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It's hard to trust when you were married for 19 yrs than 11 yrs with a partner that's 30 yrs of alit if nonsense, u take the good with the bad after 50 yrs I encounter with an old high school boyfriend, so Now we get along better than in high school. Do I love him? Not sure I'm trying it out after 2 yrs finally I trusted him to give him a special night is going to happen again who knows. I don't know
I feel like a lot of men who were mistreated by their Mothers almost become their mothers and treat you the way their mothers treated them. I have experienced this twice. I feel men take out their feelings about their ex or their mother on their partner. They need a counselor and not a relationship. It's sad and frustrating.
I agree the old ways are hurting everyone not just women because men can die and leave women behind with no money as well. You might sign up for someone that says they’re gonna take care of you and they betray you so the point is this old system doesn’t work anymore because even if the man did support you, you never know what can happen they could die. Also speak to the fact that This causes a huge tax burden, nobody wants to realize that with women leave it being left behind with children on welfare women being left behind that were may be sick on welfare. I I know of many people that were abandoned and their marriage when they got sick with cancer and other things and I just can’t imagine somebody abandoned me when I got sick and our children. I’m having a very difficult time a therapist to help me and I think she’s confusing me even more. She said I should not have emotional logical, but after being betrayed so bad I think you need more logic and emotion.!!! The problem with being more logical time you might catch feelings for someone, but your heart is very guarded!!! do you want your body keeps the score from the trauma you had from the previous relationship and if someone’s not willing to work with you in the marriage or the relationship then it won’t work it can’t be you just spend 20 years healing because guess what you won’t completely heal nobody ever comes back from deep betrayal completely or a deep trauma. It’s still in our bodies. It’s still there.!!!! We can find somebody that works with us as willing to see that it takes us time . I was traumatized before and trusted someone very deeply that same person traumatized me further!!! Talk about difficult
Enjoying hearing what you say. Married 38 years, and my husband was my best friend. We both saved towards our retirement. My husband died on Jan. 3,2024. Our joint efforts led to a secure future for me. There are men out who will love you deeply. Many are widowers and never divorced.
Sorry for your loss. I dated a widower for two years but unfortunately he ended it last fall. I was terribly hurt and would have liked the relationship to continue but unfortunately I don’t think he took sufficient time to heal after the death of his wife of 30 years. He may have only been looking for company and I was available
definitely, and I only found that when I let go of trying to find someone and worked on myself until I can honestly say I love myself, warts and all. ✨💖✨ if I met any of my past relationships now they wouldn't get a second date. The sad thing is we settle because we don't want to be alone. That's what I did for 60 years.
My mother met the love of her life and had a 5 year relationship with him when she was 81 years old to 86. He was a very tall, handsome and successful man, and was 15 years younger than her. Go mom! ( unfortunately he passed away during the relationship as heart attack ran in his family 😕).
I find this to be true as well. I open up a bit, then he does in the next conversation or so. If you find he’s not volunteering to be open after a few conversations then maybe ask a few questions in a night out.
As hard as my divorce was and I cried for 5 years, yet with constant therapy it was a gift. I agree. I grew so much and learned so much about myself and how to go forward in a future relationship. Fast forward that was 8 yrs ago and I recently met a wonderful man and we both appreciate each other and communicate after getting thru the divorce.
Such wise advice. I recently met a man who is divorced, and we are both in our late 40s. I've never been married, nor do I have kids he has adult children. And knowing what I learned divorced men do have deep wounds. And knowing what I learned I want him to be free to open up and not feel stifled. I told him he has a voice, and he can use it, I also told him I do not want to just hear my voice.
I lost my husband to cancer in 2022. I met the man I'm with now by happenstance when I put my deceased husband's pickup truck up for sale. We met the old fashioned way and it means so much to me. I have never been or wanted to be on a dating site......
@JonathonAslay I realize you didn't ask me specifically, forgive me. I find that in real life, the men who are putting themselves out there seem much more promising. Online dating is a free-for-all freakshow.
Love your coaching!! This episode talks about coaxing. I lived with him for awhile then moved out. He is in the Peter Pan syndrome. Initially this attracted me because he is fun & charismatic. At first all the signs of love were shown with words - sometimes through music. We have been seeing each other for a year. He doesn’t say “ I love you” and does not give compliments or gifts of any kind including birthdays, valentines or Christmas. I was involved with a man I was going to marry, however he died 3 months before we were getting married. Thankfully, there was true love with him. Thank you for your realistic videos about mature love & passion, especially growing which is the biggest red flag with the current Petter Pan connection.
Well then you'll be sad to know mens brains are higher functioning electrically than women's; as well as 15% bigger (yes that includes body size difference). Also note white women over 45 have a 50%+ higher risk of depression than any other sex age or race of people. Perhaps it's you??
This was AMAZING!! Jonathan, your ego is brilliant and worth celebrating! Please never spiritualize away your self expression and delicious bombastic, hilarious opinions even the so called, ‘rants’. You know how flat and boring folks can be - who needs that? There is only one JA and you alone can BE the fullest expression of YOU! You are right! ⭐️ Enjoy that space!
Many men will when a woman leads by example. No judgment, no using it against him, no pushing him. Etc. many men haven’t built that “safe space “ with a woman to feel accepted for himself fully.
