My Daughter Stopped Talking to Me [SO I LET HER GO]
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- Опубліковано 29 вер 2024
- You are not alone. It's devastating to be a parent estranged from your adult child, whom you raised with love in good faith. This is my story...
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Has your child gone no contact? How do you cope? STAY IN TOUCH: us.estrangedparents.me/join
I understand completely what you've gone through. We have been cut off from our youngest son and his family for 6 years now. It has negatively affected our relationship with our older son as well. (Our only children 😢). We walk on eggshells with him. It's the most horrific nightmare ever. We've never gotten any explanation that makes sense. So very, very painful. It seems to be a sign of the times. We pray for reconciliation continuously. We continue to reach out. We feel outside influences are contributing to this estrangement, but frankly, we don't care about those people. We never expected our children to go along with erasing us from their lives. We miss the once loving relationship with our children. It's hard to fathom this is now a "thing". We never give up hope. 🙏
I am also dealing with this with my son and partially my daughter. Let me say that there is no justification for this. This is how I'm dealing with it. I'm a born-again Christian. My faith in God is where I go. They are from the millennial generation. This generation, and the one right after it, have indoctrinated thinking. The Bible talks about this happening in the last days, which we are in. I have given them over to the Lord. I know for a fact that they will both come running back as soon as they see what God is getting ready to do on this earth. You see, that is one of the issues they have. Even though they were brought up, Christian, they say they don't believe now. They know what is going to happen, though, as I've taught them. God is going to do great miracles for His people during this time, as he judges the evil ones. God has promised reconciliation. I also dedicated my kids to God when they were born. They accepted Christ and have been baptized. Even if they never talk to me again, as long as they recommit to God before they die. I pray for them daily and will always love them. There are so many young people that would do anything for a family who cares. Gifts I would have given them go to needy kids. My will has changed to my Grandsons. They still love me!❤
It's been a year since I last saw my daughter.
I tried my best but my best wasn't enough.
I am not past it, my whole life is falling apart, my husband is divorcing me but keeps in touch with her. 💔
I don't know anything about her or how she is doing.
I'm still heart broken.
She was my miracle baby and my only one.
I feel your pain and heartbreak. My daughter in law has completely taken my son away. Took his phone, blocked me, won't answer texts, phone or emails. I just don't understand either. It's like a mass epidemic of estranged parents walking around. 😢
I never thought I would find a channel on this - Ive been searching for so long, but instead Ive been getting videos about "how you know you were raised by a narc mother" or such titlles. Our grief is SO deep. SO many similarities. She claimed, almost overnight I had destroyed her entire life, and she hated her childhood, and even said I personally destroyed ALL our lives, including her brothers. SO we asked him, and I begged him to be honest and even tho he is fully Autistic (as is our daughter) he said "wow - no you were and are a good mum...I mean, yeah, no ones perfect, but we had a great childrhood. As for M**** - I dunno whats going on with her anymore mum...dont worry about it". But the grief is just too deep. She is 28. She had blocked us both now, not just me, wont respond to texts my husband and her dad, sends her each week to ask if shes ok and needs anything and to sday hello - never ever replies. I too, asked for tolerance when she got angry and forgiveness as she goes to church etc, but even her ex, who we are very close to, cant explain her behavior anymore. Please keep making videos.
Notice all the narcs say “we got no explanation that makes sense” yeah because in your mind you’re entitled to act the way you do and everyone else is just too sensitive.
It sounds to me like it is the daughter who is insensitive. The parents, especially the Mother, has reached out to Haley several times and with the exception of her Grandfather dying and her Father having a bad case of Covid, there has been no contact in 2-1/2 years from the daughter says a lot to me about her intolerance for different view points. I'm sure Haley has cut off other people who didn't believe the way she does politically as well.
interesting vid. I will say this as a 55 yr old adult who had to cut my mother off for several years when I was in my 30s and 40s. Adult children dont cut you out of their lives for no reason. Two sides to every story however. Children dont typically walk away from "great or loving" parents.
Exactly!!!
Yes they do. My son shut down after listening to his wife about things I did....that I never did. And that is just a small part of it all.
Yesss absolutely!!! Same story here❤. I agree with you.
@@spider46531 Their marriage is not your business. From the tone of your comment you are mad and blaming his wife. HIS WIFE. The woman he chose. Keep your mouth shut. They owe us nothing.
@@stupensardi2783 If she ever tried to confide in you when she was a child, and you wouldn't listen then, or you would gossip about what she said to you with friends or family, that's probably why she goes silent now as an adult, because the trust was broken.
Wow… I watched this thinking I’d find some solace as a mother who is estranged by her daughter too but sadly, I agree with a lot of the comments here. This comes across as incredibly selfish. I wonder daily if what I’ve done has scarred my child like my mother scarred me. I wish her well, pray for her, send her love and light because I KNOW this was no easy thing to do. I also feel if going dark gives her peace and takes away her triggers and keeps her healthy & happy, even if it’s without me…. That’s how things need to be. It hurts like hell but that’s what Mother’s do: we love our children. We don’t stop even when they stop loving us. Sounds like you are missing the point and aren’t owning your mistakes on a much deeper level and she knows it. From one Mom to another, get over yourself. Sorry, someone needs to say it. Also; videotaping yourself crying??? 😳
I’m estranged from my 26 year old daughter as of September 1, 2023. My daughter stopped speaking to me and had a baby, my third grandchild from her and she never told me. I didn’t know she had a problem with me. So, I have since stepped back and let her have her space with her new family. I initially had a meltdown and cried for days. I’m taking one day at a time. I do pray for her daily. I pray for myself as well.
I WISH I had NEVER told the B*tch that Called herself "mom" but was MY WORST ENEMY; that I was Pregnant; SOME people don't Deserve to KNOW ANYTHING.
I'm sorry this has happened to you, but realise It's only been 2½ weeks, not long by any means. Your daughter could still be talking to you, just she's busy with her family.
I'm sorry for your experience. I don't know, but could she have postpartum depression . I suggest having a mutual mediator like another adult child or any family member/close friends who could help resolve the situation. All I can say is keep the door open for communication and remember she is the one with the problem, not you . Continue to live your life and never view yourself as a bad mother. I remember I said something derogatory about my niece she told me I hurt her feelings, and I apologize .I was talking to her mother, and she had me on speaker phone, and I was unaware. So you never know what agitated a person unless they tell you. Good luck
Have you expressed this to her
Get to work and own what you’ve done.
Wow you're content is very interesting. My partner cut off contact with her narcissistic, abusive mother 10years ago. You give great incite into whats going on in the mother's head. I realy hope your daughter doesn't see or isnt upset by your videos as you seem to be projecting a lot of vindictive spite at her through your UA-cam. How many other freinds and family have you lost to estrangment? Your cognative dissonance is next level. Unfortunately this will protect your narcissistic brain from understanding how you're own behavior is what's led to your situation so it'll be nigh impossible for you to change ans and grow.
I have not spoken to my mother going on 5 years now. It has been the most peaceful healing, five years of my entire life. What my mother did a lot of my adulthood was make every decision I made be about her to the point where I had to walk on eggshells and I couldn’t be my true shelf. She made Every holiday about her, she made my engagement about her. I couldn’t grow the bond and love I wanted to with my boyfriend because she constantly made it where I had to choose between her and him. I didn’t want that life anymore . There was zero unconditional love given to me. Only conditional. Everything was an argument and a fight. Your daughter wasn’t all there because she grey rocked you. When you become a parent, The world no longer revolves around you even when they’re in adult. They have to make decisions that are best for them. You shouldn’t be a constant play in their mind….What would my mom do or how will she rage if I made this decision. That is not unconditional love.
Your daughter had plenty to say to you before she went no contact, but you didn't hear her because you weren't listening. Too busy looking for someone else to blame and planning your pity party.
Children do not go no contact for no reason. The sooner people understand that, they’ll stop victimizing children. For your child to cut you off, as the adult in the relationship, there must have been somethings you did and you’re not ever going to admit or change. Adult children are now seeking therapy and they are realizing that if their parents are a source of pain, they’ll let go of that pain. Until you tell us the other side of the story, you are just playing victim and seeking sympathy and attention.
So the child that was ignored returned the favor
Accountability is a helluva thing to be tip-toeing around.
I just tiptoe somewhere else faw away from these foools😂
Accountability for what? There is almost nothing except extreme abuse that justifies completely ignoring a parent. You don’t have to see them all the time but a cordial message a couple times a year is the least you can do for the people who raised you. I am not estranged from anyone personally but i have seen it happen (seen younger people my age telling me why they are wanting to cut out their parents) and the reasons are all very selfish and often politically motivated, fuelled by social media. It isn’t necessary or healthy to just write family out of your life unless they have very seriously abused you.
@@m.freeman9708 There is no way putting yourself through mental gymnastics to maintain a superficial relationship seems healthy to me. In fact, I know it isn't. For who's sake would that be for though? The parents, right? That's kind of selfish on the parents part. I am estranged from some members of my family, for valid reasons. My fiancé's mother was abused by her parents, and she uttered the words.. "they're my abusive parents, and I love and respect them." That sounded absolutely insane to me. I refuse to let anyone abuse me the right to my heart or time. Everyone should respect and love themselves to do the same. Screw all this blind filial piety bullcrap. It's toxic.
@@Aeri101 I like how you said it is Mental Gymnastics, I was looking for the right words to describe what I have going on. Thanks
Young people are going to find out what toxic really is in this life…and it’s not your parents!
This woman is insufferable. I'm 10 minutes into this and she has yet to express any attempt or curiosity to understanding why her daughter feels this way. It's all about her.
Exactly even trying to make herself special on her daughter birthday as if its her day too lol she is nuts
Kinda the point here.
I guess all, or majority of parents, have that mentality..
@@simonehawthorne2647 boomers being boomers. It's a boomer world. We're just living in it.
@@simonehawthorne2647 I've never seen that .
I gave my mother 40 years of chances. I told her when she hurt me and why. She chose to call me too sensitive, say she did her best, tell me it was my fault and I deserved the treatment etc. Going no contact was painful, but being around her was worse. Nobody is obligated to endure minimizing, dismissive, or abusive treatment from anyone, related or not.
My mother is exactly the same. I just keep my distance from her these days and if do see her I limit the time.
Hey, my mother in law has treated me this way for over 35 years. I still randomly check up on her and send her an occasional card. It's called honoring her because my husband is walking the face of the earth! She is very liberal and has done awful things I won't mention here! You don't have to physically hang out with someone if it's physically dangerous but they're still human and deserve at least minimum respect.
@@juliaanderson6155 If the worst you can say about her is that she is "very liberal and done awful things" I wonder if you're just not intolerant and very conservative? It's telling that the first thing you mention about her that makes you angry is her political affiliation.
