Відео

I think the going to the art gallery is huge. I couldn’t see myself doing that.. but now I might try 😳

i can believe i found a video of exactly what i was looking for. I have adhd too and have been trying to figure out if i have AvPD or BPD

Yes 12:17 to everything you said, I’m trying to figure out my body, mind & past. It’s tough to know what & where to start. I totally understand & hear you

I'm getting to where I don't think BPD is a real diagnosis. It's the new Hysteria and therapists are just emotional sex workers looking for an easy mark.

Are we the same person? Fuck

I have npd

The only thing i can't relate at all is that for you being in relationships is normal . While for me its the complete opposite honestly where i still have some friends but a relationship no you can forget about that being male having avpd ..

I appreciate you making a video , takes some courage to do that with this disorder . Hands off respect ! I have diagnosed avpd/bpd i am 34 , having this combination sucks great on levels i can't even explain . I love watching series and fantasising about being someone else but not me . I have not worked in over 10 years , no relationship etc . I am lucky i got a couple of good friends (luck) . I don't know where i am going cause its never ends , its like groundhog day over and over again . On top of that i have severe exisential depression/depersonalisation/derealisation/addiction.

Hey, we can have both. You got five traits, you got five traits as far as a clinician cares. I don’t even try to categorize myself. But they’re VERY similar, CPTSD, BPD, AVPD… all the research has done was make me stop caring if I met someone with NPD because at least they know what they want better than I do. 😅 Even ADHD and Autism and BPD and Addiction… they’re such similar experiences and results that I was joking about how confusing it is - they’re all just normal people! And my partner replied, “no one fits into a neat little box unless they’re dead” and shrugged at me. It was the perfect response. I’m more toward BPD and it’s not as though I don’t understand the things you’re saying. But we only need five. You don’t actually technically have to care about being abandoned physically OR self harm to have it diagnosed, unfortunately.

I’m pretty sure I don’t have avpd, although I did self diagnose with it until I learned a little more about it. I’ve spent far more time worrying that I’m a narcissist than I have that I have avpd. I decided I’m not a narcissist because of this idea of supply. Narcissists need to provoke a reaction out of people in order to feel powerful or important. Even if that emotion is anger or despair, doesn’t matter, negative supply is still supply. THIS I find abhorrent and I’ve never come close to seeing it in myself. If someone makes me mad, my problem is that I retreat and am a little too conflict averse, leaving problems unresolved, then the frustration builds up over time and comes out as anger. But not anger to control, anger to back TF off lol

Oh my God. I have AvPD as well and it's almost like hearing myself talk. I am so proud of you for talking about this. I can feel your pain. I'm terrified of getting a job, have never had a real romantic relationship. Appearing for interviews is terrifying for me and even though I manage to go to them, I experience debilitating anxiety for months or even years leading up to them. I don't know if I will ever get married because in my country, the woman goes to live with her husband's family, and they are usually quite judgy towards the DIL. Fuck this disorder. Hugs to you ☹️❤

Here's a doozie to chew on about self-esteem: It is too high self-esteem (arrogance, which we lie to ourselves about not having) that leads to the conclusion one deserves excessive amounts of praise and validation. And when we don't get it.... splat... we go from too high to too low self-esteem, and constantly repeat the cycle. We trick ourselves into a trap. We are choosing to focus on/identify with the too low self-esteem aspect, and missing out on the role our too high self-esteem/arrogance plays. Being aware of this and balancing this out helps big-time. Why is the tendency to avoid or deny this? Simple: it's easier for us to think that we have a more humble type of problem than an also arrogant problem. The more genuine our humility and the less lying to ourselves, the more we will see this and be able to rectify. Such is the irony: the humbler we are the more arrogance we will be able to perceive in ourselves. But we can then also work on it. Took me ages to figure this out. The trouble, or most of the delay, was caused by comparing to grandiose narcissists: "I'm not like them! I don't have the same problem! Theirs is arrogance not mine!" Not so. Just different way of manifesting arrogance. Example: one can be arrogant in talking a lot and not letting others speak versus one can be arrogant in remaining totally silent and thinking they don't deserve to hear you speak.

