What I do is surround myself with Se- activities, experiences, people, etc, I shoot for a whole month of Se and it always helps to keep me from over thinking every little thought/feeling and gets me back to feeling the healthy version of myself again.
same here. se is the answer. loads of biking and a nice toddler (if available) should do the trick :) or whatever that makes you move, makes you interact and makes you happy. fingers crossed!
Se is a perceiving function that is used to gather information. biking, hiking, any external activities are not equal to "Se activities", because if we use that logic, then everyone would be a sensor.
@@yurizafurizaki5574yeah, sure thing. nevertheless, riding a bike for me is more an experience than just an activity. I go for long rides outside of the city, ride fast, must be fully present and pay attention to what surrounds me - this brings me back to my body and makes me focus on what's here and now. once I went for a bike ride being completely stuck in my head and got back home with two ribs fractured, so I've learned the hard way I do need to change my state and get more se-stuff-kind-of-focused while riding :) this, I guess, is just as close to an se experience as I can get, but if you have better/other ideas for se activities and experiences for se blind people, please do share!
@@olahalicka37 ummm i never asked that lol i was just correcting the misconception that said external activities are Se activities, which is wrong. (Stated by the original commentator, not you) To correctly and accurately define Se activities, it would be about gathering information pertaining to the external sensory world, or Se. Doing activities such as exercising, biking, hiking, singing, drawing, driving, partying, etc etc etc are not Se activities. They are just activities that everyone does. hence labeling those activities as "Se" activities would mean everyone must be a sensor since everyone does those things, and we know this is not true. Its like saying, "doing math is a Ti activity since math is about "logic". And people then conclude, "since I can do math correctly then I must have Ti". Nope. If we go by that logic then every person who studies math must be a Ti user. Perceiving functions such as Se, Si, Ni, Ne, are used to gather information. They are tools that are used by the judging functions to make decisions. Not every party goer, not every biker, not every athlete, not every dancer, etc, is an Se user.
Hey Calypso, INFP here. Whats helped me a lot is learning to rely on others for some of those Te decisions. Like... I think we INFPs are so used to solving our Feeling problems alone that we automatically believe thats how we should solve our Thinking problems. For me the less was, theres no way we can understand what the tribe wants unless we actually go out and ask them!! I feel like we succeed when we suck up that pride and go ask for help when we need it. Let me know if this resonates or helps!
Seriously, this has helped me so much at work. Recognizing that I do take longer than a lot of people because I'm so in my head all day was an annoying shitty thing to come to terms with, but one I started asking more questions and being more involved in whatever we were doing I realized how much my own brain was sabotaging me. And I'm still me but I'm getting better at catching myself and trying to remember to pay attention to as much as I can, cuz I've spent the last 23 years missing damn near 80 percent of the real world. So yea, asking questions and being ok with looking dumb for a couple seconds are great ways to get better at life haha
As a teen infp who absolutely hates asking someone for help, these advices are so helpful thank you very much. I never wanted anyone's help even in high school bc i didn't want them to think i was 'stupid', guess i need to learn to toss that aside if i wanna improve.
Hi Calypso, I started to cry watching this video because hearing what you went through with losing a friend and having that affect you greatly is very relatable to me. I also recently lost a friend. They just left and blocked me on everything, leaving me in the dark, and ever since I haven't felt "myself". I even stopped talking to my other friends, which I feel guilty and ashamed for, but I'm just so hurt...I don't really know why it's hard for me to reconnect with my other friends. Hearing you talk about the Te grip describes pretty well what I am currently going through. And I've also been trying for ways to get out of it. Around New Years, I tried dividing the year into quarters and set monthly and quarterly goals for myself. It went well for the first two months or so, but eventually I slacked off with it. My commitment dwindled, and it's not as robust as before. Now I'm reeling for other strategies to get "back on track" with my life. Currently, I noticed that I've been focusing on a structured approach (though not as much as I want to...) to learning some piano pieces and getting to other creative outlets and finding myself wanting (almost feeling like needing to, if not) to do these creative projects in a "structured" way. I also find myself "daydreaming" a goal of posting the pieces online for my friends and peers to seea nd get their approval, rather than having the goal be for myself. Either way, I'm not really getting anything done, not talking to my friends, and trying to get out of the Te grip. I hope you can find a way, as well. Sending much love to you - - (EDIT: To clarify, I am also INFP.)
I started doing things for myself so I could relearn to value my opinios about what I do with my time, instead of putting value on what others think. I tried to think that I am ok even with other people's disapproval because now I know how to provide my own approval... It's hard but when that sinks in everything changes. I think now that bad things happen because there was just no compatibility with me, not because there's something inherently wrong with me. Hope this helps and that you feel better soon. Thanks for sharing something personal with us :)
When you said "I actually don't know how to get back to my normal state" it broke my INFP heart. It feels like you're standing over your own body all day trying to just get some Fi back and it's so hard. 😔😔💔 Super challenging to do it when you're alone or with low support. Thank you for sharing. Now I at least know I'm not actually alone.
Omg you just described my whole life. I feel like my Te is super bad, so I'm trying overcompensate it all the time, take a lot of tasks and organisational roles but then I have mental breakdowns because it's too much. Also I'm afraid my BF is going to break up, because I'm bad at organising the household and not contributing as much as him. And I'm also depressed a lot and have mental breakdowns, so he has to comfort me and "bear! with me.
I suspect I was in a Te grip after i had a friendship breakup too (the other parties were quite toxic, and the friendship naturally collapsed because my Fi values were, thankfully, too stubborn to conform) but i started to self blame a lot, even though I knew there was a bigger problem, and even though i was a bit relieved to not be in a toxic environment anymore. I do feel like i blamed my Te: i was never efficient enough with explaining myself, I was never socially strategic enough to get my point across, so when i was wrongly blamed of something i didnt feel like i successfully solved the problem (spoiler, problem wasnt even on my end). Im not sure if this is really a Te grip, but i started trying to numb my emotions through working since i had a lot of deadlines (can you imagine an INFP doing this omg). This lasted around a week and a half, and its extremely stressful and psychologically taxing-i really was not myself. More like a dead, still unproductive robot. A broken record in a broken record player. I think naturally as i started to validate myself and my experiences and practice self forgiveness, the harsh, critical environment that unhealthy Te can often create started to slowly evaporate. I would say to maybe give yourself lots of space and time to heal, clarify your experiences, practice self-forgiveness where necessary and continue doing what is meaningful to you. I hope you heal and i love your videos!!
