An Instruction Manual To Oneself
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- Опубліковано 12 січ 2025
- We don’t need our lovers to be perfect. We need them to warn us of their quirks in good time. We need them to give us an instruction manual to themselves.
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FURTHER READING
“Most machines of any degree of complexity are offered to us with an instruction manual, a guide to how an unfamiliar technology works, what we can expect from it, how to get the best out of it and how to interpret its signals - the assumption being that it will be so much easier and less enraging to deal with the machine when we have taken some time systematically and patiently to learn how it operates.
Yet one area where we tend not to have manuals to read is when it comes to other people and their functioning...”
You can read more about this and other topics here: bit.ly/2aN4HaF
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Produced in collaboration with Nick Hilditch
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When I was a child my mother was always having random episodes of depression. I was always trying to make her feel better by being b goofy and trying to make her laugh. No depressed person ever wants to be cheered up so she would get angry with me and tell me to go away. But I would force my presence because I knew that she was suicidal so I had to cheer her up but I was just a kid and didn't know what else to do. Eventually I would be able to make her laugh and work her out of it with a lot of work. When I was in school I would do the same things with girls. I would act normal when first meeting them then at the sign of being rejected or pushed away I would try to get goofy and force my presence. (keep in mind that I have anxiety so my goofiness was much more awkward). The more they got annoyed with me the more I unconciously forced my unwanted presence. Until eventually the girl would snap and get angry at me but I didn't know why (I though that being around someone enough made you friends). So I would go home and get very depressed not knowing as to why every girl that I meet gets mad and yells at me. I'm out of school and have just recently realized this.
where ever you are my friends, I love you and I feel you! I feel the same way you are. But, mine is different. I also have a depressed mom and iron hand father. Sometimes I make my self fool in front of my family so they can laugh and no fight anymore. They always laugh at me and makes myself as a joke. I'm the youngest kid btw. My sisters and my brother always look down at me and make my self as an escape goat so my father and my mother juat go mad at me when they are angry. In school I always make a joke. I make my self fool so my friends can laugh at me. I like to see them laugh. Especially, to the girl that I secretly love. I always make my self fool in front of everybody so they can be with me more longer. But. you know what, everybody look down at me and see me as a fool joker. No one care about jokers feeling. I feel the way you feeling. But, one think for sure. I don't wanna be like my family. When I'm angry or sad I NEVER TOOK OTHER PEOPLE AS AN ESCAPE GOAT! I want die with it. Because anger are so contagious and doesn't make the world better. I just let it die with. What I do when I'm sad is just think someting funny and imagine something hillarious. That character are still in me. Lucikily, I have some friend which is want to laugh with me but respect me at the same time. But, still I feel fool with the girl I like.
Once again my friends, where ever you are. I respect you and I love you!
The way I deal with the opposite sex is that I don't speak unless spoken to.
Congratulations on making those realisations. You've made an important step in getting better.
👍
Dramatic ass people. You're feeling down in the dump and you decide to push people away? Come on, that's being dumb. I can see you being hurt by people as a reason buy if you don't have a good reason then you probably just like the feeling of depression. Being able to lay down all day and tell everyone eventually (because if you say it right away then you're just a "crybaby" and shit) "I'm depressed" so you can be pampered some sounds like something a few people I know would do.
Hate to say it, but you guys are on par and even better than Ted-ed! Incredible
Agreed
Not to mention that heavenly voice
Why would you hate to say it ?
both are equally good
+Michael Reynolds well said and true
Being able to think deterministically about people is, imo, necessary in order to empathize with them. They do X because Y. They do P to fulfill Q need. This video is excellent in addressing that.
They didn't chose their parents, their childhoods, their place of birth. They didn't choose their personality, as tempting as the idea may seem. They are who they are and couldn't possibly be any other way, and loving them means accepting and even cherishing that.
