INTJ: Last time, I promised to answer a commenter’s questions on relationships, so here they are, publicly posted on our Patreon! www.patreon.com/INcoffeetime
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Indeed :D As Confucius sad ... at least if English was a thing back then ;D ...: "those who fail to prepare, prepare to fail" *^ Which, I think, is one of the core beliefs of an INTJ ;)
As a fellow INTJ. I personally think the lack of expression is due to our understanding that people tend to pray on or try to manipulate others through emotion, so as a sort of defense mechanism we tend to not show them to everyone, I no longer view it as a weakness just ahead of the curve, and when we are very expressive, people tend to notice.
@@joshuamichael4312 "...use emotions as a way to get something from us." THAT! Most of the time, when people are friendly they want something from you. The other times, they are off their meds. I don't see myself as being anti-social, but rather anti-manipulation.
@@rymanshroomzorz have you ever be only "liked" when they needed/wanted something from you? That's how we think, because most people only came for us for when they need/want something.
I think we are the opposite of sociopaths. They pretend to have emotions to manipulate people and friend collect, while we are accused of not having any when we have intense emotions all the time but don't want to freak people out or be the center of attention.
"I wish you were more emotionally expressive to me" My ex girlfriend said this to me, and I responded: "Right, so how do I do that?" "Just tell me how you are feeling" "Absolutely nothing" I think the downfall of our relationship started with that discussion.
Well, yeah, who wants to date an unfeeling psychopath? It seems she brought to your attention a genuine concern and you shat all over it with an edgy comment. My partner once said something similar to me, and I said it will be hard as I'm used to internalising my feelings, so bear with me as I practice being more open, and from there things looked up for us, even just because I made an effort and took his concerns into consideration. It's what you do in a relationship. What you said was so unhealthy, maybe learn from this and do better for your next partner.
INTJ female. I once had a guy say that to me!!! Lol. He said I was emotionally unavailable. I was young at the time and pretty clueless, so I was like... um... what?
this is always been a struggle to me. I always always always don't know how to expression what I feel. I'm angry but I was like “how do I say this.. ” then I just blew out this mean words with my partner. That's when we knew I'm not okay 😂
@@RinDoll002 we are not always emotional. At times we don't feel anything. Its just another event. There is nothing psycopathic about that. The fact you assume that is highly insulting. Also it you wthent more sexual aggression. Do something to elicit said behavior.
Infp Im male And I've been asked and approached like 3 times and I've always tried to avoid the situation Since i don't think i need a relationship that deep I can just be really close friends and that's enough for me
@@i.lxxiii4744 It think he wanted to know what this concretely is. Ni vision usually describes an idea of how the future might look that an Ni-user probably strives towards.
My UFO Story I disagree...if I'm interested in a guy I usually have to discreetly approach him. While when guys show interest in me I 93% am not interested.
Allison Scanlan that's the point I was making. You have the choice to decide. You can say yes or no because you do get the attention. As a male I get no attention and don't get approached. I'm going to be 48 in September and have been alone my entire life. If I started dating I'd feel like an inexperienced child not knowing how to talk to her. Thank you for proving my point.
Not easy for INTJ females. Get accused for thinking the other person is stupid. Telling you how you're thinking when you're not thinking that way. Trying to have a conversation and being accused of arguing. Being told you think you know everything but you know you don't know everything. Like every video says, we know what we know.
Which part of "if I'm interested in a guy I usually have to discreetly approach him" did you not understand? Unattractive women don't get 'approached' either. I've done most of the chasing too. Plus it's considered shameful for a woman if we approach a bloke and he shuns us.
I'm dating an INTJ, and he's the opposite of not expressing his emotions and feelings. Maybe around other people, but definitely not me. As an INFJ, that's why we connect so well
I am an INTJ. The two people I feel the safest with, when it comes to being emotionally vulnerable, are both INFJs so this makes complete sense to me. Your INTJ trusts you with his feelings.
That seems to be typical. I'm a male INTJ, and I don't open up to many people at all. Only the very few that get to know me see that side of me. Take it as a good sign!
Im dating an INTJ. Everything you've said is pretty much how I've experienced things. One thing that has surprised me again is just how emotional they are and they aren't even aware of close to the extent (Fi super id, thinking they understand it better than they do). This has been consistently noticed with INTJs that have let me into their world and the emotion is so much that I consider them secret feelers and this is coming from an INFP. I'm sometimes a translator for how she is feeling, which she deeply appreciates but needs space to process the insights, especially since she expresses that this lack of awareness leads her to feel vulnerable. Upon exposing the hidden Fi parts to their nature, they can become unusually clingy, for reasons I don't understand. They're a bit like cats: they can appear to be walled up and standoffish at first but if you rub their belly, it's game over. This aspect of them is like a castle with a tiny front door as the only point of entry. It's right in front of you but often missed and once you manage to squeeze through you see the vastness, much of which they are unaware of, yet they will accept that it's there when you tell them and they are given grounds for exploring. They only share this side with very few people because it's held as so sacred. I ask her why she doesn't grace others with this side to her and she repeats that it's only meant for those that she is really close with. They can also be closet romantics with the capacity for an intensity that will challenge an IxFx and very affectionate, with sickly sweetness and an emphasis on imbuing deep quality and impact. They can be a little clunky in the delivery, they don't always know what to do and it takes them a while to get used to new emotional terrain and there is a clear aloofness regarding certain formalities and may end up unknowingly offending you in the processes of seeking out a deeper connection. They may not tell you that they love you as much as an ExFx but when they do it's truly packed with intent. Once you're in, they can move quite fast. If they're slow, you're probably not in the castle yet. If they feel safe enough to drop their guard, you have a lot of control and although they come in with an initial a personal vision for the relationship, overtime they become much more pliable in adapting a vision with you, as long as there is some kind of a foreseeable progression, as Alex stated, which works well for both. The Ni pre-planning can be a struggle to navigate sometimes. It's amusing when i ask her to be spontaneous because she has no idea what to do. With the one im dating now, by continually poking on that Fi, it's like she has revealed a person that is almost completely opposite of how she appears on the surface, in every way, that quickly emotionally evolves and grows as I help her unravel herself. It's a little odd to think about. Calling this confusing 'thing' cute just seems plain wrong. Maybe it's broken. Jokes aside, perhaps this isn't the case for even most INTJs but it is a similar story for all 3 that I've been very close with. On a related note, maybe an interesting idea for a video is which types like to chase and which like to be chased. Ive noticed that in my life, the ESTPs and ESFJs like chasing and tend to prefer the earlier stages of a relationship and the whole courting process, whereas INFPs and INTJs tend to prefer being chased and tend to prefer the later aspects of relationships. Maybe there is something to it worth exploring.
mindsight1 That is an interesting point of view and an experience that I think could generalize to a lot on INTJs though I don’t appreciate the game over part :P Don’t reveal my secrets. In all reality though I tend to think I am Se repressed, Fi compressed. It’s pressurized, so it’s intense when it comes out, love or hate.
This was very spot on for me an intj lady. I adore you infp's! I always find, they find the tiny front door to my castle when other people just make an assumption about me and call it quits. I think other types tend to take intj's slow starts in relationships as us shutting them down, when really we are being careful with who we pick to show ourselves to because the depths of our intensity levels can become overwhelming and unbalanced if the other person isn't as darkly intense. When I'm hanging out with an infp I find they appreciate my overwhelming intensity and feel that they are special when this intensity is directed towards them. I find I don't have to water myself down when hanging out with infps, so as not to scare them. I think it may be because the infps first function is fi, which lets us express our fi. So we both just end up introverted feeling all over the place ignoring the rest of the world and being authentic to ourselves together. Whereas with other types I find it harder to be authentic because even when I express myself they don't really hear what I am saying. I don't feel that I am even hanging out with them, it feels that they are hanging out with the person they think I am.
I feel a need to emphasize the "let me know the plans in advance" bit: as in, if you're having a surprise party for me, DO let me know. Trust me on this; I can play along very well, I won't spoil it for everyone. It's better than not telling me; the embarrassment will overwhelm me, which will subsequently cause me to shut it down, or leave!
Might be good to have plan already made in your head for possible things like this. Just think it out, what if this happens, and how should I handle it. It's much easier to deal with things like that, when you have a plan already to go. It's also a way to be spontaneous, by making many possible plans, where you have the basic framework of a plan, and you're able to quickly fill it in as you go.
yep..INTJs are not psychopaths, being shy or uncertain about your feelings doesn't mean you are not able to feel or know feelings.. I think it's totally misjudged by how it is described by fictional characters.
INFJ with an INTJ, and it’s been amazing so far! The connection is very affectionate and loving. We don’t take for granted the honor of sharing the depths of our feelings in words, physicality, and acts of service knowing full well that is something not casually extended to just anyone for either of us. There is a deep sense of trust and understanding that I have only felt with another INTJ. We get the way we function through Ni, and often communicating is super easy because we both have that ability to grasp a full picture from the pieces and the intuition usually gets it right. If there is confusion, we just ask for clarification and efficiently come to fully understanding the other. It’s refreshing to feel so seen and appreciated. I know he doesn’t just say things he doesn’t mean because I know he has already sat with it and thought it over with a similar care and space that I give such matters as well.
As an INTJ, whenever my wife or someone cries for a reason that seems absurd to me, I respond with a bit of anger. It's something I'm trying to approach differently. It's not that I lack empathy or sympathy, it's just that to an INTJ, crying is for things like people or pets dying or getting hurt, and that's about it LOL.
@@joshuamichael4312 Most definitely, but we never tell the person that's crying that they're irrational or overreacting, at least I try to be/pretend to be comforting. People don't like to be looked down upon and I realize that.
I can’t speak for all but, I’m an ISFP and when I cry it’s because i feel hurt by an action (I can take things personally, thinking of it as something against who I am as a person, especially if you struck an insecurity nerve) or if I have too many emotions to process and I feel completely overwhelmed, it’s like a reset and I can think clearly once I’ve let out the feelings. Try and be kind to those who process differently, just like you would want someone to be kind and respectful of the way you process things. :)
Maybe you feel angry because you are unsure of how to respond, and experiencing that uncertainty feels unfair to you? As though they are trying to be manipulative, rather than recognizing that crying may be showing an honest expression of themselves. I personally cry when I find something meaningful, or when I feel there is injustice. - ENFJ here (dating an INTJ) xx
As an INTJ......be prepared to be asked TONS of questions.......i like to learn from people!!!!! i like studying people!!!!!! also tooo.......we may not show it and we may be difficult to read based off of our facial expressions but our minds are running WILD with thoughts and information. We absorb people and information like a sponge!!!!!
I’m an ESFP male, currently dating an INTJ female. She is so special and different from anyone else I know, and this video really helped me to understand her world! One of the cutest things she said to me, was that she loves the “mess” and unpredictableness I bring to her life. It didn’t sound like a compliment at first, but I really appreciate her openness to my extroversion and mildly chaotic behaviour... I really like how she helps me to organise my life and keep a healthy routine. She may come off as cold at first glance, but she is the most caring, strong and admirable person I know. I’m truly happy by her side, even if in complete introspective silence... Anyway, thank you for the great video!
