I AM BORDERLINE (2019)
Вставка
- Опубліковано 12 гру 2019
- This digital story presents "a day in the life" of a person with Borderline Personality Disorder. This art documentary has been produced to raise awareness of this mental health disorder and let those who are suffering know that they are not alone.
Video by: Eleanor Smith
Even the most beautiful roses have their thorns. I am now 19 and have been diagnosed with BPD after suffering 6 years of depression trying to hide what was underneath the fragile mask, thank you I feel less alone and many others will begin to embrace their dark side in order to finally show their true colours.
Girl omg same.
Sorry if it sounded superficial but you're the first person that i can relate to.
I'm almost 20, so still 19 ( :)) ) , i have BPD and i was diagnosed with depression, anxiety and had my suicide attempt at 13-14y.o ig, so i have depression for 6-7 years.
And like you have bpd and depression too as me
And i never seen a comment that said they have these 2 simultaneously
And for the first time i didn't felt alone
One question
Do you have that part from bpd when you feel very good?
Cuz of my fkin depression i don't
I just have the worst parts from both :))
Sorry if it's too personal and sorry for my mistakes in english.
@@anaseregor4083 I have borderline traits such as psychotic episodes, in which I’m distorted or have trouble viewing the objective reality... Sometimes it feels like an out of body experience idk for you though lol I used to have really highs when I was Manic, like my heartbeat would go abnormally fast and I would have like laughing fits for nothing, I didn’t need sleep and I felt like I was on top of the world... lmao but then I’d get really bad seasonal depression and normal depression to top it off so it would only last some months, I would call it dysphoria when I feel always down and alone and even numb to the pain. They are phases that are similar in bipolar disorder but that are symptoms of a borderline. It’s okay, I’m fine with talking about it!! Thank you for being so kind 💖 Your experience seems very similar to mine, at 13-14 I was at my worse state.. I’m also sorry you had to go through this. Nobody really knows how we suffer in silence. 😢
The worst part is that if you have addressed your mental issues earlier in life maybe you wouldn't have developed bpd... I'm struggling so much with it
I'm 19 too and have already made two suicide attempts and ended up in coma twice.
I have PTSD, maladaptive daydreaming, chronic fatigue syndrome, chronic pain, depression.
My doctor thinks i also have bipolar 2 but I'm not sure of that.
I have a question
Do you guys have problems with memory and is your mind always confused.
I'm having alot of issues with my memory and remembering.
Sometimes I'm convinced that i have bpd and next moment i questions everything about it.
I don't remember how i felt yesterday.
I mean i know i was depressed but don't remember to what extent.
I can tell apart if it's my worst or its better than yesterday.
I don't remember emotions and feelings at all.
Everytime i go to my hospital and while waiting for my turn, i try to think about how i did this month and every time I'm not sure.
It's more than confusion.
It's like i have no emotional memory at all.
My opinions changes alot.
I mean alot and very fast.
I'll be dying in pain and still feel like I'm not suffering much or that I'm to some extent overreacting.
After i woke up from coma after my second suicide attempt.
I felt that i overreacted and i felt that I was that depressed.
I felt like i was just sad.
Do you guys have any idea whats happening??
My senses are very sensitive.
Everything i eat taste same or sweet.
Even pepper taste like sweet and just cause burning.
I can't listen to songs from past because they make me feel like I'm going through my past traumatic events.
My brain attach emotions with smell, noise, texture I'm feeling now and in future these things will trigger anxiety or depressing thoughts.
Someone told me that i might have ASD
But I'm sure of that.
@@anaseregor4083 same thing bothers me too.
Every video or article mentions high moments which i never experience.
This always leads to me feeling invalidated and left out.
I dont have high moments.
