Unveiling The Secrets: The Psychology Of Making A Man Chase After You

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  • Опубліковано 19 гру 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 145

  • @JonathonAslay
    @JonathonAslay  9 місяців тому +4

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  • @MelaniePrine-ys5bb
    @MelaniePrine-ys5bb 9 місяців тому +18

    I had a marriage that was not perfect. But we never fought. We talked then we could resolve it. Most cases the issue was something we could laugh about. The thing that I consider our marriage incredibly that most don’t have… we always had each other’s back, we were totally honest about everything even we had interactions w others that could have become something between us, we could talk for hours about anything and laugh at ourselves. I lost him within 18 months of his cancer diagnosis. We had so much simple silly fun w our kids w silly phone apps and silly photos. So his last time was just as much fun as possible without spending money because the treatment situation took all our money. We had something that most people could never imagine. I don’t expect to ever have it again. I was 49 when he died. Yet he was the boy across the street growing up but didn’t date until later in life. We still had 17 years of marriage. I was blessed. Our kids were blessed.

  • @nancyhitzroth5941
    @nancyhitzroth5941 9 місяців тому +17

    I agree 100 percent about if you don"t stand up for yourself, you get what you deserve. It only took me 40 years to figure this out. I put my own needs on the back burner only to end up with a failed marriage that was all about his needs from education, career, to infidelity on his part. The moment I stood up for myself....he decided our marriage was over. So be it....I am alone but so much happier. Time for me now. It is never too late to do interpersonal work,learn, and move on.

    • @Sunlightsam24
      @Sunlightsam24 9 місяців тому +5

      Great attitude, you will thrive from here on out!

    • @gabbypage6929
      @gabbypage6929 9 місяців тому +4

      I hear this story from woman all the time.

    • @sherriflemming3218
      @sherriflemming3218 8 місяців тому +1

      Nancy 👍 Indeed stand up for yourself.

    • @folakeadegbola7384
      @folakeadegbola7384 6 місяців тому

      Honest, profound illuminations on the relationship topic

  • @Sunlightsam24
    @Sunlightsam24 9 місяців тому +10

    I love where you are heading with asking ‘what if I don’t meet my person, what does that mean for my life?’ I can relate to that, I was there too. I decided no matter what, my life would continue to be full, fun, exciting and interesting-and surrendered to that in my body.

    • @michellemcauley2315
      @michellemcauley2315 9 місяців тому +2

      I did that and then met a very interesting man

    • @sherriflemming3218
      @sherriflemming3218 8 місяців тому +1

      You can meet aomeone when youre not actively seeking.

    • @Sunlightsam24
      @Sunlightsam24 8 місяців тому +2

      @@michellemcauley2315 Happy to hear that, no matter how it unfolded. Within a year after embodying that surrender , I met my BF, we’re together 2 years at the end of May and live together. It’s been quite a growing experience for me and I’ve learned, and am learning more, about myself.

    • @Sunlightsam24
      @Sunlightsam24 8 місяців тому

      @@Bb-k4gd Thanks…it was living a fulfilled, fun, interesting life that made it easy to apply the rules. I didn’t memorize the rules or apply them by the letter, but I did most of them in dating. No dates after Wed for the weekend, I always had plans for my weekend by Wed, often just being home, relaxing with a good book! I let him call/contact me most of the time, still do. I always respond, just not in 5 minutes. I let him pay for the first few dates, then invited him to my home for dinner (where he brought all the food over). Didn’t have sex right away, he tried and I nicely told him I was interested in having sex with him, just wasn’t ready yet (which he thanked me for later). I didn’t/don’t tell him what to do, and don’t argue or want to get my way on stupid stuff, and have learned to talk to him in a way that’s not accusatory. I thank him often for expanding my world and tell him what I love about him. I bring calmness to his world. I learned how men operate and how to create attraction. Now my guy isn’t perfect, there’s things I’ve had to and continue to work on, at the end of the day though, I don’t want to live the rest of my life without him (Golden Bachelor). 💗 If this can happen to me, it can happen to anyone. Hope that helps!

