I love your channel. I am going through a divorce. The relationship centered around her. She was extremely disrespectful, emasculating and criticized to no end. You are a breath of fresh air. ❤
My wife is trying to discard me at the moment, for the past 3 years she has been out having affairs trying to secure a new supply but at 44 yo she is only finding pump and dump situations and she caught 3 stds for her trouble. Now she has caught herpes it makes her market value is near zero, pity any guy that it catches it from her. She was having an affair with a married guy and I can bet she never mentioned the issue. Typical narc wanting to spread the misery around.
Watch paternity court and detach , you will see men being berated … Identify who you are as a man … honestly… and watch how the judge , the women interacting with who you are …For me it’s been filling in the gaps of my experiences … personally change is difficult especially when society is pushing men down on all fronts… this was one way for me to recognize and reconnect to my nervous system. Some cases go back 30 plus years, and the man was not the father…
Stay strong Watch Sam Vaknin too. I'm out 1 yr now from a 20 yr relationship with a covert female narcissist. It was tough to get out But my life has changed so much in the last 6 months. Everyday it's more happiness, no more memories of the toxic person. No more pain. But you have to do the work with channels like this one. Richard Grannon , Lisa Romano. Anyway. You can do it. I did
7 tests a narcissist conducts to assess your suitability 1-buy-in: into the narcissist's false narrative 2-level of investment: what do you have to offer as supply 3-emotional empathy: how they can manipulate and control you 4-tolerance: how much will you put up with their chaos, drama, manipulation 5-compliance: how easy you comply to their demands, putting the narc first. 6-loyalty: creating conflict to see if you will take their side 7-memory and cognitive abilities: can they gaslight you, confuse you to affect your judgment. lise: excellent breakdown of the science of how narcissists "qualify" sources. people do not owe the narcissist anything, because they wouldn't do anything even comparable for you if the roles were reversed. cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
Ironically, these rules apply to most women. They give guys tests to see if they are good enough to be with them before getting invested. I don't ever remember getting involved a woman that told me she loves me for being me. It's what I have to offer they are attracted to before jumping into bed with me. If it doesn't work out...they jump into bed with someone else soon after the break up. Go figure. Maybe it's the women I'm choosing? All I know is...I'm done with dating anyone. I'm better off.
So true. People with personality disorders usually cannot stand it when you take it slow with them if they're trying to hide the crazy. It's so hard for them to wear the mask for very long.
Caveats R Us Reciprocity is often contrived as narcissistic behavior is fairly conniving. … Oh Big conniver Nothin' but a jiver I done got hip to your jive Oh Big conniver Nothin' but a jiver I done got hip to your jive Slippin' and a-slidin' Peepin' and a-hidin' won't be your fool no more, ow! - B. Holly 🎸
That test at the end of the video has some nuance when dealing with a covert narcissist. My mother is a covert narcissist and when presented with a situation like that, she's like 'ok, I understand, you need to live your life, no problem', but that's only until you actually start doing what you agreed you'd do. On your first or second time, nothing visible will happen, but eventually she'll start complaining to strangers and other family members of how selfish you are, how she's lonely or in need but you only think about (whatever it is you're doing), or how you're such a bad person that you prefer (the thing you're doing) over being with them. So, by all means, do the test, but be prepared for early 'success' be just an illusion. Don't assume the person is NOT a narcissist just because they're (apparently) willing and understanding. It may just be episode one of a drama series that will unfold in the future.
The key for me was realizing that via projection, her sins were being thrust upon me. In other words, she was guilty of everything she accused ME of. When you plead with them repeatedly and calmly to try for honest communication, emotional connection, and accountability with reciprocity, you are living a delusional fantasy. I learned this after 25 years. I refused to give up hope (Love + denial?) because I'm not a quitter. But when I fully realized I meant NOTHING to her emotionally, and was not a person, but merely a thing, I was DONE. We have been officially divorced for almost two years, and I left her 4 years ago. The only thing I'm dealing with now is parental alienation. Our 22 year old daughter is caught in the middle. VERY hard and be prepared. The narc is ruthless and will not cease in the defamation attacks against you. Do not sink to their level. Be there for the kids emotionally and physically, but do NOT counterattack or try to leverage your kids in any way.
Well, this was different for me. For the longest time, my Narc suggested I do more alone. She was very supportive of me going out riding motorcycles, hunting, etc. I thought she was being supportive and caring. However, she had another angle. This gave her more time to herself to spend with whomever and not have to deal with me and the marriage. So not all of them will get upset over hobbies. However as the marriage went on, she did start to complain that I had a saltwater fish tank and say I spent too much time on it. The only reason she made a big deal out of that was to deflect the fact that I had been arguing with her for spending zero time with me intimately or any other way. So they use something you like to do and will say "Why are you complaining to me about it when it's YOU that spends all your time with the fish tank." When in reality, I spent a lot of time on that hobby because she abandoned the marriage and ghosted me in our own home. So it's always an angle to make the Narcissist the victim and you the bad person. It's infuriating and immature, but they are masters of it. They want you to defend yourself as a normal person would and get out of answering your initial question. Always happens.
They answer a question with a question every time especially when you need an answer of yes or NO... It's so frustrating. And YES my ex bashed every hobby I every did. She hated it, and belittled me for it. It caused alot of stress. Very immature individuals. The only reason I stayed for 18 months was for the sex. She was beautiful and I dont attract women like her, so I was smitten. Not knowing she had alot of issues and I kept coming back for the sex. Even tho it's over now, I would drop everything if she asked to F**k me right now. Maybe it's low self esteem on my part? But I won't ever meet another one like her on that level so it makes me sad I had to let her go. Unfortunately, I suffer from depression now because the " discard " took a negative effect on my psych. I'm had to seek therapy.
