is going to internalize that as if they've done the wrong thing, they are a bad person, that person is unhappy with me therefore I am a bad person and I need to try harder to make the other person happy with me to feel worthy. Guilt based person will think, that grade is measurable, I can improve.
🟥 "Toxic" people
Guilt-based person is going to feel guilty for not studying hard enough but they won't think that's reflective of them personally. Shame-based person may fall into a hole: I feel terrible about myself, I must be a terrible person. A shame-based person is all dependent on how someone responded to external indicators of worth. Therefore shame-based person should not be judged. Society may label this behavior as “toxic”.
🟥 "Toxic" people
It (toxic) was something that they learned in their formative years. They are not responsible for how they were conditioned how to behave. They are responsible for their behavior as an adult though. Shame-based person knows what they are doing. They are wholly accountable for their action. You can hold shame-based person to account. And a shame based person can change. Adult - they have choice.
🟥 "Toxic" people
Unless they are tied to a personality disorder - if a shame-based action is independent of a personality disorder, they can change. Treating a borderline is exceptionally difficult. So you have to understand their shame based behavior differently. A toxic person that has a personality disorder is entirely different from a toxic person that has no presenting personality disorder.
🟥 "Toxic" people
i can believe i found a video of exactly what i was looking for. I have adhd too and have been trying to figure out if i have AvPD or BPD
I was diagnosed cptsd. MY husband 20 years older than me laughs and tells me to get over it💜💜💜💜💜💜 Im afraid its to late but i still share my story like you do daily and i can so relate hun. Thank you for talking about it we need more people like you speaking and educating others
😭❤️🩹 Thank you. I’m also in a relationship that isn’t always the best for my mental health and am often dismissed in my emotions and “special” needs from trauma. Thank you for sharing, I’m coming to follow your story as well!! ❤️
Improving our relationships is improving our mental health.
William Glasser
Interpersonal strife with those close to us leads to rifts and resentments that produce symptoms of mental illness; these problems are, in fact, the logical consequence of troubled relationships.
Glasser emphasizes that lasting psychological problems are usually caused by problems in our personal relationships (rather than signifying a biochemical abnormality in the brain), and distress can be remedied through repairing these relationships without recourse to psych drugs.
WILLIAM GLASSER
Controlling Habits:
Blaming
Criticizing
Complaining
Nagging
Rewarding To Control
Threatening
Punishing
William Glasser
William Glasser "What's my Choice" Connecting Habits:
Listening
Supporting
Encouraging
Negotiating
Respecting
Accepting
Trusting
I beg of you, do not stay with that man. No one who invalidates your experiences like that is worthy to have you as a partner.
@@anxious_and_avoidant That kind of person is truly the worst for people like us... Going from a partner like that to someone who is actually supportive is night and day difference. It's like going from having undiagnosed AvPD to getting therapy; that feeling of relief from not having to shrink into yourself and accept the way things are anymore. I wish more people understood that our brains literally produce different amounts of chemicals than theirs do, which provokes emotions and levels of emotion. It's our physical bodies doing this; like a heartbeat, we're not choosing this, it just is...
I have BPD that stems from CPTSD from trauma beginning at age 4. I'm 45 now. I also have anxiety, OCD since age 7, anhedonic depression and AvPD.
In terms of my BPD, I only split on my Favourite Person DURING the "Honeymoon Phase" or the infatuation / fixation time as I depend so much on them for my own mental stability and happiness.
Once the Favourite Person feelings fade (and they always do, both romantic or friendship), I actually completely stop splitting as I don't feel that same interest and need for them. That's when my AvPD comes out again, as it already does with pretty much every single other person, even friends. I avoid. I don't share. Nope. Unless I feel like I'm in love with you, you will never get to know me no matter how friendly my outward facade is (which is tiring after a while).
This sounds so similar to my experience too 😩😵💫 I also just realized the other day the connection between my trauma being at the hands of a narcissist and how I basically only feel “safe” with someone if I’m being love-bombed. 🙂🙃 Lovely lol.
