89. What to do when they pull away! (My ex asked for space)
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- Опубліковано 21 лип 2024
- Has your ex, current partner, or casual interest pulled away or asked for space? Then this video is for you! In this video Rory discusses what to do when that special someone pulls away!
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My ex asked for space but it was really just code for “I don’t want to tell you the real reason for ending things & I hope this way I can avoid the confrontation and you’ll just fade away”
Pretty much happen to me lol 🤔🤨
I eventually found out the real reasons ha but were a load of shit. Really hurtful stuff too. Could’ve just said it months ago and avoided this
@@xStarrLights sometimes when they end things abruptly, it's better to let it be unresolved. I told my ex I miss him and maybe we cant work this out one day but I left it at that. I didnt need to hear his reasons.
Lindsay F i actually agree with you. I thought I’d feel better but tbh it just made me feel 100x worse. But on the other hand, I saw a different side to her & It helped me begin moving on
@@xStarrLights the days leading up to our break up was painful. He was so cold. In the end it's there defense mechanism. I wish it didn't result in that but it helps with the healing process. I wish you the best of luck and a happy new year 😁
My gf once told me she was going to hang with her friend that she never got to see for the day. I said "sure have fun". The day went by and hours later I asked how she was doing and she said "good! we are leaving the restaurant now, should be home soon". Great! 3 hours passed and I heard nothing. I texted, heard nothing. I was worried so I walked to her place to make sure she got home OK. As I got there, her ex walked out of her place right when I got there. Busted. She did the same thing about a year later on our anniversary. She asked to see me the next day instead as she was tired, she was going to take a nap. 3 hours passed, which seemed odd, so I walked over and as I got there, she was getting out of a sportscar, laughing and dancing, with some greasy douchebag driving. I learned that the gut instinct can be very powerful. I'd never done this before, and the timing was just uncanny and seemingly impossible for me to catch it happening.
So she cheated on you
@@alanmaniac931 yeah and she's not worth it ..
Happy new year from San Diego! Wish everyone to be the best version of themselves in 2019 and reconnect with their partner, find a new one, be alone, and embrace the new change that leads to a healthy relationship!
You have no idea how much your video speech’s have helped me cope ..
To cope with my own insecurities, the way I need to treat and talk to people and the way I deal with things in my everyday life.
You are honestly a life saver.
Keep em’ coming.
Happy New Year everyone!!!!
We’ve all been through bad times this past year or we wouldn’t be here listening to Rory. Things can only get better so give yourself a pat on the back and keep moving forward.
Good luck to everybody in the new year because everyone deserves to be happy!!!!!
Of all the Counselors online that I've known, you are by far the most genuine, warmth of a person who's ever helped me gain the courage to keep on bettering myself and saying 'no' to people and Exes. Rory, you deserve so much happiness in this world my friend. 🍒
I’m impressed by your professionalism and high-quality content Rory! Always have the right words of wisdom. Be well and happy new year!
Thanks The Love Chat ive followed for awhile now and its helped me out alot. Ive noticed that my last relationship things ended up badly but once i gave up and went my own way and stopped caring about alot of things and focused on myself things gotten much better. When you stop caring the results come. Also when you dont let them see that your angry or try to communicate with them it hurts them especially when they ask for help
Hey I hope you are reading this Rory. You are the best relationship and dating coach ever. You are so well educated and know what you are talking. Love you man
Wow, thank you!
Reading these comments assure me thank you Rory for making the vids and thank you comment section for sharing your status ❤️
Love your videos bro. They have helped me truly understand and give a much better perspective with what I'm dealing with right now. Thanks for what you do!!
Yep! Amazing message. All the best Rory!
Is it weird that before I met my ex, I spent like three years learning guitar and got nowhere, yet after the breakup, it becomes my biggest method of coping since I got my bass for Christmas, and here just six days later, I'm already learning three songs?
Thank you so much Rory. Another great videos. It's reminds me always to focus on myself. Happy New Year and GOD BLESS
Surely Rory is our Cactus friend 🙂 And Happy New Year buddy
Timing on this couldn't be better!! But moving on, because of other issues and tired of a run-around!!
Omg, u just listened to this, and i realised that i was soo clingy and needy, but i didnt see that while i was in the relationship. But then when she left me, i realised that i was so clingy and needy. Omg ahah im laughing. I know now that i lost my self and my individuality. I feel sad that i dindnt see it tho, because she means a lot to me. I know now what i need to do. Thank you man, yiu really helped me from my day 1 breakup to know! Ceep it up!
Research anxious attachment style and how to heal it. It will save your life and your future relationships!
Helpful that it had the range of scenarios!