@@patricias5122 her concern is about "honoring" the mother in law. It's a "christian" thing. I think one of the commandments is to honor thy mother and father. I'd say most self-identified "christians" interpret that as meaning they must maintain a relationship/contact with the parents, and that they must refrain from rebuking them and interpreting that as a sign of "respect". To truly honor the parents that created you, and the parents that created them, and so on and so on, is to seek salvation. Most bloodlines on this planet are essentially "cursed" (according to the bible)... we are descendants of many generations of people that lived in sin and denied God's commands, etc... so, by ACTUALLY following God's plan, you (with your poisoned, damned, cursed bloodline) can still find salvation for your soul by turning to God. And, by turning to God and saving your soul, you ate honoring your ancestors and your heritage. They fell from grace and created a hostile world for you, and they created hurdles for you that were just about insurmountable, and yet here you are. The point is to find God and heal and make things right, etc... and, by doing that, you honor your lineage in the most beautiful way possible. Letting your in-laws get away with treating you like shit, and now asserting boundaries, and going on pretending like it's acceptable is NOT honoring anyone. There is nothing honorable or virtuous about forcing the maintenance of a relationship that never really existed to begin with. A frank rebuke is one of the purest acts of love I can think of 🙂 Letting these people shit on you is the opposite of loving them OR your SELF OR god. It's cowardice, and it's basically placing a man above you and essentially worshipping them. I'm no expert on this bible shit, but I definitely know that enduring overt or ambient abuse from in-laws is not virtuous or honorable or holy, etc.
@@juliaanderson6155also, I do apologize for generalizing and assuming you identify as christian. That was not fair and I ask your forgiveness
This video is an example of Triangulation. It’s an abuse tactic used by manipulators to involve outsiders in a personal conflict to peer pressure her victim into doing what she wants.
Triangulation is the wrong term to apply here, in order to support your ridiculous movement. Triangulation always refers to cutting out the noise and pinpointing the source of something. Not including more people or more data. You guys just make up any kind of expression and start using it.
😂 ok
@@user-um7tw6kx4r6"In psychology, triangulation is a term used to describe when a person uses threats of exclusion or manipulation. Its goal is to divide and conquer. A form of manipulation, triangulation involves the use of indirect communication, often behind someone's back." literally from an article reviewed by someone with a psychology PHD
edit: words can also have. multiple meanings
spot on @annavictrix , instead of communicating with her daughter quietly- she brings in strangers (youtube) without giving all the facts...
@@Edgeley hmm…so it’s “therapeutic” for *adult* children to trash parents on SM accusing of “childhood trauma” but as soon as a hurting parent gives a moms perspective this is type of comment she gets. Do you see your hypocrisy??! Her daughter *REFUSES* communication! Maybe this mom’s trying to find a way of surviving/coping with HER “trauma” in this too! It’s implied that THIS is her perspective - as with _anyone_ who jumps on SM with their version of a claim!
Not trying to be mean, the daughter said she felt constantly guilted. This video feels like a guilt trip.
Well you are being mean. Incredibly mean
@@shadowshow701 are you familiar with covert narcissism. I was trying to be nice. You want mean? She’s literally insane and smear campaigning her kid. There that’s how I really felt.
@@shadowshow701 this is not mean. This video is a guilt trip... all about the mom. Not once did she talk about her daughter as a person. It was awful.
@@shadowshow701and? So what if she’s being mean. Grow up. That woman is a narc.
@@shadowshow701 where's your brain.
This is the best argument for going no-contact I could imagine.
What, the fact that she is an ordinary person with a natural reaction to being heartlessly cut out of her child’s life? The daughter doesn’t need to hang out with her if she doesn’t want to, but a few texts a year would not kill her. She sounds selfish
@@m.freeman9708 Sure...without hearing anything from the daughters side of the story, but go on.
@@sillyredhead1401 🎯🎯🎯
It’s extremely telling that the person who shared this video “liked” a comment calling the daughter selfish. I’m assuming that was mom. This is the opposite of the way to heal your relationship with your daughter. Btw, your daughter’s birthday is not YOUR special day. I was aghast at that comment. Your daughter’s birthday is literally about your daughter. I always css as lol my mom to thank her on my birthday, but that’s bc my mom has worked hard to show that she respects me as an autonomous adult, and understands that MY BIRTHDAY is NOT her special day. Crazy to hear that.
@@betsylaughlin8652your mom has worked very hard to respect YOU? In a world where aging is unacceptable and wisdom is toxic, but you carefully recycle your GARBAGE?!!
When you said “I thought she was a normal kid,” I knew you were the problem.
🎯🎯🎯
As a parent with a child of autism, if you don't know what to look for, your child is normal. The only reason I found out was my oldest works only with children with autism. She recognized my youngest autism at 16 months. To me, he was normal.
@@francesjohnson8205"normal" doesn't mean not autistic. Autism doesn't mean weird.
@piperbarlow1672 Do you have a child with autism????? Where do you get the weird part. Nobody said that. I am trying to understand your point.
@@francesjohnson8205 no but I'm autistic. If something is normal, than deviation from that is weird. Autism parents stay speaking for their kids like they're the ones who are experiencing it.
I LOVE that you are so "omg" about the forgiveness section of one book, but mad about the accountability chapter of another. 10/10
The fact that I can’t tell if this is a parody or not says a lot 💀💀💀
I hope every child heals from their parents and trauma. We deserve love.
She didn't ghost you. She sent a letter explaining it. That is not ghosting.
not allowing a response is ghosting.. and perhaps too immature to sit down and discuss like a mature adult.
@@memphisstreetdoc1810 As people here keep pointing out, it's not ghosting when you've explained why. Also, whether the daughter is immature or not it does not matter. It's the parents job to be the mature one. In! this case the daughter doesn't sound immature at all. It's never immature to take care of yourself by removing yourself from the line of fire.
how exactly did the mum respond? With a single word "received" and then followed up with clicking like on a video, or sending very condescending emails with self help affirmations??? straaaange. There's more to this than meets the eye, and the mum is only showing a very singular and distorted version. She makes sure she portrays herself as a saint.
@@memphisstreetdoc1810
Agree didnt ghost them. She's an adult now so can choose who she has a relationship with. Something went wrong and they don't seem prepared to reflect on it, it doesnt seem because of politics. That letter she wrote back to her daughter was terrible trying to guilt trip her into contacting her back. I wouldn't write to my daughter 'i cleaned ur arse when you were a baby so how can you ignore me.'
@@memphisstreetdoc1810 Her mother is being immature, as you can see thoughout the video. She is unable to take accountability for anything. I think the daughter to speak with her a lot in the past, but her mother just can't own up to her mistakes.
This woman putting her daughter on blast like this is pretty disturbing. Her lack of self awareness is comical. I almost thought this was a skit on SNL.
you scare me. I hope your daughter’s doing well, wherever she is. glad you have accepted it.
I feel like her life revolves around the daughter. it must've been incredibly hard for the daughter to escape
Accountability 0% Victimhood 100% She has admitted mental health issues and they still make it about their feelings? WOOOW, I WONDER WHY SHE GHOSTED THEM? 😂😂😂
She didn't ghost them though. She sent a letter saying what she was going to do and why.
I wish she replied on u . I'm sorry I fell empathy for both of them. Cuz I have a Mom's & Dad's wounds too but i wish to get through it myselfe too and live in peace within all of this melodrama
This comment is ridiculous
@@ColdBloodedReaper explain please
@@andreadickinson3076 your spelling makes this impossible to make out. Please correct
Why don’t you read her letter to us?
That. Would. Be. Incredible. I am sure it would continue to show that she is insane and the parents are perfect loving angel parents, right? LOLLLLLL
To much truth about her will be revealed and she wants you to feel sorry for her. You most likely won't because of the same reason her daughter left her out of her life.
It's like when my mother refused to let anyone read my brother's suicide note. I'm sure he said some things she disagreed with, and the only control she had over it was to not share it in its entirety... Only the parts that resonated with her side of the story.
Yeah full transparency with the letter - otherwise the video has zero weight
Whenever someone excludes key information and context like this, I just assume they know deep down they're in the wrong.
I’m going to watch this video everytime I think about reaching out to my mom. HOLY BATMAN VICTIM MENTALITY. I am laughing and nauseated at the same time. 😂 🤢
Lol, was about to comment something along these lines as well. Funnily enough, her videos made me understand my parents' mindset more, and show me there's no redeeming any type of relationship with them. All the best to you, internet stranger, and stay strong!
I think that the only good thing this video does, it reminds us how awful and almost comical these people are because of their delusions. It’s insane how similar narc mums are. This video definitely made me feel better about not having a family she just reminds me so much of my own mum especially the superiority complex and her facial expressions. My therapist said my mum is not the completely innocent saint she paints herself out to be, 100% the same goes for this awful woman
My mother is telling everyone she doesn't know why i haven't spoken to her in 10 years. Maybe it's because she beat the shit out me every day complete with black eyes, busted lips, whelps from extension cords and a lot worse. I'm 55 and on meds and still have flashbacks. I'd love to hear from the daughter.
@ jilldambrosio 4273..why do you let your mom hit on you, ?...do you no how to call the police 🚨...if your mom hit you in your head you could lose your memory...
It sounds like your mom is drunk and is mad with you..I believe your mom had a man that liked you sexually...but it's not your fault...can you stand up for your self?..stop 🛑🛑 🛑 going around your mom looking for her to like you...
I am sure she is beating on you behind a man,
This mother is clearly a narcissist. The way she can’t take accountability is reeking through this video and she is so unaware of it. I see why her daughter went no contact.
@@FyreStartryou're a monster. The fact you idiots can spew nonsense like this, after watching a mother and a father go through that is clearly beneficial. Spot the pathological liars and the psychos.
Please don't make this about you. These parents clearly aren't the people you had in your life.
@@pankakesnotstellarexactly. These grown children can’t take accountability for themselves and they want to make their pain everyone’s pain.
I explained multiple times to a loved one how their behaviors hurt me but I got labeled too sensitive. When I pulled away, this person acted confused and hurt. Sometimes a parent gets confused when their kid truly did spell it out for them. If only they cared and listened.
I agree, it sounds like narcissistic behavior. But I could be wrong. Why take this to the internet?
@@happyjacktails3277 perhaps it will strike a cord with someone who is in denial about how they make others feel. Why not take it to the internet? It's a big source of educational content and if someone chooses, they can improve their life with the wisdom gained. I have a friend that used to give people unsolicited advice, and came across a know-it-all. He's a nice guy but he hurt some feelings. So he stopped with the advice, and people were much happier. He preferred to make people feel good around him so he made changes.
@roundtwo3321 these people have selective hearing. They only hear and believe their own BS reality they tell themselves. Equivalent to telling them the sky is blue but they'll say it's green to make life as difficult as possible.
