I just got hired on as a shift lead at a fast food place. Never been any kind of manager before. I know people are often hateful and angry at fast food workers so I was looking for ways to deescalate negative and angry customers. This is nice to hear, they can only give you what's inside them. Their need to be heard in some fashion. Don't take any of it personally. If someone is angry enough to throw food at you, that's got nothing to do with you and everything to do with what's inside them. Good video.
Jacob that means a ton to me brother. I need to post again soon. In the meantime, please feel free to call my radio show on Monday nights if I can ever be of help. Sending you all my best and tons of peace!
“People can only give you what’s inside them”...I love the way you sum that up, and remembering it will help me to have compassion for them. I also appreciate the mind visuals you create, like imagining their words and energy hit that shield and fall away. Simply powerful. Thank you!
I believe this is what a lot of people struggle with. The abused struggle with this a lot because they feel that they can’t stand up for themselves. Then they feel that they have no where to go. I remember when I was about 20 years old a physicist told me that I was abused and so on. I went home and called my mother and I said to her why did you let dad do those things to me. She started to cry and said what was I supposed to do. There are 9 of you kids how am I supposed to live. It broke my heart. My father owned 14 Macdonald’s stores and as I got older he was extremely wealthy man and I thought you could have left anytime you wanted. You could have gotten him to stop. But back to your video she just couldn’t. She was defeated. So in my life today I surround myself with good Christian beliefs and values. People who are my friends and aren’t afraid to be real with me. And the most important person who is always with me is God. Thank you for this video. It was awesome. God bless you and your family.
Chuck McGee Chuck my brother, I’m really humbled by how open you are with your past. I know that your words touch many people’s lives. Sending you all the best and much peace!
Dr. Christian Conte I appreciate the kind words. I am an open book because one day someone is going to need to hear those words and I pray that it will help them through whatever situation they are facing. God bless you brother.
Personally I always feel hurt when I hear: you don't stabd up for yourself. My mom abused me in my whole life. As I kid she used to beat me and later she did mental and emotional torture. I left home at the age if 19 and never returned. But even my weekend and summer visits were filled with her words how awful I am. My sister says it's because I let her do that to me. I have no idea how to stop her because she threatens me that she will get a heart attack because of me. This past Christmas I walked out if the house for the 5th time and I keep asking myself: really is this the only way to deal with her? Apparently it is. Everything else I tried ended up with her hurting me.
Thank you so much for your encouragement. I do therapeutic foster care, the children that come to my care are usually children who have been disrupted from home to home due to their behaviors, and they are usually very angry, so they release it with whoever is around them (me). It’s hard not to take it personal, but what really helps me is to understand that their behaviors are the communication of a need. This children are hurting deeply, they’ve been rejected, put down, abused, and their anger is just the way they know to communicate their pain, and it’s usually a way to protect themselves from getting hurt again. When I keep in mind that it’s not about me, that helps me not to take their negativity, but to really think how I can help them
I love the work you're doing! You're truly impacting those kids' lives. And you're right: Their pain is NOT personal to you. Keep being the light! Sending you gratitude for what you do and tons of peace!
This guy is waaaay better than these doctors where i live .. i need this guy to talk to as my mentor this guy is very deep... Congrats and plz keep spreading the positivity cause it is greatly need for men like me
+ Dr Christian Conte....WOW...JUST WHAT I NEEDED TO HEAR! Thank you for this video. I work with NEGATIVE people. I shall see this video every day. THANK YOU for this valuable advice!
What if the negative person isn’t being negative out of anger, but for entertainment? How do you validate someone who makes fun of you, and belittles you for their own entertainment?
My husband and I mentor inmates in Pennsylvania prisons. One of the men we are currently mentoring is a young man who was just released after 23 years in prison. Like many inmates, he suffered years of abuse and neglect at the hands of his parents. Your videos are very helpful to us. Thank you for sharing them online.
cindy Sanford 100%! Thank you for your kind words, and even more importantly - Thank you so much for the work you do with our inmates. You’re changing lives! I really believe that people in prison need to know that they matter, that people care about their future, and that they still have so much to offer this world. Thank you to you and your husband! Much peace!
