A Divorced Woman's Biggest Life Lesson
Вставка
- Опубліковано 22 сер 2024
- A Divorced Woman's Biggest Life Lesson #shorts
👋🏻 William Rossy - Sprouht
Facebook:
/ sprouht
Instagram:
/ sprouht
Tiktok:
/ sprouht
Merch:
www.sprouht.com
For business inquiries contact
business@sprouht.com
You're speaking for so many more people than you even realize
True
For real.
well, then do your best to realize what marriage means before committing to it.
Another word salad from a feminist.....Why do Most women say that they didn't know themselves??? REEEEEEEAALLLLY????? When you marry, YOU HAVE TO COMPROMISE to make it work. For someone to say that there are some NON NEGOTIABLE S AFTER you get married is a ridiculous notion. Pick BETTER in the first place since WE ALL KNOW THAT FEMAES ARE SHITTY PICKER of men. THEN COMPROMISE. TALK ALOT to your partner before getting married. NO NONSENSE Talk. It is amazing how females say one thing AND THEN DO THE OPPOSITE. We ALL know men LIE to get into a women's pants but for some reason, FEMALES FALL FOR IT ALMOST EVERYTIME.....
Great ❤
“Just work harder and marriage will improve.” No. Twisting yourself into something you hate and dissing your own values won’t save a marriage.
She did great articulating her experience.
Now she’ll be alone forever 😭
@@hellokittydimaggio No. She has a better understanding of herself, her values and what she wants from a relationship. Hopefully she'll be able to identify a better partner for herself with this knowledge.
@@hellokittydimaggioso ? It’s better to be alone
Why does working on the marriage have to be turning yourself to someone you don't want to be? You both will change throughout your entire lives and it WILL take work to stay compatible. Even this woman could have set boundaries and learned her values while staying married.
You don't have to get divorced to find yourself, and unless there's abuse or infidelity, it's kinda crappy to put another person through that just because you were insecure.
@@hellokittydimaggio No she won't. When right person comes to you, u will understand why it nvr worked with others.
“I wanted it to work so bad that I was willing to overlook aspects of Him and Myself That didn’t align with my true values.” That’s great work.
That's where my little bro is right now.
I hope that just doesn’t mean she thought her neighbor was more attractive
Marriages are amazing, if you guys fit like a puzzle. The artwork is different on both sides but they come together smoothly
Ok can we get to know more better
Thats why its important to go over expectations before marraige and revisit them at least once a year.
People need lines in the sand drawn out. It may sound corny but I encourage young married couples to write them down as well.
This was such a great person to interview! Very wise and she chose her words carefully and took responsibility for her side while remaining honest about it. All without compromising someone else's privacy
Choose your mate; choose your fate.
That sentence is deep.
Simple, and profound.
One of the best comments ever 👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿❤️❤️❤️
Can it be like " Your fate chooses your mate" ?
❤️
Single for life.
Excellent, I love her personality and how she easily shares her vulnerabilities. Beautiful.
I think she got some closure și she could speak rather ag peace about it.
Amen. She has a peace sharing her vulnerabilities. You can only get there from maturing and growing into a more confident you after trials and tribulations.
And without bashing the other person.
@@bleedinghearthero I was just about to say the same ❤
She shared a true lesson learnt. It's entirely possible to fall in love with a good person but simply be incompatible with them. It is isn't always that anyone is wrong. You just see things differently.
Shared values and principles are the most important things in, my opinion, to look for. Even without romantic love at the start, such a couple can go the distance.
She is a beautiful person.
That’s why self love is so important. Devaluing yourself for someone else is not worth it.
Absolutely agree !
Being loving and caring can be a personal value too
She's right that it is crucial to know your true values before committing to a marriage. After that, it is also crucial to be unselfish and think of the other person as they also think of you. Don't use anyone to satisfy your needs or wants. The commitment must be mutual.
She said nothing about devaluing herself for someone else. Sometimes we let our pain sip into our hearing. Her non negotiable values which prior to marriage did not realize how important they were to her did not match what she wanted in the man she was with.
^Manny up here must be a man cause he didn’t hear it… yes, she heavily implied she compromised her values. Most people would take that as disrespected/demoralized or the guy had poor morals like she thought he was ethical but he did immoral things behind her back/wanted her to cosign what she consider against her values. Common sense ain’t common, huh?
I am divorced. My biggest advice is choose someone that has good character and strong values. Make sure you are in the best position to love another person, good and bad. I would also recommend work on being the best version of yourself in a relationship and focus less on what they give you. Influence happens when you work on yourself to be a better person. Love is important but it doesn’t keep a marriage together.
Very good advice! Thanks.
Why would anybody take advice from a divorced woman? 😂 divorced women are a joke. Bitter cat ladies
Or stay single and childfree and achieve higher goals. 80% of divorces are filed by women.
@@sabrinagonzales4456 men need to do some research and find out why women rather be single than stay married to them and then change it.
The moral of the story: "Don't get married, unless you really know and love who you are first".
@ Mr anonymous amen, your comment should be on a billboard!!!!
Sometimes you will never know anything if you don't have experience with something. I mean if she never got marrried she will never knew her value either.
