How Women Get Over Divorce So Fast (from a Divorce Coach)
Вставка
- Опубліковано 6 вер 2021
- Did your ex wife ever really love you? If she did… how could she move on so quickly? In this video I explain how women get over divorce so fast and what that means about you and the relationship. While it isn’t always the case, it is often true that women get over divorce faster than men (contrary to what Hollywood would have you believe!). Let’s take a deep dive into the psychology of women moving on to help you make peace with the end of your marriage.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your divorce can either be the nail in your coffin, or it can be the catalyst you use to finally confront and heal your emotional wounds so they don't kneecap your relationships.
You can become the best version of yourself and take control of your future. And now you can get access to the same step by step, proven system that has already helped hundreds of men do just that, inside the Better Beyond Divorce App.
GET ACCESS TO THE BETTER BEYOND DIVORCE APP NOW:
► resources.rachaelsloancoachin...
Additional Resources
Free Masterclass: HOW TO TAKE BACK CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE AFTER DIVORCE
► resources.rachaelsloancoachin...
Guide: Emotional Stages of Divorce for Men & How to Heal within Each Stage
► resources.rachaelsloancoachin...
Dating After Divorce Checklist: Are you ready to date after your divorce?
► resources.rachaelsloancoachin...
Work with Me
Coaching Programs ➭ www.rachaelsloancoaching.com/...
Learn more ➭ rachaelsloancoaching.com
Shoot me an email ➭ rachael@rachaelsloancoaching.com
Helpful Books for Divorced Men (affiliate links)
► The Full Body Presence - Gives gentle, accessible exercises for somatic processing of emotional pain and trauma amzn.to/3umFPkj
► The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression, One Small Change at a Time amzn.to/3F326IS
► Breaking The Habit Of Being Yourself - Concrete tools and exercises for rewiring the brain and reimagining your sense of self and purpose amzn.to/3BaDyg9
► Legendary - Inspiration and a powerful perspective for stepping into your potential amzn.to/3H6ofsF
► The Myth Of Normal: Trauma, Illness & Healing in a Toxic Culture - Brilliant, in every way. This is an amazing resource for understanding yourself and your ex wife and finding the clarity or compassion you need to forgive. amzn.to/3UxdsuC
► Lost Connections: Why You're Depressed and How to Find Help - Intense and well researched. I would recommend this book when you are past the early stages of divorce and have a stable support system in place. amzn.to/3VNMOi7
I’m Rachael Sloan, Master NLP Practitioner, certified life coach, and the creator of Better Beyond Divorce. I've helped hundreds of men move past the shock, betrayal, grief and anger they experience both during and after a divorce, to a place of clarity, calm and confidence. I hope to help you do the same.
DISCLAIMER: I am a Master NLP Practitioner and personal growth mentor. The material in this video represents my understanding and experience and nothing more. This content is not meant to replace professional medical advice, treatment or diagnosis. Always consult your medical provider before making any changes to your treatment.
How do women get over divorce so fast? And if your ex wife is one of those women, did she ever really love you? Let’s take a look at three common ways how women get over divorce so fast.
First, she may have fallen out of love with you. Painful as that possibility may be to hear, it actually doesn’t mean anything about you. Love is an emotion. Like all emotions, it is strongly tied to our thoughts and beliefs, both conscious and subconscious. If your wife moved on fast, it could be because she is believing a new set of thoughts that make her feel like she fell out of love with you.
The truth is that those thoughts, even though she believes them strongly, may be completely false. - Навчання та стиль
Marriage is supposed to be a life long commitment. Sadly, we're living in a society where divorce has become completely normalized. Where wives and husbands prioritize their own happiness over the stability of their marriage and vows. Marriage should be reserved for the few who will actually honor the commitment they made. Everybody else should stay in long term relationships where they can leave when they're not happy or bored without breakig their vows or involving the government.
Women move on fast in divorce, it's because they mentally plan seperation from you ions ago.....before physically leave the marriage, had already left the marriage emotionally, psychologically, mentally etc....men are so clueless most of the time....this is not in all cases, but most... Rachael, you are wise beyond your years...
Thank you for watching, I'm really glad you found this one helpful.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach I find many of your videos helpful, but don't always comment. I'm really grateful for having stumbled upon you. I appreciate what you do for men/fathers.
@@Guaicoboi Thank you, those are such kind words. If you're watching these then I know you've been through some difficult times yourself... and I'm very sorry for that. I'm glad these videos are helpful. Thank you for your support!
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach I was also involved with 100kfathers from the start-up. Garry used me to bring and keep a lot of men in the group with the promise of earning an income with him. In July 2022 he accused me by fabricating many lies and terminated my involvement. Imagine doing this to someone who is trying to recover from narcissistic abuse and false allegations.
@@Guaicoboi My apologies for such a slow reply. I've fallen behind in my YT correspondence after the holidays.
I have to say I am both deeply sorry and also surprised to hear about your experience with Garry and 100K Fathers. I've personally had good experiences with him and I have one client who has gotten a great benefit from his program as well.
I am very saddened that your experience was so painful. To be accused of lying when you're already trying to recover from such horrible and false allegations must have been a terrible experience.
How are you doing now? Do you have some good support systems in your life?
It warms my heart that you are still here, engaging on YT, learning, sharing and continuing your healing process despite the challenges and abuses that you've faced along the way.
Another reason that she moves on so quickly is that she decided years prior to divorce and was looking for the right opportunity to divorce. That happened to me. I also heard of a situation
where a couple had young children and said that she was going to leave once the children grew up and that is exactly what happened. Both of these scenarios scare me as to the
possibility of ever re-marrying. Dating and long-term relationships? Yes Marriage? No
Happened to me
They get under tyrone and chad and ride the carousel
marriages with prenups tend to last
What was the "opportunity" for her?
