How Sweden survives without small talk - BBC REEL
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- Опубліковано 13 жов 2020
- In most cultures, small talk acts as a social lubricant. But in Sweden, people tend to avoid idle chit-chat. Some experts believe the Swedes are missing out on a vital communication tool, while others say it's just a part of Swedish life.
Video by Björn Nilsson
Executive Producer: Camelia Sadeghzadeh
#bbcreel #bbc #bbcnews
all my life i thought i was socially awkward, turns out I'm just swedish
I'm proud of you. This is the single best comment I've seen.
Same -thanks for putting it into "words"
Yep sums me up too
😂😂😂 I remember continuing the same conversation in an elevator coming down from the executive level... Regardless who left or came into the elevator, continuing all the way down to garage level. But, that wasn't more than 35 floors.
Haha. I'm swedish too then!😄
BBC wanted to do this reportage in Finland, but no finns wanted to talk so BBC had to choose Sweden instead.
Hahahaha
Oh that explains.
🤣
Nice xD
😂😂😂😂😂
I adore the fact that avoiding small talks is a social norm somewhere in the world.
Small talk IS awkward! why would you talk about nothing?!? there is no reason to connect with everyone you meet.
For real 💘
Amen
not america unfortunately
Agreed..... 👍
Just Keep It Moving.... (Doesn't Solve Anything Anyways). Just Speak politely and bounce.
As an introvert, I usually dread small talk. But for instance sometimes on the elevator up to work, someone will mention the traffic jam or something and we’ll commiserate and then they give a friendly “have a good day!” as they get off, and I find myself smiling and more awake for the day after a little interaction
I feel the same way!
Same af
Yes. Humans are that way. Genetically/biologically programmed, some more than others, to enjoy interacting with other humans. The secret's out! :p jk
There are plenty of introverts that have no problem with small talk, they just don't look for it constantly. Statistically about half of the population are introverts, so there is no causation between being an introvert and dislike of small talk. Social awkwardness and anxiety are much more accurate causes.
You say that but I'd bet you make a lot of small talk on the Internet.
Swedes are still waiting for the social distancing rule of 2 meters to be revoked. Then back to 4 meters normality.
Spot on !😂
lol, true
U copied this from another video
@@9razzler9 ah..no i didnt. I just 👍.
;)
Calling all introverts
Calling all introverts
We have found our paradise. I repeat, we have our paradise. Sending coordinates for Sweden shortly.
When you get on the buss ppl pick the seat furthest away from you even if there isn't a pandemic. its a introverts paradise. ex if you are going to the store you only have to say 3 things hi, no and yes and that's on a chatty cashier.
@@motokid1492 what kind of hyper social weirdo are you? Use the cashier that might require interactions when there are self checkouts in most major stores!
@@motokid1492 I just say hi and thank you no receipt.
@Brian Sandberg, No thanks, we don't need any more of those. We got enough of them the last decade of years, thank you.
@@VicMcFly111 me too;) I don`t like small talk generaly;) It`s little bit wasting of time for me;) And I`m introvert as well;) I feel good only in small group of friends;)
I'm Italian and I think there's a difference between small talk and being talkative and friendly. Personally, as an extrovert, I quite like greeting/being greeted and the general exchange between people, even strangers; what I don't like is meaningless, pointless talk, like sometimes people do in my town: endless chatting about the wheather, frequent generalizations and prejudices, and an overall depressive mood, especially these days. I'm sure many people on here will know what I mean. This is not a matter of establishing contact, this is just pure waste of breath, and when I'm forced to engage in such exchanges I feel like my brain starts to deteriorate.
I don’t mind talking with strangers. I hate talking with people I see on a regular who act like strangers. Just as you said.
Agreed
also in Turkey
@@gimmiefriedchicken I find that happens in uK a lot maybe more London I can speak about
Once upon a time in many folks ,,,,, is a hypocrite and a bully
I am half Swedish and I always wondered why my Swedish father was so quiet and reserved. He was also had somewhat of an enigmatic personality, as it was very difficult to know what he was really like He hardly ever said anything, but he was a kind and gentle soul who treated everyone as equals. Now from watching this video I really understand a lot better why he was the way he was. Also, he was taught as.a boy by his immigrant Swedish pareednts to not show any emotions, whether good or bad. But he did change after my mother died,. He started giving his children hugs and telling them he loved them. It was so sweet to see that change in him. I knew for a long time that he loved his family, but he just was not able to express his emotions. I miss him very much.❤️🇸🇪
That has nothing to do with what this video is talking about. Swedes do show emotions and hug their children. Sounds more like your dad had some personal issues.
@@senchaholic No I definitely relate to that. My pops and grandpa (both Swedish) act the same way. Maybe it's more common in more rural places, further up North?
@@GhostSamaritan Yes its most likely more common in rural places further up north, but the rural places up north are well, rural and make up a small minority of the rest of swedens population.
@@GhostSamaritan As a Norwegian person who grew up in the far north of Norway in the seventies and eighties, in the same culture as the far north of Sweden (mixed culture of Sami, Finnish (Qven) and Norwegian/Swedish), I can say that society was strongly pietistic in the post-war years. It changed slowly, but took longer outside the cities. The culture in the area is different from the rest of Norway and Sweden. There is more small talk in society, but as I said, pietistic Christianity (Læstadianism) was the reason why the old could be reserved, many did not give their children hugs, for example. I grew up with loving parents and grandparents, but as a child I thought they didn't love me. Today I know better. They showed their love in other ways, such as making sure I had everything I needed in terms of food and clothing, a clean bed, packed lunches when I went to school, picking me up if needed and leaving me alone if I needed it, evening prayer with a warm hug and the duvet packed carefully around my body. The answer is pietism in a culture who were open, engaged in small talk, and who were friendly and open to strangers.
And here i thought i was an antisocial introvert, turns out all I've been this whole time was Swedish...
Mood
Me too 😂😂😂
I hear you. I'm moving to Sweden.
same
The most I relate to is 'avoiding eye contact'. People around me must think I'm blind as a bat
There was a joke about Scandinavians when the first lockdown was about to finish: "Thank God the 2-meter distance rule won't apply anymore, we can go back to 5-10 meters."