@@anxious_and_avoidant Omg yes! So lovely! 🥴🤪 This is what happens with complex trauma. Sometimes our brains perceive the abuse / traumatic situation to be normal or safe, as we adjust in order to survive, and then later, even though we KNOW it's not normal or safe, we unconsciously still react that way. Being love bombed feels safe because it's familiar and was / is a relief compared to the alternative. ❤️
I vind it very interesting how personality disorders overlap
P.S. yes you are making sense
Heheh thank you ☺️
Hey, we can have both. You got five traits, you got five traits as far as a clinician cares. I don’t even try to categorize myself. But they’re VERY similar, CPTSD, BPD, AVPD… all the research has done was make me stop caring if I met someone with NPD because at least they know what they want better than I do. 😅 Even ADHD and Autism and BPD and Addiction… they’re such similar experiences and results that I was joking about how confusing it is - they’re all just normal people! And my partner replied, “no one fits into a neat little box unless they’re dead” and shrugged at me. It was the perfect response. I’m more toward BPD and it’s not as though I don’t understand the things you’re saying. But we only need five. You don’t actually technically have to care about being abandoned physically OR self harm to have it diagnosed, unfortunately.
I heard in one video of that Indian psychologist healthy gamer gg that BPD can be gradually healed when in a sustained relationship that lasts at least 2 years. That those have good outcomes to heal from that disorder.
I hope your dental surgery went okay. I get doubtful of most things in my life. I think this tendency to doubt what I once thought of as beyond doubt is itself a symptom. It may, or may not, be a symptom of AvPD, but it sure is a symptom of some kind. It happens all the time, not matter what I’m doing. It’s debilitating to say the least. I’m glad you’re sharing about it, though. It helps to know that others do the same thing. In the case you’re describing in this video, it makes sense that there would be some confusion and doubt there, as, like you said, there are no pure cases of any PD’s. And we could indeed actually have many traits of other PD’s, but just with AvPD being the predominant disorder for us. But it’s definitely hard to tell sometimes. There goes that doubting again, lol. Well, recover well from your surgery. We’ll see you in a couple weeks or so. Take care!
Thank you, it went well and I think I’ll heal swiftly 😊 It is really so confusing and I think we’ll always wonder if we got it “right” but as long as we’re learning as much as we can about ourselves then that’s all we can do. ❤️
Glad it went well! Yes, learning about ourselves is always a good thing. 🙂@@anxious_and_avoidant
BPD has a fear of engulfment , Avpd does not .
FA attachment doesnt necessarily mean bpd ( common attachment in avpd & apparently bpd but some attachment counsellors,Thais Gibson says she sees anxious attachment more in BPD)
But that could be a lot of the issues too.
- Avpd has a stable sense of self - a negative one lol
I think the big thing that makes bpd your main diagnosis can also be how you deal with things, with bpd I think they look for more destructive responses to yourself or others. Not sure though.
Quiet BPD is not the same as BPD.
That makes it hard to diagnose and people get misdiagnosed due to lack of experts in medical industry.
I don't think I've ever related to someone so much before. I have AvPD and I've been starting to wonder if ADHD could be an issue for me as well; I'm here because a friend started wondering about quiet BPD and I got confused. I think you're right about CPTSD; people with PDs can often relate to each other more than the general population because of that root we share, but I also worry a bit that AvPD is just being relabeled as "quiet BPD" and I don't like that. I know someone who was told by a psychologist "you don't have AvPD or you wouldn't be here." (Then how was the disorder ever discovered?!) BPD resonates strongly because we're the two most emotional/sensitive PDs, IMO, but BPD just doesn't fit me like AvPD does.
I hear ya. And that’s the thing about AvPD is that even I am able to talk myself into imposter syndrome with it like “you aren’t afraid of checking out and making small talk with the cashier so you must not actually have AvPD” when I’m ghosting all my real life potential friends because we’re getting too close and I feel too vulnerable 😂😭
It’s a shame that therapists aren’t more familiar with the nuances between PDs, and perhaps their connection to CPTSD. I haven’t had access to therapy in a long time, but I imagine if I ever do again, I’ll have to educate them first. 🥲❤️
@@anxious_and_avoidant '"You aren’t afraid of checking out and making small talk with the cashier so you must not actually have AvPD” when I’m ghosting all my real life potential friends because we’re getting too close and I feel too vulnerable'--OMG, I relate too hard to this!!! Sometimes I'll even end up doubting the small talk, too. I'll do great at it a few times, and then get nervous to see the person again because what if I ruin this somehow? And when I'm in the elevator with a guy who seems perfectly nice, but then I actually get anxious about whether he THINKS he's making me nervous or I'm judging him, and then I DO get nervous and stop breathing until one of us leaves. 🤦♀
I agree, a massive overlap of the 2.