The only "INTJ thing" I never understand is this emotional expression problem. Yes, I usually don't show feelings to the world, but I don't have problem expressing necessary affection with a romantic partner. In fact, I crave it. I also don't have "stone cold face", except with certain people where I just want to keep the relationship formal. I'm 5w4 social variant.
I think it's because INTJs will more often say something like "I need to go sit down for a moment." Which is just a logical statement. Rather than "I'm *feeling* completely overwhelmed and need to take a moment to myself to gather my thoughts and feelings." ...Yikes, that sounds overly dramatic given the circumstances, I'm not saying that... But it's probably more true if you think about it. Feel about it? Shoot idk, I'm just an INTJ.
I'm dating an intj 5w6 sexual but we think he might a w4, to be honest it has been one of the most awesome relationships i've ever experienced, i'm an enfp (4w5) so to that it has also become a living hell when it comes to showing emotions and expressing how he feels or me limiting my feelings, it's an unknown of him pushing me away and me coming back lol it's a mess
Step 1: Be young and show your emotions. Step 2: Get hurt because of it. Step 3: Learn to hide your emotions to gain control over social interactions. Step 4: Become accustomed to doing this 24/7. Step 5: Realize you're sabotaging the relationships you value without even being aware of it. Step 6: Learn to take the mask off when your're alone with your partner.
I wish every man who has an interest in dating me would watch this. Dating, or finding that one special person, is a real struggle. That's to be expected when you are one of only .8% of the population!
@a name Yes. And it leads to being a 30 year old single mother with cats. If everyone was as obsessed with finding someone "perfect" as the INTJ typically is, then the human race would go extinct due to lack of population lmfao.
@@rymanshroomzorz And because of this stereotypical, you think all of INTJs are obsessed finding perfect partner? Get a knowledge will you? Humans are not created equally, everyone has their own uniqueness and it's a common knowledge.
I'm an INFJ and have been dating an INTJ for a year. It was very helpful to me to hear what you said about being direct and diving right into tough conversations like it's better to not try to be coy or anything. One thing I realized between us is that while we both have introverted intuition, I internalize thoughts but he internalizes feelings, so when we express our internal intuition I say things like "I think that..." or "It seems like..." while he says things like "I feel like..." or "It feels like...". (just thought that was interesting).
@@Vegansnackies Here's what I can offer...I hope it helps!: The longer you get to know them, the better you'll get at sensing how they feel at whatever given time, but because they internalize feelings, it's not always easy to sense that and you have to elicit what / how they are feeling by talking to them about it - I often ask my boyfriend "how do you feel about...." or just "what's on your mind". And it's important, too, to understand that what they express as how they feel might not be the same as how you would....for example, I remember early on talking about a really bad circumstance and I asked how it makes him feel and his answer was "well it certainly is a sh*tty situation", and I thought "well, that's not really a feeling"....but then I realized that that was just his way of expressing that he feels like he is in a sh*tty situation. So give yourselves time for them to get more comfortable at verbally expressing their feelings to you and for you to better understand their feelings (INTJs do have them!). On the flip side, it's basically the other way around when it comes to thinking. As an INFJ we tend to internalize our thoughts, and then when we come up with a conclusion figure it's a good conclusion, and may have a hard time appropriately expressing our thought process or why we think something. But I've learned that it's best to express my thoughts to him because he's good at talking through things like when it comes to planning or logic, and he often thinks of things that I don't and therefore is better at making a lot of decisions. It's been taking work for me to get better at not only talking through thoughts with him but recognizing when he has a better answer than I do (which is usually the case). So give yourselves time for you to get more comfortable at talking through things with them and for them to better understand your thought processes and reasonings.
Given enough time, ya'll get good at communicating with each other, while also being comfortable in the silences when you both just spend some time in your own heads.
@@ikasugami Thank you so much! I already see things getting better! We are on our second month and I am getting him to open up a bit. He isn't into phrases like "I wouldn't change a thing about you" because he likes to improve himself. Those little bits and pieces help for sure! I also learned to be direct since he has a tendency to get embarrassed when he expresses his emotions so I guide him a bit. It'll take a bit though I think we are heading in the right direction. Studying and philosophical conversations help as well. Thank you for your advice! I will take note of this!
For me, the biggest thing I don’t relate to as an IN TJ is that we don’t feel. I feel so much and am so sensitive. It’s just that when I’m making decisions, I override the feeling, and base it on logic. I’m a female if that matters.
yeah... lot of people assume that INTJ are not emotional, I would argue that INTJ is SO emotional that they don't think they can trust their emotions because of how overwhelmed they get. Perhaps this is why INTJ type tends to be attracted to the types that have high emotional resilience. But you can't develop your own emotional resilience unless you are willing to get hurt. I used to be an INTJ (consistently got this result) but after a few years I look back on that time as if I was my own helicopter parent. I think other INTJ's who see this tend to change and then be no longer INTJ.... (I'm now an INFP according to all of my friends that care about MBTI but I'm ENFP according to the test I took yesterday)
One thing i observed in you, is that you show how you truely think through what you want to say by never or rarely using filler words. And no, you don't have to apologize,i totally understand your need and instinct to express things as relating to you first, then everyone else.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS VIDEO🙏❤️ me and my husband have been having problems being on the same page. I am an INFJ and we have definitely had problems not being on the same page. This has helped tremendously. Thank you!
INFJ: I also need a lot of alone time in a relationship but my ex didn't understand why I needed so much alone time when I'm in a relationship. And he kept asking to come over because I didn't have any plans...
I broke up with my ex because she never wanted to see me in person, or never asked. Space is important, but not seeing someone for weeks at a time while in a relationship with them is not healthy. I'm INFJ and she was INTJ.
@@thelegacyofgaming2928 i’m an ixtj. i was in a relationship with this guy (i don’t know his type and i don’t care to know) where we didn’t talk for almost an entire month. there was no communication via texting, in-person, phone call etc. i’m someone who requires a lot of space and time alone, but i absolutely agree with you that spending weeks apart is absurd. (also he and i had no reason to not communicate bc we see each other in class everyday and lived near each other). as an ixtj, it’s so important to me to build trust, loyalty, and love in a relationship but that takes a lot of time and effort. obviously, i will break it off if time nor effort is being put into it.
@@thelegacyofgaming2928 but i will say this, as an ixtj we don’t really like making the first move. we’d rather be pursued bc it shows that you care and want the relationship. and in due time, an ixtj/intj would probably reciprocate your actions and feelings once their guard has been let down. the set back to this is that it can require a lot of time. but if you were trying to contact her and see her, and she continuously declined, then it seems as if she wasn’t interested in the relationship. if someone is truly interested and wants you, then they will show it. and i believe that is universal to everyone not just specific types.
Hi! ENFP here!! I love my INTJ hubby but he’s sometimes he’s closed off and it makes me feel sooo insecure sometimes haha I need lots of reassurance but you’re right, I need to be more direct and I feel like I am! We’ve been together now for 12years so I don’t think anything’s ending anytime soon lol INTJs mystery is kinda sexy to me! Haha if I dated an extrovert, I’d be irritated I think haha anyways thanks for the video!
You gave me that extra boost of hope, I'm an enfp and our chemistry is magical but cracking his code drives me crazy lol . I Know we can make it but sometimes I just have to ride the wave...
ENFP started dating an INTJ and he triggers my insecurities too. Sometimes too mysterious, especially he came on strong and now closed of. Already thought 3 times he would vanish 😖 but no he is still there... Frustrating to get if he really likes me... Early stages
@@nathalie5238 me too feeling the same way closed off to an extent I think he is pushing me away but he actually isn't. I just keep wondering if he doesn't actually care or not.
@@achilleaben4761 I broke it of 😢 he was not serious about me and playing the field... I miss him though 😣 never had such a great lover but I need more expression of affection and need to feel important to my guy 🤷♀️ He just said OK... So yes he did like me, not enough
@@nathalie5238 so sorry to hear that 😢 but maybe you should've gave him more time and been patient they tend to talk more and share more after they open up. It happened to me couple of times then found out I just read too much into it and was just insecure.
Very informative and helpful video. I am an INTP who adores INTJs as they will engage in theoretical discussions with me and make me feel very comfortable and understood. Also, I have always found them to be very much into personal growth...as well as wicked smart (uhh INTP weakness lol). Thanks for sharing.
It's so hard to find INTJs, especially women, I am myself am one and have dated quite a bit but am just so fed up with the emotional bs I would kill to date a fellow INTJ, so I gave up dating and focused on my career which makes me happy in hopes that one day I'll meet a single INTJ who is a decent human being. It's a unicorn I swear
1.5% of populous are INTJs. Good luck finding one. I am looking for my "tribe" for 50 years. at least we have a .5% better chance of finding like minded people then INFJs. They are only 1.0% of population. Feels like the lone voice of reason screaming in the wilderness.
@@crazyrvlady6091 The challenge arises when one needs to speak with at least 1,000 INTJ females to find that one or two out of a thousand. They are a unicorn they exist in dreams.
INTJ's seemingly just invest completely right away in anyone they find attractive, telling them that they love them, then suddenly lose all interest the very SECOND their partner says it back. Then they have the audacity to claim its because they were "too emotional"... everyone has emotions, if you don't then you aren't an INTJ, you're a sociopath. INTJ's feel, of course they feel, but they so massively under value emotions that they convince themselves they don't matter, so they give up on dating and focus on what "makes them happy".... see? the same thing, pursuing emotions, positive ones, and only positive ones. INTJ's often seem to lack the necessary patience to address negative emotions, because its hard for them to understand how others feel, and why they feel that way, so whenever another type tries to explain what an INTJ did wrong to them, the INTJ just stares blankly and says "huh? what do you mean?" its honestly bound to be irritating for anybody, even another INTJ. its as though they constantly act as if they know everything, but deep down know that they know nothing. Just accept it INTJ's, nobody is perfect, including you.
If it’s something I can’t tolerate is people who is lying or is deceiving. I don’t lie to you so I expect you don’t lie to me, if you do I lost a lot of respect for you to try to manipulate me into thinking something false.
I thought I’d leave a comment, despite my thoughts being only tangentially related. Now, to preface, I’m not sure how much of my ideas are singularly intj, or whether they’ll work for other types, or perhaps I’m just a whack-job and it’s just me being a loon. A pattern/issue I’ve noticed in relationships is Complacency. Often in my life, I find that the worst treatment comes not from outright malicious people, but people who once cared for you gradually growing indifferent. There’s a sense of comfort when you’ve been around someone a while, but when you become too comfortable it often means a distinct drop in the effort put into the relationship. Not universal, obviously, but it is something I’ve noticed in multiple relationships right before they begin to fall apart, whether the relationship is romantic, platonic, or somewhere in between. Naturally, this doesn’t crush my cynical idealism, it’s simply an obstacle. An idea I’ve considered as a potential combatant of the issue is making a clear separation between you and your partner. What this means is that you make certain that you are able to continue living separate lives, while setting aside a time to come together with fresh hearts and minds. I think you need to miss your partner often, or you forget why you put effort in in the first place. To elaborate, a couple implementations of this idea could range anywhere from living in separate apartments, having separate rooms, or even just separate beds. It’s that deliberate boundary you create so that each moment you’re actually together is mutually significant. This of course doesn’t need to be done with sleeping arrangements, it could just be a day or two a week that you decide to experience separately. Of course, I remind that this idea wouldn’t work for everyone, it might not even work for me-I have yet to test it. This is merely a glimpse into my greater ideas of coping with introversion and ensuring that a relationship doesn’t sour due to a lack of effort on my part. This idea of separation isn’t an attempt to keep feelings hidden or protected, I think deep connection is vital, it’s just a potential way to maintain mutual interest. Please correct me if you think I’m wrong, I would be happy to change my mind given a good reasoning. If my other warnings weren’t enough, this is highly subjective and based mostly on the divorces and lost friendships I’ve witnessed in MY life. My own perception being limited, I may be accidentally omitting or ignoring important knowledge that would help to inform or deconstruct my ideas. I don’t think this idea will work for everyone, or at the very least should be considered as a spectrum of connection vs separation and tailored to fit specific relationships.