I am also an INFP who recently (not that recently) parted ways with my INTJ partner. There’s never going to be a return to what was. This is the hard thing to swallow. The move towards the Te is an attempt at growth. The way out is through. Through the CENTER! Specifically Si and Ne. Si -> eat well, exercise, meditate, sleep properly Ne -> write out, draw, express ideas Remember that the Se trickster will make the sensory world out of proportion with your actual experiences. Sometimes it will be accurate, other times, not so much. Te will work itself out when you think of it as “doing what works”. It will never work for you to devote yourself to doing only the things that work for others. Investigate you personal logic and identity the reasons that make sense to you. You’re my sister, and I believe in you! Keep going!
That’s a nice comment. I’m infp, I can relate to this. Sometimes I think for INFP we actually seek out the Te because we live with such deep emotion it feels refreshingly different with Te. I’ve been looking at career paths that use more T they look like they’d be exciting to have a break from the Fi 😂💕🙂🌹
This approach is actually the solution to an ENFP in a grip, not INFP. Seeing as how your partner was intj, I suspect you, like calypso, is a mistyped ENFP.
@xe athenia That’s actually very interesting. I would be so happy with myself if it turned out I was a mistyped ENFP! The truth is I have some very strong ideals that I don’t break even when desired personal interaction with others is on the line. I’m really very deeply INFP, for better or for worse. I want to update this thread by saying that the INTJ I was separated from recently committed suicide (9/15/2021). It was ridiculously hard for me and I’m still in the throes but a lot has calmed down. It’s (3/5/2022). As much as I missed her before, it’s been thrown into overdrive and I’m missing her ability to put me back on track when I spun out in Fi Ne territory. I’ve starting working out at the gym and I found a way to put my Ne into something with a little more order to it by creating NFTs. I find that doing these things recharge me, so that when I want to bring together my Ne into a suppressed Ni, I know I can take the stress involved. I make paintings and consider the large ones a distilled concrescence of multiple Ne ideas. I suspect everything will fall apart again, because that’s the way these things go, but I will just do my best to muddle through with good sleep and balanced diet (Si) to get back on track when it does. It seems like taking good care of yourself the way that you would expect good parent to is always the correct choice. Since you know yourself, you should use your intimate knowledge of yourself to steer your activity with care and concern for your development and growth. Speaking of Te grip experiences: I was recently reminded of something I wrote while stressed out and painting in college. I photocopied my wristwatch and wrote beneath it the copied image: “Any successful task depends solely on the execution of its component actions at the right time and in the right order” That’s what I remember anyway. Thought of this way, Te is just the ordering and execution of tasks in accordance with what is likely to generate the expected effect on the outside world. As long as we can temporarily turn off our “what ifs” and “what abouts”, we can reach the desired effect, or at the very least, deal with our failures appropriately without believing that the failures mean that we ourselves are failures.
For me as a fellow INFP focusing on gratitude has been a big one for getting over a TE grip. Also remembering things that I find valuable that other people dont notice or that dont have external value. That helps u remember that your value isnt in accomplishments. Hope this helps ❤
It sounds like you are on the right track to overcome it by keeping on following what you want/feel like doing and not worry too much about what other people think. It could be that the reason why you've started to worry too much about what other people think is because you care about whether or not the things you put out are useful to them, but you also know that you can't be happy or feel confident about putting stuff out there that dosen't feel right for you, even though it might be useful for someone else. You probably wouldn't worry about this if you didn't care about it. So maybe it would help if you can accept or surrender to both sides of your personality, meaning the side where you have to follow what feels right to you, and the side that cares about how it is received by others. And then remember what other people think is mostly out of your control. Hope that made some sense!
wow i am experiencing the exact same after a traumatic friend experience around 2 years ago too. idk if I'm still in a Te grip. I've kinda managed to start to release myself from trying to control external things like what people think of me but it took a lot of looking at why i wanted other people's approval and looking inwards at all the roots of my anxieties and what i was trying to haphazardly control. i couldn't and can't afford therapy so was and am trying to sorta self therapy with whatever i can find on the internet but i imagine finding a good therapist is probably what is needed in this situation to be honest
ISFP here, I totally relate. Trying to fix a failure with Te just never works though, you end up role playing and people feel the lack of authenticity and commitment. You have to look at a relationship or job that ends as having fulfilled its purpose, not having failed. Get out of the past into a present that is true to you. Sometimes it just takes a little time, the stages of grief.
My INFP friend has a tendency to a sacrificial behaviour when he's in a Te grip. He choses how much effort or sacrifice he "offers" to the problem he wants to solve. I, an Te aux, see that he needs to give up on somethings but if he tries to face the external criteria as an indication of the minimum that needs to be done he could pass through this well.
When my confidence was at an all time low, i had to redefine what honestly makes me and people worthy, valuable and respectable. For me it all comes down to traits you can always control (internal metrics Fi), not external metrics (Te) that factors in luck. Eg. someones integrity, generosity, honesty, work ethic, warmth, kindness etc. If you're objectively lacking in these areas, it would be good to work on what you now genuinely and logically value (Fi) so that you can value and believe in yourself more (Fi) and not worry about what happens to you externally (TE). It takes honest work though. Eg You have to actually respect the low status good personality person more (or the same as) a dicky but rich CEO. If you don't then you might still be in TE mode? Hope this helps! Im an INFJ btw! Hope my Fi 6 and Te 7 has been helpful 😂👌
Hmm well me and my mom both have high Fi and we used to get anxious from wondering what other people might think but we realized that doing whatever we want is just so good in so many ways: 1. Well first of all there is no way to please everyone so i might as well please myself since there will always be that 1 unsatisfied person 2. While doing things we love it is possible to find people who will like and support us and the genuinity of that is priceless 3. By doing what u feel like doing u r giving urself respect and allowing ur true passion to shine and perform better in all areas of life So i think in conclusion its worth to just ditch the social standards and expectations
Hi Calypso, I think you're right in your idea of how to get out of this state. My advice would be to watch your thoughts to know when they're getting unrealisticly pessimistic and try to rephrase/redirect your judgement about yourself. It's essential to only adress one small thing at a time instead of judging your overall worth as a human beacuse of what you may have done in a tiny fracture of a second in life, you know? Humans are not designed to be completely objective or to understand everything about existence so cut yourself some slack and focus on the consistency of your efforts. ps: you're holding up great and still being productive on this channel in a professional way even if you don't see it now!
