I recently found your channel. I am an over 35 y/o married woman with children, and yes ladies you change. Your mindset changes, your body changes. I found myself slowing down. I was a do-it-all career woman raised by a single mother who raised me to finish school and have a career where I could more than provide for myself. However I had to unlearn and relearn so much about femininity. Ladies I could not do it all after 35...even in my marriage I learned the value that I bring to my family. I work less now...take care of myself and family. I released the ideas that I could have the top notch career, family, and still take care of myself as a woman. Your advice can apply to single and married women. I wish this information was around when I was younger.
How are we always talking about older women fertility and in the same breath saying they should date older men and quality of their sperm start to decrease at thirty five effecting the baby but they don't get any pressure
A lot of you are saying you wish you knew because at 21 you could have bagged millionaires... But to be honest most of us at 21 didn't know much about men, got treated badly, weren't confident and acted basic. With age and experience comes wisdom...
For those of us who really did want to have a family and the white picket fence, this video tells no lies. Im one of the idiots who did settle down early, but with a dusty because I told myself I could do it all. He took advantage. The dating pool shrinks for a woman with kids, especially a black woman and now I am over 35 and learned too late. I am very tired because I bought a home by myself, am shuttling around kids by myself, work full-time and cannot afford the vacations, or a home in the right neighborhood because 2 incomes are needed. I don't drive what I would like to drive and no prince charming is in sight to give me a boost. I also cant afford to take care of myself in any extra ways (salon visits, chemical peels, etc) because most money goes to childcare. I recently really took an "L" when I watched a 20 year old girl snatch up a well-paid 40 year old man who has moved her into HIS home and bought her a nicer car than I will ever have all because she is smarter than I was at 20 and is using her femininity and youth. I was once an attractive young woman. While I got nothing but debt from my divorce, this young lady will likely acquire so many comforts just off the strength of picking a financially stable man. If she should ever get pregnant, she will still have a nice home and car even if she decides not to work and if anything happens to their union, she will be able to provide for her children easily because she will have monetary support. Am I bitter? Maybe. The lesson is, don't let anyone make you feel like a gold digger for making sure a man really cares for you and can reasonably support you both comfortably BEFORE marriage and kids. Its better for you and your children. OR else you'll be sitting somewhere with a bunch of stretchmarks and responsibility and no money for laser surgery.
Just date much older, like that girl next door. Work out at home. There's had me beauty treatments you can do too. But ultimately its a youthful attitude - you have to become a bit of an actress until he's put a ring on it lol. Be ruthless you're not even 40 yet, there's still hope. And don't tell them you have kids until you think he's worth it. Best wishes Lady xxxx
M K but life isn’t all roses just because someone has financial stability. Idk why people keep looking at others and not seeing the positivity to theirs. That 40 year old man may be taking advantage of her mentally and knows she’s Young. You never know. Just bc she has material comforts doesn’t mean everything will be fine for her. Idk where you people get these assumptions. Honestly you have a home kids and you pay your bills. It would be lovely to have a man but I’m sure your kids love you and you love them. You’re struggling to provide for them but one day they’ll provide for you. It all comes down to perspective. Life isn’t all doom and gloom we all make mistakes. It’s ok
Yeah so true our history is similar except that me I have decided tu turn my life around. With 5 kids a bit of saving Iam relocating somewhere I can have the life I want. I don’t want to be working full time and not have time for myself or the kids. I am 41 but look 35 max . I want to have the lifestyle you just said salon massage .
35 really is a turning point. I'm 37 and at 35 I started noticing that if I don't get enough sleep, I look like BAD, its noticeable. For me, sleep makes the most difference.
Oh same here! Definitely. I noticed last year at 34 that I needed to make a change. Slowing down, working more from home and taking a damn nap changed everything!
My psychology professor is 50 looking like she is 26. She basically said it to her class why and most those girls just didn’t listen. She chose a good man. He takes care of the bills while she takes care of him. She always happy and cool. She even gets the attention of the other college men. She offered me a few rides to work before and would secretly let me in on the know (i was a dual enrolled high school student) when dating, date for marriage and a life you want. If sista decided to quit teaching, she’d be ok. She taught her daughters the same thing, her daughter that go to that college don’t even give the dusty men a glance. She mingles with the honors and academics and the elites. A lot of girls in my class envied her and they were 21! I learned just from the subtle things she said and did. She said it in a way it was appropriate for college students. I’m glad i took her class as a high school student. She made me realize the secret. Her husband is so in love and attracted to her, he send her cute messages and do romantic things for her. Do not get in no “ 50/50 ” ladies. Let him be a man and you be a woman. You don’t have to be a housewife bc she isn’t but sis didn’t age a dime. And her body is amazing her personality ain’t bitter either. It’s youthful and joyful. I look up to her and aspire to be that when I’m 50 with tht lifestyle
I'm married but every single thing you said in this video is true. I'm 47 now and I don't have kids. If I had a daughter, I'd teach her the right way. Why don't women tell young girls this? The women in my life had so much advice for me all the time. And the women in the church were even worse. But damn nobody tells you when you are 20 or 21 that you literally can get any man you want. Successful men not only will date nobodies, but they prefer it! You could literally date a celebrity at that age! Do not waste your youth ladies. And I don't mean to sleep around. I was actually very much a "good girl" and while I don't regret that part, I do regret wasting my best years. I worked and went to school. I was responsible. I was very much involved in church. But I can't tell you what I was thinking other than God was going to send me a husband. It doesn't work that way. Make your life happen. Keep your faith but ditch that apathetic mentality. Again, why don't mothers and grandmothers tells women this stuff? At least there are women like Chloe telling you ladies the truth! Us ladies who were single in the early 90s with no internet had it rough! lol.
@Marisa Wiggins I guess my mother just didn't know better. She was born in 1946. She's an older baby boomer. After I was already married for some time I remember her saying once that girls should just wait until they are 30 to get married. Live life a little first. I said and which men do you think are sitting around waiting for these women? Dusties, that's who.
Unfortunately I have no choice but to waste my youthful years. I am told to wait for my husband that will magically appear out of nowhere. It could even mean until I am 34. Right now, I'm 23.
Well, my mom told me a lot of things that I should have listened to , but of course I DIDN'T. She always told me to go for the nerdy nice guys with good jobs. In my twenties, nothing sounded less appealing or more boring. Now, I realize that she is RIGHT, and she is speaking from experience- my dad vs. my stepdad. Probably wouldn't have listened to her if she had given me the info on this channel either. I guess some if us are rebellious , or have to find out the hard way!
Yes!!! There seems to be this silence around topics that should actually be "vital conversations," for women in their 20s. I don't know if it has something to do with letting people learn from their own mistakes, but it's comes across as spiteful that some women have information that could help younger women, but that information is not shared.
I recently turned 35 with three kids and 7 years married to my amazing protector and a provider husband. I have to say as a woman who desires this life since forever,my 35th birthday was amazing and I felt ready to be 35.
@@DemureSpectabilis Sooo good sis! I'm in the same boat at 25. I had to stop muling for people and start putting up better boundaries for my own sanity!
Loved this video. I am 30 and one of my new year's resolutions when I turned 27 was no friendships with older women who don't live a life I desire. That has really helped me stay on course on making sure my feminine keeps winning
Literally felt the switch after my second baby, I COULD NOT stand the job I once loved and prayed for, I craved to be home with my babies more than anything else. I literally felt into a dark depression with suicidal thoughts and everything. Of course at that time I had no idea what it was but looking back this is exactly what it was.... I'm home now and feel so light, the mere thought of breaking my back 60 hours a week for someone makes me shiver.
life started for me at 30. i spent decades being depressed and wanting to leave the world. i found the right proggrams after years of searching..and at 35 i feel like my life is just beginning. never had kids and i'm childfree.
Do you have any mental health credentials or training? While some of your observations are relevant, I think they tend to focus on negative and are disempowering in general. Why should we define ourselves in terms of what men are looking for? If you focus on being your best self, your personal growth, etc., you will attract the right person if that is what you are interested in.
Cynthia Beach 🏖 sis use your good sound and ring the alarm 🚨, invite some of our frustrated sisters to a “rest”, y’all gotta chill! I HAVE already lived my best life can’t nothing else fulfill me at 40 but seeing others dear hearts win! I don’t want my 24 year old coming to disempowering information reducing her to some slave to who’s ideas? If there’s no faith in you there’s no power! Sisters have to believe in themselves and be confidant that if you aren’t where you want to be you are where you need to be and that’s GOOD ENOUGH! Once you accept “GOOD ENOUGH” at any moment, it changes to BETTER and then you’ll find that you are indeed becoming your best! I don’t have any psychological degrees but I’m RAUCH Hakodesh certifiable sending this message !My only prayer is that wisdom answers my children when they are too searching! Blessup
Cynthia Beach Exactly. I’m 25 and didn’t like most the “blaming” this video did. .. eh it rubbed me off the wrong way in particular most of her content. Men want this men will do this men will do that if you do xyz don’t be left behind etc
Yeah and even if you change yourself according to want men want and you find one, you found one who loves this fake you and you have to keep up a facade. That is why a lot of people in relationships feel lonely, because their real selves aren’t allowed to shine through.
After 35 is when I started to have routine self-care which I rarely do when I was in my 20's, I started using sunscreen and moisturizer. Pills to balance my hormones, eating real foods. Now that I am 37 they still thought that I am still in my 20's been through a lot in life but I think I look better than in my 20's. I can still even wear the clothes I wore when I was in college and I still have the strength of my 20's. So don't feel bad it's just a matter of taking care of yourself.
marriage is to protect women post the epiphany phase /the wall aka 27-32 from loosing at that age to the attractive girls for the 3rd generation of 16-22 year olds. marriage is to protect old girls aka post wall women from loosing to wendy on fries at wendies fr the 3rd cycle in her life as if she is 30, two cycles have already passed of grade a and grade b women, only c is left, c doesnt win nor never has, c goes dutch, c looseis to a child. men dont loose to boys, women loose to girls, marriage spares women this.
I hope you live the rest of you're life single. Judging by how You're a single mom. I think you're man pumped and dumped you like you deserve. Women only go after attractive scumbags then wonder why they get mistreated
whatts your view first teach your daughters to make right decisions and take full responsibility to what happen to u a lot of women point the fingers at men but don’t take responsibility of the actions they took stop wasting their time on men who are not producers and providers
So true. My family is full of weak men (by blood and by marriage) and I never really saw a healthy relationship within the family. The woman dominated and did everything. And I was taught to not be picky and accept any kind of treatment just because a man was interested! NO WAY
That’s an absolute horrible idea. Hypergamy is by no means a great option. Teaching girls to have multiple avenues of men is not going to produce better men. In fact, it’ll produce the exact opposite. Women were their happiest during the 30s-70s, only until the modern day feminist bullcrap of today hit the scene did women start to be unhappy.
@@FadeHook23 If I knew my woman wasn't 100% committed to me then there's no reason I should be 100% committed to her. In that case, why bother with a long term relationship? These women say they want an LTR and commitment but do they act like it?
You hit the nail on the head. I'm over 40, tired, busy, just learning about hypergamy and on the path to embracing my feminity and soft life. I just want to thank you Chloe. I've been binging your videos for 3 days now. I really appreciate your wisdom.
What happens to purpose ,why are you here on this planet??? You sounded like when a lady is 35 and she is not married or have kids , that's the end of her life. She can choose not to get married it's her choice
I like your videos. I put these things into practice years ago and now I’m married to a provider. I finally got some standards, and invested in myself. You are definitely speaking the truth.
