CRINGE AND WHINGE | A Book Review of Trigger Warning by William Johnstone
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- Опубліковано 23 сер 2019
- You all voted for it, so here's Trigger Warning
Jenny Nicholson's review: • Well, I guess SOMEBODY...
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You might as well call this series "There Was a School Shooting."
It's like opposite end spectrum Onision.
In all seriousness, though, "Die Hard on a college campus" honestly isn't a terrible premise. This book just executed it poorly.
@@anostalgicmillennial606 Your right, it's not a bad premise.
Just done poorly.
Which is a description that can be applied to many movies, books, tv shows, and video games.
@@anostalgicmillennial606 that sounds really fun actually. It would be a very interesting environment
Does The Mister have a school shooting? Because that was way too boring to have one, from what I remember.
“Oh, right. The poison. The poison for Kuzco, the poison chosen especially to kill Kuzco, Kuzco's poison. That poison?”= This author explaining anything
Only nowhere near as charming
Lin C.
Or funny.
Ranna the Ranger lol I mean no insult, merely drawing a connection 😂
except at some point this author also says "it's actually not quite poison"
Good lord, this book is the Republican equivalent of an Alex Maisonette film.
I love the whole "He's so strong he resists tasers!" Apparently, the author is unaware of the fact that the more muscle mass you have, the HARDER it is to resist a taser, because tasers basically use your own muscles against you. People that are obese with low muscle mass are actually less vulnerable to tasers than thin, fit people, and even THEY are rarely able to resist the effects.
The only way I could see him resisting the tasers in any circumstance with some degree of functionality afterwards is if he was an electrician.
My dad was tazed once before I was born, he was mildly fit and had been working as an electrician for a vast majority of his life. As he'd been exposed to higher voltages before all the taser did was give him a few muscle twitches.
Granted he would purposely shock himself sticking his finger in a power outlet in the morning to wake himself up. Claimed it was better than coffe.
So yeah, unless Jake was an electrician he absolutely would not have been able to tank two tasers and still be able to move.
@@MyraZinshu I'm sorry. yourdaddidwat
@@dragonrage122 yeah, he would purposefully shock himself. I know that's not exactly normal for most people but I've come to just accept it.
FINALLY being fat is a plus
Another point is that tasers dont always make a good connection. If they one prong doesnt connect or if it hits on the wrong part of the body. It wont give the full ride. So it's not that Jake is super epic badass, the taser just didnt work like it does 9n 50% of the people in the world because tasers are unreliable. Lmao
"That madman is going to blow us"
_page turn_
"all to kingdom come!"
I had to shout out "PHRASING!" like Archer at that one, lol!
😆😆
I get flashbacks to The Donut Song from Red vs Blue.
“Let me blow you… away!”
This is my come, this is my come
giggity
The book is supposed to be complaining about political intolerance, yet the ENTIRE book is basically Jake throwing a tantrum over having to reside in an environment where his views aren't popular.
Wouldn't you, say he's a bit, um...as the author would put it, triggered?
> Every other line talks about how he hates liberals and how he's better than them, he needs to teach others how to do things "right"
It's funny because that's exactly how conservatives think that their mythical SJWs are.
As someone who lives in the same environment, can attest, the right way to deal with it is to complain privately to your friends, and be careful about what you say.
I’m sorry if this seems rant-y, the internet is part of where I vent about my college.
You gotta realize that you can’t change everyone’s mind, nor should you. And while yeah, it’s frustrating that you are basically in a constant state of skepticism, you can never really perfectly relax. It kinda sucks, if I didn’t constantly have to watch what I said, and regulate my emotions, and could actually ARGUE with them, (forgetting of course that I would have to do this with at least 5 or 6 people in each class, which is a ridiculous number of people to have to be constantly *on* for in order to argue) it might not be so bad.
That being said, they do have a point to make, but it’s masked by way too much emotional argumentation, and fallacious arguments etc. so I don’t want to claim that I’m right and they’re wrong or whatever.
My point is, it’s exhausting to constantly have to keep your mouth shut when people keep trying to emotionally manipulate you, and you just stew in your own mind for a few hours during the day.
@@nyatrue401 you're probably making too much of it lol. I'm a leftie living in the mormon asshole of arizona and I've found that if you just speak calmly and open mindedly, let the other people know you're listening to them, most people arent gonna pop a blood vessel over your views. And if they do have a tantrum anyway then thats their fault and they probably got other problems deeper than your views.
dalton fordyce
Yeah, I tend to agree with you. I’m a leftist-leaning feminist living in a very conservative rural area, and even the town I have to go into to shop is quite conservative. People tend to assume that you’re a conservative if you live here.
I feel like most people here don’t try to disrespect me deliberately. No one is trying to manipulate me, they just have their opinions and they’re stuck in their own ways. Granted, I’ve been mocked and talked over a lot, but I have also had people try to find common ground with me. I cannot imagine relating to any of the bitterness in this book.
dalton fordyce granted, the worst of it is in my Women and gender studies class.
Thinking about it, I don’t even think I’m necessarily conservative, but I hold generally negative views on the feminist movement(to be clear, I support equality between all people) because I believe their methods are Draconic, and nearly all of their arguments use fallacious reasoning, or simply appeal to emotion.
I’ve been told repeatedly that I don’t understand certain things because I am white/a man/etc.
I’ve never had a problem with debating people, but I will lose friends if I’m too open about my beliefs, this is a fact.
I am very much alienated from my peers, but, thankfully, I do have friends outside of school, so I’m only a little bitter about it.
Edit: Not disagreeing with you, I just need to vent about my wgs class
So basically
an onision book with better grammar.
Basically the same, except Johnstone is blatantly conservative, whereas onision is _100% liberal, totally not a transohobe, and an absolute advocate for women empowerment_
arrogant uncle he also gets laid. don’t forget he gets laid, because onision has sex, all the time. did i mention he gets laid?
aubrie testa
Yep. He gets laid all the time, and even lesbians like Strange Aeons aren’t immune to his powerful sexual charisma.
