I'm an older INFP. Though I come from a good and caring family, I never quite fit in. I don't seem to have much in common with most people I know. I think when someone feels like an outsider, whether it's true or not, it may be the reason they disappear. Internal conflict can be a real relationship blocker.
I'm adopted and my family was ( and still is ) very loving towards me. I don't remember being told about being adopted because I was VERY young, and it never really bothered me, yet I always felt different and many times I would wander on my own and enjoy my own company, which mum often commented on as me being a loner. Even now I would treasure the days on my own. We are and always will be different to other people because we're special in the eyes of God 🙏🕊️.
I get what saying because I’ve always been blamed for being aloof and distant by family members. The exhaustion as well as uncomfortableness when I was around them too long was so difficult too. Though for many years I’ve fought myself to be available and at their beck a call I hated myself for having to. I’m 69 and live in my own place and my life has become peaceful and meditative as I always wished it would be. It might have took awhile but it was truly worth it.
@@SuperSusieBell And it can be difficult for others to understand what we experience on a regular basis. It's not something we imagine, or an issue used as an 'excuse'. Being uncomfortable around others after a certain amount of time really can have a strong effect on us.
"I think when someone feels like an outsider, whether it's true or not, it may be the reason they disappear." YES. It's perplexing how this is so perplexing to other people.
I agree 100% I too never fit in with most people because I too don't have much in common with them, and when I do meet someone who has the same values as me and somewhat similar, they feel even more alien to me than most people who do bad things just to do them, and about relationships, I think as INFPs we tend to overthink literally everything and since we are social outcasts a majority of the time when someone asks us out or has interest in us, we get jumpy and spend all our time at that point trying to pinpoint what they want since we aren't used to be treated like human beings but merely spectators analyzing other people.
Another reason for ghosting could be insecurity. I'm not always sure when I'm 'socially allowed' to contact someone again or that it's too soon or I'm asking too much of their attention. Thus I leave it to the other person to contact me instead.
Another reason is the abundance of meaningless social media contacts. I highly value real contact, see someone's face or at least hear their voice in a call. I'm missing out on so much info if the main contact is through text messages, through which I'll never pour out what's really going on in my life due to lack of emotion, that I'd rather spend my time with someone whom I can meet frequently.
Very true. Personally, a lot of the times I just feel like I'm not welcomed anywhere so I'm just doing everyone a favour by disappearing and pretend I never existed
I recently discovered that I am an INFP and have been relating to these videos ever since. I am good at going quiet and ghosting people, it hurts me to do it but it grants me peace.... The same people who hurt me are the ones who often come back to their senses and apologize, I give people hundred chances but once am done, you are never seeing me again
if i realize i can't trust you it's hard to feel safe with you again. if i set boundaries, they probably won't shift. i ghosted my ex, because i couldn't express my anger and just wanted peace and valued my own health more than this connection that hindered me to connect with myself. (lol i wrote that comment at the beginning of the video and now i'm hearing the exact words😁)
I just thought this was a quirky thing about me. I am an INFP, and didn’t realize the easy detachment and ghosting people was an INFP thing. Very accurate description!
Too much accurate. I never knew why I ghosted so many people and that was it was my moral compass dictating me all through. Although why I actually ghosted people can be attributed to the fact that my brutal honesty may agitate them and they may not take it in a constructive way. Even if I confront people, I will hope that people change to please me. But that's manipulation in one way.... Damn the INFP overthinking loops...😣
The overthinking loops always get me too it sucks so much and I dont think people truly understand the anxiety it brings us yes ghosting isn’t right and to be honest I hate that I do it but sometimes I see it as the best option to minimize hurt feelings whenever I do open up and share the brutal honesty people get hurt so bad i hate hurting others situations like this just suck in general
@@Jordan_Spencer I kind of just say it as I see it these days… but in the most loving and kind way possible. We kind of have a gift, but we need to learn to go with the flow of this gift, if that makes any sense at all. If we practise, then we start to learn to speak our truths in a less offensive way. If the other chooses to listen with an open heart and mind, then great. If they don’t, then great. They show us who they are and where they are at through how they respond. These days I choose to be upfront, honest and authentic with the other person; as that seems to be the best way to set boundaries that are healthy for me. That way, I attract those who are willing to actually look at themselves, heal and grow with me -- and I end up repelling those who currently choose to stay in their own darkness. We cannot keep everybody happy. And it’s not our job to fix / do the work for anyone else, or keep them comfortable. From my perspective, by choosing to be my raw, real and authentic self I end up attracting those who were always meant to be in my tribe.
@@rachelreeves16 I think I would like to have counseling sessions with you. I am an infp and I didn’t know how to put limits with certain people trying not to harm them but it ended up hurting my feelings and my mental peace. And never had the courage to confront people nor to say how I feel about them and that’s destruction for me. I still don’t know how to defend my self. Being nice and kind always without boundaries is overwhelming.
@@seattle_1974 that’s really kind of you to say. I’m not really a counsellor. If I am to be anything, I would prefer to see myself more as a mentor or life coach. I’m kind of trusting the universe to guide me in the many moments to wherever I am supposed to be. Perhaps look up videos on enmeshment trauma and co-dependency. Feel free to click through to my channel if you would like to connect. I find people pleasing to be quite interesting. We, as humans, seem to lean into it thinking that it is selfless and not controlling. Yet we try to control the outcome through people pleasing if that makes sense - “He/She will accept me and not abandon me, if I do this one thing.” What I have learned is that we are abandoning and rejecting ourselves when we people please, because we’re looking outside of ourselves for validation. We’re also enabling the bad/toxic behaviour. The outcome is we feel small and inferior, because essentially we are rejecting our own essence. The way I have gotten to where I am is through observing how I am conditioned… and making small tweaks to how I show in the world. Gradually my confidence within myself has grown. I also cleared my busyness of mind. When our mind is clear, we make space to see and understand things we could not before… I think that’s why so many people lean into meditation and breathe-work practises. Hope that helps. Again, feel free to connect with me via my channel. You have a wonderful day ✨🌹
i hate it too. its not because they are bad people its just the feelings you have when you're with them. you can try dismiss the feeling but sometimes its just hard because you cannot lie to yourself. but you dont want to tell them about how you feel because you're scared that it will hurt them. you can be very brutally honest like you said. so its better if you just leave without saying anything
I am an INFP, the last words of the video resonate so much with me. I choose to stay away to keep my peace of mind and not go crazy, just to function normally. I ghosted a lot of people, but I really have my reasons. Also I wouldn't like them explaining why I misunderstood and why I am wrong about them. Sometimes you can just see through the personality and the toxicity of the person. 🙈
everybody has toxicity bruh. can´t get around that. no one´s perfect including you. sometimes people show their toxicity cus the other party involved has toxic parts about them aswell. take that into consideration. example: waiting a week for a reply from an infp after having talked to them for weeks on end. most people wouldn´t take that well so they show a toxic side of themselves aswell.
Hopefully we infps just can find somewhere peaceful living alone and enjoy perhaps the beautiful scenery of a village, mountain. I like drawing and listening to music so I genuinely think that being alone helps to to stay away from the stress and unwanted attention from others.
When I leave it was not what i wanted but just couldn't stand anymore. Usually it was because people used me as their therapist but never wanted to understand my own issues. I always wondered why i have a deep rooted urge to escape to the forrest or mountains and never see another person again.
Sometimes we have problems we want to talk about but the other person just wants to talk about their problems. Being a therapist takes energy, which is worth it for a friend, but can’t they give some back?
The root cause of this is that we INFPs see the nonsense that is going on everywhere around us for what it really is and get appalled by it. However, attempting to call people out for their crappy behavior usually turns out as fighting a losing battle so why bother in the first place? After all, it's useless to reason with a fool, for obvious reasons, and if people cannot be reasoned with, there's ample reason to break the connection without further explanation: First of all too many don't see how their own behavior and actions may have led to this point, and more often than not the blame is shifted straight back. So instead of overexplaining (and maybe also falling into a Kafkatrap in the process) we decide that it simply isn't worth the effort.
INFP here also. I ghost people when they continously try to make me an object of their expectations or think they've gonna test my moral/emotional compass. And that are alot these days...
I often disappear from social media, ignore messages and can leave you on read for weeks, unless it's something urgent. And I feel really bad about it. People sometimes get scared that I don't want to talk to them anymore, or that one day I'll just disappear and never return, and I get why. But I don't stop. It's not that I don't like talking to those people, because they're so sweet and nice, and we always talk for hours and laugh and it's very wholesome, I know them for years, and I love them and talking to them. And I STILL can disappear after, like, a couple of days of nice talking. I find this so frustrating about myself. Every day I think that I have to reply to the messages or let people know I'm okay or just talk to someone, but no, I just don't. I feel so guilty about it, because I can't even say why exactly I'm doing it, it's not like something's wrong with you! I don't want you to think you're a burden to me or I don't enjoy our time together. I always warn people on the first week of acquaintance that I tend to disappear, and you'd have to call me and ask to reply for me to do it, or text that it's something urgent, and then I'll be there for you immediately. I tried to fight it, but as I held on without disappearances, after that came an even bigger drain, and I ignored people for MONTHS. I feel like it's a really shitty thing to do, especially since these things are always sudden. One day we're having fun, and the other day I'm nowhere to be found. I'm really grateful to the people that stay with me for all these years despite this thing of mine, and I make sure all the time we DO spend together is absolutely awesome and full of happiness
You wrote exactly what i am feeling too, and i have only one friend who accepted me like that and don't question it anymore, but yes, we spoke about it and i explained that it's just me, not her, and that my dissappearing don't mean that i don't like her or don't care.
@@Rossellinique It's nice to know that there're people who feel the same, and I'm glad that you have a friend who's willing to accept you the way you are. I think the guilt could lessen if I talked it out more, too. Thank you for letting know about how you feel!!
Yeah, as an INFP with a very recent situation where I pulled back, there was definitely a lot of overthinking, disappointment, crying and anxiety. I’ve been trying so hard to push through it, and I’ve made some progress, though I’m not sure it will work out in the end. So I’ve started in the process of leaving a version of “parting gifts” for the people that mean the most to me. I really hope I can overcome this sense of betrayal and find a way back. 💜
I just got a message from an old online friend about me ghosting them. Maybe I'm a horrible person, but they were codependent and emotionally dependent on me for socialization because they didn't have many other people in their life. I just couldn't take the pressure of being their only friend so I disappeared
I have an INFP friend who I love dearly but I find her distance and ghosting very challenging. It's the not knowing that's the hardest part. Has she given up on me? Have I said or done something wrong? Was she just using me? Does she not care about me? Is she disrespecting me? Should I be angry? If I knew that she still cared and her need for distance is unrelated to me or that she still wanted me in her life, then I think it'd make the ghosting easier to bear. But the fear that she's given up on me, or has seen something in me that she rejects is hard because it makes me feel cheap and used or like I'm not worth fighting for or not worth informing of her intentions.
Ask calmly and find out. Tell her that u r open minded to hear anything she is willing to say , So she will not be overwhelmed. I think she loves you too and she is just socially drained right now.
Yes I am an infp and I do ghost my friends since covid 2021, and I did not contact them anymore, but it doesn’t mean I don’t love them. I was just strained in terms of my own emotions and I just want some peaceful time to take a rest. I do treasure them as my friends but it could be some sort of interests that separate us apart, for example I like Koop and jpop, Korea dramas and Thai dramas. I also love drawing architecture and photography as well, and playing instruments. I do occasionally go to museums and observe artworks and relics and I feel refreshed. I am emotionally attached to things that I enjoy more and people tend to say infp like talking to dead objects, for me I chatted with my toy most often.
