When you figure out what narcissism is, and that you've been with one, it's like the moment in a movie when the investigator figures out who the murderer is.
Mine told me one time he was caught up in his head and I wouldn’t believe the things that go through his mind 😣 I know he was telling truth and heck no I didn’t want to know
Someone said they are like vultures but thats an insult to respectable vultures. At least a vulture will have the decency to wait until you die before it starts to feed off you.😢
What hurts worse for me is, learning that my ex was a narcissist and to see what is actually happening now! I've recently got a mini hoover after a month of me discarding him! And just to see the drastic change of the hoovering is disturbing! It was once him actually begging and pleading, buying gifts, and actually making a change for months before he went back to his old ways again! It was the effort he put in that kept me coming back! So to see the effortless pathetic hoover he's doing now! It only signifies what we've been taught! They never loved or cared about us! He's blocked from everything! How dare you insult me like this? As hard as it is, this time I will never go back! My emotions are high but my pride and dignity are much higher!
You will entertain a hoover when you believe in the narcissist’s false self. Once you know who the narcissist truly is, you will understand the futility and danger of responding to someone who will only harm you.
They are just trying to see if you’re willing a victim again. They’re like vultures! They know that contacting you will re-traumatize you even if they contact you in the most little way it disrupts your healing and wounds you again they wanna oppress you and keep you down it’s really really diabolical! Love your channel keep up the good work!
My ex narcissistic husband did everything you spoke about to me . In that order...This is exactly what he did , after hoovering me back , after 6 yrs. no contact .And yes the new supply and him went on a cruise to the Bahamas , while i sat at home scratching my head .Didn't know i had let a demon back in my life. Thank you GOD for delivering me from that evil .
They only hoover when they are desperate for supply. Desperate for any morsel from you. ANY reaction at all. No response is best. The silence of no contact is golden.
This brought me back to the time when my Narc ex Best friend showed up at my job unannounced to say "Hi" months after I had gone no contact. I didn't even know what Narcissism was then. But when she revealed her Demonic Sadistic Real Self, I was so sickened I had no other choice but to walk away. But what scares me the most about that visit in hindsight, is not that she just showed up (and with a Flying Monkey) but that she was able to Con her way into my classroom. I was a Private Preschool Teacher, and we had high Security. She would have had to gone to the front office and ask them where I was because it was a fairly big school. We NEVER let people come off of the street to just say "Hi" to the Teachers. They have to wait in the office until we're called, at which point, we go to meet them. She somehow made up a story to get past a school security clearance. I remember looking up, and she was just standing there with a predatory stare. Didn't say a word at first. She wanted me to feel intimidated. Oh but it gets worse. She's a Minister at our old church. She's always dressed up, hair never out of place. Dresses sharply for every occasion. After I hadn't seen her since my job that last time (years went by and I had moved away) she shows up at my Aunt's Funeral in ripped jeans and a t-shirt. She sat in the back of the church and never offered her condolences. These Narcs are purely Demonic!
The uncanny power they possess over all and sundry (magically getting past high security)seems not to be human, rather like the vampire or sorcerer-magician of old...Professor of History at Temple University, David M. Jacobs' trilogy of case studies on the abduction phenomena and the apparent production of 'Hubrids' might offer a clue. Look for these titles from booksellers: "Secret Life," "The Threat", and "Walking Among Us". Seriously, the potential origins of this seeming population explosion of such demonic entities into our everyday lives on earth is herein described IMO.
Mine had his supply-of-the-time , who was our employee to boot (I call her "#41"), at my mom's wake, her funeral Mass, and her repasse lunch that followed....all the while, supply #41 didn't express condolences to me diirectly. I atteibuted it to her lack of class, etiquette and prooer child-rearing/upbringing when, in fact, it was simply, evil, sadistic and disordered on all involved because I've uncovered in my quest for truth (oxymoron with these types) that others in the enmeshed family and our office were privy. Enjoy one another!
I really chewed on your long coment like T-bone steak. I thought I was the only one that could put things in razor sharp context word-for-word. Thank you for all the intricate details of how this woman was able to come into your job [ "you're job" ] undetected unbeknownst to the staff that she was a dark demon. Just wanna conclude that if you ever lost a job or anything like that it is very possible that the narc has something to do with it .The soon to be ex wife narc got me fired from my job & to this day I don't know how she did it , and lastly I really do think you should get a channel you have some very good story time.BLEZZ#KEEP DA CHANGE
The hardest moment of my life was discovering my only daughter was doing this to me. We had never had a cross word. Her father was a diagnosed covert narcissist, but I never saw that she saw me a “ competition or supply “. This same situation happened. She showed up at my classroom at the end of the day bringing my new granddaughter. She said she wanted to let “ my friends “ meet MY granddaughter. Cut to end. She started recruiting my coworkers as her friends. I didn’t know until too late that she and her father had bonded and I was “ a target “. They had to control the image others had of me at my workplace. I could never have imagined this in my wildest dreams WHY???? I loved her dearly, but I didn’t really know my own daughter. It literally broke my heart. I ended up having to leave what was left with f the marriage and that workplace. Old acquaintances withdrew from me. I was shunned. I lost 25 pounds and could barely function. I finally found good counseling, but back then it wasn’t as exposed as it is today. I started a new life. She kept my grandchildren away from me for five years. I actually was given a good new beginning in another state. Then, out of the blue, she called wanting to make amends and try again. I wanted to be a part of my grands life. I could never be as close to her again, but I STILL didn’t yet KNOW how dangerous a narcissist was. She started slowly and gradually became a part of my new life. I had some success, and before I realized it, she was repeating the same. Darkness. Pure Darkness to use an oxymoron. ❤️🩹
I just realized I’ve been no contact since March 2017. I met another narcissist shortly after and identified this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach and discarded him within a month or so. The real issues are with yourself, the universe will put a narcissist on your path because at a subconscious level you need to heal and upgrade you. That’s all
Narcissists dont like themselves and hate you for loving them because they KNOW they are ick and when they see you love them they feel disgust because they have no respect for themselves and hate your guts for adoring them and think your stupid. Treat them crappy and they RESPECT you. Who can be crappy to get respect? Run dont walk.
This comment describes the male narcissists - in particular - that I have worked with. Saying hi to them is such a struggle. Either they don't respond, or they grumble. Only time they initiate a greeting (usually cheerfully lol) is when they want supply. Next day might be another grumble or silent treatment.
It’s a psychic energy thing, I swear. Somehow they know when you are within a millimeter of finally moving on and they are frantically trying to reattach to the host somehow. Don’t “hi” me parasite 🦠🤔🙄😂.
It is phychic energy for sure. I tried very hard to conceal my emotions, but the very moment i fell in love, i got the dreaded discard. This happened over and over.
I also put a restraining order out on my Ex just as soon as he started Hoovering and that worked for a while until he stocked me in a parking lot and physically abused me. If it wasn't for an elderly man screaming out to him and called the police things could have turned tragic. Please never underestimate what they are capable of once they know they have lost complete control over you.
I'm old enough to know that we live in such a wicked world 🌍 but I just can't believe such humans like narcissist walk this planet. Demons in human form they are. No one should try there best to hurt another human being just because they hate themselves. That's just evil! We must love 💕 one another!
Don't worry Karma will get them big time. I dumped a Narc and vampire - 2 years of hell but I'm now watching Karma take them down, they slowly self destruct and sabotage themselves.🖤
Every thing said here is 100% correct. This is why it is absolutely vital for you, as the survivor, to give the narcissist total and complete silence in return...not a single word...ever. This is how you gain your self respect back and YOUR sense of control of YOUR life. To you, this person no longer exists. Keep it that way, and move on to your new life, a normal life.
The way they ACTUALLY think is that you were NEVER serious about going alone without them ! You had your ' funny turn ' or 'paddy ' , you went crazy , got them all wrong , misjudged them , went hysterical , basically you were being ridiculous , and that if they lay on the charm your defences are BOUND to fall , because they are so great !! The fact they think you were never REALLY serious shows YOU their ongoing utter lack of respect for you as an individual and also their complete denial they could ever be wrong ! They may even try to turn your abstinence as a bit of a joke ! To be honest , after all this time , the idea of mine returning actually puts the fear of god into me , not because I don't trust myself , that ship has long sailed thanks to educational self empowerment , but because it could lead to possible further conflict once they realize the game is lost !! Paula is SO RIGHT about trusting you new found self belief and no letting your guard down and falling for the old charm offensive ,..no matter HOW tempting it might seem at the time ! You live in REALITY now ,..not the narcs perverted twisted LIE that they kept you trapped in for so long ! 🙏♥️♥️
Great teaching! The best way to avoid the narcissist's interruptions to your healing is to block them from everything! Best gift I could give to myself!
I just deleted my fb and I’m three years post discard. Still having bouts of sadness and ruminating. Still feel the pain of the betrayal . He seems so happy with the new supply. Been with her close to two years. He tells everyone on fb he’s finally found his true love and how happy he is. We have known each other since teenage years and have tons of mutual friends. Everyone is convinced he’s happier than he ever was with me.
I called a old friend from long time ago for support , after a few weeks .. I got a hoover and showed my friend the hoover text .. the friend she blocked me from 4 regular media .. so she was a narc too i think bc I guess I needed to worship her or something .
Be aware of the "Top -up Hoover" triangulated through the children or a flying monkey. They know and understand how this puts them in your thoughts and gives them power/supply. Thanks Paula.
36 and 39 year old adult kids behaving like their sick covert narc dad. Whom I divorced. They are mean cruel, use me, gaslight....they made a rule, the Mother has to obey the kids. I won't and I am done with them. I am considering a restraining order. For now they are blocked.
6 of them hovering me the past year all connected to the Narcissist. Some stalked and sent things to my husband to attempt to get between me and him. It didn't work...my husband knows too much about them.
So true. I was raised by a Narcissistic father. I was always striving for a good relationship that was never in reach, the goal posts kept moving. An event happened in our family that caused me to explode on my father and cut him off. My sister called me crying, begging me to beg our father for forgiveness. I was done, I said no way. Then a close cousin called to tell me that my father has called all family members to tell them they should have no contact with me. Today, that cousin is the only one who initiates contact with me. In the mean time, I get texts from my father. "How are you doing?" I ignore it. Weeks later a text from my father, "I've had a heart attack but I'm doing ok." I ignore it. A week later my sister calls on behalf of my father and something was said/done that I handled nonchalantly with her but in private it sent me into a 3 day downward spiral. Months later I get another text from him about a family matter and I only respond "thank you". He text me again and I see no reason to engage so I don't respond. Months later I get a text saying he's going through family pictures do I want all the pictures of myself. I respond yes, thank you. I get a package from him of my high school graduation picture, a picture of my preschool aged sister, and a picture of him an me as a preschooler. This feels like another poke at me to get a rise. I haven't engaged him at all, and it's getting easier thanks to videos like these that help you see the real picture. I choose me and my health.
I remember the first six months, when I really wanted him to hoover me back. I had 13-16 discards in almost 4 years. The past 5 months though, I've started to pray everyday for the Lord God to keep him from finding a way to hoover me. I feel strong...like I wouldn't answer it, but I'm so frightened that I could fall for it, if he caught me in a weak moment. I don't want that nasty clown anywhere near me. I don't want to hear his voice, see his face or anything. The thought makes me sick. I'm almost at a year. I'm excited to reach that milestone, but I'm also nervous. 🙄 You're so wise, Paula. Thank you!💗
Keep going, and please believe that the ONLY way to get rid of the narcissist, is to GET RID of them - no contact - whatever, and forever. You can do it!