I feel like I experienced this Te grip after a rejection. I became highly paranoid that my closest friends just use me because I'm financially better off than them and that they all secretly don't even like me. I unusually started calling them out for using my things because I thought the only reason they wanted to meet me was to use the things I bought.
Hi, Calypso. I don't think I've ever been in a similar situation and I don't relate to Te grip very much, but I will still try to offer some advice. Perhaps this won't be useful to you so you may disregard it, but here's what I think might be helpful. Every time you get "scared," as you say, of doing things the way you think you should but your Te grip won't let you, take some time and try to analyze the situation, ask yourself questions about the way you feel - why are you afraid of following your heart in that particular moment/situation? What is the worst thing that can happen if you don't get that Te external validation? Is there any scenario you can imagine where your wishes and the requirements of the external world could be merged somehow? Could you try to find a balance? Maybe a good idea could be to start going back from one end (Te grip) to the other one (healthy Fi) by first getting to the middle (compromise between Fi and Te) - and once you're there back to healthy Fi. I hope this can be at least somewhat helpful or offer you ideas that you can expend to something else to solve your issue. all the best!
That's so interesting. I had no idea INFPs can feel like this. I can't relate to this, and it's harder to understand, so I'm glad you explained how it feels.
As an INTP, I find myself in much the same position. But being analytical rather than feeling, I'm a little slow to see the F person's point of view. I'm a lot better at it than when I was young, however. My Fe is very highly developed at the level of a small child. I relate very well with infants and preschoolers. Perhaps your Te will someday be as good as my Fe. When I was young I relied more on my T, but now I rely more on my N. I guess it's a developmental thing.
It just sounds like your confidence took a nose dive... it affects everything for INFP. If your confidence is in a healthy place you really stop caring so much what others think.
This made me think that i might be an ENFP since i think i relate more to si grip than te grip. I realized INFPs in their Te grip will be unusually "cold", work harder, eliminate their feeling.. idk? Cmiiw please. What made me realized that i might have a si grip more since ive experienced where im over aware with my body and i get paranoid i might have some kind of illness 😂 and when i get really streassed, i just lying in my bed, do nothing, abandoned everything, crying. And after i got my shit together, thats when i used my Te, like organizing planning what should i be doing. What do you think? Is it more like a te grip or te tertiary?
Absolutely nothing in her video represents Te grip behavior. She’s not INFP, she’s describing ENFP Si grip behavior. *INFP grip behavior*: They will lose their natural caring and tolerant nature and instead obsess about truth or accuracy, becoming moody, irritable, combative, accusatory, or legalistic in their thinking. Instead of using Te appropriately, Fi will use Te to confirm its own judgments, values, or expectations. In other words, Fi-doms will develop a maladaptive tendency to misinterpret external standards of worth or achievement, and they might see those standards as oppressive and needlessly oppose them. What you’re experiencing could be ENFP in Si grip or INFP in a Si loop. mbti-notes.tumblr.com/post/128803785927/how-functions-work-inferior-te-isfpinfp
Is it easier for Ti's or Fi's to sacrifice the self? Both types of judgers struggle with this. As a certified fe moron, I've realized that giving attention to the illogical aspects of life is actually of great benefit at times. Which for me is a form of self sacrifice - to ignore logic that is. And so I ignore it. Sometimes. Not all the times, of course. God forbid! But sometimes. Every now and then. Even if just for a little while. I do it and it's fine. Sometimes. No need to listen to Bukowski and go all the way with our strengths because why? Because balance is healthy On a more important note, best of luck! :)
I do this tooooo when things go wrong. 🙈 I'm in therapy which has been helping me be my true self.. despite society. And I've just been DOING what i want, like i use to. ☺️☺️
I was thinking about this the other day too... I know I don't like people for their accomplishments, yet I feel like I need accomplishments in order to be liked
Do not ignore fear!!!!! Not psychologically attainable, possible. Make it conscious instead!!!!: what do I fear exactly!...???? Can I do what I desire (e.g. video I desire), bacause it actually does not move me into the thing I fear i.e. it does not cancel all my views, so even if this one is unsuccessful I had fun. Do I want to be friends with someone who really is going to shun me because of unpopularity of my videos? or too low of an income? Maybe I prefer someone who will encourage me but also accept my circumstances. To find someone like this I MUST be willing to let go of people to whom my current circumstances are shameful, are a no starter :) Yes, I want to improve but it is only possible from a place of acceptance of what is, not SHAME (or blame, TE blame for example ;)
I always use my Te Most of the time. And im like an Estj for most of the time when i am at work and talking to other people. 😅 And i am More like an Istp when im with my friends. Then when i am at home, church I am back to Fi, back to Infp again 😅 I am INFP too, And i am attracted to you. Your an INFP too right? I Love Your Eyes 😅❤️
This is actually funny point because a few weeks ago i have come to the conclusion i quote: "I'm not feeling like talking with people; the friendships i have now i don't like contacting with them online that much so it is hard to invest in the relationships as much as i imagine them to look like but it is just exhausting for me so i don't, i prefer spending time with them in the real world by meeting but its not that easy for the other side (2 out of my 3 best fiends especially) to do it in person. i would like to meet new people but the problem returns; I don't like to socialize online, so how to make new friends if i'm not in a position where i have a predicted job or place where i can regularly go? So it is like; its a pity but i will just wait when this time comes and i will be ready and in the position of a example of a person who is in the place in life where it will be comfortable for others to maintain friendships with me" But really, what the heck? I make my social life addicted to the external criteria of what is a well kept and planed life? Like literally, help It is the pity loop, cuz it is this compering ourselves to what most people expect, but the general perspective differs from my perspective and what i want from life so if i do things differently, out of the common expectations i fear it just will put people off so i wait for the middle ground
