Texting while dating is the worst. I Miss the days when you go out of your way to call the guy or when he comes all the way to your neighborhood just to see you for 5 mins. There's no games or tricks
I hate how in my relationship or in a lot of relationships, it's always amazing in person but when you go home and you guys are texting, its always shit
@@kellyn3347 Yes and we should not give men incentives to text us. Too many women are allowing men to text and not pick up the phone..it drives me crazy. I had to put a stop to the 'text once a week thing too'.
@@thediabolicalempath7246 I've heard it said "easier to stick with the devil you know", lol. Also I think we assume its easy for them to "hook us" (women) its not, somebody some where gone see through the murk and not put up with they crap, so once you're invested, they breadcrumb so they don't lose you as supply. Its a bunch of variables, lol
A man who wants to make a connection with a girl will DO it. Plain and simple. He won’t sit idly by. Don’t believe his “I’m a bad texter bs” - you are a good texter with ppl who matter. If he had a few seconds to post a story on his social media then he has a few seconds to reply back lol ppl really aren’t THAT busy
Lizzypoo it’s a difference when someone hasn’t gotten to know you yet. Matthew made that difference clear in the beginning. Why would you put everything aside to invest in a person you don’t even know.
I have aspergersyndrome and i am an introvert with high HSP. I do not like texting. It is superficial. I only text to make appointments and for practical things. I rather call. I find rela letters more valuable and meaningfull. Bless
Amen 🙏 I knew a guy who would post seven IG stories a day (in five different colours and fonts) and he didn't find a few minutes to reply to me... for 3 DAYS! And his excuse was "I need time and comfort to give a good reply which I now do not have" ... Whatever, bye 🙄👋
Kathy H I'm with a wonderful man. Do things that you enjoy. Make your life full of the things you love. You might find love or you might not, but either way you'll have a great life. Having a pessimistic attitude isn't helpful to you.
Polly Pockets yeah many times. Each time I've been proven wrong. Even chubby obese women have atleast a couple of guys who have shown interest in them but these men are not "their type". And this isn't even about sex which most women here are whining about. These guys are really interested in them for a relationship. If I include casual sex or online dating in this, things become brutally painful for men. It's a well know fact in animal kingdom, only a select few fit males get to reproduce. I don't understand why people keep insisting we humans know better than animals. Our animalistic instincts are still there with us especially when it comes to dating because in dating people aren't advised to think logically like humans but are only told to go with what "feels" right. Most women only find a few men attractive (some of my female friends have told me this). There is a study done by OKCupid on this. There is too much evidence present to ignore this simple fact. No wonder why women never have "courted" men throughout the history or paid for dates and I am pretty sure it's never gonna change. Women have too many options. They don't need to risk rejection when guys are already trying to court them. They can easily sit and relax. It's all biology. Anybody who denies it is a fool. I am a fit guy. I go to the gym and take care of myself. And yet only one woman has shown interest in me so far. She was slightly thick but was nice to talk to. But she too lost interest in me when some other guy started chasing her. So no your theory is wrong, men are not "friendzoning" any girls. Only guys I know who are"friendzoning" girl are a couple guys who have FWBs (not really friendzone though as the girl also seem to enjoy that arrangement).
If women really had a hard time and were desperate for men, they'd be hitting on guys and paying for the dates. Since almost no woman does it, it proves that women don't really face any problems finding a guy. Keeping a guy on the other hand is a different issue.
When he isn't investing in you, run. Don't invest in an empty black hole. There. No need for further analysis. Invest in someone who will invest equally back
This is just confusing me more .. What if we both invest equally for the first 3 months and then he just falls out of investment lol just like that and there's nothing you can do about it but let him go .
Yes more people need to realize this. The whole "It's their loss" thing is a bit silly. Sometimes people don't jive or aren't compatible. It doesn't have to be a loss at all.
Exactly people already know this, that's not the point...what makes them a bad person is them not telling us they're not interested and giving us false hope while they CLEARLY know that the other person is interested
That is right. Sometimes it is easier for others to automatically label the person a "jerk" or "not worthy" just to lessen the pain that comes from not being liked back, but that honestly affects our character in a negative way. Some people are just not for us.
Facts. I need to know too. Thats why these boys are out here taking women for granted because we are allowing their bad behavior, are desperate and making them feel like they are must-haves.
@@MsBadBody Yes, and sex. Women used to wait for marriage and men had to wait. Women have lowered the standard. Men love it more than women do. Men treated women alot better, on the whole..
NO ONE is a prize. This mindset is why people fail at dating and relationships. Having expectations on how the other person should act cause you think you're the "prize" is a horrible mentality and very toxic
Yes, men married for sex. Now they can have sex with just about any woman. It's great for the men. Men love dating..seeing all that's out there..women..not so much. I'm sure the men have the best deal and that women on the whole are undervalued in the eyes of men because now they can pick and choose. We have given our power away. Now men seem to have it. Wake up women!!
When I first had met my boyfriend he told me he didn’t want a relationship, I listened and we just were casually dating. We got to know each other better and I stopped talking to him because I started to like him. He freaked out and came back after me because he had started to really like me too after us getting to know each other. Our 7 year anniversary is this year
lace good news! Congrats! I’m in a situationship with a man whom, in our FIRST conversation, said doesn’t want anyone living with him, doesn’t want to marry. He calls me every day. Was 2-4 times a day. (Over 130 calls in 1 ½ months.) ONLY GOT TOGETHER TWO TIMES. Now cutting down calls to 1 time a day. I love him and feel like Pavlovs dogs, waiting for attention. (I rarely call him.) I need to cut communication completely. How did you do it? What did you say? Thanks.
You can NOT Make a person be interested in you who low prioritizes you. Best thing I learned about this video was move forward DONT sit waiting for the phone to ring ,build your character and respond ,and don’t react. See or as a blessing. There’s someone who wants EXACTLY what you have to offer. Don’t lose hope .
Don't stay with the person who isn't capable of investing his time and effort to you because that kind of relationship won't work. It's true that if you love someone you don't need to expect in return but for a relationship to work out well, everything you do should be reciprocated.
Sedonia Dragotta that’s how I’ve always approached it. I’m not a snob, either . It’s just that having a man in my life isn’t the most important part. He’s gotta’ enhance my life somewhat .n
I bet you haven't met a 3% man yet. Then see yourself chaising (if he knows how to treat a woman ) all of this assuming she is emotionally sane and not a passive aggressive little girl pissed off with men. Bottom line so it's hard to find emotionally sane people that know what the opposite sex responds to. I am still taking off some of the little crap in my head sometimes but it's a work In progress. Also would be beneficial that women would understand themselves. Most women don't know to what they respond to and will never do. And the lady above is the perfect example.
What I also learned was chasing or trying harder with someone who had low investment reflected what I thought of myself. If I was willing to chase after someone who had low investment, what did that say about my self-worth? It said that I was willing to settle for someone because I wasn't worthy of anything more. Thank you for your wisdom my brother
I think it is not about relationship skills but social skills. I encountered many problems, because of luck of social skills. In my opinion you should feel good around people then you can find someone who could be happy with you.
Listen up. You deserve more than being a second choice. There's somebody out there who will treasure you. You just need to find them and waiting around for someone who isn't invested only slows ya down
Yes and that's all lovely - HOWEVER, what if that next guy who "treasures you" doesn't interest you? That's often the problem and then we further beat ourselves up because we think we SHOULD want that good guy! Ugh. It's frustrating, I know. I met a "good" guy who would've done most anything for me (I knew him through mutual friends and he was certainly a "good guy" but also a "needy guy" 🤢🤮 uh...no). I had a friend, and my Mom make me feel bad for not jumping on the good guy because I SHOULD want him after the last guy who hurt me. Sorry to go into all that but just because we might find someone who treasures us doesn't mean we will be interested in them - and we shouldn't be made to think that. The key is not just hoping for a good guy who will treasure us, but hope for a good guy who WE are also interested in giving to them. That's the hard part - finding both.
Showing anger to someone with low investment is definately not an attractive quality. If anything it will only confirm to them that they did the right thing not investing in you. I much prefer to keep my self control, my dignity and stay classy. At least then I get to keep liking myself...which in turn can attract the right person anyways. Win win :-)
Kim B it is frustrating though when several guys have done this to you. im tired of feeling inadequate because guys dont see my worth as a young woman.