I agree with this, In my case for example I could see from a young age I've always fell short when it came to things be it some sports or some aspects of work. I'd often realise despite my work others would be faster, smarter or so on with less work. I'd then say ahh well its cos they're talented or blah blah and accept defeat. While it's true I did work harder and they are indeed better suited for it, its more a case of understanding that while its harder I can't be afford to helpless and accept by destiny as you put it, doing some mediocre job or being a loser. The realisation that my doubts were due to those past experiences are what allowed me to accept the differences (though unfortunate) and consciously push to overcome them. Now I have a stronger work ethic which ofcourse causes minor problems because now people are like "why do you work so much?",
Well 2 answers.
1. Deterministically this is the result of constant losses and lower levels of work ethic in the past which made me this way.
2. I consciously understand if I worked as hard as you I'd fail miserably like I did years ago so I do this to compensate because I want more and will not accept the life that seemed to be set out for me in my mediocrity.
you Sam Harris much?
I'm actually not very familiar with much of Sam Harris's ideas, but what exposure I've had makes him seem a bit abrasive to me.
I disagree, to me this seems like a cheap way to force people into accepting disagreeable things.
Imagine you went into a restaurant and found a fly in your soup. You get angry and start shouting to the staff. Then the manager comes and asks you if the reason you are shouting is some incident in your childhood. Do you see how this is completely besides the point? You are talking about a problem here and now, and all the other side wants to do is armchair psychology, and make far-fetched presumptions about what kind of a person you are.
This often becomes very apparent in everyday discussions of politics. "Oh, so you're a leftist, that must mean you were a spoiled child", "Oh, so you support the nationalist party, it's okay, tell me about what sort of abuse you suffered that lead you to this". All of this is besides the point: either provide arguments in defense of your point and in rebuttal of the other side, or shut up.
So, it's the same with interpersonal relationships, I think. I think there's actually a degree of maturity about letting the other person handle their own personal problems and not probing them about it whenever it's convenient for you. "Is this about your problems at work again? Do you wanna talk about how your boss is treating you badly?" is not an adequate response to "Why the hell are your dirty clothes all over the bedroom floor?"
I think you misinterpreted my point, Boychev. This deterministic mindset attempts to examine the "why" of an individual's psychology - it makes no claims as to the truth of their beliefs, the legitimacy of their feelings, or the validity of their arguments.
If you truly understand how someone has been shaped by their experiences, or how people think in general, you know not to reduce their current problem to some historical aftereffect.
You should be considering a person's history, but it's most important in how it shapes and interacts with their NOW, as you have suggested. A deterministic paradigm is not incompatible with an experiential one.
Here are four questions for your manual:
1. How much solitude do you need?
If you are an introvert for example, you will have to choose your words very carefully to explain that you do love that person, but you turn mad if you can't spend some hours in silence regularly.
If you are "very introverted", it may be the best solution to have a long distance relationship.
2. How are you in conflict situations?
Personally I have always wondered how people are able to say the worst insults to each other and then get back as if nothing happened.
In my humble opinion verbal violence is just as horrible as physical violence. So if shouting around and saying insults is supposed to be "a sign of trust" and therefore "a sign of love", I would definitely say this:
- Love me less, but treat me properly!
No need to get "that close" to anybody. I mean to a point where respect doesn't seem to matter. What a nightmare...
3. How much do you want to get involved with your partners family?
This may sound strange to Europeans for example, but depending on the culture, you not only marry that one person, you marry his entire family.
If you are really lucky and if they are all kind, it can be an enrichment for your life. But as you can imagine, it can also turn into an indescribable hell.
4. How tender are you?
How much you want to touch and be touched differs from culture to culture and from person to person. I don't mean to be judgmental at all, but I guess cold people get along better with cold people.
If you are the tender one, you will be terribly unhappy with a cold person.
So it is a very important point to check too.
I really don't mean to sound too dark. But no matter how well his/her manual is prepared for you, you will never know a person entirely. Ultimately you are all alone in this world and anything can happen anytime.
