Відео

The reason I go avoidant is cos it is a society of lies and I don't want to have to mask to keep friends and live a fake existence in a society run by psychopaths. That's just why I do it anyways. This whole narcissism thing has been so muddied and diluted and the most evil ones remain hidden as usual.

In regards to dating if you look at the statistics people simply aren't paring up at anywhere near the same rate as before. I noticed you were talking about media narratives, consider that media narratives are actually marketing in disguise. The entire media is fronting a particular ideal to create a sense of missing out in EVERYONE. This serves a twofold purpose, the stories themselves are more compelling indulging a fantasy and the advertisers can sell you products which implicitly promise to make up for whatever deficit is preventing you from achieving the ideal. Key to this is media presenting the ideal as normative. Social media works on the same concept but is even more compelling given the framing of people's "real" lives. It might not motivate you towards any goal but it is important to know that being single and/or having very few to no close friends is NORMATIVE in the current societal configuration. Underemployment, financial struggles, working a job you hate to get by or long term disability / unemployment - NORMATIVE! Significant deviation from this towards achieving anything close to the media fantasy "American Dream" is demonstrating either immense personal privilege (usually family wealth) or an exceptional run of good luck and dedicated hard work. Society for 90% of people is simply BROKEN. Take any small gain on the system you can get, break the social barriers keeping people isolated, volunteer, pet a dog, take what little joy you can while a shred of it is still available but never once should you let the fantasy we've been sold dictate your self worth.

I try to not make this too long But I kinda want to share my perspective. I'm 28 and securely attached and diagnosed with A.D.D I got to know a girl with extreme dismissive avoidant attachment maybe avpd as well. The label doesn't really matter for me because everyone develops/adapts individually to the environment and inner world. To the point. I developed genuine feelings for her, we texted almost daily in the evening. She updated me on her day to day life.I always said I wanted to see her again. But I let her the say what to do and when. With time the relationship didn't went anywhere. Her fear of intimacy went bigger and she shut down any social interraction when we met to the point I didn't felt welcome anymore. What I wanna say is that no matter how deeply I loved and cared for her she would assumably not recieve the love I tried to give her. Because for her connection and intimacy is associated with a lot of fears and hurt. I personally think that everyone deserves love even Hitler wasn't born this way. But as an adult we are responsible for how we treat people including ourselfes. And never blame the past version of you because we always behave according to what we know.

I always thought I just had treatment resistant social anxiety and depression. It's taken me 43 years on this earth to find out on my own that I have APD. Now I realize why my depression and anxiety is somewhat resistant to the typical medications and therapy. I'm not sure that knowing this diagnosis gives me any more hope, but at least I have some understanding for whatever it's worth.

I love your videos! I want to be tour froend so bad lol are you currently working? If not, do you have savings to keep you afloat?

I have NEVER in my life related to a video more than to this one. I struggle with the things you described and for the past year I thought I have autism. I also have only two friends (weird coincidence). Thank you for sharing your experience. Watching this video made me realize some things about myself. I really appreciate you posting it.

How do you deal with people/partners who tell you to just try harder?

Hey girl! What freelance work do you do!? I need to find ways to make money with this condition.. its not easy 😫❤️

Thank you so much for your vulnerability, its truly very helpful 🙏🏼

So much love for you and your honest openness here. RESONANCE .III, SOLIDARITY. Love is much much bigger than our dominant pair-only fictional model of relationships allows. IIIΞ love openly best in-societies.

watching avpd videos because my new friend wants to hang out with me again, but i am unable due to avpd social blanking, the fear is too much. others videos are comforting. im very suicidal. life is meaningless without relationships. worse, i think this girl likes me non platonically (i like her too in that way) so she is being persistant and wont give up on me. its just making my pain and guilt worse. sorry for the vent. does anyone have advice for social blanking? (wanting to conversate but mind being virtually completely empty.)

