You're Dating to Marry - But is Marriage Even Worth it? The Game Has Changed 👀
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- Опубліковано 30 вер 2024
- With statistics suggesting marriage is on the decline and divorces on the rise, what is the relevance of marriage for young working business women? Join your favourite online big sisters Renee Kapuku and Courtney Daniella Boateng as they discuss their views on marriage, dating to marry and whether women can truly 'have it all'.
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I LOVE being married. It's really awesome. But not to be a mood killer- 85% of marriage is logistical. If you can't work together, live together and grow together, no amount of love will save you. On the other hand, love, friendship and attraction is needed when you havent had sex in 4 weeks, your abs have separated due to growing life, your hair is slightly matted and you're covered in breastmilk with a screaming baby in your lap. It's dope to be able to laugh and joke with each other even when life is a bit messy. Choose well ladies ❤
Thank you so much for sharing your experience ❤️
Ew
Well said, I'm married I'm 31 now bn married since 2016 and it's bittersweet relationship. She is absolutely correct.💜💞
@@msrichierich1951 Don't have kids then
I wouldn’t mind being married but that last part doesn’t relate to me cuz I DEFINITELY won’t have kids lol (can’t and don’t wanna) 💕
Shout out to the algorithm for putting this on my feed. This was AMAZING. So many good insights.
We love to see it! ❤️❤️
They must know I like everything black.
Fuhhhh real!! Same here!
UA-cam algorithm has finally blessed 🙌🏼🙌🏼
Yesssssssss
Marriage is a business contract. Choose careful who you decide to do business with. Love is a choice. I believe you should marry someone that helps you become a better version of yourself.
thank you for your viewpoint! There's definitely so many things to consider beyond love
@@tomysisters yeah there definitely is a lot to consider. I enjoyed this video and quickly subscribed! Thank you sisters 😊
I hate seeing this comment. Such an oversimplification lol
@SevnLi me either but I just think of life as a business..we all in my opinion have a soul contract with God to do our jobs here. Whatever is in that contract is apart of our lives...that's just my opinion.
Amen 🙏🏽
‘This is why your desclaling fish at his mothers house during the talking stage’ Renèe why😭
😭😭😭
😂😂😂😂😂
😂😂
This was my favorite quote of the whole video. She spoke truths. Don't be doing performative dating while he hasn't even committed to you or is calling you his girlfriend to his friends and family.
@@H_miracle 😂
I think marriage only really works if you marry someone that you work well with, that you communicate with properly and respectfully, who shares similar goals and supports your own, etc.
People who marry for love (which is not enough), because they fear their kids growing up traumatized with separate parents, because they think they're too old, or are scared of being alone, or don't want their partner to leave them.... those marriages don't work... they may last a long time, but they're not joyous or fruitful, they just put up with each other
That is literally my parents. Sad
THIS take though!! 🤯
I agree wholeheartedly
Whoooo! Lol “Loyal in your talking stage” smh . “Why would you express your loyalty to someone who hasn’t expressed it to you” dropping gems sisters! 🙌🏾♥️😍
🤭 Absolutely! Glad you enjoyed! ❤️
These words are so truthful.
To be clear, marriage takes maturity, but not wanting to get married doesn’t necessarily mean you’re immature either. Just as there are valid and understandable reasons to get married, there are equally interesting and valid reasons people don’t want to partake in the institution as well. This conversation was phenomenal! Love this 💕
tell that to boomers, the boomers in my family still live by that old standard that if you don't get married then you aren't considered an adult
‘Having it All’ Looks different for everyone , because we all have different life goals🤷🏾♀️.
Couldn't agree more! ❤️
only when you find the right person who also supports your goals and ambition, otherwise, it's a no for me. i'd rather be alone and happy than miserable and married
Not trying to come off rude but I find it funny how most not all single people claim to be happy single but are habitual dating and sleeping around. I mean alone is suppose to mean alone, not draining others in your aloneness. dating is suppose to have a purpose but people who claim to be happy alone are using dating to fulfill their void of being just that.
Butt why is it such a dichotomy? I don't have a problem with your position, but you can be single and miserable, and happily married. I think it's a spectrum of happy and miserable, married or not. In both cases, we make choices and put in effort to be happy. And so I guess you do need the right person for that, but misery and joy come married or not.
@@87883 personally I’m single and happy (most times) but can be single and miserable as well. I haven’t tried to date anyone and I don’t really want to. I don’t think everyone who says that they’re happy alone is necessarily actively dating. I’m one of those people. You don’t have to be dating or looking to date in order to be happy and alone. A relationship is not a means to an ends.
@@87883 You can date and sleep around if you're single, if you do it safely and everyone involved is well informed from the get-go that they don't want a relationship. Believe it or not, some people still want to have s3x and have the fun of dating without committing to a relationship. A relationship is a whole other level of commitment and responsibility that some people don't want to take on, and that's fine. It's not "draining others" to date and have sex with them as long as you are forthright and firm that you're not looking for a long term relationship.
@@87883 nope, lots of single people like casual dating men and women. Especially women over 40. Only 28% of them desire a relationship. The key is being honest with your partner. Every human enjoys companionship. Human connection is natural.