*This video confirms she’s an ENFP, not an infp. Everything she describes is textbook ENFP behavior experiencing an Si grip.* *Her preoccupied ideas of success:* when Ne-doms rely too heavily upon Ne and suppress Si, they will develop an overly unrealistic and confused view of the world. Instead of using Si appropriately, Ne will use Si to collect “factual” evidence to confirm its own intuitions, premonitions, or ideas. In other words, Ne will develop a maladaptive tendency to misinterpret situations, misjudging the value of the possibilities they see and then entertaining paths that are impractical or unrealistic in expectations, thereby increasing the chances of failure. When Ne is not functioning in a healthy manner, Ne-doms will be more prone to: overlooking important details, making careless errors, failing to learn from past mistakes (and then repeating them), having poor focus, neglecting physical health, continually arriving at dead ends or abandoning ideas midstream. This will lead to a buildup of feelings of incompetence or worthlessness, especially when they are unable to make any concrete progress towards realizing their goals or ideals. *Her guilt, rumination, and pessimism:* They tend to lose touch with the world of possibilities and, instead, become pessimistic, withdrawn, inflexible, or obsessed about insignificant details. desperately overanalyze past events/mistakes to find reasons/solutions for their present mood or use past events to justify a negative outlook of the future. Being unused to directing so much attention inwardly, they tend to select details inappropriately, often grabbing hold of a negative thought and projecting it into a future of perpetual melancholy. The inward focus also makes them oversensitive to bodily sensations, with a tendency to misinterpret or exaggerate every minor ache as a sign of grave illness or disease. Ultimately, they lose their motivation and enthusiasm for life, feeling lost or hopeless or adrift. *[ENFPs] present themselves as “experts” and fool themselves into thinking that they have all the facts and details, exude a false air of competence or dismiss the usefulness of past learning/knowledge,* _This info. is quoted from another source. See replies for citations._
(INTJ) Wow, that sounds dark. I'd never thought about a Te grip before, but looking back, my INFP used to be in one often, and it would be destructive. I'd say go back to leaning on your Fi, which will be your adorable superpower, and run your Te thoughts by a high Te user. And please, LET THEM CORRECT YOU. Don't let your Fi hold onto a bad Te idea as if it were something to be guarded and cherished. It will poison you.
I think you're ENFP (INFP is much (edit: MUCH) more reserved and less animated), but as a fellow delta type I can relate with blaming and questioning yourself. It's easy for some people to exploit you from this, because they equate questioning oneself with being wrong or guilty.
Hi hello! This response isn't really criticism, but I wanted share my perspective as another "animated" infp: So, all of the infps I know personally (myself included) become very animated when comfortable. And honestly, a lot of the enfps I've met have been pretty darn reserved (or have had swaths of time where they became more reserved). How social or animated someone is isn't actually an indication of introversion or extroversion. I don't mean to be rude by saying this, but typing someone based on how animated they are is a bit of a superficial way of typing (sorry sorry sorry). I have an infj friend who also mistyped me as an enfp when we first met, because of how animated I was (and this was before I got into mbti, so I had no idea what all the letters and cognitive functions really meant). But as they got to know me better, they eventually realized that despite how expressive I was, I was still incredibly introverted. I found far more joy in contemplating different ideas and analyzing my feelings than I did in actually putting these ideas into action. I typically decide how I feel about doing something *before* I go and do it, unlike enfps who typically need to *try* the idea before being able to use Fi to decipher whether it aligns with their values or not. So, after my infj friend told me that they realized I was infp, I went ahead and started to do my own research about mbti and I can say with certainty now that I am an infp and not an enfp. As another infp, I hear everything Calypso is saying, and I relate to it so so strongly. This video sounds like a clear infp experience. I exhibited the exact same behaviors and had the exact same fears that she did after my falling out with a close friend. Moreover, she knows herself better than we can ever know her. I think we need to trust that she has done enough research and has analyzed herself well enough to figure out what her mbti is. Sorry if this came off as rude! Hope this gives you a little more perspective on "bubbly" infps 😊
@@osherfein3117 No worries, I don't think you're rude. Have you watched Cognitive Personality Theory on ENFP and INFP differences? ENFPs have Fi as their authoritative function, which is why they're very concerned about being authentic to themselves. Also about being animated, Ne is an extroverted perceptive function. It does follow that their body is more animated along with their eyes, since it is an exploratory process. For INFP, yes they might value authenticity, but I personally don't feel it as something that's very new or interesting to explore more about. I might ask questions like who am I, but this isn't about identity in the world. It is about one's own sense of consciousness. As Fi is neighboring with Ti, it will also often dip into that area. While Ne can be exploratory in looking for information for example (from internet, etc), Fi gets periodically stuck in their head, trying to make sense of a thought and takes time before putting them out. It doesn't mean that Fi's words would be deeper though. Oftentimes they might get lost in their thoughts and drop it altogether that it becomes nonsensical. Well this is all just my opinion and I might be wrong also. It's ok if you have a different conclusion.
What I do is surround myself with Se- activities, experiences, people, etc, I shoot for a whole month of Se and it always helps to keep me from over thinking every little thought/feeling and gets me back to feeling the healthy version of myself again.
same here. se is the answer. loads of biking and a nice toddler (if available) should do the trick :) or whatever that makes you move, makes you interact and makes you happy. fingers crossed!
Se is a perceiving function that is used to gather information. biking, hiking, any external activities are not equal to "Se activities", because if we use that logic, then everyone would be a sensor.
yall might be INFJ or someone with Se as thier inferior function
@@yurizafurizaki5574yeah, sure thing. nevertheless, riding a bike for me is more an experience than just an activity. I go for long rides outside of the city, ride fast, must be fully present and pay attention to what surrounds me - this brings me back to my body and makes me focus on what's here and now. once I went for a bike ride being completely stuck in my head and got back home with two ribs fractured, so I've learned the hard way I do need to change my state and get more se-stuff-kind-of-focused while riding :) this, I guess, is just as close to an se experience as I can get, but if you have better/other ideas for se activities and experiences for se blind people, please do share!
