3 Questions to Ask Before Your First Date (Dating Over 50)|Engaged at Any Age| Coach Jaki
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- Опубліковано 10 вер 2024
- Today I want to talk to you about three questions you need to ask before you go on your first date.
Although my videos are for women dating over 50, I think that this really applies all women looking to meet the one this year, looking to meet your soul mate. It's really important to get crystal clear about the questions that you need to ask, which will make the determination whether or not you go on a date. I feel like time is of the essence and I don't want you wasting your precious time, so getting as much information before the date is really important especially if you're dating over 50,
Table of Contents:
01:51 - #1 -What do you do for work?
03:31 - #2 ASK THE FAMILY QUESTION
05:25- #3 what his relationship history and goals
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Jaki Sabourin is a successful Executive Love Coach, Keynote Speaker, and CEO of Engaged at Any Age®, a Company that helps women deliberately date and consciously create the love and life of their dreams.
❤Jaki was voted #1 Relationship & Dating Coach of 2018 and is widely known for her popular UA-cam Channel “Engaged at Any Age” where’s she teaches women to understand themselves first, which leads to connecting on a deeper level with a man who is ready to commit! Jaki is a Master Coach, and her wit and no-nonsense attitude have led to hundreds of clients as well as meeting their ideal match. She married her perfect match at the age of 50 after being single for eight years. You can find her on UA-cam, Facebook, and follow her on Instagram and Twitter.
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I tell them real fast Im 62, my wife died some years ago, Im retired and have no kids or living relatives and ive not gone out since my wife died over 3 years ago. Answers all questions in one statement.
Gregg H I like your honesty Gregg.
1. "What do you do for work?" What lifestyle would you anticipate sharing with him if you like him?
2. "Do you have any children? How old are they? Do you want more children?"
3. "What is your relationship history and goals? What are you looking for online?"
I am single and searching online
I met a man online who was 50 and had a five year old. And he was in a big custody battle with his hottie ex-wife over this kid. What a turn-off.
Had the same experience with a woman who was 45 and had a three year old.
These can be heavy questions to begin with.
Instead of what do you do for work, maybe what do you ENJOY about what you do for work. Or what do you like to do in your spare time? Interests and activities
I get the family question. Kids, no kids want them or not. This can eliminate someone right away because if one of you wants them and the other doesn't it's a deal breaker.
The past relationships question can spiral downward but does test the waters about how much they have healed or unresolved emotions etc. On both sides.
It's all in how you ask and segue into the question. I think these are a bit loaded but if you do it right, someone who is looking for what you are wont mind. Personally I like the activities and interests and what are your future goals. Maybe where do you see yourself in 5 to 10 years? Identify common ground and keep it light at the very beginning.
Kids, no kids? Did you notice in the title the part about dating over 50? I doubt many men are looking for a woman over 50 to have their baby. Five or ten years from now? That's a job interview question.
R H . What you do for work ?? Nooooo, he will assume you're digging fir his pay slip
@@lifeslessons9889 i just describe what i do. it's kind of like a dominatrix, i hurt and humiliate people, and they pay me for it. i use different implements in a dungeon like environment. this doesn't say anything about my income.
If you ask these questions, I imagine you would also share your answers to these questions in a back and forth conversation.
A very nice guy who was a year behind me in school became a MASTER Electrician. Right, there is nothing wrong with being an Electrician.
I believe in knowing thyself
Something a janitor or waitress can figure out
I have known plenty of worldly and wealthy people who are complete lackeys
So what do you do, if you talk so much on the phone, before you meet, that when you meet there's not much left to talk about? lol I like to get to know them a bit to find out if I even want to meet them in person.
Thanks for a mans perspective, John! Noted!
Thanks John.
I wonder if he has a video here on UA-cam?
I always love getting a mans perspective!
cheryl anderson I get caught in these long phone calls too. Then when you meet, things fall flat. I agree with John W in keeping them short. Decide a question or 2 ahead of time to ask and then have a reason to end the conversation after 15 min. Meeting in person is what will tell you more. Yes. No. To go forward. People can say anything over the phone.
scott sanger there is so much to know about a person. How about common interests for example? I've read a few of your comments. Are you interested in getting to know the woman at all? How would you describe how the other person fits into your life. How would you spend your time together? Activities and interests.
it's good to hear there voice and build a bit of rapport before you meet them. If the phone call is a few days in between the meeting then there should be a few things that would have happened to talk about in that time. Had one fellow chat on for 1hour 17 minutes, I think he'd had a scotch before. Needless to say that one didn't go anywhere. On the other hand I don't like to be rushed off the phone either that feels like a job interview and he's done asking his questions and I've ticked all the boxes and get the "okay so would you like to meet" scenario..
