ADHD MEDICATION 💊 First 30 Days on STIMULANTS CONCERTA XL (Methylphenidate) // ADHD Diaries
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- Опубліковано 17 тра 2024
- I was diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive type) in September last year (hello, late diagnosis crew!) Here’s my experience of being on Concerta XL 36mg Methylphenidate stimulant medication over the first month. It's been an emotional rollercoaster, but a life changing one. Stimulants have taught me a lot about myself and how I experience ADHD.
Leave me a comment with your thoughts and questions!
#adhd #adhdmedication #adultadhd #adhdwomen #stimulant
Timestamps…
0:00 Teaser
0:39 Intro - My diagnosis, what medication I'm on and how I started it.
VLOGs
4:10 Day 3 - “Wait… was the day not supposed to feel this hard?”
6:22 Day 5 - “Did I just happy cry over life admin?”
9:50 Day 8 - "It ain’t all sunshine and roses!"
11:28 Day 9 - “How have I been existing in this head!?”
13:28 Day 10 - "I cleaned the house!"
17:40 Day 11 - “Is it normal to be able to like... just do stuff all day?”
18:52 Day 19 - "Has stimulant medication sorted my life long battle with PMS!?"
20:52 Day 27 - "Oh no. There's no going back."
25:01 Positive closing words!
Here are the ADHD resources that have helped me immensely so far…Additude Magazine - articles and webinars www.additudemag.com/
How to ADHD (Jessica McCabe) Videos / @howtoadhd
The ADHD Adults UK Podcast - / @theadhdadults
Disclaimer: This video is not intended for medical purposes or to aid diagnosis or treatment of ADHD. If you think you have ADHD or need support with ADHD diagnosis or treatment please speak to a trained professional.
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Who am I? Here's my fancy pants bio...
Rachel is an ADHD Coach & Educator on a relentless quest to help people with ADHD believe in themselves. A learner at heart, Rachel built her career in teaching, learning and development, and coaching but despite the apparent ‘success’ found herself aged 30 with her self-esteem in the pits. A diagnosis of inattentive type ADHD was the answer to an agonizing puzzle, and now she's obsessed with helping others put together the pieces of their own colourful chaotic jigsaw.
Those first couple weeks were absolutely mind blowing to me. I couldn't believe other people were just walking around happy, accomplishing things, and not praying to die. So! Many! Decades! Wasted!
I feel ya brother 😊
I feel this. Living with constant internal restlessness is infuriating when you realize that other people just don't have to deal with it.
SAAAAAME
@@Seacrestered Everyone has struggles that we don't know about - especially if they don't say anything about it. Someone may look like they're happy and accomplished, but that doesn't mean they are - or that they will somehow notice you need help. If you want help ask for it. Don't be angry that others aren't mind-readers. We all focus on our own lives and unless we love and care about someone very close to us, no we can't help to everyone or have the energy to notice everyone around us. That is what doctors and help centers are for. Ask for help.
This is called nirvana or enlightenment. The sad part is there are a lot of geniuses running around taking these medication to enhance an already normal cognitive abilities and for most of us they are like superhuman, while they were actually rigging the system
Today has been my first day on ADHD medicine as an almost 34 year old woman and I feel as though I was born with superpowers and its only now that anyone's told me how to use them. I've spent all day having no idea how to articulate what this feels like, so I came to UA-cam to see what other people who had been through it felt. I clicked at random and cried because you're saying exactly what I'm feeling, I just wanted to say that validation has been so important at the end of what has felt like the first day of my life.
This made me tear up!! Here's to a future of harnessing our superpowers 💛
Do you feel like it interferes with the cool parts of our neurodivergent brain?
WELCOME TO THE TRIBE...that was me, 3 months ago. The impact - I'll never forget those first few days/weeks - EVER. I'm 58. I went through a lot of grief and anger, but in a way that I knew would end. I grieved the loss, the wrong diagnoses, the self-medicating, the whole damn lot - then realised I was right where I was...I could accept it...and I just wanted to make every day since absolutely worth living. Welcome to your life; enjoy it. You've earned it X
@@hilarycoombes9994 44 here. Started last February of 2021. Since I took my meds I had no HR issues at work. I was able to hold a really great job for a whole year. Now I am going back go school full time this fall.
I literally cried the first day i took meds. I can actually use my brain. All my creativity and stuff is still there, but i can actually USE it now, instead of just ricocheting around from shiny thing to shiny thing.
i completely understand being scared to be reliant on meds. it's scary to realize how much harder it is to use old coping skills when meds do it way better and without draining you.
Totally! I definitely feel much more positive about it a few more months down the line. I watched a really good video about the idea of being 'dependent' on medication that you may be interested in... ua-cam.com/video/4PTl27tTmfY/v-deo.html
With ADHD we are actually locked out of our human brain, we are unable to understand things at the same level. Think about if you became a chimpanzee when not on meds, it’s more than just coping skills. Of course, it can be done without meds in a lot of cases but the condition steals reality from us
The great thing for me was that after starting medication, I was able to use coping skills better and build more of them. Building these coping mechanisms while on medication eases my anxiety of being reliant. I feel like if I ever need to stop taking my medication I now feel I have a good base to cope with life. Additionally I understand my ADHD better and how to avoid the pitfalls.
Stimulants for ADHD are highly addictive. You either increase the dose and end up getting addicted, or you avoid increasing the dose and have to just deal with the discomfort of dopamine depletion whenever the medicine wears off.
@@echo-trip-1 This is a myth and simply not true! Where did you find research concluding that these low dosages that are prescribed are highly addicting as you claim? Research show that people with ADHD are more at risk of getting addicted to other things such as alcohol, food, shopping, porn, gambling, etc when NOT using the medication, and medication prevents this for the reasons mentioned in the comments above.
“I just didn’t know it was possible for things to feel easy” that hits the nail on the head! 8:29
ys because shes on methylphenidate, and as much as she like the feeling she most likely will make no progress
@@doop445 Did u even watch the clip???
Relatable as heck.
Exactly
Your video gave me a lump in my throat. I was on 36mg for a long while and it helped me quite a lot. My ducks were not in a row yet, but they were at least in a group. The first week of 54mg, I wanted to cry, because I think that is what normal feels like. And I've been missing out for more than 30 f#%%* years! I mostly embrace myself and my weird ass brain, but I think we're allowed to grieve the 'missing time' every now and again.
Natasha ❤I very much enjoy your description of the ducks being in a group but not a row - I can relate! Thanks for watching and sharing. Yes on the grieving missed time - I feel angry about it now and then but in a kind of resolute constructive sense, which I think is oddly motivating. Here's to us and our weird ass brains! 😎
@@rachdoesyoutube please be careful. Understand that any disruption in drug manufacturing or supply chain could bring your world to a grinding halt. I had several issues when hurricanes hit and I was not able to get my refills when life was hell. Then there is the part Doctors don’t tell you, which is once you hit middle age, stimulant based ADHD meds put a major strain of your heart. As soon as your heart starts to show signs of strain they will take you off the meds. You will then go through 3 to 6 months of withdrawal hell. When done your mental state and capacity with be reduced to a lower level brain function than you had before you started the meds. You will also have a persistent feeling of being unclean or dirty, it never goes away. Lastly you will have no motivation to do anything. You will find you can’t do the same tasks that you had done for years. You will remember doing those tasks, but the how you did them will elude you. That will cause you to be sad an depressed. I wish I had never taken ADHD meds. I wish I had just changed my diet, exercises more and learned better coping techniques.
@@anthalas9 I'm so very VERY sorry love. Thank you for sharing because I needed to know this. I've been changing my diet, taking supplements, exercising because the meds my doc described had all these side effects and negative complaints from other people took it. But this video made me really want to give it a shot! But this comment told me exactly what I needed a reminder of. I wish you the best.