I've been married for 8 years and it's been amazing. Some of you guys have only seen negative examples of marriage and as such, see that it's too much stress to take on. My husband de-stresses me. He isn't my source of stress.
love it 😍
I know!!!
@@87883 Suuurrrre. So why are you here?
@@blessings4life oh u mad mad ain’t ya? 🤡
good for you , you lucked out ..... hopefully your husband isn’t living a double life
I've been married two months so I'm hardly an expert. I do enjoy it tho. I'm living with my best friend, so even cleaning the house together is cause for jokes and laughter.
We're also quite forgiving, and give each other lots of grace. We're okay with things being imperfect, as long as the other is honestly trying their best.
Wait to you have kids 😂 Please nothing personally but all men are the same
Congratulations! This is a wonderful experience!🤗🥰
@@halimomoremoney1292 i've been married for 17 years with 2 kids and 1 on the way. I'm happy, even through quarantine we had fun. However I believe I'm lucky. I never was the kind of person to want to get married but we were in love and it made sense. Personally I think i'd be happy either way but it's WHO you choose, WHAT you do and HOW you handle each stage of your life. Like the poster says, laugh often, forgive and show each other grace and marriage will be great.
It's gonna get harder, with each stage, there will be a different kind of hard but you will be fine. Esp if God is your foundation.
Two months only, even for 2years u will still do house chores together, remember this after years, ur still very young
I’ve been thinking this lately. Is it worth it? Do we need that next level stress??? I always wanted to get married but seeing so many failed relationships has made me question this.
@Jojobrown marriage is definitely still relevant. 😊 Based on the Bible marriage is a reflection of Jesus and the church (He who came to save the world and the ones accepting Him, I.e the church). Marriage is a stage for Jesus to stand on and show how He continuously pursues the church, loves the church, washes us with the Word of God... but with all that said, He also does pursue and love us and washes us with the Word as singles. So as individuals we need to already have Jesus Christ in our lives so that when we do meet a partner that has the same understanding of how Jesus's love ought to be displayed, as two singles man and woman, there is powerful union formed.
And like the lady did say, marriage is the first governing institution seen as children. And because of the lack of good or rather ungodly marriages of either the man or woman not understanding who they are and being fulfilled in Christ, which results and ends in unhealthy environments for the kids and breeds unhealthy habits in children and broken homes which was never God's or Jesus's purpose. So the most important part I believe would be to really ensure to pray about and for a partner who knows themselves in Christ, has had time to grow as a single person and do your due diligence 😁 God bless
I see so many people who are stressed with these long term relationships/marriages and kids that it is a total turn off for me.
@@ecclairmayo4153 I think most people are just being overly dramatic when it comes to this marriage /relationship thing. Everyone, single married, rich poor is going through something. If it's not one thing, it's another.
Marriage is worth it. You just need to sorround yourself with people who have had good marriages. Not perfect (there is NO perfect marriage.) just good marriages and your perspective change
Right. So many people are not happy in their relationships. I don't see a point for women to participate, unless they want children.
That’s the problem with people these days. They let other people dictate their life. If you want to get married don’t let other people relationship make you not want to
I feel that there is a lot of pressure on women to have children, but what if you don't wish to procreate?
EXACTLY 💯
Then just don't. Cause caring about what the people who won't be wearing padisicles with you after you give birth, is useless
Then don't. There is no need for you to do so.
Then don't it's ok
Find a mate who shares your sentiments, so u both have an understanding going in🤷🏾♀️
Single women love longer and happier lives. Society really hates when women don’t want marriage. As a divorcee I will never get married again. I have been thriving since then. However people need to really ask themselves “ do I truly want marriage or am I doing what society says I’m suppose to do?”
Single women do not live longer nor are they happier just because they are Single. Harvard and many others have done studies on this and it's just not true. Having healthy relationships of any kind will carry you further than toxic relationships of any kind. If you're Single yet dealing with toxic people how are you better off than a healthy marriage? Single or married is not the difference it's the nature of the relationships that make the difference.
Society hates care free men
@@TeWandaJoven Actually there are LEGIT studies that concluded that single people (especially women) live longer. Married men are happier, single women are happier (this is definitely because of patriarchy and what women have to sacrifice for marriage). It’s an interesting find if you look into it.
@@fofotheclown1051 I have looked into it and have discovered that there's plenty more that say otherwise. Also if you dig deep into it the truth is what I said above. Your marital status or motherhood status influence your life based only on your emotions about it. I'm a happy wife and mother. I love it the same way some women are happily single and childless. Neither one of us are better off because we're probably both mentally, emotionally, financially and physically fit. That's what happiness does for you. Depression and discontent with life is what stresses you.
