My BPD vs Autism identity crisis!
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- Опубліковано 26 чер 2024
- Hello everyone, thank you for clicking on this video! I want to express that everything discussed in this video is from my own experience, thoughts, and opinions - everyone is unique and experiences different circumstances.
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I've been swimming through asd and bpd videos, trying to figure my life out and collect info to share with therapists, and I found this video extremely helpful. I keep bouncing back and forth between "could I be autistic or could i have bpd?" And the stigmas surrounding both make it very difficult to look up info and not end up hating myself. I think theres definitely merit to your theory that bpd is real but it isn't a personality disorder, but a trauma response of someone who's neurodivergent. Thank you so much for this video, it's helped calm me down and give me more to think about.❤
MATE!! I was diagnosed BPD about 14 years ago, after saying, i think im autistic. I took their word because they are professionals, of course. Now i realise i had never been assessed for Autism but have had numerous very obvious autistic traits since before i could talk. I also fully believe i have ADHD. Anyway, main point being, today down my obsessive research rabbit hole, this is the second time I've heard that maybe BPD is a trauma response to being invalidated, gaslit and abused for being neurospicy. It makes total sense. That means, im way less depressed about a possible misdiagnosis, maybe my BPD was a manifestation of everything, extreme burnout and obsessive behaviour. Maybe i did meet the criteria for BPD back then. I definitely feel that i don't anymore. As i have removed every invalidating abusive person from my life and now im left with what i think is at the bottom of it all. Autism. Ive been referred with right to choose NHS and finally at 36 years old im closer than ever to the answers. No more frantic analysis of my own brain, im gonna feel so free ❤
i completely agree about the link between BPD and trauma. i think it's a byproduct of me constantly masking and my needs being ignored when i was a neurodivergent child.
I also have quiet bpd, high functioning autism, adhd and cptsd. I'm gonna binge your videos now because I feel so similar ♡ I wish I had gone to therapy sooner, instead of waiting until my 30s. I'm so glad you're in a better place mentally. If you ever want a bpd penpal or just to chat let me know. I don't go on tiktok because I know how toxic it can be and it's harder for us to brush stuff off. My dad was also autistic and had bpd from an abusive childhood, so he was emotionally unstable... it's crazy, it feels like we're trying to unravel a giant ball of string while simultaneously being yelled at while trying to unravel things. It's a mess. Maybe I'll do a video on my experiences. Thank you again, I know it's not easy to talk about this kind of stuff online with so much stigma there is.
SAME! 💜
I've been struggling with this, too. I got diagnosed bpd 5 years ago and have been feeling ever since that it basically is just CPTSD.
This is so weird as I have been diagnosed with BPD and I am on the waiting list for an autism assessment. You are the second BPD channel I follow who have come out in the last few weeks as autistic. Her channel name is Ava Benji , sending you much love Jennie.
I Just found out my bpd was asd all along. I hope youve got your answers by now 😊
This past year I've been diagnosed with ASD, BPD and bipolar. Very confusing time in my life but you've made it a little easier with these videos, thank you
That’s my combo too. But I have a family doctor who said bipolar in his opinion is also trauma informed, not just genetic.
This is absolutely wild. So much of what you are saying is resonating with me! I was also given a diagnosis of BPD, then ASD and I'm also waiting for an ADHD assessment! I think there is absolute validity in your theory about it being a trauma disorder fuelled by PTSD or even CPTSD. Thank you for being so open and frank about your journey so far. Sending love from one Brit to another x
Go see a PDA-aware autism assessor. Pathalogical Demand Avoidance is an Autism trait similar to BPD, especially if you have AuDHD
I've also been diagnosed with BPD and on a waiting list to be screened for autism. I also believe I have complex PTSD
You’re me!!! And I agree with you!!! I have been having the same thoughts. It’s so good to find someone who gets it!!
