10 Ways a Covert Narcissist Displays Anger and Hostility by Lise Leblanc

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  • Опубліковано 21 лис 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 176

  • @hallmorrison
    @hallmorrison 11 місяців тому +37

    I'd swear Lisa describes my parner in unbelievable detail. It hits me like a revelation each time.

    • @Laurent402
      @Laurent402 7 місяців тому +2

      I feel exactly the same way it scares me and I get a little bit of relief also. Good luck bro.

  • @scottoz7891
    @scottoz7891 11 місяців тому +32

    Withholding intimacy was the last straw. WHEN THE PROBLEM ASKS WHAT THE PROBLEM IS..😮😮

  • @balanceskateboarding8807
    @balanceskateboarding8807 10 місяців тому +24

    When he leaves a room I'm in he has switched off the lights as if I'm not even there!

    • @SardonischerDean
      @SardonischerDean 10 місяців тому +4

      Bruh my sister has done that alot over the years

    • @KraftwithaKD
      @KraftwithaKD 26 днів тому

      This was my ex husband. All. The. Time.
      When we split he admitted it. He actually used the word, “undermine.” He told me he did things to undermine me. They know what they are doing.

  • @ed000
    @ed000 10 місяців тому +26

    Their behaviours are also difficult to prove in family court. Please make a video to educate the family court on these inhumans. Thank you

    • @KraftwithaKD
      @KraftwithaKD 26 днів тому

      They also do things the courts wouldn’t care about even if they were provable. They’re snakes.

  • @calgreg2569
    @calgreg2569 11 місяців тому +113

    My mother ‘accidentally’ closed a car door on my fingers once when I was a little boy.. I,was told it was my fault and it serves me right for being so stupid..they can be heartless..hurts worst when it’s family.

    • @Misfit-from-Zanti
      @Misfit-from-Zanti 11 місяців тому +14

      Look what you made me do..! 😳

    • @fayray9544
      @fayray9544 11 місяців тому +16

      I just want to give that little boy a hug and say I’m sorry that happened to you.

    • @loriwhalen2321
      @loriwhalen2321 11 місяців тому +13

      That's horrible! I hope that you have found healing in every way!

    • @hallmorrison
      @hallmorrison 11 місяців тому +7

      Worse when it's parents as moral guardians. Even accepting is hard

    • @shayaeido8405
      @shayaeido8405 11 місяців тому +4

      Sure does 🫂

  • @jonahlee1272
    @jonahlee1272 11 місяців тому +13

    “Smear campaign”. My entire fucking family. Lise, you are an angel

  • @normanwells11
    @normanwells11 9 місяців тому +15

    I left one month ago today. I feel a bit lonely but overall I have not been this happy in years.
    She threw a couch at me once cause she was "done carrying it" - had the strength to propel it forward towards me though. Nearly broke my foot.
    She had an outburst my borthday weekend, which culminated in me calling the cops as she withheld my meds. To this day she says I am the abuser for having called the cops.
    She is now blackmailing me to extort me for money. She has stolen from me. Traingulated me with her teendage daughter who is slowly becoming just like her.
    Considering filing for a restraining order.

    • @blydnhvghn
      @blydnhvghn 7 місяців тому +2

      Get the restraining order and allow yourself the peace you deserve.

  • @sleepytimeshecomes
    @sleepytimeshecomes 11 місяців тому +21

    it's been 8 mos since I booted the narc out and just listening to these signs is triggering. I'm still angry I got treated like this and sometimes embarrassed. It's good to watch these vids as a reminder to keep you sharp and aware so that you don't allow these ppl in your life again . This experience really did hurt me as I still have nightmares and can't sleep sometimes.

    • @KraftwithaKD
      @KraftwithaKD 26 днів тому

      The embarrassment is all theirs. They act like naughty toddlers. They’re cringy as hell.

  • @rostamr4096
    @rostamr4096 11 місяців тому +21

    Number 4 is one of my experiences with my narcissistic wife. She had an issue( jalouse) about me being an engineer and constantly put me down for it...

  • @ericcando2903
    @ericcando2903 11 місяців тому +60

    I am a victim of number 10. My soon-to-be ex-wife created a social media account specifically with the purpose of portraying me as a narcissist, and her as the total victim. She has also been posting about other men she has talked with on that account, while in her quest to garner sympathy. The dissolution cannot come fast enough.

    • @vaughnlewis1953
      @vaughnlewis1953 11 місяців тому +12

      This is horrible this happened to me as well smh

    • @MichaelBurset
      @MichaelBurset 11 місяців тому +7

      You are not suffering alone brotha. My ex did the same months prior to the final discard.

    • @ericcando2903
      @ericcando2903 11 місяців тому +3

      @@MichaelBurset Damn. I am sorry that anyone else would have to endure this.

    • @ericcando2903
      @ericcando2903 11 місяців тому +8

      @@vaughnlewis1953 I thought I was the only one. Turns out there are quite a few vindictive women out here.

    • @robertdemeter5793
      @robertdemeter5793 11 місяців тому

      To completely des-troy a Narc with EASE, and reveal their total Cowardice, simply have them lookup - ' Gaddis The Ayahuasca Wave '... Have them read that whole page. .