Dr Conte, I think your videos has helped me enormously. I deal with a student that is unreasonable, applying your mentality (plus a little bit of microdosing I must confess) has been the only thing that has helped me enormously. Thank you
Actually, just validation in the form of "you seem stressed" or "you seem to be dealing with a lot today" sounds like a good response to another person's negativity. Instead of getting pulled into their drama! Thanks for the advice!
thanks for the advice! your suggestions help me to not become angry with angry people but to extend the window of time I have to internally use your advice and come to a version of response I could calmly respond.
Thanks for this vid. Even the smallest remember helps. Been on my journey of growth for two years but as you know it never stops. I always come back and watch your videos to refill my cup no matter the level of anger because the parenting vids are my all time favorite!
I've been dealing with anger for many years as I am now 45 but now I see where my anger takes me to places I dont like as its hurting those I care about most around me. Your so right when u say anger co.es from a place of hurt as I've been through a lot recently I try hard not to take it out in those around me but seen it spiraling out of control. I started treating anger like addiction and realized I had to not just pray about it but do something so Google it and found u. The past week I haven't felt better and been able to deal with the situations better than past with those I care about. Just letting you know keep up the good work I love the relationship videos and how to deal with angry people, very helpful i apply a lot I learned from your videos and its made a huge impact. God bless brother!
Man, I love the message here. I went into the details to learn more and saw that the music for this video was done by Stephen Keech. I was like, I know that guy!He was the lead singer for the band Haste the Day! I've seen them live so many times. So cool that the world is so small. Anyway, great video. Great content.
Christopher Gambino Thank you! I love this song he has. What an incredible talent he is! Definitely sending you all my best my man! I hope you’re doing awesome! Much peace!
I’m dealing with angry negative people all the time. Including my husband. Having a very hard time dealing with family members not talking to me. Breaks my heart to have my own daughter not talk to me in almost a year! Before that, talked all the time. I have a suspicion that it has to do with money. My mother in law, sister in law, and husband have pretty much shut me out of their lives. Hurts really bad
Are you tired of feeling angry and tired of appoligizing for emotional outbursts. When i first started implementing Yield theory i found out that it can be used inovertanletly as a weapon if the user is not mindful of others. Its important to be kind when speaking to others even if others are not as considerate. This is how the weapon transforms into a shield that the green lantern would be envious of. Thank you Dr. Conte you have changed my life and the lives of those around me!
I've cut so many of these people out of my life I can't even count and I feel so much freer . I wish I would've seen the narcasism in people before hand
I hear you when you say do not take on their anger even if they are taking it out on you. However, what is best way to respond when they are blaming you for something or accusing you etc without feeling defensive when you know they are incorrect?
My neighbor invited me to her home. We are at the foyer and her husband looks at her with disgust and says get out of my way. I quickly left and she came over later in the day to talk to me and told me all the awful ways he talks to her. She was crying but I told her she needs help and I am sorry but this is a marriage and I cannot get involved. I do not need a man with anger issues approaching me. This is a 30 year marriage and she will never leave him. Either way I am not equipped to help her and honestly I do not want her coming to my hone to vent and then her angry husband will come over to my place because I am not inviting a problem to my home.
I think you did the right thing. I suffer from anxiety, stress and it's all because I helped the wrong people. Sometimes people need to get help and make the first move. My aunt was in an abusive relationship and every time I try to help. She went back to the issue just dumping more and more problems on me. You're human not a psychologist or a therapist. Definitely not God. Some Toxic people just dump their waste on you and don't want to solve the problem.
Coaching Bad on Spike? Family Therapy on VH1? The Secret Life of Kids on USA Network? Yes :-) Thank you for your kind words! Sending you all my best and tons of peace!
I think it is a time bomb to say I see you are struggling or angry. Your telling someone how they feel. Just excuse yourself and quickly remove yourself from the situation.
Great question! I'm going to answer that on my radio show tonight. It's called Emotional Management on kdkaradio.com from 8pm-10pm EST. Thank you! Sending you much peace!