@@goldenautumn3073 I am sticking to no contact like glue. I promise you, I will continue to do this. I'm so thankful that I'm so far from him now. In distance (location) and in DISTANCE! (Heart, mind, and spirit) Thank you for your encouragement. ❤️❤️❤️
Keep asking the Lord Jesus to put a hedge of protection around you. Plead the blood of Jesus over you! I have an order of protection on my husband since he left me for another woman 11 months ago. He tried to break in the house, during the winter, told the police he wanted to talk to me and get out of the cold. He just had a real bad fight with his girlfriend that's all. He is still with her no matter how many times he has tried to come back. Now I've got my divorce going through and he knows it. He's asked me not to sign the papers. I know the only reason is because he just wants me to be an easy out if he leaves her. She can have him and he can have her. I have decided to follow Jesus Christ! ✝️💖👑
@@bornagain2890 they are so textbook toxic! They play by the manual. We play by a different manual, the Bible. Everything that we need is right there. It's definitely spiritual warfare. I'm so happy to hear that you're staying strong with Jesus! God bless you dear Sister.💙🙏🏽💙
Your videos are helping me so much. I nearly committed suicide after being dumped by a narcissist. Only at the time I didn't realise that's what he was. He played on my low self esteem knowing I'd been abused as a child. It's been horrific. These videos are helping me to heal myself ❤
She gives me some kind of hope,my heart and soul has been destroyed by my wife , I feel gutted my kids are some what aware . I just feel like I'll never love again sad!
One time the narc would call me while he was driving to the store, when I realized I was just taking up the empty space in his vehicle. He had no one else to call at that time..low on supply. It had nothing to do with talking to me as a friend or a person, it was to take up that empty space and looking for supply.
That "Hi" is so much more than hello. It's just keeping your emotions in play. They just want to ensure to keep you on the hook. There's nothing more behind it than that. Don't respond!!! Block.
Truth! The hi was a hook for more supply & once I said no, he stopped responding for 2 says. It's been going on 2-3x this week. No each time. Now he's online just checking if I'm online too but mo more hi😅😅😅
Be warned , they will probably try to make light of the discard in order to bluff you back in , as if you are a nonechalent child sulking without good reason 🤔 Sick and twisted comes to mind , I think !! Another great supportive video , Paula ❤️🙏♥️
Sick and twisted. And on top of that saying a prayer in front of you pretending that they are sincerely seeking God's help. What an idiot. When they are in the toilet they think they are in the palace. Sad miserable creature.
My ex who I dated for, I don't know, 6 years on and off, came to hoover me 7 years later. I did not know he was a covert narcissist when we ended the relationship. So 7 years later he came back to hoover. I thought it was all innocent and he just came to say good bye because he was moving out of state. But then he began playing the games and ALL of the trauma, the trauma bond came back. I felt myself getting sucked into a demonic vortex, being filled with guilt, shame, confusion.... It kind of seriously screwed me and my life up. Seriously, dangerous business. Now I've realized he's a covert narc. Now I'm feeling somewhat relieved because I have all the answers I need now, but frustrated that he was able to get at me like that.
Thank you so much for all the information you’ve shared and continue to share with us. I’m officially just past 30 days of no contact. I’ve been through about 6 major discards from my ex narc in about 6 years. This last major discard was different though because I knew and I had woken up to the full realization that he’s a covert narcissist. I’m finally done now because it ALL makes sense !!!! Thanks to you and chanels like yours I’m seeing it all clearly now, although the true reality is incredibly painful. I’m grieving a false illusion almost like grieving a ghost. Each day I watch a different video of yours, they are my saving grace and I truly believe they’re saving me and keeping me strong. Thank you !!! 💗🙏🏻🍀🕊
Funny enough Six years for me too with my covert Nark mine had monkey branched with the new supply but I just didn’t care and that’s when I became happy that I’d been ghosted as I just didn’t give a hoot anymore Good luck Christie I’m expecting the hoover I reckon in the next month as going by past performance she’s been seeing this one for about six months so she’ll be ready to try to reel me back but not this time.
@@davidlinaker6920 Our dynamic was that he’d discard me, then give me the silent treatment/stonewall me until he felt enough time had gone by. Then sadly I’d be the one to beg, apologize, take all the blame and extend the olive branch every damn time. I’ve never received a Hoover. The longest we spent not talking was 2 months (I left him) but, that was before I knew he was a narc, and I hoovered myself back after those 2 months. This time I’m completely aware of who he is, so there is no way in hell I’m going back. No idea if he’ll attempt a Hoover as he never did one before?? But I’m prepared !
The "now it all makes sense " part is what separates pulls us out of the repeativeness & giving them another shot at us like target practice.3/19 not even a word from them,I discovered what she was/is and there is no unknowing it.she will have to live & die knowing i know and many others do too.BLEZZ#KEEP DA CHANGE
What I remember from my ex is that she would cause a problem usually which involved her acting very abrupt, angry or aggressive towards me to the point I’d walk out and drive home.. but it was always me that had to crawl back and apologise the next day. My ex was never aware of her actions being wrong or offensive and ended up giving me ultimatums about my behaviour making feel like I was to blame for the problem.. How can someone be offensive towards another person and not realise as individuals we all have different sets of boundaries and while some people may be more sensitive than others it doesn’t make the abuse acceptable, my ex would try accuse me of being to sensitive and she was walking on egg shells when in fact it was me walking on egg shells.. I don’t which to mix or be around rude, inconsiderate or angry people that makes me feel uneasy or unhappy and I had to put up with all of that from my ex and still to this day 7 months after my ex discarded me she had never accepted any of her actions as being wrong, difficult or hurtful, her only excuse for walking away was the relationship wasn’t enough saying it had stagnated. Yes it had stagnated because by the end I had become so withdrawn and depressed because I no longer had the strength or inner belief to understand all her aggressive abuse and sexual flaunting towards other men in my presence and then accusing me of being jealous and controlling for not accepting her behaviour.. She’s now with someone else whilst I’m still in a dark place trying to understand what Iv been threw trying to take away all the self blame I feel at times.. All this from a woman that claimed she loved me more than anyone ever.. her life that had become involved in was toxic before I had even met her and I was thrown in the deep end early on and i coped remarkably well but I still got put down and knocked for things I wasn’t doing despite giving everything and getting nothing in return..
Oh man you had a perfect narc relationship as in, typical. Just remember they choose people who are strong, happy and going places. They want our energy. They are not going to choose someone they can't get anything from. Please if you have not, talk to a councellor get it out of your system. Its abuse full stop. You where fine before you met her. Unfortunately you will not trust for a long time, just try and find yourself again, and thank the lord for giving you this lesson and getting away. Also friends can be narcs too, you will be able to spot the red flags at least. I wish you well. 🙏🌹❤️
"It rewarms a cold dinner". That's it!!!! class is over. Any survivor listening to that statement should get shivers when thinking about going back.Put that one on a t-shirt for sure.BLEZZ#KEEP DA CHANGE
He sent a photo of the gladiola's I planted two days ago. No response from me. Yesterday there was a call from private number... I did not answer... Great to know the predictability and how to keep moving forward...
When he put me on hold .. or tried put me on his rotation after being together 4 yrs .. I got the knowledge .. this was a passive aggressive covert manipulative monster .. who used / abused my kindness and loyalty .. it was a “I “ give he “take” situationshit .. I was holding on in fear of being alone .. what I failed to realize was how badly and inhumanly I was treated … I blocked him on every facet and never turned back .. it was excruciating and painful but I took it day by day .. I took a course to heal , I watched videos , I journaled , I read , I worked out my childhood wounds .. this was a journey .. I grew and see my self worth , I make no excuses for others and if they don’t align with me I walk away .. yes you can heal and thrive and live a more peaceful life ..
@Breakthrough101 I’ve seen you on this and other channels. I appreciate what you share as it seems so like my journey. I went through same and would love if there was some way we could chat or support one another. Don’t know how to message you but just wanted to put it out there
@@sistergoldensunshine4069 Good Morning beautifully thank you so much & absolutely .. we all habe similar stories to baffled me in the beginning especially when I got the knowledge of what I had gone through .. please let me know what u have in mind .. 🙏🏽👑💖
@@breakthrough1019 do you know of a way I could private email you ? Don’t want to put my email out for one and all… but I thought there was some way to do this via YT. I guess I’d like a “buddy” as Paula suggested to bounce things off. Do you know how to contact someone?
If you answer the hoover even minimally and decently, because you are a decent person, they will take it as your APPROVAL that they are after all a good person. It energizes them. That's what it's often all about - you approving of them and therefore they have done nothing wrong.
You're just something to kill time for the narcissist and maybe they get a bonus if they Truly want to hang around you. 2nd thought don't believe the illusion that they want to hang around you for you.L.O.L....BLEZZ#KEEP DA CHANGE
Wow this video was so enlightening. I just realized that my ex is a narcissist. We have a child together and we split 4 years ago and she was using sex as a weapon to give me hope that we might get back and be a family again. She moved on stared a relationship with someone else for a short time. She then started texting me memories of being a family and ask me would I like to start dating again. I went back for my daughter and after 1 1/2 of happiness we hit a bump in the road. She turned her back on me, kept me at arms length for 3 month and then it was over. I asked her to fight for our family but her reply was "I just want to be single and have fun now COVID is gone" I was going out of my mind how someone could switch like that. Your videos have really helped me to understand what have happened. My name is Andrew and I am a survivor of a narcissistic relationship. Thank you for all the great advice and keep up the good work.
This is my week(17-7-22) to a T. Out of nowhere the narcissist texted me all buddy buddy. Came over & gave me a sad story about his life & not being able to pay rent. He asked if he could move in with me, to which I firmly said NO. Everything about his MO is false & now transparent to me. The recovery & gift for me is that I didn't fall for his false charm or take his behavior personally. It's not me, it's him. Thank You God!
There poping in to see if you are available to give them supply. They might say lets be friends or lovers. Don't fall for it. Send them back to the new supply. Perfect example from their childhood. They contact all past people for supply. Don't let them back in your life.
In my life I’ve never experienced anything as horrible as this. It’s still messing my head up three years post discard. It seems he’s so happy in his relationship now. It hard to believe it. He’s been in this new relationship about two years now. Shows absolutely no issues in his new relationship. Can this be true . Has me questioning if he’s really a narcissist. But all the silent treatments and claiming the victim mentally and turning so many people against me, can’t be coming from a normal person.
@@antoinetterocco3701 ,that's how they do it. It can be mentally brutal, so if it's tripping you up it's completely normal. Crazy making is their best talent.
@@philu4621 thanks Phil. So hard to move on and that’s what is affecting me. I don’t even want to think about it anymore. They are demons. Do they ever pay the price for what they do to others ??
@antoinetterocco3701 Unfortunately, he'll do the same to the new supply, she isn't any better than you. My ex recently divorced "my replacement" and she says the 6yrs with him became horrible! I reached out to her, figuring she was narcissistically abused also. It's been healing for both of us,comparing notes, offering validation& compassion. He's back now, searching for supply at my church& hoovering me. We coparent teens and it was easier doing grey rock, no contact rather than seeing him twice a week at my sanctuary. I have to keep reminding myself there is no hope, I tried for 27yrs to make it work, he discarded me and tried to destroy me. He says he will never discuss the past,only to move forward for the kids. I'm trying to break this "tie", "hold" he has over me.