But once you accept all this, I do believe that you can love someone ( anybody) all your life.
Thank you, I am using it right now for my own.
@@guethshinaaltena8257 Hello there! Thanks a lot for letting me know! Much love to you and to yours🥰🥰
I wish I had a resource like this growing up. You're doing the world a tremendous service.
Is there any way I can marry this channel? I have a serious crush on these videos, they just make my day so much better every. single. time.
Jokes aside, by far my favourite channel on UA-cam. Love your work guys, I truly do.
+The School of Life Your guys like the dad i've never had.
I was the first to make this joke about these videos a year ago. Now i'm mad. You don't have my instruction manual so i'm not insulting you.
+
+Keenan Thomas Increase your failure rate.
+Keenan Thomas you sound as if you read my most inner thoughts, I absolutely understand what you mean and couldn't agree more. it seems intelligence, even in short quantities is rare and to be protected and appreciated when found, good luck my friend from
some girl in cali
I can imagine School of Life launching a dating site with our profiles labelled as 'Manuals'. XD
LOL
Bro....delete this comment, make a dating website. This has alot of potential. ALOT. Oh and message me after you are rich af
DO IT I WANNA SIGN UP
Isn't this basically OkCupid? They match people based on their questions and answers.
Alexander Edward But this is more fundamental. Telling your deepest complexes to the other so the other knows why you do what you do. eg, dad left me, i get scared of being attached, for example
Most people barely know themselves well enough to provide anyone else with a sufficient manual. Good video, though. 🙈💕
Not a full guide, sure. But you should pay attention to yourself.
I get excited when school of life posts a new video.. and I click the like button right away before I watch every vid.. this channel helped me a lot in life and ive been so grateful I discovered this channel
Same here..I wait every alternate day post afternoon
And always wish could the videos be a minute longer
+Ajit Pawar same!! but it seems amazing that with just a short amount of time, the videos are very well explained and are very much substantial in content!
Absolutely.. I too wish someday I could write some content for the channel
And the best part..it doesn't profess their views rather allows you to ponder again and again
Most people don't know themselves, how would they be able to teach others about themselves?
so true
well they can't you answered your own question. you have to know yourself first
I can suggest Gurdieff groups. Search up the 4th way, but dont join groups in the US They are crazayyy
And then most people if they find a way they are flawed they change it, so then it becomes purposeless to tell the person about it. If they're not changing it usually that means that on some level they aren't certain that it's really a flaw or they see it as more of a benefit with some drawbacks.
Michael Pérez well jeez... I don't know... I mean. You are only with yourself like 24 hours of the day for all your life. I wonder how one could possibly learn about who they are in that time... Such misteries. Really. Mind boggling.
As a United States Marine and a human being, I feel proud to say that the School of Life has saved my life. Thank you School of Life.
it is such a shame that your channel isn't bigger, more people need these lessons and you deserve them for the hard work you and your team put into these videos
Watching these videos has been one of the many things I've taken part of in my life recently to better discover myself, and understand why I am like I am. Understanding who I am and why I am this way has helped me move past a lot of problems in my life, like depression, suicidal tendencies, reckless behavior, etc etc. Just wanted to say thanks, I hope you know the good you guys do in the world.
"FUCK OFF!!"
Ooh _The School of Life_! I love it when say profanities to me.
It was unexpected.
i guess i wasnt the only one
It shouldn't be even noticeable... try to free your mind from that kind of boundaries.
I love it when they talk dirty...
I was so shocked
Step 1: figure out how you personally operate.
Hmm. :/
I find if you consciously question the reason behind everything you do it becomes easy.
+Rjeeez 95 every single thing you do ? is that possible ?
hassan abd el fattah If you're present at all times then yes. The book the "power of now" goes into much more detail. But if you focus on everything like details as miniscule as your breathing pattern and so on, you are able to seperate the observer (thing you would use to know how to operate) and the thinker ( the thing that made Lubji said thats the biggest hurdle). Figuring things out like how you personally "operate" is easy, once you seperate them.