I totally agree with you love the questions. I am in my 40's and I have a 3 year old and it's hard to date because alot of men doesn't want small kids.
Doesn’t apply to me but I wonder if guys might not want to be entangled with an estranged father?
Thanks ao much! You have remarkably improved my dating life
1. So do you smoke
2. Do you have anyone living with you
3. How is your health.
Now what three questions do you have that I need to answer.
What do you do for work?...SHALLOW. Typical. Prying. Wait, so a persons job tells you a lot about their character??? Not necessarily.
Gold digger questions rather than knowing his soul. Just my thoughts. John
John Holeman After being married to a man that couldn’t hold a job in a world where men still make 2x women in the same position, these are perfectly acceptable questions. Women don’t like losers and a real man should want the woman he is with to feel financially secure. Just a thought.
Cindy Eckstine if you don’t realize his quality of heart then you are wasting time
John Holeman John,if a woman has a good job, owns her own home and has a dependable car, that’s a start. The things I want from a relationship don’t cost money.
Leila Stephens now that is rare and seldom seen
Family dynamics. Watch for family drama. He mentions that his children are “his entire world”. That is a killer for me as I’m childless and have no drama.
And BTW, who wants more headaches, AKA, children after the age of 50?
What is the best online dating sites. Trying to get back to dating and not waste my time with non quality men
There are winners and lemons on Every site, no shortcuts in the wild world of dating...just get on there and start practicing your people skills. I promise you will learn the most about yourself!
What if a conversation doesn’t flow well/seems forced and he doesn’t initiate conversations, and then ends conversations early to go to bed at 8pm? I’m getting the hint he’s not truly interested.
You are such a wonderful person. I really enjoyed watching your video. You give way more information than some other people I have watched. Is is possible to speak directly with you and how does one do that. Thanks.
Hi there, you can fill out this contact form and share what it is you would like support around. engagedatanyage.com/contact-us/
Thank you,
Jaki
How do you determine a woman's capacity to love?
On the he's been in a job for a long time. From what I understand work wise it is looked down upon in the job market to stay with the same job for 20 some years. Maybe the same type of job but not the same employer. Sounds weird but when I went to the state employment agency for a work shop to find a job most of the people in the room were 50+ and having a hard time finding jobs in their specialty. We were told it is considered more positive to have worked at a variety of places. That was hard on the men who have stayed with the same employer for decades.
You are right there really isn't any reason to ask about a job. I think many times we are making small talk but you are right. We aren't setting up house to have kids.
Life tobelived well you want to know if they’re a shift worker or have to be up at 2.00 am in the morning for their job. Hard to maintain a relationship with a shift worker if you do 9 to 5. He’s falling asleep by 9.00 and I’m still 2 hours behind him.
That's true. My ex husband and I weren't always home at the same time. Maybe that is why the marriage lasted longer than it probably should have.
scott sanger love it, 100% agree!
scott sanger What's a "thot?"
This is great. I'm having a hard time dealing with wasting my time on dates to essentially find out this same information, and this is a good way to narrow things down. I was thinking about removing my profile but I will try this first. I still might try to make it private. I'm finding the whole thing overwhelming. I received over 200 messages the first day. How do you deal with that?
Only respond to the ones you want. You don’t reply if you’re not interested!
Very good on time saving.
No going round in circles
You're fabulous! Your recommendations are definitely on point!
Thank you Maureen, glad it was helpful! You're invited to join the conversation in a more private platform in our Engaged at Any Age Ladies Club Facebook group! Go here to join: facebook.com/groups/engagedatanyageladiesclub
how do you suggest approaching the question of your marital status if you are not divorced but have been separate for 4+ years and live in different States?
Are you saying these questions and conversation are via telephone? I hate these types of questions via text. I find these questions are best face to face on the 1st coffee date
yes, on the phone.
I went on one date with a guy after emailing for several months.
I’m in my 30s and I love ❤️ watching your videos.