Ex psycho used to go on endlessly about me going to Jiu Jitsu. I will be very clear in that I trained only a few times a week and never let it get in the way of other responsibilities. I think she was just jealous of me spending time doing anything besides being her slave.
Holy hell !! Mine too. I dance-skate ( roller skate). My ex hated me going to the rink and practice 2-3 times a week when she had her son to watch. Or I would do sculpture work late at night and she would complain. Keep in mind these hobbies didn't get in the way of our relationship but she acted like it did. It's craziness.
I can give a couple of examples of number 04: 1) My covert narcissist ex, at the beginning of the relationship, travelled to another city for work, and I asked what were her plans for the day, and she simply refused to answer. I thought it was weird and out of character, and we argued. After a few days not speaking, and she refashioned the event as me being unreasonable and immature for fighting, and I fell for it, because this was still in the love bombing stage, and I couldn’t imagine that she would be manipulative or deceitful. 2) Also at the beginning of the relationship, she suddenly broke up with me, for ridiculous reasons. I was appalled and saddened, because I had already started to invest emotionally, after refusing to have a relationship with her for a year and a half (the love bombing actually caused me revulsion at the start, as if I felt it was too good to be true, but she was VERY committed to pursue me at any cost). Two days later, she asked to talk and we got back together. Those two events early in the relationship were marked in my head, and now I know she was testing me to see how much punishment (lies, deceits, gaslighting, projection etc.) I could take. Unfortunately, I “passed” the test. I was in the middle of a tremendous cognitive dissonance, because the woman who acted so lovingly and passionate, who seemed so kind and good, was actually being nasty. I preferred to give her the benefit of the doubt. After all, like most people, I had no idea that these behaviors were part of a pattern of someone with a personality disorder. I only learned after the fact about narcissism.
I experienced a similar thing. It's manipulative tactics to mess with your emotional state. I'm very sensitive to my emotional aura so any disturbance to it triggers me to get anxious or depressed. Sometimes she disrupts my balance. I was told I have very accute self awareness so I know when someone is trying to throw me off. My first sign of getting irritated is being silent & calm before the storm, then I give a verbal warning on how I'm feeling .Finally, I'll lash out from frustration and regret it. I know I need to find another way of handling these people....I just need to go silent and keep my damn mouth shut, and walk away. I never learn....
This channel and looking behind the mirror saved my mental health. After breaking up with my ex. Who was a text book narcissist. I was able to make a full recovery after making sense of the chaos and was able to put myself back together. She destroyed my sense of self worth, my self confidence and ruined my relationship with my family after having cut them off for her. You’re doing the lords work. Thanks a million. God bless
@@LiseLeblanc Your videos were a big help! Went no contact. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. The trauma bond and codependency made it hard , but making sense of the chaos and understanding what I experienced helped me process my narcissist ex girlfriend. We were together for a year , I even moved in with her two months into our relationship. Spent 2 months trying to make sense of the past year. The saddest part was that I never knew her and I was in love with her mask. Glad I came across your videos. You do an amazing job explaining
So, in essence, in the beginning of the relationship they will test you to see if you will take further abuse. This is very wild. It is a good thing they won't get away with it. Some people may call it karma.
Such can be the case with greedy landlords who go from good to their residents, to suddenly being an opportunistic harassing nit picker. Name a start bothering you about what you have in your home, on the lawn, even if it's not in the way or bothering them. They may start criticizing your stuff, tell you to get rid of it, and even start criticizing your way of life. Remember, the stuff we're talking about CAN be ESPECIALLY true IF the person DRINKS, ESPECIALLY a lot and then DRIVES AFTER DRINKING.
@@0annonymous It is good to continue to do what is right even if it seems to be to our disadvantage. I believe things will turn in your favor if you are doing right.
Sometimes these tactics can also go into business relationships such as tenant-landlord relations. If you have a landlord you've had for quite a number of years and it's always been great with them, and then suddenly there's a bump in the road on THEIR part, you're usually NOT expecting what's coming down the pike in the form of what could LATER turn out to be a NIGHTMARE. That's why it's smart to be secretly recording EVERYTHING at EVERY encounter, and I do mean EVERYTHING. Another thing to pay attention to is when your landlord suddenly decides to start snapping pictures inside your unit. . yes, some of those areas may be previous problem. Areas they need to show the section 8 inspector, but why start snapping pictures NOW when it's NEVER been done before? This is what I mean by if landlords that were good before start going South. And there's no legal grounds to evict.... And they start looking for anything and everything possible to use against you for leverage.... As an excuse to evict. In other words, they're trying to find an excuse that could land them high and dry later. The question when they start snapping. Pictures inside your unit is. Who all are you sharing those pictures with? Who all are they sharing those pictures with? When they snap pictures inside your unit, that's not only putting your PRIVACY at risk, but MAYBE EVEN your SAFETY. You don't know how many eyes are seeing these pictures. When someone starts snapping pictures inside your unit, they COULD be SECRETLY setting you up for a potential break in and robbery. If anything sounds familiar and you've been notice your landlord has become a bit nosy and intrusive, start covering open storage areas to remove the distraction. Nosing around isn't what they're there for. Removing attractive distraction means less of a chance to snoop. I'm sure some people out there do cover open storage areas . then you have others who may have never had a need to do so.... UNTIL something started happening that shouldn't. Sometimes they may even start picking up. You're stuff like canned goods and looking at dates and criticizing how far past the dates they are. They may not be much of a prepper like you are, but if you're following prepper groups, experience prepper groups can guide you as to how long can goods are safe. Another thing to pay attention to with greedy landlords. Who probably don't want you there. No more is if they start criticizing the fact that you have. Stop store down in the basement, even if it's well out of their way, and they don't even want you storing stuff down there when this was never before the case, and it's your basement only. Sometimes drunk narcissists, maybe trying to nit pick, poking and prodding to try to get you to move. If you're on a contract and there's NO LEGAL REASON to EVICT, you especially on a CONTRACT and ESPECIALLY if you're DISABLED, then they MUST go through things LEGALLY like EVERYONE ELSE. I know I'm adding value. Because narcissism can and often does flow into other areas
Now I see why I've felt a mysterious tinge of hatred when the narcissistic person was talking about and exaggerating "how sensitive (or) angry I was around (some issue). Thanks for the clarification - (I was feeling defensive because I smelled this shitty behavior!)