This is why I blocked him and deleted his info from my phone. I didn't want to hear from him and didn't want the urge to interact with him. Full and complete "no contact".
I was told by my new spiritual advisor "Radically lock the door and don't ever open it again." having finally put the pieces together of id'- ing a NPD priest pastor and 'spiritual director' after a decade of my first getting roped into the 'love bombing' care as a vulnerable, trusting, grieving in-need parishioner who over time became gratefully a caregiver and confidant to him and of service to the church; He would turn on the charisma in church with lots of charm and attention; you are right in saying the ' feel good 'hormones' go flying. Like a rollercoaster, then came the trauma bonding with constant public and private humiliation, shaming, control, using arrogance and anger and then playing the victim role of being too busy by playing favorites or giving the silent treatment bc of being intolerant of criticism.. 'Mea culpa's' didn't help... they show no remorse, no apologies and think they are always right..and its on their timeline not yours... always running off to their next pastoral duty to avoid genuine emotional contact. They have their like minded cleric cronnies or flying monkeys to protect them behind closed doors too..everyone walks on eggshells bc they are in control or prone to a rage attack....they move on to their next victim for fueling..sadly.many unsuspecting charitable victim souls who have no clue to feed their ego at their expense. Beware of their traits of 'triangulation' and 'gas lighting.' ..pitting one against another, lying and confabulation in changing the narrative to fit their needs, , and making them think you are the crazy one with the problem. They have it down to a science...wolves in sheep's clothing.. I moved away 2 years ago hoping to keep our long distance spiritual 'friendship' since ' he missed me' to which he agreed to but now after 6 months I realize I have been thrown under the bus and discarded bc Im no use to him anymore. I can't be there to be fuel his puppet demands of humiliation, adulation and praise, attend as caregiver and his complete control. He is now giving me the silent treatment 'tough love' holding a grudge to show me 'a lesson' in detachment and restraint contact bc he has 'far more important things to do now' and he is in charge...So much for Christian kindness, dignity and empathy..and ' friendship' . They truly just don't care. I'm locking the door on my terms now and purging of all materials, photos and memories and contact....just surrendering all to God who is in charge...truly in charge..in prayer, praying for their souls and conversion..these clerics are men with clay feet who are broken..They are to be pitied more so from their own childhood trauma projected onto others thus becoming victims into perpetrators. .. "Lord forgive them for they know not what they are truly doing". No 'hi' contact for me.. not going back into the lion's mouth. I'm grateful to have finally caught on with a jaw dropping, eye popping 'aha' moment. and have been researching the problem..and so grateful to have found by Divine Providence an insightful, compassionate spiritual advisor now who is helping me with internal spiritual healing that includes memory trauma, wound healing and essential grief work through prayer and journaling.. Everything is coming to light. WWJD?.. Thankyou for these videos so helpful to turning the page, moving forward and learning a valuable lesson of self care. 💝🐦🙏🙋🙏
@@cherylnahas4897 imagine having a narcissistic father who also happens to be a pastor. You can't go to your pastor about your abusive dad, and can't go to your dad about the abusive pastor when they are one and the same. It is doubly traumatic when you are betrayed by both of these important figures in your life. Not saying all clergy are narcissists, but I think the vocation is attractive to narcissists.
@@anngood4141Yes I can relate. My spiritual director was a substitute as my "Spiritual Father" right after my own father passed away and I was grieving the loss. I was suffering from my biological father daughter wounds and my SD " swept me off my feet" 'saved' me as "my Shepherd" when I came back to the church as a reconvert. The initial love bombing turned into trauma bonding once he got me hooked in service to the church and to him and his pastoral needs. But ridicule " for fun" and shame and bullying came next..humility and obedience and having to walk on eggshells and stay on his good side as long as he had all the control. all part of 'teaching you a lesson'. The worse part is the silent treatment. They call this the Jezebel spirit. It left me depleted but all the more wanting acceptance by caregiving even more..with no genuine thankyous's, just expectations. There is a ' 'trance like' state and its so easy to refute the bad behavior and find excuses for them. And they never apologize. It was for sure the cycle and portrait of the abuse victim who keeps coming back for more...ugh..a pattern in my past relationships that I now recognize in healing....wow.
Very good warning to look out for, that they are playing more than one person at a time, rewarding one while punishing another. The cycle continues for all involved.
A male narcissist I knew worked in the eating disorders hospital unit. He tried to get these young vulnerable girls to go out with him. He said the anorexia girls were too skinny for him. He had no ethics or empathy here. Before this he asked a female psychiatric patient for a date while he was working but guess what, she stood him up. She was smart.
Thank you so much .. This is exactly what I went through .. I didnt fall for the hoover and got restraining order instead .. but I went through hell because I was discarded while pregnant and nearly lost my baby .. but we both doing so well now .. His not in our life and I’m so grateful to your channel and others alike who really helped so many of us through this mind blowing confusion ..never looking back
Thank you so very much for exactly explaining how a narcissist functions. Sounds very familiar. 13 years ago the ex finished our 10 year relationship. He never admitted that we were together. We had a motel, ran the business and lived together. I brought 2 daughters into the relationship. He always left me behind and went on so-called business trips. He left me sometimes for weeks on end to run the motel. I have had no contact since the final day in 2011. But his friends continuously made contact until I stopped the contact with his friends once and for all. He always lied and left me without anything only the shirt on my back. For 2 months my daughters haven't made any contact with me, since I don't react anymore to his friends'phone calls.
My narcissist is aging and not well, so all this is getting harder for him. He'll keep up his tactics, as that's all he knows, but some lonely times are coming.
First time here. New subscriber. So right on! Within weeks after the divorce was final, he texted to have coffee so we could have a "civilized" conversation. No, I didn't go. The saddest thing for me was that I knew the relationship was over but still had hope he could change. Once I got that figured out, realizing nothing I did or did not do was helpful in that regard, I started to heal. And it will take time - the chemical imbalance from all the negative emotion and constant upheaval is a real thing. Took months to feel like myself again. ☺️thanks.
Your analyses of the narcissistic mindset are some of the best I’ve heard, especially when it comes to the hoover. So much insight. It has inspired me to take some necessary and overdue action. 🙏
I forgot to add, that he was a charmer and knew how to get me hooked. Once I was hooked the nightmare of contradictions began. It's only now that I can talk about it. I had years of rehabilitation. He also made sure that I lost every job I had after my recovery. He destroyed my whole family.
I just came across your video. There is something so absolutely soothing in your voice and in the way you teach about narcissism. I've watched other videos and the host usually wants to make the person know how angry we should be. They have a harsh tone. I guess I learn better from the way that you speak. I'm looking forward to learning more about what happened during the 28 years of my life that I sacrificed for someone else. Sincerely, Carmela
My hard part is NOW I know I was always abused by covert Narcs, BUT they will never take responsibility for how they damaged me,,,, I just have to LIVE WITH IT and continue to be gaslight and BLAMED by them FOREVER.
You have helped me answer questions I have had for decades! My father is a narcissistic minister and I was married to a very destructive narcissistic man for 15 years. I have gone no contact for the past year and a half and am learning all I can. You are an angel!
The only fault in this relationship was, I should’ve left seven years ago and I realize that and now I’m working on getting my life back together because I’m a giver and he’s a taker
Same as myself should have left 8 years before discard. Amazing how they suck you back in. Obviously wasn’t in their plan yet to give me away. Con men indeed.
I've just had my first adult Narc lovebomb me then left me high and dry... there will be no way they will say "Hi," to me ever again.. I was so dirty I burnt that bridge with Napalm. ❤🔥
I'm so damn glad I am out of this relationship. He had a new supply all along because I wouldn't make a commitment . So glad I followed my gut feelings. I wasn't stupid, took it easy to see who I'm with. Good luck to the new supply. I know she is blinded with the gifts he gives and the house she moved into.
I’m so happy I found your channel. I really couldn’t understand my feelings when i was hoovered/stalked at my place of employment. I thought i was over reacting when I begged him to just stop with the pop ups I’m trying to heal. I thought it was all in my head but you have explained that no matter the type Hoover the narcissist is try to stop my journey
This video popped up at the perfect time. He has just popped up after a week of no contact. He's missing us and pleading for us to try again!Hard not to respond! Not with pleasantries but with all the shitty things he's done!
Very insightful- they underestimate that you'll figure out what is going on, understand it and still yet do anything about it because they see you as so worthless with such low self-esteem that you won't do anything about it.
So right! At this point in my life, I wish they’d contact me so I can narc them with the silent treatment, ignore and give no closure. I love the place where I am and if I can do you in like you did me silently and ignored, it’ll be satisfying 🎉 no going back
I have to say such a huge big thank you as I'm just a month or so put if this two year narcissistic relationship and I feel so stupid and foppish as a lot of this was online and I should have known better but it was daily videos calls love bombing for 9 months afte which devuation..and I am actually gaining some clarity thanks to your videos. It's just horrific I'm not myself at all and it's affected my work, physical and mental health hugely. I just want to say thanks so much for these videos as it's really helped me at some very dark times after the discard. Im glad that I can at least begin to heal and have accepted and understood he was a narcissist and stopped blaming myself 24/7.
Great video, amazingly insightful 👌🏻 it's so difficult when you have children with the ex narc and you have to see them a few times a week. It's been a year and I feel like he still has this way of disregulating me every time I see him for the handover of the kids. It's sometimes saying things to shock me, sometimes threats to take me to court to have the kids more, sometimes it's prying into my life and asking me questions about whether I'm seeing someone new. The sick thing is that it switches from that kind of behaviour to sometimes complimenting me, commenting on my appearance etc. I want to get to the point where everything he says goes over my head but it's as if the reaction in my nervous system is constantly telling me he's not a safe person and then my body is overrun with adrenaline. I feel like this is all still part of the manipulation x
La Lulaz - stay strong. I've been 3 years away from my husband and he plays the same way as yours does, only it's a threat of taking me to court to get my dog. Thankfully we had no children together, although he's damaged my children greatly. He knows I'm going to divorce him and had started saying crazy things like you'll soon be free to remarry. First off remarry to me means marrying someone you've been married to before and secondly, that will never happen again. I also doubt very much if I'll ever get into anither romantic relationship again. Its there any way a third party could do the handover? or have someone there as a witness to his behaviour. All i can advise is get as much of his behaviour documented and verified because if this goes to court, which it might possibly do as abusers hate to lose, then the courts are only interested in facts. If possible record him during handovers too, if it is safe to do so. I recorded my husband before i left him, in order to keep me strong to leave him. I've been unable to pay all of those recordings since, one was enough, just hearing his tone if voice was enough for me to dissociate
Avoiding contact at handover is the best situation if at all possible. I suggest you look up Tamie M Joyce - she has a video with grey rock responses that are brilliant & so practical. I’m going to have another listen! Grey rock all the way - be boring & expressionless, ignore all nonsense. Phrases like “right” …. “I see”….. are great as they say nothing. Be strong! Making the narc loose interest takes strength due to the trauma bond but you can do it ! Good luck!