And me, I am 47 and never agreed with the bpd diagnosis especially as I have hypermobilty, and mild dyslexia/Dyscalculia. My dad's undiagnosed asd, so after deep diving on adhd/asd and group therapy for a year (didn't help) I know its either asd or adhd or both, so waiting on assessments or going private as I live in Wales with no right to choose 😔. I just need to get it right in my head, then onto to paper, so I can prove my points and not be gaslit again by the NHS. Love the channel BTW, I see myself in your fast way of talking, going on tangents lol x
Please keep putting out these videos, freedom of speech is an amazing thing! I'm sure you are helping lots of people x
Borderline is real lol… fear of abandonment is not the core of either adhd or ASD.
I believe I have all 3 tags but perhps not the adhd but I’m very sure of the other two. I love your videos you’re so real. Rock on girlie 🤘
Thank you for making this video and put your controversial opinion out there. I came to the exact same theory! It’s super reassuring to know that others (who are actually living with those conditions, not doctors) come to the same conclusions :)
I'm a total noob just I would suggest that BPD develops from being invalidated, and being invalidated is a very common trauma for neurodivergent people who are often more sensitive, we get called were being a drama queen.
But that same complex event of invalidation is also common for otherwise neurotypical children who have a narcissistic parent.
There's a cycle of NPD parent> makes BPD child> who becames a parent and make NPD child... Ina pattern of being too overbearing then too detached.. each responding to the former by swinging the other way
This is so interesting to me because I've been diagnosed with BPD and ASD on different occasions thought I also believe I have CPTSD and I think my mother is a narcissist. Thank you for sharing your theory, it actually makes a lot of sense to me!
Wow! I can only imagine how a new diagnosis had thrown you off centre. Must’ve been quite a turbulent time bringing all these things together and making them make sense. Hope you’re doing okay 🙌🏻
I’m so happy I found your videos. I am trying to figure out the same thing about myself. Everything you’re saying, it’s my reality. I think im autistic and bpd. I’ve been spending months researching and trying to piece together everything, just as you are/have. Thank you so much. I wish I could have a long conversation with you, I’m sure we’d have a lot to talk about. I agree with your theory!
Hey . I have diagnosis of Autism and OCD .
I’ve just found your channel . Love your videos ! Please do more !
I’m currently seeking a BPD diagnosis. Not that I want anymore labels but I can totally relate to every symptom.
I found your videos really helpfully . Even more so than most therapist videos
Thanks 🙏 ❤
Surprise me with the videos. I wanna see more of what comes out of the brain because it makes me feel so relatable 😊
Thank you for sharing this, I've lived with the BPD diagnosis for a while but a change in doctors has meant I was reassessed and the new doctor is sure I was miss diagnosed and actually have autism, like you I was like wtf how but read up on it and like you was shocked. Also waiting for a full autism assessment
I wholeheartedly agree with all you have said ❤
thanks Glo! I'm going through a similar identity crisis right now setting up my autism assessment when for years (until like 2 weeks ago) I assumed I was BPD/ADHD but never been tested. then I found the embrace autism website and all their self-assessments made me think oh shit was it autism the whole time? I'm 30 now and my BPD symptoms are also a lot better than they used to be, a lot of that is thanks to my wonderful partner of 10 years
Congrats on making it nearly 3 years without alcohol! Huge achievement
Hope you're well. You're looking great :)
I ran across your channel doing research trying to figure out what was wrong with me. You have really opened my eyes. I was curious if you have problems with being fixated on stuff in racing thoughts in your mind to the point where you can’t move on until you have it all figured out?
Yes, that is a part of Autism (and ADHD).
thank you, fr so glad I found this channel, please keep posting vidsss
I am in my own crisis after losing my wife 2 years ago and thought it was drugs causing my problems, but I have so many similar symptoms that you speak about. So glad I found your channel. Hope things get better for you more and more.