Yep, so true. I would get defensive and snap easily on her for being unexcepting of my hobby time. Then I was accused of being mean, then I'd regret my reaction. These people are such manipulators.
my ex has a lot of these qualities and she discarded and blocked me completely out of the blue. i was actually relieved at the time as i had felt pressurised by her, but my head was also melted by the cold treatment... thanks for the insights
Lise Leblanc, you are so on point. I have dated a covert narcissist for almost 4 years with hopes of marrying her, and I'm burned out emotionally. I wish I knew these earlier 😢
Do not get married. Trust me, I married a covert five years ago and those last five years were the darkest season of my life. Finally divorced three weeks ago and I’ve never felt such peace finally being free of her toxicity. DO NOT marry a narcissist. If you do, it will be the end of your life, quite possibly literally
Agree 100% with comments. Do not get married. She threatened to kill herself if I didn't Marry her. I turned up late because I was so unhappy. But I freekin did it. Everytime I tried to leave her, she had some threat to her safety or living situation, no home. So I was constantly looking out for this stray cat who was ruining me, personally. I think she is more calculated or damaged than a basic covert narc. She burnsd her family home down. Chronic attention seeker. My first panic attack was when I tried to leave her, and she got pregnant. She had never conceived inover 5 years. That was 8 years ago. So 14 years on she is abusing child emotional and psychological. I honestly haven't minded being dead a few times. As I get through family court accused of fake allegations. As I witness my son be abused, and possibly medically abused. But I'm not leaving my child with that fake cow. Let me tell you. Run run run run. Be alone and have a healthier self esteem and no vulnerability like a child with her. Run
@ma3alimezo82 Thank you for sharing. I tried breaking up on 4 occasions in the past. Each time, she returned with claims of pregnancy. She never gets pregnant when things are fine between us and only when we break up. The last time she returned with a supposed 6 weeks old pregnancy in March 2023, I took her to a random hospital for a pregnancy test. The test results came out positive, so I took her back. She promptly destroyed the new relationship I was building whilst she was away. After she finally got her grips firmly on me again, she mysteriously miscarried again and blamed it on me for stressing her. Apparently, she had bills (school fees) to pay, and she thought I was the best person to do that for her. Now that she is done with school, things started getting worse. Sensing a possible withdrawal from me, she started the fake pregnancy antics again. I am wiser now. I ignored her and she didn't know what else to do. I called for a break up. She cried like a babe, tried to blackmail me for making her BP rise and so on. She finally sent me a message blaming me for everything that didn't work out between us and did other things to indicate she was rather the one calling it quits. At least, it has been a peaceful one month since then. I'm dealing with the after-effects now, but I know it's only a matter of time. Thanks.
They can be both BPD and NPD. If they go to therapy, they may learn to hide the BPD... but eventually, the NPD part of them... That mask slips.. and BOOM 💥 the BPD shows... like the other person said... RUN !
And when they do take accountability it feels and seams just in that moment then forget about it. Then it happens again and again blammed on you unless for some reason they wanna let it go temporarily want you again peacefully or they will make it all your fault then move on leaving you feeling confuzed and empty and not even care
I hated when the relationship was going smooth for a couple days because I knew she was gonna FLIP and blame, guilt trip or gas light me for something she wasn't happy about. I had to remind myself that it was coming around the next corner and beware. That's no way to live.
a smart N will follow your early boundaries early and remind you over and over they’re respecting them. They can save/break these up for later when they really want to shock you.
Lol that's the dumbest thing I read all day 😂 and "later on" when they test your boundaries it's the same thing you don't fucking cave from the start to when they " try" to pull a fast one . Super empath went supernova. I'm a narcissist worst nightmare. Speaking from irrefutable experience.
Good to see Lise again. The last longtime “N” fem I stopped seeing was in therapy & naturally wanted me in therapy with her P-doc. After she put on 80lbs via meds. She wanted nothing from me but she “loved my Apt.” Then sends me 2 foldout cots in the mail.
It is very important to know and understand the narcissistic personality disorders and the relationship to a narcissistic personality to avoid your value time, energy and self-image and -esteem feelings. Thank you very much for your well scientific based, helpful, useful, great videos. Orhan Baki, Şenlikköy-Florya/Istanbul-Turkey.