Rory. Could you please make mire videos in Narcissm. A lot of my 3xes and past experiences have been with people like that. I take everything you say in your videos on board, but leaving a Narcissist is a different experience. It would help me personally understand how to cope better and move on from this. I almost weekend and went to him, instead I called a mate and she advised me not to go. I didn't go. I went home and cried and cried. 🍒
So when you are making the effort and you show up in the relationship...and they decide to start “testing” you...sounds like a bunch of games to me!
For some - "showing up" looks more like being clingy! It's all subjective!
Rory I just might have to schedule a session. My situation has consumed me for the last two and a half months.
@@brianhill6842 I'm here if you need me!
The Love Chat im going to book. I just saw sessions start January 7.
Space is usually when they’ve already decided to leave you they need “space” to get their plan and lies about why they are leaving you straight. Almost always means a breakup is on the horizon.
Congratulations on 11K subscribers! You deserve millions of subscribers because you are amazing! Happy New Year, Rory!
everyone has a phone. nobody is so busy they can’t send a text. we all have time to eat. we all have time to use the restroom. sending a text takes seconds.
Trying to be strong here... You’re video, Rory, is spot-on! Recently, one week ago, I met a girl on-line! 3 dates just this week! Instant chemistry & plenty of common interests! Hit a grand slam and had mind blowing sex already. We were blowing up each other’s phones! Suddenly, nothing...
It happen when I wrote a text stating, how I liked a song & that “she is the Grace Slick of my Starship!” I was just trying to have a sense of humor...
She totally took it the wrong way & now I’m being ghosted...!
Confused & really worried I ruined a great-thing? I’m giving her some time & space even though things moved along very quickly, I wasn’t the only participant of this ride we are on... she didn’t have to ask me for time & space but, I sensed it! Anxiously waiting on her to contact me 1st here in Pittsburgh...🤞
Happy new year from Toronto,Canada.
My ex asked for space n I knew he was testing me. I don't have time for the games so I said ok n left them alone. I didn't show anger or sadness I just left n had fun with my life n they became VERY angry... No time for games.
Damn...watching these videos after she said she needed space, time and that she wanted to be herself makes me want to go back bc I did all the mistakes. Clingy and needy but I mean she ended it bad and all the excuses she used to break up with me were all bs
Happy new year from Sydney ❤️
i think, that i've still have a chance to repair my relationship and it is all becaouse of your video ! I learn about "the best think to do , is cure my heart and no contact her, if she want to return , she must do this by her own will". So i do "no contact" whole month ! And believe it or not, she writed me this night and congrats me with "Happy New Year". I've respond after hour and reply with "Happy new year for you too. Do you write me becouse of politeness?" - i asked her. And today she messaged me again with "Just wanna write you and wish a happy new year ! I dont think, that this is not a big crime, right ?". And now i reply "thanks , if you wanna talk, we can meet and have a nice talk". Short and simple, just how it should be , messaging in order to meet in person ! Soo, i think, that i still have a chanche and i do all things right . And one thing - she is sooo
stubborn girl, and yet, she messaged me. So, wish me luck guys ! And i wish luck for all you folks , because our broken hearts deserve it. Happy New Year !
Rory...Happy New Year bro.Hey my ex just reached out with a Happy New Year text..I may reach out tomorrow maybe with a" thx you" then a" how are you" text.
What if I took her for granted in the relationship and so she did all the things you said in previous videos? (Said never again, I'm not attracted to you, I hate you, and she suddenly developed feelings for another guy and that guy happens to be a friend) obviously he's not anymore. We all go to college together and it's been two weeks of no contact besides when we had to talk about rent because we were living together for a year (and she was being nice over text which was a surprise). Now she is going to move out. It's a little bit of everything:/
Hey Rory, thank you for your videos and your advices!
Could you do a video on why an ex would come and talk to you and even ask to see you, and suddenly disappear? I feel like many of us have an ex that reaches out every now and then and we answer correctly and then they vanish for a period of time and I can’t explain that. (My ex has been doing that ever since he entered his rebound r/ship, for example.)
Sure!
How to approach a new interest in someone from online dating?? How do you go about dating that person?? This is a new concept for me.
When do you stop giving the space? Someone I'm seeing (not exclusive) been reapproaching me again a while after I gave her space but I have no idea how much to initiate, interact and held back now.
My ex asked for three weeks of space when things were going great in connection. We started sleeping together again and I was great but she wanted to pull back and slow down. She was hooking up with someone else but I just wanted to build connection so it was fine. we were flirty and hanging then we went into quarantine. I sent her a montage video with a song and one of the clips was when we were together. She got upset and asked for three weeks of space and is flirty all over social media and has muted me and taken me off her close friends. What should I expect? Do I still have a chance?