Thank you for being so honest and real ❤
Thank you for sharing. Very brave and strong to come forward
i really enjoyed watching this it resonates a lot and i was shocked to realize ur a smaller channel i think u deserve a lot more attention
I really appreciate your video. I have three people in my life with moms who would qualify for BPD diagnoses. These moms were highly traumatized from childhood onward. One of these moms has a grown daughter with an AuDHD diagnosis and a granddaughter with an AuDHD diagnosis. Another of these moms has a grown daughter who I believe is neurodiverse and also has BPD tendencies (she was traumatized as a child) and HER daughter is evidently neurodiverse and likely autistic. The third mom has two grown sons who are both neurodiverse (one likely autistic, the other ADHD and OCD) and both of her grown sons have autistic children. It’s fascinating the relationship between neurodiversity and BPD tendencies. I tend to agree with you that BPD is neurodiversity + trauma in childhood. I actually think that BPD is something like trauma causing neurodevelopmental problems. “Nervous system sense of safety” is a huge thing for children’s development. Children struggle to learn and develop when their nervous systems are not signaling that they are safe and secure. A lot of parenting literature now explores how to help kids regulate their nervous systems by using caregivers’ own calm nervous systems to “coregulate”. A lot of it is related to Polyvagal Theory by Stephen Porges. I think the way this relates to neurodiverse people and BPD is that neurodiverse people have highly sensitive nervous systems. Somehow the trauma affects our nervous systems in ways that can lead to BPD behaviors. The people I know with BPD behaviors seem to seriously struggle to regulate their emotions when they get dysregulated and are desperate for others to effectively coregulate with them. When they can’t achieve that, they can become even more distressed. So yeah, I think you are on the right track. I’m no expert, my thoughts are based on personal observations and a lot of reading about child development and neurodiversity.
Thank you. I need to be reminded of this. I lost my marriage, in a one sided caregiving role with no support, and lost myself. I just wanted to be a Mom to give love, receive love, and help a little one get through this fuct world. I still have very little help or support. I feel alone.
I'm going through exactly this crisis, but my thoughts about BPD are as such: BPD is not 100%, all the time, caused by trauma. There are genetic links - nature vs. nurture arguments could be made, but I do agree that it shouldn't be classified as a personality disorder. In the same way that "histrionic" is paleolithic at this point. If anything, I see it as an affective disorder, and it does have a remission rate whereas the rest of Cluster B does not. Marsha Linehan's work/DBT in general have also been helpful for some autistic traits too, I've noticed - ESPECIALLY stuff like sensory awareness exercises, working with interoception, and how to sit with your feelings without letting them destroy you ("ride the wave," etc.). Ultimately, I think the issue isn't that BPD doesn't exist - it's that AFAB people get misdiagnosed with it at an alarming rate, which really muddies the waters in terms of traits/symptoms due to people being uninformed on what they're really experiencing.
3:22 I also didn't notice my sensory issues. I felt so much imposter syndrome because I only started noticing my sensory issues once I realized I was autistic. but I probably always had them because my dad liked to play really loud music and I legitimately remember crying out for him to turn it down because I could hear it even wearing headphones and with my music at full volume. and that's another reason why I probably never noticed my sensory issues growing up, as soon as I had access to an mp3 player I literally never took it off. I always had to be listening to music. I realize now that I was definitely compensating for the sensory issues by at least having noise on my terms.
I’m planning to make a video going into my depth about it soon! Thank you for sharing your experience with me 🩷 I hope you’re doing okay!
My girlfriend has bpd and autism, and we find your videos very helpful
I agree with your description of bpd. I look at it as more of the result of unhealthy or incomplete coping mechanisms.
Uh..I've been thinking for a longer time now that my diagnosis of Asperger's and BPD is wrong. If feel like that the BDP aspects are just a part of Asperger's. Yeah stick to Asperger's because it is not a disorder, it's a syndrome.
Disorders relate to usually personality disorders. But these is nothing wrong with our personality, our brain works differently. And that's a huge difference. Imo at least.
Great vid, keep going.
Greetings from Netherland
I know it’s late, but I have bpd and asd. And I think bpd is the mask of someone who has asd.. all the symptoms of bpd line up with someone who is struggling to keep up masking.. idk.. that’s my theory..
I think your theory is valid! I'm in the same boat as you so it makes sense to me at least 💜
The world is fucked, not you - never forget this!!! ❤❤❤❤
I agree with your ideas on BPD. And i love your doggie ❤❤❤
I SCREAMED at 11:11! Like, actually the Brooklyn99 "VINDICATION!" meme. Thank you so much for sharing this, after 3 years of research myself, I have come to the same conclusion !! like exactly the same, but this is the first time I've heard someone say it and it feels so validating to see someone else say it!