This was my experience with my parents too. They both don't understand why I don't really talk to them that much, but I tried to tell them; they just didn't listen.
Wonderful. But we don't know why her daughter cut contact. We can only guess. In addition, I have seen children cut contact from their parent because the parent was indulgent and let the child rule the roost. Seems illogical, but it's a fact. Children are developmentally egotistical: let them dominate, and in extreme cases they'll arrange everything around themselves and resent the parent for existing. Give a child no boundaries and no responsibilities and you breed peevishness at a world which does.
I can’t believe someone is this clueless. And the grin on her face the whole time is haunting.
I think she’s embarrassed but she’s making everything about her. She ignored the daughter’s first letter. Which proved something ain’t right. The mom did not care to initiate conversation from the letter when the daughter wanted to talk.
Duper's Delight
Is it haunting or super punchable.
@@sedaniels8701 why not both?
Some things ought to not be posted on the internet - this is one of them.
Some comments too
@@estrangedparentsyou opened the door. You thought you'd get pity, compliments, narcissistic supply. Instead you're getting criticism. Take your lumps.
@@estrangedparentsdo you feel this comment was out of line or offensive? Pointing out that a persons situation such as this shouldn’t be publicized without your daughter agreeing to it? If a differing (but respectful) comment is posted you take offense. Perhaps this is the same attitude with your daughter that fueled the fire…
@@estrangedparentslike Every Single One of your replies i've read so far 🤯 even the single one i've seen that pretended like you've actually tried to understand your daughter - despite whatever edits you made to it, it still comes off as a *severe* covert narcissist lacking self awareness & humility who's trying to manipulate
This video is fantastic! I've already downloaded and saved it. I will be using it as a case study in NPD for my psychology students. It's quite hard to find real world example so blatantly on display to use as a teaching tool to diagnose personality disorders. So grateful that this video was shared for all to learn from.
Oh its 100% her fault her daughter doesnt talk to her. The fact that her daughter wrote her a physical letter telling her all the reasons but she went into an estrangement group :to figure out whats going on" tells me all I need to know..She already knows why, she just needs a reason to blame her daughter instead of taking accountability
I'm sure my mother tells people I don't talk to her when she hasn't called me once in close to four years. I called twice but had to hang up due to the vitriol being spewed at me. My husband abandoned me and my son three years ago. Left me for dead. Plotted against me (I have his phone), defamed me. Is still trying to financially destroy me. Trial next week. I am my own attorney. I am disabled and broke. My mother hasn't called me one time. She believes his lies but has never heard my side of the story. The day he left, he left me laying on the garage floor in a nightgown with bludgeoned knees because I fell on the concrete. I was bleeding and screaming. He drove away. Filed for divorce and tried to serve my son the papers. I ended up with a DVT (blood clot) in my leg. My son had to be my 24/7 caregiver and save my life multiple times the past three years. He's had no break. None. Ever. My mother is retired, in good health, has means. But not one phone call, no offer of help and when I called the first of only two times and begged for help because it was life and death, she passive aggressively said "well, I could come out and wash your sheets". I had to hang up. If that's all I needed, I wouldn't be calling. This was the second time ever in 25 years I had asked for help due to extreme illness and hospitalization. She refused both times. The truth is, she isn't talking to me. But even if she attempted to now, not interested. Unless there's major apologies and accountability for everything that's gone on. The other part of this is that I should have a 29 year old daughter. She's dead. Her death blew my entire family apart in slow motion. My son came to the realization this past summer that he wouldn't be alone in this if his sister was still alive. Her name was Hailey. And I can't imagine telling her no if she needed help. I can't imagine not talking to her if she were still here. I would literally do whatever it took to make things right if she stopped talking to me for whatever reason. That mortality thing goes both ways sister. And please, stop with the I really thought we did our best. Whether you did or you didn't isn't the point. Sometimes our best is still a failure. I have to live with the fact that I blindly took my precious Hailey Lynn in for the toxic poison shots that killed her despite a deep gut feeling, maternal instinct telling me not to. My "best" failed my daughter and she's gone. She would be 29 and has the same name as your daughter. You still have a chance as long as she's alive, I don't. Things have been hard for me and my son and it hasn't been pretty. I have had to own up to my own failures and mistakes to maintain a relationship. None of us are perfect. I really do hope and pray you find a way back to your Hailey. Humility is the way. My mother has none and I doubt we ever have a relationship again. It's unbearably painful.
The fact that she sent self improvement videos to her as if it was the daughter’ problem really shows who she is as a person and who she blames for the consequences
I winced at that too.
exactly. "self love" videos... total irony.
She said she thought her daughter already like those types of videos. Cynicism is not the answer. Understanding is the answer. And if you love yourself, you won’t easily hate your maker.
@@vladimirofsvalbard9477 She also mentions starting a "private" channel after using her daughter's name and showing a face that isn't really blurred out. I would be mortified to see my personal life on UA-cam. I should probably review my own comments.
@@seekeroftruth1484 she thought wrong.
"She seemed like a normal kid to us". Not realizing the struggles your child dealt with for years that translated into a formal ADHD & Autism diagnosis... I understand what the parents are saying, but if they don't see the problem in the dynamic, I can imagine why the experience for their daughter has been painful. Not understanding why your child runs from you after that, breaks my heart :/
Being related by blood does NOT MEAN we must endure BS from relatives. I haven’t spoken to my sister in 24 years.
Believe me, I have so many relatives that I avoid talking to for years....
absolutely! ppl im related to act like im their property or something. like i HAVE to fake enjoy their presence and trapped around these people because their blood related. its awesome when you can finally have the freedom to move out. 👍
Same here. Spoke to my sister once in the last 29 years and only because our father passed. Never heard from or spoke to her ever again. My life is a happier place without her mouth and bullying.
Just wondering, how do you cope with other family members who have never been subject to the abuse, who invalidate your truth and disregard your stated boundaries with that person, i.e., suggesting you take a 6 hour carpool drive with the abuser. Other family members who've never been on the receiving end of the abuse and who disregard the abuse reports that you've shared and your stance on your boundaries going forward. Then, they react with complete confusion when you have to remind them of your boundaries. I have cut off my relationships with so many family members because of their incessant disregard for my basic courtesy boundaries. For some reason, most people in my family think it's acceptable to disrespect me - but only me. They don't put up with disrespect, but they expect it of me. I'm down to open communication with only 2 family members who behave with common regard to me, yet they glibly set up situations to pull me back into my previous boundryless position. I have to be on guard around them constantly so I don't get sucked back in. I don't want to be estranged from these people whom I love, but I also don't want to be a virtual punching bag.
Very sad.
If a person goes 'no contact' , they have a reason. It's usually a last resort. You are in denial about your part and refuse to take accountability for whatever you did to push her away. You have failed to LISTEN. I do hope you can mend it someday but it sounds like you won't because you don't respect your daughter, her feelings, her wishes, or her boundaries. You are suffering the consequences of your own actions and refuse to see it. You need major therapy and only thru that and thru a mediator could you ever repair the damage and possibly restart a relationship with your daughter.
Why are you making a decision that it's "obvious" the parents are at fault for their daughter's distancing herself from them? The Mother made it very clear that Haley, the daughter, said to them that she wanted nothing to do with them if they were going to support "Him." I'm sure she is talking about Trump. So in the land of diversity, inclusiveness, and tolerance, Haley has decided her political views are correct, and her parents views be damned into hell. But that's the parents' fault, right?
I like how she insinuates that the problem is driven by politics rather than her own toxic behaviour. They always like to insert an excuse as to why things are so dysfunctional in their family to deflect from their own dysfunction
who the f are you to place such evil judgement on a parent like that!!!!??? You are so disgusting!
Always
Conservative boomers will always blame "teh woke mind virus mob!" before ever thinking they're the problem.
People just don't cut their family off just on politics. I would know,I'm very at odds with my parents politically but I'm not cutting them out because they've been good parents to me
What are you her therapist? How do you know what she was doing? I've known people personally who said if they had a friend who disagreed with them politically, they would have nothing to do with them. People like that exist believe it or not. If Haley, who is 29 years old, was a mature person, she would sit down with her parents with a therapist and talk to them about why their politics is a game changer, instead of just cutting them off.
You know how my Mom got me back after 5 YEARS?! She owned up. Be strong. Own your faults.
What did you own up??
Whatever she owned up it's definitely none of YOUR business.
@fulltimeonfire8536 That means she owned up to nothing. That's how it works! Thanks for responding!
@@joef.4643
She owned up to existing and enduring the abuse! 😘
@Aaron-kp6kp whatever! I will tell you the fishing is good here, even with the heat! Unbelievable!
imagine writing a letter to a relative that you need space, taking that space, and then for the next 2 years, they not only don't listen to the 1 rule you've laid out, but then they publicly post a 16-minute video online framed as if it's a serious documentary (reenactments, found footage, sit down interviews, and all!) with sad violin music. the part where she admitted to giving up on a book because it also wasn't telling her what she wanted to hear lacked so much self awareness that i was convinced this had to be a mockumentary making fun of narcissists
You're obviously not a parent. At least I hope not
We dont know the full story, could very well be child abuse. Either way its not right to make a video like this @@inthekitchen8842
Thank you for putting this into words. Screams narcissism to me.
@@PeaceNPassion50 sounds like a selfish millennial to me.