Very well said, though I really appreciate being reminded of the benefits of focusing on being my best natural self, even if that doesn't perform to hypercapitalism's expectations... there is always the consideration that the 'dysfunction' in ADHD is actually the culture's demands, not the individual's human self.
Whatever your choices, be honest with yourself, and good luck. X
@@undergroundmotorsportsaus I would concede your point, if it weren’t for the vast amount of documented experiences of others that have gone that have gone through the exact same thing. And we all describe our experience almost identically. It would seem from that evidence that my experience is more the norm vs not coming off ADHD meds. Ask yourself a few questions, 1. Being how many older people do you see taking ADHD meds? 2. What is the end game regarding your heart and health of being on stimulates long term? 3. Additionally what do you think will be your experience after being on the medications for long term and then we have a national or world wide drug shortage. There are all kinds of support groups for people like me, which wouldn’t be the case if my experience wasn’t the more common outcome. The Cleveland clinic has thousands of pages of people talking about how they are dealing with life after ADHD meds and if your not in to scanning medical journals you can head over to Reddit r/adhd and see the stories there as well.
I worked with a ton of kids with ADHD over the years as an elementary school teacher. When the medication works, that's really just the beginning. They still have to unlearn old habits and learn new ones. When I first started teaching, medication was stigmatized and other teaching professionals would occasionally tell me that ADHD was actually a "myth". I'm glad so much of the politics around it seems to have dissipated. The stigma and denial often led to unhappy, unsuccessful kids.
What kind of old habits do they need to unlearn? I'm an adult trying to figure things out myself. I am on medication, and while things are easier then before I started medication, I feel there's still room for improvement.
One thing I have to be aware of is automatically assuming a new thing will be hard and that I will give up (so why even start...).Is that the kind of thing you mean by old habits?
@rambunctiousvegetable that's not what the study said. It was 30 percent for boys and 70 percent for girls. And boys make up the overwhelming majority of ADHD diagnoses so the median isn't the mean. Regardless, what I think it shows is that age and maturity are important to consider when a doctor is diagnosing ADHD. Are you implying that the disorder is fake? Even the author of the study you mis-cited doesn't believe that.
@@sakhti9962 Sometime kids with ADHD will develop work avoidance strategies, often requiring more effort than the work itself. This can become like a persona, and it can be built into their relationships with teachers and other students. Also, with really bright ADHD kids they will often develop a pattern of completely tuning out the directions and figuring it out themselves, i.e. doing it the hard way. This can even become a point of pride for them, and can be a hard habit to break because they prefer figuring things out entirely on their own. Of course, this isn't always the best way in a classroom, or real life. Sometimes it's just better to read the directions first.
@rambunctiousvegetable Okay. I'm sorry for my tone. I get a little defensive about this topic. Yeah, glasses. I teach privately now, but I'm constantly referring kids to the optometrist, and I explain to every one of my students that you won't know when your vision is bad. But my controversial take on this topic, as someone who's taught for two decades, is that boys and girls should have different start dates for kindergarten. There's a demonstrable difference in their development at that age, and boys are simply behind. We start them too early and retain them too often in k and 1st.
@rambunctiousvegetable I often tell my students a story about my best friend. He noticed in his 40s that night driving had become difficult. He went to get his eyes checked and discovered, due to a cataract, he was completely blind in one eye. He never had any idea until the doctor covered his functional eye.
Oliver Sacks' book The Man Who Mistook His Wife for A Hat has all kinds of fascinating stories about the brain's ability to adapt like this. But it takes work for your brain to do it, and it's ultimately exhausting.
The idea of starting boys 4 months or so after girls in kindergarten has been an unpopular one since I started teaching that's never had even a little bit of traction. It's one of those solutions that everyone close to the problem loves, but everyone in charge of solving the problem hates. So it goes.
I'm SO glad to hear you're still taking the medication, and not forcing yourself to suffer through some perceived deficiency. It's very normal for those of us who are neurodivergent or suffering through mental illness to feel scared of being reliant on medication, but your friend was absolutely right: you likely would not feel the same apprehension if it were for a physical ailment without stigma attached. Hoping things are still going well for you! Thanks for being vulnerable & sharing it with us!
Thank you for your absolute honesty. I’m 60 and have just realised what my lifelong “maladjustment disorder” has been about. I’m grief stricken, but I’m not giving up. Going to get a referral to a psychiatrist and follow through…I’m not dead yet!
I just was diagnosed at 61. Shocking. But post diagnosis, sooooo many things in my life finally make sense. So yes. Follow through and get yourself tested. It really helps. And then of course there’s the medication which for me works. And the above video encapsulates a lot of my reactions!
Is 33 to old to realise you have it
@@Tom-zg6sb no!! Diagnosed at 65. If I had only
I’m 60 too and also diagnosed with ‘Adjustment Disorder’ about 10 years ago.
Last year after another decade of being ‘lost in space’ reeling from one crisis seamlessly into the next, I looked into ADHD and a therapist wrote to my GP recommending a diagnosis. Still waiting but it’s getting closer, and in the meantime I’ve just started to explore all this stuff on UA-cam. It’s like there’s a whole world full of people who think like I do and face the same challenges and it fills me with both joy and hope.
At around 5 minutes in when Rachel says ‘there’s some stuff I need to do today, I’ll do them’ made me laugh out loud with tears in my eyes because I get it, that’s NEVER how my life has been! 😂
And the weekend stuff right after it, and so on, it’s soooo comforting to see such an honest and emotional explanation of the realisation of how life was and how it could be when more ‘normal’.
So there’s hope that I may one day see that ‘normal’ thought process myself.
So honest and authentic and relatable.
Thank you.
63 and just realizing by watching videos like these that this must be what I have literally “suffered” from my whole life.
Hearing you talk about your brain feeling like a teenager is how I feel. I always struggled with coming to terms that I might need help because I wasn't sure if something was actually hard, or I was just throwing a tantrum. But I'm realizing that my brain has been throwing a tantrum about everything, including feeding myself and bathing for 35 years now. Also your grasping at air comment about doing simple tasks hit home. It's hard to explain to people who don't feel that way. I used to think it was depression, but talking to a therapist they helped me realize I'm pretty happy. Despite the sad feeling I get scrolling youtube videos in a dirty house with an empty stomach. Haha
Mine is an overwhelmed toddler ;)
This brought me to tears. I just started my first dose of XR medication today. Won't be on full dosage for 7 more days.
I was diagnosed at 9 but Mom said, "NOPE! He's just a kid!" So I ended up running across a video of a psychiatrist reacting to ADHD TikToks. As I watched it I just said out loud, " Isn't it like this for everyone?" My girlfriend responded 'No'.
Then I started asking everyone I know, "When I talk to you what are you thinking about?", to which every SINGLE person responded, "What you are saying."
I would ask immediately, "What else?", and hear the response, "Nothing".
My mind was blown. I would tell them all I work hard to actively listen but it is hard with on average maybe 8-12 thoughts shooting out at different directions and me following each one until I realized it has been about 5 seconds and I wasn't listening to the person, and then I would rewind in my head to what key words I heard and parse together what they were just talking about.
I THOUGHT EVERYONE DID THAT!
I am 44 years old.
I just got diagnosed after a month long task of appointment after appointment.
Well, back on task. I took my first dosage today and for the first time ever. I got to work. Started working, and didn't stop until it was time to go home. I did everytask I had on my list instead of 1/4 of my usual list. NEVER ONCE did I stop and say, 'NOPE, I will do that later'. I am amazed at how I don't feel anything, like energy or anything but I never once looked at a task and avoided it. I just did it all without thinking. I never pulled out my phone when in an elevator to check Instagram. I didn't turn on any podcasts to distract myself. I just worked. People would talk to me and instead of my stopping what I was doing and start a 15 minute conversation, I would answer make a joke and get back to my current task AND NOT FORGET WHAT THE F I WAS WORKING ON!!!!!!!