Oh, and thanks for the insightful video. I’m always trying to better articulate the thoughts I have, and hearing you speak seems to help with that quite a bit. It helps that your speech mannerisms are so very similar to mine. You tend to pause or hesitate in the same places I would and use similar phrasing. My personal favorite is the moment of quiet as you think of the most appropriate word. People around me tend to try and finish my sentences, which is annoying because they always use the backup word-the word that’s almost right, but not quite.
I totally agree. To quote The Incredibles, "When everyone is super, nobody is." When something special becomes widely available, it stops being special and just becomes the new standard. This applies to any kind of relationship.
Im INFJ. I'm currently dating a female INTJ (I think). I knows she likes me / sees potential, but it doesn't come out of her mouth. Rather, she shows it by her actions. For example in the way she locks eyes (we had this very interested moment of just staring at eachother when we first met (Ni/Ni connection forming?)), and later when she still wanted to videochat as a second date (which is an awkward thing by itself) while having a bad cold. Sometimes I express my feelings to her, sometimes with a flirty remark and that can quite stun her. But, this is who I am as a person too and I think she sees that. My openness with feelings might actually exactly be the thing she craves. --> in decent proportions, of course. Thanks for the tips! I'll ask her some time how she sees her ultimate relationship!
Im a INFJ and notice INTJ make eye contact with someone when they are intrigued by the conversation and eye contact is them analyzing if there is honesty in the conversation. They have hard time trusting and always looking for flaws. Idk
Adapt. It's relatively inexpensive to create one or two slots for people who are trustworthy to express to. Yes. It can and will and backfire sometimes. But I always keep one or two windows open. Because I can be very loving and open if you occupy one of those spots.
Young lady. I wish your intelligent, expressive self all the best. Thank you very much. (Edit) I commented before the end. I now mean thank you very, very, very much. Your articulation is mindbendingly accurate for me. Thank you very much again.
Yeah, whenever someone is dancing around a subject or scared to make me mad I say "just say it because I'm getting mad by you not saying what you want to say".
This makes me wonder if an INTJ is the most compatible to me... That constant finding areas in which we could grow as an individual is definitely attractive. ~ INFJ
Hey, can you do a vid on the difference between assertive and turbulent INTJs and what that would look like in real life? Or is that concept even real?
Andria Sanders you should check out the socioncis equivalent of mbti INTJ, which is ILI. There are two subtypes of ILI; ILI-Ni and ILI-Te, which corresponds to INTJ-T and INTJ-A respectively. Hope that helps.
I have a crush on an intj, and sometimes she takes an abundant alone time. I am not burdened by that but sometimes i just wonder where she went or what shes doing as i completely understand as an introvert myself. As i figured out, yea intjs do need a lot of alone time
I only express my emotions to those I am very close to and have my trust. If I tell someone personal things and they repeat it to others, well let's just say the outcome isn't pleasant. There is no going back from that betrayal. Now, let me get back to binge watching the Sopranos.
Previously, when I was a little younger, I had no concept of love. The human convention of romance and dating was alien to me and right up there with wearing make up and gift giving as inexplicable. I wish it was still like that, because id take that over watching the person I wish I could be with, slip away, watching the person they're with, who has hurt them once, stand by apparently oblivious to how lucky he is and Id take being oblivious to all of it, over knowing that I can't ever be with them because they don't reciprocate, Knowing intuitively that there won't ever be anyone else, that if it was and is going to be anyone I want to be with, its them. I would rather be dead inside. The ache it produces is hot and bubbly and fiery, burning a hole in me like the wall of a fast. Id always preferred to look at my emotions from the POV of a god rather than a humans. But I'm forced, here to confront it, feel everything. Im shoved right into the eye of the storm where nothing makes any sense, where I can't see where I starts and ends. Confusing and overwhelming.
Honestly as an INTJ, I had the same experience once. Trust me, you'll get over it and move on. That person will always be in the back of your mind, but eventually you'll find something to dislike about them haha.
as a INFJ I learned from my mother on how I can learn and put my emotions in words on how to desgribe them closer. mother: what do you feel now? me: I don't know? mother: go deeper and desgribe them in words. Me: oh... ok... I feel... I see traces of Heavyness and a path to nothing but empty space. As if somting is traped beyond a door in a dark place and as if they are waiting for someone to open the door to let them free. mother: That is feelings of emptines. That resson by the way is cuz i have made up so mutch space to have room to all that knowledg, that emotions is being cramped up to the side.
I like these explanations. I still have to manage my social energy, but we can get better at some of those other areas. We have to take criticism the right way.
You're so right about us INTJs being slow to process things. I was awoken by a phone call at 4am one night a few years back to the news that my older brother had passed away. In my experience, this is where normal people have a complete mental breakdown. I sat in my computer chair and stared at a wall for about an hour, processing, before I was able to have a rational thought again. I'm always getting weird looks/side eyes for not reacting to things emotionally (again, like a normal person would), but rather logically? And I guess it throws people off.
Took me years to process the death of my father. It never hit, not at the moment of the news, or the funeral itself but it hit when I graduated from highschool and university and thinking he won't be able to see me in a wedding dress. It hits at weird time and weird place.
I'm INTJ, I don't understand why I just attract people specially ISFJ, I've tried my best in relationships they were all ISFJs and I just couldn't, the worst part is that I was called the villain whenever I broke up with them because they divert me so much of my own life I just can't, this randomly popped in my recommends so I'm gonna watch it so I can get an idea of what they felt when being with me lol
I have gotten a lot fo better at expressing my emotions (ie saying "I'm happy" with RBF; but hey I'm learning). It'll probably always be foreign to me, but learning how to express emotions in some form is essential to our growth
Ive taken the test many times. Always intj... but im extremely sensitive to emotions and to reading other peoples emotions. Ill remember thier emotions more than i do thier name or what they say. Anybody else like this?
The INTJs that I know are exactly like that! They ARE EMOTIONAL... I think the stereo type comes from most INTJ have problems rationalizing OTHER people's emotions (especially the negative ones). The stereotype of not liking emotions probably comes from a bunch of INTJs not having high emotional resilience because they lock up their emotions so much, I think this is why most INTJ type people want a partner they know they can trust 100% with their core self before acting all mushy and affectionate in the relationship. Once they have that trust then they can practice and improve their emotional sensitivity and resilience while having their core-self protected by somebody else.
my problem with relationships is i always find a "deal breaker" flaw, or a no win solution and then just up an bail on it if its something that isn't going to change. usually my excuse is this won't work out, this is better for them, so ill do this quick and painful, so its not drawn out and they don't circle back... now in my view that is avoiding wasting anyones time on something that wont work. the problem is there is always a flaw to find... and well we arent exactly built to play the numbers game when it comes to dating....
This is what happened with my ex. Out of the blue he ended it saying I can't handle that you have depression. It was the first time he brought it up and didn't give us a chance to work on it. I think it was in part his idealism and part him not willing to get hurt again after a previous bad relationship, or maybe he just didn't love me? Anyways I'm still searching for answers. I do have a hunch that in this instance his Te clouded his decision making.
@@namez2a if he is anything like me, him bringing it up directly was probably after months of agonizing over how to try to fix it and then waited to the "perfect" moment to make the break as smoothly as possible. I made up my mind that it wasn't going to work, then waited 2 months before pulling the trigger. I realized it wasn't working in August, spent till October trying to fix it, then waited till exams and xmas was over before I finally broke up with her. I spent an extra 2 months in the relationship just to make the break up easier for her to handle.
I am an intj female married infj male and it is emotionally exhausting at times!!! Im tired of being told or forced to show emotions that i dont have, and hes tired of trying to force reactions and physical emotions out of me smh. Lol
Don't worry about that kinda stuff, outlines are outlines, personality outlines are personality outlines, not gospel. If there's chemistry, there's chemistry.
just Bfree not at all accurate. Dominant Fe types make good friends for INFJs but are one of the worst partners for them, usually resulting in explosive arguments and the INFJ door slamming. I would know, I’m an INFJ married to an ENFJ for 10 yrs and it’s an emotionally abusive disaster. On the other hand I have an INTJ brother and also a good INTJ friend who I feel unique bonds with, and sometimes friend slams me upside the head with truth, like the other day I said “I’ve been a fool” to which he responds “yea you have”, which upset me at first but I took some alone time to process it (did not unload it on him), in the end I actually felt better and could fix my foolishness with a clear head-pesky emotion removed from the situation. Much better than a dom Fe user padding my ego and giving even more emotion which makes it hard to see clearly. I’m grateful for the balance I feel with INTJs, they help propel me forward to the best efficiency and are just fun to talk to, I learn so much. Just gotta make sure to protect them from my emotional turmoil and deal with that on my own which I’ve learned to do.
INFJ here, I know i'm a little late. But I believe this MBTI thing should be used to understand patterns on how you act and get a little more self-awareness. I saw some of the comments here almost demonizing a relationship between those types (INFJ and INTJ) but, in my opinion, where we have love and understanding, our personalities won't affect that much. You may connect better to some personality types but if you're in love with another that looks less compatible is not something to be afraid of. (The same way I think about zodiac, that I do not believe at all lmao) You can't look for a perfect relationship without putting effort into it. Relying on personality types or things out of your control for the durability of a relationship looks a little bit unresponsible. (sorry if my english is bad, also. English is not my mother language but i wanted to share my point of view. I'll probably regret this later)
I was dating an INTJ and I found that as an INFJ myself, he was too expressive and affectionate toward me. I agree with others that commented, that when INTJ feels safe with his partner (he told me he feels very safe with me), he would show his emotional side, i.e. telling that he loves me and physical touch and all. But for me, I would rather date someone that is less emotional, so that I don’t feel overwhelmed with someone else’s vulnerability? Well maybe not vulnerability but it’s that while he does show his affectionate side, his emotionally maturity was not part of it-he at times would not understand some actions or words that he say would have an impact on others (similar to the comment earlier calling INFJ “dumpster fire” 😅). Might be part of the way he was brought up being an only child, that he wasn’t exposed to situations where he has to be considerate of other people’s feelings? The biggest issue was that he was too idealistic both toward the relationship and toward the world. It was good in the beginning since we have the same dominate Ni function (we can understand each other well) but as the relationship progresses, his Fi was too morally suffocating for me? While my Fe just wanted to get along and thinks that there is no clear cut right or wrong. His Fi wants to force his ideas of class injustice on me and topple the evils of the top 1% with his Te. His Fi feels too opinionated at times, where he is very critical and he hold what he believes to be right all the time, while I would want to be respectful toward other people’s thought. So our values are different and there is no talking with him in regard to his ideals since his Fi has already declared what he deem as right or not, and I hate that when we talk, he somehow turned it into argument and he even added, ”so I am right?” As if it’s a debate that he has to win. Maybe he was just an immature INTJ or our personality just clashes and it shows the differences as bad in each other. But yeah, the success of a relationship might not be determined by this personality thing since it just generalizes the functions that different types use. I think having similar values is more important. I personally really like ISTJ since they are very practical, brings me to the present and allows me a chance to be me.