Autumn K Johnstone is also pretty successful. He’s written a bunch of those crappy westerns you see in the book section at Walmart. Right next to Louis L’amour.
@@jimtreebob2096 but, this johnstone is a she and she hasn't ever written a western. william has been dead for quite sometime.
i'm so confused. what is the bad guys motive? they're supposed to be super left wing, right? but jake has already stated that the campus is fairly liberal and he's the odd one out. WHY ARE THEY ATTACKING THE SCHOOL NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE
I think Jenny mentions that they chose this school bc they know all the students come from super rich families. Not certain but I think that's the stated reason
@@everylaurenislemons
Building off your thing: It wouldn't be terrorism at that point. I'm pretty sure terrorism antagonizes a government, while what the author describes is just a mass kidnapping. They don't want revolution or war, they want money from white-collar parents. God, cuneiform makes more sense than this damn book
@@sweatyskeleton7390 The definition can be a little iffy, but Terrorism doesn't have to be antagonising the government. Broadly speaking, terrorism is a politically motivated act of violence targetting civilians or symbols to convey a message or threat to a third party, carried out by a group that's not the government.
While many terrorist organizations do work against an established system, there's a specific category for terrorism with the goal of reinforcing/supporting the current authority or rather their own interpretation of it: vigilante terrorism (at least I think that's the term in english, I just translated the german term).
Examples would be something like attacking afro-americans back during the times of slavery to remind others of "their place".
You're still right though, their just in it for the money. That's no terrorist attack.
Insert joke about leftist infighting here
@@sweatyskeleton7390 this book makes sense, it's not he authors fault that you can't understand it
Apparently if you scream ‘fascist’ loud enough a bunch of ninjas jump out of the bushes with bike chains and pipes to fight fascism.
If you say it three times in front of a mirror at midnight, a member of antifa appears and sucker punches you Spencer-styel.
Bro's spawned in like a random encounter
“Gotcha now, FASCIST-CHAN!”
As it should be honestly
It's like a boomer fantasy
And not the Boomers that fought in a war or worked their way to the top, the kind of whiners who inherited their fortune and look for something to complain about because they're nostalgic for their youth.
@@feralchangeling97 And wish Tinder was invented when they were physically desirable and could still get hard
@@jorchdatorch842 I forgot how many boomers were on Tinder.
more like zoomer
But with more phones
The masculine energy from that shirt got me pregnant
Same here. Don't understand how but it happened.
Oh damn it, and here i thought i was special and the shirt really did love me
@@bimbowithadegree420 it's very slutty :/
Name the baby Hunter because you never saw him coming.
i think the worst part is that this book was written by a woman using a pen name
Jeez, even the school shooting story I wrote as a teenager is better...and it was basically teenagers fighting a middle age army with dragons and wizards.
That actually sounds pretty cool. I'd read that book.
Just change it from a School to a School trip to a historic building and you may be on to something.
okey school shooting ina setting with dragons? what do the attackers use magical nukes? but sounds awesome either way.
@@CommissarMitch It'd be better than Trigger Warning. Much, much better.
Please let me see it. Please send me a link.
Jake is the kind of guy who wouldn't eat the pink Starburst because it's a "girly color" and say "boy cheese sandwich"
I said boy cheese sandwich unironically. When I was five.
So like a child throwing a temper tantrum?
No no, Krimson. You're thinking of Chekhov's gun. That gun gets mentioned and comes up again later in the plot. This is Jake's gun. Jake's gun only gets one mention.
Lol, my bad. XD
Jake's gun is so big it eclipses the universe.
Which is to be set up for another weapon, like Jake's knife
@@ahniandfriends123 damn, that's one big iron
"Jakes Gun"
A new trope for TVTropes
i said it on jenny's video and i'll say it here:
shoulda been called Cry Hard
... or try hard...
Or “Liberal Weapon”
Or SJW(s): Soldier Just Whines (stupidly)
A Good Day to Cry Hard
Cry hard 2: cry harder
What anti-SJW’s think what anti-SJW would be: *Free of politics and quality writing*
What would actually happen: *This book*
It’s like the difference between feminism and egalitarianism.
@@camarokidbb4347
Which is?
(That's not a loaded question or anything; I really wanna know).
@@greywalker505 One leans more on women’s rights (especially modern feminism), the other leans more towards equality between the sexes.
To elaborate: feminism has always been about women’s rights moreso than equal rights period end of. It’s only more noticeable now because men and women nowadays (in the US and West Europe at least) more or less _do_ have equal rights, and what differences remain are purely a consequence of biology.
@@camarokidbb4347 Yes the pay gap is biology, doofus.
@@camarokidbb4347if you exclude the justice system in regards to equality, you have a point. However under the law men and women are not treated equally women on average get shorter sentences for the same offenses. We’re as men do not.
"Granderson knew a floor tile when he saw one"
Absolutely astonishing! How does one procure such reality-defying powers?
This guy is gonna be the next Sherlock Holmes with those deductive reasoning skills
"Mmm yes the floor here is made of floor "
@@Syoubat Your statement is made funnier because he is literally looking at the floor (though I assume that was the joke)
@@abigailc8829 yes indeed
I thought Krimson was joking when I read that. But no. Literally in the book 😭 Hurts my brain
This kind of book is what us vets hate. It's just as bad as the people this book is so obviously against. The mentality this guy thinks all us military guys has is almost insulting. Your supposed to use your military experience to help others and be a productive member of society; not put yourself on a pedestal or high horse and see everyone else as lesser. Plus, this guy gets quite a few military inaccuracies as well. Like Krav Maga is a bare bones self defense technique used by military and law enforcement.
"I was in the military, so you should automatically thank me for my service."
Kinda sounds like Onision, doesn't it?
@@KrimsonRogue very much so. It is counter intuitive to the whole purpose of doing a thankless job.
Also, when living in a 1st world country you're allowed to have 1st world problems
Not related to anything much, but I saw "vet" and couldn't think of why a veterinarian would respond so passionately. Lol, my bad.
