"Being Single is NOT a personality trait" 👀 Dating Successfully & Having Fun in your 20's

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  • Опубліковано 18 лис 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 127

  • @dianawinfredkiconco
    @dianawinfredkiconco 3 роки тому +270

    "Your singleness is not an audition to be somebody's wife" no truer words 🙌🏾

    • @Hey_ItsGofa
      @Hey_ItsGofa 3 роки тому +3

      This!!!🔥🔥🔥

    • @Quettasbedhead
      @Quettasbedhead 3 роки тому +3

      But you are supposed to prepare if that's what you desire

  • @indwig908
    @indwig908 3 роки тому +110

    As soon as I heard that the dilemma woman didn't like the girlfriend bc she's "toxic", I knew it was a trap! This is the type of lie that men tell so women are ok being their sidechicks. How many times have we heard this story with "they're about to divorce soon", "they're only together for the kids", "the girlfriend said she'd hurt herself if they broke up"... Don't fall for it, ladies!

  • @wanjanjama
    @wanjanjama 3 роки тому +103

    I heavily agree with Renee's point about dating yourself. Getting comfortable taking yourself to places that you want to go is so commendable and such a great way to become accustomed to living life on your own terms. From brunch to music festivals (pre-pandemic) and solo travel, dating yourself is truly such a special and memorable experience. Become full loving yourself so that you realize you don't need someone or a partner to complete you, but in fact, you are already to individual whole entities coming together.

  • @loovej
    @loovej 3 роки тому +118

    This excuse of: " I'm not happy, don't know how to leave. She's toxic ect. " is often the "Excuse 101" for men wanting to groom their next victim. Gurl, RUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!! Let him figure it out! He's taken! End of story!

    • @Blahgirl283
      @Blahgirl283 3 роки тому +8

      Always. Always. Always. Toxic behavior 101. Not to mention talking so intensely and overly frequently like that while being with someone else. He’s lining up who he’s going to leave her for. And that is always toxic.
      He is lovebombing.

    • @sonderexpeditions
      @sonderexpeditions 3 роки тому +4

      100%. So many red flags.

  • @moitshepisparkles
    @moitshepisparkles 3 роки тому +61

    My Ps wife once said "its just a date, its not a marriage proposal", that statement has changed how I date, it made me breathe a bit. Because in the past, when a guy asked me out, I already thought this is my boo'thang 😭😂. However, now I am more chilled.

  • @Zikomo7
    @Zikomo7 3 роки тому +65

    The dilemma- he’s not leaving his gf. He’s setting her up as the sidechick. Best case scenario is that he’s really friendly and isn’t aware he’s putting out those vibes. She should focus on something ugly about him. And date in the meanwhile. That gas station sushi looks like filet mignon when you’re hungry

  • @deebestest100
    @deebestest100 3 роки тому +112

    My 2 cents on the dilemma
    Put yourself in his girlfriend’s shoes. Finding out that your boyfriend is confiding in another woman about your relationship problems and that your man calls another woman for everything instead of confiding in you about it. The “another woman” is you, if it were a marriage you would be the home wrecker.
    You let it go too far, ideally, you should’ve set boundaries a long time ago. Please, remove yourself from the situation and stay out of someone else’s relationship.

    • @strawberrycheesecake7912
      @strawberrycheesecake7912 3 роки тому +1

      Been in the dilemma had to respectfully remove myself from the friendship and i was honest about my feelings and why the friendahip needed to end

    • @deebestest100
      @deebestest100 3 роки тому +4

      @@strawberrycheesecake7912 I’ve been there too 😂 it hurt like a stubbed toe but it needed to be done

    • @angelaf406
      @angelaf406 3 роки тому +16

      Just to add on: know that the very moment you have relationship issues, he's going to go complaining to another woman. Remember that you were basically strangers when he decided to open up about his "relationship problems" to you. Working together for 3 months is not childhood friends. If you decide to go forward with telling him your feelings, just know that you are a homewrecker, its your reputation others will be gossiping about, and don't be surprised if he breaks your heart for another woman down the road. Be sure that you're willing to put all that on the line to try to make this relationship.