  • @alibrough8780
    @alibrough8780 Місяць тому +3

    Jonathon, you said the journey within oneself is what really matters. I feel that you're much more than a dating coach. The things you have lost so far in your life are in fact giving back to you within your soul. But that's not all !! You managed to weave into this gift your sense of humor. ❤

  • @deborahbittinger8148
    @deborahbittinger8148 2 місяці тому +1

    I absolutely Do want a relationship... I'm happier having a companion, with whom to share my life... laugh with, share with, possibly commit to. It's important to me. Thank you Jonathan for all your insight! It's priceless.. ❤😊

  • @k.c.7.
    @k.c.7. 9 місяців тому +3

    BUT JONATHON!!!... you are the absolute best and I love your honesty, cursing, and genuine communication. We appreciate you, thank you so much!!!

  • @FlatStella1
    @FlatStella1 9 місяців тому +3

    I am sorry Jonathan for your loss.I am kind a proud that you took a lesson from that and now helping others.THANK YOU.

  • @elaussies
    @elaussies 8 місяців тому +1

    Love this! Playing the hunter/chaser is like sacrificing who you are to give them the “ thrill” they need to “get off”. I don’t mean sexually. It means the other person is borderline narcissistic.
    Give them stress by stepping on their fragile ego by being real. I had been triggered by a totally emotionally unavailable man.
    Thank you & thank you 😊 for pointing this out! I read “Attached” & it has so much truth that is grounding.
    Risk telling the truth especially when you have reached a point where the test of time has expired!!!

  • @Sunlightsam24
    @Sunlightsam24 9 місяців тому +16

    Actually, healthy women want to be pursued, not chased.

    • @JonathonAslay
      @JonathonAslay  9 місяців тому +5

      Humans seek effort...

    • @sherriflemming3218
      @sherriflemming3218 9 місяців тому +6

      Mutual effort. A two lane street.

    • @NatalieG-yi3pn
      @NatalieG-yi3pn 8 місяців тому +2

      I agree. Women should be pursued. Women should not be chasing men.

  • @Bb-k4gd
    @Bb-k4gd 9 місяців тому +3

    Just because some people get divorced does not mean that someone else could not find happiness in marriage or should not be open to it, if that’s really what their heart desires. We can be alone but we are not meant to be alone, the perfect state of a man is in partnership. Everything is better when we are accompanied. When a person is stable in their core values, mature, and know what they want, it’s easier for them to achieve their goals.

    • @sherriflemming3218
      @sherriflemming3218 9 місяців тому +1

      Good points Lighthouse. And agree with your good and evil comment.
      I've experienced it. However I believe there is karmic justice. And karma always has an address.
      Living a moral life has a powerful impact on your personal well being.
      I'm going to partner with my best friend as Golden Girls. We will take care of each other. 🙏

    • @robynalvin2849
      @robynalvin2849 8 місяців тому +1

      Agree!!!!!!

  • @anikaray4192
    @anikaray4192 9 місяців тому +2

    I just had a chance to listen to the beginning of the replay and yes I totally relate.I was the CHASER because I attracted the Avoidant man.I didn't know about the attachment styles at that time but through that experience it lead me to it to discover it and that I was anxious preoccupied. I was chasing this man as I was looking for love and validation outside of me coming from my childhood wounding around my father. It was a sobering experience and I'm grateful because it also lead me to self-love. Thank you again for covering this topic ❤

  • @junehansen5220
    @junehansen5220 9 місяців тому +2

    Brilliant..you are on ground breaking new territory..❤

    • @junehansen5220
      @junehansen5220 9 місяців тому

      I have met The Most Wonderful..he’s 79..couldn’t love him more..❤

  • @denisesmith8657
    @denisesmith8657 8 місяців тому +4

    I’m in my 50s and still wondering if I’m gonna get “that one great love.” I’m losing hope!!!!

  • @CarrolMoore
    @CarrolMoore 9 місяців тому +4

    I had to find my joy and fulfillment alone to be attractive..I found that in God I found my solid stability and joy..now that I'm not looking men are very attracted to me...