Happy New Year Lise! I just wanted to take a moment to thank you so much for your videos. I ended things with my narcissist in October and your videos pretty much saved my life. I’m a voiceover artist and my goal for 2024 is to grow my UA-cam channel so I can get voiceover work (he was in the process of building a website for me when we broke up, obviously that isn’t going to be an option now). I’m extremely worried that my narcissist is going to find out about my channel and use it to gain access to me. I am super uncomfortable knowing that he could be watching my videos and this almost stopped me from creating the channel in the first place. We have an unspoken no contact agreement. But he’s texted me a few times since our break up. I don’t have my name anywhere on the channel for this reason. I’m wondering how people with public channels deal with the fact that there could be a connection with the person who abused them. It’s almost stopping me in my tracks and I’ve thought several times about deleting my channel. We dated before and he’s admitted that he stalked me physically and online. Any tips from you or your viewers would be greatly appreciated. I really don’t want to go back in to hiding.
Is there a connection between children growing up alone in a daycare setting between the ages of 2 and 3 and the epidemic proportions of narcissism in the world? Can you talk about the theoretical development of both NPD and BPD? I find it difficult to ignore or avoid people with these disorders, and I’d like to develop a skill set to combat the more debilitating aspects of their personalities, if that is possible?
I had a suspicion after two years of emotional turmoil. I called out her dramas, demanded that she take accountability and stood my ground then she discarded me.
Lisa your stuff is brilliant and been very helpful to me. I have a family member (Mum) who i do care for who suffers from NPD. i kinda knew it for many years but didnt know what it meant exactly or have the language to express it. Thanks so much for sharing
I believe parts of these tests can in many ways also be conducted by someone who is a victim of narcissistic abuse, just with a totally different purpose or reason.. which can make it even more complicated for the ones suffering trauma from past abuse...
Hi Lise, I've found your videos thoroughly informative; great content and excellent delivery. Do you have anything on Antagonistic narcissists? I just broke up with one who created fictitious rivalries involving my sister in-law in order to spawn false accusations and constantly insinuate things against me, in general very jealous, threatening and bullying. She never forgave and was full or arrogance.
Sounds like my X. She sure tested my patience. It's a shame it all ended with her not me. I founded interesting that she found a rebound guy so fast. Oh well. This tells me that she wasn't the one. False hope, False promise.
I had to work one weekend with a reptile expo on a weekend she had her kids. She had previously blew up on me but i still helped her get her vehicle from the shop and took her even though i had gotten blocked. She kinda acted like she was my woman even in the car ride but once i worked the show and even we both talked and i stopped by to see her briefly. After the 2nd day of the show i was gonna go see her. She made it out i was inconveniencing her by going over and had blown up on me over nothing at all suddenly then days later said stuff like i didnt care about her while she was home not feeling great while I worked, told me she was my number one supporter even while trying to guilt shame me then followed a kinda breakup on her end days later suddenly. This happened few times then ultimatly few months ago after 4 years together and she blamed me for her not being spiritually etc where she should be in life even though had praised me for me being a main reason along with god to where she finally is in life. Its all nuts imo
Does the female narcissist rarely want to do anything for the man as there isn't anything in it for them? By anything I mean all the normal things you do for each other in a normal relationship, like massages, paying compliments even, or, to the extent of not wanting to give oral in sex as there isnt anything in it for them! 😲 and they persist with excuse, after excuse to not give you that pleasure and then it can extend to regularly refusing sex as she knows how enjoyable and import it is to you in a relationship, Which is perfectly normal in a lovers relationship. Shocking and crude yes, but I've come across this and being a narcissist seems to be the answer.
I have a question. The first two points technically occur in my current relationship (she actually admitted to breaking up with me to test how committed I was to her). But at the same time, she does actually admit her faults and is very self aware about her behaviour. Any thoughts on this situation? We have developed very strong feelings and love in just two months.
I love your channel. I am going through a divorce. The relationship centered around her. She was extremely disrespectful, emasculating and criticized to no end. You are a breath of fresh air. ❤
Had similar experience - 3 women framed relationship: "I'm the queen on her throne, you are the butler". Bad news. Relationships 2 way not 1 way.
My wife is trying to discard me at the moment, for the past 3 years she has been out having affairs trying to secure a new supply but at 44 yo she is only finding pump and dump situations and she caught 3 stds for her trouble. Now she has caught herpes it makes her market value is near zero, pity any guy that it catches it from her. She was having an affair with a married guy and I can bet she never mentioned the issue. Typical narc wanting to spread the misery around.
Watch paternity court and detach , you will see men being berated … Identify who you are as a man … honestly… and watch how the judge , the women interacting with who you are …For me it’s been filling in the gaps of my experiences … personally change is difficult especially when society is pushing men down on all fronts… this was one way for me to recognize and reconnect to my nervous system. Some cases go back 30 plus years, and the man was not the father…
Exactly, she is. I watched lots of this type of videos and Lise is one of my top therapist on YOU TUBE platform.
Stay strong
Watch Sam Vaknin too.
I'm out 1 yr now from a 20 yr relationship with a covert female narcissist.
It was tough to get out
But my life has changed so much in the last 6 months.
Everyday it's more happiness, no more memories of the toxic person. No more pain.
But you have to do the work with channels like this one.
Richard Grannon , Lisa Romano.
Anyway. You can do it. I did
7 tests a narcissist conducts to assess your suitability
1-buy-in: into the narcissist's false narrative
2-level of investment: what do you have to offer as supply
3-emotional empathy: how they can manipulate and control you
4-tolerance: how much will you put up with their chaos, drama, manipulation
5-compliance: how easy you comply to their demands, putting the narc first.
6-loyalty: creating conflict to see if you will take their side
7-memory and cognitive abilities: can they gaslight you, confuse you to affect your judgment.
lise: excellent breakdown of the science of how narcissists "qualify" sources. people do not owe the narcissist anything, because they wouldn't do anything even comparable for you if the roles were reversed.
cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
Thank you for sharing the list
@balanceskateboarding8807 glad to be a bit of help. happy new year 🎉
-all the best, steven 🇨🇦
Very well explained. I can imagine now.