Hahahha! Its so true, many people here are still using the covid excuse, to stay away from people :)
🍷🤦♂️
As an American, the 6 ft rule was a blessing! Finally, not having to awkwardly smile at and pass too close to anyone! Not that most Americans were following it anyway, so I guess it was just for show, but it was nice to have the excuse :P
@john wayne I hope you don't wear clothes, pay taxes or drive with a license or insurance. The government is always telling you what to do. You just pick and choose what to be mad at.
Hehe, yeah, and there was a variation of it: "2 meters distance; we have to be THAT close"?
As a foreigner who studied in The States for years, I’ve always loved how warm Americans were. The small talk might be meaningless, but the emotions shared within those small talks always felt real. I know it sounds cliché but a genuine smile or a random compliment really had such a sweet effect on my day. Hell, there were even people carrying signs in a small town in Ohio with Free Hugs written on them! I saw one once meters away and couldn’t read it. The person shouted at me: “Free Hugs!” I walked right into them and we hugged each other.
cool
That's cute
You probably got lice from the "hug".
That's true. Americans love to compliment on the most random thing as small talk, and I don't find that offensive at all.
But is it meaningful? Telling people to ‘have a nice day’ is pointless if it’s just something you say. It’s like an instant friendship, but there may be no depth.
I am from the USA (NY). I absolutely love the Swedes. They are more difficult to get to know but as an introvert trained to be social. I usually have no problem getting to know Swedes once I make them laugh or smile. Truly lovely people.
Video title: Swedes don’t do small talk.
The actual video: Swedes doing awkward small talk.
I guese that they mean that we get really uncomfortable when we do small talk
They talked to extroverts in Sweden.
@@albinschill449 that's everywhere. You guys will feel so at home in New England. We ignore irritating tourist all the time.
@@PRDreams We don't mind answering questions from tourists. We're usually pretty helpful. It's the awkward conversations with boring people who have nothing of interest to say that we don't like.
Typical BBC superficial rubbish
As an introvert, I wasn't aware there was in fact a Promised Land. New life goal - move to Sweden.
Well, not if you wanna actually own your money but thats a different topic.
Here here
Lol antisocial Promised Land 🤣 That’s my new life goal too.
Pretty much all countries with Germanic roots are like that, our predecessors don't seem to have been very social lol
@@gilgamesh7055 You do know Sweden is, at its core, a capitalist country, just like most of Europe, do you? Just not as extreme as, say, the US, which is pretty awful in that regard.
I'm comforted by the fact that literal social awkwardness is he norm in some countries.
That just goes to show that nothing is "supposed to be" a certain way, and any way of doing tthings is acceptable.
Not liking small talk isn’t the same as being socially-awkward. It just means not liking small talk.
I’m from the USA and a Southerner at that. People would likely run for the hills is I went there. 😂 Our culture adores small talk. I strike up conversations with random people all the time and they do the same with me. Sometimes it’s not a question or conversation, just a quick compliment like “That’s a beautiful dress” or “I like your hair cut”. our culture teaches you never know who is down in the dumps and could use a kind word or a smile to help them feel better. As children we commonly sing a hymn called “This little light of Mine. “😊
The downside for super quiet or introverted people here is they will likely be labeled stuck up.
As a an older reformed chatty southerner I completely agree and now realize have fake and shallow it all was and hides true feelings and hidden hatred’s and prejudice’s…….
@@mmmsunshine5367 yes but not always. ive come to realisr this. some people really are happy and friendly and not always hiding feelings
I’m always thinking all of Americans are extroverted 😅
People in Brazil, “Beautiful day, isn’t it?”, and before the elevator opens again we have gone from weather to politics, religion and soccer. And probably we’ll leave the elevator with a new recipe for dinner.
@deafghost52 it is a nightmare. I am Brazilian and I hate small talk. People think I'm grumpy...
EXACTLY that
❤️true socializing
@@rruagg if everyone thinks that maybe you are indeed the problem
Casey Tkacz Very rude of you.
About 10 years ago I took a bus in northern Sweden between 2 cities. It was just me (swedish girl) and the driver. until an American man came and sat NEXT TO ME. he talked to me the entire way. I was scared, thought he was gonna murder me or something. also I was looking forward to listening to music on the bus and looking out the window. now I had to listen to him for 2 hours. thankfully he didn't kill me and today I categorise it as a culture shock.
Must have been traumatic for you 😂😂😂
@@evelynbarry5046 haha more irritating 😂
Om någon pratar med en så blir man ju orolig😅😳
Omg that's the absolute WORST
FOR TWO HOURS?? When that happens to me on the bus for 20minutes I consider getting off at an earlier stop and walking the rest of the way home 😂😂😂
Having visited Sweden many times and know a lot of people mostly in the three biggest cities (Malmö, Göteborg and Stockholm) I cannot say I have seen this behavior. We were always welcomed with open arms in many different homes and families, and were given extremely gracious hospitality. But perhaps smalltalk in itself wasn’t a big thing, and most conversations did indeed go deeper. However we dutch probably have a very similar culture, being famous for our direct approach.
You're not wrong. I grew up in the netherlands but have lived in sweden for the past 13 years (swedish native)
The average swede might be considered somewhat introverted when compared to other countries, but like any population there are varying degrees of introverts and extroverts. You can easily approach (in my experience) most swedes on the street and strike up conversation. Some are just not that receptive
"direct approach" = being super rude. Your behavior is well known in rest of Europe
@@asterion3291 Sociopathic happiness? Wow, that is a term to think about. Sociopaths/psychopath are usually only about one percent of the population. Are you saying that percentage is higher in Sweden? Again it is not my experience, but to be fair, I haven’t lived in Sweden. My sister loves Sweden, to the point she can speak fluent Swedish (and Norwegian) and has plans to move there. But perhaps just visiting there for holidays doesn’t give the full picture.