Thank you so much for explaining this Top-Up Hoover technique. I can now see in hind-sight how, towards the end, I would ignore my instincts just so I could become a robot🤖trying not to do anything that would upset the narc. But, after healing and your guidance and coaching, I recently found that my instinctual inner-guidance is still in me and now I am practicing listening to my what my body is telling me... finally my own inner-voice is becoming stronger than that lingering narc judgemental voice that tried to discipline me with all the manipulations. So enlightening, Paula! Thank you!!!! ❤🧚♀✨
Excellent explanation about the "top up hoover". These individuals are nothing but sadistic and should not be given any consideration what so ever. Thank you so much for such wonderful advice, I so love your channel.
I thank God for covid. That was the only way I was able to have space away from my husband as I was out of the country and only had to listen to his controlling telephone conversations! Blocked him now and now understand what trauma he was putting me through .
Perfectly said Paula. I am actually looking forward to the hoover now...... NO CONTACT from my side. I am just living my best life ever, that will hurt them without me saying a single word.
I am 36 years old, and today I found out that everything that I grew up hearing from my mother that my father abandoned her and me when I was a toddler was in fact lies. She told him suddenly that she wanted a divorce and left him with no explanations. 36 years of LIES.
Very, very, helpful video Paula!!! Thank you!!! Mines hoovering me. I've pulled back entirely, but when this narc says hi, or I saw you coming back towards the door, left it unlocked for you. Thank you, than I may say have a nice day. Than they say, I'm trying to. I just want to escape their invisible net to capture me back into their trap to manipulate me again. Because that causes me to go totally hermit on them, again. My life becomes isolated and smaller because of this manipulative narc. This is a roommate only situaction. We have'nt talked for a long while. I had told them I don't want them here in my home. They said I'de have to evict them. Don't know how to go about all that. Don't want to be spending gas money and more trying to get them to leave.And or court hearings ect...Sounds like I'm making excuses. But I do need someone paying half the rent and Bill's right now.
This information is so valuable to us having been with a narcissistic person. I now have educated myself for months now and I can now try to move forward. From a far I have seen how he his new supply has bought and given up her job at 55 taking her pension to be at his requirements..now he's retired this year. 2024. He bullied me for 2 years after divorce telling g me his new wife won't have to work! I slogged my self with 3 jobs whilst he stashed his away. 😢
Thank you Paula, great video, makes a lot of sense. I follow lots of channels about narcissism but this is the first time I’ve stumbled on your channel and I’m so glad I did. I’ve been hurt badly by a narc friendship, and couldn’t understand what was going on and why they were treating me So badly in such a short time of coming into my life and love bombing me, putting me on a “pedestal“ ( as it seemed) and making so many promises. But it’s all starting to come together now. I no longer see him through Rose tinted glasses. I am still hurt and feel a bloody fool for falling into the trap but I wasn’t aware of what narcissism was. I do now !! 😆 I thought all the sudden attention was too good to be true, it was like a tornado 🌪 Now I know why. Sending Love to all who are going through this kind of crap 💩 Be strong 💪 ♥️
It is pretty amazig how directly my mo has said who she is. She used to say, for example: ”The best way to educate children is threatening and blackmailing them - and punishing is essential. Who doesnot punish his/her child, does not live them.” And so she also acted, and continued when I became an adult, destroyed all my possible romances and relations and so on. My father, his sister (whom my mom treated badly) and my sister and later mydaughter joined them, told me:”You must understand your mother… she does not mean it.. do not be so sensitive… have sense of humour…” Well, I am 57 years old and realised that most of my life, I’ve been he target of bullying mom and her ensbelers in the family, and it was not enpugh because I’ve has same experiences in my work life, as well, as a student, too and where ever. But, my mom really SAID who she is, what she thinks- but no ofybpaid attention or thought that well: usually mothers talk abput LOVING a child, not about punishing in priority. Yes, she had to take away from me everything I loved. I loved my teddy bear, so she burned it in the fireplace, in the front of me. I cried for pain, she laughed and said: ”If you do not stop crying, I call your dad to hit you!” She could not burn my boyfriends, but she had indeed customised ways to handle them.
I'm an ACoN too- my mother threw out my shoes recently..x2 good pairs! 😅 . Its so aweful. She's now friends with my ex ..literally took him away!! The shocks when in touch with her never stopped. I'm finally nc @ 61- as younger sis revealed her covert narcissistism: Or should I say: I finally woke up Thanks to the Holy Spirit . Such is their gaslighting.
It amuses me that my ex follows the playbook to the letter. After about a yr of no contact 'Hi' is exactly what I got. Not more, not less. I had a little ceremony and burned her note.
Best Chanel for healing. It’s like Paula was there. Her explanation is absolute parallel to my recent experience. It’s 1 month no contact but his pride will prevent a Hoover I believe. This was my second Narc experience (first one lasted only 1 month 5 years ago). I researched what I was dealing with and so this go around I really thought I was prepared but….. Be Aware guys, there’s so much education on Narcissism and Narcissist abuse and Narcissists are trying to get smarter at holding the mask. Initially my Ex Narc was apologetic, didn’t talk negative about his ex’s and did not require all of my time. However, the mask started to fall. The full Narc came out at 5 months. They cannot hold the mask long.
I wonder if in my lifetime, society will determine "what makes someone human" - there's a lot of research that shows no amygdala, a lack of gray area in the frontal cortex is what prevents narcissists from attaching emotionally and what makes them lack remorse for their criminal behavior.
Yes! The physical lack of frontal lobe is scientifically proven to make a bigger difference between people than all the different “racial” features. That means there is a HUGE difference between a narc/psychopath and a human than all the races, black, white e6s (which are the same race)
I can’t be hovered. I went total black out. Blocked them on everything and every flying monkey they tried to use. If they create a fake number or something, no response, block. I remember talking to narc one time after the discard and she tried to act like she was so much better than me, not trying to fix anything. Blocked!
My mother did this at the funeral of my good friend (who was also one of my bridesmaids) when she decided to turn up because she knew that my sister and myself would be there. She comes over to us after the service and tells us the "she thinks was need to talk" after saying something really fake about my dear friend whose funeral it was. Mother started off with looking at me and asked me how I was? I employed the grey rock technique with great success. I have been no contact with my mother for 5 years and this is the second time I've been no contact. I'm never going back after the abuse I had as a child and after the abuse she started to implement onto my children.
So sorry for you. I am 36 years old and I've lived this long hearing how my father is a monster who abandoned my mother and myself as a baby and could not care less about me. I found out today that it was actually her who decided to suddenly divorce him. 36 years living with such a lie... I feel shaken to my core... It is a special kind of hell having these people as mothers
My former narc saw me at the store, waited until they saw me leaving, & went out of their way yelling across the parking lot (AND passive-aggressively mispronounced my name bc once when I first met them I misspelled their name) to say ‘hi’🙄… little did they know that I’d seen them earlier with their stale supply, but they were careful to approach me when that person wasn’t around. Like you said, they want to keep you as an option, I actually feel sorry for a person who finds it necessary to do something like that. ”re-warms a cold dinner” I love the analogy ❤️ “top-up supply”
I got the "Hi" a few eeeks ago and knew what it was. Trouble with the new supply. Once you know who/what you're dealing with it is so predictable. Narc's think they're so clever. Like that character in Princess Bride. "INCONCEIVABLE!" I think the best question you can ask a potential partner is how many intimate relationships have you had? If it's into double digits RUN!
Paula excellent video! unbelievably spot on, you are a Narcissists worse nightmare!! I'm 2 and a half yrs into the first "break-up" when I ended it.. He tries to hoover every 4 to 6 wks since then even when with other partners, I went back more than I'd like to admit😟.. the last hoover was 3 wks ago "Hi, would love a chat..open to counselling, miss you".. found out few days later his new supply had ended it.. he's a sick man..I can't unsee who he is, what he is.. never again!! Please stay strong and don't go back only more suffering awaits!
One came back, sneaked up behind me, grabbed my shoulders and said 'How are you!?' It creeped me out and my reflexive response was 'I was fine just a second ago.' I think it's a sociopath's bullying device.
Your videos are very mind opening. It felt bad for a time as there are many poor counseling methods to help the narcissis targets Or the new age views that seem to protect the predator and brow beat the person trying to comprehend whats really going in front of us and behind our backs. I really appreciate your dedication to helping me understand what's really going on.
When you figure out what narcissism is, and that you've been with one, it's like the moment in a movie when the investigator figures out who the murderer is.
This is so spot on!
Lmao you are so right !!!!!
Yep... Like Hank on Breaking Bad 😔
Wow! After 8 years of videos and comments i never heard it put so well!
😂😂😂😂
It takes too much work to be a narcissist. There are too many lies, manipulation, and games to keep up with. I would be exhausted as a narcissist.
Not if you are working for Satan!
I’ve often said the same thing. It’s exhausting! I couldn’t keep up.
It's the demon inside of them
Mine told me one time he was caught up in his head and I wouldn’t believe the things that go through his mind 😣 I know he was telling truth and heck no I didn’t want to know
Hence the black circles around the eyes
Someone said they are like vultures but thats an insult to respectable vultures.
At least a vulture will have the decency to wait until you die before it starts to feed off you.😢
Well said. 😊
Hilarious
I say they are jackals.
I love your comment!
Vultures are very intelligent so definitely an insult lol
Everything they do is for them. Remember that nothing is for you
Since he left there are no more flies in my kitchen. More birds, ladybugs, bees are back in the garden.
That tells you everything. Also that you are a pure spirit.
What hurts worse for me is, learning that my ex was a narcissist and to see what is actually happening now! I've recently got a mini hoover after a month of me discarding him! And just to see the drastic change of the hoovering is disturbing! It was once him actually begging and pleading, buying gifts, and actually making a change for months before he went back to his old ways again! It was the effort he put in that kept me coming back! So to see the effortless pathetic hoover he's doing now! It only signifies what we've been taught! They never loved or cared about us! He's blocked from everything! How dare you insult me like this? As hard as it is, this time I will never go back! My emotions are high but my pride and dignity are much higher!
That's the spirit
The Mini Hoover !! Yes I got one of those recently . and my ex-narc has a mini cooper and she also mini hoover's me .
Sounds like we have been seeing the EXACT same person......hmmmm😮😅
@@Pattie7291 maybe so ... what color is your ex narcs mini coooper?
@@moonglow1158 Oh no.....sorry. I was referring to @tamaragaines562
You will entertain a hoover when you believe in the narcissist’s false self. Once you know who the narcissist truly is, you will understand the futility and danger of responding to someone who will only harm you.
So well stated. Thank you.
SAY LESS.BLEZZ#KEEP DA CHANGE
Spot on
Wow! Thank you for stating this explanation.
I agree.
They are just trying to see if you’re willing a victim again. They’re like vultures! They know that contacting you will re-traumatize you even if they contact you in the most little way it disrupts your healing and wounds you again they wanna oppress you and keep you down it’s really really diabolical! Love your channel keep up the good work!
🙏🌹
My ex narcissistic husband did everything you spoke about to me . In that order...This is exactly what he did , after hoovering me back , after 6 yrs. no contact .And yes the new supply and him went on a cruise to the Bahamas , while i sat at home scratching my head .Didn't know i had let a demon back in my life. Thank you GOD for delivering me from that evil .
Yes, sadistic and completely diabolical. It's amazing that humans can act this way.
They are sinister.
It's like an arsonist going back to the scene of the crime to see how much damage was done!!! It's a high for them
They only hoover when they are desperate for supply. Desperate for any morsel from you. ANY reaction at all. No response is best. The silence of no contact is golden.
