How to let go of grudges
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- Опубліковано 21 жов 2018
- Grudges hurt your soul. This video shows you how you can let go of them. Much peace!
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#MuchPeace
I was beaten up three years ago and never got to hit him back.
Now I feel like the only way back to happiness and motivation is by finding him and beat him up. I've tried to forgive and forget but it's still dripping in my head like drops of poison, it hurts. You just described exactly what I feel.
So did u let go?
I was verbally abused and i never got to say anything back, not because i didnt have anything to say. I have a lot to say back but its only in my mind. When the verbal abused happened, i hold back because im sucks at confrontation, and also because i pitied her. But after it happened, i always would regret not saying anything, and i hold grudge, resentment. Then i would meet that person again, she would verbal abused me again, and i would just listen, again. Its a cycle. I dont know how to stop it. I pitied her because we used to be very closed & i knew she had mummy issue, she take it out on me. Arggghhhhhhhhhhhh
Same happened to me
@@tinlaa7519 normal Asian family
Same here been picked on I’m the past and feel like I want revenge by beating them up
Damn, that defining someone by their worst moment is real af. Good advice, will carry that with me forever.
Beyond grateful to hear that brother. Sending you much peace!
„if you want others to be easy on you, be easy on them“ 👌🏻
The best revenge is letting your enemies ruin their own lives with their shitty personalities while you move on and live yours to the fullest.
IF you can maintain self control and patience, from my experience, that is exactly what happens. Fd up people tend to self destruct. Best of all, you don't have to serve one day in jail over it.
@@allenh7835 💯%
Wooeee! I sure needed this today! Perfect timing! Thank you God for leading this particular video to me at the most perfect time!
Smoochy Pooh 🙏🏼
I really needed to hear this. I’ve always had problems with holding grudges.
I feel stupid for not realizing this by myself. So obvious really. Thank you for educating me
I had let go of a grudge with an old co-worker of mine last year. I had some heat,let alone some SERIOUS issues with him(dating back to 2005) & I really I wasn't going to talk to him about it. After some careful thinking & finally talking to him,it was CLEANSING.
someone spread terrible rumors about me and they circulated for a long time. i felt embarrassed and ashamed by these rumors. it was years ago but this is helping me a lot
“Anger prison” the perfect way to describe what I’ve been in for the past 6 months.
10 years for me 😭
17 for me
I watched this to get over a toxic girl from 3 years ago,she kinda ruined my life and this helped me get over it! Thank you!
I'm sorry to hear you went through such a tough experience, but I'm grateful to hear this was helpful for you. My wife always says that the universe will keep giving us the same lessons over and over until we truly "get" the lesson... I know that's been helpful for me to hear through the years. Definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
Didn't think anyone could talk and help. This dude here is amazingly different
I do have grudges going on....My ex-fiancee hurted back in 2007 by cheating on me, I lost my dad about 5 years ago (2014) but I still miss him everyday of my life, and been shot down by a lot women that I dated... It's really hard for me to find someone and the only cure I got is going to the gym... it sucks and I do hate it...I don't want to be left alone...
All of your videos help me tremendously daily.
So happy to hear your advice on life again. I really appreciate this video as a grudge is very difficult for me to get over. Your insight opens a new perspective that is always informative. I wish to fill my mind with all this your content. Thankyou
Kyle Audette 🙏🏼
This video is right on point. Everybody at times carries a grudge and eventually let it go. Its true what Christian said. My poor wife is one that has the victim mentality. Almost every day she recites to me how someone in the present or past has offended her. She has some good qualities but she refuses to get off the self righteousness and look for the good in people rather than their flaws. I've made my mistakes through the years as a husband by failing to be there for her. I've apologized for that and reformed but I catch living Hell all the time for it. I take ownership for my mistakes and divorce crosses my mind sometimes but I'm not going to bail on her. She went to a psychiatrist one time and came back and reported she would never do that again. She's totally against any type of med that could help. Many cloudy days and very few sunny ones. This video is for mentally healthy people. Thanks
Excuse my horrid English as it is my second language. I'm marathoning through all your videos Dr.Conte on anger management to save my life. I'm on a brink of suicide since I'm at a point where anger has literally consumed my life. Thoughts and images of people who angered me/physically assaulted me/verbally abused me in the past constantly plays in my mind 24/7, every single second in fact, and I'm not exaggerating to be honest. It's like my brain attacking me nonstop with angering thoughts. Because of this I've been suicidal every day for over a year. I'm just sick of this society where people just live to constantly piss me off and just bring out the absolute worst in me. I can't handle myself like this anymore, I used to be a very polite, compassionate person. I haven't left my tiny home for two months because I fear that I will snap and get physically violent even when strangers piss me off slightly. Your reply would mean the world to me right now.