I know this is an old video but I really wondered how do you deal with someone, who you live under the same roof and is very pessimistic, a chronic complainer and critisicer? Its a family member and in 15ys Ive never heard him say anything genuine. No genuine compliment or anything nice without a "but" or its okayish at its best. Its come to a point where he starts to complain about something it has become trigger for instant bad mood and annoyed comment/start of a fight from my side and moving out isnt an immediate option sadly.
but highly negativ people often know exactly what to say to hurt you, because they are so critical with themselves they find out quick what your weak spot is as well.. so it's hard to not get hurt by them
geistreiches You are right, I was thinking the exact same thing. It is even worse when that negative person is someone you live with and cannot get away from, because you depend on that person... I don’t think that imaginary shield can handle all that. Do you think there is any other way?
my mother was highly negative when I still lived with here and I took it all in like a mental punishing ball, one day she was so mentally abusive I started to freak out, I exploded and started shouting at her.. she was really scared, after that she left me alone.. sometimes you have to fight back.. if people are continuously annoying and poke you over and over again, it's best to tell them right to their face to back off.. I do this when everything else did not work
geistreiches don't laugh it off when someone insults you stand up for yourself or you will become a doormat. if someone comes at you sideways or out of pocket. people now a days are non confrontational. I had my stepmom come treat me like shit all the time; if i had once in those 4-5 years put her in check i would've been in a very different place. probably in a more sane place there is a lack of masculinity in this culture, It would've been worth it to ruin that relationship just for the ability to stand up for myself. Eye contact and stern words; in a workplace use the term hostile work environment. Don’t listen to discount Drake on this one. You’re not psychic And you can’t fix everybody but the thing is you want to make it so they don’t fuck with you And then move onto the next target.
Hi Doc, very informative video I tried to practice patience to deal with very angry and aggressive people in my work environment . I tried to stay calm to deal with my work in a very negative environment. Ques is most of the people are very negative and tension while me look calm and steady but with same level of busy of work. But does it looks odd when everyone is tension n me look calm ? Well, the boss whom is very tension too found can communicate better with those people that sharing the tension n same level of anger? Should I pretend to be tension, rude and angry? So can cope with the culture ? Hope can get some answers
I just need somewhere to offload. Sorry if this is the wrong place. We own a pet store and I have a macaw that I love more than myself. But this afternoon I was agitated and we had a 'fight' if you can even call it that. I have the tendency to hit him on the tip of his beak when he bites me. It sounds worse than it is trust me. So this idiot sees the whole thing and decides he wants to interfere. He's never been in the shop yet he tells me that we keep the birds in their cages all day. If he was a regular he would know this is BS. I arrived at work around 7:30ish and immediately took my bird from his cage. We literally spent the entire day together, untill 18;00 (closing time). It makes me super angry when people talk about things they know nothing of. Sorry for my angry comment. Love your channel.
don't laugh it off when someone insults you stand up for yourself or you will become a doormat. if someone comes at you sideways or out of pocket. people now a days are non confrontational. I had my stepmom come treat me like shit all the time; if i had once in those 4-5 years put her in check i would've been in a very different place. probably in a more sane place there is a lack of masculinity in this culture, It would've been worth it to ruin that relationship just for the ability to stand up for myself. Eye contact and stern words; in a workplace use the term hostile work environment. Don’t listen to discount Drake on this one. You’re not psychic And you can’t fix everybody but the thing is you want to make it so they don’t fuck with you.
Being a truck driver I’m exposed to other driver’s negativity constantly! Thanks for the advice.
I just got hired on as a shift lead at a fast food place. Never been any kind of manager before. I know people are often hateful and angry at fast food workers so I was looking for ways to deescalate negative and angry customers. This is nice to hear, they can only give you what's inside them. Their need to be heard in some fashion. Don't take any of it personally. If someone is angry enough to throw food at you, that's got nothing to do with you and everything to do with what's inside them. Good video.
Watching a buff dude with a sweet beard sincerely talk about being nice to people makes me want to be nice to people.
Maira lol, I have no idea what this means.
Michael Thompson lol. I appreciate that brother! Much peace!
Great comment
I love digging through your old video's when I'm having a tough time being positive. You're such a blessing Dr. C, thank you.
Jacob that means a ton to me brother. I need to post again soon. In the meantime, please feel free to call my radio show on Monday nights if I can ever be of help. Sending you all my best and tons of peace!
“People can only give you what’s inside them”...I love the way you sum that up, and remembering it will help me to have compassion for them. I also appreciate the mind visuals you create, like imagining their words and energy hit that shield and fall away. Simply powerful. Thank you!
Somebody's Falling Thank you so much! Much gratitude and peace!