  • @imannosseir6679
    @imannosseir6679 9 місяців тому +3

    I LOVE your passion and telling it like it is.

  • @Victoria-z8u
    @Victoria-z8u 5 місяців тому +1

    I have a mid 30's daughter who has never been married (or even engaged). She's beauriful and works as an RN, but she is very comfortable with herself and doesnt feel it paramount to be married😊

    • @Sherryyahoo
      @Sherryyahoo 3 місяці тому

      My daughter is 40 and lives with her partner and neither one of them wants to get married

  • @sherriflemming3218
    @sherriflemming3218 9 місяців тому +3

    My life isn't doomed if I dont meet the right guy. I can fly solo on my journey. 🐦
    You're right about what great relationships have in common.
    You nail it on avoidant men! .
    I agree with statistics on secure attachment.

  • @Joy-mm3cz
    @Joy-mm3cz 14 днів тому

    To the comment about dating while having cancer; I have a chronic illness & was very sick( infusions, pain & fatigue etc) Then developed cancer 2 yrs later. Although I was lonely & was on dating apps I ended up cutting off a few relationships when things got worse for me health wise. I didn’t want someone to be with me out of pity. I thought is wasn’t fair to the men.
    I agree with joining a support group, having a core group of friends to do activities with. At least until I was in a better position than I was.
    FF 2 more years and I’m much better & challenges still arise but they are manageable. I’m looking forward to dating and meeting the right one when I’m not at a low point of my health.

  • @MaryBetz-yb4zl
    @MaryBetz-yb4zl 9 місяців тому +2

    Yes this all makes full sense to me.

  • @midnightblu3388
    @midnightblu3388 7 місяців тому +2

    OMG SO VERY SORRY TO HEAR U LOST UR SON!! NO PARENT SHD HAVE TO EVER BURY THEIR CHILD, pls accept my deepest condolences to you and your family!! God bless YOU!🙏🙏🙏💘❤

  • @Sunlightsam24
    @Sunlightsam24 9 місяців тому +2

    I can understand why a man would be turned off by a woman who approaches a meeting like a business deal. He’s not there to get more masculine energy or a man friend. Meet for coffee or a local park for a chat…keep things simple and easy and come from feminine energy

    • @JonathonAslay
      @JonathonAslay  9 місяців тому +1

      If our current system is so great, why are there so many unhappy people?

    • @sherriflemming3218
      @sherriflemming3218 9 місяців тому

      Good point JA.. Relationships are an investment..Men and women have both energies. Healthy people are aware of their strengths and weaknesses.

  • @RoseMoke
    @RoseMoke 9 місяців тому

    Yes . Jonathan .what's goes around comes back please Jonathan am arround ok.. waiting for my blessing just because his twisted and turned...love still can be found..

  • @juliefrecker3811
    @juliefrecker3811 9 місяців тому +2

    Yes men like to do their own thing.

  • @shelleysquires7225
    @shelleysquires7225 Місяць тому

    Good morning 🌺. I always enjoy your podcasts. I never noticed your "lip-smacking." Just carry on and keep being you. There are enough of us who like and appreciate you. You can't please everyone. Thank you

  • @maryannsennett8487
    @maryannsennett8487 9 місяців тому +6

    Life sure is humbling❤

  • @karinesavard2016
    @karinesavard2016 8 місяців тому +3

    Yesterday a woman wrote that men are the happiest in a marriage but women are happiest being single. That is because the courtship phase/hunting is short and after that the prey is taken for granted and respect goes down the drain together with sex. Women want to feel loved and bond in order to have sex. Men need sex to bond. So marital rape, a bit of a strong term but is very common for this reason. I'd say, both have to chose each other, be hunter and prey at the same time, also with mutual respect and submission to God, no partner has total control over the other. 🙏❤

  • @patty8945
    @patty8945 9 місяців тому +3

    Sometimes women do not reply on dating apps because other guys are more agressive with sending messages and we get distracted. I would send another message if you like any of these women. Do not take it personally. You never know; it is very overwelming to talk to a few guys. Initialy, it is challenging to connect with one person. Once, you meet her and she doesn't reply then it is a different story. Many relationships do not start idealy, but that doesn't mean anything.