I have subscribed and will continue to watch your journey. I am in shock that neuro-typical people experience life like this. By that I mean, without the DREAD of having to start something mundane. Nothing at all was boring today, it wasn't exciting in the least bit but IT DIDNT MATTER!.
Wow. Okay, so the not listening and thinking about 100 other things is also adhd? I'm on my way (hopefully, what if it isn't adhd, am I just a shit person then? AH! Imposter syndrome to the max.) to a diagnosis. I have a test day in August, but my current therapist told me she thinks it's likely it's adhd. I am finding so many little things that people say, hey this is a thing with my adhd, and I'm going "same" almost every time.
I'm convinced i have adhd and after your comment with the conversation how hard for me is to stay focused on person and not fly away, i too was thinking everyone has it. Gotta get diagnosed.
Thankyou
I recently got diagnosed (unofficially though) by a psychologist that I indeed have ADHD (inattentive as far as I know). I always had trouble listening to people and my brain goes wack when more people at once start to talk to me. So many thoughts about other things popup and I can feel my brain being pulled away from the conversation and I can catch myself fading concentration (which wasn't always the case) but bringing myself back to a conversation is nearly impossible. I always feel so rude when it happens, I don't mean to do it, it just happens. Reading your comment gives me hope..
"I've been tired because I've been doing a lot, not because I'm just tired."
Girl, I feel this deep in my bones. Some days I don't want to take my meds cause I don't want to feel actual tired. But then I remember that the mental gymnastics tired that comes from forcing myself to do barely anything is worse.
You've articulated it all very well.
When I was on concerta, I still HEARD the impulse voices of random thoughts in my head that would normally leave me almost catatonic, but I was able to ignore them in a sense. A random thought didn't stop me in my tracks, I was able to say "Cool story dude, but i'm busy with other things". I love to paint model tanks and 3D print things, normally accomplishing a project can take weeks, months or years. With Concerta it was like "Wait, why on earth would something this simple take me so long?" and i'm able to knock it out in 1-2 days.
I WANT THIS!!! I WOULD BE A GAZILLIONAIRE IF I HAD THIS ABILITY!
I really appreciate your experience and I really identify! I'm a 54 year old man and always thought that I was "just fucked up". Never knew what was wrong with me until I was diagnosed and the first time I tried the meds I said to my wife "if this is what it's like to be normal, F' you all because this is unfair!" I went through my entire life, from job to job, not ever being able to sit still, except on things I was obsessed with. I will never know what it's like to be able to have a career or anything. Most of my life was spent trying to adapt to my "quirks" and now I know why. I wish I had been diagnosed and had medicated when I was younger!
This made me realize how Inattentive ADHD I am, and that I should probably get meds. I was diagnosed at 10, then parents said I didn't need Ritalin after 1 day of using it, and said I didn't have ADHD because I wasn't hyper. Throughout school into adulthood in my 30s I've frantically dealt with the symptoms on my own thinking I'm an inept person. My brain is always grasping at thoughts, multi-thinking. I constantly forget. I'll see a nearly-finished toilet paper roll 10 times and think "I need to go downstairs to get more" and then as soon as I get up, I've been bombarded with so many other thoughts that I've forgotten the roll again. I've found wet laundry sitting in the washer overnight more times than I can count because I didn't remember it. To complicate things, now I have a toddler that I need to remember to do things for, as well as myself, the cats, my hubby and the house. If meds can help me sanely get through a day without forgetting as soon as I turn my gaze from it, that'd help SO much. I'm going mad over here.
That toilet paper thing is sooooo me.
I was diagnosed at 35, I have ADD, bipolar, and a general anxiety disorder. I’m on meds for mood swings, and they help, but when I was put on Methylphenidate my life changed. It was like the clouds around my brain just cleared out. That part when I realized that people can just do things, and can feel at ease, was beautiful snd sad at the same time, because I lost so many time, I struggled all of my life, especially when I became a mom. And now I preache about going to a psychiatrist and get diagnosed. And above all: take the meds if needed. Because this is not a personality trait, is a chemical thing, and can be somewhat fixed. So why not do it. We need to talk more about it to get the stigma out of it.
I really appreciate your video, girl. You are brave, and you’re going to be fine. Thanks for sharing your life, it helps a lot. ❤
Hey! I'd like to ask a question if you don't mind! Would you describe the feeling in your head as "brain fog"? For the last 8 or so years, I've had this hazy feeling in my brain that is hard to describe. Its a lot like trying to drive somewhere but you're struggling to remember the directions you were given so you end up kind of guessing which way to turn. Almost like my short term memory really stinks.
Its become worse as I've aged because as an adult, the world is much less structured and we are hit with an overwhelming amount of stimuli each day
@@mindofmyown333yes check out Dr lenz
THANK YOU. Diagnosed also around Sept 22 aged 58. I have no idea how I've survived this long, frankly. It was like listening to myself.
I’m 59 recently diagnosed and feel exactly the same. God it’s nuts how r brains really work so differently
52 & just diagnosed, no treatment yet (NHS in Spain is good but slow). Suppose we just have to be happy with the idea of better late than never, but the idea of being 50+ until diagnosed does kind of make me sad. Anyway, better days ahead. Rgds
On the upside, we got to develop skills for "easy things" and now with medication those skills are still with us. We were training with a heavy backpack on us to be able to do easy things all the time. When you get your meds for the first time it feels like the heavy backpack of "superpowers" everyone talks about finally transforms into real wings. You got this.
Yessss! Love this!
I was actually diagnosed with ADHD 8 years ago. Also suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Not until my wife recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 4 years totally clean. Never thought I would be saying this about mushrooms.
they saved you from death bud, lets be honest here. and mushrooms are one of the most amazing things on this planet i wish people would all realize. they could solve a lot of problems, more than just mental treatments, environmental clean up; the possibilities are endless with fungus.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Netherland. Really need!
YES very sure of Dr.benshrooms. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I hate that psilocybin gets grouped with drugs like cocaine and heroin. Mushrooms are a remedy, not a vice!
How do I reach out to him? Is he on insta
45 year old guy here on 18mg for the last week. Unbelievable. No side effects for me at all, no rush, no crash, eating more and sleeping better. Honestly, I can't even feel it at all, it's like taking a Tylenol. Except I'm now caught up on everything ive put off for months, having better conversations with family, clean and organized, you said it so accurately. I had no idea it was possible things could feel this easy. Especially on the lowest dose.
Makes me emotional to think of all the years I struggled with normal life, to find something that carries that weight for me now.
Holy shit the whole explanation on day 19 with the PMS is so relatable. You explained my exact feelings. It’s like a weird paralysis. You are sick and tired of sitting and doing nothing but you also don’t have the will power to do anything and nothing that is passive entertainment like TV seems stimulating enough. So you just sit…
This video has decided it for me. I’m going to bring it up to my doctor.
I can’t tell you how much this all clicks for me. I’m crying right now….just beginning the discovery of the fact that I might have ADHD and not anxiety and different meds might help more. I am booking in to see a specialist ASAP after this. 😢 thank you so much for being able to articulate how I have felt for so long. X
Natalie ♥Thank you for watching and taking the time to comment. I totally understand where your head is at right now. I was thinking of sharing another video of my diagnosis process and how that all felt, if you'd find that helpful too? Sending love your way!