It's the niece writing since according to the wiki the author is dead. Which makes sense since you can tell the author has never served. They have a massively warped perception of what the military actually teaches and the culture.
Oooooh boy, I love it when the people who make fun of snowflakes also happen to act like snowflakes theirselves; this book personifies that hypocrisy in the stupidest way possible.
I completely agree the best way to counter act weird fringe ideas are to treat them as such.
Oh my god, finally someone understands. You cannot be on the wayyy other end of the spectrum for an opinion without being hypocritical because in almost every instance both sides look absolutely ridiculous. They are incredibly sensitive to each other.
@@No-hf5xb You know it is possible to be an independent or moderate nowadays despite the state of politics right?
@@No-hf5xb
The entirety of the unaffiliated party:
@@No-hf5xb So you let other people dictate your own views rather than your own sense of right or wrong? That's just sad. Also how the hell is me stating neutrality is possible "stroking my ego"? You can't stroke your ego with just objective statements. But you can stroke your own ego criticizing others for non existent faults.
Jake sounds like the kind of person who calls liberals snowflakes then goes into a blind rage when athletes kneel during the national anthem
Sounds about right
Let's be real: Jake is the exact kind of person who ACTUALLY commits mass shootings in real life.
So sensitive
let's face it, anyone who calls others snowflakes is huffing copium to avoid having to acknowledge who's really the self centered safe space dweller that demands everyone conform to their delicate sensibilities and wild delusions.
@@bradymenting5120 both sides call each other snowflakes 🤣
“It took TWO tasers to knock him down” the only way that would’ve even been plausible is if he was either extremely drunk or extremely high, or using something else to dampen his central nervous system.
I want to believe Jake was a paranoid heroin addict who kept guns in his room in case the antifa came for his stash
I watched a guy high on MDMA resist tasers entirely so thats my theory
@@SaraH-jn5db If the book would have intentionally used Jake as an unreliable narrator and half of the nonsense was just hallucinations, looking into his deranged mind would be a lot more fun.
But have you considered Jake's *bigness*
Tasers actually don't always connect properly, there are videos of people resisting them just with thick clothing for example, that prevents the prongs from connecting.
For those who haven't seen Jenny's video, let me tell you a few important parts:
The author is actually a woman
Dr. Mutumbo is a white man who "identifies as African-American"
*Jake is a big boi*
Cadenthecapybara *oh Jake is the BIGGEST BOI*
With a big iron on his hip-
Don't forget that Jakes needs an education.
@@riley8385 God he needs that education
Scrolling through the comments not even 5 minutes in. I hope there's context for this.
The sad thing is, I could see a story about a more right leaning soldier and some left leaning college students fighting off terrorists together as actually being something interesting to read, if done well. Possibly with both sides learning to trust one another against the greater threat. The students learning when violence is okay and that just because someone fights that doesn't make them bad, and the soldier maybe having to learn to let go of prejudices he never even knew he had. Sadly this is just the typical 'Dem Damn Liberals and their non gun lovin ways!" kinda story that is more about being a circlejerk and playing on stereotypes.
I mean it would have to be altered a lot to even work as a premise. I would say most college students are slightly left leaning but fairly close to center and/or don't even particularly care about politics at all; while this book generalizes the entire population of college students into the loud, aggressively liberal minority. Also, a single soldier to a probably 10,000 or so student campus isn't really that interesting of a dynamic as it's just a single somewhat outsider in a group of people that think exactly the same. I'd say one could make a book about a similar character as the protagonist (but more realistic and less annoying and dumb) having to work with a single or small group of people that match this description maybe mutually neutralising each other a bit. But we're getting farther from "just fixing the awkward flaws" rewrite and closer to simply a vaguely inspired one from the characters. What would have been interesting is if they played more with the dynamic of his age and how that affected interactions, especially with the jump in the preset life path where people go to college right after graduating high school and have a more social and developmental experience in mind as part of it, compared to our protagonist who was just trying to get his studies done and move on.
@@merrybright5732 I think I kind of like your version better :)
@@liliththesolarexalted2206 thanks!
@@merrybright5732 no way man. I have been to two universities myself and have visited and stayed with friends in their dorms in about 5 other universities and 90% of the students there are 100% left leaning. Not centerist at all. They are almost all socialist (which depends on a very big government and massive amounts of government control and regulations which is NOT centerist in any way) and a good number were full out communists. The walls in dorms and cafeterias and hallways and even the gym and bathrooms are PLASTERED with leftist clubs and announcements for leftist protests. Most university students are left leaning. Do a bit of googling and see what demographics are voting what way statistically and the numbers don't lie. People under the age of 30 are far and above more likely to be a leftist than anyone over that age.
@@WhitneyDahlin I did say left leaning. My point was the average student isn't as extreme as portrayed in this book. I meant to mention the average student will vote Democrat to clarify, sorry I missed that. The extremity will fully depend on the campus, location, and other factors. Also, if you're right leaning at all that's going to affect your perception of it and make whoever is left leaning seem more extreme. I say this as someone who was right leaning and has shifted left over time (not because of college). Also what are these clubs you mention? Is it explicitly political clubs, or are you qualifying groups such as LGBT groups as "leftist" groups? Anyway yes I'm aware that overall the leaning is left, absolutely. The only point I was trying to make was that the book's example is innacurate for the average campus.
Chekov: If you introduce a gun it must be written to go off by the end
William Johnstone: No, i don't think i will
Wait the villain's motivation is that he has no friends, but he has.... followers? There's a solution here somewhere
Q MLP: episode about friendship
Technically followers (if you mean online or actual fans) aren’t friends because they don’t know you personally
@@Grim_Sister I'm pretty sure that was what the Starlight Glimmer cult 2-parter was about.
@@gracekim25 That's not the point
@@ALotOfCancerthen what is? 😅 a friendship lesson?🤷♀️ also where did you come from? You weren’t in the thread before
Oh yeah, I watched another video where they read the book and pointed out that jake had flashbacks while getting attacked that was clearly meant to be PTSD from the army. You have no idea how much it annoys me that the main character has PTSD and yet the title is meant to make fun of trigger warnings.