@@ricksjordan2863 So, you're saying that all the people out there who are single and unwed don't know their value? That's ridiculous. People "find themselves" whether they marry or not.
If anything, I'd wager that people who marry young take longer to find themselves and learn their value (outside of being a spouse and parent) because they put a lot of time and energy into being a spouse and a parent.
Yes 👏
I’m glad someone got the message loud and clear. 🙌🏿🙌🏿🙌🏿
I really appreciate her candor. Too many people get married, than realize it wasn't what they thought it would be. Marriage is no joke, it is not a fantasy world. So many people are married, but should've stayed single.
Especially the ones who get married right when they turn into an adult, not knowing what they want if life.
The Philippines is one of the few countries that don’t allow divorce. Marriage isn’t a game.
@@marierocher4422only country
I am still married, happy times worst times I've had all that stuffs. The most important thing is communication between the two married couple, compromised also
I can say I've met the right one, but still very tiresome some time!
@@snow7639 and Vatican
Cool video. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
I was in your shoes several years ago. Time heals the wound but the scars remain. You'll pick yourself up soon, and have learn a valuable lesson from this making a better person for someone. Don't give up hope!
Currently going through a separation/divorce that I don’t want… I never thought I could feel a pain this bad…
Me too right now, are you ok?
@@Tia_aklnz No. all my days just kinda run together. It breaks my heart knowing I was willing to do anything for her but she’s willing to divorce simply because she not willing to work on the relationship. It’s a heartbreak I’m reminded of every morning I open my eyes…
1). Read blessing scriptures and put your mate's name in all of them.
For example, Deuteronomy 28:2, and all these blessings shall come on my husband, and overtake him, (change the second part of this verse, because Jesus Christ died for all humans to pass the blessing of God to us all. So, instead of "if" say, "because".
I.e. because Jesus gave his life for my husband and I. Or for him and I.
E g. Blessed is George in the city, and blessed is George in the field.
Blessed is the fruit of his body, and the fruit of his ground, etc .. all the way to verse 14.
2).. Find older women with successful marriages and ask them how to love your husband.
You can save your marriage.
I really need so many young ppl to hear this. We’re conditioned to see marriage as this shiny end goal and never really understand what it fully entails.
There's no point for a man to be married anymore.
Yes, especially with all the beautiful wedding videos and blogging being done, it is sometimes hard to see how tough marriage can be and the work out into it.
@@edheldude I'm sorry if something bad has happened to you in order for you to think this way. I hope things get better for you and you find love again. Hope you are doing well :)
@@edheldude women should be saying that more than anyone. it's not like men actually do anything in marriage.
@@krystalnguyen3285Yes, marriage is so glamorized and portrayed as aesthetic, that I think the actual wedding is what more people are after with the actual marriage being secondary. I remember when I was in college a few years ago. I had a couple classmates that put major emphasis on being married instead of what the actual marriage would entail.
I hope everyone eventually realizes that all the true love they need is already inside of them. Anyone you bring into your life is for experiences, learning and growth but love and happiness is something you should be able to feel even when you're by yourself.
Underrated comment
Word. Well said.... thank you
Perfectly said - thank you for these words.
Yes, happiness is an inside job.
Yes, a lot of times and I'm guilty of this big-time, we think this other person is gonna fix us or whatever. Eventually u wake up and realize you still have the same incompletions you had before.
She did not shame anyone or blame anyone . That’s such a good lesson that I learnt today ❤
Like her answer and the way she adresses the question with a refreshing smile on her face !
I’m going through a divorce and can relate so much to what she says. I wanted it to work so bad I let go of my values and lost myself for well over a decade. Relationships require so much strength because you can feel amazing chemistry with people who aren’t right for you. And you won’t know their true values until many dates, if at all. Probably best to stay friends as long as possible so you can get to know someone well first. I wish I had done that.
True words, it hurts to give more than getting back on all levels . Stay strong. Time is a cushion.....🛐
So is keeping your word not part of your values?
Lol Carol Stfu selfish is what describes you and majority of women please
@@loganorin Good question, but values are your personal standards and that could be many things. Marriage is a solemn promise, however, it doesn't include abuse. It's a very sad thing, but it's not absolute. The Bible does not allow for abuse in marriage. Men are told to treat their wives as their own body.
When you say values, Do you mean morals?
I love how she didn't blame him or call him a bad guy for their divorce, but just that she realized what she was neglecting that was truly important to her. Those are wise words from learning a valuable lesson
All she did this whole video was pass the blame. No accountability whatsoever. 🤦🏾♂️
More than likely her guy was a nice guy and hypergamy hit their relationship.
All this healing, finding who I am narrative can be done in the marriage.
Maybe he's not a bad guy!! Ever think of that Maybe! It's ridiculous we know nothing as to what went on on their marriage and u assume he's a potential bad guy
No it was his fault. Utterly and completely his fault.
He did not change to suit her values.
@@TheDougSpotI don't know which video you saw. But she didn't blame anyone else but herself
What she has communicated is far better than i can ever imagine. Its like she read my brain and put it into words
Going over expectations is rule 101 in marraige counseling.
That line was a cover up. Her “values” were expectations she had years before even getting in a relationship.
Then she said she tried to over look him and herself in the relationship because her “expectations” or “values” didn’t adjust to her fantasy.