@@olahalicka37 ummm i never asked that lol i was just correcting the misconception that said external activities are Se activities, which is wrong. (Stated by the original commentator, not you)
To correctly and accurately define Se activities, it would be about gathering information pertaining to the external sensory world, or Se. Doing activities such as exercising, biking, hiking, singing, drawing, driving, partying, etc etc etc are not Se activities. They are just activities that everyone does. hence labeling those activities as "Se" activities would mean everyone must be a sensor since everyone does those things, and we know this is not true. Its like saying, "doing math is a Ti activity since math is about "logic". And people then conclude, "since I can do math correctly then I must have Ti". Nope. If we go by that logic then every person who studies math must be a Ti user.
Perceiving functions such as Se, Si, Ni, Ne, are used to gather information. They are tools that are used by the judging functions to make decisions.
Not every party goer, not every biker, not every athlete, not every dancer, etc, is an Se user.
Hey Calypso, INFP here. Whats helped me a lot is learning to rely on others for some of those Te decisions. Like... I think we INFPs are so used to solving our Feeling problems alone that we automatically believe thats how we should solve our Thinking problems. For me the less was, theres no way we can understand what the tribe wants unless we actually go out and ask them!! I feel like we succeed when we suck up that pride and go ask for help when we need it. Let me know if this resonates or helps!
Seriously, this has helped me so much at work. Recognizing that I do take longer than a lot of people because I'm so in my head all day was an annoying shitty thing to come to terms with, but one I started asking more questions and being more involved in whatever we were doing I realized how much my own brain was sabotaging me. And I'm still me but I'm getting better at catching myself and trying to remember to pay attention to as much as I can, cuz I've spent the last 23 years missing damn near 80 percent of the real world. So yea, asking questions and being ok with looking dumb for a couple seconds are great ways to get better at life haha
As a teen infp who absolutely hates asking someone for help, these advices are so helpful thank you very much. I never wanted anyone's help even in high school bc i didn't want them to think i was 'stupid', guess i need to learn to toss that aside if i wanna improve.
Hi Calypso, I started to cry watching this video because hearing what you went through with losing a friend and having that affect you greatly is very relatable to me. I also recently lost a friend. They just left and blocked me on everything, leaving me in the dark, and ever since I haven't felt "myself". I even stopped talking to my other friends, which I feel guilty and ashamed for, but I'm just so hurt...I don't really know why it's hard for me to reconnect with my other friends. Hearing you talk about the Te grip describes pretty well what I am currently going through. And I've also been trying for ways to get out of it. Around New Years, I tried dividing the year into quarters and set monthly and quarterly goals for myself. It went well for the first two months or so, but eventually I slacked off with it. My commitment dwindled, and it's not as robust as before. Now I'm reeling for other strategies to get "back on track" with my life. Currently, I noticed that I've been focusing on a structured approach (though not as much as I want to...) to learning some piano pieces and getting to other creative outlets and finding myself wanting (almost feeling like needing to, if not) to do these creative projects in a "structured" way. I also find myself "daydreaming" a goal of posting the pieces online for my friends and peers to seea nd get their approval, rather than having the goal be for myself. Either way, I'm not really getting anything done, not talking to my friends, and trying to get out of the Te grip. I hope you can find a way, as well. Sending much love to you - -
(EDIT: To clarify, I am also INFP.)
I started doing things for myself so I could relearn to value my opinios about what I do with my time, instead of putting value on what others think. I tried to think that I am ok even with other people's disapproval because now I know how to provide my own approval... It's hard but when that sinks in everything changes.
I think now that bad things happen because there was just no compatibility with me, not because there's something inherently wrong with me. Hope this helps and that you feel better soon. Thanks for sharing something personal with us :)
When you said "I actually don't know how to get back to my normal state" it broke my INFP heart. It feels like you're standing over your own body all day trying to just get some Fi back and it's so hard. 😔😔💔 Super challenging to do it when you're alone or with low support. Thank you for sharing. Now I at least know I'm not actually alone.
Omg you just described my whole life. I feel like my Te is super bad, so I'm trying overcompensate it all the time, take a lot of tasks and organisational roles but then I have mental breakdowns because it's too much. Also I'm afraid my BF is going to break up, because I'm bad at organising the household and not contributing as much as him. And I'm also depressed a lot and have mental breakdowns, so he has to comfort me and "bear! with me.
I suspect I was in a Te grip after i had a friendship breakup too (the other parties were quite toxic, and the friendship naturally collapsed because my Fi values were, thankfully, too stubborn to conform) but i started to self blame a lot, even though I knew there was a bigger problem, and even though i was a bit relieved to not be in a toxic environment anymore. I do feel like i blamed my Te: i was never efficient enough with explaining myself, I was never socially strategic enough to get my point across, so when i was wrongly blamed of something i didnt feel like i successfully solved the problem (spoiler, problem wasnt even on my end).
Im not sure if this is really a Te grip, but i started trying to numb my emotions through working since i had a lot of deadlines (can you imagine an INFP doing this omg). This lasted around a week and a half, and its extremely stressful and psychologically taxing-i really was not myself. More like a dead, still unproductive robot. A broken record in a broken record player.
I think naturally as i started to validate myself and my experiences and practice self forgiveness, the harsh, critical environment that unhealthy Te can often create started to slowly evaporate.
I would say to maybe give yourself lots of space and time to heal, clarify your experiences, practice self-forgiveness where necessary and continue doing what is meaningful to you.
I hope you heal and i love your videos!!
I am also an INFP who recently (not that recently) parted ways with my INTJ partner. There’s never going to be a return to what was. This is the hard thing to swallow.
The move towards the Te is an attempt at growth.
The way out is through.
Through the CENTER!
Specifically Si and Ne.