@@inthekitchen8842Get help
*With all do respect* I want to be very honest with you and I want to say this from a mother to a mother. I have three children all grown up and I am also a grandmother I do not want to hurt your feelings. I have nothing but compassion for what you’re going through I cant imagine how painful this must be for you. But I can almost promise you. you will get your daughter back in your life if you take my advice, but not only take my advice you have to honestly. Take accountability and truly want to fix your relationship. If you really love your daughter you will do what it takes to make this right. First and foremost, you have to stop defending yourself.. just stay quiet and listen and truly apologize to your daughter for whatever it is you’ve done to hurt her. tell her I want to fix this and I am sorry for always hurting you , I’ am sorry for always defending myself, let her her know you defending yourself comes from a place of embarrassment that you’re ashamed of feeling as a mother , when you should have, taken her feelings into consideration . I know I hurt you bad , I’m not sure exactly what I did to hurt you but I know I hurt you , and I am heartbroken for the pain I caused and I want to take accountability and be there for you as I should’ve been, I am so truly from the bottom of my heart sorry for all the pain I caused you . and I want to fix our relationship, but I want to start off by apologizing for all I’ve done to hurt you. YOU MUST SAY *If you never wanna talk to me again I completely understand* . I just want you to know I’ am here for you if you need me for absolutely anything at all I will be here for you no matter what. I love you no matter what, choice you make with your life its your life your choice I will always be here to love and support you regardless i just want you to know that. And then you have to give your daughter space and wait for her to come around no matter how many years months it takes you have to just sit there and be patient if you truly love her and want her in your life you have to be patient wait for her to come,, around when she’s ready
When she does come around, you must say you know you wasn’t the best mother, even if you think you were the greatest mother, SHE should be the judge as far as her judging you as a mother. DONT judge yourself as her mother. Tell her I love you. I’ll always be here for you matter what. You will always be here when she’s ready. Tell her you would like to fix thing and whatever it is you done wrong. I am truly from the bottom of my heart sorry I love you and I will not hurt you again, just stay quiet. Listen to her apologize for whatever she tells you. Over & over That You have done wrong to her. Do not defend yourself. *Remember* tell her you apologize over and over for everything she tells you have done to hurt her. *Because taking accountability is what’s going to save your relationship with her* importantly, you must not hurt her again, whatever it is that’ she is telling you you have done to hurt her you most certainly cannot repeat those mistakes. Because then there might not be a next time you want to save your relationship with your daughter she will be gone for good!!! Let your daughter make her own decisions and all you can do is support & love her regardless, and be there for her when she falls,,,you have to be a role model except her for who she is, and don’t make any choices in her life let her make her own choices and love her, regardless most of all be there for her when she need you just stay on the guidelines and *YOU will be the VERY FIRST person she WILL REACH OUT TO FOR HELP OR ADVICE WHEN YOU’RE SHOWING HER THAT UNCONDITIONAL LOVE*. Let her make. Her own life choices .No Matter how much you disagree with her choices you have to stay out of her life and let her make her own decisions. After all she is an adult and it’s the only way she’s able to prosper .& grow. Let her know you love her regardless, and you will be there no matter what choices she makes in life. You’ll be there for her always even if you disagree with her choices . . Tell her I would love to see you With a happy life, . I don’t wanna see you getting mixed up in the wrong situation but of course you’re an adult only you can make that choice in your life, but I’ll always be here praying morning, noon & night for you because I worry about you & I love you more then anything & anyone in this world!! I will love, & support you and that’s all you can do as uour mother is let you grow be there when you fall and just be there to help her every time she need you!!!* I promise you you’ll have your daughter back in your life, but it has to stop with you *defending yourself* and you being stubborn and you having too much pride let your daughter be the judge of the type of mother you are not you OK now I’m praying for you. I hope your daughter gets back in your life & I have to tell you something very importantly *NEVER EVER SHOVE IN YOUR CHILD FACE WHAT YOU’VE DONE FOR HER BECAUSE AS HER MOTHER, THAT’S YOUR JOB ANYWAYS SHE DID NOT ASK TO BE HERE*. *And you mentioned you were hurt because she did not remember your birthday then that makes you just as bad if not worse because you’re her mother you should not have been buying yourself gifts around her birthday. You should’ve bought her a gift over the years and put it away collect gifts over the years for her to show that you truly care about her & really thought about her during her birthday or you could have open a bank account for her and placed a little something each year into her bank account to show. You never forgot her birthday * I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but that looks very selfish on your end as her mother you have to remember You are her mother you’re much older than her. You have to be an example* Anyway, I’m so sorry for everything you’re going through. I’m sure you were a great mom but even as great moms we all make mistakes there’s always room to improve* 🙏❤️
Holy shit, based!
@@caramel9154 what the hell does that mean?
@@tashak-vj7ez that I think what she said is very true and meaningful
@@caramel9154 oh I thought she was Making fun of her comment
Very well said 👏 this video comes off as if she’s looking for pity.
As she proceeds to guilt trip her in a series of dramatized videos, lol.
"I buy myself a present for her birthday every year. It's like... a consolation prize."
RIGHT.. my jaw hit the FLOOR when she said this fr
Big sign right there self-absorption
You might be a narcissist if… 😂
🤮
I thought she was going to say she makes a donation or something. Nope. She buys something for herself. Bizarre.
One of the hardest things in life to do is grieve somebody who is still alive. It is a pain that is indescribable.
I have to agree. Our son died at age 17. I inadvertently discovered horrible things our daughter claimed about us on social media. Not one word was remotely true-to us, that is. In her mind, she believes it. It has been harder on us to deal with her silence than it was to lose our son. With the death of a child, it is a permanent never ending heartache. To have a child refuse to talk to you is more painful, knowing they are a call away but you are denied that opportunity.
It is quite evident to me that these young adults are picking this up on social media. It is exactly as if they are in a cult, much like the situation where people are believing conspiracy theories from online hate groups.
My biggest concern is what will happen to these people when they have NO ONE that will love them unconditionally like a mother does.
@@primateagent188I 100% agree way you. Loosing a son was and still is a living nightmare but for a daughter to choose extreme limited contact, purely for inheritance is such a horrendous thing to have to endure.
It seems to me that so many of this age group are turning on their parents, so much entitlement, it seems to becoming so very, very common. It’s a sad world and the word “family” doesn’t really exist.
@@primateagent188 and you are soooo right.
@@shaz8486 and exactly like that. Very unfortunate for the young people - but they cannot see this.
😢❤
To actually name a channel called estranged parents, and publishing her whole account on the details of their estranged relationship without seeing the other side screams that she has revolved her whole life on this. Plus, that crazy eyes and unwavering smile- lol, straight up crazy
Holy tamales this woman makes one's skin crawl. The daughter must have gotten sick of feeling like they lost two pints of blood every time they interacted with them.
This woman took no accountability. This is cringe. Take accountability and ask your daughter for forgiveness. Your daughter’s diagnosis may be from a result from the trauma she endured.
Why didn’t you share your daughters points??? You say it was about politics but she mentioned you gaslit her and guilt tripped her!!!
We never did.
@@estrangedparents I think if you really want healing between you and your daughter, you need to acknowledge that if she said that this happened, then it happened. Perhaps you see it in another way - for you it was not gaslighting. But for her, it was. If you don't acknowledge her reality, how can she be in any kind of a real relationship with you?
I say this as a daughter who has a fake and very surface level relationship with my parents. My Mum has also gaslit me on numerous occasions. She even guilt tripped me recently about my father's job - when I was a child - 'He did that for you!!!" she said - like somehow, as a child, I was the one responsible for his work choices?! What???
I feel the most true thing for me to do with my parents would also be to go no contact. But so far I can't. It's so painful. But it's also extremely painful to be in a fake relationship with someone who has been abusive (and continues to be) and never acknowledges this.
Have you heard of Imago therapy? It might be something interesting to explore. I am working with this now with my partner.
Wishing you well.
@@estrangedparents sounds like more gaslighting. And the way you glossed over her letter and tried to pretend like it never happened? So rude and dismissive of her! All you wrote back was “received” and then went on to “like” her social media posts as if nothing happened. If she felt guilt tripped and gaslit by you, her feelings are valid
@@estrangedparents says you.
@@estrangedparents We don't believe you.
A Daughter who was trully loved by a mother will never stop talking to her mother, but if the mother acts like she is a victim thats when a daughter leaves so you ask yourself what you are doing to push your kids away ...... stop acting like a victim
My selfish , alcoholic sister SCREWED the family all on her OWN. I'm SICK TO DEATH of the 'blame the Mom ' in all circumstances. We had EXACTLY the same upbringing.
External influences could interfere into relationships. No relationship fall into absolute statements. Maybe you're projecting.
Stop victim blaming. The poor mom IS the victim.
A daughter who was truly loved by a mother will never stop talking to her mother ...false, sorry.
@@paladinelena4460 your. Right. Sweetie. And. It. Happend to me💔
If we could ask your daughter about why she pulled away from you, what do you think she would say? It’s an important question.
@@audreymuzingo933 I have heard many stories like this. My sister came within a hair's breadth of disowning my other sister and me because of who she thought we were voting for.
Even when you have a child that TELLS you why they hate you, it really doesn't make sense. I have come to accept that my child's reality, while valid to her, does not match mine, does not match siblings, does not match extended family and old friends. Truth is only a view point.
Mom said it could have been about politics. I lost a great friend if 50 years over politics. Politics represents more than just a vote. It represents your belief system towards so many social issues. My friend was so passionate about her vote that she chose to accept views that were totally opposite mine. We haven’t talked since the pandemic.
Mine say that we have nothing in common.
@@audreymuzingo933exactly there’s more to this story - and they seem to not respect her boundaries at all case and point the texts, the emails, this video
Children do not randomly wake up and decide to go no contact with their caregivers.
@@formerfundienowfree4235 Yea sure, being neglected, disrespected or abused for years by shitty parents with little to no self control has nothing to do with it.
Yeah...we now live in a world where they do... what planet are you on???
@@formerfundienowfree4235 With good reason! They finally found someone who understands their pain and/or has gone through the same. And who supports them that they have no longer endure abuse and invalidation from their own parents!
@@SrSyztz Those seem to be the kids that stay. Ironic.
@@campfireaddict6417 until they master the courage to leave
The fact she buys herself a birthday gift for her daughter's birthday is a big red flag. Red flags everywhere actually
Yeah, like I'm separated from my mom but I would never think to buy myself a present on her birthday... really weird
I have always given flowers to the mother at birthday parties for the kids. I mean, mothers are the reason they are here. it's both their celebration day. not really that weird to give up buying your kid who no longer wants your in their life a gift and give yourself one for that day way back when you had them.
@__rm307 the numerous supportive comments on this video are like a drug for her no doubt
Yes, also the birthday thing in general. I mean come on, it's not about YOU!
my narcissistic mother (2 years no contact now) used to love it when my sister bought flowers on her birthday for my mother. (yeah, she was deeply enmeshed in the F-O-G back then, but has broken free since.)
I wonder if this is for real or an actress portraying what a narcissist mother does when you cut them off? Like a parody?
What did I just watch.. please see a therapist about this, social media is not the way to go 😞
"This angry outburst from her was so out of character we were shoked" yeah that's what years of mistreatment from the people who are meant to make you feel safe does to someone. It just builds up until it all explodes then their gone (thank god). Im 18 I just left my middle eastern household (rip) and have been no contact for a few months. You remind me of my own mum and its sickening i dont have a single drop of pity for you.
🎉Wishing you a Happy & Amaziiiing Life!!! Take care of yourself, be safe & Enjoy Your Freedom 🥳🎊
@@daisylu1973 just moved back home a few days ago actually, but thank u dear i'll be safe
Anyone else think it's strange that this is obviously a professionally-made video complete with lots of b-roll and haunting music?
"I promised myself I wouldn't cry..."
*edits herself fake crying into the video*
ikr ... whose idea was it to have the sad violin in the background. So unironically funny (I literally laughed).
the music was so annoying
💀💀
No. It's typical NARC behaviour. 😂
Mother, wake up!!!!! Do you realize your daughter had to be in so much pain so she had no orher way to cope than to cut any contact with you!!!!! Out of pain you delivered to her!!!! And you are smiling here on camera like it's fine
Cutting a parent out of your life is extremely difficult and stressful. You don't do it without a good reason.
That goes both ways.