  • @ChromeCrom
    @ChromeCrom 11 місяців тому +20

    This video just outlined the last five years of my life! So much to unpack and very grateful to be in therapy. My therapist asked me yesterday to make a list of common traits my past partners had, this is the list 100%…10/10 😢
    The veil has been lifted. Thank you for these videos. This is the truth so many are searching for and there are too many trap videos explaining to viewers on how to navigate these types of relationships and help ‘fix’ the other persons behaviors to save these toxic relationships. The only fix is to leave them behind, work on yourself so you do not fall victim to others toxic traits and traumas.
    SEEK THERAPY, GAIN CLARITY ❤

  • @barcarissay
    @barcarissay 11 місяців тому +14

    Part of the abuse and them playing victim, they’ll accuse you of being narcissistic yourself and twist many things to make you believe that you are and drive you crazy. They’ll even pull this video here and send it to you, while projecting themselves in you.

    • @ma3alimezo82
      @ma3alimezo82 10 місяців тому +2

      True
      The projection

    • @MichaelBurset
      @MichaelBurset 6 місяців тому +2

      I thank God mine pinned me with narcissistic behaviors if not for that I wouldn’t have studied narcissism for over a year and learned She in fact was a covert narcissist! God Is Good!

  • @Tara-jq2ii
    @Tara-jq2ii 11 місяців тому +15

    They KNOW THEY ARE WRONG. THEY KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING ISNT RIGHT. OTHERWISE THEY WOULD NOT GET UPSET WHEN U TOLD PEOPLE. OR THEY WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO TURN IT OFF AND ON DEPENDING ON WHO IS AROUND OR WHERE YOU ARE. Also they don't like it when you do anything negative to them. That they do to you. So I believe they know they are wrong. They just think they are above the rules..

  • @IzabelaWaniek-i1x
    @IzabelaWaniek-i1x 11 місяців тому +11

    Your list of behaviours which the narcissists choose to humiliate and torment their victims is spot on. Thank you Lise 😊

  • @Misfit-from-Zanti
    @Misfit-from-Zanti 11 місяців тому +21

    Wow this is a total step by step guide to the last 10yrs of my relationship. First year was great. Then one by one step by step. Grrrrr 😡 My mother was an abusive narcissistic and groomed me to accept this behavior. They make you feel like you deserve it, or had that comming. No my kids from Miss thang have holidays together without her and my psycho mother. Good times for sure but the guilt instilled is hard to shake.

    • @Bucephalus84
      @Bucephalus84 11 місяців тому

      You might have BPD. The shame and worthlessness feelings are telling.

    • @johnsuggs7828
      @johnsuggs7828 11 місяців тому +2

      26 years here

  • @marinelalarsen3736
    @marinelalarsen3736 11 місяців тому +11

    This is so true. It's really scary, like a horror movie. They live in another reality, in which their partner I guilty for not giving them what they need. And no matter what their partner do, it doesn't matter because they decided that the partner is enemy. It's a mental disease.

    • @majolie555
      @majolie555 11 місяців тому +2

      And what you do do for them is never enough….

  • @rooftopcat1785
    @rooftopcat1785 11 місяців тому +9

    After my figers were slammed in the door, and i was told i should have been paying more attention, @ 5 years old, after a beating then dragged down the stairs,prior to be ing tossed out , in my haze i said, was i paying attention now?? at five years old i knew something was wrong with that mother. Shes 93 now and still will attempt to rule,but shell turn to dust like all despotic rulers.

  • @Chill-mm4pn
    @Chill-mm4pn 10 місяців тому +8

    My ex was physically abusive but lied to her family saying who knows what. Never move in with them or get them pregnant or get pregnant by them.

  • @Krb0122
    @Krb0122 Місяць тому

    Lise, you hit the nail on the head over and over. I just cant believe it sometimes while your explaining things. I lived this, all of this. Just wow. God bless you Lise LeBlanc.

  • @just_bee9482
    @just_bee9482 11 місяців тому +4

    This is what I am going through as we speak.

  • @antonyhunt1375
    @antonyhunt1375 11 місяців тому +17

    My now ex, weaponised the criminal justice system, set me up, got me arrested, self inflicted injuries, turned our children against me, engaged in a vicious smear campaign, took my home, money & investments, stole jewellery, cash, perfume from numerous family & friends, ruined birthdays, weddings we were invited to, holidays with friends, put an expensive bottle of wine from SW Australia in hand luggage hoping it would be confiscated, booby trapped cupboards so things would fall out & smash, played the victim.

    • @directionfinderformen
      @directionfinderformen 11 місяців тому +3

      Are we brothers? Because your story is mine. Seriously

    • @Zorobbabel
      @Zorobbabel 11 місяців тому +8

      Wow, this is extreme abuse.

    • @Taricus
      @Taricus 8 місяців тому

      Throws things away and if you see it in the trash or can't find it, you ask them and they immediately have a massive reaction and start a dramatic argument.... 🤔 That one always confused the hell out of me...

  • @christinemunger7054
    @christinemunger7054 11 місяців тому +8

    So true! Thanks for this excellent info!

    • @LiseLeblanc
      @LiseLeblanc  11 місяців тому +3

      Thank you for the positive feedback!