    • @JonathonAslay
      @JonathonAslay  9 місяців тому +1

      Then why did those women message me in the first place?

    • @patty8945
      @patty8945 9 місяців тому +2

      @@JonathonAslay On bumple,in the beginneing we send messages to a few guys because we do not know which one will want to engage with us. Many conversations start and then end, that's why I talk to many guys, the guy that puts the most effort is more likely I will talk back to.
      Maybe someone distracted her from talking to you, again women talk to many guys, not just one. She is not emotinaly bonded with anyone and it's easy to start talking to someone new/else who is attentive and engages with her.
      Men start conversations too and then they disappear. It goes both ways, especially in the beginning.
      At this stage of dating or communicating it should't matter, we all know everyone talks to many people at the same time. Remind her of yourself and see what happens. If she won't reply, then say next. What if she does?

    • @patty8945
      @patty8945 9 місяців тому +2

      It should not be taken personaly since you haven't met. There is no attachement or any form of bonding and you do not even know if you are attracted to each other.

  • @k.c.7.
    @k.c.7. 9 місяців тому

    Thanks

  • @ruthdevon900
    @ruthdevon900 11 днів тому

    I would love to know more about mushroom journeys!

  • @CarrolMoore
    @CarrolMoore 9 місяців тому +2

    11;15 am ..my 38 year marriage ended a year ago... We got along great ..what happened was we stopped we stopped spending time together. Our finances decreased he started working too much..he became impotent and stopped touching me..he started spending too much time away from. Me..

  • @loriawinfree478
    @loriawinfree478 8 місяців тому

    Thanks for everyone of you videos you help alot

  • @maryannsennett8487
    @maryannsennett8487 9 місяців тому +2

    Only being a third into this video I'm not able to watch it live on Saturdays. It occurs to me the bigger the ego a person has younger in life the more obstacles they will have later to get them out of their ego and into their heart.

  • @juneelle370
    @juneelle370 9 місяців тому

    Jonathan, you model a lot of healthy responses to criticism for us… processing/metabolizing/filtering right in the moment 💜 it would’ve been hard for me to do that so smoothly in public because it can be hard to find the right language in the moment! taking responsibility for what you are responsible for and rejecting responsibility for what you’re not responsible for. Centered/grounded without being self-centered/egoic. To me, love and ego is not set it and forget it, but a constant process of choosing love and trying to our best to use language in love. People who say they have no ego have identified with that in a way that prevents in the moment and daily spiritual/psychological introspection. Essentially identifying with perfection of “I am good” (enabling reverse engineering of every circumstance to come to the conclusion of that first principle) instead of I want to be/do good, which allows introspection/spiritual & psychological deep diving on a daily basis as a good habit. It’s super clear, you’ve done a ton of work and are living what you’ve learned! Smack away :) it’s habitual emphasis, just like swearing for you! Check out the scientific studies on swearing and honesty and also how emphasis words often indicate emotional honesty and are processed in different parts of the brain! I like to use emphasis words too but I’m trying to come up with new emphasis words because it’s true, we humans need them (like grunts we used to do before standardized language to express emotion/passion) but they are so often judged because of the meaning behind what our culture has chosen as emphasis words. So even though I like to use them, I’ve thought about why these words in particular were chosen by culture and they’re pretty bleak (since so many are based on disconnecting/dominating words regarding s** and body parts). It’s hard to find words that have that same punch in the brain though 😂 fudge, just doesn’t cut it! Gonna keep looking!

  • @Bb-k4gd
    @Bb-k4gd 9 місяців тому +1

    If a man gets anxious because one doesn’t respond fast all the time … that’s his problem . He needs to work on his issues.. I don’t play games, but if I’m busy and they can’t trust , if they are insecure and get demanding . I rather lose them and keep my peace ☮️

    • @sherriflemming3218
      @sherriflemming3218 9 місяців тому +1

      100% Lighthouse.