@@TeWandaJoven Well, that depends. You probably saw a bunch of articles covering the same study. I used to do a lot of research in college and trust me it got exhausting when I’d research a particular subject and there would be 100+ articles saying the same thing 😭 I think both studies have truth to them of some sort - you also have to take in account how both studies were conducted, and who were the subjects, etc all that technical researchy jazz. But yes I do agree, being content and happy wherever you are in life matters most! 🙏🏽 I’m a single gal and wouldn’t mind staying that way, but if I marry someone worthwhile then cool. I 100% won’t ever be having biological kids tho (or kids period lol) and I feel pretty content with that, just as a happy mother and wife should with her life too 🥰 A world full of happy women is a world we need more of 💯
I think marriage is a choice for women now BECAUSE of generations of the past. We have either witnessed or were raised in environments when Grandpa/ Uncle/ Dad was not faithful but knew because everything is under their name Grandma/Auntie/Mom can't leave because they had nothing for themselves. NOW Women REFUSE to be in that situation. We have been told to WAIT, we are like "I can't wait I got dreams and ambitions I want to make a reality" It's like the movie Hidden Figures, How many Brilliant Minds that just happen to be little girls, grew up to be women with potential that was NEVER REACHED because they were told, "Girls can't / don't do that stuff". How much MORE ADVANCE in every area would the world be had the past generation of girls been able to go in math, science, and engineering?
As a woman that makes her own money, is independent, isn’t accepting of social standards...it’s going to be really hard for me to allow a man to tie me down like that. He’d have to be exquisite and do everything he says he’s going to. Because I don’t do the bare minimum.
That's why no man is going to marry you. We don't care about you being independent or making more money. We are not attracted to that.
@@aicjhhthf oh tim. context is a big part of understanding what you’re reading.
Unfortunately today- it is not worth it because of the quality of people. People don’t understand it, so from what I have seen it bring heartache, depletes you of resources, and nothing but stress. No one understands the WORK that goes into making marriage successful, so if we talking in these days - I would not rush anyone to get married.
Marriage is about generational wealth and building legacy much easier to do when you have Marriage as a foundation
Preach 👏🏾
Amen
I have also noticed that this notion of ‘having it all’ is only put on women to balance their careers and being married/having kids 🤷🏾♀️
Women put tha on themselves
men have accepted that we cannot have it all
@@kwameopoku3576 yes because men think that women should only want to support them and their offspring.
There is nothing wrong with having it all. And like someone said, having it all looks different for people.
@@kwameopoku3576 that’s not true. Women are constantly told to lower their standards and believe that “no man is perfect”. Women aren’t looking for perfection, they’re looking for their perfect match. Men are freely able to aspire upwards while women are constantly told to humble themselves, but when the woman does so and finds herself unhappy, she’s then told she didn’t love herself BECAUSE she lowered her standards. We need to be very careful that we don’t throw out talking points that make it impossible for a woman to be on the right side of things for herself.
Wow, I didn't realised the 55 minutes were up so quick. I enjoyed listening to you ladies even if I am married. 8 years in. You said it all, I will be sharing this with so many of my friends. The only thing I can add is CHOOSE CAREFULLY and LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH. The exciting sex, butterflies will calm down after a while and when times get hard, that's when the real taste of marriage begins and the true character of the one you chose will come out. Can't wait to hear more from you. Love from Milan.
Haha glad you enjoyed! Thank you for sharing your insight, super super important to choose well and ensure that other factors are taken into account beyond love. Love right back from the UK! ❤️
Some of this is really good.
Though I would like to flag IMO that if you look at _any_ of the communities that are prospering and leading metrics in the world. They almost always-without exception-value and prioritize families based around solid functional marriages.
Broadly speaking, in a community-wide sense, (healthy) marriages IMO are one of the key building blocks of those communitys' successes.
I have to agree with your last paragraph. There is statistical and societal evidence to support this.
Yesss. Healthy marriages and family dynamics are the foundation of society🙌🏽✨
Ironic how “having it all” to women is marriage, career, kids and “having it all” to men is being single and free.
Realised that the Bible says he who finds a wife finds a good thing but never about she who finds a husband !!
This is why you are descaling fish at his mums house during the talking stage!!! 😂😂😂😂 I love you ladies ❤️
We love you! ❤️
Marriage is about finding the right person (man and women) when you find someone who wants to be your partner, supporter and only wants the best for you. That’s when it works. It has to be the right person. Not someone who wants you to be their maid etc
Renee needs to be STOPPED!!!! LOOOL. This was such a refreshing conversation x
asap! LOL! 😂
First, what does ALL look like?
Second, I think that women can have it all, just at different phases in their lives.
This is a journey, not a sprint and so we should bear in mind that we can do all that we wanna, just in different seasons. In my 30s I was a stay at home mom and I focused solely on raising my babies. After I got a divorce, I completed my undergrad degree and then began my career as a teacher. And now that my kids are mostly grown I’m going to pursue my masters.
I used to feel like I was behind everybody else, but now wisdom has prevailed for me and I would not have it any other way. Life has seasons.
Love this comment
This is beautiful! Congrats on going back to school for your masters!
@@andreaparsons3550 TU😁
What did you do in your 20's?
As marriage shifts from a material alliance to an emotional bond, I hope men and women can find a new respectful equilibrium that radiates out into society.
Marriage is ALWAYS worth it! In this superficial, toxic and envious world we live in. You know you got someone who got your back! Your friend, lover trust worthy partner in life. If you're Married and you don't have this...get a DIVORCE. Better alone.
Is worth it if you marry the right person, and for the right reasons... But a lot of people get married based on superficial reasons & end up in misery... Then it’s definitely not worth it.