Hi 😍😍❤❤🙋
Sometimes when I ask "what are looking for in a relationship, for dating, or for a monogamous longterm one", I don't know what to think or say to the vague answer of " well it starts with dating, and see how it goes" answer. True it starts with dating, but the the answer from the tone seems "dodgy" and vague, wishy washy. What are your thoughts? BTW, thanks so much for your great videos!... and I'm keeping my ears open for one of your events to be near the west coast! :)
As someone who wants to think ahead all the time, the thing I have been working on is living in the moment or I could spin a whole scenario of where a relationship might go. I think that saying let's date and see where it goes is actually not a bad answer. You are not being told I don't think there is any chance. The honest truth is very rarely do people have a deep connection right away. Within a month of going out maybe 4 times most likely one would no if there was really no connection. 2 months you might get to the friend level of understanding and hopefully by 4 months each person is showing their true selves because they are starting to let their guard down and that point one should know where to continue or not. If a month or so in the person still seems a bit wishy washy then maybe it is time to reassess the situation.
Thanks for your thoughtful reply. I agree, so i think i was misunderstanding Jaki's video because I know that most men are pretty clear on their intentions when asked. I got the impression he wanted to date a lot, not just get to know a few, lol.. :)
II think I am lacking sleep. I read your post wrong and I thought I saw Simon instead of Simon so I answered more like I was answering a man I. guess men also are fearful of making a verbal commitment from being burned in the past but they should have some kind of idea of what they want. I would think if he is looking for a monogamous dating relationship that would be a good start. I don't want to date someone if they are only aiming for casual or an open relationship. For me my goal is a monogamous relationship and then long term. Marriage still isn't in my vocabulary yet or it might never be.
@@lifetobelived9102 i believe we're on our way to that!! I just need to stay focused, and not retreat in defeat when I start having negative thoughts about being online.. Lol.. Thanks for your warm replys!:)
I'm impressed you took the step to go on dates from online sites. It's pretty scary for me to date after being with someone for almost 20 years.
The questions are good- they cover the most important subjects I think. I'd feel more comfortable asking them over the phone though but nowadays people don't seem to use the phone- at least early on
I am single need true ❤❤💑💑🌷
If you are going to ask these questions... Be prepared to answer them about yourself.
💯 %
HELP! I hate the WHAT DO YOU DO for a living question!! I scared them away when if I tell them that I am a Divorce Coach - the only one in my country and very successful.
Lately, I tell them not to ask me ( so they dont GOOGLE me ) because I want them to get to know me first ... Sometimes I even keep my pseudonym until I feel I can trust them....
Les Murray you could say you are in the helping field and then redirect the conversation. You are allowed to be a little vague in the beginning.
I would get a Google voice phone so they can't find you and share you are an attorney and can you say you practice family law? I'm not saying lie but you could be vague and tell them more when you meet them.
I'm so sad because none of these questions are applicable to my situation. Number one I met him through his work and I know that he is tremendously dedicated. His kid is most likely over 18. He's not over 50, he is 39. We didn't meet online. I would love to have toddlers !
Hi
I love you
I like you i am single ❤❤😍😍💑💑🌷🌷🙋🙋🙋
Yes,
There are Many Men
Who wants a Good
Healthy LTR 👌🏽😎
If a woman asks these questions first my “Gold Digger” alarm goes off and I take a pass. Better to get out ASAP before waiting for her divorce lawyer takes you for everything your worth.
Thank you, Jaki. Great advice, as usual! 😊 Just one thing: A fairly large number of men who are interested in women over 50 are retired. I don't know how many of them would be interested in discussing their past career. Thoughts?
Caroline Cherry I would keep it to activities and interests. How do they spend their time now. The past will eventually come up. You dont need to get into all of it right off the bat. If you do, only a tiny bit to start. It's not an interrogation. Its supposed to be fun.
Really the men in my country and my organisation seem to work up until 60-65 some even 70. That's a tough one as you spend so much time at work. They would have to have hobbies, go to the gym, go shopping, house reno's, visit family friends a lot. Good question though if you're dating a semi retiree or retiree...
Good point! then more questions about how they spend their time.
Caroline Cherry in that case it’s all about their bucket list and quality time. Lot’s a good questions there!
We get this personal without seeing what this person really looks like?
White bird you can Zoom.
How do you not show the jitters on that first date. And this will be the third first date from a dating site. ?
Jeanette Jeffrey yes, it can be scary, tell him you feel vulnerable and ask for what you need.