Si -> eat well, exercise, meditate, sleep properly
Ne -> write out, draw, express ideas
Remember that the Se trickster will make the sensory world out of proportion with your actual experiences. Sometimes it will be accurate, other times, not so much.
Te will work itself out when you think of it as “doing what works”. It will never work for you to devote yourself to doing only the things that work for others. Investigate you personal logic and identity the reasons that make sense to you.
You’re my sister, and I believe in you! Keep going!
"Out of proportion" Is that mean if we actually experience level 5, we will think l that we are experiencing 10?
That’s a nice comment. I’m infp, I can relate to this. Sometimes I think for INFP we actually seek out the Te because we live with such deep emotion it feels refreshingly different with Te. I’ve been looking at career paths that use more T they look like they’d be exciting to have a break from the Fi 😂💕🙂🌹
This approach is actually the solution to an ENFP in a grip, not INFP. Seeing as how your partner was intj, I suspect you, like calypso, is a mistyped ENFP.
@xe athenia
That’s actually very interesting. I would be so happy with myself if it turned out I was a mistyped ENFP! The truth is I have some very strong ideals that I don’t break even when desired personal interaction with others is on the line. I’m really very deeply INFP, for better or for worse.
I want to update this thread by saying that the INTJ I was separated from recently committed suicide (9/15/2021). It was ridiculously hard for me and I’m still in the throes but a lot has calmed down. It’s (3/5/2022). As much as I missed her before, it’s been thrown into overdrive and I’m missing her ability to put me back on track when I spun out in Fi Ne territory.
I’ve starting working out at the gym and I found a way to put my Ne into something with a little more order to it by creating NFTs. I find that doing these things recharge me, so that when I want to bring together my Ne into a suppressed Ni, I know I can take the stress involved. I make paintings and consider the large ones a distilled concrescence of multiple Ne ideas.
I suspect everything will fall apart again, because that’s the way these things go, but I will just do my best to muddle through with good sleep and balanced diet (Si) to get back on track when it does.
It seems like taking good care of yourself the way that you would expect good parent to is always the correct choice. Since you know yourself, you should use your intimate knowledge of yourself to steer your activity with care and concern for your development and growth.
Speaking of Te grip experiences:
I was recently reminded of something I wrote while stressed out and painting in college. I photocopied my wristwatch and wrote beneath it the copied image:
“Any successful task depends solely on the execution of its component actions at the right time and in the right order”
That’s what I remember anyway.
Thought of this way, Te is just the ordering and execution of tasks in accordance with what is likely to generate the expected effect on the outside world.
As long as we can temporarily turn off our “what ifs” and “what abouts”, we can reach the desired effect, or at the very least, deal with our failures appropriately without believing that the failures mean that we ourselves are failures.
For me as a fellow INFP focusing on gratitude has been a big one for getting over a TE grip. Also remembering things that I find valuable that other people dont notice or that dont have external value. That helps u remember that your value isnt in accomplishments. Hope this helps ❤
INTJ here, completely resonated with everything you described! Te grip is nasty, stubborn, and unforgiving! :P
It sounds like you are on the right track to overcome it by keeping on following what you want/feel like doing and not worry too much about what other people think. It could be that the reason why you've started to worry too much about what other people think is because you care about whether or not the things you put out are useful to them, but you also know that you can't be happy or feel confident about putting stuff out there that dosen't feel right for you, even though it might be useful for someone else. You probably wouldn't worry about this if you didn't care about it. So maybe it would help if you can accept or surrender to both sides of your personality, meaning the side where you have to follow what feels right to you, and the side that cares about how it is received by others. And then remember what other people think is mostly out of your control.
Hope that made some sense!
wow i am experiencing the exact same after a traumatic friend experience around 2 years ago too. idk if I'm still in a Te grip. I've kinda managed to start to release myself from trying to control external things like what people think of me but it took a lot of looking at why i wanted other people's approval and looking inwards at all the roots of my anxieties and what i was trying to haphazardly control. i couldn't and can't afford therapy so was and am trying to sorta self therapy with whatever i can find on the internet but i imagine finding a good therapist is probably what is needed in this situation to be honest
ISFP here, I totally relate. Trying to fix a failure with Te just never works though, you end up role playing and people feel the lack of authenticity and commitment. You have to look at a relationship or job that ends as having fulfilled its purpose, not having failed. Get out of the past into a present that is true to you. Sometimes it just takes a little time, the stages of grief.
Thank you for sharing your vulnerability, its helpful 🙏🏽
My INFP friend has a tendency to a sacrificial behaviour when he's in a Te grip. He choses how much effort or sacrifice he "offers" to the problem he wants to solve. I, an Te aux, see that he needs to give up on somethings but if he tries to face the external criteria as an indication of the minimum that needs to be done he could pass through this well.
When my confidence was at an all time low, i had to redefine what honestly makes me and people worthy, valuable and respectable. For me it all comes down to traits you can always control (internal metrics Fi), not external metrics (Te) that factors in luck. Eg. someones integrity, generosity, honesty, work ethic, warmth, kindness etc. If you're objectively lacking in these areas, it would be good to work on what you now genuinely and logically value (Fi) so that you can value and believe in yourself more (Fi) and not worry about what happens to you externally (TE). It takes honest work though. Eg You have to actually respect the low status good personality person more (or the same as) a dicky but rich CEO. If you don't then you might still be in TE mode? Hope this helps! Im an INFJ btw! Hope my Fi 6 and Te 7 has been helpful 😂👌
This was so helpful❣ Thank u❣ Hope u r doing well❣🥰
Hmm well me and my mom both have high Fi and we used to get anxious from wondering what other people might think but we realized that doing whatever we want is just so good in so many ways:
1. Well first of all there is no way to please everyone so i might as well please myself since there will always be that 1 unsatisfied person
2. While doing things we love it is possible to find people who will like and support us and the genuinity of that is priceless
3. By doing what u feel like doing u r giving urself respect and allowing ur true passion to shine and perform better in all areas of life
So i think in conclusion its worth to just ditch the social standards and expectations
I really appreciate your channel and your work (infp)
Hi Calypso, I think you're right in your idea of how to get out of this state. My advice would be to watch your thoughts to know when they're getting unrealisticly pessimistic and try to rephrase/redirect your judgement about yourself. It's essential to only adress one small thing at a time instead of judging your overall worth as a human beacuse of what you may have done in a tiny fracture of a second in life, you know? Humans are not designed to be completely objective or to understand everything about existence so cut yourself some slack and focus on the consistency of your efforts.
ps: you're holding up great and still being productive on this channel in a professional way even if you don't see it now!
