Women Who Regret Motherhood are Speaking Out | Misery in Motherhood
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- Опубліковано 29 вер 2024
- Are more women regretting motherhood now, or are we seeing more women speaking out about it? #momsoftiktok Women are sharing why they regret #motherhood and the reasons why they wish they remained #childfree #childfreebychoice
My mother _absolutely resented_ my existence. She never let on… she did her best… but I 100% felt the pain of not being wanted. Unless you are dead-sure you want kids and have a great support system already in place, I beg you: don’t have them.
Aww sorry you went through that. I hope you can find the healing you need.
I went t through the same . My mother never wanted me and my father saw me as a retirement plan.
What about your father...? It takes TWO to make babies...
Mine was the same, and I figured out that she did want a girl after two boys, but *I’m* not the daughter she wanted. She wanted some sweet little girly girl who never talked back to her and always served her without asking. When I was really little I was that adorable little girl, but, for some reason, I always spoke my own mind even if I disagreed with her, and she couldn’t stand it. Then I turned into a bit of a tomboy, but I was fine being feminine when I needed to be (like in school and other social occasions). But she hated that I had a mind of my own. So I guess you could say that she was not the mother I would have wanted if I had been given a choice, either. I always wished that she didn’t have me, too.
Doing this to a child, even not meaning to, is my biggest fear and the reason I’ve stayed child free. Don’t get me wrong, I like children, I love my godson, but I fear becoming a mom and regretting it and more than anything, projecting that rejection onto another human life.
I’m so glad I’m child free!
So glad I have 3! To each his own…:
I'm also glad I'm childfree.
at 40 years old, i do have some deep regrets in my life, but choosing a childfree lifestyle is not one of them.
@thispersonrighthere9024 i feel the same but do dogs count as kids....obviously a joke, but I love my dogs like they were my kids
They say that ''but what you are gonna do when you are old and alone!?'' , people! there are parents with children that end up old and alone, being alone in your old years has nothing to do if you had kids or not, you DONT have kids just because you dont want to ''end up alone'' , it is not a good enough reason to have kids
Women can’t say they didn’t know that’s how mother hood was going to be before they had children, wear protection.
And all the emotional absentee live in fathers and also the ones who completely leave their child should also.
@@ashantiscoot So the father being absent means the mother should regret the kid 🤣
@@1Juliacho maybe regretting the kid had nothing to do with the fathers absence..
Both men and women need to be responsible when having sex.
@@1Juliacho If you don't want a child then wrap your sausage up. So many men get women pregnant then ditch their seed when it gets here. That's irresponsible
What kills me is all the women are complaining about it like they didn't have their own moms that complained about it. Or they didn't have friends, sister's, female cousins and whoever else that they heard complain about motherhood. I watched my single mother struggle when I was a child and that was all I needed to see to tell me that wasn't the life I wanted for myself or my children. My aunts, cousins, and friends became single mothers and I noticed their struggles with it. So I made better choices and avoided it. Seems like nobody learns from other people's mistakes. I don't understand it!
Im staying child free and i wont let anyone convince me otherwise
Yeah. Please don't ever have kids, the fact that you agree with their selfish, ( take no responsibility for their actions) is a feminist and narcissistic view point. And these type of women are the type that hate, resent and worse, their own children, leave it to women who see children as a gift, not an extension of the patriachy.
Trust me, childfree life is far better for women than being married and having kids
Good for you!
@@arabicmusiclady1428 For now. just wait until you're old and alone.
@@Jurmyhyle12having kids because you don’t want to be alone is incredibly selfish. Who knows, maybe your kids will die before you or maybe they will not want to take care of you at all. You are creating a human with their own desires and life. Your kid may want to become an astronaut or live in a different country, don’t expect them to do anything for you. Being a mother or father means absolute selflessness and for some, that’s not something they want to give.
Turning 50 this year. I knew at 8 I never wanted children. I’ve been told for 40 years that I will be overcome with grief and regret. Still waiting on that.
Are you sure partnered up ?
@@angel33333333 If you’re asking if I’m married, the answer is yes, happily.
@@angel33333333Wut.
Awesome! ily!!
@@angel33333333 tried to respond but YT must not have liked my answer. I am happily married if that’s what you’re asking!
My mom had 4 kids. When my little sister turned 18, she said “I’m finally done”. It hit me that she has dedicated her whole life during those years to us. Now we take care of her, I love my momma.
A nd I bet she loves you - and would do it all over again. Being a mom has really hard times - but wonderfully great times too. Thanks to the Moms out there!
@@davisholman8149 many of us would never do it again.
Here we go again with the lies. 🙄 That “I'm finally done”. Translation: I hate being a mom. I regret having 4 children.
Please don't get me wrong. I know we love our parents. But the generational trauma gotta stop. It's time to heal for good. Regardless, what year it is. Women will always be seen as 3rd class citizens. And it's not the USA alone. It's international as well. The woman at 3:30 clip explain everything perfectly. I 100% agree what she said. Btw, it's rare for hearing a man talking about becoming a father. Because it goes back to upbringing. We're brainwashed due to our gender. Women are push to think about wedding bells & baby carriage nonsense. When we were little girls. While the men weren't at all when they were little boys. Isn't that crazy/unbelievable!? 🤯
I'm so tired of women being treated like we are supposed to be this unending source of unconditional love and support, and we are to expect that no one will ever pour into us because women just "are" this way.
Sorry for feeling this way, I try but most of my family,s women will push you away and say everything is okay, whilst everything shows that they are suffering inside. Men will try to give help but will never force a woman to receive help .
Well, don't prescribe to the world's toxic decisions. At the end of the day, I don't have any kids and I don't want any so there's not much people can say at all towards me and they hate it and I love it.😅😊
99% of adults have a teenage mindset! That's why they're unable to give "unconditional love". When you reach the "adult mindset" level, you easily understand the importance of giving full love and support to children, so the unborn generations within your bloodline may thrive. And that takes a true adult to understand that!
@@MartilyRamagadoIt's not about an adult mindset. It's about everything automatically being expected of the mother when fathers are just as caring and if not more.
That's what the original comment was referring to.
I mention how I like roofing and guys pop their top because as a woman I'm supposed to like working in a house caring for children I've done this before with infants that were my family, but I still like roofing more.