The word of the day is projection. Also, it's OK to make fun of trigger warnings if it doesn't involve armed conflicts and pro-war
Yeah, it's a bit fucked up. Especially as at the end, he makes fun of the other students needing counseling for their implied PTSD after being held hostage. So it's only allowed for Jake because he was into army. Nobody else is allowed to have it apparently.
@angel denson Pretty sure it was sarcasm.
@@multilad816 what a stupid thing to say. PTSD can be triggered by more than just guns and war, you absolute tosser
@@left-2-write28 that actually reminds me of the time me and two other girls were roleplaying (yeah yeah haha-) and one of them said a trigger word that I hadn't even realized was a trigger for my PTSD before then (because nobody had ever aimed it at me before) and I begged her to take it down or censor it bc it was triggering my PTSD...
and she legit said to me "Yeah well I have PTSD too sp get over it."
_If you have PTSD then you know EXACTLY HOW HARMFUL THIS IS TO ME AND GIVES YOU L E S S OF AN EXCUSE-_
Beating an Onision book is not difficult, the menu at Denny's is a more competently put together and coherent narrative than anything he has hammered out.
Bro my 8th grade creepypasta fanfiction had more though put into it tbh- and there was at LEAST a paragraph talking about the reader-insert character's brother's favourite mral.
Mood
I'm confused, what does Denny's have to do with this?
@@SnoFitzroy dennys is dennys
Fuck dude
Now I want Denny's
I forgot about the part that Jake keeps guns in his dorm even thought he can’t have them. When I was in college, a guy who talked big game like Jake was kicked out because he hid a gun in his room, and literally nobody lauded him as a hero. Everyone thought he was dangerous, in fact.
It's almost like the kind of guy who would do that IS dangerous.
@@raptoid2518 I mean, given how much jake talks about hating/disliking the "special snowflake liberals" on campus, I'm suprised that he didn't at the very least threaten someone with a gun before, let alone become the villain of the story
@@penginlord9396 Exactly. Jake is just an absolutely horrible hero. It feels like he was meant to be an anti hero at best and more likely someone who ended up being even worse than the main villain. When you think about the way he's described outside of the context of the story, he sounds more like someone who's going to end up becoming a school shooter than he is a savior.
Sounds like everyone in your college is a special snowflake who identifies as attack helicopters and harass well-meaning Americans with SJW bullshit like "please don't keep something in your room that can kill someone with one movement and no counterplay". Such pussies.
/s
Its like the guy who talked about how he had a gun in the mall while I was checking him out. I was terrified .
"Politics has devolved away from just discussion of differing ideas..."
It was never that.
In the House of Commons in the UK, a political building that goes back to like, before America even existed? There's a big table between the two sides juuuuust long enough that they can't reach other with swords. Because that used to happen. A lot.
There was never a time politics was 'civil', and if there was it was only because nobody who was actually suffering because of it had a voice, which is arguably worse.
Good on you to put it that way. The time of civil politics just means that the oppressed and suffering haven't found their voices yet. Sharp politics means conflict in society
Oh boy, I remember when we learned about the fight between the Federalist Roger Griswold and the Democratic-Republican Matthew Lyon during our discussion in the Alien & Sedition Act of 1798. Someone looked at the cartoon and warily asked if that actually took place inside the actual building, and our teacher confirmed, “Yes, this was on the floor of the House.”
Then there was a Democrat beating a Republican at his desk in 1856. Oh, and the two South Carolina senators beating the tar out of each other in the senate chamber in *1902*
There are times when politics can be more akin to war, but not always. For example, the Senate in the early days of American politics was very civil. Before the southern states anexxeed themselves during the Civil War, some of the senators from the southern states said their goodbyes to northern senators and hoped the war would end soon. I am not saying politics are always a civil and clean afair, but it’s not always hated and violence either.
I don’t know why you insist on doing this to yourself, Krim, but I’m grateful for it. Thanks for, once again, taking a hit for the team by reviewing this... book
Krimson is secretly Dog change my mind.
Grim The Ghastly Just* Dog
You misspelled "unforgivable abomination" at the end, there.
This whole book is a straw man of college campuses to the point I wonder if the author has ever *been* to a college campus.
ccbib well he was born in 1938 in Missouri , so yeah he did go to college.
During a time when black people barley went to college and women mostly went to get married so he might be a little, behind on what they look like. LMAO.
@@Infinitydev-lh2bo William Johnstone is dead. The book is actually written by his daughter, and I have no idea if _she_ went to college.
@@Strannik01 Oh god, so it's like conservative Stephenie Meyer
@Strannik01 Actually his niece but same principle. I don’t think she’s ever seen a real college campus because if she has she would know that no one is like this.
@@plantain.1739 Even more conservative. She's a Mormon who doesn't believe in premarital sex, so she's at least a little conservative herself. :D
this is just "if you have PTSD I personally hate you" the book
Which is ironic because the main character has PTSD
...is this art?
@@PointsofData Nah dude, Jake "Big Man" Rivers has "Manly flashbacks to the war" not PTSD.
PTSD is for those limp wristed snowflakes who for SOME reason were upset that they were held at gunpoint under the threat of death for hours. SMH
@@Shadowlegendlover ah I see, his tears and sobs are those of pride, my bad
Not everything is about you, man
@@trequor Did they say it was? LMFAO don’t tell me you like this book-
Man, I think the villains in Totally Spies had more justifiable motivations than Matthias Foster
They tended to be funnier.
And they were far more entertaining
and Rick and Morty did a better Diehard ripoff than this book
This gives me such strong Onision vibes and it makes me profoundly uncomfortable.
If onision was a right winger
I thought this was going to be an onision book when I first clicked on the video
Does it though? Listening to Krimson describe this one didn't make me sick to my stomach like Onision's books did.
ShadowWolfRising that’s true
@@ShadowWolfRising yeah I guess it's because it's not as much in your face, and doesn't have such bad mistakes as Onion boy's
Jake is the kind of tool who would throw a pissy fit after being told "Happy Holidays" in a Starbucks.
“Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah. Happy... Everybody! Happy Holidays. And if you have a problem with Happy Holidays then Happy Shut The Fuck Up.”
- AVGN
@@SharkyMcSnarkface Tell me which video of the AVGN is that quote from please I need it so hard
@@MarioSantos-zx4bj
It’s from the Winter Games episode.
@@SharkyMcSnarkface thanks
so basically my step dad
I just realized something miniscule:
(Spoilers for the authors backstory)
That line where Jake makes a weird comment on men not acknowledging each other's presence in the bathroom... At 35:04 It might be JA, who is a woman, trying to further convince us her grandfather wrote this book. That might be why it's such an awkward line. "Yes, it is I, William Johnstone, totally not JA Johnstone, I am a man and I know how men behave in public bathrooms"
"That madman is gonna blow us!"
[Long awkward pause]
"...all to kindgom come!"
Jake just sounds like Arthur without the trenchcoat.
Your Lord And Saviour and half skull face paint
COME ON, DUTCH!
Pissed off Turtle yeah,and probably about 20-30 years older.
@@sharonspears-mandeville2369 Jake is about 28 I would assume
This is just Die Hard fanfiction, but there's not even any romance between the main character and Hans Gruber, so it fails even harder.
Silburific 17 It dies hard you can say
TravisBroski *badum tss !!*
I don't think we watched the same die hard...
@@everylaurenislemons We watched the same Die Hard, but we probably didn't read the same Die Hard fanfiction. You probably read the ones where the author's self insert nursed Hans back to health. It happens.
I... I didn't even know die hard fanfic existed 😳
"He triggered twice (...) the gun blew fire three times-"
He's clearly hacking he fired 3 bullets by shooting twice
He changed mods in the menu to put a burst trigger on 2nd pull
Ah yes, Hidden Bullet jiu-jitsu
Logically a gun either fires twice (semi auto), 4 times (burst fire with a 2 round mechanism, not common but could plausibly be a custom job or one of the rare guns with such a mechanism like the AN-94), or 6 times (burst mechanism for 3 round bursts).
To get a gun to fire 3 bullets after pulling the trigger twice you would need to fire one shot semi-auto, then switch to burst fire on a gun with 2 round burst capacity and fire again. So it is technically possible, but in context seems a bit ridiculous.
Just like Moe's double barrel.
No he’s just using Warframe perks
Jake's code name should have been Pony. This whole thing has been a dog and pony show.
My Little Jakey
Dude, I knew it! Jake is such a Sony Pony! (which, by the way, this has to be the lamest gamer insult ever. I mean I don't like animals like horses, but someone out there, quite a few people actually, probably like ponies)
Unintentional hilarity ensues
*reads title*
'CRINGES AND WHINGES'
OnisiON HOW MANY TIMES DO WE HAVE TO TEACH YOU THIS LESSON OLD MA-
'by William Johnstone'
...oh...okay then...
Well actually his Niece. William has been dead for nearly two decades
@@GameTavern2224 If there ever is an event that causes the dead to rise, it would be this dudes corpse digging out of hell to sue his niece for defamation and copyright infringement
@@left-2-write28 this would be like if steven kings family started doing the same shit only they wrote half ass smut with his name on it instead of horror
@Psy Duck pretty much
@@GameTavern2224 WOAH PLOT TWIST
"congratulations, you have achieved nothing" - my life
😂🤣 same
I do believe we have found the meaning of life.
You'll get there! 😊
I want that on my tombstone.
Q: Where do all the poorly-written Marry and Gary Sues go when they die?
A: They don't.
they do, but are brought back from their selfless sacrifice by the power of love and friendship
In the case of Rey from Star Wars, they have trouble getting more work.
Ironically the original Mary Sue died at the end of her story. Because she was too good for this sinful earth or something.
I love how they have to go into a small tangent to explain that the Motumbo guy had only heard gunshots in movies and all that, just because this book can't help itself, and MUST make sure you understand how much of a beta male he is, to make Jake seem like even more of an Alpha chad.
As that he’s, apparently, a white guy that identifies as black???? Which, as a trans person.... I don’t even wanna dignify that by being annoyed by it. It’s the Apache Helicopter joke that’s been stale for more than a decade lol
@@samkuperman9035 It's Rachel Dolezal but a guy.
Alternate book title: "If R/conservative wrote Die Hard Fanfiction"
Edit: Also, I noticed a certain red flag between all of these extended book reviews. Female characters thrown in just to swoon over the main character. Seriously, all of these books have at least one.
I may not be a subscriber to
r/conservative but I do share a bunch of conservative values. That being said, this book lacks common sense and it annoys me, it sounds like a wacky neo-con jizzing all over a page.
@@chrisstoltz3648 I wouldn't call this literature
@@chrisstoltz3648 you can drop "literature"
I mean. Women have an entire genre of books dedicated to men just coming in and sweeping them off their feet.
Look at twilight.
@@Bourikii2992 twilight’s shit too. More than one thing can be bad.
I just love how el James and Onision's books became the bar of low standards on how a book could get.
“El James....” Spanish for “The James”
... and then Jake’s spider sense activated, allowing him to push MJ out the path of the villainous thugs!
The Exact Moment that Drake goes Sicko Mode and he was able to save Gwen Stacy from falling off the bridge!
"The unrelenting concrete sidewalk"
(Jake stubs his toe on a chair) "F*cking libtards reeeeeeee!"
I just absolutely love how these right-wing hypermasculine meatbag protagonists are somehow the most fragile, stupid characters in modern literature. It is a fascinating lack of any self-awareness that just becomes absolutely hilarious.
In the same way that almost everyone who pulls the old "my four-year-old heard about (recent political opinion) and said (something they definitely did not fucking say)" trick almost universally lack the empathy they attempt to appeal to, the people who lack masculinity and hate it compensate by creating fiction that tries to present their characters, and by proxy them, as powerful and competent, and in doing so betray their weakness
When I first read this book, I didn't know the context of it. For a good long while I legitimately believed it was a satire of right-wing political ideology. The fact that it's actually sincere just _blew_ my mind.