It's not medicine it's drugs. It's won't cure anything it will just make you high and dependant and will toxify your body. The cure to ADHD is consistent exercise and good diet and essentially getting super healthy. Doctors will never admit this because it's not proven because you can't exactly get a bunch of ADHD people to get in amazing shape as a scientific test, it's not a practical study, people just won't do it so you'll never have a big enough sample size. Fix your lifestyle and you will fix your brain
Just a reminder, you can definitely have both.
Oh. My. Gah. We are the same. I'm watching this video on a "forced break" because I've been enjoying work so much lately I'll keep going until I drop. :) I just wrapped my first 30 days of stimulant medication (after a diagnosis in August at the age of FIFTY - put THAT in your pipe and smoke it) and everything you share is so resonant and on target it's validation to the extreme. THANK YOU for sharing your experience. I now feel like I have a great resource for friends and family who don't totally understand. And I want your rainbow sweater. I wish we were friends. :)
PS. I call it "circular cleaning." And I warn my husband not to look at my process until I am done, because it doesn't look like I've accomplished anything until then.
Hey Amy, thanks for sharing your story and watching!! 😊
I always suspected i had adhd. Then i grew up and became a doctor. Almost screwed up this career because of adhd. Now since I'm a doctor i understand adhd so much better than when i first suspected i had it. I self medicated with a different kind of stimulant in med school - a milder one (power of the knowledge of pharmacology) and the medicine worked. So i made my own diagnosis and I'm so much better for it.
I am also a doctor and I have been struggling with ADHD since my childhood.
I'm a nurse and medical profession is such a struggle for me 😑and now I'm going to seek help
@@stonecold8762how are you doing now?do you take medicines?
@@stonecold8762do you have fybromyalgia
It did for me, I had to drop out in the middle of my 3rd year because it seems my coping mechanism could no longer catch up to my dysfunction, I ended up in a very dark suicidal state. Worst part was that I never struggled learning the material, it always seemed like physical logical subjects were easy to grasp, but my struggle was everything else like homeworks, projects and schedules. I think if I wasn’t born so defective I could’ve become a great doctor.
My son was greatly helped by the meds since he was in grade school. We tried everything before we put him on them. He is now grown up. Graduated from the university with several deans lists for his studies. As another ADHD person put it he got to know himself in a way that was not possible before. Thanks for your courage posting something quite personal. It is a very valuable video for people considering medication. Thanks.
Is he still on the medication? Or did he stop? The medication will give you the smartest version of you but its not you its the meds... is he married? Children?
Your comment about being able to do stuff all day, it is an amazing feeling, but it also gets exhausting. I read that ADHD people have trouble recognizing their own emotions, I started to get kinda irritable after doing a lot for months, it took me a while but I realized that it was because I was overworking myself and not taking time to relax and focus on me, play video games, etc. It is amazing to get stuff done after not being able to your whole life, to just see something needs to be done and doing it, just be careful to not overdo it, I know I did. I'm trying to make sure that at least a few days a week I take an hour or two and just play a relaxing game or watch cartoons or something.
Ironically, it was the exact opposite for me. I actually STARTED having more emotions than dread and rage, and am now capable of understanding how I'm feeling, why, and how to process it. I have STARTED taking some time for myself. I have STARTED reaching out to my friends. Because I can actually focus and transition between tasks so much easier, I'm under less pressure because every second isn't filled with just trying to keep my head above water. I'm amazing at just how differently each person reacts to the medication.
@@marcushoward6560 I agree, on medication I'm not angry/frustrated all the time, I've been working on understanding how I feel and why I feel that way. I've been in cognitive behavioral therapy and that's helped a ton.
@Janna Ledferd Advocating for yourself is big. Medication has helped me feel less overwhelmed, more confident in myself, and I've been advocating for myself a ton. I wish I could have advocated for myself years ago and not get walked all over at my work like I have but at least I can do it now.
I cried watching this. I have felt as you put it “deficient“ my entire life. I have always felt like there’s something fundamentally wrong with me because I cannot just do the things. I always compare myself to other people and feel like things seem to come easily for them while I struggle to simply get the laundry done. I like your analogy of dragging your skull through a bed of cauliflower. I always say I feel like I’m trying to run through gelatin. The neuro-typical person just walks through the air, but I have to slog through gelatin just to barely get by. In the last several weeks, I have come to the conclusion that I (like my dad did) very likely have ADHD. I am 42 years old and I have never felt good about myself. I feel like I fail at most things I try to do, and I feel like I have given up on myself. In listening to different podcasts, reading articles, and watching videos like yours, I have come to realize that I don’t have to give up on myself. You are a shining example of what life for me COULD feel like, and you’ve given me hope. From the bottom of my heart - thank you.
Ohhh Erica. I feel you so much on this 💛 I'm glad to have helped. It's a tough journey (I am very much still on it) but as I keep telling myself, you've gotta break down to rebuild for the better! Keep going 🌞
Oh man relating hard to this 🤍 Keep going! 🦾
At almost 40 years of age, I got diagnosed just couple days ago! Just today started my 18 mg, and like you said my doctor will increase the dose slowly. I can’t wait to reach where you reached! This video is extremely valuable for people like me, who are excited but also a bit anxious about this new journey! I’ve been battling procrastination along with many issues I couldn’t solve for the life of me for an annoyingly long time, I’m no longer blaming myself, and can’t wait to power thru the struggles and do my best from now on 🙏 thank you so much for sharing everything with such honesty ❤
"Being off my meds brings to my awareness the fact that I am deficient". I feel you sister. You're not alone. Very well said. Seeing the person I am with meds versus without has been very humbling for me to say the least. "Grasping at the air" (when you're trying to work off your meds) yeah I hear you there to. Good video thanks for sharing.
I just stumbled across your channel. I was diagnosed with combined adhd last week at age 35. Watching your video has made me felt seen. The imposter syndrome, the non stop racing thoughts - I truly didn’t know that this wasn’t neurotypical. I’m speaking to someone this week about medication and I am nervous and excited to see what occurs in this brain of mine.
Thank you so much for sharing your journey. ❤
Twinsies..I was just diagnosed at age 35. It's a relief, but I am also worried that the meds won't work and will confirm my imposter syndrome.
Thanks Rachel for sharing this video with others who are in a similar situation. I'm 45 and just been diagnosed with inattentive ADHD following my adult son's diagnosis. We are both now considering our next steps so your experience was very helpful. I'd also be interested in hearing how the medication has affected your IBS symptoms. Thank you again and I hope you continue to benefit from your journey post-diagnosis.
Thanks for watching Elizabeth, and thanks so much for the super thanks! (Wow, so many thanks in one sentence 😅) I'll definitely do a follow up on IBS - i've had quite a bit of interest in that.
Thank you for this. Makes me feel less alone, like there's people out there who think like me...plus you're adorable.
I'm shaken. This has been like watching those videos where a colorblind person sees color for the first time and everybody cries. Only I am the colorblind one.
Everything you describe about how the day just feels hard, all of the systems and provisions that you need just to get through basic life tasks, being always tired for no reason... I feel it in my bones. I've been circling the idea of getting a diagnose, but this settles it. I'm gonna get one.
I found the video in my feed after watching a lecture about ADHD before.
My sister said this to me when I started medication. It lika color blind person putting those special glasses on for the first time.
She hit the nail on the head with that statement, and it was exactly how I felt/still feel.
♥️
This is the best description I’ve heard of realizing how broken we kinda are, I had no idea! I got my ADHD diagnosis 8 months ago at 43 and was so bewildered, excited, and sad when I realized I could’ve gotten help and functioned somewhat normally long ago. I hope you got your diagnosis.