I'm 34, no marriage, no kids, no STDs, own my condo and starting my massage business. I'm chillin but I would live to find a decent guy who will take care of me. I still have faith🙌🙌🙌
If you black that melanin keeping you preserved just a lil bit longer you straight for another 5 or 6 years far as having a kids your looks you got atleast 10 more in you
@thelovelylife7451 34 isn't that young anymore, 40 aka middle age is around the corner and I'll be 35 next month in june and I'm a man saying this. You don't have all of the time in the world, you'll have to grow up or life will make you, one way or another. 💯
None of that material stuff matters! It's all about your character most importantly. 💯 Plus it's all about teamwork! It isn't about what a man can do for you. 💯
Great message! I'm 36 unmarried with no child yet. I plan to have that blessing when God chooses that path for me. If its not part of my journey. I'm ok cause I know I worked toward my self worth,care,& spiritual growth.🙌🙌
I am beyond sad because i realized i entered the world knowing absolutely nothing. My parents did nothing to prepare me for womanhood. Im 38 and its totally over for me. I am successful in my career though and working to provide financial security for myself and my daughter. This information is very helpful because i want to coach my daughter on how to conduct herself, be feminine , and secure a provider husband at a young age. This information is also helpful for me. Although I have absolutely given up on being married i can still be the best woman i can to be a good role model for my daughter. Thank you.
Not trying to ignore your feelings, but I really do believe that if you still want to get married you can. Sometimes you have to go to different places, look where you never have before to meet different people. I've seen many people getting married in their 40s and even past that. Just want to encourage you a bit as I am 35 and still believe in marriage❤❤
Sorry but don`t stop living before you are in your grave! Haven't vyou heard of people getting married in their 40s 50s and up?! Keep living and improving yourself! It ain't over `til you're I n your grave, literally!
Love the content. People say she's being negative in this video, yet everything she said is true. The truth just isnt pretty! Some folks rather be made to feel good than to face the reality.
I jus' turned 39, and I can't WAIT till I turn 40! I'm gearing up to be my best self. I have NO desire to "turn back" the hands of time. I'm moving forward with my life. I'm more spiritual, aware, & conscious of everything I do. Bring it on!
marriage is to protect women post the epiphany phase /the wall aka 27-32 from loosing at that age to the attractive girls for the 3rd generation of 16-22 year olds. marriage is to protect old girls aka post wall women from loosing to wendy on fries at wendies fr the 3rd cycle in her life as if she is 30, two cycles have already passed of grade a and grade b women, only c is left, c doesnt win nor never has, c goes dutch, c looseis to a child. men dont loose to boys, women loose to girls, marriage spares women this.
I am 49yrs old and try to educate my grown daughters. The problem is, many of them ignore what I say or think I am exaggerating. As they approach their 30s, they are noticing some slowdown and shifting to womanhood.
When I was in my mid twenties I didn’t care about my career and focused all my attention on finding the perfect guy. I was thin , beautiful, caring and smart. Guess what? I put so much pressure on myself and became very anxious about finding a husband that even though I had good options I wasn’t ready. Since dating was unsuccessful I got my Master’s and worked on managing my expectations and controlling my anxiety. I worked on becoming the best version of myself. I’m still changing and adapting and growing each day. Now I’m in my thirties and still hopeful I’ll marry and have a baby. I’m much more confident in myself and trust in God’s plan for me. You can’t predict your future or force an outcome but you can increase your positivity and hope. Do everything in your power to date and then stand back and let God take control.
Me to I have kids I had kids at the of 18 and three more around in my twenties but you know what my kids is older one in high school and one in the eighth and a one who just graduated in another one that’s Junior and another one in the six grade I’m going the stage what I like to call my selfish Season this where I care of myself i love getting older
I wish I knew all of this, I'm a new subscriber. Everything you're saying is true, but I guess I've been blessed! I actually started getting younger in my 30s, had my first child at 37. I will certainly be taking your advice!
@SARA The only solution yes, I had to be dead 9 years ago, but my daughter needs me. So this dinosaur is being very naughty to breath in the oxigen that should be used only by people under 35. Please don't tell the youngsters.
I'm 29. I've never married, no kids and I don't put up with dusty men. I would rather be single forever than deal with a man that doesn't want the best for me. I see how women decline when they are in draining relationships.
If its all about you.. believe you dont have a choise but to stay single forever. A man who you want is the one who will chase you... if you are worth it. But you cam say whatever you want to cope but women decline nomatter what.. make up isnt you eyelashes isnt yours dying hair is not your hair.. so you decline period. Everyone inculding men but men much slower accpt that fact to live in reality and maybe you will be saved.
@Mo B Not you giving advice but can't spell or use proper grammar. The phone even has spell check on it. Go back to elementary school. You missed a few lessons.
@@shannonmaire you really do not comprehend the meaning of that. Thats is why our conversion will end. Right here. Me and logic will leave the chat. I geuss u also do not understand when someone says are you blonde? Did you know water is wet?
I turned 35 this year and cried. I’ve never had a serious relationship, unmarried and have no children. I’ve longed for these things and I’ve had to take care of myself involuntarily. I’ve experienced a lot of what you said and watched everyone acquire everything that I wanted. You just made me more depressed
That actually is probably a " plus" for you in the dating world- no baggage. Also, I know it's depressing , and you think people are getting all these things you wish you had- but some of them might envy YOU. You still have options , aren't tied down, can move wherever, go out without securing a baby sitter, etc. You aren't STUCK with anyone. Also, you assume these people have great relationships- you don't know what they have to deal with, maybe its not all that great. And at least you didn't just settle for someone , that's knowing your worth. And your friends that ARE married happily and have what you want, they did it before you, so guess what- they will have all kinds of real advice when it comes time for your turn. My mom remarried at 45, and immediately retired early. She is being taken care of, and they are both sickeningly happy together. It's never too late, and remember the grass always seems greener on the other side
Stay uplifted my sister. The Most High has a specific plan and path for your life follow it. Keep building and becoming your best self. Stay prayed up, spend time with the heavenly father and in his timing he will connect the dots. Flee evil & temptation and continue to wait for his best in patience and in purity! Godbless.
You coulda told me all this in my twenties and I still wouldn’t have listened because when you’re young you think you’ll be young forever. Now I’m 37 and sometimes get a little scared at how my energy to work and grind is disappearing fast. Thank God I’m married. I still look good but every day seems like a battle not to hit the wall. Eating one slice of cake, forgetting to moisturize your face once, or missing one workout sets you back. I’ve taken up a keto diet along with intermittent fasting to slow down the aging process and to keep weight off long term. It’s pretty simple... sugar is the cause of premature aging, fat storage, disease, fatigue, and 90% of all other mental and physical problems. Give up carbs after 35 (yes even beans, potatoes, and most fruit) and you’ll age much more gracefully.
I’m 35. I still look like young Angelina Jolie and I’m incredibly wiser now. Thing is I just don’t give a f* about dating. I only want MONEY. I’ve been 20s and trash men have always been around and that has not changed. So count your BLESSINGS when you become invisible to trash
I Like that. Such a d@mn blessing to become invisible to Trash because let's be honest , a man who only would choose a woman on her youth and " beauty" is trash. Youth and beauty will fade for every human born into this planet. If that is our only option EVERY woman will be f*cked eventually. The only thing your gaining is a bag, and do you think a man who only wants you for your youth and beauty is going to just gladly give you the bag when he is done with you and persuing someone born after you? We need some balance with this topic.
“Im not looking for a man, let’s start there!” -Rihanna Men are nice if it’s a good relationship, but definitely not necessary. I’m 34 and realize now more than ever that happiness comes from within, and that if your energy is right, you’ll attract men all day everyday. I’m a traditional girl, but I don’t need a man; being happy with myself and my two kids is my top priority!
Queen Bee it seems you made assumptions because I am NOT single, I am happily coupled with the father of both of my two kids and I’m a SAHM. The message of my original post was that true happiness comes from within; all I need to be happy in life is me and my children. I love high value provider men, but if our relationship were to end for whatever reason, I would be perfectly content with myself and my kids until I decided to engage with another high value provider man.
Grayhamme Kennedy I beg to differ. I think you just assumed, because I never said that I was single lol. I’ll admit that my original post lends itself to interpretation to a certain extent, and it’s funny to me that some people love to automatically assume the negative. Everyone always says that true happiness comes from within, but the moment a mother says that her happiness comes from within herself and her children, some people automatically default to “single mom”. Perhaps you should check your implicit pre-judgments. 🤷🏾♀️
I wish I had a mother who would love and teach me how to excel in life. I had it myself and have seen it all around me how bitter and broken mothers set their beautiful young daughters to fail, settle for less, become a workhorse for a broke man and the history would repeat itself for another generation. Basically, they ingrained in them from early on how they must suffer and prove themselves every day. And for what? To be called a feminist? An independent woman? Now they're hitting late thirties and reality is kicking in. Just like you said, they are spent, waisted and no one cares. And they get cheated on and left for other, younger women. So, so terrifyingly scary. Ladies, get away from your toxic environment. You owe your life to no one but yourself. Cut all ties if necessary because one day, and that day is approaching rapidly, you will wake up and realize that it is too late.
Totally agree with you. I think society wants you to be so independent. I ended up having my first child at 38 and now I am pregnant with my second child at 39 with no problems, I do however wish that I would had my children younger and not be so focused on my career and owning my home and business. Not to take those things back, I worked hard for them, but if I had women role models that said focus on getting married, verses your career and being independent my life would be a lot different.
If your child chooses to have kids the same age as you. then there is a great risk that you will never see them because most people live to 70. Which is one of many tragedies about not having children early.
35 had come and gone for me. And it’s crazy how that 35 mark is so symbolic. It’s like that last mark of being young. This video is definitely speaking directly to me.
For me the dating pool open led even wider. I dated a 26 year old and a 53 year old in the same week. I had a ball! I’m more dateable now than I have ever been. It’s fun being hot while actually knowing what the hell you’re talking about when you speak, and knowing who the hell you are and aren’t. Also, what people don’t tell you is that around 35, a beautiful, peaceful relaxation cones over you as you realize it absolutely does not matter what other people think. Just the weight of that off your shoulders is AMAZING! I think before around 35 the maturity for that is just not available yet. Being over 35 is FANTASTIC. But not if you buy into the hype that you should just hate yourself at some specific number. Lastly sex only gets better and better as you know your body and chill out with the body issues you had before. You hit your stride in my experience.
The problem with your logic is that dating doesn’t necessarily lead to anything serious or long term. All you’re really doing is collecting new bedroom Pokemon and making it harder for yourself to appreciate a good man when you find him, and harder for him to take you seriously. Most sane men aren’t marrying a serial bedroom Pokemon collector or providing them security and safety. Why would they?
Im turning 33 this year and Im feeling my life is about to start 😄 Im married but my 20s were so draining, mentally and emotionally. Im so happy they are behind me.
@JessBusiness That's what I went through and the ones who did have kids did not want no more, and, I've dated older, and they had children and did not want no more, sucks.
Hmmmm....I enjoyed my 20’s but loving my 30’s and looking forward to 40’s. One thing I wish I knew....do not be friends with low level women. They are just as bad as a dusty. I befriended a few low level women “being nice” and eventually, I had to cut them off. Be kind but not nice and only do what benefits you ladies. Kind is doing something from the heart without any expectations. Being nice is doing something to appease someone, so an expectation is typically desired. If you practice more kindness you would be happier because you wouldn’t give more than you receive as long as the person you’re being kind to is DESERVING.
Omg not an empowering video...I'm 44 and yes dome truths were told but these things can happen at 20... I. Had my first child at 20 and second at 23 and had low confidence and was with a dusty of whom I got rid of... I'm now 44 mixed raced and single.. I'm confident. ..my hair is the longest it's ever been below my bust line...I can do what I want and travel..and I'm self employed... it's not all bad trust me it's all about PERCEPTION....