My ex asked for space, I gave her space and now she ‚hates‘ me...
@@blankearth5840 Hey :) I begged and pleaded with her for a few weeks before. We even reconciled but it only lasted for a few days when she realised she isn't ready yet and then she asked for space. As I said before, I then gave her the space she asked for and now she hates me. I think she is just mentally unstable...
@@blankearth5840 I'm never reaching out to her again... she is not able to see my worth at all it seems..but to be honest I dont think she'll ever reach out to me. It's been almost 5 months since the break up and we only had a 5 month relationship. I texted her for christmas after quite some time just to be nice and kind of `test the waters` and even tho she texted me back and wished me a merry christmas too, her message seemed distant and her actions following the message clearly showed that this person is neither interested in having a good conversation nor in reconciling any time soon.
Also, what if they pulled away after a whole year of dating?? I should just wait a week to hear from them? I feel like that is only applicable to a few weeks or months..
Hello I dated a man that I currently work with. After several months of dating we were finally physical. Afterwords things became cool between the two of us we started to ignore each other surprisingly to me a month later he decided to move into a different dressing room conveniently next to me. I tried to engage in conversations with him and he was not fun at all after a month of awkwardness I decided to move dressing rooms and now I rarely see him except for when we cross each other in the hall we do not make eye contact we do not talk we do not acknowledge each other‘s presence it makes me very sad because I apologize three times for being involved with ignoring him and he always excepted but never apologize for what he was doing and ultimately it never got better I don’t know what the problem was and I don’t know how to successfully do the no contact rule I feel the ball is in his court and I don’t know what to do. Any suggestions
Good morning coach!
Hello Coach I wanna know if your guy broke up recently and your birthday is coming and you're following your no contact rule , and if he wishes you should you respond to him and if yes then how and after much much time later you should ?
Stupid reason let them go . Too many games to have to play get with someone who doesn’t do that “ a test” didn’t like them in school don’t like them now
Happy New year all,
Some coaches advise to go NC when they pull away, I did that she broke up with me. My mistake was that I told here i ignored u purposely. I'm not sure if NC contact will work with this situation in long distance relatianship.
Any updates? That's too unlucky.
This video does not apply to me because there was already a breakup
The other person should say rhey will be busy, not just go away. Come on folks this is normal mature communication.
Rory can you do a topic on “why women (men also) don’t know what they have got until it’s gone”
9 year relationship and now the current ex is constantly thinking and doing what she think she has missed out on. When I think she doesn’t realise what she has got right in front of her (3 children and loving partner)
Go watch Susan Winter "they have to lose us to realize they love us" it's simple short video. Maybe it will solve your problem. Good luck with your situation.
So my girlfriend started therapy. She was in a narcissistic relationship for 20 years. I've helped her so much and she told me that she got emotional when telling the therapist how I make her feel. A few days later she became distant. it's been two weeks and she cold as fuck. Tells me that it isn't my fault but that therapy opened up some wounds and now she emotionally detached. Will giving her space work in this situation? She went from telling me how much she loves me to now not even sleeping in the same bed. Yet she's always checking out my Facebook stories and seeing what I'm doing. I need a lil help here. thank
My ex broke up with me because she didn’t wanna deal with anybody she wanted to be on her own and then weeks later she was subbing me thru song lyrics making me seem like I’m the bad guy and was posting couple pictures she was confusing me and to me she doesn’t know what she wants
If I would’ve found this video 2weeks ago I would had Ben saved ! Now messed up for good 😩
Oh no! Keep us updated, maybe it'll turn out ok
Does this include when she get with someone 2 weeks ather the break up
This happened to me unfortunately it annoyed me and I pushed so it ended. Month no contact
I'm not going to contact him that's what you told me from the beginning stop confusing me
What if i have done the total opposite of that?!
My ex then asked for being only friends so he can focus on his study ( he is in final collage year). I refused and told him I need him.but when i came home I sent him a message saying" i agree with you but need to focus on myself for a while so i cant be friends with you right now"..he didn't respond. Have i ruined everything?
did they ever come back ?