I have BPD tendencies in my personality. Out of all the symptoms, the only one I lack are the suicide attempts. I have suicidal thoughts but I never act on them, even tho I hurt myself differently, by drugs and eating until it hurts. I think it is phenomenal that in this video it shows dancing as a therapy. I always loved dancing, even tho I am not a professional dancer, I love dancing by myself while home. In that moment I can let my feelings express and they are put in my movemens. My mind just silences and I have peace. Not emotional peace, but peace in my mind, there is no conflict. Wish everybody the best
You only need to have 5 out of the 9 symptoms to be diagnosed with BPD.. suicidal thoughts is a symptoms but not everyone with BPD attempts to because there are things holding you from doing it.. like thinking abour your loved ones for exemple.. i hope you will find a way to feel better🙏
Dancing is good for everyone! Keep doing it! ☺️
@@kuroxo1509 u could be covert boderline - they dont self-harm or commit suicide
@@kuroxo1509 I've had BPD tendencies, also, less than criteria when I was a teen, but more in my 30's. I never attempt, but suicidal thoughts remain in the back of my mind. I can relate to you. Almost fully self-isolated, I wonder if diagnosis would matter at almost 50 now.
This doesn't just feel relatable to me. Every word feels like my thoughts and feelings, that I am unable to form into words myself. Thanks you.
Oh my gosh that was beautiful. When they said "I am resilient," I swear there were tears instantly. And then they went away just as I write this comment. I was diagnosed with BPD this year and I have never felt so understood, yet alone at the same time. Thank you for sharing this perspective, instead of the villain that most people think we are.
Please talk to me, give email please e.
We are not villains, we are superheroes! Lol...💪🏻
@@wendysavvy4351 If you abuse people, like the majority of untreated borderlines do, then I'm sorry you are a villain.
@@incisiveshadow5593 some of us are abusive towards others, some of us are abusive towards ourselves. We aren't villains. we aren't angels. it's ironic how you think in such a black and white way. BPD people can be the abusers and also the abused. we grow up walking on eggshells often with family who are also borderline. in a lot of cases the trauma gets passed down generations and you either copy your parents (overt BPD) or choose to never be like them (covert BPD). either way, we can feel angry and hurt at the abuser whilst understanding that they are just as scared, lost and triggered, they didn't get the love they needed growing up. I'm not defending, I'm understanding. you only get villains in films.
People call me selfish when I am triggered and want to self-protect. I know I can be selfish, but calling someone with BPD selfish, seems like a disparaging, invalidating, oversimplification of what is going on in me. Does anyone else feel this?
Yes
😭
Yes! That's why learning to communicate what we're feeling is SO important for BPD. People can't see inside our heads (I wish they could sometimes), so the only way they can try to understand us is our behaviors and our communication. Often when we feel triggered or have a bad time, our behavior is equally as dramatic as we are feeling. That can lead people to feeling confused as to why we're "acting out." For us at the time, it seems appropriate to how intense the feelings are. The only other way to let people know is to communicate, and for that, we need to understand ourselves as much as we can. My therapist has taught me a lot about "I" statements, and they work great for me. "I feel ____ when you ____ because ____. I would like it if you ______ instead." That's great for conveying what you're feeling, but it also only works if someone can validate your feelings and not minimize them. I wish you all the best, you've got this! We've all got this!
Of course! Absolutely agreed. One that doesn't know the kind of suffering a person with BPD goes through - generally can't understand!
felt alone
Anyone else go through months of happiness to then being upset and sad again and not sure what you’re feeling but you want to get out of it and you don’t know how to get back to the happiness you felt before
Big difference between a young bpd and an older bpd. People don't have patience once a person is no longer cute.
If that’s coming from you trust me you still are beautiful
I am a "Young bpd" and I have hard time not even maintaining relationships, but getting there in the first place, every person who's interested in me and I am interested in them, I push them away..
But I have so much love to give, and honestly , below my illness I have a lot of good attributes that people wish for in their partners.
My point is, If they love you , your illness will not matter to them and you'll find a way to get through it, good luck finding that person :)
Stay strong and don't lose hope!
Yeah, exactly.
No fucking joke mate!!! That is no joke.
@UCjR5kDfvWR_Dk6cH_74BGBw that is such an ignorant and supremely fucked up thing to say. Shame on you.
There is no concrete data to back up that every person who has BPD has “damage to their prefrontal Cortex therefore they are damaged and incapable of healthy relationships and reciprocating love appropriately”. From what we know so far is that BPD is a combination of genetics, environment and or trauma. The cause is uncertain, that’s for certain.
People who have BPD are not inherently unlovable and incapable of care, empathy, love and deserve just as much respect as every other fucked up person on this planet. There is no “one size fits all” when it comes to anything. You’d be sure to remember that.