You are one my top 3 people! I've been doing what you say and have a new man as of Dec I got right to the nitty gritty day 1, I'm 59 why waste time....we went looking and trying on wedding rings yesterday...Im learning from you my fellow Leo friend all the boxes don't have to be checked off just the big ones...I'm in love and enjoying growing with my man. Thank you xo
3 years with a guy with avoidant personality disorder ... i am crying over everything I never knew before a huge surprise betrayal. I am determined to get it right next time. Thank you!
Some older guys have this actitud and don’t put a lot of effort in a relationship, they rely on a women’s kindhearted nature. Like this sweet lady who always drove to go see him. really?… 🙄
Yes!! I struggle with this because men expect you to drop your own life and bend into their world . There should be give and take depending on work schedules.. That poor woman had to hire pet sitters to he with him and he was complaining about a little gas money. Shes better off without him.
@@MelissaHachey-iw6hy I know, that was so selfish. And who knows if it was really the gas money, because he didn’t even try, some men are just so stuck in their ways!! Hope she finds someone that really deserves her 💕
And when you're not kind, they'll say you're unempathetic. Not respecting boundaries. . Some expect you to be their therapist. .These are the broken ones.
I understand My son transitioned 9 yrs ago. He was navy special forces.. I am so sorry for your loss. I divorced last year but as a metaphysical psychologist I know that the only thing we have control of in our life are our thoughts .Too many individuals attempt to control everything for fear of looking vulnerable and end up pushing people away. Fear or love. I choose love.
Rob, do not doubt that you'll find the right woman, or she'll find you. You're vulnerability and awareness is a strength, and can easily be taken advantage of if you don't have good boundaries. Respect yourself and believe that you deserve the best.
Just met a man online. We have only text a couple of times and already calling me “babe”. That to me was a turn off. I’m old fashion and didn’t hit me right
Me too... i trust God to meet a special person He has for me everyday...I am on anbadventure to see how God will bring us together....you see God made each one of us so He knows who will be the best for him and me.
I have a man who claims to care about me and love me, he provides for me by paying my rent and giving me money when I need. He never opened his feelings to me, nor how he feels about me as a person. He has an avoidant attachment style, while I have the anxious one. I don't understand how he claims to love and care about me; yet seems to not really even like me. He never wants to spend time with me or talk to me on the phone. It's always texting
@@JonathonAslay you mean, that maybe he only helps me for something? We no longer have sex. We haven't spent time together or hardly even talk in over a year. Why does he continue to help me?
The more I watch these videos, the more I realize that the man I am with will never be the man that I marry. But it has helped me change my mindset. I’m not gonna give up the relationship. But I’m also realizing it will end. There are no guarantees is one of the biggest take aways for everyone. thank you for your consistent messages.
This is why is not the best idea for women to approach men so directly and in such a bold way; If he doesn’t reject you, he may take you for sex or for his ego. It’s a lose- lose situation for a woman 😏
Whenwomen approach men which if women put too much into the guy, they tend to reject us or just use us. If men do thr chasing, women tend to be kinder to the man. Men have to be more of the pursuer so this doesn’t happen.
@@JonathonAslay A guy may not like a woman ‘as a partner’ but he may ‘take her’ just because she went to him and expressed her interest in him; His decisión will come from his ego, because he likes to feel desired and he will have sex. He doesn’t put much thought into it as he would if he was really choosing a partner for him self. Men in this position may lie and mislead the lady/ friend just to keep the benefits , this can confuse the lady and the guy may end up attaching to the wrong woman.
4:30 pm. Jonathan I said good luck to a guy I met for the first time coz he was overly touchy and kissing me. It made me uncomfortable. Plus he never offered to pay for breakfast or tip. I didn’t find him a quality guy. Thank you for your help. You make a big difference to us. 🙏🙏
Same here. A man I met as photographer at a wedding Took me to an inexpensive restaurant for lunch. He said he was coming over one day when I was Sad. He kept Hugging me and kissing me. I had made guacamole and chips. I gave him a nice chocolate bomb christmas gift. He said he did not want a relationship. Apparently he just wanted sex. He stood me up on christmas day go see the christmas lights. Phone two weeks letter and left a message that he had so much to tell me. I just never answered. Thank you Jonathan.
I wish I had married my ex from my 20s. I kept taking long breaks from dating for years at a time or staying in relationships longer than I should have. I really thought things would get better with age, I was sadly mistaken and I hate it here. I will teach my daughter different so she makes better choices.
You are so right Jonathon. I’m so glad I have not dated for donkeys years because I knew I would stuff up. But now things are getting better. I created a false identity for myself because that’s what we do.
I'm 43 with 4 grown children the difference is that I don't go telling my co-worker I wanted to have sex with them since the first day I met them. She's putting herself out there like she's in her 20's with no children. Rob stay away from that woman js and don't feel like you did anything wrong she clearly has issues and you are not responsible in any way for what she's going through.
Wow what wisdom and love you gave Rob. Brought me to tears In a nutshell you got right down to it and to the core. You are an hounaable coach and role model Jonathon ❤
My experience is there’s always something not right, be it mental health issues, alcoholism, borderline personality,(autism spectrum),selfishness. I’m sticking it out for my son for now but it’s hard.