Exactly ! When I was 21 I was super un confident in myself. I didn’t know I had low self esteem. Looking back I was depressed at 21 and put too much pressure on myself right after college. It wasn’t until I was 34 that I was in a relationship and felt confident. Some people are late bloomers! So no 35 years old is not the end for every woman. For me it’s just the beginning!
I will be thirty this year and am already feeling the pressure. My best friend I talk about it all the time. She's already thirty. Neither one of us has kids. And no one taught us anything about game. But I'm glad I caught this NOW because life is moving! I'm not sure that I want kids or marriage, but I am sure that I want security! I have no problems with the parts of my femininity that wants to submit and follow. But I need to work on grooming myself instead of being groomed by society nd the dust I am surrounded by! A lot of the institutions that we had in place to teach women how to be feminine have been outright attacked and torn down and demonized by the masculine feminist movement amongst other things and it's to the point where these basic survival skills are coveted, sacred secrets that women will not share with other women. I cannot get enough of these videos! I'm so glad I found this channel because I am TIRED and I NEED this change NOW. I mean ... I had no idea I had so much masculinity, and now I know why I've had the troubles I've had. Even if I never settle down, at least I can feed my femininity and feel by best feminine self and hopefully teach misguided young women what I learned as an older woman. There may be some exceptions to the rule out there and I may luck up and find a successful man who is looking to settle in wisdom, who knows? But if I don't elevate my femininity, I'll be lost and I can't have that!
I wish I knew about hypergamy in my 20's. After 35 I've learned that I am responsible for my feelings, and that I am competent enough to bring the cash home if necessary.
I had just turned 30 this year and it was like my world crashed. Suddenly the world looked different to me and I didn’t realize I’d been living in a bubble. Everything seems scarier and like there is nothing out there for me and I have no control over my life. I’ve been getting better though. I’ve found purpose for what I want to do with myself, listening and paying attention to people more, reading, yoga and developing hobbies. I wish that my family had been more insistent in getting me structure and making me stick to my hobbies. I would be so flacks and all over the place. I could have been multilingual, painting, and been talented in dancing if they had just kept me focused on finishing what I start. Having creative and productive tasks to focus on and complete really helps control my thoughts and emotions, especially anger. I also wish that my family would care more about health. I’ve been working really hard to lose weight and be active but sometimes it’s a very challenge because I’m doing this on my own.
I'm turning 30 in a few weeks and feel the same struggles. I've been in survival mode my whole life but now going into leveling up mode. And I'm not upset about turning 30. I'm ready! I hope I will be much happier in my 30s than I was in my 20s.
I appreciate your candor and congratulate you on your journey! Good job for making those wonderful changes! A suggestion, if you feel like you're doing it on your own try joining meet ups for the activities and hobbies you like. My friends weren't into hiking or yoga so I did a couple of meet ups and met some cool people. O It also opened up my associates pool too. Keep at it, it will pay off!
I remember around my 30th birthday I had a sort of early mid life crisis. I had thought by 30 that I wpuld have had a lot more accomplished than I did. The semi- crisis only lasted a few months, if that. I think it's just a number symbolizing that NOW, you're a REAL adult.
Serendipidy Me Thanks for the suggestion I will DEFINITELY be doing that. Being responsible for myself is important for self control but man it helps to connect with people you can relate to. 🙏🏾
Set goals, invest in your hobbies, and go to social events with a gf or relative. 30 is young, be proactive, and try to live a full life and blessing will come
I’m 35…some days are good and some days are bad. I didn’t listen. I played around now I have lots of regrets. And I no longer have hope for marriage. Single mom life of a toddler co parenting with a narcissist. I literally just be surviving from day to day. ❤
This video isn't about helping you to feel sorry for yourself. With the right attitude, any woman can turn her entire life around at any AGE. Said with Love.
After 35 life is seen through the eyes of a hopefully more wise woman. I agree with this video. I'm learning you have to take care of yourself, looks, body, spirituality, mental, education. And reduce stress from all areas.
Society and other people will lead you to believe life ends at 35. It's about attitude, being smart with your money and loving yourself. Having a husband doesn't always mean you'll be taken care of, your bed will be warm or you won't be lonely. Life happens and you want to live long enough to get older. Sometimes a nice companion that is independent is sufficient. Contrary to what we've been taught marriage and kids is not for everyone.
Thank you, this resonates with me, this video seemed sort of judgmental, she was basically saying "just take any man that wants you and settle with him cuz you're gonna get ugly and society will judge you after 35"
this is my path --because 9 times out of 10 I will end up marrying my father in some shape or form. and that will be Hell. My path is set for me; separate homes, separate finances. no kids. unless I meet someone to prove me wrong.
I am 37 and SO DAMN EXHAUSTED, ALL THE TIME! I am grateful for my career and business, but it is draining the life out of me and keeping me from doing all the things that you mentioned in the video, because I feel like I have to re-invest in my business for future returns, rather than invest in myself. One, Five, Ten years from now, if I continue like this, I can write my future. I will be a swollen, aged, husk of a Single Woman. Thank you for this word! I was clueless.
@@LM-nn7sg Sold the business, upleveled my environment, having self- care experiences, working on the aesthetics, strengthening bonds in my Circle/ Community and living the Single Soft Life. Life is Beautiful.
I’m 31( and childless) and I wish I could have had this talk with someone when I was younger. I intentionally put off dating in my twenties to dedicate my time to school and work. It did pay off, I’m now financially stable and have a good career BUT it put me behind in the dating game. Dating at my age is so difficult, even at 31 there is stigma regarding my age. The pickings are beyond slim, and yes a lot of men my age have a lot of baggage. I do want children and I would like to be married before I do but I have come to the realization that it may not be an option for me. I’ll be 32 this year and I want to have children before 35 for health reasons. Now I feel like I have to choose between being an unwed single, black, mother or being childless.
Leisha when I was in my twenties I didn’t care about my career and focused all my attention on finding the perfect guy. I was thin , beautiful, caring and smart. Guess what? I put so much pressure on myself I became anxious about finding a husband that I had good options but I wasn’t ready. Now I’m your age and I feel way better about myself and have a healthier mind set. I’m hopeful I’ll get married and have kids even if it’s only one child . Do everything you can to date and after you do trust in God’s plan for you. I’m still learning to do this too. It’s hard but it teaches us faith.
I am 56...just learning myself worth. Wasted so much time searching for what I already have inside..And the vibrations are now wonderful...never to late to learn.
I'm 26 and I would love to think you beautiful ladies for your input. Love talking to older mature women,especially about dating smart in your 20's. I honestly look forward to aging. I'm in better health than I was at 19-21 and more confident
I have just turned 30 and I definitely relate. Throughout my 20s, I solely focused on becoming a physician. While it had its good benefits, no children, clear focus, no baggage. It definitely has its setbacks. No time to travel and explore, extreme debilitating stress, and poor health. Looking back I am glad I decided to pursue one of the hardest career paths, however I do regret that I lacked a loving relationship due to my lack of action. We learn from our mistakes and I want this next decade to be one of rediscovery and renewal. My career path ran me though the gutter, left me exhausted and tired. But there is so much more life I want to live.
Thank you for your perspective! I commend your work ethic, it ain’t easy being a surgeon, that too, a female one. How are things going now? It’s been 2 years since you commented. I am in my 20s and have recently let go of my medical school dreams as I know I am not competitive enough nor do I feel that same passion once the pandemic began. I aim to live a life of balance. Your comment reminds me of a surgeon named Arghavan Salles, another female surgeon who spoke up about struggles with dating and infertility. She is a great advocate for women!
I'm 33 and struggling. Depression is kicking my ass. No kids and never been married. I've just been sleeping for the past 8 months. Idk what to do. Time went by so fast. All I remember is being 30 so happy and free. Now ill be 34 in 6 months and I'm beyond lost.
Wow, this video is very enlightening. It's so frustrating to realize that everything I learned about men and about how to be a woman, I had to find out on my own. Unfortunately, due to my poor relationship with my mother, I didn't value myself and I didn't know about the importance of being selective. My mother is one of those 'strong, independent women who doesn't need a man,' but you can see that she's worn out. She's never put herself first, she's struggling with her weight and health and can't keep a man because of her need to show that she can do it all. Thankfully there's still hope for me.
I was never taught how to be féminine, I was never shown indepthly how to be féminine although my mother raised me and was herself very féminine she taught me strength, survival, independence, etc. She grew up motherless and in a very hard way. I love my mother dearly r.i.p💜 I'm grateful to her but wish I'd learned to be more féminine before now. I just turned 35 in September
No kids, not married, slim, attractive, talented etc. Age is just a number. Own home and business. Dating pool was trash in 20s teens esp 30s! I gave up on it. It seems so easy for men though. So much pressure for women! Sustain the body, looks, personality blah blah blah. All men need is a career and decent personality. Women have to "work " 70% harder than men. Sucks.
Lies we come straight from the bottom and have the become Superman in order to be successful in dating why most girls 18-20 go for most guys 30 and up …if u are 18-20 male in order to have success in dating u have to be the best provider available or whatever yall women call it where’s women 18-20 just can ask out multiple 25 and up dudes and be automatically successful unless you’re afraid of rejection Where’s 18-20 males will get rejected 1000s asking women out if they don’t bring money to the table and provide something U have it easy we have to literally out work those guys who are 30 + and up to have success in the dating market I know from experience… why do u think most young men are single the data is like 60-70 percent young men are single compared to 30% of women It’s a total different ball game compared to yall
I wish I had learned that I did not need to prove myself to men with my money and hard work. I wish I had understood that I am the prize and that anyone who did not treat me that way should have been out.
I’m in my 40’s and have been fortunate enough to keep my looks / physique together but u hit the nail on the head , it’s a gift and a curse I tend to attract younger men but no substantial connections..
I'm in my 40s and I don't attract younger men. I get men in my age group or older. I do look good for my age but I'm not interested in younger men. My advice for women in the 40s, pay attention to your diet, skin care regime, mental attitude and find a good excercise regime. I get compliments from guys all the time in regards to my skin.
I’m seeing a lot of conflicting comments here. There’s women who didn’t wait and their life is jacked up, then there’s women who did wait and there life is still jacked up. I guess it goes back to avoiding “dusties” at all cost, but what if it takes you until your 35+ to find the right one🤷🏾♀️
I would never want my daughter to listen to this video because I would not want her to think that having a man is security. Jesus our lord and savior is our security. You can get married to a man who provides security for you to 10 years or 20 years and then suddenly just walks off and leaves you dry High and then what what's the woman supposed to do then Fall to Pieces please those days are over does it make a woman less feminine when she can take care of herself we have to take care of ourselves it just makes us some more of a woman
I’m 22 and I really appreciate these videos. I will continue to share your videos to all my sisters! I’m practicing self compassion when I watch your videos because when I hear the truth and feel as though I have displayed some of the things you mention I can sometimes be hard on myself that I’ve made these mistakes. Self compassion has allowed me to free myself and be willing to unlearn, relearn and RECLAIM my high value. Bless you! These are necessary topics.
@@SuperLivin4jesus at 13 I studied the physical: Learned how to maintain my skin and body through every age AND STAYED CONSISTENT. (Water, sunscreen 365, moisturizer, hair-care for black women, nutrients etc) the same goes for the Mental, financial and the spiritual aspects of my life. I was surrounded by very insecure women and I work hard to avoid being like them best I can!