I believe this is what a lot of people struggle with. The abused struggle with this a lot because they feel that they can’t stand up for themselves. Then they feel that they have no where to go.
I remember when I was about 20 years old a physicist told me that I was abused and so on. I went home and called my mother and I said to her why did you let dad do those things to me. She started to cry and said what was I supposed to do. There are 9 of you kids how am I supposed to live. It broke my heart. My father owned 14 Macdonald’s stores and as I got older he was extremely wealthy man and I thought you could have left anytime you wanted. You could have gotten him to stop. But back to your video she just couldn’t. She was defeated.
So in my life today I surround myself with good Christian beliefs and values. People who are my friends and aren’t afraid to be real with me. And the most important person who is always with me is God.
Thank you for this video. It was awesome. God bless you and your family.
Chuck McGee Chuck my brother, I’m really humbled by how open you are with your past. I know that your words touch many people’s lives. Sending you all the best and much peace!
Dr. Christian Conte I appreciate the kind words. I am an open book because one day someone is going to need to hear those words and I pray that it will help them through whatever situation they are facing. God bless you brother.
Personally I always feel hurt when I hear: you don't stabd up for yourself.
My mom abused me in my whole life. As I kid she used to beat me and later she did mental and emotional torture. I left home at the age if 19 and never returned. But even my weekend and summer visits were filled with her words how awful I am.
My sister says it's because I let her do that to me.
I have no idea how to stop her because she threatens me that she will get a heart attack because of me.
This past Christmas I walked out if the house for the 5th time and I keep asking myself: really is this the only way to deal with her?
Apparently it is. Everything else I tried ended up with her hurting me.
Thank you so much for your encouragement. I do therapeutic foster care, the children that come to my care are usually children who have been disrupted from home to home due to their behaviors, and they are usually very angry, so they release it with whoever is around them (me). It’s hard not to take it personal, but what really helps me is to understand that their behaviors are the communication of a need. This children are hurting deeply, they’ve been rejected, put down, abused, and their anger is just the way they know to communicate their pain, and it’s usually a way to protect themselves from getting hurt again. When I keep in mind that it’s not about me, that helps me not to take their negativity, but to really think how I can help them
I love the work you're doing! You're truly impacting those kids' lives. And you're right: Their pain is NOT personal to you. Keep being the light! Sending you gratitude for what you do and tons of peace!
wow, you're truly a beautiful person!
This guy is waaaay better than these doctors where i live .. i need this guy to talk to as my mentor this guy is very deep... Congrats and plz keep spreading the positivity cause it is greatly need for men like me
+ Dr Christian Conte....WOW...JUST WHAT I NEEDED TO HEAR! Thank you for this video. I work with NEGATIVE people. I shall see this video every day. THANK YOU for this valuable advice!
Nice! I'm glad this helps! Sending you all the best and tons of peace!
What if the negative person isn’t being negative out of anger, but for entertainment? How do you validate someone who makes fun of you, and belittles you for their own entertainment?
I do not have anger but it always good to watch a video if I ever came across being angry with someone that I can learn the tips to stop being angry
Thanks for your videos. It's really helpful to understand how to channel mine and others energy around me.
My husband and I mentor inmates in Pennsylvania prisons. One of the men we are currently mentoring is a young man who was just released after 23 years in prison. Like many inmates, he suffered years of abuse and neglect at the hands of his parents. Your videos are very helpful to us. Thank you for sharing them online.
cindy Sanford 100%! Thank you for your kind words, and even more importantly - Thank you so much for the work you do with our inmates. You’re changing lives! I really believe that people in prison need to know that they matter, that people care about their future, and that they still have so much to offer this world. Thank you to you and your husband! Much peace!
Dr Conte, I think your videos has helped me enormously. I deal with a student that is unreasonable, applying your mentality (plus a little bit of microdosing I must confess) has been the only thing that has helped me enormously. Thank you
Thank you so much man you are helping out a lot of people by explaining it in a more detailed ways that not a lot of people can explain
Dr. Conte, thank you very much for your wise and extremely helpful insight and guidance here! They truly are life-changing.
Actually, just validation in the form of "you seem stressed" or "you seem to be dealing with a lot today" sounds like a good response to another person's negativity. Instead of getting pulled into their drama!