    • @deebestest100
      @deebestest100 3 роки тому +6

      @@angelaf406 that’s on Mary had a little lamb

    • @LaCréé.e
      @LaCréé.e 3 роки тому +11

      @@angelaf406 YES. Firm believer of "you lose em how you got em". You're not that special. If he breaks up with his girlfriend for you, he WILL break up with you for another woman later on.

  • @wanjanjama
    @wanjanjama 3 роки тому +88

    Preach Renee!! Siblings and family dates are sooooo important. People need to invest more in the relationships they have currently even if they are looking to meet new people. Don't neglect what you cherish in pursuit of what isn't yet claimed!!

    • @faithkayy
      @faithkayy 3 роки тому +7

      Yup!!! A lot of women put a lot of thought into how to be a great girlfriend/future wife. But what about being a great sister, daughter, friend? Not that the former is not important, if anything working on current relationships will prepare us for future ones.

  • @sherrylldominique4990
    @sherrylldominique4990 3 роки тому +17

    “Are you, your types type” that’s the question I’m asking myself currently.

  • @Flourish_today
    @Flourish_today 3 роки тому +37

    If I were that woman I wouldn't entertain a man speaking badly about his girlfriend. It's says a lot about the guy. She needs to take a step back and let him sort himself out without helping him.

  • @jenniefortune3905
    @jenniefortune3905 3 роки тому +56

    As a 4'10 woman and coming from a short family, my man has to be at least 5'10 because I have to give my kids a chance lmao

    • @peoniesarebeautiful3074
      @peoniesarebeautiful3074 3 роки тому +14

      LOLLL, sis, as another short girl, I understand

    • @faithkayy
      @faithkayy 3 роки тому +22

      genetics are a funny, unpredictable thing. I’m 5’1 and my brother is 6’3, both our parents are short with short family members🤷‍♀️ i presume you are joking lol but don’t miss out on a potential blessing cos of the height of your future kid, ain’t nothing wrong with being a bit short🤣

  • @gracamwavita2369
    @gracamwavita2369 3 роки тому +29

    I hope I am not the only Kenyan that sang "Nairobi" when I heard that dilemma

  • @elizabethboaheng9866
    @elizabethboaheng9866 3 роки тому +21

    Are you your preference’s type? I felt that 😭😭😭

    • @jad3ruby_
      @jad3ruby_ 2 роки тому

      We all felt it😂😂

  • @Lucylu723
    @Lucylu723 3 роки тому +13

    39:54 "Developing a healthy view of relationships is easier done when you're not in 1" - Sister Courtney
    Honestly well said👏🏾👏🏾

  • @ThatsSoNicole
    @ThatsSoNicole 3 роки тому +38

    “Put your best foot forward, not your fake foot forward” 🗣🗣🗣🗣 Im so scared of online dating, I’ve heard so many crazy stories but at this point I think that may be next option. Lol 🥴
    Previous relationship lesson: don’t ignore the red flags!

    • @martinaisabellopez2945
      @martinaisabellopez2945 3 роки тому +1

      girl as soon as you sense any shade of red flg get out!!😭😂

    • @ThatsSoNicole
      @ThatsSoNicole 3 роки тому +1

      @@martinaisabellopez2945 Yes girl, NEVER again will I ignore the obvious!

    • @martinaisabellopez2945
      @martinaisabellopez2945 3 роки тому +2

      @@ThatsSoNicole most of the time is exactly what it looks like😩

    • @ThatsSoNicole
      @ThatsSoNicole 3 роки тому +1

      @@martinaisabellopez2945 facts!

  • @atangganakgomo247
    @atangganakgomo247 3 роки тому +84

    We who like before we watch. Botswana supports you. Love you both so much.

    • @tomysisters
      @tomysisters  3 роки тому +10

      We love you! Your support gives us so much life ❤️❤️

    • @Hey_ItsGofa
      @Hey_ItsGofa 3 роки тому +3

      Yes🔥❤
      Botswana tunes in too😉

  • @abrilarenas4285
    @abrilarenas4285 3 роки тому +14

    “Don’t touch what does not belong to you” I wish I knew this term better a year ago when I stayed in a situation, he said he was going to leave his gf and she and I ended up getting physical twice, he was telling me he hated their relationship and I believed him:(

  • @danisimz135
    @danisimz135 3 роки тому +17

    ‘A relationship is a site of work, it’s not a gift’ whoo chiiillle. I tend to forget what you are saying here Courtney.

