3 Tough Advice INFPs Need to Hear (Stop Being Hard on Yourself!)
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- Опубліковано 27 лип 2024
- INFPs are known for being kind and wise, but the truth is that they’re not as kind to themselves as some might think. Instead, they latch an anchor on both feet and drown themselves in their own self-doubt.
In this post, let’s talk about how INFPs can stop blaming and start embracing flaws, and how to love themselves, as an INFP. How can INFP stop being hard on themselves? Here are 3 INFP advice!
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I've hurt my friends on a mistake I did and now, my mentality became unstable. "Why should I continue having friends if one day I'll hurt them?" I became scared of myself... Thank you for this video... It meant a lot to me.
The way of the amount of relatable of this statement to me is scaring me, it's like you're describing me or interpreting on how I would say it but I can't. And yeah, I've also feel like I'd hurt my friends because I keep sabotaging myself (because I thought that this will help me to avoid hurting them from my being mentally unstable) to the point that the reason why some of them are slowly leaving but they can't say it because they're also doesn't want to hurt me either. And the reason why every relationship(platonic and romantic) that I've been through is always been complicated because of the problem of myself because I keep getting stuck at my past (either my mistakes and trauma that I've been hold).
I know this feeling very well. I am scared of hurting my fiance because of past experiences but he hates being compared, so I stopped comparing our relationship to others. He is unique to me, I am unique to him, if I hurt him or he hurts me we sort it out. We get hurt by others and can forgive, if others can't then they were just not the right friends to be in our life because I think that infps torture themselves after a mistake more than others. Ofc we cannot expect others to feel or see the world like us but I think that someone who really cares and loves you wants to forgive you.
Continue viewing Mathias Corner - awesome content. Watch podcasts by Jordan Harbinger, personality hackers and youtube content by Belinda Van Edwards.
You can always say sorry. We learn so much after hurting each other, intentionally or not. I'm thankful for blows that I've received because they made me stronger.
In my case.. why should i having a boyfriend if on day we're married one of us will die first and make the other felt left out. Then Just dont get a bf and live a single life forever then you will never feel lonely becase you dont get used to togetherness.
It is very difficult for us to build shallow friendships, we tend to give everything into a friendship and willing sacrifice all. It is just not in our ability to care less or give less when we're in a relationship.
But yes, shallow friendships are important for everyone to survive in the society...
Thanks for the advise
I felt like this video was telling me not to be hard on myself, by being more hard on myself
Thank you. I was thinking the same thing.
"Self-conscious INFPs are such a waste of talent. They're too busy questioning their own worth that they never realize how much they have to offer the world."
Okay look. I agree with most of the video, but this part really got on my nerves. Just because someone is struggling, that does not mean that they're a waste of talent. No one should be called a waste, especially not someone who is often worried about that. What's more is that this mentality is more focused on how much someone can produce for society than it is on the person's wellbeing. These days, people put so much pressure on themselves to "live up to their potential" that those expectations develop priority over their own wants and needs. No doubt we INFPs should be more kind to ourselves and the good of the world is important. There should be balance in everything. But don't get so caught up in your tough love that you start shaming people for their insecurities. It's infinitely easier said than done to "just stop being self-conscious"
I agree with making more friends but don't let your gard down. I did so in my childhood but now I'm scard for live through betrayl from my best friend and mobbing from most of my other friends. this was over 12 Years now and I'm still not healt. the problem is that we INFP are very sensitive to emotional trauma.
My fiance is infj and he feels really tortured when I am too hard on myself. He always says I should not be hard on myself because I am great as I am. It's difficult and I suffer from depression but I work on my insecurities and it's true, my fiance is the ancor when all falls apart. I am very grateful and happy he is with me. The Bratt person that I could have met.
Especially the part of moving out of our heads once in a while is SO important. Its not that we´re egoists, but we do have a tendency towards spending too much time analyzing everything to find out if it works for us. SOMETIMES we just need to be swept away be the waves of life to see where it takes us. Dont worry, we ARE strong enough to overcome whatever´s waiting for us in the horizon and theres a chance that it will lead us to great new experiences (which we love)..