of 2? 😏🧐
hehe
check this out:
These are all interchangeable:
RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria) = Social anxiety = Emotional Dysregulation = Complex Trauma = Toxic shame = After-effects of ACoA & ACE = After-effects of narcissistic abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, mental abuse = Hypervigilance/hypovigilance = PureOCD = Unfavorable power dynamics = Trauma response = Trauma bonding = Neurodivergence = Spectrum, not binary thinking = Amygdala hijacking = Trauma triggers and flashbacks = being criticized for something you can't control = having high moral and ethical standards and enforcing them = someone random complains about our errors when we done superhuman efforts to avoid ALL mistakes which 98.5% percent of people never invest neither physically nor mentally = toxic person complaining and expecting us to know something for the first time without mistakes = Perfectionism = Protesting: someone toxic complaining without fair assessment and basing their protest on bias and prejudice and oversimplification = Protesting: trauma panic symptoms related in an attempt to express OUR OWN judgement and negative evaluation and holding criminals narcissists accountable for their crimes and hidden selfish agenda of exploiting others = Not conforming = Conforming (fawning) to unreasonable standards and neurotypical norms = Conforming to narcissistic abuser and psychopath who would punish us if we don't conform to their Coercive control, hidden agenda and manipulation and pathological lying = Being authentic true speaking the truth to fake people and toxic people who have hidden covert agenda to exploit others = being Agreeable (Big 5 personality trait) = being Open (Big 5 personality trait) = Being Neurotic (Big 5 personality trait) = being healthy, friendly and open to life and people = Attachment issues = Codependency = Listening to our gut feeling = Quiet BPD (PureBPD) = BPD Splitting = Inner critic = Imposter syndrome = Being exposed to Operant Conditioning of Negative reinforcement (rejection, cold shoulder) = Being exposed to Negative reinforcement Breadcrumbs hoping positive reinforcement will come instead = doing the best we can to avoid and mitigate negative reinforcement = Avoidance = Victim of false accusation and slander (overt or covert) = overcompensation and masking and making trauma and or abuse to be functional = being wounded and reacting to someone future faking our voids being fulfilled to hook us up to their lies = Self-referential thinking = identity being rooted in "I am not enough" instead of "I am enough"
"People expect the quiet one to adapt to the loud people but not the other way around"
Thank you for sharing ❤
Yeah I've run into this recently re BPD and CPTSD, didn't think about AVPD connection, interesting video! 💜
Thanks Staley! It’s definitely hard to draw definitive lines between some of them. 😅
When I wrote about AvPD connections with trauma in AvPD videos for the past 3 years on You tube - I was labeled as abnormal and I was kicked out of discussion by AvPDers and ashamed by them over and over again.
I was repeatedly told that AvPD has nothing to do with trauma.
I have adhd and just diagnosed with both bpd and avpd at 44 🤷♀️
ill be a 100% honest personality disorders are a hit or miss thing like I'm getting told that I have bpd and yet I'm having hallucinations and depression. they come and go quite often. but in most situations I just want to be alone and just get on with my life. like I have little interest in making relationships. however at times it can be lonely and that can lead to me looking for someone to talk to. However in the sort term it's okay it doesn't shake the feeling that people are planning something big about me. like I can think people want to try and ether poison me or I thinking people are going to treat me like I'm some dumb idiot that they want to make fun of me. there's also times where I believe people are talking about me behind my back. all that said leads to me distancing again. what's strange is that I don't have this fear of abandonment. like its the core root of bpd and yet non of it makes sense to what I experience on a day to day bases. I'm probably schizophrenia or schizotypal. I guess the mental health system is just not listening and don't want to really deal with anything as its been years and no therapy for anything and they seem so fixed on this bpd that I don't relate to at all. who knows I could be on the moon right now and I wouldn't realise it.
Yeah unfortunately I think mental health professionals are often undereducated and/or unreliable. Of course there is overlap in personality disorders that can make them difficult to diagnose, but delusions/hallucinations should be taken seriously and assessed closely. BPD would not account for that. 😕
Interesting. AvPD + BPD = Quiet BPD. Or CPTSD = BPD and/or AvPD.
Disagree. Each is its own diagnosis and may have a few or some similar symptoms but not necessarily meeting criteria for each disorder.
Hi, have you been suffering from avpd to while now? And I would say that magic mushroom might reliefs as well as I can talk. You have been seemed fairly straight on your speech
Small dosages of LSD type of drugs help with anyone been traumatized into DSM CBT disorders - it helps us to clear chaos in our head and make sense what is going on. I would not encourage self drug though.
I can relate. Have you visited Adam Lane smith’s Channel?
I used to have both, i got rid of my avoidant personality traits but i still have bpd, you can have multiple personality disorders
i used to meet all the criteria for AvPD and have severe social anxiety i dont have both anymore
IFS Model tells us that we all have multiple traumatized parts inside us - and this causes appearance as what DSM and CBT labels as disorder.
