Thank you Ammar, I've followed your advice for the past five years with a very manipulative person. I got back my sanity after watching your video. Thank god.
Sir pls help . I've such a person as my mother in law . Initially I thought it's just fight bet daughter in law n mother in law. Later I understood due to many downs i faced . My prob now is I completely knows her intentions n being very careful with her . My husband still saying she is innocent gud by heart simply shouts.n he is loosing everything by doing wat she says . If I prove her actions also she tries many gud ways n attracting him n earning trust from my husband . This is my prob how to I make my husband to understand her manipulation n more over she making my husband to not to trust me ?
@@likekrish reduce interaxtiin to firmalities as much as you can. Be cordial. Be fornal. Do not engage into conversations. I would not try to concunce anyone she is cunning. Let her be and take care of yourself and husband. I wish you well.
like krish I too have faced the same situation. Somehow I managed to escape from her and living a peaceful life with my husband and kids at his workplace. Just ignore whatever she says or does, just listen to her and do whatever you think is right and justifiable. Be strong in your stands. My husband also still thinks his mother is very innocent other than shouting. But he doesn’t obey whatever shit she says. But he always wants me to do her wish. Right now I am happy, don’t know what might come once I go back there. But I have become so strong going through this toughest situations.
Nothing works with these types. Ignoring them and walking on egg shells enables them to continue...confronting them, even in the nicest and gentle manner sets them off for revenge! They are impossilbe!
I completely agree. I do think, however, what helps is when you know you have several points that you want to discuss with them... get them around other people to discuss it (mainly the ones that might possibly be involved with your situation- in my case it was family). Gently and kindly bring up your points that bother you or things that are hurtful that they've done to you. You already know they are not going to apologize or take ownership for anything so that's not the reason for the conversation - but the whole purpose of discussing these issues with them is for other people to see and hear how they react (all the while keeping your cool and staying calm and being respectful throughout the discussion). It's a great way to get your thoughts and feelings heard to everyone while in a sense calling the narcissts out on their bullshirt and showing them that they can't take advantage of you. It might even help "clear your name through the mud" sort of speak and help you defend yourself while doing it gracefully and in a calm way. That's just my personal opinion because I like to feel like my thoughts and feelings should be heard as well but I also understand that having a conversation sometimes isn't even worth it.
@@camcdill1 What I wonder is not so different than you say, meaning is there anything that helps or can you confront them with everyone around that is connected to get them to face the problem and not get away with just denying they did anything. I think the 2 people in my family who I'd like to confront would not talk, either would explode or simply walk out saying "I am not going to stand here and take this"! In fact I know thats what would happen, have you tried or had that conversation with any success?
Sean Martin If you know having a conversation with them wont solve anything then I wouldn’t do it. In my case, I spoke to the person that I knew was more understanding (not the narcissist but definitely part of the situation). I was able to have a nice conversation with him (a family member) that helped us to move on and become a bit closer. With that being said, the reason I didn’t confront the narcissist is because I knew she wouldn’t apologize and my husband and I ended up moving to another state so we didn’t have to worry about her drama anymore. If you have to continue still seeing these 2 people and it’s going to be a constant issue in your life then I personally would confront them (in a nice and respectful way) but make sure you have all of your points lined up and ready to tackle “the lions cage head on if you will”. I hope that advice helps. Feel free to let me know your thoughts.
Sean Martin One more thing I wanted to add, is that if you have to still continue seeing these people regularly and it continues to be an issue in your life I really think you need to stand up for yourself and not allow them to treat you disrespectfully. If you never stick up for yourself, they’ll definitely continue their shenanigans. And yes, they might still continue them even after you have the conversation but at least you are standing up for yourself and letting them know they can’t treat you like that. Be aware that they might drag your name through the mud but they’re probably already doing that anyway if they’re really terrible people.
These kind of people really do exist. They pretend to look good but actually do all sort of activities to mislead you. Don't be innocent and kind to them. They curb your thinking ability and when you actually realise the truth you will be astound to know what is your true potential and to what extent they have really drowned you. So be alert and don't fall in their trap. Be strong and confident.
I kicked my freeloading relatives. came to our house pretending to visit but in reality they were casing my house and asked if they can move in. Cut them right off.Send them packing.
They will never admit that they are wrong rather they will make you feel guilty. They will manipulate you in a way that you will start feeling maybe it is all your mistake.
The one I see most often is this: Person A *does something overtly and unacceptably rude, offensive, cruel, or even damaging/harmful* Person B *experiences negative emotions and expresses them either overtly, say by expressing this through speech, or covertly, perhaps by reacting coldly to further solicitation for conversation Person A* Person A "Are you mad at me?!? You seem mad." If Person B says they are even simply frustrated or perturbed, Person A will use this as a chance to either feign persecution or shame Person B into dropping their reasonable grievence. And if they say they are not mad, they have accepted Person A's unacceptable bahavior, and it will continue/worsen. At this point, the underlying ultimatum is this: Either acquiesce or prepare for a fight you won't win.
@@LH23511 I would not deny the reality and influence of demonic entities, having entered our planet from another dimension. We can only speculate as to the exact number, but they constitue a vast army, no doubt. They are both well schooled and street start in their ways.
I just quit my job two days ago. I couldn’t take the toxic atmosphere any longer. I maneuvered around their sick behaviors for over six years, and I finally had enough. I gave no two week notice. I just left. And I’m very happy.
@@daygocoohlyn2866 Yes Daygo, it is very dangerous to be emotionally hurt,especially if you in your 60s+have heart problem symptoms.I have to avoid all romantic relationships because my husband ruined my trust entirely by committing adultery for the past 4years.I wont risk my life again,because the pleasure isn't worth it. I have no desire to pursue the pleasure of sex in any form anymore, because it is too psycologically painful to even think about let alone indulge in it.So I close to take a vow of celibacy, so I will not let my guard down +refuse to even be alone with ANYONE who may try to manipulate me into trusting them with my heart, outside of Christ. I hope you will also guard your heart so you don't get hurt.I dont believe the saying that it's better to have loved+lost.I wish I had known,I would rather have missed the experience altogether than to be stuck regretting having married. Ammar is right about prayer+I would add keeping our minds on the reason we were created.I am a truth seeker,so am often praying for God to show me how to honor him as He deserves to be for all He has done to reconcile me to a right worshipful relationship toward Him thru His son Jesus.
Best to avoid these types. If you can't then don't confront them, work round them. They don't like being challenged and will do anything to save face. One thing they can't stand is being ignored ☺
David you are so right, i am going threw this with a lady at work, been threw hell and back, now I just ignore her and stay away from her and it's better for me but it's driving her crazy, she can not keep my name out of her mouth to other co worker's she don't like to be ignored and not being talk to.
Just ignore and gradually make him feel, that you have caught his deceit. Let your eyes speak face to face, and make him feel, by your body language, that he is no longer important. Gradually, pull yourself away. And yes, never hesitate to say NO in front of his face and support it with eye contact.. It has been no problem for me. Thanks.
I grew up with a narcissistic mother. By the time I started meeting this type in corporate, it was a child's play to deal with them because of my background. Your advice is spot on! The most important thing is not to react, they get great joy from getting a reaction out of people. You will basically have to turn into a sociopath to push them out of your way, it takes a lot of planning and can be draining.
make them believe you are stupid even though you know alot. That will allow them to under estimate you and allows you to detect them easier. and keep a low profile most of the time.
When someone tries to manipulate me and I understand their intentions, I withdraw from them and do not trust what they say... it is better not to open up to people nowadays as they always look for an easy target and take advantage of our goodness. Being cordial with strangers is completely out of question as most people are cunning, selfish, greedy and manipulative these days.
yes one guy says make them think or allow them to think they are winning then they leave you alone more. like his exwife caused a lot of trouble for him with the kid when she thought he was doing WELL in life. they just hate that. but the the revenge is not letting them know you are doing well so that they leave you alone. let them think you are not doing well at all. I don't tell my mum I'm doing very well so she thinks she has won and I'm a miserable poor lil victim that she destroyed. so she doesn't bother me much at all. calls once a week or 2 weeks and talks only 5 minutes I can deal with that. because I know she is the psychopath and is going to hell not for the things that she has done to me and so many others but because she isn't saved and most likely won't be because once they cross over to the dark triad side (they hurt on purpose and actually like it) they are lost forever most of the time. All things are still possible with God. you can pray for them to be saved but let them think they have or are winning what they think is a "game" or "battle". it will be much better for you to play the hurt, broke, unhappy etc. target. not that I condone deceit but sometimes we just have to do what we have to do to get better. this healing process takes time and they will constantly battle us if they think we are getting over them or going on with our life and even doing much better without them in it. they will bring out the big guns seriously so be meek and careful and act very boring when talking to them or are around them. they bore with gray rock. but if they know you are doing it on purpose it causes rage so be careful not to do it so much they know you are on to them. be as agreeable with them as possible they HAVE TO BE RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING. never tell a narc they are wrong or bad you will regret it. it's very hard dealing with these types, very hard. and why it's best if at all possible to go NO CONTACT forever! life is really so much better when they are completely out of your life! I wish you all much happiness. Cheers.
Treat them in their own medicine,make them feel you are not an easy target as they think so.Be more smarter than these people and evaluate each and every action they do to understand their intention.
These types are covert narcissists OR their "minions" or flying monkeys as they're called...Stand your ground, don't give them any of your time....their nosy, gossipy, a holes. Leave them alone, avoid them. Decline any invites. They're delusional.
I have faced manipulative people in my very close circle and all they are very shrewd and really good at acting. They always play with other's emotions and get things done in their favour.
Yeah, that’s how they my friend gets to me, by playing with my emotions, I have literally apologized to people he made me think I hurt and it was all a bunch of lies to make me look stupid.
Thank you for sharing. I needed this in my work career. I got a lot of backhanded complements in the office. I had a manager who was secretly recording me and videotaping me to steal my ideas and pass them as her own. She would keep meticulous records of my mistake for a future date. I was so confused when she had me nominated to receive employee of the month. I was given the award and then she put me down right after. I feel so much better now that I don’t work there. I learned afterwards she was learning how to manipulate and tear down people through her son’s military books.
My best advice is to use yourself as a reference. Are you decent? Yes? Good. Would you have the behavior that they have towards someone? No? Here you go. You wouldn't. That says a lot. You see, you don't have to force yourself to be decent. You just are. If someone has bad behavior, it is not an accident. They don't care. Face it. You have a right to have feelings and to address them with people around you. Why would I laugh in the face of someone sharing feelings about something? Feelings are natural. Nothing to be ashamed of. If someone refuses to address your feelings when you want them to be addressed, don't push it. Leave. Go no contact. Such a behavior is not normal and unworthy of your time and affection. Use yourself as a reference. Use your own kindness as a reference. Don't expect lower from other people than you expect from yourself. If they don't want to live by your standards of decency, don't hate them, but don't support them either.
CDM's biggest weakness is their ego! Eventually they fall flat in their face, because they cannot see a better point of view. This video was nice. Do post some more. The sensitive type of people are the worst affected due to CDMs. They feel upset and hurt and cannot deal with CDMs.
Great video. Had a friend like this. They are not that smart and they work in patterns. Best indicator is using emotional intelligence and notice how you feel around them. I outwitted my friend who was like this and cut him off when I had enough facts.. TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. One last important note, if you feel like you've been stripped of something or feel vulnerable after a conversation with this person...they either succeeded in manipulating you or tried to.
Excellent points. One of the problems that happen is that they try to make you feel guilty, and sometimes you start saying you have no proof that this is really what they are doing. In reality you do not need a proof for how you feel around them. So, just let them go. Leave. You do not need a proof to protect yourself from consistent negativity.
David Humphrey true! these people look innocent, have straight or downward facing eyebrows. you are a good person sir, u are having upward eyebrows and you will be more attracted to bad people, the ones described by you. even close relatives and partner. Actually my mother, brother, husband, some of my friends and colleagues to whom I was believing to be good were all bad people and are reason for my downfall from a MCA graduate and software engineer to a worthless house wife to a jobless husband. After I lost everything because of them, I understood that all these people have one thing in common, that is straight eyebrows. But, my kind of people are thinking about me as bad as I also think about them as bad.😥😢
I think excuses are red flags. I have a CDM family member that makes excuses all the time. All they ever tell me is how I hurt them, how my behaviour is conceited, how they have a big heart and are highly empathetic. Once I heard that, I knew right away they lack intelligence, and an empathetic person will never say these things. Strangely enough CDMs are actually not that wise...well choosing to be cunning and deceitful isn't a wise move to begin with.
Venus, it is terrible to hear what you have gone through. Manipulative people, or CDM, from my experience do not mind to see you fail in your dearest goals. For them you end up being a means to an end. So I really hope that you have gotten away from them and are now picking the people around you carefully. It is your right to do so, you don't have to please everyone. Also, remember, it is never too late to return to your dreams and I hope that you can find a fulfilling job related to your studies. Cheers
I love your advice, I just broke off an engagement with a woman with the exact behaviour. The “it’s about me mentality”, she doesn’t care about how her behaviour affects other people, she treats people in a horrible way, and gets depressed and says things like “people don’t like me, they never have” when everyone starts avoiding her. She sets rules that she doesn’t follow herself. She doesn’t help financially even when she realises that the other person is struggling. And lies, and fabricates documents to create a horrible financial situation that she is dealing with. Confronting her about something she has done, despite being her own rule that she broke, leaves you feeling depressed and regretful about even raising the problem. I showed her the door. I’ve been happier since. You’re absolutely right, such characters aren’t difficult, they are impossible to deal with!
They lack confidence in their own abilities and life itself and even though it might seem like they have more resources they are miserable behind the scene
Very enlightening, thank you. I have come across a CDM and we see each other on a daily basis. They have picked me as a victim because my abilities threaten them. I have learnt to not confront them because they will always make excuses and try to blame me instead. I make it visible to them, that I am happy, content, confident, and can do even better without them. I show them that they can't move me. They try to guilt trap me or make me feel indebted to them by performing little acts of favour--favours that don't have any real value. I say a very quick thanks for surface politeness, but I pretty much avoid eye contact and let them know they aren't gaining any ground with me. They suddenly try to kiss up to me with random words of praise, that really mean nothing, even after gossiping about me. I don't smile or pay attention to this. I act like their words, whether good or bad about me, has no effect. They should spend their time elsewhere.
