The cognitive dissonance is REAL! They will scream and rage and throw a tantrum; all the while, telling you to grow up and stop being "a (cry)baby"! Ummm... okay...
I had to laugh out loud at the “5 minutes per week “! So true! They are so draining and exhausting that it takes me a day to recover from being around them.
A narcissist loves to humiliate, laugh, mock at others. The worse the situation, the more they humiliate. It’s how I can differentiate a narcissist from a sociopath.
Seen various flavors of narcissist. Some try to win you over even, ply you with nice gestures, then rip you off. Take cult members for example. They pay and pay and pay a scammer, but if they asked for their money back..not gonna happen. Hence the pope sitting on a trillion dollar victim fund that doesnt seem to pay out.
I found,, growing up, I could withstand anything physical or mocking my mother threw at me - but when she starting reciting anecdotes I told her of my life with my children; work etc, as if they were her own I felt she was trying to take over my identity.
My mother is 74. Yesterday, she exploded in anger, started throwing laundry, stomping her feet and screaming. I calmly told her that behavior is unacceptable. I refused to let her make me react.
My ex would rage on me with his yelling, cursing, bullying and threats of physical harm. Then within a matter of seconds say something like "would you like to go get something to eat" as if nothing had happened. Even after threatening my life, he said, "oh, you know we are going to be together for the rest of our lives". He had absolutely no self awareness and that is what made it so frightening and dangerous.
They have the emotional maturity of a 6-year-old. THAT never changes. If anything, they regress even further into childish antics and behaviors as they age. Very clearly explained-thank you.
Hell ! My father is forever 4, my mum 12 - when I can, I smile about what a strange alliance they made (now divorced). Nowadays, my mum of 76 speaks like a little cartoon girl, especially when asking for something, it does my head in !!!
Not always, sometimes they listen and change and adapt, and even more surprising they learn to let go of giving unrecquired advice and can learn to be more conscious and aware of shifts and for example refrain from talking about unnecessarily sad stuff and more focused on relatable family stuff. My dad is 70 and is a lucid person now, and he's more chill than ever, but can have little outbursts in very rare events, but nothing to worry about
@@paperoverflow Then you’re very lucky. Perhaps he was already low on the narcissism scale. It’s a scope; it’s a spectrum. But they’re usually too dug in to reverse course.
There is actually a term for this and it’s called the Predatory Stare. If you’ve been on the receiving end of this look, it will chill you to the bone. It’s just like an animal looking at its prey. A true NPD person is terrifying to be around. They are so insidious with their manipulation that it isn’t apparent in the beginning when they’re also love-bombing you. My gut instinct from Day One was to RUN, but I made excuses and ignored it. Trust your instincts!
Same !! I can tell by my mothers eyes if she was gonna be mean and have odd behavior . When she's mean her eyes change , they're dark and her eyes look blank and empty ! My brother has also said that he can tell by the look of her eyes if she's gonna be mean. I ran across a video that said narcissists are possessed by an evil spirit that takes over their mind and soul , which made alot of sense to me , so I believe my mothers possessed by an evil spirt. I can't remember the name of the video, but it made a lot of sense , so maybe Google the subject ...
@@edwardzarnowski5558 I agree 100% this behavior is so definable that its almost like the same demons inhabit different people. But the personality is almost Identical.
Jill, thank you for the wisdom you share with us. My X mother in law is now 92yrs old. For years she wasca terra and is worse now than ever. My husbsnd ,her son died 2yrs ago. After his death, her maskcompletely fell off, because I chosr to pull back from her, forcing her to show her true self. Our home was in close proxmity to her. I sold my home and land and moved away. Thanking God everyday for my freedom. It is by God's mercy and grace that I survived her and her son. No Contact of any kind is best!
My mother in-law was classic example of a covert narcissist. As she got older her behavior got worse. Used my wife and her inheritance to keep her a care giver and slave. When she finally dropped dead it was like freedom was restored to us. The most selfish entitled miserable person I ever met.
i would have told her to stuff the inheritance. money has never, will never, run my life. when all else fails, use the one, and only god everyone bows to equally $money$.
Going through it right now. It’s horrific. My poor husband ! Our entire family is suffering right now. I feel guilty about wishing I was where you are.
My mom, too. In fact you sound just like me talking about my mom… Now she is gone. She did not leave this world happy. I am blessed. Despite the insanity of her entire life, I was able to put up the barriers that protected me. There were moments of tenderness that I will take to my own grave, that I am most thankful for…moments like when Mom was herself able to break through her insecurities and say the simplest of kind words, thereby providing her self with a glimpse of what does have value in her life, that for her was painfully scarce - and that was the human experience of empathy for others, for a person other than herself. That light did occasionally come on. And she did love me for what I knew. She would ask after a visit if would come see her again. This sad story has at least that. Me. On her death bed, (actually, she was already in her coffin. I spoke as if she were hearing me. I believed she had enough brain still picking up sensory to hear me…) i said to her, “Oh, Mom, I live to make you happy.” I swear, to my last day I will declare: I saw my Mom smile. Just for me, she smiled.🌿
God has a purpose to cleanse the world of selfishness and Narcissists are the epitome of selfish... read your bible ...get help with research tools ... to understand ... The answer... learn Christ like love...help and love others... God will soon take care of the rest... Gods Purpose... to fill the earth with people who DESIRE his "Will" being "Done on Earth"... RESTORING PARADISE EARTH.... Human rule has been tried and tested... and failed miserably! Man has truly dominated man "" to his injury! And sadly plants animals the whole earth has been damaged from greed and selfishness. Love does not look for it on interests first!
@@wendydaniel1110For some of us is not that easy. My elderly abusive mother lives with me. She won't go live with anyone else, even though she cries & whines about how miserable she is with me. I'm not in a financial situation to move her out into her own place at this time & she doesn't have enough $ of her own to move out. I keep wondering when will this horrible nightmare end.
@deer8949 I am in similar situation. I am married to one. He holds my teen over my head. So he would have nothing to do with my teen if I leave. Which would hurt my teen. Or would use our child to hurt me. I feel like I am trapped for another 4-5 years. It's already so difficult to have no peace and to feel like a maid and then there is the financial abuse as well.
WOW!! My 90 year old Mother is all of these things. It's like she's upped her game. I am literally sick to my stomach when I have to deal with her, my Dr. even prescribed me some meds to keep myself calm around her...... I ruminate steadily with my guilt and shame..... working through it but it has been one of the hardest things ever! I keep thinking that when she is gone I won't miss her, I will finally have some peace and at 64 I think I deserve some silence!!!
I danced for joy when, 6 years ago, my mother died...screaming all the way. Her doctor said he'd never seen such a horrendous death. I am free, and the day she died I wept out of gratitude to God for taking her away. Believe me, you won't miss her at all when she leaves and for your sake, I pray that it is SOON!
This is probably the best video that describes narcissists. The paranoia, the delusions, and the rage all get worse with age. Narcissists often have few, if any, close friends because people cannot deal with their behavior.
46 years, me too. When he was finally arrested for abuse, I was condemned and ejected for "sending our father to jail." His manipulations lost me my grown kids and the grandkids I had loved for 15 years. He has reinvented his entire life fantastically (suddenly a "man of God," former CIA agent, etc - it's astonishing), is a vicious bigot, and is completely paranoid. Meanwhile, my siblings circled their wagons around me and I am living my best life, so much healthier than it has been since before I met him. Yes, I now see how pathetic he has been and is now. He burnt all his bridges, work colleagues, golf buddies, neighbors, absolutely nobody wants anything to do with him ... except, evidently, our daughters, who I spent their childhood protecting them from him. They are middle-aged adults and made their choices, never heard the court testimony nor even asked about it. The wreckage these people leave in their wake is horrific. Karma has a job to do. As for me, I can't fix it and I don't have enough time in my life to care anymore.
I've hated myself for the last time. I will never let someone hang up on me,turn their back on me,dismiss me, talk down to me,blame me,ignore me, manipulate me,cheat on me,control me and use me. I finally asked the right questions and got the right answers.
Please get out ASAP! It will become an endless cycle! I have been stuck in this cycle for close to 25 years! I’m at my last leg with this.Im trying my best to get out.
My mom would fly into a full blown tantrum at the smallest thing. Every time she did when I was an adult, I felt so scared. Eventually, I got the courage to stand up to her. She didn’t listen but I didn’t feel so scared anymore. I stopped talking to her and it was really tough because I do love her. I just needed to look out for my own family and my own peace.
I totally relate to that. My mother in her 70s, complains and cries she has no money and is all alone, yet she talked my brother, to buy her a brand new Honda Accord when she smashed up her brand new van. I cut off all contact with her simply because after 55 years of my life, I realized I mean NOTHING to her and she was just breadcrumbing me and gaslighting me just so she can get off on disrespecting me. Good riddance.
When I was 15 I stepped in to protect my younger sister who my mother was terrorizing in one of her rages. My sister was being traumatized and I couldn't stand it anymore, so I stepped in and told my mother to back off. My mother immediately turned on me, punching me, pushing me, and at one point she had her hands around my throat, pinning me up against a wall. The glazed look of rage in her eyes as she tried to choke me, i will never forget. Until then I was afraid of her, but at that moment I decided to do the (to me) unthinkable: I punched her in the chin. First time I ever fought back, and the last time she ever touched me. I was bigger than her, you see. Bullies are cowards and only pick on people who they perceive as weaker. It's easy to beat up a little girl, but not a full-grown adult who's bigger than they are, and will show that they can fight back. Of course, she pretended like it never happened. I feel bad for not calling her more often, and I do love her, so it's hard. But then I think, how come she never felt bad about hurting a little girl? Anyway, you're not alone. Your peace is no less important than hers.
My dad used to do the same thing. He would rage and be awful and then expect that we were supposed to just immediately put that smile on your face or I’ll give you something to cry about. The minute his rage was over he didn’t want any remembrance of it and if we even showed a hint of fear or crying that would make him even more mad and we knew it could make things worse. Horrible upbringing cloaked in wealth, which is even worse because everyone thinks you’re perfectly happy and it’s usually always the opposite especially in wealthy families. They have big giant ego images to keep up with and the scapegoat is the truth teller and they hate that. The last thing they want is their alcoholism and smoking pot and infidelity and abuse to get out into the world, so they tell the world we are crazy and unstable and liars. They destroy their own children on purpose to protect their image. It’s disgusting and it should be a crime.
Very profound and accurate. I've seen this myself, although we're not particularly wealthy, they act as charming people to the wider public but are tyrants within the family setting. Good luck.
Try being the rich kid whose Daddy was in Politics and running with Nixon, Warner, Taylor, and yes even Trump. Not only that but I was very blessed in the looks department. Natural Blonde Hair with Green Eyes, 5'6" and 106-lb. I was a runway model for a short period of time till my parents had to ruin that too. Seems my parents with holding food did work to my benefit afterall. Trump is a Dog who did touch me inapproiately in Vegas when he was soliciting my father for money. My father did put h8m in his place while escorting me out. Not that Dad cared about me but the control he had of me.
😢 Sorry that you endured that. In my case I found out there's a law that advocates for the child. A judge emancipated me from two toxic narcs that claimed they were my parents but acted more like slave owners. He saw through their facade & used his position as "the law" to provide me with remedy. Hang in there.
This is quite similar to my experience And sadly as an adult who tried to make a connection and keep the family together…I was faced with failure as the harsh reality is that is not possible with a narcissistic parent…there can never be a healthy relationship or family life, even as adults And even decades later it’s the scapegoat, truth telling child, now a grown adult trying to create authentic bonds, that is punished and made out to be a weak, selfish, dramatic, shit disturber for now going along with their lies, false narratives and fake self image I keep reminding myself… You can’t have an expectation to create a true connection with someone who has no connection to themself 😢😢😢
@@tfromt.o.9774 It’s so sad what you went through. What is so shocking to me is how few people really understand the depths of toxic families and scapegoating. I used to know the most beautiful girl that I grew up with and she took her own life because of this dynamic. Her family brutalized her. She was so kind and so beautiful and they were such disgusting people. She took her life on Christmas. I’m sure thinking it would be a reminder of their cruelty to do it on that day but they are such sick individuals in their demonic minds. You just have to know these types of people love it when they cause someone to take their life. It’s like supply and fuel for life. I’m so glad that you escaped and are free. They take part of our soul, such a large part of our soul. I just don’t think the pieces can ever be put back together and then of course there is the smear campaign where they’ve told all of the world that like you said, we are the problem. Sadly, a lot of people believe that because they just don’t know any better. it’s a hard pill to swallow knowing there won’t be any justice most likely in this lifetime.