I do understand the message and I do appreciate it. However this doesn't excuse or validate the female's excessive need to divorce their love for the sake of a "better life". Many man would die and do anything for their lady, while most women wouldn't do the same for their man. People often said it "doesn't matter" but truth be told it does if the cycle keeps happening. Accountability is very important and if both parties aren't truly doing their part to ensure that, then obviously it will never work.
I’m actually on the other side of this. My guy told me he wasn’t in love with me anymore, and after being frozen in grief and disbelief for a couple weeks, I looked back and realized I was holding a picture up of the reality I needed to survive, covering the inconsiderate, incompatible, untruthful, etc. elements of our relationship. He had full control over all of the money the entire time, so even if I looked at reality I had nowhere to go. I didn’t know it at the time, but knowing that I had to hold that picture up to survive, I had already subconsciously started mourning the loss of this relationship.
I went through a lot of financial crisis during my divorce, I had to raise my two kids alone, Currently I'm living smart and frugal with my money. Bought my second house already. Saving and investing lifestyle made it possible for me; even till now I earn monthly through passive income. I'm planning on retiring when my kids finish college.
I'm a single dad. Not quite long I started investing. I'm very curious and need help on how to enhance and increase my returns. Any good investment tips would be appreciated
@@eadad4371 Generally, investing requires higher knowledge. For this reason, It's important to have a solid support structure (financial consultant) to guide you through especially in asset picking. I operate with (Regina Louise Collaro) an investment advisor who partners with a licensed wealth management firm. For the record, the experience has been the best for my finance.She is quite popular for her services so you might have heard of her.
She made me financially stable investing through her help, now I earn on a monthly basis through her passive income strategy... So I’ll advise you do get a good Investment advisor for yourself.
@@stephaniefythm That’s great , your investment advisor must be really good,I have seen testimonies of people using the help of investment advisors in making them more financial stable. Do you mind sharing more info on this person?
@@eadad4371 look her up on the internet and leave her a message she's quite popular for her services as she was recently featured on cnn. She can work with anyone irrespective of where their located
@@stephaniefythm After I ended marriage last year, I have had the intentions of starting investing. But I always thought it was late and I think I need to stop procrastinating. I will definitely 🔍 Regina Louise Collaro and see what she can advise .Thanks a lot . This was of so much help to me .
She hurt me so bad she betrayed me… I justify in my mind and make excuse for her for why she did it. I still want her and I don’t know why, even tho I logically know that I shouldn’t want her I still do. It hurts so bad I’m praying one day soon the pain eases up.
It gets easier man, lean on friends and family and talk! It hurts but it's healthier long term...
Woman initiate 70%+ of separations, family law favours them and men lose a lot... it's really difficult and only men who've been through it understand
Hi Greg everything would be fine, I'm Laura btw
Unfortunately there is no such thing as love....only illusions of love.....All there is,is sex and horror...to avoid the horror,never ever get emotionally involved with a woman....that is when the horror starts......NEVER feed and house a cow.....if you can rather just buy a pint of milk now and then....but don't get addicted to the milk....just stick to water from the tap...Marriage is one of the elemental control mechanisms of society,religions and political systems....F*#k them all and go your own way....Always make sure that you have nothing to lose....as life is a zero sum game...you came into this world with and from nothing....and you will leave with nothing and return to nothingness....Meanwhile find an interest in life that can provide you with meaning and purpose....Cheers and go well....don't look at the horizon of perfection and idealism for too long,lest you step in the next few piles of💩💩💩💩 which life has a way of lining up for all of us...As a youngster of 70 I still have a lot to learn,but I have knowledge regarding a few minor bumps in the road....Learn how to smile at death and the minor things that come before it is a piece of cake...enjoy the cake...
A couple points here: That opening story is case in point why men should not be getting married or investing much in relationships. Involving the government giving your partner permanent access to your resources based on her fleeting emotions is downright insane. They can lose attraction based on almost anything, or they eventually run across a guy they are much more attracted to. They don't even necessarily understand their own attraction, it could be something metaphysical you have no control over. The best thing to do as men is to never fully commit, always keep your options open and never ever get married in any western cuck society
Your videos have been a tremendous help to me as the love of my life, my soon to be ex-wife, and I end our 12 year marriage, which has been a work in progress since she told me that she didn't think we were in love anymore 5 months ago and didn't want to try to make it work. I've experienced tons of emotions and there's very little support in dealing with these emotions on the web outside of divorce strategy and women bashing videos. I find you to be an absolutely amazing source for bringing a level of balance to this painful time in my life. Please continue your work and thank you for sharing it with the world.
Dear Burnie,
Thank you for your kind words. I am very sorry to hear that you are going through the emotional turmoil of divorce right now.
If you want some more hands on tools for dealing with your emotions I have a few recommendations. Emotions happen in the body, and it is important to process them there. You can't think your way through, you have to feel it. One of my favorite exercises for this work is the RAIN technique. This article does a great job of describing it: www.mindful.org/tara-brach-rain-mindfulness-practice/
You may also enjoy the following books: Waking the Tiger by Peter A. Levine goes into the latest research on how trauma is stored in the body and how to work with and heal it. And Full Body Presence by Suzanne Scurlock-Durana is my personal favorite for building awareness of your emotions and working with them in productive, healing ways.