Ironically, these rules apply to most women. They give guys tests to see if they are good enough to be with them before getting invested. I don't ever remember getting involved a woman that told me she loves me for being me. It's what I have to offer they are attracted to before jumping into bed with me. If it doesn't work out...they jump into bed with someone else soon after the break up. Go figure. Maybe it's the women I'm choosing? All I know is...I'm done with dating anyone. I'm better off.
Just one rule you have to learn in your life. To start with any relationship, go slowly and take time.
So true. People with personality disorders usually cannot stand it when you take it slow with them if they're trying to hide the crazy. It's so hard for them to wear the mask for very long.
For me reciprocity is the key in a relationship. That's my test. There must be a reasonable balance
Caveats R Us
Reciprocity is often contrived as narcissistic behavior is fairly conniving.
…
Oh
Big conniver
Nothin' but a jiver
I done got hip to your jive
Oh
Big conniver
Nothin' but a jiver
I done got hip to your jive
Slippin' and a-slidin'
Peepin' and a-hidin' won't be your fool no more, ow!
- B. Holly
🎸
There is zero reciprocity from a narcissist. They have no idea what that word means because it's all about them and their needs.
Yep romantic reciprocity unless you are a narcissist is what we all look for in a partner..
That test at the end of the video has some nuance when dealing with a covert narcissist. My mother is a covert narcissist and when presented with a situation like that, she's like 'ok, I understand, you need to live your life, no problem', but that's only until you actually start doing what you agreed you'd do. On your first or second time, nothing visible will happen, but eventually she'll start complaining to strangers and other family members of how selfish you are, how she's lonely or in need but you only think about (whatever it is you're doing), or how you're such a bad person that you prefer (the thing you're doing) over being with them.
So, by all means, do the test, but be prepared for early 'success' be just an illusion. Don't assume the person is NOT a narcissist just because they're (apparently) willing and understanding. It may just be episode one of a drama series that will unfold in the future.
Great video of information! Another test for a narcissist is to tell them “No!”
It won’t matter how you say it, their reaction will be telling…
The key for me was realizing that via projection, her sins were being thrust upon me. In other words, she was guilty of everything she accused ME of. When you plead with them repeatedly and calmly to try for honest communication, emotional connection, and accountability with reciprocity, you are living a delusional fantasy. I learned this after 25 years. I refused to give up hope (Love + denial?) because I'm not a quitter. But when I fully realized I meant NOTHING to her emotionally, and was not a person, but merely a thing, I was DONE. We have been officially divorced for almost two years, and I left her 4 years ago. The only thing I'm dealing with now is parental alienation. Our 22 year old daughter is caught in the middle. VERY hard and be prepared. The narc is ruthless and will not cease in the defamation attacks against you. Do not sink to their level. Be there for the kids emotionally and physically, but do NOT counterattack or try to leverage your kids in any way.
'An accusation from a narcissist is actually a confession'
Well, this was different for me. For the longest time, my Narc suggested I do more alone. She was very supportive of me going out riding motorcycles, hunting, etc. I thought she was being supportive and caring. However, she had another angle. This gave her more time to herself to spend with whomever and not have to deal with me and the marriage. So not all of them will get upset over hobbies. However as the marriage went on, she did start to complain that I had a saltwater fish tank and say I spent too much time on it. The only reason she made a big deal out of that was to deflect the fact that I had been arguing with her for spending zero time with me intimately or any other way. So they use something you like to do and will say "Why are you complaining to me about it when it's YOU that spends all your time with the fish tank." When in reality, I spent a lot of time on that hobby because she abandoned the marriage and ghosted me in our own home. So it's always an angle to make the Narcissist the victim and you the bad person. It's infuriating and immature, but they are masters of it. They want you to defend yourself as a normal person would and get out of answering your initial question. Always happens.
They answer a question with a question every time especially when you need an answer of yes or NO... It's so frustrating. And YES my ex bashed every hobby I every did. She hated it, and belittled me for it. It caused alot of stress. Very immature individuals. The only reason I stayed for 18 months was for the sex. She was beautiful and I dont attract women like her, so I was smitten. Not knowing she had alot of issues and I kept coming back for the sex. Even tho it's over now, I would drop everything if she asked to F**k me right now. Maybe it's low self esteem on my part? But I won't ever meet another one like her on that level so it makes me sad I had to let her go. Unfortunately, I suffer from depression now because the " discard " took a negative effect on my psych. I'm had to seek therapy.
_Hindsight is 2020,_ is quite an understatement for me now that I’ve been watching your videos.
Ex psycho used to go on endlessly about me going to Jiu Jitsu. I will be very clear in that I trained only a few times a week and never let it get in the way of other responsibilities. I think she was just jealous of me spending time doing anything besides being her slave.
Hope you still practice Jiu Jitsu🙂
Holy hell !! Mine too. I dance-skate ( roller skate). My ex hated me going to the rink and practice 2-3 times a week when she had her son to watch. Or I would do sculpture work late at night and she would complain. Keep in mind these hobbies didn't get in the way of our relationship but she acted like it did. It's craziness.
Protect this woman at all costs!❤❤❤
I can give a couple of examples of number 04:
1) My covert narcissist ex, at the beginning of the relationship, travelled to another city for work, and I asked what were her plans for the day, and she simply refused to answer. I thought it was weird and out of character, and we argued. After a few days not speaking, and she refashioned the event as me being unreasonable and immature for fighting, and I fell for it, because this was still in the love bombing stage, and I couldn’t imagine that she would be manipulative or deceitful.