Sorry that perhaps you had a bad experience with someone who was borderline but PLEASE for the love of god and science. Keep your hate to yourself and before you go spreading “facts” about things you clearly know nothing about maybe you should educate yourself first because guess what??? FACTS DONT CARE ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS Dingusjones. ✌️
I'm autistic and some of the symptoms overlap a lot with BPD. I love Dr Ramani and the medcircle videos on BPD and how help is out there. The person they interviewed is so brave.
Wow so powerful. I'm moved to tears by this video.
I was diagnosed BPD a year ago today. I knew I was BPD years before. I have been doing the work and improve one day at a time.
After suspecting for quite some time, I was just diagnosed with BPD this week. I've been watching lots of artsy short films like this, and I gotta say, this one captures my experience the best. Beautiful tragic, yet I feel grateful to not be alone. Thank you for sharing.
Just got diagnosed. Extremely painfull physical trauma trigerd it. My mood swings from being fine to feeling like my chest is going to explode from depression in seconds. Rage outbursts, iritability, memory loss, high sex drive, inpulsivness. And of course the worst one, feeling that i dont even exist...
this made me cry. thank you for making this. im not diagnosed but i think i might have bpd and i am really suffering so thank you
I hope u get the help you might need, I'm there for ya...☺️
Well.. I don't suffer from BPD...but...the only thing I would like to say you all is
WE ALL ARE BORN FOR A REASON...WE ALL ARE LOVED SECREATLY....FIND THE REASON TO LIVE..AND FIND THAT SECRET LOVER
Nice!! 👍🏻
I have borderline ive had it for over 20 years, but I am starting to learn how to self soothe, how to love and accept myself which I never thought I could achieve but a close friend believed in me enough to not give up even when I tried to push her away.
I wish all borderlines out there to stay strong i love you all and I would hug you all
❤️ thanks ❤️ same to you!
I am that person who constantly supports her partner who has bpd, she is just starting therapy Monday, so I pray for her to get better with each attempt of the healing process. So yeah, we exist, but unfortunately we are so rare and that is not the bpds' fault that they became who they became and that there are less and less so-called healthy people who can 'put up with a bpd person'... society 'gave birth' to bpd, lack of empathy and bad raising, but who is to blame? Adam and Eve? God? People? We need to focus on solutions and not on finding someone to blame that need to be understood in my opinion...
I am not diagnosed with BPD but I can identify with this so much - Thank you
Remember those around bpd suffer too, I’ve been destryoed by close person who had bpd, I suffer from depression ever since, I finally decided to not keep in touch with that person, as my world shattered.
Yep and they shouldn’t get mad because you preserving your own sanity is the same thing they say they are doing but you shouldn’t 🙄. Sacrifice yourself to keep being understanding of them. No! We all have trauma in one way or another and everyone MUST do their own work. I cut off a few friends. Not that they are cut off don’t deal with them at all but cut off from deep or true friendship. Boundaries matter!
“the confusion the blank spaces i cant remember why but i remember what i try to cry but i cant” THIS IS HOW I FEEL. the emotional permeance of not remembering past emotions and feelings bc u think in absolutes. it’s hard to see the “light at the end of the tunnel” bc it feels like the darkness is all we know when we feel it. it’s hard to remember times feeling darkness bc we only remember light when we feel it. then when we dont feel upset we feel empty and can’t cry. it’s so confusing. we walk on eggshells around our emotions and don’t know how we will react or respond. u prolly have a better guess than we do
Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for making this ❤️
Never has a video ever made me cry so much. Thankyou so much for making this 😭❤️I needed to see it!
Brought a tear to my eye, I felt every word.
^Feel like I'm not living at all."
I've always hate life, I wake up feeling dissapointed that I'm not dead.
I highly suspect I have this disorder. Just, the feeling of overwhelm, all surge of emotion, the fear of abandonment, all the.. the pain. I feel like I'm a monster. I don't know why I'm writing this.
I have BPD. However, I was able to eliminate symptoms, through my recovery so far. Keep pushing!
I’m in total despair 😞 now I found out I hope I’ll get better I’m in a shocked state and I’m 43!!