I know that's weird but I like working outside. Yet I still have random men placing their imaginary roles onto simply because of gender. I'm married for 22 years. My husband stays home. He got through cleaning the house and I was told to keep everything clean by him.
"Yes, sir!"
Some guys think men shouldn't be cleaning simply because of gender. I want to point out tgat I got nothing against moms who clean and stay home and nurture. Just, we're not all like that.
@@christins.1481 If a man marries out of superficial thinking or societal pressure, he will not truly love his kids or wife. Most people's dads care for them but do not truly love them bc they never loved their mother in the first place. So, he will not pitch in to help the child or the mother. And if the child makes a mistake or becomes rebellious later on, he will blame the mother. Basically, many pick their own poison but want to point the finger at their kids.
I'm so grateful I was allowed the to choose to be child free.
Right 😅 Most people in America male and female act like they didn't have a choice.
@@monejohn9973 exactly! Too many males and females are out here making oops babies that they don't actually want and aren't really ready for. THAT is the issue! We ALL have a choice to remain child free. My husband and I lived our lives child free until we made the CHOICE to have a baby and we do not regret our daughter.
@@SummerShandyThe sheer amount of people that have told me they were an “oops baby” is so concerning and disappointing. Like it’s genuinely a 50/50 when you ask people if they were planned or not.
@@monejohn9973 We do have the choice. But the society we live in puts so much pressure on both men and women to get married and have kids. And if you don't, then society sees you as something is wrong with you and a failure to society.
@@babysam3768 , I'm an oops baby and my family is full of oops babies. It's also disappointing to hear people say dumb stuff like "Most babies are not planned. They just happen." It's sad to know there are people that exist that don't understand the idea that there are babies that were actually planned between two people that loved and respected each other and are wanted by BOTH parents. And neither parent regrets them.
Here for my daily birth control. Reminding myself that i cant live for someone else if i cant live for myself.
Same reason I’m here lol
My mom depicted motherhood as a traumatic, histrionics, maniacal emotional horror..
Now I know ,she regretted having me, for sure.
I'm so sorry you experienced that. It doesn't take away from your own worth though 🙏❤️
Decenter yourself. It's not all about you. Your mother is a human with feelings and emotions. She might not regret you but the experience of motherhood. If you're struggling with comprehending that, seek therapy.
@@NaturallyMariaB that's a really awful way to say it but I get your point I think
@@Egress00agreed!
@@NaturallyMariaBthere’s a better way to say that. Very insensitive. This video only highlights mother’s struggles while children aren’t able to articulate how it sucks to be on the other end of this conversation. Both sides mother and kids need to be heard. Don’t invalidate her.
It takes a lot of money to raise a child comfortably. If you are poor, dont even try
Exactly And then working Mother's get mad at me when I tell them it is the dumbest thing Ever to sacrifice your body to produce a baby and then pay somebody else to take care of your baby and have fun with your baby, WhIle i go to work? 😅That sounds like the dumbest decision A person could make because a man is not a guarantee.😅
It takes more than money to comfortably raise a child. Just ask any nanny for a rich family or nurse working in a rehab. Now those ppl will tell u that money isn’t even half the problem.
@@wanjawandia1786duh.
@@wanjawandia1786what other issues? Just wondering
@@purpleviolet9046 Being Present physically, emotionally, and mentally.
Lots of rich kids grow up with issues cuz their parents weren’t physically and emotionally present leaving them neglected and lonely. Kids don’t care about living in gated communities, summer vacations, or pulling up to school in a nice car. Despite how much money is thrown at a child they still need their parents to be present.
As a person with no support system it would be terribly unwise of me to have kids. Among other considerations, it's not an ideal life choice for me, regardless of what anyone else has to say about it.
I hope more women stop and think about their life trajectory and be real with themselves so we can stop this. I know if I were a mother, I'd be in the very same boat so I opted out. No child or his mother should feel like this. 😢
Thank you for sharing!
Very fair
This is the reason I'm staying childfree
Same! Ppl try to sell me on this misery everyday but it’s not happening.
90% of these videos are of women who are recently postpartum or with small children, and I just laugh.
Like, yes honey postpartum and having small kids is very challenging, did you expect anything else?
@@cierrawashington8596 you laugh? 😮 the things you find funny..
@@sherrytzasherrytza4793 I LAUGH because NO SHIT having an infant is hard!
@@cierrawashington8596 I have a seven-year-old going on eight that is autistic and extremely violent in school every single day. No amount of professional interventions, family advice, and ABA therapies that i have is helping at all. No one prepares anyone for that! The infant stage was the easiest part of being a mom for me…
They don't have to tell it.
It's visible in their faces.
No one forced them to have kids. Too many people have children for narcissistic reasons. Kids arent accessories you can take back to the store when you get bored with them.
@@susiex6669 You have no idea why anyone else is having children or if any parent endured pressure from family or reproductive sabotage and abuse from a partner.
Do not conflate your beliefs and experiences on situations you cannot know the situation or people in it.
@@susiex6669oh shut up , I hate that comment ( no one forced them to have kids ) kids can be born assholes who take all your energy, or they come out with disabilities 😢 that’s hard to handle life happens perfect Annie just Waite till you have kids
@@karenlacey4549 at the end of the day, it is their choice, unless abortion wasn’t legal at the time. Just because there are pressures, or influences (which you DO get influenced without knowing but that’s sociology, it’s a part of life), YOU choose to have children. Unless you are in a situation of trafficking or forced marriage (which isn’t as common in developed, formerly known as first-world, countries but can still happen at a smaller rate compared to other countries) or abortion was not legal at the time, you still choose.