Sorry I don't get it? First with the attitude of don't waste my time . And second, I need to get what I assume I need first and I deserve it!
Is self centered and self serving . Not the traits I want in a partner .Good luck ladies men will run the other direction. Or pay for something much younger.
3 questions I ask her before going on a date:
Are you:
1. fit?
2. feminine?
3. a pleasure to be around?
I don't ask for much, but I think these are effective screening questions.
Twenty years ago there was a best-selling dating book called, The Rules Girls. They said to let a man speak to you first or the relationship was doomed from the start. Is that nonsense? Is it OK to speak to a stranger first? B
LOVE 💘 your dress Jaki
man tries to get a date...woman says, not interested, go away....
the end.
Long video for only 3 tips. All this can be said in less than 5 min.
I am sorry "scripted first date questions"?? Really?? An interview for a position as pending partner. It does sound like scheming to me, to sift out people with a "tick all the boxes list"! Mmm... Dating has changed.
Ha! Very true it has changed. However, we're talking here about folks over 50. Our time on this earth is limited. I can sure see the advantage of 'narrowing the field' early on. Spend one's time getting to know guys (or gals) who are potential matches...& not on folks who are looking for something very different from you.
How would these questions work? 1) Who did you vote for President? (Pro abortion or anti abortion) s2) What religion are you? 3) Do you believe the wife should submit to the husband? 4) Are you divorced? 5) Did you file for divorce or did your spouse?
Do this and you'll save a lot of time.
What's your height, weight and dress size?
What do you do for exercise and how many times per week.
Are you pre or post menopausal.
Employed or not. Don't ask what a guy does for work. It's a big red flag for us guys and i can find it somewhat offensive because that means a woman is interested in your financial situation.
Why would a women want a man with nothing to offer ? She wants a provider
You men are quick enough to want sex out of a women though
I want to know the same of her.
Christopher Lundberg exactly, it’s a two way street.
Theres a guy elsewhere on yt promoting advance or up front information like this. Ill say the same here as i did for that video, and that is these are topics for subsequent dates. I would never want to have a conversation on a first date, or worse yet in advance of said first date. This is rubbish.
I'm 56 male and don't make much money.. I guess that makes me dead in the eyes of women. I got laid off from good career and spent years without a job.. finally I took a job to survive. I do the best I can .. making only 10$ an hour.. living in a small apartment.. owning nothing. But that makes me someone nobody wants. I guess I'm done with women... they don't want me anymore.
Not true at all!
Integrity and self confidence are more important than $$$...this is advice coming from a woman.
Sorry my man! Unfortunately statistics show the 90% of women only respond or reach out to the same top 10% of men on a dating site. Most of them are only interested in high value men. So if you make $10 / hr you're outa luck. However if you own the company, make big bucks but never available, overworked and have no time, they'll line up around the block for you.
You seem to belabor a point or repeat it adnausium
😂 😂 😂
Her advice is to not turn a man down right away if he's an electrician? Keep an open mind? WTF? What is wrong with being an electrician? Geez!
If I know that the fur behind you is real I will never more watch your videos…
Negative attracts negative. This is not productive or functional.
When you ask someone what they do for a living, your asking how much money do you make? Just remember guys over 50 can ask same question to see what you have to offer financially. Men, we don't have to settle for women's poor financial choices at this stage if the game.
What do your meds look like?
How many kids and have you ever been married?
Can you ride in a car with a handgun?
Can you travel out of this county without permission from your P.O.?
When were you last tested for STDs?
Be a flake and a fake...
can you stop telling women to ask a guy what he does for work . its the question i hate being asked the most . youre so far off the mark thinking guys like being asked that. if i dont know a lady and she wastes no time asking me what i do for work , it tells me that she wants to know if i have a good paying job and do i have a fat wallet .......i want a woman to want me for who i am , not how much i earn
She's just interested in what you do!! Stop being so suspicious!! Don't you ask her what she does???
Oh get to the point woman
You're invited to leave my channel, since you don't resonate, this is simply harassment.
Gold digger questions
Too much talk
Important not importan
Being not bean
Talking not talkeen
Sounding not soundeen
Looking not lookeen
Playing not playeen
Our is not pronounced “are”
Training not traineen
Organic not organdic
Dating not dateen
Authentically not ahthentically
Experiencing not experienceen
Amazing not amazeen
Something not sometheen
Living not liveen
Vibrating not vibrateen