Thanks for sharing your video. I have been thinking these passed few days about my relationship. Our set up is, when my bf is off, i spend my time with him. We are just in his home most of the time and if we go out for example, shopping, i pay my own, he pays his own. He bought me expensive stuff occasionally and i appreciate it but i am looking for something deeper. Being a widow for so many years, and being 57 years old this year, I am longing for a relationship that i can see far ahead. He asked me to move in with him, but he stated that all expenses will be 50/50.. he drives me to my doctor’s appointments coz he insisted, although i told him he doesn’t have to coz being alone for so many years made me independent, but he insists. But i guess i wanted something else.. i want to see more.. my boyfriend is a good man, he is 60 yrs old, i feel sad if i would leave him alone.. he is not sensitive of my being quiet the passed few days. I refused his invitations nowadays. I want him to feel that he should put more effort.
Enjoyed this...in South Africa....widow for 4 years after 44 yrs of marriage.....lots of time on my hands to listen to such important info...sharing all the information with my grownup children...thank you.
Question: So, if my boyfriend is often telling me things he admires about me in general conversation, that’s indicative that he’s maybe feeling love? We haven’t said love yet to each other but I certainly feel it (8 months together) and as we’ve progressed he’s become more affectionate and our conversations are getting deeper and more intimate.
Thank you Jonathon, I appreciated the thought you put into this subject. It is all too easy to be blind to a man’s/woman’s avoidance in expressing their feelings. I recognise the need to lose the fear and to be more open. Food for thought 🤔
I watched this on a replay and just had to watch to the end! You are addictive Jonathan! I'm starting my journey of healing, thank you for all you do!! ❤
So true about the "artificial intimacy" and attachment issues that take on a life of their own when you finally meet in person. I once talked with someone on the phone for months before meeting and subsequently felt guilty for not being attracted to this man I already felt a connection with.
You are such a cool guy, I have been listening to you for more than 6 months. When you find your special someone, she will be a fulfilled woman, and you a fulfilled man, I love the all in concept. We need to prepare emotionally. I recently tried a dating site, I realize now I wasn't prepared, I can be all in, but I wasn't prepared when he wasn't all in. Thanks for your knowledge and heart felt guidance.
It's terrible to attach yourself to a man (giving all your attention to this beautiful man you'd like to have) who is still thinking of his dead wife of 48 years and had children together!! It's terrible attaching yourself to a man who divorced a woman who had children with him, cheated on him!!! I EXPERIENCED BOTH!!! Involved now with a "missing his wife" man!! I'm puzzled about talking about what he's used to, where he's coming from!! I'm a much better woman,much higher value HE'S ENJOYING, but her pictures are still up and makes me sick. How sensitive will he be? Don't want to turn him off of me, want to keep our love flaming, but!! Isn't it adultery for him to keep living in his love life with her? How can I not be jealous? I need his love!! But feel he's cheating on me!! This man's broken, this man crying for dead wife, I don't want a divorced nor widower!! What's left? 😢 I WANT THIS BEAUTIFUL MAN, but I'm sick of "the other woman in his life!!! When will I ever have my own man? I lived 47 years with a man who carried grudge on 2 women in his past who cheated on him and ruined us by accusing me!!! Don't want another divorced!!! Don't want a man who says he was deeply in love with dead wife!! Both my loves have/had problems of prior women!!! My heart is hurting 😢 I love LOVE!! I'm multi-tallented, virtuous, 150+ IQ, healthy and wealthy, look half my age, VERY MUCH blessed by God!! I'm very fun, creative, humorous, loving and appreciate everything a man would do for me!!
I look for someone because it’s nice to share my life with another not because I need someone in my life. As a man, I don’t ask for much other than I’d like her to be peaceful, have a friendly demeanor, and yes I’d like her to be attractive. I don’t feel it’s much I’m asking for. It seems timing is everything. There are good people out there, but I’ve found…women in my age group (mid to late 40’s) seem to be on a mission to get married or co-habitats sooner than later more than anything and it’s a turnoff. Continuing my search, wish me luck!
Don't be so hung up on looks! This is why so many men can't establish a good relationship, one of their "requirements" is attractiveness and they dismiss women that they find unattractive for whatever reason. Looks are not everything! Are you sincerely looking for someone or just someone to show off!
Hopefully, Rob ends the "situationship." Those type of connections have no good end result, especially a gal who has connections with a past relationship. Rob has a lot going for him, and he needs to attract a healthy relationship. It's time to start creating higher standards for yourself and find a woman with quality and substance. Having a well rounded relationship is amazing. Once you set the bar for better standards, the end results will pay off!
Is there anyone out there that has been through a divorce isn’t traumatized? Aren’t we all in a trauma bond when we meet another? How do we even know it’s love at 62! Physical intimacy should come after spiritual, emotional and intellectual intimacy first! Be on the same page. Unfortunately at 60s and up above we look for security.. Fake flirting doesn’t last!!!
I am so enjoying your insights and information. I was married 38years, finally divorced (and at peace) enduring various types of abuse, and I took almost 3 years to heal and do-the-work on myself prior to dating. I wish I had read the FIRST CHAPTER of EIGHT DATES! I met a guy on Bumble (an hour away), we really clicked (spiritually, food, exercise, a ridiculous amount of things). First date was just amazing. The second equally amazing….but I did sleep over. I must say it was a fabulous connection for both, we are still really excited about where this is going-just hoping I didn’t screw it up. Thoughts?