Your title struck terror in my heart. "I just want to talk to you," he says. "I just want to suck the life force from you," is what he means.
That and also no one else wants to put up with them the way we did
😢😊😂😊
This brought me back to the time when my Narc ex Best friend showed up at my job unannounced to say "Hi" months after I had gone no contact. I didn't even know what Narcissism was then. But when she revealed her Demonic Sadistic Real Self, I was so sickened I had no other choice but to walk away. But what scares me the most about that visit in hindsight, is not that she just showed up (and with a Flying Monkey) but that she was able to Con her way into my classroom. I was a Private Preschool Teacher, and we had high Security. She would have had to gone to the front office and ask them where I was because it was a fairly big school. We NEVER let people come off of the street to just say "Hi" to the Teachers. They have to wait in the office until we're called, at which point, we go to meet them. She somehow made up a story to get past a school security clearance. I remember looking up, and she was just standing there with a predatory stare. Didn't say a word at first. She wanted me to feel intimidated. Oh but it gets worse. She's a Minister at our old church. She's always dressed up, hair never out of place. Dresses sharply for every occasion. After I hadn't seen her since my job that last time (years went by and I had moved away) she shows up at my Aunt's Funeral in ripped jeans and a t-shirt. She sat in the back of the church and never offered her condolences. These Narcs are purely Demonic!
The uncanny power they possess over all and sundry (magically getting past high security)seems not to be human, rather like the vampire or sorcerer-magician of old...Professor of History at Temple University, David M. Jacobs' trilogy of case studies on the abduction phenomena and the apparent production of 'Hubrids' might offer a clue. Look for these titles from booksellers: "Secret Life," "The Threat", and "Walking Among Us". Seriously, the potential origins of this seeming population explosion of such demonic entities into our everyday lives on earth is herein described IMO.
@@bhairavimamu6131 holy cow dude. I often think this and then think I'm paranoid.
Mine had his supply-of-the-time , who was our employee to boot (I call her "#41"), at my mom's wake, her funeral Mass, and her repasse lunch that followed....all the while, supply #41 didn't express condolences to me diirectly. I atteibuted it to her lack of class, etiquette and prooer child-rearing/upbringing when, in fact, it was simply, evil, sadistic and disordered on all involved because I've uncovered in my quest for truth (oxymoron with these types) that others in the enmeshed family and our office were privy. Enjoy one another!
I really chewed on your long coment like T-bone steak. I thought I was the only one that could put things in razor sharp context word-for-word. Thank you for all the intricate details of how this woman was able to come into your job [ "you're job" ] undetected unbeknownst to the staff that she was a dark demon. Just wanna conclude that if you ever lost a job or anything like that it is very possible that the narc has something to do with it .The soon to be ex wife narc got me fired from my job & to this day I don't know how she did it , and lastly I really do think you should get a channel you have some very good story time.BLEZZ#KEEP DA CHANGE
The hardest moment of my life was discovering my only daughter was doing this to me. We had never had a cross word. Her father was a diagnosed covert narcissist, but I never saw that she saw me a “ competition or supply “.
This same situation happened. She showed up at my classroom at the end of the day bringing my new granddaughter. She said she wanted to let “ my friends “ meet MY granddaughter.
Cut to end. She started recruiting my coworkers as her friends. I didn’t know until too late that she and her father had bonded and I was “ a target “. They had to control the image others had of me at my workplace.
I could never have imagined this in my wildest dreams WHY????
I loved her dearly, but I didn’t really know my own daughter. It literally broke my heart.
I ended up having to leave what was left with f the marriage and that workplace. Old acquaintances withdrew from me. I was shunned. I lost 25 pounds and could barely function.
I finally found good counseling, but back then it wasn’t as exposed as it is today.
I started a new life. She kept my grandchildren away from me for five years.
I actually was given a good new beginning in another state. Then, out of the blue, she called wanting to make amends and try again.
I wanted to be a part of my grands life.
I could never be as close to her again, but I STILL didn’t yet KNOW how dangerous a narcissist was.
She started slowly and gradually became a part of my new life.
I had some success, and before I realized it, she was repeating the same.
Darkness. Pure Darkness to use an oxymoron. ❤️🩹
I just realized I’ve been no contact since March 2017. I met another narcissist shortly after and identified this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach and discarded him within a month or so.
The real issues are with yourself, the universe will put a narcissist on your path because at a subconscious level you need to heal and upgrade you. That’s all
So true.
Narcissists dont like themselves and hate you for loving them because they KNOW they are ick and when they see you love them they feel disgust because they have no respect for themselves and hate your guts for adoring them and think your stupid. Treat them crappy and they RESPECT you. Who can be crappy to get respect? Run dont walk.
Lmao 🤣 esp me. The narc is mY
biologically appointed “mother” so
it works on her side to treat crappy
because it makes me look awwwful!
Damn., I felt this in my soul
This comment describes the male narcissists - in particular - that I have worked with.
Saying hi to them is such a struggle. Either they don't respond, or they grumble.
Only time they initiate a greeting (usually cheerfully lol) is when they want supply.
Next day might be another grumble or silent treatment.
I burrrrrrned him!🤣🤣🤣 He had no idea he would meet the new me! I showed him flames! Then blocked him again! I know he will NEVER trouble me again.🤣🤣🤣
Blocking is the best invention of the 21st Century
Congrats!!
It’s a psychic energy thing, I swear. Somehow they know when you are within a millimeter of finally moving on and they are frantically trying to reattach to the host somehow. Don’t “hi” me parasite 🦠🤔🙄😂.
Amen
It is phychic energy for sure. I tried very hard to conceal my emotions, but the very moment i fell in love, i got the dreaded discard. This happened over and over.
Lol 😂
🤣🤣🤣there’s truth behind this statement
Oh God I got a hoover "hello" while watching this video! Thank you Paula . No top up hoover for him!
I also put a restraining order out on my Ex just as soon as he started Hoovering and that worked for a while until he stocked me in a parking lot and physically abused me. If it wasn't for an elderly man screaming out to him and called the police things could have turned tragic. Please never underestimate what they are capable of once they know they have lost complete control over you.
I'm glad the man was there to intervene. Please take care and be prepared to protect yourself should he ever try it again.
Absolutely. When you leave them, is when they kill you. Hugs, dear.
I'm old enough to know that we live in such a wicked world 🌍 but I just can't believe such humans like narcissist walk this planet. Demons in human form they are. No one should try there best to hurt another human being just because they hate themselves. That's just evil! We must love 💕 one another!
Bible describes them,,, wheat vs the tares and in these end times they are being outed and separated
Don't worry Karma will get them big time. I dumped a Narc and vampire - 2 years of hell but I'm now watching Karma take them down, they slowly self destruct and sabotage themselves.🖤
Every thing said here is 100% correct. This is why it is absolutely vital for you, as the survivor, to give the narcissist total and complete silence in return...not a single word...ever. This is how you gain your self respect back and YOUR sense of control of YOUR life. To you, this person no longer exists. Keep it that way, and move on to your new life, a normal life.
The way they ACTUALLY think is that you were NEVER serious about going alone without them ! You had your ' funny turn ' or 'paddy ' , you went crazy , got them all wrong , misjudged them , went hysterical , basically you were being ridiculous , and that if they lay on the charm your defences are BOUND to fall , because they are so great !! The fact they think you were never REALLY serious shows YOU their ongoing utter lack of respect for you as an individual and also their complete denial they could ever be wrong ! They may even try to turn your abstinence as a bit of a joke ! To be honest , after all this time , the idea of mine returning actually puts the fear of god into me , not because I don't trust myself , that ship has long sailed thanks to educational self empowerment , but because it could lead to possible further conflict once they realize the game is lost !! Paula is SO RIGHT about trusting you new found self belief and no letting your guard down and falling for the old charm offensive ,..no matter HOW tempting it might seem at the time ! You live in REALITY now ,..not the narcs perverted twisted LIE that they kept you trapped in for so long ! 🙏♥️♥️
thank you so much for this all the way from kona, hawaii🌺
Your wording and attitude is exactly the same as mine. Its made me laugh. Ty. Scottish Highlands 🧡🔥
💯 they are delusional creatures.
Great teaching! The best way to avoid the narcissist's interruptions to your healing is to block them from everything! Best gift I could give to myself!
Absolutely true. Feels so great claiming your power back. .
I’d also add, avoid social media
I just deleted my fb and I’m three years post discard. Still having bouts of sadness and ruminating. Still feel the pain of the betrayal . He seems so happy with the new supply. Been with her close to two years. He tells everyone on fb he’s finally found his true love and how happy he is. We have known each other since teenage years and have tons of mutual friends. Everyone is convinced he’s happier than he ever was with me.
I called a old friend from long time ago for support , after a few weeks .. I got a hoover and showed my friend the hoover text .. the friend she blocked me from 4 regular media .. so she was a narc too i think bc I guess I needed to worship her or something .
@@antoinetterocco3701 social media posts are curated and do not tell the entire story. People only post things that make them look amazing and happy.
Be aware of the "Top -up Hoover" triangulated through the children or a flying monkey. They know and understand how this puts them in your thoughts and gives them power/supply. Thanks Paula.
Oh yes. Children as collateral damage. They will use whatever means, no matter who gets hurt.
36 and 39 year old adult kids behaving like their sick covert narc dad. Whom I divorced. They are mean cruel, use me, gaslight....they made a rule, the Mother has to obey the kids. I won't and I am done with them. I am considering a restraining order. For now they are blocked.
6 of them hovering me the past year all connected to the Narcissist. Some stalked and sent things to my husband to attempt to get between me and him. It didn't work...my husband knows too much about them.
@@jacquelinefroehle3583 this is sick. What is wrong with the kids today?? Internet, entitlement, total disrespect! Sad. Take care of yourself please
@@jacquelinefroehle3583 bingo
So true. I was raised by a Narcissistic father. I was always striving for a good relationship that was never in reach, the goal posts kept moving. An event happened in our family that caused me to explode on my father and cut him off. My sister called me crying, begging me to beg our father for forgiveness. I was done, I said no way. Then a close cousin called to tell me that my father has called all family members to tell them they should have no contact with me. Today, that cousin is the only one who initiates contact with me.
In the mean time, I get texts from my father. "How are you doing?" I ignore it. Weeks later a text from my father, "I've had a heart attack but I'm doing ok." I ignore it. A week later my sister calls on behalf of my father and something was said/done that I handled nonchalantly with her but in private it sent me into a 3 day downward spiral. Months later I get another text from him about a family matter and I only respond "thank you". He text me again and I see no reason to engage so I don't respond.
Months later I get a text saying he's going through family pictures do I want all the pictures of myself. I respond yes, thank you. I get a package from him of my high school graduation picture, a picture of my preschool aged sister, and a picture of him an me as a preschooler. This feels like another poke at me to get a rise. I haven't engaged him at all, and it's getting easier thanks to videos like these that help you see the real picture.
I choose me and my health.
I remember the first six months, when I really wanted him to hoover me back.
I had 13-16 discards in almost 4 years.
The past 5 months though, I've started to pray everyday for the Lord God to keep him from finding a way to hoover me. I feel strong...like I wouldn't answer it, but I'm so frightened that I could fall for it, if he caught me in a weak moment. I don't want that nasty clown anywhere near me. I don't want to hear his voice, see his face or anything. The thought makes me sick.