Yes there are people we come across, who do not have a heart and hurt you so much. All I can say is Karma is very very powerful. If you are suffering for no reason of yours, please pray and be patient. Truth is on its way.
Thank you Ammar, it has been a comfort to listen to your advice. I have had some horrible experiences with my neighbour who is a malicious liar. It was such a shock when she started attacking me out of the blue when I was trying to help her. She plays all kinds of manipulative games and puts on acts to people as if she is sweet and kind when she has only just been lying and bullying. My life was not easy anyway, but this is almost the last straw. It helps to hear your calm voice and sensible advice.
Basically it's about psychopaths and sociopaths. The phoney, cunning bastards with the superficial charm who only truly love themselves, and who always want to have their own way, even if it means hurting others in the process.
Arabella Sky Seriously man I didn’t ask for anti social personality disorder But I do greatly enjoy having it and every thing you said is actually true
"Even if what they say about you is true, know that it is irrelevant, and that they are not trying to make you better, but to manipulate you". This is key. And thankfully, knew from beginning it was ill-intended nonsense. One must have common ssense and confidence in who you know you are.
Excellent advice. Especially the tip about forming a strong support circle. If I can I'd love to add this: The behavior of these people tend to be predictable. Learn what to expect from them in certain scenarios and form your strategy accordingly. And DOCUMENT EVERYTHING!!!! Every interaction with them should be documented as thoroughly as possible. They won't hesitate to lie when trapped. And most importantly you have to realize that once they have you pegged as an enemy there is nothing you can do, they will use covert aggression against you and they will never stop. You cannot let your guard down in any circumstance with them. They will work against you around the clock. My wife and I are dealing with this now and we had to learn the hard way. It's extremely draining.
these people are dangerous when you are around them more often than not but also depressing to say the least. Never looking to correct there short comings only blame hold grudges and bullshit. So draining to the spirit
My daughter in law to a tee ! I feel bad about myself whenever I am around her. She is extremely smart and competitive. After many tearful nights, I decided to gray rock and avoid her. I am always nice to her in a sincere way, but I know now that she is not, nor will she ever be my friend. I actually feel sorry for her. Your advice was very helpful indeed. I was not raised to hurt people or use them and take advantage of their soft side. I actually bagan to hate her, but I know that God does not want us to hate. I just protect myself as much as I can. Thank you !
It is far from smart to take advantage of soft spot from people, just saying... And i dont know your faith but in nature those kind never make long run they pick dust like pigeon chess player and loose the real matter in exchange for cheap short rewards...
I was bullied and manipulated by a girl called jane when I was a teenager.But I fought back by staying away from her and her friends. she tried to use all kinds of trickery to put me in her traps but I resisted.After that she left me alone and never bothered me again
Angela Buko true! these people look innocent, have straight or downward facing eyebrows. you are a good person sir, u are having upward eyebrows and you will be more attracted to bad people, the ones described by you. even close relatives and partner. Actually my mother, brother, husband, some of my friends and colleagues to whom I was believing to be good were all bad people and are reason for my downfall from a MCA graduate and software engineer to a worthless house wife to a jobless husband. After I lost everything because of them, I understood that all these people have one thing in common, that is straight eyebrows. But, my kind of people are thinking about me as bad as I also think about them as bad.😥😢
9:31 is probably the best thing to remember if you don't remember anything else. I've learned to trust my intuition, as it's usually, but not always right. Use caution, and don't assume people will treat you how they want to be treated or they are good.
Its amazing. I am dating a guy who fits well into this description. Anytime I detect a lie and question him, he gets overly defensive and tries to make me feel like I am the problem and tells me that I need help. I know my head is in good shape so I have finally decided to break off our engagement. Thanks so much my dear brother. U are great
Good video on CDMs Ammar, I've dealt with this character profile for most of my professional career. They usually try to lower your self esteem to gain control of you and do it in some cases publicly to strengthen their control. The best way to deal with this type of person would be to display confidence, strength and wisdom. Ignoring them will not work, you have to shut them down right away. Let them set themselves up for failure with you and exploit it when possible. And always let then see you smile, don't let them make you unhappy. Show them you're more mature than them.
yeah i agree I would also confront them by saying that i am not going to fall for their manipulation or how they try to control me and my thoughts I just cant describe that amount of toxic people in my life.
Vestart E what do you do if you are a nice person by nature who abhors conflict. I have a girl I work with that is like this. I made a career change and I can't believe the dynamic of where I am working now. This girl says she lives me to death, loads me down with compliments only to humiliate me in frontof other co-workers. I'm a pharmacy technician and her method is to conveniently omit veto important details in order to make me look stupid. I just called her the alpha female, But this description used by Aamar is much more accurate
Tracy M, is the person your only source of information? If so seek a way to go around him/her to be more successful at your job. Let the compliments roll off your back. Cut all interactions that do not involve work. When ridiculed in front of others calmly CALMLY shut this person down by pointing out how distasteful his/her approach to correction was. Then suggest a better way of handling things. You have to do this with out showing how hurt you are. If you show pain then they will have succeeded in their goal. Don't let things slide unless you are saving up for the "quiet storm". Meaning, calmly check this person every time unless you are accumulating instances of misconduct on their part to display to a higher authority at some point. Do not retaliate, do not follow suite. "Tit for tat" will land you in the unemployment line quicker than you know. This person has already built a campaign around you so, begin to build your campaign to dispel the myths. So work on YOU. Concentrate on YOU. Surround yourself with uplifters who are not afraid to tell you things straight up. Northern dwelling people often refer to people with this characteristic as "nice nasty" because it was once called "southern hospitality" in a negative connotation. So to recap, limit contact unless it concerns work. Take notes to ensure that you are doing your job correctly. When info is left out intentionally, she'd light on it immediately and every time to reveal his/her short comings. Find other means of findings the correct and complete information. Stay calm and do not show pain to the abuser. Show the pain to those in higher authority. Stay focused and do your best to excel. This person sees something in you that's already threatening so continue to be great while working on being greater. The compliments aren't lies. Yes they are used to manipulate, but this person is using the truth to twist and break you. Don't fall into the trap. Don't let the compliments disarm you. Don't lie. While gathering information on this person's misconduct do not tell untruths, it will backfire. Be detailed. Keep a log if you have to.
Vestart E: Thank you. I had not thought of this, about the work-place manipulator and liar. I have always been so straight-forward and logical that liars leave me astonished and confused. I am not boasting about being straight-forward, my father was just the same, I sometimes wonder if we were/are a bit on the Autistic spectrum. My mother and sister used to lie all the time and I could not cope with it and neither could my father. When I worked in a University and the Head of Department started lying and trying to manipulate me I nearly had a nervous breakdown. I can't cope with liars. It is hateful. They lie to hurt people. I know sometimes people lie to not hurt people but I think if you are sensible you do not have to lie, you can be kind by still being honest. Of course I have told some lies, I can remember and am upset about them. I was scared of my mother and did not want her to go into one of her mad moods. But these manipulative people are very bad people. They want to hurt people and they enjoy manipulating them. They are cruel. I think it is best to keep away from them. If you have to interact at work keep it short, keep a record, have a witness you can trust or film it. Do not agree to anything which is not right. I left my last job because the Head of Department was dishonest. I was lucky though because I was able to take early retirement because I had become disabled. He was even trying to blackmail me about that by not giving my Doctor's off-sick notes to the correct department! He had several middle-aged women around him whom he kept close to him to do his dirty work and whom he blackmailed by giving privileges so they were beholden to him. It was so disgusting it made my stomach turn over.
I can totally relate to what you say here. I have experienced this with a person in my family and I had to literally run away to save my sane mind. To think that you can change them or deal with them is a fairy tale. But yes, when you confront them and expose them they totally lose it and of course they make you the enemy.
Working against you behind your back.. Every person I have ever worked with. Setting things up to make you look like an idiot. How do they find the time. I am always working and don't have time for that stuff. IT hard to outsmart EVIL.
I agree,, I leave jobs where people are nasty and mean.. they never seem to get any punishment,, its the victims that have to leave;; I landed a good job in a top company where they are supposed to be top employers,, but 2 days into my employment I caught my supervisor drinking on the job., I did not know what to do.. she knew I saw her,, and she proceeded to do everything to undermine my position.. then she fired me.. but she got someone else to try to witness this "bad behavior of mine" so there would be no backlash...she has been with the company for years and is still there. Makes me sick.. I work so hard to get things done and come in early and leave late..to was blacklisted by my Temp company because of her.
Lorraine I lost my job to people like those recently. As recently as last week. The difference is that I know first hand that those backstabbing workers were miserable. They they knew i was happy, young and married. a lot of them were mersible, divorced and had nothing going for themselves. they figure that if they get my fired, they would ruin my life. i said this to the warden during the termination process. " here's your badge, and you will have your uniforms back. thank you and have a good day" and i left. they thought I would be devastated and beg for my job back lol. well now I'm just going to get my cdl and get into truck driving!
ライ † 石田 i sometimes wounder how the hell do they get away with doing stuff like that? oh well. i received my CDL last week. so now working around assholes is a thing of the past. im sure i will deal with a dickhead here and there, but for the most part...i have limited contact with people lol
Psychopaths, you meet one, it messes you up for a long time to the point you even begin to seriously question humanity. I've encountered one a few years back, one of my co-workers at the time, what she did to everyone really opened my eyes, I've met unconscious and toxic people before but to me they can only be described as "imperfect" or "broken", but she... was the closest thing I ever experienced to "EVIL". That's psychopaths.
My daughter who is a middle child has always had a victim mentality, she acts like she cares for me to my face then lies about me and calls me unmentionable names. Even tho her siblings know about her evil ways she has managed to bewitch them into believing she is a poor little victim of mothers lack of love for her. She trys to turn everyone against me. She should have been an only child, she's always been jealous of her siblings and still is even tho she's a grandmother now. She told her brother the most evil lie about me not long ago to divide us and even tho he found out the truth he won't hold her accountable for the deception. That's why these people get away with their deplorable actions.... no one holds them accountable. To me their just as sick as the lieing manipulator.
I lived with such a person for 8 years. A Narcissist. It was very difficult, you must be very calm and intelligent not to get totally destroyed. Finally I got away with help from friends and family. Your video is informative and good.
Maya Om Shanti true! these people look innocent, have straight or downward facing eyebrows. you are a good person sir, u are having upward eyebrows and you will be more attracted to bad people, the ones described by you. even close relatives and partner. Actually my mother, brother, husband, some of my friends and colleagues to whom I was believing to be good were all bad people and are reason for my downfall from a MCA graduate and software engineer to a worthless house wife to a jobless husband. After I lost everything because of them, I understood that all these people have one thing in common, that is straight eyebrows. But, my kind of people are thinking about me as bad as I also think about them as bad.😥😢
I am still living with that person for the past 40yeats ,dealing and most of your advice I followed out of experience ,.manupulative tactice doesn't work in long term relationships and I do manuver and i was intellgent enough not to get totally disyroyed .still he continues and thinks he can get away .Thanks for this vedio ,it has given a boost to my dealing things artfully.
My dad was a narcissist... worst part was his sister and mother were mentally torturing my mum too... he died last year... things have been slightly better now
@@michellem4084 my dad was a narc he is dead and I don't miss him. my mum is a narc dark triad psychopath and I'm hoping she goes soon so the lies can stop! I'm so sick of all the lies! and rage and hateful attitude towards me who has done nothing but love her all of my life! they are terrible evil beasts! yes they mentally torture and get others to join them and try to destroy you with all they can. they love to see you fail. and actually LAUGH at you like an evil devil! 'sick' doesn't even come close to what they are
Very well articulated. I sum up dealing with difficult people with this phrase "You can't reason with unreasonable people". Trust your instincts and don't give people like this chances, it will only be one of many.
Truly a very well informative discussion on manipulative people. People like this have caused so much pain and discomfort in my life relentlessly, saddened to this day trying to understand and protect myself against people who seem to have no conscious or heart at all, thriving off the pain they caused, I wish and pray for peace.
Had no idea help like this was available! Thank you! I have two coworkers like this and I have been so hurt. I am open and make myself vulnerable only to hear that they bad mouth me. I have a hard time not trusting but no more. I can manoeuvre around them now.
Such good advice. My son married a woman like this. I truly thought it was my fault with all the trouble. We lived hundreds of miles apart and whenever I tried to visit it was made clear that I wasn't welcome. She told my son all kinds of lies about how I hurt her feelings. They have had children now. I worry about how they will grow up in a house with that mother. After a while I just let go of ever trying to have anything to do with them. She can't hurt me if I stay away. Somewhere down the road I might have to deal with her, but for now I'm not giving her an ounce of power over me. I also will never trust her. I'll leave it to my son to figure out. He's a good man, I should know because I raised him right. He will take care of the children and do right for them.
My brother is marrying that same type. But already I don't know what she said but things between my brother and I is falling apart. We are not in talking term. I don't want or need the headache I probably stay just away too. Warn him already it's up to him to listen or not. I did my part already
This is the most direct and useful information I've seen yet on dealing with the terribly narcissistic person and preventing damage. I have a real problem with you tubers that make excuses for the behavior of these people. Speaking from unfortunate experience, this video is spot on. Thanks!
Great video! I wish that I would have seen this months ago. Unfortunately, I ended up acting out of my character towards one of these people and walked out and quit my job on the spot. I have too much pride and respect for myself to consistently accept this type of behavior. I'd let them slide a few times, but now I understand that because these people are sick, and it's their character, they don't know when to stop and they won't stop. So it must be strongly dealt with the very first time.
LaShaundra H true! these people look innocent, have straight or downward facing eyebrows. you are a good person sir, u are having upward eyebrows and you will be more attracted to bad people, the ones described by you. even close relatives and partner. Actually my mother, brother, husband, some of my friends and colleagues to whom I was believing to be good were all bad people and are reason for my downfall from a MCA graduate and software engineer to a worthless house wife to a jobless husband. After I lost everything because of them, I understood that all these people have one thing in common, that is straight eyebrows. But, my kind of people are thinking about me as bad as I also think about them as bad.😥😢
LaShaundra H you are correct. However when you deal with these ppl the 1st time, they will hold a grudge and never stop coming for you. That is my experience working in government for over a decade. I was forced to quit my on due to these weak racist ppl ganging up on my and some of them the race as us. I pray for their karma and I know they are getting it. Peace to you.