My mother did it because she “always wanted to be a mother since [she] was little,” but she only continued the cycle of generational abuse. We apparently called her “monster mommy” when we were children because of her outbursts, which I can still recall (at least, some of them). She blames it on a medication imbalance, citing her Major Depressive Disorder, yet I did not do the same as someone who has PMDD and Bipolar II. My parents were poor; I lost 100lbs. in six months in the eighth grade because I, along with my siblings, was given a limit on what I can eat, when I can eat it, and how much of it I can eat daily. My siblings got away with doing whatever, but I did not and so I ate one meal the size of my fists combined at dinner, while my overweight parents ate the best and most nutritious food we had. My parents did not balance us out, and continued to have us all within 36 months, my mom was 21 at the time I was born, and yet continued to be emotionally immature throughout my childhood (I am now a freshman in college, age 19) because she chose to marry early because she only wanted kids. My parents were mormon, as was I, and only in my second semester of my high-school junior year did they tell me they no longer believed in it; they later pulled out the rug again only days before I started classes just a few weeks ago, saying they were no longer Christian (this is because of their change in beliefs due to early marriage and having kids early, thus not allowing them to enjoy their time as adults because they were foolish and naïve, truly just idiotic individuals and I can say that as I experienced their fallacies upon fallacies).
My experience doesn’t dictate others’, but it sure does provide a part of the narrative that this is not okay. While mormons believe in marriage and children at an early, legal age, they ultimately chose this, just like they chose to be intimate again and again, which led to me, the oldest child, raising three siblings (one adopted) and being separated from them as my mother would treat the others in a different, better manner. Religion is a choice at the end of the day, and choosing to follow it is ultimately up to someone; it is not the fault of family or friends if someone chooses to have a child because they chose to do so. My parents were narcissistic and did it to fit in, using me and my siblings to post on social media and to make the perfect family picture to family and friends while we fought, cried, and suffered at home in silence; nobody listened because I had no physical marks. My mother named me and my sister after her, and I cannot tell you how depressing it is to be told I look like and have the same mannerisms as the woman who blamed me for wanting to kill herself.
I hope this helps you understand, and I apologize both for the long text and the anecdote. I simply cannot stand to see someone defending people who have the ability to choose, just like I chose to work hard and get a scholarship to college, to turn my life around and end my non-drug/non-alcohol addictions, and to become a healthier and happier person than my parents set out for me to be.
Staying in denial about this doesn't help anyone in the long run. Glad people are talking about this.
Frfr yes!
And men say women want this life 😂no I will never ever be a mother
Dude. Women say this too. This one lady said having and raising kids is the most fulfilling thing a WOMAN can do and if the woman says otherwise, that woman is lying.😦
@hibiscus6466 she is lying as hell
@@hibiscus6466That woman was speaking from her own experience and thinking it applies to everyone. That’s just a lack of empathy. I constantly see men on childfree women’s videos blabbing about how it’s a woman’s purpose to have kids and how she’s going to end up old and lonely with cats. They are the most bitter about it because women are recognizing we don’t need men and are in fact happier without them.
Most women definitely didn't want that life and when I say most...I mean all the ones I've met in real life
@@Richgurlzthey just don't have anything other to do....so that is only thing available to them
Mothers that resent motherhood are not bad people. They are just simply so incredibly exhausted and burnt out with having to keep track of EVERYTHING. And don’t even get me started on the overstimulation with messes, noises and constant touching.
That sentence on the overstimulation hit hard.
“Overstimulation” makes me wonder how neurodivergent mothers handle motherhood 🙁
Hating motherhood all comes down to exhaustion. Women who are brought to their limits hate motherhood. Mothers need physical and emotional rest too.
Thank you for saying this! I've gone through postpartum and domestic violence since I've had my daughter. I'm exhausted I never get a break, and my village left during my pregnancy. You're correct about hating motherhood all comes down to exhaustion, I'm exhausted with no relief.
The comment section really is depressing, your comment made me feel understood.
Thank you for commenting, and understanding.
You might have saved someone's life today
@@allthingsmoonchild4684 keep strong! You might not be seeing that now but it will get better. Your little one will grow bit by bit, eventually you will start getting better sleep, you will start getting better rest and she will be the prime reason for your happiness. For now just keep pushing. If you have any help available don't hesitate to use it, family or friends. I have you in my thoughts.
Exactly! You’re so right!
Absolutely! When you’re the one that has to do the majority of the childcare and you have a hyperactive teenager it can be very overwhelming .
@@gifty2595 Indeed it can be extremely overwhelming, keep your head up beautiful ❤️
Not having kids is so amazing.
I agree. I love my life. Children are awesome, I just don't want any of my own.❤😂
@@EricaMCrossbeing an auntie is enough for me lol
@@00st307-m Amen😂❤️💯
@@00st307-m Vent/long message as a 27 YO Mexican: People ask me "do you have neices nephews ?" When I say I WILL NEVER have kids. But I don't have any. I've been on nexplanon for 9 years straight. I don't like children of any age. I'm over 10 years w/husband and we are sure as the sun will rise tmrw we will never have one. I don't want ANYTHING that comes/could come with caring for a small person that takes zero responsibility in the eyes of the law. Ruining my body, their school, sports, other parents, people that could groom/abuse them right under my nose (teachers/family members), mentoring, money, their cries and ridiculous toddler squeals, 24/7 interrogation from a 5 year old, more money, space, disrespect, the respect they might show you, the "nice" things that could come from it sometimes, I want *none* of it. Idk what or if something's wrong with me. Other adults say I'm always too nice or overly nice (I only am around adults). I'm not a wicked witch. But I have no desire to be around, hear, talk to, or even smell kids (boogers, crayons and sweat). That's just how I am. My parents are FULLY supportive. My mom says she wishes she never had any. Several women in my family have had nightmare/near fatal labors; my mother tried to be born bottom first. My brother's birth caused serious complications for my mother so she had to have a C- section and full hysterectomy soon as he was born. She almost died when him and I were born. And we are very small women in my family (under 4' 11"). There are some people that don't want children of their own or neices/nephews or even children/baby neighbors. Pls Stop saying I'll change my mind. This isnt directed at anyome in particular just a confirmation that there are people like me.
I am childfree for life and I feel sorry for the kids of regretful parents 💔
I’m a nurse (nurturing professional) and I am close to 40 yrs old. I get asked all the time by my female coworkers if I’m ever going to have children. People assume because I’m a nurse that I must want to raise children. They seem taken aback when I tell them I don’t want kids. I deeply respect the amount of time, resources it takes to raise a child properly which I don’t think most people even consider before having kids. Most these coworkers make way less money than me but keep having more children who are in daycare etc while they work. I look back to the years when I misbehaved and mouthed off to my mother and I deeply regret it. But it also taught me you can do everything and give up your own dreams/life to raise a kid while they disrespect you. I take care of my mom now that her health is declining but having kids does not guarantee they will take care of you when you’re elderly. We have plenty of patients that end up in nursing homes while they have many children and grandchildren who won’t take care of them. I’m happy with my dogs and my partner.