I am going through this right now. I was diagnosed with BPD. Then it was changed to ASD. Now my doctor thinks it’s both and I am freaking out.
👍👍👍👍👍I just commented on another of your videos on this topic ( and I see another in my queue). My feeling is like I've been masking my whole life and that's all there is : A mask with BPD. Thanks.
It could better be called disregulated attachment rather than bpd. And yes it is changeable. I think part of it is that it is believed. Changing the belief about ourselves, regardless of diagnostics helps with it all.
I remember learning from somewhere that BPD got it’s name because it was recognized that it wasn’t a personality disorder but it was on the borderline to the other ones.
Personality disorders are a trauma response.
I’m autistic + adhd and I feel like I understand BPD quite good because I have known so many and they have told me that the attraction is the fact that I’m so uncomplicated in terms of reading or understanding because I am very straight up and have a strong sense of self and all of my opinions and actions are backed up with a clear reasoning.
I think in the majority of cases, BPD is a combo of repeated trauma (specially from childhood) & being undiagnosed asd or adhd or both. & expericing alot of blame & invalidation too. 100 %
I've got all of it 😢😅
I got diagnosed BPD at 21, Autistic at 38 and CPTSD recently at almost 50. I definatly think I was BPD as a trauma response but not now. I've heard BPD and CPTSD are closely related and hard to distinguish.
Also dissociative disorders are caused by trauma in childhood
Loved this video. I came from the other direction, first thinking i have autism for about a year now and then more recently considering that i could have BPD. I'm still in early stages of learning about it tho
You break it you buy it, i love that hahah
You have the exact same story as me! Same theory same thoughts and such…Except it took me til 43 yrs old. Thank you
I think I have both too. Never been diagnosed tho….they said I have cptsd, generalized anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, generalized mood disorder blah blah blah. Antidepressants don’t help me. So I think it’s something deeper.
I am an alcoholic also. It helps me hide. I do not know how to process feelings and I’ve been thru almost every trauma possible.
I like to think one day everything will be easy because it’s been so hard for so long. Once life gives me a freaking break it’ll be simple. Idk maybe that would be too easy.
Anyway, I feel for ya. I’m in the same boat. It is a hard existence. Wish you the best. (Imagine what your best actually would look like and it’ll come to you effortlessly after that)
Yeah antidepressants didnt help me either. Been on that stuff for half of my life. I was becoming alcoholic too until i had to stop due to auto immune disease. If i drink on medication i can die so very big wake up call there. Im 34 and my psychologist referred me to a psychiatrist specialized in autism in adults...lets see...
Hi thank you for your testimony. Honestly your theory makes sense to me but who am I to say. I think it's interesting because everyone seems to have the pipeline bpd to autism however I am the opposite. I have complex PTSD and that was a reason I was not screened for ADHD/autism but at some point on an error I was. I was diagnosed with both. I felt like all my questions were answered however when i saw other specialists they pointed out my personnality had traits of BPD and they thought i had been misdiagnosed. I think being misdiagnosed as autistic is a very minoritary experience. I have never seen it. I genuinely do not know what to think. Half of the mental health professionals and of my relatives think i am autistic the other half that i am just traumatized, and have BPD. Soooooooo idk.
Well ,your new little friend there can only motivate you to follow your right track girl in a natural way don't worry about the labels and thanks for your video , yo good 😉
There are many types of neurodiversity. A family member suspected BPD and got AuDHD with PDA profile. Completely fits at ASD funs in the family
What do you mean by saying bpd can be overcomed? Even in the DBT workbook by Marsha Linehan they, if I am not mistaken, state thats its more about accepting the fact of the pain rather than finding a way to not feel it at all/overcoming it. I think that once you revieve a trauma you cannot remove it, like you will still be highly attuned to other peoples emotions as in the bpd case, but through learning about it and being more conscious become more relaxed towards triggers. Its like, if overcome means being loving to yourself, accepting yourself... someone who "healed" their bpd and someone who didn't have it in the first place/ had a calm childhood would still differ in their self-acceptence. I think its almost impossible to achieve the same level of self-love as those who didnt go through hell in childhood. I think somewhere inside the one with bpd would still have pain because the earlier years imprint our core beliefs about the world so much.