Thanks for the advice!
thanks for the advice! your suggestions help me to not become angry with angry people but to extend the window of time I have to internally use your advice and come to a version of response I could calmly respond.
I think I love you :). I appreciate the videos and the information that you share with us, it's helping me view things in a better way.
Thank you so much! I appreciate your kind words for sure. Sending you all the best and tons of peace!
Love it. I needed this essential tip. I will use your technique...
Thanks for this vid. Even the smallest remember helps. Been on my journey of growth for two years but as you know it never stops. I always come back and watch your videos to refill my cup no matter the level of anger because the parenting vids are my all time favorite!
Thanks, Doc!
I’m sharing in my college classes thank you for these!!
I've been dealing with anger for many years as I am now 45 but now I see where my anger takes me to places I dont like as its hurting those I care about most around me. Your so right when u say anger co.es from a place of hurt as I've been through a lot recently I try hard not to take it out in those around me but seen it spiraling out of control. I started treating anger like addiction and realized I had to not just pray about it but do something so Google it and found u. The past week I haven't felt better and been able to deal with the situations better than past with those I care about. Just letting you know keep up the good work I love the relationship videos and how to deal with angry people, very helpful i apply a lot I learned from your videos and its made a huge impact. God bless brother!
Man, I love the message here. I went into the details to learn more and saw that the music for this video was done by Stephen Keech. I was like, I know that guy!He was the lead singer for the band Haste the Day! I've seen them live so many times. So cool that the world is so small. Anyway, great video. Great content.
Christopher Gambino Thank you! I love this song he has. What an incredible talent he is! Definitely sending you all my best my man! I hope you’re doing awesome! Much peace!
I like the way you teach.
Another great video! Thank you very much, Christian! Trying to learn from you :)
Thank you! Much peace!
Great video, thank you!
Thankyou so much for this, please keep make videos! ❤️
Thx 🙏
Thank you
Very good 👍
3rd time watching this video today!!
I’m dealing with angry negative people all the time. Including my husband. Having a very hard time dealing with family members not talking to me. Breaks my heart to have my own daughter not talk to me in almost a year! Before that, talked all the time. I have a suspicion that it has to do with money. My mother in law, sister in law, and husband have pretty much shut me out of their lives. Hurts really bad
BajaGirl302 am very sory
Are you tired of feeling angry and tired of appoligizing for emotional outbursts. When i first started implementing Yield theory i found out that it can be used inovertanletly as a weapon if the user is not mindful of others. Its important to be kind when speaking to others even if others are not as considerate. This is how the weapon transforms into a shield that the green lantern would be envious of. Thank you Dr. Conte you have changed my life and the lives of those around me!
Kyle Audette Kyle much love my brother! 💪🏼🙏🏼
I've cut so many of these people out of my life I can't even count and I feel so much freer . I wish I would've seen the narcasism in people before hand
Just discovered your channel! I hope you keep making this good content! : ))
Ty for this 👍
Maybe give them the benefit of the doubt because they could be going through a lot.
I hear you when you say do not take on their anger even if they are taking it out on you. However, what is best way to respond when they are blaming you for something or accusing you etc without feeling defensive when you know they are incorrect?
My neighbor invited me to her home. We are at the foyer and her husband looks at her with disgust and says get out of my way. I quickly left and she came over later in the day to talk to me and told me all the awful ways he talks to her. She was crying but I told her she needs help and I am sorry but this is a marriage and I cannot get involved. I do not need a man with anger issues approaching me. This is a 30 year marriage and she will never leave him. Either way I am not equipped to help her and honestly I do not want her coming to my hone to vent and then her angry husband will come over to my place because I am not inviting a problem to my home.
You are rude not to help someone in need.
I think you did the right thing. I suffer from anxiety, stress and it's all because I helped the wrong people. Sometimes people need to get help and make the first move. My aunt was in an abusive relationship and every time I try to help. She went back to the issue just dumping more and more problems on me. You're human not a psychologist or a therapist. Definitely not God. Some Toxic people just dump their waste on you and don't want to solve the problem.
My mom used to give me negative throughout my life but I stopped listening to her and start listening to myself
Wasn’t he on that show?!
Great video!
Coaching Bad on Spike? Family Therapy on VH1? The Secret Life of Kids on USA Network? Yes :-)
Thank you for your kind words! Sending you all my best and tons of peace!