I wish you the very best in your journey. If you find you need more personalized support, feel free to a book a call with me. You can tell me more about what you're experiencing and, if I think I can help, I'll explain how I can work with you to process, heal and find yourself anew as you move forward. calendly.com/rachaelsloan/strategy
If they are using you then it doesn't hurt them to let go of you. They can let go when you are no longer of use to them. Many people are just assh*les to their core, and you don't always see it or want to see it at first. My ex left when I asked her to be a wife, and to nurture our emotional connection. She was off in some ways that I don't have full understanding of. It was a gift that she left me, but she only did so when I grew, set boundaries and became the best version of myself. I'm grateful that she walked away rather than spend the rest of my life committing myself to a selfish person with a cold heart who didn't prioritize me or care about my feelings and needs.
She just left 5 days ago but prior was saying she loves me, we talked kids but boom she suddenly says I'm not what she wants and leaves.
Love your channel Rachael..... The videos have been a tremendous help, thank you
My evil wife left me and abandoned my children after 29 years. We were people of faith, yet she betrayed every thing she ever said she believed in, lied, schemed and stole
And she quickly got engaged
I found out that I can sleep around with women much nicer and more beautiful than my ex.
I tried it. But I won’t continue because I have integrity where she has toxicity
my wife also bailed on myself and our kids. she was far more interested in partying and being around other men than our family. the sick part is she blames me, of course.
@@user-yq1pb6dx9y ridiculous
They get over us faster than we get over them. 1 reason is because she only loved what we he can do for her! She didn't love you! They fall out of love with us wayyy too easy! When men love a woman it's real and it last almost forever, unless she really crosses the line. Still then it will take time to get over her.
Men move on quick then women . My Ex we go to the same church and my kids our there. MY Ex husband do things with his new boo, that he didn't doeith me . I ask Myself did he really love ❤ me , was I a rebound.
Straight lies. Women contribute to the household so men aren’t being loved for what they can do when they need their wives income. In fact, it’s the other way bcuz men use women for emotional and physical labor to take care of the kids, clean the home, cook dinner, and plan the memories for the family. Even with all that, most men move on quickly and get another woman while married going thru the divorce and before the papers are filed
@@jenniferfields1084 was your major complaint during the breakup that he didn’t do things for you? That’s why he does them with the new woman. He’s trying not to repeat mistakes.
@@hieug.rection1920 I was 80 and he was 20 but it's ok . Just let me see my kids .
My ex would tell me she wasn't happy before she divorced me 12 months ago. I asked her a few months is she happy now! She said yes she's happy now! That just hurted all ova again! It let me know that she is a cold blooded and unconcerned about how I ever felt!! I realize I need to concentrate on me and my kids. I pray God will get her out my mind! She means me no good!
Men, stay single and you'll never have to go through a divorce.
If your ex boyfriend hadn't walked away at the seen of your accident, would you have still continued to love him? If so, then it actually did have something to do with him; in the case of the accident, his failure to console you. Point being, is that this is when regret haunts us after a divorce. What if I had done this for her or if I had showed her more love etc. I suppose the regrets are part of the grieving process.
Sometimes women move on quickly after divorce is because they actually really had a terrible partner and they gave them years to change but their partner never stepped up and so the woman checked out. By the time the divorce is finalized she is just ready to be free of it all.
Thanks for watching and commenting. If you're comfortable sharing, are you speaking from personal experience?
This was me!
Spot on
Exactly! After 16 years of emotional neglect and psychological abuse, me being in therapy for years and him refusing to go, I had to emotionally check out to save myself🤷🏾♀️
I can’t be the only one doing the work. Some of these men are delusional.
Oh my, same here
A lot of women move on easier because they already “checked out” of the marriage and have “someone else” in waiting …. So many women nowadays “get bored” in their marriages only to have an affair/cheat etc. - leave for the new guy-supply ONLY to have that new guy treat them like #hit eventually then turn around and play the “victim “ it’s just the truth…. Have seen it over and over again… then they want and try to say they’re “sorry” to come back…. Respect yourself enough guys to move on… be Happy that “the new supply-guy took out the trash for ya”….
Your channel has been great! I feel I have successfully have been moving on but still fleeting moments of sadness like a human. This has been very helpful.
I'm in same boat. 17 yr relationship with 4 children and the sole provider. I'm an entrepreneur and at 43 and 1.5 yr from parental death, new foster child, I slipped away. I mentally checked out and have never acted this way before. I didn't even see it until my actions buried me. I was so stressed, she was raising another baby. Our girls were spread out so we just finished raising our toddler where we could breathe. I wanted emotional contact, it was missing, I found it online in an emotional contact. I didn't have the boundaries setup for online presence because it wasn't real to me, to her it was. She left and I didn't even get a chance to assess what the hell was going on with me and then the added loss of her and the children was as of I was dying.
Hardest thing I've been thru in my life, now I don't see relationships the same. I'm trying to find new meaning after putting my family and her at forefront
Bottom line, This was the first major breakup of my life beyond childish relationships and I've looked deep into this for over 1.5 years and learned much from this. I've grown as a person, father and a partner. I just wanted to nake her life as easiest as I could, she had a hard childhood but in doing so I lost her. I put her on the pedestal and not myself. It goes against everything I've taught myself and I didn't get any proper teachings as a child myself into relationships. In fact what I saw was negative, it's the main reason I couldn't give up on the marriage or her, our children. As a fixer, a doer, a face the problems head on kind of guy, I did it all wrong. Rationality has nothing to do with emotions. Seems like the best answer is no contact and suffer thru it without showing her how much you care. It was used against me when I did
How are you doing now? It's been awhile since you posted. Thank you for watching and for sharing some of your story.
You've been through a lot of pain and loss. Do you have a good support system to help you move through and process all of this? These kinds of losses are a shock to the nervous system, and until you are able to rebalance emotionally it is unlikely that you will be able to find strong purpose, meaning or a healthy outlook on relationships.