15 years later I am thriving! Narcissist parents, narcissist spouse, got rid of them all and having my best life. Took a lot of introspection and strength but so worth it! To everyone dealing with them at the moment - you can do it. Don't give up.
Does anyone else experience an almost palpable, negative physical change in the actual atmosphere when a narc enters the room? Or is it just my pre-programmed anticipation/anxiety kicking in?
@@kimblack3993 THAT'S exactly what I'm sensing...a literal heaviness seems to enter the room with the narc; a "darkness". Makes a person sensitive to such things recoil-withdraw-throw up protective boundaries if physical retreat is not possible. Thanks. Explains a lot. I thought I was the only one who reacts that way.
My dad is almost using his age as a weapon. A sort of "I'm old so now you REALLY have to do what I say,and let me do what I want,because by god I will make you feel guilty". He's horrible,then once he gets out in public he gets sympathy because he looks like a vulnerable old man. He even puts on a wobbly voice and everybody is like aah..poor man. I've written a poem about it,but not sure I want to share it yet.
THROUGH MY PAINFUL EXPERIENCE OF GOING THROUGH THIS WITH MY OLDEST SISTER " OUT OF MY HEART CAME A POEM & I MANAGED TO SEND HER THE POEM BEFORE SHE DIED VIA TEXT MESS. BITTER SWEET 😞 MEMORIES.
Thank you for this video! 100% described my husband. I've seen that rage-turned-calm and expecting me to be totally fine & over it, SO MANY TIMES! It's truly maddening. I am learning to set my boundaries and stay emotionally detached. This is really sad; I spent years trying to change him, then when I realized he wasn't going to change, I spent more years grieving over who he refused to become. Now I'm focused on ME, taking care of MY body, MY soul, and MY spirit. Thank you again for this video.
In the process of the same. Tried to love and cure him but no matter what I did, it was never enough. Then get blamed as the instigator of all our problems. Exhausted. Done with my dillusional behavior that I can change his behavior. 🙏
High school is where we met. Now 60 years old I’m at the point I don’t want to be around him anymore. The thought of him touching me makes me sick to my stomach. To know that I was only a transaction to him. I did everything for him making him look good while he played me. Accusing me all of those years of cheating on him when he was the one cheating, I found out years afterwards. I should have left him years ago. I didn’t think that I deserved any better. Run, it only gets worse the older they get.
I was married to a narcissist for 50 years and you really nailed the behaviors perfectly. He died 4 years ago and I'm still feeling the after effects every day. Two years of therapy helped a little, but I don't think anyone can fully understand unless they've experienced it firsthand. The nightmares are awful, but what's even worse is the guilt I feel for never being able to mourn his loss. I can't even talk about it with family members because they wouldn't understand.
Don’t feel guilt. Guilt serves no purpose. You are free from stress enjoy it. Don’t continue the ritual of abuse. You have served your time. It’s time for healing. Put a smile on your face, enjoy what freedom feels like.
I sympathize with you. I'm married 60 years to one. I thought it was me, I was doing something wrong. Took me many many years of work on myself to come to terms with it. It wasn't me, it isn't me. I am in a mostly good place emotionally now. I have distanced myself emotionally and, physically, I spend very little time with him although we live in the same house. I have gotten better at not reacting to his selfishness and anger. Just leave him to himself. Not a happy way to live but it works most of the time. If I don't expect anything I'm not disappointed.
47 years here, finally divorced him and now married to the man of my dreams! I never knew marriage could be so wonderful. I’m now loved, respected and treasured. Get out now because the covert narcissist will NEVER change!
Yes, at least once a month I dream that he's back from the dead. I'm yelling at him, "You're dead!" and he just gives me a smirk and pushes me out of the way. I wake up panicked.
I’ve been the scapegoat for two narcissistic parents my whole life. It sucks. It’s getting better now that I have my own family and don’t have to be around them anymore but still or sucks.
Such as when they say atheists walk on a lake of fire for all eternity. It should be illegal to delude maliable young people's and disabled adults minds for the loot.
My narc neighbor threatened me in front of the sheriff. He went on for half an hour. He did get 2 charges but the threats were not in the police report. Go figure.
@@Andrea-HeIsKing atheist myself and was clubbed and kicked without provocation at age 13 by 5 seemingly very very catholic type of cops who might even delete my victim impact statement as they do that.
This was my mother n law. She ended up with dementia and basically alone because no one could stand her. Narcissistic people are so selfish and nasty. They should be loathed.
Yes, had 1 of those . Left her NARC son, unbelievable Malignant very insestious with her son , no boundaries in the bathroom walked in on her son always. She would sit and stare , and where the same clothes as me . Fuc***** mad.
This is very, very informative. This is my first time here. My father who is 97 years old and has Lewy Body Dementia is also a Narcissist. He is completely unmanageable for me and his caregivers but whenever anyone who is not involved in his care visits he goes into his "showtiming" and then the visitors place judgment on me. They don't believe he has the problems with his mental health and cognition. It is very frustrating. Everything that you explained here are things that I have experienced with my father.
They get too old to beat you up, so they whine and yell that everything is unfair, or switch to using guilt and "you owe me" or cutting you out of the will. Just a different kind of spite work.
Nobody is obligated to care for them, support them, put up with them - family or friend. Do not take their crap. Be very direct & follow through with what you will do for them and not do. Discipline like a 2 year old ! They deserve nothing more !
@@melanytodd2929 You HAVE to cut off the flying monkeys as well. It's hard because you have had some good times with them over the years, but once they disgust you as much as the narc, it will be easy to let them go.
I’m 71 and have a friend who’s in a care home because she has Parkinson’s. I’ve finally decided not to listen to my conscience for feeling sorry for her because her family don’t visit. After another disturbing visit this week I have to stop visiting….period! I can’t handle the rage and demands made by a woman who can hardly talk anymore. Parkinson’s has taken the control now, but my visits aren’t encouraging or upbuiding to either of us. I’m so done!
Spotting the aging narcissist is pretty easy. You'll usually see them waving a cane around saying, "Hey, stupid kids! Stay off my lawn!" Their habitat is usually Denny's on Sunday, where they can be spotted in the wild giving a waitress a hard time for being too slow on the free coffee refills.
Spotting hushmoney seems difficult, but it makes its own type of sounds, silence, yelling, and those arm waving jazz handed gestures we see when a sociopathic billionaire long time nextdoor neighbor of epstein's walks out of courtroom repeatedly calling everything against him a witch hunt. We saw the death threats from his supporters directed towards a woman who went public about kavanaugh, she had to be placed into a protective safe house, but pelosi still caved and let the sociopath get a govt issued hall pass into the supreme court panel. Catholics suck.
@@RealLifeFinance The aging narcissist seems to have shadowbanned my previous comment, because I made a comment echoing george carlin it seems. Go figure! Didn't notice until seeing your comment sent me a notification. Interesting. This comment will probably disappear too based on the eggshells of the shadowban happy aging youtube narcissistic channel owner? An algorithm?
So helpful, thank you, my 90 year old mother has discarded me at the age of 69 and my husband. I’m 4 months out, finally beginning the healing . I’ve also gone no contact with my narcissistic brother 🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻.
Excellent summary. Lived thru this experience for 30 years. This was my mother-in-law. She passed recently. I did always keep tight boundaries around her however just her presence in our lives was so toxic. So happy to wake up and remember there’s no need to deal anymore with her nonsense, drama, lying and triangulation. Nope, not missing any of that! So happy now! Hubby is relieved too.
Once I became aware of my narcissistic mother I started paying attention to her behaviors. I was the scapegoat so she would go into a fit of rage over absolutely nothing and belittle he and say all kinds of horrible stuff, then in a few minutes she would be the nicest person and trying to give me something like offer to take me out to eat or buy me something. This was so sad to witness
Whenever I heard the word narcissist, I always thought of a man but then I married a female narcissist. She got worse with age and started to become violent. I had to divorce her because she kept assaulting people and had been arrested several times.
My mother was like that. When I was a child she would go into rages saying horrible things to belittle me. Then a few hours later she would bring home new outfits and goodies.....I think to keep me silent so I wouldn't tell other family members
My mom is the same. Screams and rages and blames. Nothing I do is ever enough. She’s the victim and the whole world is causing her suffering. And on our way out the door it’s all thank yous and fake nice-nice. The raging phone calls with so many insults and the next day like nothing ever happened. You never know which version you’re walking into.
Thank you, you are so spot on - no one who has not experienced a narcissist first hand can truly understand the maligant narcissist. Indeed, the jealousy and rage becomes overwhelming as they age. My sister had bullied me badly as a child but did everything she could to destroy me in later life after she had lost her (lawyer) job, and as it became clear my father prefered me to her - her jealousy and paranoia then became overwhelming, and was even worse after he died. Quite early on, she blamed me for losing her job to start with when, after years of my helping my mother, I asked her to step in - then all hell broke loose and the elder abuse she then inflicted on my mother (who was also a narcissist, but nothing compared to what my sister became), was simply horrendous and I still am still haunted by her deliberate cruelty to her. She couldn't care less for the tragedy, terrible pain and degradation that happened to my mother - all her focus being on herself and that she didn't want the same affliction (Parkinsons'). I tried to step in and prevent her insanity to our mother, but was unable to, as my sister had gained power of attorney over her. In retribution for my efforts for Mum, she became utterly consumed with destroying me, gaslighting and blackening my name to all my mother's friends and the rest of the family. She also deliberately set out to charm my half sister, who I had been like a mother to all her life, and who my narc sister had never been bothered with. When my half sister was diagnosed with cancer, she deliberatey wooed her in order to inherit from her - she succeeded, and the money my (childless) half sister had always promised she would leave my children, she left to my narcissistic sister. My narc sister also deliberately set out to turn my mother and step father against me early on so that I would be written out of my mother's will, and turned all her charms on our wealthy stepfather in the hope of inheriting from him. She deliberately schemed to inherit from all three - my step father, mother and half sister. Her wickedness and cruelty, her narcissistic rages to me in private, the sheer malignancy of her treatment of me, my mother and half sister was hard to comprehend. It nearly did destroy me, until from months of reading, I worked out she is a malignant narcissist. I cut off all contact and now have nothing to do with her. Nobody who has not experienced a malignant narcissist first hand can credit their devious wickedness - but above all, their cruelty. It still haunts me, as does her cruetly to my mother, which I tried to mitagate against, but was powerless to prevent.
@@sandranovakovich688 Yes, absolutely. My father's family (step mother and step siblings, who are lovely people and who have had no narcissists in their midst) just cannot believe it - they just think my sister and I have had a 'falling out'. I've explained it several times to my step mother, a kind, caring and empathetic person, who ultimately, although she has tried, simply cannot comprehend it as it is completely outside her experience that anyone could go to the lengths my sister has gone to. On the other hand, my closest friend whose father was a cruel narcissist, understood instantly. When my sister, in the extremenity of her anger at my 'interference' in trying to help my mother - which in her paranoia she interpreted as my thwarting her - she actually took me to court - my friend totally understood and wept for me and my mother at the lies my sister and her barister husband told in court, and also to my mother's doctor, the hospital and nursing home staff etc etc - the lenghts my sister went to in order to win and to discredit me, knew no limits. And throughout it all she played the victim!
My 42 year old daughter is doing these things to me too. I haven’t seen my grandchildren in two years. I completely understand your pain. It’s devastating!