We have been invited many times to diner, to listen to music they make or have even been taken to go sailing in Stockholm. Or visit the royal palace, and even in one case a factory in Malmö. And obviously when they visited us here in the Netherlands we showed them similar hospitality. Still longterm friendships were I have never seen any sociopathic happiness.
@@91chaves I understand we can come across as being (super) rude, and rude people are everywhere. However it really in most cases is just being direct. If I ask someone has they are doing, I really want to know. And not just do it to have a conversation. And if I don’t do a good job at work I expect my colleagues or manager to say so. Not because they want to put me down or hurt my feelings. But because we like to know were we stand. And when we get a compliment this is real. (Very generalized, because there is still a spectrum of directness)
@@sanderdeboer6034 Fair enough, I guess it is just a cultural thing. But gosh, do I get upset sometimes!!!!
Actually, as a Turkish person, I have studied in Sweden. Swedish people do communicate to you in the times you need help. And they asked me to help even I didnt ask them to help. I was searching a place on tram. Two Swedes ask me for help. Swedes also so friendly to their high school friends. They gave a half hug when they met their previous classmate. But this also depends on the level of your friendship situation. As a Aegean background person, I found Swedes very social, polite, so honest.
Very interesting. It’s almost impossible to avoid small talks in Turkey, they are warm friendly people but as an introvert it’s not easy 😂
As a Brazilian, the "small talking" stuff is BOOOOOOORING, but if the subject of the talk is interesting, then the talk can go for hours, even between strangers.
"Beautiful day, isn't it?"
People in Sweden: We don't do that here.
so many layers in this comment ^^
because "that" in "we don't do that" can refer to "small talk", to "beautiful day", or just to "day" ...
what a sad way to live
@@casebeth Ikr. Am an introvert myself but still can't make it without a bit of small talk now and then really.
@@shakypirate I lived in Finland for 3 years and even after 3 years my neighbors wouldn't even answer when I said hello(in Finnish even).
Being an introvert is fine.
Treating other human beings like they don't exist is cruel. I never expect anyone in the Nordic countries to want to stop and chat, but I do find it very dehumanizing when people who live int he same building for years won't even say hello back... Or sorry if they walk into you while looking at their phone trying to avoid you.
@@casebeth Wow. Didn't expect it happened to such an extent. Where I live, it'd be considered a crime haha. If you live in the same building for a while, you aren't strangers anymore. You don't have to be overtly friendly, you just keep in touch. That's just what humans do.
But, yeah, I completely get it if someone chooses not to be like that. I, for one, will not be a party to that tho.
The old joke goes - an introvert in Finland looks at his shoes when he speaks to you. An extrovert in Finland looks at your shoes when he speaks to you.
Hmm..heard the same joke about us Norwegians as well.
Hahahahahaha, den var bra! A good one!
Isn't Finland a fictional country?
@@phoque121 That would be really weird since I've been in Finland multiple times. I've seen that strange conspiracy theory. It must have been so much fun coming up with that.
@@veronicaue180 I live in Finland and just pretty much laugh at it as a joke. Even more to the fact that some actually believe it.
My Finnish friend works with Swedish people and he's so frustrated with the endless small talk of Swedes. He summarized it as "Lots of polite talking, everyone feels nice, nothing gets done"
Lol Thanks for the laugh. Greetings from Sweden.
My husband and I went to Åbo and to the restaurant where the Spa hotel is. So quiet! There were families with kids who said NOTHING!
I felt akward even talking to my husband. Breaking the silence.
Sounds like my dream country. I would be able to go out knowing that I can do my thing without useless awkward interactions every few minutes or expected to connect over small things.
Would say, avoid very small towns. Mostly cause those places rarely if ever see outsiders, those there will give you the "deer caught in headlights" stare. Anything above a few thousand should be good, at least there's enough people there for you to not stand out too much.
@@SvengelskaBlondie bump
I mean maybe learn to have genuine small conversations. I've become decent at that every time I take the elevator with people because you are only together for a short amount of time.
@@levimora3025 I know exactly how to. I just can't find the use for it personally. If there is no need to discuss something of importance then there's probably something that needs doing elsewhere with time not spent on small talk. It becomes awkward because if someone tells you the weather is great when you are just trying to get to your next destination without being rude then it's stifling . My view in small talk is only because of how much time I have available in a day.
@@JesusIsLord2478 Small to talk for me doesnt impede time because usually it's when I'm in the process of doing something like waiting for my turn at some appointment or at a store or at the barbers and I can talk with someone while we wait instead of having our faces buried into our phones. I guess I get it if its impeding you getting to the next thing but i guess i see small tall as something happening while you are doing something and just might as well chat or something. Then again I dont always do that. It depends how I'm feeling that day. Sometimes I'm silent other days I decide to have a good conversation. Just asking someone how they are leads to some great conversation if you arent too rigid about it.
If someone comes and talks to you in Sweden, assume immediately that person is a drunk person, a crazy person or someone that want to sell something.
or a foreigner😅
@@JessieArvid93
Or all of the above!
A crazy, drunk foreigner who wants to sell something!
@@JessieArvid93 most likely an American 😄
Or psychopath
LOLOL YES
This is not correct, people don't talk in elevators or on the street. We do this smile :] for a split second
This made me laugh out loud, that is literally the face :] that everyone makes.
The fake smile
:] Hallå
In fact, doing anything but the :] smile would be rude.
:]
Few Swedes that I’ve met, I’ve throughly enjoyed getting to know. Never got to know too much about their private life, but they were all great company. Americans on the other hand, I get to know way more than I need to (they seem to use every encounter as a group therapy event) but their company fizzles to nothing very quickly….
My question is: How do you get to the meaningful, deeper connections without snap talk? You can’t jump from no talking to full-on deep conversation.
If you are around someone enough time, deep conversations will arise without having had to engage in small talk.
Saying hello to someone isn’t small talk. And finding out how they are, or attempting to take an interest in their lives is not what small talk is.
Dead talk or Small talk to some is meaningless and pointless discussions about things that don’t matter in an effort to avoid awkward moments, which in most cases end up in gossips.