No one can make you feel inadequate. That feeling comes from inside. Maybe these guys don't see your worth because they are simply not good enough for you. They're not bringing enough to the table for you.
Kim B Yes it is, however everyone deserves a chance. Each person deserves just as the person that came before them. This is a mistake I have made. I took a week of no communication on both our parts for me to figure this out. We're back on track.
As a 40 year old- I have no tolerance. I move on quickly. Guy asked me out on a Thursday for Sunday at 5pm. Said he would get back to me about the details. Never got back to me. On Sunday at 330pm he texts that sorry he's been busy with work but do I still want to meet at 5. I replied, since I didn't hear from you I went ahead and made other plans. He apologized and said he wants to reschedule. I replied, sounds good :) Left it at that.
My advice always is: ( go with the flow ) of the relationship. If he's getting closer, get closer as well, but with precautions, don't throw yourself over any man, it will turn him off. If he's distancing himself, then let it be; as simple as that, cause if his intentions are serious & good, he'll still come back, no matter what.
sade life 1015 except if he's a narcissist, then they come back and it is sort of that viscious cycle, gotta assess it on a person by person basis as well as where you are at.
*begin imaginary commercial* I can see this as a UA-cam vid, a fake commercial of sorts. Fades in to you, and you have your Perrier. As you enjoy your peaceful, relaxing day/evening, the wind kicks up just a tad to give the moment a wistful vibe. You look into the camera, and you say something like "Winners don't wait." Then the person of your dreams walks up to you and sits next to you, also with a Perrier in their hand. Then, you and that person say together, "Perrier isn't for losers." *end imaginary commercial*
The best thing you can do with anyone is pretend they don't matter and don't exist to you. That kills them. Not nasty replies, not smartass remarks, just that they don't matter to you anymore. Ghost, invisible...done.
Teri Noneofyourbusiness. its a sad truth but what happens if your stuck splitting bills and dont got anywhere to go live til you get things sorted out?
Redfather tried it. It has results. My gf has went cold plenty of times not really showing much investment in me. Went no contact. Guess what? She comes crawling back
Ivne Haas umm indifferent would be no reply or a polite reply where they are turning you down . Angry implies there is still some charge or passion. I made sure to be polite when I declined a man’s invitation . It’s easy to be nice and polite when you have absolutely no feelings or attraction to them .
I agree. Anger equates to emotional investment to the relationship, but to get nothing is an indicating that the person is not going to try hard and is unwilling to invest.
I love this video so much. There is so much anger and over reaction in my daughter's generation. My daughter doesn't understand why I'm always telling her "resist the urge to react" when what I'm really saying is "you're too beautiful to give that much of your power away." This was so perfectly explained.
exactly... you don't have to be interested in me or exclusive with me but lying about it just to keep me around really hurts!!!!!!!!! I am in this situation rn cuz I really liked him and he lied about wanting to be serious and exclusive....
"you are going to have to really try for me to go back to investing on the level that i did before" i think i really needed to hear that. now i have to apply it.
Matthew, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve watched this throughout the years. Pure gold. Thanks for all you do and for helping me stay in a positive space with high expectations coming from a place of peace and love!
I'm a guy and I listen to Matthew, I must say his advice goes both ways. I learn a lot about women too in order words I think I've learned a lot about people in general. Thanks, Matt.
I think where it gets frustrating for women though is the thought that guys are supposed to pursue you if they are interested. But when they act interested one day and take three days to answer your text the next...and flip flop back and forth like this for several days, it feels like a waste of time and a game. I have definitely told guys who do this 'never mind' because i have no clue what they're doing TBH. :)
@@aa1589 putting effort doesn't mean chase a mediocre guy. I get it, play the game, but if you think that i have to chase your mediocrity, I'm out. I'm not going to give a guy a second chance when there are so many out there waiting for the first
If a person doesn't show interest in me I try to put myself in their shoes. I don't like everyone that like me either and we should be able to have that choice. It just stings a bit when you like them but oh well.... NEXT😂✌🏼✌🏼
The only advice I can give is that you shouldn’t invest your time in someone who isn’t doing the same, don’t play games either and don’t fall into the words of another person, actions always speak louder than words.. a person can say whatever they want, for example they can say they’ll make time for you, but if they don’t make that time or put in the effort then it’s time to analyze that relationship/situation and simply leave. At the end of the day happiness is very important, and whenever I’m in any situation whether that be a relationship, school, etc I always ask myself is what I’m doing right now or is this particular aspect of my life bringing me happiness. This doesn’t mean happiness all the time because that’s not possible, but am I happy most of the time or am I constantly stressed or sad. Everyone has different love languages and the best thing I can say is don’t force something, if you want someone to give you time or you want something to be a certain way, simply find someone who meets your needs.. don’t try changing someone else because they won’t change, they’ll change for a time period but once they know they’ve got you they’ll go back to their ways. The biggest problem I feel that I see in relationships or dating is that people aren’t clear with their intentions and that’s why people end up being confused or creating scenarios in their heads. Communication is key, and if you’re the only person communicating then it’s time to leave.
Your content's so much better lately. One can see that you're really pushing yourself to kick it up a notch. It was good before but not much different from what you'd get with other dating coaches. Every video lately is breakthrough after breakthrough though... Keep it up Matthew and thank you. x
"Winners don't wait. They keep going." This is so true! Great talk. :) I'm at the point where if someone isn't matching my energy, I'll bow out but without any bad feelings. I'll just say "Hey, it looks like you're playing some games and I'm looking for someone who's on the same page as me. I wish you the best. Xx" and I move on. Also, holding grudges against people who you had 1 or 2 dates with you is so bad. It's okay if you don't connect right away or if they move on. In my experience, if it doesn't take off within the first couple of weeks, it never takes off.
Been there..done that. It actually works. Just moved on & stopped investing my energy & time on the guy after i told him i was into him and he said he wasn't ready for anything. He texted back a week later, all interested. I had to actually respond with.."I'm sorry..but who is this?" Really didn't know..very empowering. By then, i was the one not interested.
When he texted you and you didn’t know who he was, that must mean that sometime within that one week, you deleted his number. If you truly weren’t interested like you say, you wouldn’t have even bothered to delete him.
Always be true to yourself. Don't settle for bad behaviour because you're lonely or desperate or insecure. Once you invest in yourself, the bad behaviour doesn't impact you because you can say to yourself, "thank you, next!" and not take it personally and keep having a fun, happy, fulfilled life. If you're not sure how to stop being lonely, desperate and insecure, start with creativity. Art, dancing, knitting, sewing, crafting, carpentry, sculpture, whatever. Something that you can use your hands, mind and body in concert with each other to produce a beautiful outcome. I tried doing that when dating and relationships kept falling apart and I realised I felt that way because I wasn't nurtured throughout my life by others. But the tragic thing is, I wasn't nurturing myself either. Art and creativity nurtured me in ways I never would have believed. Now I'm single and absolutely loving it but I'm open to a relationship if it happened. The upside is, I will never again accept bad behaviour from anyone and soon as a guy starts that crap, I'm ready and willing to go, "see ya, wouldn't wanna be ya".
I find it hard not to get frustrated when I've been dating someone a month and they suddenly go for more than a week without talking to me. In the moment I know I shouldn't show my frustration and I should try to just keep moving on with my life but it's hard when you've already spent time with a person to maintain the "low investment" standpoint
Thank you so much for addressing the angry aspect. And for delving into the fact that if someone isn't interested in you they are a horrible person. Everyone doesn't work together and that's perfectly fine and normal. Move on to someone that wants to hear what you have to say and and be around you.
I really appreciate how you offer guidance not only on "how to get the guy", but more importantly how to cultivate self-love and respect by utilizing the tools shared in your videos. Great words of wisdom, and an infectious personality as always Matthew :)
The truth is- a lot of women are attracted to unavailable men. Until we don t repair this circle, we will always focus on the wrong guy. I got so many answers on book- “Women who love too much”- in case you find yourself repeating the same unhealthy pattern like I did, it might worth reading it. Matt, you are doing a great job and helped me to get through my break up, a big thank you!☺️
This video should be seen by every young girl, well every girl, because I love that you are teaching women to communicate their standards in a way that is not angry while remaining positive and polite. My daughter is 19 and this has been such an amazing example of how you can say anything you want but its how you say it that defines your character. Thank you Matthew, for not only giving advice for dating relationships but for all human relationships in general. I love love this message!