@@campfireaddict6417 Yeah, no doubt
Most disowned children are minors when it happens, and it's often because the child is gay.
That's evil, and you're a bad person if you think that's comparable to cutting off abusive parents.
@@NoNameToYou It weighs on me every day, but it's less bad than the alternative.
That's right you do it with a very cold heart. You don't have to like them but you do have to respect them. Grow the f up
Cutting a parent from your life is a very hard decision and can take years of courage to do. Many of us desire to be in a loving and respectful relationship with our parents so severing it means there were a lot of trauma and problems that would force one to walk away. I know you’re hurting inside for your daughter but perhaps she had to leave you to save herself. I hope everyone affected can move on and heal from this. Good luck
Well said ❤ it's hard when you're expecting a parent to protect you but the person you need protection from IS the parent. It because a choosing game: who do I choose? Peace and myself? Or my parents and continued hurt? 😢
I hear you! I do! and I’m sorry that you feel or know that your mom hurt you so deeply that you felt like you had to leave.
Listen, I’m 66 years old and my mom was a mn
I thrive when I cut contact. It's always when I allow myself to be trapped by them that my life seems to unravel. It's such a shame the parent can't be a source of strength for the child. It certainly isn't what we want
I ended my comment by mistake. Sorry. Anyway, my mom was a nightmare. I like THOUSANDS of other children suffered a tremendous amount of physical and emotional abuse.
If I could have chosen between the two I would have definitely chosen physical abuse.
And to add insult to injury my mom would realize within hours what she had done. In my day ( I’m using that classic cliche 😅😅😅) there were no child welfare groups.
And a lot of the times I couldn’t go to school because my mom wanted the bruises to heal. But there was no one I could tell.
I can remember so many times thinking, starting at the age of 5 telling myself ( while my mom was beating my head against a wall 😅😅😅) that I would never hurt my “Rosie Flower) like that. I just knew I was going to be a mom one day and name her Rosie Flower.
And you know what?! I broke the cycle of abuse! I did it!
I’m trying to tell you my story, okay?
My daughter is my only child. She never knew her father because he left me/us two days after I had her.
He had already spoken with an attorney and he wanted to put her up for adoption.
I was given a choice …my daughter or him. And of course course the answer was easy!
So my daughter and I spent our lives together. We were always together!
We had so many adventures! I knew every single day how God had blessed me!
And I probably told her at least once a week that.
Listen…. I’m not being biased when I tell you that my daughter is absolutely remarkable! She was diagnosed as highly intellectual gifted, as am I…. and my mom.
I raised my daughter to be a conservative but I also raised her in a more liberal way.
I didn’t bind her to anything. However I put her through private school and let her make the decision about college which she decided not to do.
From early on I observed some of my friends and those that were single seemed to have an endless revolving door of men coming in and out.
I chose not to do that. Now that has to be bad for a child!
My daughter stayed with me up until the day that our landlord told us he was going to sell our home. We lived in Nashville tn. And you probably know that Nashville is and has been experiencing a population boom. And I knew that finding another place to rent would cost more than i could afford.
So I started frantically and I mean FRANTICALLY searching for a forever home. And there were none in Nashville that I could afford.
And so we/i ended up an hour and a half away.
I didn’t realize the severe ramifications of what my decision would mean.
And when I look back on it I realize that I abandoned my daughter!
I abandoned my daughter!
I abandoned my daughter and when I did I abandoned us!
Have you ever carried so much guilt and grief which results in so much self hatred? Have you?
I never told my daughter that she was a grown woman and she needed to find her own way out in the world because only an idiot wouldn’t recognize that buying a house was growing to be almost impossible unless you have a college degree with a subject in demand.
I am a psychology major! 😅😂😂😂 and I will tell you that is a ridiculous major unless you intend on getting your PHD .
Therefore I have to admit that I make disastrous decisions!
And I’m certain that I made disastrous choices for myself and my daughter …
But…. I never abused her. As a matter of fact I probably gave her too much. At least that’s what my close friends tell me.
And with that decision that I made to move to ANOTHER CITY I set my daughter and myself on a crash course to doom!
I didn’t however realize just how much suffering and pain my decision would put her through.
And trust me when I tell you that I pay for that mistake every day of my life.
And then my daughter started “therapy “ , and within a year my name changed from “mom “ to “ cunt”.
“ toxic “ …’ narcissistic “ ‘ neglectful “ ‘ manipulative “ let’s throw in another few hundred “cunt” . Mentally abusive . Should have been sterilized so that I could have never had children. And it goes on and on and on and on…..
And I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that those words were a direct manifestation of her pain and anger.
And with the help of her “wise “ “ therapist “ she made the decision to leave our relationship.
And her therapist helped her to discover that I really never loved her!
As well as that I most definitely have severe mental “issues “
Do you understand what I am trying to tell you?
I don’t know what kind of mother you have. or the factors determined your decision.
But for some reason I feel that I am supposed to tell you my story.
I hated my mom up until the past two years.
And why shouldn’t I?!
But in between the abuse that I suffered my mom was beautiful! She absolutely loved me!
She taught me so many valuable lessons!
I was so angry with her once I turned into a teenager that I made her life hell ! I made her pay!
And if I could only see my mom again I promise you it would be different!
But she died from cancer when I was 35 .
And suddenly I can remember so many beautiful moments.
No mother is the perfect mother!
And i don’t know how old you are but surely you know that every fault, every Hang up ultimately is awarded to mothers. It
is as old as time!
And speaking from a psychological perspective, men tend to marry women like their mothers!
What’s up with that! 😂😂😅
So just please please do some deep personal introspection! If you’re mom is bad… really bad…. Then by all means keep your relationship on the back burner! It’s just that when I read about adult children making “painful “ decisions to estrange their parents… when you use the word painful I can’t help but feel that in some way someone, somewhere plays a part in your decision and deep down inside you know that it’s wrong.
Okay?
Thank you.
I would be very interested in hearing the daughter’s story. As someone who has not spoken to their mother in 10 years, I can attest that not all daughters are monsters and not all mothers are saints. We are ppl too and some of us has to make a difficult decision to save ourselves . Wishing you all the best.
She didnt say her daughter is a monster or she is a saint. She has no idea what the issues are. That is the worse part of this.
I would agree with you completely.
And yet you neglect to say that not al daughters are saints, or mothers monsters. I bet you got that from social media.
@@ohana8535College indoctrination most likely
I already know the story without even hearing it. Mom is a Trump supporter/republican, didn't take the vaccine because it was rushed, etc. etc.
Go to therapy and leave her alone. She doesn’t owe you anything. She left for a reason, clearly.
Ridiculous
It’s not always the parents fault. They do their best
@@andreadickinson3076excuse me? Just because you give birth to a child, doesn't mean they owe you anything.
Ffs
Sounds like guilt isn’t working stop and leave her alone!
Our mother had a saying “Nobody likes me, everyone hates me, I might as well eat worms!”
Do you hear the I,I,I,I?
Find a real life! Sheesh!
You are really mean to say this to this mom who is trying to help others through a terrible time.
I wonder if my narcissistic mother is saying the same thing about me to her friends and all of our family… I know it’s hard to accept that something might be mostly your(the parent’s) fault but the parents are supposed to be the mature ones. You(the parents) were the ones to bring the children into this world you were supposed to teach us to not want to be estranged from you. I think the sooner you accept this the easier the better off you’ll be. We’re not getting any younger.
She thinks our dad manipulated all of us to leave her. Hahahaha
@@ma.3934 what do you mean?
@martareitmajer my mom thinks me and my siblings left her because our dad (her exhusband) somehow manipulated us
@@ma.3934 ugh yeah typical. Whenever somebody from my family (like an aunt or something) would stop talking to my mom it was because according to my mom “somebody is manipulating that person.”
@martareitmajer lol yeah my mom has had multiple people leave her too and she says "everyone leaves me because I'm just too honest and too much of a sensitive soul and nobody understands". She pretends she's a fairy goddess when in reality she has the anger of a drunk dad.
She was supposed to thank you for not letting her choke?? 🤦🏾♀️
Yeah, this whole disgusting video is "Where's my cookie?"
What will you do when your parents are dead?
@@joef.4643live on. What else are people supposed to do?
@@joef.4643do nothing
@@joef.4643 Honestly being relieved that my abusers can't hurt me anymore. The world will feel so big and I so free when they are gone.
waw sounds like my mom with whom I'm currently trying to cut ties with even if it's difficult. Im done trying to make myself understood.
Loved the part where when you read the part in the book about amending, and taking accountability for your actions you could stomach the idea, then proceeded to think the best way to win your daughter back was to ignore all the boundaries she sat, along with making a video where you name her and share her medical diagnosis online to the public im sure this is definitely the right step to getting her back in your life.
Did you ever apologize to her with empathy for her feelings? You didn't mention that.
Oh, yes I did. I took much of the blame for allowing her to see me oppressed and depressed, but she also saw me rise up out of poverty, go to college, and get my master’s degree. She is not willing to work through the issues. My grandson, her own son, told me that if she did forgive, she would be exposed as she claims she was oppressed and a first generation college student. She is doing well, so I will just stay in the dark.
@@lindamiller3382yeah as someone who was no contact with my mom for 5 years and reconnected . I can see that you don’t understand how this work and only validate your feelings. So yeah she’s better off
@@lindamiller3382you are not in the dark. You are, in fact, on the bloody internet with this whole thing! You've even outed her cosplay on TikTok, in case anyone was unaware, or she wanted some privacy from the prying eyes of people from her childhood. And yes, I do know what you meant - but you are not in the dark. You're stalking her online.
@@lindamiller3382You made it about you.
@@lindamiller3382 Is that your daughter's stated reason or is that your perception of her reasoning?
I ditched my abusive mom 13 years ago and never looked back. Finally. My brother doesn't speak to her either. We're both at peace with that decision.
How could you do that to your mom. Was she that bad of a mom?? Really
@@cherylmangas7924 yep she was mean, lied often, broke every promise, only cared about herself. And much more.
@cherylmangas7924 I also left my abusive mother. Ever since I left her all of my chronic health conditions have disappeared. That's how abusive she was. She was literally causing my body to fall apart.
@@cherylmangas7924how could these parents do what they do to their children??
There are bad parents out there I agree with you all but there are good parents out there that still have their children walking away and leaving us not knowing why. Im one of those parents. My two oldest daughters won’t give me an explanation that is clear. I have found other parents out there that are going through this too. It’s almost like it’s an epidemic of family’s falling apart. I have always tried to be a good mom and I have 4 children only two have left and my other two that are not estranged are just as worried about them because if their irrational decisions. They were given so much love and spoiled at that maybe that’s just where I went wrong. I’m trying to understand both sides and willing to accept my faults and move on.
What did you do to your daughter?