Awhile ago I heard something along the lines of needing to treat a long-term partner as you would a child because we bring our most vulnerable selves to these relationships. Although I find that anti romantic, I did agree it was more realistic. I think especially for those with a lot of wounds. In healing, I've had to foster a similar relationship with myself. Thinking about myself as a child that I need to take care of. I have ADHD too and I have trouble eating so I have to adopt an attitude of how do I take care of this child who is hungry but unable to eat. Before I would just ignore the needs by snacking but now I have found ways to sit down for a meal (with different accommodations) and I feel much better afterwards but it takes a lot more time and effort than my snacking routine but I do it for this other person inside me (that is how I need to frame it). I think finding happiness in life and love is more like this than the romances. I love romance and for me it is a dopamine obsession. But it has given me so much trouble in life honestly. For a long time I denied that. But learning to take care of my needs step by step has shown me that. Sometimes it's just small things that are needed to feel comfortable and relaxed and that helps with everything else.

Hey, you are really brave. I don’t think telling white lies is abnormal per se it’s probably more of going to an extreme. To answer your question on if others experience being more comfortable being authentic with strangers or people who don’t really mean anything to you, I sway both ways. I have this weird thing where I’m overly grateful when I interact with random people. If I go through a drive through and get my frozen coffee that I love.. when the worker hands me my change or my straw before even giving me change or my card back or whatever lol I will keep saying thank you so much like they just gave my pet cpr or saved a child from drowning. It’s fucking weird but I keep noticing that I do that. A part of it feels like I automatically feel like a bother when this is seriously mundane and people just doing their jobs. Not sure if that’s an AVPD thing coming from being insecure or what. So I’m answering your question with a question lol.

Thanks for the amazing video!! This is very informative and helpful. However, if someone is very insecure, I don't think relationships will be easy for them even they have a secure partner. Because a healthy relationship requires emotional availability, self-awareness and willingness to grow, which is something an insecure person doesn't have.

youre the most precious

one of the most gorgeous women i ever seen 😍😍

youre such a cutie omg im in love

This is freaking me out. Not you or anything you’re saying, but I could use your same words about myself. Even down to sleeping to cope. This is blowing my mind a little. If you haven’t tried this yet, I’ve found a certain brand of gummies that are basically indica 2 parts cbd to 1 part thc and it’s the only thing to shut my busy mind down. If you can get something similar maybe it can help you too. Crap now I have to watch all of your videos because the ones I’ve seen are excellent. Time to procrastinate and start that tomorrow. Hang in there lady. Your content is so helpful. This stuff is overwhelming.

10:00 omfg dont say that , thats so painful to hear you say that , youre magnificent youre a miracle , a treasure you deserve all the best things and to be cherished

im in love with you , you soooo pretty and cute , i like everything about you 😍😍

youre sooooo prrrrrrrretty waw subbed

I've been isolated since childhood. I don't know what it's like to have a friend... Honestly, I don't care anymore. I accept the coming cruel ending to my misfortunate fate that awaits me. I just want to rest; a hope that God takes my soul and blots me from all history. What a sorrow it is to know I exist. Yet I fight on... aimless but with the fires of the Orthodox Christian Faith guiding me. With the hope that all this suffering was not in vain. But even with this faith, which has settled for once the bitter existential dread of nihilism in relation to the human existence, the existential poison has now shifted. Faith has vanquished nihilism of humanity's meta-purpose, but not of my self, not on an individual level, not of my own humanity, for I am hollow. Reflected this terror is so terribly in the question that haunts me: "Why do I still live?" Yes... so close to God I am... yet evermore so distant from the bonds of fellowships of humanity. "Man is not meant to be alone" it is written.

This might sound weird but what kind of counselor do you see? I’ve tried different therapists and they all have relied on cognitive behavioral therapy which does nothing for me. I’m also going through medication hell. Everything I’ve tried has either failed or given me such horrible side effects I can’t take them. Now I’ve got medications being combined that shouldn’t be taken together with major risk factors. I’m so frustrated.