Intj Male here with a partner of 7 years. Seems pretty spot on here. We had a lot of difficulties at the start cause he found me hard to read and sometimes cold (his words) since I needed time to mull over all of my thoughts. We are at a point now where he just knows how I'm feeling intuitively before I completely have a grasp on it myself.
Same for me and my INTJ husband! I'm a softy ISTJ and I really had a hard time understanding him and making him open up in the 1st few months. But years later I now know what he's thinking only by looking at him lol
As an intj male when it comes to expressing an emotion it's more like the emotion needs physical therapy is the right metaphor for that until it becomes strong enough to stand on its own then the comfortableness of expressing it becomes easy or another metaphor I use is legs on the table does it have enough legs to stand on its own that's the best way I can describe it
Me: (ESFP) dating INTJ. Opposite attracts but...Oh boy, it is so hard. I want to be with my partner almost all the time and he needs alone time. But this isn't even the beginning...
INTJ lair, hahahahahaj, i knew what that was before i even clicked the video. I can stay on my laptop reading wikipedia articles, organizing things, debating online, researching whatever I haven't finished researching, coding, etc. for literal days.
If you guys are so detached from your emotions, how do you deal with loneliness, sadness, negative feelings in general, or do you experience them at all?
We try to fix the situation that is causing the negative emotions, we have to optimize everything. We have to figure out what's causing it and what to do about it, and if we can't do anything about it, a lot of INTJs probably will try to talk themselves out of their emotions. I don't get lonely very often since I have people I love in my life and also I need a lot of alone time anyway. If a situation makes me sad I try to talk myself through it, like a pep talk, I tell myself about how it is temporary, or how I have other good things in my life that make me happy, so I don't need to feel so sad, etc. But we have to be careful doing this, if we feed ourselves negative thoughts and feelings, we can get stuck in what they call an "Ni-Fi loop" of thought where we are prone to becoming very cynical and misanthropic and hating the world. A healthy INTJ will try to keep their thoughts rational but positive.
Being detached (or rather suppressing them) from emotions, doesn't mean not experiencing them. Healthy and mature INTJ would probably deal with them the moment they show up, but becoming mature and healthy takes time, thus it's more common to see INTJ suppressing those emotions even more (tert Fi), which sometimes lead to an 'explosion'.
I've never felt lonely. conversations at work are socially satisfying. I usually just dismiss my emotions. So what if that asshole made me f****** furious today, it's over. No point in dwelling on the past if it has no impact on the future
I don't experience loneliness (I feel inwardly connected to all things) but I've experienced a lot of intense emotions including grief and sadness. I tend to try to work out why I feel that way, and use my life experiences as a way of growing personally and spiritually.
Hi all, INTJ combined with full fledged Aquarius characteristics, what would the outcome be? More isolated, more weird, more chances to get misunderstood you are unreachable from all forms of electronics commuting mediums, more communication barriers, more more Why, much harder to establish a normal long lasting relationships, needs even more understanding and tolerance from the grounds, more brain cells activities and clashes, etc. Degree of misery also doubled? Thank you very much.
Is there a way to inform an INTJ that they might be in an abusive controlling relationship and that they aren't listening to friends and family and are shutting them out? Speaking plainly seems to get them angry and kind of feeling like they're attacked. They are really into this mtbi stuff and the guy is just not a good person when they are together. He's great otherwise but you know how people can change with relationships? It's that and it's bad.
A person is not going to change who they are just because you want them to be different. INTJs are more mentally orientated than emotionally orientated. If you want more emotion, switch to a different relationship.
I think an INTJ will actually open up in a reasonable amount of time if he's in to you. Just give them space to do their own thing as well. alone time in their thoughts.
Great video. I'm a fellow INTJ and I've seen all your videos on UA-cam.I find them very informative. I recently took the strengths finder test and I was wondering what your opinions on the 34 themes are. If you've taken them and if they align with your mbti. Thanks.
Hey there stranger. I also come out as an INTJ type but I have taken the Strengthsfinder test for real and my top 5 were: 1) Learner 2) Intellection 3) Futuristic 4) Focus 5) Deliberative. I was a bit surprised by the result but it may be where I am at now in the time of my life and perhaps it can change, even though they say that your themes stay pretty consistent throughout your life.
Ij Mimi what do you think are some similarities between MBTI and Gallup? I dont believe in everything that these claim to know anymore, because I have taken quite a few of the more known ones. (Big 5. Enneagram, MBTI, Strengthsfinder) but it can possibly reveal one aspect of your personality makeup.
Hi my fellow INTJs, aside from all these flattering facts of us, I usually get excluded from groups.. like my coworkers, classmates or even sometimes friends. Apparently, whenever they discuss about an issue, I tend to come up with a brutal honest point and use extreme examples to prove my point. And from my friends’ side, it’s justifiable to neglect me or exclude me from their group since I’m being a freak. But from my side, it’s also very hard to see bunch of people just murmuring about nonsense and irrational things. So, I often face contradiction because of this brutal behavior of mine. Should I try to downgrade myself and have those nonsense conversations or just stay alone and delve deeper into rational stuff? I don’t wanna change, but still I wanna be included. Also, am I a toxic INTJ who always looks down on people? Please help hha.
I'm the same as I'm a straightforward person. I'll say it like it is. In the past, there are certain people that don't like to hear the truth or the extreme examples I used. They reacted horribly because they were in a terrible situation. They are aware of the elephant in the room but don't want to talk about it. I had to practice and learn to word it in a neutral way.
Please go into details about maybe explaining why (if you know) in regards to friendships and relationships- why or explain more in depth about the "foresight" about us- facts I've heard about how we pick our friends (or in other people's cases) people who they want to get into a relationship- how they try to see into the future for any bumps or how they imagine it, pros and cons to this, why, if you can explain it more fully
INTJ lack social experience. So they don't know what to do around other people. It takes time, and lots of experience for them to understand, to write mental programs / plans on how to handle things. If you can be patient, and possibly help a INTJ to understand better, they will write better, and better mental programs, and learn to be good at being social, but they do have to feel the need to do it. If they don't see any point, they will just ignore it. As a INTJ, I really don't like people. People are chaos, and I like order. I can't show emotion like other people. It doesn't come naturally to me. It's almost like I'm acting how I show look when I do this emotion. I don't know how to show anger. I always feel so fake, like I'm seeing myself from the outside, and my performance isn't very good. How can anyone take my anger seriously, when I don't.... I rarely get angry as well. I'm usually in control of my environment, so already have a good idea what's going to happen, so I'm prepared for many things. So I don't really get angry, I just get annoyed, and being right about a prediction helps me not get angry.
INTJ: Last time, I promised to answer a commenter’s questions on relationships, so here they are, publicly posted on our Patreon! www.patreon.com/INcoffeetime
Super intelligent, great message; it felt good to watch this. :)
PLEASE e blunt
/-I have hit on women FAr to hot for lil ol me
/-We accept no
1
SVAR
Nicholas Bevan
Nicholas Bevan
for 1 sekund siden
Nice
/-loved the burble auio int o the starry night forest
/-The rest seems congruent to
Resuming at 1:14
PLZ do not make this INTJ explain how very wonderful you would be to me
/-Get a butcher if you need a cut
You are utterly delightful
/-Thanx
/-This is helpful
Dress me as would you a child
Bury me as would you an elder
/-Consider me family /the n forgive me
Total INTJ move: watching this video in order to identify underdeveloped relationship skills in preparation for future relationships. 😆
L' FMR yes! Exactly!
Hell yeah :D
Indeed :D
As Confucius sad ... at least if English was a thing back then ;D ...: "those who fail to prepare, prepare to fail" *^
Which, I think, is one of the core beliefs of an INTJ ;)
💯
Accurate
As a fellow INTJ. I personally think the lack of expression is due to our understanding that people tend to pray on or try to manipulate others through emotion, so as a sort of defense mechanism we tend to not show them to everyone, I no longer view it as a weakness just ahead of the curve, and when we are very expressive, people tend to notice.
Ya I agree with you. We figure out people pretty quickly, especially when they're trying to use emotions as a way to get something from us.
@@joshuamichael4312 "...use emotions as a way to get something from us." THAT! Most of the time, when people are friendly they want something from you. The other times, they are off their meds. I don't see myself as being anti-social, but rather anti-manipulation.
@@rymanshroomzorz have you ever be only "liked" when they needed/wanted something from you? That's how we think, because most people only came for us for when they need/want something.
I think we are the opposite of sociopaths. They pretend to have emotions to manipulate people and friend collect, while we are accused of not having any when we have intense emotions all the time but don't want to freak people out or be the center of attention.
@@jennyonthespectrum4581wait, so do you guys feel deep emotions as well, but choose to hide them?
"I wish you were more emotionally expressive to me"
My ex girlfriend said this to me, and I responded: "Right, so how do I do that?"
"Just tell me how you are feeling"
"Absolutely nothing"
I think the downfall of our relationship started with that discussion.
Well, yeah, who wants to date an unfeeling psychopath? It seems she brought to your attention a genuine concern and you shat all over it with an edgy comment. My partner once said something similar to me, and I said it will be hard as I'm used to internalising my feelings, so bear with me as I practice being more open, and from there things looked up for us, even just because I made an effort and took his concerns into consideration. It's what you do in a relationship. What you said was so unhealthy, maybe learn from this and do better for your next partner.
INTJ female. I once had a guy say that to me!!! Lol. He said I was emotionally unavailable. I was young at the time and pretty clueless, so I was like... um... what?
this is always been a struggle to me. I always always always don't know how to expression what I feel. I'm angry but I was like “how do I say this.. ” then I just blew out this mean words with my partner. That's when we knew I'm not okay 😂
@@RinDoll002 we are not always emotional. At times we don't feel anything. Its just another event. There is nothing psycopathic about that. The fact you assume that is highly insulting. Also it you wthent more sexual aggression. Do something to elicit said behavior.
Hahahaha
I’m watching this as an intj. *laughs in lack of desire of human relationship*
Luis Rebellon i too am watching this as an INTJ
*cries internally about wanting to open up.
I want a relationship with humans. It will consist of collars, water bowls, me rubbing their bellies, and the occasional treat for good behavior.
Infp
Im male
And I've been asked and approached like 3 times and I've always tried to avoid the situation
Since i don't think i need a relationship that deep
I can just be really close friends and that's enough for me
me too
RE communication: Just ask an INTJ directly, and 99.9% of the time, you’ll get an honest answer. No need to guess or wonder, EVER, with an INTJ.
I struggle with straight up asking my intj
What I learned dating my INTJ boyfriend: be patient, explore ideas with them, let things roll off your back, plan according to their Ni vision
What is Ni vision?