It's been a year...I hope you're doing better now 💗
@Judy Hwang I’m so sorry to hear that you struggle with anger issues. Im in the same boat. I have grudges that wont seem to go away no matter what. I have tried to not think about it but its tough. Im wishing the best for you.
But what if the person who hurt me was a narcissist and was aware of the very hurtful things they continuously said and did?
Such a great question. I have a call in radio show on Monday nights, and I plan to address this tonight on the show. Please feel free to call in if you can. Sending you all my best and tons of peace!
Dr. Christian Conte Omg I didn’t see your reply until now 😭 i live in another country so i can’t call :( how can I listen to what you said about narcissists??
YES PLEASE
Even though I see where you're coming from with this advice. I can literally prove that the people who wronged me are the reason's why I'm financially struggling. And every time I try to think of someone defining me by my worst moment I just think that person is a fool because they haven't talked to me about it. If someone felt hurt by what I did I apologize even if it wasn't a serious thing. Because my relationship with a person is more important to me than being right. Every time I confronted a person professionally about how they wronged me they vehemently defend themselves and then proceed to try and hurt me again. Grudges are so hard for me to let go because in the back of my mind I think if I can't find a way to professionally hurt my wrongdoer back more pieces of shit will continue to hurt me for the rest of my life. Because these are sadistic people who enjoy causing pain.
This video really hit me.....I really felt this thank you Dr.christian
Needed to hear this. I struggle so much letting go of grudges but you’re absolutely right I can’t define someone by their worst moment. We all make mistakes and yes it sucks getting hurt but I refuse to live in pain. I refuse to let the past keep me hostage. It’s never too late set yourself free.
“If you’re not going to talk about something the last hour of your life don’t make it a top priority during your lifetime”.
Video I needed to hear and sad part is I am viewed by some for my past deeds and I turn around and do the same. Great video and something to keep working on. These videos has a lot or replay value.
I always try to be nice to people. Even when they smart mouth me, I don't say anything. A lot of times I don't complain cause they throw it back at me!!!
Thanks for your videos. I am a therapist myself and deal with a husband who holds onto anger. Even a trained professional need reinforcement. ❤️
100%! We all do! We are all human, and we are all in this life together. Definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
I learned very late in life that forgiveness can come with better understanding.
Thank you so much for what you’re doing! Watching your videos have given me a different perspective of how I view the world and anger.
Always amazing content Dr Conte!
Just shared this with my adult daughter . Unfortunately I lost my temper with her almost 2 weeks ago and send cutting things to her. I apologized daily and she is still not speaking to me. I e been watching all your videos and hope moving forward when I’m upset I will learn to table the issue until calmer to avoid having to be sorry for my words again..
Thanks again Christian
Thank you. I needed this.
Thanks makes lots of sense now
Thank you Dr. Conte ! Really needed this. I hope there are some other wonderful stuffs from you regarding "holding grudges and letting go of them". Those would be a great help !!
Cheers :)
This answers exactly what I wanted to ask you.
Well, when somebody is cheating, he knows exactly what he's doing. But I'm not going to take this with me in 2019, because it hurt me enough for the past 2 months. I can't change it so I'll stop wasting my energy by thinking about it. Thank you for another useful advice! 🙂
Love this.
Marissa Meleske 🙏🏼
Amazing, thank you for this refined message 🌬🌀
thanks for your video
All your vids have helped me man much peace 🙏
Sjdpm Playz 🙏🏼
Chris, Very good advice. Thanks. 😊
Thank you you helped me and my anger see a guy choked me knocked me out I held a grudge on him for about a year now that I realised my mistake being the grudge and watching your video I feel calm and I feel like I could let go. Just like another person he was a real doosh he would call me names and call me smelly but I did learn to free myself now I feel like I am free so truly doctor you have helped me
God bless you sir. I am going to look at this every day to help with the issues I am having. Thank you for the helpful words.
Love all your videos! This one is what I needed to see most. Cheers mate!
Chris Hughes so grateful to hear that. Sending you tons of peace!
Thank you Dr. i felt like exploding but now I feel so calm.
Thank You.
i appreciated this
This message is underrated and so important
This is my favorite video, I’m going through all of them
oh my- I needed this :')
Good stuff!