    • @JonathonAslay
      @JonathonAslay  9 місяців тому

      Does that go both ways?

    • @Bb-k4gd
      @Bb-k4gd 9 місяців тому +1

      @@JonathonAslay I can’t speak for men and your message was directed at us women.

  • @Sunlightsam24
    @Sunlightsam24 9 місяців тому +1

    I heard opinion is based on no life experience in the matter. Judgment is where there is a actual experience with the subject. I liked that description.

  • @mermaidinfinityrainbow3183
    @mermaidinfinityrainbow3183 9 місяців тому +1

    Does your dating advice, self love advice help with marriages? My husband and I are in an odd situation ..he doesn't seem to be into me like when I let him chase me and it's been over 13 years together..it just doesn't seem exciting like it used to..so should I let him chase me? Not sure how it works for that..we are in the same house...😅 I want things exciting again .try and he doesn't want to be into me unless he's in the mood...I want to be chased again..😢

    • @JonathonAslay
      @JonathonAslay  9 місяців тому +1

      Sometimes...

    • @mermaidinfinityrainbow3183
      @mermaidinfinityrainbow3183 9 місяців тому

      @@JonathonAslay thank you. ❤️ Namaste. 🙏✨

    • @sherriflemming3218
      @sherriflemming3218 9 місяців тому

      It sounds like taking for granted or complacency. Can you talk about it? Date nights or doing couple things new activities or experiences can spruce things up.
      Also expressing your needs directly so he's aware.

  • @truemorris6695
    @truemorris6695 9 місяців тому +1

    Jonathon, Im driving to Montana from Cali by myself in a few days with a fresh new start. Hoping to be my life partner there. When i am settled, Im getting on the hotseat

    • @JonathonAslay
      @JonathonAslay  9 місяців тому

      Good luck

    • @sherriflemming3218
      @sherriflemming3218 9 місяців тому

      Have a safe trip True Morris.

    • @Diane-xi6tw
      @Diane-xi6tw 5 місяців тому +1

      @truemorris6695 Good luck on your journey , your new life . Hope you find your life partner.

  • @carolinesilver4217
    @carolinesilver4217 9 місяців тому +1

    I was close to a neighbor but he has changed. He was kind and a good friend. He changed completely. I am hurt and disappointed mainly because I thought he was a friend . His mother was dying of cancer and I just lost my mother. I kept being supportive and kind but he has been very distant and cold. We are barely talking. How do I get closure?

    • @Bb-k4gd
      @Bb-k4gd 9 місяців тому +1

      What made him distance …. Any clue… Is his moms still alive ?… maybe he’s dating someone. If I was you I would stop initiating contact, try to go out with other friends .

    • @sherriflemming3218
      @sherriflemming3218 8 місяців тому

      He may be grieving. Closure is with you, Caroline. I'm sorry for your loss 🫂

  • @conniewestrand6257
    @conniewestrand6257 8 місяців тому

    . You have are good soul . Amen

  • @ginamplm
    @ginamplm 9 місяців тому +2

    I apologize for my judgmental comment. I just hate it when people criticize a person for something they can’t help. It has happened to me many times in my life with a condition that I have… I guess it triggered me 😞

  • @runsoul1
    @runsoul1 8 місяців тому +1

    I love the smacking sounds Tina should watch some other show!!!!!

  • @carrielegg5480
    @carrielegg5480 4 місяці тому

    I would love feedback on this question. I was just curious why do women flirt with men that are already taken?

  • @user-ei8rb7sj6c
    @user-ei8rb7sj6c 9 місяців тому

    The psychology of making a man chase me??? At 39:51 in, and so far I haven’t heard anything about this. I’ve heard what NOT to do. I’ve amen & heard 4 book promos. I’ve seen questions
    sent in by viewers on other topics. With all due respect, I’m feeling disappointed and mislead by the title of this video. 😕

    • @JonathonAslay
      @JonathonAslay  8 місяців тому

      Choose a relationship where there is mutual gratitude... you'll be chasing each other was the point.