I use to be a center of attention by men , yesterday one of my colleagues invited me to his place and I was so happy and excited, I gave him all the vibe that I wanted him so he could do the move ( this use to be my technique to worn men down) , then nothing happened, after that I make a move to kiss him and he said no I don’t want to kiss you 😂 I never got rejected but since I turn 35 not even once I felt seen. It never bothered me until yesterday evening, it’s first time I realised that my time is up and I feel somehow sad , I use to date really a great men , like marriage Material and I thought I have time and choice and I left my 3 years fiancé red , now am alone without kids and Hausband, even though I could have been a great mom. And then u said the weight gain it all make sense 😂 I gained 12 KG and no matter what I did I couldn’t loose it. Even my men friends started saying like I use to be so hot as I was young, like they r saying my time is up 😢, even though I look and feel 27 or 28 , but men feels it I guess. Tank you for sharing it with us , I could have never talked about it with people I know 😊
I am 35 now, I will explain it with a parable. Its like climbing a mountain. When we turn 18 and leave high school we feel like the sky is the limit, we are on the bottom looking all the way up. After a few years you realize you are off the ground, and your legs are stronger from climbing so much. Once we reach 30 we just about reached the apex, just a little more to go, but since we are so tired we climb the last part very slowly. 35 is when you are at the top of the mountain, the climb is done. You enjoy the view before you start to climb down to the other side. This year has been very emotional for me, like my entire life has been playing in front of my eyes. There is still a lot of time left for us, and we can accomplish alot, but you really sense at 35 the good times are long gone.
I am 39 and although I am married with children, I can still testify that what you said was Correct, the body, looks and even dating. I have friends that are dating and they say it is horrible.
Dating for women is horrible at all ages. If it wasn’t then most women would be married in their 20s but they aren’t. It’s the lack of good men at all ages that is the issue.
Facts! I work two jobs because I help my mom and sister financially now I’m my knees and back hurt from my part time job and I’m overweight from eating fast food being that I don’t have time to cook. I’m quitting my part time job the end of next month and I’m focusing on losing weight and being the best version of myself. I’m mentally and physically exhausted 😩
I stumbled across your channel and find it refreshing to hear a woman speak on this taboo subject. I married at 21. At times I second guessed my decision seeing my peers having fun, and freedom to travel. Often I felt the stigma from other women on my decision to marry/have children young. However fast forward today I see the same ppl desperately trying to settle down, start a family (often failing at times) . I hear the complaints on not finding high value relationships. Now looking back I feel content with my decision and life is just beginning for us. I absolutely dont take my husband for granted and I'm mindful NOW to keep myself in shape as I get older. Thanks for the wise words as I feel not enough women hear this from other women. Its empowering and it's the truth. 🙌🙌🙌
You made the right decision!!👍 no doubt about it. And don't ever listen to anyone that says you should have waited. They are the ones that waited till their 30s and are now scrambling to find a partner. My sister is 39 and is panicking. I see it. I warned her in her 20s that all the guys she was dumping may come back to haunt her. She didn't listen.
Well alrighty then. I appreciate the 'realities' described but how 'bout some suggestions with said realities so that the video doesn't seem so gloom? I just found your channel & initially i thought it was about helping & empowering? 🤷🏾♀️ Some of your vernacular kinda sounds like these dusties with women bashing channels on YT, ssying things like "hit the wall". Men say that when they're trying to age shame women as if we aren't ALL AGING every day. Don't get it twisted, men have issues/changes with their bodies too! Suppose we live to 80 years old, should a woman live her life as "old" from 35 until 80? Seems little silly to me. At the end of the day ladies AGE IS RELATIVE depending on whom you ask so in short: live your best life, drink plenty of water, moisturize your skin & keep yourself up & out of the 7 billion people in this world that '1' will feel your energy & come to you. Love you Queens! 🙌🏾😘
Very well stated! LOVE your energy! We HAVE to watch our thoughts and what we spiritually and mentally ingest/digest. It can possibly make or break us. Loved your suggestions on how to live the best life possible. I do the same things! We are all on a journey through this thing called life PERIOD. We just need to do it in a healthy manner and have a much healthy love and fun in our lives . Loved your response 👏🏽👍🏾
You seem to have such a disdain for women over 35. By your estimation a woman is only valuable for about 15 yrs. 20 -35. According to you it's all downhill after that. For your sake I hope that's not the truth.
A lot of these well informed and older women are too selfish and bitter to tell the youngers about reality. The others just don't know any better. I still hear well-intentionned women saying: 'A woman should wait to be 30 to get married.'
I’m in my very early 20s and I love all of your videos. Some people just don’t getting your message or are taking what you are saying as a personal attack on them, but please continue teaching us. Listening to your videos gives me a different prospective in life and you articulate everything I’ve been dying to feelings/experience but been unable to due to lack of knowledge as well as societies standard about being “an independent black woman” I feel so empowered. Would it be possible to make a video about how valuable sex is to men and why they want it (I haven’t never been educated in this area and know very little about the important of sex)
I don't understand why 35 has to be the end. I feel like if you continue to take care of Gods business , yourself skincare ,hair,makeup and body care/gym and health and u continue to keep working i believe you will still get a good husband a good life but i also believe that you have to be confident and keep a good attitude because if your an insecure nasty women many men no matter what age find that unattractive and will cause issues but 35 is only the end if you let it be. We all have choices and every choice we make good or bad affects us
I was told he would come and “ find me”. I was also told God would bring me someone. All I had to do was pray. I was told God had a “ plan”. I am now 50 , turning 51 next month, white, look very young for my age ( which DOES not help by the way!), I have tons of good qualities, but I am coming to terms that a family will never happen for me. I kept hope for a long time. I will die alone! I have no parents, I have no kids! No grandchildren to look forward to! Life at 50 with no kids and no husband is a bitter lonely hell! Make hay while the sunshine’s ladies. The sun shines in your life , typically between 19 and 22. I was at home watching MTV during those years! Life goes by fast! Don’t waste the opportunities you get when you are young!!!
Ladies please understand marriage and kids is a young women thing in the eyes 👀 of nearly 99 percent of ALL men on the planet! Men typically don’t want older women 35 years old and above. A woman’s power is her youth, looks, fertility and feminine nature. Mother Nature gives it to you. Father Time takes it away.
This video is stupid , you should have pampered yourself, shopped, travelled the world, and had any man you want by 25 bwahahahah! By 35 I suggest you become purpose driven ,volunteer GIVE BACK FOR ALL THE GOOD LIFE THE MOST HIGH GAVE YOU, gratitude is an attitude of “more life “and prosperity -spiritually ,mentally, n physically ! Learn to give , give, give! Real Men will adore you if you about that life but you need to define what “ that life” is ! More importantly children and your community will love you ( how can you be damn near 40 still worried about mundane aspects of life?)To sum it up put away childish youthful lust by the time you 35 GROW UP and find purpose based off of what truly inspires you in life:THEN JUST DO IT LIKE NIKE! True fulfillment for a grown women will never come to a mutant of a women ! Claim YOUR life ladies don’t let anyone define what that should look like and be true!Now you’re happy 😃 trust me I’m living proof fully loaded with all the trials that taught me best! African women are born winners sis! looser talk is for looser stock !
I recently found your channel. I am an over 35 y/o married woman with children, and yes ladies you change. Your mindset changes, your body changes. I found myself slowing down. I was a do-it-all career woman raised by a single mother who raised me to finish school and have a career where I could more than provide for myself. However I had to unlearn and relearn so much about femininity. Ladies I could not do it all after 35...even in my marriage I learned the value that I bring to my family. I work less now...take care of myself and family. I released the ideas that I could have the top notch career, family, and still take care of myself as a woman. Your advice can apply to single and married women. I wish this information was around when I was younger.
How are we always talking about older women fertility and in the same breath saying they should date older men and quality of their sperm start to decrease at thirty five effecting the baby but they don't get any pressure
I’m under 35 but this information from you ladies is PURE! Thank you.
@@biggki00exactly 😊
How do you feel about what you said 4 years ago? Do you feel the same?
A lot of you are saying you wish you knew because at 21 you could have bagged millionaires...
But to be honest most of us at 21 didn't know much about men, got treated badly, weren't confident and acted basic. With age and experience comes wisdom...
Only a few could have bagged a millionaire.
Tina kai teach Queen
Yep
💯💯💯
That’s the truth
For those of us who really did want to have a family and the white picket fence, this video tells no lies. Im one of the idiots who did settle down early, but with a dusty because I told myself I could do it all. He took advantage. The dating pool shrinks for a woman with kids, especially a black woman and now I am over 35 and learned too late. I am very tired because I bought a home by myself, am shuttling around kids by myself, work full-time and cannot afford the vacations, or a home in the right neighborhood because 2 incomes are needed. I don't drive what I would like to drive and no prince charming is in sight to give me a boost. I also cant afford to take care of myself in any extra ways (salon visits, chemical peels, etc) because most money goes to childcare. I recently really took an "L" when I watched a 20 year old girl snatch up a well-paid 40 year old man who has moved her into HIS home and bought her a nicer car than I will ever have all because she is smarter than I was at 20 and is using her femininity and youth. I was once an attractive young woman. While I got nothing but debt from my divorce, this young lady will likely acquire so many comforts just off the strength of picking a financially stable man. If she should ever get pregnant, she will still have a nice home and car even if she decides not to work and if anything happens to their union, she will be able to provide for her children easily because she will have monetary support. Am I bitter? Maybe. The lesson is, don't let anyone make you feel like a gold digger for making sure a man really cares for you and can reasonably support you both comfortably BEFORE marriage and kids. Its better for you and your children. OR else you'll be sitting somewhere with a bunch of stretchmarks and responsibility and no money for laser surgery.
I thank you for the warning. God bless you
Just date much older, like that girl next door. Work out at home. There's had me beauty treatments you can do too. But ultimately its a youthful attitude - you have to become a bit of an actress until he's put a ring on it lol. Be ruthless you're not even 40 yet, there's still hope. And don't tell them you have kids until you think he's worth it. Best wishes Lady xxxx
Thank you being honest. I respect and appreciate your transparency. Sending positive vibes your way and wishing you the best that life has to offer ❤️
M K but life isn’t all roses just because someone has financial stability. Idk why people keep looking at others and not seeing the positivity to theirs. That 40 year old man may be taking advantage of her mentally and knows she’s Young. You never know. Just bc she has material comforts doesn’t mean everything will be fine for her. Idk where you people get these assumptions. Honestly you have a home kids and you pay your bills. It would be lovely to have a man but I’m sure your kids love you and you love them. You’re struggling to provide for them but one day they’ll provide for you. It all comes down to perspective. Life isn’t all doom and gloom we all make mistakes. It’s ok
Yeah so true our history is similar except that me I have decided tu turn my life around. With 5 kids a bit of saving Iam relocating somewhere I can have the life I want. I don’t want to be working full time and not have time for myself or the kids. I am 41 but look 35 max . I want to have the lifestyle you just said salon massage .
35 really is a turning point. I'm 37 and at 35 I started noticing that if I don't get enough sleep, I look like BAD, its noticeable. For me, sleep makes the most difference.
sleeping is recovery🌛
Yes, more sleep
Oh same here! Definitely. I noticed last year at 34 that I needed to make a change. Slowing down, working more from home and taking a damn nap changed everything!
Same
I wholeheartedly agree
My psychology professor is 50 looking like she is 26. She basically said it to her class why and most those girls just didn’t listen. She chose a good man. He takes care of the bills while she takes care of him. She always happy and cool. She even gets the attention of the other college men. She offered me a few rides to work before and would secretly let me in on the know (i was a dual enrolled high school student) when dating, date for marriage and a life you want. If sista decided to quit teaching, she’d be ok. She taught her daughters the same thing, her daughter that go to that college don’t even give the dusty men a glance. She mingles with the honors and academics and the elites. A lot of girls in my class envied her and they were 21! I learned just from the subtle things she said and did. She said it in a way it was appropriate for college students. I’m glad i took her class as a high school student. She made me realize the secret. Her husband is so in love and attracted to her, he send her cute messages and do romantic things for her. Do not get in no “ 50/50 ” ladies. Let him be a man and you be a woman. You don’t have to be a housewife bc she isn’t but sis didn’t age a dime. And her body is amazing her personality ain’t bitter either. It’s youthful and joyful. I look up to her and aspire to be that when I’m 50 with tht lifestyle
Great Video. She speaking the truth ladies.