💯 if people had kids who would reciprocate their love and respect nobody would have them.
Your mom never disciplined you that's why you were brave enough to disrespect and mouth off to her. If your mom was Caribbean you would know sound lashing!
Exactly what I would have said.I hope more people actually think about it I can imagine some of the children are not thrilled with this public display .💙uk
So true
A guy here. My wife and I wanted badly to have children. She got pregnant a few months after our wedding, but then "we" had a miscarriage. It was a very traumatic experience that shook our relationship strongly, even more because after that we kept on trying for several years, with medical resources imaginable in a process that consumed our energy, money and mental health. Nothing worked...
We are both 45 now and chances of a pregnancy happening are as great as 0. I look around though...other friends and family... I take a look at the whole picture from outside. Our financial struggles. In moments money seems to be short and our budget tight I often wonder...what if we had children right now? What the hell would I do to go through this. In better times, when we are able to go on vacation travelling abroad then again the thought persists: What if I had children? Would I be able to enjoy this wonderful vacation now???
When I get home from work highly stressed - and let me add that I'm a teacher - I try to picture this scenario again: what if I had children now, after a day like this one and on top of my very stressful afternoon dealing with children at school I had too to deal with tantrums of my own kid at home???
Analysing all of this scenario while not having children made me realize that I'm better off without kids. So much so that I nurtured for some time the thought of adopting a child... Not anymore. I do not want to be a father anymore. These dreams of parenthood are ingrained in our imagination in a very romantic way through book stories and films. Reality is raw and often times not that beautiful.
Very well said 🙏🏼🤍
she had a miscarriage, not you.
@@TheAndreagza We had a miscarriage. I seriously don't feel like having an argument out of this. If you have feelings towards the way I have expressed myself, please, discuss it with someone you know.
@@rogersilveira6036 Ok, are you able to carry a baby in your womb? Do you have that capacity? Please stop making it all about you.
@@TheAndreagza YOU ARE SICK
I wish more women would be honest about this
As many people say: I would rather regret not having children, than regret having children.
I guess I go with this.. as you only regret the things that you don't do.. 😂😂
Don't do it unless you desperately want to be a parent. Second greatest devastating experience of mymlife after my nightmare marriage. My son is profoundly disabled and I reared him alone when my ex bailed on us. Imagine a healthy body, but mind of a toddler, nearly no language, or higher level cognition. Absolutely devastating. Love him more than life itself and wish I had never done it. Good luck.
The first lady resonated with me so deeply. My mother absolutely wanted me and never regretted having me, she was meant to be a mother. Through thick and thin she did the very best she could with the horrible hand she was dealt in life. But she has realized now just how much anxiety my existence brought to her exactly because she loves and cares so much.
And I think that this is another thing people should really think about when they're thinking about having kids; will you be able to handle and deal with the very real possibility that your love for your child will lead to intense anxieties and fears? Do you have the mental strength and (more importantly even) the support system needed to deal with that? Because knowing you WANT a child WITH whatever that might mean and bring, both good and bad, pretty and ugly, is not enough. You might even have the financial means to raise them comfortably, but can you handle the emotional labour that is raising and nurturing a child? I feel that even now this is still overlooked.
My anxiety became almost unbearable after becoming a mom. A constant fear that something bad might happen and that I'm not good enough.
@@non-applicable.You're good enough. Mother is the name of God on the lips of children.
You are good enough. Don't give up. Stay strong.
Nobody warns women about this.
Women need to make sure that the men they choose to have children with wants to be a parent and not just a father. If you want kids great but ask yourself why and more importantly ask your man why he want to have kids. If the answer doesn’t include wanting nurture, raise, educate or even love a little human being don’t do it. If all he can say is legacy, RUN!! Someone who bangs on about legacy does not want to be a parent, they just want to spread their seed and be able to say I have kids. They will invest nothing of themselves into their children, because it’s not about the kids it’s about them.
I disagree.
Men in their very DNA are driven by creating their legacy. 🙏
I disagree.
Men in their very DNA are driven by creating their legacy. 🙏
@Phoenix00797 you're definitely a man. You have no idea what it's like.
No men who don't want to be fathers and active parents need to fix their own plumbing so that they don't have any
@@Phoenix00797 Eso está bien pero aparte debe dejar claro de si va a amar, cuidar y protejer a su LEGADO y no solo tenerlo para que la mujer se encargue al 100% de su cuidado, sí, los hombres ofrecen economía para ellos pero deben de dar más, entre otras cosas, tiempo de calidad con ellos y ayudar en la crianza cuando la mujer no pueda o le sea complicado.
De todas formas, hay hombres que no desean tener hijos.
My grandma and grandpa still taking care of their 40 and 50 year old sons
Always a "son" coddling.
🤮
How are they taking care of their sons? Maybe the sons are taking care of them?
@@Amateur_Pianist_472be so fr right now 😂
@@Egh0127They have a point. There’s always 2 sides to a story and we shouldn’t believe everything a stranger says online. Men deserve to be taken care of too if the only place they get it from is their parents the who cares.. We don’t know their stories and how they’ve been treated in life
As a man, to all the woman who are deciding not to have kids I salute you 🥂
That’s why it annoys me when people say to me you “should” have kids, just for the sake of having them because everyone have them. Absolutely ridiculous thing to say to someone who doesn’t have a natural desire to have kids!
The worst is when they say “just try it!” TRY IT?! What the hell you can’t push the undo button here! I suppose if you hate it you can give your kid up to adoption/foster care but that it frowned upon by society. So what do they mean TRY IT you MAY like it? Huh! 🤔 it’s baffling.
@@schuylergeery-zink1923Giving your child up for adoption is a horrible idea. Foster care is not a good thing most of the time and the trauma that comes with that is terrible too . I think abortion is honestly the most humane thing out of any other choice.