Thank you ❤
Good words :)
New subscriber & great message, I definitely needed this today. Holding on to many grudges and anger issues is only taking a toll on myself and my well-being. Can't wait to listen to some more from your channel you seem very insightful.
I appreciate you! Sending you all my best and tons of peace!
Thank you!
My first video watching. Subscribed with notification bell! This video helps with my grudge in my life
Thank you so much! I put my heart and soul into what I do, so I appreciate hearing that for sure. Definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
Thanks buddy
I found this video helpful, thanks! No Serial Killer.
I need to let go of the anger and forgive others who hurt 😞 me. I wouldn’t want others to hold onto a grudge against me.
I need to watch him everyday to hear this message.
Damn, ur advices are another level..so concise and amazing.
Your an inspiration man🙏
Appreciate you! Much peace!
No problem man keep up the good work
Def agree with all this.
Im struggling to deal with a narcissist (for context, we have kids) as well as many others in the comments. Im doing my best to keep my distance from the manipulation. This ex lied to me repeatedly so i dont trust him in the slightest.
Im trying to define the line between "grudge" and "learned my lesson not to trust you" and "protect my littles." He keeps trying to manipulate my lack of trust and make me into the bad guy because i want him to stay away from the babies for their own good (we live 1000 miles apart). At this point, im not all that upset at him for what he did to me, but what hes done to these children, as he made a lot of false promises about these babies and left us when it got inconvenient. Im trying to navigate the confusion of "am i holding a grudge about this?" Or "am i overreacting?" Or "am i a horrible person for not wanting him around the babies because of how he acts (which, yes. It gets far worse than im detailing here)?"
Like i feel like im still angry, but for these children. If it was just me involved, id never talk to him again and id move on with my life.
So i guess my question is, how do you determine where the line between "grudge" and "learned from my mistakes" is? I feel like they can look quite similar. And narcissist love to exploit that line.
First, I'm so sorry to hear about the struggles you've encountered and are going through. Second, great question! I agree they can look similar, but the difference is, at least in one way, is that a grudge keeps you locked into an emotional state from the past, whereas a lesson helps you move into new emotional states and the present. I hope that helps/makes sense. Definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
@@DrChristianConte wow! Thank you so much! ❤️❤️❤️ This makes a lot of sense!
Im still strugle alone for letting go this grudge, because the one who hurt me alot since i was little until im 19y.o are my parents. I don't have any grudge on another people but only my parents.
You're really helping me , thanks 😊
I'm so glad to hear it. Please know that I'm definitely sending you much peace!
Have you wrongly stopped holding grudges against the terrorist fucks like the Taliban and ISIS and started forgiving them like this false doctor wants you to?
Thank you 🙏
thank you doctor
I have a family friend who holds nothing but grudges. Even when you calm him down, and make him see what you where saying he still holds it and brings it back as ammo to use against you.
Dr. Christian Conte
- new subscriber here!
I am a new subscriber! Your advice on this video is amazing!
Thank you so much, God bless you!
Thank you! Sending you much peace!
Hi, excellent video ty so much, very appreciated and informative, very on point and made total sense, I learned a lot ty so much, regards,, Bob,
Just found your channel and really need it right now in my life, taking criticism positively would be a good topic to hear your thoughts on.
I got into a fight with a close friend, and then we went into summer break. Every night i cant stop thinking about her though and i can’t let go of the past. I always have butterflies in my stomach thinking of her but i don’t know how to let go. If anyone has any advice PLEASE reply to me!
Much Peace!
Amen fam
The longest grudge I’ve ever held is against my repeatedly incarcerated dad. Every time I try to forgive his ass he always does some shit that reminds me why I cut communications in the first place, but now that I’m 35 I ain’t gotta talk to em’ at all if I don’t want to so I cut him out my life completely. These days even the people I do care to hear from seem to not want to be bothered with me at all and it feels like I’m Im unforgiven for some unspoken thing and the energy is distributed all around every facet of my life so why forgive???? WHY THE FUCK FOR?... I’m not some sad story where I forgive everybody but I die a pushover because nobody ever gave me the benefit of the doubt... why give if I never receive.... why the fuck for????!!!!
I just let go of people that wronged me so I can be freer and live a happier life
We have to appreciate the nature of this world and that most people are quite imperfect and struggling. Because of this, we can expect that we will sometimes be trespassed against. It may not even be intentional, but people often are not aware of what they are doing and saying. If we are quick to forgive, then this will help us the most. Holding onto anger harms us the most. Of course, this does not mean, that we cannot or should not point out to others when they did something seriously wrong. But we can do it in a caring way with the aim to help them see what they could have done better.