@@freedomfighter9976 I strongly feel I have/am Borderline too...And I'm 45...Did many things other Ppl.might fear, still never felt proud.Also gave up my two oldest kids due to this(Feared not being a good(enough) mum(Thank God they're fine),quit Jobs,schools,always this fear of not being good enough,being fired,not being hired,fail exams,relstionships(Too much of a waste/trouble)Gave up my cat~ they sense things very easily, just like children,& I feared he did'nt like me for some reason..Sometimes I feel like just relaxing at the sofa/coach,but then I feel guilty for doing nothing,I'm not totally black/white though,more like 50 shades of grey...With this fading rainbow in the distance.I highly doubt all ppl.showing symtoms of borderline are narssistic(Almost like claiming everyone with their own UA-cam channel are,or all selfie girls out there for instance.Some may be,others are not.We're just as different as anyone else,unique seems like a strong word,but then again it goes for everyone else out there too.(We're not Jodie Arias either)I wish you all the best.Where I live(Northern Europe)it's so-called free health care,but therapy is very expencive over here.(And hard to get,unless you're very wealthy,as most psyciatrists are private)Hopefully you'll get the therapy,help & answers you might feel you're in need of🤲🏼🦋🌺✌🏼🧁🙏🏼🌫 🌬🌊🌈🌤
How??
@@rebeccajelenawang4306 can be ocd too
@@freedomfighter9976 Thanks for pointing this out.Tried to tell my therapist like 12 yrs ago or so,was diagnosed with AD(H)D with some manic episodes incl.Her very last day at work she asked a phychiatrist to check it out,just for the "sake of it"( scored 10/12 points).Last week I eventually found a new therapist.Hopefully she'll be able to give me some advice on my thinking patterns,she does seem experienced,despite her age(30+something)so..(She's been working with trauma patients/other)WE have to do the job,whatever our issues may be,but having at least one person around who sincerly seems to understand means a lot.(My youngest girl is just like me BTW. Everything from ADD to Asberger(light)has been suggested,but some of these personality disorders tend to have several similarities (not always tho'-some"are"very bipolar/borderline/ADHD/OCD for instance,while others may be more on the spectrum.)We are individuals after all.With a personality disorder maybe,but we are not THE disorder.Thanks for the input, you were right about my OCD,you're most likely right about yourself too.Best wishes🧚♀️💫
Wow, great video. I was diagnosed with BPD yrs ago. I did go through therapy, and endless meds that didn't help. I'll also tell ya, coffee makes it worse! Especially since BPD people are natural stimulants, we really don't need coffee!! I found a lavender drink, that's great for calming. If it wasn't so expensive: I would drink it every day. For all the borderlines out there: just remember we are naturally funny, and most of us are very intelligent! Keep on living to the fullest, even though it seems like our glass is always half empty. I truly believe we are the future, because we can and will think in many different ways, that others are mostly close-minded to. 👍🏻
I'm guessing you have narcissistic personality disorder as a co-morbidity too?
@@silentstarlight3322 So you ask me what my problem is, then you go on to admit your abusive behaviour and how you have ruined not only your life but others? That's the problem. Your good side is irrelevant if you do terrible things. Borderlines have complete control over their behaviours, as do narcissists. This is why you do not see them acting out and being too destructive when they can get easily caught e.g. in the work office or out in public.
@@silentstarlight3322 You sound great, and thanks for being there for me! 💕☺️💕
Utterly relatable 🖤
I totally feel this, i always saw BPD as a chain on my feet but now I realize how kind and empathic the constant battle has made me,i can relate to my friends more than anyone and understand them more than even themselves realize. I can be a leader and make this a better world. Borderline has made me realize my power within
This was so. So. So. Beautiful. Thank you so much for this. For sharing this. The beginning and ending scene are chillingly beautiful💗
This is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Thank you for making me feel seen, heard and found. I am borderline. Thank you.
This gave me goosebumps, all too real as a woman suffering with bpd. You need an award for this piece seriously.
Your words resonated deep within and brought a flood of emotion to me. I know the pain you feel, and I am with you. Thank you for sharing those beautiful, kind words.
This beautiful poem brought me tears to my soul!!!
You gave words to my turbulent feeling’s and brought them to life .
Sometimes I feel like a 👻. Here but not really.