2) Also at the beginning of the relationship, she suddenly broke up with me, for ridiculous reasons. I was appalled and saddened, because I had already started to invest emotionally, after refusing to have a relationship with her for a year and a half (the love bombing actually caused me revulsion at the start, as if I felt it was too good to be true, but she was VERY committed to pursue me at any cost). Two days later, she asked to talk and we got back together.
Those two events early in the relationship were marked in my head, and now I know she was testing me to see how much punishment (lies, deceits, gaslighting, projection etc.) I could take. Unfortunately, I “passed” the test.
I was in the middle of a tremendous cognitive dissonance, because the woman who acted so lovingly and passionate, who seemed so kind and good, was actually being nasty. I preferred to give her the benefit of the doubt. After all, like most people, I had no idea that these behaviors were part of a pattern of someone with a personality disorder. I only learned after the fact about narcissism.
How have things been for you nowadays?
You are not alone.
I experienced a similar thing. It's manipulative tactics to mess with your emotional state. I'm very sensitive to my emotional aura so any disturbance to it triggers me to get anxious or depressed. Sometimes she disrupts my balance. I was told I have very accute self awareness so I know when someone is trying to throw me off. My first sign of getting irritated is being silent & calm before the storm, then I give a verbal warning on how I'm feeling .Finally, I'll lash out from frustration and regret it. I know I need to find another way of handling these people....I just need to go silent and keep my damn mouth shut, and walk away. I never learn....
Thank you. This applies to companies, boss's, coworkers, family, friends and or groups.
I can't express how much your videos helped navigate a breakup last year. Thank you for everything and happy 2024.
This channel and looking behind the mirror saved my mental health. After breaking up with my ex. Who was a text book narcissist. I was able to make a full recovery after making sense of the chaos and was able to put myself back together. She destroyed my sense of self worth, my self confidence and ruined my relationship with my family after having cut them off for her. You’re doing the lords work. Thanks a million. God bless
I’m happy to hear that you were able to recover from this relationship!
@@LiseLeblanc Your videos were a big help! Went no contact. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. The trauma bond and codependency made it hard , but making sense of the chaos and understanding what I experienced helped me process my narcissist ex girlfriend. We were together for a year , I even moved in with her two months into our relationship. Spent 2 months trying to make sense of the past year. The saddest part was that I never knew her and I was in love with her mask. Glad I came across your videos. You do an amazing job explaining
So, in essence, in the beginning of the relationship they will test you to see if you will take further abuse. This is very wild. It is a good thing they won't get away with it. Some people may call it karma.
Such can be the case with greedy landlords who go from good to their residents, to suddenly being an opportunistic harassing nit picker.
Name a start bothering you about what you have in your home, on the lawn, even if it's not in the way or bothering them.
They may start criticizing your stuff, tell you to get rid of it, and even start criticizing your way of life.
Remember, the stuff we're talking about CAN be ESPECIALLY true IF the person DRINKS, ESPECIALLY a lot and then DRIVES AFTER DRINKING.
@@0annonymous It is good to continue to do what is right even if it seems to be to our disadvantage. I believe things will turn in your favor if you are doing right.
The tactics are a pattern that go into friendships (non romantic) too. This video is super helpful. Thanks
and ppl in the workplace, unfortunately including so-called "leadership"
Sometimes these tactics can also go into business relationships such as tenant-landlord relations. If you have a landlord you've had for quite a number of years and it's always been great with them, and then suddenly there's a bump in the road on THEIR part, you're usually NOT expecting what's coming down the pike in the form of what could LATER turn out to be a NIGHTMARE.
That's why it's smart to be secretly recording EVERYTHING at EVERY encounter, and I do mean EVERYTHING.
Another thing to pay attention to is when your landlord suddenly decides to start snapping pictures inside your unit.
. yes, some of those areas may be previous problem. Areas they need to show the section 8 inspector, but why start snapping pictures NOW when it's NEVER been done before? This is what I mean by if landlords that were good before start going South. And there's no legal grounds to evict.... And they start looking for anything and everything possible to use against you for leverage.... As an excuse to evict. In other words, they're trying to find an excuse that could land them high and dry later.
The question when they start snapping. Pictures inside your unit is. Who all are you sharing those pictures with? Who all are they sharing those pictures with?
When they snap pictures inside your unit, that's not only putting your PRIVACY at risk, but MAYBE EVEN your SAFETY.
You don't know how many eyes are seeing these pictures. When someone starts snapping pictures inside your unit, they COULD be SECRETLY setting you up for a potential break in and robbery.
If anything sounds familiar and you've been notice your landlord has become a bit nosy and intrusive, start covering open storage areas to remove the distraction. Nosing around isn't what they're there for. Removing attractive distraction means less of a chance to snoop. I'm sure some people out there do cover open storage areas . then you have others who may have never had a need to do so.... UNTIL something started happening that shouldn't. Sometimes they may even start picking up. You're stuff like canned goods and looking at dates and criticizing how far past the dates they are. They may not be much of a prepper like you are, but if you're following prepper groups, experience prepper groups can guide you as to how long can goods are safe. Another thing to pay attention to with greedy landlords. Who probably don't want you there. No more is if they start criticizing the fact that you have. Stop store down in the basement, even if it's well out of their way, and they don't even want you storing stuff down there when this was never before the case, and it's your basement only. Sometimes drunk narcissists, maybe trying to nit pick, poking and prodding to try to get you to move. If you're on a contract and there's NO LEGAL REASON to EVICT, you especially on a CONTRACT and ESPECIALLY if you're DISABLED, then they MUST go through things LEGALLY like EVERYONE ELSE.