I can help you in my 90 day accelerated coaching program. The doors just opened and there are about ten spots left as of today. You can book a discovery call with me here: calendly.com/rachaelsloan/discovery-call-for-bbd-foundations
Either way, thanks for watching and I hope you'll see support in one form or another.
@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach
Thank you for your concern and yes, as usual already know, I dont look at the dynamics of relationships the same. We had a lot of time together and never one argument until this, and I've been stone walled for nearly two years when I spoke of reconnection to her. Now I have a beautiful woman wanting to spend her life with me and one of the kindest souls I've ever found ripe with religious views and I have a hard time committing again, it's too soon and it's not the same as my family. She may provide ne with something even more meaningful or I sit and hope my ex wife will see my value again. My ex had followed all the paths of the dismissive avoidance theory.
We have 4 children, one is foster which I helped raise and actually pushed the stress on me as soul provided and added to the mental health issues that came from that onto me. She removed her from me so I no longer get to see her. To have such a loving wife and for her to embrace the words of one toxic friend and not even give me a chance to be vulnerable with her is where it's hard to move forward. It's taken me nearly two years to get over, nearly lost my business because my focus was souly on recovering my family everyday.
Live and learn I guess. I will always be guarded, what you see today, may change tomorrow...marriage laws are horrible
@@lorenguaylg wow, you've been through so much. I'm so sorry, especially being separated from your foster child. I do hope that you can find a depth of healing that allows you to move forward and feel love and connection again.
In the work I do I've found that there is a way to make sense of your ex's actions, and through that understanding to make peace with what has happened and open yourself to the risks and rewards of a new relationship... it just isn't the way most people go about doing it!
If you'd like to discuss further, feel free to book a call with me. Either way, I really appreciate you watching and sharing some of your story with us in this community. There is greater healing ahead.
Narrassistic personalities move on fast before the divorce is even finished, usually having someone before hand. It's part of their character traits
Don’t change her mind, change her mood.
My ex moved on because she never loved me, and because I'm supporting her financially so that she doesn't have to work very hard.
Hi John, I'm sorry to hear that. How are you doing?
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach the parental alienation and continued child support for the child taught to hate me into adulthood is a real kick in the balls.
The legal system being entirely and militantly gynocentric in NYS. But I've seen and heard horror stories from men across the western world.
Every time it has a possibility to get better, another shoe drops that makes it ten times worse.
I've always thought I might eventually break free, but I don't see that now.
Thanks for the insight!
I'm clearly the man in this scenario... I have so NOT moved on after 3 years divorced. My Ex seems like he has (he dates, I don't) but I'm not sure he has either. We had such an amazing relationship at one time. I miss it terribly.
I'm in same boat. 17 yr relationship with 4 children and the sole provider. I'm an entrepreneur and at 43 and 1.5 yr from parental death, new foster child, I slipped away. I mentally checked out and have never acted this way before. I didn't even see it until my actions buried me. I was so stressed, she was raising another baby. Our girls were spread out so we just finished raising our toddler where we could breathe. I wanted emotional contact, it was missing, I found it online in an emotional contact. I didn't have the boundaries setup for online presence because it wasn't real to me, to her it was. She left and I didn't even get a chance to assess what the hell was going on with me and then the added loss of her and the children was as of I was dying.
Hardest thing I've been thru in my life, now I don't see relationships the same. I'm trying to find new meaning after putting my family and her at forefront
I'm sorry, friend. What beliefs are keeping you from moving forward? Your relationship with him was amazing until it wasn't, now you get a chance to have the next chapter be amazing--whether that's in a relationship or alone. Wishing you the best!!
Tbh I’ve never moved on fast from any relationship… quite the opposite… sometimes it takes me years. I’m a really deep person and it’s hard to want to connect to just anyone so that’s probably why.
Inner peace ☮️✌️ is important. Don't stay to fight
I agree - don't stay and fight, focus on your own healing, your own work and give others the grace to do the same. Thanks for watching!
R.S. I was going to ask you for this video on this week of 12/15/2022. It popped up.
Main problem for my understanding is, when men meet a New girl when married and we got the butterflies, we move ON and do not interract, while woman start conversation to understand more.. This has been my Main problem at least. Even tho i do my best to be a good guy
My husband and I are getting divorced (he filed yesterday) and he’s leaving us in a financial crisis, this makes me not want to get married ever again. How can I deal with this? :( any advice appreciated
Im sorry. Me too
Today is day 4 of me and my wife’s journey to divorce. I’ve been promising myself for the past 3 days that once this is all said and done I’m not going to allow it to give me a negative disposition about women and love. But it’s soooo hard at the moment. It’s an emotional roller coaster from 1 hour to the next 😵💫😵💫😵💫
I don't think you should rule out every possibility of you ever getting happy again with someone, you just have to find something that keeps you out of the thoughts of the financial crisis, stand up for yourself and be strong, if you have a job talk to your boss about your situation or better still look for a better job with more pay. You are much more stronger than you think and trust me you can pull this through. If you need to talk to someone, then you can let me know, I'll be willing to support you with anything I can.
Who is us?
Simple...learn the lesson...dont ever trust another lying human
If a woman has already planned it and moved on prior to the divorce, that is called DISHONESTY, zero transparency and infidelity if she already has someone else. These are all wrong and simply the woman being a horrible person.
That is certainly one perspective, but it's one that most of the men I work with find dissatisfying. If she's a 'horrible person' how do you explain the good times? Was that an illusion or a lie? And how do you tell if the next person you meet is good or horrible? In fact, can you be 100% you aren't horrible yourself?