Venus Priyadarshini that’s interesting. Face reading has it’s place and truths. My eyebrows arch upward naturally and I always helped people and they took advantage. I worked for the government over a decade and now unemployed due to family preying for my downfall and employees coming up against me because they were intimidated by all I had to offer. If you have a beautiful personality, its’ hard to survive in these work environments because that’s who the cdms attack the most. I pray that you and I have peace, healing, prosperity and happiness. Keep praying for this every day.
Great video. You nailed it. Met a guy just like this. Told him I am not his wife. One thing you are wrong is being smart. Cunning yes, but smart, no. One thing their downfall is their arrogance and lies.
Well said! It took me a very long while to wake up to my own sister being CDM. I could never understand why her friends were invariably rude and hostile to me- I hardly knew them! When she got engaged, her fiance was so aggressive and horrible that I feared for her safety. Eventually, I realised that she was winding them all up against me- for what reason, I do not know, maybe sibling rivalry? So, I confronted her with all thins, and she turned on the "innocent victim act" but I refused to be taken in and told her to get out of my life. The awful thing is that she goes from one husband to another, and each of them is told how terrible his predecessor was, so all I can surmise is that she gets a kick out of creating drama and controlling others, hiding behind a sweet and innocent face, playing the helpless b victim while all the time causing all the trouble and fights.
i am dealing with this problem on a daily basis and at the start my mind was completely blocked and i really believed in whatever the other person said. They really manipulate in your most weak time behaving like you have only this one particular person to rely on in the entire world and then they play around using all tactics and you really become an unbalanced unhappy loner thinking you are a loser. This video is an eye-opener. I hope it reaches out to the other victims before they lose themselves completely coz i know how tough it is to come out of it. I still lose balance many times.
I was married for 20 years to such a person; you describe her to a T. I did wake up to it after many years. But I saw so many times where I approached her to sort out great difficulties that I was left feeling that it was me that was wrong. It was that inner feeling that eventually got me to see a pattern. This was a really helpful and useful talk; Thank you for it.
Thank you. I needed to hear this today. Someone came to where I was sitting in a private area on the computer and exploded on me causing havoc. I prayed immediately...but that person kept going ...Work can be so stressful with these very evil folks around when you are just trying to do your job. This was eye opening.
Wow this is so good!!! My husband & his mother are the people in my life like this. His mom actually tried to hurt me by posting tons of pictures of her & mom on social media, not a week after my mom passed away from cancer. I told my husband I refuse to speak or host his mother in our home again. He started the, "but she's my mother speech." To which I said, "if you want me to be around someone that horrid, I cannot trust you either. My mind is made up, please respect my decision."
Thank you, so far it's working beautifully with no contact. My husband has done his own research and said he was going to talk to his mom about her actions (Not about exploiting my moms death, a covert would never admit that. But other more obvious issues) According to him, she responded exactly how I warned him before this talk took place. He could see the gaslighting, victim mindset, stonewalling, etc, and realizes now that him and I are a united front, nothing she says or does can interfere. That she is very manipulative. Before he spoke with her to have that talk, she sent me an expensive bottle of perfume. I didn't contact her, despite 2 voicemails and 2 texts from her just letting me know, "My awesome mother in law got these for me." Hubby saw this as rude when I didn't tell her thank you. Now he understands she just wanted something, and had "picked me back up" into play. I hadn't heard from her since my mothers passing, which was a year ago, & now that she wanted to visit, the gifts sure come often. I've decided to begin sending them back, because I don't need anything from her. My mom was a great woman; the exploitation was my last straw to putting up with his mother for him. Her tactics only work on a willing audience, and now that I have seen how deep or far she will dig a knife into my back, I simply don't come back around to get stabbed. It's been a weight off my shoulders; my husband and I are so much closer now because of this!
@@renewyourmind1815 I totally understand what you mean because I also have a mother in law like that. I had cut her off from my life and not allowing her to be near my kids. It took my husband 10 years to know what kind of person she is and he said do what ever I like it he sometimes throws hint that he wish i can let it go but I stand my ground and said NO. I want to keep having a stress free quiet life. But not for long because now my brother is planning the marry a girl that also have the same attitude as my mother in law. Now I don't know what to do. I'm too tired to go against these people
What you expressed is so real, indeed it is from experience rather than just theory based. CDMs are the people who are wolf in sheep’s skin and no wolf will play fair and square, best way to deal with them is, identify them and not to give importance to them.Thanks Ammar, your video will help me a lot ❤️
I’m dealing with a new employee I have to work directly with them. Out of all the videos I’ve watched, I’m so glad I found this one. Feels like I have someone on my side. Thank you!
Ammar Mango thank you. I have a sibling that has hurt me terriby. She has gaslighted my family AFTER our parents pass away. Wish I had some support. She always tells me I'm too senitive. I KNOW ANYONE WOULD BE HURT BY BEING TREATED THIS WAY. I DO NOT LIKE CONFRONTATION. SO, IT GOES ON... WHEN I TRY TO STAY AWAY FROM HER SHE WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE. ALSO WHEN I STAY AWAY FROM HER , SHE PUNISHES ME. THESE ARE SICK PEOPLE. REALIZE NOW EX BOYFRIEND WAS SAME WAY. FRIGHTENING PEOPLE!!! NEVER KNEW SUCH HARMFUL PEOPLE EXISTED UNTIL MY PARENTS PASSED AWAY AND I GOT SICK. MY BROTHER SAW THIS . HE PROTECTED ME. I CARED FOR HIM, HE WAS ILL. HE WAS FAMILY SCAPEGOAT. NOW HE IS GONE, NOW I AM. MADE GOOD GRADES. NEVER MADE PROBLEMS. UNTIL EX CAME INTO MY LIFE AND THEY ALL HATED HIM. NOW HE IS FINALLY GONE : SO THEY TAKE IT OUT ON ME?! NO ONE TO TALK TO ABOUT THIS ABUSE. SAD.
BTW HAVE TO REPLY THIS WAY BECAUSE SHE HAS SOMEHOW LINKED OUR DEVICES! SHE WAS READING WHAT I WROTE! I AM NOT EVEN ALLOWED TO COMMENT! THESE PEOPLE KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING. HAD MY HEALTH NOT GOTTEN SO BAD: NEVER WOULD SHE SAY AND DO THINGS. MY LEGS ARE STARTING NOT TO WORK, BECAUSE I WAS A COMETATIVE SWIMMER & LIFTED A LOT OF WEIGHTS AND SWAM 5 MILES A DAY WHEN YOUNGER. SHE HAS NO IDEA THE PUNISHMENT I PUT MY BODY THROUGH. WAS JOINING LOCAL GYM BECAUSE I FELT MY LEGS WERE NOT WORKING RIGHT. SHE WENT NUTS AND SAID "YOU CAN'T JOIN THE GYM!" I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT. AFTER THAT LOST ALL MOTIVATION. NOW KNEES ARE TOO SWOLLEN TO BARELY WALK.
Filmworks,Inc. Gold GET UP & WALK! You can do it!! You are you and she is who she is. She's brainwashed herself to the fact that you're an extension of her. You are not her. I know this tactic too! It's designed to lock you down. She's probably very unmotivated and hates the fact that you have that motivation, so she is trying to break yours. She gets all her energy from you. Yes, this can make you feel very sick physically and emotionally. You can get through it. I had been battling autoimmune problems, joint pain, fatigue, confusion, arthritic symptoms. This is why your knees are swollen. You have to tell yourself that you will be healed and that you love your body. Go for mini walks or go sit in the yard, for sun, birds singing, air, let nature in and it will heal you. Drink lots of water to help remove toxins. Emotional stress causes toxins in the body and it causes inflammation (swelling knees ) You will get stronger, and your body will heal. Know that you're not alone! All the best to you! And remember EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE! On the surface, it sounds like she's overly worried about you and doesn't want you to get hurt. Sometimes love can be overly suffocating and harmful. Maybe you can use the tactic if she's using the." I'm worried you'll hurt yourself "by telling her you appreciate and love that she worried about you getting hurt in the gym, and that you won't push it. And then you will find out if truly she is worried or just maybe jealous of you moving forward in life. (Some women are insecure that you might meet another woman at the gym). If you really insist and she keeps blocking you to go to the gym, make an appointment with a doctor andr request a physical exam. And then tell her that the doctor wants you to exercise. She might find it difficult fighting you against it. Good luck!
Described one of my ex best friends of 15 years perfectly. Only problem is I introduced my other lifelong friend to her years ago. As I tried distancing myself from the manipulative one, she turned my lifelong friend against me. 3 years ago they both did some awful things to me in attempt to "wake me up" to me being the "bad friend" for distancing myself. They attacked me via text and when I finally called out the manipulator on her nonsense after putting up with it for years, they both cut me out of their lives AND turned every other mutual friend we had against me. I was ok with losing the bad friend, though I was hoping for it to not be so dramatic. But there other one was very like a sister to me. I'm still sick over this years later.
These past few days have been some of the hardest i have had to deal with in my life! Between my relatives and my job, i quote myself when i say "What's wrong these days? Why is everyone on one-upance?" Before i would have reacted either with depression or a melancholy attitude, but now im in a limbo of morale; consciously making active choices to feed a better self esteem, while still feeling unequipped for those moments of offense. After watching this, it affirms the steps i must take. God Bless you, your family, and the information that u share.
Extraordinary video!!!! Thank you! My oldest brother is one of these CDMs. Add narcissist to the description and eureka! I appreciate this video very much. Bless you! I love that you added prayer in your suggestions! Wow!
Excellent! You are the only person to date that has given tactics things to do with these people. Most health care professionals just tell you about them. I guess it is because you are a business person you added solutions! This is validation for the ways that I have learned to deal with them. Now I just have to stay vigilant!
Some call a covert narcissist a 'shy narcissist ' which may be true in some cases, to me a covert narcissist is just that. The narrator of the video is right George k Simon's in sheeps clothing is a great book if you are involved with this kind of person or work in corporate. Really it's a must read AND STUDY for everyone. I have an old widow I do acts of kindness for, because it's the right thing in my mind to do. I always knew she used me and that was fine I did what I wanted, but after reading that book it was amusing to see her tactics. It's all amusing at this point in my walk. I don't judge people, that's our creators job. I do however like to know a snake before I let it into my playpen.
@@joec1212 Ah it is not about judging people. It is about learning to move and operate in Godly wisdom when it cones to interacting with these type of people. These people can be very dangerous to be around. They are very controlling, manipulative, and cunning. You have to be caution around them. Regardless of their age and sex.
I can't tell you how much this helped me. I did a complete career change and my co-worker thinks she is my boss. After 6 months of her behavior I was at a loss and on the verge of tears daily. One thing I noticed and maybe it could be pointed out when describing a CdM is that they indirectly hurt you by isolating you. Your always the weakest link. They go out of their way make sure your out of the loop. They conveniently forget to tell you important things. I had thought about leaving until I listened to this. THANKYOU
If you like that job, hold your ground and don't let this person win. If you show them your true strength and self-confidence, eventually they can decide to let you off the hook. As other people have said here, CDM's study your behaviour and take advantage of what they perceive as your weaknesses. So this could even be a chance for you to know yourself better and to start valuing yourself more.
I've dealt with some very difficult people in my past and my path had been severely damaged by them because i was naive. I can say all you explained here is good advice, from the analysis, to the tips, down to the books. Good job. I also like how you haven't being judgemental. Not being judgmental is a good tool in general and even more around these people. Unfortunately the current social conditioning in the west breeds many of these traits in a lot of people and it might be tricky to define who's pathological and needs to be avoided and immediately distanced, to whose who are not and to whom one can use some empathy. Never underestimate the damage these individuals can do to you. If you do, once you understood it's already too late.
Oh my god, what a video. I fall into such a person the last year for the first time in my life and most of your examples you giving are so on spot, im speechless. I would love to talk about my experience because is on the extreme but will take too long... Thanks for video..
Thank you so much, very good advise. I deal with a cunning manipulative person. I let lots slide but one time I could not and confronted her. It was a bad scene lots of yelling by me and her. I did not hold back once I got started. I brought up all my grievances and had to go to HR. I had to work with her still and it was uncomfortable to say the least. But I just kept telling myself to be strong. I had not done anything wrong , she did. Management talked to her. Eventually we became civil . But I am not letting my guard down with her. I just phrase things different to get my point across. Needless to say she does not get away with what she once did. She does not try do be my boss and sleep thru the shift like she used to. I like to wait and let her shoot herself in her own foot. Because she does manipulate other co-workers. They see and have also complained. They do think they are so smart and cunning. But can be outsmarted. All you have to do is wait. They hurt them selves. Since I confronted her once, I am not afraid to do it when needed. That helps me feel empowered and keeps them from taking advantage of you.
Update : my boss was the one making me feel terrible about everything I did but they let me go through a phone call it made me angry because he couldn't let me go in person ( it was like this in A lot of situations were it was left to someone else to let me know how he felt ) but at the same time I wasn't even sad or mad about losing that job itself because I feel less stressed!!!!
Anastasia O'Brien as hard as it may be you have to find a way to leave that toxic situation for your sanity. I had to leave my government career after a decade. I’m not making as much money but my peace of mind is much more important. Stay prayed up and good look girlfriend.
I have come across such a manipulative person.. she is in my classmate in college.. she has increased her misbehavior and all my classmates are with her.. she makes cutting remarks n uses abusive words.. she is harassing me since November 2017. .. Your msg in ths video is really helpful.. i will take care to not to indulge in any discussion with her now on..
I really don't know what it is but these people flock to me and will put all of their energy into testing me and making sure I don't succeed at whatever I'm trying to accomplish. I find their lack of values disgusting and really don't know what to do with them. It seems playing their game better than they do is the only thing they seem to understand
BradyH84 You know, this may not be true, but I wonder a bit; I've heard tell that there are some cults out there, that are a type of satanic cults; that do gas light people or perhaps if the spirit world is real, they may bring something with them that affects people come into contact with; I know that sounds radical, but there can be some odd things in the world; however some people just have had bad experiences and lives and are angry and just don't know how to act.