As true as this is, I also do not like hearing this lol. Oddly enough I do not struggle with humility but I definitely hate myself for my mistakes
Older people with FI dominant will have the diamond shaped heart, values and wisdoms because life is the journey. It crushes our vulnerable heart, we are struggling to compromise our morals, dreams and ideals with thousands or even uncountable amount of bittersweet reality and harsh yet so precious life lessons.
Using our NE to explore more, expand more outside our beautiful dream, seeking the possibility and beauty that might help us understand this life is the greatest gift for us.
Fi, Ne, Si, Te people here.
Well, I guess I do have "most of the negative traits" you mentioned. Although, I do learn from my past. The thing that I learned is trusting other people only hurts me big time. I prefer owning my mistakes as a result of my own undoing rather than falling on a mistake because I trust people. That will save me from the trouble of thinking what I did wrong to other people to feel something I don't want to. And that's what I learned from the past. Being a lone wolf ain't that bad coz people will not blame you for something that they didn't even part of in the first place.
INFP male here - I have a few things to say.
Apologies if this sounds insensitive or rude, but if you want to grow stronger, you will read this and follow along.
If you want to become important. If you want to overcome and conquer your mind, depression, inadequacy etc.
YOU HAVE TO BE HARD ON YOURSELF
Listen.. Self-discipline is the highest form of self love and respect. It is not respectful towards yourself, to lie to yourself. Be BRUTALLY HONEST with yourself.
If you want to overcome your feelings and emotions. You first have to understand their reasons. Find their roots..
Set an alarm for 2 hours. Enter your mind. Shuffle through the regret, the guilt, the shame.. Find their reasons. Dig deep. Why, why why? Why do I feel the way I feel? Talk to yourself, the most important conversation you will have is with yourself.
Breathe...
Once you've done that.
Make a list of your shortcomings. You have to learn to not live, but STRIVE within your inadequacies.
Yes, this is harsh. I've cried, oh how I've cried.
This journey will not be easy, but there's no pleasure without pain. If you are miserable, then you're taking this course correctly.
Make that list..
If you want to be happy. Make that list.
Break them down. Now how will you conquer them? Only make a list of things you CAN control! Dreams, goals need a plan.
If you have anxiety, how will you attack it? Meditation? Music?
If you dislike your looks, how will you attack the problem? Exercise? Good diet?
If you're sad, how will you attack it? Cold showers? Gratitude journaling?
As I said, be honest. You want confidence? Then become someone you can trust.
thanks, this will be helpful.
@@reya28 You're welcome, but knowing this information isn't enough. You have to apply it.
@@alejandrovillegas433 I will. 😉
I agree I completely agree my brother
I agree on self discipline and I am extremely honest to myself, do self conversations hours and hours and figure out what just happened. But sometimes this leads to inaccurate self criticism. Be careful with that. Knowing urself is one thing but sometimes it's helpful to listen how others see u. U might find that they don't see u as half as awful u do. When I am not sure if it was correct what I saw or said or did or feel about myself I talk to the closest person to me about it and either he will say "well that is bonkers" or he will say "u r not wrong". Either way it helps to see that my mind doesn't work wrong but different and that my traits can lead to misunderstandings but also to heal and help for others. Self reflect is important, being honest is important, but also its important to not start overcritizise urself. It's a thin line I walk every day and it's easy to slip on it. I am rather fast forgiving others when they apologize and explain what was going on, why not forgive myself for not being perfect but realize that (as was said in the video) it's a journey and we learn.
We don't need others, cared too much to only be hurt.
the fact that i am trying to be independent and not relying on my friends too much and the fact having them as my friends scares me that either ill hurt them or theyll hurt me. most of the time i preferred to be alone and have the problems all to myself without telling anyone because i dont want to burden them with my problems and i need to try to solve the them on my own. because o this mindset i never have a best friend my whole life. like a friend you can rely on when times are tough. i will hesitant everytime i want to ask for help because i think i will burden them. so the last advice of this video might be one of the tough one that i need to change😊😊 this video is so true it hurts but thank you anyways
This made me laugh. I'm at the point in my life where I prefer shallow friendships. Once someone new starts asking Personal questions, I basically get defensive. INFP defensive, where I laugh/smile and find a way to only half answer or deflect completely, and then jump to the "How about you" part of the conversation. And, self improvement is that thing I HATE to love because the more I improve, the more I feel like I need to improve. :) Thanks for the video, will definitely apply these tips.
