What INTJ & INFP Think About ESFJs
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- Опубліковано 18 вер 2024
- An INTJ and INFP discuss how we relate to and view ESFJs, both through our own experiences and Socionics relationship theory as conflicting and illusionary or mirage relations.
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I am an INTJ who has a mother-in-law and a sister who are ESFJs and I have no idea what you are talking about ladies. I mean I am so glad that you were able to get along with this type but it is hell on earth for me. They are obnoxious obsessively controlling irritating because they have absolutely no intuition whatsoever but think they're the smartest people in the room and emotional to the point of being absolutely infuriating. Maybe I just know two of the most toxic ESFJ's in the whole world but I spend as little time with them as humanly possible. Way too weepy, and have just zero critical thinking skills for me.
I know two ESFJs. One is my mom, one is an ex friend. My ESFJ relations are quite a mixed bag. They are good at calling out bull$#!t in social situations, give great gifts, and never give up on you. But at the same time they are so concerned about their social standing and being an acceptable member of society that they actually become their own worst enemies. They try so hard to be normal that they make themselves weird somehow. I know INFPs such as I have their values, but I feel like INFPs and other types are more open minded, whereas ESFJs think the way they were raised or live is inarguably better in a moral sense and that other people are evil inhuman monsters for not holding the same opinions. My mother is less in this camp, but has her moments. My ex friend was like that more often though. Also they don't understand my imaginative stories and inner world when I explain it, so that's difficult too.
Idk man, ESFJs are pretty cool when they're not salty about something. But that's everyone, isn't it?
Everyone is different, so the only way to be normal is to be weird. I would say that makes sense. I had one friend who was too normal it scared me, and she argued with me that normal was weird so she really was weird. Its a confusing world xD
Since this channel keeps bringing up Socionics, I think I'd briefly mention something about it too in the comments.
"They are good at calling out bull$#!t in social situations, give great gifts, and never give up on you. But at the same time they are so concerned about their social standing and being an acceptable member of society..."
"ESFJs think the way they were raised or live is inarguably better in a moral sense and that other people are evil inhuman monsters for not holding the same opinions."
This would be ESI/ISFj (most like MBTI XSFJ) in socionics and not ESE/ESFj (most like MBTI ESFP). The former prioritize moral responsibility, social norms of politeness, and duty (socionics Fi+Se ego block) while the latter are usually quite unconventional and quirky for the sake of having fun and expressing themselves through an artistic medium (Alpha quadra values).
The majority of my experience with ESFJs has been in the workplace and has been, for the most part, negative. They seem to believe that spending time gossiping about a co-worker IS as actually working. And don't forget to update them on the work when they return or they will have to announce that "INTJ & INFP Coffee didn't update me!" And then they narrate whenever they are actually working so you can't work. They want you to take their side, always. If no one takes their side, they will lie and say that other people are on their side. They have rules for everyone, including their co-workers and even their co-workers families, and, I suspect, all people in the world.
But, they make me thankful for my current ENTP co-worker. Do you know what ENTP told me (INTP) today? When she doesn't get a text back from a friend/family member for awhile, she sends them picture of her poo! My days are much lighter now. :D
My mom is ESFJ. I’m ENTP. She’s not the healthiest of her type. Overly concerned with what others think of her, doing the same pointless shit over and over because ‘tradition’ or ‘never stopped to think why’. She’s emotionally manipulative on a micro level, she’s always right, and an inveterate worrier. I love her but to say we don’t mesh is an understatement. I just wish she would chill the fuck out.
I'm an INTJ Female and my mom is an ESFJ! I can totally relate to you!
I (Infp) have actually had quite a lot of esfj friends/acquaintances and I am constantly put off by their traditional hosting and also expectations. To me this feels stiff and not in the moment genuine. It also pressures me to display Fe a lot whenever they are around which to me feels like I am acting.
I found it interesting that Alex is getting along well with esfj as her opposite as I find my estp friend one of the most interesting people to be with. I just love how she’s so different to me and we have the best authentic conversations ... with esfj I often feel like I cannot be authentic and have to put up an act (mostly because they are so good at Fe and I’ve heard them complain a lot about times where others didn’t properly display Fe towards them).
Love your videos by the way :)
As an INFP in a relationship with a ESFJ I found it can work really well. Their search for harmony and our idealist romanticism fits as a glove. We make plans and they are wired to support. In our case, arguments are very intense but resolve quickly. He avoids conflict unless he has an agenda he knows he can't get agreement so burst into a tirade to intimidate. But I as an INFP am a master of recharging batteries so I launch back my sense as a 🔥 breath. He retreats to stop the conflict and I retreat because I am unsure how to proceed. In the end we talk it through calmly and overcome the differences once we thought about it.