You can if that's the accepted way in the culture like in Sweden or here in Finland
Normally through a common activity, it just happens naturally. For example:
- So how is that project/Reno/moving/… going?
- oh it’s fine. I just don’t know XYZ.
- You can do it like that [Abc] / you can get it in [place].
- And how [something related to that]?
Etc.
Why not? I love jumping straight into deep conversations. It's so much less stressful to just skip that whole unnescessary song & dance.
Lol i have an engineer friend like this, he cant really do mindless small talk he can only talk when there's a clear topic
In Norway we don't do small talk at all. In Scandinavian countries, leaving people alone is respectful, polite and very much appreciated. We're not unfriendly or unsocial, we just have a different culture.
I can see the logic but I’m not sure that ultimately it’s good for people. Im from Ireland so its the direct opposite. It’s even more marked the more sparsely populated the area. The daily minute social interactions give people a buzz and dissipate loneliness, and often lead to friendships, relationships, reciprocal help or even job or creative opportunities. Making small talk non-awkward is a muscle to develop. That being said I empathize totally with people who find it hard. But you’ll never die from an awkward social interaction and you’ll always think it more awkward than the other person actually felt it was. There is a flip side though. If you are a newcomer to Ireland, you can experience a lot of friendliness and interaction, but it can take quite a while to build actual friendships because I think a lot of Irish people kind of unconsciously decide they have made all their friends for life around age 30 or even 26 or something like that!
@@sianmurray7582 Interesting things to know about Irish People, I hv a client there and Im thinking about to move and immigrate, Glad to know that I still have 1 year to make a friendship 😂😂😂
@@sianmurray7582 Well as a Scandinavian I actually don't like the way we behave when around others, because if you haven't that big of a network around you, it is extremely hard to make new friends, which cause loneliness. It is only when we are filled with alcohol we can socialize, but I definitely would like to just have a conversation with a total stranger about ex. the weather
I like this culture.
How sad. Even scientists like Yuval Harari know humans evolved because of conversation. With a grey sky and freezing temperatures almost the whole year like it is in Scandinavia, one could appreciate a bit of human warmth.
Not just Sweden. I have a good Finnish friend. As an experiment one morning I decided not to say a word until she spoke. Three hours later we had not said one word. I am used to it now and respect and love her.
I did that to a pretty close online friend and last time we genually had a conversation was 6 months ago
I suspect when she finally spoke, she spoke wisely.
@@VirusSI she did speak wisely ! I've learnt to listen when she has something to say.
😭Damned phones take up ALL OF OUR LIVES !!
(😂😂😂)
@@bilssharky8429 (when the child grows out of being the chatty part of the "Chatty Cathy Doll")...
This sounds absolutely wonderful. Minimal if any small talk, and then actual conversations are more honest and real? Sign me up!
I don’t know about small talk, but a smile says everything, and I greatly appreciate it.
Being Swedish, I thought they were way too talkative in the lift. Less eye contact and a simple nod would be enough.
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@@pastorchrisoyakhilome744 Also, being Swedish often means not believing in fairytales so you can take your little "god" and shove it in someone else's face.
@@pastorchrisoyakhilome744 Haba haba zoot-zoot! Ape nam nam, a hullah bahullah..
Yes, they were really talkative. That was awkward. Simple nod, perhaps a tiny smile, that´s it.
Is it just me, or didn´t they stand really close together too. It seemed American to stand like this, next to eachother shoulder to shoulder facing the door. That´s how people stand in elevators in movies. In reality, at least in Stockholm, people would stand with their backs against the walls, and as far apart from the other person as possible. If somebody would stand like that, shoulder to shoulder in an otherwise empty elevator I would suspect them to be some kind of weirdo.
Only reason to smalltalk in the elevator is if you share the same hatred for the hyresvärd.
As a swede, I have never seen two people who don't know each other start talking with each other in an elevator.
Yeah that's insane, like why would you bother a random stranger in the elevator?? I legit feel bad for the rest of the world if they feel like they have to talk in elevators
@@stellastella99 you can always pretend you forgot something at home and run back instead of taking elevator with someone
Neither have I. But I'm not Swedish, I'm Swiss.
(we absolutely have small talk. But that's for friends and colleague, not for strangers.)
@@leonamay8776 As a Swede who lived some years in Switzerland with my husband and children, I can confirm that the Swiss are rather introvert as well and don't open up easily. It took 6 years before I felt that I had made good friends in Switzerland.
In Germany that doesn't happen either. It would be a very weird move xD
Interesting. We need more videos like this to explain various cultures for better understanding.
I didn’t think I could love Sweden more, but this suits my own temperament perfectly! ❤️
Imagine how repressed you have to be as a culture that even the British are doing a documentary on how socially awkward you are.
LMAO
*on how good we are at privacy and personal integrity.
BAAHHAHAHAHA OMG
@@axelnils you must be fun at parties
My thoughts exactly
Unpopular introvert opinion: the world would be a better place if people would just be friendlier. You don't have to start a whole conversation. It's just polite to acknowledge someone in your presence.
I agree. Unnecessary social interaction can be over whelming but having none could be depressing too. It is another extreme in my opinion
Agreed. I’m a bit of an introvert but I don’t mind greeting someone or having a basic conversation. We’re not supposed to be robots...
@@tclass99 exactly. I think a lot of people use introvert as an excuse for being afraid of people.
Manors is always a plus.
@@bunnyboops8875 I feel attacked LOL I agree with everything you said :)
I already love Sweden and its people, now even more since seeing this!
Not wanting to communicate with others sounds isolating. 🤷♀️ Doesn't sound like a healthy way to live. When I was younger I was the most silent person in my class. There was a certain amount of fear involved. I learned over many years to be more sociable and the world is a much better place for me. 😊
A Swedish and a finish are sharing a drink in a bar. The Swed said “Cheers!”, the Finish replied “Are we here to drink or are we here to talk!” A joke told by my Swedish friends.
As a half finnish swede this had me rolling
As a finn I don't think that's even a joke...
@@MsWill813 Yeah, he's just stating facts. Where's the joke?