Social media manipulated her mind as well as the people around her feeding peer pressure into one day getting married. That she set herself unrealistic standards to meet in order to feel normal.
True love is God and through God ✝️🙏❤️
Glad she was able to recognize this. This is probably one of the biggest and most common reasons relationships don’t work. Essentially, most people don’t really know themselves well enough before getting into relationships and then end up blaming the other person. Too many people SAY they hold a certain value, but then their ACTIONS reveal something completely different.
Yes, and I think as a society we should really emphasize on teenage/young adults years to be years where you get to know yourself deeply. I feel like at these ages we try to fit in so much that we miss out on who we are and we then embark into a life that does not suit us because we do not know ourselves.
We just live in a selfish society that rewards dysfunction over duty and honor. The majority of marriages on this earth are still arranged and they report the lowest divorce rate and highest levels of happiness.
you need to translate female language, value mean = her career / her accomplishment , knowing how you are = translated " i' know who iam, a successful waman
She doesn't even wanna talk bad about him, so much growth girl❤
Wow beautiful it means you notice that ❤❤
Maybe she was the problem
I agree that is growth. Because most people lead to victimhood. But why the praise. Maybe she cheated on him causing the dissolution of the marriage?
@@tothetop2498 it's not about cheating when she said her worth it's probably like they didn't align and couldn't compromise
Or she had nothing bad to say?
Knowing the “non negotiable” aspects of yourself is so important in any type of a relationship!
Scary thing is you never truly know if the person you are married with is hiding all of that. Then one day, they become a different person.
This is such a mature, gracious, clear and wise response. Also like how she is honest (without the need to throw anyone under the bus) and takes self responsibility. Couldn’t help but also notice her grace in letting go and accepting what is. (Though I’m sure it was a process) Thank you for modeling and sharing it.
My thoughts exactly!
Not really. It opens the end of the relationship to speculation. Why discuss this topic for a whole UA-cam Short if you don't really want to get into it?
“When I find out I’ll let you know” I loved that answer.
So she is lost 😂
it is too late for her to find out
@@leom6165how lmao
yeah
@@leom6165ok wise person
Her energy is so liberating. Super refreshing! Love it!
Her strength is admirable
Wow! She was so honest. Love it!
Her answer shows how much going through painful things in life can make us better -- if we are willing to seek the lesson.
Wow, I felt that. My partner and I did not get married but everything she said is true. Sometimes you can love a person, but if the values don’t match, it won’t work.
Hi
What value exactly?
@@b.imsanta7486She'll never answer that. Ever!
@@b.imsanta7486GOOD QUESTION.
@@b.imsanta7486exactly what value they just bore who ever listens to much to women end up crazy
I learned the same thing when I got married. I ignored everything bc I thought I was suppose to get married and to be lucky when someone wants you. It was a huge lesson in loving myself and not settling.
Thank you Miss for finding the words from my thoughts and putting them in a sentences that now I can explain why I’m feeling the way I do.
Not just his values, his family and close friend's values matter, because they influence the relationship. Its so difficult to stay in love when your core values are question and your value is diminished.
If he is a good man, it won't happen
@mrssomeone2134 a lot of “great guys” have friends they don’t even consider good people. There was a reddit post about what percentage of these men’s friends they’d let date their friend/would trust with a female friend and the consensus was like, “1% of my friends.” That means most guys don’t even trust a majority of their friends not to be date rapists….Also you can’t help who your family is, no one chooses a toxic family tho you are the company you keep.
Folks, it's very important to have similar core values with your significant other, because you will clash in the long term if you don't. This include on how to raise a baby, what is acceptable on how you treat other people other than your significant other, and the list goes on.
I absolutely LOVE that you mentioned how a partner treats people other than yourself. I’ve dated men or even been friends with people who were very nice to me but awful to others. I realized then that down the road they could treat me like that too and that they also are a representation of myself. If I choose to engage with those who lack integrity and don’t share my values, what does that say about me ? Thanks for that perspective. Just reiterates how important who we choose to be in relationship is.
@@plantmama7442wow I love this comment section, both beautifully well said, thank you both! 💞😊
@@plantmama7442Yep. So true. Like I had this one “friend.” I am glad the universe pulled us apart. Her current boyfriend treated me horribly. Didn’t like that I wasn’t “smiling.” When I did smile, he didn’t like how it looked. Basically she picked the worst date: the night of his daughter’s birthday where she rejected some expensive purse he bought for her. Maybe it was the color.
How they treat others is so so important. Of course she picked him, sided with him. I’m glad she’s outta my life.
She shows up at my doorstep, im never letting her go. The goodness in her ❤ shines through, plus she knows what she wants and can think on her feet.
Bro she isn’t faithful to her marriage, she’ll leave you even faster than she left her husband
^ sounds like her husband wasn’t faithful and that’s the nicest sentiment I could think of for her coded language of “not having morals.” I would assume that or he was either a degenerate gambler, or another addiction or he wanted to hurt her/their kids if they had any….Perhaps he stole from his company. Those are values most people would end a marriage over but ig i can’t explain morals to someone? It’s amazing how people will turn anything into a woman’s burden in a marriage when she was gracious enough not even to slander his name? Like she could just outright say what he did but instead said “Yeah he did some immoral stuff. Lesson learned.” That’s the high road, I know you’ve never heard of it but that’s what moral people do when they’re faced with people like you. Not throw bad faith arguments at people cause they think all women should stay married no matter how immoral the man! 😇
@@raulmontano5973 What makes u think she is not??