@@mitchelljack1590 ni is introverted intuition (i guess that's what it's called)
@@i.lxxiii4744 It think he wanted to know what this concretely is. Ni vision usually describes an idea of how the future might look that an Ni-user probably strives towards.
I think it's easier for INTJ females because they get approached so they get to choose. As an INTJ male I get avoided.
My UFO Story I disagree...if I'm interested in a guy I usually have to discreetly approach him. While when guys show interest in me I 93% am not interested.
Allison Scanlan that's the point I was making. You have the choice to decide. You can say yes or no because you do get the attention. As a male I get no attention and don't get approached. I'm going to be 48 in September and have been alone my entire life. If I started dating I'd feel like an inexperienced child not knowing how to talk to her. Thank you for proving my point.
Women are not able to process this. It is like talking to an Eskimo about a warm beach.
Not easy for INTJ females. Get accused for thinking the other person is stupid. Telling you how you're thinking when you're not thinking that way. Trying to have a conversation and being accused of arguing. Being told you think you know everything but you know you don't know everything. Like every video says, we know what we know.
Which part of "if I'm interested in a guy I usually have to discreetly approach him" did you not understand?
Unattractive women don't get 'approached' either. I've done most of the chasing too. Plus it's considered shameful for a woman if we approach a bloke and he shuns us.
I'm dating an INTJ, and he's the opposite of not expressing his emotions and feelings. Maybe around other people, but definitely not me. As an INFJ, that's why we connect so well
I am an INTJ. The two people I feel the safest with, when it comes to being emotionally vulnerable, are both INFJs so this makes complete sense to me. Your INTJ trusts you with his feelings.
That seems to be typical. I'm a male INTJ, and I don't open up to many people at all. Only the very few that get to know me see that side of me. Take it as a good sign!
Is he describing them in a great communicative way though or emoting them ?
yeah thats the whole point that they only express emotion with those close to them which they allow. She didnt say they never express emotions
Im dating an INTJ. Everything you've said is pretty much how I've experienced things. One thing that has surprised me again is just how emotional they are and they aren't even aware of close to the extent (Fi super id, thinking they understand it better than they do). This has been consistently noticed with INTJs that have let me into their world and the emotion is so much that I consider them secret feelers and this is coming from an INFP. I'm sometimes a translator for how she is feeling, which she deeply appreciates but needs space to process the insights, especially since she expresses that this lack of awareness leads her to feel vulnerable. Upon exposing the hidden Fi parts to their nature, they can become unusually clingy, for reasons I don't understand. They're a bit like cats: they can appear to be walled up and standoffish at first but if you rub their belly, it's game over. This aspect of them is like a castle with a tiny front door as the only point of entry. It's right in front of you but often missed and once you manage to squeeze through you see the vastness, much of which they are unaware of, yet they will accept that it's there when you tell them and they are given grounds for exploring.
They only share this side with very few people because it's held as so sacred. I ask her why she doesn't grace others with this side to her and she repeats that it's only meant for those that she is really close with. They can also be closet romantics with the capacity for an intensity that will challenge an IxFx and very affectionate, with sickly sweetness and an emphasis on imbuing deep quality and impact. They can be a little clunky in the delivery, they don't always know what to do and it takes them a while to get used to new emotional terrain and there is a clear aloofness regarding certain formalities and may end up unknowingly offending you in the processes of seeking out a deeper connection. They may not tell you that they love you as much as an ExFx but when they do it's truly packed with intent.
Once you're in, they can move quite fast. If they're slow, you're probably not in the castle yet. If they feel safe enough to drop their guard, you have a lot of control and although they come in with an initial a personal vision for the relationship, overtime they become much more pliable in adapting a vision with you, as long as there is some kind of a foreseeable progression, as Alex stated, which works well for both.
The Ni pre-planning can be a struggle to navigate sometimes. It's amusing when i ask her to be spontaneous because she has no idea what to do.
With the one im dating now, by continually poking on that Fi, it's like she has revealed a person that is almost completely opposite of how she appears on the surface, in every way, that quickly emotionally evolves and grows as I help her unravel herself. It's a little odd to think about. Calling this confusing 'thing' cute just seems plain wrong. Maybe it's broken. Jokes aside, perhaps this isn't the case for even most INTJs but it is a similar story for all 3 that I've been very close with.
On a related note, maybe an interesting idea for a video is which types like to chase and which like to be chased. Ive noticed that in my life, the ESTPs and ESFJs like chasing and tend to prefer the earlier stages of a relationship and the whole courting process, whereas INFPs and INTJs tend to prefer being chased and tend to prefer the later aspects of relationships. Maybe there is something to it worth exploring.
ᴖᴥᴖ INFP
mindsight1 That is an interesting point of view and an experience that I think could generalize to a lot on INTJs though I don’t appreciate the game over part :P Don’t reveal my secrets. In all reality though I tend to think I am Se repressed, Fi compressed. It’s pressurized, so it’s intense when it comes out, love or hate.
I don’t know how true this is as a generalization. Regardless, quality comment!
How do you go about poking the fi? Any examples? :D
This was very spot on for me an intj lady. I adore you infp's! I always find, they find the tiny front door to my castle when other people just make an assumption about me and call it quits. I think other types tend to take intj's slow starts in relationships as us shutting them down, when really we are being careful with who we pick to show ourselves to because the depths of our intensity levels can become overwhelming and unbalanced if the other person isn't as darkly intense. When I'm hanging out with an infp I find they appreciate my overwhelming intensity and feel that they are special when this intensity is directed towards them. I find I don't have to water myself down when hanging out with infps, so as not to scare them. I think it may be because the infps first function is fi, which lets us express our fi. So we both just end up introverted feeling all over the place ignoring the rest of the world and being authentic to ourselves together. Whereas with other types I find it harder to be authentic because even when I express myself they don't really hear what I am saying. I don't feel that I am even hanging out with them, it feels that they are hanging out with the person they think I am.
I'm an INTJ type & Live on My Own & I Equate it to being Married to Myself,
Let Me tell You this,
Some times I feel like I want a Divorce!.
Ffffffff😂😂😂😂
🤣 I hope you stayed together lol.
@@bliss252
Yeah!, We Play each other at Chess & Both Cheat!,
Take Care,
M.S.1591.
@@MarmaladeStex 😂🤣cool, I'm just happy you're still together haha
😂😂😂😂😂😂
I feel a need to emphasize the "let me know the plans in advance" bit: as in, if you're having a surprise party for me, DO let me know. Trust me on this; I can play along very well, I won't spoil it for everyone. It's better than not telling me; the embarrassment will overwhelm me, which will subsequently cause me to shut it down, or leave!
Very true . . .I always need to know what is planned ahead off time. Vacations must have itineraries . . .otherwise, time is wasted and I get anxious.
Might be good to have plan already made in your head for possible things like this. Just think it out, what if this happens, and how should I handle it. It's much easier to deal with things like that, when you have a plan already to go.
It's also a way to be spontaneous, by making many possible plans, where you have the basic framework of a plan, and you're able to quickly fill it in as you go.
yep..INTJs are not psychopaths, being shy or uncertain about your feelings doesn't mean you are not able to feel or know feelings.. I think it's totally misjudged by how it is described by fictional characters.
Well said. If anything, we tend to be the opposite.
true. i also show them when they are to strong.
INFJ with an INTJ, and it’s been amazing so far! The connection is very affectionate and loving. We don’t take for granted the honor of sharing the depths of our feelings in words, physicality, and acts of service knowing full well that is something not casually extended to just anyone for either of us.
There is a deep sense of trust and understanding that I have only felt with another INTJ. We get the way we function through Ni, and often communicating is super easy because we both have that ability to grasp a full picture from the pieces and the intuition usually gets it right. If there is confusion, we just ask for clarification and efficiently come to fully understanding the other.
It’s refreshing to feel so seen and appreciated. I know he doesn’t just say things he doesn’t mean because I know he has already sat with it and thought it over with a similar care and space that I give such matters as well.
As an INTJ, whenever my wife or someone cries for a reason that seems absurd to me, I respond with a bit of anger. It's something I'm trying to approach differently. It's not that I lack empathy or sympathy, it's just that to an INTJ, crying is for things like people or pets dying or getting hurt, and that's about it LOL.
We identify "crying" with giving up or conceding?
@@NessieAndrew not quite. We see crying as unnecessary in most circumstances and I think we view it at an overreaction.
@@joshuamichael4312 Most definitely, but we never tell the person that's crying that they're irrational or overreacting, at least I try to be/pretend to be comforting. People don't like to be looked down upon and I realize that.
I can’t speak for all but, I’m an ISFP and when I cry it’s because i feel hurt by an action (I can take things personally, thinking of it as something against who I am as a person, especially if you struck an insecurity nerve) or if I have too many emotions to process and I feel completely overwhelmed, it’s like a reset and I can think clearly once I’ve let out the feelings. Try and be kind to those who process differently, just like you would want someone to be kind and respectful of the way you process things. :)
Maybe you feel angry because you are unsure of how to respond, and experiencing that uncertainty feels unfair to you?
As though they are trying to be manipulative, rather than recognizing that crying may be showing an honest expression of themselves.
I personally cry when I find something meaningful, or when I feel there is injustice. - ENFJ here (dating an INTJ) xx
As an INTJ......be prepared to be asked TONS of questions.......i like to learn from people!!!!! i like studying people!!!!!! also tooo.......we may not show it and we may be difficult to read based off of our facial expressions but our minds are running WILD with thoughts and information. We absorb people and information like a sponge!!!!!
I’m an ESFP male, currently dating an INTJ female. She is so special and different from anyone else I know, and this video really helped me to understand her world!
One of the cutest things she said to me, was that she loves the “mess” and unpredictableness I bring to her life. It didn’t sound like a compliment at first, but I really appreciate her openness to my extroversion and mildly chaotic behaviour...
I really like how she helps me to organise my life and keep a healthy routine. She may come off as cold at first glance, but she is the most caring, strong and admirable person I know.
I’m truly happy by her side, even if in complete introspective silence...
Anyway, thank you for the great video!
The only "INTJ thing" I never understand is this emotional expression problem. Yes, I usually don't show feelings to the world, but I don't have problem expressing necessary affection with a romantic partner. In fact, I crave it. I also don't have "stone cold face", except with certain people where I just want to keep the relationship formal. I'm 5w4 social variant.
I think it's because INTJs will more often say something like "I need to go sit down for a moment." Which is just a logical statement. Rather than "I'm *feeling* completely overwhelmed and need to take a moment to myself to gather my thoughts and feelings." ...Yikes, that sounds overly dramatic given the circumstances, I'm not saying that... But it's probably more true if you think about it. Feel about it? Shoot idk, I'm just an INTJ.
I'm dating an intj 5w6 sexual but we think he might a w4, to be honest it has been one of the most awesome relationships i've ever experienced, i'm an enfp (4w5) so to that it has also become a living hell when it comes to showing emotions and expressing how he feels or me limiting my feelings, it's an unknown of him pushing me away and me coming back lol it's a mess
Step 1: Be young and show your emotions.
Step 2: Get hurt because of it.
Step 3: Learn to hide your emotions to gain control over social interactions.
Step 4: Become accustomed to doing this 24/7.