I relate to this as INTJ, thanks to my repressed auxiliary Te. Try to prove myself with unrealistic goals, fail, and repeat the cycle.
Thank you for sharing it with us
You are enough. You don't need to change for anyone but yourself, and only if you decide to do it. =3
I feel like I experienced this Te grip after a rejection. I became highly paranoid that my closest friends just use me because I'm financially better off than them and that they all secretly don't even like me. I unusually started calling them out for using my things because I thought the only reason they wanted to meet me was to use the things I bought.
Hi, Calypso. I don't think I've ever been in a similar situation and I don't relate to Te grip very much, but I will still try to offer some advice. Perhaps this won't be useful to you so you may disregard it, but here's what I think might be helpful.
Every time you get "scared," as you say, of doing things the way you think you should but your Te grip won't let you, take some time and try to analyze the situation, ask yourself questions about the way you feel - why are you afraid of following your heart in that particular moment/situation? What is the worst thing that can happen if you don't get that Te external validation? Is there any scenario you can imagine where your wishes and the requirements of the external world could be merged somehow? Could you try to find a balance? Maybe a good idea could be to start going back from one end (Te grip) to the other one (healthy Fi) by first getting to the middle (compromise between Fi and Te) - and once you're there back to healthy Fi.
I hope this can be at least somewhat helpful or offer you ideas that you can expend to something else to solve your issue.
all the best!
That's so interesting. I had no idea INFPs can feel like this. I can't relate to this, and it's harder to understand, so I'm glad you explained how it feels.
INFPs don’t feel like this. She’s a mistyped ENFP who has assumed an INFP persona, and for some reason she refuses to accept her true type.
@@xeathenia8539 What she said makes sense for a Te grip. How else would it manifest then?
As an INTP, I find myself in much the same position. But being analytical rather than feeling, I'm a little slow to see the F person's point of view. I'm a lot better at it than when I was young, however. My Fe is very highly developed at the level of a small child. I relate very well with infants and preschoolers. Perhaps your Te will someday be as good as my Fe.
When I was young I relied more on my T, but now I rely more on my N. I guess it's a developmental thing.
It just sounds like your confidence took a nose dive... it affects everything for INFP. If your confidence is in a healthy place you really stop caring so much what others think.
I can't deal with the new acronymmssssss ahhhh
J is for Judging functions which are Feeling and Thinking, and P is for Perceiving functions which are Sensing and Intuition.
This made me think that i might be an ENFP since i think i relate more to si grip than te grip. I realized INFPs in their Te grip will be unusually "cold", work harder, eliminate their feeling.. idk? Cmiiw please. What made me realized that i might have a si grip more since ive experienced where im over aware with my body and i get paranoid i might have some kind of illness 😂 and when i get really streassed, i just lying in my bed, do nothing, abandoned everything, crying. And after i got my shit together, thats when i used my Te, like organizing planning what should i be doing. What do you think? Is it more like a te grip or te tertiary?
Absolutely nothing in her video represents Te grip behavior. She’s not INFP, she’s describing ENFP Si grip behavior.
*INFP grip behavior*: They will lose their natural caring and tolerant nature and instead obsess about truth or accuracy, becoming moody, irritable, combative, accusatory, or legalistic in their thinking. Instead of using Te appropriately, Fi will use Te to confirm its own judgments, values, or expectations. In other words, Fi-doms will develop a maladaptive tendency to misinterpret external standards of worth or achievement, and they might see those standards as oppressive and needlessly oppose them.
What you’re experiencing could be ENFP in Si grip or INFP in a Si loop.
mbti-notes.tumblr.com/post/128803785927/how-functions-work-inferior-te-isfpinfp
Is it easier for Ti's or Fi's to sacrifice the self? Both types of judgers struggle with this.
As a certified fe moron, I've realized that giving attention to the illogical aspects of life is actually of great benefit at times. Which for me is a form of self sacrifice - to ignore logic that is. And so I ignore it. Sometimes. Not all the times, of course. God forbid! But sometimes. Every now and then. Even if just for a little while. I do it and it's fine.
Sometimes.
No need to listen to Bukowski and go all the way with our strengths because why? Because balance is healthy
On a more important note, best of luck! :)
I do this tooooo when things go wrong. 🙈
I'm in therapy which has been helping me be my true self.. despite society. And I've just been DOING what i want, like i use to. ☺️☺️
I was thinking about this the other day too... I know I don't like people for their accomplishments, yet I feel like I need accomplishments in order to be liked
Your kinesics line up w Enfp
Do not ignore fear!!!!! Not psychologically attainable, possible. Make it conscious instead!!!!: what do I fear exactly!...???? Can I do what I desire (e.g. video I desire), bacause it actually does not move me into the thing I fear
i.e. it does not cancel all my views, so even if this one is unsuccessful I had fun. Do I want to be friends with someone who really is going to shun me because of unpopularity of my videos? or too low of an income? Maybe I prefer someone who will encourage me but also accept my circumstances. To find someone like this I MUST be willing to let go of people to whom my current circumstances are shameful, are a no starter :) Yes, I want to improve but it is only possible from a place of acceptance of what is, not SHAME (or blame, TE blame for example ;)
There is always chaos. 😮💨
I always use my Te Most of the time. And im like an Estj for most of the time when i am at work and talking to other people. 😅 And i am More like an Istp when im with my friends. Then when i am at home, church I am back to Fi, back to Infp again 😅
I am INFP too, And i am attracted to you. Your an INFP too right? I Love Your Eyes 😅❤️
This is actually funny point because a few weeks ago i have come to the conclusion i quote: "I'm not feeling like talking with people; the friendships i have now i don't like contacting with them online that much so it is hard to invest in the relationships as much as i imagine them to look like but it is just exhausting for me so i don't, i prefer spending time with them in the real world by meeting but its not that easy for the other side (2 out of my 3 best fiends especially) to do it in person. i would like to meet new people but the problem returns; I don't like to socialize online, so how to make new friends if i'm not in a position where i have a predicted job or place where i can regularly go? So it is like; its a pity but i will just wait when this time comes and i will be ready and in the position of a example of a person who is in the place in life where it will be comfortable for others to maintain friendships with me" But really, what the heck? I make my social life addicted to the external criteria of what is a well kept and planed life?