@@raulmontano5973this woman will always put herself first. I feel sorry for any simps that try to make someone like this happy.
@@Smoove_J, as she should.
Love is like a roller coaster. It has its ups and downs. It's never linear. The most important ingredient in a relationship is respect. If you learn to maintain respect for each other Love is not an issue!
This is true. I learned loving someone isnt what keeps a marriage together.
hi! don't get me wrong. I just have a question for you. what do you think about what keeps a marriage? I just wanna know. so I can keep it for the next time
@@ccmil555 my friend told me this advice. “Love isnt what keeps a marriage together.” You can love someone a lot but if you have different values or goals and even things like they could have poor hygiene, lazy, rude or abusive and different things, over time if you get sick of putting up with them, it doesnt matter. You should leave them.
I was in a relationship very much in love and was in love despite breaking up with them but overall Im glad I didnt stay in it despite it being the strongest love I ever felt. I never wouldve been happy and wouldve just been worried and anxious WHILE in love with them.
If person is willing to improve themselves because they love you and no one is perfect but wanting to do your best for the one you love should be a motivating reason. Cant expect a guy to change or change him yourself. If hes willing to himself than thats fine.
Another advice is if a guy really loves or likes you, they will never say theyre busy. Girls only tell a guy theyre busy if they dont care that much about guy either. If guy says theyre busy, drop them. Theyre wasting your time
@@strawberryshortgirl2637 thank you so much for your sincere answer. I will keep this in my mind. I hope you meet your person soon when it's time
@@ccmil555 I did, thank you and you too
@@ccmil555from what ive observed and been told when asking how marriage really is. What keeps it going is Trust. Respect. Honesty and Loyalty. And i too feel like if these qualities are there a marriage can “work”. Nowadays, as much as i want insane amount of feelings of Love to last forever like the next person 😅, i see Love being a little on the sidelines. Besides, if a person has all the above traits. I don’t see why anyone wouldn’t fall in love with such a person 😊
Divorcing is a painful experience because nobody gets married knowing that they will divorce snd when it happens something is lost in them. I have seen it at my colleagues that went through that.
They look like they lost something?
Yes but break up can do the same
@@rosameijering5161 but with a breakup you didn't have a huge ceremony with all your family and friends to witness. or hundreds of court documents and money and crap to worry about.
@@user-lw3ri8us4wA breakup after a long term relationship can be nearly as painful
True love is looking you at the mirror with a smile and peace in your ❤
Honestly, we need more people like you *Johnsonspy* if we had an army of people like you, we could stamp out these total loss in no time. I love that you are helping the victims, too it's ultra gratifying when you are to save people in real time like you do thanks 🙏🏻 for recovering mine...
She actually nailed it. Knowing one’s self worth, loving self first are very important.
It's goes both way first man self love is very important cause any women broke you up so i advice all man love your self know how much worth you are and go to gym make money than so many women going to under your feet..
Unfortunately, to REALLY know someone and what they're really like, many times doesn't become apparent until after you live with them and/or get married. And even then, they can hide who they truly are for a very long time. So if this has happened to you, don't blame yourself. Unfortunately, even the person you fall in love with could turn out to be a lying, deceitful person, or they don't show you your value after marriage. I believe that's why so many marriages end in divorce.
This is why i don't care for upholding those relationship taboos, i think people should break them fast!
Have sex before marriage, move in before marriage, discuss finances and start working towards at least one goal together before marriage. It's harder to hide when you're forced to expose yourself sooner. Still possible but harder.
It's much easier to break up than divorce so to me it's ok to take on some risk in a relationship as long as you're intentional
Nah, just give it 90 days and they will start singing like a canary.
Of all the comments, this is so true! Don’t know People until you live with them and they may not show their true colors until years later or something happened like giving birth, illness, accident, or situations. People are deceitful to get what they want & once it’s given they reveal their true self.
@@tavi885 Thanks 🙂
They show their true self after marriage. Once they realize the time limit for annulment has passed, believing you're too scared to leave.
Yes, my thoughts exactly. When you start compromising your true self for someone else, you're robbing yourself and others of your authenticity.
Smart lady. She’s obviously given this life chapter a lot of thought.
Good for her. So easy to say “he was an absolute POS” but hers is a much more mature way to look at and analyze your past.
Maybe he wasn't a POS.
@@pumpkin.spicedahh she was thinking very hard on how to say things nicely. Cause it sounded like she was trying to not throw him under the bus by the only info she gave us about him aka the red flags. Her response says the type of character she is.
That's smart. May ALLAH(GOD) bless her. This is the best way to describe personal struggles/problems publicly. This is UA-cam not a trustworthy person she personally knows, so no need to air out the dirty laundry and refuel some old fire that she seemed to have beautifully put away along with learning valuable lessons ❤️🩹🩷.