This is so sad. I really hope I don’t make ppl feel this way. But I will tell you from an INFP perspective it’s not you it’s us. We just get very overwhelmed sometimes and we really can’t handle communicating with ppl. Other times we’re going through something very hard and we want to go through it by ourselves bc we are afraid of letting ppl see us fall apart or be our ugly selves in our weak moments. A lot of times we don’t want to worry ppl or bring our misery to ppl so we will handle it ourselves then come back when we’re done. If you’ve been a wonderful person and friend to us never question that our love for you is just the same in our absence.❤️🔥
i'm an infp and i've just recently ghosted friends i've known for over ten years. my reason is that I have severe mental diagnoses of cptsd and mdd, during crises I isolate and try to self-soothe, and during those times, my worst thoughts will surface. and those thoughts will make logical sense to me. I'll have thoughts like "I'm so broken, so beyond help, and am starving for so much affection and care, but I know no one on earth is equipped to ever make me feel cared for or even interested in giving that to me, so i'll isolate to not bother anyone else. and actually, now that i'm here thinking about it, its okay to cut them off permanently. if I can't trust friends, then why have relationships with them? why have people near me if i feel the need to hide from them? If I'm realizing my communication probably isnt wanted if its bothersome, why waste the scarce energy I have to try and give them any explanation? I think its okay to disappear. They probably won't feel like they're losing much if they lose me anyway." *disappears from others' lives* So you probably noticed a little bit of warped thinking going on here, but long story short, infps are known to have extreme and intense emotions. We likely don't want to bother you so that you wont think we're too needy/too much, or we don't feel safe. Thank you for being someone who cares though. We don't get that very often. I'm also sorry you're left with all the anxiety and lack of closure. You also didn't deserve that. :c I hope things look up for you. 🌻
Same here. Ghosting is 1000x worse than the absolute worst thing you could ever think to say to my face because at least if you say it to my face it becomes fact and gives me closure. The open ended unknown is an especially evil kind of torture
How interesting. I’m an infp and i never understood why i felt the need to block people and turn off my phone, sometimes for days at a time. I just know i feel incredibly tired and lonely. But it’s a loneliness that can only be cured by being alone if that makes sense. I also have this weirdness about anyone remembering me. I don’t really like it. I got off all social medias and i’m just really uncomfortable when someone remembers me or i hear of someone asking about me from a long time ago. This sounds so weird typing this but i really feel this way. 😂
When I back away, it's usually because the other person is too close to a truth about myself that I do not want to deal with or face. Talking about it with them would bring intense insecurity and shame for having the perspectives I have on things sometimes. I fear my perspective would lower their opinion of me. Seeing my authenticity is something my inner self experiences as binding with the other person.
I'm an INFJ and I ghosted an INFP. He wants me to be transparent and honest with him, but he's not like that with me. My trust was crippled, and I noticed patterns, so I doorslamed him.
100%. I'm in disappear mode right now and it is for my sanity. Internal crippling anxiety and some people that cause me disappointment etc. Guilt tries to call me back but I'm not going back. I need peace
Sometimes it felt like a life long search to find out why you are acting the way you do and it even feels like a deep relief to realize: 100% right, that is me, that it's why I do what I do - now I know
I was hoping to learn why we disappear / ghost even when nothing is wrong. This was very accurate in the reasons why we disappear, but sometimes there is none, and we still disappear… is it just me?
Me too, more or less. There is an INFJ friend who I've accommodated and waited for to have time to hang out. She's terrible at real communication and has stood me up enough times to call it quits on my end. She doesn't see her taxing behavior on me, AND I explained it to her twice. I was an amazing feeling to connect with her energy and soul when I could. It's incredible that I'm wishing it to be either on a lonnng pause or over.
As an INFP, it takes a lot for me to ghost someone and write them off. But once I’ve written you off, there’s no coming back. I give people one chance to apologize and I even give them months to do so. But once I realize there’s no apology coming, there’s no reason to waste energy. Goodbye foreva
I'm an INFP and it always hurts me when I ghost people. I don't mean to do it. Or mean to leave them hanging, sometimes space is just what people like us needs. My previous relationship ended with me ghosting and one of the big reason why is that my previous relationship started to feel like we're forcing ourselves to love one another. I planned to do so much with that person but it's just not meant to be if we can't fully be ourselves when with each other. I just wish that person finds someone finds someone where they could be themselves and be happy.
I just figure that I don’t want to ask the other person to change or deny how they feel and likewise I can’t change myself or how I feel, so there’s just no point moving forward. Mostly, I do not want conflict. They can be them. I can be me. We just gotta go our own ways. It makes me sad, and I miss the good times, but I have lost trust and the ability to be vulnerable with that person, so I can’t interact in an authentic way anymore.
I don't usually ghost, I usually tell them and then have a hard time sticking to my word and leaving forreal the first time, and the person doesn't want me to leave. Maybe I valued their presence in my life and got so attached emotionally. But when you treat me like trash over and over (below my expectations, and disrespect me) I eventually fully let go and fade out after I've explained.
This used to be a joke my college friends made about me because every semester I would disappear when I got too overwhelmed. I'm also trying not to ghost someone right now because it can be very damaging to the other person and this guy doesn't have the best mental health. So I'm trying to be emotionally responsible and come up with a way to explain my feelings as best as I can.
truth is, we owe our energy to no one. if we end up ghosting people, there's a high chance that we've left a trail of signs that we're not pleased, because it's something we would notice if something did the same to us - and address, if we cared enough. if the other person notices but reacts by being pushy or doesnt even react, that's a test of character we're quick to notice. healthy infps are the embodiment of 'when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time'. ghosting, especially with unfit aquaintances, is prevention. it's nothing personal, caring authentic sensitive people should be in caring authentic sensitive relationships. i prefer to argue, and i sure as hell can do it, if the other person has shown to be capable of sensitivity and empathy on a normal basis, because i know that arguing will be an exception and there's real compatibility at the base level. other people go fighting their way through life because it's just their thing.
Now I understand why I don't feel like opening my phone, checking my messages and deactivating my social media accs. I really feel bad ghosting people but hell I'm in my emotional chaotic self right now. I couldn't deal with people when in my messed up state. That's why unnotified disappearance is my always go-to solution when faced with problems and internal issues but I guess it'll leave something bad impression on people whom I interacted with for quite sometime. Though, I'm thankful for friends who came to understand me and I told myself that I'll try to be vocal about my impending disappearance. Atleast they will know I'm in my hermit phase again. It's just that this is my way of coping up and trying to heal myself. Solitude and peace to treat my stressed INFP self. :
so much heart, that i stop showing it. For what purpose? I see we are going the wrong way, for decades been sharing what i think, but now i shut down. I see no realistic options anymore and we dont listen to reason. We listen to power.
Well as an INFP, I finally did this with my sociopathic ESFP (?partner?) who played these games with me for far too long. But my patience has worn thin and I’m not about playing games for attention. I need my sanity. It takes a lot to push an INFP over the edge.
That was a great video and is spot on! I now give a disclaimer that has worked pretty well: I'm easygoing for the most part and I don't usually have strong opinions, but when I do, and a compromise can't be made, I'm not likely to change it, and when I'm done... I'm done!
I just can't cope with all of other ppl's needs, keeping friendships is exhausting. You always have to be going somewhere and speaking with ppl, it's all just too much. I ghost a lot.
What I don't understand is from own experience people perceive infps as more gentle and accepting people than we really are, then get worked up when infp decides to ghost or leave. Don't we have likes, dislikes and dealbreakers just like any other personalities?
Other personality types take A LONG TIME to want to get emotionally invested. So, people just think we are so understanding and caring when we can easily talk about emotions. But they don't understand how little we tolerate BS when it crosses a line, so they get confused that we can drop people like a hat.
@@Veilfire Funny... I'm an ENFJ and I gave an INFP and inch, he took a mile, and then ghosted me when I tried to set boundaries 🤔 Gotta love those double standards
I try to explain to people that I tend to disappear but I will come back. Most people don't like that, but I can't help it. I get overwhelmed with constant socializing.
As an INFP I've learned the importance of open communication. I know this is long, but I feel all INFPs can learn from this. If you're talking about someone you're close to, no matter how hard it is, don't ghost. I tried to just slowly cut my best out of my life by not coming over, being dryer and dryer over text. The reason is because i had reasons but i didn't feel like they were valid enough? So maybe if i avoided her we wouldn't have to be friends anymore? Well, flawed thinking, because she still wanted to be my friend. After many rants and lists I figured out why I didn't want to be her friend. It didn't feel complete but I had a list of things she'd done to me. Eventually, I'd have to cut her off because she just kept desperately trying to spend more time with me (idk if it matters but she's INFJ). I was just gonna put it off for a few months, but she texted me "we need to talk are you free Monday?" I said yes and asked what about. She said behavior. "I know you're busy and it's fine if you ignore me or whatever but some if your responses are kinda.... Yeah...." I told her i also had something I want to talk about. We went on a walk like we always did whenever we discuss something serious. She explained her frustrations towards me. At first she said that I was trying to be popular which confused me because I have 3 friends and two of them are online, and I have my own hiding place at school. She than said i lost my sense of humor, I'm really dry, and I talk about myself too much, and I don't have anything in common with her anymore. She'd killed my passion for art by convincing me I was horrible and should quit, I wasn't going to talk about personal matters or vent with her, and I was healing from self harm and my eating disorder. She told me I made acting my whole personality and before I could really think I told her she made self harm her whole personality (which I mean wasn't really wrong but kind of rude of me but we were letting out all our frushtrrating). That's all she had to say so it was my turn. (Continued in my reply to this)
I told her that she judges people too easily, and criticizes everything I do, and there's a certain amount that's honestly and a certain amount that's just completely unnecessary. She's made fun of my face, my body, my voice multiple times which has made me insecure. She insists on watching everything I'm in, going to every play just to tell me about how horrible it is (if you don't like it stop going I'm not making you). She also completely disregards any boundaries such has coming over without telling me first, trying to go through my phone, asking me for my passwords, trying to read my journal. She told me that this is how she was raised. I was I understand thet but now that she can recognize it it's time to change and I don't want to be around it. We have nothing in common, no connection, so there's no point in us being friends. I love her (friendship love of course) and care about her but I don't like her anymore and I deserve someone who treats me right and she deserves someone who actually wants to be her friend. She started crying, I didn't because I'd gotten my tears out before this. We did an ackward hug before we went our seperate ways for good. I feel so bad because I left her at her lowest mental state and she's just been spiraling downwards from there. I couldn't be her friend but maybe if I just had left her earlier when she wasn't in this mental state, it would've been better? Well ghosting doesn't work, open communication.