Well, there are "red neckbeards" that go REEEE and spit on anything that's "liberal." For example, a woman rejected him, then the manbaby ree and cry "wOkE."Even though the subject is NOT even close to liberal.
Thank the neckbeard story videos as one of the sources.
@@TrackpadProductions Its basically impossible to satirise them at this point because they write it for themselves.
I love how you make me spend hours hearing just WHY I shouldn't read a book I never would have read anyway.
Haha true. He does it everytime.
That gun thing is the literal definition of Chekhov’s gun... Why have them there if they’re not going to be fired later?
I was rather hoping that the bad guys would have gotten a hold of jakes guns and start using them against him. It would be a great lesson of don’t leave your guns just lying around.
I scrolled down to the comments with the intention of writing this but I'm glad somebody else thought the same thing
@@nendymion More why you don't also just leave ammo out as well.
They're pointed out just to shore up Jake's real 'murrican credibility. I'm just surprised the author had the restraint not to have an eagle swoop down and land on them.
That principle is so dumb and totally ignores world building.
Okay, maybe if you're writing a short story it makes sense because those should be short and concise. But I actually think unnecessary elements are important because they hide the important ones.
Although then you could get into literary philosophy and ask if they are actually unnecessary if they fulfill the purpose of making it an actual surprise what will happen later.
EDIT: Actually, let's take the example on the wiki page with the rifle. If you include a rifle, it has to go off. But what if the purpose actually was to illustrate that the character has a specific personality? To claim a tool MUST be used for its intended function totally ignores the human element. I have a scythe hanging on my wall. It's entirely decorative. So, if someone was to write me into a book, they'd HAVE to write a scene where I'm harvesting rye with that scythe, even though I'd NEVER do that. Wait, what?!
I'm quite sure that's what the gun thing was about. It only ended up being really bad because the author forgot that Jake as an armory in his dorm...
I said this on Jenny’s video and I’m going to say it again.
Krav Maga actually gets rid of the ‘fancy spinning’ and is more straight to the point. It’s not like showing you a fancy way to punch but more like how to get the best out of a punch.
Also it heavily encourages nut kicks.
so, they teach boxing?
@@suezuccati304 more like self defense boxing, so nutkicks are ok and kicks are a thing
Jenny Nicholson is an international treasure
@@suezuccati304 Also mixes in some boxing, Jiu-Jutsu, weapon disarming, basically what you need to get the fuck outta there
@@helloyesiammillie but based on what you said, to "get the most out of a punch" that's basically the foundation of attacking in boxing. You dont want weak ass jabs, you want your opponnent afraid of letting his guard down.
the whole “invincible action hero badass” thing reminded me of one of the first pieces of character building advice that ever stuck with me, i was like 6 and watching samurai jack bts on fucking vhs and genndy tartakovsky himself said very succinctly “weaknesses make your character stronger”
and then we got like a full 30 seconds of jack getting his absolute shit handed to him lmao
Dear Diary, welcome to my *kooky* life! Tehe, my name is Jake Rivers, but sooo many people call me the "Big Man" because I'm six-four and two-hundred-fifty pounds! UwU I'm a really cool big guy who's super cool and big and I wear a lot of camo that I buy from Bass Pro Shops.
My grandpa is also super big and soooper handsome, and he got me into this cool college! ÒwÓ
But some people there are so dumb!!!!! They're small and weak and bad and need safe spaces, but I'm big and strong and have a gun!!! Gosh, these snowflakes make my PTSD flare up, it makes me want my own special space where I don't have to be near things that make me feel bad!!!! A few people even hurt me!
:(((((( Those guys are so mean and way too strong, strong enough to take me down!! A big guy like me could easily take them down, though!!!! ^_^
So I beat them all up and it was sooo cool and everyone thought I was sooo big and cool and hot and *everyone* clapped for me and I have so many hot girls now! I gotta go find out my classes for Freshman year, now that I'm getting my Master's! I'll write in you tonight, Diary!
I probably laughed a bit too hard at that. XD
That's it, that's the book.
I'd actually read the book if it was just diary entries like that
ALL-STAR GAM3RPUNK
Same
God is resurrected.
Krimson: *shows a book he enjoys*
Me: “wait what a book he actually likes-“
Krimson: *pulls a psyche and shows another book called trigger warning*
Me: “welp, here we go again.”
Garethel Rev for some reason I like reviews of bad books that are, you know, bad, rather than good books that are enjoyable. I
Yeah true
Sweet Home Alabama I love the review of the bad books more, but sometimes he just needs a break. The most prominent good ones that I can think of were Tintin, Polar Express, John Carter, Harry Potter, V for Vendetta, and How to Train Your Dragon. Sometimes he just needs a break.
"I'm not like other boring white guys because I have ~military training~"
This is the same level 'I'm not like other white girls, I'm into ASTROLOGY.'
It's funny because with every other word than "training", military grade just means "the cheapest shit that barely works"
@@prancingpally4386
Because it's mass-produced?
@@greywalker505no, you definitely can mass produce things while still maintaining quality. Unless, that is, you constantly give contracts out to companies that will overcharge and under deliver (that you also just so happen to hold stock in, totally a coincidence.)
There was a literal Checkov's Gun introduced and he blew it
all to kingdom come.
I know right what the hell? 🤣
Funniest comment I've seen in a youtube comment section, bravo
I love hearing more about the big man jake rivers. In awe of the size of that lad. What an absolute unit
“Aw lord, he comin’”
Jake's bigness is the main selling point of the book.
We inherited a bunch of Johnstone books from a friend who was moving. They're good for starting bonfires with. Literally not figuratively.
@@Jimbo_Fett What on Earth does that mean?
@@aubreeyost6904 it means he think you're a As Jay Double You
@@guilhermeshiba3135 I'm pretty sure that burning books is more a quality of a controlling government than anything else. The only books I burn are these ones. The writing is trash.