I love your insights, honesty and f-bombs!!! It seems like self-love and how to effectively communicate with others should be a required course!!!! We would be a higher functioning society if this were so.
Such a great video ! Just found your channel couple weeks ago & so glad I did ! Hard dating in your 50s to find a man that wants a serious relationship:marriage minded man & not just surface level . Need to vet better & work on my picker , lol
The Bible says to guard your heart.People until we realize it is or should not be by feelings.Feelimgs are deceiving.A relationship is a decision and a commitment.Not unto just us but to God. Period
I don’t have much respect to men in late 40s or 50s and never married. A lot guys in their late 40s or 50sThe P thing doesn’t work much. He may able to control better than before. That is not a decision he chooses to make. It is just a reality to many of those people. I think if he is divorced would be better because he seems at least wanted to try instead after being selfish for years and now looking for a free care taker
I agree with you Jonathan..How can a person who was married for over 45 years tell his/ her spouse that he/she Loves them, But ARE NOT IN LOVE WITH THEM ANYMORE? Confused.
Once their is the committee love follows after the commitment.This is God's way of loving.Anyone can love but once two people come together this is being in love.
Boy oh boy, have things gotten that bad? I have always been interdependent since my 20s, and I have supported 3 relationship "winners. " .... Now, being older and wiser, I have met someone younger who has it together. Fingers crossed.
Thank you Johnatan for sharing! And what if he is not willing to be open and share how he feels about you?! B/c of he’s fear of commitment.. he’s coming from a horrible divorce… [Im so so sorry for your loss… Lost my baby brother ten years ago in a tragic way. Four years later went through a divorce that was devastating not just for me but entire family.. ]
Johnathan I agree with you . HOWEVER,Some men don't differentiate caring for and caring about They believe that by bringing in things for the home ,ie groceries it absolves them of any other relationship responsibilities,up to and including intimacy.
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Thank you Jonathan❤
It's hard to trust when you were married for 19 yrs than 11 yrs with a partner that's 30 yrs of alit if nonsense, u take the good with the bad after 50 yrs I encounter with an old high school boyfriend, so Now we get along better than in high school. Do I love him? Not sure I'm trying it out after 2 yrs finally I trusted him to give him a special night is going to happen again who knows. I don't know
I feel like a lot of men who were mistreated by their Mothers almost become their mothers and treat you the way their mothers treated them. I have experienced this twice. I feel men take out their feelings about their ex or their mother on their partner. They need a counselor and not a relationship. It's sad and frustrating.
Hi Jonathan i like yoyr program s and can you please cut cut several pieces for different subjects？？
I agree the old ways are hurting everyone not just women because men can die and leave women behind with no money as well. You might sign up for someone that says they’re gonna take care of you and they betray you so the point is this old system doesn’t work anymore because even if the man did support you, you never know what can happen they could die.
Also speak to the fact that This causes a huge tax burden, nobody wants to realize that with women leave it being left behind with children on welfare women being left behind that were may be sick on welfare. I I know of many people that were abandoned and their marriage when they got sick with cancer and other things and I just can’t imagine somebody abandoned me when I got sick and our children. I’m having a very difficult time a therapist to help me and I think she’s confusing me even more. She said I should not have emotional logical, but after being betrayed so bad I think you need more logic and emotion.!!! The problem with being more logical time you might catch feelings for someone, but your heart is very guarded!!! do you want your body keeps the score from the trauma you had from the previous relationship and if someone’s not willing to work with you in the marriage or the relationship then it won’t work it can’t be you just spend 20 years healing because guess what you won’t completely heal nobody ever comes back from deep betrayal completely or a deep trauma. It’s still in our bodies. It’s still there.!!!!
We can find somebody that works with us as willing to see that it takes us time . I was traumatized before and trusted someone very deeply that same person traumatized me further!!! Talk about difficult
Enjoying hearing what you say. Married 38 years, and my husband was my best friend. We both saved towards our retirement. My husband died on Jan. 3,2024. Our joint efforts led to a secure future for me. There are men out who will love you deeply. Many are widowers and never divorced.
Sorry for your loss. I dated a widower for two years but unfortunately he ended it last fall. I was terribly hurt and would have liked the relationship to continue but unfortunately I don’t think he took sufficient time to heal after the death of his wife of 30 years. He may have only been looking for company and I was available
Sorry for your loss
@@CarolKoussayaI am so sorry for your loss. 😢
1. I'm here
2. You matter
3. We are important
4. I've got your back
5. I'm not going anywhere
6. I only want you
7. GO PACKERS!
🙏👍🏼☺️🌟👌
I believe that a true relationship is when both people are meeting each other's needs and truly cares about the other person's feelings
Indeed
Where's that kind? None around for me sorry to say...
definitely, and I only found that when I let go of trying to find someone and worked on myself until I can honestly say I love myself, warts and all. ✨💖✨ if I met any of my past relationships now they wouldn't get a second date. The sad thing is we settle because we don't want to be alone. That's what I did for 60 years.
Good day Jonathan, my name is Annie Williams. I know you are the coach. But can we date. Let me know
My mother met the love of her life and had a 5 year relationship with him when she was 81 years old to 86. He was a very tall, handsome and successful man, and was 15 years younger than her. Go mom! ( unfortunately he passed away during the relationship as heart attack ran in his family 😕).
Well, that gives me some hope, LOLOL -- I'm 77 years old!