Aren't women who get chronically ill 7x more likely to be left by their male partners? Is that having your back?
This was a really good conversation. Thank you, Ladies! I just turned 24 this past Sunday and a few days before then, I cut all ties with the men I was dating. I felt like it needed to be done as I wasn’t happy with either one of them, and I felt like I was becoming something extremely foreign to me. They weren’t for me, but I just stayed. For what you might ask? I’m not sure. It’s was like their energy was trying to wrap me into them and they were projecting feelings onto me that weren’t even my feelings. I’m not sure if this makes a bunch of sense, but I was drained.
In terms of the personal development view, I completely agree. Nothing should be an act when you’re trying to find a life partner. It should come naturally when their is a potential suitor around and when there is just you. And right now I’m simultaneously developing, healing, and choosing to be with myself indefinitely.
There are so many gems in this video, and I’m glad I clicked! I’m not sure where I’m heading or what I truly want in my life, but what I do know is that I’m am going to take advantage of my youth and my freedom as of now.
Love this! I just got engaged and I am very excited however, people don’t understand why I haven’t started planning yet and why I’m not “over the moon” about it. Well... because I don’t hold a wedding to such high importance 🤷🏼♀️ We love each other and that’s all we need. The wedding is just a little bonus in my eyes lol
What she stated about dating with the intention to marry v/s having the expectation that each person you date is "the" person you're going to marry was exactly how I feel. It was such a great point to share this distinction.
I think it's a grave mistake for us to look at each person as if they have to be "the one".
This normally comes across as desperation, the possibility of settling, and also possibly overlooking red flags.
This is how soulties and emotional baggage happens so easily
You can still have dating (dating is for data) with an intention to marry and it not be tied to every next person you meet, have fun with, and conversate with.
Take time to set your standards, boundaries and preferences prior.
Love this podcast ❤️I feel like we can have all that is MEANT for us. Some things aren’t meant for you, no matter how hard you chase it.
Couldn't agree more! ❤️
Love this comment!
Loved the perspective, ladies!! Such a breath of fresh air🥰 the interesting thing about marriage is that marriage has always traditionally been predicated upon finances/resources. Our traditional wedding ceremonies embody this essence too, for instance, currency in the form of gifts, dowries and so on. Western romanticism portrays marriage as being about love ONLY, which is a relatively new concept. Given the sorts of questions African parents ask you (does he have a good job? etc.😂🤣) it all makes sense now. I think the reason why most women see marriage as a badge of honour is because the historical predicate of marriage (finances) transformed women into markers of social class which entailed belonging to an elite class. Despite the shift in values/standards today and today’s definition of marriage, the undertone of “social ascension” is still affixed to the idea of marriage and that’s why most women still wish to marry despite anecdotal evidence of ppl knowing misery in their own marriages. Economics has left a legacy of women yearning to be married to resourceful men after which dwelling in the social glory becomes easier. Economics is so interconnected with everything that its discussion is imminent.
If a woman wants to marry for the sole purpose of escalating to a higher social class and tax bracket that's not love and that marriage probably won't last.
@@omphilemoerane2569 I agree to a certain extent, but bear in mind that one of the top causes of divorce is due to finances. I explained earlier that marriage was never predicated upon love, anyway. The idea of love as a sole foundation is a relatively new concept. In fact, many cultures across the world are still trying to be socialised into the love ideology. Additionally, even if marriage doesn’t forcibly entail social ascension and fitting in a certain tax bracket for women, there’s some sort of social aggrandisement/pleasure which is affixed to the “I am the wife of” label. Many women feel that this predicate validates them and these feelings are equally valid in cases where women are committed to men who aren’t exactly well off either, (depending on what the economic conventions of x society are.) In both economic extremes, marriage is still very valuable to women, so that predicate will always be of value, however, this matrimonial predicate is far more valuable where there’s financial abundance as opposed to the financial opposite, if we’re being really honest. There’s the financial aspect (money, social ascension) and there’s also the ontological aspect (labels, predicates, belonging to someone) of marriage. Women who are married to men who aren’t necessarily resourceful, rely on the ontological value of wifehood because their husbands don’t have those luxuries and economic perks.
Excellent take! Definitely has historical and social foundations rooted in finances and resources - and it's interesting how this still lingers despite the fact so many women have started acquiring resources independently. But equally, these remnants are still starting to fall away. Thank you for sharing! ❤️
@@tomysisters I agree. The emphasis on finance is slowly coming to the forefront again. Interesting to see how history repeats itself. No, thank you guys❤️❤️ keep em coming 🥰
@@ReeRee_Donita I agreeeee!! finances is the root of how marriages fail in the first place anyways! A researcher said most men fall into mental health because they can't provide they don't have the means because for them that aspect puts them in a certain position in society or getting a women/wife. However women are becoming more independent which means lol they don't even have to settle it's become a want not a "need" which means most want "true" love or looking for it. Some women feel like its just easier to marry to split bills lool Marriages now a days just doesn't mean anything anymore which everyone is entitled to how they feel about it. Gloria mon beubeu!👏🏾❤️ #bewholebeforeyoumarry
For me, peace of mind and peace in my soul is non-negotiable
If I had a lot money saved, my own car and apartment I would not want marriage anymore..