  • @fatoufatoufatou
    @fatoufatoufatou 3 роки тому +57

    Why do I feel like this is going be be a personal attack 😭😭😭😂

    • @mirariri98
      @mirariri98 3 роки тому +5

      Same! Like can I be single in peace?

    • @jackiek4159
      @jackiek4159 3 роки тому +2

      Omg same! 😂😭

  • @ruth2396rd
    @ruth2396rd 3 роки тому +18

    I’m so so so happy I discovered this podcast!

  • @danisacademiccorner4493
    @danisacademiccorner4493 3 роки тому +11

    Do not touch things that do not belong to you! Ain't that a word

  • @vocalness
    @vocalness 3 роки тому +3

    "this is why friendship is so important!" 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

  • @diallodiaries9612
    @diallodiaries9612 3 роки тому +14

    Dang, not me being attacked by the title alone 😂

  • @afiaboatey4796
    @afiaboatey4796 3 роки тому +20

    The lessons Courtney mentioned I can relate to it ,because I am going through it, the selfish thing is soo true 😩😩sometimes when I meet new people is hard for me to give them my time😩

  • @XxOgulushuluwayixX
    @XxOgulushuluwayixX 3 роки тому +5

    Thank God people are not monolithic. Variety is the spice of life. It’s seems once you hit the mid to late twenties being single is a disease and we are in a race to find the one. Single ppl have problems, ppl dating have problems, married ppl have problems. This life is not easy. We should just enjoy the ride of life

  • @virtuouzgirl8328
    @virtuouzgirl8328 3 роки тому +7

    Great conversation, but I don't think people tend to address more introverted people who may not have friends or community due to work or other things

  • @rmjerome1182
    @rmjerome1182 3 роки тому +8

    I overlooked serious flags that landed me in a relationship with a narc. As much damage as I sustained during our year dating I’ve grown so much and learn how important my voice is and also shedded light on certain characteristics I needed to address and remove.

  • @Blahgirl283
    @Blahgirl283 3 роки тому +9

    Girl, I agree with these ladies, you deserve more.
    Bc the saying always rings true; you lose them how you get them. Months later, years down the line he’ll be complaining about you the way he (inappropriately) complains about her. Why? Because he is showing you who he is.
    And if he is the one, he will make that clear in a way that is respectful of you and appropriate.
    This screams manipulation and toxicity. Anyone can be charming and doting and intense in the beginning but be wary of lovebombing. Especially considering the frequency you guys speak.
    Protect your peace, and honor the fact that you wouldn’t want someone doing to you what you are doing to his girlfriend. Dismantling and making yourself option b to someone else’s relationship- and him being okay with that: is not the way a healthy relationship ever begins. With love. Have faith. Save yourself the emotional baggage that could come from being in a relationship with someone like that. No matter how shiny he seems right now.
    You deserve more and can have it.

  • @tecitoconsteph2214
    @tecitoconsteph2214 3 роки тому +7

    y'alls response to the dilemma was fire 🔥. Love how direct y'all are and speak to us as friends with truth.

  • @sonderexpeditions
    @sonderexpeditions 3 роки тому +8

    What a great addition to the UA-cam community you both are 💖💖💖

    • @tomysisters
      @tomysisters  3 роки тому +1

      Thank you! We're so happy to be here ❤️

  • @amandao-n6584
    @amandao-n6584 3 роки тому +3

    Investing in friendship has been a MAJOR 🔑 in my early- mid 20s. You sistas dropped every gem!

  • @Destiny__danna
    @Destiny__danna 3 роки тому +3

    Y’all really just read me for filth!! 😭😂 ! Stop performing to be someone’s wife!! Like I needed to hear that!!