Practical real world example lets say I drop a glass of water by accident. The version of me before I knew myself (at the level I do ofcourse i'm not perfect) would say "WTF just happened, why dafuq did this happen to me, every friggin time blah blah, panics, rushing around and probably hurts my self again in the process lol" Why because I was "caught up in my thoughts".
After some time practising being an observer I was able to stop, breathe in and look at the situation putting it perfectly into perspective, instead of staying in the past of "the glass dropped FML" its a present contemplation of what is the current state. My thought process is now " okay the glass dropped thats done, where's newspaper in relation to where I am? how far has the glass travelled, can I reach it without cutting my feet and so on, with absolutely no emotional baggage.
The result I personally operate in a way where I'm calm, logical and present in situations that would normally cause stress.
^That statement would be in my manual for example, with probably that example. Also if I find someone else reacts and gets angry and shouts all over the place when they drop a glass of water. That should go in their manual so in the event something happens that sets them off guard you can expect them to be shouting all over the place but you understand thats a quirk they have, this would also stop conflict as I would understand that we handle stress differently beforehand instead of wasting energy telling them to calm down as thats how they choose to do it.
I hope you can see how this applies to relationships if not I can explain though you probably don't want another essay. loool
I don't have problem with essays :-) , but that seems more of a technique for self control and stress handling , but it doesn't explain me to me .. isn't it
Yeah that is indeed correct but that example explains how I specifically operate and how I got to the conclusion for that situation. You would have to go through the process yourself for situations. The point of the video was imagine you were a machine, what would the manual say, what buttons can be pressed and whats triggered, what happens, how do you react. So that when handed to your partner they understand you.
So when your partner says "I'm fine" and they're not the manual would say "when I say I'm fine, I'm not, I want a cuddle", BUT because THEY have to right the manual they need to know this beforehand and to know this they need to observe when their feelings when they're in that position and objectively understand they have a habit of saying that, then take note. That note would go in the manual, so when you read it instead of saying " You said you were fine how was I supposed to know something was wrong". You'll instantly remember oh "I'm fine" actually means you're not I want a cuddle. Hope thats a better example. Ofcourse your entirety of personality won't fit in a manual but most situations can be covered and applied to similar situations.
I've watched about 20 of your videos over the last week and this one is such a lovely one. Loving and kind delivery with a simple, meaningful and accurate message. Keep them coming.
Figure out yourself instead of trying to be the self that most likely belongs to someone else. Your self is just as valid. Once you understand that, you can begin reading and discover all the things you can offer to world
Hearing Alain swear is beautiful. Doesnt even sound like swearing when he does it. I adore this channel and it's the only one I make a point to watch when new content is released.
How about creating an online wizard, in which people could answer a barrage of carefully-designed questions that would then produce just such a manual, in a suitably Dieter Rams format? A reductionist over-simplification, but perhaps a helpful start in applying this insight.
On it
+
that actually sounds splendid. i think most people are unaware of their reactions. it would be helpful to answer questions that illuminate all the dysfunctional aspects of how one reacts
Edith Spencer I’m holding you to it Edith😭 lol
The reason people don't come with instruction manuals because the human mind is ever changing based on daily interactions and ideas. Reason things like toasters, computers,TVs do is because they are static objects they do not have a mind of their own therefore an instruction manual can be written to things like that stating what each function does. Very different from humans when perspectives and thoughts are ever changing as we age thus a set instruction manual cannot be written.
an evolving manual is the answer.
+Modest Mind25 Agreed. Software manuals get updated with new versions and bug fixes.
Probably best to make it a wiki--splits the writing workload and adds additional evolving perspectives. We're all blind to parts of ourselves.