  • @jennycabrera6689
    @jennycabrera6689 3 місяці тому

    😂❤yes this is all true!

  • @m.d.7688
    @m.d.7688 9 місяців тому +1

    Amen 🙏🏼

  • @robinemery
    @robinemery 9 місяців тому

    Exactly 💯

  • @karinesavard2016
    @karinesavard2016 8 місяців тому

    "How to become a narcissist repellant" title of your next book!! 👍😂😂😂💯

  • @TSymington
    @TSymington 9 місяців тому

    … FOR RACHEL. … I have a neighbor who has MS and is in a wheelchair . She and her husband have cultivated a close group of friends, a lot through their church, that they have over weekly to socialize, eat pizza and salad … and play poker … they don’t play for money, but everyone puts a certain amount into the pot which pays for the winner’s prize … build it and they will come …

  • @k.c.7.
    @k.c.7. 9 місяців тому +1

    Can we get a But Jonathon!! T shirt 😁

  • @karinesavard2016
    @karinesavard2016 8 місяців тому

    The woman should chose the man by "dropping the handkerchief" sort of speak. Up to the man to act on it and "courtship". 🙏❤

  • @Sunlightsam24
    @Sunlightsam24 9 місяців тому +2

    The Rules help women develop standards and patience. I know you haven’t read the book, and it’s written for women.

    • @JonathonAslay
      @JonathonAslay  9 місяців тому

      I read the book, and some of the assertions are unhealthy... imho

    • @sherriflemming3218
      @sherriflemming3218 9 місяців тому

      I followed that manipulative advice in The Rules in the 1980's and attracted some of the WORST men ever. Just saying. It was a popular book.at the time. Also this was some of my mother's "old school" advice. It's not all about empowerment.

    • @sylviasessentials
      @sylviasessentials Місяць тому

      @@sherriflemming3218 the rules book came out in the early 90s not the 80s

    • @sylviasessentials
      @sylviasessentials Місяць тому

      😊

  • @elaussies
    @elaussies 8 місяців тому

    Who’s fooling who? Why would you stay friends? A “mutual relationship if with two honest mutually vulnerable people.
    It is not test driving a car.

  • @rebajackson2369
    @rebajackson2369 9 місяців тому +1

    All people are a mixture of good and evil.

  • @karenscott612
    @karenscott612 6 місяців тому

    I sure wish that you would switch out from saying, when the P goes into the V. Why not clean it up a little, and just say sleep together?

  • @RoseMoke
    @RoseMoke 9 місяців тому

    Lets not charged people .I think it depends on individuals because no one is perfect

  • @martihunnewell7200
    @martihunnewell7200 9 місяців тому +1

    Don’t be judgmental, but then you took the piss out of someone’s profile photo?

    • @JonathonAslay
      @JonathonAslay  9 місяців тому

      I didn't say she was bad... that would have been judgmental

  • @susanharrie3326
    @susanharrie3326 9 місяців тому

  • @juliefrecker3811
    @juliefrecker3811 9 місяців тому +1

    But Jonathan lol

  • @rachelsnewlife
    @rachelsnewlife 9 місяців тому

    YOU DO NOT SMACK YOUR LIPS.

    • @JonathonAslay
      @JonathonAslay  9 місяців тому +1

      Good to know...

    • @truemorris6695
      @truemorris6695 9 місяців тому

      I love you too!!! You’ve helped me❤❤❤

    • @truemorris6695
      @truemorris6695 9 місяців тому

      I dont know what she’s talking about the lips

  • @claudiakanyembo5949
    @claudiakanyembo5949 8 місяців тому +1

    Hello Jonathan, I like your podcast however, am not enjoying coz you're not concise

  • @JaneMcCourt
    @JaneMcCourt 9 місяців тому

    50% of the population is secure? Wishful thinking hahaha

  • @mazz66
    @mazz66 4 місяці тому

    If you stop cussing and swearing... I will unsubscribe... 🤭