@@user-kt1no7yx1u Wow. I’m so unbelievably sorry you had to go through this..But I am beyond proud of your for standing your ground and realizing you are worth so much more! You have no idea how many ppl would kill to have such mindset. We Infp’s truly are something incredible We excel in the arts, and part where you mentioned that she “killed” your passion for art by severely criticizing you and your works including your passion for acting. I am every so truly sorry, and I would, by all means, encourage you to continue to pursue them. After all, that is how you live a fulfilling life. I heard somewhere that infjs tend to get jealous of infps because of their creativity and vivid imaginations, including their determination to be the best version of themselves that you were becoming! Please work on yourself my dear, and know that you are absolutely amazing! None of those “critiques” and “insults” on your work are true. Take this whole experience as a life-lesson that no matter how much you would wish someone could change, they simply can’t. I cannot stress enough how proud of you I am. You are an amazing person who deserves the world, remember that. 💜
@@kur1zop Thank you so much for all the support! I don't really draw anymore sadly, but I've gotten to the point where when i do feel like drawing, i can do it without her voice in my head. I've been getting more into acting, and although i doubt myself, I'm having fun and making slow but sure progress like I was an extra in a fundraiser video (for trf charity on kidz fun tv) and am currently in a community theater play. People seem to think INFJs and INFPs would make amazing friends, which, my INFJ ex gf and i did great together, but it doesn't always work like that. I think you're so right about her being jealous of my imagination and determination, even if she refuses to admit to being jealous of anything of mine and called me "the cringy awkward theatre kid she never wants to be like". I didn't even want to be her friend at first, she was the weird neighbor and i was content with my one friend, but she kept being pushed in my direction, almost as if the universe wanted to teach me about people pleasing and how cruel others can be. I think I'm starting to finally move on with my life, my current friends are amazing people that i would die for, and have showed me what friendship is actually supposed to feel like. I've basically came to understand that if I don't want to be around someone, i shouldn't have to. Again, thank you for the nice words, they mean a lot 💖
When i was kid. I used to go alone in rooftop when someone hurt my feelings. I used to disappear for 2 to 3 hours. I believe only I can understand myself, I hate arguing with people because I don't know when I'm gonna be mad and started hurting people. I still carry same habits still now. I just wanted to let you know guy who have similar habits mine that people will like you and care you so much don't scare them by disappearing instead talk to them because every problems started fading when you start talking❤❤
I was sometines talking what the issue was (for example calling too late or too long calls, or wrong time - imagi e cooking, taking the call, telling someone you are cooking right now and really needing both hands and that person says ok I understand, so sorry, I thought I'll call only because.... and a long story begins (no drama) and your dinner burns, because you just can't get rid of the person... or when you have some time but he talks for 2 hours and you feel out of energy after, completely drained. it is really easier to not pick a phone at all.
I agree with everything here, I'll just add another thing, I can't help it, I can't constantly keep in touch with a person, it's imposing for me, it becomes so overwhelming for me to constantly be around a person or keep in touch. For example, if I go out to hang out withmu friends for a day,spend 5 hours with them then I need at least 3-7 days to contact them again. Or else I feel like I can't breathe. I can't keep online communication. I feel as though I'm not connecting or conveying myself to the other person so I can't keep up online or distant communication. As a result I end up ghosting them. I swear it's not them, it's just how I am, how I function. I used to feel so guilty towards my friends for not keeping in touch or talking regularly or even monthly. But they understand me now. They know it's hard for me to keep up. So they just knock me every 3-6 months to ask for my health or how I'm doing lol. I just don't feel that connection or true to myself when I'm not seeing them ig. Also for me my emotions towards other person or my friends stays the same even if I don't talk to them for months or years but I know it's different for people. People's emotions change when they don't keep up for long time, but thay doesn't happen for me. I fo feel guilty for being like this but I can't help it....even fir people around me, I need long alone times to stay civil and functioning or else my mind is gonna suffocate me lol
Everything about this is relatable. It’s one of the reasons I shy away from making close friends. I don’t want to talk or see anybody everyday or even most days even if I love them. I honestly just can’t handle it and I see no point. What has changed in the last couple days that we need to talk about? I feel like I wouldn’t mind if someone sat in a room with me and could leave me alone the whole time. I could co exist like that.
As an INFP; I cut people when they: 1- don’t pick up calls, respond back to them and only call to talk about their issues and only respond in texts. ‘Some people don’t like calls so I’m aware of that- u know when people ignore you.’ 2- when people change plans, don’t include you in the plans with others;if it’s in a public space like New Years eve or parties etc. ‘I like to include friends I like if I change plans; if it’s a close friend doing this I feel hurt and cut them coz they don’t care for my feelings.’ Understanding if it’s not a close friend! 3- don’t hold their word and say, they will give you something or do something and instigate these gestures and never deliver while I deliver on my word or kind gestures. 4- become disrespectful and pick on me and call me names to stir the pot too many times infront of other friends knowing I will get mad. 5- have no commonalities 6- go against my core values and belief system’ probably all us infps here.’ 7- fake people, negative people ‘even tho I’m negative, I can tolerate it at times because I am; I’m talking negative to the point is don’t help me live a better life and brings me down.’
Sad story of my life, i had a good friend in highschool who had an outbursts at me because she was angry how I just suddenly appear infront if her randomly. She was mad because i got new group of friends in my classroom and don't hang out much anymore(she is in the other class) it was more like i float around, and i got friends who are much near me so I kinda went with the flow. She didn't like it. I got scared when she screamed at me and didn't talked to her again. I come to reflect that she was one of the genuine friends i had. She never was fake, supported me with my bllshit, when other girls bullies me she gets really angry at them and gave me lots of gifts. So I bring myself to understand why she was screaming at me(which was not in her character). As an infp, yes it sorta is who i am. I go around doing things random and have hard time truly connecting to others because i am all over the place. But to the ones who really was good and genuine to me i hope they had good lives presently.
I resonate with this so much. I think over time as an infp, I have just put up with so much and have set a pattern for myself of always giving too many chances, or dealing with the hurtfulness of others. Some people see this and monopolize on it. It hurts like crazy and I’ll make myself feel like the worst person but once I’m done, I’m done. Of course there’s levels and there’s a need to be reasonable here. Like maybe you should ghost someone for one misunderstanding but if someone had selfishly used you as a punching bag or a door mat for so long, then it’s not selfish at all for you to disappear. I’d rather be alone and at peace than to be in friendship with misery.
This mbti test is temporary. I recognized that as I change certain trait and been through several events in my life. The test results show different. I don't believe yall will stay the same unless u want to.
When I'm upset about someone and I'm asked why? I can't always explain the reason for it, and sometimes I'm told it's my imagination!!. So after so many year's of being unable to explain my reasons, I just say I can't explain because you wouldn't understand!. What REALLY rattles me is when they say " TRY ME". AAARGH! . Try as I might they still DON'T understand me..
Don’t blame them for your inability to interpret and clearly express you’re feelings. “They” don’t understand you because “You” don’t even understand yourself. That’s an impossible task for someone else to bear (reading your mind).
@@Vladyyy OK so since I last wrote my comment I have had help, and discovered that as an adoptee I suffer with PTS which unless you look up the simptoms of being adopted at birth OR fostered out, you wouldn't understand; but to cut a long story short, trauma mess' with the brain; and when a soldier had a brain scan there was a distinct difference in the normal and traumatized brain, it's the same with a child who is adopted and fostered, it's worse when you don't even know what's wrong with you, yet it's a great feeling when you find out so I hope that one day you will become a mind reader and spend a day looking into a person who has PTSD, I'm sure that you will return the same way as before you enter your unknown. Good luck 👍
@@amandapryar4675 Even with the sarcasm aside, your last statement doesn't make any sense. You say "My unknown" yet I would be looking into someone else's mind... Either way I'm really glad to hear you not only discovered the problem, but also got help for it 👌🏾. I looked it (PTS + effects of being an adoptee) up and see what you mean. And yes, PTS(D) is certainly a real affliction. Absolutely, not knowing often causes even more issues and when you can finally put a label on it, that alone brings a sense of relief. And from there you can work to resolve the issue (as you have done).
Reasons I disappear are because the other person isnt reciprocating, or they do something shitty they should know better about. I usually make an effort to explain or change things. So it’s not really ghosting. My ex was disrespectful but he didn’t accept or understand why I felt he had no respect for me. Infp can indeed say hurtful words. My ex didn’t understand that he was disrespectful to me. So I decided he would never understand. I also low key thought he was stupid and selfish for not being self aware. He treated me like he thought I was kind of dumb or an airhead and needed to be taught. I’ve heard it’s common for people to mistake infp lightheartedness for being simpletons. To this day, he is still too thick to understand. I do sometimes ghost people because they are garbage. But I think my biggest reason is that they don’t reciprocate. A different subject for me is that I may not check in with friends for weeks months maybe years at a time. I don’t consider this ghosting. If that friend acts like me which is that we reconnect as if no time has passed, they are probably still my friend. If they make it weird, they probably aren’t.
INFP here. There’s a lot of reasons why I tend to disappear though I typically make a rule with myself to not give the “silent treatment” because I hate hurting people. A major reason why I disappear is if somebody got too comfortable with me and decided to try to manipulate or force me to change something about myself or what I’m passionate about. I have learned to cut off people for weeks or sometimes months if I feel they’ve overstepped and I am for some reason not allowed to communicate my frustrations. The second major reason is from emotional exhaustion. I’m either experiencing a lot of frustration and emotions in my life, causing me to isolate and shut down if I feel as though I can’t talk to anyone about it. Sometimes I cut off certain people who have caused me to feel this way
I never really paid attention to the mbti test or tags, but I found out I am INFP and oh god my life makes sense now! I shut down for a year now and no one gets me and now I understand so much. Funny though I never considered myself an introvert and allso used to dislike them. Seems I was becoming one all along 🤣🤣
Heh… I actually have the opposite problem where people have ghosted me😬 I have always tried to loosely keep in touch with people over the years, and I am always putting more into friendships than I’m receiving… also not super healthy. But this whole INFP ghosting thing I don’t understand… though to be fair, I have disconnected from my mother on purpose because we have a very toxic relationship and she doesn’t want to work on things together (all the problems are apparently my own to deal with)… so yea. To be fair… sometimes I do daydream about leaving absolutely everyone in my life and moving to another country or something to start over… I don’t think I could ever do that though😅
Do it leave. Even if you can't leave country, leave your town and go far away so it would be troublesome to visit. (figure out what works for you best in your current situation) You 'll be in new area where no one knows you or cares about you and you will have time and space to collect yourself and figure out your journey. It's hard to grow in unsutable environment.
I don't think us ghosting is rude. Many people are so unaware of there self and require too much energy. It's either ghosting you or blow up and still ghost you.
Oh this explain why i close my all social media account and make the new one since covid. Even now i still ghosting people especially when night time. I feel empty, tired, loneliness and stress deep in my soul, that idk how to describe it :(
As an infp in my life I think that the people that I stopped talking to know why I'm not talking to them anymore even if they don't realize it consciously subconsciously they know once I'm done I'm done I have given second chances before to very few and those Second Chances have had mixed results in the end didn't realize it was a personality trait however personally I try not to ghost people because I wouldn't like it done to me but if it's such a large reason that we're no longer talking or friends then I don't feel it necessary to discuss it any longer just for an example at the start of the pandemic one of my closest friends explain to me how they would be okay with elderly and disabled people dying as long as it meant that young healthy people had a better future when I reminded her that I have disabilities and I'm a cancer survivor so basically what she was saying was that it was okay for people like me to die so others would have a better financial future we have not talked since that day there's no reason to infps are different and seeing how other people go through the same emotions and the same feelings based on personality type has been really educational thank you for the videos
I dumped people after them not listening or respond to my emotional needs for years. Why should I care to explain my reasons when they never had listened to me but instead dismissed what I said or gaslighted me, that it´s my fault, as i am much to complicated and sensitive.