If you build trust and become vulnerable with a man, he will open up to you if he is able. It's an amazing feeling to gain his trust.❤
Indeed
I find this to be true as well. I open up a bit, then he does in the next conversation or so. If you find he’s not volunteering to be open after a few conversations then maybe ask a few questions in a night out.
So true.
Key words: If he’s able.
...unless he has NPD. A narcissist will extract the info they need to eventually control you. Love bombing is there first stage...be warned.
As hard as my divorce was and I cried for 5 years, yet with constant therapy it was a gift. I agree. I grew so much and learned so much about myself and how to go forward in a future relationship. Fast forward that was 8 yrs ago and I recently met a wonderful man and we both appreciate each other and communicate after getting thru the divorce.
Same exact for me! Cried for probably 2 years…worked on myself…met a great guy after 8 yrs…life is good!
Congratulations to both of you!
Such wise advice. I recently met a man who is divorced, and we are both in our late 40s. I've never been married, nor do I have kids he has adult children.
And knowing what I learned divorced men do have deep wounds. And knowing what I learned I want him to be free to open up and not feel stifled. I told him he has a voice, and he can use it, I also told him I do not want to just hear my voice.
I lost my husband to cancer in 2022. I met the man I'm with now by happenstance when I put my deceased husband's pickup truck up for sale. We met the old fashioned way and it means so much to me. I have never been or wanted to be on a dating site......
Congratulations! All the very best to you both.😊
You are blessed. All the best.
I haven't met a good man online yet. I am 62, the guys I met haven't worked on their issues and are damaged. Very disappointing to say the least.
How about irl?
IRL, Add health to your years. It's easier to use your situational awareness and your intuition is armed when you meet organically.
@JonathonAslay I realize you didn't ask me specifically, forgive me. I find that in real life, the men who are putting themselves out there seem much more promising. Online dating is a free-for-all freakshow.
What is IRL?
in real life as in person
Love your coaching!! This episode talks about coaxing. I lived with him for awhile then moved out. He is in the Peter Pan syndrome. Initially this attracted me because he is fun & charismatic.
At first all the signs of love were shown with words - sometimes through music. We have been seeing each other for a year. He doesn’t say “ I love you” and does not give compliments or gifts of any kind including birthdays, valentines or Christmas.
I was involved with a man I was going to marry, however he died 3 months before we were getting married. Thankfully, there was true love with him.
Thank you for your realistic videos about mature love & passion, especially growing which is the biggest red flag with the current Petter Pan connection.
My pleasure 🙏
Your absolutely right ,Trust and Loyalty, and Respect is priceless.
I'm 71, what a trip. Men have lost their minds.
@joconna 🎯 😂😂😂 ikr?!?!
❤
😂😂😂😂😂😂
Well then you'll be sad to know mens brains are higher functioning electrically than women's; as well as 15% bigger (yes that includes body size difference). Also note white women over 45 have a 50%+ higher risk of depression than any other sex age or race of people. Perhaps it's you??
This was AMAZING!! Jonathan, your ego is brilliant and worth celebrating! Please never spiritualize away your self expression and delicious bombastic, hilarious opinions even the so called, ‘rants’. You know how flat and boring folks can be - who needs that? There is only one JA and you alone can BE the fullest expression of YOU! You are right! ⭐️ Enjoy that space!
Why can't everyone just communicate like you? 💛
I've been working on this over decades. Thank you 😊
@@JonathonAslay 🤗
Many men will when a woman leads by example. No judgment, no using it against him, no pushing him. Etc.
many men haven’t built that “safe space “ with a woman to feel accepted for himself fully.
You are one my top 3 people! I've been doing what you say and have a new man as of Dec I got right to the nitty gritty day 1, I'm 59 why waste time....we went looking and trying on wedding rings yesterday...Im learning from you my fellow Leo friend all the boxes don't have to be checked off just the big ones...I'm in love and enjoying growing with my man. Thank you xo
That is awesome!
This is really helpful. Thx, Jonathan. Yes, I misread the actions.
3 years with a guy with avoidant personality disorder ... i am crying over everything I never knew before a huge surprise betrayal. I am determined to get it right next time. Thank you!
I don't believe in online dating.
@@joeymatthysen5105 I’m with you on that one ☝️
Bonding at a deep emotional level, so many men would not understand this
Those men have those emotions for other men.
Yes😂🙌🏼
It's the things we love most that destroy us.😮
Some older guys have this actitud and don’t put a lot of effort in a relationship, they rely on a women’s kindhearted nature. Like this sweet lady who always drove to go see him. really?… 🙄
Sad and often true
Yes!! I struggle with this because men expect you to drop your own life and bend into their world . There should be give and take depending on work schedules.. That poor woman had to hire pet sitters to he with him and he was complaining about a little gas money. Shes better off without him.
@@MelissaHachey-iw6hy I know, that was so selfish. And who knows if it was really the gas money, because he didn’t even try, some men are just so stuck in their ways!! Hope she finds someone that really deserves her 💕
And when you're not kind, they'll say you're unempathetic. Not respecting boundaries. . Some expect you to be their therapist. .These are the broken ones.
Sounds like spender/user. When a man is into a woman, there is no “guessing “ he will move mountains for you.
