thank you so much for sharing this. I’m questioning if I have OSDD 1-b & one of the things that stood out to me is saying “we” when talking outloud to yourselves. I think I do that, too, but I hadn’t thought about it too much!
It’s kind of funny the things that we dismiss as quirks when we look back after finally being diagnosed. Thank you for your comment, Rachel. I appreciate it.
the mirror thing… same. i always have to have a big mirror in my room so i can sit in front of it for hours and chill with… whoever that is looking back lol. it felt like i wasn’t alone. and if i went a while without hanging out with the mirror person i felt… off. and kinda disconnected from myself. sometimes my reflection looks nothing like me but other times it feels familiar and i realize the *mental* picture i have of “myself” in my head looks nothing like me- different race, age, height, etc. it’s wild.
I want to say I also have a similar experience- sometimes me, sometimes not me in the mirror. Confusing experience because sometimes it was healthy for me and sometimes it was unhealthy for me. I want to ask both of you, do you have the same effect when you see pictures of yourself? I saw some pictures as me, and some pictures as not-me. Peace and love to you all. -RIP
I can relate to a fair few, especially both my reflection looking like a different person, it still does to me no matter when I look. And the hearing others talking inside my head. Some of the others here and there too, though after my first year or two with it my system and I have come to an agreement of sorts on not forcing each other out of the way. Turns out it's been a little unhealthy due to me, Seratha, being a very strong presence. I do need to learn to share better. Anyhow, great video, gonna watch them all I think.
Thank you for sharing. This is super relatable--we were misdiagnosed with bipolar II, then bipolar I, and a bunch of others different disorders--and it's relieving to finally realize which one disorder accounts for all this.
Holy shit The mirror stuff... I thought i was psychotic for months because derealization/depersonalization made the person in the mirror really distorted, not look like me, feel threatening, want out, feel like I'M the one in the mirror and someone else is in the body. I think one time they lost their head or had blood on their hands (it was dark, and i was REALLY dissociated). I thought that was a completely unique problem that not even other systems dealt with. I now call the couple months in my life The Mirror War, because i know one of our gatekeepers and one of our protectors were constantly Fighting over whether or not to let me know everyone existed, and the mirror was their only method of communication because i refused to believe i could be a system. And the talking to yourself/using we and then being like... Who the hell am i talking to? I'm one person, there's no one else here. Why don't i just think the words in my head?" Is so real. Why don't i just think the words in my head? Because the thoughts will derail and get lost and I'll never be able to find them again because there's so much "noise"
I remember when someone described what dissociation like .. was .. and i just immediately went "oh fucking shit." Becuase i knew id been doing it my entire life and just ... didnt think a thing about it ...
The writing and talking conflict happens to us! I was thinking I was unconsciously faking this disorder because I could be typing while someone else is speaking and vice versa, or we'd end up typing in seperate channels, taking turns! I thought I was just crazy. Same with the mirror! Seeing "my" reflection scares me sometimes, because in my head I'd be a blue haired boy, or a muscular hispanic man, not this blonde teenager.
I can barely imagine how hard it must have been for you, all the pain you went through all alone for so long, and you're still here trying to help people even though things are hard for you, you're so unconditional and i really appreciate the work you're doing, may God bless you, and i really really wish all the pain goes away, even though it's hard, i hope things get better for you 💜
I do a few of these quite often but like with somethings I can't tell if its just me or if it's an indicator of did. Like the voices in my head, I can't tell if they sound like me and are my inner critic or if it's an altar I don't know about. I've never been diagnosed and never brought it up to my therapist. Like how do I know what's normal brain shit from other trauma or life experiences and what is a DID indicator. Am I just making it up because I find DID fascinating from a psychological oint of view or is it something or someone else? Sorry if none of this made sense I guess I'm more rambling than anything
Hi Kieran. So, do these voices happen without you willing them? Or you simply hear them like you would anyone else? If it’s that they sound like a monologue, that’s normal. I’d imagine that if they were alter voices, you wouldn’t likely wonder if they are you. You might think its your mind playing tricks, but it would feel separate from your thoughts.
@@TheBagSystem Without. The best way I can describe is like intrusive thoughts but entire conversations. Sometimes it's something I'd have no way of knowing about but I'll have a random voice in my head tell me something and I go to look it up to make sure and sure enough it's factual and sometimes it's just like a bully talking shit. When I'm dissociated or out of it the though occurs as my mouth is actually saying something I didn't want or intent to say.
Can I ask some questions about mania vs DID? I've been diagnosised with bi polar 1 but my therapist says I have DID. I'm wondering if I'm like you and she's right that I'm not really bi polar.