If you can forgive all who have offended you, only then will you be able to approach the Supreme Lord and ask Him "Please forgive me for all my offenses." You know how sinful you have been. These forgiving others must go together with asking the Supreme Lord for forgiveness. You must even forgive your offender for the horrible crime he committed against you. By holding on to the resentment and anger, you are still allowing him to contaminate you.
Often we hear that there are limits to forgiveness. People say that some things we just cannot ever forgive. Is there something that is unforgiveable? To a pure heart nothing is unforgiveable.
I’ve had enemies at work and school before but usually I can quit that job or eventually graduate from school, now all my enemies live right beside me in my neighborhood. They have judged me from things I did as a child. And it all blew up into a violent episode recently. The tension is unbearable living in my neighbourhood I can barely sleep because of the anger and constant thoughts. So I’m definitely thinking about moving. But I just have to squash the fights to get revenge after.
That’s so true I’ve had people be fake to me but they are still holding on to the grudge, I thought they have moved on but they where just waiting for my weak moment to get back at me. Now who is crazier now?
Great videos and advice my friend!! Keep up the good work...you're helping a lot of people for sure! Question: what is truly meant by grudge? For instance, I had a friend...best friend for over 20 years, and he was conscious of his actions for the most part, but he nevertheless continued for whatever his reasons were. He has repeatedly apologized. However, I still, after 2 years, will not talk with him. I feel I understand the "why" of his actions, and I forgive him, but I can't help feeling that "I don't need someone like that in my life". I don't spread rumors about him, or even ever bring him up in conversation. When asked about him from time to time, I quickly change subjects and basically refuse to acknowledge his existence. So, my question is, Am I holding onto a grudge? Am I damaging myself for not letting him back into my life?
Defining me by what i do wrong happens to me all the time
anen doc! guilty as charged. i need to free myself from self imprisonment🙏🏻
To your comment at @1:25 I don't define people by their worst moments, I define people by their consistent moments.
I got revenge on a gym bully this year. I accidentally took his weight and he harassed me in front of everyone (this happened late 019). I felt like I couldn’t defend myself at that time and felt sad. I was even scared of reporting him. Well in late 2020 I joined mma and started working out a lot in parks and my garage. Once i started to get results i felt the urge to confront him. Long story short, I saw him after the pandemic lockdown at the gym again (2021) and I reported him, I also got stronger than him lol. In early 2022 i found out he had a small chiro practice by where i train mma and decided to personally confront him. When i confronted him he cowardly denied that it was him (typical coward bully) this took a lot of weight off my shoulders. Mission accomplished!!
Was it worth it, No! I wish I never took on that objective to seek revenge. Life will take care of it naturally w/ out you even trying. Have faith in that! Who knew my bully worked 2 blocks from where i trained mma. Its as if life put that in front of me naturally. One day you will have the last laugh best believe that. Thats what i have learned. However, action on your part is important too. I wouldn’t have confronted him if i didn’t put in the work . So Yes! Work on yourself, level up so you can set boundaries and defend yourself, but don’t do it w/ the intention of hurting others or seeking revenge like i did. Do it for yourself, prove yourself that you can rise up despite what happened and in the process you probably will too surpass your bullies. Then your bullies will see that they didn’t define you. It happens, its a little thing called life.
Even after surpassing him in fitness and confronting him and making him coward away, i still have resentment issues, not like the past but its getting better by the day, its hard work! I feel like respecting your past is important. Now that i look back, i have grown so much from this experience. It helped me to level up for sure and better prepared. Also see the cup half full my friends. Things happen for a reason.
What about the narcissist ? Compassion can be drawn on for sure. The nar. is unconscious and never ever wakes up. There is the conundrum.
Wished I seen this 3 years ago
What if you hold a grudge in a defensive way.To protect yourself from a parent who hurt you in the past; but in recent times they seem to have changed For the better
Right. & what if the bad memories out the good memories?
Whatsuptraetrae Whatsuptraetrae From my growing up; you have to accept that your aggressor has grown-up; and excepted their part in your bullying. Try not to be defensive when you’re near them it’s hard with a family member because friends Are easier to cut out of your life. But if you choose to continue the relationship you have to accept That they’re not going to intentionally hurt you again. But if they do you need to stand up for yourself. That’s what I’m dealing with right now. I’ve forgiven my dad and I’m working on forgiving with my Stepmom. Don’t bring up their past indiscretions. When you’re with them you have to live in the moment. I know this will be different for everybody but I really hope this helps you.