    • @AnthonyManzio
      @AnthonyManzio 10 місяців тому

      @@LiseLeblanc I've got narcissistic parents and my brother and his wife are also narcissistic too. I hate Christmas but go to my parents place and I do feel invisible, My brother never talks to me, but I refuse to go to my parents place on New Year's Day when it's all a show for my parents and relatives showing how good parents are. My brother couldn't care if I was dead or alive. I blame my parents for not having enough boundaries like myself. My parents could care less about my feelings and have been like so all my like. I'm the scapegoat and the scapegoat also at work. Money destroys family and it never makes my brother and wife happy. They are so superficial. Not Giving either enough boundaries to their kids either. I see a pattern repeating itself and perhaps my niece is now turning into a narcissistic young girl too. Only time will tell. My parents will be pissed off of me for weeks. I'm 55, not 20 anymore. All my parents care what others will think of them as parents, why I'm not there and not worth explaining since they don't care about my feelings. It's all about them or my brother only one sided. Screw that. If anyone, including my cousins, would have visited me at my place but no cousin or brother ever came to my place for 22 year both of my places. Screw fake superficial people.

  • @JohnSmith-wo7ns
    @JohnSmith-wo7ns 11 місяців тому +8

    Yes my ex did all these, the hardest for me was switching off the intimacy. She'd always be upset with me about something so i was always having to make things up to her but would never reach the point of affection. Its hard to walk away when you think you love someone and are not sure what youre dealing with.

    • @J.F611
      @J.F611 11 місяців тому +3

      My story brother

    • @brianreed8271
      @brianreed8271 11 місяців тому +3

      Same here

  • @glendunzweilerproductions2812
    @glendunzweilerproductions2812 4 місяці тому +1

    Listening to these breakdowns is like seeing the shadow of my previous relationship. I think it helps me. Either way, it’s like watching a horror movie. I draws me in and reaffirms to me that I was right to get away. Nice work. Thank you so much. Please keep producing videos.

  • @evoz4489
    @evoz4489 11 місяців тому +17

    I got hit by a car last year and she said the reason why was because I cursed at her in my mind (which untrue...and stupid). I broke the wrist that broke my fall. A couple months after I got out from the hospital, she invited me over and as we were watching a movie, she grabbed that wrist and squeezed it hard, hurting me. She just sat there observing my reaction and then said "oops, so sorry". I could tell by the intonation of voice and her facial expression that she wanted to get a reaction. Sadistic.

  • @greghayes7933
    @greghayes7933 11 місяців тому +12

    Mine was intimacy and sex for sure …wouldn’t touch me our last 5-8 years …when I pleaded with her to explain what was going on …she stonewalled me …when pressed I was discarded after 20 years of marriage …she did many of the other 10 things as well …just thankful I finally got the wisdom

    • @J.F611
      @J.F611 11 місяців тому +2

      Not alone in this Sir

    • @greghayes7933
      @greghayes7933 11 місяців тому +2

      @@J.F611 thank you brother …took me years to get the wisdom on this insanity …goood to know I’m not alone

    • @J.F611
      @J.F611 11 місяців тому

      @@greghayes7933 for sure....I consider myself "smart" and I missed this for 20 years.... now so obvious! Sad how much time we wasted holding out hope, thinking they would love us back, desire affection. We probably would have still taken the emotional abuse though..... maybe it's better that they closed up shop in that way. Forces us to realize how horrible they were to us. My STBXW even knew my love language was physical touch...and still deprived me for years

    • @laurasmith8154
      @laurasmith8154 9 місяців тому +2

      It's crazy how you think you know someone so intimately but one day you just get tossed aside like an unwanted object, it's sad when you have to beg a partner of so many years for intimacy!

    • @greghayes7933
      @greghayes7933 9 місяців тому

      @@laurasmith8154 yep it’s insane truly …how I stayed so long seems crazy now

  • @theelementslook
    @theelementslook 9 місяців тому +4

    This was so accurate that it’s both scary and validating.

  • @tinawest8015
    @tinawest8015 11 місяців тому +6

    Yup! Exactly.. so well said.

  • @jgarcia2305
    @jgarcia2305 3 місяці тому +4

    1, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 for me. I think it’s time for me to leave.

  • @robertdemeter5793
    @robertdemeter5793 11 місяців тому +10

    If you think THEY are the one that "made' you feel then you are still under their control/spell, you're still wrapped up in their neverending inner delusions/dar-kness, and you learned nothing. The truth is, you were loving YOURSELF the entire time you were interacting with them as they were doing nothing more than mirroring you, there is nobody inside them in the first place, therefore there was nobody for you to love but yourself (as they themselves are incapable of true empathy/love).
    Stating that they made you feel is like saying an empty robot made you feel, or an empty soda can made you feel. And in the same way it's completely ridiculous to think a Narc made you feel anything...As they were doing nothing more than mirroring you in the beginning. Based on a lie and you cannot truly feel for lies.
    They are completely incapable of processing their emotions, they don't know how to. And that is why when you state that you love them they greatly resent it, they turn you into an enemy and play their games. Because inside they ask themselves- " how can you possibly love this ? '
    Unless you get over these massive hurdles and understand the bigger picture of Universal spiritual truths in your relationships then you will never be the truly empathic powerful loving spirit being you truly are to love the world/heal the world. ..