Hi Kim. Your therapist would know better than we would. Did she run assessment testing? Sometimes a second opinion can be validating. Its possible to mistake mania for DID or vice-versa, or to have both. What questions did you have?
It takes so much to look into yourself, I appreciate it so much you were so observant, you're so smart, to look into this and helping many other people.
I wish I had found your video three years ago, instead of today! (It’s 3ys old according to UA-cam) You put so many things I’ve been unable to describe into the perfect descriptions of my experiences in my life.... the mirror self, the plural “we” self talk, the inner dialogue, how “!” controls the mouth instead of another alter trying to speak. Thank you for being brave enough to share these reflections with the world. Most people might not see it as a big deal, but for the very few of us who desperately need this kind of validation to inspire us to keep fighting, its lifesaving. Thank you so much! Peace and Love -RIP
6:27 i dont think the thoughts arent from me either/too. i remember allways haveing 2 different things i want to do for 1 sencond=i had litterlly 3 today in 1 senond/more seconds.
The degree of dissociation did make it seem like there were bad med side effects or like I was on something. It can seem like a bad trip sometimes. The first video I made about talking to alters was about 7 years ago, so that may have been the first time for UA-cam but not for me. I have journal entries naming one alter since 2007 and I can remember switches in alters since the age of 7.
Do you mean that they are that age because they were created that young? That is probable. They were created younger. It's only possible to have DID if the repeated trauma occurred in the first few years. We can't develop DID as as adult. Katie may have been created at 2 and Skittle at 4. The others at their ages too, but some alters can age or age slide.
1:34 real for now/not just the fun thing=the w.t.f. thing=i thought a dog on her/or them. it sounded like what i do for adhd. (and isaac clarke noise on the train="ddddna AAAAAAAH!!!!!"= ptsd=its not pg 13 movies.).
3:55 so... aaaah... i only started doing the=/ recentlly,because it feels wrong not writeing both things i think of. and i do see/feel me typeing=not like me.
🧡 did dissociation c-ptsd suicidality tourette 😭 ... okay not so bad 💔 am i perfect? ptsd gad major clinical depression dissociative amnesia dissociation suicidality body dysmorphia panic disorder HSP aspergers 🤪 oh well, yes, i see 💕 that is it! did freaks me out 🧡 Edit: added to the list!
@@TheBagSystem --- i understand, but i don't want you fragmented, you do not deserve it 💚. You have lived through more than enough 😭. Stay Strong young lady. I love u, my old pal.
@@thexpax Hey so I can tell this was meant with good intentions. But saying that you don't want a system to be fragmented is kind of offensive as many systems view being multiple as their experience and the PTSD as their main disorder to heal from, as D.I.D. is fragmentation due to extreme trauma and several systems do work for final fusion and it being undone due to future traumas (you never unlearn dissociation and splitting, even if you fuse into one). Final fusion is of course a valid option, but remaining multiple is too and it's not for people outside of the system to say that. I know this wasn't directed at me and apparently there wasn't a huge issue in this instance bc the Bag System didn't respond, but I really wanted to get this out there.
@@thexpax the most offensive part of it honestly was the "you do not deserve it" Being multiple isn't a terrible existence, it's the trauma and the symptoms that come that are the hard parts and the dissociation. When you can lessen those, you can allow for the multiplicity to really shine.
I often hear myself thinking multiple conflicting thoughts at once and it gets overwhelming tbh 😅
sammme!!1 i thought thats just wwhat ppl ment by talkin 2 themselvves-
@@hatlessgojirawe thought it was an ADHD thing.
@@fenixmeaney6170SAME
Which it is... Right?
thank you so much for sharing this. I’m questioning if I have OSDD 1-b & one of the things that stood out to me is saying “we” when talking outloud to yourselves. I think I do that, too, but I hadn’t thought about it too much!
Same here!
Lol, 1:anyone there? 2:Nope! 1:oh good. So relatable ❤
can relate to pretty much all of these. -rachel
It’s kind of funny the things that we dismiss as quirks when we look back after finally being diagnosed.
Thank you for your comment, Rachel. I appreciate it.
the mirror thing… same. i always have to have a big mirror in my room so i can sit in front of it for hours and chill with… whoever that is looking back lol. it felt like i wasn’t alone. and if i went a while without hanging out with the mirror person i felt… off. and kinda disconnected from myself.
sometimes my reflection looks nothing like me but other times it feels familiar and i realize the *mental* picture i have of “myself” in my head looks nothing like me- different race, age, height, etc. it’s wild.
That’s interesting. I like how you connect in a somewhat positive way with this aspect of yourself that you see in the mirror; kind of like a friend?