If a guy today wrote this he would be shot by the you know who crowd. Stay strong
What happens if the husband leaves her, or dies, or loses his job? All entirely possible scenarios.
@@kp361 they be living in a fairy tale
@@aloowalia2849 She is a proffesor
I'm married but every single thing you said in this video is true. I'm 47 now and I don't have kids. If I had a daughter, I'd teach her the right way. Why don't women tell young girls this? The women in my life had so much advice for me all the time. And the women in the church were even worse. But damn nobody tells you when you are 20 or 21 that you literally can get any man you want. Successful men not only will date nobodies, but they prefer it! You could literally date a celebrity at that age! Do not waste your youth ladies.
And I don't mean to sleep around. I was actually very much a "good girl" and while I don't regret that part, I do regret wasting my best years. I worked and went to school. I was responsible. I was very much involved in church. But I can't tell you what I was thinking other than God was going to send me a husband. It doesn't work that way. Make your life happen. Keep your faith but ditch that apathetic mentality.
Again, why don't mothers and grandmothers tells women this stuff? At least there are women like Chloe telling you ladies the truth! Us ladies who were single in the early 90s with no internet had it rough! lol.
@Marisa Wiggins I guess my mother just didn't know better. She was born in 1946. She's an older baby boomer. After I was already married for some time I remember her saying once that girls should just wait until they are 30 to get married. Live life a little first. I said and which men do you think are sitting around waiting for these women? Dusties, that's who.
Great comment
they tell you but you dont listen at that age. you know it all already
Unfortunately I have no choice but to waste my youthful years. I am told to wait for my husband that will magically appear out of nowhere. It could even mean until I am 34. Right now, I'm 23.
Well, my mom told me a lot of things that I should have listened to , but of course I DIDN'T. She always told me to go for the nerdy nice guys with good jobs. In my twenties, nothing sounded less appealing or more boring. Now, I realize that she is RIGHT, and she is speaking from experience- my dad vs. my stepdad. Probably wouldn't have listened to her if she had given me the info on this channel either. I guess some if us are rebellious , or have to find out the hard way!
The problem is older women don’t tell younger women the truth
It’s so sad isn’t it 😢? Even if we tell others they will judge and not listen because they think they have time. just like we thought
No one will tell you. They will show up when you are in your 40's to put pressure on you concerning children.
100% even your mother !
what truth?
The truth his a very high rate of divorce, and no path is a guarantee.
Yes!!! There seems to be this silence around topics that should actually be "vital conversations," for women in their 20s. I don't know if it has something to do with letting people learn from their own mistakes, but it's comes across as spiteful that some women have information that could help younger women, but that information is not shared.
I recently turned 35 with three kids and 7 years married to my amazing protector and a provider husband.
I have to say as a woman who desires this life since forever,my 35th birthday was amazing and I felt ready to be 35.
@Merican Modi get some help
I wish I was told to fight for what I want instead of focusing on just being nice, polite and waiting my turn for good karma to come my way.
Hear hear!
@@DemureSpectabilis Sooo good sis! I'm in the same boat at 25. I had to stop muling for people and start putting up better boundaries for my own sanity!
Yesssss this part
Loved this video. I am 30 and one of my new year's resolutions when I turned 27 was no friendships with older women who don't live a life I desire. That has really helped me stay on course on making sure my feminine keeps winning
Ijeoma Lyons this !!!!
Good idea
I'm 34. I look better now than I did 25 to 29. I don't give up on me. It's work, but I keep myself up always.
When I was younger I saw many women in their 30s let themselves go and they looked awful. I vowed to never be like that.
👀
Literally felt the switch after my second baby, I COULD NOT stand the job I once loved and prayed for, I craved to be home with my babies more than anything else. I literally felt into a dark depression with suicidal thoughts and everything. Of course at that time I had no idea what it was but looking back this is exactly what it was.... I'm home now and feel so light, the mere thought of breaking my back 60 hours a week for someone makes me shiver.
life started for me at 30. i spent decades being depressed and wanting to leave the world. i found the right proggrams after years of searching..and at 35 i feel like my life is just beginning. never had kids and i'm childfree.
@@ratelhoneybadger i am!! (not sure if your gender so not saying i am girl. hehe) it's a blessing.
Do you have any mental health credentials or training? While some of your observations are relevant, I think they tend to focus on negative and are disempowering in general. Why should we define ourselves in terms of what men are looking for? If you focus on being your best self, your personal growth, etc., you will attract the right person if that is what you are interested in.
Cynthia Beach 🏖 sis use your good sound and ring the alarm 🚨, invite some of our frustrated sisters to a “rest”, y’all gotta chill! I HAVE already lived my best life can’t nothing else fulfill me at 40 but seeing others dear hearts win! I don’t want my 24 year old coming to disempowering information reducing her to some slave to who’s ideas? If there’s no faith in you there’s no power! Sisters have to believe in themselves and be confidant that if you aren’t where you want to be you are where you need to be and that’s GOOD ENOUGH! Once you accept “GOOD ENOUGH” at any moment, it changes to BETTER and then you’ll find that you are indeed becoming your best! I don’t have any psychological degrees but I’m RAUCH Hakodesh certifiable sending this message !My only prayer is that wisdom answers my children when they are too searching! Blessup
Cynthia Beach Exactly. I’m 25 and didn’t like most the “blaming” this video did. .. eh it rubbed me off the wrong way in particular most of her content. Men want this men will do this men will do that if you do xyz don’t be left behind etc
Yeah and even if you change yourself according to want men want and you find one, you found one who loves this fake you and you have to keep up a facade. That is why a lot of people in relationships feel lonely, because their real selves aren’t allowed to shine through.
Yes it is very negative...
Exactly. I really am so pissed with some of the bull that comes out of her mouth
Aaarrrrrgggggg😡😡
After 35 is when I started to have routine self-care which I rarely do when I was in my 20's, I started using sunscreen and moisturizer. Pills to balance my hormones, eating real foods. Now that I am 37 they still thought that I am still in my 20's been through a lot in life but I think I look better than in my 20's. I can still even wear the clothes I wore when I was in college and I still have the strength of my 20's. So don't feel bad it's just a matter of taking care of yourself.
Yes I started my skincare routine in my 30s. I've noticed a difference in my skin and how I feel about myself.
I love this. If you don’t mind me asking, what hormone balancing pills do you take?
marriage is to protect women post the epiphany phase /the wall aka 27-32 from loosing at that age to the attractive girls for the 3rd generation of 16-22 year olds. marriage is to protect old girls aka post wall women from loosing to wendy on fries at wendies fr the 3rd cycle in her life as if she is 30, two cycles have already passed of grade a and grade b women, only c is left, c doesnt win nor never has, c goes dutch, c looseis to a child.
men dont loose to boys, women loose to girls, marriage spares women this.
How’s life going for you now?
@@LM-nn7sg shes 41 now lol
I am 12 years away from 35. I am so grateful for this advice. This definitely changes the way I plan my life now....
8 now 😂
Even Christ carried a "money box" John 13:29
And now you are only 7-8 years away from 35,how are u doing?
This is SPOT on. I am a 37 year old single mom but I refuse to give up!
Adeola Lawal am rooting for you queen NEVER GIVE UP ON URSELF EVER EVEN AT 90 yrs
I hope you live the rest of you're life single. Judging by how You're a single mom. I think you're man pumped and dumped you like you deserve. Women only go after attractive scumbags then wonder why they get mistreated
This why our daughters have to be taught hypergamy, investing and finance from an early age, and stop tolerating lazy men.
whatts your view first teach your daughters to make right decisions and take full responsibility to what happen to u a lot of women point the fingers at men but don’t take responsibility of the actions they took stop wasting their time on men who are not producers and providers
So true. My family is full of weak men (by blood and by marriage) and I never really saw a healthy relationship within the family. The woman dominated and did everything. And I was taught to not be picky and accept any kind of treatment just because a man was interested! NO WAY
That’s an absolute horrible idea. Hypergamy is by no means a great option. Teaching girls to have multiple avenues of men is not going to produce better men. In fact, it’ll produce the exact opposite. Women were their happiest during the 30s-70s, only until the modern day feminist bullcrap of today hit the scene did women start to be unhappy.
@@FadeHook23 If I knew my woman wasn't 100% committed to me then there's no reason I should be 100% committed to her. In that case, why bother with a long term relationship? These women say they want an LTR and commitment but do they act like it?
You do know men are paying attention to hypergamy. In that same vein men are more than happy to lease but buying is expensive
You hit the nail on the head. I'm over 40, tired, busy, just learning about hypergamy and on the path to embracing my feminity and soft life. I just want to thank you Chloe. I've been binging your videos for 3 days now. I really appreciate your wisdom.
You’re welcome.❤️
What happens to purpose ,why are you here on this planet??? You sounded like when a lady is 35 and she is not married or have kids , that's the end of her life. She can choose not to get married it's her choice
I like your videos. I put these things into practice years ago and now I’m married to a provider. I finally got some standards, and invested in myself. You are definitely speaking the truth.
I'm 34, no marriage, no kids, no STDs, own my condo and starting my massage business. I'm chillin but I would live to find a decent guy who will take care of me. I still have faith🙌🙌🙌
What city you live in?
What caretaking do you need? ....you own a condo and a business. Sounds like you're looking for a handyman
If you black that melanin keeping you preserved just a lil bit longer you straight for another 5 or 6 years far as having a kids your looks you got atleast 10 more in you
@thelovelylife7451 34 isn't that young anymore, 40 aka middle age is around the corner and I'll be 35 next month in june and I'm a man saying this. You don't have all of the time in the world, you'll have to grow up or life will make you, one way or another. 💯
None of that material stuff matters! It's all about your character most importantly. 💯 Plus it's all about teamwork! It isn't about what a man can do for you. 💯
Great message! I'm 36 unmarried with no child yet. I plan to have that blessing when God chooses that path for me. If its not part of my journey. I'm ok cause I know I worked toward my self worth,care,& spiritual growth.🙌🙌
Liah knows best me too
Bless you ❤️❤️❤️
Liah ...we need more people on internet who say things you are saying...
God bless!
Gonna be a cat lady
I am beyond sad because i realized i entered the world knowing absolutely nothing. My parents did nothing to prepare me for womanhood. Im 38 and its totally over for me. I am successful in my career though and working to provide financial security for myself and my daughter. This information is very helpful because i want to coach my daughter on how to conduct herself, be feminine , and secure a provider husband at a young age. This information is also helpful for me. Although I have absolutely given up on being married i can still be the best woman i can to be a good role model for my daughter. Thank you.
Not trying to ignore your feelings, but I really do believe that if you still want to get married you can. Sometimes you have to go to different places, look where you never have before to meet different people. I've seen many people getting married in their 40s and even past that.
Just want to encourage you a bit as I am 35 and still believe in marriage❤❤
Sorry but don`t stop living before you are in your grave! Haven't vyou heard of people getting married in their 40s 50s and up?! Keep living and improving yourself! It ain't over `til you're I n your grave, literally!
Love the content. People say she's being negative in this video, yet everything she said is true. The truth just isnt pretty! Some folks rather be made to feel good than to face the reality.
blewprent some folks also just don't have the same experience
Exactly
Right!!
@@katk3489 this Durant make the message negative, it just doesn’t apply to all. For who it applies to, she’s helping out a lot.
Truth before positivity, we say in Buddhism
I jus' turned 39, and I can't WAIT till I turn 40! I'm gearing up to be my best self. I have NO desire to "turn back" the hands of time. I'm moving forward with my life. I'm more spiritual, aware, & conscious of everything I do. Bring it on!