BradyH84 true! these people look innocent, have straight or downward facing eyebrows. you are a good person sir, u are having upward eyebrows and you will be more attracted to bad people, the ones described by you. even close relatives and partner. Actually my mother, brother, husband, some of my friends and colleagues to whom I was believing to be good were all bad people and are reason for my downfall from a MCA graduate and software engineer to a worthless house wife to a jobless husband. After I lost everything because of them, I understood that all these people have one thing in common, that is straight eyebrows. But, my kind of people are thinking about me as bad as I also think about them as bad.😥😢
I just searched.."how to deal with dishonesty" and your video came up..1st in line. I paused at 16 seconds because I feel like I am cheating by watching your video. I believe things/lessons are learned by experience and can admit that I have lied and manipulated many situations in my life. I am seeking and wanting something different from myself now. I don't want to be dishonest. Dishonesty=Fake. Honesty=Genuine. Genuine=True friendship/companionship...atleast I HOPE. I know that truth hurts..it hurts a lot. but in my experiences/circumstances..It's the Truth that I rely on within myself and others to gain a True self and A true Friendship. Im an impatient person by nature, so I hope to find this sooner than later...Now i'll listen to your video..TY
These people are all cowards. Stand up to them forcefully and directly and they will run. They are used to getting their way because most people would just rather not deal with them. You have to make them afraid of you...not the other way around. The thing they are most afraid of is the truth.
Have one here I work with. I've watched him for months and months trying to reason with him. He wouldnt budge. Then I lost it on him, yelling and barking at him. I Alpha Maled him, and that put him in his place; for now.
True. I have seen these kind of people manipulating the most genuine ones and never does that with smart and confident people. So being confident and strong is the only way to stop them from manipulating you. Learn to say No to them whenever needed. And learn to avoid them completely , whatever they talk or do if they don’t come in a proper track. This is what I learned from my experience.
Not everyone has that Type A sort of personality particularly melancholy or phlegmatic personalities. We aren't all fighters by nature. I am very avoidant of confrontation and consequently my coping strategy is to "avoid" these people.
I had a male senior at college who is exactly like this. Even when writing this my body is still trembling. He kept on trying to "help" as a senior, just the problem is that I'm not in any trouble. He forced me to go to his house in the middle of a rainy night to do an assignment together, no matter how much I said we can just do this at college. His excuse was that he's busy in the day cause he's a final year student and all that. When I arrived at his house, I had to wait for an hour cause he had a part time job and he laughed like it's just a joke when he came back. He kept on calling me cheesy names even when I told him to stop, he said okay, and then he started it again. It's just so uncomfortable being with this guy. When I confronted him, he listed out every good deeds that he had done for other people, so why can't he help me. When I insisted, he said what's your problem? He is just so annoying cause I've been trying to make him understand that I'm not uncomfortable around him for more than a year but he just ignored my warnings. He even said that he had a sister with the same name as me who he once hit and she became depressed. Because of that, he can't ignore girls in trouble (I'm not in any trouble but he kept on pestering on me). Because of that, I started having panic attacks when he came to my house in the middle of the night to give a lecture note that I already have. Cause he was not listening, and he won't listen. Things get worse when I banned him openly in the community facebook group (we are foreign students from the same country. There were 5 of us. All male except for me) cause I really didn't know what else to do with this guy. I even once yelled at him but he kept on repeating the same things. Well, the community's reaction was "What's wrong with you? He's trying to help you!" And so began my panic attacks. I stopped going to the same class I had with this guy. I failed that subject for the second time because of him. It's very hard to go to college cause I don't even want to see him cause he scares me. I was even afraid to get out of my house. I mean, a guy who is able to hit his sister will definitely be able to hit another girl with same name that he can't control right. One thing that I hate myself is the fact that I didn't report this to the embassy cause I sympathized him for this is the last chance for him to graduate (he had to repeat 2 years cause he shut himself in his house for 2 years aka hikikomori). This is also exactly the same reason that I tried to help him with his studies (he kept on asking me to study together. When I said no I'm busy, as always he kept on pestering me) though when we studied together, he's the one who is smarter. And we weren't really studying! He kept on talking about other things that were not related. He even kept my notes for more than a week to copy them for the exam. Guess what. He only copied half of it and laughed when I complained about it. Didn't I have the right to study too?! For the other 4 of the community, he's so nice to them that they really supported him when I went against him. Even after that, he played the good guy by not attending an event so that I can attend it. One of them even said that I looked lonely after I stopped communicating with them. I was in bliss that they stopped pestering on me! Shisshhh!!! I hate him. I hate him for making me look like the bad person in the eyes of others. I hate him!!
The fact that society so easily accepts someone's reason for being a total mooch on everyone they know for TWO YEARS as a legitimate excuse is appalling and is helping to breed this type of personality to expect to be given whatever their desire. I'm sure my viewpoint is considered insensitive when viewed surface-level with someone being so deeply affected if someone else had called them fat (or whatever) that they couldn't function societally for such an extended period. To me that person is hypersensitive and needs to learn how to function with society. Before he is taught how to take from society.
miira saika hi. These types are harmful. They have psychological problems that arent dealt with in society..so they go unchecked. There are patterns..like how they build an alliance wall..these are people who they use as their cover. Often they will openly seek to do ACTS OF KINDNESS. you will find they are indeed ACTS..again..as they stem and are rooted from this intension. This need of theirs...They must be removed from your emotions. Even if it takes practise and time. Try not to show your resolution. Ie.confronting. If you pray for protection and stay in faith you will eventually be a leader for others..and their behaviour will be cast out with boundaries and low status in society. So they nolonger damage the fabric of the world..
Listen to your gut feeling always and forever it will never guide you wrong this guy stay away from him and the people that he's socialize with that sees him in a different light than what you know of him they will eventually find out who he is little pieces and bits of his personality will come out and they will see that you were right don't care about what these people think of you as long as you know you are a nice person from within 5 to 10 years from now you won't even know these people what does throw a pinion matter to you always listen to your gut feeling it will keep you safe and away from these types of people you just have to tell him that you are busy block your phone look at your phone before you answer it just tell him that you are not having a good day and don't let him manipulate you into anything if you think you are going to run into him have something ready to say as an excuse why you cannot help him or you do not want any of his help tell him that you have to go to dinner with a friend or church or something like that that you already have other plans just be prepared or some type of an excuse that you don't have to deal with him make it short like you are in a hurry to get where you are going good luck
For years I worked with a boss that many people did not like at the company. I thought she was a nice person, and wondered why she was disliked so much. I couldn't figure out why till her true colors came out, even though those people were not perfect themselves. If someone has many enemies or is generally disliked, there is usually a good reason. Not always, but sometimes. So pay attention no matter how nice they are to you. HR is useless with these kind of people, so I resigned after 11 years. Bullies are now valued in the workplace It was a losing situation, and Karma got her and a few people in a matter of months, because I was no longer there to take up the slack.
My brother has a friend who i feel is like this . There's many times i've said hello or asked how she's doing, and she'd just stare at me and not respond. She did it to my mom too, though she acts super friendly to both of my brothers. She hardly had been coming over but her power went out recently and shes come to our house nearly every day since. My brother said before that people get the wrong idea of her, well a lot of people are wrong then because shes consistently talking about past and current dramas/fueds. Ive held my tongue for a while because i know what its like to be in my brothers place. I finally told him today that i dont like her, that i feel shes disrespectful and treats mom and i very differently and that i feel that shes using us/him . Im shifting feelings between regretting i said something and being glad i did. I didnt really get a response from him though, i dont know what to make of it. Im tired of feeling disrespected but i also feel like if i say something to her that it wont do any good and will only feed into things. Im trying to be patient and deal with it properly, but everyday lately ive been so anxious that i visibly shake and ive had heavy tension in my neck and temples, causing headaches, i feel like a stranger in my own home.
I am currently experiencing exactly the situation that you have. But the best advice I learned from here is to PRAY and never fight with them because they will find a way to see wrong things.
Not all of them may turn aggressive when they are losing out to the situation. Some of them will outright lie and claim that they never made such a comment to begin with. The second strategy they apply - tell you what you want to hear, and tell the other party what they want to hear.
Yes but if you look carefully, they will show signs of agression, it could be via speach, or smashing their laptops, talking bad and using vulgar language when speaking about others or towards you. We all have times when we are frustrated, but we don't constantly act like dicks even if we have other problems in our lives. That's out of respect ( clearly not in their vocabulary or live lessons) -why have these people skiped common sense entirely? How can common sense be so uncommon today? ) towards other people you work with, you are feeling down and can't lift your spirit maybe don't speak if you have nothing good to say. I say its better than cursing at someon's face.
I have been a victim of such people and have resigned my job after having a long endurance in the office. This sums up their evil behaviour. I was slightly doubtful of my decision of quitting but this video has persuaded me. Thanks to you. Third world is full of these cunning and manipulative people.
Thank you for this video. It educated me on how functionally dysfunctional they are. How they choose their targets carefully and lie so they are seen by others as being kind, thoughtful, and full of integrity. In other words so then you become the difficult person, they as the tolerant person has to deal with. Loved how you mentioned turning to God. I did that yesterday and He gave me piece. Thank you!
Just started a new job with a person like that. Have been unemployed for 6 months so was quite nervous when I started and her being younger and just out of university with the gift of gab, won the ED over and has already started spreading rumors about me. She has won favour with the ED and instead of speaking with me directly, the ED would give her instructions to give me. The instructions are quite vague and have approached the ED to get direction on many occasions. Thank you for your video, it helps.
I know a young man who had a very loving father who married a woman who was one of these people. She viewed his relationship with his father as something she couldn't be a part of, so she tried to get rid of him. After a few years she had manipulated his father to the point where she'd force him to beat his own son mercilessly. Then the children's aid society had to come and step in. He left home at 14 and got severely into drugs. Now he's trying to get his life together and pick up the pieces. Hearing his stories just makes me want to cry. I would never ever allow a person to make me do that to my kid. But just shows the power these people have of you let them in.
Well Elizabeth, you are right in that they can be shamed. They hate to be exposed or for others to know about their real self. But again, I think that is a dangerous game to play. I prefer to not mess with them at all. If I can.
They pretend so well that they do not understand your point and skip the topic and even divert the topic talking some non sense.they are the worst people on this planet. Selfish crooked wicked shots.
Thank you for your video! I almost got heart attack because I always thought it was my fault. I realized in your video that it was because they are super smart and I fall for it.
Thank you so much for this video. I really needed it. It's so horrible to the point that they can make you feel like you are the one at fault and not them. I just needed to know that it's not something I did wrong.
72sat360 Haaa....Ive done that to my wife unfortunately...She goes in on me about minor stuff like chatting with exes (even though I let her read the convos, and they are innocent)or eating in bed(which she does more than me lol), but gets upset if I bring up the fact that her mother sexed 2 of my cousins or how my parents paid off a loan for her that she got w/o my knowledge(major mistakes)
This is really good! My boss is a machiavellian devil and I refuse to let him be a child with me. He brings me into his office to talk about litterally EVERYBODY and I'm sure he goes behind my back and tells them I'm the one saying these things. I've recently found a way to stop him. Now working on how to get him to stop telling other people disparraging things that 'we' said then glaring at me and daring me to speak up and say the truth, that 'we' never said anything. How could I ever get a word in to say anything? From now on I'm going to say, 'That must have been a conversation with someone else. We have NEVER discussed that. That topic doesn't interest me.'
Thank you Ammar, I've followed your advice for the past five years with a very manipulative person. I got back my sanity after watching your video. Thank god.
Thank you for sharing. I am happy for you.
Cut off such people from your life as soon as you discover them. I use my intuition to understand people.
Sir pls help . I've such a person as my mother in law . Initially I thought it's just fight bet daughter in law n mother in law. Later I understood due to many downs i faced . My prob now is I completely knows her intentions n being very careful with her . My husband still saying she is innocent gud by heart simply shouts.n he is loosing everything by doing wat she says . If I prove her actions also she tries many gud ways n attracting him n earning trust from my husband . This is my prob how to I make my husband to understand her manipulation n more over she making my husband to not to trust me ?
@@likekrish reduce interaxtiin to firmalities as much as you can. Be cordial. Be fornal. Do not engage into conversations. I would not try to concunce anyone she is cunning. Let her be and take care of yourself and husband. I wish you well.
like krish I too have faced the same situation. Somehow I managed to escape from her and living a peaceful life with my husband and kids at his workplace. Just ignore whatever she says or does, just listen to her and do whatever you think is right and justifiable. Be strong in your stands. My husband also still thinks his mother is very innocent other than shouting. But he doesn’t obey whatever shit she says. But he always wants me to do her wish. Right now I am happy, don’t know what might come once I go back there. But I have become so strong going through this toughest situations.
Nothing works with these types. Ignoring them and walking on egg shells enables them to continue...confronting them, even in the nicest and gentle manner sets them off for revenge! They are impossilbe!
I completely agree. I do think, however, what helps is when you know you have several points that you want to discuss with them... get them around other people to discuss it (mainly the ones that might possibly be involved with your situation- in my case it was family). Gently and kindly bring up your points that bother you or things that are hurtful that they've done to you. You already know they are not going to apologize or take ownership for anything so that's not the reason for the conversation - but the whole purpose of discussing these issues with them is for other people to see and hear how they react (all the while keeping your cool and staying calm and being respectful throughout the discussion). It's a great way to get your thoughts and feelings heard to everyone while in a sense calling the narcissts out on their bullshirt and showing them that they can't take advantage of you. It might even help "clear your name through the mud" sort of speak and help you defend yourself while doing it gracefully and in a calm way. That's just my personal opinion because I like to feel like my thoughts and feelings should be heard as well but I also understand that having a conversation sometimes isn't even worth it.
The only thing you can do is try to avoid them as much as humanly possible. Or move to the other side of the country!
@@camcdill1 What I wonder is not so different than you say, meaning is there anything that helps or can you confront them with everyone around that is connected to get them to face the problem and not get away with just denying they did anything. I think the 2 people in my family who I'd like to confront would not talk, either would explode or simply walk out saying "I am not going to stand here and take this"! In fact I know thats what would happen, have you tried or had that conversation with any success?
Sean Martin If you know having a conversation with them wont solve anything then I wouldn’t do it. In my case, I spoke to the person that I knew was more understanding (not the narcissist but definitely part of the situation). I was able to have a nice conversation with him (a family member) that helped us to move on and become a bit closer. With that being said, the reason I didn’t confront the narcissist is because I knew she wouldn’t apologize and my husband and I ended up moving to another state so we didn’t have to worry about her drama anymore. If you have to continue still seeing these 2 people and it’s going to be a constant issue in your life then I personally would confront them (in a nice and respectful way) but make sure you have all of your points lined up and ready to tackle “the lions cage head on if you will”. I hope that advice helps. Feel free to let me know your thoughts.