I want to say I also have a similar experience- sometimes me, sometimes not me in the mirror. Confusing experience because sometimes it was healthy for me and sometimes it was unhealthy for me.
I want to ask both of you, do you have the same effect when you see pictures of yourself? I saw some pictures as me, and some pictures as not-me.
Peace and love to you all.
-RIP
I can relate to a fair few, especially both my reflection looking like a different person, it still does to me no matter when I look. And the hearing others talking inside my head. Some of the others here and there too, though after my first year or two with it my system and I have come to an agreement of sorts on not forcing each other out of the way. Turns out it's been a little unhealthy due to me, Seratha, being a very strong presence. I do need to learn to share better. Anyhow, great video, gonna watch them all I think.
Thank you for sharing. This is super relatable--we were misdiagnosed with bipolar II, then bipolar I, and a bunch of others different disorders--and it's relieving to finally realize which one disorder accounts for all this.
Holy shit
The mirror stuff... I thought i was psychotic for months because derealization/depersonalization made the person in the mirror really distorted, not look like me, feel threatening, want out, feel like I'M the one in the mirror and someone else is in the body. I think one time they lost their head or had blood on their hands (it was dark, and i was REALLY dissociated). I thought that was a completely unique problem that not even other systems dealt with.
I now call the couple months in my life The Mirror War, because i know one of our gatekeepers and one of our protectors were constantly Fighting over whether or not to let me know everyone existed, and the mirror was their only method of communication because i refused to believe i could be a system.
And the talking to yourself/using we and then being like... Who the hell am i talking to? I'm one person, there's no one else here. Why don't i just think the words in my head?" Is so real. Why don't i just think the words in my head? Because the thoughts will derail and get lost and I'll never be able to find them again because there's so much "noise"
I'm a narrator too, it's nice to hear I'm not the only one.
I remember when someone described what dissociation like .. was .. and i just immediately went "oh fucking shit." Becuase i knew id been doing it my entire life and just ... didnt think a thing about it ...
I thought all of this was normal.
The writing and talking conflict happens to us! I was thinking I was unconsciously faking this disorder because I could be typing while someone else is speaking and vice versa, or we'd end up typing in seperate channels, taking turns! I thought I was just crazy. Same with the mirror! Seeing "my" reflection scares me sometimes, because in my head I'd be a blue haired boy, or a muscular hispanic man, not this blonde teenager.
We have a girl who lives in mirrors and reflections too :)
And haha yeah, relate to lots of these!
I remember one of your comments about them. Thanks so much for sharing and relating!
I can barely imagine how hard it must have been for you, all the pain you went through all alone for so long, and you're still here trying to help people even though things are hard for you, you're so unconditional and i really appreciate the work you're doing, may God bless you, and i really really wish all the pain goes away, even though it's hard, i hope things get better for you 💜
I do a few of these quite often but like with somethings I can't tell if its just me or if it's an indicator of did. Like the voices in my head, I can't tell if they sound like me and are my inner critic or if it's an altar I don't know about. I've never been diagnosed and never brought it up to my therapist. Like how do I know what's normal brain shit from other trauma or life experiences and what is a DID indicator. Am I just making it up because I find DID fascinating from a psychological oint of view or is it something or someone else? Sorry if none of this made sense I guess I'm more rambling than anything
Hi Kieran. So, do these voices happen without you willing them? Or you simply hear them like you would anyone else? If it’s that they sound like a monologue, that’s normal. I’d imagine that if they were alter voices, you wouldn’t likely wonder if they are you. You might think its your mind playing tricks, but it would feel separate from your thoughts.
@@TheBagSystem Without. The best way I can describe is like intrusive thoughts but entire conversations. Sometimes it's something I'd have no way of knowing about but I'll have a random voice in my head tell me something and I go to look it up to make sure and sure enough it's factual and sometimes it's just like a bully talking shit. When I'm dissociated or out of it the though occurs as my mouth is actually saying something I didn't want or intent to say.
(THIS VIDEO ACTUELLY HAD TO DO WITH THE THING I SEARCHED!!!!),
(call of duty video games have d.i.d. in them/seeing if real life copyes the games...).
Did you get the answer? Does real life copy the games? Or maybe the other way around
Idk whats happening anymore-
I never thought i could be a multiple, but now im starting to think i might
Can I ask some questions about mania vs DID? I've been diagnosised with bi polar 1 but my therapist says I have DID. I'm wondering if I'm like you and she's right that I'm not really bi polar.
Hi Kim. Your therapist would know better than we would. Did she run assessment testing? Sometimes a second opinion can be validating.
Its possible to mistake mania for DID or vice-versa, or to have both.