🍷We are more evolved than Mecha Robots & A.I, imagine loosing the tounge & mouth altogether in a few 100 years from now. NOTHING LEFT TO TALK ABOUT! 🙀😆
A man from southern sweden and a man from northern sweden have bought a half bottle to share. No one wants to start drinking in fear of the other geting more, suddenly the northerner grabs the bottle and empty it. The southerer ask: Why did you do that for?
The northerner says: My part was on the bottom I had to reach it.
I feel like BBC have forgot about fika in this clip, the Swedish coffee break, that´s where the small talk happen, not with random people on the street or the elevator.
And notice; coffee breaks (fikaraster) are planed small talks.
@@magnusemilsson7205 Planned? I often drink coffee and/or chat with people, friends or strangers, without any kind of planning in beforehand.
And oh do we talk about the weather at fika!
@@martah5369 That's an English or British thing. We discuss philosophy.
@@herrbonk3635 ha ha. Living in a city where we have had three different weathers already today, it is surely talked about. I've heard Englishmen say that talking about the weather in some situations can be rude, like avoidant. I've been in many situations where us Swedes discuss it in a very serious manner.
Lived in Sweden for 6 years and haven’t really noticed a huge difference between here and England ( in terms of small talk), yes people won’t talk to strangers at the bus stop but people very rarely did that in England either. In a work/pub/party/home environment Swedes are just as open and friendly to people they’ve just met as English people are. One *huge* difference here in (terms of interaction) is that Swedes will hug people they’ve only met once before or sometimes on the first occasion, which was really strange to me as an Englishman 🤣🤣🤣
Hugs are nice though (I'm Swedish) :3
So true!
As a Swede I hugged my English mother-in-law the first time I met her on the doorstep lol. I hmm can't remember if I just reached out and if the hug happened. I know she staggered backwards lol.
Akward!
@@starvictory7079 Asserting dominance!
It’s kinda a greeting
When I was younger I participated in an event for women's choral singer. There were several international ensembles, including Brazil, Sweden, Canada, Britain and Mexico. The ladies from Sweden were lovely, but they seemed so reserved, and now I understand why. The event lasted for 5 days, and it wasn't until the last day that the Swedes really engaged with the rest of the ladies.
Been to Sweden last year, got lost on the Lidingo(smtnh like that) island near Stockholm, it was super mega cold, I had no internet and no Idea where I should go to gt back, and then all of a sudden a couple of women, a mother and a daughter asked me whether I needed some help, asked in Swedish, which I barely understood, and I said "no, tack so mycket" or something, when they insisted kindly that I have been wandering around the same street for 40 min, and they showed me the way to the bus station, and we had a great talk in the bus, they told me about their hobbies, their culture, why are them all Swedes are so good in English, and even recomended me some great restaurants in Stockholm. So I would give Sweden 10/10 for people.
We just love helping people so we don't have to talk about us lol. So yes, we come across as very friendly. And yea we are really good English speakers, think we rank in second place after the netherlands
Thank you for that lovely and well-rounding story!!
English is the language o international business. Of course practically the whole world speaks English
In the US they'd call the cops on you, if you're wondering around the same street for 40 min
and then you woke up.. sitting on the street, cold alone in stockholm with your wet matches... #HcAndersen
So in Sweden, instead of me ignoring my relatives, they will ignore me. How peaceful!
No, you don’t get away from your relatives, because they don’t have anyone else to talk to but you
This only aplies to strangers or people you dont know that well
No, no getting away from your relatives in Sweden. It's only strangers.
Like the lady in the video said with her peach vs coconut analogy, in Sweden we value the "deep" relationships from family and close friends, but we put minimal effort on aquintances and avoid strangers.
Actually it can apply to relatives, it depends on what kind of people they are. My relatives are very swedish and especially my uncles i have never really had a conversation with.
@@esterplank2611 in that case they go under the category "people you dont know that well"
I'm part Swedish but my family has been in the US for a long time so I was brought up on small talk. When I was younger, I had a hard time doing it but now I'm a lot better. However, I've had lots of awkward conversations that don't go anywhere and I really long for deep conversations that mean something.
Absolutely fascinating!
As swede i'm a little tempted to comment on this, but i'm afraid that other people will start to ask me questions, and that’s to scary.
Do you really think we are thhhhhhat afraid of small talk? It seams as in all other countries when you walk out the door you talk to everyone as soon as you spot them. And are people really afraid of their neighbours? I'm also a Swede. Just don't get this stereotype of Swedes not talking to anything or wanting contact.
Hello
@@andym9571 Hello
@@oskat8981 hehe :D Precis.. Och ibland skriver folk att de är så mycke mer fysiska i andra länder. Ungefär som att Svenskar inte skulle kramas när de träffar en vän? ^^
@@kristofferhellstrom Det där med kramar är något påhitt från södra Sverige. I Norrland nickar man, även åt familj och vänner. (🙄 min bror pluggade i Stockholm och kom tillbaka på besök och hade då börjat med det där kramandet... Mycket obehagligt och underligt.) I nödfall kan jag gå med på att skaka hand.
As a Brazilian it's pretty hard to even imagine how life would be without small talk. Most people here are really chatty and talkative
Same as in the Philippines. Filipinos just love talking, especially if they see someone they haven't seen for a long time.
Unfortunately in Brazil they only talk about spreading Fascism / Killing gay and atheist people (at least in the city I grew up). I'm happy to be in Sweden now lol.
That's why I don't feel like a Brazilian sometimes lol I hate small talk
Brazilians are loud. I'm from Argentina and I stress out when I see brazilian tourists.
I don't have any problem with us Brazilians being talkative, I just think that this is our way and how our society works. Brazilians create a fuss over ourselves that it reaches the level of self-hatred.
I love Sweden already. Gotta visit there someday.
Half of my American family were children of Swedish homesteaders. The great plains also caused isolation, so they were probably right at home. I have never liked hugging or small talk during greetings. I had to learn to endure handshakes, too. It's delightful to find out about this Swedish trait!