Step 5: Realize you're sabotaging the relationships you value without even being aware of it.
Step 6: Learn to take the mask off when your're alone with your partner.
I do hate surprises. Hate it.
Surprise!!!!!
We hate it!
I wish every man who has an interest in dating me would watch this. Dating, or finding that one special person, is a real struggle. That's to be expected when you are one of only .8% of the population!
Lol " Honey, you're over optimizing again! "
xDDDD
@a name Yes. And it leads to being a 30 year old single mother with cats. If everyone was as obsessed with finding someone "perfect" as the INTJ typically is, then the human race would go extinct due to lack of population lmfao.
@@rymanshroomzorz And because of this stereotypical, you think all of INTJs are obsessed finding perfect partner? Get a knowledge will you? Humans are not created equally, everyone has their own uniqueness and it's a common knowledge.
I'm an INFJ and have been dating an INTJ for a year. It was very helpful to me to hear what you said about being direct and diving right into tough conversations like it's better to not try to be coy or anything. One thing I realized between us is that while we both have introverted intuition, I internalize thoughts but he internalizes feelings, so when we express our internal intuition I say things like "I think that..." or "It seems like..." while he says things like "I feel like..." or "It feels like...". (just thought that was interesting).
I'm an INFJ who just started dating an INTJ. Any advice?
@@Vegansnackies Here's what I can offer...I hope it helps!:
The longer you get to know them, the better you'll get at sensing how they feel at whatever given time, but because they internalize feelings, it's not always easy to sense that and you have to elicit what / how they are feeling by talking to them about it - I often ask my boyfriend "how do you feel about...." or just "what's on your mind". And it's important, too, to understand that what they express as how they feel might not be the same as how you would....for example, I remember early on talking about a really bad circumstance and I asked how it makes him feel and his answer was "well it certainly is a sh*tty situation", and I thought "well, that's not really a feeling"....but then I realized that that was just his way of expressing that he feels like he is in a sh*tty situation. So give yourselves time for them to get more comfortable at verbally expressing their feelings to you and for you to better understand their feelings (INTJs do have them!).
On the flip side, it's basically the other way around when it comes to thinking. As an INFJ we tend to internalize our thoughts, and then when we come up with a conclusion figure it's a good conclusion, and may have a hard time appropriately expressing our thought process or why we think something. But I've learned that it's best to express my thoughts to him because he's good at talking through things like when it comes to planning or logic, and he often thinks of things that I don't and therefore is better at making a lot of decisions. It's been taking work for me to get better at not only talking through thoughts with him but recognizing when he has a better answer than I do (which is usually the case). So give yourselves time for you to get more comfortable at talking through things with them and for them to better understand your thought processes and reasonings.
Given enough time, ya'll get good at communicating with each other, while also being comfortable in the silences when you both just spend some time in your own heads.
@@ikasugami Thank you so much! I already see things getting better! We are on our second month and I am getting him to open up a bit. He isn't into phrases like "I wouldn't change a thing about you" because he likes to improve himself. Those little bits and pieces help for sure! I also learned to be direct since he has a tendency to get embarrassed when he expresses his emotions so I guide him a bit. It'll take a bit though I think we are heading in the right direction. Studying and philosophical conversations help as well. Thank you for your advice! I will take note of this!
@@Vegansnackies That's awesome! You make very good points, too (we love getting into philosophical discussions, as well, haha). Glad I could help!
For me, the biggest thing I don’t relate to as an IN TJ is that we don’t feel. I feel so much and am so sensitive. It’s just that when I’m making decisions, I override the feeling, and base it on logic. I’m a female if that matters.
feeling is introverted. So its normal.
yeah... lot of people assume that INTJ are not emotional, I would argue that INTJ is SO emotional that they don't think they can trust their emotions because of how overwhelmed they get.
Perhaps this is why INTJ type tends to be attracted to the types that have high emotional resilience. But you can't develop your own emotional resilience unless you are willing to get hurt. I used to be an INTJ (consistently got this result) but after a few years I look back on that time as if I was my own helicopter parent. I think other INTJ's who see this tend to change and then be no longer INTJ.... (I'm now an INFP according to all of my friends that care about MBTI but I'm ENFP according to the test I took yesterday)
One thing i observed in you, is that you show how you truely think through what you want to say by never or rarely using filler words. And no, you don't have to apologize,i totally understand your need and instinct to express things as relating to you first, then everyone else.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS VIDEO🙏❤️ me and my husband have been having problems being on the same page. I am an INFJ and we have definitely had problems not being on the same page. This has helped tremendously. Thank you!
INFJ: I also need a lot of alone time in a relationship but my ex didn't understand why I needed so much alone time when I'm in a relationship. And he kept asking to come over because I didn't have any plans...
I broke up with my ex because she never wanted to see me in person, or never asked. Space is important, but not seeing someone for weeks at a time while in a relationship with them is not healthy. I'm INFJ and she was INTJ.
@@thelegacyofgaming2928 i’m an ixtj. i was in a relationship with this guy (i don’t know his type and i don’t care to know) where we didn’t talk for almost an entire month. there was no communication via texting, in-person, phone call etc. i’m someone who requires a lot of space and time alone, but i absolutely agree with you that spending weeks apart is absurd. (also he and i had no reason to not communicate bc we see each other in class everyday and lived near each other). as an ixtj, it’s so important to me to build trust, loyalty, and love in a relationship but that takes a lot of time and effort. obviously, i will break it off if time nor effort is being put into it.
@@thelegacyofgaming2928 but i will say this, as an ixtj we don’t really like making the first move. we’d rather be pursued bc it shows that you care and want the relationship. and in due time, an ixtj/intj would probably reciprocate your actions and feelings once their guard has been let down. the set back to this is that it can require a lot of time.
but if you were trying to contact her and see her, and she continuously declined, then it seems as if she wasn’t interested in the relationship. if someone is truly interested and wants you, then they will show it. and i believe that is universal to everyone not just specific types.
My lady, at the beginning of the video you said The INTJ's last function is Extroverted Feeling. It is actually Extroverted Sensing.
Hi! ENFP here!! I love my INTJ hubby but he’s sometimes he’s closed off and it makes me feel sooo insecure sometimes haha I need lots of reassurance but you’re right, I need to be more direct and I feel like I am! We’ve been together now for 12years so I don’t think anything’s ending anytime soon lol INTJs mystery is kinda sexy to me! Haha if I dated an extrovert, I’d be irritated I think haha anyways thanks for the video!
You gave me that extra boost of hope, I'm an enfp and our chemistry is magical but cracking his code drives me crazy lol . I Know we can make it but sometimes I just have to ride the wave...
ENFP started dating an INTJ and he triggers my insecurities too. Sometimes too mysterious, especially he came on strong and now closed of. Already thought 3 times he would vanish 😖 but no he is still there...
Frustrating to get if he really likes me...
Early stages
@@nathalie5238 me too feeling the same way closed off to an extent I think he is pushing me away but he actually isn't. I just keep wondering if he doesn't actually care or not.
@@achilleaben4761 I broke it of 😢 he was not serious about me and playing the field... I miss him though 😣 never had such a great lover but I need more expression of affection and need to feel important to my guy 🤷♀️
He just said OK... So yes he did like me, not enough
@@nathalie5238 so sorry to hear that 😢 but maybe you should've gave him more time and been patient they tend to talk more and share more after they open up. It happened to me couple of times then found out I just read too much into it and was just insecure.
You had me at the starry sky picture. ~ INTJ
Very informative and helpful video. I am an INTP who adores INTJs as they will engage in theoretical discussions with me and make me feel very comfortable and understood. Also, I have always found them to be very much into personal growth...as well as wicked smart (uhh INTP weakness lol). Thanks for sharing.
We need meaning, depth, time to elaborate and space to develop.
...enough said.
Dating an INTJ male, and this video is very relevant! I told him I can't tell if he likes me, and he was surprised by this and said he does. Hah!
It's so hard to find INTJs, especially women, I am myself am one and have dated quite a bit but am just so fed up with the emotional bs I would kill to date a fellow INTJ, so I gave up dating and focused on my career which makes me happy in hopes that one day I'll meet a single INTJ who is a decent human being. It's a unicorn I swear
Gabriel Gilliam #INTJ
1.5% of populous are INTJs. Good luck finding one. I am looking for my "tribe" for 50 years. at least we have a .5% better chance of finding like minded people then INFJs. They are only 1.0% of population. Feels like the lone voice of reason screaming in the wilderness.
@@crazyrvlady6091 The challenge arises when one needs to speak with at least 1,000 INTJ females to find that one or two out of a thousand. They are a unicorn they exist in dreams.
INTJ's seemingly just invest completely right away in anyone they find attractive, telling them that they love them, then suddenly lose all interest the very SECOND their partner says it back. Then they have the audacity to claim its because they were "too emotional"... everyone has emotions, if you don't then you aren't an INTJ, you're a sociopath. INTJ's feel, of course they feel, but they so massively under value emotions that they convince themselves they don't matter, so they give up on dating and focus on what "makes them happy".... see? the same thing, pursuing emotions, positive ones, and only positive ones. INTJ's often seem to lack the necessary patience to address negative emotions, because its hard for them to understand how others feel, and why they feel that way, so whenever another type tries to explain what an INTJ did wrong to them, the INTJ just stares blankly and says "huh? what do you mean?" its honestly bound to be irritating for anybody, even another INTJ. its as though they constantly act as if they know everything, but deep down know that they know nothing. Just accept it INTJ's, nobody is perfect, including you.
@@rymanshroomzorz I accepted this.... and then a few years later I took the test and I became an INFP
I would love nothing more than to date a (female) INTJ. If only you weren't so exceedingly rare.
Sincerly,
an INTP
As an INTJ female I want to give a "like" to this video. Yet, I don't because it currently has 64 likes and I don't want to change that :)
You don't want to get it to 666 likes?
Hector Andem no because that isn’t a power of 2 haha
I just liked your comment but then unliked it as it went from 8 to 9.
Same here
Gave you a prime like.
Also...Do not expect to remain 'friends' with an INTJ once the 'relationship' ends.
Once the relationship is over, you're 'dead' to us.
For real?
give reasons
@@mosesflood3716 Yes, 'For real"
Reasons: Do some perfunctory research and come to your own conclusions....it's rather obvious.
@@mosesflood3716 Because we prefer to focus on what is working, what is positive, what is productive or useful
@@heathergrahame9647 Thank you
@@elmoomle4565 I was in a relationship with an Intj and we broke up but he still talks to me...
and he said it's over for us?
what does this show?
If it’s something I can’t tolerate is people who is lying or is deceiving. I don’t lie to you so I expect you don’t lie to me, if you do I lost a lot of respect for you to try to manipulate me into thinking something false.
I thought I’d leave a comment, despite my thoughts being only tangentially related. Now, to preface, I’m not sure how much of my ideas are singularly intj, or whether they’ll work for other types, or perhaps I’m just a whack-job and it’s just me being a loon.
A pattern/issue I’ve noticed in relationships is Complacency. Often in my life, I find that the worst treatment comes not from outright malicious people, but people who once cared for you gradually growing indifferent. There’s a sense of comfort when you’ve been around someone a while, but when you become too comfortable it often means a distinct drop in the effort put into the relationship. Not universal, obviously, but it is something I’ve noticed in multiple relationships right before they begin to fall apart, whether the relationship is romantic, platonic, or somewhere in between.