Well right now, why do you want to get married?
@@omphilemoerane2569 I mean. I would want now to have a man or husband, because its easier financially for example you can split bills/car when you live in the same apartament. All guys wanna go 50/50 anyway so I dont mean marrying for money. Just what girls in the podcast said: its easier to buy a home when you have two incomes together..
Also I would want marriage for mutual emotional support and connection, but its hard to find.
@Wise4Sure By the time I have it all: money, apartament and car I'll be 30+ so men will leave me alone.. They all want 24yo girl even when they are 35 cause they are that superficial. I fell bad sometimes that I must work hard for years what others got from parents for free, because I was abused and left with my anxiety and it takes years to heal from it. My ex left me year ago when he found out how bad my childhood was
@@viennala2528 I'm out here with you and I agree it is tough in this economy.
@@viennala2528 And Wise4Sure's line of logic implies that there's a final stage of growth. There isn't. If you partner with someone, you will change - it's how to do that healthily with them by your side.
This channel should have 100k subs minimum
So sweet! That's what we are working towards! ❤️😂
Right! It is a gem
Big facts…
"focus on compounding experiences rather than furthering possession"... Courtney's reaction accurately represents mine!! Well said
“Marriage is for the people who are ready to mature” that part! I’m glad I came across this channel, loved this conversation! 💜
I say this when this conversation is brought up! I do believe marriage is an outdated concept that is unnecessary in today's time. Women have everything they need and/or want without being a man's wife. The principal of marriage was to establish status, access to wealth (whatever the amount he possessed), and to build a family for productivity. A lot of marriages dated decades ago didn't necessarily marry for love. Marriage was a woman's post valued status symbol. A lot parents set up marriages (this still happens), which I Personally don't oppressing. None of that mentions that wives were "property" to their husbands and baby making machines to continue HIS legacy. Of course people can apply any subject/principal to their own situation. Just because that's what it meant to people then, doesn't mean that's what it means to people now. There are a lot of married couple who are happily married without the "gender roles" or even "reversed gender roles". You make your OWN marriage what you two want/need. Women are working, building their OWN brands/companies, buying homes, traveling the world, building their OWN legacies by adopting children and/or artificial insemination/surrogacy, and everything in between. Men aren't NEEDED anymore. In MY mind marriage is a social construct that religious people feel pressured to abide by and others feel that as well and follow suit. Without even mentioning the divorce rate, marriage just seems like an unnecessary stress to take on. We can do all the above happily without becoming legal bind to each other. I'm good.
That is great for you. But plenty of people out there still thrive in marriage. The key is to finding someone who keeps you at peace if you are stressed, pushes you to be a better version of you, and has your back no matter what. IF that’s what you want. If not, that’s cool, there are other things out there. But to chide marriage as a social construct is just the same as a trad person shaming you for not wanting marriage, and/or having children. That’s my two cents that no one asked for, lol!
I think the underlying tone with your comment is the idea that "men aren't needed anymore". Marriage (at least in the modern age) shouldn't be about what you can get from the other individual, but how you can support each other. Men and women both have traits that the other can learn from. I don't even know if I want to get married nor do I look down on women who choose to not get married. I just think marriage is about two people mutually serving one another and that's beautiful.
@@andreaparsons3550 marriage IS a social construct. companionship (a primal instinct) can be accessed without legally binding yourself to another human being. marriage was invented to continue men’s legacies and allow ‘legitimate’ children to inherit wealth in early capitalism, it is very much an invented social institution and not a necessity, at least scientifically and historically speaking 🤷🏽♀️
@@AkwaIbomDoll marriage has been around well before our modern notion of capitalism. It has evolved through the years, of course. Many who still get married now chose to do so because they want to cement their bond with their partner, a bond that is deeper than typical companionship. If it’s not for you, then don’t do it.
That summary is so apt. You can have it all, but not all the time. And btw men do go through similar battles as well. Some would love to be at home but want to provide. And roles tend to change in a relationship depending on the season. It might be time for one person's career to go full speed ahead and another one to support the home. This is my first time here so I am super excited
Marriage is worth it, I don’t know about you guys but I’m Muslim and in our religion men are obligated to cover all the financial responsibilities of their wives( btw we aren’t obligated to cook or clean) and if a woman does decide to work, her husband has no right to even touch or ask her for money and if she gives it to him it is considered charity, plus it’s like half of my deen, so this sounds like a really good deal on my end😌
I am at least 10 years older than you ladies & found this episode full of wisdom, wit & warmth. Keep it up ladies
I have such high standards that the reality of men in real life never, measure up. So I have never dated to marry just to see where it goes no expectations at all.
Are your standard high or was the bar love previously
I'm curious what your standards are. If I list them people say it's high but I meet and/or surpass those standards myself.
Congrats on achieving your personal goals. Makes me want to kick up my own pace.
You got this!
When I tell you how grateful I am to find this. I needed this. As a young black girl from Africa moving to the uk has been a journey and a half. Growth is essential and this is a stepping stone for me
Most def I just turned 31 and I swear there’s not enough hours in the day 😫😫😫
Just simply not enough haha 😭
I heard 2 sentences. Subscribed. Period
We love to see it!