Thank you so much for your insightful videos. I especially very much needed to hear this. I think often our first reaction to rejection is to be angry and frustrated, but we need to realize that it's a normal part of life to be rejected, that in fact, everyone must go through it at some point in their lives. The best way to handle this, rather than become angry, is to remember that this person that has kindly declined us is their own person with their own ideals and aspirations and we cannot control their reaction to us. And that is ok. Sometimes, it's just not meant to be, or we've simply caught them at a bad time. Either way, it's important to keep being happy in our own lives and focus on our own personal development instead of focusing on the negative and trying to chase down another person. It is when chasing after our dreams and ideas that the right people will come into our lives, and we'll know that they're the right ones because they'll fight to stay in our lives.
Marina Defranchi Agreed. Even if it's the right ones who fight to stay in our lives, we may still not want them. People can complicated, stubborn and stupid at times.
I tried this approach multiple times, sending a last text message with a positive attitude following being given an unexpected cold shoulder after two months of dating; something like: 'regardless of how things turned out, I still want to say I had a fantastic time and really enjoyed your company'. It didn't change anything though and they didn't reply. Would have been nice to hear 'enjoyed the time with you too, sorry it didn't work out but wish you best regards for the future'. At least I wouldn't be feeling like I was somehow repulsive and unwanted, such as I do now as a result of just being totally ignored. Maybe a guy doesn't owe any explanation as to why they want to break up, but if the other person was kind and genuine, they should at least owe a polite breakup with some kind parting words. Just as a matter of courtesy.
That's so shitty. Especially after two months. If it was just two dates or something similar, fine. But if it's TWO MONTHS... a thanks but no thanks text at least. But I've realized you have to have low expectations. There's just no way around it. People aren't obligated to treat each other with common decency. Don't tie up your self worth in the actions of others. Their actions are more about them than you.
Something doesn’t sit well with me about these ‘techniques’ I’m not dismissing their value, but it feels a little like playing games which I don’t a really like. Can you not just communicate openly with each other? Why do we have to skip around each other like this?
I couldn’t have put it better myself. Well said. I am straight up like you! a “real” person! and I am not going pretend to be something I’m not and play these pathetic games just to be in a relationship with a man. They are not worth that much. I prefer to stay single.
Evie Cool, I really like Matthew Hussey's channel as there's so much to learn and use depending on your situation. You don't have to use all of the techniques, or any of them quite frankly, but being respectfully honest is key ! I too am a straight shooter where I like getting to the point in a respectful manner ! Dating has become quite the challenge. Quality will always win over quantity.
My boyfriend after 9 months has been so focus on his work and don't have time to spend with me. I got anxious and got mad at first but I guess it's a waste of time to pour on that negative emotions. So, I tried to be okay and didn't mind it, until he beep me up and said "I miss you a lot." that's just felt good to read it all over again.
Timing is a huge factor . More than I think we realize. People that suddenly back off isn’t always because they are a bad person or a player. Sometimes they think they are ready and find out they’re not ... Nothing to do with you. Having low energy and being mean and nasty won’t help us find love. If they try to come back be gracious but firm. You can hold your standards without being ratchet or rude. Put them at the back of the line and leave it up to them to earn some time with you. If they do then good. If they don’t it’s also cool because you didn’t invest heavily. You can’t block and delete the entire world. Trust me I’ve been there . 💕
antionette fisher, well, a person who is doing great in living a fulfilling life and is cool with someone who is not ready to invest in a relationship, has high energy and doesn't care about who is flaking on them! In this way they don't appear miserable and needy. 😉❤️
My main problem is guys just see me as something casual and I never seem to be good enough for something serious, just wondering if there is a vid on it already?
Steph JT he has plenty of videos on that subject. Just look at his youtube channel. Also if you don't want to be casual then don't be casual with them. Don't have sex with them until you are both interested in a relationship and don't compromise your own needs and values for others. Stay strong and good luck.
At first I was think I should have to watch this, I shouldn’t be confused but it’s me, not him. If you show anger, you’re showing that they have power over you! You’re absolutely right! I need to work on that. Also, when you take the anger out of it you can analyze the situation better. Let him go instead of going off
"Winners don't wait. They move forward with their life". What a wonderful way to see things!! Thank you, Matthew!! Toward the brighter future & being a winner!! :)
I used to be the kind of girl, who would text a guy first if i thought he was cute, or ask for a first date, or even ask for a second date (after he asked for the first date and then didn't ask for a second one). I really don't care about those gender-roles and who is supposed to text first, initiate a kiss or something like that. It just turned out, that every time, I was the one texting etc., the guy never really was interested enough to play that "back and forth" game with me. All good, as long as i was initating the contact or dates, but they never initated anything. Now I just stopped being the one to text first or ask for a date because it was just too exhausting. Might there be something right about "men shoult text, ask on a date, initiate the first kiss" after all? :O (sorry if my message doesn't make sense, i'm not a native speaker :D)
Now think about what a man has to go through when the whole society forces the man to initiate. Welcome to a man's world. Ohh wait you gave up coz it got "exhausting". Poor you. We men don't have that luxury.
Le Beri, there's no need for the guy to respond or chase you because you're doing all the work. There's no challenge for him. When he's feeling lonely and you stop texting him or contacting him, he may reach out to you but if he sees that he doesn't have to do anything it's because he thinks that you're desperate, meaning that you will do anything to get a man even lose your self worth. Stop chasing men! Love yourself and have more class about yourself!
It's so disgraceful that even after getting the red flags our heart is not ready to accept those signs... Because damn! We really love them and it's always hard to break a connection with our loved once 💔
What a GREAT phrase! I’ll invest more when they invest!! Oh my gosh!! I’ve tried so hard to hang onto hope but he’s not mirroring the effort I’m putting in. I’ll invest when he invests...mind blown
Basically, I'm having a rough time in my relationship. And the prior reason is because of "less time investment by him" and Damn I resort to Mathew videos and I'm feeling so much positive right now and the very phrase "winners don't wait" has refresh my mind and making me a whole lot of stronger once again to go about. Damn I was so much feeling drained until I watch this video. Mathew you're so intellectual and wise. I love the way you put things.
Been so many times invested in a guy who didn't invest back. Took time to learn how to quickly get over it but was worth. Don't wait for tides to turn, move forward - it's my creed here.
In Jan, I happily announced on your comments section that I got a date and then I did continue to date the guy for two months,and it was my first ever relationship at the age of 32. Sadly, he indeed ghosted on me, left me wondering why and now what you say just make exact sense to me. I am glad I was prepared for all these to happen, thanks to your earlier videos about the meaning of closure in a r/s as well as what to do when a guy ghosted on us. I know I deserve better and I can't wait to find my special someone soon.
Cardigan Babe just happened to me as well. I finally just asked him what was going on with him as he went no contact for 2 weeks. Said he was dating someone else and it's serious. It hurt but it's my fault for getting too attached and not dating others still.
sarasayshi you have the right to feel as u wanted to date him only at that time . He should have been man enough to say I’m sorry this is not working out and I met someone else and it got serious .
Yes I love how you made it so clear with how to properly respond to men. Especially while remaining in Positive energy but still getting your point across in a great way. Thanks again for the free chapter too.
So basically we should pretend to be cool when we are upset by his behaviour? Sounds sneaky and unauthentic... like playing mind games. I believe in being my authentic self always. Even if someone doesn't like it I'm glad to know they aren't the one early on. I would rather be upset and show it in the initial stages itself and wait for the right guy who understands clearly that I would be upset by this behaviour and chooses to make my feelings a priority the next time round.
I was in a relationship with a guy and we were together for 3 years, one day he just cheated on me so I gave him an opportunity, but he doesn't invested time on our relationship, i love him but i love myself more.