Women are human. Men are human. Humans do things because of what they are experiencing on the inside. We hide when we're ashamed or afraid. We lie when we feel threatened. And all too often the things that frighten or threaten humans are not the things in front of them, but the pain of wounds they've carried for a long time. That pain, if we don't understand it, is easy to blame on our current circumstances.
if a man or woman is so dishonest that they plan and move on from a marriage without communicating it to their spouse than the "good times" were clearly conditional. once someone betrays you like this, everything is suspicious. it seems that you are defending this kind of despicable behavior or at the very least making excuses for it. there is no excuse for this level of dishonesty. @@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach
Y'all are just cold blooded! Never loving the guy who genuinely loves you! Always loving the guy, who doesn't give two 💩about y'all. That's how y'all are wired for some strange reason 🤷🏿♂️
I'm in the same boat. I felt afraid and anxious when dating a new person, which led to me withdrawning from the dating scene. Even after the divorce had been settled and even won 60% of the house and did not need to pay child support.
Do you have any support or help in working through the anxiety so you can feel confident dating? I have a free masterclass that will give you a clear path and help you get started: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/masterclass-register
Men, NEVER get married!!
Soo tired of being told we have to accept irrational behavior from women
This 1000%
70 % of men will be divorced.
Women can easily divorced
Men with no pain.
Men will die a thousand cuts.
Wank and drink alone.
@@Jwebb-zh9gj drugging and drinking and self destroying men are rational??? Joke of the day.
Here’s my story I’m divorcing my husband right now. We’ve been together for 7 years two kids and one on the way, every single year at least once a year he needs an excuse to go drink, party, and cheat with his friends. I’ve had many convos with him about me getting tired. He never cared. I’ve been preparing to leave. And he’s done it again and now I’m ready to be free from him. He’s giving me the silent treatment probably because he’s upset about child and spousal support but I mean hey… should’ve acted like a married man.
What's wrong with partying and drinking? Maybe you should go with him. Some people are very social and you should get with the program. I'm divorcing my husband because he is boring, doesn't like to go out just like you. That gets trying too
@@NEWLILLYHOT idk about you, but I have small kids to raise. I don’t have time to go get drunk every night nor do I want to. If y’all wanna do that you might as well not get married 😂 I’m more focused on my kids, not being an alcoholic. I’m a mother, I hope you don’t have any, good lord. Go ahead and divorce your husband, I hope he finds a good wife with her priorities straight. He doesn’t need a partying alcoholic either just like I don’t. You look like you’re about 50, talking about partying 😂 if you’re not 50 yet, you need to slow down on the drinking because it’s aging you. But thanks for your two cents. You can put it back in your pocket now.
@jerbear21 don't worry. You will end up perfectly fine in a nursing home while your kids will be happy with their own family and won't even call you. I'm sure you'll have 50 cats to keep you company😂
@@NEWLILLYHOT pretty sure that’s about to be your life 😂 you’re closer to that age than me. I’m 29 I have plenty of time to find another husband. You on the other hand, you’re about to kick the bucket in a few years 🤣 and that good husband you’re leaving to go enjoy the last 5 years you have left, is not gonna be by your bedside honey after your kidneys give out from drinking lmao.
I'm proud of you! I bet most of the men who are finding themselves on the other side of a divorce have cheated ( either physically or virtually via porn). That's why I am on my way out
I'm a woman watching this "blame the interactions that are going on between us" that is such a calming way to put it. That instantly gave me peace. We get stuck in he did this she did that. For me he wont listen to my needs & only thinks of his own. I can't handle it anymore & about to start a divorce. I've been stuck in a cycle of blame for so long that turns so nasty between us. I'm going to say this to myself daily. "Our interactions are unhealthy"
I'm so glad this perspective resonated for you. I don't know where you're at, if you're trying to reconcile or not... but if you are you might want to check out Emotionally Focused Therapy. It's a pretty incredible approach to couples therapy that is all about identifying the negative cycle between you and then working together to break it.
You can learn about it or find a therapist here: iceeft.com/
@Amy K you only live once hun. You have to think of your self too otherwise you will live in so much regret. It took me so long to work out Me & my husband have nothing in common. & i had to pay a therapist to tell me our marriage isn't important to my husband & it all clicked into place. She's right, my marriage isn't important to him. Start living for your self 🥰
Really going throught he keep obsteacis in the way it really frustrating.
I am even staying committed to my ex! Guess its my way of coping. I made vows!
I am so hurt right now. I am falling apart. And she seems to be fine. And yes I watched the video several times.
Hi Todd, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Do you have someone you can talk to about the pain? The human nervous system really does co-regulate, so having a compassionate and sympathetic ear can help.
You might also find my free masterclass helpful, it has a lot of great tools for dealing with difficult emotions without falling apart. You can find it here: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/masterclass-register
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoachthank you, I am seeing a therapist and have a couple professional counseling friends I am talking to.
I love your videos. I am taking notes.
I was just so hurt when I was commenting. I know I shouldn’t comment then, but I did.
Thank you.
The way we feel about our partner and our relationship is not only based on our internal feelings and reasons but it's also based on external reasons.
The majority of times there are red flags already sent out by experiences by our spouse. Thus the reason for us wanting to end the relationship.
You are actually right, have ever been in a situation before?
hello-do you private counseling/coaching? If so, how do I contact you. Thank you, Kristina
This was brilliant and very helpful. Thank you
You're welcome, I'm glad it was helpful. Thanks for watching!
Thank you for everything, Rachael. This one was a rather difficult gut check. And you're spot on, as I'm beginning to learn is par for the course.
Nights are the worst. Thanks for your online presence.
Thanks for commenting Jeff, I'm really glad the videos are helpful.