Not necessarily could be differences in religion, parenting, politics, how to spend money. Doesn’t have to be a bad person, just different values
@MYVloliDiruJP Simple people live in polarized mindsets where they look outside of themselves for the issues that are only a reflection of the dissonance within themselves. She realized that even though she "really loved" someone, long-term committed relationships require more than love. They require an alignment of values. She took accountability and positioned herself to be an actor in her own happiness.
Many times, when we go through personal growth, it may not always be an interactive process. It may be a realization within ourselves. Something that prior to being asked, we understood but never had to articulate. If we are in a situation where we need to explain it, we may take our time to find the words that best represent our internal experiences.
Tell me you have arrested development without telling me you have arrested development.
i learn so much through your videos. Hearing from other people perspective with different culture, age bracket and status is really an eye opener.
That word " find out " hit in a different way .until finding out it is good to find out our own value, sucha great lesson ❤❤
She was so genuine and I think this is one of those pieces of advice you’ll only understand if you’ve been there ❤
Gullible
Yeah right I bet she put her husband through hell. I can see the guilt on her face
Her response was so beautiful and impactful. I am also divorced. Can relate to her life lessons learned.
What were the core values that you thought were missing in your relationship
@@JJ-vp3bdFrom my experience? It was a total lack of respect, gratitude. Imagine not feeling welcome, like somebody is not happy from seeing you, complaining about how you look, or things like your height or health problems - as if it was something you could change with the snap of your fingers. It was like an extension of friends with benefits - doing deeds for each other, body × body interaction without engaging deeper emotions. By the end it was just exchange of services like "You did a coffee for me, so now I'm doing a tea for you" would you like to live like that for the rest of your life? 😢
Why did it happen at all? Well naivety, wrong examples at home, societal expectations, being driven by the s-cs drive of a back then 20 year old body.
Do I regret it? No, I've learned a lot. I can only regret not knowing myself before that relationship and not being educated enough about possibilities. But that's not a thing I could ever have influence on, it's on how the society works.
@@dwsel Thanks for that. I wanted to really learn about it .
@@dwsel what do you do now for relationships that was different from the past? Thats what Id like to know
@@dwsel It was brave of you to share. Ugh I totally get it. I know that feeling. I am glad you did learn all this and that you are outta that situation. You are brave. You are beautiful. Never forget that.
Again you don’t know any of that going in to the relationship. Just people hide their true selves so well.
That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him or her so you just dealt with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one-- living and seeing him everyday anticipating when will he or she do it again. Your videos are incredibly well done. No critique, thanks for doing this *brian hacks online*
You know what you want. Sometimes you have to ready to leave in your own time. It's tough, i know.
It really isn’t everything. So many, girls especially, are in a rush to have a partner and settle down. But there’s so much more to life and so much to learn about ourselves. Im still pro-marriage. But I’m also pro-live your life and love your life before someone else comes along. They shouldn’t complete you or make your life worth living. You need to find that peace within yourself first.
Said every woman pre 32, until that clock ticking noise gets louder and louder and eventually, any guy will do!!!😂
Lmfao keep talking, once the clock winds down you'll either cope like crazy or desperately look for a man. Our value only goes up
If you want kids, you have to find a man within a certain time frame😔 And that period of time goes very quickly once you hit your 20s.
@@rogerward3390Not true. More women need to realize that they can adopt. Hell, get artificial insemination if giving birth is so important
@@honeymelon6177Adopt
This is so true. I saw myself in her. I am a divorcee and I overlooked how wrongly he behaved with me because I loved him so much. Everyone else started behaving with me like I was trash because I had turned off on my confidence, self respect , zero decision making everything.
I only want to say - They show you how they will treat you keep your eyes open wide.
I prefer to hear from your ex before believing you ‼️
@@John-ds6jzwhy is that?
@@BevvyIsTheBest I am talking to her not you 👉🏼👉🏼go away
From what I've experienced and seen... Often people get lost in physical attraction and chemistry without truly knowing what the other person is about. This happens a lot when the other person is narcissistic or sociopathic. They tend to attract a partner using chemistry and love bombing and they do not have any of the good values a partner ought to have. Oftentimes disordered/ toxic/ abusive parent(s) or other family members, condition a person to accepting poor, rejecting, disrespectful, dismissive, invalidating behaviour and abuse later in life. It's a hard lesson but learning comes through friendships and relationships for some and marriage for others. The important thing is to learn and grow from it and never accept such behaviour again. We must learn how to respect, value, validate, love and appreciate ourselves, all of which we may have never been allowed to experience in our early years and may have been conditioned to seek externally, which sets us up for failure and abusive/ incompatible/ toxic/ unhappy relationships. Once we access all these positive feelings from within ourselves, we become attuned to accepting only those relationships which mirror our good feelings and values and therefore which are healthy, loving and sustainable. Sorry it's early in the morning here in India and I'm not expressing myself in the most eloquent ways.
@@meera2531 Yes. Ur each and every word is excatly how I am thinking before gettting in a relation now.
I just gotta say as a 29 yr old veteran in computer science, you guys rock. Thank you so much for helping these cheated folks keep their hard earned time . God Bless! Unbelievable verses dude. It doesn't get much better than this, this is as top tier as it gets. Seriously, this is one of the strongest person I've heard in a long ass time. Incredible. *JohnsonSpy!* on the internet❤
A persons actions speak louder than their words. It’s important to remember that when it comes to the issue of disrespected values and overlooking reality in favour of false perceptions.