    • @Siegefya
      @Siegefya 2 місяці тому

      @@robertdemeter5793 I hope you don't mind but I shared your comment on the narcissistic abuse subreddit. I'll take it down if you want, I tagged your UA-cam page etc on the comment. It's under the thread "I want to go back" in that sub.

  • @ingy2468
    @ingy2468 10 місяців тому +8

    Do they regularly refuse intimacy saying they are tired yet have enough energy to argue to not allow intimacy and make you feel wrong about wanting intimacy in a relationship which is normal and they make it out that you are only about intimacy, thats all you are bothered about, and then they flirt with someone else around that time that you really want their intimacy and when you obviously make a fuss as that feels like rubbing salt in the wounds, they make you feel like you are a jelous partner? And you have a real problem with jealousy and an abnormal obbession with sex.
    And no matter how many times you state that if you wanted a friend and not a lover, you would live with a friend, this doesnt matter at all as they make you feel guilty about wanting intimacy with them, even though they are supposed to be your lover.
    Can anyone relate?

    • @albertoesperanza4394
      @albertoesperanza4394 10 місяців тому +2

      This is exactly what did happen to me.

    • @ingy2468
      @ingy2468 10 місяців тому

      @albertoesperanza4394 I believed it was me, I had the problem, but I can see it differently now.

    • @ingy2468
      @ingy2468 10 місяців тому +1

      @albertoesperanza4394 When I would say I have "helped you" as in 'you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours' which again is very normal, she would make that out to be some sort of blackmail (another problem I've got etc!) "Oh just because you've done something for me, I'm expected to do something for you!?" like it was totally abnormal.
      She constantly turned all normality around in the relationship so as to not allow intimacy that I enjoy, it felt like she would use any excuse to make sure I don't get to enjoy myself, and what makes it worse is that it was about enjoying myself with her! Like everyone supposed to in a relationship!

    • @HouseOfLabelle
      @HouseOfLabelle 3 місяці тому

      Happened to me too

    • @JulieEarl-f5x
      @JulieEarl-f5x 3 місяці тому

      Yes, I absolutely can relate- Married for 43 years to a man that had every excuse in the book for not wanting to have intimacy, and I’ve heard so many times that sex was all I could think about which couldn’t be further from the truth. I realize now that this is part of the abuse. I felt unloved and unwanted and lonely most nights. It was funny though how he perked up when my sister would come to visit!🤣He also had women that he had known from high school that he friended on Facebook. He didn’t hide it and would show me posts that they had sent him, pretty sure to see my response and make me jealous, just weird and I’m glad I’m out of that situation-Just feel sorry for him because he has no one really, not a meaningful relationship with anyone-😩

  • @georgeferguson3754
    @georgeferguson3754 11 місяців тому +2

    Very informative, thank you for all your videos. They're really helping me understand what I've been subjected to for the last 3years. Thank you for helping me realize that it's not me that's in the wrong. I just wish I had half this knowledge years ago.

  • @AND-od5jt
    @AND-od5jt 11 місяців тому +2

    Thanks once again!

  • @mekman4
    @mekman4 11 місяців тому +2

    Thank you for the insight!

  • @bobesfanchi
    @bobesfanchi 11 місяців тому +5

    Hi Lise, we often hear that partners of NPD/BPD people are codependent or develop codependency. I searched your channel but did not find any content on the subject. As someone who just came out of uBPD breakup, i have spent too much time researching BPD but now i am trying to work on myself and change my codependency behaviors. It would be nice if you could add codependency to the list of the subjects you talk about in your videos. Thank you so much for all the content you put online.

  • @ianarn
    @ianarn 10 місяців тому +2

    She intentionally created a drama before my first Birthday with her and I was deleted from social media and unfriended on another account on my actual Birthday! No admission of wrongdoing from her or being able to talk things out! Just give me what I want or you’re gone! A smirk on her face at my discomfort!

  • @majolie555
    @majolie555 11 місяців тому +1

    These are very good points that I have not heard in other narcissistic videos.
    Thank you.

  • @wgcvirtual
    @wgcvirtual 11 місяців тому +3

    I just can see my ex-wife's behavior on those 10 characteristics you've described, with the exception of hurting me physically

  • @JKDVIPER
    @JKDVIPER 6 місяців тому

    We watch these pretty regularly, so it’s pretty common for me to go into a long winded description of something I’ve been through. Just because when you go through a recovery process, a cathartic change, you have no fear when you describe your actions. Feels good for a change. But... that one was very detailed. I learned a lot. Our narcissist had I think almost all of these categories you mentioned. 😂❤woe.

  • @Nolapoolguru
    @Nolapoolguru 10 місяців тому +2

    Damn number 3, number 7, number 8, number 9, number 10 😢

  • @ezdeezytube
    @ezdeezytube 5 місяців тому

    Frankly its amazing how mamy boxes they check off from the descriptions you provided here. The NPD pattern is real.

  • @JM-ke1xm
    @JM-ke1xm 5 місяців тому +2

    Thank you for this video. It’s incredibly validating. 5 years of a sexless marriage with a wife who removed all my food from the pantry and placed it under my desk in my study because it wasn’t good enough for the kids. Could not have anything I bought in either living room. Always was humiliated in front of Uber drivers and sales people. No affection ever and finally spending $30,000 a month on credit cards on discretionary personal expenses. Then SHE filed for divorce when I insisted on a budget.