I know you already have a number of tools at your disposal, but there are a few exercises that I find helpful at night. The RAIN exercise is a great one (www.mindful.org/tara-brach-rain-mindfulness-practice/), though sometimes it can heighten an emotions if you're in that kind of a mindset. In that case, I really like the first meditation exercise from Suzanne Scurlock-Durana's book The Full Body Presence (healingfromthecore.com/portfolio/fbpaudioexplorations/). It is very calming in the moment and it also sets you up for deeper emotional processing later on.
I also wonder if you've explored Polyvagal theory at all? It offers some detailed explanations of nervous system arousal that I've found helpful in making sense of those painful nighttime moments. Sometimes just understanding what's happening on a physiological level can take the distress down a few notches.
If you've found anything in particular to be helpful, I'd love to hear about it!
25 years for me it ill pass youll learn your peace and tranquility and no drama anymore will become more important to you, i wouldnt marry again if u paid me
I have to admit it’s very triggering and bothering listening to your story about the bike, as a man. You are saying “my feelings this and that” I’m hearing fleeting commitment and very conditional love. This is why men have a hard time trusting women. I hope you can handle this for what it is, simply an honest opinion.
I think trust has to be built before the relationship go on to marriage, don't you think so?
It’s gender roles. The man can’t be a pussy. Can’t ever be viewed as weak or incapable. At the same time he can’t be overly aggressive and has to be emotionally open. It’s a fucked double standard but it’s not going away.
Boyfriend form the bike story should have stuck by his injured woman and taken charge of the situation. Because he didn’t rise to the occasion and handle the crisis, he was seen as weak and unreliable. It’s monkey brain stuff.
I totally agree.
@@RobertWilkins-lh5 Yeah, and I have to be able to trust that my wife is not going to leave me and take our kids and my material possessions on a whim. Women typically are the ones that initiate divorce, in case you were unaware. It’s also no secret that courts intentionally side with women.
Women “fall out of love” aka the drug of your attention begins to lose its effect and she goes out and finds new forms of attention (aka new drugs) and finding that attention and validation is really all they need to move on…men actually build pair bonds that transcends superficial need for attention. It’s just they way we are wired.
lol 😂
So… if you got her using your drug of your attention … why would you stop the supply of the drug when you get her ? Isn’t that kind of like false advertising ? Why not ignore her from the beginning so she knows what to expect.
@@thewrongshoes Brilliant…you must not understand how drugs work. Just because a drug loses its effect doesn’t mean it isn’t being given.
@@PunkProfess0r Let’s be honest here - lots of husbands - especially after years of marriage- absolutely do not try as hard as when they were just dating their wives. Wives don’t either but let’s folks on the husband part for a min. Boyfriends try much harder to win over their girlfriends when they are really interested in them. After a few years of marriage, this is rarely the case … and lot of things they used to do when dating become an annoying obligation they no longer want to do. The dynamic absolutely changes and it’s not usually that the “drug “ given before no longer works… it isn’t given enough anymore . And when it is given it usually because he wants something or he can feel her slipping away… and the wife usually can see more clearly on the WHY he is doing it
@@thewrongshoes uh no if we’re going to be honest it’s the opposite. Have you seen the look on the face of a 10+ years married man? Exhausted from working full time, playing dad and supporter as soon as he gets home, the constant barrage of nagging and looks of disapproval and all the undermining? It’s hard both ways…the energy in marriage takes a toll when children come and it takes commitment and teamwork and supporting one another. Yet it’s entitled and delusional women who divorce 80+ % of the time citing “not meeting expectations” and believing their husband (who is a GOOD father) is a literal pathological narcissist (like 9/10 single mothers seriously believe this) and then proceeds to stay single and angry all the while believing they could always “do better” lol…the modern woman is so delusional and sick.
A lot is to do with the fact that 70% of divorces are filed by women. Generally they have already checked out from the marriage and are already lining up the next relationship. If the man ignores her it is harder for her to move on...
I think you're right on, the person who files has usually already grieved the end of the relationship and is moving forward.
I think women get over divorces better than men because women in general will have more options after the divorce.
I wasn’t the perfect husband, not in a long shot, I made mistakes and I closed off my feelings and emotions. I wanted to make it work when I found out about the cheating, but she was clearly done with me and was willing to choose the guy over me. I hate how much this hurt me and I hate how I do feel like everything was my fault. If I can change my whole marriage I would have to keep her and my son in a strong loving family.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I could say it wasn't all your fault, but you already know that and it doesn't change the hurt you're feeling or how much you hate what has happened.
There is a process that I've seen help a lot of men use to make peace with situations like this. It isn't easy. It takes commitment and a willingness to feel discomfort. Most of all it means opening yourself up to the feelings you may have shut off for a long time. But it works and it can make a world of difference when it comes to your future.
If you'd like to explore it, please check out my free app: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/bbd-free-app
It's free and it gives you the step by step roadmap so you can start to try it out for yourself and see if it might be the right path forward for you as well.
Compartmentalising creates baggage, unfortunately most don't deal with it and carry it forward...
I agree... and then it comes back to bite you later on. It's not easy to deal with our baggage, but it can make life a lot better if we do.
It's not a healthy strategy.... the cupboard shows itself in the next relationship... and often taints the next one and compounds
just a another great video, with cutting insights. helped me realize it might have been me who fell out of love first, and an idea that germinated in my head, and that is probably is what removed the first block from the Jenga that is marriage
Divorcing because of falling out of love due to a thought shows zero commitment. Shame on you.
Because most women have a backup guy teed up prior to the breakup. They pre-plan months and years in advance for the divorce.. while having endless options of weak and morally empty men ready to get in line.