💔😭I love a man thats bitterly angery at his deceased father and everyone that's ever done him any wrong, including me.... He suffers from complex PTSD and has developed a very pessimistic mindset.
I suffer from my own personal problems because of my own childhood... I need help, he needs help but never seems like there's enough money or time to focus on our emotional or mental health. I am so unhappy I cry a lot and I'm afraid a lot and my life is just becoming more and more empty and isolated.
Someone else misunderstood me,
I was actully aboiding them of cauding me trouble,
Thats what happend,
Am happy for thiier sucess,
The thing is people already do and that's what's making me hold a grudge at people, for only defining me as my worst self
Hi Dr I know you are right .But how can i handle if the same person that i ve forgiven keeps trying to hurt me with every action or comment and destroy my image in front of the rest of family? Thank you for your videos you are a badass psychologist god bless you !!
I’ve held a grudge against someone who abused me for the past 5 years. It’s bothered me ever since and I can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t want to forgive, I just want to forget
I also add i have more reasons to be be angry of my life experiences so far, how can help this, to see bright futer for once??
What can i do to make most of all that i lost? ???
I listen to every video you put out and you really got me through some dark times in my life. I would love to hear your thoughts on the anger in the political sphere as of right now.
Not political opinions, but from listening to you I am of the opinion that all the anger coming from both sides is doing more harm than good.
What would you tell friends and family that have been torn apart by recent politics?
Great, great question! First, thank you for your kind words. Second, I agree with the Buddha that anger will never be overcome by more anger, but by love alone. I think people get trapped in needing to be right, when my thought on it is that if we set "being right" aside and instead just focused on what we can do together, we would probably get a lot farther. I think the whole political system appears to be rooted in an "us versus them" mentality that inhibits us from working together. I think we can say that people make money off people being angry and divided, and that's probably true, but I think we can also say that people feed their egos by arguing with each other and trying to prove themselves right. At the end of the day, we can only ever control ourselves, so for me, at least, I choose to focus on how I can make myself a more compassionate, peaceful version of me every day, and I genuinely respect people's diverse opinions and perspectives. The Zen in me believes this: I think we probably only ever see one side of the box, and ultimately, I don't even think there even is a box.... ha. Hope this helps! Sending you all my best and tons of peace!
And I will talk about this tonight on my radio show! You can listen at kdkaradio.com from 8pm-10pm EST. Much peace!
@@DrChristianConte cool. I'm listening right now. I too have what others call resting asshole face lol. I can't thank you enough for your advice.
@@DrChristianConte Excellent reply, I agree instead of trying to win, we should try to fix the issues.
Atom Isum lol. 😂 Sending you much peace!
Twice I've been fucked over $1200 by "friends" that live a couple towns away... all I'm saying is im gonna get mine. I stay to myself, i don't fight unless i have to, i don't screw people over. When i find them, they're getting knocked the fuck out, no if's and's or but's about it anymore. And to those of you that take (respect) seriously, i hope you don't forget either.
I don't think holding a grudge is necessarily the same as letting go of someone from your life. sometimes we need to do this for our own peace of mind or our own safety and this may look like holding a grudge but its all about staying safe or losing all trust in the person
Their was a kid 5 years ago he kept pushing me around and kept saying what you're gonna do in front of everyone in a camp. I never hit him and I always hit people back ,but I felt so weak because he had all his friends with him. Hes now in my high school everytime I see him the memory comesback and I'm holding this hard grudge. I purposefully want him to try me to hurt him I want to let it go.
Im not hurt or jelouse, keep them far as i can,
And am not intersted in them,
How can get me settled?
If I unknowingly wronged someone and they were holding a grudge against someone. I would infer as to the reason why they feel I wronged them. I would sincerely apoligize for my actions or at least provide justification for what I did. I wouldn't just try to ignore and act like I did nothing wrong, if I did nothing wrong then there would be no grudge. If I did something wrong then I'd apoligize already or if I don't feel I should apoligize, I will provide valid justification for my actions.
❤❤❤
My level of gosls what i had planned at is disrupted and stolen ?
Is this right? What am to fix all of my godness?? As i kept praying for my future? Got distupted?
Am i going to loose my best is yet to come was stolen??what should do?
🙏