That “peach” and “coconut” culture statement was brilliant
It was! I'm tired of peaches
This would be very strange for me. Born in Africa, small talk is a way of life from the rural villages to Cosmopolitan cities. It connects us in a way...you could strike up a conversation with a total stranger without any monetary benefit involved. Elders take it further with stories of how they were raised. They'll call you randomly and just talk. And we love it.
@A Person I am Canadian. It depends on context. I don't ever want to talk to anyone on a bus. I am okay talking to someone in a store lineup for 2-3 min, I can fake my way through it but after a few minutes I don't enjoy it anymore. I guess I learned it because it's part of what people do, where I live, but if no one talks to me I don't start a conversation. My mom loves talking to everyone wherever she goes.
I'm not Swedish but from East Europe. When i visited South Africa it was difficult for me to deal with extra friendly chatting with waiters, cashiers, etc. I felt so awkward 😢
Here in Africa, small talk is a way of life. Even a 4hr bus ride can yield an engaging conversation.
It's not awkward or hard unless you find it hard!
You don't have to chat the entire ride, let's say. That is overkill. But just a simple greeting :
"Hello, Hi, Good morning."
"Nice weather today hey"
"Nice meeting you."
Regardless of culture humans are social creatures.
To actually try and avoiding even saying Hello to a person would be so strange.😅
To each their own tho.
@@ZolekaMncwabe well, it never finished with simple "hello" 🤣
I’m Swedish and an introvert. I don’t have a problem with small talk. Sometimes I find that stereotype weird, since there are so many people it doesn’t apply to. But then there are a lot of people who don’t understand that it’s possible to say hello to someone and not be forced to have a conversation.
Manners, humility, humanity, kindness, empathy, showing interest.
Never under estimate a genuine conversation starter, which might open doors to deep friendships and lasting relationship.
We crawl, we walk, we run.
✨
And then we get drunk on the weekends and talk to everyone and everything, and the day after we pretend we dont know eachother
It shows that without your guards you want to communicate, but you’re a society of stressed little things, that are scared of small talks...
That's fucked up
Same in austria haha
Huh Sounds like my family
"...talk to everyone and everything..." I would like to see a drunk Swede talk to animals and inanimate objects.
"The biggest problem for Swedes to understand..."
It's rather you that seem to refuse to accept that your way isn't necessarily the right way for everyone, and that there isn't even a problem to understand to begin with.
Thats how I felt when they said that too!
It's not a problem, so don't talk about it as if its a problem -_-
It sounds lonely though... I lived in New York City for a while where people are also very stand offish. Felt very isolating and it was almost impossible to meet anyone new :/
@@iDislikeNames We are not standoffish. We are reserved. There is a difference
@@iDislikeNames Swedes (or Scandinavians in general) aren't standoffish though. If you decide to small talk with someone here, you will not be ignored. We will look uncomfortable but we wouldn't tell you to go away. And after awhile, we would get used to that and treat you like a friend. Like I've heard plenty of Americans that have either visited or lives here who said that it took awhile to have someone to talk to here but once you have, you'll have life long friends.
@@Ikajo what is the difference?
This sounds glorious!
Sweden is actually Not surviving very well without "small talk" . There's a lot of loneliness and depression amongst people here. Not chatting with people is missed oppurtunoties for connection , and that's a shame.
This is not a Swedish thing. It is pretty much all over Scandinavia... it is exactly the same thing in Norway and most parts of Denmark.
You don't don't think the Fins are more open?
Let's say the Nordic countries.
Been to Germany many times, and I don`t see any difference between how people behave on the streets or on public transport ,really (compared to Norway/Sweden/Denmark), same in New Zealand (I was there for six weeks once).
I don’t think it’s a Scandinavia thing. I think it’s an introvert thing, lol 😝
Scandinavian thing perhaps but not a Nordic thing. We Icelandic are anything but introvert 😂
... and the Netherlands (north of the Rhine river). ....and I think most of Russia too. It might be the climate.
Swedes: * don't do small talk*
Me, autistic: so I guess I know where I'm going
Me, an autistic Swede:
@@helloimgarbageHey. . . what if we got a green card marriage and then fell in love for real
@@ahhh4117 Yes and we could be on TLC’s 90 Day Fiancé, starring two autistic introverts. What a fun show
@@helloimgarbage our scenes would be stunningly uneventful, but it'd be ok bc our conversations would be more interesting than any other couple
@@ahhh4117 Hello, I'd watch your episode/scenes!
And this is why it’s important to recognise differences in culture.
The person across the hall from me has lived there for a half decade. In that time we have never had a conversation. Still, we get along. If one of us gets a package or a newspaper that belongs to the other person then we place it on the mat by thier door. At Christmas time we place cards on each others mats. It is the perfect relationship!
„Swedish people tend to mind their own business.” I'm moving to Sweden.
As an introvert, I love their attitude about small talk.
That looks like an AI generated comment.
Nice try, but you failed the Turing test.
They can't wait to see you. You are more than welcome.
No wonder Sweden is classified among the happiest countries in the world.
The other countries in the list also are not very fond of small talk. If you think about it, it eliminates the anxiety to being judged by others since people do not get to mind your business and criticize.
Imagine not being asked:
- Are you working / Where are you working?
- Are you married yet / When are you getting married yet?
- Are you planning to have kids?
I say they learned better and we need to start copying that culture to reduce mental health issues.
@@rewiredhuman3347 Before copying something you'd better first learn what the words "small talk" mean.
As an introvert in Sweden I'm having trouble even with the Swedish level of acceptable smalltalk. 🙄😋
Introverts googling, " How to move to Sweden?"
This sounds fantastic!
Not having to waste time with small talk sounds like heaven. I hate having to play along when someone asks how I am.
It's very tempting to do so
Hahaha. I was literally about to comment "I'm moving to Sweden".
Stuff like this is what makes the internet great. Cultural exchange and education. We can all stand to learn more about one another.🖤
I’m introverted and I loved traveling through Scandinavia for that 😂 I hate being expected to carry on a whole conversation with complete strangers. It also feels safe there. The most relaxing holiday I ever had.