@@ranc1977 well yea personality disorders are trauma based
@@FloppedASF Plus, with a diagnosis - we don't resolve anything - we only add more toxic shame on top of the existing one.
CBT ought to be banned, it is doing incredibly psychological damage to anyone being abused traumatized attacked and CBT keeps them locked into this trauma state forever through ineffective CBT explanations and methods such as exposure therapy or listing fears or facing pathological liars and expecting them to listen to us.
Can you give me advice on how to get rid of said AvPD traits? I'd appreciate it so much.
Ur aPD(channel) actually gave me an identity crisis. im adhd / bpd and yeah...
lol yup, I think it’s probably fairly common (especially with adhd) to span both, honestly. If anything, it just broadens our scope of resources as far as the specific traits we’re struggling with. ❤️🩹
Crazy if you play it at 2x speed it sounds like normal talking speed...
CRaZyyYyy 🤪
Finally 🤩
There are lots similarities 😅 It can definitely co-exist, like I have avpd and borderline traits(but not the quiet type😅).
Makes so much sense! Both based in low self esteem. 🥲❤️🩹🫂
@@anxious_and_avoidant yes, unfortunately😖I find that this borderline thing overlaps a lot with adhd and cptsd too. The identity crisis getting worse because all of these things have so many similarities 😅
Yup, that’s exactly where I’m at. Especially finding out CPTSD can cause ADHD-like effects im like 🤨 do I actually know anything? Hahahaha but 🤷🏻♀️ I’m just trying to learn as much as I can from anything that resonates I guess
❤
your way to goregous to be anxious
im sure people around think highy too
The way someone looks has nothing to do with anxiety…? 🤨
stop being so idiot
get some buck teeth crooked nose wrinkled face compared to a chad and tell me which would be easier to talk around people @@anxious_and_avoidant
i totally agree with what you're saying about personality disorders being forms of cptsd! and i like how you keep stressing on it. because it really makes sense and is probably true. i dont have a diagnosis (yet?) but im 100% certain i have cptsd. and the ways it shows up is kinda similar to bpd and avpd, though i probably dont fully fit the criteria for a diagnosis of either. that's only a theory i have. but treating my cptsd AS cptsd has been the most effective thing that has helped me improve. ive been on my healing journey for almost a year now, i have been healing without labels.. just self helping through resources online. of course i cant have made a full recovery in the span of one year, but i *have* made progress while healing..and i would say it's GREAT progress to make in only a year (so far). and that's something to be very proud of and celebrate!
I'm so glad none of us are alone in symptom overlap curveballs getting thrown at us all through our journey. AvPD, ADHD, CPTSD, ASD, BPD...they all feel like little pieces of a puzzle that fit differently for all of us. It's hard not to feel like they're connected the way you've been mentioning here and in previous videos. Looking back, I think the disorders I tend to gravitate towards are ones that most strongly resonate with a lot of the protective strategies I used during childhood.
Anyone else go back and forth on whether they're actually neurodivergent sometimes? 🥲
To me, there’s no doubt in my mind that I’m neurodivergent at this point. It is just deciding which *kind* of neurodivergent. 😅 I didn’t bring up ASD in this video but maybe should have - that’s still one I am constantly going back and forth on.
When I’m sitting in front of my blow dryer drowning out all other sounds and watching videos with subtitles (because I can’t hear them over the blow dryer lmfao) playing with a fidget toy, I feel very autistic. 😂 But then when I have to go to the store and I’m able to make casual small talk with the cashier, I’m like nahhhh you’re fine.
What I always come back to though is that at the end of the day, it’s not going to change who I am just changing which label it’s given. So whether or not the content matches my diagnosis, if I can relate to it (be it ADHD, ASD, AvPD, BPD, PMDD, CPTSD, GAD, etc etc) then I’m going to learn as much about it as I can in an effort to have as many tools at my disposal to overcome the actual symptoms I experience.
But yeah the imposter syndrome is a bitch. 😅❤️🩹
Narcissist Personality Disorder
One of the few conditions where the patient is left alone and everyone else is treated.
(PierceTheDarkness)
Otto F. Kernberg suggested that narcissistic disorders of character are foundation of most mental health problems. If we understand disturbances in narcissism we would probably find a theory of everything
YT Richard Grannon & Prof. Sam Vaknin about Fantasy
@@anxious_and_avoidantMy psychologist said that I have traits of BPD. I also suspected AvPD because of my social anxiety. But when I went to psychiatrist turns out that this "traits" was caused by autism and adhd😅