@@aubreeyost6904 i do get what you mean. i'm not in favor of burning any book tho
@@guilhermeshiba3135 I used to feel that way as well, but there are just some things that should never be published. Those books were paid for, all the people involved got thier due for them and at that point it's my property and up to me to decide what to do with it. People male book art, use pages for wall paper and cut off spines for wall decoration and that's their choice.
A guy called Rivers calling himself Rivera actually manages to be less subtle than a vampire called Alucard!
"Jakes needs an education."
Jakes needs (a third grade) education.
I kinda love how he not only refers everyone to go watch Jenny Nicholson's vid, but also assumes we've already done so and goes off of that for his own review
It's like the Bad Books shared universe
This confirms that Onision's characters and Jake exist in the same world
Are we including Strange Aeons in this multiverse since she came up several times in his Onision book reviews?
It also shows that there's so much wrong with this book that there are two reviews of similar length (1 1/2 hours ish) that cover mostly different points.
"congratulations you've achieved nothing" I don't know why but for some reason I feel that needs to be on a shirt.
* hears my family name *
lord I hope it's an antagonist
* it is *
my ancestors lie in honor tonight
Live in glory, my friend
"He couldn't see seen"
- Just in case you still needed any proof the editor ran away halfway through. I hope he's in a better place now.
So since I listen to this show like it's a podcast, I appreciate that you have loud, annoying music every time something is written on the screen to remind me to close my drawing program and read.
Same, except I work from home and am also working while I listen.
@@mkx27e I'm working too. I get paid to draw stuff. Sometimes. Let's get that bread.
omg same i do my commissions while watching these type of book reviews
Same, I like to write while listening to these and it's nice, other reviewers I listen to tend to just put up the text as they talk
Honestly I feel like the annoying music is kinda the point. XD Like "Hey! Look at this irritating thing!"
1:20:11-1:20:15
"Your country needs you."
"But do I need my country?"
...
"Where's your sense of patriotism?!"
"Ah! (Holds up a finger, then picks up his drink.) God save the queen!"
(A few of the dozen or so patrons weakly echoed the sentiment.)
"That's about as patriotic as we get around here." - League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.
If Justice Dog was in that film, it might have saved it.
Another movie that i know is bad but love it based just on the concept and universe. See also: Bright
@@Theaielman believe me league isn't the worst team-up movie I've seen. check out this russian movie called "the defenders/guardians". my god, it sucks
@@Theaielman I really did love Bright. Could’ve made a great show.
Foster? Like, foster the people? The guys that made a song about a school shooting? God. Even my dense ass can see the references here.
I think you're giving the writer too much credit
The author seems more triggered than the people he's triggered about.
You did it! You broke it down to its bare essentials!
That’s usually the case.
I'll never understand how people can be so offended by other people being offended.
@@sharkyclawfang7837 Like at least the first person probably has a reason even if you think its silly. The second guy is offended over literally nothing.
"There was a school shooting!" is gonna be a recurring joke, isn't it?
seems so, but in this case it was also a plot point...
@@Dragonspoetofdeath it's always a plot point on this channel.
@@feralchangeling97 I agree that it is as of late... not sure what to feel about that though.
And, once again, it comes down to character insight being limited by an author’s complete lack of self-awareness. If you have an author who refuses to acknowledge their own flaws, you’re inevitably going to get these God-complex characters, and it’s so disappointing.
@brandon roberts True, and I think that's mainly because we're not subjected to whiny internal monologuing haha
@brandon roberts Saitama works because he's a relatable protagonist who just so happens to be a God. And he's not without flaws. His godlike powers make him senseless and disconnected with reality. Jake is a normal dude who has plot armor and no flaws so he's not fun
@@kreatona4219 he's not senseless, he's not even mad with power. His flaw is basically depression.
@@letsreadtextbook1687 ah, I didn't mean senseless, I meant to say apathetic
this might be wrong but if I remember. Tasers are actually worse when you're muscular. They're designed to send electric shocks to your muscles and cause them to seize, and if you have very big strong muscles, than it's basically easier for the taser to do it's job. So Jake being "an absolute unit" Would be on his ass screaming in pain if he got hit by 1 taser.
yeah, that's true. also, the people who aren't as affected as much (i.e more fat than muscle) still, you know, FALL TO THE GROUND AND SCREAM IN PAIN. because it's meant. to be painful
This story is like when your parents guilt you into eating your food by bringing up starving children in Africa. "Oh, you shouldn't care about trigger warnings, because some people fight in wars".
I know this is a fallacy, but I can't remember what it's called.
False equivalence? Non sequitor? Tbh I think there's so many fallacies that *could* be attributed to it.
With everything that the author lists in this whole section, why DIDN'T he just put a picture of a map of the campus? That would have made things much easier, and it's not a massive logical stretch.
Too expensive to pay an artist obviously. 🙄
@@AngelVocal Wouldn't even have to hire an artist. Just say Jake drew a crude map at some point, then scribble something in MS Paint with the crayon tool. Boom, serviceable map.
Oof I do love a good map
Illustrated map? Pssh, that's for cheaply made children's books
Oh, I've absolutely had military training and they _totally_ educated me on how to disarm someone of a chain and use it to fight thugs.
_Totally._
I know this wasn't Onision's book but I can only imagine Jake as Greg.
I can only imagine him as Benjamin peirce
I like how the book practically antagonizes people who were held hostage by terrorists. I feel like that's a directed insult but I'm not sure where.
Thank you father Krimson for this gift of suffering
Gia Monic nice icon
My phone is almost dead, if only someone would plug it in. I wondered where Jake Rivers was at this moment.
The author has clearly never even seen a college student, let alone knows what colleges and universities are like.
They did see those college protest videos though.
@@aaronkelly1762 Oh those darn kids caring about things.
Imagine being so triggered you have to write a whole book about how "I'M NOT TRIGGERED, YOU'RE TRIGGERED, YOU! BANG BANG BOOMER SHIT!!!"
BANG BANG BANG
PULL MY DEVIL TRIGGER
@@Dalek59862GOTTA LET IT OUT GATTA LET IT OUT
Nah, trigger would imply he has some kind of actual condition being set off. This guy is just upset.