What questions did you have?
accent/where?/dont know.
/irony=russia/or poetry...
It takes so much to look into yourself, I appreciate it so much you were so observant, you're so smart, to look into this and helping many other people.
We love your podcast as well good channel. We have a channel as well on UA-cam.
I wish I had found your video three years ago, instead of today! (It’s 3ys old according to UA-cam)
You put so many things I’ve been unable to describe into the perfect descriptions of my experiences in my life.... the mirror self, the plural “we” self talk, the inner dialogue, how “!” controls the mouth instead of another alter trying to speak.
Thank you for being brave enough to share these reflections with the world. Most people might not see it as a big deal, but for the very few of us who desperately need this kind of validation to inspire us to keep fighting, its lifesaving.
Thank you so much!
Peace and Love
-RIP
I might have covert DiD while thinking back and looking at symptoms
i relate with 3/4 and ive identified alters am i cooked
I thought the different personalities didn't know of each other!?!?? I know ALL 19 of mine like you guys! Why does the DSM-IV say that
Welcome! *waves to all the other systems
6:27 i dont think the thoughts arent from me either/too.
i remember allways haveing 2 different things i want to do for 1 sencond=i had litterlly 3 today in 1 senond/more seconds.
Can you have D.I.D. if you don't refer to yourself as "we"
Yes. Some do and some don’t. There’s not any single way to have DID.
Thank you
First sign 7 years ago, that is a long time, 2 years b4 i found this channel, sometimes i blamed meds you were using at that moment.
The degree of dissociation did make it seem like there were bad med side effects or like I was on something. It can seem like a bad trip sometimes.
The first video I made about talking to alters was about 7 years ago, so that may have been the first time for UA-cam but not for me. I have journal entries naming one alter since 2007 and I can remember switches in alters since the age of 7.
@@TheBagSystem At 7 if alters are created by trauma it can explain the younger alters, or am i wrong here.
They also can stay away for years i think, and come forward when triggered.
Do you mean that they are that age because they were created that young? That is probable. They were created younger. It's only possible to have DID if the repeated trauma occurred in the first few years. We can't develop DID as as adult. Katie may have been created at 2 and Skittle at 4. The others at their ages too, but some alters can age or age slide.
Yes. They can. They were severely triggered last year when we were attacked in the hospital. They come out far more now than they ever did before that
1:34 real for now/not just the fun thing=the w.t.f. thing=i thought a dog on her/or them.
it sounded like what i do for adhd.
(and isaac clarke noise on the train="ddddna AAAAAAAH!!!!!"=
ptsd=its not pg 13 movies.).
thank you , this was very helpful, i relate to this alot
This girl was on many years ago and she pretended she had disorders other people had at the time on youtube
👌 Neat
Thank you. "Something is not on the normal level here." Yeah. 👍
3:55 so...
aaaah...
i only started doing the=/ recentlly,because it feels wrong not writeing both things i think of.
and i do see/feel me typeing=not like me.
Holy sh*t. I resonate with a lot of this. I’m scared. Lmao.
4:39 i get only commentary/the ego down sort of=cant tell the diffrence for me thinking stuff?...
🧡 did
dissociation
c-ptsd
suicidality
tourette
😭 ... okay not so bad 💔
am i perfect?
ptsd
gad
major clinical depression
dissociative amnesia
dissociation
suicidality
body dysmorphia
panic disorder
HSP
aspergers
🤪 oh well, yes, i see 💕
that is it! did freaks me out 🧡
Edit: added to the list!
DID is dissociation, so those are just one. I also have OCD and history of eating disorder.
DID might seem strange, but it’s just a fragmentation.
@@TheBagSystem --- i understand, but i don't want you fragmented, you do not deserve it 💚.
You have lived through more than enough 😭. Stay Strong young lady. I love u, my old pal.
@@thexpax Hey so I can tell this was meant with good intentions. But saying that you don't want a system to be fragmented is kind of offensive as many systems view being multiple as their experience and the PTSD as their main disorder to heal from, as D.I.D. is fragmentation due to extreme trauma and several systems do work for final fusion and it being undone due to future traumas (you never unlearn dissociation and splitting, even if you fuse into one). Final fusion is of course a valid option, but remaining multiple is too and it's not for people outside of the system to say that. I know this wasn't directed at me and apparently there wasn't a huge issue in this instance bc the Bag System didn't respond, but I really wanted to get this out there.
@@thexpax the most offensive part of it honestly was the "you do not deserve it"
Being multiple isn't a terrible existence, it's the trauma and the symptoms that come that are the hard parts and the dissociation. When you can lessen those, you can allow for the multiplicity to really shine.
Thank you for this