I’ll be honest I’ve made a habit of fleeing anything that I find difficult and combined with being conscious of that has lead to me literally having the philosophy of ‘when the going gets tough get going’ even when it comes to improving myself or my skills.
So relatable.
Yeah same. It's so easy to just back down from a challenge and disappear into myself if it doesn't appear to be worth the effort to try. I don't even know what's important anymore or what I should prioritize in my life
I am surrounded by wrong answers and stalling is easier than making a mistake or the wrong move. Idk what I'm doing
I don’t know. Shallow friendships took me too much energy, and I didn’t see the point of it.
I know these behaviors always hold me back and it's really tough how you pointed it out. Ouch. Gotta work on these things. Maybe not immediately but I'll get there
Perfectionism leads to procrastination. I, myself been holding back my dreams for decade (There is a song for that?)!!! Though we are late bloomers, but some how we will get there. The passion inside us never dies... just not yet...
It's painful to hear but difficult to change but that's just my opinion
This literally made me cry...
It’s hard making friends especially with men of “all ages” I work very hard on myself, and I am very hard on myself, and I still tend to attract a breed of men that is a danger warning for me, and these type of guys always wants some thing from me and I’m not being a pick me literally they’re creepy as hell but it’s probably because I don’t choose them. They choose me and so I’m stuck.
1 time when i was in middle school, going into chemistry and additional mathematics and math are my favourite classes bc of the teachers. So being the way i was i engage in those classes, asking questions and answering questions. But then 1 teacher told me, please stop asking stupid question and continue teaching. I was so shocked and embaressed that i never speak again in class. I would refrain myself from asking questions anymore. That was the lesson learnt. Nothing bad happened after that so, it's good for me that ive been hard on myself. Im not embarresd in class anymore
😐 🔫 Questions not allowed?
Thank you for this video.. i always recall all the things i have wronged, all the failures i have done, and fear of disappointment which result to mentally self harming my self but i have realized that harming your self for you past mistakes will not change you it will only take you deep inside a lonely hole buried by regrets.. i should accept my self for who i am and what i am to day is the some of my choices yes i have made mistakes yes i have failed so many times to the point that i fear failing but failures is a great teacher, it teaches as the possibilities that we can make things right if opportunity arise😊 thank you for making me realize that it hard for me to sleep lately and and my feelings are not heavy for once sorry for the bad english😅.. again thank you for the video😊
Idk but my INFP self wanna cry. Lol. I've re-read your comment multiple times, and this inspires me to write more. Thanks! Glad you found the video helpful. ❤️
You told me exactly what i should do but the thing is i don’t think i am going to change myself. I am actually happy with having only few friends and being independent. And i have always been like this. Getting help from others is always been hard for me. I would rather help others than asking help for myself. I don’t know if i am ever going to change
I get where you are coming from. Yes, we, INFP-s can do very well on our own, so I understand if you think you don't need people, but... What about people needing you? You can't help anybody without knowing their struggles and for that, you need to let them into your life. Plus, sometimes, having fun with somebody is, well, fun. Don't deny yourself it. You'll never know, how this person might enrich your life if you don't interact with them. You don't have to depend on people to enjoy their presence and cherish them.
About the asking for help part... It's hard for me too. Makes me feel like a failure. But it's only in my mind. In reality, it's just the opposite. It takes strength to admit your weakness. And if you help the other person as well, it's not being dependent anymore, but it's a partnership.
@@kairemeriniit yeah you are right.. But as i said it’s my mindset that never changes.. I want to have fun but only with my little circle because these days when i try to talk with new people i feel guilty for doing so.. Don't know why. That's why i am becoming more introvert.. And limiting myself in only helping others instead of getting help.. I never stop helping others but getting help is a pressure for me. I know It's all in my head but i don’t know how to get over from it
@@kellytodd1209 it’s ok to have few friends as long as we can be ourselves. Glad to know i am not alone❤️
INFP - T
Right now I am going through a negative loop, all I can think about are the mistakes I have made in recent months and can’t seem to be able to let go and forgive myself. This has got to the point I have started to have scary thoughts of just not being around anymore. I also have a problem of not being able to generate my own happiness. My happiness comes from making other people happy and when I can’t make others happy it brings me down so low. I’m just trying to find some inner peace at the moment and detract myself from these thoughts so that I don’t end up doing something stupid.