This is not a final though, more a start of a dialogue if you have anything to add.
This makes a lot of sense. My thoughts are that the trauma in childhood forms someone’s nervous systems responses in a way that results in BPD. Which speaks to what your saying, which is that it’s not “overcome-able” in the same way that other neurodevelopmental conditions like ASD or ADHD are not, but there is a road to self-acceptance and strategies to shape our automatic responses to be more helpful and less distressing. So it’s “treatable” not really “curable”.
Benny looks like my Buddy!! ❤
totally agree that bpd is a trauma response!
I relate to this
diagnosed adhd and definitely autistic but not officially diagnosed bc $$$$$ and waitlist
i do relate to the abandonment and attachment issues of bpd tho !
❤❤❤😊
this actually makes me wonder...is bpd maybe just a combination of cptsd and rejection sensitive dysphoria? though i do also think it's possible that there is just a large amount of people who have been missdiagnosed because of overlapping traits and the tendency of women not being considered for being on the spectrum (within autistic community there are alot of stories of people having been missdiagnosed with bipolar and bpd before getting diagnosed with autism)
Wow. This is where i am at this very moment. I think using thc is making my bpd sx worse. I stay far from alcohol. But after watching several autism videos and being told i have the "opposite" of ADHD by a therapist. Someone tell me if you know what that means, plz!
I have Autism as well
The criteria for autism bpd and adhd are all intertwined with trauma
I think bpd has to do with something separate from adhd autism and trauma as there does appear to be people who share a an aspect of their nature that differs from the others and depending how they're raised some development bpd some don't
Also think there's a difference between a borderline and a person with bpd the former having the genetic predisposition whether they develop bpd or not and the latter not
Speaking of alcohol, Can I get a strangers opinion on something? My wife has gone way into the idea that I'm becoming an alcoholic, her reasoning is because I drink most weekend nights. Due to dietary issues, I can only drink vodka, so on Fri days, coming home from work, I'll grab a 200ml bottle of blue Smirnoff. I'll drink it over the course of the night mixed with juice or some other drink. She says I'm binge drinking and she's afraid I'm becoming an alcoholic. I just like to have a drink and play video games, working for my weekend.
Any opinions?
if its just on the weekends and you don't need it to get by I don't think either of you have anything to worry about. That's a small bottle and the amount equals to 3 or 4 drinks roughly if i'm not mistaken, depending on your ratio. When your days increase and the amount no longer satisfies your craving then you may want to dial it back.
I feel like i am autistic and bpd and adhd AKA I HAVE NO IDEA.
BPD is emotional instability, while ASD features a very analytical mind focussed on empiricism. Any therapist who can't see the difference isn't worth paying for.
Starting to think it’s both
I'm working 48 hours n 6 days a week and I'm so fucking depressed rn. I'm from SEA and there's definitely no disabilities available for people like me.
This made me really sad and confused
Im diagnosed bpd but I suspect that I have autism.
Okay . So BPD is labelled as personality disorder and it’s not always possible to recover . A lot of time it does. But that doesn’t make BPD less of an issue. I don’t like the tag PD anyway. I think BPD ‘s core is abandonment issue . And Autism is something that starts early on , while BPd manifests from puberty and on.
Autism doesn't start early on, it's something you're born with which means it can be easier to see traits of early on because you've had it your entire life because it's a neurodevelopmental condition not a mental health disorder.
*PromoSM* 😌
Alcohol is the most dangerous drug. Illegal/legal drugs is a weird concept to me. Can´t believe people can be so horrible like your biological father ... disabled people got feelings too ...
The one thing I dont get is the rage and the trauma. I agree. Ive been dinding similar research. Look at the pattern and what caused it. That will give you intent.