True dat. If you don't know yourself or your boundaries, you will always be compromising yourself to please others.
the childhood abuse i experienced taught me me that if i can't shape-shift well enough to please others, then i'm the one who's wrong.
It hurts when you are engaged to someone you absolutely love and you realize that his values and yours do not align enough to be married. A piece of you dies when you realize you have to say goodbye to someone you love so deeply because you must choose what you believe deep with in your soul over their values. It hurts like hell. You will ALWAYS love them. Always. However, you disagree so much you can not live together.
100%
This is why you should be having those difficult conversations in the 1st month of dating instead Instead of 6 months before the wedding.
@@ineedhoez I disagree. You can be engaged for years. Sometimes people misrepresent themselves also. People change over time too. The first month of dating is just to see if you can stand the same person for any length of time. You only see a person TRUE values in time. That is why being engaged for many years is necessary.
@@royalpitamammaI agree, but disagree 😅. During the boyfriend/girlfriend stage, you should be proactive with having open discussions with your partner to see where their headspace is. Waiting till the engagement period is a waste of time, and by then you’re too entrenched in the relationship.
@@tiahnarodriguez3809 Oh it was a process and the entire time the process seemed to be in the correct direction. We talked about kids, religion, the big things right off. We seemed to be on the same page. Then I agreed to be engaged. After that, things changed. He started running away from moving towards commitment. He wanted me to marry him, but he didn't want to just be with me...now that would be called an open marriage, back then it was called cheating especially when I was not on board. Suddenly it became a religious issue...so pretty much everything I thought we covered...there was another layer or two of oh but this is this way...in the end everything I thought we had established was totally different than I thought it would be.
She’s thought of it so much and accepted it. ❤ when you try being perfect, it really figures to fail this way but you eventually put yourself back together without them
What she just said is why women don’t understand what marriage truly is. For one everything she mentioned should be discussed BEFORE marriage. Women have a tendency to bring things up after the fact , then end up not being “happy” and casually destroy families for their own selfish reasons.
Beautiful and honest expression.
I told my non-negotiables and deal-breakers and my beliefs to my boyfriend (who later became my husband) and it was a Big Mistake. Let me explain why.
With a normal person you should be able to discuss your beliefs, values and non-negotiables/deal-breakers and have a civil discussion and be honest and decide if you have the same beliefs, values and non-negotiables.
But a NARCISSIST WILL USE YOUR INFORMATION AND *DECEIVE YOU*!!!
And this information will always be used against you to manipulate you, use you and abuse you!!!! I KNOW because this happened to me!!!
After we were married he later admitted and said he only said those things and agreed with me “to get me” and “doesn’t believe like that or have the same values”!!!!!!! Talk about being tricked, deceived!!!!
We are divorced, thank God, and now I’m very happy and single. But BE CAREFUL!!! Also, watch how they ACT and what they DO (actions) carefully because that will tell you who they really are!!!
Almost experienced being lied to as well, but my values of healthy relationships were very clear. He first wanted to take things slow which i understood the first 5 motnhs, but in month 6 he came clean and said he wanted a secret relationship. That was our breakup, and during the post-breakup talks before all communication was cut off, he came clean and said he wanted to practice open polygamy in relationships and marrige and that he cheated while we dated when I always emphasised monogamy and commitment. No wonder he wanted our relationship a secret, he wanted to test if i would accept his ideals of life. Am glad i had the courage to speak up and walk away myself, while we dated.
We had been colledge sweathearts 7 years prior, so i knew him well and understood a little bit of how he ended up having this mindset. I told him i respect your new way of life, but that i would not be a part of it and left. Love is nothing, in the face of core values.
I think an important value add, is to not isolate the relationship to the two of you. Grow your circle, introduce him to friends and family and hang out in these group settings, let him have a relationship with these people (people you trust), and ask them their thoughts about him. Sometimes we don't see things clearly when we're in it, but those from the outside are better able to see character flaws or red flags and what not.
edited for typos
thoughts are about him***
from the outside see***
correcting my typos^
Yes…they weaponize everything you share with them. It is sad because they take their mask off AFTER you say “I do.”😢
@@angelalisomona7088 you told him you respect his new life of being a cheater?
The efficiency of this *brian hacks online* is next level. To juggle walk throughs of various angles on the topic delivered to-camera, differnet content per topic from various folks underneath the umbrella of the track list of the larger big band concert itself is engaging and refined. To make a dense taccess like this so digestible is really something. Awesome work Mike !!!
When I found myself mired in the complexities of my divorce case, hope seemed distant, and victory felt unattainable. Little did I know that a remarkable turn of events was on the horizon. *Brian hacks online* entered the scene like a true knight in shining armor, completely altering the trajectory of my legal journey. His intervention proved to be the beacon of light I needed during those tumultuous times.
Overlooking…… causes pain and shame. This young lady is spot on. I wish I had learned this many years ago. If your boundaries are disrespected sadly you must end that relationship. It will end badly.