Now THIS is a good INFP advice video. A looot of this kind of videos are so superficial, obvious or speak about the same things. This one goes deeper, is concise and the narrator's voice is so pleasant.💛
Honestly I was thinking that too. Forget about perfections and think about others. Trying to become stupid little. Learning some acting and making friends without judging them.
First, As an infp, i dont feel that i am a “main charactor” specially not superior than others , wow i dont think we can ever feel that way on a contrary we always feel ignored, misunderstood and inferior than other. Second, Only one thing that make me feel like i am better than other is I always see good in people even when people hurt me either in their actions or verbally, I sometimes even questioning myself if I am to blame for the situatiom
I always remember my mistakes big or small. BUT never want to change anything. It is the past me who makes a today me.
Thanks for the vid btw
Hi, INFP female here! I’ll comment on some parts of the video and things that were said. Remember, this is all MY experience! Other INFPs might not feel the same.
On minute 0:56 you said that you don’t think INFPs are quiet because they’re shy. Indeed, I don’t see myself as a shy person. I can be very outgoing at times. The thing is, I just prefer to sit by myself and do my thing, be it reading, drawing, or whatever.
There, you also talked about self-consciousness. Seeing myself in the eyes of others is in fact something I do constantly. Wearing other people’s shoes also happens automatically. Sometimes it intrigues me how easily I cry reading books, watching series or just seeing other people cry.
On minute 1:27, it is said that we fear embarassment, failure and the thing about reputation. Embarassment and failure yes, absolutely. The thing about reputation is what I don’t care that much about. I think I’m already known at school as “antosocial” even tho I’m not. I don’t really care that much about it.
On minute 1:46 it was said that beacuse of self-consciousness we can waste our talents due to dwelling too much on imperfections. I don’t think that is completely true. I’m pretty invested on art and it usually takes me a while before giving up on a piece.
Around minute 2:33, you said that you quietly tought you were superior. Again, this is just my experience, but I haven’t felt much superior to other people throughout my life. Usually I tell myself and others “My grades might be high, but I’m still stupid.” It’s not just to make them feel better, it’s the truth. Outside the school system, I’m a little dumb 😅
Around minute 3:20, it’ said that we usually keep sort of a mental list of past mistakes. The only thing I did was think about REALLY stupid thing I did. But I stopped feeling ashamed of them by talking myself out of it. Just say this to yourself: “you were young and stupid, you tought it was right at the time. Now you know better and you won’t make that mistake again.”. And about the thing of changing the past or wanting to forget, I don’t think it would be right. If you make a dumb mistake, you’ll remember it so you won’t do that again. That’s why the brain stores embarassing memories more vivedly.
Can’t help but feel like this is just more confirmation that a better infp is just an enfp lol
I felt as if she could see me and my choices
damn so glad I found this channel. I took a couple personality tests last year and hit infp-t twice. Didn’t think of it until recently.
Seen a few vids and they all resonate.
Thank you. Some golden advice ❤😁👍🏻
Thank you so much for this video. I needed to hear and actually listen to what was said. ❤️
Your advices are so helpful, I got to know myself better ... You know , this is my 2nd video on your channel and I'm becoming your fan .... ❤️❤️
Thank you, I really needed this
It was the CS Lewis quote for me!! Thanks for this video!
You are very amazing and you give a very good advices thanks !!!!
"...And Leia blamed Snoke, but... it was me. I failed. Because I was Luke Skywalker... Jedi Master. A legend."
Wow this video was amazing
Definitely advice I needed to hear.
This video is calling me out this is literally what I'm having difficulty with right now. Maybe it's a sign or sm.
each of them stabbed me harder than i expected
This video is so true that it made me cry-
Very easy to say. Very hard to achieve..
I came to watch this video and didn't even realize I needed to hear this ❤😂
I needed this.
this is so trueee!!