    • @Siegefya
      @Siegefya 3 місяці тому

      Man that is horrible. I'm sorry you went through that. But hey, you're on a better path now.

  • @abdulhafizbozdag2988
    @abdulhafizbozdag2988 9 місяців тому +1

    Thank you

  • @evoz4489
    @evoz4489 11 місяців тому +5

    Now I know why my now-ex liked that song by Sam Smith..."Dancing with a Stranger"... "Look what you made me do, out with somebody new, oh baby baby I'm dancing with a stranger". Long story short, I ended it and dodged a toxic bullet.

  • @jorgfruhbrodt5786
    @jorgfruhbrodt5786 11 місяців тому +22

    I've been in a relationship with a 55 year old covert narcissistic woman. When being intimate with her she occasionally jumped right off me after SHE had finished. When I brought that up she just said "You don't need to finish every time!". Imagine this with roles reversed! 🤣

    • @evoz4489
      @evoz4489 11 місяців тому

      OMG, same here. In addition, over time mine wouldn't let me do the things that gave me pleasure, like um, insert myself. So instead, she got a fake one and made me fk her with it. At first I thought it was cuz she wanted to spice things up in the bedroom. But sadly all she ended up wanting was something fake that couldn't feel, or talk back. Oh and she would start watching porn on her phone while we were doing stuff (rude!). She told me in the beginning she would never share me with anyone (we both talked about and preferred monogamy). A month before the break up, she started asking me about inviting another lady into our sex life so she could "watch" me do stuff to her. Not what I signed up for. (See ya)

    • @cassiebennet4262
      @cassiebennet4262 10 місяців тому +1

      It doesn't have to be imagined. This has always been the standard. Women have always been used like this. I totally agree with you, but seriously dude is this your first day?

    • @jorgfruhbrodt5786
      @jorgfruhbrodt5786 10 місяців тому +4

      @@cassiebennet4262 Got triggered? That's nothing but a feminist narrative. Are you talking from personal experiences with Chad and Tyrone?

  • @dinab7852
    @dinab7852 6 місяців тому

    My favorite comment on your videos: "This woman is saving lives people." - AMEN 🙏🏻
    This video just like all your other videos describes my abusive ex-husband 100%

  • @vtmegrad98
    @vtmegrad98 11 місяців тому +2

    Ouch. My wife is almost a clean sweep of all of these.

  • @tms0815g
    @tms0815g 11 місяців тому +2

    I can confirm more or less all of these points over a period of many years. Horrible.

  • @moxie96
    @moxie96 11 місяців тому +2

    This is my parents. I always worry about my friends marriages could be doing the same situation on them too. The worst thing would be if they make a child who’s stuck witnessing 24/7 fights their whole life unless they run away from home, which I never could do because I was well watched and locked inside

  • @getreal9400
    @getreal9400 5 місяців тому

    Kudos you are right on point one of the best in this narcissistic field I’ve seen

  • @ElenaCriminalistica
    @ElenaCriminalistica Місяць тому

    Incredibly accurate!!

  • @ADAVETADVOCACY
    @ADAVETADVOCACY 11 місяців тому +2

    I'd like to collaborate with you on how experiencing a narcissist causes a disability.

  • @BiéreSaint-Pub
    @BiéreSaint-Pub 11 місяців тому +2

    She ignored my efforts for our wedding anniversary. She made me look like an idiot. And many others. I escaped too late. My feeling is that she used those methods to control her environment which also resulted in violence.

  • @iadore9269
    @iadore9269 11 місяців тому +2

    Hi please could you do a video on how to deal with narcissists turning people against you. Thk u x

    • @scaryclarey654
      @scaryclarey654 11 місяців тому +1

      I would like that, as well. I can see it happening with my narcissistic boss. I am setting boundaries, so she keeps amping up her aggression. I hear her whispering a lot to colleagues she seems to be winning over.

    • @iadore9269
      @iadore9269 11 місяців тому

      @@scaryclarey654 I'm sorry you are going through that. It's hard to get away from unless you want to leave your job. I seem to find myself in friendship groups where one will be a narcissist and then I feel I have to leave each group because the narcissist will start to slander me when they know I am backing away from them. Unfortunately my mother is one too and I wish she'd just disappear. I moved out but somehow her toxicity still permeates.

  • @Bibleinformationandhelp
    @Bibleinformationandhelp 11 місяців тому +6

    I think it is mighty strange to see yourself as a victim while you are doing evil to other people. I guess life is real funny like that.

  • @vivisimonvi
    @vivisimonvi 11 місяців тому +3

    Knocking your introvertedness is a big one. She used to say shut-ins are just lame people or outright losers (indirect to me of course).

    • @patthebaker2156
      @patthebaker2156 11 місяців тому +2

      I had similar experience.. i am fairly introverted and when having a date i would like to be well prepared and have a plan(just simple things lik knowing where we will park etc if driving to a beach) this drove her mad as i was not spontaneous enough.. and she would put me down for it or try to change things at the last minute to ruin my planning

  • @GenX071Guy
    @GenX071Guy 11 місяців тому +3

    My God she is beautiful ❤️❤️

  • @MichaelBurset
    @MichaelBurset 6 місяців тому +1

    Let’s not forget all the reality reshaping, mine tried to convince for over two years that I am a sociopath/ pyschopath despite the fact that she knew I was in therapy for decades and never even heard the slightest hint that I Might be one!