Naturally, this doesn’t crush my cynical idealism, it’s simply an obstacle. An idea I’ve considered as a potential combatant of the issue is making a clear separation between you and your partner. What this means is that you make certain that you are able to continue living separate lives, while setting aside a time to come together with fresh hearts and minds. I think you need to miss your partner often, or you forget why you put effort in in the first place. To elaborate, a couple implementations of this idea could range anywhere from living in separate apartments, having separate rooms, or even just separate beds. It’s that deliberate boundary you create so that each moment you’re actually together is mutually significant. This of course doesn’t need to be done with sleeping arrangements, it could just be a day or two a week that you decide to experience separately.
Of course, I remind that this idea wouldn’t work for everyone, it might not even work for me-I have yet to test it. This is merely a glimpse into my greater ideas of coping with introversion and ensuring that a relationship doesn’t sour due to a lack of effort on my part. This idea of separation isn’t an attempt to keep feelings hidden or protected, I think deep connection is vital, it’s just a potential way to maintain mutual interest. Please correct me if you think I’m wrong, I would be happy to change my mind given a good reasoning.
If my other warnings weren’t enough, this is highly subjective and based mostly on the divorces and lost friendships I’ve witnessed in MY life. My own perception being limited, I may be accidentally omitting or ignoring important knowledge that would help to inform or deconstruct my ideas. I don’t think this idea will work for everyone, or at the very least should be considered as a spectrum of connection vs separation and tailored to fit specific relationships.
Oh, and thanks for the insightful video. I’m always trying to better articulate the thoughts I have, and hearing you speak seems to help with that quite a bit. It helps that your speech mannerisms are so very similar to mine. You tend to pause or hesitate in the same places I would and use similar phrasing. My personal favorite is the moment of quiet as you think of the most appropriate word. People around me tend to try and finish my sentences, which is annoying because they always use the backup word-the word that’s almost right, but not quite.
I totally agree.
To quote The Incredibles, "When everyone is super, nobody is."
When something special becomes widely available, it stops being special and just becomes the new standard. This applies to any kind of relationship.
The explanation I have for this is the Coolidge effect and the solution is karezza and/or only having sex outside of the relationship.
Im INFJ. I'm currently dating a female INTJ (I think). I knows she likes me / sees potential, but it doesn't come out of her mouth. Rather, she shows it by her actions. For example in the way she locks eyes (we had this very interested moment of just staring at eachother when we first met (Ni/Ni connection forming?)), and later when she still wanted to videochat as a second date (which is an awkward thing by itself) while having a bad cold. Sometimes I express my feelings to her, sometimes with a flirty remark and that can quite stun her.
But, this is who I am as a person too and I think she sees that. My openness with feelings might actually exactly be the thing she craves. --> in decent proportions, of course.
Thanks for the tips! I'll ask her some time how she sees her ultimate relationship!
Im a INFJ and notice INTJ make eye contact with someone when they are intrigued by the conversation and eye contact is them analyzing if there is honesty in the conversation. They have hard time trusting and always looking for flaws. Idk
In love with an INTJ. Thank you. :)
Adapt.
It's relatively inexpensive to create one or two slots for people who are trustworthy to express to.
Yes. It can and will and backfire sometimes. But I always keep one or two windows open.
Because I can be very loving and open if you occupy one of those spots.
Young lady.
I wish your intelligent, expressive self all the best.
Thank you very much.
(Edit)
I commented before the end.
I now mean thank you very, very, very much.
Your articulation is mindbendingly accurate for me.
Thank you very much again.
INTJ's deal with our emotions in our minds and we don't show much emotion outside our minds.
Yeah, whenever someone is dancing around a subject or scared to make me mad I say "just say it because I'm getting mad by you not saying what you want to say".
I wish there was a 4 times speed button - I'm so impatient lol
i thought the title is "INTJ Lies" i was shocked that i'm exposed
Fun fact: most of all the viewers are intj’s, don’t mind us just doing some research.
I don't think I'll ever date someone till the age of 28 if not I'm better off alone - INTJ
You are such a delight. ✨
It's like hey babe I can live with you in the suburbs but i gotta keep my downtown studio suite.
The boyfriend and I are both INTJs. Best pairing ever.
I love watching you... I saw my self reflected as you were speaking.
I also can never stop mid-giggling while talking 😅
This makes me wonder if an INTJ is the most compatible to me... That constant finding areas in which we could grow as an individual is definitely attractive.
~ INFJ
Hey, can you do a vid on the difference between assertive and turbulent INTJs and what that would look like in real life? Or is that concept even real?
Andria Sanders you should check out the socioncis equivalent of mbti INTJ, which is ILI. There are two subtypes of ILI; ILI-Ni and ILI-Te, which corresponds to INTJ-T and INTJ-A respectively. Hope that helps.
akumasdeception Thanks
After reading that, I still can't decide which one I am. I tested as assertive but ILI-Ni sounds fitting too. Ugh.
Stephen Virtudazo shut the fuck up stephen
your words are perfectly accurate. Thanks for sharing
I have a crush on an intj, and sometimes she takes an abundant alone time. I am not burdened by that but sometimes i just wonder where she went or what shes doing as i completely understand as an introvert myself. As i figured out, yea intjs do need a lot of alone time
Thank you for this information. This is very interesting to learn.
I only express my emotions to those I am very close to and have my trust. If I tell someone personal things and they repeat it to others, well let's just say the outcome isn't pleasant. There is no going back from that betrayal. Now, let me get back to binge watching the Sopranos.
Intjs are just more mentally responsible entjs lol
Ya, the comment beneath you proves it well.
It says: "Im no liar you stupid bith" by NRGRealting
@@JB-ie6dn Wow, what a great point!
Nah, INTJs are just far slower to move to do anything and struggle more with social events. ENTJ here.
Previously, when I was a little younger, I had no concept of love. The human convention of romance and dating was alien to me and right up there with wearing make up and gift giving as inexplicable. I wish it was still like that, because id take that over watching the person I wish I could be with, slip away, watching the person they're with, who has hurt them once, stand by apparently oblivious to how lucky he is and Id take being oblivious to all of it, over knowing that I can't ever be with them because they don't reciprocate, Knowing intuitively that there won't ever be anyone else, that if it was and is going to be anyone I want to be with, its them. I would rather be dead inside. The ache it produces is hot and bubbly and fiery, burning a hole in me like the wall of a fast. Id always preferred to look at my emotions from the POV of a god rather than a humans. But I'm forced, here to confront it, feel everything. Im shoved right into the eye of the storm where nothing makes any sense, where I can't see where I starts and ends. Confusing and overwhelming.
Honestly as an INTJ, I had the same experience once. Trust me, you'll get over it and move on. That person will always be in the back of your mind, but eventually you'll find something to dislike about them haha.
as a INFJ I learned from my mother on how I can learn and put my emotions in words on how to desgribe them closer.
mother: what do you feel now?
me: I don't know?
mother: go deeper and desgribe them in words.
Me: oh... ok... I feel... I see traces of Heavyness and a path to nothing but empty space. As if somting is traped beyond a door in a dark place and as if they are waiting for someone to open the door to let them free.
mother: That is feelings of emptines.
That resson by the way is cuz i have made up so mutch space to have room to all that knowledg, that emotions is being cramped up to the side.
I like these explanations. I still have to manage my social energy, but we can get better at some of those other areas. We have to take criticism the right way.
You're so right about us INTJs being slow to process things. I was awoken by a phone call at 4am one night a few years back to the news that my older brother had passed away. In my experience, this is where normal people have a complete mental breakdown. I sat in my computer chair and stared at a wall for about an hour, processing, before I was able to have a rational thought again. I'm always getting weird looks/side eyes for not reacting to things emotionally (again, like a normal person would), but rather logically? And I guess it throws people off.
Took me years to process the death of my father. It never hit, not at the moment of the news, or the funeral itself but it hit when I graduated from highschool and university and thinking he won't be able to see me in a wedding dress. It hits at weird time and weird place.
I'm a 51 year old intj female and I am having a hard time believing that this person is an intj.
I'm INTJ, I don't understand why I just attract people specially ISFJ, I've tried my best in relationships they were all ISFJs and I just couldn't, the worst part is that I was called the villain whenever I broke up with them because they divert me so much of my own life I just can't, this randomly popped in my recommends so I'm gonna watch it so I can get an idea of what they felt when being with me lol
Did it help any?
Very intelligently expressed.
I have gotten a lot fo better at expressing my emotions (ie saying "I'm happy" with RBF; but hey I'm learning). It'll probably always be foreign to me, but learning how to express emotions in some form is essential to our growth
I'm calling her a Calculator, cuz she values rationality more than feelings
Loll
Ive taken the test many times. Always intj... but im extremely sensitive to emotions and to reading other peoples emotions. Ill remember thier emotions more than i do thier name or what they say. Anybody else like this?
thats a very Ni thing. I agree with you
The INTJs that I know are exactly like that! They ARE EMOTIONAL... I think the stereo type comes from most INTJ have problems rationalizing OTHER people's emotions (especially the negative ones). The stereotype of not liking emotions probably comes from a bunch of INTJs not having high emotional resilience because they lock up their emotions so much, I think this is why most INTJ type people want a partner they know they can trust 100% with their core self before acting all mushy and affectionate in the relationship. Once they have that trust then they can practice and improve their emotional sensitivity and resilience while having their core-self protected by somebody else.
my problem with relationships is i always find a "deal breaker" flaw, or a no win solution and then just up an bail on it if its something that isn't going to change. usually my excuse is this won't work out, this is better for them, so ill do this quick and painful, so its not drawn out and they don't circle back...
now in my view that is avoiding wasting anyones time on something that wont work. the problem is there is always a flaw to find... and well we arent exactly built to play the numbers game when it comes to dating....
This is what happened with my ex. Out of the blue he ended it saying I can't handle that you have depression. It was the first time he brought it up and didn't give us a chance to work on it. I think it was in part his idealism and part him not willing to get hurt again after a previous bad relationship, or maybe he just didn't love me? Anyways I'm still searching for answers. I do have a hunch that in this instance his Te clouded his decision making.
@@namez2a if he is anything like me, him bringing it up directly was probably after months of agonizing over how to try to fix it and then waited to the "perfect" moment to make the break as smoothly as possible.
I made up my mind that it wasn't going to work, then waited 2 months before pulling the trigger. I realized it wasn't working in August, spent till October trying to fix it, then waited till exams and xmas was over before I finally broke up with her. I spent an extra 2 months in the relationship just to make the break up easier for her to handle.
Taught myself TQMC. Figured it out at 19 like Dr. Deming. Truth is truth.
can you do a video on the compatibility between the different types? can an infj and intj last together in a relationship?
I am an intj female married infj male and it is emotionally exhausting at times!!! Im tired of being told or forced to show emotions that i dont have, and hes tired of trying to force reactions and physical emotions out of me smh. Lol
Don't worry about that kinda stuff, outlines are outlines, personality outlines are personality outlines, not gospel. If there's chemistry, there's chemistry.
just Bfree not at all accurate. Dominant Fe types make good friends for INFJs but are one of the worst partners for them, usually resulting in explosive arguments and the INFJ door slamming. I would know, I’m an INFJ married to an ENFJ for 10 yrs and it’s an emotionally abusive disaster.