Keepin'ItReal yer right
I got a question. How come I like my reflection but hate the way I look in a picture?
The picture is subject to lens distortion of the camera, noise, faults in image quality and the biggest difference is in the mirror, everything is flipped horizontally. So the picture is closer to you orientation wise, but varies on the specification of the camera. The mirror is seen by your eyes so quality is clearer but it is simply wrong lol.
These are two different things. Your reflection is YOU, the real thing, your image on a metallic surface. The photos of you are printed likenesses, images that resemble you, not the same thing at all.
one more thing you can get a true mirror (some on amazon for example), that is the closest you will ever get to seeing your self through your eyes. It flips the image back to how others and a camera see you.
or it's simply because you're not photogenic.
or like how look or feel the sexiest mf wen i am drunk
This animation ADDS to the script rather than distracting from it! Fantastic stuff.
Yet again! You have hit target on point. This exactly what we need. People just dont want to admit there faults as they are scared of what people think. Thank you.
The biggest challenge to any relationship is not just the complexity of the endeavor, and the length of time it requires, but also the fact that people change throughout their lives. Sometimes the changes are small, it might even be not so much a change as it is an aspect that was heretofore hidden, while at other times, it is a real change, a reaction to the events in their lives overtime. How many divorces see one or the other hurling the accusation "you've changed!!!"
The animations in this video are lovely and extremely well crafted. Really loved it.
When is Alain de Botton's Pixar movie coming out? Soon? Good.
We look forward to that! :P
just though i'd let you know that i love your voice, it's so calming
this is wonderful.
love your channel.
could you please do a video (or another video) on self love?
+The School of Life I can't wait, thank you so much.
yes i also thought about that subject. would be very happy if you did because i like your
videos soo much!
you guys are the best!
i hope u appreciate yourself for what you are doing!
+The School of Life YESSS
Another great video! I would like to take the time to thank the School of Life channel and team, their videos have been a great help, mentally pushing and contemplative.
They have really helped me in a period of depression. They have helped a great deal, and even when feeling down, they have given me a new outlook, given me an opportunity to think, to feel calm, to understand, to accept. To move on and put things in perspective.
Many thanks to everyone who makes this channel and content possible. I am determined to go to your shop to find inciteful material to improve myself, I will do so, but just strapped for cash at the moment. But just to ensure I could express outwardly my gratitude to the makers of this channel. It has helped myself and no doubt many others. An invaluable resource I would say, to anyone who goes about in what we call 'life'. It really is a much needed "School of Life".
Wow, this is a very creative way of viewing psychology in relationships. Also well done for laying it out so clearly.
Oh my god! 1:29
I was not expecting that! Ahahaha! It's always funny listening to him swear in his soft narrators voice.
totally agree. we need manuals for humans. if everybody knows how others behave and how their behaviour suffers from what they actually try to say, they may question their own cryptic behaviour and speak out *straightly*.
spot on. though hardship arises when the individual is unaware of how they themself functions. I find myself writing my partners manual for her and myself. most disregard the mechanisms that make them function. most rule out the idea that their upbringing shapes their current perception. Most are not happy to be told they, in some sense are a machine. P.S. your channel has helped me cope with many aspects of life. mainly solidifying my thoughts and beliefs that much of my lifes journey and observations have lead me to. thank you for your channel
In all these videos, I feel that lack some thing: really bad people.
It's assuming that all problems are just misconceptions and misunderstandings of human nature. I think that there are some people that use that to manipulate and as subterfuge to behave like they really please, not because some childhood trauma, but because they feel good acting like that and they find perfect preys in tolerant people.
I've even seen people do this unconsciously.
L M. yeah. There is a plenty of reasons to that. But these videos focus just one.
Good point. Psychopaths come to mind. However, exteme cases are much less common than we like to think, negativity bias is also a thing. Basing the worldview of most out of the experiences of the few isn't quite as practical, though the consequences of the wrong person in the best position for it to cause havoc can be catastrophic, so I get your point. I think there has to be a balance, like most things.