I know I'm adding value. Because narcissism can and often does flow into other areas
Your videos saved me from abuse. Thank you.
Now I see why I've felt a mysterious tinge of hatred when the narcissistic person was talking about and exaggerating "how sensitive (or) angry I was around (some issue). Thanks for the clarification - (I was feeling defensive because I smelled this shitty behavior!)
Yep, so true. I would get defensive and snap easily on her for being unexcepting of my hobby time. Then I was accused of being mean, then I'd regret my reaction. These people are such manipulators.
my ex has a lot of these qualities and she discarded and blocked me completely out of the blue. i was actually relieved at the time as i had felt pressurised by her, but my head was also melted by the cold treatment... thanks for the insights
Lise Leblanc, you are so on point. I have dated a covert narcissist for almost 4 years with hopes of marrying her, and I'm burned out emotionally. I wish I knew these earlier 😢
Do not get married. Trust me, I married a covert five years ago and those last five years were the darkest season of my life. Finally divorced three weeks ago and I’ve never felt such peace finally being free of her toxicity. DO NOT marry a narcissist. If you do, it will be the end of your life, quite possibly literally
4 years? Ugh--run!
Agree 100% with comments. Do not get married.
She threatened to kill herself if I didn't Marry her. I turned up late because I was so unhappy. But I freekin did it.
Everytime I tried to leave her, she had some threat to her safety or living situation, no home. So I was constantly looking out for this stray cat who was ruining me, personally. I think she is more calculated or damaged than a basic covert narc. She burnsd her family home down. Chronic attention seeker.
My first panic attack was when I tried to leave her, and she got pregnant. She had never conceived inover 5 years. That was 8 years ago. So 14 years on she is abusing child emotional and psychological.
I honestly haven't minded being dead a few times. As I get through family court accused of fake allegations. As I witness my son be abused, and possibly medically abused. But I'm not leaving my child with that fake cow.
Let me tell you. Run run run run.
Be alone and have a healthier self esteem and no vulnerability like a child with her. Run
@ma3alimezo82 Thank you for sharing. I tried breaking up on 4 occasions in the past. Each time, she returned with claims of pregnancy. She never gets pregnant when things are fine between us and only when we break up. The last time she returned with a supposed 6 weeks old pregnancy in March 2023, I took her to a random hospital for a pregnancy test. The test results came out positive, so I took her back. She promptly destroyed the new relationship I was building whilst she was away. After she finally got her grips firmly on me again, she mysteriously miscarried again and blamed it on me for stressing her.
Apparently, she had bills (school fees) to pay, and she thought I was the best person to do that for her. Now that she is done with school, things started getting worse. Sensing a possible withdrawal from me, she started the fake pregnancy antics again. I am wiser now. I ignored her and she didn't know what else to do. I called for a break up. She cried like a babe, tried to blackmail me for making her BP rise and so on. She finally sent me a message blaming me for everything that didn't work out between us and did other things to indicate she was rather the one calling it quits.
At least, it has been a peaceful one month since then. I'm dealing with the after-effects now, but I know it's only a matter of time. Thanks.
Lise....you really do know what your talking about....I love your videos
I think I'm dealing with someone that has bpd and is also a narcissist
Run
They can be both BPD and NPD. If they go to therapy, they may learn to hide the BPD... but eventually, the NPD part of them... That mask slips.. and BOOM 💥 the BPD shows... like the other person said... RUN !
And when they do take accountability it feels and seams just in that moment then forget about it. Then it happens again and again blammed on you unless for some reason they wanna let it go temporarily want you again peacefully or they will make it all your fault then move on leaving you feeling confuzed and empty and not even care
I hated when the relationship was going smooth for a couple days because I knew she was gonna FLIP and blame, guilt trip or gas light me for something she wasn't happy about. I had to remind myself that it was coming around the next corner and beware. That's no way to live.
I heard the words validation non stop over everything and the term admiration when she spoke to me about us
Very useful and so true!! Thank you so much!!!
so her going is a compliment
a smart N will follow your early boundaries early and remind you over and over they’re respecting them. They can save/break these up for later when they really want to shock you.
Lol that's the dumbest thing I read all day 😂 and "later on" when they test your boundaries it's the same thing you don't fucking cave from the start to when they " try" to pull a fast one . Super empath went supernova. I'm a narcissist worst nightmare. Speaking from irrefutable experience.
Wow! Very nice Lise described everything perfectly
Someone told me i am narcistic he use projection defensive and blaming everything i say, talk everything. Believe me, you cant fix them.
Beautiful! And brilliant! God Bless you and yours in 2024!
Good to see Lise again. The last longtime “N” fem I stopped seeing was in therapy & naturally wanted me in therapy with her P-doc. After she put on 80lbs via meds. She wanted nothing from me but she “loved my Apt.” Then sends me 2 foldout cots in the mail.
It is very important to know and understand the narcissistic personality disorders and the relationship to a narcissistic personality to avoid your value time, energy and self-image and -esteem feelings. Thank you very much for your well scientific based, helpful, useful, great videos. Orhan Baki, Şenlikköy-Florya/Istanbul-Turkey.
Quite relevant information. Thanks Lise. Blessed New Year and season 🙏
Thanks!
This is GOLDEN ! 100%🎯🎯🎯🎯 on the spot! HAPPY NEW YEAR! 🎯
Happy New Year🎉🎉🎉
helpful reminder for me. thx!