Sasaki Umiquema same here ... Got dumped and he said he's not interested anymore then I Was angry and advised to ditch the guy so i replied saying "me niether" when i actually was interested but yeah also angry too as he was angry ... Ahhh now Im thinking what if he thinks its mutual the beak up but for me it wasnt and now yeah i saw that he unblocked me but he hasnt texted me so I didnt want to get rejected or look like I'm not respecting him so i left it and waiting for him to reply but alas
I dont get this guy.. If you always try to understand what the other person is up to.. you will lose yourself.. if he does not do good, then ditch him. Simple. Girls dont need to have a mind of a psychiatrist to be successful in relationship..
I wish you were around when I was single. Your videos would have saved me alot of heartache. I did get my happy ending. Your videos are excellent. I enjoy watching you. I just have to ask..are you in a relationship?
Didi1770 agreed. I'm 29 and just learned about Matthew and this channel a few months ago and I wish I would have I've been watching him since the very beginning
Men are all the same. This dude seems like he knows everything but it seems rehearsed, clinical and weird. I really like what he says, and I put myself in a womans shoes and really like him. But from a mans eyes something isnt right here.
I don't get mad anymore. I accept it and let go of them. I just get brokenhearted and cry for a couple of days. I'm still grateful they showed their true colors soon. So I can move on to the next. 😊 And, when having relationship talks, I just appreciate it more that they don't lie about not being serious with me. And then I stop talking to them so I can forget them. 😊 I always pray to God, to pls remove the guy as soon as possible if he's not the right one for me. The last guy I liked, he didn't do much effort though he wants me to be his gf. He only wants to put in effort if I accept him as a bf. I try to understand and be patient. And just observed him. He had never been rude to me so I have no reason to be mad. Just that I hope he'd at least not ghost me before changing his mind. But things are still fresh. I don't know what will happen yet. As I barely talked to him last night (he's usually on his phone all the time) so I decided to let him go.
Doing this with my current relationship.. 3 yrs invested.. he still finds things to do without me on his day off... - he got a lil boy... so I’m not sitting around anymore... when he realizes he’s losing me will have to put a lot of effort to get me back to where i was totally into him and kid!
I revisited this video coincidentally today while a guy is giving me reasons to be angry with him these days. The pointers on this piece from Mathew are genius and precious! Dotting my i’s and crossing my t’s now in my communication with the guy and continuing to live my best life. Thank you Mathew - sending positive vibes your way (and Jameson’s way too) 🤗 (maybe there are no coincidences 😊)
The difference is that she's reacting on his story in an angry way, that's a major difference. Whereas the one u sent showed his story made no difference to you. Great explanation. That statement "winners don't wait".,, hurts a lot. I waited 5 years for my ex , just to know that at the end he got married 😭 I feel loser
I was doing all these even before your video, just being myself never getting irritated or angry, doing my thing, rationally wouldn't exert that much emotion in a conversation cause truth is the person doesn't know you at this stage and I wouldn't also expect that someone I just met is expecting me to invest in them big time so soon
I wish I was dating someone where I didn’t have to watch these kinds of videos..
opalfishy me too 😩🥺. This is so complicated
Then do exactly that. I’m in the same boat and feel like I’m about to leave :(
I feel you..
PREACH
Maybe you should reevaluate the men you're attracted to.
If he's the reason you're watching these videos then he's not the one 🥺
we- 🧍🏾♀️
Sadly... :(
Accurate!
True true
Very true
Texting while dating is the worst. I Miss the days when you go out of your way to call the guy or when he comes all the way to your neighborhood just to see you for 5 mins. There's no games or tricks
I hate how in my relationship or in a lot of relationships, it's always amazing in person but when you go home and you guys are texting, its always shit
My ex did that but he chose someone else over me
@@jen4162 I totally am just discovering how crappy that is!
@@kellyn3347 Yes and we should not give men incentives to text us. Too many women are allowing men to text and not pick up the phone..it drives me crazy. I had to put a stop to the 'text once a week thing too'.
@@jen4162 I know exactly what you mean!
“If it doesn’t open, it’s not your door”
So true.....
Love that babe
WOW! 💯🔥💯🔥
@@thelightshinesinthedark But why keep me hostage?
@@thediabolicalempath7246 I've heard it said "easier to stick with the devil you know", lol. Also I think we assume its easy for them to "hook us" (women) its not, somebody some where gone see through the murk and not put up with they crap, so once you're invested, they breadcrumb so they don't lose you as supply. Its a bunch of variables, lol
A man who wants to make a connection with a girl will DO it. Plain and simple. He won’t sit idly by. Don’t believe his “I’m a bad texter bs” - you are a good texter with ppl who matter.
If he had a few seconds to post a story on his social media then he has a few seconds to reply back lol ppl really aren’t THAT busy
Lizzypoo it’s a difference when someone hasn’t gotten to know you yet. Matthew made that difference clear in the beginning. Why would you put everything aside to invest in a person you don’t even know.
Lizzypoo amen
Exactly...believe me ladies...when a man is interested he will make an effort...the others are just players
I have aspergersyndrome and i am an introvert with high HSP. I do not like texting. It is superficial. I only text to make appointments and for practical things. I rather call. I find rela letters more valuable and meaningfull. Bless
Amen 🙏 I knew a guy who would post seven IG stories a day (in five different colours and fonts) and he didn't find a few minutes to reply to me... for 3 DAYS! And his excuse was "I need time and comfort to give a good reply which I now do not have" ... Whatever, bye 🙄👋
Dating now a days SUCKS! We live in such a narcissist society and finding "honest" and caring men truly seem like a thing of the past:(
That's why a lot of men get "friendzoned"?
Kathy H I'm with a wonderful man. Do things that you enjoy. Make your life full of the things you love. You might find love or you might not, but either way you'll have a great life. Having a pessimistic attitude isn't helpful to you.
youtube sucks Maybe the guys who are friend zoned are friend zoning women who are interested in them. Ever think of that?
Polly Pockets yeah many times. Each time I've been proven wrong. Even chubby obese women have atleast a couple of guys who have shown interest in them but these men are not "their type". And this isn't even about sex which most women here are whining about. These guys are really interested in them for a relationship. If I include casual sex or online dating in this, things become brutally painful for men. It's a well know fact in animal kingdom, only a select few fit males get to reproduce. I don't understand why people keep insisting we humans know better than animals. Our animalistic instincts are still there with us especially when it comes to dating because in dating people aren't advised to think logically like humans but are only told to go with what "feels" right. Most women only find a few men attractive (some of my female friends have told me this). There is a study done by OKCupid on this. There is too much evidence present to ignore this simple fact. No wonder why women never have "courted" men throughout the history or paid for dates and I am pretty sure it's never gonna change. Women have too many options. They don't need to risk rejection when guys are already trying to court them. They can easily sit and relax. It's all biology. Anybody who denies it is a fool.
I am a fit guy. I go to the gym and take care of myself. And yet only one woman has shown interest in me so far. She was slightly thick but was nice to talk to. But she too lost interest in me when some other guy started chasing her. So no your theory is wrong, men are not "friendzoning" any girls. Only guys I know who are"friendzoning" girl are a couple guys who have FWBs (not really friendzone though as the girl also seem to enjoy that arrangement).
If women really had a hard time and were desperate for men, they'd be hitting on guys and paying for the dates. Since almost no woman does it, it proves that women don't really face any problems finding a guy. Keeping a guy on the other hand is a different issue.
"Winners don't wait, they move forward in their life" -Matthew Hussey. By far my favorite comment he has made on a video! 👌🏼
My favourite part of the video. It's gold.
How dare you!😂
Agreed😊
When he isn't investing in you, run. Don't invest in an empty black hole. There. No need for further analysis. Invest in someone who will invest equally back
Bre Klein true😢
Facts
If you ain't trying fuck why should he waste his time on you
This is just confusing me more .. What if we both invest equally for the first 3 months and then he just falls out of investment lol just like that and there's nothing you can do about it but let him go .
Bre Klein True A real man listens and he doesn’t ask the same questions and you are right.
“Just because someone isn’t interested in us - it doesn’t make them a bad person.” 👌👌🔥🔥🔥
Yes more people need to realize this. The whole "It's their loss" thing is a bit silly. Sometimes people don't jive or aren't compatible. It doesn't have to be a loss at all.