  • @hakayi9130
    @hakayi9130 3 роки тому +7

    Did I hear Kenya? 🇰🇪 😌
    Sending more love ❤️❤️

  • @ShalisaCordilia
    @ShalisaCordilia 3 роки тому +8

    Dilemma: Sis RUN!!!!

  • @Terrencetulani
    @Terrencetulani 3 роки тому +3

    The idea that you can get to know yourself only when you're single is a double edged sword. True you have more time on your side but it drives a stupid idea that when you're in a relationship you can't find your passion and you can't love yourself. Self love and self discovery should transcend all relationship statuses.

  • @dawn2daylightmadness
    @dawn2daylightmadness 3 роки тому +9

    It’s so funny you ladies made this video I was just talking to someone about how I am going to delete alll my dating apps and focus on school next semester. It can be a bit suffocating trying to find a partner, especially when you see so many people around you getting booed up, married, having babies, etc. This helped remind me that I’ll be alright 🤣
    Also to the dilemma: nah sis, don’t do it. You are only helping him stay in his ‘relationship’ longer.

  • @RDCFemmes
    @RDCFemmes 3 роки тому +24

    Dilemma question:
    He is in a relationship, whatever it looks like STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM IT. It's not your relationship to worry about. As a matter of fact, keep your relationship professional. This is the oldest trick in the book, my wife and I have problems. Sorry sis, your feelings are irrelevant, he is someone else boyfriend.

  • @nazinabelle
    @nazinabelle 3 роки тому +4

    Lol, the video title! I actually like online dating. Be open to things not working out, have fun, be open but online dating can teach you so much 😩😩 Great discussion, ladies!

  • @gloriakanani1026
    @gloriakanani1026 3 роки тому +32

    I love you both. Keep flourishing 💯i love your channel ❤️❤️Great content 🙌

  • @KuhmillB
    @KuhmillB 3 роки тому +3

    Sending love from Toronto!! ☺️

    • @tomysisters
      @tomysisters  3 роки тому

      We love to see! Welcome love! ❤️

  • @Lucylu723
    @Lucylu723 3 роки тому +5

    The amount of wisdom, power and experience that shines in both of you guys in the first few minutes of answering the dilemma is amazing. God is really and truly using the both of you and I'm glad you both were honestly and very truthful in the advice that you gave. I am saying thank you for myself and so many others that this answer would have benefitted

  • @sharmy9396
    @sharmy9396 3 роки тому +13

    I felt attacked just from the title 😭😭

  • @awandeduma2753
    @awandeduma2753 3 роки тому +8

    All I've done is read the title and I feel dragged...😂

  • @KatherineEnRose
    @KatherineEnRose 3 роки тому +5

    This conversation was so healing ❤️ thank you ladies

  • @tahlia7863
    @tahlia7863 3 роки тому +8

    I love these two.
    Inspiring youtubers 🌸🥰

  • @pheebsieee
    @pheebsieee 3 роки тому +3

    Love you sisters! sending so much love from Kenya. xoxo.
    I especially loved the part about ditching that 'shopping list' sometimes.
    Lessons from past dating experiences and/or relationships: The things you ignore at the beginning become the very reasons you leave at the end.

  • @naiimaconquerslife914
    @naiimaconquerslife914 3 роки тому +7

    This came right on time!! Loved this one!!

  • @maryannwanjiru501
    @maryannwanjiru501 3 роки тому +9

    This one went straight to my heart..😪thanks❤️

  • @kiponee3057
    @kiponee3057 3 роки тому +9

    I love the insights y’all have

  • @bibiwands
    @bibiwands 3 роки тому +2

    Damn! I feel called out 😂 thank you for the insight. Definitely gonna free myself and love my singledom

  • @amyahzr
    @amyahzr 3 роки тому +2

    Lord I've written down like every other word let me just LISTEN lol thank you ladies

  • @sinqobilesibiya7391
    @sinqobilesibiya7391 2 роки тому +2

    This episode called me TF out 😭😭 I'm 21 and never been in a relationship, so I've idolized having my first boyfriend for the longest time. I always think that there's a part of me that needs developing before God can bring me someone, but like Renee said, I'm now improving myself for the wrong reasons. Much to think about 🥴🙈

    • @Graciously_Thriving
      @Graciously_Thriving 2 роки тому

      We together sis 😘 I'm just a year behind you

    • @hellenmuthoni3971
      @hellenmuthoni3971 Рік тому

      Why the wrong reasons 🤷 ain't getting you?you defo need to have a good relationship with God so as to have a good one with any man innit?so I don't see anything wrong 🤷

  • @maryannkariuki1672
    @maryannkariuki1672 3 роки тому +3

    Does your preference prefer you... Uuuwi. Giiiirrrlll!!