I used to do this too, but I now think it's wrong. We should inform others of our intentions if we no longer want them in our lives. Think of how the other person would feel. They are probably still holding you in the heart for all the time that we've already emotionally left them. That's not fair on them. Release them. Allow them to move on. Don't waste their time.
What I find very difficult is that when I meet new people and there's someone who ends up opening up to me and we have deep and interest conversations, they always want to meet again and quickly send me friend requests and messages on social media. I have no idea why, but that makes me very nervous and anxious. I just want to disappear. Even though I may have absolutely loved our conversation, it feels almost impossible to keep things going and I come up with all kinds of excuses to not meet again. I have only one close friend- we're friends because (20 years now) he naturally, very early on, figured out that I need alot of space, he never took it personally when I "fell off the planet," and he's the only person I can be my weird self with and feel totally ok about it. He figured me out, way before I did. I guess it's just very hard telling people that "yes, I 100% enjoyed our time together, but please forget I exist" 😄
just ghosted my an year old relationship and year old friendships (I love my friends so much and miss them ) I thought I was becoming a toxic and manipulating person. everything you said is so fuvking true.
I'm an INFP and like if I feel like I'm going to be hurting someone or see myself being toxic to someone I just can't be with that person. Just the thought of me doing something bad could actually ruin me mentally.
I am an INFP, and I have ghosted many times for a ll the reasons you stated. However, one time I ghosted my father. It was very bad timing. My Mother died, and I wasn't with her when she died. I will never forgive myself!
I am an INFP and some weeks ago I just quit my relationship with my group in class bcz I felt fed up with them I usually don't disappear physically but I go back to my shell and became very quite and don't like to talk to anyone although every one ask to help but it's difficult to talk in that situation
Oh that's why I that.. I just cane here to confirm... I don't understand why I am the person I am and i try to not disappear all the time though I still do. I make promises I cant keep like promises that involve me coming back and I always come back to this place..... I wish I knew how to be...
Before Social media, I just more or less did it anyway, it didnt make sense to wnt to maintain contact with people who move outside your orbit unless there is a strong bond.
I’m an INFP. I ended a relationship with someone because he traveled abroad most of the time. I didn’t want him to find time to meet me anymore as it seemed hard. So I sent a message telling him my reasons and blocked him. I didn’t want to see his response because I’ve already thought this through and this relationship would never work 😢
I know it might sound selfish but I’ve really thought about ending this relationship for months. I had been stressed and adjusted my expectations a lot until I realized it really couldn’t work out.
I'm an infp and do often disappear and close all social media and block people so I don't receive any calls or messages but I would never ghost someone without them doing anything wrong. That's very hurtful to the other person.
Lol. When i was younger i ghosted about four friends at seperate times. Some were because i knew they were attacking me and the others were more just intuition i didnt want to be friends. Always been that way and still am. If someone i talk to even for years suddenly reveals something about themselves like a sudden aura about them that just tells me to retract for no real apparant reason. We infps so sensitive to like vibes or something. 😅
As an INFP in my 20s I had tons of friends but now in my 40s I don’t want to make much of friends any more. When someone said something that I felt offensive, then I would just stop contacting them. I don’t know if that’s what none -INFPs do as well?
7 years ago I ghosted my whole circle of friends because their long term cocaine use had turned them into narcissistic behaving douchebags who at some point would try to humiliate me for no reason on every given occasion. Last week I went for a walk in my city at night and came across one of them who said:"Can I please shake your hand?", I shook his hand kind of disgusted and walked by, then he asked me if he can please show me his child, I turned around and said that I don't care and kept walking. I know that it was kind of a scumbag move to do so, but live is to short to waste it on people that don't really appreciate you. 😂
I often have internal conversations about what to say to a person that has gone too far. In the end, I just give up and avoid situations that involve that person. Or I just become very polite.
How philosophers are created... Step one: They greatly offend an INFP. Step two: The INFP ignores the person. Step three: INFP disappears so thoroughly, they start to wonder if the INFP ever existed. Step four: After being ignored sooo hard, you start to wonder if you ever really existed. O.0 End of lesson.
OMFG this whole time I felt like an awful person for doing this to my friends. I thought it was just me but knowing that it's a part of my type brings me some comfort, I still feel bad for my friends but thankfully they understand and most of them are introverts so it doesn't seem to bother them. None of them have called me out on it even though I felt bad about it.
I’m having a hard time understanding this stereotype of INFP’s ghosting cuz I’m not like that… I thought that we were more empathetic than that… I can understand ghosting someone who is harmful to you in a toxic relationship (like myself and my mother…😅), but otherwise if I were to consider ghosting someone I would have to think about how much it would hurt them… and even with my mom, it’s not like I didn’t try to set boundaries and work through the issues-there’s just no helping things at this point and my mental health is suffering… maybe because I have been ghosted by one of my best friends, I can see how harmful it could be to the other person… him cutting off contact with me with absolutely NO explanation whatsoever is something that has weighed on me for over ten years now… I wouldn’t want to put someone else through that🥺
Yeah, I asked the same question. If someone hurt me, or irritated me, for any reason, for too long, I'm going to cut them of my life. I did it before, I'll do it again. I don't feel bad about it. I can't give an explanation, I just know that I don't want to see that person again, so that's more than enough reason to stop talking to them. I don't care if they feel bad, they made me feel bad first, so I think it's fair. LOL
Ghosting can hurt and bewilder the other person. At least talk over why you're leaving, otherwise the other person is going to wonder what he/she did that was wrong.
It is normal and often sound to dissolve certain relationships and distance yourself from someone, be it for the reason that you have grown apart, the relationship has been conflict ridden or abusive, or similar. That happens. Ghosting though isn't just ending a relationship, but ending it in a particular way - it means completely cutting off a relationship and disappearing from someone else's life *without any explanation*. That, frankly, to me is selfish, immature and simply inhumane. You are leaving the other person potentially totally at loss about your reasons (even if in your mind you might say, they should have seen it coming, I gave them indirect clues etc.). If you haven't ever been on the receiving end of ghosting, let me tell you it is a traumatizing experience (depending how close you were and how long you have been part of each other's life, I guess). Cutting someone off without explaining yourself and without giving the other a chance to understand and respond, is utterly devaluating of the other. You are signaling that you are not caring about their feelings at all, and that they aren't even worthy of basic consideration. Also, leaving so much room for speculating about what they might have done wrong for you to make such a drastic step (for you it might be cristal clear, or even unclear but "instinctively imperative" and therefore in your mind, "justified"; but for the other it might come completely out of the blue or at least not be in proportion to the kind of frictions you two might have had), this "not knowing" but desperately trying to make sense of it, usually makes the other feel like a total unloveable monster, and also makes them completely lose trust in their compass navigating reality and human relations. What was true? Whas it all an illusion? Is he a narcissist? Am I a narcissist? Etc. It really does shatter trust and a sense of coherence and of safety on a deep level. It is an act of abandonment that has a bigger impact on the other person than just the loss of you and the relationship. Please don't do it, and don't do it justifying it by 'well I am an INFP and I guess we all just can't help it". Yes you can. It might not be easy, especially because you tend to be so conflict avoidant, but you have the choice. I am an INFJ, type infamous for their doorslams, and I definitely know the struggle. But at some point you have to decide if your actions are to be dictated by temperament or character. Ghosting someone is cheap, it's brutal, and it may harm the other for life. Decide what character you want to develop, and act accordingly. Nobody forces you to stay in relationships that you see no sense in; but the way you back out will speak volumes about you.
I've had two reasons in my life to ghost others: 1) I was grieving after my only sibling died and didn't have energy left to reach out to other people and to take care of their needs 2) the other person did not respect my boundaries I'm a very gentle and caring person. Some people think that entitles them to use me as an emotional trash can, which I'm not. If I see people treat me like that, my experience is, there's no way to make them change attitude towards me, because they really don't mind hurting others as long as they get what they want. So I just disappeare.
You ever hear: what was the motivation for the murder? And think: does it really matter? How will it change anything to know? Thats why INFP ghost. It may be arrogant but whats the point in having conversation/fight about something the other person cant understand. Why not let them enjoy whatever it is they enjoy that the INFP obviously doesn’t?
Ghosting is normal when your peace and freedom out way the controlling, narcissistic, abusive behaviour from someone else. Protect your peace of mind at all cost. Those who are ghosted, will have to eventually have to sit with themselves and understand their unhealthy behaviour, which will help them to grow will give them a better idea of who we are. This is called healing.
@@teri_mbata Exactly! We are able to stand strong in our convictions so others can eventually see their faults and move from blame to acceptance. We bring this out in them. Revealing their trauma which can eventually be healed.
I disappear every time someone sends me a message I have to take my time off to respond later and then that leads me to being ghosted ☹️ people are not patient with me 💔
I am one and no we are not being selfish we sometimes think that we hurt that person and some of us are scared to hurt that person again and then we feel to disappear from that person's life
One major problem, though, is that there are far too many people who won't even listen and either shift the blame back to you or gaslight the heck out of you.
Pretty accurate. I've literally considered buying a sailboat to completely disappear... and I still might... lol Overall this was a great write up but the use of the word "ideals" versus "ideas" seems a bit off... I say that in the kindest way possible. 😅
I'm an older INFP. Though I come from a good and caring family, I never quite fit in. I don't seem to have much in common with most people I know. I think when someone feels like an outsider, whether it's true or not, it may be the reason they disappear. Internal conflict can be a real relationship blocker.
I'm adopted and my family was ( and still is ) very loving towards me. I don't remember being told about being adopted because I was VERY young, and it never really bothered me, yet I always felt different and many times I would wander on my own and enjoy my own company, which mum often commented on as me being a loner. Even now I would treasure the days on my own.
We are and always will be different to other people because we're special in the eyes of God 🙏🕊️.
I get what saying because I’ve always been blamed for being aloof and distant by family members.
The exhaustion as well as uncomfortableness when I was around them too long was so difficult too.
Though for many years I’ve fought myself to be available and at their beck a call I hated myself for having to.
I’m 69 and live in my own place and my life has become peaceful and meditative as I always wished it would be.
It might have took awhile but it was truly worth it.
@@SuperSusieBell And it can be difficult for others to understand what we experience on a regular basis. It's not something we imagine, or an issue used as an 'excuse'. Being uncomfortable around others after a certain amount of time really can have a strong effect on us.
"I think when someone feels like an outsider, whether it's true or not, it may be the reason they disappear." YES. It's perplexing how this is so perplexing to other people.
I agree 100% I too never fit in with most people because I too don't have much in common with them, and when I do meet someone who has the same values as me and somewhat similar, they feel even more alien to me than most people who do bad things just to do them, and about relationships, I think as INFPs we tend to overthink literally everything and since we are social outcasts a majority of the time when someone asks us out or has interest in us, we get jumpy and spend all our time at that point trying to pinpoint what they want since we aren't used to be treated like human beings but merely spectators analyzing other people.
Another reason for ghosting could be insecurity. I'm not always sure when I'm 'socially allowed' to contact someone again or that it's too soon or I'm asking too much of their attention. Thus I leave it to the other person to contact me instead.
Another reason is the abundance of meaningless social media contacts. I highly value real contact, see someone's face or at least hear their voice in a call. I'm missing out on so much info if the main contact is through text messages, through which I'll never pour out what's really going on in my life due to lack of emotion, that I'd rather spend my time with someone whom I can meet frequently.
I totally relate to leaving the other person to contact me.