I understand
My son transitioned 9 yrs ago. He was navy special forces.. I am so sorry for your loss. I divorced last year but as a metaphysical psychologist I know that the only thing we have control of in our life are our thoughts .Too many individuals attempt to control everything for fear of looking vulnerable and end up pushing people away. Fear or love. I choose love.
Sending you a big hug 🫂
Rob, do not doubt that you'll find the right woman, or she'll find you. You're vulnerability and awareness is a strength, and can easily be taken advantage of if you don't have good boundaries. Respect yourself and believe that you deserve the best.
If a man cares about you, you should, and will, know.
Just met a man online. We have only text a couple of times and already calling me “babe”. That to me was a turn off. I’m old fashion and didn’t hit me right
Agree Jodie. Was he lovebombing?
It's not old fashioned to demand respect.
I feel the same way, crossing boundaries to soon.
Agree with you.
How do you kèep from making him perfect for the next love of his life
question how do I keep from perfecting him for his next love connection?
Me too... i trust God to meet a special person He has for me everyday...I am on anbadventure to see how God will bring us together....you see God made each one of us so He knows who will be the best for him and me.
Love is not only looking into each other eyes but the same direction
Amen 🙏
Brilliant, basically you've got to care for eachother above anything else. Wise words, think this was the best video ever. Thanks
Glad you enjoyed it!
He need to be a provider and protector first!
Why?
YOU ARE RIGHT I want to shout out to every person that you have helped to claim their solvreignty
Opening up emotionally is a sign of a man who truly cares. This is so profound and insightful.
Thank you, Jonathon🙏👍
Exactly... 👍🏼
Regarding dating co-workers: “Don’t get your meat where you get your bread.” It’s not worth the hassle nor risk.
I have a man who claims to care about me and love me, he provides for me by paying my rent and giving me money when I need. He never opened his feelings to me, nor how he feels about me as a person. He has an avoidant attachment style, while I have the anxious one. I don't understand how he claims to love and care about me; yet seems to not really even like me. He never wants to spend time with me or talk to me on the phone. It's always texting
Sounds like a transactional relationship? Is it?
That is an arrangement.
@@JonathonAslay you mean, that maybe he only helps me for something? We no longer have sex. We haven't spent time together or hardly even talk in over a year. Why does he continue to help me?
Wait for the bomb to drop without any warning. It happened to me...
@@kathycoker7763 me too. Covert narcs.
The more I watch these videos, the more I realize that the man I am with will never be the man that I marry. But it has helped me change my mindset. I’m not gonna give up the relationship. But I’m also realizing it will end. There are no guarantees is one of the biggest take aways for everyone. thank you for your consistent messages.
This is why is not the best idea for women to approach men so directly and in such a bold way; If he doesn’t reject you, he may take you for sex or for his ego. It’s a lose- lose situation for a woman 😏
Can you elaborate?
Whenwomen approach men which if women put too much into the guy, they tend to reject us or just use us. If men do thr chasing, women tend to be kinder to the man. Men have to be more of the pursuer so this doesn’t happen.
@@JonathonAslay A guy may not like a woman ‘as a partner’ but he may ‘take her’ just because she went to him and expressed her interest in him; His decisión will come from his ego, because he likes to feel desired and he will have sex. He doesn’t put much thought into it as he would if he was really choosing a partner for him self. Men in this position may lie and mislead the lady/ friend just to keep the benefits , this can confuse the lady and the guy may end up attaching to the wrong woman.
@@Bb-k4gd Well said. The woman will attach to the wrong man as well.
@@Bb-k4gd Yes, I call these men users/spenders...
4:30 pm. Jonathan I said good luck to a guy I met for the first time coz he was overly touchy and kissing me. It made me uncomfortable. Plus he never offered to pay for breakfast or tip. I didn’t find him a quality guy. Thank you for your help. You make a big difference to us. 🙏🙏
Agree Rose. Next!
Same here. A man I met as photographer at a wedding Took me to an inexpensive restaurant for lunch. He said he was coming over one day when I was Sad. He kept Hugging me and kissing me. I had made guacamole and chips. I gave him a nice chocolate bomb christmas gift. He said he did not want a relationship. Apparently he just wanted sex. He stood me up on christmas day go see the christmas lights. Phone two weeks letter and left a message that he had so much to tell me. I just never answered. Thank you Jonathan.
Thanks for sharing
Good for you...
The movie shld be : Revolutionary Road
That’s so supportive of her. She seems like a lovely person. 😊
Yes this makes sense. Your saying Men need to go further in their explanations than just being general, as women should in being caring. Without sex.
I wish I had married my ex from my 20s. I kept taking long breaks from dating for years at a time or staying in relationships longer than I should have. I really thought things would get better with age, I was sadly mistaken and I hate it here. I will teach my daughter different so she makes better choices.
Jonathon I always appreciate your facts and wisdom. Absolutely, there are no guarantees. Indeed the foundation of friendship.
Thank you 😊
You are so right Jonathon. I’m so glad I have not dated for donkeys years because I knew I would stuff up. But now things are getting better. I created a false identity for myself because that’s what we do.
I'm 43 with 4 grown children the difference is that I don't go telling my co-worker I wanted to have sex with them since the first day I met them. She's putting herself out there like she's in her 20's with no children. Rob stay away from that woman js and don't feel like you did anything wrong she clearly has issues and you are not responsible in any way for what she's going through.