Now in the USA, theyre taking away the choice to be able to abort, so woman has no choice, but to carry their babies to term.. nevermind the fact that some pregnancies could kill the mother lol
Being childfree is the best choice I ever made. I love being a childfree homeowner. My house is peaceful, clean, and quiet.
All I am missing is the house but beyond that...PEACE and flexibility is everything!
If you hate farming, hate food otherwise your mentality comes across as extremely selfish because you expect others to furnish you with what you don't want to deal with! You may want a boyfriend or husband, who happens to be someone's son!
Good for you ma'am:)
Yeah remind yourself of this when your heading into your 50s 60s 80s and your old alone with no purpose no family, no real precious memories no one that cares of your existence your life is a waste,
@@ibstevee I know numerous people that have kids. And are still experiencing everything you just listed off.
I work in a high school and each day assures me more and more that I absolutely made the right decision to never have kids.
I’ve been a lifeguard for 8 years. My job played a big roll in convincing me to not want kids. And it still continues to convince me
I never wanted to have kids,i had all kinds of pet babys, coons,skunk,crow,baby dear,many dogs. I would love to have a tiger baby if it could stay a little baby,same with a elephant. My sister always felt the same as i did ,she had horses,dobermans, coon babys,otter babys,squrarle babys,cats a dear and every body got along with each other ,
I love being a mom but I hate how hard being a mom is and I hate how hateful ppl are towards moms. I hate that I get all the slack and pressure in society
💯.
Having kids shouldn't be this hard. Everyone is punishing us. I love my kids but society makes it impossible to raise them properly.
I completely agree with both of you. 💯
Yes, as much as I love my kid, I hate being a parent.
Same.
Thank you for your honesty.
Same
I've thought carefully about this, I don't think it's the motherhood. It's the spouse, and it's the support system, that are failing. It's like you're a single parent even when you're not.
You said something profound. Let’s offer to help a mom in whatever way we can, People. Our society can do better.💕
Actually a single woman will do better because they don't have to take care of a manchild that is worse than having more than one toddler. A child is easy to satisfy, but a man? You will be doing non human tasks.
Nah, girl. It's the motherhood TOO. Motherhood is an everlasting burden that never leaves. When I had my first child I said "I will never be happy again." Not because I didn't love my child with all my heart, but because I did. Even if I was happy, there was a potential for unhappiness because of what could possibly go wrong for my child. Suppose they didn't turn out to be good people? Suppose I failed in their education? Suppose they became disabled or disadvantaged in some way? Suppose they died in one of the millions of ways it's possible to die, including by being murdered by one of the many evil people that walk the earth? Suppose they were raped or assaulted by one of those evil people? The list goes on and on. The potential for grief in my life had just multiplied exponentially, not just the potential for joy. And no one had warned me. I really dislike being a mother, yet if one of my children was seriously harmed or died I would not be able to get out of bed in the morning. Those 2 things are not contradictory. They go together.
@@ananse77 I totally understand and relate with what you're saying
I agree with this. I also think that our grandmothers and great grandmothers had it easier because they usually had a spouse (the dad) who would go out to work and actually made enough to support a family. These days, one person can't earn enough to raise two or three kids. I don't believe our society is built for people to be able to have two or three kids anymore. It's also difficult if you're a woman who has goals and dreams to do something in art or whatever your passion is. I used to be told when I was in my early twenties and unsure about having kids that I would change my mind. I'm nearly forty and still going after my dreams of art and am child free, only have a cat. I don't regret it. The only thing I would wish for in the future is a spouse to share my life with.
I don't regret my son or motherhood but fucking hell, it's hard! If you are not ready to give up your entire life, do not have a child. It is not for the faint hearted.
I give credit to Moms, it is a brave decision. I knew personally I could not do it, for many reasons. You are brave, I admire Moms and loved mine so much. I look at my sister who had two kids and went through it all with her ex. I helped when I could but I look at all Moms like... God bless you all !!!!
ahahah thanks for the advice! I loooked after my two toddler cousins for a day and I couldnt imagine doing it for years, mothers truly are fighters and society doesnt realize or acknowledge this. Wish you and your baby a life full of happiness and health❤
@@DajanaZ ❤
@@loveandlight5986 🫂❤️
Sounds awful, thank you for the advice 🙏🏽
Yeah not surprised to be honest and reason I'm definitely not having kids.
I’m an adult now, but I could tell during childhood that my mother regretted having kids. It’s the worse realization you can have as a child. I don’t have a relationship with her. She tried to sabotage my future because she was jealous and selfish. I’m prob not gonna have kids because of this experience and also because I don’t have a support system because of her. Y’all really need to be more self aware if you bring a human into this world. It can really scar us in the future. You think we don’t notice things but we notice everything
❤
The world is screwed up because people don’t fix their own issues before having kids. Most people aren’t capable of being good parents
Remember it is only in recent years that “fixing” your own issues before having kids was even considered let alone discussed.
Very relatable
I relate so much to this!!
Imagine being a single mother and the support system you have is full of narcissists and you are the scapegoat. That is something that was not mentioned in this video.
How did u just describe me to a t? That was my life for 8 years and we still got problems over it
@@SK-rs1huI know people who experienced this too. That is how I know it to a t.
@@prettylyricsmarie 🫂 *hugs*
@SK-rs1hu You too. A total nightmare for sure, but then there was karma.
🔥🔥🔥🐉
I’m staying childfree, it is not a compromise - it is a deal breaker and a hard h*ll NO. I wouldn’t make a good mother to a human child and there will never be one from me. I respect mothers, I respect their struggles, but I can’t and it’s not for me. I’ve seen my younger siblings from newborn to adult and how hard it was for mom, the strongest person I know, so there’s no romanticism towards it for me, I’ve seen the good, the bad, the ugly and know it isn’t a path for me to walk.
Thank you for your opinion &your honesty. I agree with every thing you said, i never had any craving to have kids.guys at work would say to me "boy are you lucky, you dont know how lucky you are.I know what they ment,some would even start crying,big guys, explaining what there life is like,couldnt hardly get them to stop crying like there heart would break,not a few,many of them. My sister felt the same way as i did,she said the same thing happened to her ay work. She said at first women would shame her for not having kids but later the same ones would ssy to her wow are you lucky not to have kids.