Like literally, help
It is the pity loop, cuz it is this compering ourselves to what most people expect, but the general perspective differs from my perspective and what i want from life so if i do things differently, out of the common expectations i fear it just will put people off so i wait for the middle ground
Forget about Alex, I'll be your new best friend!
*This video confirms she’s an ENFP, not an infp. Everything she describes is textbook ENFP behavior experiencing an Si grip.*
*Her preoccupied ideas of success:* when Ne-doms rely too heavily upon Ne and suppress Si, they will develop an overly unrealistic and confused view of the world. Instead of using Si appropriately, Ne will use Si to collect “factual” evidence to confirm its own intuitions, premonitions, or ideas. In other words, Ne will develop a maladaptive tendency to misinterpret situations, misjudging the value of the possibilities they see and then entertaining paths that are impractical or unrealistic in expectations, thereby increasing the chances of failure. When Ne is not functioning in a healthy manner, Ne-doms will be more prone to: overlooking important details, making careless errors, failing to learn from past mistakes (and then repeating them), having poor focus, neglecting physical health, continually arriving at dead ends or abandoning ideas midstream. This will lead to a buildup of feelings of incompetence or worthlessness, especially when they are unable to make any concrete progress towards realizing their goals or ideals.
*Her guilt, rumination, and pessimism:* They tend to lose touch with the world of possibilities and, instead, become pessimistic, withdrawn, inflexible, or obsessed about insignificant details. desperately overanalyze past events/mistakes to find reasons/solutions for their present mood or use past events to justify a negative outlook of the future. Being unused to directing so much attention inwardly, they tend to select details inappropriately, often grabbing hold of a negative thought and projecting it into a future of perpetual melancholy. The inward focus also makes them oversensitive to bodily sensations, with a tendency to misinterpret or exaggerate every minor ache as a sign of grave illness or disease. Ultimately, they lose their motivation and enthusiasm for life, feeling lost or hopeless or adrift.
*[ENFPs] present themselves as “experts” and fool themselves into thinking that they have all the facts and details, exude a false air of competence or dismiss the usefulness of past learning/knowledge,*
_This info. is quoted from another source. See replies for citations._
Travel heals!!!!
neat
Second.
(INTJ) Wow, that sounds dark. I'd never thought about a Te grip before, but looking back, my INFP used to be in one often, and it would be destructive. I'd say go back to leaning on your Fi, which will be your adorable superpower, and run your Te thoughts by a high Te user. And please, LET THEM CORRECT YOU. Don't let your Fi hold onto a bad Te idea as if it were something to be guarded and cherished. It will poison you.
I think you're ENFP (INFP is much (edit: MUCH) more reserved and less animated), but as a fellow delta type I can relate with blaming and questioning yourself. It's easy for some people to exploit you from this, because they equate questioning oneself with being wrong or guilty.
I see her as Pe dom. You're right, I'm much more reserved, cold and expressionless.
Hi hello! This response isn't really criticism, but I wanted share my perspective as another "animated" infp:
So, all of the infps I know personally (myself included) become very animated when comfortable. And honestly, a lot of the enfps I've met have been pretty darn reserved (or have had swaths of time where they became more reserved). How social or animated someone is isn't actually an indication of introversion or extroversion. I don't mean to be rude by saying this, but typing someone based on how animated they are is a bit of a superficial way of typing (sorry sorry sorry).
I have an infj friend who also mistyped me as an enfp when we first met, because of how animated I was (and this was before I got into mbti, so I had no idea what all the letters and cognitive functions really meant).
But as they got to know me better, they eventually realized that despite how expressive I was, I was still incredibly introverted. I found far more joy in contemplating different ideas and analyzing my feelings than I did in actually putting these ideas into action. I typically decide how I feel about doing something *before* I go and do it, unlike enfps who typically need to *try* the idea before being able to use Fi to decipher whether it aligns with their values or not.
So, after my infj friend told me that they realized I was infp, I went ahead and started to do my own research about mbti and I can say with certainty now that I am an infp and not an enfp.
As another infp, I hear everything Calypso is saying, and I relate to it so so strongly. This video sounds like a clear infp experience. I exhibited the exact same behaviors and had the exact same fears that she did after my falling out with a close friend.
Moreover, she knows herself better than we can ever know her. I think we need to trust that she has done enough research and has analyzed herself well enough to figure out what her mbti is.
Sorry if this came off as rude! Hope this gives you a little more perspective on "bubbly" infps 😊
@@osherfein3117 No worries, I don't think you're rude. Have you watched Cognitive Personality Theory on ENFP and INFP differences?
ENFPs have Fi as their authoritative function, which is why they're very concerned about being authentic to themselves. Also about being animated, Ne is an extroverted perceptive function. It does follow that their body is more animated along with their eyes, since it is an exploratory process.
For INFP, yes they might value authenticity, but I personally don't feel it as something that's very new or interesting to explore more about. I might ask questions like who am I, but this isn't about identity in the world. It is about one's own sense of consciousness. As Fi is neighboring with Ti, it will also often dip into that area. While Ne can be exploratory in looking for information for example (from internet, etc), Fi gets periodically stuck in their head, trying to make sense of a thought and takes time before putting them out. It doesn't mean that Fi's words would be deeper though. Oftentimes they might get lost in their thoughts and drop it altogether that it becomes nonsensical.
Well this is all just my opinion and I might be wrong also. It's ok if you have a different conclusion.