Same
The initial purpose for marriage in my opinion is for money reasons and children. A smart marriage is usually business oriented which is good for tax purposes especially in America. Love and companionship usually takes work.
This is such an incredible conversation that is so in-tune with the realities of being a woman and dating today. I wish I had heard these ideas as a kid because it sets such a more grounded and healthy expectation for any future relationship that honestly could prevent so much heartbreak. I love how you talk about marriage as a beautiful institution that it can be but that you acknowledge that there's more than just the whole getting married part of it. 10/10 will be recommending to anyone who'll listen :)
Couldn't agree more! If only we had more honest conversations like this, a lot of heartbreak could have been avoided. But there's always the future, as well as a lot of our younger sisters on the come up. We got this sis! Happy to have you as part of the community and thank you for the share ❤️
Just found your page and chilllleeeeeeeee, I have never sat so still during a drag session! Chai, life is not far, but we thank God for deliverance from stupidity! This was awesome
Hallelujah! Haha, welcome to the sisterhood ❤️
I love this!!!!!
❤️ ❤️
When this sister said “WHAT IS THE purpose /relevance of MARRIAGE TO WOMEN NOW”
I knew I made the right decision to question the idea of marriage
i was screaming at the chat of descaling fish at his mother’s house in the talking stage 😭😭😭 get out!!
It gets like that! 😂❤️
it was the "descaling fish at his mother's house" for me :) :)
hehe gotta liberate some of our sisters! 😂
You’re saying correctly. I bought some bags and shoes bc i never had them, and it’s really not worth it. They are nice shoes and bags, but I even decided to sell a couple bags and get back what I could.
👏 👏 👏 so important to review expenditure and really understand whether it's worth it!
Not descaling fish at his mother’s house IN THE TALKING STAGE 😭😭😭😭 im screamingggggg
Great video ! and Yes, every man that I encounter I do expect something out of it. I refuse to settle so if they do not have what I am expecting in a Godly man then I leave. There is no pressure though when going through the dating process but I always keep it in mind about what I want and not strip myself away from the thought of wanting a loving man who is committed to me. He will come in due time and i'll continue wanting that while focusing on myself.
Ladies, as a divorcee, don’t do it lol. I recommend dating when you’re young and as you get older have a companion, someone you go out to movies, dinner, etc and you go back to your own home.
wish i listened to my mom when she told me to not marry who i’m with now ughhh
@@oddgoddess5576 mom always know
@@daisyyall6781 right, It’s getting better day by day so ima keep the faith and keep it pushing
I do agree with you, as long as they don't plan a baby.
@@hgfw9295 agree and unfortunately if you want a baby this way is not the best option. Although I have heard about more women opting to raise their babies together kinda like sister wives but no husband lol
Just discovered you. Nice topic and chemistry between you. Good to see women cheering each other one
This podcast inspires me to live my best life in the best wayy✨✨🥰
❤️❤️❤️
Marriages seem so draining to me. You have to go 50/50 with a man, do all the cooking, all the cleaning, all the emotional labor in the marriage, have children, go through painful labor and then postpartum, tolerate his ego because wives are expected to tolerate and stroke their man's ego, also clean up after him, have sex even when you're not in the mood, be submissive 24/7 even if your man can't lead and couldn't get a dog to sit. You're just this sacrificial martyr who loses her identity once in marriage.
You're not only a wife, you're a mother, the cook, the surrogate, the housekeeper, the family therapist, the chauffeur, the financial planner, the other breadwinner, and the sexual entertainment. Marriage seems so miserable.
While the man literally gets all these benefits from you fulfilling these roles, what do you get besides dick and half the bills paid?
Nah I'm good. I'm trying to finish my degree so I can get my career going to be financially successful. Rotational dating seems great to me and more tolerable than marriage.
With all due respect to your opinion, if a marriage looks like what you’ve described...it’s not a good one. Like you said in your first sentence, you go 50/50. But really, it should be 100/100. Both partners putting in 100% effort into the relationship. For some people, marriage isn’t it and that’s ok. But marriage in and of itself isn’t a horrible, terrible thing. Neither should it benefit one over the other. It’s a partnership meaning, sometimes you cook, and other times your partner cooks. Or we do it together, sometimes I clean, and sometimes the clean, or we do it together. Some days someone might have to pick up the slack of the other person because were all human and can’t be on it all the time 24/7. And that’s ok. If your partner struggled with emotional vulnerability, that needed to worked out before y’all got married. Not all women suffer postpartum depression. Not all married women even have children. And if your man has an ego problem, that’s something that either needed to be checked before they were married, or something y’all work through together (note that I am using “you” and “y’all” and “your” as general statements). If children are indeed involved, they will have two parents, not just one. So you’ll be a mother, but they’ll also have a father with equal responsibility for their financial, physical, and emotional care. 24/7 submission is an outdated patriarchal concept that’s irrelevant when discussing marriage now because you can choose someone that values you as a human being and not as a lap dog they can tell to sit whenever. Marriage doesn’t have to be draining. But like all relationships, whether platonic, familial, or romantic, they take work, they take compromise, and they take communication. I come from a broken marriage, so I know that terrible side of it. But I also see marriage relationships all around me, including in my own home (my parent remarried) that are nothing like you’ve described. In no way do I mean to discredit you or gaslight you at all. I just hope to enlighten you a little bit that marriage itself ain’t the devil, but the people within it can be. It’s all about what you make it and how you navigate. It’s supposed to be mutually beneficial, if it isn’t, then it should change. Edit: typo correction)
I’m rich and single and loving it. I live a life of luxury and I am stress free ( Daily Affirmation)
Spot on sis you said it all!