I know this video was intended for black women but this is 100% for all women and they all should hear it.
marriage is to protect women post the epiphany phase /the wall aka 27-32 from loosing at that age to the attractive girls for the 3rd generation of 16-22 year olds. marriage is to protect old girls aka post wall women from loosing to wendy on fries at wendies fr the 3rd cycle in her life as if she is 30, two cycles have already passed of grade a and grade b women, only c is left, c doesnt win nor never has, c goes dutch, c looseis to a child.
men dont loose to boys, women loose to girls, marriage spares women this.
I am 49yrs old and try to educate my grown daughters. The problem is, many of them ignore what I say or think I am exaggerating. As they approach their 30s, they are noticing some slowdown and shifting to womanhood.
When I was in my mid twenties I didn’t care about my career and focused all my attention on finding the perfect guy. I was thin , beautiful, caring and smart. Guess what? I put so much pressure on myself and became very anxious about finding a husband that even though I had good options I wasn’t ready.
Since dating was unsuccessful I got my Master’s and worked on managing my expectations and controlling my anxiety. I worked on becoming the best version of myself. I’m still changing and adapting and growing each day.
Now I’m in my thirties and still hopeful I’ll marry and have a baby.
I’m much more confident in myself and trust in God’s plan for me. You can’t predict your future or force an outcome but you can increase your positivity and hope. Do everything in your power to date and then stand back and let God take control.
I’m 36 and I wish I was told and understood all the things u spoke about in this video. I’m grateful I am aware now.
Me to I have kids I had kids at the of 18 and three more around in my twenties but you know what my kids is older one in high school and one in the eighth and a one who just graduated in another one that’s Junior and another one in the six grade I’m going the stage what I like to call my selfish Season this where I care of myself i love getting older
I wish I knew all of this, I'm a new subscriber. Everything you're saying is true, but I guess I've been blessed! I actually started getting younger in my 30s, had my first child at 37. I will certainly be taking your advice!
So basically your life is over after 35. That's a really depressing message to spread. Not for me.
@SARA The only solution yes, I had to be dead 9 years ago, but my daughter needs me. So this dinosaur is being very naughty to breath in the oxigen that should be used only by people under 35. Please don't tell the youngsters.
Michelle Okwo yes
Lol... Speak for yourself
I'm 29. I've never married, no kids and I don't put up with dusty men. I would rather be single forever than deal with a man that doesn't want the best for me. I see how women decline when they are in draining relationships.
If its all about you.. believe you dont have a choise but to stay single forever. A man who you want is the one who will chase you... if you are worth it. But you cam say whatever you want to cope but women decline nomatter what.. make up isnt you eyelashes isnt yours dying hair is not your hair.. so you decline period. Everyone inculding men but men much slower accpt that fact to live in reality and maybe you will be saved.
@Mo B Not you giving advice but can't spell or use proper grammar. The phone even has spell check on it. Go back to elementary school. You missed a few lessons.
Haha I will and I can cuz my clock doesn't tik like yours. Thanks for your advise.
@@mob2081 Everyone dies alone. Your gender doesn't make you special.
@@shannonmaire you really do not comprehend the meaning of that. Thats is why our conversion will end. Right here. Me and logic will leave the chat. I geuss u also do not understand when someone says are you blonde? Did you know water is wet?
I have no regret at all, for being single up till now! There are still single men out there, I will never settle for less, !
Just like a job, everyone settles for what they qualify for.
I turned 35 this year and cried. I’ve never had a serious relationship, unmarried and have no children. I’ve longed for these things and I’ve had to take care of myself involuntarily. I’ve experienced a lot of what you said and watched everyone acquire everything that I wanted. You just made me more depressed
Karen Ogbugbulu you should invest in a dating coach
@@vlee7217 i have they are very expensive and don't yield results.
That actually is probably a " plus" for you in the dating world- no baggage. Also, I know it's depressing , and you think people are getting all these things you wish you had- but some of them might envy YOU. You still have options , aren't tied down, can move wherever, go out without securing a baby sitter, etc. You aren't STUCK with anyone. Also, you assume these people have great relationships- you don't know what they have to deal with, maybe its not all that great. And at least you didn't just settle for someone , that's knowing your worth. And your friends that ARE married happily and have what you want, they did it before you, so guess what- they will have all kinds of real advice when it comes time for your turn. My mom remarried at 45, and immediately retired early. She is being taken care of, and they are both sickeningly happy together. It's never too late, and remember the grass always seems greener on the other side
Stay uplifted my sister. The Most High has a specific plan and path for your life follow it. Keep building and becoming your best self. Stay prayed up, spend time with the heavenly father and in his timing he will connect the dots. Flee evil & temptation and continue to wait for his best in patience and in purity! Godbless.
Adopt a child and get a pet.
You coulda told me all this in my twenties and I still wouldn’t have listened because when you’re young you think you’ll be young forever. Now I’m 37 and sometimes get a little scared at how my energy to work and grind is disappearing fast. Thank God I’m married. I still look good but every day seems like a battle not to hit the wall. Eating one slice of cake, forgetting to moisturize your face once, or missing one workout sets you back. I’ve taken up a keto diet along with intermittent fasting to slow down the aging process and to keep weight off long term. It’s pretty simple... sugar is the cause of premature aging, fat storage, disease, fatigue, and 90% of all other mental and physical problems. Give up carbs after 35 (yes even beans, potatoes, and most fruit) and you’ll age much more gracefully.
I wish I would have told myself not to waste my time dating someone for 7 years that was never going to commit.
Me too sis I wish I knew better wasted 6 years for nothing
I’m 35. I still look like young Angelina Jolie and I’m incredibly wiser now. Thing is I just don’t give a f* about dating. I only want MONEY. I’ve been 20s and trash men have always been around and that has not changed. So count your BLESSINGS when you become invisible to trash
I Like that. Such a d@mn blessing to become invisible to Trash because let's be honest , a man who only would choose a woman on her youth and " beauty" is trash.
Youth and beauty will fade for every human born into this planet.
If that is our only option EVERY woman will be f*cked eventually.
The only thing your gaining is a bag, and do you think a man who only wants you for your youth and beauty is going to just gladly give you the bag when he is done with you and persuing someone born after you?
We need some balance with this topic.
Secret Journey money doesn't bring happiness but the smile of your love ones
Get that money. Start a business. Go highly leveraged on crypto maybe. You'lll get there!
“Im not looking for a man, let’s start there!” -Rihanna
Men are nice if it’s a good relationship, but definitely not necessary. I’m 34 and realize now more than ever that happiness comes from within, and that if your energy is right, you’ll attract men all day everyday. I’m a traditional girl, but I don’t need a man; being happy with myself and my two kids is my top priority!
Yeeesss honey say that!
@TravelingDiva2018 lol ain't Rihanna got like a billionaire.
Queen Bee it seems you made assumptions because I am NOT single, I am happily coupled with the father of both of my two kids and I’m a SAHM.
The message of my original post was that true happiness comes from within; all I need to be happy in life is me and my children. I love high value provider men, but if our relationship were to end for whatever reason, I would be perfectly content with myself and my kids until I decided to engage with another high value provider man.
Your initial post is misleading... sounded like happy single baby mama...
Grayhamme Kennedy I beg to differ. I think you just assumed, because I never said that I was single lol. I’ll admit that my original post lends itself to interpretation to a certain extent, and it’s funny to me that some people love to automatically assume the negative.
Everyone always says that true happiness comes from within, but the moment a mother says that her happiness comes from within herself and her children, some people automatically default to “single mom”.
Perhaps you should check your implicit pre-judgments. 🤷🏾♀️
I wish I had a mother who would love and teach me how to excel in life. I had it myself and have seen it all around me how bitter and broken mothers set their beautiful young daughters to fail, settle for less, become a workhorse for a broke man and the history would repeat itself for another generation. Basically, they ingrained in them from early on how they must suffer and prove themselves every day. And for what? To be called a feminist? An independent woman? Now they're hitting late thirties and reality is kicking in. Just like you said, they are spent, waisted and no one cares. And they get cheated on and left for other, younger women. So, so terrifyingly scary. Ladies, get away from your toxic environment. You owe your life to no one but yourself. Cut all ties if necessary because one day, and that day is approaching rapidly, you will wake up and realize that it is too late.
lmao add you implying that women don’t get cheated on in marriage? 😭😭😭
Single moms are dangerous, that's why we need good fathers.
It was my father who failed me .
Totally agree with you. I think society wants you to be so independent. I ended up having my first child at 38 and now I am pregnant with my second child at 39 with no problems, I do however wish that I would had my children younger and not be so focused on my career and owning my home and business. Not to take those things back, I worked hard for them, but if I had women role models that said focus on getting married, verses your career and being independent my life would be a lot different.
If your child chooses to have kids the same age as you. then there is a great risk that you will never see them
because most people live to 70.
Which is one of many tragedies about not having children early.
Did you have trouble conceiving before you had your first child at age 38? Was it through IVF or natural?
35 had come and gone for me. And it’s crazy how that 35 mark is so symbolic. It’s like that last mark of being young. This video is definitely speaking directly to me.
How are you doing now 5 years later?
For me the dating pool open led even wider. I dated a 26 year old and a 53 year old in the same week. I had a ball! I’m more dateable now than I have ever been. It’s fun being hot while actually knowing what the hell you’re talking about when you speak, and knowing who the hell you are and aren’t.
Also, what people don’t tell you is that around 35, a beautiful, peaceful relaxation cones over you as you realize it absolutely does not matter what other people think. Just the weight of that off your shoulders is AMAZING! I think before around 35 the maturity for that is just not available yet. Being over 35 is FANTASTIC. But not if you buy into the hype that you should just hate yourself at some specific number.
Lastly sex only gets better and better as you know your body and chill out with the body issues you had before. You hit your stride in my experience.
Exactly
Lies and delusions
The problem with your logic is that dating doesn’t necessarily lead to anything serious or long term.
All you’re really doing is collecting new bedroom Pokemon and making it harder for yourself to appreciate a good man when you find him, and harder for him to take you seriously.
Most sane men aren’t marrying a serial bedroom Pokemon collector or providing them security and safety. Why would they?
Im turning 33 this year and Im feeling my life is about to start 😄 Im married but my 20s were so draining, mentally and emotionally. Im so happy they are behind me.
As a dude dating past 30 sucks, it’s either date someone around my age and be a step dad or date a 20 something year old child. Wack!
Pretty much lol. I just mostly deal with with in other countries outside of America.
JessBusiness are you in the south? People there tend to have kids young which is admirable I guess.
@JessBusiness That's what I went through and the ones who did have kids did not want no more, and, I've dated older, and they had children and did not want no more, sucks.
I’m single haha, no kids. I’m in my 30’s
JessBusiness I guess you could try the coasts. But it sux there, it’s expensive and the politicians are wrecking everything.
Hmmmm....I enjoyed my 20’s but loving my 30’s and looking forward to 40’s. One thing I wish I knew....do not be friends with low level women. They are just as bad as a dusty. I befriended a few low level women “being nice” and eventually, I had to cut them off. Be kind but not nice and only do what benefits you ladies.
Kind is doing something from the heart without any expectations. Being nice is doing something to appease someone, so an expectation is typically desired. If you practice more kindness you would be happier because you wouldn’t give more than you receive as long as the person you’re being kind to is DESERVING.
Omg not an empowering video...I'm 44 and yes dome truths were told but these things can happen at 20... I. Had my first child at 20 and second at 23 and had low confidence and was with a dusty of whom I got rid of... I'm now 44 mixed raced and single.. I'm confident. ..my hair is the longest it's ever been below my bust line...I can do what I want and travel..and I'm self employed... it's not all bad trust me it's all about PERCEPTION....