Exactly people already know this, that's not the point...what makes them a bad person is them not telling us they're not interested and giving us false hope while they CLEARLY know that the other person is interested
How about them being honest then?
@@MADZOUA exactly , nd using us for their fun
That is right. Sometimes it is easier for others to automatically label the person a "jerk" or "not worthy" just to lessen the pain that comes from not being liked back, but that honestly affects our character in a negative way. Some people are just not for us.
When did men become the prize ! Men used to try to impress us now the tables has turned!! Wow
Facts. I need to know too. Thats why these boys are out here taking women for granted because we are allowing their bad behavior, are desperate and making them feel like they are must-haves.
@@MsBadBody Yes, and sex. Women used to wait for marriage and men had to wait. Women have lowered the standard. Men love it more than women do. Men treated women alot better, on the whole..
@@joolspools777 Totally agree and it's bad now
NO ONE is a prize. This mindset is why people fail at dating and relationships. Having expectations on how the other person should act cause you think you're the "prize" is a horrible mentality and very toxic
Yes, men married for sex. Now they can have sex with just about any woman. It's great for the men. Men love dating..seeing all that's out there..women..not so much. I'm sure the men have the best deal and that women on the whole are undervalued in the eyes of men because now they can pick and choose. We have given our power away. Now men seem to have it. Wake up women!!
When I first had met my boyfriend he told me he didn’t want a relationship, I listened and we just were casually dating. We got to know each other better and I stopped talking to him because I started to like him. He freaked out and came back after me because he had started to really like me too after us getting to know each other. Our 7 year anniversary is this year
I’m in a similar situation! Did you confront him or simply just started ignoring him? 😅
lace good news! Congrats! I’m in a situationship with a man whom, in our FIRST conversation, said doesn’t want anyone living with him, doesn’t want to marry. He calls me every day. Was 2-4 times a day. (Over 130 calls in 1 ½ months.) ONLY GOT TOGETHER TWO TIMES. Now cutting down calls to 1 time a day. I love him and feel like Pavlovs dogs, waiting for attention. (I rarely call him.) I need to cut communication completely. How did you do it? What did you say? Thanks.
Awwwe!
Is there any ring in the air?? That’ what matter sis 😘
question is, did he ask you to get married yet?
You can NOT Make a person be interested in you who low prioritizes you. Best thing I learned about this video was move forward DONT sit waiting for the phone to ring ,build your character and respond ,and don’t react. See or as a blessing. There’s someone who wants EXACTLY what you have to offer. Don’t lose hope .
We accept the kind of love we think we deserve.
Or maybe... we accept what we think is the best we can get.
@@LL-wu5ui Bravo. My thoughts exactly
That’s so sad
Think it's the other way around.
@@LL-wu5uithis absolutely. I know I deserve better- but for rn I’m lonely, as long as I don’t fully invest either then I’ll be ok 😅
When a guy is interested he SHOWS it.
Don't stay with the person who isn't capable of investing his time and effort to you because that kind of relationship won't work. It's true that if you love someone you don't need to expect in return but for a relationship to work out well, everything you do should be reciprocated.
I've never ever chased any man.
I come first always .
I value myself not to be treated like a dog.
Yeah you sound a miserable too
What are you doing here if that is the case
Sedonia Dragotta that’s how I’ve always approached it. I’m not a snob, either . It’s just that having a man in my life isn’t the most important part. He’s gotta’ enhance my life somewhat .n
I bet you haven't met a 3% man yet. Then see yourself chaising (if he knows how to treat a woman ) all of this assuming she is emotionally sane and not a passive aggressive little girl pissed off with men.
Bottom line so it's hard to find emotionally sane people that know what the opposite sex responds to. I am still taking off some of the little crap in my head sometimes but it's a work In progress.
Also would be beneficial that women would understand themselves. Most women don't know to what they respond to and will never do. And the lady above is the perfect example.
Why are you here then?🤔
What I also learned was chasing or trying harder with someone who had low investment reflected what I thought of myself. If I was willing to chase after someone who had low investment, what did that say about my self-worth? It said that I was willing to settle for someone because I wasn't worthy of anything more. Thank you for your wisdom my brother
Forrest Moss This statement is epic..
💯💯💯💯💯💯
Wise words!!!
True
Needed this. Thank you ❤️
Oh my gosh, I wish I were living in my grandparent's days, they never had internet access but they had the best relationship skills.
I think it is not about relationship skills but social skills. I encountered many problems, because of luck of social skills. In my opinion you should feel good around people then you can find someone who could be happy with you.
Yeah..because they didn't have this "i have another options" back then, they loved the one and were actually commited to that person...
Different Times. Different tools. The same emotions. Just need to adapt. RE- adapt. RE-learn.
0
“He is just not that into you right now.... or ever “ 😭 Time is precious....
😂
True, I think if you don't feel it the first 2 days it's useless to continue
Listen up. You deserve more than being a second choice. There's somebody out there who will treasure you. You just need to find them and waiting around for someone who isn't invested only slows ya down
U said that perfectly
Thank you for saying that
Yes and that's all lovely - HOWEVER, what if that next guy who "treasures you" doesn't interest you? That's often the problem and then we further beat ourselves up because we think we SHOULD want that good guy! Ugh. It's frustrating, I know. I met a "good" guy who would've done most anything for me (I knew him through mutual friends and he was certainly a "good guy" but also a "needy guy" 🤢🤮 uh...no). I had a friend, and my Mom make me feel bad for not jumping on the good guy because I SHOULD want him after the last guy who hurt me. Sorry to go into all that but just because we might find someone who treasures us doesn't mean we will be interested in them - and we shouldn't be made to think that.
The key is not just hoping for a good guy who will treasure us, but hope for a good guy who WE are also interested in giving to them. That's the hard part - finding both.
@@npkrn6764 this should be talked more often. The conversation stops at finding the next guy.
Showing anger to someone with low investment is definately not an attractive quality. If anything it will only confirm to them that they did the right thing not investing in you. I much prefer to keep my self control, my dignity and stay classy. At least then I get to keep liking myself...which in turn can attract the right person anyways. Win win :-)
Kim B great what you said and how you think ✌👏 head up and dignity 👍
This is true ... You'll make him look back and realise he lost something good .
Kim B it is frustrating though when several guys have done this to you. im tired of feeling inadequate because guys dont see my worth as a young woman.
No one can make you feel inadequate. That feeling comes from inside. Maybe these guys don't see your worth because they are simply not good enough for you. They're not bringing enough to the table for you.
Kim B Yes it is, however everyone deserves a chance. Each person deserves just as the person that came before them. This is a mistake I have made. I took a week of no communication on both our parts for me to figure this out. We're back on track.
As a 40 year old- I have no tolerance. I move on quickly. Guy asked me out on a Thursday for Sunday at 5pm. Said he would get back to me about the details. Never got back to me. On Sunday at 330pm he texts that sorry he's been busy with work but do I still want to meet at 5.
I replied, since I didn't hear from you I went ahead and made other plans. He apologized and said he wants to reschedule. I replied, sounds good :)
Left it at that.
Donna Todorovich amazing response ... chapeau bas
Donna Todorovich
That guy is an idiot. He should've made definite plans with you.
Loved the way you handled that I have written it down in case I ever am back in that situation thanks so much
What happened next?
You're too old
My advice always is: ( go with the flow ) of the relationship. If he's getting closer, get closer as well, but with precautions, don't throw yourself over any man, it will turn him off. If he's distancing himself, then let it be; as simple as that, cause if his intentions are serious & good, he'll still come back, no matter what.
Sade Life1015 having self control is hard...
You are wise.
Sade Life1015 well said
sade life 1015 except if he's a narcissist, then they come back and it is sort of that viscious cycle, gotta assess it on a person by person basis as well as where you are at.
That's like going with HIS flow...do you not have your own flow?
“It’s not trying harder, it’s having character” such awesome advice
And don't forget - when someone shows you their true self, believe them!