I'm almost at a year. I'm excited to reach that milestone, but I'm also nervous. 🙄
You're so wise, Paula. Thank you!💗
Keep going, and please believe that the ONLY way to get rid of the narcissist, is to GET RID of them - no contact - whatever, and forever. You can do it!
@@goldenautumn3073 I am sticking to no contact like glue. I promise you, I will continue to do this. I'm so thankful that I'm so far from him now. In distance (location) and in DISTANCE! (Heart, mind, and spirit)
Thank you for your encouragement. ❤️❤️❤️
@@JesusIsTheWay.Truth.Life. Pleased to know you're doing okay!
Keep asking the Lord Jesus to put a hedge of protection around you. Plead the blood of Jesus over you! I have an order of protection on my husband since he left me for another woman 11 months ago. He tried to break in the house, during the winter, told the police he wanted to talk to me and get out of the cold. He just had a real bad fight with his girlfriend that's all. He is still with her no matter how many times he has tried to come back. Now I've got my divorce going through and he knows it. He's asked me not to sign the papers. I know the only reason is because he just wants me to be an easy out if he leaves her. She can have him and he can have her.
I have decided to follow Jesus Christ! ✝️💖👑
@@bornagain2890 they are so textbook toxic! They play by the manual. We play by a different manual, the Bible. Everything that we need is right there. It's definitely spiritual warfare. I'm so happy to hear that you're staying strong with Jesus! God bless you dear Sister.💙🙏🏽💙
Your videos are helping me so much. I nearly committed suicide after being dumped by a narcissist. Only at the time I didn't realise that's what he was. He played on my low self esteem knowing I'd been abused as a child. It's been horrific. These videos are helping me to heal myself ❤
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Stay strong, keep listening to Paula, She really helps us all.
She gives me some kind of hope,my heart and soul has been destroyed by my wife , I feel gutted my kids are some what aware . I just feel like I'll never love again sad!
One time the narc would call me while he was driving to the store, when I realized I was just taking up the empty space in his vehicle. He had no one else to call at that time..low on supply. It had nothing to do with talking to me as a friend or a person, it was to take up that empty space and looking for supply.
That "Hi" is so much more than hello. It's just keeping your emotions in play. They just want to ensure to keep you on the hook. There's nothing more behind it than that. Don't respond!!! Block.
Truth! The hi was a hook for more supply & once I said no, he stopped responding for 2 says. It's been going on 2-3x this week. No each time. Now he's online just checking if I'm online too but mo more hi😅😅😅
Narcissists are what they are. We need to clarify our idealistic dreams from the reality that they can never change, an apple can't be an orange.
Be warned , they will probably try to make light of the discard in order to bluff you back in , as if you are a nonechalent child sulking without good reason 🤔 Sick and twisted comes to mind , I think !! Another great supportive video , Paula ❤️🙏♥️
This was definitely the way my N mother used to hoover prior to me going NC about 2yrs ago.
Sick and twisted. And on top of that saying a prayer in front of you pretending that they are sincerely seeking God's help. What an idiot. When they are in the toilet they think they are in the palace. Sad miserable creature.
My ex who I dated for, I don't know, 6 years on and off, came to hoover me 7 years later. I did not know he was a covert narcissist when we ended the relationship. So 7 years later he came back to hoover. I thought it was all innocent and he just came to say good bye because he was moving out of state. But then he began playing the games and ALL of the trauma, the trauma bond came back. I felt myself getting sucked into a demonic vortex, being filled with guilt, shame, confusion.... It kind of seriously screwed me and my life up. Seriously, dangerous business. Now I've realized he's a covert narc. Now I'm feeling somewhat relieved because I have all the answers I need now, but frustrated that he was able to get at me like that.
Thank you so much for all the information you’ve shared and continue to share with us. I’m officially just past 30 days of no contact. I’ve been through about 6 major discards from my ex narc in about 6 years. This last major discard was different though because I knew and I had woken up to the full realization that he’s a covert narcissist. I’m finally done now because it ALL makes sense !!!! Thanks to you and chanels like yours I’m seeing it all clearly now, although the true reality is incredibly painful. I’m grieving a false illusion almost like grieving a ghost. Each day I watch a different video of yours, they are my saving grace and I truly believe they’re saving me and keeping me strong. Thank you !!! 💗🙏🏻🍀🕊
Funny enough Six years for me too with my covert Nark mine had monkey branched with the new supply but I just didn’t care and that’s when I became happy that I’d been ghosted as I just didn’t give a hoot anymore Good luck Christie I’m expecting the hoover I reckon in the next month as going by past performance she’s been seeing this one for about six months so she’ll be ready to try to reel me back but not this time.
@@davidlinaker6920 Our dynamic was that he’d discard me, then give me the silent treatment/stonewall me until he felt enough time had gone by. Then sadly I’d be the one to beg, apologize, take all the blame and extend the olive branch every damn time. I’ve never received a Hoover. The longest we spent not talking was 2 months (I left him) but, that was before I knew he was a narc, and I hoovered myself back after those 2 months. This time I’m completely aware of who he is, so there is no way in hell I’m going back. No idea if he’ll attempt a Hoover as he never did one before?? But I’m prepared !
The "now it all makes sense " part is what separates pulls us out of the repeativeness & giving them another shot at us like target practice.3/19 not even a word from them,I discovered what she was/is and there is no unknowing it.she will have to live & die knowing i know and many others do too.BLEZZ#KEEP DA CHANGE
Sending you strength and blessings 🌹
@@NarcCon thank you 🙏🏻 🌺
What I remember from my ex is that she would cause a problem usually which involved her acting very abrupt, angry or aggressive towards me to the point I’d walk out and drive home.. but it was always me that had to crawl back and apologise the next day. My ex was never aware of her actions being wrong or offensive and ended up giving me ultimatums about my behaviour making feel like I was to blame for the problem..
How can someone be offensive towards another person and not realise as individuals we all have different sets of boundaries and while some people may be more sensitive than others it doesn’t make the abuse acceptable, my ex would try accuse me of being to sensitive and she was walking on egg shells when in fact it was me walking on egg shells..
I don’t which to mix or be around rude, inconsiderate or angry people that makes me feel uneasy or unhappy and I had to put up with all of that from my ex and still to this day 7 months after my ex discarded me she had never accepted any of her actions as being wrong, difficult or hurtful, her only excuse for walking away was the relationship wasn’t enough saying it had stagnated.
Yes it had stagnated because by the end I had become so withdrawn and depressed because I no longer had the strength or inner belief to understand all her aggressive abuse and sexual flaunting towards other men in my presence and then accusing me of being jealous and controlling for not accepting her behaviour..
She’s now with someone else whilst I’m still in a dark place trying to understand what Iv been threw trying to take away all the self blame I feel at times..
All this from a woman that claimed she loved me more than anyone ever.. her life that had become involved in was toxic before I had even met her and I was thrown in the deep end early on and i coped remarkably well but I still got put down and knocked for things I wasn’t doing despite giving everything and getting nothing in return..
Oh man you had a perfect narc relationship as in, typical. Just remember they choose people who are strong, happy and going places. They want our energy. They are not going to choose someone they can't get anything from. Please if you have not, talk to a councellor get it out of your system. Its abuse full stop. You where fine before you met her. Unfortunately you will not trust for a long time, just try and find yourself again, and thank the lord for giving you this lesson and getting away. Also friends can be narcs too, you will be able to spot the red flags at least. I wish you well. 🙏🌹❤️
"It rewarms a cold dinner". That's it!!!! class is over. Any survivor listening to that statement should get shivers when thinking about going back.Put that one on a t-shirt for sure.BLEZZ#KEEP DA CHANGE
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He sent a photo of the gladiola's I planted two days ago. No response from me. Yesterday there was a call from private number... I did not answer... Great to know the predictability and how to keep moving forward...
Katrina Edwards,You don't need a narcissist 😈 in your life.....
When he put me on hold .. or tried put me on his rotation after being together 4 yrs .. I got the knowledge .. this was a passive aggressive covert manipulative monster .. who used / abused my kindness and loyalty .. it was a “I “ give he “take” situationshit .. I was holding on in fear of being alone .. what I failed to realize was how badly and inhumanly I was treated … I blocked him on every facet and never turned back .. it was excruciating and painful but I took it day by day .. I took a course to heal , I watched videos , I journaled , I read , I worked out my childhood wounds .. this was a journey .. I grew and see my self worth , I make no excuses for others and if they don’t align with me I walk away .. yes you can heal and thrive and live a more peaceful life ..
@Breakthrough101 I’ve seen you on this and other channels. I appreciate what you share as it seems so like my journey. I went through same and would love if there was some way we could chat or support one another. Don’t know how to message you but just wanted to put it out there
@@sistergoldensunshine4069 Good Morning beautifully thank you so much & absolutely .. we all habe similar stories to baffled me in the beginning especially when I got the knowledge of what I had gone through .. please let me know what u have in mind .. 🙏🏽👑💖
@@breakthrough1019 do you know of a way I could private email you ? Don’t want to put my email out for one and all… but I thought there was some way to do this via YT. I guess I’d like a “buddy” as Paula suggested to bounce things off. Do you know how to contact someone?
If you answer the hoover even minimally and decently, because you are a decent person, they will take it as your APPROVAL that they are after all a good person. It energizes them. That's what it's often all about - you approving of them and therefore they have done nothing wrong.
Yep.. coz they want something.
They want to use you to make them feel better about them ‘self ‘
You're just something to kill time for the narcissist and maybe they get a bonus if they Truly want to hang around you. 2nd thought don't believe the illusion that they want to hang around you for you.L.O.L....BLEZZ#KEEP DA CHANGE
Wow this video was so enlightening. I just realized that my ex is a narcissist. We have a child together and we split 4 years ago and she was using sex as a weapon to give me hope that we might get back and be a family again. She moved on stared a relationship with someone else for a short time. She then started texting me memories of being a family and ask me would I like to start dating again. I went back for my daughter and after 1 1/2 of happiness we hit a bump in the road. She turned her back on me, kept me at arms length for 3 month and then it was over. I asked her to fight for our family but her reply was "I just want to be single and have fun now COVID is gone" I was going out of my mind how someone could switch like that. Your videos have really helped me to understand what have happened. My name is Andrew and I am a survivor of a narcissistic relationship. Thank you for all the great advice and keep up the good work.
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Is there a Narcissists Anonymous ?
She's also stupid because COVID is NOT gone.
This is my week(17-7-22) to a T. Out of nowhere the narcissist texted me all buddy buddy. Came over & gave me a sad story about his life & not being able to pay rent. He asked if he could move in with me, to which I firmly said NO. Everything about his MO is false & now transparent to me. The recovery & gift for me is that I didn't fall for his false charm or take his behavior personally. It's not me, it's him. Thank You God!
...and the 'like' a picture hoover
There poping in to see if you are available to give them supply. They might say lets be friends or lovers. Don't fall for it. Send them back to the new supply. Perfect example from their childhood. They contact all past people for supply. Don't let them back in your life.
Oh yes mine said let’s be friends and catchup for coffee with the grandchildren 😂
The mental emotional devastation these people leave behind in their victims is beyond belief...
In my life I’ve never experienced anything as horrible as this. It’s still messing my head up three years post discard. It seems he’s so happy in his relationship now. It hard to believe it. He’s been in this new relationship about two years now. Shows absolutely no issues in his new relationship. Can this be true . Has me questioning if he’s really a narcissist. But all the silent treatments and claiming the victim mentally and turning so many people against me, can’t be coming from a normal person.