Yeah lol 😂 I’m 20 now worst time of my life maybe my late 30s and 40s will be better
Dating is tough at any age ...
You ain't lying it was definitely tough for me in my twenties.
Facts!!
Exactly ! When I was 21 I was super un confident in myself.
I didn’t know I had low self esteem.
Looking back I was depressed at 21 and put too much pressure on myself right after college. It wasn’t until I was 34 that I was in a relationship and felt confident.
Some people are late bloomers! So no 35 years old is not the end for every woman. For me it’s just the beginning!
@Anna Cadwell the last part is why you’re alone. In other words: you’re trash.
Yeah so is having a baby..but both are easier when you're younger 😉😉
I will be thirty this year and am already feeling the pressure. My best friend I talk about it all the time. She's already thirty. Neither one of us has kids. And no one taught us anything about game. But I'm glad I caught this NOW because life is moving! I'm not sure that I want kids or marriage, but I am sure that I want security! I have no problems with the parts of my femininity that wants to submit and follow. But I need to work on grooming myself instead of being groomed by society nd the dust I am surrounded by! A lot of the institutions that we had in place to teach women how to be feminine have been outright attacked and torn down and demonized by the masculine feminist movement amongst other things and it's to the point where these basic survival skills are coveted, sacred secrets that women will not share with other women. I cannot get enough of these videos! I'm so glad I found this channel because I am TIRED and I NEED this change NOW. I mean ... I had no idea I had so much masculinity, and now I know why I've had the troubles I've had. Even if I never settle down, at least I can feed my femininity and feel by best feminine self and hopefully teach misguided young women what I learned as an older woman. There may be some exceptions to the rule out there and I may luck up and find a successful man who is looking to settle in wisdom, who knows? But if I don't elevate my femininity, I'll be lost and I can't have that!
I wish I knew about hypergamy in my 20's. After 35 I've learned that I am responsible for my feelings, and that I am competent enough to bring the cash home if necessary.
I had just turned 30 this year and it was like my world crashed. Suddenly the world looked different to me and I didn’t realize I’d been living in a bubble. Everything seems scarier and like there is nothing out there for me and I have no control over my life. I’ve been getting better though. I’ve found purpose for what I want to do with myself, listening and paying attention to people more, reading, yoga and developing hobbies. I wish that my family had been more insistent in getting me structure and making me stick to my hobbies. I would be so flacks and all over the place. I could have been multilingual, painting, and been talented in dancing if they had just kept me focused on finishing what I start. Having creative and productive tasks to focus on and complete really helps control my thoughts and emotions, especially anger. I also wish that my family would care more about health. I’ve been working really hard to lose weight and be active but sometimes it’s a very challenge because I’m doing this on my own.
I'm turning 30 in a few weeks and feel the same struggles. I've been in survival mode my whole life but now going into leveling up mode. And I'm not upset about turning 30. I'm ready! I hope I will be much happier in my 30s than I was in my 20s.
I appreciate your candor and congratulate you on your journey! Good job for making those wonderful changes! A suggestion, if you feel like you're doing it on your own try joining meet ups for the activities and hobbies you like. My friends weren't into hiking or yoga so I did a couple of meet ups and met some cool people. O
It also opened up my associates pool too. Keep at it, it will pay off!
I remember around my 30th birthday I had a sort of early mid life crisis. I had thought by 30 that I wpuld have had a lot more accomplished than I did. The semi- crisis only lasted a few months, if that. I think it's just a number symbolizing that NOW, you're a REAL adult.
Serendipidy Me Thanks for the suggestion I will DEFINITELY be doing that. Being responsible for myself is important for self control but man it helps to connect with people you can relate to. 🙏🏾
Set goals, invest in your hobbies, and go to social events with a gf or relative. 30 is young, be proactive, and try to live a full life and blessing will come
I'm 23 and I was shorting myself. Thank you for saving my life.
@Purple Violet 25 already ahaha
How u doing now
One of my fave videos. And I’m back a few months before I turn 35 ❤❤
I’m 35…some days are good and some days are bad. I didn’t listen. I played around now I have lots of regrets. And I no longer have hope for marriage. Single mom life of a toddler co parenting with a narcissist. I literally just be surviving from day to day. ❤
This video isn't about helping you to feel sorry for yourself. With the right attitude, any woman can turn her entire life around at any AGE. Said with Love.
Why does all women call men narcissists?
After 35 life is seen through the eyes of a hopefully more wise woman. I agree with this video. I'm learning you have to take care of yourself, looks, body, spirituality, mental, education. And reduce stress from all areas.
Society and other people will lead you to believe life ends at 35. It's about attitude, being smart with your money and loving yourself. Having a husband doesn't always mean you'll be taken care of, your bed will be warm or you won't be lonely. Life happens and you want to live long enough to get older. Sometimes a nice companion that is independent is sufficient. Contrary to what we've been taught marriage and kids is not for everyone.
Thank you, this resonates with me, this video seemed sort of judgmental, she was basically saying "just take any man that wants you and settle with him cuz you're gonna get ugly and society will judge you after 35"
this is my path --because 9 times out of 10 I will end up marrying my father in some shape or form. and that will be Hell. My path is set for me; separate homes, separate finances. no kids. unless I meet someone to prove me wrong.
@@angelika87 Yes!
@@angelika87I tried my best and failed. Thank you for saying this.
I am 37 and SO DAMN EXHAUSTED, ALL THE TIME! I am grateful for my career and business, but it is draining the life out of me and keeping me from doing all the things that you mentioned in the video, because I feel like I have to re-invest in my business for future returns, rather than invest in myself.
One, Five, Ten years from now, if I continue like this, I can write my future. I will be a swollen, aged, husk of a Single Woman. Thank you for this word! I was clueless.
How are you doing now?
@@LM-nn7sg Sold the business, upleveled my environment, having self- care experiences, working on the aesthetics, strengthening bonds in my Circle/ Community and living the Single Soft Life. Life is Beautiful.
I have so many women in my family including my mom and guess what they told me about turning 35? Not a damn thing lol.
same here
I’m 31( and childless) and I wish I could have had this talk with someone when I was younger. I intentionally put off dating in my twenties to dedicate my time to school and work. It did pay off, I’m now financially stable and have a good career BUT it put me behind in the dating game. Dating at my age is so difficult, even at 31 there is stigma regarding my age. The pickings are beyond slim, and yes a lot of men my age have a lot of baggage. I do want children and I would like to be married before I do but I have come to the realization that it may not be an option for me. I’ll be 32 this year and I want to have children before 35 for health reasons. Now I feel like I have to choose between being an unwed single, black, mother or being childless.
You are a beautiful woman. I only hope you get everything your heart desires. It is never too late to get what's meant for you. ❤
When I was in my twenties I've met men who had alot of baggage.
What is meant for you will not pass you by. Please focus on what you want, sis. Do NOT let your life be led by fear❤︎
God will bring you the right one.
Leisha when I was in my twenties I didn’t care about my career and focused all my attention on finding the perfect guy. I was thin , beautiful, caring and smart. Guess what? I put so much pressure on myself I became anxious about finding a husband that I had good options but I wasn’t ready.
Now I’m your age and I feel way better about myself and have a healthier mind set. I’m hopeful I’ll get
married and have kids even if it’s only one child . Do everything you can to date and after you do trust in God’s plan for you. I’m still learning to do this too. It’s hard but it teaches us faith.
I know this video is hard for some to hear but it is all FACTS 💯
Yes! Im so glad I found her page.
I am 56...just learning myself worth. Wasted so much time searching for what I already have inside..And the vibrations are now wonderful...never to late to learn.
Absolutely, this comment made my day!!!
@@tashagrimes5199 💞
I'm 26 and I would love to think you beautiful ladies for your input. Love talking to older mature women,especially about dating smart in your 20's. I honestly look forward to aging. I'm in better health than I was at 19-21 and more confident
I was 30 the first time I heard this video and approaching 35 now 😢
Time is flying 😢😢😢😢
😢
I was 34 and just turned 38yo. It is VERY SCARY.
I have just turned 30 and I definitely relate. Throughout my 20s, I solely focused on becoming a physician. While it had its good benefits, no children, clear focus, no baggage. It definitely has its setbacks. No time to travel and explore, extreme debilitating stress, and poor health. Looking back I am glad I decided to pursue one of the hardest career paths, however I do regret that I lacked a loving relationship due to my lack of action. We learn from our mistakes and I want this next decade to be one of rediscovery and renewal. My career path ran me though the gutter, left me exhausted and tired. But there is so much more life I want to live.
Thank you for your perspective! I commend your work ethic, it ain’t easy being a surgeon, that too, a female one. How are things going now? It’s been 2 years since you commented.
I am in my 20s and have recently let go of my medical school dreams as I know I am not competitive enough nor do I feel that same passion once the pandemic began. I aim to live a life of balance.
Your comment reminds me of a surgeon named Arghavan Salles, another female surgeon who spoke up about struggles with dating and infertility. She is a great advocate for women!
I'm 33 and struggling. Depression is kicking my ass. No kids and never been married. I've just been sleeping for the past 8 months. Idk what to do. Time went by so fast. All I remember is being 30 so happy and free. Now ill be 34 in 6 months and I'm beyond lost.
I'm so sorry.
But to be fair young woman are pressured to get married young just to end up divorced
I'm so sorry.
But to be fair young woman are pressured to get married young just to end up divorced
Im 30 and this video is stressing me OUT😱
@SARA 🙌🏾💕
I am 25 and I am stressed out eventhough i have a boyfriend.. but we are both broke and studying..
I'll be 32 next month and this video got me breathing into a paper bag lmao. Welp
@@123weedie giiiirl 😂
@@lenab.m.3708 girl your only 25 get ya degree both of y’all should then save up and get married and have kids 🤍🤍
Wow, this video is very enlightening. It's so frustrating to realize that everything I learned about men and about how to be a woman, I had to find out on my own. Unfortunately, due to my poor relationship with my mother, I didn't value myself and I didn't know about the importance of being selective. My mother is one of those 'strong, independent women who doesn't need a man,' but you can see that she's worn out. She's never put herself first, she's struggling with her weight and health and can't keep a man because of her need to show that she can do it all. Thankfully there's still hope for me.
I was never taught how to be féminine, I was never shown indepthly how to be féminine although my mother raised me and was herself very féminine she taught me strength, survival, independence, etc. She grew up motherless and in a very hard way. I love my mother dearly r.i.p💜 I'm grateful to her but wish I'd learned to be more féminine before now. I just turned 35 in September
I wish I knew a lot of these things when I was in my twenties
Me too
No kids, not married, slim, attractive, talented etc. Age is just a number. Own home and business. Dating pool was trash in 20s teens esp 30s! I gave up on it.
It seems so easy for men though. So much pressure for women! Sustain the body, looks, personality blah blah blah.
All men need is a career and decent personality. Women have to "work " 70% harder than men. Sucks.
Lies and delusions
Lies we come straight from the bottom and have the become Superman in order to be successful in dating why most girls 18-20 go for most guys 30 and up …if u are 18-20 male in order to have success in dating u have to be the best provider available or whatever yall women call it where’s women 18-20 just can ask out multiple 25 and up dudes and be automatically successful unless you’re afraid of rejection
Where’s 18-20 males will get rejected 1000s asking women out if they don’t bring money to the table and provide something
U have it easy we have to literally out work those guys who are 30 + and up to have success in the dating market I know from experience… why do u think most young men are single the data is like 60-70 percent young men are single compared to 30% of women
It’s a total different ball game compared to yall
@@gmc202the truth is hard bruh
I wish I had learned that I did not need to prove myself to men with my money and hard work. I wish I had understood that I am the prize and that anyone who did not treat me that way should have been out.