I haven't been evaluated for ADHD yet but I'm in the process of getting it done, yet when I watch this video I can relate to the feeling of being overwhelmed knowing I have things to do and I just can't get my head around how I will do them. It is so frustrating because I can watch other people just do them and can't understand why I can't. I start something with so much enthusiasm and energy and halfway through I would get tired and move on to something else never completing anything I start. It is refreshing to see that being diagnosed and using the medication helps bridge that problem! The tears of joy you got at the beginning and the way you explained how it made you feel is reassuring and good to know. It doesn't change who you are it just gets you motivated enough to go about your business without your brain actively trying to stop you. Great video and thanks for sharing your experience!
Side note - I watched a video of a Psychiatrist Dr Stephen Humphries talking about ADHD meds and he says one has to look at them like a pair of glasses and not necessarily as medication but it is nice to see someone talk about how they felt and what it did for them!
I'm 31. I feel like you're lady version of me... how you speak, stutter, go down rabbit holes when explaining things... I've been trying to finally get diagnosed. This is reassuring.
4:00 Why can I relate to this with ought ever having taken medication! I'm a 38 m and have lived decade after decade of never consistently reaching my potential as my brain is always in the way. A life of struggle, 6 schools as a kid, broken relationships and terrible financial ups and downs and after going to see a doctor in my 20's and opening up for the first time to anyone about what I was going through just to be spoken to like I was over reacting and told to get more sleep! After that I had written going to the doctors off as a waste of time. Videos like this have completely convinced me to get this sorted out. Thank you
The way I can relate is honestly uncanny. I've been diagnosed last spring and given the same medication, and the way you describe things is *exactly* how I felt, how I'm still feeling about it. The joy and amazement at things being actually easy, the danger of not taking enough breaks (I've had to stop taking my medication for a week because I was sick but would not let myself rest). I've described it to my family as a big bag of stones that I was carrying all day long. And everything was hard to do because I had this very heavy bag that I had to manage, and everybody around me seemed strong enough to carry their bag with no problem and still do everything, and I was the weak one who wasn't able to.
I thought the medication would actually make me stronger, and I could carry that bag more easily.
Instead the medication made the bag dissappear. And then I realized that the people around me weren't carrying any bag themselves, and I was in disbelief. Like... really ? Has it always been that easy for all of you ?
Anyway, I just wanted to say how much I saw myself in what you said. Thanks you for sharing, makes me more sure that everything works as intended. :)
What are you saying makes me tear up! I don't have a diagnosis but I have the damn bag. And it's really heavy. I really didn't thought about being possible to make it disappear. Thank you for this metaphor!
I'm 57, just diagnosed, just about to start meds. Very interested in your bag of stones, I'm quite curious to see how I feel on meds.
@@crazygreenlady7907 Please keep us updated. All the best!
Watching this is making me cry… my son is on the waiting list to be tested for ADHD and Iv been told I also show “typical” symptoms. Iv been doing my research and now I’m convinced I have ADHD. How you describe your symptoms off your meds are exactly how I am! I always thought this was normal and I just couldn’t cope with life but now I know there’s a reason I don’t cope xx
Thank you for your amazing explanation of your life before and after meds xx
I almost never comment on videos, but I had to let you know this was one of the most helpful and inspiring things I've ever watched. It seems like such a little thing, but as a nearly 37 year old who was first diagnosed at the age of 6, fought with every medication available through high school, and lived a half shambles of an adulthood, your experience has finally cemented the fact that I need more than what I can do myself. Today I am starting the search for a psychiatrist and will be discussing options for medical and therapeutic assistance. Thank you so much for sharing this.
Man, i spent 46 years struggling. Every day. Unable to sleep because i was dreading the next day. Feeling anxious the moment i woke up about all the tedious but incredibly inconsequential to normal people tasks. It isn't perfect. But most of the exhausting struggle has been put at ease. A simple 10mg of Adderall has totally changed my life.
Idk if I have adhd like my therapists says, but that’s exactly how I feel on the weekend! Overwhelmed, scattered, anxious. Basic tasks feel big. I procrastinate, suffer inside, and just try to get through the day. I’m basically ok during the week when I have work to structure my day.
I just started my ritalin medication at the beginning of the month, oh boy is it life changing. This video describes it perfectly. To me, it's on the same tier of life changingness as my kid being born. Like, it's that significant.
This made me want to cry. I've been on a path of self discovery and I've been trying to find the causes behind some of my mental struggles, particularly my anxiety. I had a friend with severe ADHD who functioned in a very different way from me growing up, so I never really considered ADHD as an option. But the more research I do the more I realize I definitely have ADHD, and this video in particular just broke me. So many of the mental battles that you were struggling to put into words resonated with me in such a powerful way. That "grasping at air" sort of generalized anxiety is something that I fight with all the time, and it only goes away when I've managed to totally immerse myself in a task. The scattergun approach, convincing yourself you don't want to swim, and realizing you could be using coping skills right now but just *not being able to* are all things that have to deal with every day. Every time you described your experience with random noises and arm flapping I somehow knew exactly what you were trying to convey.
I'm still wondering where I fall on the spectrum between ADHD, Autism, or some combination of both, but this video took a lot of miscellaneous observations about my experience and clicked them into place together. The jury is still out on the autism (I have a lot of autistic traits that could easily be explained away by ADHD + social anxiety) but I'm going to talk to my therapist and start going down the path of getting medicated. Thank you so much for doing this.
"It brings to my awareness, the fact that I am deffficient"
I felt that
Rachel you are an inspiration and I am so glad I came across your video today. Everything you said resonated with me and was
Incredibly validating. It’s such a pleasure to listen to you as you are lovely and funny as well. I have struggled for 51 years and only just found out I have ADHD. I feel hopeful about the future for the first time. ❤
I'm 36, I've been off meds for 20 years. I got the wrong drugs from the supplier once and they almost killed me, so I refused them for two decades.
Your struggles are SO me as well, it's so typical. Especially the resistance to starting the thing, whatever it is. It's been so difficult, and I am sick of it. Next week I have the appointment with the psychiatrist to get me on meds again.
I really hope to notice the changes you describe, I would really like to play life a difficulty level easier.... Your story connected with me, so I felt like sharing. Best of luck!
how it went for you? :o
I’m 35 and undiagnosed because my doctor is reluctant to refer me. And my self-diagnosed adhd stops me from being more proactive with pushing for a diagnosis, despite knowing it’s something I need 😅
I cried watching this video, imagining how it must feel to not feel like you’re climbing a mountain any time the smallest task needs completing.
Thank you for sharing your journey. I am so happy for you ❤
I had a few mind blowing days on stimulant meds before the side effects got the better of me. I can't take anything now, not even non stimulants. But I got experience briefly what it's like to be able to just do a thing because I wanted to, and that can never be taken away from me. I know just how much I was struggling all those years, and it wasn't my fault. I refuse to ever beat myself up again for not being able to do the things that other people do so easily.
You don’t know me but you literally feel how I feel. And I start my meds tomw. I used the ocean and grasping for help but your description is exactly feels.
OMG! You have described my life in so many ways. I'm undiagnosed at this point in time. I will be seeing a doctor soon because I know something is wrong.
Your day 27 when you talk about reaching out to grasp things but they disappear is exactly how I feel my brain works. I'm 48 and waiting for my assessment for ADHD and ASD. This is the first time I've heard someone describe how my brain/thoughts feel. Thank you so much for sharing x
Thank goodness! I thought I was alone feeling this way on my first day. I burst out crying but not depressed crying but happy crying. It was like every aches and pains I felt going through anxiety and depression was lifted and I could think and function so much better. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you, Rachel! I´m 55 and still undiagnosed, and it´s really very recently that I have understood how much a diagnosis can change my life. Everything you talk about resonates so deeply. It´s clearly not too late. And I´m happy to see that what my generation and those before us had begun to do towards mental health awareness is now showing its fruit with the younger generations, and the way we talk about these things. It´s been a long and painful process for a lot of people, and for generations of undiagnosed and unheard people. I like your channel, keep up the good work 🙏
The problem I have been struggling with after starting medication is I am now aware of everything that had built up because it was forgotten or just stupidly difficult and it's a different kind of overwhelmed but it's still overwhelming. I have always coped by just doing what I could when I could and so I just kind of grab onto the first thing I know I can do and I'm not necessarily tackling my actual priorities. I wasn't doing my actual priorities before because they are the most depleting tasks I have but it's frustrating to have this sudden capacity to do things and still not direct it where I want it to go.