I completely understand you guys,,,,my daughter is the same way and they do it in such of way that it looks to the other people like you are the one that is bad and she is the poor little lamb is unbelievable how good they’re lying and making the people believe there stories that they completely twisted and make you the bad person when you didn’t do anything and they go all there life on and on with this double life and always expecting you to forgive them like nothing happened.Right now I’m almost 60 and my daughter is 38 and I’m done playing her games I’m trying to stay away from her as far away as I can the least I see her the best these people only bring caos I’m a christian and be praying for her salvation but I want her far away from me
@@lindarugel2032 Yes, I so, so do understand the lengths they will go to to dicredit you. My sister took me to court and lied - she, her barrister husband and my younger sister, who they flattered, and bad-mouthed me to, so she turned against me - all lied ina court of law. My sister did it for no other reason than to destroy me - a truly sick person. The only way to get any peace of mind is strictly no contact. Even so, I still have nightmares about her - the wrongness, cruetly and injustice is hard to come to terms with when it's your own family.
Your description is so accurate. I was involved for 20 years with a woman and as she aged ( now 99 years old) all the characteristics escalated. I developed fatigue and was very debilitated. It's a complicate situation. I have removed myself from the situation and am on a program to regain my health. Thank you for validated.
The narc in my life has violent tantrums and then is confused about why I don't want to hang out with him after he has just had this rage event. Unbelievable!
Absolutely. Dreaded car rides at the end. He really went off when he knew I couldn’t escape it or go into another room. Back when he drove (he lost his liscence due to dui, never got it back, then managed to somehow blame me- another story…) it was even worse. So many times I was scared to death I would die being a passenger in his car. Driving like an insane maniac. Honestly he was putting me thru so much then I was like, oh well! If I do, I do.
Thanks for the warning!! She’s now 88…i went no contact when I was 19 and she was 39. I really hear nothing about her from my siblings who remain in denial and in daily relationship with her. So….i can’t witness for myself what’s going on with and to her. I’m just glad I got out when I did. It’s been difficult and interesting growing into adulthood but as I started this healing journey about 3years ago I’ve learned, grown & now I’m thriving. I’m free. That’s the word I use-- FREE 😁😊🥰. Thanks for your video…it’s been helpful.
Oh you’re lucky, I wish I could go no contact. I unexpectedly became disabled in my 40’s & have to live w my aging narc father, nightmare. Enjoy your freedom 🙏🏻.
Wow! This video and explanation of an aging narcissist hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm still feeling the effects of this relationship long after my mother had past. Thank you for posting this video, it means a lot to me. I hope everyone else who watches this will get some hope and support, too.
Thank you so much for this. I’ve sent it on to my brothers as well. We have suffered with our supremely narcissistic, retired attorney father all our lives. He’s about to turn 90. He has either divorced or buried 4 wives and has done his best to destroy his 4 children. It has only made us stronger and brought us even closer to one another. Your channel is wonderful - and your warm delivery is, I am certain, a godsend to countless people! ♥️
My in laws live next door-34 years of hell, interference and annihilating my reputation to anyone who would listen. MIL died in February and my FIL refused to speak to me at her funeral. I could have cared less. My son was married last Saturday and my father in law held up a picture of his wife just as they were saying their vows, which caused my SIL to sob violently. I didn't think it possible to detest another human being-I refuse to even look in his direction. They're loathsome demons in the flesh.
Manipulating you about his Will and inheritance is a tool the aging narcissist does. Triangulation with siblings and keep changing the Will every month, depending on which sibling is flavour of the month. Excluding the Scapegoat child from the Will is common. Its horrible!
Yes absolutely true. My narc mother in-law is 84 and we've been no contact. She showed up at our home just when we came from the hospital. She demanded her son call her twice a month to receive his inheritance... she's evil and delusional. And yes, he's always been the scapegoat and the only one that has stood up to her.
I just learned a few days ago I was removed from my malignant narcissist father’s will, and he was very wealthy. I was the scapegoat and the only one of his four daughters who stood up to him.
@@theenlightenedtarget I'm sorry to hear that Jill 😔 I was excluded from my father's Will, but pitched to be included with my siblings. I was the scapegoat. The Golden child didn't want me included, as these things can repeat through the generations, but eventually and reluctantly she agreed that the Will should be shared equally between all siblings. He had literally changed the Will multiple times over his last years just to manipulate all his children and turn them against each other, which he'd done all of his life. He'd cause conflict and sit back and enjoy watching his kids fight with each other! Terrible man.
Wouldn't surprise me if my narc father didn't place at his Will. In fact, got a gutfeeling that my father's Will will be all to his 2nd wife. That's why I better save my money for my pensions. Oh well. 🤷♂️
Narcissists and Sociopaths thrive on having power and control over their children. Even better if there's a few of you, to play their evil games with. I was one of 8 children. My sociopathic father had a field day with it. Making sure he deliberarely orchestrated conflict within the pecking order, creating drama, chaos and in-fighting where ever he could. All for his entertainment. It was truly evil.
This sounds like so many of my mother’s siblings. Herself, her brothers, a couple of her sisters… I’m so grateful to be their scapegoat/black sheep !!! Because I am the observer and truth teller I am considered the “mean one” 😌 I refuse to fit the role they had me living now thanks to you and a couple of others who give so much. Thank you Jill ❤♾️🫀🧠💪🏼 !
Power to the truth tellers! They hate themselves because they can't be authentic, honest or empathetic.They hate us twice as much because we are all of those things and more. 💪♥♥🧿
I am having a good cry today, just because I have made it through dealing with several narcissists, one being my father who passed at 101 years old. I cut contact with an older narcissist sibling a year ago, and I have made it through, but it hasn't been easy. I've upset the family apple cart, and today, I'm grieving for what once was and what it is now. I'm a survivor and proud, but without you, Jill, and others online, I would still be stuck in the abuse and, oh, so confused . Blessings. ❤❤❤
The part you said “Go wash your face” that was when you knew the rage was over….that shook me to my core. I remember both of my parents did that but in two very different forms.
I am up to my eyeballs with the mother alcoholic narcissist. As an only adult child I have decided to quit. Quit being abused and manipulated. I have no idea what’s going to happen to her. For the 1st time in my 54 years I have found the strength to know…I didn’t cause this. I can’t fix it. And I can’t control it. Which puts my care back on myself and taking care of my own needs.
Good for you! That's what I did. I went radio silent and the peace is overwhelming in a good way. Narcissists NEVER change and the older they get, I've noticed, the bolder they become. It's as if they don't need to hide things as much from the outside world. People will just say, "Oh, he/she is just an older person without a filter. How cute!". We know different, we know the gaslighting, the manipulation, the cruelty, the disguises they use to perpetrate their emotional crimes. Letting them go is a blessing.
My neighbour is married about 20 year with her narc spouse - suddenly she became as toxic as her narc spouse - she even has a huge alcohol problem.....
That's when I finally had to accept that my Mom was senile, when she told family members they would die in a lake of fire because they weren't 'saved'. She got meaner and meaner and finally had the big stroke. Funny thing, after her stroke she was as nice as could be.
Yes, I regret the loss of my 60 years with a narcissistic husband. Wish I had terminated my marriage when I firstrealized how uncaring he is. He wouldn’t come home to take me to my doctor when I was experiencing a severe episode of endometriosis and nearly hemorrhages to death. This was a year after we married, I learned not to depend on him in emergencies. Regret not divorcing.
Yep, my ex-wife had a rage and once kicked a hole in the drywall, and then in 5 minutes said she didn't mean it, denied a problem. I had " just made her angry." Once she broke off a butcher knife tip in the countertop. The time she physically pushed me down, and assaulted me, I filed for divorce. She hoodwinked the court for 7 years before the final decree! Very important to alert your attorney to try to inform your judge. If you are trying to divorce a Narcicist, you need a dream team of pros! Think about it, the same way they manipulated you is the way they manipulate the courts. Went through 3 judges in 7 years, and she played each one. In the end she didn't show up for trial. God Bless, and best of empathy for you if you are fighting the Demons...
I am 57 narc wife 65 getting better like watching rotting milk i am making my plans to leave finally filed for divorce. This aummer i break free. Cannot stand being used insulted raged at demeaned anymore. Good luck to all suffering u will break through.
Yes the insults and body shaming is the worst from a narc mum. I went no contact a year ago left me with anxiety disorder . These demons don’t change. Never give in the pleading to be taken back I did it all my adult life they don’t change even for their children 🥲
You described my sister so accurately, it's scary...I'm in the process of going no contact, and I will move across the country and never look back. I will ensure she never has my address or true phone number. I'm done.
I went no contact with my narcissistic sister 8 months ago. Unfortunately she still bad mouths me to her daughters & even her grandchildren. The poisonous web spreads far & wide.😢
They also hang onto a slight or misdeed in their eyes and mind, and will rage about it forever, never letting go. The huge and ugly part is their ""confidants" and/or( hopeful) heirs will play into it with them, over and over until you either become sick of it, or you run for the hills. It can be horrible and carefully orchestrated to mess with your head and life. It is emotional abuse at its worst because they say so, so it must be. Don't give them that power. It's an excuse to hurt and punish . The others involved are their accomplices. 😢
This is so accurate. I know a narcissist in his 70s that is extremely racist and thinks everyone is after his money. He is the savior for his family and makes plans for the next top level position of employment like he's 25 years old. In total denial about age limits, and if you don't share his religious beliefs, you are surely going to hell. Same with politics. Can't keep his opinions to himself and believes in his own superiority.
Bigotry and paranoia -- yes. He enticed me to share my opinion on a sensitive topic and began to hammer me with passive/overt aggression when my response didn't match his expectations. It digressed into an ugly conflict I still struggle to comprehend. I just wanted to bond over our kids and past experiences, but the man was unrecognizable. I learned later that his behavior was sociopathic.
I have experienced th rage with my mother. After suffering her rage directed at me she would quickly go as if nothing had happened and I was still in shock from her abuse!
You have perfectly described my boss he's 72 years old, been working together for 37 years. Never could figure out what the heck was his problem until I started viewing these Narcissist videos.
Enablers are the biggest problem - they blindly believe and follow the narcissist and keep validating their toxic and unacceptable behaviour. Whosoever is reading this - please stay strong. Do not believe whatever comes out of the mouth of a narcissist, because everything is manipulation. Think of it as a script for a puppet show, where the narcissist plans on making you a puppet. Thank you so much for these videos ❤️
OMG i so needed to hear this...everything you said is what I am dealing with, as my Narc 93 yr old father continues to abuse me in every way possible. Using religion and anything he can do to destroy me. I have to walk away. he has convinced everyone I have abused him and ruined his family and his life.. I am at a loss. so much therapy needed for me to just to get on with my life.
You have described my aging narc parents to a T. It’s comforting to know it’s a pattern and their pathology instead of something I’m not doing right or enough of.
And plenty are leaders of institutions, local authorities as well as families... Yet, I can recall the pressure to revere the mature/elderly throughout my life - especially a thing in some ethnicities - ALL the elderly! The danger of this has always been clear to me, even as a child, and it's increasingly so, speaking as now a mature, myself. In fact, by the time I was 20 I realised that narcissism so common in some communities, it began to be normalised to my thinking of mature folk. So I started an undeclared policy of monitoring and limiting my exposure, unless I somehow experienced clear evidence of the ABSCENCE of narcissistic traits. I am confident this has helped me
I am an em-path. I suffered for years under the control of my boss - a narcissist. Then finally I realized he was relying on me to provide him with everything he needed to convince HIS bosses to buy into his belief that he was a superior employee! After that, it was a ball! Over time, people came to realize who they were dealing with and who was generating the positive output! I didn't have to say or do anything different! They all knew and reacted appropriately! What a show!
Oh my goodness. You just hit the nail on the head. My mother is a narcissist and has been all of my life. She is 85 now and i have just identified this in her. She calls me numerous times a day telling me someone has stolen something from her or theyve hidden something from her. This is so hard for me to deal with. I always knew she wasnt right, but i loved her and believed everything she said. When i was a teen she would get my friends together and make fun of me in front of them. Humiliate me to make herself look better in her eyes. It was horrible the abuse i grew up with. Now i live nextdoor to her, all of her family has passed, so she really depends on me. Her narcissism has gotten so bad in her elder years it makes me feel physically sick.
Spot on in every respect. They become more toxic with a looming fear and anger over losing control over the ones they once intimidated by their outbursts and bullying. I can attest to everything in this video.