    • @Siegefya
      @Siegefya 3 місяці тому

      Same. Combat veteran with PTSD and ADHD...she never wanted to go to therapy even after I suggested free couples therapy through the VA, but had the nerve to smear campaign me to people claiming I'm a sociopath. They really try to act like they are intelligent and know things, no the only thing they are good at is manipulating people.

  • @grandvizar
    @grandvizar 11 місяців тому +2

    Wondering if #7 and #9 by itself would qualify someone to be a covert narcissist.

  • @sharynmain2432
    @sharynmain2432 11 місяців тому +2

    Hi Lisa thank you for another great insightful video. You may or may not have covered this topic, but have you considered addressing what the fall out from a narcissistic prone person is when they discard / you leave a romantic relationship … what to expect to change in your attitude/thoughts/behaviour if you are on the right track towards ‘healing’. I had two oppositional / difficult older sisters since birth and have at some level known what was healthy and unhealthy… but have had no people who were as intuitive to actually ‘get it’ in any of my intimate circle / friends. So… trying to connect with others who didn’t want to sidetrack ‘toxic’ people for whatever reasons…leaves you rather scarce for company. I was very perplexed when entering the therapy world here in New Zealand as I made the assumption that psychology would investigate those darker elements and those antagonist relationships. I feel I came in with so much information as I have research it myself from people like yourself and then feel stilted and disappointed as the culture seems … behind in what or how the world is working … maybe I have just not met the progressive therapist. Do you feel on average that the mainstream (in the real world not media) is really trying to address this topic with courage… or are we still in the hold hands together and just be more compassionate and listen more… and may favourite… it is your lack of communication…. That needs addressing?I have become a bit disillusioned with some website outlets that seem more interested in ‘likes’ , being seen on the right chat show and making a brand for themselves and their posse. Rather than just do what basically helps and is needed … addressing this topic head on, frankly, without sugar coating and realising we have a very broken world and for those who have more favourable traits such as kindness, empathy, common sense and decency do not want to spend our days siding and belonging to this toxic group that only puts us in our graves earlier than we should be. What do you feel is happening and why won’t more specialists touch these subjects… in a honest and frank way?

  • @faithanddevotion
    @faithanddevotion 11 місяців тому +4

    Exactly!!

  • @jensendkmg7209
    @jensendkmg7209 11 місяців тому +1

    It's like you watched my STBXW and just wrote down every single thing she did.

  • @paulshortall6734
    @paulshortall6734 5 місяців тому +1

    The sense of entitlement and victimization really jumps out

  • @moxie96
    @moxie96 11 місяців тому +1

    And this was my experience with my second ex all down the line

  • @terrencehamm4662
    @terrencehamm4662 6 місяців тому +1

    My ex, while on vacation and in Target, purposefully attempted to pay for $250 worth of items with an expired credit card and gift cards in front of a full line of patrons. When I preemptively attempted to pay, she caused a scene which got progressively worse with each system rejection. So frustrating, embarrassing and confusing. Thankfully the pings from her have lessened the more I ignore them. Good riddance.

  • @NormanInAustralia
    @NormanInAustralia 11 місяців тому +1

    Thanks!

  • @RockonMarketingTV
    @RockonMarketingTV 10 місяців тому +1

    Right on
    👍

  • @balancer00
    @balancer00 11 місяців тому +2

    Lise, can you make a video on the development of both BPD and NPD? I’ve heard that both types of disorder developed as children were transitioning from ages 2 to 3, maladapting to play, rule observance, and role playing?? Can you flesh this out more, please?

  • @jon5423
    @jon5423 11 місяців тому +2

    The Borderline’s really are a Rollercoaster and now this has really awakened my eyes

  • @hipsulitheone4919
    @hipsulitheone4919 11 місяців тому +3

    I had no idea that intensionally causing you small harm physically was a covertnarsist thing..my mom was a covert narsist and when i was a baby and when i was little she would do these things To accidentally cause harm To me..onneks she even tryit to cause fire In the house by putting a Milk bottle on To the stove with too little water on the cattle and then she went To the livingroom To wait for the Walter To boil away..she even Come To see what's takin so long but she made sure not To walk on To my viel.. i could easily hear her footsteps and i could feel her presens..then even thou the Walter had allready boiled away she went back To the livingroom..the firealarm even went of and all i could do was watch as the smoke that was first just Walter Walter turned Black and thick as the alarm kept screeming..she would have been succecfull too if it haden't been for our nextdoor neighbour Who was outside on a walk and heard the alareunassa and saa the thick black smoke that was coming from our kitchen window..he saw the situation and jumppa In To our kitisee imediatly after seeing the smoke and me In the kitchen...he stoped the fire from escalading anyfurther by taking the cattle from the stove and opening a fasset..then he took me In To his arms and made sure i was allright..at that point my mom walks In To the kitchen and goes what are you doing with my Child.. he guikly explained everything and her excuse for that To happea was i was outside In the back garden doing gardening..umm..i dont have children my self but im pettynyt sure that no one normal would ever put something on the stove on highest temperature and leveys my goddamn Child there and go outside doing gardening..i dont understand how things like this could happea around her and jet nobody ever critisised her ever for anything..she did these kindah accidents To me constantly..nobody ever realised that i was In danger when ever she was around and i could'nt stand her..just seeing her In the distance was ectremly draining..when i was a samalla Child she could"nt stand To take care of me..could"nt stand that it had To rewalve around me ane i think that she was actively punnishing me for it..when i got oulder she'd gling on me like the leach that she was..i allways thought that she'd To be a psycopath ot something cause i didnt know it was a part of the covert m.o To cause these kindah accidents..
    But i"m also not saying that she wasent a psycopath..glad shes dead these days..