A person somewhere dwells inside me, a prisoner for his own good I say…. but sometimes he comes up for air. Only for the fear to drag him back down into the depths of my unconscious. This was beautiful 😻 thank you for this . I will share this as much as I can.
This is a perfect way to describe how it really is . Thank you for making it ❤️🌹
what makes life worth living is dancing and laughing., playing and giving. , sharing and learning, loving and working. Home.People don't grow up , they just grow old....
This was a very well done work of cinema and wnderfully truthful introspection. Beautiful.
I have BPD, I am an avid #MentalHealthAwareness advocate and spoken word performer, and I love this so much. I travel the country trying to bring that awareness on stages, in classrooms, hospitals, and on my UA-cam channel, so I get excited when I see other advocates.
This beautiful thank you for writing this!
Spoke and expressed all I wanted too 💕 Thank you for this
As a person who has it .... I felt everything 😔💛
It made me break down into tears, every single word just so relatable
@@sammiecrompton4365 they spoke the things I can’t speak:(
Borderline is not something that we are, it is something that we (can) have ...
You are wrong. Its our brain, so its us
We are borderline bc we have our trauma brain
One of the most impressive videos i've seen on the subject.
This was beautiful and accurate. Thank you
Thank you so much. Thank you so much. So much.
Thank you, I have no words to describe how much this meant to me. I am borderline🙏🏻💚
I really feel ya. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and BDP. It’s like fighting with myself everyday. I hope everyone who watch this can be brave enough for against this awful disorder. First of all is just accept yourself if u aren’t like everybody.
I have watched this like 6 times in the past 3 days it’s so powerful.
Poetic in words and music..
Watching this hurts because it's painfully relatable.
Even if you feel alone, just know that you're not the only one going through it
This is such a beautiful short film about one of the most difficult subjects. What an effective way to communicate what goes on inside of those who deal with this disorder which is so misunderstood. Thank you for all the work that went into this.
A very well put together video, thanks
thanks for making this video and rasing awareness!
I struggle with the title though. If someone says they are borderline it will make them melt with their diagnosis. every person who has bpd is a unique person that can get better. the idea of "being" borderline implies that they are their diagnosis which for a lot of people with instable self imagie will lead to identifying with the diagnosis so they feel they know who they are but also don't wanna give that up anymore to get better.
Also I'd appreciate a trigger warning as for someone with bpd hearing this could push them deeper into their symptoms, especially when they are in an unstable place. thanks!!
Thank you! This is beautiful WE ARE BEAUTIFUL AND UNIQUE
😭😭😭😭 thanks for this video
Thank you for making me feel seen.
Thank you
this is the most relatable post ever.
It amazes me how these days so many people focus on themselves.
My grandfather said you'll never be happy until you spend your energy helping others.
So relatable. Thank you
Thank you.
This was so good
I've recently been diagnosed with bpd and your video touched me a lot. I would like to share it with my therapist but she doesn't speak English. Would you agree that I edit the subtitles to include a French version of them?
Beautiful and so relatable❤
Bawling. It’s so helpful to have such affirming media.
Well that hit a little too close to home...
Very well made, beautiful cinematography, emotionally gripping words:')
this brought me to tears
This was perfection! It legit describes my every single day and it feels good to know that I’m not alone and there is hope💜
You are not alone. I'm here too. ❤️
Beautiful 🖤
This video explains my feelings so well..
Isn’t this what makes you beautiful. With all colours
Just ran across your video.
My heart sincerely goes out to you.
What I hate about people with BPD is the rage they put the people close to them through. You go from being close to someone to suddenly hating them.
That's why people leave you all. If you put your partners through abuse and hate then they will leave and ghost you. They'll ghost because we all know it's impossible to break up with a borderline without their being battles, revenge and harassment from them for years even
_In relationships with borderlines, you find they’re having a new crisis or
meltdown on a near-regular basis. Every time you thought you solved one issue, they have a different one. You used to feel special for helping them, but now it seems they’re just using you as a sounding board for their never-ending problems._
- from a book by Jackson MacKenzie "Whole Again"...
...and that's the truth...