You have just described my younger brother to the”T!” He has been harassing me for the last 4 years and completely took away my entire support system! I had to remove our father from his care in 2011 because he almost died and had to put a silver alert out! I believe this is when in his covert narcissism woke back up towards me and he planned on the revenge for years. When I had to leave my job to care for our mother full time due to her frontotemporal dementia! He did a smear campaign that I stole from our mom, abused her, didn’t bath her, called the police, APS, lied to my only child who now doesn’t speak to me, I’ve never met my granddaughter, he even went so far as to get to my mother’s siblings! I ended up with no one to help me with my mom. Told everyone I kept everyone away, I was so stressed and close to suicide, but I couldn’t leave my mom with him!! I texted him when our mom was in her last stages, guess who never came to say their goodbyes!! He would rather go see her at the crematory! Who does that!!!
Thank you. You just displayed everything my ex-boyfriend of 6 years had turned into. I am still going over my heartbreak, but so glad to know I made the right decision to leave him. Thank you
Yes, more paranoia. Suspicious of everything and everyone. They are the guilty ones with their lies and bag of tricks. I agree with everything being said in the video. Thank you, dear lady, for your wisdom and truth. 😊
Thanks for saving me from a possible life with a narcissist; this girl had been giving me cold silent treatments for over 11 months now, But I never gave into her manipulations, false accusations; first time I went to India to visit home from US, I made 1 day time to meet her, but she never appeared, she kept me confused, 2nd time I visited, she never responded to my Whatsapp or calls; I was being empathetic to her, but she made me realize why I should concentrate on the other better people...
Ah... your message is good, you have tremendous contribution to what should be common understanding, listening to your message sheds light and clarity to whom surrounds us. ThankYou Dear
Great summary of the aging narcissist parent. We had the same dad. I wrote into Societal Narcissism describing the way my dad would be the raging hulk on moment and then expect everyone to participate in fake family harmony the the next minute as if nothing just happened if that is what suited his whims. No apologies, no explanation just fall into line to entertain his next mood. I named this gaslighting technique "Disappearing Elephant" because we all had to ignore the elephant in the room. He thought the family had love and respect for him when actually the walking on eggshells and jumping when he snapped his fingers was just fear. Although he was allowed to violently rant and suck all the oxygen out of a room, nobody else in the family was allowed to emote. Once, at age 26, after he called everyone to the table for a toast at Christmas dinner a moment after one of his raging rants, I dared to say "Wait, we need to clear the air here".... Of course, that brought a barrage of names and accusations upon my head from narcissist dad and narcissist mom and histrionic sister. I was berated for being the crazy, ungrateful and the harmony disrupter. You can't make this shyte up.
My mother is an 88 year old narcissist who has treated me and my father like dirt all her life; now that my father passed away a few years ago, she is trying to make me crazy; but I thank God that there are people like you who know who these demon possessed people (the narcissists) are , and that we can learn from you and know that we are not alone in this, and that we are not the crazy ones. Thank you all for sharing your experiences with us ; I thought that it was just me. I was so so confused by the behavior of my mother.
I used to think these rages that rapidly dissipate like they never happened were just some unknown neurological phenomenon like a dissociative blackout followed by amnesia of the event, making me afraid to mention it because they wouldn't have believed me and thinking I just would have been literally gaslighting them, then. Though now I know that the rage was conscious and deliberate, with no dissociation involved, and that they do remember every second of it, but are totally proud of it. Abominable!
My mother's rage and hostility has increased to a great degree as she has gotten older. I realized that this is because, as she gets older, people are not afraid of her anymore, and to a bully that is horrifying. What used to work for her before (menacing, threatening tantrums) doesn't work anymore, and that enrages her (it's easy to terrify a defenseless little girl, but not so much mature, logical adults) . She has always remorselessly lashed out at her family, taking for granted that we will always come back for more abuse, but she's seeing now that when one pushes people away, those people often stay away. We are not afraid of her and we will not tolerate it anymore. But she never acknowledges the trauma that her temper has caused for us all. Instead, she pretends like it never happened. Now, when I don't call, she tries to guilt me by saying she's old and is going to die soon. But the last few times I called, she would inevitable start yelling at me for having different opinions than her, and it would end with her rudely hanging up on me. I tried to warn her once not to take her family for granted, but she doesn't seem to get it.
As a retired mental health professional, I discovered narcissists were never taught to love themselves appropriately. Consequently, they overcompensate by believing their observations and perspectives are correct in spite of evidence to the contrary. They also exhibit paranoid ideations which convince them their self-esteem is in jeapordy. Thus, they always have to be right and their imagined attacks are real. As difficult as they can be, bottom line, they are deeply anguished people, confused and knowing only to strike out when an imagine affront or insult occures. They need our help, but NOT our deep interpersonal connection. If you are involved with a narcissist, GET AWAY. You can't fix them and they will try to destroy you. Sometimes the best way to love someone is to leave them alone.
The word "panic" stays with me, My mother seems more and more desperate, trying to make it look as if she has a fulfilling life as an older person, while it's obvious she has nothing left to live for, thanx for an important clip. It fits my brother as well, he's also desperate, he lies so openly and dumb that he is always caught in the act. It's all so sad. I matured from being a narcissist at the age of 22 in my therapy and still with has to meditate 2 hours a day to keep from becoming a narcissist again., it's a lot of work but well worth it. You need to be brave, dedicated and tough
“The liar’s punishment is, not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else.” George Bernard Shaw This is so true of the narc. My aging mother is becoming more and more delusional and paranoid. Thank you Jill for this. This is everything I’ve experienced.
I have so many horror stories. I'll share this...me and 6 year old son were watching a programme in the lounge... husband comes home turns the channel over so son and I go into kitchen to watch our programme....he storms into the kitchen and stomps his feet like a brat.... absolutely furious that we carried on. It was astonishing watching this mental person behave like that. Obviously now he's retired.... it's egg shell day permanently. To all who live with one of these....my heart ❤️
I am married to one for 61 years. I am convinced that, unless you have experience in a narcissistic relationship, you will never understand what it’s like. And there are circumstances that keep you from leaving. I have done my homework and have learned how to live the best I can with him. The sooner a person realizes what is going on, the better to get out. I was very naive about the relationship.
I'm adopted to narc mother and sister .I have mental health and used ot as a excuse its always me .even on a well phase .she 89 ..there both getting worse im 57 and tje youngest .
The dellusional thinking absolutely gets worse with age. My Dad (narcissist) cut out his entire family because he thought my Grandma stole a ring from him. It's a long story, but basically, my Dad found a ring on the floor when he was a child. His aunt (my great aunt) loved the ring and asked if she could give him $20 for the ring. He agreed. She wore that ring until the day she died. When she passed, my Dad lost his mind and told everyone that the ring was HIS, and they STOLE from him. I tried to explain to my Dad that his Aunts kids want that ring because it reminds them of their mother who passed away. Whereas my Dad wanted it to sell to buy drugs. My Dad made it clear that if everyone didn't FORCE my cousins to give him back his ring, he would disown us all. He did. My Dad was diagnosed with cancer 5 years later, and he died alone.... by his own choice. He kept to his word and disowned all of us.
They never ask anyone how they are in conversations. They only talk about themselves & how wonderful they are
They do ask how you are, if they want you to believe they care about you.
"I'm tired of talking about how great I am. How about you guys talk about how great I am for a while?"- Narc
They have to ask you questions, that’s how they get information to twist and use against you.
if only they wouldn't complain...you don't have to ask about me, I won't answer next time but I don't want to hear that bs.
Not always. They like to collect information so they can gossip for attention
They act like 4 year olds when they do not get their way.
For the longest time, I thought that was normal and that it was my fault and I needed to correct myself.
The cognitive dissonance is REAL! They will scream and rage and throw a tantrum; all the while, telling you to grow up and stop being "a (cry)baby"! Ummm... okay...
No matter how old they are.
They act 4 years on a good day. 6 months when they don’t get their way.
Ya it's amusing listening to an aging growly, grumbly gravely old four year old. I have learnt to turn around and walk away and never look back..
They die alone bc even if you love them you cant stand them for more than 5 minutes a week.
They don’t know what real love is. They only understand it conceptually
Very very true… totally give you the ick.
I had to laugh out loud at the “5 minutes per week “! So true! They are so draining and exhausting that it takes me a day to recover from being around them.
@@Clevelandsteamer324they do understand real,love ,cos they love themselves.
@@Sally237-s4w You can google: Do narcissists love themselves - they answer is NO. They don´t even love themselves.
A narcissist loves to humiliate, laugh, mock at others. The worse the situation, the more they humiliate. It’s how I can differentiate a narcissist from a sociopath.
Seen various flavors of narcissist. Some try to win you over even, ply you with nice gestures, then rip you off. Take cult members for example. They pay and pay and pay a scammer, but if they asked for their money back..not gonna happen. Hence the pope sitting on a trillion dollar victim fund that doesnt seem to pay out.
@@stevehamilton9486 omg thanks. That's a huge wake up call. They do live off others misery and they enjoy it as they need that constant fuel.
I found,, growing up, I could withstand anything physical or mocking my mother threw at me - but when she starting reciting anecdotes I told her of my life with my children; work etc, as if they were her own I felt she was trying to take over my identity.
@@mweya3 WOW !!!!
@@stevehamilton9486 😃why I see meghan markle so clearly.
My mother is 74. Yesterday, she exploded in anger, started throwing laundry, stomping her feet and screaming. I calmly told her that behavior is unacceptable. I refused to let her make me react.
My mother is 95 and she became infurious when we do not obey her command.
That also sounds like one of the symptoms of Dementia.
That sounds familiar
@@lauriemoore2863. 😂😂😂😂😂👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 Yes it does.
Maybe she has alzheimers? That's a symptom...remember as we age we go back to childish behavior.
Everybody sees my old mother as such a nice woman.
If they only knew...how she treated me all her life and my father.
Same Here
When I was in high school my friends would be like "Oh! Your mom is so nice!" and I'd be like, "Uh, no. No she is not. Not at all."
kinda like me ex wife. "oh, shes so nice". sure she is, sit down, and i will fill u in on how nice she is.
I can totally understand.
Yes.A lot of idiots fall for their false charm.It's sickening
My ex would rage on me with his yelling, cursing, bullying and threats of physical harm. Then within a matter of seconds say something like "would you like to go get something to eat" as if nothing had happened. Even after threatening my life, he said, "oh, you know we are going to be together for the rest of our lives". He had absolutely no self awareness and that is what made it so frightening and dangerous.
Yep! That’s what they do, after doing the most painful thing to you, in a few seconds my mother will act like nothing happened.
Zepgirl, a big thumbs up for the second word in your comment!
👍
Narcissism is a mental disorder listed in the DVSM. Because this disorder is based upon "denial of reality" THEY are literally insane.
It’s because they can’t remember. There is no continuity of memory for them.
Sounds like dementia
They have the emotional maturity of a 6-year-old. THAT never changes. If anything, they regress even further into childish antics and behaviors as they age. Very clearly explained-thank you.
My kids were more emotionally mature at 2 years old.
Hell ! My father is forever 4, my mum 12 - when I can, I smile about what a strange alliance they made (now divorced). Nowadays, my mum of 76 speaks like a little cartoon girl, especially when asking for something, it does my head in !!!
🎯🎯🎯
Not always, sometimes they listen and change and adapt, and even more surprising they learn to let go of giving unrecquired advice and can learn to be more conscious and aware of shifts and for example refrain from talking about unnecessarily sad stuff and more focused on relatable family stuff. My dad is 70 and is a lucid person now, and he's more chill than ever, but can have little outbursts in very rare events, but nothing to worry about
@@paperoverflow Then you’re very lucky. Perhaps he was already low on the narcissism scale. It’s a scope; it’s a spectrum. But they’re usually too dug in to reverse course.
It was the eye's..
That stare,black and empty. Felt like pure evil. Never forget it..
It's definitely demonic possession.
There is actually a term for this and it’s called the Predatory Stare. If you’ve been on the receiving end of this look, it will chill you to the bone. It’s just like an animal looking at its prey. A true NPD person is terrifying to be around. They are so insidious with their manipulation that it isn’t apparent in the beginning when they’re also love-bombing you. My gut instinct from Day One was to RUN, but I made excuses and ignored it. Trust your instincts!