Yessss
So true dude
Very true. Personally, a lot of the times I just feel like I'm not welcomed anywhere so I'm just doing everyone a favour by disappearing and pretend I never existed
I recently discovered that I am an INFP and have been relating to these videos ever since. I am good at going quiet and ghosting people, it hurts me to do it but it grants me peace.... The same people who hurt me are the ones who often come back to their senses and apologize, I give people hundred chances but once am done, you are never seeing me again
Literally same
I tell people, "Never mistake my kindness for weakness"... It's my signature before the erasing them from my life.
if i realize i can't trust you it's hard to feel safe with you again. if i set boundaries, they probably won't shift. i ghosted my ex, because i couldn't express my anger and just wanted peace and valued my own health more than this connection that hindered me to connect with myself. (lol i wrote that comment at the beginning of the video and now i'm hearing the exact words😁)
I just thought this was a quirky thing about me. I am an INFP, and didn’t realize the easy detachment and ghosting people was an INFP thing. Very accurate description!
Too much accurate. I never knew why I ghosted so many people and that was it was my moral compass dictating me all through. Although why I actually ghosted people can be attributed to the fact that my brutal honesty may agitate them and they may not take it in a constructive way. Even if I confront people, I will hope that people change to please me. But that's manipulation in one way.... Damn the INFP overthinking loops...😣
The overthinking loops always get me too it sucks so much and I dont think people truly understand the anxiety it brings us yes ghosting isn’t right and to be honest I hate that I do it but sometimes I see it as the best option to minimize hurt feelings whenever I do open up and share the brutal honesty people get hurt so bad i hate hurting others situations like this just suck in general
@@Jordan_Spencer I kind of just say it as I see it these days… but in the most loving and kind way possible. We kind of have a gift, but we need to learn to go with the flow of this gift, if that makes any sense at all. If we practise, then we start to learn to speak our truths in a less offensive way. If the other chooses to listen with an open heart and mind, then great. If they don’t, then great. They show us who they are and where they are at through how they respond.
These days I choose to be upfront, honest and authentic with the other person; as that seems to be the best way to set boundaries that are healthy for me. That way, I attract those who are willing to actually look at themselves, heal and grow with me -- and I end up repelling those who currently choose to stay in their own darkness.
We cannot keep everybody happy. And it’s not our job to fix / do the work for anyone else, or keep them comfortable. From my perspective, by choosing to be my raw, real and authentic self I end up attracting those who were always meant to be in my tribe.
@@rachelreeves16 I think I would like to have counseling sessions with you. I am an infp and I didn’t know how to put limits with certain people trying not to harm them but it ended up hurting my feelings and my mental peace. And never had the courage to confront people nor to say how I feel about them and that’s destruction for me. I still don’t know how to defend my self. Being nice and kind always without boundaries is overwhelming.
@@seattle_1974 that’s really kind of you to say. I’m not really a counsellor. If I am to be anything, I would prefer to see myself more as a mentor or life coach. I’m kind of trusting the universe to guide me in the many moments to wherever I am supposed to be. Perhaps look up videos on enmeshment trauma and co-dependency. Feel free to click through to my channel if you would like to connect.
I find people pleasing to be quite interesting. We, as humans, seem to lean into it thinking that it is selfless and not controlling. Yet we try to control the outcome through people pleasing if that makes sense - “He/She will accept me and not abandon me, if I do this one thing.” What I have learned is that we are abandoning and rejecting ourselves when we people please, because we’re looking outside of ourselves for validation. We’re also enabling the bad/toxic behaviour. The outcome is we feel small and inferior, because essentially we are rejecting our own essence.
The way I have gotten to where I am is through observing how I am conditioned… and making small tweaks to how I show in the world. Gradually my confidence within myself has grown. I also cleared my busyness of mind. When our mind is clear, we make space to see and understand things we could not before… I think that’s why so many people lean into meditation and breathe-work practises.
Hope that helps. Again, feel free to connect with me via my channel. You have a wonderful day ✨🌹
i hate it too. its not because they are bad people its just the feelings you have when you're with them. you can try dismiss the feeling but sometimes its just hard because you cannot lie to yourself. but you dont want to tell them about how you feel because you're scared that it will hurt them. you can be very brutally honest like you said. so its better if you just leave without saying anything
I am an INFP, the last words of the video resonate so much with me. I choose to stay away to keep my peace of mind and not go crazy, just to function normally. I ghosted a lot of people, but I really have my reasons. Also I wouldn't like them explaining why I misunderstood and why I am wrong about them. Sometimes you can just see through the personality and the toxicity of the person. 🙈
Thank you! I don’t need your explanation! I know what I know and feel what I feel!
Omg. I know exactly what you mean. This is what I do.
Exactly
Thank you for this.
everybody has toxicity bruh. can´t get around that. no one´s perfect including you. sometimes people show their toxicity cus the other party involved has toxic parts about them aswell. take that into consideration. example: waiting a week for a reply from an infp after having talked to them for weeks on end. most people wouldn´t take that well so they show a toxic side of themselves aswell.
This is the ongoing story of my INFP life. I am 76 now. Male living alone.
i think it is gone to be same for me
@@testdefault9934 same
Hopefully we infps just can find somewhere peaceful living alone and enjoy perhaps the beautiful scenery of a village, mountain. I like drawing and listening to music so I genuinely think that being alone helps to to stay away from the stress and unwanted attention from others.
When I leave it was not what i wanted but just couldn't stand anymore. Usually it was because people used me as their therapist but never wanted to understand my own issues.
I always wondered why i have a deep rooted urge to escape to the forrest or mountains and never see another person again.
Sometimes we have problems we want to talk about but the other person just wants to talk about their problems. Being a therapist takes energy, which is worth it for a friend, but can’t they give some back?
The root cause of this is that we INFPs see the nonsense that is going on everywhere around us for what it really is and get appalled by it.
However, attempting to call people out for their crappy behavior usually turns out as fighting a losing battle so why bother in the first place? After all, it's useless to reason with a fool, for obvious reasons, and if people cannot be reasoned with, there's ample reason to break the connection without further explanation: First of all too many don't see how their own behavior and actions may have led to this point, and more often than not the blame is shifted straight back. So instead of overexplaining (and maybe also falling into a Kafkatrap in the process) we decide that it simply isn't worth the effort.
This😢
INFP here also. I ghost people when they continously try to make me an object of their expectations
or think they've gonna test my moral/emotional compass. And that are alot these days...
I often disappear from social media, ignore messages and can leave you on read for weeks, unless it's something urgent. And I feel really bad about it. People sometimes get scared that I don't want to talk to them anymore, or that one day I'll just disappear and never return, and I get why. But I don't stop. It's not that I don't like talking to those people, because they're so sweet and nice, and we always talk for hours and laugh and it's very wholesome, I know them for years, and I love them and talking to them. And I STILL can disappear after, like, a couple of days of nice talking. I find this so frustrating about myself. Every day I think that I have to reply to the messages or let people know I'm okay or just talk to someone, but no, I just don't. I feel so guilty about it, because I can't even say why exactly I'm doing it, it's not like something's wrong with you! I don't want you to think you're a burden to me or I don't enjoy our time together. I always warn people on the first week of acquaintance that I tend to disappear, and you'd have to call me and ask to reply for me to do it, or text that it's something urgent, and then I'll be there for you immediately. I tried to fight it, but as I held on without disappearances, after that came an even bigger drain, and I ignored people for MONTHS. I feel like it's a really shitty thing to do, especially since these things are always sudden. One day we're having fun, and the other day I'm nowhere to be found. I'm really grateful to the people that stay with me for all these years despite this thing of mine, and I make sure all the time we DO spend together is absolutely awesome and full of happiness
You wrote exactly what i am feeling too, and i have only one friend who accepted me like that and don't question it anymore, but yes, we spoke about it and i explained that it's just me, not her, and that my dissappearing don't mean that i don't like her or don't care.
@@Rossellinique It's nice to know that there're people who feel the same, and I'm glad that you have a friend who's willing to accept you the way you are. I think the guilt could lessen if I talked it out more, too. Thank you for letting know about how you feel!!
I do the same, but I don't feel bad about it.
Just man up and reply, it takes about a few seconds just to tell em u are alive
Yeah, as an INFP with a very recent situation where I pulled back, there was definitely a lot of overthinking, disappointment, crying and anxiety.
I’ve been trying so hard to push through it, and I’ve made some progress, though I’m not sure it will work out in the end. So I’ve started in the process of leaving a version of “parting gifts” for the people that mean the most to me.
I really hope I can overcome this sense of betrayal and find a way back. 💜
I just got a message from an old online friend about me ghosting them. Maybe I'm a horrible person, but they were codependent and emotionally dependent on me for socialization because they didn't have many other people in their life. I just couldn't take the pressure of being their only friend so I disappeared
I have an INFP friend who I love dearly but I find her distance and ghosting very challenging. It's the not knowing that's the hardest part. Has she given up on me? Have I said or done something wrong? Was she just using me? Does she not care about me? Is she disrespecting me? Should I be angry? If I knew that she still cared and her need for distance is unrelated to me or that she still wanted me in her life, then I think it'd make the ghosting easier to bear. But the fear that she's given up on me, or has seen something in me that she rejects is hard because it makes me feel cheap and used or like I'm not worth fighting for or not worth informing of her intentions.
Ask calmly and find out. Tell her that u r open minded to hear anything she is willing to say , So she will not be overwhelmed. I think she loves you too and she is just socially drained right now.
Yes I am an infp and I do ghost my friends since covid 2021, and I did not contact them anymore, but it doesn’t mean I don’t love them. I was just strained in terms of my own emotions and I just want some peaceful time to take a rest. I do treasure them as my friends but it could be some sort of interests that separate us apart, for example I like Koop and jpop, Korea dramas and Thai dramas. I also love drawing architecture and photography as well, and playing instruments. I do occasionally go to museums and observe artworks and relics and I feel refreshed. I am emotionally attached to things that I enjoy more and people tend to say infp like talking to dead objects, for me I chatted with my toy most often.
This is so sad. I really hope I don’t make ppl feel this way. But I will tell you from an INFP perspective it’s not you it’s us. We just get very overwhelmed sometimes and we really can’t handle communicating with ppl. Other times we’re going through something very hard and we want to go through it by ourselves bc we are afraid of letting ppl see us fall apart or be our ugly selves in our weak moments. A lot of times we don’t want to worry ppl or bring our misery to ppl so we will handle it ourselves then come back when we’re done. If you’ve been a wonderful person and friend to us never question that our love for you is just the same in our absence.❤️🔥
i'm an infp and i've just recently ghosted friends i've known for over ten years. my reason is that I have severe mental diagnoses of cptsd and mdd, during crises I isolate and try to self-soothe, and during those times, my worst thoughts will surface. and those thoughts will make logical sense to me. I'll have thoughts like "I'm so broken, so beyond help, and am starving for so much affection and care, but I know no one on earth is equipped to ever make me feel cared for or even interested in giving that to me, so i'll isolate to not bother anyone else. and actually, now that i'm here thinking about it, its okay to cut them off permanently. if I can't trust friends, then why have relationships with them? why have people near me if i feel the need to hide from them? If I'm realizing my communication probably isnt wanted if its bothersome, why waste the scarce energy I have to try and give them any explanation? I think its okay to disappear. They probably won't feel like they're losing much if they lose me anyway." *disappears from others' lives*
So you probably noticed a little bit of warped thinking going on here, but long story short, infps are known to have extreme and intense emotions. We likely don't want to bother you so that you wont think we're too needy/too much, or we don't feel safe. Thank you for being someone who cares though. We don't get that very often. I'm also sorry you're left with all the anxiety and lack of closure. You also didn't deserve that. :c I hope things look up for you. 🌻
Same here. Ghosting is 1000x worse than the absolute worst thing you could ever think to say to my face because at least if you say it to my face it becomes fact and gives me closure. The open ended unknown is an especially evil kind of torture
From my experience, explaining things regarding relationships usual end up with arguements, and I hate arguements.