César Andrade well, I was not thinking in psychopaths. I don't think that all bad people are just psychopaths, perhaps bad behavior with intention to do so is more widespread than we imagine.
Eduardo Felipe
Me neither. But it is the most accesible example of people with an intrinsecally amoral to inmoral spectrum of behaviours; though not all psycopaths are serial killers, it is worth noting almost every serial killer is a psychopath. This channel challenges that notion (bad behaviour with intention is common) at almost every turn, because in the past the view of the world as intrinsecally evil was the more widespread belief, look at christianity; and that took us to some very bad places collectively.
I happen to agree SoL's stance; as an example, socrates had the proposition no one is bad knowingly, because what is bad is necesarily bad not just for others but for oneself in so far as the bad action takes you away from that which is good. So burglars do themselves a disservice even if they extract practical or immediate benefits from their burglary because they promote a world where burglary is common which means not even the burglar's posessions are safe, so on and so forth with other examples like killing or generally being rude.
So the argument here is that most examples of bad behaviour with intention are almost never because the person is out to get you.
SoL's promotes this kind of understanding and empathy for other's action, because we have all been assholes some point in our lives not out a desire to do evil even if at the moment that seemingly is the intention, but because of a deeper underlying issue that found no correct way of manifesting and sublimating in psychological terms.
Even the extreme case of psychopathic serial killers, even they have a reason to which we can trace their problems: their brains are fucked up, so instead of just reviling and exacting vengeance upon these individuals, our efforts are better spent trying to cure or at least mitigate the effects of their condition and integrating them to society on some capacity.
The best is that I posted on a dating site a link to my blog and described it as "An Introduction to Instruction Manual to Me"
Years ago as some sort of introspective review that came from watching the movie Memento I began writing down the things I knew to be true about myself. It evolved into what I called my Users Manual and it's been something that has been helpful to me and to the people around me.
We're all weird and it's good advice to know, for example, that the front door lock sometimes sticks and you need to jiggle the handle.
Every has that set of channels that they eagerly wait for the videos to come out. This channel is on the top of my list...
It is good that there is no risk involved with broadcasting our history, deep personality quirks and secrets.
these are really concrete examples that are clear and understandable with the context you provide- well done!!!!!
can you do a video or have you done a video on realization of becoming an adult and how age affects your mentality, im only 16 but i wish to know these thoughts before i become a full fledge grown up so life doesnt hit me out of nowhere
schools really do a bad job at easing kids into adulthood.
+The School of Life Are you allowed to say **** on this show? Either way, I'm unsubscribing.
+The Filmmaker go fuck yourself and grow up...see it wasn't that bad was it?
Life is gonna hit you out of nowhere
Life IS going to hit you out of nowhere. But you can train yourself to deal with those issues in a constructive, positive way. See them as a challenge or a lesson, instead of the whole world having some inherent grudge against you.
this is one of the best channels on youtube. thank you so much for your videos.
greetings from brazil.
I love School of Life. One video leads me to another and another. I need these all!
Wow do you live up to your name, probably the most thought provoking, well made and potentially life enhancing videos on youtube. You lay out issues we have all had twinges of, but rarely fully explored the full issue and possible resolution, I shared this with my partner straight away to create a dialogue where we can share the past experiences we have had which we are aware of the fact that it shapes our behaviour
This is also relatable to other relationships, not just romantic. Love your content. Thanks so much 😊
Keep up the good work man... You guys will have a huge audience in a couple of years.
The narrator's English is so plain that automatic subtitles can recognize every word. Great video!