  • @makeupunlimited
    @makeupunlimited 3 роки тому +11

    if he's miserable, he should break up with the girlfriend. If he's still with her, then it must not be that bad. Or he is immature. Girl, run. don't pee where you eat and mess up your job by getting w/ him.

  • @radjaas_closet943
    @radjaas_closet943 3 роки тому +1

    Ladies can you please add in the description time stamps of the different subjects and the beginning and ending of the dilemma. Love the podcast keep up the great work ❤️

  • @smilergal89
    @smilergal89 3 роки тому +3

    Height for me isn’t rooted in patriarchy - as a woman it’s about presence. It biologically and physiologically has an impact on me. Once I noticed it - I started to test it more, whenever I was instantly attracted to a man (rarely happens) what was the distinguishing factor? Presence - and height feeds into that a lot for me. I so agree with the point about being ready to date - it takes a lot out of me and I want to give it my best. My main aim is enjoying myself 🤷🏾‍♀️

    • @ambriaashley3383
      @ambriaashley3383 3 роки тому +1

      Interesting! I’ve definitely felt strong presence from men shorter than me (I’m 5’6 and my ex was 5’5), I think a lot of shorter men who holla at taller women have to have that confidence 😂
      But if you’ve felt more presence from tall men, I get that. I get frustrated bc I can’t see their face/eyes/hear them half the time unless we’re sitting down lol

    • @smilergal89
      @smilergal89 3 роки тому

      @@ambriaashley3383 haha, I can’t hear them either but 🤤🤤 we’re all different, I’m happy for the short men that there is some demand for them 😆

  • @aripope5091
    @aripope5091 3 роки тому +16

    Is there a way to have a show where you talk about how to date and ask people because those are my problems 🧐🧐😶👀

  • @lemmetuneyoupodcast2370
    @lemmetuneyoupodcast2370 3 роки тому

    just came across your podcast ... LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVEEEEE .... yesss.... keep rising.

  • @deborahomondi6388
    @deborahomondi6388 3 роки тому

    I am creating my You Bucket asap!!! Thank You💛

  • @jess_is
    @jess_is 2 роки тому

    Great talk ladies!
    I'm a new subscriber and so happy I discovered you all's channel. 🥰🥰

  • @sham1204
    @sham1204 3 роки тому

    Can I just say the advice given to my Kenyan sis was just factual 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
    Also first time seeing you guys and I’m impressed 🤩🤩

  • @melodylijoodi2174
    @melodylijoodi2174 3 роки тому +2

    Thank you for the shoutout - From Kenya

    • @mercykathure5714
      @mercykathure5714 3 роки тому

      Giiiirl!! I heard about this podcast from you and now I'm soooold!

  • @beatricesenesie
    @beatricesenesie 3 роки тому +3

    The guy is setting a premise and manipulating her to thinking he cares about her, he will eventually break up with his girlfriend when he have the balls to do so and she will be his rebound.

  • @Kayla-kd8ov
    @Kayla-kd8ov 2 роки тому

    It's the disclaimer before you show your girls the picture for me 😄😄😄😄

  • @Eda-j5t
    @Eda-j5t 3 роки тому +8

    Kenya🎉🎉🇰🇪🇰🇪🤩

  • @machelynmarshall4671
    @machelynmarshall4671 3 роки тому +1

    Amazing😢

  • @hlelsilethwala9934
    @hlelsilethwala9934 2 роки тому

    My biggest mistake has been dating people who want me without considering if I want them😕 ....its as if I am just grateful to be wanted and reward them with my time!hate it for me

  • @kcherie3664
    @kcherie3664 3 роки тому

    I would love to hear a wile podcast on sexual intimacy and how to navigate it whilst choosing celibacy or sexual freedom (all perspectives)

  • @trezanjeri3810
    @trezanjeri3810 3 роки тому +1

    Also from Kenya 🇰🇪 254 gang

  • @OhJanney
    @OhJanney 3 роки тому +2

    1. Don't shit where you eat. Mind your business and do your work. Ah ah. That man looking to waste your time. Keep it moving sis!