Sean Martin One more thing I wanted to add, is that if you have to still continue seeing these people regularly and it continues to be an issue in your life I really think you need to stand up for yourself and not allow them to treat you disrespectfully. If you never stick up for yourself, they’ll definitely continue their shenanigans. And yes, they might still continue them even after you have the conversation but at least you are standing up for yourself and letting them know they can’t treat you like that. Be aware that they might drag your name through the mud but they’re probably already doing that anyway if they’re really terrible people.
These kind of people really do exist. They pretend to look good but actually do all sort of activities to mislead you. Don't be innocent and kind to them. They curb your thinking ability and when you actually realise the truth you will be astound to know what is your true potential and to what extent they have really drowned you. So be alert and don't fall in their trap. Be strong and confident.
I kicked my freeloading relatives. came to our house pretending to visit but in reality they were casing my house and asked if they can move in. Cut them right off.Send them packing.
I agree with you in every word 🌴 thanks
Oh yeah & they are everywhere. If u get the chance, read The Hatchet Man's Playbook.
Absolutely. Words to live by.
fantastic comment and true.
They will never admit that they are wrong rather they will make you feel guilty. They will manipulate you in a way that you will start feeling maybe it is all your mistake.
Such people are truly evil, how they are able to use you, manipulate you & take advantage of every possible oppportunity
So true
I sometimes feel a personality clash with others,because I have insight into there ulterior motives!
Self righteous justice comes into play!
The one I see most often is this:
Person A *does something overtly and unacceptably rude, offensive, cruel, or even damaging/harmful*
Person B *experiences negative emotions and expresses them either overtly, say by expressing this through speech, or covertly, perhaps by reacting coldly to further solicitation for conversation Person A*
Person A "Are you mad at me?!? You seem mad."
If Person B says they are even simply frustrated or perturbed, Person A will use this as a chance to either feign persecution or shame Person B into dropping their reasonable grievence.
And if they say they are not mad, they have accepted Person A's unacceptable bahavior, and it will continue/worsen.
At this point, the underlying ultimatum is this:
Either acquiesce or prepare for a fight you won't win.
I don't think they are generally book smart, but they are street smart.
Not street smart but Machiavellian. And that type of cunning comes from the demons that operate through them.
So Deep Into Character That
Machiavellian yes, but street smart is a myth because it could be anything
@@LH23511 I would not deny the reality and influence of demonic entities, having entered our planet from another dimension. We can only speculate as to the exact number, but they constitue a vast army, no doubt. They are both well schooled and street start in their ways.
Academics can be like this btw. I've met quite a few working at a university.
I just quit my job two days ago. I couldn’t take the toxic atmosphere any longer. I maneuvered around their sick behaviors for over six years, and I finally had enough. I gave no two week notice. I just left. And I’m very happy.
yes they pretend they are your friends.
Lillie Tuscano true
hurts your heart when you find the truth out ... gotta rise above.. stay tough out there
@@daygocoohlyn2866 Yes Daygo, it is very dangerous to be emotionally hurt,especially if you in your 60s+have heart problem symptoms.I have to avoid all romantic relationships because my husband ruined my trust entirely by committing adultery for the past 4years.I wont risk my life again,because the pleasure isn't worth it.
I have no desire to
pursue the pleasure of sex in any form anymore, because
it is too psycologically
painful to even think about let alone indulge in it.So I close to take a vow of celibacy, so I will not let my guard down +refuse to even
be alone with ANYONE
who may try to manipulate me into trusting them with my heart, outside of Christ.
I hope you will also guard your heart so you don't get hurt.I dont believe the saying that it's better to have loved+lost.I wish I had known,I would rather have missed the experience altogether than to be stuck regretting having married.
Ammar is right about prayer+I would add keeping our minds
on the reason we were created.I am a truth
seeker,so am often praying for God to show me how to honor him as He deserves to be for all He has done to reconcile me to a right worshipful
relationship toward
Him thru His son Jesus.
Yes there are a lot of them at work
Rape and torture would be my methods of dealing with them
cut them off. don't feel sorry for them, ever. get out before they get you.
Tilly Robinson yup. because there is never a limit to how many times they will do it
Yes, just avoid them period . Don't give them the time of day.
* s n a p s // then you have to rise above // never forget that they were attracted to your weakness but really its your strength
With God in your life these ppl shrink into a gas ball.
But how? I don't know how 😔
Best to avoid these types. If you can't then don't confront them, work round them. They don't like being challenged and will do anything to save face. One thing they can't stand is being ignored ☺
David you are so right, i am going threw this with a lady at work, been threw hell and back, now I just ignore her and stay away from her and it's better for me but it's driving her crazy, she can not keep my name out of her mouth to other co worker's she don't like to be ignored and not being talk to.
Very very damn true
Luvd th last line
My husband and I are doing this with my MIL and it's working out wonderfully for us she on the other hand is spiraling hard
Thing is most ppl cannot tell them apart in the first or second meetings. They will only realise after most damage is done.
its pointless to confront them
Just ignore and gradually make him feel, that you have caught his deceit. Let your eyes speak face to face, and make him feel, by your body language, that he is no longer important. Gradually, pull yourself away. And yes, never hesitate to say NO in front of his face and support it with eye contact.. It has been no problem for me. Thanks.
That's true, confronting them face to face does the job.
I grew up with a narcissistic mother. By the time I started meeting this type in corporate, it was a child's play to deal with them because of my background. Your advice is spot on! The most important thing is not to react, they get great joy from getting a reaction out of people. You will basically have to turn into a sociopath to push them out of your way, it takes a lot of planning and can be draining.
make them believe you are stupid even though you know alot. That will allow them to under estimate you and allows you to detect them easier. and keep a low profile most of the time.
That is one way to do it.
yes unfortunately you have to be slightly like them or use one of their ways to flip them !!
When someone tries to manipulate me and I understand their intentions, I withdraw from them and do not trust what they say... it is better not to open up to people nowadays as they always look for an easy target and take advantage of our goodness. Being cordial with strangers is completely out of question as most people are cunning, selfish, greedy and manipulative these days.
yes one guy says make them think or allow them to think they are winning then they leave you alone more. like his exwife caused a lot of trouble for him with the kid when she thought he was doing WELL in life. they just hate that. but the the revenge is not letting them know you are doing well so that they leave you alone. let them think you are not doing well at all. I don't tell my mum I'm doing very well so she thinks she has won and I'm a miserable poor lil victim that she destroyed. so she doesn't bother me much at all. calls once a week or 2 weeks and talks only 5 minutes I can deal with that. because I know she is the psychopath and is going to hell not for the things that she has done to me and so many others but because she isn't saved and most likely won't be because once they cross over to the dark triad side (they hurt on purpose and actually like it) they are lost forever most of the time. All things are still possible with God. you can pray for them to be saved but let them think they have or are winning what they think is a "game" or "battle". it will be much better for you to play the hurt, broke, unhappy etc. target. not that I condone deceit but sometimes we just have to do what we have to do to get better. this healing process takes time and they will constantly battle us if they think we are getting over them or going on with our life and even doing much better without them in it. they will bring out the big guns seriously so be meek and careful and act very boring when talking to them or are around them. they bore with gray rock. but if they know you are doing it on purpose it causes rage so be careful not to do it so much they know you are on to them. be as agreeable with them as possible they HAVE TO BE RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING. never tell a narc they are wrong or bad you will regret it. it's very hard dealing with these types, very hard. and why it's best if at all possible to go NO CONTACT forever! life is really so much better when they are completely out of your life! I wish you all much happiness. Cheers.
I do that all the time. Then lower their guard and expose themselves faster. They also never expect you to leave and can be destabilized by this.
Treat them in their own medicine,make them feel you are not an easy target as they think so.Be more smarter than these people and evaluate each and every action they do to understand their intention.
The only way to do that is by not entering into a ring with them.
These types are covert narcissists OR their "minions" or flying monkeys as they're called...Stand your ground, don't give them any of your time....their nosy, gossipy, a holes. Leave them alone, avoid them. Decline any invites. They're delusional.
I have faced manipulative people in my very close circle and all they are very shrewd and really good at acting. They always play with other's emotions and get things done in their favour.
They're always the victim in the drama they started. Their problems are YOUR problems.
Yeah, that’s how they my friend gets to me, by playing with my emotions, I have literally apologized to people he made me think I hurt and it was all a bunch of lies to make me look stupid.
They should be an actor.. A real actor
Thank you for sharing. I needed this in my work career. I got a lot of backhanded complements in the office. I had a manager who was secretly recording me and videotaping me to steal my ideas and pass them as her own. She would keep meticulous records of my mistake for a future date. I was so confused when she had me nominated to receive employee of the month. I was given the award and then she put me down right after. I feel so much better now that I don’t work there. I learned afterwards she was learning how to manipulate and tear down people through her son’s military books.
My best advice is to use yourself as a reference.
Are you decent? Yes? Good.
Would you have the behavior that they have towards someone? No? Here you go.
You wouldn't. That says a lot. You see, you don't have to force yourself to be decent. You just are. If someone has bad behavior, it is not an accident. They don't care. Face it.
You have a right to have feelings and to address them with people around you.
Why would I laugh in the face of someone sharing feelings about something?
Feelings are natural. Nothing to be ashamed of.
If someone refuses to address your feelings when you want them to be addressed, don't push it. Leave. Go no contact. Such a behavior is not normal and unworthy of your time and affection. Use yourself as a reference. Use your own kindness as a reference.
Don't expect lower from other people than you expect from yourself. If they don't want to live by your standards of decency, don't hate them, but don't support them either.
Cath Vail very nice and valid viewpoint . Thank you for sharing.
I love what you say above and it really makes a whole lot of sense. Thank you!
CDM's biggest weakness is their ego! Eventually they fall flat in their face, because they cannot see a better point of view. This video was nice. Do post some more. The sensitive type of people are the worst affected due to CDMs. They feel upset and hurt and cannot deal with CDMs.
Great video. Had a friend like this. They are not that smart and they work in patterns. Best indicator is using emotional intelligence and notice how you feel around them. I outwitted my friend who was like this and cut him off when I had enough facts.. TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. One last important note, if you feel like you've been stripped of something or feel vulnerable after a conversation with this person...they either succeeded in manipulating you or tried to.
Excellent points. One of the problems that happen is that they try to make you feel guilty, and sometimes you start saying you have no proof that this is really what they are doing. In reality you do not need a proof for how you feel around them. So, just let them go. Leave. You do not need a proof to protect yourself from consistent negativity.
David Humphrey true! these people look innocent, have straight or downward facing eyebrows. you are a good person sir, u are having upward eyebrows and you will be more attracted to bad people, the ones described by you. even close relatives and partner. Actually my mother, brother, husband, some of my friends and colleagues to whom I was believing to be good were all bad people and are reason for my downfall from a MCA graduate and software engineer to a worthless house wife to a jobless husband. After I lost everything because of them, I understood that all these people have one thing in common, that is straight eyebrows. But, my kind of people are thinking about me as bad as I also think about them as bad.😥😢
I think excuses are red flags. I have a CDM family member that makes excuses all the time. All they ever tell me is how I hurt them, how my behaviour is conceited, how they have a big heart and are highly empathetic. Once I heard that, I knew right away they lack intelligence, and an empathetic person will never say these things. Strangely enough CDMs are actually not that wise...well choosing to be cunning and deceitful isn't a wise move to begin with.
I'll take your advice.. It'll help me on this category of behavior, I believe I'm dealing with one ..close to me...
Venus, it is terrible to hear what you have gone through. Manipulative people, or CDM, from my experience do not mind to see you fail in your dearest goals. For them you end up being a means to an end. So I really hope that you have gotten away from them and are now picking the people around you carefully. It is your right to do so, you don't have to please everyone. Also, remember, it is never too late to return to your dreams and I hope that you can find a fulfilling job related to your studies. Cheers
I love your advice, I just broke off an engagement with a woman with the exact behaviour. The “it’s about me mentality”, she doesn’t care about how her behaviour affects other people, she treats people in a horrible way, and gets depressed and says things like “people don’t like me, they never have” when everyone starts avoiding her. She sets rules that she doesn’t follow herself. She doesn’t help financially even when she realises that the other person is struggling. And lies, and fabricates documents to create a horrible financial situation that she is dealing with. Confronting her about something she has done, despite being her own rule that she broke, leaves you feeling depressed and regretful about even raising the problem.
I showed her the door. I’ve been happier since. You’re absolutely right, such characters aren’t difficult, they are impossible to deal with!
This issue is killing a lot of people’s confidence. One more thing set boundaries by dismissing yourself anytime you feel hammered down. 😊😊
They lack confidence in their own abilities and life itself and even though it might seem like they have more resources they are miserable behind the scene
Very enlightening, thank you. I have come across a CDM and we see each other on a daily basis. They have picked me as a victim because my abilities threaten them. I have learnt to not confront them because they will always make excuses and try to blame me instead. I make it visible to them, that I am happy, content, confident, and can do even better without them. I show them that they can't move me. They try to guilt trap me or make me feel indebted to them by performing little acts of favour--favours that don't have any real value. I say a very quick thanks for surface politeness, but I pretty much avoid eye contact and let them know they aren't gaining any ground with me. They suddenly try to kiss up to me with random words of praise, that really mean nothing, even after gossiping about me. I don't smile or pay attention to this. I act like their words, whether good or bad about me, has no effect. They should spend their time elsewhere.
True
"They don't have real value" you said it 💯 truth
Omg I’ve experienced the small favors performed also !!!
Them trying to paint a picture that you’re indebted to them and need to reciprocate somehow hmm
Yes there are people we come across, who do not have a heart and hurt you so much. All I can say is Karma is very very powerful. If you are suffering for no reason of yours, please pray and be patient. Truth is on its way.
I needed this. thank you
Absolutely 💯💯💯
Finally somebody make a video about real life....
Exactly... others are just interested in using thr word Karma
True
Real life is 📔 not a 📹 video!
Ys this is the real knowledge, which should be teach by parents....
Bad
Thank you Ammar, it has been a comfort to listen to your advice. I have had some horrible experiences with my neighbour who is a malicious liar. It was such a shock when she started attacking me out of the blue when I was trying to help her. She plays all kinds of manipulative games and puts on acts to people as if she is sweet and kind when she has only just been lying and bullying. My life was not easy anyway, but this is almost the last straw. It helps to hear your calm voice and sensible advice.