I totally understand this! It's how I'm feeling now, 5 months in. There's definitely lots of habits to re-wire and new strategies to learn to know where to put the focus and how to do it in a way that's isn't overwhelming. It's a long process for sure!
I don't have a diagnosis but feel like I relate a lot to ADHD inattentive symptoms. The thing is though, sometimes I have days, or even days at a time where I'm "on a roll" and do things easily. But I get a nagging fear whenever that happens that it's unsustainable and any day I'm gonna crash, which does eventually happen. Then I get thrown out of the loop and it is hard to get motivated again. I think "if I can't do this thing every day consistently, why even try?" which is ridiculous but I get this all or nothing mentality.
Wow, I know exactly how that feels! It's to the point that I recognize when it is happening and I just rush around trying to get as much done before it passes.
I Do This!!
I thought it was because of ADD, which I'm certain I have. But now, after diving head first into the topic of autism spectrum, the concept of "inconsistent productivity" really hit home. Sometimes I can get all the things done for a few days in a row and then POOF! All motivation is gone and I cannot get started.
@@rebeccamay6420 A LOT of people who have autism (actually about 1 in ~68 people) also have attention dysregulation issues, largely due to dopamine shifts and other things. There is even talk of an ADHD/Autism overlap to become a subtype.
It can be very helpful in specific situations... most of which... are not useful anymore in an industrialized society. Constantly seeking novel things but also only wanting to eat a specific berry with a specific smell and texture? Great for exploring and hunting! And for staying alive when those delicious edible berries near your village look identical to poisonous berries, but they smell different. ... Not great when you can usually just buy cereal that's relatively safe to eat, premade, by the box. And google maps has done the exploring.
Thank you so much for your videos I relate so much with everything you’re saying about before you’ve been diagnosed. I can’t wait to stop being victimised by my own brain. Crying with you, thank you so much, I always thought I was just lazy and over sensitive. Always fighting myself and hating myself. One day things might feel easy. Thank you for your honesty, you’re an inspiration 🤗 now to stop procrastinating getting help 🙃
Thanks for being here!! 💛
I haven't got a diagnosis yet, but I'm 100000% sure I have ADHD. I can relate to everything you said, feeling like I'm always behind, grasping on thin air to do anything, that feeling of dread, I'm used to seeing it like a survival I just need to complete this one more task... It's been so hard, feeling so overlooked and struggling as a kid just made me feel like a failure. I know it's not depression, bc I've always been like this and I'm actually quite a happy person. I did have my questions around anxiety, but I also feel a lot it's because of my mental restlessness. I'm 24 now finishing university, which is what made me look into what ADHD was, cuz after so many experiences I knew I wasn't like the "rest". Being undiagnosed and just listening to how meds could help somebody with ADHD sounds like heaven
Your video has so accurately captured my experience this past week having started Vivanse (a stimulant). So much so, I am going to ask my husband to watch this to save me the energy of trying to put into words the roller coaster of thoughts and emotions I’ve had. At 49yo, it’s been a long hard road and it’s sad knowing it didn’t have to be so difficult all these years. I am so happy for you that you found “the answer” so young….even though it may not feel that way now. Thank you for sharing your journey. ❤ from 🇨🇦
thank you so much for sharing your experience! I (37F) just got diagnosed with ADHD at the beginning of December. I started taking Adderall XR a few days later. I remember the day I took the first dose and the meds kicked in, I thought "is this how neurotypical people think all the time?! they have complete thoughts, ONE stream of thoughts rather then 5 of them at once?! WOW!" like the meds calmed my brain down so much that the second day I was actually relaxed for the first time in I don't know how long. It was an incredible feeling. Your video was a suggested video on my youtube when I logged in today (thats how I found your video)
Thanks for sharing Amber - ohhh that's so relatable! Looks like the algorithm has been working some magic with this video which I totally didn't expect! ha 😊 But hey if it's finding people that need to hear it - yay!
I live in the UK, and I'm potentially 10 days away from finally getting diagnosed (at 27yo). I've been waiting on the NHS for over a year with potentially another 2 years to wait before an assessment, but after speaking to my family, I'm lucky enough that they agreed to pay for a private assessment. It looks like I'm going to be seeing an ADHD specialist who teaches Oxford University students, so I feel unbelievably lucky and grateful that I'll be in such good hands. (I should say, the only reason I'm lucky enough to pay the ~2 grand to go private is because of an ineritance my family received, otherwise I'd be waiting until I'm probably nearly 30 to get seen through the NHS...)
I can't even begin to explain how it makes me feel every time I see the reaction like yours at the start of the video "oh my god, this is what being normal feels like, I didn't know things could be easy" I still have never experienced that before, and over the last few years my ADHD has been crippling, my life has been in shambles because anything I try just fails, I've been struggling so, so much, and I can't believe I'm actually so close to getting my clinical diagnosis and finally experiencing what it's like to be able to DO stuff without so much friction and difficulty, or to be more in control of my focus, to finally be able to get on with the things I want to do in life without feeling like everything takes so, so much time and effort, when I look around and see everyone else just getting on with young adult life, shaping their futures, and me just being stuck, in the same position that I was the day I turned 18, only with a dozen or more failed plans than I had back then.
I'm never getting back the last 27 years of my life, but holy shit am I ready to make every day to come count. I'm so ready to finally feel able minded..
I have been struggling for a bit now... probably my whole life, but more distinctly in the last couple of years, and today I stumbled upon a couple of videos and watched them on a whim, and they hit me like a brick wall. I have in recent times slowly started feeling that maybe all was not fine with me, and that something was holding me back and making me ineffective, and these videos, an online test I did, and finally your video, have shown me that I almost certainly have a certain amount of ADHD. Like you, I have been able to function, and to a certain extent, function well, but I have this same voices-in-my-head or monologuing tendency which can make me look at a problem all day but not get it done, and on other days I solve 3000 of them. I will go to my doctor and try to figure out how to proceed, but I am hoping that this is indeed what the issue is, and that there is a medication which can calm me down and let me focus, like I know I can, but so rarely do. Thank you.
I'm on day 3. I'm almost convinced us ND folk all live the same life sometimes. Thanks for being so open, made me sob in bits.
Your emotions to starting medication has really mirrored my experiences. The grief you feel at realising how easy life could have been and how you’ve been living on hard mode. The anxiety around needing medication and the want to not need it and feeling bad for taking it. Thank you for sharing. It’s healing to not feel alone.
Thank you for sharing this video and your story. I have a lot of respect for your courage and honesty. I’m 44 years old and have recently been diagnosed with ASD and ADHD. Today my Elvanse medication has been delivered and I have a very mixed set of emotions about starting them. Your video has really helped me understand what some of the journey might look and feel like, and how things may change for me. Thank you.
This resonated with me so much. I’m 39 and have been reluctant to get diagnosed, but I struggle in the way that you described very clearly and am going to look into getting tested. Thank you for sharing your experience!!!
Its really comforting to hear people's stories on these medications because I've always feared it.. sounds stupid I know but I'm scared of potential side effects or it changing my personality, but these stories are super uplifting
They don't have a permanent effect, so you can just stop taking them, if you don't like the effect, or just take them on days where you need them.