Loved it! I think this is the first podcast that's just made my spirit calm to just thoroughly listen to understand!!! I'm all in y'all!!!👏🏾
We love to see it! Welcome aboard sis ❤️
Is it worth it for women to get married?
Only if they want children.
I think children need both mom and dad.
But if a woman is childfree there's no point.
Here's why:
1) In most relationships women carry the majority of the emotional labour
2) Even for couples who are progressive in mindset, studies show that those who marry STILL fall into traditional gender roles in the home. This adds a lot of work for the woman because she's working full-time AND doing all the domestic tasks.
3) We become therapists
4) We lose our freedom
5) Men feel like sex becomes obligatory
6) Most men cheat (could get an STD)
7) Privacy is gone
8) Have to deal with the man's spending habits (could lead you to financial ruin)
9) Have to compromise on everything
10) Most men don't think of women as human, they think they're just tools to use
11) If you gain weight he'll leave you, and you'll be single again anyways
12) If you get sick he'll leave you, and you'll be single again anyways
*Lastly, research shows that the happiest group of people are single childfree women.
In a world where we see women pitted against each other ALL THE TIME, can I just say how beautiful and enriching it is to see women supporting each other. I stumbled on your channel today and I welled up at minute 5:30 when Courtney spoke about how proud she was of Renee. Thank you for being an example of sisterhood.
"And this is why you're descaling fish at his mother's house during the talking stage." Welp, this one cleared satan's colon, it's that lethal. 🙆🏾♀️🙆🏾♀️🙆🏾♀️
The descaling fish in his mother's kitchen had me shook 😂😂😂🐠🐠🐠. This was a very balanced and enjoyable (informative, thought provoking) dialogue. Shout out to you ladies, I love your delivery and content!
Relationship is not about possession it's all about partnership!!!
Love this! I'm single and 35, this really blessed me
❤️❤️❤️
I can’t wait to get married. It’s always been a dream for me. 🥰✨
Marriage is a beautiful thing but being married to the wrong person can literally feel like a death sentence. Before making any marriage commitment involve God seek his face speak with people who have balanced advice. Invest in a good therapist who will help you both unpack issues you may have. Don’t ignore those red flags either ❤
I thought marriage was for me till I got married and then once he "had me" he started treating me like shit! I never want to be "owned" again! I associate rings with finger handcuffs now. Never really want to be married again, the more you keep em chasing the more they try.
One thing my dad taught me is how to date! You never put all your eggs in one basket. You get to know and experience people until you meet someone that you click with and you both are on the same page AND the serious commitment is there, then you let the others go.
Dad?!
@@Kim-ok5tn yes lol my parents are married so I’ll take there advice when it comes to navigating the dating scene.
I like the idea of a lifelong partner, but i don't like the concept of marriage because I feel like it's a binding contract that is very hard and expensive to get out of if shit hits the fan. If they ever do anything to hurt me, i want to know that i can easily leave them and start over from scratch
for someone who almost married young- if it doesnt feel s natural like breathing with no doubt dont do it.
I learned in psychology that the age of people who are first getting married is 28-30 years old as oppose to a few years ago where it was 24-25 years old. and that’s because this generation is more invested in giving to oneself than to another person first. But the majority of people still have a desire to be married.
Also divorce usually happens within the first 5-7 years of marriage but it’s due to a number of different factors that go in to it, not everyone gets divorced so early on.
Really important statistics and data points, thank you for sharing! ❤️
Classy, Comfortable, Confident, Fit.
I've never even had a relationship smh.
I am an older person and have been married and divorced.
The idea of falling in love is a fairytale
MARRIAGE between a couple must be discussed before getting into it
There should be lessons on what may happen. Children is a common aspect with couples universally and how to bring up is an important issue, because there can be serious disagreements in this area.
MARRIAGE all together is a good arrangement for a family and for growing and progressing as a unit and for becoming more abundant and progressive.
It is a good wholesome lesson for children.
Overthunk had me dying!! I loved this conversation!
English be hard sometimes 😂
Nah fam, what are the odds that he would have chosen her if she wasnt the last man standing? Is that really a compliment?
How have I just found this channel and why isn’t there more subs? How! I want to be married (but it’s defo for people who are ready) but now a day I think men can get what they want without having to commit whereas women have become so dependent that they will try to keep a man by all means even if that means not pressuring him into marriage while giving him everything. I don’t think “boys’ like independent women. U can still be independent and married but it’s not by force. We have been forced as women to think we need to cater to a man and take care of the kids....so I have a masters degree to cook and clean? 😂😂
Defo new friend here can’t wait to see more interesting content from y’all! Feel free to share the love!