How interesting. I’m an infp and i never understood why i felt the need to block people and turn off my phone, sometimes for days at a time. I just know i feel incredibly tired and lonely. But it’s a loneliness that can only be cured by being alone if that makes sense.
I also have this weirdness about anyone remembering me. I don’t really like it. I got off all social medias and i’m just really uncomfortable when someone remembers me or i hear of someone asking about me from a long time ago. This sounds so weird typing this but i really feel this way. 😂
This is exactly how I feel 😂 I couldn’t not agree with this
This is exactly how I feel 😂 I couldn’t not agree with this
So true.. I don't like even when people other than my immediate family wish me happy birthday.. 😂
Oh my God! This is so accurate. This is exactly what I feel.
I relate to you
~inpf here as well
When I back away, it's usually because the other person is too close to a truth about myself that I do not want to deal with or face. Talking about it with them would bring intense insecurity and shame for having the perspectives I have on things sometimes. I fear my perspective would lower their opinion of me. Seeing my authenticity is something my inner self experiences as binding with the other person.
This is very interesting
I'm an INFJ and I ghosted an INFP. He wants me to be transparent and honest with him, but he's not like that with me. My trust was crippled, and I noticed patterns, so I doorslamed him.
100%. I'm in disappear mode right now and it is for my sanity. Internal crippling anxiety and some people that cause me disappointment etc. Guilt tries to call me back but I'm not going back. I need peace
Sometimes it felt like a life long search to find out why you are acting the way you do and it even feels like a deep relief to realize: 100% right, that is me, that it's why I do what I do - now I know
I was hoping to learn why we disappear / ghost even when nothing is wrong. This was very accurate in the reasons why we disappear, but sometimes there is none, and we still disappear… is it just me?
I agree. That's the main reason I clicked this video
Me also and it’s because I don’t feel wanted sometimes
I once went into a panic attack + hyperventilation over anger and the huge betrayal my family gave.
I'm an INFP and I just came to see how I can dissapear more subtle without hurting people.
Me too, more or less.
There is an INFJ friend who I've accommodated and waited for to have time to hang out.
She's terrible at real communication and has stood me up enough times to call it quits on my end.
She doesn't see her taxing behavior on me, AND I explained it to her twice.
I was an amazing feeling to connect with her energy and soul when I could.
It's incredible that I'm wishing it to be either on a lonnng pause or over.
As an INFP, it takes a lot for me to ghost someone and write them off. But once I’ve written you off, there’s no coming back. I give people one chance to apologize and I even give them months to do so. But once I realize there’s no apology coming, there’s no reason to waste energy. Goodbye foreva
I'm an INFP and it always hurts me when I ghost people. I don't mean to do it. Or mean to leave them hanging, sometimes space is just what people like us needs. My previous relationship ended with me ghosting and one of the big reason why is that my previous relationship started to feel like we're forcing ourselves to love one another. I planned to do so much with that person but it's just not meant to be if we can't fully be ourselves when with each other. I just wish that person finds someone finds someone where they could be themselves and be happy.
I just figure that I don’t want to ask the other person to change or deny how they feel and likewise I can’t change myself or how I feel, so there’s just no point moving forward. Mostly, I do not want conflict. They can be them. I can be me. We just gotta go our own ways. It makes me sad, and I miss the good times, but I have lost trust and the ability to be vulnerable with that person, so I can’t interact in an authentic way anymore.
I don't usually ghost, I usually tell them and then have a hard time sticking to my word and leaving forreal the first time, and the person doesn't want me to leave. Maybe I valued their presence in my life and got so attached emotionally. But when you treat me like trash over and over (below my expectations, and disrespect me) I eventually fully let go and fade out after I've explained.
This used to be a joke my college friends made about me because every semester I would disappear when I got too overwhelmed.
I'm also trying not to ghost someone right now because it can be very damaging to the other person and this guy doesn't have the best mental health. So I'm trying to be emotionally responsible and come up with a way to explain my feelings as best as I can.
truth is, we owe our energy to no one. if we end up ghosting people, there's a high chance that we've left a trail of signs that we're not pleased, because it's something we would notice if something did the same to us - and address, if we cared enough.
if the other person notices but reacts by being pushy or doesnt even react, that's a test of character we're quick to notice. healthy infps are the embodiment of 'when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time'. ghosting, especially with unfit aquaintances, is prevention. it's nothing personal, caring authentic sensitive people should be in caring authentic sensitive relationships. i prefer to argue, and i sure as hell can do it, if the other person has shown to be capable of sensitivity and empathy on a normal basis, because i know that arguing will be an exception and there's real compatibility at the base level. other people go fighting their way through life because it's just their thing.
I'm guilty of doing this. The depression 😢 but i still rather push people away and hide .
Now I understand why I don't feel like opening my phone, checking my messages and deactivating my social media accs. I really feel bad ghosting people but hell I'm in my emotional chaotic self right now. I couldn't deal with people when in my messed up state. That's why unnotified disappearance is my always go-to solution when faced with problems and internal issues but I guess it'll leave something bad impression on people whom I interacted with for quite sometime. Though, I'm thankful for friends who came to understand me and I told myself that I'll try to be vocal about my impending disappearance. Atleast they will know I'm in my hermit phase again. It's just that this is my way of coping up and trying to heal myself. Solitude and peace to treat my stressed INFP self. :
so much heart, that i stop showing it. For what purpose? I see we are going the wrong way, for decades been sharing what i think, but now i shut down. I see no realistic options anymore and we dont listen to reason. We listen to power.
Well as an INFP, I finally did this with my sociopathic ESFP (?partner?) who played these games with me for far too long. But my patience has worn thin and I’m not about playing games for attention. I need my sanity. It takes a lot to push an INFP over the edge.
That was a great video and is spot on! I now give a disclaimer that has worked pretty well: I'm easygoing for the most part and I don't usually have strong opinions, but when I do, and a compromise can't be made, I'm not likely to change it, and when I'm done... I'm done!
I just can't cope with all of other ppl's needs, keeping friendships is exhausting. You always have to be going somewhere and speaking with ppl, it's all just too much. I ghost a lot.
What I don't understand is from own experience people perceive infps as more gentle and accepting people than we really are, then get worked up when infp decides to ghost or leave. Don't we have likes, dislikes and dealbreakers just like any other personalities?
It's because when you're gentle and kind and emotionally inviting like an INFP, you give them an inch and they take a mile
Other personality types take A LONG TIME to want to get emotionally invested. So, people just think we are so understanding and caring when we can easily talk about emotions. But they don't understand how little we tolerate BS when it crosses a line, so they get confused that we can drop people like a hat.
@@Veilfire Funny... I'm an ENFJ and I gave an INFP and inch, he took a mile, and then ghosted me when I tried to set boundaries 🤔 Gotta love those double standards
I try to explain to people that I tend to disappear but I will come back. Most people don't like that, but I can't help it. I get overwhelmed with constant socializing.
😊 I got. I do the same thing too
As an INFP I've learned the importance of open communication. I know this is long, but I feel all INFPs can learn from this. If you're talking about someone you're close to, no matter how hard it is, don't ghost. I tried to just slowly cut my best out of my life by not coming over, being dryer and dryer over text. The reason is because i had reasons but i didn't feel like they were valid enough? So maybe if i avoided her we wouldn't have to be friends anymore? Well, flawed thinking, because she still wanted to be my friend. After many rants and lists I figured out why I didn't want to be her friend. It didn't feel complete but I had a list of things she'd done to me. Eventually, I'd have to cut her off because she just kept desperately trying to spend more time with me (idk if it matters but she's INFJ). I was just gonna put it off for a few months, but she texted me "we need to talk are you free Monday?" I said yes and asked what about. She said behavior. "I know you're busy and it's fine if you ignore me or whatever but some if your responses are kinda.... Yeah...." I told her i also had something I want to talk about. We went on a walk like we always did whenever we discuss something serious. She explained her frustrations towards me. At first she said that I was trying to be popular which confused me because I have 3 friends and two of them are online, and I have my own hiding place at school. She than said i lost my sense of humor, I'm really dry, and I talk about myself too much, and I don't have anything in common with her anymore. She'd killed my passion for art by convincing me I was horrible and should quit, I wasn't going to talk about personal matters or vent with her, and I was healing from self harm and my eating disorder. She told me I made acting my whole personality and before I could really think I told her she made self harm her whole personality (which I mean wasn't really wrong but kind of rude of me but we were letting out all our frushtrrating). That's all she had to say so it was my turn. (Continued in my reply to this)
I told her that she judges people too easily, and criticizes everything I do, and there's a certain amount that's honestly and a certain amount that's just completely unnecessary. She's made fun of my face, my body, my voice multiple times which has made me insecure. She insists on watching everything I'm in, going to every play just to tell me about how horrible it is (if you don't like it stop going I'm not making you). She also completely disregards any boundaries such has coming over without telling me first, trying to go through my phone, asking me for my passwords, trying to read my journal. She told me that this is how she was raised. I was I understand thet but now that she can recognize it it's time to change and I don't want to be around it. We have nothing in common, no connection, so there's no point in us being friends. I love her (friendship love of course) and care about her but I don't like her anymore and I deserve someone who treats me right and she deserves someone who actually wants to be her friend. She started crying, I didn't because I'd gotten my tears out before this. We did an ackward hug before we went our seperate ways for good. I feel so bad because I left her at her lowest mental state and she's just been spiraling downwards from there. I couldn't be her friend but maybe if I just had left her earlier when she wasn't in this mental state, it would've been better? Well ghosting doesn't work, open communication.
@@user-kt1no7yx1u Wow. I’m so unbelievably sorry you had to go through this..But I am beyond proud of your for standing your ground and realizing you are worth so much more! You have no idea how many ppl would kill to have such mindset. We Infp’s truly are something incredible We excel in the arts, and part where you mentioned that she “killed” your passion for art by severely criticizing you and your works including your passion for acting. I am every so truly sorry, and I would, by all means, encourage you to continue to pursue them. After all, that is how you live a fulfilling life. I heard somewhere that infjs tend to get jealous of infps because of their creativity and vivid imaginations, including their determination to be the best version of themselves that you were becoming! Please work on yourself my dear, and know that you are absolutely amazing! None of those “critiques” and “insults” on your work are true. Take this whole experience as a life-lesson that no matter how much you would wish someone could change, they simply can’t. I cannot stress enough how proud of you I am. You are an amazing person who deserves the world, remember that. 💜
@@kur1zop Thank you so much for all the support! I don't really draw anymore sadly, but I've gotten to the point where when i do feel like drawing, i can do it without her voice in my head. I've been getting more into acting, and although i doubt myself, I'm having fun and making slow but sure progress like I was an extra in a fundraiser video (for trf charity on kidz fun tv) and am currently in a community theater play. People seem to think INFJs and INFPs would make amazing friends, which, my INFJ ex gf and i did great together, but it doesn't always work like that. I think you're so right about her being jealous of my imagination and determination, even if she refuses to admit to being jealous of anything of mine and called me "the cringy awkward theatre kid she never wants to be like". I didn't even want to be her friend at first, she was the weird neighbor and i was content with my one friend, but she kept being pushed in my direction, almost as if the universe wanted to teach me about people pleasing and how cruel others can be. I think I'm starting to finally move on with my life, my current friends are amazing people that i would die for, and have showed me what friendship is actually supposed to feel like. I've basically came to understand that if I don't want to be around someone, i shouldn't have to. Again, thank you for the nice words, they mean a lot 💖
When i was kid. I used to go alone in rooftop when someone hurt my feelings. I used to disappear for 2 to 3 hours. I believe only I can understand myself, I hate arguing with people because I don't know when I'm gonna be mad and started hurting people. I still carry same habits still now. I just wanted to let you know guy who have similar habits mine that people will like you and care you so much don't scare them by disappearing instead talk to them because every problems started fading when you start talking❤❤
This is truly great and very true advice. If you don't talk the issues fester instead of being resolved
I was sometines talking what the issue was (for example calling too late or too long calls, or wrong time - imagi e cooking, taking the call, telling someone you are cooking right now and really needing both hands and that person says ok I understand, so sorry, I thought I'll call only because.... and a long story begins (no drama) and your dinner burns, because you just can't get rid of the person... or when you have some time but he talks for 2 hours and you feel out of energy after, completely drained. it is really easier to not pick a phone at all.