In Spanish cultures there is a saying that somebody is being like the Sweden (“hacerse el sueco”) when everything around them doesn’t concern them and don’t react to people talking to them. Always thought about it as an exaggeration but I see is not...there is even a comedy with this, “Playing Swede”.
In my time living in Sweden, a favorite passtime was to say hi to other people when out running. Had to stop when a guy ran into a tree out of sheer terror
🤣🤣🤣 I'm laughing so hard now
😂
😂😂😂😂
Could have been me (German) tbh 😂
Where were you running? In Sweden you always say hi to people you meet when you’re out on a walk or out running, but ONLY when you’re in the woods. Kinda weird when you think about it.
I resonate so much with this. I’m great at having functional conversation with coworkers, we’ll laugh about a customer’s last name or how a manufacturer designed two tablets almost exactly the same. I need something to get the conversation started
Not so much making idle talk about nothing, I get so awkward
Sweden has always been my favorite country to visit, now I know why I felt so good there.
For us Finns the Swedes are unnecessarily and annoyingly talkative and cheerful...
Right! Russian living in Sweden; its like one is forced to chitchat when one has nothing to say just to make people more relaxed.And then, they overthink if we are mad.
🤣🤣🤣👍👍👍
@@evgenia Depends on where in Sweden you are from. there are more places in Sweden than just Stockholm. There was a Russian on a local bus here in Sweden and he couldn't stop talking. I live North of Stockholm.
I went to Espoo and Helskinki and they talked a lot more than in my local city here in Sweden. Like a lot more.
@@Megnanus Helsinki (Espoo and Vantaa included) is not really Finland. It's full of foreigners.
As a Swede, although I'm also naturally awkward, I'm so blessed that most people in my life skip the small talk and goes straight to interesting topics
how do you meet new ppl then? Do you just directly begin talking about your "interesting" stuff and how does a new person know what is interesting to you?
@@ashrithjacob845 i have the same question. How do people form friendships if there is no "small talk" in the beginning? I also dont really understand why it has to be labelled as "small talk". To me, it's just communication. Because what is "small talk" to someone may not be "small talk" to others because of difference in interest and communication styles. Usually, people dont talk about their feelings and opinions when they first meet... So they talk about common topics like the weather or work or school. Are these considered small talk?
@@unknown4327 Most of our friendships are created by the environment and interests, for example you have an interest in how to paint artwork and made some research about it and just slightly getting into the online community or just getting a basic knowledge. Then you take a course, you meet some like minded people who is also interested in art and you find someone who share the same view as you. You talk during that course about it and you create a bond.
And usually this type of friendship is deeper than your average "nice weather" talk and it has a much higher chance of compatibility when you find someone. It's a little bit like the coconut, I guess. But instead of cracking the coconut open, we already know a little bit of the insides so that we can talk and make them open up :)
you must miss out on chatting to so many interesting characters though
I feel like I wouldn't mind small talk if people were more interesting to talk to. I don't want to talk about the weather, tell me about your collection of dust bunnies or your homicidal thoughts towards your coworkers.
I liked the narrator. Very well spoken and pleasant to listen to.
It's great to know there's people like me. Thank you for that.
"I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had!
We still never talk sometimes."
Ron Swanson
Lmao love this bit.
Some of Ron's moments just make you audibly laugh.
"Swanson". Coincidence?
As an American introvert in Sweden, I absolutely love it.
An American Introvert in Sweden sounds like a great sitcom
@@jonathanwright5338 An American in Stockholm.
@@dumfriesspearhead7398 Or... Stockholm Syndrome?
Love the peach coconut analogy!
But dude, you totally got it wrong in the elevator especially, we Swedes would never stand that close to someone unless we where dating that person or something :D
I remember reading a post about single benches in Sweden so you don’t have to risk someone coming and sitting next to you lol
Single benches?????? You mean a chair 🪑 😂
@@joshuabarnes5906 no like park benches I guess?? But for one haha
@@sanasharma9991 so yeah... a chair lol.
Yes, their is public park chairs here lol. Have some right next to my house.
lmfao. Brilliant.
Swedish people will melt into the floor if they go to a Trader Joe's cashier.
I do. : D I love Tjoe's/hate the fake cashier chit-chat.
@@sorayah248 hahah Bang on, just give me my receipt and shut the f#$% up.
@@nevmcc3884 Lol! Yes!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣
I love the peach and coconut analogy, it’s so cute! 😊
I love this! It’s ridiculous the amount of times I have had to talk about the weather with a complete stranger 😵💫 I wonder how we would break the ice if we suddenly had less rain in the U.K.
In Finland they think we Swedes talk way too much. As one Finn once told me: "One must not talk unless one has something really important to say. And noone ever has anything really important to say..."! :-D
Swede here. I agree we talk way too much. Finland sounds like my kinda place.
In Finland people don’t even say “Hi” unless you force them to 😅
Depends on where in Sweden. Stockholm isn't the entire country.
Gäller väll här också ”om du inte har något viktigt att säga säg det inte alls”
@@heda2577 Skillnaden är väl om man tror att man själv (eller andra) faktiskt har nåt viktigt att säga emellanåt. Eller inte... ;-)
I do the neighbor dodge all the time lol. If they are in the stairway, Im waiting til they are gone until I go out.
Me too. Being happy, positive and talkative is so fake but it's what you're expected to be in most places. Avoiding people is also crazy when you think about it, but may lead to less anxiety in the short term. Having good relationships with people that matter to you and being happy within yourself is probably where we should be...
I do the same and I am neither a Swede nor I live there and I kind of see a small talk useless. But I think I am just an introvert. In Sweden intovertness seems more of a cultural thing rather than an exception.
Why? See a shrink. Why don't at least acknowledge the other human being? Neurotic.
@@GeezerBoy65 Who the hell are you? Go f*** yourself. Go back to the basement where you belong trollboy.
This is standard Swedish, I do it too. It’s not because you don’t appreciate your neighbours, I’d say it’s if mutual respect.