Great video. However, just a nitpick, I think you need to avoid grouping traditionalism and Si together. I know that you don't necessarily mean "all Si types adhere to tradition", and I know that Si types may be more susceptible to following traditions than other types, but considering tradition is a highly political topic, it scares off a lot of progressive or anti-establishment SJs from their real type. As an ESTJ, on forums, I'm typically asked a lot of questions on my opinions on tradition. People are often shocked that, at least on a conscious level, I actually really dislike the concept of tradition as I think it holds back progress. I often continue doing things the way I've found has worked before and has had positive results, but that's more on a micro-level (eg. finding an easy way to make pretty slideshow presentations and repeating that only slightly altering for the context), not a macro-level (eg. my thoughts on how members of society should act, political opinions, etc). Once again, I'm aware it isn't your intention to say that all SJs are anti-progress and always stick to what they've done before despite evidence against it, but that's how it's interpreted within the MBTI and typology communities. Just a suggestion to be careful with your wording around that kind of stuff.
Mr. Moodle In my experience, SJs are traditional relative to their own experiences.
INFP: Good point, especially since ESxJs have Ne and ISTJs have Fi as their hidden agendas. Anyone can hold progressive ideologies, though high Si users tend to be more traditional in their approach to those ideologies. In this case, "traditional" can be oriented towards oneself, not just towards society. But thanks for your suggestion to watch our wording so we don't perpetuate inaccurate stereotypes.
My mom’s an ESTJ as well and she hates social traditions especially if they are, in her not so humble opinion, obsolete. However, once she’s found the most efficient way to do something, she won’t do it any other way unless you prove it will save time, money, or sanity. I think that’s the Si part about an ESTJ, they stick to routines and what they know. And every other way is wrong 😂
A fair point. However, the exception doesn't make the rule, and I would bet any amount of anything SFJs make up the bulk of Trump's barely-literate base. Hero Si, parent Fe (ick) and NO intuition... it all checks out, as does my experience of them.
ESFJs are INTJs' conflictor, just saying.
What does that mean?
I don't know what that means but I'm best friends with an INTJ (I'm an ESFJ)
"We can hurt each other where it causes maximum pain" might be the most succinct description of my rocky relationship with my ESFJ father I've ever heard. Mainly because of him, I think the closest I will ever come to liking ESFJs is acknowledging their value to society.
Your relationship with ESFJs doesn't have to be defined by your one relationship with your father. Parent-child relationships are often very rocky despite MBTI types, you shouldn't preface your expectations of relationships with other ESFJs based on that.
Mr. Moodle I did say mainly of him, not completely. I have more than enough experiences with other ESFJs to make me hesitant to form relationships with them. I don't hate ESFJs, I just recognize that how we define and arrive at the truth tends to strain any relationships.
(INTJ) XSFJs and me generally have an opposing magnet type of interaction. We don't cause conflict, but we don't get along either. I guess since I'm not receptive to their communication style they keep overshooting in their efforts to cater to me on a Fe level, which is overbearing to me. If they're really determined they can be suffocating, trying to find the right choices for me, and never let me think for myself or pursue my own interests (our interests never overlap except maybe a love for animals). If I do, then they think they did something horrible. And no matter how I articulate what I'm thinking they always think I'm layering my message and my words aren't what I mean but there's a hidden meaning underneath. I can correct them and say I mean exactly as I say, that I'm being literal, and yet they often still can't leave their mindset and my follow up also has a coded message. It's similar to the significant other stereotype where the woman wants the man to know what they want despite saying the opposite, and the situation forever spirals out of control.
I have mixed situations with 2 ESFJs I know. I am INFP. One is my brother-in-law. Part of the time he is friendly and gregarious like you are talking and the other half of the time I am hearing strings of Fe judgements about other people that really grates on me. I have learned to try to be objective and ask questions to try to make him think. Not easy but can be done. Another is a Y teacher who is very nice as you describe. As I stated though, all the Fe judgements are sometimes hard to navigate.
I have an ESFJ friend that co-owns a meditation center w/ an INFJ massage therapist, where we have group meditations every week. I'm an INFJ, and I get along w/ her really well. She can be bubbly sometimes, but I don't seem to mind it. Initially, before she took an online version of the MBTI, I thought she was an ENFJ. This was likely due to my lack of clarity about the differences between spiritual/psychic intuition vs. Ni or Ne. Also, most of my friends from the meditation center are intuitive's. Regardless, she's most definitely an Fe dom.
looking forward to seeing your take on ISFPs :)
I love tht little INFP ramble at the end, I can relate, that's how I feel arround my ESFJ sister too. INFP here *waves*
My boyfriend is INTJ and I’m ESFJ. He’s such a good guy and he has only treated me with respect. But I think we are just way too different and I just can’t continue the relationship with him anymore 😩
How do I volunteer to be typed? I would love to be typed by you guys! I was actually really hoping you guys would type me over a video chat! I joined Patreon $1/mo, but I don't see where to video chat with you guys. Where do I do that? How do I get typed?
INFP: Email us at INcoffeetime@gmail.com and we'll send you the instructions.