Daughter here, I personally had to cut toxic adults out of my life who abused and manipulated and used me as a child. No regrets. I chose peace as an adult. My mother treated me like she didn’t want me around, called me names, bullied me. Would belittle me in front of family memebers and her friends. Would make me sit outside in the cold for hours one day a neighbor confronted her about that. Made me fold clothes over and over and then destroy what I folded and made me fold again. Isolated me. The list goes on. She was my first bully and I knew at 6 she’s not somebody I could go to for protection.
a lot of these parents like to act like victims that have absolutely zero idea as to why their child would ever leave? meanwhile they've been abusing and gaslighting their kids their entire lives. this is the generation that doesn't take bs anymore. we don't owe these people a trophy, just because they had unprotected intercourse. had they treated their kids as human beings, the kids wouldn't feel the need to run the moment they turn 18. the relationship requires effort and parents take it for granted. they pretend that their kids owe them something because "we gave you life". a lot of these idiots should never have been parents in the first place. no child deserves to grow up in a household where they feel unwanted. indeed, the adult child remembers it all. just because it's a child doesn't make it ok to treat them like property 🤢🤮
Wow that’s terrible
I think there's a big difference between children removing themselves from an abusive parent and children who cut out parents where abuse isn't at the core.
I don't think that's what this story is about.
😭👵💖💖💖
@@annieo9468
Do you think that children cut out parents where abuse isn't at the core? There may be a few cases where abuse of the child isn't at the core. I cut my toxic Mother out of my life. She retaliated by telling her story to everyone possible.
4:10 "to her credit" is all you need to know about this "woman." She does not at all care about why her daughter feels the way she does. She thinks that her daughter is at fault for her feelings.
I doubt that you're kid went no contact solely because you and your husband voted for Trump. I just watched your video and there's absolutely no self-reflection or introspection. The issue isnt with your kid, it's with you. Im glad that she's taken the time to put her feelings and mental health first.
How do you know who they voted for? That wasn't mentioned in the video.
I’m sorry but the way you put this video together lets me know that something isn’t right. This video looks like it’s a part of a docuseries. So well thought out and put together for a situation that is so painful and messy. You want attention and sympathy more than you want a relationship with your daughter. 🚩🚩🚩
Not everyone turns into a mess just because of a bad situation. Some people can keep it together and think logically. Everyone reacts differently. In fact people who become a mess, are not suitable to be parents. Even when things go wrong in life you still have to give the best to your children, and becoming a mess is not an option. Her reaction tells me she was a good mother. Nobody is perfect but I believe she did everything for that girl in spite of life's problems.
wow @laysiaWaysia, well said - she wants to be right more than she wants to give love
I stopped speaking to my mother because of her cruelty, gaslighting, narcissism and scapegoating. Best decision I ever made that benefitted just me for a change.
Same. I wish I had been braver sooner.
Good for you... And how do we know this vid maker is not the same. How would we know. Making an attention seeking vid is exactly what a narc would do. I find it hard to believe that well raised kids cut off their 'great mums' just out of the blue.
@sharonjones2400 Yeah, I am not feeling sympathy for this lady. Denial and mocking their child's emotional/mental struggles got them there.
I ditched two brothers because of that also. How good does it feel.
You just told my story. I just wish I'd stop getting texts every year on my birthday, crying about not knowing what she did wrong. I was 40 before I finally sent that letter (and it had nothing to do with politics!), as while the physical abuse had stopped when I, at age 18, finally called her out on it (and my emotionally weak father finally stepped in which triggered her to accuse me of trying to break up their marriage...), the emotional abuse continued even on the rare occasions we were in the same room (yeah, I stopped going to family functions when she tried "what have I ever done to you?"! in the middle of my grandmother's funeral). When I realized that my every success was still met with gaslighting and my every failure met with contempt, it was time to give up and realize that I would never have a normal, sane, loving relationship with her. Yeah, the family thinks it's my fault - she's made sure of that. But I'm well over it, and I have an amazing life.
Please, look deep inside yourself and realise you wronged your child, no child goes contactless for no reason. you failed your daughter. period
So wrong.... no mother is perfect. So if you are not the perfect mother, they cut contact ? Wow... no wonder this world has gone to the wolves !
@@isabellescaffidi2144let me guess your child has gone no contact with you and now you’re playing the victim.
You are so cruel. Walk in the footsteps of an abandoned mother and then judge. Heartless…
Narcissism...
@@isabellescaffidi2144 😅
You may love her forever but you wont truly listen to her forever and THAT is why she stopped talking to you. At some point in your relationship, your ears got smaller and your mouth got bigger.
The depth of a person's character is defined in part by overlooking another person's shortcomings. Refusing to overlook a close family member's shortcomings will result in a life devoid of real fulfillment.
Wow, you know this as true is sadly comical 🙄🤦♀️
@@moabman6803 if you think this is only about politics your wrong. Mom wont tell the whole truth and has decided to paint her daughter as the crazy girl who stopped talking to her trumper parents, would love if mom linked her daughters tiktoks.
@@dct1238 mom already wasnt listening. She belittled the reason her daughter cut off contact and barely mentioned it. She belittled her tiktoks, she didn’t wven go to the full extent as to why her daughter cut her off. I know this to be true because i watched the video lol
Precisely. All I heard in this video is “We’re so hurt”, and “Our daughter doesn’t even care, she’s so cruel”. Victim mentality and 0 accountability. Very convenient
Estrangement doesn’t just happen. There is a reason. (usually many of them) Until those are brought out into the open, and worked on, there will be no reconciliation. I let two abusive family members go from my life. You reach a point where you realize that if you both aren’t trying, then nothing positive is possible. You reach a point where you walk away in order to save yourself.
I believe this lady is hurting. I don't believe she is innocent. I can feel the narcissism thru my phone - everything is about HER, still making digs at her daughter being on social media, buying herself gifts on her daughters bday (for real, wtf?!) couldn't for a second feel contrite, refuses to look in the mirror. This entire video is a textbook lesson on selfishness and the cost of always having to be right.
Yes, this is a way of saying, "It's not my fault". There's a reason why her daughter stopped all contact, she just doesn't want to see it. Quite pathetic to be honest.
Yeah well there is also really times where kids are truly incorrect and they brigkn to believe their own bullshit
For me, it was the "we did everything, all that time, resources, etc." I've seen this exact same thing in most cases of child estrangement, including my own, my sisters', and a friend. If you think your children owe you love and attention because you gave them what you were supposed to when they were growing up and used your resources on them.
The Missing Missing Reasons - these people never understand why their child would go NC with them, even though they're all staring them right in the face.
I keep my mother Far away from me and my kids. She’s toxic and abusive.
Shame on you
@@loveandlightlove6872😂
@@ellyk8834agreed
@@loveandlightlove6872 Shame on her for protecting her children from an abuser??
Good for you for putting your children first . My mummy dearest is a narcissist too . They can wreck havoc on your children . Went no contact a year ago left me with an anxiety disorder and anger issues . Never doubt your decision it was definitely the right thing to do. Wishing you all the best ❤
This lady is absolutely unhinged,
“My dad died, daughter didn’t know him, It’s like daughter didn’t even care. Im a victim.”
🤣🤣🤣🤣
UNHINGED.
I hope the daughter is happy
Thx I appreciate your support
“I buy myself a present on her birthday” 😂 I hope your daughter has been having a great life and learning to live without the stress of a mentally taxing parent
honestly getting away from these parents would be such a pain... looks like they didnt give up easy... but being a daughter who wants to live your own life and having parents that follow you around is so difficult...
This video is highly suspect. What does ssys might be true but it also might be true that this woman is a narcissistic attention lover. It took a lot of time to produce a video like this. The crying and carrying on in a public setting scream out that she may be doing this for attention and is obsessive with feeling sorry for herself.....but then takes it one step further needing others to feel sorry for her as well. All under the guise of trying to help others. Her virtue must shine to the world and she makes sure it does.
The way she discounted the "Amends" section of Rules of Estrangement says everything
I dont even have to see the daughter's side of the story to know she's in the right.
Mom does a great job of making herself look awful (if you're not easily deceived)
She just put out a new video 🤦♀️
I would pay good money to hear your daughters side
You have done a good job showing why your daughter has decided to back away from you. It's all about you. Pretty sure it always was, but I wouldn't know. I do know that no one deletes a primal relationship easily and for no reason. You might want to respect her boundaries rather than create massive "im the victim" guilt trip videos.
@@zoep.2891 She might dismiss the comments calling her out, but hopefully her daughter sees them and realizes that there are many people who feel deep compassion for her and are rooting for her healing.
My question to you: what was your motivation to watch a video about estranged parents if all you do is to blame the mother?
Maybe trying to be empathic
@@heikegani1748 I think I can give a satisfying answer to your question. I came here not to blame the mother but precisely to see her side of the story. And is seeing that side that we can clearly identify her for the narcissist she is. It's all about her, her daughter's feelings are never given the slightest bit of consideration. You think it's easy to cut off a parent like that? She did what she had to do to survive.
@@DragonNyah Speaking from experience I couldn't agree more with you, it is not easy to cut ties with one's own parents! The daughter might have been influenced by the higher educational system to disregard family values and mutual respect. The mother on the other hand has no confidence in her daughter's ability to succeed in life which indeed hints at a superiority complex of the mother.
Trying to maintain a relationship with my abusive mother (the last assault happened when I was 37) eventually lead to me having a nervous breakdown. I barely survived. I can’t live with that level of terror in my life. It’s beyond horrible to grieve someone who is still living, but for me, it was that or die.
My grandson has disowned me. Keeping his children from me. It's been one of the hardest things I've ever r gone through. We were I thought something special.. but 2 yrs ago he decided I was toxic. I like all these others never ever could have believed he would do this to me. My step daughter is going through this same thing. He did when telling me he no longer wanted a relationship with me.said he appreciated all love ever done for him. So now I'm trying to accept it all. My 2 lil grandsons don't understand why they aren't allowed to visit me. I see them once in awhile through his dad an mom. They like me are broken hearted. I pray for him and will always live him.
@@rebeccafrakes9305 Have you even reflected on WHY he wants nothing to do with you, instead of trying to place outside blame? An apology, loaded with insight, is ALWAYS a step in the right direction.
@@h.g.9411Why would she apologize if she doesn’t know why he thinks she’s toxic?
I'm a mom...😢😢
@@toshland5687 Maybe ask your daughter/son. You will be surprised.
I’m pretty shocked by this video. Why would any mother who really wants to reconnect with her daughter post a 17 minute video about herself and their super private situation? It doesn’t seem like she really wants to get back into her daughter’s life. This is a sympathy ploy and a way to “get back” at her daughter.
@@winoblissthat could be true, but calling her out publicly to the world I think makes it worse.
@@winobliss I mean you do realize we are only getting her side right?