A Operations Manual for oneself seems like an excellent opportunity to practice writing and pin down strengths and flaws.
only the school of life could make me question my very being in 3 and a half minutes, i love this channel
This channel makes me feel rational and sane
Dude my dad was listening to the radio on the way back from the gym and I heard you! You were on the radio (I'm in the U.K) I only caught you for a second but you were giving your take on philosophy and also stating your own philosophy
From now on every human being should come with an instruction manual
Excellent video! I can't wait to go thru the rest of your content (when I have more time) to see what other gems you've presented prior.
This is a good idea to keep in mind what one needs to avoid doing. Habits need to be builded up if one is oriented in the direction of bad habits. Good habits need to be adopted. Bad habits need to be avoided.
This is the way to live better as it makes logical sense. There is nothing to argue here. Good habits are helpful in practical sense. Bad habits are bad habits.
And that's why I love the Meyer's-Brigg's! Do yourself and your partner a favor and go take the test from an authorized admin. It's helped me understand myself in so many ways, and helped me better describe what is really in my head to other people!
It will take courage to be this open to someone else. But it is worth it, both to ourselves and to others. It is an act of love, I am certain of it.
But before we can do this act of courage, self-love and love, we need to get to know ourselves first.
This is yet another act that takes courage and represents love towards oneself and towards the other.
Let's get to it.
Warm hugs
I got it! The next time I see a post where they ask you "If you could say any five words to the whole of humanity, what wold they be?" I'd say "The School of Life". Don't even need a fifth one :)
pondering about how to start an instruction manual (which to be honest, is as much for myself than someone whom I'd give it to). here's what i've brainstormed. would be glad for ideas!
-Major Foundational Beliefs (also, religious/spiritual beliefs)
-What is important to me
-Personal Goals (self and work)
-Beliefs about having kids vs. not; pets vs. not
-Practical aspects (ex. morning person/night owl, cleanliness level)
-Interests & Hobbies
-Bucket List
-Pet Peeves
-General Peculiarities
-Communication style
-my 6 Love Languages profile (Gary Chapman)
-Family and my relationships with each member
-Childhood
-Friendships and relationships with each
-Prior parters/relationships (what I've learnt from them; also, areas of sensitivities due to)
-Traumas and Failures
-Biggest Fears
I think the majority of the time we do not express these faults in ourselves because we are honestly unaware of what causes them and tend to not even think about why we peform certain actions or go into certain moods.
I am very tempted to write instruction manuals for me and the people I care about.
One of the best channels out there. Thanks for all the awesome content!
I swear I think y'all are saving thousands of relationships. I just wish I would've found "the school of life" before this past Christmas. Then I probably could've saved mine.
These videos are great - perfect balance of humor and extremely good advice!
This gives me a heavy heart because it seems so easy to communicate with a partner to have a blessed relationship and instead my marriage is hanging on a thread.
This channel makes me so happy
See, before I watched this I said to myself "I have to assist my mother parent her childhood" the reason for this is being I want her to heal and breakaway from some her most crucial traumas, that keep her from development. I have my own traumas that I am working through, and some of them are a result of her projecting her own during my childhood.
My reasoning is this, if I can teach her she'll become responsible and quit shifting blame and giving excuses, and will soon learn to own up.
She raised me as a single parent and is a senior citizen, which is a challenging factor, "can't teach an old tricks" she only has me. If I can't teach her, then this cycle will continue hindering my own development, in healing my traumas for my betterment.
May you guys offer me some perspective.
These videos give me a lot of hope. Just wish I'd known about them sooner, or had them as a resource while growing up :)
This guy sounds like if John Oliver ignored comedy and became a Buddhist monk instead
lol
Weird. I did this just yesterday! I told hubby a story about my past so now he knows how to understand me in the present.
School of life is easier to relate to and understand on a personal level than say, Tedx or other philosophical channels like Academy of Ideas and that, i think is precisely why it's more popular.
plus of course the narrative, animation and voice over are the cherry on the cake.
I love the science in this and how well it is documented
What an amazing episode, thank you much!