"Winners don't wait." HOLLAH! 🙋🏼
lmodel2000 maybe that,'s why I've been single 7 years
lmodel2000 I'm not a loser tho, I drink Perrier and Perrier isn't for losers.
lmodel2000 --->unpaid spokesperson for Perrier
Brenna Bishop 😂✌
*begin imaginary commercial* I can see this as a UA-cam vid, a fake commercial of sorts. Fades in to you, and you have your Perrier. As you enjoy your peaceful, relaxing day/evening, the wind kicks up just a tad to give the moment a wistful vibe. You look into the camera, and you say something like "Winners don't wait." Then the person of your dreams walks up to you and sits next to you, also with a Perrier in their hand. Then, you and that person say together, "Perrier isn't for losers." *end imaginary commercial*
The best thing you can do with anyone is pretend they don't matter and don't exist to you. That kills them. Not nasty replies, not smartass remarks, just that they don't matter to you anymore. Ghost, invisible...done.
Teri Noneofyourbusiness that don't always work
Teri Noneofyourbusiness. its a sad truth but what happens if your stuck splitting bills and dont got anywhere to go live til you get things sorted out?
Redfather that always work lmaooo
@@xonlytyrek3601 no it don't you must be living in a fantasy land
Redfather tried it. It has results. My gf has went cold plenty of times not really showing much investment in me. Went no contact. Guess what? She comes crawling back
Nothing hurts like indifference. No reply is better than angry reply. ;)
So true...
You're not indifferent if you don't reply. You re indifferent if you reply with some very low investment
Ivne Haas umm indifferent would be no reply or a polite reply where they are turning you down . Angry implies there is still some charge or passion.
I made sure to be polite when I declined a man’s invitation . It’s easy to be nice and polite when you have absolutely no feelings or attraction to them .
I agree. Anger equates to emotional investment to the relationship, but to get nothing is an indicating that the person is not going to try hard and is unwilling to invest.
Yes
“Winners don’t wait, they move forward in their lives”… drop the mic 🎤 right there Matthew 🙌🏾! I love this
I need a Matthew Hussey on my shoulder at all times 😂
Seriously
I'm so tired of people. I'm in a relationship but want to be single and never date again. I don't have patience for anyone.
Join the club! I think a lot of woman these days are feeling the same way.
Liz Zee So are men.
@@lizzee3727 And the men too !!!
Barbara Riley shut it
Why are you in a relationship if you don't want to?
Matthew, your advice does not go unnoticed.
winners don't wait... they keep going... thanks for this.
Oh
I love this video so much. There is so much anger and over reaction in my daughter's generation. My daughter doesn't understand why I'm always telling her "resist the urge to react" when what I'm really saying is "you're too beautiful to give that much of your power away." This was so perfectly explained.
Winners don’t wait. Low investment, always great energy. Only invest in the level that’s being invested in you. Thanks Matthew.
“How attracted somebody is to us today is only reflection how they is today” - I hope I don’t forget this for life ❤️
+2348102997455⏯️⏯️⏯️⏯️ Hello it's works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of breakup.,
Totally agree.... you can be nice and yet pull away at the same time to show you still have character and integrity!
Michelle Govender Exactly👌🏻
I only get upset when people are mixxy....or liars about their intentions or feelings...
exactly... you don't have to be interested in me or exclusive with me but lying about it just to keep me around really hurts!!!!!!!!! I am in this situation rn cuz I really liked him and he lied about wanting to be serious and exclusive....
Amen!
@@Yangyang-1995- so true it's like u r reading my thoughts
wow im only 19 years old and you are teaching to know how to be the best version of myself with value. 😊thank. have a wonderful day. 😁
"you are going to have to really try for me to go back to investing on the level that i did before" i think i really needed to hear that. now i have to apply it.
Matthew, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve watched this throughout the years. Pure gold. Thanks for all you do and for helping me stay in a positive space with high expectations coming from a place of peace and love!
I'm a guy and I listen to Matthew, I must say his advice goes both ways. I learn a lot about women too in order words I think I've learned a lot about people in general. Thanks, Matt.
I think where it gets frustrating for women though is the thought that guys are supposed to pursue you if they are interested. But when they act interested one day and take three days to answer your text the next...and flip flop back and forth like this for several days, it feels like a waste of time and a game. I have definitely told guys who do this 'never mind' because i have no clue what they're doing TBH. :)
kristin lee they are trying to have some fun don't be a party pooper play the game have some fun or get lost your choice
💯💯💯💯💯
being interested for a day isnt being interested in general. They may have had a spare day... so don't see that as interest. Interest is every day :)
@@redfather5342 its boring not fun
@@aa1589 putting effort doesn't mean chase a mediocre guy. I get it, play the game, but if you think that i have to chase your mediocrity, I'm out. I'm not going to give a guy a second chance when there are so many out there waiting for the first
If a person doesn't show interest in me I try to put myself in their shoes. I don't like everyone that like me either and we should be able to have that choice. It just stings a bit when you like them but oh well.... NEXT😂✌🏼✌🏼
Tahria Jones exactly thank you finally someone speaks the truth
You are right
The only advice I can give is that you shouldn’t invest your time in someone who isn’t doing the same, don’t play games either and don’t fall into the words of another person, actions always speak louder than words.. a person can say whatever they want, for example they can say they’ll make time for you, but if they don’t make that time or put in the effort then it’s time to analyze that relationship/situation and simply leave. At the end of the day happiness is very important, and whenever I’m in any situation whether that be a relationship, school, etc I always ask myself is what I’m doing right now or is this particular aspect of my life bringing me happiness. This doesn’t mean happiness all the time because that’s not possible, but am I happy most of the time or am I constantly stressed or sad. Everyone has different love languages and the best thing I can say is don’t force something, if you want someone to give you time or you want something to be a certain way, simply find someone who meets your needs.. don’t try changing someone else because they won’t change, they’ll change for a time period but once they know they’ve got you they’ll go back to their ways. The biggest problem I feel that I see in relationships or dating is that people aren’t clear with their intentions and that’s why people end up being confused or creating scenarios in their heads. Communication is key, and if you’re the only person communicating then it’s time to leave.
Thank you for your advice.
This is soo true. Not investing yourself emotionally in someone at first, but at the same time being your best version with them.
Your content's so much better lately. One can see that you're really pushing yourself to kick it up a notch. It was good before but not much different from what you'd get with other dating coaches. Every video lately is breakthrough after breakthrough though... Keep it up Matthew and thank you. x
Men just want private things like having their nuts sucked, and I think this is a very personally intimate thing to do and not on the first date.
Brenda. What you on about
High energy, low investment. Great distinction Matt!
azizajewelry I screenshoted it. ;)
azizajewelry Yes, Ma'am
Vamanos Ninja bingo... me too
"Winners don't wait. They keep going." This is so true! Great talk. :) I'm at the point where if someone isn't matching my energy, I'll bow out but without any bad feelings. I'll just say "Hey, it looks like you're playing some games and I'm looking for someone who's on the same page as me. I wish you the best. Xx" and I move on. Also, holding grudges against people who you had 1 or 2 dates with you is so bad. It's okay if you don't connect right away or if they move on. In my experience, if it doesn't take off within the first couple of weeks, it never takes off.
@@michelemorrone1781 thanks but I don't do whats app lol
Been there..done that. It actually works. Just moved on & stopped investing my energy & time on the guy after i told him i was into him and he said he wasn't ready for anything. He texted back a week later, all interested. I had to actually respond with.."I'm sorry..but who is this?" Really didn't know..very empowering. By then, i was the one not interested.
Wow. What a great and childish way to end up alone and lonely in life. Enjoy your cats and white wine :-)
When he texted you and you didn’t know who he was, that must mean that sometime within that one week, you deleted his number. If you truly weren’t interested like you say, you wouldn’t have even bothered to delete him.
Mgtow makes you rich spiritually, physically and mentally. 🙂👌🏼
“Winners don’t wait”...love this!!!
dang it Matthew! Everytime I think I'm doing it right, you smack me in the face again 😂
Laura bele True 😂😂😂
lmao same
Laura bele LOL
Laura bele exactly am with you..😏 every time 😂 than I come back to class
You're doing it right when you stop caring whether or not you're doing it right.