Same !! I can tell by my mothers eyes if she was gonna be mean and have odd behavior . When she's mean her eyes change , they're dark and her eyes look blank and empty ! My brother has also said that he can tell by the look of her eyes if she's gonna be mean.
I ran across a video that said narcissists are possessed by an evil spirit that takes over their mind and soul , which made alot of sense to me , so I believe my mothers possessed by an evil spirt. I can't remember the name of the video, but it made a lot of sense , so maybe Google the subject ...
I've lived next to one for 20y . He's a total asshole.
@@edwardzarnowski5558 I agree 100% this behavior is so definable that its almost like the same demons inhabit different people. But the personality is almost Identical.
Jill, thank you for the wisdom you share with us. My X mother in law is now 92yrs old. For years she wasca terra and is worse now than ever. My husbsnd ,her son died 2yrs ago. After his death, her maskcompletely fell off, because I chosr to pull back from her, forcing her to show her true self. Our home was in close proxmity to her. I sold my home and land and moved away. Thanking God everyday for my freedom. It is by God's mercy and grace that I survived her and her son. No Contact of any kind is best!
☺️❤☺️
My mother in-law was classic example of a covert narcissist. As she got older her behavior got worse. Used my wife and her inheritance to keep her a care giver and slave. When she finally dropped dead it was like freedom was restored to us. The most selfish entitled miserable person I ever met.
Maybe that’s why some old people in nursing homes never get visits from their children.
You should have left and told her to shove up the money up hers, or donate to a shelter.
i would have told her to stuff the inheritance. money has never, will never, run my life. when all else fails, use the one, and only god everyone bows to equally $money$.
Going through it right now. It’s horrific. My poor husband ! Our entire family is suffering right now. I feel guilty about wishing I was where you are.
My mom, too. In fact you sound just like me talking about my mom…
Now she is gone. She did not leave this world happy.
I am blessed. Despite the insanity of her entire life, I was able to put up the barriers that protected me. There were moments of tenderness that I will take to my own grave, that I am most thankful for…moments like when Mom was herself able to break through her insecurities and say the simplest of kind words, thereby providing her self with a glimpse of what does have value in her life, that for her was painfully scarce - and that was the human experience of empathy for others, for a person other than herself. That light did occasionally come on. And she did love me for what I knew. She would ask after a visit if would come see her again. This sad story has at least that. Me. On her death bed, (actually, she was already in her coffin. I spoke as if she were hearing me. I believed she had enough brain still picking up sensory to hear me…) i said to her, “Oh, Mom, I live to make you happy.” I swear, to my last day I will declare: I saw my Mom smile. Just for me, she smiled.🌿
A problem that has no solution. God have mercy on all of us
You have a choice to walk away and reclaim your power and happiness..Leave them to God..
True words
God has a purpose to cleanse the world of selfishness and Narcissists are the epitome of selfish... read your bible ...get help with research tools ... to understand ... The answer... learn Christ like love...help and love others... God will soon take care of the rest... Gods Purpose... to fill the earth with people who DESIRE his "Will" being "Done on Earth"... RESTORING PARADISE EARTH.... Human rule has been tried and tested... and failed miserably!
Man has truly dominated man "" to his injury! And sadly plants animals the whole earth has been damaged from greed and selfishness. Love does not look for it on interests first!
@@wendydaniel1110For some of us is not that easy. My elderly abusive mother lives with me. She won't go live with anyone else, even though she cries & whines about how miserable she is with me. I'm not in a financial situation to move her out into her own place at this time & she doesn't have enough $ of her own to move out. I keep wondering when will this horrible nightmare end.
@deer8949 I am in similar situation. I am married to one. He holds my teen over my head. So he would have nothing to do with my teen if I leave. Which would hurt my teen. Or would use our child to hurt me. I feel like I am trapped for another 4-5 years. It's already so difficult to have no peace and to feel like a maid and then there is the financial abuse as well.
WOW!! My 90 year old Mother is all of these things. It's like she's upped her game. I am literally sick to my stomach when I have to deal with her, my Dr. even prescribed me some meds to keep myself calm around her...... I ruminate steadily with my guilt and shame..... working through it but it has been one of the hardest things ever! I keep thinking that when she is gone I won't miss her, I will finally have some peace and at 64 I think I deserve some silence!!!
I lost my NARC mother at 32. At 63, I have not missed her for 1 nano second because she was so horrible.
I danced for joy when, 6 years ago, my mother died...screaming all the way. Her doctor said he'd never seen such a horrendous death. I am free, and the day she died I wept out of gratitude to God for taking her away. Believe me, you won't miss her at all when she leaves and for your sake, I pray that it is SOON!
🙏❤️✝️
🛑✝️🙏🏾AT ANY AGE U SHOULD NOT HAVE TO DEAL WITH HER PROBLEM, BUT U DID, SORRY U HAD TO DEAL WITH ALL HER TOXICITY....✝️🙏🏾🛑🆓😇😇😇😇😇
Walk away , it's like walking out of a prison you owe her nothing
This is probably the best video that describes narcissists. The paranoia, the delusions, and the rage all get worse with age. Narcissists often have few, if any, close friends because people cannot deal with their behavior.
Punish, accuse, sulk…
I was married to a narcissist for 25 years. He turned my kids against me by badmouthing me. I really hope karma gets him
It will happen one day.❤
46 years, me too. When he was finally arrested for abuse, I was condemned and ejected for "sending our father to jail." His manipulations lost me my grown kids and the grandkids I had loved for 15 years. He has reinvented his entire life fantastically (suddenly a "man of God," former CIA agent, etc - it's astonishing), is a vicious bigot, and is completely paranoid. Meanwhile, my siblings circled their wagons around me and I am living my best life, so much healthier than it has been since before I met him. Yes, I now see how pathetic he has been and is now. He burnt all his bridges, work colleagues, golf buddies, neighbors, absolutely nobody wants anything to do with him ... except, evidently, our daughters, who I spent their childhood protecting them from him. They are middle-aged adults and made their choices, never heard the court testimony nor even asked about it. The wreckage these people leave in their wake is horrific. Karma has a job to do. As for me, I can't fix it and I don't have enough time in my life to care anymore.
Me too
Mine too!!
I’m so sorry for you, how awful. It’s happened to me too,
I've hated myself for the last time. I will never let someone hang up on me,turn their back on me,dismiss me, talk down to me,blame me,ignore me, manipulate me,cheat on me,control me and use me. I finally asked the right questions and got the right answers.
Loving and valuing yourself putting your needs above them, is the Narcs cryptonite
The only man you can count on is our Lord Jesus Christ! 🙌🏻🙏🏻
Please get out ASAP! It will become an endless cycle! I have been stuck in this cycle for close to 25 years! I’m at my last leg with this.Im trying my best to get out.
@@Kykylandfarming Thanks for the kind words. I have and hope you do as well.
AMEN 🙏
My mom would fly into a full blown tantrum at the smallest thing. Every time she did when I was an adult, I felt so scared. Eventually, I got the courage to stand up to her. She didn’t listen but I didn’t feel so scared anymore. I stopped talking to her and it was really tough because I do love her. I just needed to look out for my own family and my own peace.
You are doing the right thing, imo. I raised my kids as far away from my family as possible... married a military man.
I totally relate to that. My mother in her 70s, complains and cries she has no money and is all alone, yet she talked my brother, to buy her a brand new Honda Accord when she smashed up her brand new van.
I cut off all contact with her simply because after 55 years of my life, I realized I mean NOTHING to her and she was just breadcrumbing me and gaslighting me just so she can get off on disrespecting me. Good riddance.
@@marciloni12 Yep. She cried and cried b/c "none of my kids have anything to do with me"! (Geez, mom, there might be a REASON for that... )
Just went through the same thing my mother had a tantrum called me a mother fucker! 😢 then tried to apologize but it was for her own quilt
When I was 15 I stepped in to protect my younger sister who my mother was terrorizing in one of her rages. My sister was being traumatized and I couldn't stand it anymore, so I stepped in and told my mother to back off. My mother immediately turned on me, punching me, pushing me, and at one point she had her hands around my throat, pinning me up against a wall. The glazed look of rage in her eyes as she tried to choke me, i will never forget. Until then I was afraid of her, but at that moment I decided to do the (to me) unthinkable: I punched her in the chin. First time I ever fought back, and the last time she ever touched me. I was bigger than her, you see. Bullies are cowards and only pick on people who they perceive as weaker. It's easy to beat up a little girl, but not a full-grown adult who's bigger than they are, and will show that they can fight back. Of course, she pretended like it never happened. I feel bad for not calling her more often, and I do love her, so it's hard. But then I think, how come she never felt bad about hurting a little girl? Anyway, you're not alone. Your peace is no less important than hers.
My dad used to do the same thing. He would rage and be awful and then expect that we were supposed to just immediately put that smile on your face or I’ll give you something to cry about. The minute his rage was over he didn’t want any remembrance of it and if we even showed a hint of fear or crying that would make him even more mad and we knew it could make things worse. Horrible upbringing cloaked in wealth, which is even worse because everyone thinks you’re perfectly happy and it’s usually always the opposite especially in wealthy families. They have big giant ego images to keep up with and the scapegoat is the truth teller and they hate that. The last thing they want is their alcoholism and smoking pot and infidelity and abuse to get out into the world, so they tell the world we are crazy and unstable and liars. They destroy their own children on purpose to protect their image. It’s disgusting and it should be a crime.
Very profound and accurate. I've seen this myself, although we're not particularly wealthy, they act as charming people to the wider public but are tyrants within the family setting. Good luck.
Try being the rich kid whose Daddy was in Politics and running with Nixon, Warner, Taylor, and yes even Trump. Not only that but I was very blessed in the looks department. Natural Blonde Hair with Green Eyes, 5'6" and 106-lb. I was a runway model for a short period of time till my parents had to ruin that too. Seems my parents with holding food did work to my benefit afterall. Trump is a Dog who did touch me inapproiately in Vegas when he was soliciting my father for money. My father did put h8m in his place while escorting me out. Not that Dad cared about me but the control he had of me.
😢 Sorry that you endured that. In my case I found out there's a law that advocates for the child. A judge emancipated me from two toxic narcs that claimed they were my parents but acted more like slave owners. He saw through their facade & used his position as "the law" to provide me with remedy. Hang in there.
This is quite similar to my experience
And sadly as an adult who tried to make a connection and keep the family together…I was faced with failure as the harsh reality is that is not possible with a narcissistic parent…there can never be a healthy relationship or family life, even as adults
And even decades later it’s the scapegoat, truth telling child, now a grown adult trying to create authentic bonds, that is punished and made out to be a weak, selfish, dramatic, shit disturber for now going along with their lies, false narratives and fake self image
I keep reminding myself…
You can’t have an expectation to create a true connection with someone who has no connection to themself 😢😢😢
@@tfromt.o.9774 It’s so sad what you went through. What is so shocking to me is how few people really understand the depths of toxic families and scapegoating. I used to know the most beautiful girl that I grew up with and she took her own life because of this dynamic. Her family brutalized her. She was so kind and so beautiful and they were such disgusting people. She took her life on Christmas. I’m sure thinking it would be a reminder of their cruelty to do it on that day but they are such sick individuals in their demonic minds. You just have to know these types of people love it when they cause someone to take their life. It’s like supply and fuel for life. I’m so glad that you escaped and are free. They take part of our soul, such a large part of our soul. I just don’t think the pieces can ever be put back together and then of course there is the smear campaign where they’ve told all of the world that like you said, we are the problem. Sadly, a lot of people believe that because they just don’t know any better. it’s a hard pill to swallow knowing there won’t be any justice most likely in this lifetime.
15 years later I am thriving! Narcissist parents, narcissist spouse, got rid of them all and having my best life. Took a lot of introspection and strength but so worth it! To everyone dealing with them at the moment - you can do it. Don't give up.
The hard part is hiding the bodies!
@@stephenkalatucka6213 🤣🤣🤣
Narcissists exist outside of your life so how are you having your best life.