  • @vsboardza
    @vsboardza 3 роки тому

    Hi ladies I am on a binge listening to episodes I have missed. I have my own pod that is on pause at the moment. What is your set up and how do you edit?

  • @candacecastle6055
    @candacecastle6055 3 роки тому +3

    The dilemma....geez zaaas! 😱🥴😭

  • @sohra9432
    @sohra9432 3 роки тому +5

    Loovee your podcats 🥰

  • @MihaelaClaudiaPuscas
    @MihaelaClaudiaPuscas 3 роки тому

    You are amazing girls!! I am single and still recovering after a breakup 😔 I would love a healthy relationship with a simple and committed man (are there still any around) ? Not ready to date yet but hope to feel like going back in the game soon! ❤️

  • @InspiringYoungLady
    @InspiringYoungLady 2 роки тому

    Dilemma : In simple words:
    - Any man complaining about his partner or ex partner continuously is a red flag. It shows weakness, self-victimization and unresolved issues.
    - Saying "I have a girlfriend/wife but" is the oldest trick in the book. It's a way for them to test your standards and boundaries. As soon as they realise you are willing to give them attention anyway your downfall begins.
    - Please refuse to be the a man's emotional distraction. They are time wasters.
    - Just be colleagues and date multiple people (outside of work though) until you find a person you like that is fully committed to your joint future.

  • @zeliwellnesschanel
    @zeliwellnesschanel 3 роки тому

    what mic are you ladies using? so bomb!

  • @oshinofalakoju5749
    @oshinofalakoju5749 3 роки тому +1

    Idk if it's just me, but I always have a bit more trouble hearing Renee! Her voices goes in an out and isn't as full in comparison. Please move your mic a bit closer to your face like Courtney. Much love from NYC

  • @RoseShell91
    @RoseShell91 3 роки тому +1

    Im 5"10 and I do want a man my height or taller because I feel so masculine standing near men who are 5"8 or shorter and it emiminates my ability to feel romantically attracted. I don't wear heels so its not for that dumb reason, but i do think it is important to feel comfortably feminine next to a man you date

  • @SowMe_AF
    @SowMe_AF 3 роки тому +1

    When it comes to relationship, I assume we can definetely say that awakeness-is-survivalness!!! Thank to you pourring such good knowledge into ours sisters's ears. May God bless your path... By the way, how about a #TMSPaypal, so we can financially support your amazing channel!! Keep rock it all, cheers!! :)))

  • @Samia_Les
    @Samia_Les 3 роки тому +6

    Yesssssss

  • @kengymartinez9604
    @kengymartinez9604 3 роки тому +3

    If the shoe fittt...😂

  • @teekayybabez
    @teekayybabez 3 роки тому +2

    How you get them is how you will lose them

  • @kaillee6279
    @kaillee6279 3 роки тому +1

    What's the email to send a dilemma to please?

  • @neosekano9936
    @neosekano9936 3 роки тому +1

    🥺❤️

  • @MihaelaClaudiaPuscas
    @MihaelaClaudiaPuscas 3 роки тому

    ❤️❤️❤️

  • @DeeLuis1
    @DeeLuis1 3 роки тому +1

    Romanticise your own life first!

  • @Terrencetulani
    @Terrencetulani 3 роки тому

    Maybe the guy sees her as a friend and he was telling her about his relationship problems to get advice. Sis caught feelings coz mandem opened up.😂🤣 she needs to keep her distance. Being work friends is normal.

  • @tyraali6030
    @tyraali6030 3 роки тому

    tiny but mighty omg loool