I agree with everything here, I'll just add another thing, I can't help it, I can't constantly keep in touch with a person, it's imposing for me, it becomes so overwhelming for me to constantly be around a person or keep in touch.
For example, if I go out to hang out withmu friends for a day,spend 5 hours with them then I need at least 3-7 days to contact them again. Or else I feel like I can't breathe. I can't keep online communication. I feel as though I'm not connecting or conveying myself to the other person so I can't keep up online or distant communication. As a result I end up ghosting them. I swear it's not them, it's just how I am, how I function. I used to feel so guilty towards my friends for not keeping in touch or talking regularly or even monthly. But they understand me now. They know it's hard for me to keep up. So they just knock me every 3-6 months to ask for my health or how I'm doing lol. I just don't feel that connection or true to myself when I'm not seeing them ig. Also for me my emotions towards other person or my friends stays the same even if I don't talk to them for months or years but I know it's different for people. People's emotions change when they don't keep up for long time, but thay doesn't happen for me. I fo feel guilty for being like this but I can't help it....even fir people around me, I need long alone times to stay civil and functioning or else my mind is gonna suffocate me lol
Everything about this is relatable. It’s one of the reasons I shy away from making close friends. I don’t want to talk or see anybody everyday or even most days even if I love them. I honestly just can’t handle it and I see no point. What has changed in the last couple days that we need to talk about? I feel like I wouldn’t mind if someone sat in a room with me and could leave me alone the whole time. I could co exist like that.
Thanks!
As an INFP; I cut people when they:
1- don’t pick up calls, respond back to them and only call to talk about their issues and only respond in texts. ‘Some people don’t like calls so I’m aware of that- u know when people ignore you.’
2- when people change plans, don’t include you in the plans with others;if it’s in a public space like New Years eve or parties etc. ‘I like to include friends I like if I change plans; if it’s a close friend doing this I feel hurt and cut them coz they don’t care for my feelings.’ Understanding if it’s not a close friend!
3- don’t hold their word and say, they will give you something or do something and instigate these gestures and never deliver while I deliver on my word or kind gestures.
4- become disrespectful and pick on me and call me names to stir the pot too many times infront of other friends knowing I will get mad.
5- have no commonalities
6- go against my core values and belief system’ probably all us infps here.’
7- fake people, negative people ‘even tho I’m negative, I can tolerate it at times because I am; I’m talking negative to the point is don’t help me live a better life and brings me down.’
Sad story of my life, i had a good friend in highschool who had an outbursts at me because she was angry how I just suddenly appear infront if her randomly. She was mad because i got new group of friends in my classroom and don't hang out much anymore(she is in the other class) it was more like i float around, and i got friends who are much near me so I kinda went with the flow. She didn't like it. I got scared when she screamed at me and didn't talked to her again. I come to reflect that she was one of the genuine friends i had. She never was fake, supported me with my bllshit, when other girls bullies me she gets really angry at them and gave me lots of gifts. So I bring myself to understand why she was screaming at me(which was not in her character). As an infp, yes it sorta is who i am. I go around doing things random and have hard time truly connecting to others because i am all over the place. But to the ones who really was good and genuine to me i hope they had good lives presently.
I resonate with this so much. I think over time as an infp, I have just put up with so much and have set a pattern for myself of always giving too many chances, or dealing with the hurtfulness of others. Some people see this and monopolize on it. It hurts like crazy and I’ll make myself feel like the worst person but once I’m done, I’m done. Of course there’s levels and there’s a need to be reasonable here. Like maybe you should ghost someone for one misunderstanding but if someone had selfishly used you as a punching bag or a door mat for so long, then it’s not selfish at all for you to disappear. I’d rather be alone and at peace than to be in friendship with misery.
Here. I ghost everyone for three years. 😅😅😅😅 But until now I'm still healing myself to try to keep myself sane.
As a young infp I have lost so many friends from suddentely realizing that they will never truly understand me and shutting down from the friendship.
This mbti test is temporary. I recognized that as I change certain trait and been through several events in my life. The test results show different. I don't believe yall will stay the same unless u want to.
When I'm upset about someone and I'm asked why? I can't always explain the reason for it, and sometimes I'm told it's my imagination!!. So after so many year's of being unable to explain my reasons, I just say I can't explain because you wouldn't understand!. What REALLY rattles me is when they say " TRY ME". AAARGH! . Try as I might they still DON'T understand me..
Don’t blame them for your inability to interpret and clearly express you’re feelings.
“They” don’t understand you because “You” don’t even understand yourself.
That’s an impossible task for someone else to bear (reading your mind).
@@Vladyyy OK so since I last wrote my comment I have had help, and discovered that as an adoptee I suffer with PTS which unless you look up the simptoms of being adopted at birth OR fostered out, you wouldn't understand; but to cut a long story short, trauma mess' with the brain; and when a soldier had a brain scan there was a distinct difference in the normal and traumatized brain, it's the same with a child who is adopted and fostered, it's worse when you don't even know what's wrong with you, yet it's a great feeling when you find out so I hope that one day you will become a mind reader and spend a day looking into a person who has PTSD, I'm sure that you will return the same way as before you enter your unknown.
Good luck 👍
@@amandapryar4675 Even with the sarcasm aside, your last statement doesn't make any sense. You say "My unknown" yet I would be looking into someone else's mind...
Either way I'm really glad to hear you not only discovered the problem, but also got help for it 👌🏾. I looked it (PTS + effects of being an adoptee) up and see what you mean. And yes, PTS(D) is certainly a real affliction.
Absolutely, not knowing often causes even more issues and when you can finally put a label on it, that alone brings a sense of relief. And from there you can work to resolve the issue (as you have done).
I never want to be the one who gets ghosted, its been a pattern that I am luring to break.
Reasons I disappear are because the other person isnt reciprocating, or they do something shitty they should know better about. I usually make an effort to explain or change things. So it’s not really ghosting. My ex was disrespectful but he didn’t accept or understand why I felt he had no respect for me. Infp can indeed say hurtful words. My ex didn’t understand that he was disrespectful to me. So I decided he would never understand. I also low key thought he was stupid and selfish for not being self aware. He treated me like he thought I was kind of dumb or an airhead and needed to be taught. I’ve heard it’s common for people to mistake infp lightheartedness for being simpletons. To this day, he is still too thick to understand.
I do sometimes ghost people because they are garbage.
But I think my biggest reason is that they don’t reciprocate.
A different subject for me is that I may not check in with friends for weeks months maybe years at a time. I don’t consider this ghosting. If that friend acts like me which is that we reconnect as if no time has passed, they are probably still my friend. If they make it weird, they probably aren’t.
INFP here. There’s a lot of reasons why I tend to disappear though I typically make a rule with myself to not give the “silent treatment” because I hate hurting people.
A major reason why I disappear is if somebody got too comfortable with me and decided to try to manipulate or force me to change something about myself or what I’m passionate about. I have learned to cut off people for weeks or sometimes months if I feel they’ve overstepped and I am for some reason not allowed to communicate my frustrations.
The second major reason is from emotional exhaustion. I’m either experiencing a lot of frustration and emotions in my life, causing me to isolate and shut down if I feel as though I can’t talk to anyone about it. Sometimes I cut off certain people who have caused me to feel this way
I never really paid attention to the mbti test or tags, but I found out I am INFP and oh god my life makes sense now! I shut down for a year now and no one gets me and now I understand so much. Funny though I never considered myself an introvert and allso used to dislike them. Seems I was becoming one all along 🤣🤣
I’m glad I’m not the only one and it’s actually an INFP thing 😭 like many other comments, it’s funny how we all experience the same thing.
Heh… I actually have the opposite problem where people have ghosted me😬 I have always tried to loosely keep in touch with people over the years, and I am always putting more into friendships than I’m receiving… also not super healthy. But this whole INFP ghosting thing I don’t understand… though to be fair, I have disconnected from my mother on purpose because we have a very toxic relationship and she doesn’t want to work on things together (all the problems are apparently my own to deal with)… so yea.
To be fair… sometimes I do daydream about leaving absolutely everyone in my life and moving to another country or something to start over… I don’t think I could ever do that though😅
Do it leave. Even if you can't leave country, leave your town and go far away so it would be troublesome to visit. (figure out what works for you best in your current situation) You 'll be in new area where no one knows you or cares about you and you will have time and space to collect yourself and figure out your journey. It's hard to grow in unsutable environment.
@@edgarask.7143 lol VERY tempting, but I think I would get lonely… and also, I’m married😅
Are you sure you're INFP? Because I'm ENFJ and could have written all of that myself lol
I don't think us ghosting is rude. Many people are so unaware of there self and require too much energy. It's either ghosting you or blow up and still ghost you.
I'm infp. I do these things. Never understood why. Now I do. It all fit. Now to find a way through it!
Oh this explain why i close my all social media account and make the new one since covid. Even now i still ghosting people especially when night time. I feel empty, tired, loneliness and stress deep in my soul, that idk how to describe it :(
As an infp in my life I think that the people that I stopped talking to know why I'm not talking to them anymore even if they don't realize it consciously subconsciously they know once I'm done I'm done I have given second chances before to very few and those Second Chances have had mixed results in the end didn't realize it was a personality trait however personally I try not to ghost people because I wouldn't like it done to me but if it's such a large reason that we're no longer talking or friends then I don't feel it necessary to discuss it any longer just for an example at the start of the pandemic one of my closest friends explain to me how they would be okay with elderly and disabled people dying as long as it meant that young healthy people had a better future when I reminded her that I have disabilities and I'm a cancer survivor so basically what she was saying was that it was okay for people like me to die so others would have a better financial future we have not talked since that day there's no reason to infps are different and seeing how other people go through the same emotions and the same feelings based on personality type has been really educational thank you for the videos
So that's why when i get fed up and angry with people i just want to go to a forest where i will stay there alone.
I dumped people after them not listening or respond to my emotional needs for years. Why should I care to explain my reasons when they never had listened to me but instead dismissed what I said or gaslighted me, that it´s my fault, as i am much to complicated and sensitive.
I gradually ghost people who I don’t want keep connection with.