Does anyone else experience an almost palpable, negative physical change in the actual atmosphere when a narc enters the room? Or is it just my pre-programmed anticipation/anxiety kicking in?
Both - a narc sucks the life out of a room and the person he or she has a relationship with -
@@teresasahli5891 Yeah. You said it so much better...
They resonate with negative frequencies. It is scientifically proven.
@@kimblack3993 THAT'S exactly what I'm sensing...a literal heaviness seems to enter the room with the narc; a "darkness". Makes a person sensitive to such things recoil-withdraw-throw up protective boundaries if physical retreat is not possible. Thanks. Explains a lot. I thought I was the only one who reacts that way.
Living with one definitely changed my happy optimistic personality. Took me some time to understand what was happening and that it wasn’t my fault.
My dad is almost using his age as a weapon. A sort of "I'm old so now you REALLY have to do what I say,and let me do what I want,because by god I will make you feel guilty". He's horrible,then once he gets out in public he gets sympathy because he looks like a vulnerable old man. He even puts on a wobbly voice and everybody is like aah..poor man. I've written a poem about it,but not sure I want to share it yet.
We get it and it gets worse.
I have a aging narc dad. Please share. 🙏🏽♥️
Yackedy yack, don't come back?
Lol
That just came to mind.
Sorry.
Hope it gets better🙏.
THROUGH MY PAINFUL EXPERIENCE OF GOING THROUGH THIS WITH MY OLDEST SISTER "
OUT OF MY HEART CAME A POEM & I MANAGED TO SEND HER THE POEM BEFORE SHE DIED VIA TEXT MESS.
BITTER SWEET 😞 MEMORIES.
@@tinyvr7036 Good comment, I'll have to remember that one!
Either an Angel brought your video to me this very second I needed it or you are an Angel, you rock!
Mythology, the scammers handbook though. We must be cognitive of that.
Thank you for this video! 100% described my husband. I've seen that rage-turned-calm and expecting me to be totally fine & over it, SO MANY TIMES! It's truly maddening. I am learning to set my boundaries and stay emotionally detached. This is really sad; I spent years trying to change him, then when I realized he wasn't going to change, I spent more years grieving over who he refused to become. Now I'm focused on ME, taking care of MY body, MY soul, and MY spirit. Thank you again for this video.
Your story sounds like my story.
In the process of the same. Tried to love and cure him but no matter what I did, it was never enough. Then get blamed as the instigator of all our problems. Exhausted. Done with my dillusional behavior that I can change his behavior. 🙏
High school is where we met. Now 60 years old I’m at the point I don’t want to be around him anymore. The thought of him touching me makes me sick to my stomach. To know that I was only a transaction to him. I did everything for him making him look good while he played me. Accusing me all of those years of cheating on him when he was the one cheating, I found out years afterwards. I should have left him years ago. I didn’t think that I deserved any better. Run, it only gets worse the older they get.
I was married to a narcissist for 50 years and you really nailed the behaviors perfectly. He died 4 years ago and I'm still feeling the after effects every day. Two years of therapy helped a little, but I don't think anyone can fully understand unless they've experienced it firsthand. The nightmares are awful, but what's even worse is the guilt I feel for never being able to mourn his loss. I can't even talk about it with family members because they wouldn't understand.
Don’t feel guilt. Guilt serves no purpose. You are free from stress enjoy it. Don’t continue the ritual of abuse. You have served your time. It’s time for healing. Put a smile on your face, enjoy what freedom feels like.
I sympathize with you. I'm married 60 years to one. I thought it was me, I was doing something wrong. Took me many many years of work on myself to come to terms with it. It wasn't me, it isn't me. I am in a mostly good place emotionally now. I have distanced myself emotionally and, physically, I spend very little time with him although we live in the same house. I have gotten better at not reacting to his selfishness and anger. Just leave him to himself. Not a happy way to live but it works most of the time. If I don't expect anything I'm not disappointed.
Let it go ❤
47 years here, finally divorced him and now married to the man of my dreams! I never knew marriage could be so wonderful. I’m now loved, respected and treasured. Get out now because the covert narcissist will NEVER change!
Yes, at least once a month I dream that he's back from the dead. I'm yelling at him, "You're dead!" and he just gives me a smirk and pushes me out of the way. I wake up panicked.
I’ve been the scapegoat for two narcissistic parents my whole life. It sucks. It’s getting better now that I have my own family and don’t have to be around them anymore but still or sucks.
Narcissists also induce paranoia in the other due to all the game playing, lying and gaslighting.
Such as when they say atheists walk on a lake of fire for all eternity.
It should be illegal to delude maliable young people's and disabled adults minds for the loot.
How very true!! Spot on!
My narc neighbor threatened me in front of the sheriff. He went on for half an hour. He did get 2 charges but the threats were not in the police report. Go figure.
@@Andrea-HeIsKing atheist myself and was clubbed and kicked without provocation at age 13 by 5 seemingly very very catholic type of cops who might even delete my victim impact statement as they do that.
@@truetech4158 I used to back the blue. Not anymore. They as bad as the perpetrator IMHO.
This was my mother n law. She ended up with dementia and basically alone because no one could stand her. Narcissistic people are so selfish and nasty. They should be loathed.
They generally are, I think.
I can relate to your dilemma. When she died I screamed freedom.
Yes, had 1 of those .
Left her NARC son, unbelievable Malignant very insestious with her son , no boundaries in the bathroom walked in on her son always.
She would sit and stare , and where the same clothes as me .
Fuc***** mad.
one faves are "we should pray for them", "feel sorry for them", my ass.
@@lilfairycupcake you should pray for your enemies but that doesn’t mean let them abuse you. Keep distance but do pray. It does help.
This is very, very informative. This is my first time here. My father who is 97 years old and has Lewy Body Dementia is also a Narcissist. He is completely unmanageable for me and his caregivers but whenever anyone who is not involved in his care visits he goes into his "showtiming" and then the visitors place judgment on me. They don't believe he has the problems with his mental health and cognition. It is very frustrating. Everything that you explained here are things that I have experienced with my father.
It’s so heartbreaking when you have been targeted by a narcissist, you are so spot on, thank you from Australia 🇦🇺
They get too old to beat you up, so they whine and yell that everything is unfair, or switch to using guilt and "you owe me" or cutting you out of the will. Just a different kind of spite work.
Nobody is obligated to care for them, support them, put up with them - family or friend. Do not take their crap. Be very direct & follow through with what you will do for them and not do. Discipline like a 2 year old ! They deserve nothing more !
Sadly, this doesn't work... for me, at least. Just wait until all those flying monkeys hear how you've been bullying them...
@@melanytodd2929
You HAVE to cut off the flying monkeys as well. It's hard because you have had some good times with them over the years, but once they disgust you as much as the narc, it will be easy to let them go.
I’m 71 and have a friend who’s in a care home because she has Parkinson’s. I’ve finally decided not to listen to my conscience for feeling sorry for her because her family don’t visit. After another disturbing visit this week I have to stop visiting….period! I can’t handle the rage and demands made by a woman who can hardly talk anymore. Parkinson’s has taken the control now, but my visits aren’t encouraging or upbuiding to either of us. I’m so done!
Spotting the aging narcissist is pretty easy. You'll usually see them waving a cane around saying, "Hey, stupid kids! Stay off my lawn!" Their habitat is usually Denny's on Sunday, where they can be spotted in the wild giving a waitress a hard time for being too slow on the free coffee refills.
I'm surprised they will use a cane. The narcissist I know won't use a cane or a white stick. Too proud and stupid to.
Spotting hushmoney seems difficult, but it makes its own type of sounds, silence, yelling, and those arm waving jazz handed gestures we see when a sociopathic billionaire long time nextdoor neighbor of epstein's walks out of courtroom repeatedly calling everything against him a witch hunt.
We saw the death threats from his supporters directed towards a woman who went public about kavanaugh, she had to be placed into a protective safe house, but pelosi still caved and let the sociopath get a govt issued hall pass into the supreme court panel.
Catholics suck.
😂😂😂
Lol
@@RealLifeFinance The aging narcissist seems to have shadowbanned my previous comment, because I made a comment echoing george carlin it seems.
Go figure! Didn't notice until seeing your comment sent me a notification. Interesting. This comment will probably disappear too based on the eggshells of the shadowban happy aging youtube narcissistic channel owner?
An algorithm?
So helpful, thank you, my 90 year old mother has discarded me at the age of 69 and my husband. I’m 4 months out, finally beginning the healing . I’ve also gone no contact with my narcissistic brother 🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻.
Excellent summary. Lived thru this experience for 30 years. This was my mother-in-law. She passed recently. I did always keep tight boundaries around her however just her presence in our lives was so toxic. So happy to wake up and remember there’s no
need to deal anymore with her nonsense, drama, lying and triangulation. Nope, not missing any of that! So happy now! Hubby is relieved too.
Once I became aware of my narcissistic mother I started paying attention to her behaviors. I was the scapegoat so she would go into a fit of rage over absolutely nothing and belittle he and say all kinds of horrible stuff, then in a few minutes she would be the nicest person and trying to give me something like offer to take me out to eat or buy me something. This was so sad to witness
Whenever I heard the word narcissist, I always thought of a man but then I married a female narcissist. She got worse with age and started to become violent. I had to divorce her because she kept assaulting people and had been arrested several times.
My mother was like that. When I was a child she would go into rages saying horrible things to belittle me. Then a few hours later she would bring home new outfits and goodies.....I think to keep me silent so I wouldn't tell other family members
My mom is the same. Screams and rages and blames. Nothing I do is ever enough. She’s the victim and the whole world is causing her suffering. And on our way out the door it’s all thank yous and fake nice-nice. The raging phone calls with so many insults and the next day like nothing ever happened. You never know which version you’re walking into.
My heart is racing listening to you. I was able to get away. Thank God!
Thank you, you are so spot on - no one who has not experienced a narcissist first hand can truly understand the maligant narcissist. Indeed, the jealousy and rage becomes overwhelming as they age.
My sister had bullied me badly as a child but did everything she could to destroy me in later life after she had lost her (lawyer) job, and as it became clear my father prefered me to her - her jealousy and paranoia then became overwhelming, and was even worse after he died. Quite early on, she blamed me for losing her job to start with when, after years of my helping my mother, I asked her to step in - then all hell broke loose and the elder abuse she then inflicted on my mother (who was also a narcissist, but nothing compared to what my sister became), was simply horrendous and I still am still haunted by her deliberate cruelty to her. She couldn't care less for the tragedy, terrible pain and degradation that happened to my mother - all her focus being on herself and that she didn't want the same affliction (Parkinsons'). I tried to step in and prevent her insanity to our mother, but was unable to, as my sister had gained power of attorney over her. In retribution for my efforts for Mum, she became utterly consumed with destroying me, gaslighting and blackening my name to all my mother's friends and the rest of the family. She also deliberately set out to charm my half sister, who I had been like a mother to all her life, and who my narc sister had never been bothered with. When my half sister was diagnosed with cancer, she deliberatey wooed her in order to inherit from her - she succeeded, and the money my (childless) half sister had always promised she would leave my children, she left to my narcissistic sister. My narc sister also deliberately set out to turn my mother and step father against me early on so that I would be written out of my mother's will, and turned all her charms on our wealthy stepfather in the hope of inheriting from him. She deliberately schemed to inherit from all three - my step father, mother and half sister. Her wickedness and cruelty, her narcissistic rages to me in private, the sheer malignancy of her treatment of me, my mother and half sister was hard to comprehend. It nearly did destroy me, until from months of reading, I worked out she is a malignant narcissist. I cut off all contact and now have nothing to do with her. Nobody who has not experienced a malignant narcissist first hand can credit their devious wickedness - but above all, their cruelty. It still haunts me, as does her cruetly to my mother, which I tried to mitagate against, but was powerless to prevent.
I agree. If a person hasn't experienced it they don't understand and most likely won't believe it.
@@sandranovakovich688 Yes, absolutely. My father's family (step mother and step siblings, who are lovely people and who have had no narcissists in their midst) just cannot believe it - they just think my sister and I have had a 'falling out'. I've explained it several times to my step mother, a kind, caring and empathetic person, who ultimately, although she has tried, simply cannot comprehend it as it is completely outside her experience that anyone could go to the lengths my sister has gone to.