Dr. Christian Conte Yes! Family therapy!
I think it is a time bomb to say I see you are struggling or angry. Your telling someone how they feel. Just excuse yourself and quickly remove yourself from the situation.
How do you deal with negative people that you cannot live without who think that you are the reason for their negativity?
Great question! I'm going to answer that on my radio show tonight. It's called Emotional Management on kdkaradio.com from 8pm-10pm EST. Thank you! Sending you much peace!
I know this is an old video but I really wondered how do you deal with someone, who you live under the same roof and is very pessimistic, a chronic complainer and critisicer? Its a family member and in 15ys Ive never heard him say anything genuine. No genuine compliment or anything nice without a "but" or its okayish at its best. Its come to a point where he starts to complain about something it has become trigger for instant bad mood and annoyed comment/start of a fight from my side and moving out isnt an immediate option sadly.
Whts the name of the song in the end?
What happened if you literally pick up the negative vibration,
but highly negativ people often know exactly what to say to hurt you, because they are so critical with themselves they find out quick what your weak spot is as well.. so it's hard to not get hurt by them
geistreiches
You are right, I was thinking the exact same thing. It is even worse when that negative person is someone you live with and cannot get away from, because you depend on that person...
I don’t think that imaginary shield can handle all that. Do you think there is any other way?
my mother was highly negative when I still lived with here and I took it all in like a mental punishing ball, one day she was so mentally abusive I started to freak out, I exploded and started shouting at her.. she was really scared, after that she left me alone.. sometimes you have to fight back.. if people are continuously annoying and poke you over and over again, it's best to tell them right to their face to back off.. I do this when everything else did not work
geistreiches don't laugh it off when someone insults you stand up for yourself or you will become a doormat. if someone comes at you sideways or out of pocket. people now a days are non confrontational. I had my stepmom come treat me like shit all the time; if i had once in those 4-5 years put her in check i would've been in a very different place. probably in a more sane place there is a lack of masculinity in this culture, It would've been worth it to ruin that relationship just for the ability to stand up for myself. Eye contact and stern words; in a workplace use the term hostile work environment. Don’t listen to discount Drake on this one. You’re not psychic And you can’t fix everybody but the thing is you want to make it so they don’t fuck with you And then move onto the next target.
Bit HOW to not accept (reject) other people's negativity? That's what I'm wondering :)
My bf gets mad or upset for little things i say or do. What could i say to him?
Hi Doc, very informative video
I tried to practice patience to deal with very angry and aggressive people in my work environment . I tried to stay calm to deal with my work in a very negative environment.
Ques is most of the people are very negative and tension while me look calm and steady but with same level of busy of work. But does it looks odd when everyone is tension n me look calm ? Well, the boss whom is very tension too found can communicate better with those people that sharing the tension n same level of anger?
Should I pretend to be tension, rude and angry? So can cope with the culture ?
Hope can get some answers
I just need somewhere to offload. Sorry if this is the wrong place. We own a pet store and I have a macaw that I love more than myself. But this afternoon I was agitated and we had a 'fight' if you can even call it that. I have the tendency to hit him on the tip of his beak when he bites me. It sounds worse than it is trust me. So this idiot sees the whole thing and decides he wants to interfere. He's never been in the shop yet he tells me that we keep the birds in their cages all day. If he was a regular he would know this is BS. I arrived at work around 7:30ish and immediately took my bird from his cage. We literally spent the entire day together, untill 18;00 (closing time). It makes me super angry when people talk about things they know nothing of. Sorry for my angry comment. Love your channel.
❤
#Shield yourself from (-)
don't laugh it off when someone insults you stand up for yourself or you will become a doormat. if someone comes at you sideways or out of pocket. people now a days are non confrontational. I had my stepmom come treat me like shit all the time; if i had once in those 4-5 years put her in check i would've been in a very different place. probably in a more sane place there is a lack of masculinity in this culture, It would've been worth it to ruin that relationship just for the ability to stand up for myself. Eye contact and stern words; in a workplace use the term hostile work environment. Don’t listen to discount Drake on this one. You’re not psychic And you can’t fix everybody but the thing is you want to make it so they don’t fuck with you.
Thank you.
100%. Sending you much peace!