Always be true to yourself. Don't settle for bad behaviour because you're lonely or desperate or insecure. Once you invest in yourself, the bad behaviour doesn't impact you because you can say to yourself, "thank you, next!" and not take it personally and keep having a fun, happy, fulfilled life. If you're not sure how to stop being lonely, desperate and insecure, start with creativity. Art, dancing, knitting, sewing, crafting, carpentry, sculpture, whatever. Something that you can use your hands, mind and body in concert with each other to produce a beautiful outcome. I tried doing that when dating and relationships kept falling apart and I realised I felt that way because I wasn't nurtured throughout my life by others. But the tragic thing is, I wasn't nurturing myself either. Art and creativity nurtured me in ways I never would have believed. Now I'm single and absolutely loving it but I'm open to a relationship if it happened. The upside is, I will never again accept bad behaviour from anyone and soon as a guy starts that crap, I'm ready and willing to go, "see ya, wouldn't wanna be ya".
I find it hard not to get frustrated when I've been dating someone a month and they suddenly go for more than a week without talking to me. In the moment I know I shouldn't show my frustration and I should try to just keep moving on with my life but it's hard when you've already spent time with a person to maintain the "low investment" standpoint
A Week is about average time if you have a month in 👍🏻
"Winners don't wait. They aren't angry."
FACTS!
Thank you so much for addressing the angry aspect. And for delving into the fact that if someone isn't interested in you they are a horrible person. Everyone doesn't work together and that's perfectly fine and normal. Move on to someone that wants to hear what you have to say and and be around you.
I really appreciate how you offer guidance not only on "how to get the guy", but more importantly how to cultivate self-love and respect by utilizing the tools shared in your videos. Great words of wisdom, and an infectious personality as always Matthew :)
I just hate that the man doesn’t want me but sent so many mixed signals. Damn!
same
The truth is- a lot of women are attracted to unavailable men. Until we don t repair this circle, we will always focus on the wrong guy. I got so many answers on book- “Women who love too much”- in case you find yourself repeating the same unhealthy pattern like I did, it might worth reading it. Matt, you are doing a great job and helped me to get through my break up, a big thank you!☺️
This video should be seen by every young girl, well every girl, because I love that you are teaching women to communicate their standards in a way that is not angry while remaining positive and polite. My daughter is 19 and this has been such an amazing example of how you can say anything you want but its how you say it that defines your character. Thank you Matthew, for not only giving advice for dating relationships but for all human relationships in general. I love love this message!
Thank you so much for your insightful videos. I especially very much needed to hear this. I think often our first reaction to rejection is to be angry and frustrated, but we need to realize that it's a normal part of life to be rejected, that in fact, everyone must go through it at some point in their lives. The best way to handle this, rather than become angry, is to remember that this person that has kindly declined us is their own person with their own ideals and aspirations and we cannot control their reaction to us. And that is ok. Sometimes, it's just not meant to be, or we've simply caught them at a bad time. Either way, it's important to keep being happy in our own lives and focus on our own personal development instead of focusing on the negative and trying to chase down another person. It is when chasing after our dreams and ideas that the right people will come into our lives, and we'll know that they're the right ones because they'll fight to stay in our lives.
Marina Defranchi Agreed. Even if it's the right ones who fight to stay in our lives, we may still not want them. People can complicated, stubborn and stupid at times.
Marina Defranchi
Marina Defranchi preach! 🙌🏼👏🏼😊
I tried this approach multiple times, sending a last text message with a positive attitude following being given an unexpected cold shoulder after two months of dating; something like: 'regardless of how things turned out, I still want to say I had a fantastic time and really enjoyed your company'. It didn't change anything though and they didn't reply. Would have been nice to hear 'enjoyed the time with you too, sorry it didn't work out but wish you best regards for the future'. At least I wouldn't be feeling like I was somehow repulsive and unwanted, such as I do now as a result of just being totally ignored. Maybe a guy doesn't owe any explanation as to why they want to break up, but if the other person was kind and genuine, they should at least owe a polite breakup with some kind parting words. Just as a matter of courtesy.
That is, trying this approach with multiple times with DIFFERENT men, not with the same one which of course would be annoying to anyone.......
Me This I'm sorry. Most men these days seem to be disrespectful cowards. :/
I agree.Ghosting out is so common these days its not even considered rude anymore
That's so shitty. Especially after two months. If it was just two dates or something similar, fine. But if it's TWO MONTHS... a thanks but no thanks text at least. But I've realized you have to have low expectations. There's just no way around it. People aren't obligated to treat each other with common decency. Don't tie up your self worth in the actions of others. Their actions are more about them than you.
Many men don't respect women enough to be kind. I don't get it. It's why I quit. Many men want women to give everything while they give very little.
Something doesn’t sit well with me about these ‘techniques’ I’m not dismissing their value, but it feels a little like playing games which I don’t a really like. Can you not just communicate openly with each other? Why do we have to skip around each other like this?
I couldn’t have put it better myself. Well said. I am straight up like you! a “real” person! and I am not going pretend to be something I’m not and play these pathetic games just to be in a relationship with a man. They are not worth that much. I prefer to stay single.
Evie Cool, I really like Matthew Hussey's channel as there's so much to learn and use depending on your situation. You don't have to use all of the techniques, or any of them quite frankly, but being respectfully honest is key ! I too am a straight shooter where I like getting to the point in a respectful manner ! Dating has become quite the challenge. Quality will always win over quantity.
@Liz Zee you CLEARLY do NOT get it. These women have spoken:
Clearly
Plainly
Openly
The behaviour still consists.
👏👏👏👏👏
@@aa1589 damn...so even great women are.....screwed
My boyfriend after 9 months has been so focus on his work and don't have time to spend with me. I got anxious and got mad at first but I guess it's a waste of time to pour on that negative emotions. So, I tried to be okay and didn't mind it, until he beep me up and said "I miss you a lot." that's just felt good to read it all over again.
Timing is a huge factor . More than I think we realize. People that suddenly back off
isn’t always because they are a bad person or a player. Sometimes they think they are ready and find out they’re not ... Nothing to do with you. Having low energy and being mean and nasty won’t help us find love. If they try to come back be gracious but firm. You can hold your standards without being ratchet or rude. Put them at the back of the line and leave it up to them to earn some time with you. If they do then good. If they don’t it’s also cool because you didn’t invest heavily. You can’t block and delete the entire world. Trust me I’ve been there . 💕
can you say more about investment vs energy? please and thank you!
antionette fisher, well, a person who is doing great in living a fulfilling life and is cool with someone who is not ready to invest in a relationship, has high energy and doesn't care about who is flaking on them! In this way they don't appear miserable and needy. 😉❤️
I agree I would love to see a video about this!
My main problem is guys just see me as something casual and I never seem to be good enough for something serious, just wondering if there is a vid on it already?
Steph JT he has plenty of videos on that subject. Just look at his youtube channel. Also if you don't want to be casual then don't be casual with them. Don't have sex with them until you are both interested in a relationship and don't compromise your own needs and values for others. Stay strong and good luck.
J OneLife you allow yourself ..
Im learning too. 💖💖
maybe youre too high maintenance for them to get serious with you... you gotta look at the economy too...
@@pradeep2662 that's funny true though
At first I was think I should have to watch this, I shouldn’t be confused but it’s me, not him. If you show anger, you’re showing that they have power over you! You’re absolutely right! I need to work on that. Also, when you take the anger out of it you can analyze the situation better. Let him go instead of going off
I messed it up with a guy I really liked with bad energy, I overthought to much and he was sick of me being hot and cold, Lesson learnt.
"Winners don't wait. They move forward with their life". What a wonderful way to see things!! Thank you, Matthew!! Toward the brighter future & being a winner!! :)
I used to be the kind of girl, who would text a guy first if i thought he was cute, or ask for a first date, or even ask for a second date (after he asked for the first date and then didn't ask for a second one). I really don't care about those gender-roles and who is supposed to text first, initiate a kiss or something like that. It just turned out, that every time, I was the one texting etc., the guy never really was interested enough to play that "back and forth" game with me. All good, as long as i was initating the contact or dates, but they never initated anything. Now I just stopped being the one to text first or ask for a date because it was just too exhausting. Might there be something right about "men shoult text, ask on a date, initiate the first kiss" after all? :O
(sorry if my message doesn't make sense, i'm not a native speaker :D)
La Beri i agrée ! Been there !