  • @mamun3192
    @mamun3192 3 місяці тому +1

    Maximum points matched horrible... She was extremely horrible 😓 broke up with her 10 days ago.

  • @Laurent402
    @Laurent402 7 місяців тому

    Number one is so true!!! 😱

  • @MichaelJohnson-ql9rz
    @MichaelJohnson-ql9rz 11 місяців тому +1

    Spot on

  • @AugustusTiberius-tq1gw
    @AugustusTiberius-tq1gw 7 місяців тому

    Sounds like my X. It's a shame that she was not willing to change her insecurities. Thin ice 🧊 and roller costers. It's hard to get over some one you care about. 💔. For one's peace of mind. It's best for me that she left.

  • @AccountabilityHub
    @AccountabilityHub 9 місяців тому

    I’ve been seeing a woman for a little over a month now… she’s been showering me with intense affection, making me desserts and dinners, giving me gifts, and even reciprocated a trip that I booked for us for booking a trip for us herself. One morning her entire aura changed, her attitude towards me became very condescending and belittling, and she began looking for arguments and disagreements. I knew it was her time of the month so I told myself it’s just that, but the final straw was when I tried to hug her in bed (not a sexual advance, I was too tired myself) and her response was one of disgust. The next morning I politely but sternly called her out on her condescension and disrespect and she started crying and blamed her “narcissistic” ex husband. Since then, we’ve went from talking every day to her not even answering a call or text for hours. I guess I’ll never know if this is narcissistic behavior or just immature and selfish

  • @dianamachado2415
    @dianamachado2415 11 місяців тому +8

    Long silence treatment is the worst. I flirted with a guy who caused me a lot of stress because when he got angry, he didn't talk to me. He used silence treatment to make me suffer. I didn't know about it at that time. By away, he picked up his phone, and he spent a lof of time looking on the phone, and showed me pictures of another women just to make me feel jealous, I cried, and my heart got heavy, I couldn't breathe well. I felt so bad when he treated me like that. His behaviour happened when I disagreed of him about some issues. Now, he married with a girl. I feel bad for her, but the life is what is.
    Thank you for bringing this wonderful content to all of us!❤

    • @evoz4489
      @evoz4489 11 місяців тому +3

      I had issues with silent treatment too. She would use the excuse that she was charging her phone or that she forgot to finish a sentence because she got distracted. The anxiety from that immature communication style really affects your nervous system over time. I found myself starting to return the silent treatment because it was the only way to make her know what kind of conflict she created. But over time, I realized, this is not who I am. We become like them if we don't walk away. You literally end up using narcissistic traits back at them, because they won't have a normal talk with you, which then allows them to play victim and say YOU are doing X, Y, and Z. That's when you go no contact. There's no winning at their game so if you leave then they can go play with themselves LOL

  • @25N77
    @25N77 11 місяців тому +1

    Exactly!!!!!!!

  • @Livia-hv6gw
    @Livia-hv6gw Місяць тому

    My ex narcissist made gaslighting, stonewalling, triangulation and other typical abusive behavior like aggression and withholding an everyday experirnce for me. He made a Fairy tale nightmare and in real life he also made other women pregnant also having children out there. After two years I also found him in addiction and criminal actaivitets. Don’t go near if you are exposed to any of these bevaviors, it takes years to explore what really happened behind your back. 😢

  • @aclaar877
    @aclaar877 11 місяців тому +1

    I decided it's time to call them out on passive aggression - either they actually mean what they are saying, or they are saying something that isn't true, just to hurt you. Which is it??

  • @ican4ever
    @ican4ever 2 місяці тому

    The little jabs that get progressively hurtful started for me as early as the second date, and might have even happened on the first (there was a bit of language barrier).

  • @user-sl2vx1gg6f
    @user-sl2vx1gg6f 6 місяців тому

    so true thanks:)

  • @williammartin4666
    @williammartin4666 11 місяців тому +2

    I need some help I don't know where to start

  • @slanginthebizkitpodcast
    @slanginthebizkitpodcast 11 місяців тому +2

    Lisa could you do a video of what to expect from a female covert narc after the relationship? I’m 4 months removed from the relationship with my ex and have heard radio resilience from her, while also not reaching out. What should I expect moving forward

    • @HenkdeVries-h6g
      @HenkdeVries-h6g 11 місяців тому +7

      You got replaced with a new supply

    • @wandRng
      @wandRng 11 місяців тому +4

      Agreed, there's new supply. Careful though, sounds like you're expecting a hoover, but it may not happen for a while and/or at all. Armor up and move on with your thoughts as best you can. Godspeed

    • @slanginthebizkitpodcast
      @slanginthebizkitpodcast 11 місяців тому

      @@HenkdeVries-h6g the only new supply was female friends, she blew everything up and moved back home to her parents. Trust me I crossed every T and dotted every I, I couldn’t find any proof of men. Could female friends / family be the new supply?