What a great culture
This is one of the reasons I’m, at times, ashamed of my culture. Culturally we are not skilled at socializing with strangers, or showing emotions. While this is widely accepted(and sometimes even frowned upon when not abided to), pretty much everyone I know wishes our culture were different. Evolutionarily it also doesn’t make much sense, we are a social interdependent species, we are not made to deal with every part of life on our own, even though individualistic cultures, like my own, want us to to exactly that. Something that does make sense evolutionarily though, is the widespread loneliness in Sweden. We are the number one country in the world when it comes to the time it takes before the body of a person who dies alone is found (usually takes 3-5 days, when the neighbors report it because of the smell). The documentary “The Swedish Theory of Love” dives deep into this
In Sweden you don’t need to advise people to social distancing because social distancing was invented in Sweden.
Haahaa :)
"Keep a distance of 6 feet? Why should we get so close to each other?"
Not just in Sweden. In Latvia too ;)
No... That was the extent of neutrality offered as an example of not siding with warring forces all about the "you're either with us, or your against us"
As a Lithuanian I really appreciated my visit in Sweden. For the whole stay people were avoiding eye contact and all I heard was hello or goodbye. Honestly it was a blessed week.
Is Lithuania a place of most extrovert people?
@@wagner9527 hard to tell in general, but at least in Vilnius I think it is a mixture of the more “American” and “Swedish” ways of communicating
😂😂😂😂
At this point of life, I'm considering that I was born in the wrong country, lol.
You’re a sad human if u enjoy being alone and not having conversations
I have been Swedish all my life and didn't know it. The place sounds like heaven!
Why do some people equate not doing/liking small talk as awkward. Because they feel awkward someone isn’t speaking to them? I just find it peaceful and nice. I recently found out that not all people with inner monologues have thoughts all the time. I have continuous thoughts 24/7. Is that why they need to talk and feel weird about the situation if they don’t or the other person doesn’t talk back much? And why are we pushing this as “the norm”. Why can’t both be normal? Why do we expect quiet introspective people to become sociable and talkative when we wouldn’t expect a loud, chatty person to be quiet even when they are bothering or irritating other people?
This is funny. I have been to Sweden twice. Once I broke through the coconut, they are the some of the kindest, funniest, and most generous people I have met.
Peach culture? Coconut culture? I belong to the massive granite block culture.
when did north korea start allowing citizens to travel abroad ?
generous? idk
Thanx
Let's repeat this: Scandinavia has its own culture.
I mean yeah? Every country does.
There's nothing wrong with avoiding people.
*Norwegian
Honestly this is pretty common and perhaps a norm in Asia
@@Puuuurrrr True. In my country, people don't do small talk with strangers. I remember a stranger asking how my day is when I was in Australia and that was scary
Here's the thing, in scandinavia people fought nature to survive for centuries, each other not so much, because the place is empty. In warmer places, they fight each other, because nature provides, but there are too many people reaching for the same fruit. So southerners had to become more skilled socially, not to mention corrupt at times, their cultures are more complicated and sophisticated, which to a scandinavian is pointless, but only because he lacks the social skills to understand the why's and the nuances in the first place. Small talk is a useful part of building more social bonds, navigating a socially complex and rich culture etc. If you're tired of other people, go to scandinavia and purify your soul. If you want a more colorful and intricate life and social interaction, go south.
In Spain and Latin America we have a frase " hacerse el Sueco," that means "play Swedish." we use it when someone is pretending not to understand or when not paying attention to your surroundings.
I'm from Germany and small talk is quite common, especially once you've left your teenage years behind. What I really struggled with however, going into the anglophone world, people will say "how are you" and expect a generic "I'm fine thank you" (especially Americans, who seemingly always feel "great" or "fantastic"), or that Brits will say "you must come to lunch sometime!" and it's just their way of communicating they'd like this interaction to be over now. To this day I don't trust my British friends when they invite me over, lol.
Basically an invitation with a date and time is an invitation. Otherwise it's just a sign that they like you and are open to seeing you again. I am Canadian and still struggle with the "You alright?" in parts of UK. In Canada that would be a sign that you are looking suicidal :)
Survives? It should be "How Sweden thrives without small talk". To introverts, Northern European socializing is ideal!
Not exactly, introverts doesn't mean you enjoy not talking at all. It just means you don't like chatting with random strangers all the time if it's not a meaningful conversation. People think Introverts is the same as asocial but we are not against socializing but most of the time when a random Swedish person approaches you it's about something that isn't meaningful at all. For example neighbour's and people you don't know well that talks about things with no context. I'm not talking for every introvert of course, everyone is different but I can safely say that we more often enjoy meaningful philosophical questions rather then small talk.
Totally agreed.
@@gustaf3811 I think you and I have the same opinion on introversion, but maybe different opinions on Swedes. Because being Swedish doesn’t mean you enjoy not talking at all, neither are Swedes asocial. Ofc I’m just generalising now, so not everyone will agree with me. Anyway, when Swedes are social it is usually with people they know well: family or close friends, that is when the conversations get deeper and more meaningful. Surprise conversations with strangers on bus stops are usually pretty short and superficial tho.
@@bluelotus9245 Unless we are drunk, that's the only time we'll chat up strangers lol
@@TwitchCronos100 Good point!
I'd rather have someone be genuinely interested in talking to me, rather than some smalltalk where ppl pretend to be caring.
Smalltalk is to test if we need to be interested in you. Or you want to be interested in us. It's really scary if a stranger is genuinely interested in you, smalltalk is a good buffer. Consider this remark smalltalk :)
I think that is close to how we do it in Sweden. We value friendship a lot more then let's say in the US. When they Smalltalk with everyone they are bound to find a friend somewhere, but it most likely won't be a lifetime one. Swedes only engage with people they are really *actually* interested in, that is why we create much deeper bonds and generally keep friends longer.
We value friends a lot more here and that's why we choose to save our energy for our true friends rather than a bunch of dummy ones that'll just drift of later anyways.
saying hi, bye and thank you is enough for me to create a connection tbh
I'm here for this! 🤣