I used to want to want to stay depressed but then I found the comfort of being some what calmer in life

I don't think it's a matter of being worthy. It's just that behavior-wise it's set to fail from the very beginning. So yes the actions of this personality are always going to make relationships fail. "But can't I control my actions?" I hear you ask... Unfortunately a personality disorder means that the person has no control.

BPD has a fear of engulfment , Avpd does not . FA attachment doesnt necessarily mean bpd ( common attachment in avpd & apparently bpd but some attachment counsellors,Thais Gibson says she sees anxious attachment more in BPD) But that could be a lot of the issues too. - Avpd has a stable sense of self - a negative one lol

fascinating. i'm diagnosed with BPD and it took me a long time to come to terms with because my symptoms really manifest as the quiet subtype rather than the stereotypical, more externalizing profile, to the point where i really doubted i even had any sort of mental disorder at all. but growing up i did read about personality disorders and related super heavily to AvPD And NPD 🥴 which sounds like a wacky combination but does more or less make sense if one looks at it as just being BPD. covers both the sensitivity & tendency towards isolation part + the angrier edgier features sometimes bordering on narcissism

BPD and AVPD is impossible to be co-occurring, you can for sure have BPD traits though

❤️ I just got diagnosed on Monday.

Love you 🫶

lol @ your video caption 😂 In the past I’ve unfortunately attended my grandmother’s funeral twice 😞 She’s still alive and almost 100 so I didn’t jinx her luckily.

I’m beyond happy I found this channel after failed attempted therapy ,bpd misdiagnosis , no one knowing about this condition and late diagnosed adhd . I’m looking into schema therapy now. I am early 40s so it’s extremely hard not to cave into the hopelessness . I lost a lot of development time to panic disorder & agoraphobia so I try not to be super hard on myself , it was a disabling condition . Now, I am trying to get back into work by doing the bare minimum of pre employment program. The intimacy part Is an entire other thing to overcome , I think I am counterdependent at this point . Still working on healing regardless, to stop internalizing the abuse & neglect and my small nieces. Thank you for exposing yourself to bring light to this situation.

All of us with avpd issues need to get together and study ourselves and put together a “scientific” study (and take all the credit ourselves) because no therapists out there can help 😆 I have FA to the degree I’m not even putting myself out there anymore . But , my goal now is to just push through this avoidance to just do normal socializing again .

Thanks for the video. I'm SPD and wondered how my thoughts/fears differ from AvPD. Maybe oversimplifying but what i think is true form my understanding: SPD theme is motivation to protect myself from the world. Do not trust anyone, even myself. For AvPD it would be simpler: protect myself from shame. Freud would have loved this. For him, everything was sexual. For me sexuality has absolutely nothing to do with it. I fear intimacy. For with intimacy you must trust. For developing friendships you must trust. And when at sime point early in life you can't handle the emotions of betrayal by parent, sibling, or other central person in your life you turn your emotions off. I remember the moment for me when i stopped crying when i got teased by my older brothers. I was six or seven. And correctly guessed that the teasing would stop if i stopped rewarding them with my emotional outbursts.

i recently began to make a friend. devastating because i am now pulling away from them, as the fear and adrenaline produced during the interactions, was too much to bear. i couldnt even sleep from adrenaline, and needed to change clothes from sweating. i want to die so badly, but i believe in Jesus so i cant do that until its my time to go naturally. but this existance is torture. i also fell for this person, just to make it hurt worse.

I don't think it's about liking. This is a very fear-driven personality so... It's about safety, feeling safe and whatnot. So an avoidant PD simply put thinks living is too risky. Going out with friends is too risky. Friends can be fake toxic friends and whatnot.. So yeah avoidance, fears, fear of commitment, fear of responsibility, fear of toxic asshole people, fear of accountability, fear of society, people and the Sun itself... Fears... Because an avoidant PD person does not feel safe around supposed (possibly fake) toxic-ass friends... It is BETTER to be alone, kinda depressed but still safe than to constantly feel threatened by the enmeshment of toxic ass friends. Avoidants do not notice this as fear because lack of self-consciousness defines all Personality Disorders.