On the other hand, my closest friend whose father was a cruel narcissist, understood instantly. When my sister, in the extremenity of her anger at my 'interference' in trying to help my mother - which in her paranoia she interpreted as my thwarting her - she actually took me to court - my friend totally understood and wept for me and my mother at the lies my sister and her barister husband told in court, and also to my mother's doctor, the hospital and nursing home staff etc etc - the lenghts my sister went to in order to win and to discredit me, knew no limits. And throughout it all she played the victim!
My 42 year old daughter is doing these things to me too. I haven’t seen my grandchildren in two years. I completely understand your pain. It’s devastating!
I completely understand you guys,,,,my daughter is the same way and they do it in such of way that it looks to the other people like you are the one that is bad and she is the poor little lamb is unbelievable how good they’re lying and making the people believe there stories that they completely twisted and make you the bad person when you didn’t do anything and they go all there life on and on with this double life and always expecting you to forgive them like nothing happened.Right now I’m almost 60 and my daughter is 38 and I’m done playing her games I’m trying to stay away from her as far away as I can the least I see her the best these people only bring caos I’m a christian and be praying for her salvation but I want her far away from me
@@lindarugel2032 Yes, I so, so do understand the lengths they will go to to dicredit you. My sister took me to court and lied - she, her barrister husband and my younger sister, who they flattered, and bad-mouthed me to, so she turned against me - all lied ina court of law. My sister did it for no other reason than to destroy me - a truly sick person. The only way to get any peace of mind is strictly no contact. Even so, I still have nightmares about her - the wrongness, cruetly and injustice is hard to come to terms with when it's your own family.
Your description is so accurate. I was involved for 20 years with a woman and as she aged ( now 99 years old) all the characteristics escalated. I developed fatigue and was very debilitated. It's a complicate situation. I have removed myself from the situation and am on a program to regain my health. Thank you for validated.
The narc in my life has violent tantrums and then is confused about why I don't want to hang out with him after he has just had this rage event. Unbelievable!
They wonder why we cut them off of everything in a marriage.
Absolutely. Dreaded car rides at the end. He really went off when he knew I couldn’t escape it or go into another room. Back when he drove (he lost his liscence due to dui, never got it back, then managed to somehow blame me- another story…) it was even worse. So many times I was scared to death I would die being a passenger in his car. Driving like an insane maniac. Honestly he was putting me thru so much then I was like, oh well! If I do, I do.
Thanks for the warning!! She’s now 88…i went no contact when I was 19 and she was 39. I really hear nothing about her from my siblings who remain in denial and in daily relationship with her. So….i can’t witness for myself what’s going on with and to her. I’m just glad I got out when I did. It’s been difficult and interesting growing into adulthood but as I started this healing journey about 3years ago I’ve learned, grown & now I’m thriving. I’m free. That’s the word I use-- FREE 😁😊🥰. Thanks for your video…it’s been helpful.
Free with your history.
Narcs seeks "immortality", but can't beat the clock in our lifespan. ⏳️
@@TheHeinrichSymposium I don't. What's the point of live forever...bruh?
@@TheHeinrichSymposium 'Living' doesn't isn't unlimited, it's only at enough moment in time.
Well said.
Good people reach their time in health and youth
Bad people rot away
Good way of putting it.
Wow. That's my mother. Haven't had contact for years. Don't miss her.
My narc mom passed in '07. Sad to say this about myself, but all I felt was RELIEF...finally! 5 kids, and she died alone in a nursing home. Go figure.
Oh you’re lucky, I wish I could go no contact. I unexpectedly became disabled in my 40’s & have to live w my aging narc father, nightmare. Enjoy your freedom 🙏🏻.
Exactly...eight months no contact with my 'mother'....🎉
Same. Stay happy and blessed!
Me too
Wow! This video and explanation of an aging narcissist hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm still feeling the effects of this relationship long after my mother had past. Thank you for posting this video, it means a lot to me. I hope everyone else who watches this will get some hope and support, too.
Thank you so much for this. I’ve sent it on to my brothers as well. We have suffered with our supremely narcissistic, retired attorney father all our lives. He’s about to turn 90. He has either divorced or buried 4 wives and has done his best to destroy his 4 children. It has only made us stronger and brought us even closer to one another. Your channel is wonderful - and your warm delivery is, I am certain, a godsend to countless people! ♥️
Thank you! Wishing you and your siblings all the best!! 🙏❤️🙏
My in laws live next door-34 years of hell, interference and annihilating my reputation to anyone who would listen. MIL died in February and my FIL refused to speak to me at her funeral. I could have cared less. My son was married last Saturday and my father in law held up a picture of his wife just as they were saying their vows, which caused my SIL to sob violently. I didn't think it possible to detest another human being-I refuse to even look in his direction. They're loathsome demons in the flesh.
That's twisted
Delusional is what it is, be careful around the delusional because you only live once.
Some of them issue me death threats, etc.
My ex did that when he married his new supply, only he used his poor ailing parents' photo.
@@pamhughey8922 good grief-they're utter morons. 😏
It IS a demon 😈 100% correct. Fact.
Manipulating you about his Will and inheritance is a tool the aging narcissist does. Triangulation with siblings and keep changing the Will every month, depending on which sibling is flavour of the month. Excluding the Scapegoat child from the Will is common. Its horrible!
Yes absolutely true. My narc mother in-law is 84 and we've been no contact. She showed up at our home just when we came from the hospital. She demanded her son call her twice a month to receive his inheritance... she's evil and delusional. And yes, he's always been the scapegoat and the only one that has stood up to her.
I just learned a few days ago I was removed from my malignant narcissist father’s will, and he was very wealthy. I was the scapegoat and the only one of his four daughters who stood up to him.
@@theenlightenedtarget
I'm sorry to hear that Jill 😔 I was excluded from my father's Will, but pitched to be included with my siblings. I was the scapegoat. The Golden child didn't want me included, as these things can repeat through the generations, but eventually and reluctantly she agreed that the Will should be shared equally between all siblings. He had literally changed the Will multiple times over his last years just to manipulate all his children and turn them against each other, which he'd done all of his life. He'd cause conflict and sit back and enjoy watching his kids fight with each other! Terrible man.
Wouldn't surprise me if my narc father didn't place at his Will. In fact, got a gutfeeling that my father's Will will be all to his 2nd wife. That's why I better save my money for my pensions. Oh well. 🤷♂️
Narcissists and Sociopaths thrive on having power and control over their children. Even better if there's a few of you, to play their evil games with. I was one of 8 children. My sociopathic father had a field day with it. Making sure he deliberarely orchestrated conflict within the pecking order, creating drama, chaos and in-fighting where ever he could. All for his entertainment. It was truly evil.
This sounds like so many of my mother’s siblings. Herself, her brothers, a couple of her sisters… I’m so grateful to be their scapegoat/black sheep !!! Because I am the observer and truth teller I am considered the “mean one” 😌 I refuse to fit the role they had me living now thanks to you and a couple of others who give so much. Thank you Jill ❤♾️🫀🧠💪🏼
!
Power to the truth tellers! They hate themselves because they can't be authentic, honest or empathetic.They hate us twice as much because we are all of those things and more. 💪♥♥🧿
I am having a good cry today, just because I have made it through dealing with several narcissists, one being my father who passed at 101 years old. I cut contact with an older narcissist sibling a year ago, and I have made it through, but it hasn't been easy. I've upset the family apple cart, and today, I'm grieving for what once was and what it is now. I'm a survivor and proud, but without you, Jill, and others online, I would still be stuck in the abuse and, oh, so confused . Blessings. ❤❤❤
The part you said “Go wash your face” that was when you knew the rage was over….that shook me to my core. I remember both of my parents did that but in two very different forms.
Ohmygawd, mine, too! What a terrible, terrible feeling that was.
I am up to my eyeballs with the mother alcoholic narcissist. As an only adult child I have decided to quit. Quit being abused and manipulated. I have no idea what’s going to happen to her. For the 1st time in my 54 years I have found the strength to know…I didn’t cause this. I can’t fix it. And I can’t control it. Which puts my care back on myself and taking care of my own needs.
Good for you! That's what I did. I went radio silent and the peace is overwhelming in a good way. Narcissists NEVER change and the older they get, I've noticed, the bolder they become. It's as if they don't need to hide things as much from the outside world. People will just say, "Oh, he/she is just an older person without a filter. How cute!". We know different, we know the gaslighting, the manipulation, the cruelty, the disguises they use to perpetrate their emotional crimes. Letting them go is a blessing.
Good for you, I wish you gentle healing for yourself!❤❤❤❤
Let the state governments deal with the old alchies; I refuse to be around boozers.
Thank you Lisa. Both my parents are ALL OF THE ABOVE. And don't forget the entitlement!
Nobody better of stayed with a narcissist !!!!! Poor spouses better get out !!!!
I did...I GOT OUT!! So allowing them to self-destruct.
My neighbour is married about 20 year with her narc spouse - suddenly she became as toxic as her narc spouse - she even has a huge alcohol problem.....
That's when I finally had to accept that my Mom was senile, when she told family members they would die in a lake of fire because they weren't 'saved'. She got meaner and meaner and finally had the big stroke. Funny thing, after her stroke she was as nice as could be.
Yes, I regret the loss of my 60 years with a narcissistic husband. Wish I had terminated my marriage when I firstrealized how uncaring he is. He wouldn’t come home to take me to my doctor when I was experiencing a severe episode of endometriosis and nearly hemorrhages to death. This was a year after we married, I learned not to depend on him in emergencies. Regret not divorcing.
@@e.conboy4286 wow 60 years 😳 😍 how?
Thanks for speaking clearly and at a speed which allows us (your audience) to be able to take-in your valuable information, THANKS again.
Yep, my ex-wife had a rage and once kicked a hole in the drywall, and then in 5 minutes said she didn't mean it, denied a problem. I had " just made her angry." Once she broke off a butcher knife tip in the countertop. The time she physically pushed me down, and assaulted me, I filed for divorce. She hoodwinked the court for 7 years before the final decree! Very important to alert your attorney to try to inform your judge. If you are trying to divorce a Narcicist, you need a dream team of pros! Think about it, the same way they manipulated you is the way they manipulate the courts. Went through 3 judges in 7 years, and she played each one. In the end she didn't show up for trial. God Bless, and best of empathy for you if you are fighting the Demons...
I am 57 narc wife 65 getting better like watching rotting milk i am making my plans to leave finally filed for divorce. This aummer i break free. Cannot stand being used insulted raged at demeaned anymore. Good luck to all suffering u will break through.
Yes the insults and body shaming is the worst from a narc mum. I went no contact a year ago left me with anxiety disorder . These demons don’t change. Never give in the pleading to be taken back I did it all my adult life they don’t change even for their children 🥲
You described my sister so accurately, it's scary...I'm in the process of going no contact, and I will move across the country and never look back. I will ensure she never has my address or true phone number. I'm done.
I went no contact with my narcissistic sister 8 months ago. Unfortunately she still bad mouths me to her daughters & even her grandchildren. The poisonous web spreads far & wide.😢
They also hang onto a slight or misdeed in their eyes and mind, and will rage about it forever, never letting go.
The huge and ugly part is their ""confidants" and/or( hopeful) heirs will play into it with them, over and over until you either become sick of it, or you run for the hills.
It can be horrible and carefully orchestrated to mess with your head and life.
It is emotional abuse at its worst because they say so, so it must be.
Don't give them that power. It's an excuse to hurt and punish .
The others involved are their accomplices.
😢
This is so accurate. I know a narcissist in his 70s that is extremely racist and thinks everyone is after his money. He is the savior for his family and makes plans for the next top level position of employment like he's 25 years old.
In total denial about age limits, and if you don't share his religious beliefs, you are surely going to hell. Same with politics. Can't keep his opinions to himself and believes in his own superiority.
Typical, let me guess, pentacostal
Yes, I know about the religious part…if you don’t share their beliefs you are going to hell.