@@antoinetterocco3701 ,that's how they do it. It can be mentally brutal, so if it's tripping you up it's completely normal. Crazy making is their best talent.
@@philu4621 thanks Phil. So hard to move on and that’s what is affecting me. I don’t even want to think about it anymore. They are demons. Do they ever pay the price for what they do to others ??
@antoinetterocco3701 Unfortunately, he'll do the same to the new supply, she isn't any better than you. My ex recently divorced "my replacement" and she says the 6yrs with him became horrible! I reached out to her, figuring she was narcissistically abused also. It's been healing for both of us,comparing notes, offering validation& compassion. He's back now, searching for supply at my church& hoovering me. We coparent teens and it was easier doing grey rock, no contact rather than seeing him twice a week at my sanctuary. I have to keep reminding myself there is no hope, I tried for 27yrs to make it work, he discarded me and tried to destroy me. He says he will never discuss the past,only to move forward for the kids.
I'm trying to break this "tie", "hold" he has over me.
Don't even answer it delete it without opening...they're not worth the effort...you'll only self destruct and destroy your recovery...
I received a “test hoover” today in form of text message - it said, “Did you order food?” 🤣 boy bye 👋
This is why I blocked him and deleted his info from my phone. I didn't want to hear from him and didn't want the urge to interact with him. Full and complete "no contact".
I was told by my new spiritual advisor "Radically lock the door and don't ever open it again." having finally put the pieces together of id'- ing a NPD priest pastor and 'spiritual director' after a decade of my first getting roped into the 'love bombing' care as a vulnerable, trusting, grieving in-need parishioner who over time became gratefully a caregiver and confidant to him and of service to the church; He would turn on the charisma in church with lots of charm and attention; you are right in saying the ' feel good 'hormones' go flying. Like a rollercoaster, then came the trauma bonding with constant public and private humiliation, shaming, control, using arrogance and anger and then playing the victim role of being too busy by playing favorites or giving the silent treatment bc of being intolerant of criticism.. 'Mea culpa's' didn't help... they show no remorse, no apologies and think they are always right..and its on their timeline not yours... always running off to their next pastoral duty to avoid genuine emotional contact. They have their like minded cleric cronnies or flying monkeys to protect them behind closed doors too..everyone walks on eggshells bc they are in control or prone to a rage attack....they move on to their next victim for fueling..sadly.many unsuspecting charitable victim souls who have no clue to feed their ego at their expense. Beware of their traits of 'triangulation' and 'gas lighting.' ..pitting one against another, lying and confabulation in changing the narrative to fit their needs, , and making them think you are the crazy one with the problem. They have it down to a science...wolves in sheep's clothing.. I moved away 2 years ago hoping to keep our long distance spiritual 'friendship' since ' he missed me' to which he agreed to but now after 6 months I realize I have been thrown under the bus and discarded bc Im no use to him anymore. I can't be there to be fuel his puppet demands of humiliation, adulation and praise, attend as caregiver and his complete control. He is now giving me the silent treatment 'tough love' holding a grudge to show me 'a lesson' in detachment and restraint contact bc he has 'far more important things to do now' and he is in charge...So much for Christian kindness, dignity and empathy..and ' friendship' . They truly just don't care. I'm locking the door on my terms now and purging of all materials, photos and memories and contact....just surrendering all to God who is in charge...truly in charge..in prayer, praying for their souls and conversion..these clerics are men with clay feet who are broken..They are to be pitied more so from their own childhood trauma projected onto others thus becoming victims into perpetrators. .. "Lord forgive them for they know not what they are truly doing". No 'hi' contact for me.. not going back into the lion's mouth. I'm grateful to have finally caught on with a jaw dropping, eye popping 'aha' moment. and have been researching the problem..and so grateful to have found by Divine Providence an insightful, compassionate spiritual advisor now who is helping me with internal spiritual healing that includes memory trauma, wound healing and essential grief work through prayer and journaling.. Everything is coming to light. WWJD?..
Thankyou for these videos so helpful to turning the page, moving forward and
learning a valuable lesson of self care.
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@@cherylnahas4897 imagine having a narcissistic father who also happens to be a pastor. You can't go to your pastor about your abusive dad, and can't go to your dad about the abusive pastor when they are one and the same. It is doubly traumatic when you are betrayed by both of these important figures in your life. Not saying all clergy are narcissists, but I think the vocation is attractive to narcissists.
@@anngood4141Yes I can relate. My spiritual director was a substitute as my "Spiritual Father" right after my own father passed away and I was grieving the loss. I was suffering from my biological father daughter wounds and my SD " swept me off my feet" 'saved' me as "my Shepherd" when I came back to the church as a reconvert. The initial love bombing turned into trauma bonding once he got me hooked in service to the church and to him and his pastoral needs. But ridicule " for fun" and shame and bullying came next..humility and obedience and having to walk on eggshells and stay on his good side as long as he had all the control. all part of 'teaching you a lesson'. The worse part is the silent treatment. They call this the Jezebel spirit. It left me depleted but all the more wanting acceptance by caregiving even more..with no genuine thankyous's, just expectations. There is a ' 'trance like' state and its so easy to refute the bad behavior and find excuses for them. And they never apologize. It was for sure the cycle and portrait of the abuse victim who keeps coming back for more...ugh..a pattern in my past relationships that I now recognize in healing....wow.
Very good warning to look out for, that they are playing more than one person at a time, rewarding one while punishing another. The cycle continues for all involved.
Exactly Paula. They rearrange people like chess pieces in the cupboard.
A male narcissist I knew worked in the eating disorders hospital unit. He tried to get these young vulnerable girls to go out with him. He said the anorexia girls were too skinny for him. He had no ethics or empathy here. Before this he asked a female psychiatric patient for a date while he was working but guess what, she stood him up. She was smart.
I can really relate to everything you said. Your analysis is spot on and so true. Your videos are a learning experience for me. Thanks.
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Thank you so much .. This is exactly what I went through .. I didnt fall for the hoover and got restraining order instead .. but I went through hell because I was discarded while pregnant and nearly lost my baby .. but we both doing so well now .. His not in our life and I’m so grateful to your channel and others alike who really helped so many of us through this mind blowing confusion ..never looking back
Thank you so very much for exactly explaining how a narcissist functions. Sounds very familiar. 13 years ago the ex finished our 10 year relationship. He never admitted that we were together. We had a motel, ran the business and lived together. I brought 2 daughters into the relationship. He always left me behind and went on so-called business trips. He left me sometimes for weeks on end to run the motel. I have had no contact since the final day in 2011. But his friends continuously made contact until I stopped the contact with his friends once and for all. He always lied and left me without anything only the shirt on my back.
For 2 months my daughters haven't made any contact with me, since I don't react anymore to his friends'phone calls.
I also got a plain "Hi" text after months of silence.
Spot on.👌🏾
I got a call from her with new number.. and she jus said hi! Its me. I askd if she had somthing to say? She said no , i said bye then hung up
@@tooly5804 😅😅😅Wouldn't wish to be in her shoes...
My narcissist is aging and not well, so all this is getting harder for him. He'll keep up his tactics, as that's all he knows, but some lonely times are coming.
First time here. New subscriber. So right on! Within weeks after the divorce was final, he texted to have coffee so we could have a "civilized" conversation. No, I didn't go. The saddest thing for me was that I knew the relationship was over but still had hope he could change. Once I got that figured out, realizing nothing I did or did not do was helpful in that regard, I started to heal. And it will take time - the chemical imbalance from all the negative emotion and constant upheaval is a real thing. Took months to feel like myself again. ☺️thanks.
🙋♀️🙏🌹 welcome here
There bored with new supply!!!! And there giving you a heat check!!!! Told her to keep it moving!!!!
Your analyses of the narcissistic mindset are some of the best I’ve heard, especially when it comes to the hoover. So much insight. It has inspired me to take some necessary and overdue action. 🙏
Chris that’s great sending you strength
Thank you, may God speed your healing
Ditto - I'll second that 👌🏼👍🏼
I forgot to add, that he was a charmer and knew how to get me hooked. Once I was hooked the nightmare of contradictions began. It's only now that I can talk about it. I had years of rehabilitation. He also made sure that I lost every job I had after my recovery. He destroyed my whole family.
I just came across your video. There is something so absolutely soothing in your voice and in the way you teach about narcissism. I've watched other videos and the host usually wants to make the person know how angry we should be. They have a harsh tone. I guess I learn better from the way that you speak. I'm looking forward to learning more about what happened during the 28 years of my life that I sacrificed for someone else. Sincerely, Carmela
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I am a great person. If he ever figures it out, that’ll be his loss in my gain.
My hard part is NOW I know I was always abused by covert Narcs, BUT they will never take responsibility for how they damaged me,,,, I just have to LIVE WITH IT and continue to be gaslight and BLAMED by them FOREVER.
You have helped me answer questions I have had for decades!
My father is a narcissistic minister and I was married to a very destructive narcissistic man for 15 years.
I have gone no contact for the past year and a half and am learning all I can.
You are an angel!
The only fault in this relationship was, I should’ve left seven years ago and I realize that and now I’m working on getting my life back together because I’m a giver and he’s a taker
Same as myself should have left 8 years before discard. Amazing how they suck you back in. Obviously wasn’t in their plan yet to give me away. Con men indeed.
Reading between the Lines Can Be a Hidden BLESSING.
I've just had my first adult Narc lovebomb me then left me high and dry... there will be no way they will say "Hi," to me ever again.. I was so dirty I burnt that bridge with Napalm. ❤🔥
I'm so damn glad I am out of this relationship. He had a new supply all along because I wouldn't make a commitment . So glad I followed my gut feelings. I wasn't stupid, took it easy to see who I'm with.
Good luck to the new supply. I know she is blinded with the gifts he gives and the house she moved into.
No one has ever broken it down like this. Brilliant work!
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Thats Remis' way of saying hello, he wants us to know he's part of the show, God love him.😊
It is a premeditated plan, like digging a hole for others to fall in. But they eventually forget where it is
I’m so happy I found your channel. I really couldn’t understand my feelings when i was hoovered/stalked at my place of employment.
I thought i was over reacting when I begged him to just stop with the pop ups I’m trying to heal.
I thought it was all in my head but you have explained that no matter the type Hoover the narcissist is try to stop my journey
Yes you keep going strong 🌸
This video popped up at the perfect time. He has just popped up after a week of no contact. He's missing us and pleading for us to try again!Hard not to respond! Not with pleasantries but with all the shitty things he's done!
Very insightful- they underestimate that you'll figure out what is going on, understand it and still yet do anything about it because they see you as so worthless with such low self-esteem that you won't do anything about it.
So right! At this point in my life, I wish they’d contact me so I can narc them with the silent treatment, ignore and give no closure. I love the place where I am and if I can do you in like you did me silently and ignored, it’ll be satisfying 🎉 no going back
I have to say such a huge big thank you as I'm just a month or so put if this two year narcissistic relationship and I feel so stupid and foppish as a lot of this was online and I should have known better but it was daily videos calls love bombing for 9 months afte which devuation..and I am actually gaining some clarity thanks to your videos. It's just horrific I'm not myself at all and it's affected my work, physical and mental health hugely. I just want to say thanks so much for these videos as it's really helped me at some very dark times after the discard. Im glad that I can at least begin to heal and have accepted and understood he was a narcissist and stopped blaming myself 24/7.