With APD we tend to maximize our negative qualities and minimize our positive ones. We also tend to conflate issues we dislike about ourselves as something someone else will dislike. It's part of the inferiority complex mindset that goes with our APD. It's also not fair to compare yourself to others and especially fictional characters in a romance novel. Just try to love yourself, perceived flaws and all. You are worthy of love, but it has to start with yourself.

i have this idea constantly , whats the point

Thank you for sharing. As someone who also suffers from this, listening to this is very helpful.

It's great to see you, wishing you all the best!!

I totally get it.

I was recently evaluated for Autism. I not only was diagnosed with Autism but several other things including AVPD and Major Depression. I also have ADHD. I have been searching for information on AVPD so I appreciate you having this channel. I am also an artist and I completely get the feeling of making art with and without an art community. I went through a MFA program which was amazing and when it was over it was so hard for me because it is like I am paralyzed to keeping in touch even though I want those connections with people. I found an amazing art community 2 years ago but last year I suddenly had to move and lost that community. I found another one- this is so much work! It is nowhere near the same but it is something. I am just fighting to stay here in the "want to exist" realm.

to anybody whos not going to dentist often enough , yeah , thats what gonna happen to you if you dont go , all kind of annoying issues and problems , its rly nto worth it , you need to fukking go , whatver youre avoiding its gonna be way worse at soem point

On BINGE EATING guys. A helpful tactic that I used (Not a miracle cure) was to avoid POWERFUL FLAVOURS. Example instead of a rich chocolate covered cookie search for a bland lower calorie cookie. The idea is that powerful flavours will push your food addiction into overdrive and you can't stop until you are full. A bland form of comfort food whatever it is will give you the feeling of snacking but not the urge to eat a truckload. If you are used to powerful flavours you will be disappointed with bland food but YOU CAN TRAIN YOUR TASTEBUDS to accept mild flavours. It takes time to adjust so be persistent.

Maxine we just love you ❤ do videos and we like them and there’s the whole formula 😇

You're SO not alone. Thank you for making me not feel alone. I agree, feeling depressed is a bit more comfortable than being anxious. I also chronically binge eat then crash diet, exercise and repeat. My seasonal mood issues tend to be a major influence on it. So I'm trying to mitigate that factor in various ways. So that hopefully every step forward is followed by only a half step back. You have my support in your journey.

The bravest , strongest, smartest and of course prettiest avpd girl on this planet 🎉. Welcome back with this strong back which fully of hope mixed with acceptance and wisdom. We keep on trying to the end ❤🙏👏

I really like your videos, thank you for making them. Don't worry about big lessons in each, even just a stream of thoughts is great. Maybe you can recommend some good books in the next one. Wish you all the best 👍

My body image has held me back my whole life. Everything has had to wait until I lose weight and feel better about myself. But life is slipping through my fingers. I have tried to get my binge eating under control so many times and every time I would diet I would be unable to be consistent and give up. But I now feel like I have things under control and they are going in the right direction. I have fine-tuned my macros, eating high protein, low carb- but still allowing fruit, bread, crackers etc every now and then and eating meals I really enjoy while staying in a calorie deficit. I'm taking anti-depressants that increased my anxiety quite considerably for a couple of weeks, but now I'm good and have more motivation to do things. But the biggest difference is that I joined a gym. It's a women's gym and I go every second day. I do the treadmill and weights. I really love it. It's been a month and I am focusing on slowly making new, healthy habits and not trying to do everything all at once and as fast as possible and then giving up like I always have. I'm 50 years old. It's never too late to be able to make the changes towards a better you. Don't lose hope!