There was a comment in one of the threads where a woman said that "the bible commands you obey your parent" and this woman liked it. I think it's pretty fair to assume then that she raised her daughter with pretty authoritarian style disciplining. We also don't know if her daughter is say, lgbtq. Assuming this woman voted for Trump, her daughter may feel like her mother is directly assaulting her sense of identity and who she is as a person. There's a lot of unknowns here. It's insane to me that this woman has aired this out so publicly.
I am not shocked at all. She is sharing her difficulties. Many people do. Obviously, this situation is having an impact. I am in a different position. My siblings and I have not spoken to our mother for years. Too many things happened. If you pull the rope too hard for years, it breaks.
complete with sad music and professional edit cuts
I am so thankful to read a comment like yours, because it makes me realize there are good people in the world who actually care about their children and would never do this to them. ❤
It's not about YOU! Every avenue you talk about seems to come back to you and your defense of your parenting. I'm sure you'll always love her but sometimes hurt needs to be listened to...and completely. Just hush and listen! Validate the other person instead of seeking YOUR validation!
It’s her video so obviously it is about her.
As a woman in my early 30’s who do not have nor want children, and have had a very troubled relationship with my own mother in my life (and broke contact with her for one year at 14 to 15, while living with my grandmother) I am so sick of all adult people who keep putting all the blame of their lives at their parents. Teenagers I understand, but when children are adult I think it’s about time to start seeing parents as people primarily and parents secondary. They are just people, just as flawed as we are.
Admittedly there are those who have parents who are true narcissists or even psychopaths, and yes in that case one should break all contact. In many cases it just seems to be people who refuse to grow up and who can’t deal with their parents not being perfect.
This is the mothers video. She is just as entitled to talk about her feelings as her daughter is. And because this is her video, obviously _it is_ about her. At the daughters video it’s about her daughter. You don’t know these people, no one here does, and yet everyone seems to just know that it’s all the mothers fault. I find that pretty weird, and quite appalling really. You are watching someone pure their heart out and you are completely dehumanizing that person.
@elisetaylor9228
“Poor communication”. Kind of like what you are doing then? Instead of replying to anything I actually wrote you completely ignored all of my arguments and just started explaining to me what “the truth” is, as if I can’t think of perceive by myself or as if your perspective is far more valid than mine.
So I guess if you were my mother that is when I would call you a toxic narcissist who doesn’t validate me and everyone would be supportive of that?
@@josephinenilsson1541well, theryou have a very powerful point. Does this mother really want us to know what her daughter's complaints are? She presents them in a kind of nightmarish vision, where the daughter is talking about abuse, gaslighting etc, but later claims that "90%of it was political"? Does that not seem weird to you?
Also if you as a daughter felt compelled to write such a letter, displaying all your pain to your mother, how would you feel receiving "received" as an answer. No addressing the issues mentioned, no acknowledging of your feelings, nothing. And then she puts a response under a (relatively to the letter) meaningless Facebook post as if nothing had happened. I don't know you. Maybe this is normal behavior to you. To me it's not
Her daughter admitted in a TikTok video that she has ADHD. ADHD turns into Bipolar Disorder in adults. Her daughter has mental issues she's struggling with. She is not of sound mind. You can't shame this mother for doing her best to raise her daughter, only for her to learn from a TikTok video that her daughter was diagnosed with mental disorders. Do your research before pointing fingers and condemning people you don't know. Seriously.
@josephinenilsson1541 It's not just about seeing our parents as flawed people first and parents second. Parents aren't just other people in our lives that we can walk away from with no consequences. Most people want their children to have a relationship with their grandparents, but should you really tolerate your parents telling your little children they will go to hell because they're being raised in the wrong religion? Or, that the man who is raising you isn't really your bio dad? (Not true), or that your mother had abortions (also a lie), and that sort of thing? Or, your parents get their friends to harass you for leaving their religion? Or they call your employer to report you for crazy stuff trying to get you fired because they think you will come crawling back to ask for their help and forgiveness? The crazy doesn't always stop when you move out and are living an independent life.
Wow. Its kind of ironic that this video meant to show how bad you‘ve been treated by your daugther shows exactly why your daughter went no contact. I kinda feel bad for you, i really do. There is not one piece of self awareness and accountability shown from your side and this is one of the fundaments to get a little change to get at least a basic relationship with her back.
Maybe you want to consider making a couple of therapy sessions to get feedback from someone that deals with this kind of family dysfunctions all the time. If the feedback is in your favor, i‘m sure most of us commenting „bad“ would apologize to you. Prove us wrong, accept the challenge.
What will you do when your parents are dead?
@@joef.4643live another day...
@@joef.4643Thats all you come up with? Really? Ok. Its the cycle of life. Just bc people die eventually doesnt mean they have the right to treat their children however they want and it for sure doesn’t mean that the children need to accept every behavior from their parents.
@TheDogAndTheBee Geez. I never heard so much pissing and mouning. Just walk, no run away to never be seen again. But you just can't resist the urge to be heard. Stop repeating your issues. Move on as you have.
I watch this video because it reminds me my parents could be waaaay worse.
This whole video is a red flag of the kind of person you can be. I don’t blame your daughter at all. I can’t imagine making a video like this about my kids or profiting off a situation where my child is hurting. I’m glad she is free. Good for her. You keep pestering her and sending immature messages. It’s obvious you have done no self reflection.
There are also so many red flag comments such as yours. You really don't add anything to this conversation sadly but thanks for playing.
@@estrangedparents yes, sticking up for victims is a red flag🙄 meanwhile I’m sure your daughter would love to see you change. But go ahead and keep using her for financial gain. I wish your daughter nothing but the best and complete healing.
@@captainspook4890 you couldn’t have said it better👏
She wasn’t sure she presented asThe Problem in the video, so she had to double down here. So glad her daughter escaped. I hope she has grandchildren that never know her.
@@estrangedparents your comment screams “I’m a toxic narcissist.” As if your snide and heartless comments ‘add anything to this conversation.’ Get over yourself 🙄
All of my children cut ties with me several years ago. I was devastated and broken hearted, I still am, but I have learned to take accountability for what I did and didn't do as a parent. I respect their truth and their experiences growing up, and how it affected them - and still affects them greatly as adults. I respect their choices to walk away. I only send them cards and money on birthdays and christmas. I only write I love you in them now a days. Even the fact that I do that is probably the wrong choice. I will never forgive myself for any of it. I won't contact them, except the cards. I will not allow other people to contact them on my behalf. What I have done to cause this chain of events has destroyed so many lives that I will never expose anyone else to my type of "love" ever again to ensure that I protect their safety. Listen to your children's actions. Sometimes the old trope of, "we did the best we could," disrespects the fact that it still wasn't right for them.
Beautiful person
@@RisetoStrength I'm sorry if my post came across like that. That was not the impression I was trying to give. After reading it over again, I can see why it may sound like I think parents don't have an obligation to their children, but that is not my belief at all. I believe a parent's greatest responsibility is to raise their children with love, empathy, support, safety and with a unique approach that is built on the specific needs of each child as an individual. Every parent has the obligation to provide their children with these basic needs and so much more.
@@stacyrich113 my picture is a cartoon filter from several years ago. I did start having children in high school too. There were many factors that led to me being an awful parent, but what it comes down to is it was/is my responsibility to be the person they needed and deserved. I will never forgive myself for not providing them with all they needed and deserved. I desperately wish I could do it all over again. I will never forgive myself for being a terrible parent.
@@ellyk8834 absolutely. The problem lies with me for failing them. I am the one accountable and responsible for everything. I respect their decisions that they made to protect themselves. I was a terrible parent.
@@stacyrich113 the only reason I even mentioned sending them cards/gifts is because I wonder if I'm doing more harm than good by doing so. I worry that it may be too painful and invasive for them to receive anything from me at all. I don't want to be disrespectful of their choice to cut ties. I would actually appreciate input from anyone going through this with their parents about whether or not it is ok to receive anything like that from your parents? I just want to do what's best for them.
This is a lot of me, me, me. I feel, I want, I need, I don't understand. I'll bet if we talked to your daughter we'd get the rest of the picture. There's a reason she walked away. Maybe look in the mirror. I know you don't want to acknowledge it, but that's where the real healing lies. You caused harm to your child. Show walked away to save herself. My guess is her mental health is the best it's ever been.
You must be omniscient
so much snark in 4 little words. I cant even imagine the snarky remarks your poor child endured for years. Sad that you've chosen to earn money from your daughters abuse. What an evil soul. @@estrangedparents
@@jnl3564😆😆🎯☕
You aren't special or unique. There are lots of us with parents like you, so many that we can study the patterns in all our stories and see patterns like the ones pointed out in the original comment.
@@estrangedparentsno you think you are omniscient and without blame. Your words and attitude are a lot like my covert narcissist mother. I feel for your daughter.
Sometimes parents do things to their kids and their kids at some point in their life have an awakening. For some kids, it doesn’t happen until after they have had children of their own and now have to be the parent themselves. Some parents can be extremely selfish and treat their kids like they are property or their personal slaves and not individuals that are deserving of respect. Parents can be in denial and think they did absolutely nothing wrong when their kids cut them off. It is not an easy decision when a child cuts off their parent, it’s typically something that was in the making since childhood and maybe the parents overlooked it or refused to see it, but it definitely is deeper than opposing political views.
For me it was working with children. I suddenly understood that there was no way a 4 year old should be beaten like I was. When I worked with ten year olds, I realised it would be abusive to leave one in charge of four small children for an entire summer while mom gets a new boy toy.
Nope. My mom used to scream at me that I would understand when I became a parent.
Now I’m just horrified that THAT was what I had for a mother.
My mom sounds exactly like the woman in this film. My mom also claims that she sacrificed so much…when actually all she did was the bare minimum to not be charged.
Agreed. There is something so fishy with this woman’s story. Plus she only talks about herself, her pain blah blah I guess she has a cluster B personality type. It looked like her daughter tried to express her feelings to this woman and her response was to ignore her feelings and then proceed to sent her over a years worth of casual messages.
@renteranon6757 I disagree check out my comment about weaponized therapy and what can be planted in people's heads.. it can happen to anyone..
@@user-mp5cg8lt7iI don't think this lady is your mom..seriously..
@@yvonneshaub6111 Of course not. She just avoids any self reflection that might be painful and isn’t willing to change or make amends like mine. I can notice patterns in people without mistaking them for the same thing.
She’s better than my mother because she doesn’t give disingenuous apologies to get her way and then act a fool again.
Always two viewpoints to every story. As a child I was both abused and neglected, neither were ever acknowledged, I walked away from them all and never regretted it.
REAL abuse is different from i just wanted to do what i wanted to do and you wouldnt let me kids an abusive parent would never care enough to make a video
@@lindaVanVranken Maybe. Perhaps her daughter would make a rebuttal,.it's always good to hear both sides isn't it?