I'm not officially diagnosed with AvPD (even though I'm diagnosed with ASD and ADHD) but I can relate a lot with probably all AvPD traits I've ever read about, and I recently learned about what is a vulnerable narcissism and could see some similarities with me because some AvPD traits and vulnerable narcissism traits seems to overlap... And after learning that I was really afraid of the possibility of me being some sort of narcisist, a vulnerable narcisist... and your video had such a calm, rational and reasoble approach that it made me feel a bit better and more secure about me probably not being a narcisist, so thank you for your video! I'm usually calm and rational to a lot of things but when it comes to things about myself personally I get easily insecure and I'm always afraid that every bad thing I ever wondered about myself could be true somehow, so I can't thank you enough. I've seen other videos on the subject and your video was one of the few that didn't stigmatized the whole thing, that gave careful thoughts on each items and approached them in a more human way.

I'm INFJ, too!

Thank you for the video! And thank you for sharing! I'm anxious too. I can relate all these reasons.

I didnt speak at all except one other kid in pre k. The teacher hugged me once when decided to say something once

I have been in a relationship with a woman exactly like you. I always wondered why she does what she did. Its obvious, the longer they are with somebody, the more distant they become. They are afraid of bonding, they are afraid of what they will get and discover something new. She does have a valid point. Covert narcissists cannot be identified, until its too late. They take the avoidant path. I dont take it personally anymore. I must accept her or move on.

I have these issues and was late diagnosed adhd . Too late at this point . But after several days of vyvanse , only 20mg it makes me tired and sleepy . I almost had to pull over the side of the road to sleep on day 3. Maybe higher dose is needed or more time or I’m Misdiagnosed . But I’m wondering if this whole situation is down to the avoidance , and not adhd.

adhd mixed with asd with ocd tendencies energy for two type a i was able to manage until i had kids, then it got harder in perimenopause now and it got bad enough for me to need adderall, black tea, hormones and change many of my strategies because they stopped working progesterone helps me to sleep better and i wish someone had given me that my whole life insomnia was cruel started at 9 years old i was so busy surviving that i could not be depressed but now it is hitting me double i am so sorry that there are so many of us suffering so much rejection dysphoria sucks we are more likely to have trauma than the neuro typical high fat medium protein low carb helps me a lot added fermented foods easy the digestion i do less and rest more the fear that i will not remember some crucial info and it is nerve racking the silly mistakes are embarrassing people don’t take me seriously i am finally losing weight after a decade gaining thank you for sharing we can learn so much from you i have been so angry at myself but i need to deal with it, i have lots of self hatred and i must forgive myself as i do others, have self compassion at least 50% as i show others ….

I recently discovered the existence of this disorder and I think I have this problem. I thought it was autism or maybe social anxiety because those are the only “disorders” I know of, but I never got that diagnosis, but I knew there was something. I recently discovered that I have Daydreaming, it isn't a disorder. Of course I'm going to seek a medical diagnosis but I feel like I'm slowly understanding more about myself.

I'm in my 40s and never really had a lot of friends. I decided last year that I'm done with people and gave up on trying to make friends. I'm happier being alone now with no friends (not like people are lining up to be my pal).

I'm both AvPD & ADHD, with undiagnosed Autism.

I used to think i related more to avpd, but after having some good therapy sessions i think i relate much more to schizoid, especially when you learn more about the disorders and not just surface appearances they present.

🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

I kept waiting for something i didnt relate to as a diagnosed autistic woman. Pretty much everything you said resonated, and they are things i brought up in my diagnosic interview. I specifically asked for differential diagnosis against PDs, and was told i didnt have any. You may want to seek out a specialist like i did. Self dx and therpapist dx are a great first step but a neuropsych eval or an autism specialist is really needed imo. Also, the people around you not thinking youre autistic is pretty normal for women, because most people have an incomplete or wrong idea about how it presents in low support needs women. Aka level one, formerly called aspergers.

You are so nice! I am sorry you are strugling with this disorder, hope you find a releaf soon. Wish you the best!