Wow what wisdom and love you gave Rob. Brought me to tears In a nutshell you got right down to it and to the core. You are an hounaable coach and role model Jonathon ❤
My experience is there’s always something not right, be it mental health issues, alcoholism, borderline personality,(autism spectrum),selfishness. I’m sticking it out for my son for now but it’s hard.
Yes you are addictive Jonathon. Thank you so much
I think we choose people like our parents because that is who we are comfortable with
Exactly
An electrical box for an electrical vehicle? How about fixing the carborator on my 1969 nova ?
Thanks for sharing your video. I have been thinking these passed few days about my relationship. Our set up is, when my bf is off, i spend my time with him. We are just in his home most of the time and if we go out for example, shopping, i pay my own, he pays his own. He bought me expensive stuff occasionally and i appreciate it but i am looking for something deeper. Being a widow for so many years, and being 57 years old this year, I am longing for a relationship that i can see far ahead. He asked me to move in with him, but he stated that all expenses will be 50/50.. he drives me to my doctor’s appointments coz he insisted, although i told him he doesn’t have to coz being alone for so many years made me independent, but he insists. But i guess i wanted something else.. i want to see more.. my boyfriend is a good man, he is 60 yrs old, i feel sad if i would leave him alone.. he is not sensitive of my being quiet the passed few days. I refused his invitations nowadays. I want him to feel that he should put more effort.
Thanks for your 6 "I LOVE U" points, what it means !!! Going to help me a lot today and for the future.
So glad!
Enjoyed this...in South Africa....widow for 4 years after 44 yrs of marriage.....lots of time on my hands to listen to such important info...sharing all the information with my grownup children...thank you.
Thanks for listening
Jonathon, I agree with you. Thank you for a good definition for "In Love".
Question: So, if my boyfriend is often telling me things he admires about me in general conversation, that’s indicative that he’s maybe feeling love? We haven’t said love yet to each other but I certainly feel it (8 months together) and as we’ve progressed he’s become more affectionate and our conversations are getting deeper and more intimate.
It's a good sign...
Thanks
Thank you... much appreciated
Thank you Jonathon, I appreciated the thought you put into this subject. It is all too easy to be blind to a man’s/woman’s avoidance in expressing their feelings. I recognise the need to lose the fear and to be more open. Food for thought 🤔
Exactly
Yeah! I call it the 2x4 school of thought. & I believe it always works!
I watched this on a replay and just had to watch to the end!
You are addictive Jonathan!
I'm starting my journey of healing, thank you for all you do!! ❤
So true about the "artificial intimacy" and attachment issues that take on a life of their own when you finally meet in person. I once talked with someone on the phone for months before meeting and subsequently felt guilty for not being attracted to this man I already felt a connection with.
Thanks for sharing 👍🏼
True. This is advise the reality of getting to each other specially dating stage!
Yes! We need that occasional kick in the butt! Christians are familiar with this. " Think it not strange when you have tribulation"...
You are such a cool guy, I have been listening to you for more than 6 months. When you find your special someone, she will be a fulfilled woman, and you a fulfilled man, I love the all in concept. We need to prepare emotionally. I recently tried a dating site, I realize now I wasn't prepared, I can be all in, but I wasn't prepared when he wasn't all in. Thanks for your knowledge and heart felt guidance.
Wow, thank you
It's terrible to attach yourself to a man (giving all your attention to this beautiful man you'd like to have) who is still thinking of his dead wife of 48 years and had children together!! It's terrible attaching yourself to a man who divorced a woman who had children with him, cheated on him!!! I EXPERIENCED BOTH!!!
Involved now with a "missing his wife" man!! I'm puzzled about talking about what he's used to, where he's coming from!! I'm a much better woman,much higher value HE'S ENJOYING, but her pictures are still up and makes me sick. How sensitive will he be? Don't want to turn him off of me, want to keep our love flaming, but!! Isn't it adultery for him to keep living in his love life with her? How can I not be jealous? I need his love!! But feel he's cheating on me!! This man's broken, this man crying for dead wife, I don't want a divorced nor widower!! What's left? 😢
I WANT THIS BEAUTIFUL MAN, but I'm sick of "the other woman in his life!!!
When will I ever have my own man? I lived 47 years with a man who carried grudge on 2 women in his past who cheated on him and ruined us by accusing me!!! Don't want another divorced!!! Don't want a man who says he was deeply in love with dead wife!! Both my loves have/had problems of prior women!!! My heart is hurting 😢 I love LOVE!! I'm multi-tallented, virtuous, 150+ IQ, healthy and wealthy, look half my age, VERY MUCH blessed by God!! I'm very fun, creative, humorous, loving and appreciate everything a man would do for me!!
Keep looking. Your true ❤ is out there. Don't give up 😊
I look for someone because it’s nice to share my life with another not because I need someone in my life. As a man, I don’t ask for much other than I’d like her to be peaceful, have a friendly demeanor, and yes I’d like her to be attractive. I don’t feel it’s much I’m asking for. It seems timing is everything. There are good people out there, but I’ve found…women in my age group (mid to late 40’s) seem to be on a mission to get married or co-habitats sooner than later more than anything and it’s a turnoff. Continuing my search, wish me luck!
Don't be so hung up on looks! This is why so many men can't establish a good relationship, one of their "requirements" is attractiveness and they dismiss women that they find unattractive for whatever reason.