So sorry
Same.
Very valid point. My mom is currently estranged from her sister, as am I, and I was there for every adult interaction they had. When I tell you that my aunt’s whining about the family being mean to her and not loving her like she deserved is a lie, I’m saying it firsthand. Because of what I saw from my truly horrible aunt, I am always skeptical when I hear a sob story from someone on the receiving end of an estrangement. I’m not at all saying that this mom in particular is deserving! I would never comment on an estrangement that doesn’t involve me, but I will forever remember that there are things I can’t know or see that lead two people to go no contact.
As a behavioralist this is awesome to watch a full blown narcissist putting herself on blast. Individuals with this disorders have zero insight. The fact that she skipped amends in the self help book... She shared zero details about her daughter's side which is telling in its self... what she can help is herself. Sorry that your supply was cut off!
#yuck
@@zoep.2891the mom's replies are very predictable, and revealing she is a textbook malignant narcissist. This video and her replies expose who she is at her core. I would be interested in knowing what her definition of love is.
@estrangedparents I think your reply to this message says all we need to know about you.
@@julybutterflynot the same as the Beatles
@@Dustwitch Ooooh you are about to get a yuck 😆
There’s a lifetime of choices that led to that moment.
And now you are making $$ of of you and your daughters pain on social media. SMH.
I am an adult daughter with a mom very similar to you what it seems. We still have some contact but very little. It is not easy to spot a covert narcissist but that is what she is. A narcissist would never ever understand or accept that they are that though. I did not know until a therapist pointed it out to me, after I wrote a letter, friendly but honest about how I feel/felt and and had cried myself to sleep so many nights when I was a child without them knowing. The answer was extremely defensive “everything I did for you!” she denied some of my memories and said “you shouldn’t have felt that way, you were so sensitive!” etc. she had no interest in finding out more, but doing what she did best after that: ignoring it, not wanting to discuss it more, and going on as usual.
I could never talk about feelings with her, she just don’t list, but gives unwanted advice instead. I get bombarded with articles and “science” from internet instead of empathy for instance.
I see that your behavior is reminding me of my mom; no reflection or slightest belief that you can have a part in this.
I can tell you no one take a breakup with parents lightly, but when the interaction gives more pain than joy then there is no choice but ti limit contact if you want to stay sain.
Every time we go to them I have anxiety days before and afterwards there is always something she said that hurt me that she isn’t even aware of and that doesn’t leave my head for days. Maybe something we do “wrong” with the kids, but she is so skilled at saying it in a smily way.
I see that you are focused on Happy Birthday wishes, it is the wrong focus I believe. It is not a Happy birthday text-sms that gets someone to want to get the contact back, it is genuine curiosity, empathy and the treating someone like an adult that is the important and not a birthday wish.
Exactly. My Mother wants "All or nothing!" In our relationship, she doesn't have time for "fake relationships". Well, I want my Mom so badly! She tells everyone I disowned her every time she disowned me. This time, I have gone silent. I have alway gone crawling back to try to make amends, even if I had to take all the blame. This time, I have let her just blame me. What am I waiting for? I'm waiting for "I'm sorry. Can we start to build a new relationship? We can go slow, I'll take anything" If I got even an shadow that my Mother truly loved me and was sorry, I'd be back! It's the constant little jabs, the little backhanded comments pushing her wants. She is right and I'm not. I have no say with how I protect my own children. Her special friends are more important, even though they are bad people. Her new spin on life is her new god, (Qanon). I got so tired of having the fear mongering forced down our throats. Our past together is littered with a cycle of good times, then disagreement, followed by me getting thrown away and loosing everything I own. This time, I just went silent. It wasn't even as serious as times past. Hardly comparable in fact. We don't co-own anything this time, she cant hurt me. Why now? Why over something small? I dont know. At first it was for just a few days to try and sort my head. Her response was pushy, she tried to make her point seen by fighting with me through a family member. My request for distance basically denied. I invited her to my child's Grandparent's Day event at school. She came, I was met with extreme hatred. So, I have stayed silent. Is this what I wanted? No. Why would a daughter want this?
It hurts every day. I'm sure my Mom hurts too. How do we go forward? I don't know. But what this lady is doing in the video isn't they way for sure. I wanted to yell at this lady, "hey! Try a simple and humble, "Please, I miss you, and I'm sorry. What can I do to start over with you?"
You are projecting.
And that’s so unfair to this mother.
I’ll ask you this: if you watched a daughter share about being cut off by her mother, presenting all in the same ways here, would you immediately assume and project narcissistic tendencies on the daughter?
Nothing shared here suggests what you are blaming her for.
I had to separate myself from my family. I had to. I hate using the word narcissism because it feels like another overused and misused word that started to trend online. But it’s a word I learned long before it began to trend because of an actual diagnosis a family member of mine has, a family member that helped “raised” me.
I was subjected to violence, drug use as a child, and severe mental harm. It is what it is.
I have tried to find other people like myself, because it’s a lonely feeling not having family, especially during the holidays, but I’ve found myself not being able to fit in with support groups online. Because I don’t understand or recognize what most of those in these groups are identifying with. They seem to identify with each other. And that’s great for them. But I noticed after a while that there’s a new wave of mental health crises or something like that happening as a result of social media that is wreaking havoc on familial relationships and causing people to find themselves as victims even when they’re not victims, causing people to see what is just a normal up and down bump on the road of life as being some kind of abusive act done to them, verses the reality, people are not perfect, and we all will have the our insecurities and problems, and so will those we love, and unfortunately we won’t always feel great about everything, we won’t always feel verified about everything, but so long as the desire to not continue to cause each other pain, and to try and show that our love is what matters most, than working through things together is always a blessing of an option. To listen to people talk about how they were mentally abused because of problems they chose to pursue and chose to continue to force to attention verses accepting that this is something they don’t see eye to eye on with this person, and letting it stay at that, loving each other, and just knowing that this is something best they just don’t pursue, I listened to people demand that they have the right to pursue it and that their so called loved ones were abusive for not wanting to continue that pursuit with them and for wanting to just live and let live. I think what bothered me the most here was the constant condoning and validation these support groups were giving each other for this very alarming and red flag behavior, behavior that my own psychologist had to teach me to recognize and to put a stop to from my family members, and here that behavior is, rampant amongst those who are cutting off family and making support groups for abused children and abused adult children, and the speech and mannerisms are giving me virtual mental flashbacks and even intrusive thoughts/memories because of how word for word spot on some of it was with the way I was manipulated for years, except this manipulation was from victims encouraging each other to remain victims.
I’m not saying you’re one of those people.
You shared things that very much describe an unhealthy relationship and a hurtful experience and I’m so sorry that that was and is your life.
But I’m just trying to share that we can easily make ourselves the very enemy we escaped, and not even realize it.
Some of the most beautiful people I’ve ever known have been some of the most negative and hateful in the end, because of the wounds they carried around, and the way those wounds became infected and spread, turning into something that destroyed them even more than the abuser that caused the wounds in the first place.
It happened to me. It took a lot of work for me to recognize what was happening and pull myself up from out of it.
There’s a reason they say that those who grow up with abusive parents are at risk for continuing the abuse. It’s not because they’re monsters. It’s because they’re damaged from what they’ve been through and it’s not as easy as social media and Hollywood love to make it seem to just overcome and be normal and happy.
Judging this mother and assuming that it’s somehow not possible for children to grow up to be mentally and emotionally abusive for no real reason, is just as gross as someone judging you or me and saying that we must have been bad and out of control and deserving of our experience, or, my favorite, way too sensitive and way too emotional and no understanding of how hard it is for them. Loved hearing that one after waking up to strange men in my room as a child and getting told I was overreacting and ruining her life. Wonderful
Seeing your reply to her here made my heart hurt for her. Because I grew up with my own monsters. And I don’t see what you see here. And I believe you would feel very bad to learn you’re projections are dead wrong and you’re injecting unfair and undeserved shame and blame to someone who is suffering from a mentally or emotionally unstable and selfish person.
@@taniele84 That my mom is a covert narcissist is not my own fantasy, it was words that came from my licensed psychologist after many meetings and her reading a very self-pitty and at the same time self-glorifying letter with not one single questions asked. My psychologist asked me if I new what Covert narcissist was and I said no?
I have never heard my mom take blame for anything or admit any wrongdoing when I grew up, and I was contrary to what you are insinuating, taught that I was the one causing all problems and our relationship to be bad so I went to my therapist to learn what to do and how to reach out to her, I was chocked when she said it doesn’t matter what I would say, my moms response would be the same, because her brain is wired that way.
I don’t know all the facts of course, of this relationship, I am just saying that the signs are there and no-one leaves their mom for the fun of it, It is extremely painful. It is also a warning sign when a parent believes that they children developed 100% independently from themselves. The parents are always part of the equation.
Is this a joke?! Omg. I wanna read this letter from the poor daughter
This is awful… your daughter is an adult and needs her space. Respect that.
Of course. Space for her delusional new life in some cult or some abusive relationship.
@@usagi_t OR..her beautiful new life away from parents who love her with conditions. That video showed exactly why the poor girl can’t be around her parents. It’s their fault, not hers.
@@Clem7775 Yeah right. Diching parents for freedom to act crazy on tik tok. She is clearly brain wash by someone or some organization.
@@usagi_t ok i stopped talking due to my parents being in a cult so how do you explain that turd
Instead of doing some self reflection and seeing why your own daughter and others don’t want nothing to do with you, you’re making it all about you and your feelings, and fishing for sympathy. She didn’t cut you off for no reason. Take some accountability to how you got here
I walked out of my mom's life in may with my kids. She's abusive, manipulative, and narcissistic. I am tired of the abuse and I'm never going back.
Good for you!! Hold your ground, even when it’s hard. We all miss having a mother, but it’s not our mother we miss. We miss the mother we deserved & should have had. We miss something we never had. I’ve found that I’ve healed by being everything my mother was not for my own children. I also became a foster parent and giving away what I never got has helped all of my children & brought me so much joy. Being a good mom has helped me heal. So you do whatever you need to do to heal your soul & don’t try to get blood from a stone. She’s not capable of being the person you want her to be. Sending hugs.
Boundaries are good. I had an abusive father but realized my own shortcomings & forgave.
I began counting the things my parents DID do right & not owning what was not mine. There is a story behind their own pain & copi ng.
It was quite freeing for me. Dad passed & I have no regrets for making amends within myself.
@@amypasek3733what a gift to be a foster parent❤❤❤❤❤❤ love that…i hope to be one
Good for you!
@@amypasek3733 a classic - a mother we should have had....
I’d bet money, marbles & chalk she already gave you multiple chances to hear what she need you to know. You’re not “robbed” when you throw away something precious.
I knew that you were going to be the issue once you first started this video with you “crying”
If she didn't cry then you'd say she didn't care. So rude.