Marriage for Men is Responsibility, Marriage for Woman is Retirement
Marriage from what I'm told takes WORK. Can't be retired if you're still working....
I’m in my 40’s and have been fortunate enough to keep my looks / physique together but u hit the nail on the head , it’s a gift and a curse I tend to attract younger men but no substantial connections..
I'm in my 40s and I don't attract younger men. I get men in my age group or older. I do look good for my age but I'm not interested in younger men. My advice for women in the 40s, pay attention to your diet, skin care regime, mental attitude and find a good excercise regime. I get compliments from guys all the time in regards to my skin.
I’m seeing a lot of conflicting comments here. There’s women who didn’t wait and their life is jacked up, then there’s women who did wait and there life is still jacked up. I guess it goes back to avoiding “dusties” at all cost, but what if it takes you until your 35+ to find the right one🤷🏾♀️
It is a mine field. Make sure you are 💯 and the rest will come, hopefully.
YES!
Just means basically you don't have to worry about kids and you get to enjoy your youthful appearance for it.
I would never want my daughter to listen to this video because I would not want her to think that having a man is security. Jesus our lord and savior is our security. You can get married to a man who provides security for you to 10 years or 20 years and then suddenly just walks off and leaves you dry High and then what what's the woman supposed to do then Fall to Pieces please those days are over does it make a woman less feminine when she can take care of herself we have to take care of ourselves it just makes us some more of a woman
I’m 22 and I really appreciate these videos. I will continue to share your videos to all my sisters! I’m practicing self compassion when I watch your videos because when I hear the truth and feel as though I have displayed some of the things you mention I can sometimes be hard on myself that I’ve made these mistakes. Self compassion has allowed me to free myself and be willing to unlearn, relearn and RECLAIM my high value. Bless you! These are necessary topics.
I've been preparing for my 40s since I was 14. I've seen 1st hand what happens when you don't! DOPE VIDEO!
Lucky Gal what happens when you don’t ?
@@SuperLivin4jesus at 13 I studied the physical: Learned how to maintain my skin and body through every age AND STAYED CONSISTENT. (Water, sunscreen 365, moisturizer, hair-care for black women, nutrients etc) the same goes for the Mental, financial and the spiritual aspects of my life. I was surrounded by very insecure women and I work hard to avoid being like them best I can!
@@bettyasres1603 Don't prepare? You end up being being a Bitter Betty lol When you're busy bettering yourself, you have no time to hate.
@@FutureBillionaire1111 You were a very wise teenager.
@@tamekamacon6644 Aww Thanks hun!
At the end of the day it's TRUE. Especially on the days being single with no kids at 37 hits me.
I'm 35 and I'm going on 36. I'm working on eating more balanced and drinking more water. Plus, exercising when I can.
I use to be a center of attention by men , yesterday one of my colleagues invited me to his place and I was so happy and excited, I gave him all the vibe that I wanted him so he could do the move ( this use to be my technique to worn men down) , then nothing happened, after that I make a move to kiss him and he said no I don’t want to kiss you 😂 I never got rejected but since I turn 35 not even once I felt seen. It never bothered me until yesterday evening, it’s first time I realised that my time is up and I feel somehow sad , I use to date really a great men , like marriage Material and I thought I have time and choice and I left my 3 years fiancé red , now am alone without kids and Hausband, even though I could have been a great mom. And then u said the weight gain it all make sense 😂 I gained 12 KG and no matter what I did I couldn’t loose it. Even my men friends started saying like I use to be so hot as I was young, like they r saying my time is up 😢, even though I look and feel 27 or 28 , but men feels it I guess.
Tank you for sharing it with us , I could have never talked about it with people I know 😊
Thank you so much for being open and honest! ❣️
All I can say is I'm glad to be alive. Singing Teddy Pendergrass song. Many died before turning 21 or 30.
I was told nada, zero, nothing. Thank you for your content. I am happily married and your content is helping my relationship get better.
I just turn 35 in November. And I’m really understanding more of life. Taking me first only. No kids. No husband. But I’m happy and working on me.
How's it going so far?
You're gonna be lonely fat
Same, except I'm 34.
I am 35 now, I will explain it with a parable.
Its like climbing a mountain. When we turn
18 and leave high school we feel like
the sky is the limit, we are on the bottom looking
all the way up. After a few years you realize you are off
the ground, and your legs are stronger from climbing so
much. Once we reach 30 we just about reached the apex,
just a little more to go, but since we are so tired we climb
the last part very slowly. 35 is when you are at the top of the mountain,
the climb is done. You enjoy the view before you start to climb down to the other
side. This year has been very emotional for me, like my entire life has been
playing in front of my eyes. There is still a lot of time left for us, and we can
accomplish alot, but you really sense at 35 the good times are long gone.
I am 39 and although I am married with children, I can still testify that what you said was Correct, the body, looks and even dating. I have friends that are dating and they say it is horrible.
Dating for women is horrible at all ages. If it wasn’t then most women would be married in their 20s but they aren’t. It’s the lack of good men at all ages that is the issue.
Facts! I work two jobs because I help my mom and sister financially now I’m my knees and back hurt from my part time job and I’m overweight from eating fast food being that I don’t have time to cook. I’m quitting my part time job the end of next month and I’m focusing on losing weight and being the best version of myself. I’m mentally and physically exhausted 😩
32 now wish I was here 4 years ago. It was refreshing to hear a woman speak on this topic. Especially in a unemotional way. Thank you
I stumbled across your channel and find it refreshing to hear a woman speak on this taboo subject. I married at 21. At times I second guessed my decision seeing my peers having fun, and freedom to travel. Often I felt the stigma from other women on my decision to marry/have children young. However fast forward today I see the same ppl desperately trying to settle down, start a family (often failing at times) . I hear the complaints on not finding high value relationships. Now looking back I feel content with my decision and life is just beginning for us. I absolutely dont take my husband for granted and I'm mindful NOW to keep myself in shape as I get older. Thanks for the wise words as I feel not enough women hear this from other women. Its empowering and it's the truth. 🙌🙌🙌
You made the right decision!!👍 no doubt about it. And don't ever listen to anyone that says you should have waited. They are the ones that waited till their 30s and are now scrambling to find a partner. My sister is 39 and is panicking. I see it. I warned her in her 20s that all the guys she was dumping may come back to haunt her. She didn't listen.
Well alrighty then. I appreciate the 'realities' described but how 'bout some suggestions with said realities so that the video doesn't seem so gloom? I just found your channel & initially i thought it was about helping & empowering? 🤷🏾♀️ Some of your vernacular kinda sounds like these dusties with women bashing channels on YT, ssying things like "hit the wall". Men say that when they're trying to age shame women as if we aren't ALL AGING every day. Don't get it twisted, men have issues/changes with their bodies too! Suppose we live to 80 years old, should a woman live her life as "old" from 35 until 80? Seems little silly to me. At the end of the day ladies AGE IS RELATIVE depending on whom you ask so in short: live your best life, drink plenty of water, moisturize your skin & keep yourself up & out of the 7 billion people in this world that '1' will feel your energy & come to you. Love you Queens! 🙌🏾😘
Very well stated! LOVE your energy! We HAVE to watch our thoughts and what we spiritually and mentally ingest/digest. It can possibly make or break us. Loved your suggestions on how to live the best life possible. I do the same things! We are all on a journey through this thing called life PERIOD. We just need to do it in a healthy manner and have a much healthy love and fun in our lives . Loved your response 👏🏽👍🏾
Who are you? You are absolutely brilliant. All this has happened to me!!! I’m glad you’re warning the young ones.
Ladies, men don't give a crap how "strong" or " independent" you are. We care about your youth, temperament, LOYALTY and looks.
Ok great 🙄
I feel the same about men. We don’t want old ugly mean men either.
Yeah we don’t care about what y’all think either 😂
Diary of a lonely man 👌
You seem to have such a disdain for women over 35. By your estimation a woman is only valuable for about 15 yrs. 20 -35. According to you it's all downhill after that. For your sake I hope that's not the truth.
The truth hurts
@@blackmantravel6954 My truth, or your truth? Love is my truth. My guess is love is not involved in your truth.
45 yr old guy here. Never married, no kids...just listening 👂🏻 🤔. I really thought this was spot-on.
A lot of these well informed and older women are too selfish and bitter to tell the youngers about reality. The others just don't know any better. I still hear well-intentionned women saying: 'A woman should wait to be 30 to get married.'
I am 30 and I think it all applies even now. I really have seen the result of "I'll do it all in my 20s."
I’m in my very early 20s and I love all of your videos. Some people just don’t getting your message or are taking what you are saying as a personal attack on them, but please continue teaching us.
Listening to your videos gives me a different prospective in life and you articulate everything I’ve been dying to feelings/experience but been unable to due to lack of knowledge as well as societies standard about being “an independent black woman” I feel so empowered.
Would it be possible to make a video about how valuable sex is to men and why they want it (I haven’t never been educated in this area and know very little about the important of sex)
Dress for men not other women
I’m 32 and married with a child, but still this video was a hard pill to swallow. So depressing. Please nature be kind to me 😩
I don't understand why 35 has to be the end. I feel like if you continue to take care of Gods business , yourself skincare ,hair,makeup and body care/gym and health and u continue to keep working i believe you will still get a good husband a good life but i also believe that you have to be confident and keep a good attitude because if your an insecure nasty women many men no matter what age find that unattractive and will cause issues but 35 is only the end if you let it be. We all have choices and every choice we make good or bad affects us
Exactly 💯 Jasmine
Because fertility takes a giant hit at 35 and the dating pool in general is way smaller and the men that are there are mostly losers.
I was told he would come and “ find me”. I was also told God would bring me someone. All I had to do was pray. I was told God had a “ plan”. I am now 50 , turning 51 next month, white, look very young for my age ( which DOES not help by the way!), I have tons of good qualities, but I am coming to terms that a family will never happen for me. I kept hope for a long time. I will die alone! I have no parents, I have no kids! No grandchildren to look forward to! Life at 50 with no kids and no husband is a bitter lonely hell! Make hay while the sunshine’s ladies. The sun shines in your life , typically between 19 and 22. I was at home watching MTV during those years! Life goes by fast! Don’t waste the opportunities you get when you are young!!!
Ladies please understand marriage and kids is a young women thing in the eyes 👀 of nearly 99 percent of ALL men on the planet! Men typically don’t want older women 35 years old and above. A woman’s power is her youth, looks, fertility and feminine nature. Mother Nature gives it to you. Father Time takes it away.
@@LovelyVibrations Congratulations!What you happened in you is rare. Men typically don’t marry middle aged and older women.
Thank you
What about friendships?
This video is stupid , you should have pampered yourself, shopped, travelled the world, and had any man you want by 25 bwahahahah! By 35 I suggest you become purpose driven ,volunteer GIVE BACK FOR ALL THE GOOD LIFE THE MOST HIGH GAVE YOU, gratitude is an attitude of “more life “and prosperity -spiritually ,mentally, n physically ! Learn to give , give, give! Real Men will adore you if you about that life but you need to define what “ that life” is ! More importantly children and your community will love you ( how can you be damn near 40 still worried about mundane aspects of life?)To sum it up put away childish youthful lust by the time you 35 GROW UP and find purpose based off of what truly inspires you in life:THEN JUST DO IT LIKE NIKE! True fulfillment for a grown women will never come to a mutant of a women ! Claim YOUR life ladies don’t let anyone define what that should look like and be true!Now you’re happy 😃 trust me I’m living proof fully loaded with all the trials that taught me best! African women are born winners sis! looser talk is for looser stock !
Church🙌
Jai Wooden AGREE!
💯👌🏿
MakeWayForCJ I know, right?!?! “looser”?? Oh the irony.
This is great advice.