Love this video especially the analogy between human and machine instruction manuals 😊
We all have buttons that drive us to laugh,cry,hurt and so on, we must learn to understand those buttons we have in order to regulate them and master self control, no as a way to change ourselves but rather to understand our nature and be more compassionate towards ourselves, something a lot of people deeply lack .. therefore drain others.
superb, thanks it was really educational, now going to organize myself.
Interesting! That is practice I do everyday through astrology. A chart reading can pretty much serve as a manual to oneself and also to the people in our lives.
Good morning Ken!
I'm glad that you found a manual for your own life.
But after very thoroughly studying many esoteric offerings I sincerely hope that you have overcome this astrology thing.
There is so much wisdom and love in life. The School of Life tries to present it with reason and dedication. And they never make references to metaphysics. Guess why!
Nobody needs the inventions of astrology and other weird beliefs. In the end they will all just distract and hurt you and might cost you tons of money.
Wishing you the best from Germany 🇩🇪
PS: Is there an exit from Brexit?
This is a GREAT article on relationships. Well done, SOL.
This video was incredible.
School Of Life, can you make a video about stutter or other speech impediments or conditions that make social life more challenging? I'm a 18 year old Brazilian who stutters and I'd love to see you make a video about that. I love this channel, it has helped me a lot. :)
You can only begin to understand yourself through daily introspection - and to record your thoughts. It's not enough to just meditate.
This is why Personality Type theory is great...
Instagram, Facebook statuses and Twitter are our instruction manuals!
You can actually understand everything about a person if you just spend a day reading and studying through her/his Facebook or other social media statuses and posts. it's so easy nowadays to understand something about a person and how the brain of that person works...
The best book you could make available in your bookstore is a journal-type fill in your own self-instruction manual. I'd spend good money on that!
This channel lives up to it's name, I love Alain de Botton. Be sure to check out his book Consolations on Philosophy, very enlightening and fulfilling book. I loved it a lot.
Love that last sentence. Is like that time Ted gave Barney an Instruction Book of Robin when he started dating with her (How I Met Your Mother).
This is incredibly accurate
part of giving someone a manual means knowing and understanding (to an extent) oneself
This should be your next product!
I love it when, in movies and even this video, one person apologizes and then the other does as well. So far in my experience, when I apologize the other person will still seem to walk off in a huff, or they say something like "and you damn well should too!". And I honestly can't say that I ever in my whole life remember anyone actually saying the words "I'm sorry" to me. 🙁 In a grocery store once I apologized to a lady after we bumped together and she said to me ..."why are you apologizing! I'm the one who bumped into you." And she walked away. I guess I'm the one who has always apologized because I grew up always being in trouble...even when I didn't do anything ....
If humans had a instruction manual it would be different from one human to the next.
Everyone needs their own unique manual.
I think Alain's "fuck off" is the most poetic swearing I've ever heard.
Magnificient work! I've always found your videos a brilliant analysis of human relations, even though i do not agree with some of them. So sad you haven't opened a shop in my home country Morocco, I would have been utterly thrilled to visit it.
This was very insightful to me, I loved it, fantastic work.
جربت تقرى القرآن, إلي خلقنا هو أكتر واحد عارفنا وحطلنا المانيوال بتاعنا في القرآن "أفلا يتدبرون" سبحان الله
Thought-provoking content. Nice video!
I think it would be really interesting if you published a 'manual to oneself' template, that can be used for both self exploration and understanding as well as to foster explanation of oneself to a partner. Perhaps there could also be a 'couples edition' which couples could complete together with the intent to share which might better facilitate healthy relationships and growth! :)
You should publish a book: "How to write your User Manual to yourself". But there need to be a lot of neurological and behavioral facts in there. Because people are so loaded with self defeating preconceptions and so prone to fallacies of many kinds. We all need to learn these.
Keep making this great content. It is truly insightful.
bought a few of his books
can't wait til have them alllllll
One of your best videos
Brilliant!. Wish I had this kind of education early on.