Awesome! Thanks!
I know an ESFJ very well
So wrapped in being perfect looking down on others when they are jacked up . Their self worth seems low always in an unhealthy relationship can’t be alone . However they are very hard workers take too much abuse :( they don’t seem to be very intellectual but they are usually successful so caring and the ESFJ I know is a man don’t know any females.
Can you do a video on which MBTI type is most likely to not clap during the Friends intro?
INTJ. my ESFJ mom embarrassed me through elementary crashing in on events. never picked up on hints that I want her to leave
My bf is esfj and 2 at work. They are lovely
I'm an INTJ, but I'm in love with an ESFJ...
how's that like?
@@dfghxdfghsdsxdhdftx803 It didn't work out because she didn't feel the same. Caused me months of depression, but I got over it😂 been dating an ESFP for 3 months now. I know, not common, right?😂 but it's honestly been the best 3 months of my entire life!
@@thomasfowler1 good for you. question. Im an esfj dating an isj girl. How does our chemistry workout?
mbti wise like pros and cons
@@dfghxdfghsdsxdhdftx803 When dealing with polar opposites like my girlfriend and me, a lot of enjoyment can be found in the relationship being interesting - hence "opposites attract". That being said, if your opinions, views, philosophies, etc. aren't the same, it can be very difficult because of contrasting ways of your approaches to going about certain ideas. It all comes down to commonalities in the above-mentioned factors when it comes to dating opposite personality types
Lol, that's like the WORST match ever. Of course it didn't work out. I've also been there BTW. INTJ.
I'm an ESFJ :D
Edit: Oh, I guess a lot of people hate me then
Let them hate you. They don't really understand us, which is fine.
I also like how the INFP in this video says how her words as an inferior-Te user are "accurate" and yet the INTJ mentioned how the inferior function is rudimentary. so probably not as accurate as she thinks...
@@KrypticKiss18 Do you guys gossip?
@@ashuranero5721 define gossip
@@KrypticKiss18 Talking bad about someone to others, behind their back and causing damage to their reputation and also eventually improve the own reputation
@@ashuranero5721 you watch too much cs Joseph. I can’t speak about others, but I try my best to not speak ill of others, although I might occasionally “vent” about someone irritating me to a secure place- eg I had a fight with a roommate, so I rant to my mom who I know won’t do anything. But I always ensure that the information is to a private source (eg my mother). I would never try to destroy someone’s life as it is not my job to act as a police; but rather I might directly confront someone about their behavior.
On the flip side, I’ve seen people of other types, including intuitives, bitch and gossip per your definition nonstop about others to the point where it makes me uncomfortable and I try to change the subject.
Woah *O* thanks guys! Anyway, I'm surprised that Alex have good relationship with esfjs. The stuffs that the infp said about them were the same for me too.
And thanks again! :D It's nice hearing someone else's perspective.
What do you think of ISFJs?
AngelBlade love them I wonder how they feel about estps
Insert the blade into the ISFJ gently. That way, they won't feel anything: and you don't have to look at them anymore . Sincerely, INTJ.
Watching this I can see why some people say mature INTJs can be incredibly tasty.
The conflicting relationship to me is a complicated layering of gradations
I think ISFPs are mildly interesting in a very exotic way and I think ENFPs are mildly exotic in a very interesting way, however ESFPs don't succeed in being showy like ISFPs or strange like ENFPs. If ENFPs are conventional ovens then ESFPs are convection ovens, they're faster in communicating but have a more circuitous process, Endless Jess is an interesting mad man however his videos are an impenetrable warm front of value games playing with the sockpuppet of analysis. If ISFPs are like wood stoves then ESFPs are like bonfires less efficient but more spacious, I've brewed plenty of ideas listening to Tool but my niece an ESFP is probably a better conversationalist all around than MJK their singer.
My dad is an ESFJ
I'm really starting to think that the INFP is really an ENFP like others have said. Enneagram 4 is a obviously a withdrawn and introverted type. You are way to bubbly to be an INFP 4.
INFP: I am officially sick of these comments. It's not you, dear blakeje25, it's all who have come before you. I'll make a video about it for my birthday.
Uhm.....
It's not fair to judge someone on the base of a video, it's only a tiny little part of one's behavior.
Also, in front of a cam you kind of play a role, you're not your really true yourself....
her hands are so full (Pe like)
I’m an infp myself and when you see me in real life you’ll notice that I am the quietest person you’ve ever met but once I am comfortable (which she probably is in front of the camera talking about mbti) I can be the most talkative & bubbly person in the room. It always depends on context. In the end it’s not what’s displayed behavior but what’s going on in the head. There’s a major difference in FiNeSiTe compared to NeFiTeSi
The INFP (possible ENFP) has an entire video where she is trying to convince an INTP that he is an ISTP. Is that unfair of her to judge him on the base of his videos too? /watch?v=QJAMYN4F2D4&t=312s
1st