I know that guy lol
My mil thinks everyone wants her money. They don’t have any 😂. It’s her delusional self that she thinks she is wealthy. So pathetic
The superiority complex for sure. Bc I don’t inteteract any more he says in his third grade voice, she thinks she’s so smart!😂😂
I felt this video in my soul! My God, at least it all makes sense now! Thanks Jill❤
Bigotry and paranoia -- yes. He enticed me to share my opinion on a sensitive topic and began to hammer me with passive/overt aggression when my response didn't match his expectations. It digressed into an ugly conflict I still struggle to comprehend. I just wanted to bond over our kids and past experiences, but the man was unrecognizable. I learned later that his behavior was sociopathic.
I have experienced th rage with my mother. After suffering her rage directed at me she would quickly go as if nothing had happened and I was still in shock from her abuse!
I experience this frequently from MIL.
You have perfectly described my boss he's 72 years old, been working together for 37 years. Never could figure out what the heck was his problem until I started viewing these Narcissist videos.
Enablers are the biggest problem - they blindly believe and follow the narcissist and keep validating their toxic and unacceptable behaviour.
Whosoever is reading this - please stay strong. Do not believe whatever comes out of the mouth of a narcissist, because everything is manipulation. Think of it as a script for a puppet show, where the narcissist plans on making you a puppet.
Thank you so much for these videos ❤️
No. The narcissist is the worst.
So true I'm married to one for 36 years. I can't take it anymore, don't know what to do, I can't afford to move😢
OMG i so needed to hear this...everything you said is what I am dealing with, as my Narc 93 yr old father continues to abuse me in every way possible. Using religion and anything he can do to destroy me. I have to walk away. he has convinced everyone I have abused him and ruined his family and his life.. I am at a loss. so much therapy needed for me to just to get on with my life.
You have described my aging narc parents to a T. It’s comforting to know it’s a pattern and their pathology instead of something I’m not doing right or enough of.
And plenty are leaders of institutions, local authorities as well as families...
Yet, I can recall the pressure to revere the mature/elderly throughout my life - especially a thing in some ethnicities - ALL the elderly! The danger of this has always been clear to me, even as a child, and it's increasingly so, speaking as now a mature, myself.
In fact, by the time I was 20 I realised that narcissism so common in some communities, it began to be normalised to my thinking of mature folk. So I started an undeclared policy of monitoring and limiting my exposure, unless I somehow experienced clear evidence of the ABSCENCE of narcissistic traits. I am confident this has helped me
I am an em-path. I suffered for years under the control of my boss - a narcissist. Then finally I realized he was relying on me to provide him with everything he needed to convince HIS bosses to buy into his belief that he was a superior employee! After that, it was a ball! Over time, people came to realize who they were dealing with and who was generating the positive output! I didn't have to say or do anything different! They all knew and reacted appropriately! What a show!
You perfectly described my mother. It's great that this information it out there these days.
Oh my goodness. You just hit the nail on the head. My mother is a narcissist and has been all of my life. She is 85 now and i have just identified this in her. She calls me numerous times a day telling me someone has stolen something from her or theyve hidden something from her. This is so hard for me to deal with. I always knew she wasnt right, but i loved her and believed everything she said. When i was a teen she would get my friends together and make fun of me in front of them. Humiliate me to make herself look better in her eyes. It was horrible the abuse i grew up with. Now i live nextdoor to her, all of her family has passed, so she really depends on me. Her narcissism has gotten so bad in her elder years it makes me feel physically sick.
Good luck with that one 🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿
Move
My narcissist mom drove me into depression. After I went for professional help and recovered, I got away from her.
I believe you. Same.
I have minimal contact. It helps.
Spot on in every respect. They become more toxic with a looming fear and anger over losing control over the ones they once intimidated by their outbursts and bullying. I can attest to everything in this video.
You have just described my younger brother to the”T!” He has been harassing me for the last 4 years and completely took away my entire support system! I had to remove our father from his care in 2011 because he almost died and had to put a silver alert out! I believe this is when in his covert narcissism woke back up towards me and he planned on the revenge for years. When I had to leave my job to care for our mother full time due to her frontotemporal dementia! He did a smear campaign that I stole from our mom, abused her, didn’t bath her, called the police, APS, lied to my only child who now doesn’t speak to me, I’ve never met my granddaughter, he even went so far as to get to my mother’s siblings! I ended up with no one to help me with my mom. Told everyone I kept everyone away, I was so stressed and close to suicide, but I couldn’t leave my mom with him!! I texted him when our mom was in her last stages, guess who never came to say their goodbyes!! He would rather go see her at the crematory! Who does that!!!
Thank you. You just displayed everything my ex-boyfriend of 6 years had turned into. I am still going over my heartbreak, but so glad to know I made the right decision to leave him. Thank you
The voice in my head that still re-evaluates the woulda, coulda, shoulda, times of the toxic relationship years after their dead
Yes, more paranoia. Suspicious of everything and everyone. They are the guilty ones with their lies and bag of tricks. I agree with everything being said in the video. Thank you, dear lady, for your wisdom and truth. 😊
This was excellent information for me to hear, I have an aging narc in my life and this certainly explains a lot, thank you.
Thanks for saving me from a possible life with a narcissist; this girl had been giving me cold silent treatments for over 11 months now, But I never gave into her manipulations, false accusations; first time I went to India to visit home from US, I made 1 day time to meet her, but she never appeared, she kept me confused, 2nd time I visited, she never responded to my Whatsapp or calls; I was being empathetic to her, but she made me realize why I should concentrate on the other better people...
Ah... your message is good, you have tremendous contribution to what should be common understanding, listening to your message sheds light and clarity to whom surrounds us. ThankYou Dear
Great summary of the aging narcissist parent. We had the same dad. I wrote into Societal Narcissism describing the way my dad would be the raging hulk on moment and then expect everyone to participate in fake family harmony the the next minute as if nothing just happened if that is what suited his whims. No apologies, no explanation just fall into line to entertain his next mood. I named this gaslighting technique "Disappearing Elephant" because we all had to ignore the elephant in the room. He thought the family had love and respect for him when actually the walking on eggshells and jumping when he snapped his fingers was just fear. Although he was allowed to violently rant and suck all the oxygen out of a room, nobody else in the family was allowed to emote.
Once, at age 26, after he called everyone to the table for a toast at Christmas dinner a moment after one of his raging rants, I dared to say "Wait, we need to clear the air here".... Of course, that brought a barrage of names and accusations upon my head from narcissist dad and narcissist mom and histrionic sister. I was berated for being the crazy, ungrateful and the harmony disrupter. You can't make this shyte up.
My mother is an 88 year old narcissist who has treated me and my father like dirt all her life; now that my father passed away a few years ago, she is trying to make me crazy; but I thank God that there are people like you who know who these demon possessed people (the narcissists) are , and that we can learn from you and know that we are not alone in this, and that we are not the crazy ones. Thank you all for sharing your experiences with us ; I thought that it was just me. I was so so confused by the behavior of my mother.
I used to think these rages that rapidly dissipate like they never happened were just some unknown neurological phenomenon like a dissociative blackout followed by amnesia of the event, making me afraid to mention it because they wouldn't have believed me and thinking I just would have been literally gaslighting them, then.
Though now I know that the rage was conscious and deliberate, with no dissociation involved, and that they do remember every second of it, but are totally proud of it.
Abominable!
thanks for doing such a good job in explaining this in a real life context. You rock at this!
You're so welcome!
My mother's rage and hostility has increased to a great degree as she has gotten older. I realized that this is because, as she gets older, people are not afraid of her anymore, and to a bully that is horrifying. What used to work for her before (menacing, threatening tantrums) doesn't work anymore, and that enrages her (it's easy to terrify a defenseless little girl, but not so much mature, logical adults) . She has always remorselessly lashed out at her family, taking for granted that we will always come back for more abuse, but she's seeing now that when one pushes people away, those people often stay away. We are not afraid of her and we will not tolerate it anymore. But she never acknowledges the trauma that her temper has caused for us all. Instead, she pretends like it never happened. Now, when I don't call, she tries to guilt me by saying she's old and is going to die soon. But the last few times I called, she would inevitable start yelling at me for having different opinions than her, and it would end with her rudely hanging up on me. I tried to warn her once not to take her family for granted, but she doesn't seem to get it.
👍👍
When they start aging they’ll start hanging around younger people and act just like them so they’ll feel young again.
Thank you Jill so much! Yes it gets worse and scarier 😢💔
As a retired mental health professional, I discovered narcissists were never taught to love themselves appropriately. Consequently, they overcompensate by believing their observations and perspectives are correct in spite of evidence to the contrary. They also exhibit paranoid ideations which convince them their self-esteem is in jeapordy. Thus, they always have to be right and their imagined attacks are real. As difficult as they can be, bottom line, they are deeply anguished people, confused and knowing only to strike out when an imagine affront or insult occures. They need our help, but NOT our deep interpersonal connection. If you are involved with a narcissist, GET AWAY. You can't fix them and they will try to destroy you. Sometimes the best way to love someone is to leave them alone.
Spot on as always! ❤
Thank you!
❤️ the bigot analogy.
All people without compassion should be rejected by society.
Compassion is a rare commodity today.
The word "panic" stays with me, My mother seems more and more desperate, trying to make it look as if she has a fulfilling life as an older person, while it's obvious she has nothing left to live for, thanx for an important clip. It fits my brother as well, he's also desperate, he lies so openly and dumb that he is always caught in the act. It's all so sad. I matured from being a narcissist at the age of 22 in my therapy and still with has to meditate 2 hours a day to keep from becoming a narcissist again., it's a lot of work but well worth it. You need to be brave, dedicated and tough
Thank you Jill, your content is always so accurate and so very helpful ❤❤❤
Some get a nurse/cook/carer convenient girlfriend. Many narcissists finally move in with someone, out of convenience.
“The liar’s punishment is, not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else.” George Bernard Shaw
This is so true of the narc. My aging mother is becoming more and more delusional and paranoid. Thank you Jill for this. This is everything I’ve experienced.
I have so many horror stories. I'll share this...me and 6 year old son were watching a programme in the lounge... husband comes home turns the channel over so son and I go into kitchen to watch our programme....he storms into the kitchen and stomps his feet like a brat.... absolutely furious that we carried on. It was astonishing watching this mental person behave like that. Obviously now he's retired.... it's egg shell day permanently. To all who live with one of these....my heart ❤️
I am married to one for 61 years. I am convinced that, unless you have experience in a narcissistic relationship, you will never understand what it’s like. And there are circumstances that keep you from leaving. I have done my homework and have learned how to live the best I can with him. The sooner a person realizes what is going on, the better to get out. I was very naive about the relationship.
Thanks Jill. I'm so sorry you went through that horrible pain. My goodness !
My adoptive mother was a Narc and lived to 95.She grew more evil every day.She died bitter and twisted.
I'm adopted to narc mother and sister .I have mental health and used ot as a excuse its always me .even on a well phase .she 89 ..there both getting worse im 57 and tje youngest .
It seems like they live longer than good people.
Yes they do live longer.
@@cathygarneauhonestly 😢
@@cathygarneau They do because God is giving them a chance to wake up but sadly, they only get worst with age.
The dellusional thinking absolutely gets worse with age. My Dad (narcissist) cut out his entire family because he thought my Grandma stole a ring from him. It's a long story, but basically, my Dad found a ring on the floor when he was a child. His aunt (my great aunt) loved the ring and asked if she could give him $20 for the ring. He agreed. She wore that ring until the day she died. When she passed, my Dad lost his mind and told everyone that the ring was HIS, and they STOLE from him. I tried to explain to my Dad that his Aunts kids want that ring because it reminds them of their mother who passed away. Whereas my Dad wanted it to sell to buy drugs. My Dad made it clear that if everyone didn't FORCE my cousins to give him back his ring, he would disown us all.
He did. My Dad was diagnosed with cancer 5 years later, and he died alone.... by his own choice. He kept to his word and disowned all of us.
they are soooo petty, and small.
You described my father perfectly. I had enough. I feel so sorry for my mother. Both are in the mid-80s.
Thank you for this. The paranoia, the projection, the way they use their extra time to do more to disrupt people around them. It's so on-point.
You literally word for word described my father in law and the life we having with him right now.