Basically it's about psychopaths and sociopaths. The phoney, cunning bastards with the superficial charm who only truly love themselves, and who always want to have their own way, even if it means hurting others in the process.
Arabella Sky yea I actually can relate these symptoms to pyschopaths.
what can i say :)
sad and dark but how true? to what degree?
Arabella Sky
Seriously man I didn’t ask for anti social personality disorder
But I do greatly enjoy having it and every thing you said is actually true
Arabella Sky true
"Even if what they say about you is true, know that it is irrelevant, and that they are not trying to make you better, but to manipulate you". This is key. And thankfully, knew from beginning it was ill-intended nonsense. One must have common ssense and confidence in who you know you are.
Excellent advice. Especially the tip about forming a strong support circle. If I can I'd love to add this: The behavior of these people tend to be predictable. Learn what to expect from them in certain scenarios and form your strategy accordingly. And DOCUMENT EVERYTHING!!!! Every interaction with them should be documented as thoroughly as possible. They won't hesitate to lie when trapped. And most importantly you have to realize that once they have you pegged as an enemy there is nothing you can do, they will use covert aggression against you and they will never stop. You cannot let your guard down in any circumstance with them. They will work against you around the clock. My wife and I are dealing with this now and we had to learn the hard way. It's extremely draining.
Thank you for sharing. I hope things work out for you.
Excellent advice.You are exactly right.I too learned the hard way.But I did learn.
these people are dangerous when you are around them more often than not but also depressing to say the least. Never looking to correct there short comings only blame hold grudges and bullshit. So draining to the spirit
My daughter in law to a tee ! I feel bad about myself whenever I am around her. She is extremely smart and competitive. After many tearful nights, I decided to gray rock and avoid her. I am always nice to her in a sincere way, but I know now that she is not, nor will she ever be my friend. I actually feel sorry for her. Your advice was very helpful indeed. I was not raised to hurt people or use them and take advantage of their soft side. I actually bagan to hate her, but I know that God does not want us to hate. I just protect myself as much as I can. Thank you !
It is far from smart to take advantage of soft spot from people, just saying... And i dont know your faith but in nature those kind never make long run they pick dust like pigeon chess player and loose the real matter in exchange for cheap short rewards...
So so true. Your closing words are a summary of what matters most in the lesson of dealing with these types of people because we cannot change them.
I was bullied and manipulated by a girl called jane when I was a teenager.But I fought back by staying away from her and her friends. she tried to use all kinds of trickery to put me in her traps but I resisted.After that she left me alone and never bothered me again
good for you
Angela Buko true! these people look innocent, have straight or downward facing eyebrows. you are a good person sir, u are having upward eyebrows and you will be more attracted to bad people, the ones described by you. even close relatives and partner. Actually my mother, brother, husband, some of my friends and colleagues to whom I was believing to be good were all bad people and are reason for my downfall from a MCA graduate and software engineer to a worthless house wife to a jobless husband. After I lost everything because of them, I understood that all these people have one thing in common, that is straight eyebrows. But, my kind of people are thinking about me as bad as I also think about them as bad.😥😢
I am in the same situation except the girl won't stop
Angela Buko ooh thanks God you found out her tricks, people are wicked
I worked for one of these cunning deceitful manipulators. She was eventually found out. It was hell waiting for it. Thank you for this video.
You are absolutely right..they make you feel that you are at fault. ..
because they are never at fault they are perfect and never do anything wrong (in their no so humble opinion) #barf
9:31 is probably the best thing to remember if you don't remember anything else. I've learned to trust my intuition, as it's usually, but not always right. Use caution, and don't assume people will treat you how they want to be treated or they are good.
Its amazing. I am dating a guy who fits well into this description. Anytime I detect a lie and question him, he gets overly defensive and tries to make me feel like I am the problem and tells me that I need help. I know my head is in good shape so I have finally decided to break off our engagement. Thanks so much my dear brother. U are great
Good video on CDMs Ammar, I've dealt with this character profile for most of my professional career. They usually try to lower your self esteem to gain control of you and do it in some cases publicly to strengthen their control. The best way to deal with this type of person would be to display confidence, strength and wisdom. Ignoring them will not work, you have to shut them down right away. Let them set themselves up for failure with you and exploit it when possible. And always let then see you smile, don't let them make you unhappy. Show them you're more mature than them.
yeah i agree
I would also confront them by saying that i am not going to fall for their manipulation or how they try to control me and my thoughts
I just cant describe that amount of toxic people in my life.
Ismail Warsame they take it as a challenge and will enjoy always trying to torment you.
Vestart E what do you do if you are a nice person by nature who abhors conflict. I have a girl I work with that is like this. I made a career change and I can't believe the dynamic of where I am working now. This girl says she lives me to death, loads me down with compliments only to humiliate me in frontof other co-workers. I'm a pharmacy technician and her method is to conveniently omit veto important details in order to make me look stupid. I just called her the alpha female, But this description used by Aamar is much more accurate
Tracy M, is the person your only source of information? If so seek a way to go around him/her to be more successful at your job. Let the compliments roll off your back. Cut all interactions that do not involve work. When ridiculed in front of others calmly CALMLY shut this person down by pointing out how distasteful his/her approach to correction was. Then suggest a better way of handling things. You have to do this with out showing how hurt you are. If you show pain then they will have succeeded in their goal. Don't let things slide unless you are saving up for the "quiet storm". Meaning, calmly check this person every time unless you are accumulating instances of misconduct on their part to display to a higher authority at some point. Do not retaliate, do not follow suite. "Tit for tat" will land you in the unemployment line quicker than you know. This person has already built a campaign around you so, begin to build your campaign to dispel the myths. So work on YOU. Concentrate on YOU. Surround yourself with uplifters who are not afraid to tell you things straight up. Northern dwelling people often refer to people with this characteristic as "nice nasty" because it was once called "southern hospitality" in a negative connotation. So to recap, limit contact unless it concerns work. Take notes to ensure that you are doing your job correctly. When info is left out intentionally, she'd light on it immediately and every time to reveal his/her short comings. Find other means of findings the correct and complete information. Stay calm and do not show pain to the abuser. Show the pain to those in higher authority. Stay focused and do your best to excel. This person sees something in you that's already threatening so continue to be great while working on being greater. The compliments aren't lies. Yes they are used to manipulate, but this person is using the truth to twist and break you. Don't fall into the trap. Don't let the compliments disarm you. Don't lie. While gathering information on this person's misconduct do not tell untruths, it will backfire. Be detailed. Keep a log if you have to.
Vestart E: Thank you. I had not thought of this, about the work-place manipulator and liar. I have always been so straight-forward and logical that liars leave me astonished and confused. I am not boasting about being straight-forward, my father was just the same, I sometimes wonder if we were/are a bit on the Autistic spectrum. My mother and sister used to lie all the time and I could not cope with it and neither could my father. When I worked in a University and the Head of Department started lying and trying to manipulate me I nearly had a nervous breakdown. I can't cope with liars. It is hateful. They lie to hurt people. I know sometimes people lie to not hurt people but I think if you are sensible you do not have to lie, you can be kind by still being honest. Of course I have told some lies, I can remember and am upset about them. I was scared of my mother and did not want her to go into one of her mad moods. But these manipulative people are very bad people. They want to hurt people and they enjoy manipulating them. They are cruel. I think it is best to keep away from them. If you have to interact at work keep it short, keep a record, have a witness you can trust or film it. Do not agree to anything which is not right. I left my last job because the Head of Department was dishonest. I was lucky though because I was able to take early retirement because I had become disabled. He was even trying to blackmail me about that by not giving my Doctor's off-sick notes to the correct department! He had several middle-aged women around him whom he kept close to him to do his dirty work and whom he blackmailed by giving privileges so they were beholden to him. It was so disgusting it made my stomach turn over.
I can totally relate to what you say here. I have experienced this with a person in my family and I had to literally run away to save my sane mind. To think that you can change them or deal with them is a fairy tale. But yes, when you confront them and expose them they totally lose it and of course they make you the enemy.
Working against you behind your back.. Every person I have ever worked with.
Setting things up to make you look like an idiot. How do they find the time. I am always working and don't have time for that stuff. IT hard to outsmart EVIL.
I agree,, I leave jobs where people are nasty and mean.. they never seem to get any punishment,, its the victims that have to leave;; I landed a good job in a top company where they are supposed to be top employers,, but 2 days into my employment I caught my supervisor drinking on the job., I did not know what to do.. she knew I saw her,, and she proceeded to do everything to undermine my position.. then she fired me.. but she got someone else to try to witness this "bad behavior of mine" so there would be no backlash...she has been with the company for years and is still there. Makes me sick.. I work so hard to get things done and come in early and leave late..to was blacklisted by my Temp company because of her.
I hate those kind.
Lorraine I lost my job to people like those recently. As recently as last week. The difference is that I know first hand that those backstabbing workers were miserable. They they knew i was happy, young and married. a lot of them were mersible, divorced and had nothing going for themselves. they figure that if they get my fired, they would ruin my life. i said this to the warden during the termination process. " here's your badge, and you will have your uniforms back. thank you and have a good day" and i left. they thought I would be devastated and beg for my job back lol. well now I'm just going to get my cdl and get into truck driving!
Wow Lorraine, I pretty much have the same sitch as yours. These people really are good in getting away with the evil stuffs that they have been doing.
ライ † 石田 i sometimes wounder how the hell do they get away with doing stuff like that? oh well. i received my CDL last week. so now working around assholes is a thing of the past. im sure i will deal with a dickhead here and there, but for the most part...i have limited contact with people lol
Psychopaths, you meet one, it messes you up for a long time to the point you even begin to seriously question humanity. I've encountered one a few years back, one of my co-workers at the time, what she did to everyone really opened my eyes, I've met unconscious and toxic people before but to me they can only be described as "imperfect" or "broken", but she... was the closest thing I ever experienced to "EVIL". That's psychopaths.
My daughter who is a middle child has always had a victim mentality, she acts like she cares for me to my face then lies about me and calls me unmentionable names. Even tho her siblings know about her evil ways she has managed to bewitch them into believing she is a poor little victim of mothers lack of love for her. She trys to turn everyone against me. She should have been an only child, she's always been jealous of her siblings and still is even tho she's a grandmother now. She told her brother the most evil lie about me not long ago to divide us and even tho he found out the truth he won't hold her accountable for the deception. That's why these people get away with their deplorable actions.... no one holds them accountable. To me their just as sick as the lieing manipulator.
I lived with such a person for 8 years. A Narcissist. It was very difficult, you must be very calm and intelligent not to get totally destroyed. Finally I got away with help from friends and family. Your video is informative and good.
Maya Om Shanti true! these people look innocent, have straight or downward facing eyebrows. you are a good person sir, u are having upward eyebrows and you will be more attracted to bad people, the ones described by you. even close relatives and partner. Actually my mother, brother, husband, some of my friends and colleagues to whom I was believing to be good were all bad people and are reason for my downfall from a MCA graduate and software engineer to a worthless house wife to a jobless husband. After I lost everything because of them, I understood that all these people have one thing in common, that is straight eyebrows. But, my kind of people are thinking about me as bad as I also think about them as bad.😥😢
I am still living with that person for the past 40yeats ,dealing and most of your advice I followed out of experience ,.manupulative tactice doesn't work in long term relationships and I do manuver and i was intellgent enough not to get totally disyroyed .still he continues and thinks he can get away .Thanks for this vedio ,it has given a boost to my dealing things artfully.
7-1/2 years for me and then a 3 year divorce in which she did her best to destroy me, and almost suceeded.
My dad was a narcissist... worst part was his sister and mother were mentally torturing my mum too... he died last year... things have been slightly better now
@@michellem4084 my dad was a narc he is dead and I don't miss him. my mum is a narc dark triad psychopath and I'm hoping she goes soon so the lies can stop! I'm so sick of all the lies! and rage and hateful attitude towards me who has done nothing but love her all of my life! they are terrible evil beasts! yes they mentally torture and get others to join them and try to destroy you with all they can. they love to see you fail. and actually LAUGH at you like an evil devil! 'sick' doesn't even come close to what they are
There are so many people who come across deceitful people. Thank you for talking about it.
Very well articulated. I sum up dealing with difficult people with this phrase "You can't reason with unreasonable people". Trust your instincts and don't give people like this chances, it will only be one of many.
well said
Truly a very well informative discussion on manipulative people. People like this have caused so much pain and discomfort in my life relentlessly, saddened to this day trying to understand and protect myself against people who seem to have no conscious or heart at all, thriving off the pain they caused, I wish and pray for peace.
Had no idea help like this was available! Thank you! I have two coworkers like this and I have been so hurt. I am open and make myself vulnerable only to hear that they bad mouth me. I have a hard time not trusting but no more. I can manoeuvre around them now.
Such good advice. My son married a woman like this. I truly thought it was my fault with all the trouble. We lived hundreds of miles apart and whenever I tried to visit it was made clear that I wasn't welcome. She told my son all kinds of lies about how I hurt her feelings. They have had children now. I worry about how they will grow up in a house with that mother. After a while I just let go of ever trying to have anything to do with them. She can't hurt me if I stay away. Somewhere down the road I might have to deal with her, but for now I'm not giving her an ounce of power over me. I also will never trust her. I'll leave it to my son to figure out. He's a good man, I should know because I raised him right. He will take care of the children and do right for them.
I am sorry that you had to stay away. But sometimes you have to do what you have to do. I wish you and your family well.
My brother is marrying that same type. But already I don't know what she said but things between my brother and I is falling apart. We are not in talking term. I don't want or need the headache I probably stay just away too. Warn him already it's up to him to listen or not. I did my part already
Somewhere In-AZ I feel for you man! Stay positive
This is the most direct and useful information I've seen yet on dealing with the terribly narcissistic person and preventing damage. I have a real problem with you tubers that make excuses for the behavior of these people. Speaking from unfortunate experience, this video is spot on. Thanks!
Great video! I wish that I would have seen this months ago. Unfortunately, I ended up acting out of my character towards one of these people and walked out and quit my job on the spot. I have too much pride and respect for myself to consistently accept this type of behavior. I'd let them slide a few times, but now I understand that because these people are sick, and it's their character, they don't know when to stop and they won't stop. So it must be strongly dealt with the very first time.