Im 68, no kids, no regrets. Youre right, its a defective bill of goods.
We have to quit glorifying motherhood and telling women that they won't be happy unless they fulfill their destiny of having children. It's not all sunshine and roses for many, yet so many women go into it blindly without knowing the reality of the suck parts. There was not one part of me that thought that motherhood was something I'd remotely enjoy. Happy childfree at 56 with no regrets.
Child free forevaaaaa
Hear Hear!
🙌🙌🙌🙌
I can't understand the mom on reddit honestly how did it take three kids for her to realize she hates being a parent???....with 1 it's understandable because the first time you become a parent and experience how it feels like you're in a better understanding of knowing that you want the experience again or not
And the one that had 5. Like did she have quintuplets? Cause that would be the only reasonable answer xD
Some women have choices taken away from them. Or have no choices at all, depending on where they live.
@@kristie9144💯💯👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
This may be because each child has a different personality, hormonal levels, being in constant fright or flight with the 1st or 2nd child, then with the 3rd you crash out completely. Living arrangements, social environment, the relationship with the Father may of change. There is so much to consider here. Overall, Mothers who are struggling deserve empathy.
Sometimes it takes a few tries to figure out how much it really sucks. Meaning you might not figure it out by the first child.
My mum says if she could have her life again she would not have kids. I seen her struggle throughout my whole life, it was not enjoyable for her. She had no one and nothing, especially once her and my father divorced.
I agree with your mum….if I could do it all over again I would not have had not 1 kid…and I only had 1 kid and I would not have even had him
Your mom is smart.
I would never again I agree.
Sounds like your mom really loves you
@@Beavis74-r3q what the fuck has my mum saying if she had her life again she wouldn't have kids got to do with how much she loves me ? You simpleton.
@@Beavis74-r3q sounds like you're a butt hurt parent that secretly wishes the same
I honestly found this subject heartbreaking... Both for moms and for kids.
The world is not very women or child friendly. But then society expect us to just have children anyway....
@@carrino15 society doesn't expect you to have kids. Thats why they're bringing in immigrants to replace you.
@@carrino15🎯🎯🎯
If you’re broke, have no support system, and haven’t talked to your partner about the changes that will come with having kids and how you navigate that, or love your independence, spontaneity and ability to be free, DONT DO IT.
I don't hate motherhood. I hate modern motherhood, no village, sahp filling 12 hats, feeling like you're not enough. I hate burnout.
This 😭😭👏🏻
Also the men will turn around and say , “That’s NOT my kid! Who have you been sleeping with ?!”
💯💯💯happened to me three times
I’m so sorry 😢
As Maury used to say to the women who slept around who was sure some guy was the father “You are NOT the father”
My (very good) mother was the first parenthood regreter that I ever met. I totally respect her feelings on it and I’m 44 and have never had kids because kids are hideous monsters.
Children reflect their parents. Remember that!
@@lovekingdom5581 totally agree.
@@lovekingdom5581 not at all. Children are separate sentient beings all their own.
You can teach them something over and over and they may still go whatever way they choose.
Jeffrey Dahmer was raised in a good home with very caring loving parents. And his grandmother was also very caring and loving to him.
@@songsthatarecatchyChildren are fruit from a tree and if the tree is poisonous, more often than not, the fruit is too.
@@susiex6669 both can be true at the same time.
Ah, ya'll look around. There's been MANY a woman who resented having children! Some speak on it, most just suffer in silence or only voice it to their closest friend.
Also, just think if that child was severely autistic, had some type of birth defect, some type of emotional disorder, etc!
Having a baby with the wrong person can ruin your life literally…. 💔😞Emotionally Financially & Spiritually ..I don’t have kids (yet) I’m 30
My partner has memory issues, and so do I. Fortunately, we both have the wherewithal to decide against having children. Having kids isn’t for everybody.
Magne B6. Since you are not genetically related to your partner but you both have same problem that could only mean lack of certain nutritions in food and enviroment is the source of problem.
@@rengurenge unfortunately, it’s just a part of the medical conditions we have. We do what we can to help ourselves and one another, and we accept our limitations.
My older sister did everything the "right way." She got a degree, met a guy who was in the church, got married and became a stay at home mom while her husband provides for the family. Now 6 kids later, she opened up telling me if she could do it all over again, she would've stayed single and focused on pursuing her own dreams and career path. I was already pretty sure I wanted to stay childfree but after hearing that I was CONVINCED. I've accepted that there are some things in life that I don't have to experience!
My mother once told me “ don’t get married and don’t have kids.” I said, “ why but you did? … anyways I don’t think I am I never saw that in the future .” She said “good .” Never understood till I got older
I’m beyond grateful for staying child free. The book “Motherhood” from Sheila Heti helped me a lot. I’m so glad I educated myself before just reproducing 🙏🏽
Thank you
I find parenthood kind of strange, because having kids sounds so awful to me, I don't really understand why people do it. I guess there's meaning in family, and if you have the money and the free time, then it might be a rewarding adventure to have with the one you love. But who has money or free time nowadays?! It just sounds like an astronomically difficult lifelong prison sentence to me. So when parents complain, a part of me is like, why did you have kids then? Wasn't it obvious? I feel the same about sex too. People seem to have sex so casually nowadays, and it's like, you do realise that's how babies are made, right?!
I fully agree ,I have been scolded/browbeet for having my own opinion,im sure glad i did my own thing because i was the one that had to live it out not them
Lemme say it real brief
Mothers regret their children - they explain, analyze, beg for help, struggle.
Fathers regret children - they leave. And it's the best ending - otherwise they bit, abuse, and destroy.
Let that sink in.
That's all you need to know about society, equality, and other shit
💯
I love my babygirl. I don’t regret having her but I do regret not giving her a better dad. I’m struggling to stay above the water but I’d always want her. But she deserves more than I can give her. I feel like I’m struggling mentally from being overworked, overstimulated, under rested? And never being poured into. I feel like I’m at a constant deficit and I’m at the point of giving up. Don’t want to go to work. Why? It all goes to daycare anyway. I can’t even save 5.00. I’m tired. I don’t regret having her but I should’ve been wiser. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone
It's not all about you either, who is to say your daughter will grow up to be happy ? Most won't because the reality is we have to work out lives away until we die just so we can have the basic necessities in life just in order to survive.