So glad I found you
You are sooo good
Honestly I am already over all these negative things since i don't even remember when but the thing is that I STILL HAVEN'T GOT THE ONE TO LEAN UPON 🤣🤣
What else did u expect from an INFP.😅
But still it's true i haven't got one and the reason is someone very close to me, someone i can't live without.
It's my boyfriend of my imaginations
He has successfully raised my standards above the capacity of any live human.😂😂😢
Recently I let my emotions come over me at a friends giving and I don’t know how I should say sorry to my friends for making a scene
It's funny how this is the same thing I realized these days and been trying to do.
I like this channel haha.
I was a mantel health counselor for 20 years and I had one mistake done and I quit working anymore in the field
Present is the past future
And now is the future yesterday.
Change here, change now, the pattern will be different.
I only wish to embrace the sweet release of eternity but I don’t want to hurt my family
There's no escaping death. There's no reason to rush it, man.
I’ve been there, thinking like that eventually shatters you even if you don’t actually do it. Find a passion that gives back, and glorifies god if you believe. It doesn’t have to be direct, but try to direct yourself and others to Oneness. I’ve been locked up ten years from breaking but I’m still here. Second chances exist
Its heaven all the way to heaven and its hell all the way to hell.
I think the wording could have been better than calling someone a “waste of talent”…especially considering who the target audience is in this video. It kinda hit me where it hurts. An infp could actually be using their talents and successful by some measure but still feel like they aren’t doing enough. Maybe we don’t really know if we are doing enough, just that we aren’t where we want to be😮
Lol. All the three things i have been thinking about lately 😂
true
❤
No
holy shit you're me 😮
I don't even know if I'm an INFP 😢
I'm such a bad person
I once framed my dog for killing one of our ducks
Even though i just saw the duck lying around
I don't know but for some reason i hate that dog
Say my name ❤
Thank you for this video.
Another reason we INFPs don't need to be hard on ourselves is due to the fact that that's the reason ESTJs exist 😂
Just ask my wife...
Whatever, you don't know me! Lol 🤣
❄️😨❤️
*One easy advice for my INFP* 👇
"Play Life as a Game
It is a rollercoaster of Pleasure and Pain
So DETACH yourself from those feelings"
*Read UPANISHADS !!!!*
Great advise just not for me thanks.
Helpppp me?! . I can sense my senior colleague have some issues in his life, when he walk passed by me.. I can feel his empty and fragile energy. but at that time, I am struggling with some personal issues as well and in my healing process ( I work there a year, and just know him about 6 months ago ).. so, I just take him for granted, respect him like a senior or other male friend and consider the 2nd thought that he might be okay , he have other colleagues / friends that can be there for him . And the worst unexpected part is he passed away a week ago, on 28th oct ...because of heart attack, his brother found him in a toilet . When my boss inform us about the bad news, I started felt very guilty and regrets.. only then I can realise that he try to seek for help, most of his friends are not attentive friends who only listen the surface points, and he was sooo helpless as a 2nd child who have to take care of everything in his family inc his brother also depend on him ( he is a single guy ). I just not realize that he really need urgent help , i thought i ve the opportunity to help him once I heal myself fully . But , it was tooooo late . I didnt expect for the worst, and idk why I know I can prevent 'his death' or at least help him to lessen the burden . Until now, I felt soooooo regrets and crying at the office when I'm thinking about him, and it's getting worst ( make me more regrets ) when I heard from other colleagues that most of the time , even on his off day, he have to send and fetch his oldest brother from the office ( can you imagine what kind of burden that he face and felt at home and in his life that must be more than that ). I felt so regret for not get to know him , so that i can identify his problems and give him some solutions to face it and ease the burden . 💔💔💔💔 My ignorance and being soooo selfish is my biggest toxic trait , and btw actually, i just found out that I am INFP a few weeks before his death. 💔
Amazingggggg advices! ( I watched it twice to digest the tough and truee enough advices , make sense ! ). Thank you sooo much , hopefully i can successfully apply all 3 advices in my life ..everydayyy . And yes, the first advice i want to apply is : i want to start make more friends at the offices instead of my few selective colleagues only.
Nobody caused his heart attack.
Thank you for this. I needed this so much. 🥲💖