LaShaundra H true! these people look innocent, have straight or downward facing eyebrows. you are a good person sir, u are having upward eyebrows and you will be more attracted to bad people, the ones described by you. even close relatives and partner. Actually my mother, brother, husband, some of my friends and colleagues to whom I was believing to be good were all bad people and are reason for my downfall from a MCA graduate and software engineer to a worthless house wife to a jobless husband. After I lost everything because of them, I understood that all these people have one thing in common, that is straight eyebrows. But, my kind of people are thinking about me as bad as I also think about them as bad.😥😢
LaShaundra H you are correct. However when you deal with these ppl the 1st time, they will hold a grudge and never stop coming for you. That is my experience working in government for over a decade. I was forced to quit my on due to these weak racist ppl ganging up on my and some of them the race as us. I pray for their karma and I know they are getting it. Peace to you.
Venus Priyadarshini that’s interesting. Face reading has it’s place and truths. My eyebrows arch upward naturally and I always helped people and they took advantage. I worked for the government over a decade and now unemployed due to family preying for my downfall and employees coming up against me because they were intimidated by all I had to offer. If you have a beautiful personality, its’ hard to survive in these work environments because that’s who the cdms attack the most. I pray that you and I have peace, healing, prosperity and happiness. Keep praying for this every day.
Great video. You nailed it. Met a guy just like this. Told him I am not his wife. One thing you are wrong is being smart. Cunning yes, but smart, no. One thing their downfall is their arrogance and lies.
Well said! It took me a very long while to wake up to my own sister being CDM. I could never understand why her friends were invariably rude and hostile to me- I hardly knew them! When she got engaged, her fiance was so aggressive and horrible that I feared for her safety. Eventually, I realised that she was winding them all up against me- for what reason, I do not know, maybe sibling rivalry? So, I confronted her with all thins, and she turned on the "innocent victim act" but I refused to be taken in and told her to get out of my life.
The awful thing is that she goes from one husband to another, and each of them is told how terrible his predecessor was, so all I can surmise is that she gets a kick out of creating drama and controlling others, hiding behind a sweet and innocent face, playing the helpless b victim while all the time causing all the trouble and fights.
i am dealing with this problem on a daily basis and at the start my mind was completely blocked and i really believed in whatever the other person said. They really manipulate in your most weak time behaving like you have only this one particular person to rely on in the entire world and then they play around using all tactics and you really become an unbalanced unhappy loner thinking you are a loser. This video is an eye-opener. I hope it reaches out to the other victims before they lose themselves completely coz i know how tough it is to come out of it. I still lose balance many times.
I was married for 20 years to such a person; you describe her to a T. I did wake up to it after many years. But I saw so many times where I approached her to sort out great difficulties that I was left feeling that it was me that was wrong. It was that inner feeling that eventually got me to see a pattern. This was a really helpful and useful talk; Thank you for it.
Thank you. I needed to hear this today. Someone came to where I was sitting in a private area on the computer and exploded on me causing havoc. I prayed immediately...but that person kept going ...Work can be so stressful with these very evil folks around when you are just trying to do your job. This was eye opening.
‘RUN FOR YOUR LIFE’ 😂😭 it’s the sad truth though
Also stay confident in yourself, give that aura that you cannot be intimidated. They will buckle when they are put on point .
Wow this is so good!!! My husband & his mother are the people in my life like this. His mom actually tried to hurt me by posting tons of pictures of her & mom on social media, not a week after my mom passed away from cancer. I told my husband I refuse to speak or host his mother in our home again. He started the, "but she's my mother speech." To which I said, "if you want me to be around someone that horrid, I cannot trust you either. My mind is made up, please respect my decision."
Thank you, so far it's working beautifully with no contact. My husband has done his own research and said he was going to talk to his mom about her actions (Not about exploiting my moms death, a covert would never admit that. But other more obvious issues) According to him, she responded exactly how I warned him before this talk took place. He could see the gaslighting, victim mindset, stonewalling, etc, and realizes now that him and I are a united front, nothing she says or does can interfere. That she is very manipulative.
Before he spoke with her to have that talk, she sent me an expensive bottle of perfume. I didn't contact her, despite 2 voicemails and 2 texts from her just letting me know, "My awesome mother in law got these for me." Hubby saw this as rude when I didn't tell her thank you. Now he understands she just wanted something, and had "picked me back up" into play. I hadn't heard from her since my mothers passing, which was a year ago, & now that she wanted to visit, the gifts sure come often. I've decided to begin sending them back, because I don't need anything from her. My mom was a great woman; the exploitation was my last straw to putting up with his mother for him. Her tactics only work on a willing audience, and now that I have seen how deep or far she will dig a knife into my back, I simply don't come back around to get stabbed.
It's been a weight off my shoulders; my husband and I are so much closer now because of this!
@@renewyourmind1815 I totally understand what you mean because I also have a mother in law like that. I had cut her off from my life and not allowing her to be near my kids. It took my husband 10 years to know what kind of person she is and he said do what ever I like it he sometimes throws hint that he wish i can let it go but I stand my ground and said NO. I want to keep having a stress free quiet life. But not for long because now my brother is planning the marry a girl that also have the same attitude as my mother in law. Now I don't know what to do. I'm too tired to go against these people
Very good video. Thanks for making it. The type you're describing are somewhere between narcissists, bullies, and toxic people.
All the same
Malignant narcissists...
What you expressed is so real, indeed it is from experience rather than just theory based. CDMs are the people who are wolf in sheep’s skin and no wolf will play fair and square, best way to deal with them is, identify them and not to give importance to them.Thanks Ammar, your video will help me a lot ❤️
I’m dealing with a new employee I have to work directly with them. Out of all the videos I’ve watched, I’m so glad I found this one. Feels like I have someone on my side. Thank you!
Thank you so much! I never realized that this is what i was up against, I thought it was all me being too sensitive.
Me too :)
Ammar Mango
thank you.
I have a sibling that has hurt me terriby.
She has gaslighted my family AFTER our
parents pass away.
Wish I had some support.
She always tells me I'm too senitive.
I KNOW ANYONE WOULD BE HURT
BY BEING TREATED THIS WAY.
I DO NOT LIKE CONFRONTATION.
SO, IT GOES ON...
WHEN I TRY TO STAY AWAY FROM HER
SHE WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE.
ALSO WHEN I STAY AWAY FROM HER ,
SHE PUNISHES ME.
THESE ARE SICK PEOPLE.
REALIZE NOW EX BOYFRIEND WAS SAME WAY.
FRIGHTENING PEOPLE!!!
NEVER KNEW SUCH HARMFUL PEOPLE EXISTED
UNTIL MY PARENTS PASSED AWAY AND I GOT
SICK.
MY BROTHER SAW THIS . HE PROTECTED ME.
I CARED FOR HIM, HE WAS ILL. HE WAS FAMILY SCAPEGOAT.
NOW HE IS GONE, NOW I AM.
MADE GOOD GRADES.
NEVER MADE PROBLEMS.
UNTIL EX CAME INTO MY LIFE AND
THEY ALL HATED HIM. NOW HE IS FINALLY GONE :
SO THEY TAKE IT OUT ON ME?!
NO ONE TO TALK TO ABOUT THIS ABUSE.
SAD.
BTW
HAVE TO REPLY THIS WAY BECAUSE SHE HAS SOMEHOW LINKED OUR DEVICES!
SHE WAS READING WHAT I WROTE!
I AM NOT EVEN ALLOWED TO COMMENT!
THESE PEOPLE KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING.
HAD MY HEALTH NOT GOTTEN SO BAD:
NEVER WOULD SHE SAY AND DO THINGS.
MY LEGS ARE STARTING NOT TO WORK,
BECAUSE I WAS A COMETATIVE SWIMMER
&
LIFTED A LOT OF WEIGHTS AND SWAM
5 MILES A DAY WHEN YOUNGER.
SHE HAS NO IDEA THE PUNISHMENT I
PUT MY BODY THROUGH.
WAS JOINING LOCAL GYM BECAUSE I FELT
MY LEGS WERE NOT WORKING RIGHT.
SHE WENT NUTS AND SAID "YOU CAN'T JOIN
THE GYM!" I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT.
AFTER THAT LOST ALL MOTIVATION.
NOW KNEES ARE TOO SWOLLEN TO BARELY WALK.
Filmworks,Inc. Gold 😢
Filmworks,Inc. Gold GET UP & WALK! You can do it!! You are you and she is who she is. She's brainwashed herself to the fact that you're an extension of her. You are not her. I know this tactic too! It's designed to lock you down. She's probably very unmotivated and hates the fact that you have that motivation, so she is trying to break yours. She gets all her energy from you. Yes, this can make you feel very sick physically and emotionally. You can get through it. I had been battling autoimmune problems, joint pain, fatigue, confusion, arthritic symptoms. This is why your knees are swollen. You have to tell yourself that you will be healed and that you love your body. Go for mini walks or go sit in the yard, for sun, birds singing, air, let nature in and it will heal you. Drink lots of water to help remove toxins. Emotional stress causes toxins in the body and it causes inflammation (swelling knees ) You will get stronger, and your body will heal. Know that you're not alone! All the best to you! And remember EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE! On the surface, it sounds like she's overly worried about you and doesn't want you to get hurt. Sometimes love can be overly suffocating and harmful. Maybe you can use the tactic if she's using the." I'm worried you'll hurt yourself "by telling her you appreciate and love that she worried about you getting hurt in the gym, and that you won't push it. And then you will find out if truly she is worried or just maybe jealous of you moving forward in life. (Some women are insecure that you might meet another woman at the gym). If you really insist and she keeps blocking you to go to the gym, make an appointment with a doctor andr request a physical exam. And then tell her that the doctor wants you to exercise. She might find it difficult fighting you against it. Good luck!
Described one of my ex best friends of 15 years perfectly. Only problem is I introduced my other lifelong friend to her years ago. As I tried distancing myself from the manipulative one, she turned my lifelong friend against me. 3 years ago they both did some awful things to me in attempt to "wake me up" to me being the "bad friend" for distancing myself. They attacked me via text and when I finally called out the manipulator on her nonsense after putting up with it for years, they both cut me out of their lives AND turned every other mutual friend we had against me. I was ok with losing the bad friend, though I was hoping for it to not be so dramatic. But there other one was very like a sister to me. I'm still sick over this years later.
These past few days have been some of the hardest i have had to deal with in my life! Between my relatives and my job, i quote myself when i say "What's wrong these days? Why is everyone on one-upance?" Before i would have reacted either with depression or a melancholy attitude, but now im in a limbo of morale; consciously making active choices to feed a better self esteem, while still feeling unequipped for those moments of offense.
After watching this, it affirms the steps i must take. God Bless you, your family, and the information that u share.
Thank you for sharing Inu
Extraordinary video!!!! Thank you! My oldest brother is one of these CDMs. Add narcissist to the description and eureka! I appreciate this video very much. Bless you! I love that you added prayer in your suggestions! Wow!
Excellent! You are the only person to date that has given tactics things to do with these people. Most health care professionals just tell you about them. I guess it is because you are a business person you added solutions! This is validation for the ways that I have learned to deal with them. Now I just have to stay vigilant!
(Covert) Narcissists is probably the correct term...😊
Yes I was thinking Covert Narcissist
It's a pluralism
Some call a covert narcissist a 'shy narcissist ' which may be true in some cases, to me a covert narcissist is just that. The narrator of the video is right George k Simon's in sheeps clothing is a great book if you are involved with this kind of person or work in corporate. Really it's a must read AND STUDY for everyone. I have an old widow I do acts of kindness for, because it's the right thing in my mind to do. I always knew she used me and that was fine I did what I wanted, but after reading that book it was amusing to see her tactics. It's all amusing at this point in my walk. I don't judge people, that's our creators job. I do however like to know a snake before I let it into my playpen.
@Don X they are both almost the same animal except the narcissist needs/feeds off of admiration.
@@joec1212 Ah it is not about judging people. It is about learning to move and operate in Godly wisdom when it cones to interacting with these type of people. These people can be very dangerous to be around. They are very controlling, manipulative, and cunning. You have to be caution around them. Regardless of their age and sex.
I can't tell you how much this helped me. I did a complete career change and my co-worker thinks she is my boss. After 6 months of her behavior I was at a loss and on the verge of tears daily. One thing I noticed and maybe it could be pointed out when describing a CdM is that they indirectly hurt you by isolating you. Your always the weakest link. They go out of their way make sure your out of the loop. They conveniently forget to tell you important things. I had thought about leaving until I listened to this. THANKYOU
If you like that job, hold your ground and don't let this person win. If you show them your true strength and self-confidence, eventually they can decide to let you off the hook. As other people have said here, CDM's study your behaviour and take advantage of what they perceive as your weaknesses. So this could even be a chance for you to know yourself better and to start valuing yourself more.
I have dealt with these people in personal and professional life. They are sick! Thank you for this advice!
I've dealt with some very difficult people in my past and my path had been severely damaged by them because i was naive. I can say all you explained here is good advice, from the analysis, to the tips, down to the books. Good job. I also like how you haven't being judgemental. Not being judgmental is a good tool in general and even more around these people.
Unfortunately the current social conditioning in the west breeds many of these traits in a lot of people and it might be tricky to define who's pathological and needs to be avoided and immediately distanced, to whose who are not and to whom one can use some empathy. Never underestimate the damage these individuals can do to you. If you do, once you understood it's already too late.
Oh my god, what a video. I fall into such a person the last year for the first time in my life and most of your examples you giving are so on spot, im speechless. I would love to talk about my experience because is on the extreme but will take too long... Thanks for video..
Spot on. Keep away from them.
Thank you so much, very good advise. I deal with a cunning manipulative person. I let lots slide but one time I could not and confronted her. It was a bad scene lots of yelling by me and her. I did not hold back once I got started. I brought up all my grievances and had to go to HR. I had to work with her still and it was uncomfortable to say the least. But I just kept telling myself to be strong. I had not done anything wrong , she did. Management talked to her. Eventually we became civil . But I am not letting my guard down with her. I just phrase things different to get my point across. Needless to say she does not get away with what she once did. She does not try do be my boss and sleep thru the shift like she used to. I like to wait and let her shoot herself in her own foot. Because she does manipulate other co-workers. They see and have also complained. They do think they are so smart and cunning. But can be outsmarted. All you have to do is wait. They hurt them selves. Since I confronted her once, I am not afraid to do it when needed. That helps me feel empowered and keeps them from taking advantage of you.