@@SatsusssThat is why we live life To God❤
@@josiahesquivel1487Can God come down here and help people out?
I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Please if there are any resources available to you please try and get some support in some way.
There are so many hidden programs no one knows anything about.
I am sorry you are going through this. I hate hearing this, is there any programs you can sign up for to help ? I know churches are a good resource at times.
A very good friend of mine, with having A LOT of history with, has a husband as well, said to me ‘don’t ever have kids, and never let people try to pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do’
She loves and lives for her kid. I have a lot of respect for her as an individual that would come out and say that.
She worries like a parent would, and makes tons of time for both her kid and her man. It’s as solid as I’ve ever seen with my eyes, because it seems like things like that don’t really have a good firm place anymore.
Thank you for both your honesty, and i think its a great thing to talk and have a understanding, even the animals talk among them selves,we cant hear them but im sure that they communicate with each other. & very little fighting if any at all thank you again
I tried this life so they didn't have to. My kids being in heaven is the best I could ever do for them.
There is no justification for murder
The most reasonable and realistic comment I have ever read so far, congratulations for being su h smart person, feel the same way, greetings from Europe
@beyday8832 Incorrect. An unwanted child does absolutely nothing for a woman but bring suffering and ties to a man who may or may no be absolute garbage.
Children are not dolls or toys or little purse dogs for you to show off.
If you can't handle having children DO NOT HAVE THEM. Forcing women to be mothers brings nothing but disaster.
Don't get it ? How are they in heaven ? Heaven is where people are supposed to go when they die ? If you've never had kids they aren't in heaven because they never existed in the first place.
@@Satsusssim guessing abortion
Motherhood and being a wife is servant ship in slavery. There’s no way I could decrease my life to be a mother or wife.
It is. I live it daily, and felt like you most of my life but still took it on. Stick to your views and honor it. Don’t let family and societal expectations force you to be a wife and mother.
Confused... having children means you come last. I hear a lot of selfish women or women with unrealistic ideals.
I want to have children but i didn't meet anyone that I wanted to look at for the rest of my life.
glad I trusted myself and did NOT have kids.
These babies did not ask to be born. Do your best to mask it in front of them-they deserve parents who don’t make them feel terrible about being alive.
Women didn’t ask to become the singular primary caretaker when signing up for parenthood they thought that the father, aunts and uncles or grandparents would help out but no, women are expected to do it all alone while men are praised for not even spending time with the kid they so desperately wanted and doing what would be labelled as child neglect if a mother did the same
@@Dixie2945 the primary caregivers of children are their parents . They need to learn to help one another when it comes to the home and their children. Their decision to have a family isn't the aunt's, uncle's or grandparents responsibility.
Every woman in my life who has kids hate it and vocalize it almost constantly and in the same breath want me to have kids as well lmao i like kids but not that much to be stuck with one forever. Like people have kids where i live to be seen as more desireable its hard to explain but they have them kids for looks and a handout from the government. Its disgusting. Nobody really thinks shit through where i live they have kids because they think its cute
What strikes me again and again is the lack of healthy communication between partners - before having children.
Pressure and expectations from those around you are one thing. But why do you get together with a partner whose plans for the future run completely counter to your own?
Don't people talk about their expectations of life?
My husband told me that he wanted children and if I didn't want that, then he didn't see a future for a relationship - on our first date. I found that refreshingly honest. (In our case, it worked because I also wanted children).
So communicate!
Talk to each other, talk to other people, talk to new parents, think about the consequences of deciding to have a child. Not just the costs, but also everyday things that are often forgotten: Which parent stays home with the baby? (We live in the 21st century. It doesn't automatically have to be the woman). Perhaps it is also possible to have an alternating model. Who takes on which part of the housework? Is there network that can support you? Grandparents, relatives, friends ...
Jesus, make a list for or against having a child if you have to. It may sound a bit cold, but it will save you a lot of grief in the long run. For you and the potential children.
As a woman, I think you should only decide to have a child if you have a partner who is prepared to be a parent. Not just the dad who occasionally helps out.
My husband gets the boys ready in the morning and takes them to school, as I have to go to work early. Going to the hairdresser with the children? That's his job. The boys' check-up at the dentist? His job. Ironing the laundry? His job.
You have to share all the small and large tasks in a household and make sure that everyone gets enough time off to avoid burning out completely.
And if you decide not to have children (which I totally understand), both partners are responsible for keeping it that way!
Your 100%right about communication & and if you already not geting along very well, for god sake wait with the kids, that would just put more strain on a questionable marrage.other wise that sounds like a recipe for a train wreck
Thats what i call great.thinking thank you for your honest input it would be nice if everyone felt that way
This - i became a first time mum this year and i regret it - i hated pregency, hated the newborn stage and its only getting slightly better now 8 months later.
Like i love my daughter and i would never would want her to know how i feel but i deeply regret the role of parenthood 😢😢.
I have ptsd from my pregency and childbirth as i was treated like dirt and my c section got infected. Just so many things have gone wro g you do think was it worth it ? But im not allowed to vpice my opinion/feelings because i will get told well why did you do it then or well your daughter was worth it like noone seems to care about me anymore or my feelings
Yup every time my husband does something he gets all the praise in the world. I say anything i get told im Overprotective/Nagging /Im a mum now so thats my job 😡😡😡😡.
Just the other week my husband was going off to watch football (fair enough) i said i cant wait to have break in frint of my mum and i got told well you are a mum now 😡😡😡 so ???? This isnt the 1950s anymore 😅😅😅
I'm so sorry, dear. Have you considered divorce and giving him 50% custody so you can have time alone to take care of yourself? You are FIRST, not last, in your life.
Just don't have kids. I didn't and at 41, I sleep as much as I want to. Go on trips anytime I want to explore. I have time to do art, indulge in various interests and hang out in third places. Life is amazing!
My mom always complained about how good her life was before us ( 4 kids ) .. all my childhood I have to take care of my siblings.. she ruined my childhood and she was very abusive mentally and physically… I decided to go under surgery called tubectomy and I’m very happy with my choice . Been child free it’s best decision ever made for me.