Good to see you posting again!

this video hit just right for me because today i weighed myself for the first in a year after having been weighed in a mental hospital, and boy did i gain weighed. im the type of person who *cannot* do something thats out of my routine until the last minute, until its absolutely necessary, so im hoping this is a wake-up call for me to finally start exercising. thank you so so much for making this video, not only are you making me feel less alone, i hope you know that *you* arent either! by the way, these things you do to connect to a self of yours that was "in a better place" kinda match the things my therapist has me do so my depression doesnt get the best of me. so who cares what your inner voice says, its wrong! go paint your nails girl, thats what i do every week because my therapist said so! xD

💜💜💜

Glad to see you again 🤗

Sending you lots of love Maxine. 🌞🌺✌🏽

Ugh, I understand this so much. Always hitting a wall when trying to move forward. We don't allow ourselves to grow most likely bc we are convinced we're not worth it. Convincing ourselves we deserve a good thing is not only hard, it's also incredibly exhausting. I think if were not telling ourselves this 24/7 and also showing ourselves for at least a year, it'll always be a struggle. The body image is a whole different story, but I get it too. From experience I know this may not register, but you look beautiful. Hope you find your way back soon. Healing isn't linear, ups and downs will always be there, but I do know they last shorter the more we overcome and do the work on ourselves.

Jesus christ, I did not even realize how intertwined these things could be.. I'm so glad I saw this video. I've been on antidepressants since I was 17. I'm 30 now, and recently understood that I had ADHD. I got meds just the other day and had to aquire them illegaly because the local health-sector is completely broken, and I won't get a assessment until late august at the earliest. Aduvanz really helps with mindfog and overthinking. It gives me space to be in my body. What sucks is that I'm also going through the toughest breakup of my life, so hey, a lot of old and new emotions popping up. At least my crying actually gets to finish it's cycle now. Listening to this makes me think I might have AvPD too. I also thought I might be autistic, but AvPD resonates more. It would explain a lot.

ENFJ ❤

Now see… this kind of thing always gets me. 🥲 7 months later people (👋🏻) are still coming along to hear you talk about how you feel, about your studio, your advocacy, your empathy… you. and I hope you’re making art. I saw this video, so I hope you’ve made more videos... life might be a little okay for all of us after all. 🌼😉 I love these little moments, because you don’t have to know me at all, and for all I know, I might see a work of yours in a gallery one day that leads me to understand something that I didn’t know I needed to see in order to express an idea just below the surface to someone, or even MYSELF - and that’s what art is for. Even if you never see me see it! You could just quit and I might never see that or read that thing you write or hear that thing from you. That goes for thousands and thousands more people too. And each of those people? They might work on part of a building we love, they might write a song you and I need to hear. Think about how much that means to me, you’re out there expressing those things, for us, to us, even not knowing if we will know it was you who made it. Or if we’ll even appreciate your work to express all of that pain. That’s a gift from you to the universe and we’re all part of that universe; you have no guarantee of reward for this, but you’re doing these things and learning things and making things for us ANYWAY. That sacrifice of vulnerability, the hope? I *appreciate* the gift you are giving in that creative space of uncertainty. And if you’re making art, and I’m looking at art, we will always need to know we are both out there. I hope that makes sense to you… that I don’t need to understand everything about you and you don’t need to understand anything about me to CHANGE THE TRAJECTORY OF MY LIFE. That’s important. You are every artist and every art observer. That is why we need you to be you *even just for you*, for us, exactly as you need to be, for you. And that goes for way more than artists. It sounds crazy to say that maybe because we don’t know each other, but it’s really logical fact to my view; we know someone who knows someone who does likely intersect with each others lives in a way at least 😅. That’s just how our world is, and it literally wouldn’t work otherwise; it seems mad, but I promise it’s really true. I’ve seen disgusting poems scrawled bravely across subway station benches that got me through bad waits… we all matter together, even apart. Directly through things like this, across who knows where, indirectly through subtle things online, everywhere. Thank you for being here for yourself, for me, apart. Even if you never see this. I won’t feel like it was pointless to say hello to you. Not ever. 🫶🏻 The internet can be cruel, but it is also a beautiful way to send a message in a bottle if you can cobble together the words. 👍🏻

Thanks for this video! It describes me as well and with a fearful avoidant attachment style. If someone clings on to me it repels and scares me.