I used to do this too, but I now think it's wrong. We should inform others of our intentions if we no longer want them in our lives. Think of how the other person would feel. They are probably still holding you in the heart for all the time that we've already emotionally left them. That's not fair on them. Release them. Allow them to move on. Don't waste their time.
What I find very difficult is that when I meet new people and there's someone who ends up opening up to me and we have deep and interest conversations, they always want to meet again and quickly send me friend requests and messages on social media. I have no idea why, but that makes me very nervous and anxious. I just want to disappear. Even though I may have absolutely loved our conversation, it feels almost impossible to keep things going and I come up with all kinds of excuses to not meet again. I have only one close friend- we're friends because (20 years now) he naturally, very early on, figured out that I need alot of space, he never took it personally when I "fell off the planet," and he's the only person I can be my weird self with and feel totally ok about it. He figured me out, way before I did. I guess it's just very hard telling people that "yes, I 100% enjoyed our time together, but please forget I exist" 😄
just ghosted my an year old relationship and year old friendships (I love my friends so much and miss them ) I thought I was becoming a toxic and manipulating person. everything you said is so fuvking true.
I'm an INFP and like if I feel like I'm going to be hurting someone or see myself being toxic to someone I just can't be with that person. Just the thought of me doing something bad could actually ruin me mentally.
@@AmJustMaiko So you ghost? How is that not toxic and hurtful?
I got ghosted by an INFP and it ruined me mentally
I am an INFP, and I have ghosted many times for a ll the reasons you stated. However, one time I ghosted my father. It was very bad timing. My Mother died, and I wasn't with her when she died. I will never forgive myself!
You did what you did and what happened happened so pls forgive yourself ,try not to repeat it with your family to often and move on life is short❤
I am an INFP and some weeks ago I just quit my relationship with my group in class bcz I felt fed up with them I usually don't disappear physically but I go back to my shell and became very quite and don't like to talk to anyone although every one ask to help but it's difficult to talk in that situation
😳 Thank you lol, explains so much about me 😜
Oh that's why I that.. I just cane here to confirm... I don't understand why I am the person I am and i try to not disappear all the time though I still do. I make promises I cant keep like promises that involve me coming back and I always come back to this place..... I wish I knew how to be...
That's quite accurate... My 1st tattoo says "peace of mind"...
Before Social media, I just more or less did it anyway, it didnt make sense to wnt to maintain contact with people who move outside your orbit unless there is a strong bond.
I’m an INFP. I ended a relationship with someone because he traveled abroad most of the time. I didn’t want him to find time to meet me anymore as it seemed hard. So I sent a message telling him my reasons and blocked him. I didn’t want to see his response because I’ve already thought this through and this relationship would never work 😢
I know it might sound selfish but I’ve really thought about ending this relationship for months. I had been stressed and adjusted my expectations a lot until I realized it really couldn’t work out.
I'm an infp and do often disappear and close all social media and block people so I don't receive any calls or messages but I would never ghost someone without them doing anything wrong. That's very hurtful to the other person.
Как все верно....Особенно про эмоциональное истощение..
4:26 indeed
When I realized both of us can't get on the same page,
the best way is make the decision to leave, so we all can move on to the next page.
Thank you so much I learnt a lot about myself and last experiences on ghosting
Thank you for this!
Lol. When i was younger i ghosted about four friends at seperate times. Some were because i knew they were attacking me and the others were more just intuition i didnt want to be friends. Always been that way and still am. If someone i talk to even for years suddenly reveals something about themselves like a sudden aura about them that just tells me to retract for no real apparant reason. We infps so sensitive to like vibes or something. 😅
As an INFP in my 20s I had tons of friends but now in my 40s I don’t want to make much of friends any more. When someone said something that I felt offensive, then I would just stop contacting them. I don’t know if that’s what none -INFPs do as well?
Infj , infp door slam solidarity 👍🏼
LOL. ISFP Michael Jackson was famous for ghosting people too!
我正處在對某個人異常惱火的時期，因為我覺得他在跟我相處超過10年卻依舊以“這是為你好”的方式去逼迫我做我不想要的事。
其實事件本身只是一個再無聊不過的小事，我也知道在其他人眼中我就是在小題大作，但對我來講那是對方永遠不會尊重我的信號，並最終令我卡在一個我不想待的地方。
所以我很生氣，怒到甚至想訴諸暴力，所以我選擇消失，直到我可以控制情緒後再說。
7 years ago I ghosted my whole circle of friends because their long term cocaine use had turned them into narcissistic behaving douchebags who at some point would try to humiliate me for no reason on every given occasion. Last week I went for a walk in my city at night and came across one of them who said:"Can I please shake your hand?", I shook his hand kind of disgusted and walked by, then he asked me if he can please show me his child, I turned around and said that I don't care and kept walking. I know that it was kind of a scumbag move to do so, but live is to short to waste it on people that don't really appreciate you. 😂
Great explanation!
I often have internal conversations about what to say to a person that has gone too far. In the end, I just give up and avoid situations that involve that person. Or I just become very polite.
How philosophers are created...
Step one: They greatly offend an INFP.
Step two: The INFP ignores the person.
Step three: INFP disappears so thoroughly, they start to wonder if the INFP ever existed.
Step four: After being ignored sooo hard, you start to wonder if you ever really existed. O.0
End of lesson.
OMFG this whole time I felt like an awful person for doing this to my friends. I thought it was just me but knowing that it's a part of my type brings me some comfort, I still feel bad for my friends but thankfully they understand and most of them are introverts so it doesn't seem to bother them. None of them have called me out on it even though I felt bad about it.
I'm about ready to ghost 2 of my closest friends
Can someone explain to me why it would be selfish to ghost and disappear?
I just want to understand from someone elses perspective, thank you.
I’m having a hard time understanding this stereotype of INFP’s ghosting cuz I’m not like that… I thought that we were more empathetic than that… I can understand ghosting someone who is harmful to you in a toxic relationship (like myself and my mother…😅), but otherwise if I were to consider ghosting someone I would have to think about how much it would hurt them… and even with my mom, it’s not like I didn’t try to set boundaries and work through the issues-there’s just no helping things at this point and my mental health is suffering… maybe because I have been ghosted by one of my best friends, I can see how harmful it could be to the other person… him cutting off contact with me with absolutely NO explanation whatsoever is something that has weighed on me for over ten years now… I wouldn’t want to put someone else through that🥺
Yeah, I asked the same question. If someone hurt me, or irritated me, for any reason, for too long, I'm going to cut them of my life. I did it before, I'll do it again. I don't feel bad about it. I can't give an explanation, I just know that I don't want to see that person again, so that's more than enough reason to stop talking to them. I don't care if they feel bad, they made me feel bad first, so I think it's fair. LOL
Ghosting can hurt and bewilder the other person. At least talk over why you're leaving, otherwise the other person is going to wonder what he/she did that was wrong.
It is normal and often sound to dissolve certain relationships and distance yourself from someone, be it for the reason that you have grown apart, the relationship has been conflict ridden or abusive, or similar. That happens. Ghosting though isn't just ending a relationship, but ending it in a particular way - it means completely cutting off a relationship and disappearing from someone else's life *without any explanation*. That, frankly, to me is selfish, immature and simply inhumane. You are leaving the other person potentially totally at loss about your reasons (even if in your mind you might say, they should have seen it coming, I gave them indirect clues etc.). If you haven't ever been on the receiving end of ghosting, let me tell you it is a traumatizing experience (depending how close you were and how long you have been part of each other's life, I guess). Cutting someone off without explaining yourself and without giving the other a chance to understand and respond, is utterly devaluating of the other. You are signaling that you are not caring about their feelings at all, and that they aren't even worthy of basic consideration. Also, leaving so much room for speculating about what they might have done wrong for you to make such a drastic step (for you it might be cristal clear, or even unclear but "instinctively imperative" and therefore in your mind, "justified"; but for the other it might come completely out of the blue or at least not be in proportion to the kind of frictions you two might have had), this "not knowing" but desperately trying to make sense of it, usually makes the other feel like a total unloveable monster, and also makes them completely lose trust in their compass navigating reality and human relations. What was true? Whas it all an illusion? Is he a narcissist? Am I a narcissist? Etc. It really does shatter trust and a sense of coherence and of safety on a deep level. It is an act of abandonment that has a bigger impact on the other person than just the loss of you and the relationship.
Please don't do it, and don't do it justifying it by 'well I am an INFP and I guess we all just can't help it". Yes you can. It might not be easy, especially because you tend to be so conflict avoidant, but you have the choice.
I am an INFJ, type infamous for their doorslams, and I definitely know the struggle. But at some point you have to decide if your actions are to be dictated by temperament or character. Ghosting someone is cheap, it's brutal, and it may harm the other for life. Decide what character you want to develop, and act accordingly. Nobody forces you to stay in relationships that you see no sense in; but the way you back out will speak volumes about you.
I've had two reasons in my life to ghost others:
1) I was grieving after my only sibling died and didn't have energy left to reach out to other people and to take care of their needs
2) the other person did not respect my boundaries
I'm a very gentle and caring person. Some people think that entitles them to use me as an emotional trash can, which I'm not. If I see people treat me like that, my experience is, there's no way to make them change attitude towards me, because they really don't mind hurting others as long as they get what they want. So I just disappeare.
When did "ghost" become a verb? Asking as an INFP. (P.S. - the narrator of this video mistakes the word "opt" for "up" and "ought")
Sometimes I question whether I'm an INFP and when I watch a video like this, I think, "Oh I guess I am an INFP." 😆
You ever hear: what was the motivation for the murder? And think: does it really matter? How will it change anything to know? Thats why INFP ghost. It may be arrogant but whats the point in having conversation/fight about something the other person cant understand. Why not let them enjoy whatever it is they enjoy that the INFP obviously doesn’t?
just respond to the text message it's not that hard
c'mon INFPs just open the phone right now and respond "hey" and "ok"
I once disappeared for 2 years and those are one of the toughest days of my life.
I've just read the title of this video and suddenly remembered that I forgot to reply to my friend's text messages...
Ghosting is normal when your peace and freedom out way the controlling, narcissistic, abusive behaviour from someone else. Protect your peace of mind at all cost. Those who are ghosted, will have to eventually have to sit with themselves and understand their unhealthy behaviour, which will help them to grow will give them a better idea of who we are. This is called healing.
That's why we are called healers
@@teri_mbata Exactly! We are able to stand strong in our convictions so others can eventually see their faults and move from blame to acceptance. We bring this out in them. Revealing their trauma which can eventually be healed.
@@katielove3933 Alas, narcissists won't have anything of it and will eventually go on a roaring rampage of revenge.
Exactly, i have only had to ghost people who were excessively needy, trauma dumpers or abusers. There is no point trying to explain things to them
I disappear every time someone sends me a message I have to take my time off to respond later and then that leads me to being ghosted ☹️ people are not patient with me 💔
As INFP and ADHD one this is so related.
I am one and no we are not being selfish we sometimes think that we hurt that person and some of us are scared to hurt that person again and then we feel to disappear from that person's life
I probably won't just disappear or ghost anymore at this point in my life. Rather talk about it. The reasons listed here still stay.
One major problem, though, is that there are far too many people who won't even listen and either shift the blame back to you or gaslight the heck out of you.
Then at least you'll know which people are good to have in your life to not ghost again, and which people flame you and should be ghosted anyway.
Pretty accurate. I've literally considered buying a sailboat to completely disappear... and I still might... lol
Overall this was a great write up but the use of the word "ideals" versus "ideas" seems a bit off... I say that in the kindest way possible. 😅