    • @evoz4489
      @evoz4489 11 місяців тому +5

      I am in the same sitch here, but I am the one who broke it off. I have completely blocked her on all platforms, so I don't expect to hear from her due to her not having access to me. Let me tell you bro, it gets easier as the days pass. I am finding myself again after being in a c**t of a 3-year fog with this woman.

    • @evoz4489
      @evoz4489 11 місяців тому +1

      And btw, so what if you get replaced. These people never heal. There is no cure for it. The next person will get love bombed probably, but then will get their s**t. And never take the whole Idealize, Devalue, Discard thing personally. They will do this with EVERYONE, no matter how "nice" you are to them. They never individuated from their mother so they need to reenact this with any intimate partner they acquire.

  • @muliczakatalin8247
    @muliczakatalin8247 11 місяців тому +1

    I do not want to know how narcissists show their anger or let out their frustration.

  • @mukesh.dhimar
    @mukesh.dhimar 2 місяці тому

    I remember The Demon taking me to some gross place where she could wear next to nothing and going on the dancefloor knowing it all made me so uncomfortable.
    She also used to by design get my birthday "wrong".
    She used to flirt with guys in front of me. We were supposed to go to a wedding and she went on her own and then messaged me to tell me guys were chatting to her and then she told me that she'd "pulled" and then blocked me.
    She used to tell people things about me that weren't even true and she used to tell people "If you knew whay he did to me" but when people questioned her and asked her what I'd done wrong, she couldn't answer.
    She sexually abused me. She also cheated on me. A few times. Now and again, she would tell me and say it was my fault because I wasn't there.
    Towards the end, she wouldn't cuddle me or anything. She would tell people lies about me. Luckily, MOST, not all but most people know me very very well and knew what she was like.
    As with most comments I've written, I still shake and tremble in the night and when I wake up in the morning too,. sometimes in tears. It's been 310 days since I saw her and i still have nightmares.

  • @annakrajan
    @annakrajan 5 місяців тому

    If they "know but don't know" what they do, how can I help the narcissistic person? I'm so exhausted hearing accusing, demands, apologies, experiencing his anger, rage, and so on but still...he's my husband, we have been together for 27 years, we've got children. It's so hard to put paid to all my life.

  • @robertdemeter5793
    @robertdemeter5793 11 місяців тому +4

    To completely des-troy a Narc with EASE, and reveal their total Cowardice, simply have them lookup - ' Gaddis The Ayahuasca Wave '... Have them read that whole page. .

  • @michaelc.6927
    @michaelc.6927 6 місяців тому

    Been married for 47 years , putting up with all kinds of hurtful behavior, a real rollercoaster! But it wasn't until happening upon your channel that I now know that it wasn't me or my imagination and that there was a name for the symptom of the behavior that has been bestowed upon me. After all these years I don't really want out of our relationship, I'd rather she realizes that she has a huge problem and wants to change herself. In your professional opinion Is this possible Lise??

  • @lindawheeler3479
    @lindawheeler3479 9 місяців тому

    Happened to me.

  • @rapstar4575
    @rapstar4575 8 місяців тому

    Truth ❤

  • @AugustusTiberius-tq1gw
    @AugustusTiberius-tq1gw 7 місяців тому

    Her godmother said to me. Don't take her back. She will not change her ways and only break up with you again. She has to learn a lesson from being with many Chad's and Tyrone's

  • @aliciahilton9240
    @aliciahilton9240 8 місяців тому

    Yes

  • @juliefisk8066
    @juliefisk8066 5 місяців тому

    The only thing my ex-husband didnt do was hurt me physically. He's now getting married to a woman he's known for just a few months. I have this overwhelming desire to tell her what she's getting into, but that's not my job.
    He's doing to her, exactly what he did to me. Smearing me like he did regarding his first wife, except...surprise! There was no first wife! He likes women who have abusive exes. We tend to be easily manipulated and believe almost everything someone tells us, especially if the prior relationship has ended before we've completely healed. It's sad to watch what he's doing to her. However, she would not believe me and trying to defend myself is pointless. She'll find out soon enough

  • @CoMoKWhat
    @CoMoKWhat Місяць тому

    Ya you should let people know what your role in people’s lives has really been.

  • @Ballpython77
    @Ballpython77 11 місяців тому +1

    my soon to be ex wife did all theses.

  • @MichaelGraf-m3y
    @MichaelGraf-m3y 11 місяців тому +3

    My ex wife to a T !!!!!!!

  • @elissasara1615
    @elissasara1615 Місяць тому

    Every.Single.Thing. And I thought he was an overt Narc, Guess he was both.

  • @gbaybayc
    @gbaybayc 7 місяців тому

    Scarily accurate lol

  • @nicholecornes1915
    @nicholecornes1915 7 місяців тому

    Omg!

  • @peacebeyondunderstanding
    @peacebeyondunderstanding 11 місяців тому +2

    2:36 or “accidentally” hitting you in the face 🤣