I can relate to this.. I was with a covert narcissist for over a decade, till I no longer couldn't. He manipulated, gaslighted and changed me a lot. I feel as the relationship with the narc drained my energy, and I feel as if I no longer have the same feeling I had prior to this relationship toward intimacy and relationships and people overall.

The reason I go avoidant is cos it is a society of lies and I don't want to have to mask to keep friends and live a fake existence in a society run by psychopaths. That's just why I do it anyways. This whole narcissism thing has been so muddied and diluted and the most evil ones remain hidden as usual.

In regards to dating if you look at the statistics people simply aren't paring up at anywhere near the same rate as before. I noticed you were talking about media narratives, consider that media narratives are actually marketing in disguise. The entire media is fronting a particular ideal to create a sense of missing out in EVERYONE. This serves a twofold purpose, the stories themselves are more compelling indulging a fantasy and the advertisers can sell you products which implicitly promise to make up for whatever deficit is preventing you from achieving the ideal. Key to this is media presenting the ideal as normative. Social media works on the same concept but is even more compelling given the framing of people's "real" lives. It might not motivate you towards any goal but it is important to know that being single and/or having very few to no close friends is NORMATIVE in the current societal configuration. Underemployment, financial struggles, working a job you hate to get by or long term disability / unemployment - NORMATIVE! Significant deviation from this towards achieving anything close to the media fantasy "American Dream" is demonstrating either immense personal privilege (usually family wealth) or an exceptional run of good luck and dedicated hard work. Society for 90% of people is simply BROKEN. Take any small gain on the system you can get, break the social barriers keeping people isolated, volunteer, pet a dog, take what little joy you can while a shred of it is still available but never once should you let the fantasy we've been sold dictate your self worth.

I try to not make this too long But I kinda want to share my perspective. I'm 28 and securely attached and diagnosed with A.D.D I got to know a girl with extreme dismissive avoidant attachment maybe avpd as well. The label doesn't really matter for me because everyone develops/adapts individually to the environment and inner world. To the point. I developed genuine feelings for her, we texted almost daily in the evening. She updated me on her day to day life.I always said I wanted to see her again. But I let her the say what to do and when. With time the relationship didn't went anywhere. Her fear of intimacy went bigger and she shut down any social interraction when we met to the point I didn't felt welcome anymore. What I wanna say is that no matter how deeply I loved and cared for her she would assumably not recieve the love I tried to give her. Because for her connection and intimacy is associated with a lot of fears and hurt. I personally think that everyone deserves love even Hitler wasn't born this way. But as an adult we are responsible for how we treat people including ourselfes. And never blame the past version of you because we always behave according to what we know.

I always thought I just had treatment resistant social anxiety and depression. It's taken me 43 years on this earth to find out on my own that I have APD. Now I realize why my depression and anxiety is somewhat resistant to the typical medications and therapy. I'm not sure that knowing this diagnosis gives me any more hope, but at least I have some understanding for whatever it's worth.

I love your videos! I want to be tour froend so bad lol are you currently working? If not, do you have savings to keep you afloat?

I have NEVER in my life related to a video more than to this one. I struggle with the things you described and for the past year I thought I have autism. I also have only two friends (weird coincidence). Thank you for sharing your experience. Watching this video made me realize some things about myself. I really appreciate you posting it.

How do you deal with people/partners who tell you to just try harder?

Hey girl! What freelance work do you do!? I need to find ways to make money with this condition.. its not easy 😫❤️

Thank you so much for your vulnerability, its truly very helpful 🙏🏼