I’ve recently been diagnosed at 62. What a relief! A couple of things. I think they are starting to realise that women who get pms symptoms (thank goodness that’s over!) might need a higher dose of stimulant just for a few days because of the hormone variation. Symptoms often get a lot worse in menopause with the loss if oestrogen so it makes sense. Secondly, I’m glad you are taking your med regularly. I look back at my life and wonder what I would and could have been if this condition was actually managed. It’s not something I dwell on; there’s no point. I am sooo relieved to feel more at peace and am now actually learning step by step how to refashion my daily life. It’s just great! I’m so thankful😊
How did you get a dx Linda? I’m 61, my niece has just been diagnosed and everyone says I’m ‘classic’ plus I have physical problems due to hypermobility and injuries and really awful menopause (no HRT) so am pretty much housebound (which might well be hEDS but can’t travel to clinic for proper diagnosis). Don’t mean to over share but getting a bit desperate after years of this crap. All the ADHD videos I’ve watched are US-based and referral/medications etc are v different here. Anyway, v happy you’re doing better, if you’re not UK-based sorry to have bothered you!
@@clarewillison9379 Hi Clare. I’m in NZ. Here we go to our GP to get a referral to a psychiatrist. It is almost impossible to get funded under the public system. Consequently, I paid $800 for a 1 hr appointment and the another $255 for a 15 minute follow up. I had to use my savings but it was worth it. Still sorting med doses etc.
@@lmmaude I’m thinking it’s worth it for the peace of mind (being able to explain myself) and fastest route to trying meds. I got very much worse after giving up smoking and realise I must have been self medicating all these years! I hope you can get medication sorted soon, we still have lives to live and a lot of lost time to make up for! Xx
I realise I have ADHD and I am 70. I feel it is too late for me to go and get a diagnosis and medication but I have been amazed at why I have had problems my whole life!
@@suew000 Hi Sue. I don’t think it’s ever too late as the meds work the day you take them. However, it is all to do with whether you are ok with now. At 62 I decided to at least try the meds to see if it would improve my ability to function both at work and at home - it has. However, while it has quiet ended down the whole of my life, I have realised that I need to put in the work to change habits of a lifetime based on not not even trying because I believe I never finish anything. I have some hope back that it’s worth the effort. My latest adjustment with procrastination is to do the task while speaking with someone on the phone or listening to a podcast or music. Somehow I am less frozen. I am keeping a list of the chore and what I call the ‘motivator’! It’s such fun and that list is there to cope with negative self talk. Good luck, whatever your decision.
knowing your problem is one thing but knowing you are not alone in this, is empowering, enlightening, and fragile at the same time.
Ooof, I feel that.
Great vid! Thanks for articulating your feelings so clearly, relatably, and honestly.
I am undiagnosed ADHD thus far, but your description of your internal struggles is EXACTLY what my internal life is like. I have an intake appointment with a psychiatrist at the end of next month. Fingers crossed that I can get some help like this.
@@acmhfmggru lol, what a prick
How did it go?
@@sameir5489 I'm assuming they meant at the end of February, so it probably hasn't happened yet.
Good luck to you, OP!
so how did it go? I am undiagnosed but I'm 10000000% certain that I have ADHD inattentive type.
@@dvl973 I was diagnosed with ADHD (and ASD) but since I didn’t have a primary care provider (GP if you’re British) I have not been prescribed medication. There also happens to be an ADHD medicine shortage in my area. I finally overcame the Catch-22, so I have an appointment with a PCP/GP this month, so hopefully a prescription is forthcoming. The situation is a little different for my children (their diagnosis came first, which is what opened up my eyes to the possibility that I had it). Because they have their own pediatrician we were able to get them started on medication. It has been life changing for the both of them! My older child had a neurotypical moment the other day when he said, “I wanted to doodle in class, but the medication made me pay attention instead.” My younger child’s confidence has grown tremendously now that she can focus in class. Her grades have improved a whole lot; as has her self-efficacy. I’m really proud of them both for their progress, but it has been an ABSOLUTE NIGHTMARE trying to find their meds and we’ve had to resort to prescription-hopping. Therefore, even if I do get a prescription, I might not fill it; the thought of depriving a child of the ability to be their best self at school troubles me. I’ve squeaked by this far without meds; I can probably wait until the manufacturers ramp up production, but I long to have control over my brain so I can get things done.
I was on Biphentin and my life was beyond perfect. It was like the movie limitless. I had all my ADHD super powers (1,000 thoughts per second and hearing every sound all at the same time) but the difference is I wasn't disorganized from it all. I processed ALL of it perfectly. I had 5 conversations at the same time in a group of people. It was the greatest.
I also didn't get as angry/frustrated all the time because I didn't feel overwhelmed by everything.
Sadly, when you get older, they take you off stimulants due to heart concerns..... 😔
I was just reading a newer study that said it might be okay to stay on low doses in older age, accompanied with cardiovascular monitoring. Could you ask your doctor about it?
Not having to constantly brace yourself for the waves of frustration and overwhelm or even panic is one of the things that really caught me by surprise. I wasn't even aware I was doing it, I was constantly supressing those feelings and that takes up so much energy.
Thank you for posting this. It was a great look at your experience trying the meds and I found it inspiring! Thanks for being so brave as to post this!
I'm nearly 58 years old and have just found out I have ADHD. 😳 Thank you for your video. I've been afraid that meds might take away who I am & like you, I’m pretty fabulous! 😆 There's no way I want to lose that. You've given me hope & eased some of my many fears. 😘
I highly suspect I am at 52 as my son has been dx.
My son actually embraces some aspects of his ADHD as he can hyperfocus on his music for hrs without ever getting bored. However study is absolute torture despite a high IQ. He is also Dyspraxic
Thank you so much for making this video! I am also a female who was just diagnosed with inattentive ADHD in my 30s. I have struggled with my mental health for years (really my whole life), but no matter what I tried beforehand, nothing seemed to work. Ive just started my second week of taking Vyvanse and I relate to your experience so much, I feel like I’m finally on the right track! I have had the same mixed feelings about being reliant on medication but not wanting to turn back…and the feeling of wanting to cry because I didn’t realize life was supposed to feel this easy! I’d also like to hear more about your experiences with IBS and menstrual cycle issues as these are things I’ve also struggled with.
Rachel, this is the first time that I entertained watching ANYTHING from ANYONE regarding this malady. I think it's been because sites like this, are populated with so many people that say so much while saying nothing of substance. I related to a great deal of your journey. My progress this far has become difficult because my provider works at a snails pace in regards to dosaging. He started me at 10 mg for a good three months before he would even increase it to 20mg., yet another 2-3 months at 30mg. I've taken it in the past at 37.5 mg dose and worked perfectly. He does not seem to want to work with me and my medical history of proven success. Very disheartening & not feeling validated in my need to desperately improve my quality of Life. But, know that your journal did help me sift through what I might of thought or dispelled myself as just "ate up", or really lacking in moral fiber, and somewhat worthless. Thank you very much for sharing the wealth. Sincerely, & Respectfully yours, Grace L.
I am 41. I tried Concerta for the first time last week. It made such a difference that for the first week... I found myself walking around the house saying 'omg... I feel better... I feel better" I felt better immediately. I felt lighter and it was a relief to get that anger feeling out of my mind and body. That resentment boiling in the background. The outburts. I am 41. Lost a lot of ppl and a lot of time. Stimulants are the fkng answer.
I’ve never heard anyone else describe the differences between being on medication and being off of it sooooooo well. I can relate to pretty much everything you’ve said here, from PMS symptoms and the restlessness and the way your brain grasps at thin air… thank you for this. I plan to share with my close family and friends so they can better understand!