I'm dealing with this right now and I'm losing this battle at work
Maybe Anastasia, it is time to find something else as soon as you can. Until you do, try to reduce interaction as much as possible.
Update : my boss was the one making me feel terrible about everything I did but they let me go through a phone call it made me angry because he couldn't let me go in person ( it was like this in A lot of situations were it was left to someone else to let me know how he felt ) but at the same time I wasn't even sad or mad about losing that job itself because I feel less stressed!!!!
Anastasia O'Brien may God help you
Anastasia O'Brien as hard as it may be you have to find a way to leave that toxic situation for your sanity. I had to leave my government career after a decade. I’m not making as much money but my peace of mind is much more important. Stay prayed up and good look girlfriend.
Anastasia O'Brien
Avoid them we are known by the company we keep
"Avoid loud and aggressive persons , they are vacations to the spirit"
I've experienced some at work and it crazy. Everyone sees them as the nice person but beneath them is something else. Its sick
I have come across such a manipulative person.. she is in my classmate in college.. she has increased her misbehavior and all my classmates are with her.. she makes cutting remarks n uses abusive words.. she is harassing me since November 2017. ..
Your msg in ths video is really helpful.. i will take care to not to indulge in any discussion with her now on..
I really don't know what it is but these people flock to me and will put all of their energy into testing me and making sure I don't succeed at whatever I'm trying to accomplish. I find their lack of values disgusting and really don't know what to do with them. It seems playing their game better than they do is the only thing they seem to understand
BradyH84 You know, this may not be true, but I wonder a bit; I've heard tell that there are some cults out there, that are a type of satanic cults; that do gas light people or perhaps if the spirit world is real, they may bring something with them that affects people come into contact with; I know that sounds radical, but there can be some odd things in the world; however some people just have had bad experiences and lives and are angry and just don't know how to act.
You may be codependent
BradyH84 true! these people look innocent, have straight or downward facing eyebrows. you are a good person sir, u are having upward eyebrows and you will be more attracted to bad people, the ones described by you. even close relatives and partner. Actually my mother, brother, husband, some of my friends and colleagues to whom I was believing to be good were all bad people and are reason for my downfall from a MCA graduate and software engineer to a worthless house wife to a jobless husband. After I lost everything because of them, I understood that all these people have one thing in common, that is straight eyebrows. But, my kind of people are thinking about me as bad as I also think about them as bad.😥😢
Thank you so much, the video was dead on, I work with people like this. please make more videos
I just searched.."how to deal with dishonesty" and your video came up..1st in line. I paused at 16 seconds because I feel like I am cheating by watching your video. I believe things/lessons are learned by experience and can admit that I have lied and manipulated many situations in my life. I am seeking and wanting something different from myself now. I don't want to be dishonest. Dishonesty=Fake. Honesty=Genuine. Genuine=True friendship/companionship...atleast I HOPE. I know that truth hurts..it hurts a lot. but in my experiences/circumstances..It's the Truth that I rely on within myself and others to gain a True self and A true Friendship. Im an impatient person by nature, so I hope to find this sooner than later...Now i'll listen to your video..TY
These people are all cowards. Stand up to them forcefully and directly and they will run. They are used to getting their way because most people would just rather not deal with them. You have to make them afraid of you...not the other way around. The thing they are most afraid of is the truth.
Have one here I work with. I've watched him for months and months trying to reason with him. He wouldnt budge. Then I lost it on him, yelling and barking at him. I Alpha Maled him, and that put him in his place; for now.
True. I have seen these kind of people manipulating the most genuine ones and never does that with smart and confident people. So being confident and strong is the only way to stop them from manipulating you. Learn to say No to them whenever needed. And learn to avoid them completely , whatever they talk or do if they don’t come in a proper track. This is what I learned from my experience.
Not everyone has that Type A sort of personality particularly melancholy or phlegmatic personalities. We aren't all fighters by nature. I am very avoidant of confrontation and consequently my coping strategy is to "avoid" these people.
I had a male senior at college who is exactly like this. Even when writing this my body is still trembling. He kept on trying to "help" as a senior, just the problem is that I'm not in any trouble. He forced me to go to his house in the middle of a rainy night to do an assignment together, no matter how much I said we can just do this at college. His excuse was that he's busy in the day cause he's a final year student and all that. When I arrived at his house, I had to wait for an hour cause he had a part time job and he laughed like it's just a joke when he came back. He kept on calling me cheesy names even when I told him to stop, he said okay, and then he started it again. It's just so uncomfortable being with this guy. When I confronted him, he listed out every good deeds that he had done for other people, so why can't he help me. When I insisted, he said what's your problem? He is just so annoying cause I've been trying to make him understand that I'm not uncomfortable around him for more than a year but he just ignored my warnings. He even said that he had a sister with the same name as me who he once hit and she became depressed. Because of that, he can't ignore girls in trouble (I'm not in any trouble but he kept on pestering on me). Because of that, I started having panic attacks when he came to my house in the middle of the night to give a lecture note that I already have. Cause he was not listening, and he won't listen. Things get worse when I banned him openly in the community facebook group (we are foreign students from the same country. There were 5 of us. All male except for me) cause I really didn't know what else to do with this guy. I even once yelled at him but he kept on repeating the same things. Well, the community's reaction was "What's wrong with you? He's trying to help you!" And so began my panic attacks. I stopped going to the same class I had with this guy. I failed that subject for the second time because of him. It's very hard to go to college cause I don't even want to see him cause he scares me. I was even afraid to get out of my house. I mean, a guy who is able to hit his sister will definitely be able to hit another girl with same name that he can't control right. One thing that I hate myself is the fact that I didn't report this to the embassy cause I sympathized him for this is the last chance for him to graduate (he had to repeat 2 years cause he shut himself in his house for 2 years aka hikikomori). This is also exactly the same reason that I tried to help him with his studies (he kept on asking me to study together. When I said no I'm busy, as always he kept on pestering me) though when we studied together, he's the one who is smarter. And we weren't really studying! He kept on talking about other things that were not related. He even kept my notes for more than a week to copy them for the exam. Guess what. He only copied half of it and laughed when I complained about it. Didn't I have the right to study too?! For the other 4 of the community, he's so nice to them that they really supported him when I went against him. Even after that, he played the good guy by not attending an event so that I can attend it. One of them even said that I looked lonely after I stopped communicating with them. I was in bliss that they stopped pestering on me! Shisshhh!!! I hate him. I hate him for making me look like the bad person in the eyes of others. I hate him!!
The fact that society so easily accepts someone's reason for being a total mooch on everyone they know for TWO YEARS as a legitimate excuse is appalling and is helping to breed this type of personality to expect to be given whatever their desire. I'm sure my viewpoint is considered insensitive when viewed surface-level with someone being so deeply affected if someone else had called them fat (or whatever) that they couldn't function societally for such an extended period. To me that person is hypersensitive and needs to learn how to function with society. Before he is taught how to take from society.
miira saika my brother and dad are like this, It is better you leave them alone and lonely.
miira saika The I
miira saika hi. These types are harmful. They have psychological problems that arent dealt with in society..so they go unchecked. There are patterns..like how they build an alliance wall..these are people who they use as their cover. Often they will openly seek to do ACTS OF KINDNESS. you will find they are indeed ACTS..again..as they stem and are rooted from this intension. This need of theirs...They must be removed from your emotions. Even if it takes practise and time. Try not to show your resolution. Ie.confronting. If you pray for protection and stay in faith you will eventually be a leader for others..and their behaviour will be cast out with boundaries and low status in society. So they nolonger damage the fabric of the world..
Listen to your gut feeling always and forever it will never guide you wrong this guy stay away from him and the people that he's socialize with that sees him in a different light than what you know of him they will eventually find out who he is little pieces and bits of his personality will come out and they will see that you were right don't care about what these people think of you as long as you know you are a nice person from within 5 to 10 years from now you won't even know these people what does throw a pinion matter to you always listen to your gut feeling it will keep you safe and away from these types of people you just have to tell him that you are busy block your phone look at your phone before you answer it just tell him that you are not having a good day and don't let him manipulate you into anything if you think you are going to run into him have something ready to say as an excuse why you cannot help him or you do not want any of his help tell him that you have to go to dinner with a friend or church or something like that that you already have other plans just be prepared or some type of an excuse that you don't have to deal with him make it short like you are in a hurry to get where you are going good luck
This video is since 2012 and extremely relevant to date, I love the final advice most powerful indeed
Same here 👍👍👍
For years I worked with a boss that many people did not like at the company. I thought she was a nice person, and wondered why she was disliked so much. I couldn't figure out why till her true colors came out, even though those people were not perfect themselves. If someone has many enemies or is generally disliked, there is usually a good reason. Not always, but sometimes. So pay attention no matter how nice they are to you. HR is useless with these kind of people, so I resigned after 11 years. Bullies are now valued in the workplace It was a losing situation, and Karma got her and a few people in a matter of months, because I was no longer there to take up the slack.
My brother has a friend who i feel is like this . There's many times i've said hello or asked how she's doing, and she'd just stare at me and not respond. She did it to my mom too, though she acts super friendly to both of my brothers. She hardly had been coming over but her power went out recently and shes come to our house nearly every day since. My brother said before that people get the wrong idea of her, well a lot of people are wrong then because shes consistently talking about past and current dramas/fueds. Ive held my tongue for a while because i know what its like to be in my brothers place. I finally told him today that i dont like her, that i feel shes disrespectful and treats mom and i very differently and that i feel that shes using us/him . Im shifting feelings between regretting i said something and being glad i did. I didnt really get a response from him though, i dont know what to make of it. Im tired of feeling
disrespected but i also feel like if i say something to her that it wont do any good and will only feed into things. Im trying to be patient and deal with it properly, but everyday lately ive been so anxious that i visibly shake and ive had heavy tension in my neck and temples, causing headaches, i feel like a stranger in my own home.
I am currently experiencing exactly the situation that you have. But the best advice I learned from here is to PRAY and never fight with them because they will find a way to see wrong things.
Not all of them may turn aggressive when they are losing out to the situation. Some of them will outright lie and claim that they never made such a comment to begin with. The second strategy they apply - tell you what you want to hear, and tell the other party what they want to hear.
Yes but if you look carefully, they will show signs of agression, it could be via speach, or smashing their laptops, talking bad and using vulgar language when speaking about others or towards you. We all have times when we are frustrated, but we don't constantly act like dicks even if we have other problems in our lives. That's out of respect ( clearly not in their vocabulary or live lessons) -why have these people skiped common sense entirely? How can common sense be so uncommon today? ) towards other people you work with, you are feeling down and can't lift your spirit maybe don't speak if you have nothing good to say. I say its better than cursing at someon's face.
I have been a victim of such people and have resigned my job after having a long endurance in the office. This sums up their evil behaviour. I was slightly doubtful of my decision of quitting but this video has persuaded me. Thanks to you. Third world is full of these cunning and manipulative people.
Thank you for this video. It educated me on how functionally dysfunctional they are. How they choose their targets carefully and lie so they are seen by others as being kind, thoughtful, and full of integrity. In other words so then you become the difficult person, they as the tolerant person has to deal with. Loved how you mentioned turning to God. I did that yesterday and He gave me piece. Thank you!
Just started a new job with a person like that. Have been unemployed for 6 months so was quite nervous when I started and her being younger and just out of university with the gift of gab, won the ED over and has already started spreading rumors about me. She has won favour with the ED and instead of speaking with me directly, the ED would give her instructions to give me. The instructions are quite vague and have approached the ED to get direction on many occasions. Thank you for your video, it helps.
Actually I'm afraid that I won't have a job tomorrow
I know a young man who had a very loving father who married a woman who was one of these people. She viewed his relationship with his father as something she couldn't be a part of, so she tried to get rid of him. After a few years she had manipulated his father to the point where she'd force him to beat his own son mercilessly. Then the children's aid society had to come and step in. He left home at 14 and got severely into drugs. Now he's trying to get his life together and pick up the pieces. Hearing his stories just makes me want to cry.
I would never ever allow a person to make me do that to my kid. But just shows the power these people have of you let them in.
This video helped me to recognise a person.. I saved my self by the advice provided.. thank you very much Ammar mango sir
This is a genuinely good analysis, very useful info, thanks
one way not to fall totally into this trap is revealing to them how they are hurting you, or by trying to tell the truth in front of their fans
Well Elizabeth, you are right in that they can be shamed. They hate to be exposed or for others to know about their real self. But again, I think that is a dangerous game to play. I prefer to not mess with them at all. If I can.
They pretend so well that they do not understand your point and skip the topic and even divert the topic talking some non sense.they are the worst people on this planet. Selfish crooked wicked shots.
Very good. I'm currently faced with this in my life with a friend and this helps tremendously for what I now know I have to do.
Thank you for your video! I almost got heart attack because I always thought it was my fault. I realized in your video that it was because they are super smart and I fall for it.
It is an eye opening
I can add my words by saying *be alert be safe*
even an ant changes it’s path before a hurdle and never try to set it aside
Thank you so much for this video. I really needed it. It's so horrible to the point that they can make you feel like you are the one at fault and not them. I just needed to know that it's not something I did wrong.
yes they can. Here is a trick they use: they pick on a mistake you made, and you never hear the end of it. they put you in a corner.
72sat360 Haaa....Ive done that to my wife unfortunately...She goes in on me about minor stuff like chatting with exes (even though I let her read the convos, and they are innocent)or eating in bed(which she does more than me lol), but gets upset if I bring up the fact that her mother sexed 2 of my cousins or how my parents paid off a loan for her that she got w/o my knowledge(major mistakes)
You're perfectly describing, a fake snake I went to class with, karma will come
This is really good! My boss is a machiavellian devil and I refuse to let him be a child with me. He brings me into his office to talk about litterally EVERYBODY and I'm sure he goes behind my back and tells them I'm the one saying these things. I've recently found a way to stop him. Now working on how to get him to stop telling other people disparraging things that 'we' said then glaring at me and daring me to speak up and say the truth, that 'we' never said anything. How could I ever get a word in to say anything? From now on I'm going to say, 'That must have been a conversation with someone else. We have NEVER discussed that. That topic doesn't interest me.'
@@p_tiffanii Unfortunately the state I live in does not allow one party recording so I'd have to be really careful to not get caught.
Thank you so much for spreading awareness about these types of people. This is a very real problem in the world and people need to protect themselves!