To the men out there, focus on your health, your finances, your sleep, your network and your kids if you have them. Read and continue your development, re-engage with old friends, family and lost hobbies. In time, you'll find some contentment in your life. Discipline and faith in God will help you get there faster.
You are the prize boys, don't listen to popculture or social media. It's all a lie.
Another reason is their dating market place value. If they are high value in the sexual marketplace. They can move on quickly
If they are 'high value in the sexual marketplace' they can perhaps move on quickly into a new sexual relationship... where they will likely repeat the exact same toxic relationship cycles that led to the divorce in the first place.
I'd encourage you not to confuse moving on sexually with personal growth or the ability to feel loved, connected and sustain healthy relationships.
Based on the story you told, he actually wasn’t there for you because he left you there when you actually got hurt. He made it all about himself.
That's the way I looked at it for a long time. The reality is that he is human and he was afraid. If I live my life insisting that my partner not show weakness, not show his humanity, his fears or his vulnerabilities, then I am going to be running from one partner to another forever, because ultimately we are all human and we will all let our partners down at one point or the other.
A relationship begins to truly work when we can see that and have compassion for ourselves and for each other. Then we can come together as a team in our moments of weakness, speak honestly about the hurt we've caused one another and heal together.
War bride theory and brifaults law
Great video. I think it is the same for men who get over women quickly. esp. the first one.
Very true! It definitely goes both ways. And it's interesting, because both men and women tell me they see the same thing in the other sex! We all live in a relatively limited universe of experience which can greatly color how we view a large group of people.
This is why men don't invest again
Your dating pool is full of knoches on an headboard.
Simple truth is nice guys don't win.
The grass is greener cos you didn't water this side.
The reality is, your searching for a guy like the one you had only to find guys like the one you created
Happy hunting.
Hi Mick,
I can see that you've been through something pretty gnarly, and are feeling bitter and disillusioned. I'm really sorry that's been your experience, and I hope you find your way forward without carrying resentment.
There's a quote that says, "resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die".
This happened with my boyfriend and I already know he’s someone that doesn’t manage his thoughts towards me. I’m having a really hard time because I care about him and think he’s losing out on a lot of things he wants in life by leaving. But if he just has no way to access any feelings for me, there’s no other option.
Can you do the same to them
Y’all are crazy
This.
I moved on because I finally realized I was married to a covert narcissist. It had everything to do with him.
You did the right thing...
He would not be there when the chips are down...he proved that when he walked away and left you in the ground...
I've been divorced twice, dumped by wife, but I'm a great guy, just a bit ugly 😂😅😮
Hi Tim, thanks for watching and for lightening the mood here with your comment!
How are you doing? Do you have some good support as you move forward?
They get under chad and Tyrone....loving the carousel
Women can love a cat or dog.When the man walks through the door,we want a woman to jump in our arms.She has past hurt,anger and resentment towards her man.Oh,it's just you.The dog takes a dump and the womans scoops it up happy.The guy forgets the first time you met at a coffee shop in downtown.He forgot the time,day,person working the counter,phone number to the place,your ssn,the shirt she had on,perfume,and he is held in a mental prison that he didn't know existed.But a dog and cat cat shit all over you.Tear up the house,shit everywhere and you clean up after them,you love the pets to death.The man you could care less.
More, deeper, relationships, so they can leave you too.
When the pain is intense this is how any new relationship will look - scary. But, Todd, what this means is that you have wounds to heal. Yes, new relationships bring the risk of hurt and grief. But they also bring the promise of love, connection, intimacy, vunerability and safety.
Trauma, like divorce, naturally causes our brains to contract our risk tolerance. We go into a protective mode. But the research shows that this mode changes the way our brains work. It makes us less rational, more hypervigilant and less able to accurately assess the person in front of us because we are so busy looking for the person that hurt us in everyone we meet.
With the right tools and support, it is possible to heal that trauma and help your nervous system rebalance, so you can see more clearly and think more clearly. From that place it is possible to meet new people, make healthier choices in a partner and build a relationship that is stronger, with more open communication that can handle conflict without imploding.
I say all this because I hope to give you a little hope! Focus on your own healing, enlist some good support in that, and things will start to look differently.
Women believe wolves and vampires are real.That should tell you what you are dealing with when she checks out.
The women tried to communicate with her husband for years before hand and her never listened. She got tired of trying and files for divorce and she is over it already while the man is completely clueless and it hits him hard m
and now he is sad as no one is cleaning and cooking his food. She is free from stress and can finally have time for herself.
😊I went through a lot of financial crisis after my divorce, I had to raise my two kids alone, Currently I'm living smart and frugal with my money,bought my third house already. Saving and investing lifestyle made it possible for me; even till now I earn monthly through passive income. I'm planning on retiring when my kids finish college,just hope it encourages someone that it doesn’t matter if you don’t have any of them right now, you can start TODAY regardless your age INVEST and change your future! Investing is a grand choice I made. Great video!
what kinds of investments do you make. I totally agree with you.Hope you don't mind sharing information on how you made this possible?
Alright so generally, investing requires higher knowledge. For this reason, It's important to have a solid support structure (financial consultant) to guide you through especially in asset picking. I operate with (REGINA LOUISE COLLARO) an investment advisor who partners with a licensed wealth management firm. For the record, the experience has been the best for my finance. She is quite popular for her services so you might have heard of her.
She made me financially stable investing through her help, now I earn on a monthly basis through her passive income strategy. So I’ll advise you do get a good Investment advisor for yourself.