Thanks for sharing this. I have been procrastinating getting a diagnosis for over a year now (I'm also 30) and seeing this and hearing how you're feeling really hit home. I think the parts where it was difficult for you to describe actually said more to me than the rest. I'm glad you are feeling great now and this was very inspirational! Thank you!
thank you rachel! im not diagnosed yet however everything i have learnt and the selftests i have done paint a pretty clear picture... it has been a relief to find out in a way but also rather sad, as i apply this lens of ADHD to my past life(i'm 47) and the conclusions about my life this brings me too. Appreciate your video very much! thanks again
I’m on day 3 of the first dose of stimulants that have (finally) flipped the switch and well, it’s been a wild few days. I am so glad that I happened to find this post because you’ve explained a lot of what I felt in three days already. And wow what a wild ride it is. Incredibly helpful to find someone else who is able to articulate it clearly. I appreciate your vulnerability and kudos to you!
I haven’t been diagnosed yet but everything you’ve explained about how you felt is exactly how i’ve felt my whole life. Thanks for sharing your experience, this video has encouraged me to try to get diagnosed and see if I can get on medication.
As someone who is getting starting on my adhd diagnosis journey, this is such an eye opening video. I used to be on depression meds and felt so very reliant on them.
i needed to see this SO much, thank you for sharing your experience!!!
Thank you so much for taking the time and effort to share your personal journey. I'm 43 years old, and having my first appointment for a diagnostic in just 4 days. I click so much with your struggles, and seeing how medication is helping you makes me really happy for you, and very hopeful for myself.
This WHOLE VIDEO is so relatable. I feel and have felt so much like you're describing....I literally cried twice during this. I'm taking a break from medication due to trying a bunch in the last year and not finding anything that works for longer than a month. I'm 33 and just got diagnosed last year with inattentive adhd and omg medication is AWESOME (if we can find one that works for a long time). When you talked about your brain essentially just never stopping, when you said you didn't know it was possible to just DO things with no internal fight, when you said knowing how you can be on the medication versus how you feel normally make you feel deficient....I relate so hard.
I have just been diagnosed at 52 and am now waiting on an appointment to sort out medication. Your video has been so helpful. I could relate to everything you said, and part of me is literally aching to experience that change. But I already feel these pangs when I realize that some of my struggles could have been prevented, and I assume that will hit particularly hard when I have experienced the difference. Your experience does help in preparing me for that. Thank you so much for being brave and sharing it.
Such a really good example at how the meds have impacted your life. Thank you for for being so vulnerable and open about your journey 😊
This is amazing, and it completely tracks with all of my experiences on ADHD meds. Thank you for putting words to this experience!
I can relate to everything you’re saying. Even the IBS! Diagnosed too in September at 47 . So much grief for my past, what I’ve lost, and for what is to come. But so happy to finally know what’s wrong and why I’ve been trying so hard for years and getting nowhere. Thank you for sharing ❤
Thanks for watching and commenting Michelle 💛 Totally relate to all these feelings. Onwards and upwards!
I felt like that when I started ssri for anxiety, after 3 weeks all the problems, obsessions, compulsions and all that jazz felt so stupid and unimportant, I could at last leave home without overthinking every step, I could concentrate... amazingly refreshing.
Hello Rachel from Canada! I was recently diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 52 and can identify with so much of what you have shared in your videos and what some of the other viewers have shared in their comments. It is a very emotional journey to be diagnosed with ADHD. I have felt anger at how my life could have been incredibly different if I had been diagnosed earlier. I have realized how hard I worked and how I pushed myself to try and be "normal" and how I punished myself with self-hatred and feelings of inadequacy.
When I was tested, when I learned about the experiences or symptoms of ADHD I thought I would have felt a great relief. Instead I felt exhausted at the thought of trying to figure out how I function as someone who has ADHD and I was not certain how I felt about medication. I have tried a couple of different medications and have noticed some changes that have been positive but I have not reached that level of being able to function without distraction. Fortunately I have a fantastic and supportive physician so I have faith that we will get there one day.
Thank you so much for sharing your journey, it was very brave of you. It is nice to know there is a community of people who understand what we are experiencing and are here to share information and support one another. Stay well.
Thank you for helping me make up my mind for my 9 yr old daughter. She has inattentive type. No hyperactivity or behavior problems just can’t pay attention in school. We are in crisis mode educationally due to being so inattentive … She hates school and it’s a struggle just to get her to go.
It’s literal hell for her.
I’ve been researching long term effects of being unmedicated. It seems many many adults self medicate with drugs and alcohol to calm their brains. Poor self esteem and apathy towards one life.
I feel the pros outweigh the cons. It’s taken me a year to come my decision. I feel I have wasted an entire school year.
I appreciate you letting us into your personal struggles and showing your attempts at handling them. For anyone who identifies with this but doesn't yet understand what's going on with themselves and doesn't understand why everything is so difficult. This could be a life changing testimonial for them to stumble upon. I'm also on a journey to untangle the mess inside my head and I'm just now realizing after 40 years that there's medication that really does at least help. It's amazing how you can feel and what you can achieve when you aren't constantly tripping over yourself. I can't even imagine how much I missed out on while I was standing behind myself, pushing me through the day. I just thought it was what everyone else was dealing with, but doing a much better job with it. Instead of saying to myself "maybe something is wrong" I'd wonder "why am I a failure"? Guys if you have a relatively good life, but everyday seems so difficult that you can't enjoy and appreciate the things you know you should be grateful for, then you must go have an evaluation, and you have to keep pushing. The first doctor and the first meds you come to might not be what helps, but keep trying. You've kept trying every day to get where you are now. Remember the cliche saying. "It's not how you fall, it's how you get back up". Don't lose hope!
Watching this and seeing the relief you felt when you actually wanted to do things after being medicated gave me hope that when I finally get evaluated by the VA in March, I might finally be able to crawl out of this hole I've been digging myself into for years for reasons I could never understand.
What was your “crawling” like? For me it was being unable to study during graduate school for a subject I really loved. Somehow I squeaked through, but I built such a Wall of Awful around my subject that I became a housewife instead of a college professor.
Has anyone read, “flowers for Algernon?”
it’s crazy, but read it because it essentially describes our story. You just have to keep a positive light, but it describes our story of borrowing time, energy, intelligence, whatever our system still naturally produce - - - and the journey of recalibrating, our lives, the beauty and the new difficulties-but also , the down regulation, the backlash, the equal and opposite force him, the rubber band, snapping back everything that happens to the extent that you borrow more and more. It’s just an amazing analogy for this journey, and what you will see as you go through it over life.
You’ve articulated my experience so well. Thank you for sharing.
Hi Rachel, first off thank you so much for taking the time, effort and personal exposure to make this video. The more content like this that reaches the world, the better for everyone’s understanding. So thank you.
I was diagnosed last week at the age of 40 with severe ADHD coupled with PTSD from it not having been managed and addressed for so long, and the resultant anxiety and depression. I had reached a point in my life where the struggles associated with functioning daily with my symptoms had become too difficult. The diagnosis and treatment was my last hope.
I’m now one week into medication and experiencing everything you have described so eloquently and clearly and to hear someone else express the same feelings, emotions and concerns as me so exactly is really helpful.
I’d love to talk more if you wanted another voice in your life. This is the start of a very long journey, and I know from first hand experience just how helpful it is having “like minds” in your life.
Thank you again and keep on keeping on c
This has made it sooo clear I have ADHD! I desperately want a diagnosis. Thank you for sharing your video. Xx
This made me cry. My experience was so similar. Thank you for putting it so imperfectly perfect ❤️
Love your openness on your life and problems, it's the best glimpse into an ADHD mind I have ever had, thanks for sharing.