Looks are not everything!
Are you sincerely looking for someone or just someone to show off!
@@s00lin I understand, unfortunately it's biological (can't help it) just like women want security.
I’ve learned a lot from your videos Jonathon. Very interesting and valuable information!
Best of luck to you Rob!❤️🙏🤗
Absolutely fantastic talk today! Wow!
Thanks Jonathon ♥️
Glad you enjoyed it!
Hopefully, Rob ends the "situationship." Those type of connections have no good end result, especially a gal who has connections with a past relationship. Rob has a lot going for him, and he needs to attract a healthy relationship. It's time to start creating higher standards for yourself and find a woman with quality and substance. Having a well rounded relationship is amazing. Once you set the bar for better standards, the end results will pay off!
Bear hugs to Jonathon ❤🌹
I agree perfect description of what love is
Thanks ☺️
Is there anyone out there that has been through a divorce isn’t traumatized? Aren’t we all in a trauma bond when we meet another? How do we even know it’s love at 62!
Physical intimacy should come after spiritual, emotional and intellectual intimacy first! Be on the same page. Unfortunately at 60s and up above we look for security..
Fake flirting doesn’t last!!!
Love how you explain what I love you means
I am so enjoying your insights and information. I was married 38years, finally divorced (and at peace) enduring various types of abuse, and I took almost 3 years to heal and do-the-work on myself prior to dating. I wish I had read the FIRST CHAPTER of EIGHT DATES! I met a guy on Bumble (an hour away), we really clicked (spiritually, food, exercise, a ridiculous amount of things). First date was just amazing. The second equally amazing….but I did sleep over. I must say it was a fabulous connection for both, we are still really excited about where this is going-just hoping I didn’t screw it up. Thoughts?
I love your insights, honesty and f-bombs!!! It seems like self-love and how to effectively communicate with others should be a required course!!!! We would be a higher functioning society if this were so.
Aside from everything, I like your funny voice , l like it makes me smile and laugh a bit.
Thanks!
Thank you so much 💓
Revolutionary Road - the Kate and Leo midlife crisis film referenced
That's it...
I am open and receptive to an all in relationship 🙏 I am worthy. Thank you dear Jonathon ❤
Yes you are!
I met my guy’s sone about 3 weeks after we started dating, when he came to town to visit his dad.
Such a great video ! Just found your channel couple weeks ago & so glad I did ! Hard dating in your 50s to find a man that wants a serious relationship:marriage minded man & not just surface level . Need to vet better & work on my picker , lol
Welcome aboard! Thank you as well. If you'd like to hear how I can help you vet better, let's schedule a call. www.jonathonaslay.com/coaching
The Bible says to guard your heart.People until we realize it is or should not be by feelings.Feelimgs are deceiving.A relationship is a decision and a commitment.Not unto just us but to God. Period
Does it say guard?
@@JonathonAslay yes
I lost my husband 16 yrs ago,it's hard to meet people, that truly want love..
Yes this resonating with me, in case you read this.
I agree with what you are saying. So good to hear
Jonathon you’re absolutely right about the man with money and bigger ego.
Sad and often true...
I don’t have much respect to men in late 40s or 50s and never married. A lot guys in their late 40s or 50sThe P thing doesn’t work much. He may able to control better than before. That is not a decision he chooses to make. It is just a reality to many of those people. I think if he is divorced would be better because he seems at least wanted to try instead after being selfish for years and now looking for a free care taker
I agree with you Jonathan..How can a person who was married for over 45 years tell his/ her spouse that he/she Loves them, But ARE NOT IN LOVE WITH THEM ANYMORE? Confused.
Love means care? In love means commitment?
Once their is the committee love follows after the commitment.This is God's way of loving.Anyone can love but once two people come together this is being in love.
Lovely photo Jonathan, obviously a proud dad, God bless x
After how many dates is it ok to introduce your 17 year old son?
When you're boyfriend and girlfriend
Boy oh boy, have things gotten that bad?
I have always been interdependent since my 20s, and I have supported 3 relationship "winners. " ....
Now, being older and wiser, I have met someone younger who has it together. Fingers crossed.
Revolutionary Road was the name of the movie with Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio.
🎉I agree with you. Your definition when you can say ☆I love you ☆ 🎉 it is very rare.
You can learn from a bad experience just as much as you can from a good experience.
Can you elaborate?
I am watching and I have to just interject that I would love to borrow from your library LOL
👍🏼
Thank you Johnatan for sharing!
And what if he is not willing to be open and share how he feels about you?! B/c of he’s fear of commitment..
he’s coming from a horrible divorce…
[Im so so sorry for your loss…
Lost my baby brother ten years ago in a tragic way. Four years later went through a divorce that was devastating not just for me but entire family.. ]
That movie is called Revolutionary Road (the Leo DiCaprio & Kate Winslet film you referenced in the beginning). Great movie, but very sad.
Indeed
Johnathan I agree with you .
HOWEVER,Some men don't differentiate caring for and caring about
They believe that by bringing in things for the home ,ie groceries it absolves them of any other relationship responsibilities,up to and including intimacy.
Yes... I did day that though
Jonathan I agree with you absolutely❤️
*sigh*.
Latest guy opens up emotionally. He agrees there is spark and connection... still doesn't want me.
FML, I can't win 🤦♀️
Jonathan, I agree with you.