I agree
La Beri Men are.hunters
Now think about what a man has to go through when the whole society forces the man to initiate. Welcome to a man's world. Ohh wait you gave up coz it got "exhausting". Poor you. We men don't have that luxury.
Le Beri, there's no need for the guy to respond or chase you because you're doing all the work. There's no challenge for him. When he's feeling lonely and you stop texting him or contacting him, he may reach out to you but if he sees that he doesn't have to do anything it's because he thinks that you're desperate, meaning that you will do anything to get a man even lose your self worth. Stop chasing men! Love yourself and have more class about yourself!
It's so disgraceful that even after getting the red flags our heart is not ready to accept those signs... Because damn! We really love them and it's always hard to break a connection with our loved once 💔
Totally I agree with your points. As per my opinion, people should starve for your presence, we should play hard to get.
“He’s just not that into you, right now”
Thank you, I needed this 😩
What a GREAT phrase! I’ll invest more when they invest!! Oh my gosh!! I’ve tried so hard to hang onto hope but he’s not mirroring the effort I’m putting in. I’ll invest when he invests...mind blown
Matthew....i needed this exact video tonight. Thank you for all your words of wisdom and help in moving forward as a confident woman. You are awesome!
Basically, I'm having a rough time in my relationship. And the prior reason is because of "less time investment by him" and Damn I resort to Mathew videos and I'm feeling so much positive right now and the very phrase "winners don't wait" has refresh my mind and making me a whole lot of stronger once again to go about. Damn I was so much feeling drained until I watch this video. Mathew you're so intellectual and wise. I love the way you put things.
4:25
"There's something different about hers. It's sort of... oh yeah: its angry" ~~ loved that!
Matthew is some kinda genius.... seriously...This is great advice for friends or anybody, not just dating advice
Been so many times invested in a guy who didn't invest back.
Took time to learn how to quickly get over it but was worth.
Don't wait for tides to turn, move forward - it's my creed here.
"He's just not that into you, RIGHT NOW" Oh gosh, I really hope so 😅😂
In Jan, I happily announced on your comments section that I got a date and then I did continue to date the guy for two months,and it was my first ever relationship at the age of 32. Sadly, he indeed ghosted on me, left me wondering why and now what you say just make exact sense to me. I am glad I was prepared for all these to happen, thanks to your earlier videos about the meaning of closure in a r/s as well as what to do when a guy ghosted on us. I know I deserve better and I can't wait to find my special someone soon.
Cardigan Babe just happened to me as well. I finally just asked him what was going on with him as he went no contact for 2 weeks. Said he was dating someone else and it's serious. It hurt but it's my fault for getting too attached and not dating others still.
sarasayshi It's okay. You're human! Forgive yourself : - )
sarasayshi you have the right to feel as u wanted to date him only at that time . He should have been man enough to say I’m sorry this is not working out and I met someone else and it got serious .
you should have contributed financially may be..
Yes I love how you made it so clear with how to properly respond to men. Especially while remaining in Positive energy but still getting your point across in a great way. Thanks again for the free chapter too.
So basically we should pretend to be cool when we are upset by his behaviour? Sounds sneaky and unauthentic... like playing mind games. I believe in being my authentic self always. Even if someone doesn't like it I'm glad to know they aren't the one early on. I would rather be upset and show it in the initial stages itself and wait for the right guy who understands clearly that I would be upset by this behaviour and chooses to make my feelings a priority the next time round.
whatzpp Dr enema I was like this be'fore I know who can he:lp you out text him now he can solve your problem:: don't waste your time here,...
I was in a relationship with a guy and we were together for 3 years, one day he just cheated on me so I gave him an opportunity, but he doesn't invested time on our relationship, i love him but i love myself more.
I always feel better and more hopeful after ur videos, Matthew. 😃♥️God bless u😘🙏🏻..Happy Easter!
MARIPOSA0209 me too
"How dare you?" LOL that cracked me up...
Man he's very subtle in language. Wish I watched this before I did what I did...
Sasaki Umiquema I want to know him personally so he can reply to these texts...
Sasaki Umiquema What did you do?
Curious too 👀 lol
Sasaki Umiquema same here ... Got dumped and he said he's not interested anymore then I Was angry and advised to ditch the guy so i replied saying "me niether" when i actually was interested but yeah also angry too as he was angry ... Ahhh now Im thinking what if he thinks its mutual the beak up but for me it wasnt and now yeah i saw that he unblocked me but he hasnt texted me so I didnt want to get rejected or look like I'm not respecting him so i left it and waiting for him to reply but alas
How you respond makes a difference in a huge way. 100% great advice.
Couldn't agree more! It all has to do with how we value ourselves; the more we do the more we're going to attract equally good people.
I dont get this guy.. If you always try to understand what the other person is up to.. you will lose yourself.. if he does not do good, then ditch him. Simple. Girls dont need to have a mind of a psychiatrist to be successful in relationship..
Gem Apale its important to understand others not just yourself
Then you will stay single all you’re life
Diva Diva you mean like you I don't have a problem with that FWB is all I need ☺☺☺
Redfather I’m not talking to you dear. I’m commenting on Gem Apale
Diva Diva my bad
I wish you were around when I was single. Your videos would have saved me alot of heartache. I did get my happy ending. Your videos are excellent. I enjoy watching you. I just have to ask..are you in a relationship?
Yes as per wiki
Didi1770 agreed. I'm 29 and just learned about Matthew and this channel a few months ago and I wish I would have I've been watching him since the very beginning
Didi1770
I'M AVAILABLE
Didi1770
BUT I'M 16 , U MUST BE 30
AIIIIIIGHT
Men are all the same. This dude seems like he knows everything but it seems rehearsed, clinical and weird. I really like what he says, and I put myself in a womans shoes and really like him. But from a mans eyes something isnt right here.
I don't get mad anymore. I accept it and let go of them. I just get brokenhearted and cry for a couple of days. I'm still grateful they showed their true colors soon. So I can move on to the next. 😊 And, when having relationship talks, I just appreciate it more that they don't lie about not being serious with me. And then I stop talking to them so I can forget them. 😊 I always pray to God, to pls remove the guy as soon as possible if he's not the right one for me. The last guy I liked, he didn't do much effort though he wants me to be his gf. He only wants to put in effort if I accept him as a bf. I try to understand and be patient. And just observed him. He had never been rude to me so I have no reason to be mad. Just that I hope he'd at least not ghost me before changing his mind. But things are still fresh. I don't know what will happen yet. As I barely talked to him last night (he's usually on his phone all the time) so I decided to let him go.
Doing this with my current relationship.. 3 yrs invested.. he still finds things to do without me on his day off... - he got a lil boy... so I’m not sitting around anymore... when he realizes he’s losing me will have to put a lot of effort to get me back to where i was totally into him and kid!
I revisited this video coincidentally today while a guy is giving me reasons to be angry with him these days. The pointers on this piece from Mathew are genius and precious! Dotting my i’s and crossing my t’s now in my communication with the guy and continuing to live my best life. Thank you Mathew - sending positive vibes your way (and Jameson’s way too) 🤗 (maybe there are no coincidences 😊)
The difference is that she's reacting on his story in an angry way, that's a major difference. Whereas the one u sent showed his story made no difference to you.
Great explanation.
That statement "winners don't wait".,, hurts a lot.
I waited 5 years for my ex , just to know that at the end he got married 😭
I feel loser
He stopped saying : "iloveyou"
And i can't settle for that
Soo entitled. Please do him a favour and see yourself out.
The moment that I watched it, he freaking texted me!!
Awww
Literally just texted "All good, have a great week!!".
I am a f***ing rock star and you are brillint Mr. Smarty Pants Hot Stuff.
Hello how are you doing,text Dr wilson for relationship issues.,,🎰he help me get ex of seven years within two day🚩🐥🌾💨☔
+2348102997455⏯️⏯️⏯️⏯️ Hello it's works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of breakup.,
I was doing all these even before your video, just being myself never getting irritated or angry, doing my thing, rationally wouldn't exert that much emotion in a conversation cause truth is the person doesn't know you at this stage and I wouldn't also expect that someone I just met is expecting me to invest in them big time so soon
Love the “Winners don’t wait” concept!