Now that's a mature person who's really put in the effort to understand life and life's decisions and courageous enough to share it too! ❤
Hence, is a "learned" person now.
Kudos to your mature, courageous and joyful personality, lady! 👏👏👏
I’m going through it now.. it’s hard, it feels like my heart and my mind are pulling me apart in opposite directions. Thank you for this message.
Wow.... I'm so glad I came across this!
Trust this is really 100% truth for lot of women and few men. We (Ladies especially) devalue ourselves most often all in the name Marriage, Family.😢😢😢😢
Women have it way easier then men. I mean c'mon.😂😂
@@jaceblueberries1634that's why u r single incel
@@jaceblueberries1634very true😂😂😂
How deep and beautiful, talking about personal deficiencies and her own perspectives, without blaming anyone about failure. How easy it becomes when it comes to blaming otgers, but reflecting on what means to evolve and grow as a person is invaluable! Thank you for sharing your life lessons with us ❤🎉
" When I find out I'll let you know" Her honest was pure and from her heart.
Thank you, to this lady.
I really needed to hear this... Having just gone thru a breakup
So much truth and I can totally relate. It took a failed relationship for me to know what I wanted in my life and a life with someone special. Being married isn't the most important goal to have in life.
Same, so true 💯
Yes it is
And when your a used up old bag it will become very real the hell that you signed yourself up for
She is right. Before I got married to my best friend, I knew that my happiness was more valuable than anything else and I will not be tied to a marriage if this person will not make me happy. I shared with him my values and goals and he was on the same page with me. We’ve been married for 13 years and counting.
I don't know what I would have done without *Brian hacks online* help in my divorce case. Your dedication, enthusiasm, and expertise were like a lifesaver. You're my hero!
Hahaha SCAMMER 😂😂😂
SELF RESPECT that's the word she's looking for once in love people misuse others trust n self respect ... glad she figured out its more important than a relationship. Godbless her to find a healthy relationship.
Values change. Perspective comes with age
if you are wrong from the beginning, then values change, but this happens if you are lucky or smart, then you get to become healthier with time about your values. but if you were healthy from the beginning, then your values probably wouldn't alter that much through years, because your values were right from the beginning and didn't need to be amended.
@@AM-ej8hh So many people are wrong and so many are not working with all of the information.
A perceived value difference can just be a difference of perspective and a difference of information.
An unwillingness to engage in dialogue is corrosive to a potentially functional relationship.
@@DockClock-rp2ro maybe you are right. but what about the cases when someone's value is about his/her needs being met in priority and at the same time about investing from his/her side as little as possible. I think then it's not about difference of information or perspective. I think it's clear difference in values, which would result in one party always serving the other and at a constant expense, and the other always demanding and making sure she/he is a priority and in a beneficial position, at a constant surplus. I think given these circumstances there was no potential for functional relationship to begin with, thus no dialogue can resolve this, unless the problematic party is ready to forego the aforementioned values/ideas.
I think it’s the other way around. Perspective comes with age.
I felt my values deep in my heart since I was very young. With age I gained the ability to articulate them with clarity.
She said that so wonderfully. I bet if they lined up 100 women that were ultimately forced to get a divorce, this ladies sentiment would apply to more than half the women in the line.
I think she was speaking for so many more than herself.
because women are the ones conditioned to do that from childhood - ignore their own needs for others.
Because women are incapable of commitment
That’s all that would prove
You have Muslim women cheating on their husbands, in a culture that can deport and throw women in prison for such acts, yet they do it anyway
The western world glorified women cheating, and then blaming it on the man. “I wasn’t happy” “he doesn’t share my values”,
Women, my advice is to really know your worth before doing anything actually. Never lessen yourself for anyone, especially not to men. Don’t rush things cos marriage is forever. A real commitment. Good luck all single ladies !
If a man truly loves you he will accept you with all your flaws. He will never ever compare and irritate you. He will be your best friend.
I'm grateful for her honesty because I can learn from her experience. I hope she does find the love deserves now that she knows herself/values.
One of the most important video clips I've ever seen. 100%
.. in a very lohhhng time. 😏
Don't tell me, some Chad broke your heart 💔
When you move on, you will become the best version of yourself❤️
Lovely woman,blessings sweetheart
This one kinda hurts.. the way she said “ when I found out I’ll let you know “ after talking about her being married
I think she's happy being on her own without spouse...she realized her values not negotiable...
Life is so much more than simply “being married.”
No particular dream job title, marriage ring, dream house address, particular award or accomplishment, $ amount in the bank, etc, is an end or meaning in itself.
Life is all the quality of effort out into things, the life lessons gotten out of the journey-especially those from going through hardship and those from times of real joy-, the relationships developed, the memories gained, and the benefits and consequences we’ve left in the people and the world around us.
Spoken like true women
That's the problem with you women. It's not about love, and what makes you happy. It's about respect. I'd rather have respect than love any day of the week
@@crimsonhawk4912 😂🤡 you need to have experienced both of them to be able to say that, but that's the problem with you clowns, all talk no substance
As a divorcee myself, her insights were so relatable to my end. Trying so hard to portray the marriage as successful for others to see, losing myself in the end n finally realised its just not for me, best choice i ever made in my life 😊
I felt the most down when I did cpr one a 35 year old man with his child and wife screaming at his feet for him "donny" to fight and stay with it. He died in my lap that day. So did my soul.