Keep really caring for yourself 🌹🌸
Great video, amazingly insightful 👌🏻 it's so difficult when you have children with the ex narc and you have to see them a few times a week. It's been a year and I feel like he still has this way of disregulating me every time I see him for the handover of the kids. It's sometimes saying things to shock me, sometimes threats to take me to court to have the kids more, sometimes it's prying into my life and asking me questions about whether I'm seeing someone new. The sick thing is that it switches from that kind of behaviour to sometimes complimenting me, commenting on my appearance etc. I want to get to the point where everything he says goes over my head but it's as if the reaction in my nervous system is constantly telling me he's not a safe person and then my body is overrun with adrenaline. I feel like this is all still part of the manipulation x
La Lulaz - stay strong. I've been 3 years away from my husband and he plays the same way as yours does, only it's a threat of taking me to court to get my dog. Thankfully we had no children together, although he's damaged my children greatly. He knows I'm going to divorce him and had started saying crazy things like you'll soon be free to remarry. First off remarry to me means marrying someone you've been married to before and secondly, that will never happen again. I also doubt very much if I'll ever get into anither romantic relationship again.
Its there any way a third party could do the handover? or have someone there as a witness to his behaviour. All i can advise is get as much of his behaviour documented and verified because if this goes to court, which it might possibly do as abusers hate to lose, then the courts are only interested in facts. If possible record him during handovers too, if it is safe to do so. I recorded my husband before i left him, in order to keep me strong to leave him. I've been unable to pay all of those recordings since, one was enough, just hearing his tone if voice was enough for me to dissociate
Avoiding contact at handover is the best situation if at all possible.
I suggest you look up Tamie M Joyce - she has a video with grey rock responses that are brilliant & so practical. I’m going to have another listen!
Grey rock all the way - be boring & expressionless, ignore all nonsense. Phrases like “right” …. “I see”….. are great as they say nothing.
Be strong! Making the narc loose interest takes strength due to the trauma bond but you can do it !
Good luck!
Thank you so much for explaining this Top-Up Hoover technique. I can now see in hind-sight how, towards the end, I would ignore my instincts just so I could become a robot🤖trying not to do anything that would upset the narc. But, after healing and your guidance and coaching, I recently found that my instinctual inner-guidance is still in me and now I am practicing listening to my what my body is telling me... finally my own inner-voice is becoming stronger than that lingering narc judgemental voice that tried to discipline me with all the manipulations. So enlightening, Paula! Thank you!!!! ❤🧚♀✨
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You're so right. Major breakthroughs going on in Narcissism and the comparison to vampire feeding.
Excellent explanation about the "top up hoover". These individuals are nothing but sadistic and should not be given any consideration what so ever. Thank you so much for such wonderful advice, I so love your channel.
Thanks Melody 🌹
I thank God for covid. That was the only way I was able to have space away from my husband as I was out of the country and only had to listen to his controlling telephone conversations! Blocked him now and now understand what trauma he was putting me through .
This is so true and makes me feel physically sick. Thank you.
He can't upset me anymore! ......I'm so glad it's all over and in the past!x
Perfectly said Paula. I am actually looking forward to the hoover now...... NO CONTACT from my side. I am just living my best life ever, that will hurt them without me saying a single word.
Forgot a part. Walking by me, a very sarcastic " Well Hello!!"
Thank u, you have me another " dot," to connect to others learned watching these clips.
I am 36 years old, and today I found out that everything that I grew up hearing from my mother that my father abandoned her and me when I was a toddler was in fact lies. She told him suddenly that she wanted a divorce and left him with no explanations. 36 years of LIES.
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oh same thing happened to me. my mother abandoned us and lied to us that my father threw her out
@@rampitup12 i'm sorry to hear that. It's a lot to deal with
100% true. Correct like textbook. I wasted 11 years of my life, my best years, but I’m not dead yet!
Very, very, helpful video Paula!!! Thank you!!! Mines hoovering me. I've pulled back entirely, but when this narc says hi, or I saw you coming back towards the door, left it unlocked for you. Thank you, than I may say have a nice day. Than they say, I'm trying to. I just want to escape their invisible net to capture me back into their trap to manipulate me again. Because that causes me to go totally hermit on them, again. My life becomes isolated and smaller because of this manipulative narc. This is a roommate only situaction. We have'nt talked for a long while. I had told them I don't want them here in my home. They said I'de have to evict them. Don't know how to go about all that. Don't want to be spending gas money and more trying to get them to leave.And or court hearings ect...Sounds like I'm making excuses. But I do need someone paying half the rent and Bill's right now.
This information is so valuable to us having been with a narcissistic person. I now have educated myself for months now and I can now try to move forward. From a far I have seen how he his new supply has bought and given up her job at 55 taking her pension to be at his requirements..now he's retired this year. 2024. He bullied me for 2 years after divorce telling g me his new wife won't have to work! I slogged my self with 3 jobs whilst he stashed his away. 😢
Thank you Paula, great video, makes a lot of sense. I follow lots of channels about narcissism but this is the first time I’ve stumbled on your channel and I’m so glad I did.
I’ve been hurt badly by a narc friendship, and couldn’t understand what was going on and why they were treating me
So badly in such a short time of coming into my life and love bombing me, putting me on a “pedestal“ ( as it seemed) and making so many promises. But it’s all starting to come together now. I no longer see him through Rose tinted glasses. I am still hurt and feel a bloody fool for falling into the trap but I wasn’t aware of what narcissism was. I do now !! 😆
I thought all the sudden attention was too good to be true, it was like a tornado 🌪 Now I know why. Sending Love to all who are going through this kind of crap 💩 Be strong 💪 ♥️
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Honestly this happened a week ago after 9 months of recovery, as soon as he knew I would reply that’s all he needed for his fix
What did you do next?
It is pretty amazig how directly my mo has said who she is. She used to say, for example: ”The best way to educate children is threatening and blackmailing them - and punishing is essential. Who doesnot punish his/her child, does not live them.”
And so she also acted, and continued when I became an adult, destroyed all my possible romances and relations and so on. My father, his sister (whom my mom treated badly) and my sister and later mydaughter joined them, told me:”You must understand your mother… she does not mean it.. do not be so sensitive… have sense of humour…”
Well, I am 57 years old and realised that most of my life, I’ve been he target of bullying mom and her ensbelers in the family, and it was not enpugh because I’ve has same experiences in my work life, as well, as a student, too and where ever.
But, my mom really SAID who she is, what she thinks- but no ofybpaid attention or thought that well: usually mothers talk abput LOVING a child, not about punishing in priority.
Yes, she had to take away from me everything I loved. I loved my teddy bear, so she burned it in the fireplace, in the front of me. I cried for pain, she laughed and said: ”If you do not stop crying, I call your dad to hit you!”
She could not burn my boyfriends, but she had indeed customised ways to handle them.
Very sorry to hear of this pain 🌹
I'm an ACoN too- my mother threw out my shoes recently..x2 good pairs! 😅 . Its so aweful. She's now friends with my ex ..literally took him away!! The shocks when in touch with her never stopped. I'm finally nc @ 61- as younger sis revealed her covert narcissistism:
Or should I say: I finally woke up Thanks to the Holy Spirit . Such is their gaslighting.
It amuses me that my ex follows the playbook to the letter. After about a yr of no contact 'Hi' is exactly what I got. Not more, not less. I had a little ceremony and burned her note.
Best Chanel for healing. It’s like Paula was there. Her explanation is absolute parallel to my recent experience. It’s 1 month no contact but his pride will prevent a Hoover I believe.
This was my second Narc experience (first one lasted only 1 month 5 years ago). I researched what I was dealing with and so this go around I really thought I was prepared but…..
Be Aware guys, there’s so much education on Narcissism and Narcissist abuse and Narcissists are trying to get smarter at holding the mask.
Initially my Ex Narc was apologetic, didn’t talk negative about his ex’s and did not require all of my time. However, the mask started to fall. The full Narc came out at 5 months.
They cannot hold the mask long.
Narc behavior seems to contrast best in comparison to traits of transspecies behavior of mammals and higher primates.
🤣 Correct
I wonder if in my lifetime, society will determine "what makes someone human" - there's a lot of research that shows no amygdala, a lack of gray area in the frontal cortex is what prevents narcissists from attaching emotionally and what makes them lack remorse for their criminal behavior.
@@MaryDunford ik r! What does this mean?
Yes! The physical lack of frontal lobe is scientifically proven to make a bigger difference between people than all the different “racial” features. That means there is a HUGE difference between a narc/psychopath and a human than all the races, black, white e6s (which are the same race)
@@MaryDunford no, I think it's an overly-active amygdala, & this one has it backwards.
I can’t be hovered. I went total black out. Blocked them on everything and every flying monkey they tried to use.
If they create a fake number or something, no response, block.
I remember talking to narc one time after the discard and she tried to act like she was so much better than me, not trying to fix anything. Blocked!
Well said. I hope others really listen. Maybe watch it a couple of times.
My mother did this at the funeral of my good friend (who was also one of my bridesmaids) when she decided to turn up because she knew that my sister and myself would be there. She comes over to us after the service and tells us the "she thinks was need to talk" after saying something really fake about my dear friend whose funeral it was. Mother started off with looking at me and asked me how I was? I employed the grey rock technique with great success. I have been no contact with my mother for 5 years and this is the second time I've been no contact. I'm never going back after the abuse I had as a child and after the abuse she started to implement onto my children.
So sorry for you. I am 36 years old and I've lived this long hearing how my father is a monster who abandoned my mother and myself as a baby and could not care less about me. I found out today that it was actually her who decided to suddenly divorce him. 36 years living with such a lie... I feel shaken to my core... It is a special kind of hell having these people as mothers
My former narc saw me at the store, waited until they saw me leaving, & went out of their way yelling across the parking lot (AND passive-aggressively mispronounced my name bc once when I first met them I misspelled their name) to say ‘hi’🙄… little did they know that I’d seen them earlier with their stale supply, but they were careful to approach me when that person wasn’t around. Like you said, they want to keep you as an option, I actually feel sorry for a person who finds it necessary to do something like that.
”re-warms a cold dinner” I love the analogy ❤️ “top-up supply”
I got the "Hi" a few eeeks ago and knew what it was. Trouble with the new supply. Once you know who/what you're dealing with it is so predictable. Narc's think they're so clever. Like that character in Princess Bride. "INCONCEIVABLE!" I think the best question you can ask a potential partner is how many intimate relationships have you had? If it's into double digits RUN!
Paula excellent video! unbelievably spot on, you are a Narcissists worse nightmare!! I'm 2 and a half yrs into the first "break-up" when I ended it.. He tries to hoover every 4 to 6 wks since then even when with other partners, I went back more than I'd like to admit😟.. the last hoover was 3 wks ago "Hi, would love a chat..open to counselling, miss you".. found out few days later his new supply had ended it.. he's a sick man..I can't unsee who he is, what he is.. never again!! Please stay strong and don't go back only more suffering awaits!
Stay strong 🌹🥰
One came back, sneaked up behind me, grabbed my shoulders and said 'How are you!?' It creeped me out and my reflexive response was 'I was fine just a second ago.' I think it's a sociopath's bullying device.
Your videos are very mind opening.
It felt bad for a time as there are many poor counseling methods to help the narcissis targets
Or the new age views that seem to protect the predator and brow beat the person trying to comprehend whats really going in front of us and behind our backs.
I really appreciate your dedication to helping me understand what's really going on.