This author seems to have a lot of trouble combining expository information with scene setting descriptions. Him looking out the window and seeing the campus laid out in front of him is a perfect time to set the vibe of the enviroment while giving some sense of layout of the surrounding buildings.
Sincemost of the story takes place in the library it would have been good to talk about what it looked like from his window. How the brown stone and ivory columns invited students for long afternoon study sessions between the long rows of shelves where sunlight poured in through the tall georgian windows, but today clouds were rolling in and cooling the day, the overcast sky turning the usually warm and welcoming library into a chilled tomb of silent study.
Instead she just lists off the buildings like she's reading you the map. Her descriptions aren't really all that descriptive.
He*
@@kikil3227 wow, talk about necro-ing comments. She as in the author. JA Johnstone is William Johnstone's niece. William died in 2004, she's been writing under his name since, including this book. I think this was covered in this video, but it has been a year since I watched it.
@@AngelMercury J.A. isn't even the real author either, all of the Johnstone books are currently being written by a group of unknown writers who have all signed NDAs, we'll never know who the actual authors are because they are not legally allowed to identify themselves.
So, who knows? There could literally be dozens, if not even hundreds of different writers churning these books out now. Which leads to an incredibly inconsistent product with these novels.
I used to enjoy WWJ's books, when he was actually writing them, but I haven't read one in quite some time now. Besides, there are plenty of other things for me to read, and I keep on finding plenty of old westerns for fifty cents a piece at the local thrift stores, so I will not be running out of reading material anytime soon.
I don’t know why you put yourself through this, Krimson. Your patience is a higher caliber weapon than any mechanical weapon we might employ. Haha, God I sound pretentious, don’t I?
Lol, oh my god, that was terrible! XD
Clearly the most dangerous enemy in this book is the "UNRELENTING SIDEWALK"
True patriots go everywhere by car, the communism of walking to places is almost too much for him
William Johnston wrote amazing westerns. He died in like 2005. His niece then took over writing under his name. That’s where it all went wrong.
I watched Jenny's video on this, cant wait to see your take!
I was wondering when he would get to this book. Jenny's sense of humor was the only thing that kept me interested in that video.
i love jenny too !!
same here!
I’ve been waiting for you to review this for so long.
Hope you can handle how **big** Jake is
double entendre warning
The writer could have used a special little thing I think - Jake training the students to defend themselves and supplyong them with training guns or something, while also learning that the "terrorists" are essentially what he would become if he'd go extreme with his ideas, and that his psychological triggers are a thing.
Essentially to learn how to be stronger by admitting some weakness... and learning something.
But it would not.
There are multiple ways this could have been better
Jenny Nicholson suggested this in her video but the writer set up a scenario where Jake has enough weapons he could have gone building to building and fought multiple groups of bad guys like a giant video game.
Then the author did not do that
"Justice Dog, your government needs you!"
"I don't wanna~"
"DAMN IT!"
i've been wheezing since the beginning, now i'm just dead 😂😂😂
Just Dead?
@@TheBonkleFox Just Dead. 😎
Ah yes, I love the Adventures of Ol' Hoss McRangerface at Strawman University
Jeeves Anthrozaur Nice.
“You absolute walnut!”
I may use this just to confuse people
Well, I call people absolute doorknobs sometimes, so I might start doing the same with absolute walnuts. It's a pretty good idea, isn't it?
‘The bar is set so low at that point, you’d have to go out of your way to pass it’
Empress Theresa- *exists
That commentary at the end about the counseling is disturbing.
Last semester someone called in a hoax shooting threat to my local college, i hid with several other students and professors under desks in an office, we were legitimately terrified and one girl had a panic attack, and that was for just a THREAT. We didn’t leave the room until the police came and cleared the campus, and the chief came by and told us the threat was a hoax.
They called in some counselors from off campus so those that needed it could talk to someone. On campus we have only one counselor and over 2000 students, mental health IS an issue on our campus.
I live in texas and the “snowflakes need counseling” view is disturbingly common, and i always get uneasy around anyone who holds that view
That’s the kind of person who blames the victim.
Isn’t the author dead?
Like for years? And his niece has been writing his books for him since then? And she’s the “With” part of the authors?
That's the "author reveal" that's in Jennys review :)
That's actually kinda freaky
Yeah that’s the story. William Johnstone has been dead for 15 years and his niece is writing under his name which is so weird. For the life of me I can’t figure out why she doesn’t debut under her pen name and lose her uncle’s name.
@@nootnewt9323 Seriously, as I said, that is absolutely freaky to me.
ccbib
On a technical level she’s not that bad an author. I feel like she feels very stuck at writing the way her late uncle would’ve (to keep his fan base) and that’s why everything gets so generic.
That shirt is PAINFULLY masculine. I got the vapors just looking at it, and someone had to fetch my smelling salts to revive me. Maybe in the future you could warn us ahead of time? You know - some kind of.... Trigger Warning? ❤️😸❤️
Okay, I'll leave now.
I just love your username, Glory Hulle 😂🤣
You sunuvabitch, you take your like and you *GET OUTTA HERE*
"He flung the thick volume at the gunman as hard as he could"
*Michael Scott energy increases*
I love how the vast majority of these kinds of 'political' books always come off as poorly-written 13-16-year old self-insert anime fanfiction.
Insert relatable teen/young adult. Insert god-tier powers. Insert no real challenges. Insert personality-drained arm candy. Insert lack of self-awareness. Insert illogical win situations/just PIS or WIS in general. Shove ideology of choice down throat with no genuine depth.
What does PIS/WIS mean?
Writer-induced stupidity
Probably Writing in Stupidity.
"And the cringe continues!" That would be a good name for you series of these reviews of dumpster fires.
Or for merch since There was a schoolshooting!!!!!!! is inappropiate...
Imagine if for the entire original trilogy of Star Wars Darth Vader was just called "Anakin Skywalkera" but his reveal was treated with the same weight
"The students can have a little PTSD, you know, as a treat" shouldn't be a hot take and yet here we are
I love when a book mansplains basements and stairwells for me.