US 185 How to Identify a Healthy Relationship
Вставка
- Опубліковано 3 кві 2023
- How to Identify a Healthy Relationship
GUEST
Lindsay Gibson, PsyD.
EPISODE OVERVIEW
Dr. Lindsay Gibson, author of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents describes healthy relationships look like, and she identifies characteristics of a person who is capable of having a healthy relationship. She talks about what to look for at the beginning of a relationship. She also talks about deal breakers and red flags, and why people who had unhappy childhoods tend to get involved with difficult partners. She explains why it can be hard to end a relationship that isn’t working.
HIGHLIGHTS
· Emotional Immaturity-These people respond like young children or adolescents. They lack empathy and are not able to see things from another’s point of view. They lack the ability to self-regulate and they are NOT self-reflective. They have a strong sense of self, but not of others. There may be attachment injuries, and a secure attachment is essential to develop a healthy sense of self.
· What are elements of a healthy relationship?
· The relationship supports and builds the energy and individuality of each person
· One has the ability to be empathic-you can imagine your internal experience and the internal experience of the other
· One is interested in their partner, their well-being, they enjoy their partner’s success and are supportive
· One is willing to learn
· One keeps it interesting
· What are some personality characteristics of a person who is capable of a healthy relationship?
· One is sensitive and can tune in to the other person
· One’s personality is complex enough to support individuality (the partner doesn’t have to think, believe, act, do things exactly like the other person to make them feel secure)
· One automatically takes the other person into account
· One is able to take turns with problem-solving, compromise
· One is creative and resilient
· One knows their own needs and preference and can voice them
· One can tolerate conflict
· One can be vulnerable
· One can manage having competing needs
· Mature coping mechanisms like humor, or asking for support
· Why are some people aware of their unhappy childhoods, yet they find themselves involved with difficult people in their adult relationships?
· HSPs have great insight and great memories
· HSPs are altruistic and function at a high level
· If a person doesn’t do the emotional work to heal from childhood, they recognize the patterns, but continue to engage in relationships/patterns that don’t work
· You must have the emotional experience of what happened to you in childhood
· When one hasn’t done the emotional work, one doesn’t have the gut feeling or instinct that informs one that this isn’t healthy
· What signs should a person look for at the beginning of a relationship in order to assess its potential for becoming a healthy relationship?
· One feels fully seen
· One is even tempered
· One is able to own and accept their mistakes
· One has the ability to apologize and make amends
· One has the capacity to receive
· One is enjoyable, playful, has a sense of humor
· There is a realistic and reliable foundation
· One can work with reality and they try and understand what’s going on
· One can think and feel at the same time (one’s brain doesn’t get hijacked with emotion)
· One can be reasoned with
· One is respectful of boundaries-if you set a boundary, one might be curious about it (but not defensive or try and push the boundary)
· One doesn’t psychoanalyze or label or call names (sensitive, overreacting, emotional, unreliable, etc.)
· One can talk from a feeling place
· One won’t tell you how you should be feelings
· One can wait and be patient
· One can handle stress well (if you see impatience and irritability in the beginning BEWARE!)
· What are the biggest red flags that indicate that you might be getting involved with an Emotionally Immature Person?
· You feel like you can’t completely be yourself
· Not opening up, not completely at ease, watching yourself
· Your thoughts are scrambled
· You don’t think as clearly or concisely
· The person has a history of conflictual relationships, and tends to see themselves as a victim or a rescuer
· What are deal breakers in any close relationship?
· If you’re...
Thank you guys. I have been labelled for my entire life for being sensitive. Some times I did it to me in order to apologize for my emotions. You guys validated my strength . Thank you.
The ability to think and feel at the same time is a golden phrase. It is not just overcoming the inability to experience all feelings while maintaining connection and safety, it is the ability to think during that time and to relate in a way that is *not physically or emotionally unsafe*.
This is gold! Thank you ❤
1:02 this is 2nd of 6 episodes
Hi Patricia. I could tell how you totally lit up talking about the kayak. Why dont you have a donation button where people can give some money towards all the effort you put into the podcasts. Knowing it can go towards something that fills you up would be a beautiful thing.
Right timing. Thank you so much for sharing❤.
1:11:28 How do therapists learn about the training for this population? I went to Dr Gibson’s website and there is no info there or contact mode.
Portion of the discussion that ends at 37:43 is the essence of feeling work. I have a question which is: can we simply feel our emotions in response to unhealthy prior experiences in relationship to fellow travelers, such as at 12-step meetings. Or must we engage in psycho drama or other forms of feeling work that are paid?
Great episode mam🥰😍❤️
😈 *PromoSM*