Happy New Year Lise! I just wanted to take a moment to thank you so much for your videos. I ended things with my narcissist in October and your videos pretty much saved my life. I’m a voiceover artist and my goal for 2024 is to grow my UA-cam channel so I can get voiceover work (he was in the process of building a website for me when we broke up, obviously that isn’t going to be an option now). I’m extremely worried that my narcissist is going to find out about my channel and use it to gain access to me. I am super uncomfortable knowing that he could be watching my videos and this almost stopped me from creating the channel in the first place. We have an unspoken no contact agreement. But he’s texted me a few times since our break up. I don’t have my name anywhere on the channel for this reason. I’m wondering how people with public channels deal with the fact that there could be a connection with the person who abused them. It’s almost stopping me in my tracks and I’ve thought several times about deleting my channel. We dated before and he’s admitted that he stalked me physically and online. Any tips from you or your viewers would be greatly appreciated. I really don’t want to go back in to hiding.
Lisa thank you so much for such in depth information, just amazing 💯 spot on
Happy New Year Lise! Thank you for your valuable advice--keep the videos coming!
Your Channel has quite literally done more to help me than i can express... thank you.
Is there a connection between children growing up alone in a daycare setting between the ages of 2 and 3 and the epidemic proportions of narcissism in the world? Can you talk about the theoretical development of both NPD and BPD? I find it difficult to ignore or avoid people with these disorders, and I’d like to develop a skill set to combat the more debilitating aspects of their personalities, if that is possible?
I had a suspicion after two years of emotional turmoil. I called out her dramas, demanded that she take accountability and stood my ground then she discarded me.
thank you for all your helpful videos.
Happy New Year Lisa 🎉🎉🙂
Lisa your stuff is brilliant and been very helpful to me. I have a family member (Mum) who i do care for who suffers from NPD. i kinda knew it for many years but didnt know what it meant exactly or have the language to express it. Thanks so much for sharing
Thank you for the tests… Happy New Years to you & your’s. 🥳💯✌🏽
thank you and Happy New Year!
Happy New Year! I hope 2024 is your best year yet🎉
Thank you and Happy New Year ❤
Happy New Year! Wishing you all the best for 2024🎉
Happy New Year Lise…:🎉
Happy New Year! Wishing you good health and happiness 🎉
I believe parts of these tests can in many ways also be conducted by someone who is a victim of narcissistic abuse, just with a totally different purpose or reason.. which can make it even more complicated for the ones suffering trauma from past abuse...
This was excellent and spot on. Thank you so much, I really needed this validation as I’m starting to feel like I’m going crazy.
i think you just described nearly EVERY woman. LOL!
I’m appreciating your content so much thank you.
The narc test is one of the few test that I want to fail! 😂
Leave them now!
Very important video.
Good morning!
January 1, 2024.
Hi Lise, I've found your videos thoroughly informative; great content and excellent delivery. Do you have anything on Antagonistic narcissists? I just broke up with one who created fictitious rivalries involving my sister in-law in order to spawn false accusations and constantly insinuate things against me, in general very jealous, threatening and bullying. She never forgave and was full or arrogance.
Spot on!
Even the term heartstrings
My ex girlfriend was a covert narcissist. She destroyed myself emotionally.
Sounds like my X. She sure tested my patience. It's a shame it all ended with her not me. I founded interesting that she found a rebound guy so fast. Oh well. This tells me that she wasn't the one. False hope, False promise.
I had to work one weekend with a reptile expo on a weekend she had her kids. She had previously blew up on me but i still helped her get her vehicle from the shop and took her even though i had gotten blocked. She kinda acted like she was my woman even in the car ride but once i worked the show and even we both talked and i stopped by to see her briefly. After the 2nd day of the show i was gonna go see her. She made it out i was inconveniencing her by going over and had blown up on me over nothing at all suddenly then days later said stuff like i didnt care about her while she was home not feeling great while I worked, told me she was my number one supporter even while trying to guilt shame me then followed a kinda breakup on her end days later suddenly. This happened few times then ultimatly few months ago after 4 years together and she blamed me for her not being spiritually etc where she should be in life even though had praised me for me being a main reason along with god to where she finally is in life. Its all nuts imo
Be in love is no fun anymore☹️
Thank God I failed her tests.
Does the female narcissist rarely want to do anything for the man as there isn't anything in it for them? By anything I mean all the normal things you do for each other in a normal relationship, like massages, paying compliments even, or, to the extent of not wanting to give oral in sex as there isnt anything in it for them! 😲 and they persist with excuse, after excuse to not give you that pleasure and then it can extend to regularly refusing sex as she knows how enjoyable and import it is to you in a relationship, Which is perfectly normal in a lovers relationship.
Shocking and crude yes, but I've come across this and being a narcissist seems to be the answer.
10 Cent Comment: I Like
Can you explain all the other personality disorders?,surely you're explaining a relationship. People are crazy 😅
I have a question. The first two points technically occur in my current relationship (she actually admitted to breaking up with me to test how committed I was to her). But at the same time, she does actually admit her faults and is very self aware about her behaviour. Any thoughts on this situation? We have developed very strong feelings and love in just two months.
I have very slight narcissistic tendencies. I tend to catch them very quickly and sometimes even stop them. What should I do?
she just described lebron james in the first 30 seconds
100%
Do they know what they are doing
Great video narssisists are reincarnated royals..
Lise, this seems just slightly too taylored for my situation.
aren't they just looking for someone with porous and weak moral boundaries.
I actually disagree with this list.
Dont cave in DONT