True love is accepting all the flaws and imperfections and honor thy vows. When you are dating, it’s then only then about the two. But once married, her and my happiness takes a back seat for the benefit of the family. When you love someone, you do whatever is best for them.
" once married....takes a back seat...." This line of thought is destructive. Trying to come out of that false teaching unfortunately takes a lot of time.
This interview explains so much of the experience of realising what marriage is, how to navigate that life, and how to stop drowning. Thank you.
Too many people get married because their friends, family, society and culture expect them to, even if their going to be miserable.
The pressure friends, family, culture and society places on people to get married is unquantifiably damaging leading to a plethora of unnecessary mental health issues issues
There’s only one reason that marriages fail. It’s because of selfishness from one or both people. Marriages succeed when people set aside their wants and work together and forgive each other.
Wow! You nailed it. I didnt realize the same things u didnt, i just couldnt articulate it. Thank you.
Devotion was a hallmark of *JohnsonSpy* approach. Their meticulous attention to every aspect of my case, coupled with their empathetic demeanor, created a sense of partnership that was truly invaluable. Knowing that I had a team dedicated to my cause allowed me to focus on healing and rebuilding, while they tackled the legal complexities on my behalf.
This woman speaks for all women who marry. We ALL compromise our values and true selves to achieve that goal of being married. Thankfully, younger generations are more aware of this.
That's the whole point of marriage. It's no longer about you, it's about your partner and children. Many people today are selfish and think that there's some personal gain to be had from marriage.
I think u can compromise Ur goals 4 marriage bt Nt Ur tru self or values.
In the long run u ll completly lose ur self.
U can b easily controlled and manipulated.
God forbid bt wat r u gng 2 do when Ur spouse Nd children r no longer with u 4 whichever circumstance.?
@@eat_ze_bugs " It's no longer about you, it's about your partner and children". only women are taught this by the way. that is why marrying men specifically is a complete waste of womens' time and energy.
@@eat_ze_bugs You can only compromise with someone who shares similar values. You don't ever compromise your values for the sake of a marriage. The point of marriage is not to sacrifice your values but to marry someone who shares them. If you find yourself compromising on your core values, that defeats the entire purpose of marriage. Marriage includes you, your partner and your children. You don't just disappear when you get married have kids.
@@eat_ze_bugsour core values make you who you are. Giving them up means you will have zero personality. A marriage that demands you give up on yourself is never a good marriage. Children don't change your values. Your spouse should never change your values. We are individuals first. If you cannot understand that then get ready to completely lose yourself when you get married. Also, if you gain nothing from marriage why even go for it? Everything we do has some gain. Marriage gains you love, companionship, understanding, acceptance of who you are by the other person, and a family. If you get none of that then don't marry.
The problem, is that as you grow, your non-negotiables change. The same happens with your partner. You better know and accept this about each other beforehand. Hopefully, you can ride each other’s waves.
No some things don’t change, drug user no.. liar no.. rt etc
Some people say to go to college and get your degree first and try dating in your latter 20's or early 30's, but the problem is everyone is always changing as they grow older.
But maybe by the latter 20's the person knows who they are and what they want as a strong foundation and so does the other person they meet. But overall, our thoughts and opinions about things change overtime all our lives. 🤷♀️
No, they don't change. Unless you're a kid who doesn't know himself.
@@maylin1986 at 30, you are pretty set. 20? Absolutely not.
100%! This is very true! Especially as we get older, mature and become wiser. And also, as the world changes and evolves.
A honest/transparent Friendship+an Awesome intimate connection+individual self love= A very strong relationship. Never stop having fun with mate. Be kind to each other, even during a disagreement. 🙂❤
This lady is right on point and I hope that she will meet the right person for her.
Watch this, and _then_ think about all these “relationship gurus” who tell men to find women who are naive, inexperienced, and as young as legally possible. Think about all the fear-mongering where they say women need to hurry and get wife’d up before we’re 26-30+, or else we’ll “die alone in a house full of cats”.
Talk to people who have LIVED that life, and see how often they tell you they wished they’d been smarter, waited, taken their time, not let society pressure them into bad decisions, and most importantly…who got stuck picking up the pieces of their lives(hint: It’s never the “experts”).
Agreed. I always felt this way. You come before anyone. Know thyself first, and it will save you a lot of heartache 💔 in the long run.
I do not agree. God comes first, then others, then one self. Not the other way round.
@@carlosruiz184 nahh ! God comes first, then yourself and then lastly others .
That is why love at first sight usually does not work. It's actually just physical attraction. First, you yourself must be 'complete'. Do not expect the other to complete you and vice versa. I agree with her regarding values. If you have different values with him it will never work no matter how you try. The heartbeats would soon fade after that.
That is such a straight forward, honest answer. Know yourself & align with your true values.
I also learned this - the hard way.
Girrrrl! The truth! Don't try to stuff your values deep down because your want it to work. Dang, that's exactly what I did, and wasted half my life. Sigh. Ladies, listen to her
What was the value that you missed out on and why couldnt you pursue it with your partner?