Listen we are just happy to have you sis, welcome to the sisterhood! Thank you for sharing your opinion. the remnants of dependency from more traditional manifestations of patriarchy does linger, and the idea of the independent woman is complicated when we have men chime in. Re. masters degree and cooking and cleaning - we are SCREAMING haha! Love sis!
Were not interested in ur degree
@@kwameopoku3576 it’s funny how out of everything I said that’s what your triggered by! 😂😂 you’re dismissed!
@ - 🤣😂😅
@@kwameopoku3576 no but SHE is. She cares abt it and what opportunities it brings. Is that ok w guys... to actually let a woman hv a dream or two? Why devalue what a woman values if you truly love her? Why must a woman hv no goals within a marriage. Why not build together? And finally- only uneducated, non- achievers feel the way you do. I nvr hear accomplished men complain abt woman’s education and pedigree. Only one racial group - which shall remain unnamed- does that. Men’s physical attraction to women doesn’t require a degree TRUE but if ur interested in true pair bonding, mutual exchange, having and raising successful children and carving out your own personal empire (moving into higher $ circles in life) it requires a partner that understands what it takes and can help you get there. If not she wld undermine ur efforts making the whole union pointless... similar to what ur proving here.
I really like that you have started doing video podcasts. The set up is great but Renee's face is hidden by the microphone so we really miss some of her facial expressions.
Thanks for the feedback! We took into consideration in our latest videos :)
I love that you're on UA-cam as I don't have Instagram (or any social media other than UA-cam for that matter) so now I can interact with the sisterhood too, whilst still listening via Spotify.
I loved the conversation today it was great.
*My question for the 'mailbag'🤣: How do you bring up with parents the topic of being overly involved? I'm 20 so not quite fully independent but still an adult and I feel my parents haven't realised the change. They still expect me to ask for permission for little decisions such as going to the corner shop 5 mins away.*
Thank you for being my online big sisters ❤️
Thank you for sharing! We got you on the mailbag ❤️😂
How do you recognize "husband material"?
You are both so wise . Love this episode 🙌🏾
"I like the way he is assertive with the waitress..." Dead! This was full of gems ladies.
Never married. Never want to be married. At this point I doubt I even want a relationship or to go dating. I am wise enough to learn from the actions of others, and what has happened to other men has taught me a great deal about family and divorce courts. So no, no thank you. I would rather retire quite comfortably by the time I am 40. Best wishes ladies.
Same here; Only I am a woman. I knew I wasn't the only person turned off by the whole thing. Everyone I see who are in these long term relationship/marriages are unhappy, and... KIDS....all I see is stress!
Yes, agreed and I’m a woman. Just have a companion and send them home
I was all about that married life till I watched The World of Married and Love (ft. Marriage and Divorce). It was a rude confirmation of how hard marriage after the wedding actually is and what can happen when you are not evenly yoked. It's so imperative to make the right choice because it's for life. Love, love, love this discussion, ladies!
People choosing the wrong reasons to get married. Period. I love being married cause I married my best friend. We compromise we help eachother - people just don’t want to work. They have not set a proper foundation. 18 years married and I am a better person for it. Stop looking at material things as the reason to get married and look at the heart. 🤷🏽♀️
Thank you sisters! Very good points: performative dating, dating with the intention to marry the person... keep up the good work ❤️👏🏾🎙
There is not unique benefit to marriage today, married or not u can do everything under the sun and with anyone.
No I dont want to get married.
Intentional dating, intentional relationships and an intentional life are all he same. I never ending honest conversation about what you want. Its a never ending conversation because u never stop changing and that's beautiful
"And this is why you are descaling fish at his mothers house in the talking stage' 🤣🤣🤣
It is important to get married because in personal development you learn not to be egoistic, to share your love with other people. In societal/business perspective, people trust marriage people more because bigger chance they will not run away if something happen. Married people love to befriend with other married couple because the face the same issues that they can share, they relate to each other. It is quite risky to hangout with single men/woman in personal life if you are married. People seen never married adult/old people as childish and this trait will never change. People see there must be unsolved personal problem with unmarried people. Married people have their own problem too and they know that married is hard but they need to learn to take responsibility and not just run away when the problem arise.
First of all, a huge thanks to the UA-cam algorithm, it's my first time seeing yall and I already love yall. I'm 34 and not married and as with most women I always aspired to be married before 30, and once 30 hit and passed I started to ask myself questions I never asked before, questions like "other than the societal expectation that I should be married before 30, why do I want to be married so much", up until this day I have not come up with an answer and honestly at this point I just want someone to spend the rest of my life with and have a family with, whether that involves marriage or not doesn’t really matter to me
Not descaling fish naaa I’ve never been there loool love this open dialogue it’s very helpful
You guys came to tear singlet. No, I am LAUGHING my head off. So many gems, so much wisdom! First time here - subscribed ❤️
Glad you enjoyed 😂 welcome sis ❤️
Nobody:
Courtney: Renee is spitting 😮 say it again for the people in the back!
Marriage is security for yourself financially. Overrated yes cause married men try to holler all the time 😂
Amazing conversation especially the bit about what it actually looks like when you’re dating to marry
You guys are nice to listen to while I work. Very soothing voices 🤗🥰
glad you are enjoying! ❤️