Dam so true
🤯🤯🤯 so trueeee. Cycles and it took me a year to figure it out. I felt used and unseen in the supposed friendship. Always her crisis and constant need for validation and encouragement meanwhile never reciprocating🙄🤦♀️🙏
Ouch
I listen to this sometimes becauze I am borderline and it makes me cry but at the end it does make me feel better some how
Sometimes I forget how to cry
If you have BPD, please get help and stick with it. Getting help will not only help you but also those close to you… the negatives don’t only painfully affect your life but those who love you as well.
Amen
I was in a relationship with a woman who I suspect has BPD, which was actually suggested by her now current boyfriend, I have no relation to either of them now, as much as I dislike absolving myself of responsibility, she totally destroyed our relationship, and it hurts still after 7 months of her absence. I feel ashamed for not having had more patience with her, but to declare that I was unware of BPD and moreover what the signs and symptoms are, other than assuming narcissism, is an understatement. I learned a lot, and it was a humbling process, albeit quite painful with some of the awful things she would say to me. Now that I learn more about these conditions, the signs are pointing that it is an accurate suspicion. It's surprising to still feel as though I'm playing the victim by declaring that what she did and said had a profoundly awful affect on my psyche, which was first lead by her claiming that I was doing so. It's all still very confusing, but all I've done thus far is try to pick up the pieces so to never allow myself to be in that situation again, and to never act out in anger the way I did whenever moments turned completely sour, which 90% of the time they did... If she does find peace, and happiness, I myself couldn't be more happier, but knowing what ever course that takes it's way I suppose, in the end, doesn't matter, as I will always have to assume that it's none of my business. Still so confusing. I wish I had answers that lead to closure, I suppose I have my own therapy to undergo haha.
They will hurt you so bad . And it is confusing. So much love they can give and in a instant they hate you
@@Chrisstarpromo Yes exactly!
Please do. Best thing ever. You will be taught to recognize unhealthy thus saving you from repeating the same experience your next relationship. I’ve done two years so far and I don’t even attract the same people. Boundaries matter. We are not saviors. You want someone who is healthy and can reciprocate love and needs in the relationship. Get your healing and move forward. You’ll see how it plays out and be grateful you fully let the why go prob in the next two years. She’ll take him through it too.
idk wht im suffering from. probably with this. but making it diagnosed could just make my life worsen. sometimes i get bothered at little things tht hurt me. i feel like everyone around me hates me, with the facts tht everyone was once hating me when i become over self protected. have never once found someone who understands how does it goes in my brain. battling in alone as i tend to not be a people pleaser n not reaching the beauty standards.kinda sucks, sometimes. many times. little things tht could burst me into tears real quick. may one day happiness finally come to me. :)
This was like looking in a mirror and I cried
This is my ex I wish I could share this video with him without him getting defensive or easily offended. He literally avoids me & our child. I wonder if he'll ever have a breakthrough 😩😔
Hopefully he does for your child
A beautiful video it is.
Exactly ❤
Amazing.
I am therefore existance is. And all the whispers and insinuations are just that. Nothing more. Something to know before the heartbreak and betrayal was done my footfall and your footfall left a print. Forward and blossom and memory and song .Beauty in her breath She is everlasting. Blessed be.
I can relate to this far too much for my liking. However I don’t get those good days.
1984 has to be one of my fav novels ever written. Seeing it on her shelf was a small thing but definitely just made total sense.
Once you get the help you need and are treated you will recover and go into remission or be cured and then not one person on this planet besides other bpders will be tje most beautiful people on the planet. Never forget it.
This is ME.
Thank you.
Babe, felt this. Remain on your own, until you feel safe again. Love ❤️
I make a good analyst out of my *thing*, my empathy is a force, my strategic skills and humble nature are an asset. Embrace it and grow.
Thought I was the Only one who ever felt like this 💔 story of my life.
"in a cycle I hate but I think I deserve"...
Anyone else watching theese in the hope of angst to drown out the emptiness and atleast feel something.
Brilliant 👏
Vetiver essential oil helped my bpd so much. Two drops on my big toes daily. Medication hasn't even helped me like that can. No side effects and all natural.
I gotta try this! Thx ❤️
So relatable
100% accurate!!
I felt this…
There is hope.
So relatable😣😭
Just crying like a baby.this is exaclty my life.no love .no affection cause i will leave first at the first hint that we betrayed me .even if its not happenning.getting tired of this illness :(