This was no test. He left, erased me from his life, and immediately started looking at other options
sounds almost like you were dealing with a narcissist
My partner needed space after an argument we had last week and I failed to give it to them and now we’re broken up and I’m sad but during that time I was listening to him but I just wasn’t hearing it. I thought our differences were because of a disagreement or misunderstanding but really he just needed space and he kept trying to tell me. I even agreed once. But because he still slightly interacted I felt like if he needed to be alone today he would tell me. That didn’t happen. He thinks I’m not right for him. Now I’m in no contact. I hope there’s a chance I can make up for my mistakes. But I don’t know. It’s scary and I hate thinking about how just a week ago we were fine and I was the one he wanted to be with. That changed. I smothered him because of my anxiety. And I just now realized why he left. I still send him a message Each of the two days after we broke Up trying to apologize. It stops today. I even stopped posting to social media at all. I hope he reverses his decision and tries to understand but I’m trying to be okay with my life regardless. I’m talking to friends again
Hey dude, could you do a video on when your ex keeps reaching out during no contact? I’m trying to do no contact and she keeps reaching out every five days.
Sure!
The Love Chat thanks man! Love your channel. And don’t know if this matters, every time she drinks, she either calls me and tells me she loves me, or FaceTimes me. It’s so frustrating
I hurt myself and he hurt his self, he said that we should think deeply what happen for 8 days now I haven’t heard anything from him and now I don’t know what to do as we are still in relationship. Please help me what i should think about out situation do i need to use the no contact rule to him. Thanks
What happened.. Going through it as well
I bought my ex and her little girl something for Christmas (before Christmas if you see what I mean) before I put my foot down and said we can’t just be friends this is what she said because I got it delivered instead of dropping it off at her house
Ex: I’m upset that you didn’t drop it off and got it delivered
What does this mean? Now I’m in 3 weeks nc and she inboxed me and said Thankyou for the Xmas gifts on the 26th
Would a person be considered a narcissist if they Ghosted you or have ghosted many people?
whats Ghosting?
In all honestly Roy , I told my ex let’s be friends .. I mean do I want a relationship with him yes but I’m tired of fighting ... I would rather us be friends then enemies
BAD MOVE! I know this is hard but being friends is not a good idea, why would you want to be friends with someone who's going to tell you about their new partner
Or maybe they are losing interest in you... happened to me.
They can communicate being busy tho
Is this normal after being in a relationship for 7 months?
Sometimes we need space and so we pull away!
I'm in the most fucked up situation PLEASE HELP SOMEONE. Me and my ex broke up 4 weeks ago. She messaged me yesterday saying happy new year and told me she is going back to Poland from UK permanently. She got one week left. I do not know what to do
Update?
@@AureoIX fucking better girls then her😂saving more money got own place big tv 📺it's amazing life on tinder 🍆🍑😉
The exact same thing happened to me. My ex asked for space because he felt like my caretaker and he was losing himself. I freaked out and contacted him. He hasnt said anything back unless its about something practical not about the relationship. I've been in no contact for 16 days. Do you think there is still a chance?
did they ever come back ?
@@suzieisamazing6815 yes he reached out a few times. I'm no longer interested and realized it didn't work out for a reason.
@@britt4032 I see, thanks for replying.
Did they reach out to reconcile though ? Or was it just a normal text
@@suzieisamazing6815 he reached out a few times to check to see how I was. I had enough time without him I realized I was better off.
my ex asked for space after we got into a fight and I texted him a few days after to meet up but he ended up flaking on me. I then ended the relationship because he left me all confused and heartbroken. It's been two months of no contact. He still follows my instagram but doesnt view/like my pictures. Does he still want me back? is there a chance we will reconcile? It was relatively a short relationship (1 month) but we had a strong connection from the beginning. i can't seem to let go even though i have been constantly working and bettering myself. I made the mistake of not keeping it cool. These days, he has been out with this new girl. I'm not sure if they're together but the girl is extremely attractive. Can anyone tell me if he regrets his action? because towards the end he said he was sorry and hopes I will find someone better. I still want him back.... i miss him......
hey did they ever come back
there's no such thing as I need space , its just another way of saying I'm breaking im with you
I entirely disagree
maybe then in my case thats what my bf told me he needs a break and ive been in no
contact for 3 weeks so is that still a break ? or space time lol
This video makes me feel dumb bc I did the opposite when she was asking for space...😞
Yeah now we have to see what happens, what happen with you? Did things get fixed or...?
Damn that’s it 🤦🏻♂️
Just saying but Space can be used as a weapon in the form of stonewalling and is one of John Gottmans 4 relationship killers . Asking for space is healthy but my previous Ex would do it instead of resolving conflicts and just leave me hanging with my issue. It was fucked up and lead to a lot of anxiety on my part.
When space is weaponized it it obvious. This video is not talking about that toxic behavior - it's talking about regular "I need a DAY for myself."
@@TheLoveChat Totally. I guess I just dealt with that a lot in the context of a fight. She would totally shut down and it sucks.