On the other hand I have an INTJ brother and also a good INTJ friend who I feel unique bonds with, and sometimes friend slams me upside the head with truth, like the other day I said “I’ve been a fool” to which he responds “yea you have”, which upset me at first but I took some alone time to process it (did not unload it on him), in the end I actually felt better and could fix my foolishness with a clear head-pesky emotion removed from the situation. Much better than a dom Fe user padding my ego and giving even more emotion which makes it hard to see clearly. I’m grateful for the balance I feel with INTJs, they help propel me forward to the best efficiency and are just fun to talk to, I learn so much. Just gotta make sure to protect them from my emotional turmoil and deal with that on my own which I’ve learned to do.
INFJ here, I know i'm a little late. But I believe this MBTI thing should be used to understand patterns on how you act and get a little more self-awareness. I saw some of the comments here almost demonizing a relationship between those types (INFJ and INTJ) but, in my opinion, where we have love and understanding, our personalities won't affect that much. You may connect better to some personality types but if you're in love with another that looks less compatible is not something to be afraid of. (The same way I think about zodiac, that I do not believe at all lmao) You can't look for a perfect relationship without putting effort into it. Relying on personality types or things out of your control for the durability of a relationship looks a little bit unresponsible. (sorry if my english is bad, also. English is not my mother language but i wanted to share my point of view. I'll probably regret this later)
I was dating an INTJ and I found that as an INFJ myself, he was too expressive and affectionate toward me. I agree with others that commented, that when INTJ feels safe with his partner (he told me he feels very safe with me), he would show his emotional side, i.e. telling that he loves me and physical touch and all. But for me, I would rather date someone that is less emotional, so that I don’t feel overwhelmed with someone else’s vulnerability? Well maybe not vulnerability but it’s that while he does show his affectionate side, his emotionally maturity was not part of it-he at times would not understand some actions or words that he say would have an impact on others (similar to the comment earlier calling INFJ “dumpster fire” 😅). Might be part of the way he was brought up being an only child, that he wasn’t exposed to situations where he has to be considerate of other people’s feelings? The biggest issue was that he was too idealistic both toward the relationship and toward the world. It was good in the beginning since we have the same dominate Ni function (we can understand each other well) but as the relationship progresses, his Fi was too morally suffocating for me? While my Fe just wanted to get along and thinks that there is no clear cut right or wrong. His Fi wants to force his ideas of class injustice on me and topple the evils of the top 1% with his Te. His Fi feels too opinionated at times, where he is very critical and he hold what he believes to be right all the time, while I would want to be respectful toward other people’s thought. So our values are different and there is no talking with him in regard to his ideals since his Fi has already declared what he deem as right or not, and I hate that when we talk, he somehow turned it into argument and he even added, ”so I am right?” As if it’s a debate that he has to win. Maybe he was just an immature INTJ or our personality just clashes and it shows the differences as bad in each other. But yeah, the success of a relationship might not be determined by this personality thing since it just generalizes the functions that different types use. I think having similar values is more important. I personally really like ISTJ since they are very practical, brings me to the present and allows me a chance to be me.
Isn't too many compromises for INTJ? Maybe to pair better, we should talk about sacrifices INTJ wants to make for love as well.
Intj Male here with a partner of 7 years. Seems pretty spot on here. We had a lot of difficulties at the start cause he found me hard to read and sometimes cold (his words) since I needed time to mull over all of my thoughts. We are at a point now where he just knows how I'm feeling intuitively before I completely have a grasp on it myself.
Same for me and my INTJ husband! I'm a softy ISTJ and I really had a hard time understanding him and making him open up in the 1st few months. But years later I now know what he's thinking only by looking at him lol
@@vivalachoba that's the cool thing about marriage....it makes a pair that can practically read each other's minds
As an intj male when it comes to expressing an emotion it's more like the emotion needs physical therapy is the right metaphor for that until it becomes strong enough to stand on its own then the comfortableness of expressing it becomes easy or another metaphor I use is legs on the table does it have enough legs to stand on its own that's the best way I can describe it
Me: (ESFP) dating INTJ. Opposite attracts but...Oh boy, it is so hard. I want to be with my partner almost all the time and he needs alone time. But this isn't even the beginning...
Nice to know our INTJ sisters also have their lairs.
These are ALL right on the money.
I am an INTJ that was taught to be diplomatic and sociable from a very young age, so I'm good with social situations I just don't like them
I'm an intj and my girlfriends and infj I do like what do you have to say in your videos are very insightful
INTJ lair, hahahahahaj, i knew what that was before i even clicked the video. I can stay on my laptop reading wikipedia articles, organizing things, debating online, researching whatever I haven't finished researching, coding, etc. for literal days.
"You are a dangerous man, spewing ignorance!"
As an INTJ how on earth did you manage to make such a long video
True
That we need alone time. I always want to have my alone time
She's clearly an INFP
how does one know they are INTJs, is it uncommon to be a blend of many personalities?
If you guys are so detached from your emotions, how do you deal with loneliness, sadness, negative feelings in general, or do you experience them at all?
We try to fix the situation that is causing the negative emotions, we have to optimize everything. We have to figure out what's causing it and what to do about it, and if we can't do anything about it, a lot of INTJs probably will try to talk themselves out of their emotions. I don't get lonely very often since I have people I love in my life and also I need a lot of alone time anyway. If a situation makes me sad I try to talk myself through it, like a pep talk, I tell myself about how it is temporary, or how I have other good things in my life that make me happy, so I don't need to feel so sad, etc. But we have to be careful doing this, if we feed ourselves negative thoughts and feelings, we can get stuck in what they call an "Ni-Fi loop" of thought where we are prone to becoming very cynical and misanthropic and hating the world. A healthy INTJ will try to keep their thoughts rational but positive.
Being detached (or rather suppressing them) from emotions, doesn't mean not experiencing them. Healthy and mature INTJ would probably deal with them the moment they show up, but becoming mature and healthy takes time, thus it's more common to see INTJ suppressing those emotions even more (tert Fi), which sometimes lead to an 'explosion'.
I've never felt lonely. conversations at work are socially satisfying. I usually just dismiss my emotions. So what if that asshole made me f****** furious today, it's over. No point in dwelling on the past if it has no impact on the future
I don't experience loneliness (I feel inwardly connected to all things) but I've experienced a lot of intense emotions including grief and sadness. I tend to try to work out why I feel that way, and use my life experiences as a way of growing personally and spiritually.
I usually feel emptiness
Hi all,
INTJ combined with full fledged Aquarius characteristics, what would the outcome be?
More isolated, more weird, more chances to get misunderstood you are unreachable from all forms of electronics commuting mediums, more communication barriers, more more Why, much harder to establish a normal long lasting relationships, needs even more understanding and tolerance from the grounds, more brain cells activities and clashes, etc.
Degree of misery also doubled?
Thank you very much.
Is there a way to inform an INTJ that they might be in an abusive controlling relationship and that they aren't listening to friends and family and are shutting them out? Speaking plainly seems to get them angry and kind of feeling like they're attacked. They are really into this mtbi stuff and the guy is just not a good person when they are together. He's great otherwise but you know how people can change with relationships? It's that and it's bad.
How long does it take to for an INTJ to open up emotionally? I've been dating one for about 7 months and I still feel like it's a bit one-sided.
A person is not going to change who they are just because you want them to be different. INTJs are more mentally orientated than emotionally orientated. If you want more emotion, switch to a different relationship.
It depends on how comfortable you make them feel. You should also bring this up, if youre still in that relationship
I think an INTJ will actually open up in a reasonable amount of time if he's in to you. Just give them space to do their own thing as well. alone time in their thoughts.
Great video. I'm a fellow INTJ and I've seen all your videos on UA-cam.I find them very informative. I recently took the strengths finder test and I was wondering what your opinions on the 34 themes are. If you've taken them and if they align with your mbti. Thanks.
Hey there stranger. I also come out as an INTJ type but I have taken the Strengthsfinder test for real and my top 5 were:
1) Learner
2) Intellection
3) Futuristic
4) Focus
5) Deliberative.
I was a bit surprised by the result but it may be where I am at now in the time of my life and perhaps it can change, even though they say that your themes stay pretty consistent throughout your life.
Interesting, we have some similar themes.
I had 1) Deliberative 2) Learner 4) Restorative 4) intellection 5) significance.
Nice to meet another INTJ
Ij Mimi what do you think are some similarities between MBTI and Gallup? I dont believe in everything that these claim to know anymore, because I have taken quite a few of the more known ones. (Big 5. Enneagram, MBTI, Strengthsfinder) but it can possibly reveal one aspect of your personality makeup.
Really difficult for INTJ females because it's such a male archetype they play. Really very androgynous energy.
Hi my fellow INTJs, aside from all these flattering facts of us, I usually get excluded from groups.. like my coworkers, classmates or even sometimes friends. Apparently, whenever they discuss about an issue, I tend to come up with a brutal honest point and use extreme examples to prove my point. And from my friends’ side, it’s justifiable to neglect me or exclude me from their group since I’m being a freak. But from my side, it’s also very hard to see bunch of people just murmuring about nonsense and irrational things. So, I often face contradiction because of this brutal behavior of mine. Should I try to downgrade myself and have those nonsense conversations or just stay alone and delve deeper into rational stuff? I don’t wanna change, but still I wanna be included. Also, am I a toxic INTJ who always looks down on people? Please help hha.
I'm the same as I'm a straightforward person. I'll say it like it is. In the past, there are certain people that don't like to hear the truth or the extreme examples I used. They reacted horribly because they were in a terrible situation. They are aware of the elephant in the room but don't want to talk about it. I had to practice and learn to word it in a neutral way.
Please go into details about maybe explaining why (if you know) in regards to friendships and relationships- why or explain more in depth about the "foresight" about us- facts I've heard about how we pick our friends (or in other people's cases) people who they want to get into a relationship- how they try to see into the future for any bumps or how they imagine it, pros and cons to this, why, if you can explain it more fully
INTJ lack social experience. So they don't know what to do around other people. It takes time, and lots of experience for them to understand, to write mental programs / plans on how to handle things.
If you can be patient, and possibly help a INTJ to understand better, they will write better, and better mental programs, and learn to be good at being social, but they do have to feel the need to do it. If they don't see any point, they will just ignore it.
As a INTJ, I really don't like people. People are chaos, and I like order. I can't show emotion like other people. It doesn't come naturally to me. It's almost like I'm acting how I show look when I do this emotion. I don't know how to show anger. I always feel so fake, like I'm seeing myself from the outside, and my performance isn't very good. How can anyone take my anger seriously, when I don't....
I rarely get angry as well. I'm usually in control of my environment, so already have a good idea what's going to happen, so I'm prepared for many things. So I don't really get angry, I just get annoyed, and being right about a prediction helps me not get angry.
Give us space to remember you
/-Leave us our mountain that we may leave it too
Dang Alex you’re way too cute! Good tips for me for our future relationship
Hey my wife is INTJ and I am ESFP or ENFP sometimes. Lol. It's great we balance each other out and make a good team!
I ship intj females and exfp males so hard. I bet y'all are cute together.
Excellent