Thank you for your advice. It's challenging to find a reliable investment advisor, and I appreciate your input. Seeing the successes you've achieved through investing, I would love to have access to your investment advisor's information if you wouldn't mind sharing it.
look her up on the internet and leave her a message she's quite popular for her services as she was recently featured on cnn. She can work with anyone irrespective of where their located
Personally, I'm blessed and realizing I'm not the only one working with Regina Louise Collaro. I will consider myself lucky. I've been able to feed and make a living through her advice and great work. For such a person as Regina, I owe her gratitude, support and endless prayers as it is not easy to gain access to such a competent and reliable adviser. Who isn't just wise but has all it takes to handle an investment and is good at what she does.
🤔 So his behavior has nothing to do why her thoughts about him changed ? Ummm
We are taught to believe that other people create our thoughts and feelings ("you make me sad" or "he made me so angry!")... but they don't. They are simply circumstances, triggers, for our thoughts and feelings.
If you look around you're life you'll notice this. You can trigger a thought or feeling in someone... most of the time. Not always. Sometimes they respond in the opposite of the way you'd expect.
Or you change... and their thoughts change about you... and you change again and their thoughts stay the same (this happens a LOT in divorce).
His behavior may have triggered a different thought in her, it didn't create it. He doesn't control how she thinks and feels, and he doesn't control the choices she makes for herself and her life.
Outsourcing your happiness to external sources is a recipe for anxiety, stress and lots of resentment.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach So some one can treat you like crap or ignore you and you are supposed to choose to think of them in a positive way? lol 😂 ok . I’m so happy that I’m divorced and don’t have to have pretend feelings
@@thewrongshoes you aren't 'supposed' to do anything. You get to choose. You get to choose the experiences you have (like staying with this partner or leaving them) and you get to choose how to think about them.
If you choose to hate or resent them, you're the one who has to live with hatred and resentment.
You say that you are so happy with your divorce, yet you watched and commented on this video... so I suspect there is something you're still feeling that doesn't feel so good to you.
It’s just an opinion ,
May be men who got more care from his wife can’t move on fast , since they feel emptiness. Woman who are abused or traumatized from narcissistic can’t move on fast , even they are free from that , they still can’t trust someone again soon.
Men and Woman who were never given love or abuse and just living like roommates from quite a while May move on fast. It’s my simple theory or myth I had in my mind by noticing few couples.
But I believe happiness can happen again , everyone gets healed with self love 💕, stay strong everyone . Life is simple , marriage is beautiful when both the parties invested and contribute to make it even more beautiful.
Woman ate the forbidden fruit in the beginning. And they will eat anything that seems forbidden. Simple answer.
Beliefs like this can be comforting... but they beg the question. If what you say is true, then what does that say about women? A statement like this implies that women are... what? Weak? Gullible? Rebellious? Crazy? What is your brain's story about women?
Whenever we take an entire group of people and make one massive, generalized judgement on them we lose the opportunity to make meaningful connections with any individual member of that group. A loss like that is really tragic.
Say it's a harsh joke.
6:37 so based on her own delusions there is nothing you can do from getting divorced from divorcing you and taking the kids and half your shit. Don’t get married guys please
The reason they move on so quick is they are trash
So for women - if a husband isn’t meeting her needs their needs, it’s her job to convince herself that it is enough ? Just accept whatever and tell yourself it’s enough
I can see how you might hear that from this video, but no, not at all.
For a woman (or a man) it's her job to be honest with herself and her partner about what her needs are. Many women, and it is not their fault, they've been conditioned by society and love stories to act this way, never ask for what they want in a way their partners can hear.
Instead they send subtle signals, act in passive aggressive ways or simply get upset and don't talk. Many women seethe in quiet resentment and frustration for months or even years and then explode in anger at their partners, who are shocked because they didn't know anything was wrong.
Societal messaging teaches women not to express their needs or ask for what they want, and at the same time expects them to excel in their careers and home life and be gracious and kind to everyone they meet. It is an impossible set of expectations that basically requires women to stop being human.
It's my opinion that a woman's job is to free herself from this cycle, be honest and open about what she wants or needs in a relationship and then make the choices that make sense for her.
That might be leaving a relationship if her partner doesn't share her values or is uninterested in being a partner in the way she wants.
What it doesn't mean is insisting that someone else change so she can feel good or waiting years until she's so worked up and angry that she abuses her partner emotionally (or physically) before leaving him in a pit full of accusations and blame.
Men only provide protection and resources
If you can be a woman that can have enough capital, money, revenue, investments to be able to live without a man that’s a plus
Men cause a lot of stress and problems for women esp if the man is selfish
Apparently so 🤣 this is exactly the reason I'm filing for divorce. I've been convincing myself for the past 5 years it's ok my needs are not being met. It's mentally broke me. Time to get out
Dude, I tell my husband EXACTLY what I want (especially these days) and he always has some weird reason of why I shouldn’t do it (traffic will be bad, religious people are pushy and weird why do you want to go to church, you’ll get home to late, what if something happens with the cats, weather is bad, etc.) that sounds like a fairy tale love of him wanting me around all the time right? Wrong. It sucks so bad, I am so tired working around him to just appease him. I had my own interests and stuff going on before him and just being married is.l not a good enough reason to stop, as he alone can never fill all my needs. Nor would I require that of him. That also does not mean I don’t make time for him. I do. My life revolves around our family. He just can’t see past his own wants and needs
Everything was about me according to that hefer trash
When you need him he wouldn't be there! He was weak. Good thing you didn't stick around.
How you do one thing is how you do everything. Women and your fleety “feelings”. So quick to run away. This is why man are preaching not to get married. God help us all.
Yep. A man can never be seen as weak. We must be strong and perfect always. Be able to unleash violence and handle a crisis at any moment but so firmly in control of it that we can cradle an infant and be emotionally available to the woman.
Yet then there is also the expectation that such a specimen of human greatness will be monogamous and live only for her…
Good luck on your hunt!