Get over it....
She suffered and you are still alive because of her. Go cry to dad, aunts, uncles etc.
@@Armelleee
The same-sex parent is the biggest influence in an adult’s life, and that doesn’t end unless you go no contact with the parent and get Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to reparent yourself as an adult. It’s possible you are just unaware of how the brain and nervous system work, and how children are shaped by abusive caregivers. It’s the cause of all the worst problems in society; including homelessness, ped0phelia, poverty, domestic violence, addiction, and self-deletion.
@@Armelleee Well her mother is the one who brought her into the world to begin with. Regardless of whether she suffered, OP didn't ask for that. 🤷♀
The tubectomy decision wasn't yours, it was hers 😥
@@Armelleee nobody asked her to bring a children to this world to begin with…. You’re talking about something that you clearly don’t know. Grow up and stop telling people what to do with their life’s !!!!! ….
Many people, men and women, are not fit to be parents, but unfortunately they have kids anyway. These are the results. I highly appreciate people who make the concious decision to stay childfree because they know parenthood is just not for them
If both my parents made a conscious decision to have/not have s3x knowing the outcomes I’m sure my siblings & I would not be alive today lol they did what they needed to do in our developmental years where they taught me valuable things (besides my mothers abuse) after age 11/12 they let it be known that they don’t fkn care much. Left to raise ourselves and we were to be grateful for shelter, food, and clothes
Someone said “men want kids the way kids want pets”
I could never regret my kids no matter how difficult it's been to raise them as a single Mama. It takes a certain layer to appreciate the intensity and self less intension to raise a human being. I'm not going to begin to try understand the other end of this spectrum cause our experiences are unique to our circumstances. Some days I'm regretful of what I'm missing other days I feel like the luckiest Mom on earth... That's life perfect in it's in perfections. Motherhood is a selfless calling if you missed this calling that's okay, twas not meant for you ❤
Realistaclly... This is what happens when people have children for selfish reasons.... The community isn't there because they realized they are ONLY there to be USED... That's IT.
Yup
It’s probably mostly teen parents that realized they never had time to develop on their own WITHOUT being attached to someone else. EVERYBODY has to LEARN themselves but how can you if you’re having kids in your teenage years?
That's false. Regretful mothers also birthed in their 30s, early 40s. Motherhood is hard and miserable at any age of giving birth.
I think a lot of parents don't like their kids because the children have been in daycare during some of their most formative years. If your child is at daycare for 8 - 10 hours a day, they're likely going to take on the mannerisms and personalities of the people they're around most, and those personalities might not align with your own as a parent. This is just a theory I've been thinking about lately, so I could be WAY off the mark. :)
You are way off the mark because not everyone can afford daycare and daycare doesn’t pay the expenses of a child….so your comment is just like trash….but don’t worry I threw it in the trash for you
It is a much bigger picture 5:26 not only a lack of support but society's hostility toward SAHM. I always knew I'd be a mom but didn't know what it would be like in reality. Parenting is a thankless job and women should consider that before having children. Would you be able to accept nothing you ever did was good enough in the eyes of outsiders and maybe your own adult children? I don't think there is anything wrong with admitting regrets. Mothers who are shamed anyway might as well go the full nine yards and say how they really feel. I don't regret bringing life into this world but I do regret how I was treated because of it.
Every child deserves parents but not all parents deserve a child.
I have a daughter that I am so grateful to have and I love her dearly but most days are the most difficult (without help). I wouldn’t have another one though. The anxiety is insane. Never let society pressure you into anything just because you are a woman!
Thank you for your honesty, people try to high pressure guys about having kids also. But fortunately for me i noticed that can make life alot harder then it already is thank you God bless
Rich people let the poor handle the demography while they take care of the money ! Be smart ladies 😉
Sooo much of this stress is a result of our choices in whom the father of our children are, we were not meant to do this alone, having no village is extremely difficult and if you choose the wrong man, and you haven’t done the work that needs to be done internally, cause as women there is so much healing that needs to bw done, you will regret becoming a mother cause being a mother tears you inside out, and it can be amazing and extremely beautiful or it can be a total nightmare! I had an excellent father, trust me, that shit makes a difference.
We also need to seriously not give a fuck about what people who don’t matter think about us, like I have never understood why ppl care so much!
@@abbie6457 facts
I had my baby because of pressure from my husband on me. He wanted children and I didn't, I gave in because I didn't want to lose him. I honestly love my baby, but I regret not having been stronger and keeping my opinion. I don't like the role of mother, my baby is an irritable baby, he doesn't sleep well... there are days when I take care of him out of pure obligation. I gave up my body, my college, my dreams..I just feel regretful and bitter.And I'm sorry because I don't want him to grow up with the feeling of not being wanted or loved.All I feel today is guilt.No have children if that's not your dream. Motherhood is overrated. It's not all that!
Fell victim to comphet because you were weak
@@pipersolanas3322 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
How old are you?
@@margarethamaartje3716 35
I had an interesting conversation with a woman from Morocco about how demanding it is to be a mother and basically her (very true and smart) point was : The problem is western women convinced themselves that doing the work of 3 people is normal and that if they fail at it, they're failure as mothers.
My children make me happy. Even though they drive me bonkers. 😆 There are days I regret, but most days I'm happy. I created life. That's a miracle.
It seems as if women are making important decisions with their lives and I think that's amazing. The main concern is the population decline, who will take care of the edlerly in the future. (I know it's not only issue, but a good example is Japan) Will our species survive?
Childfree forever woohooo
as a natural born caregiver, i can't get behind this mentality.
but im glad we're normalizing these conversations. the constant pressure to reproduce is a big part of why we have so many unwanted children and dysfunction.
I can agree with the 2nd part of your comment thank you for it
@Chuncy566 np luv...i wrote this months ago, but I've been seeing so many posts lately with parents and child free ppl putting each other down and it's so asinine. some ppl want kids and some don't, i really don't get why this is something we need to fight about. there's enough division in this country as it is
This has me so emotional because SAME 😢
I rather be a father for sure. I get to do bareeeee minimum compared to Moms and still get a clap from society
Yup every time my husband does something he gets all the praise in the world. I say anything i get told im Overprotective/Nagging /Im a mum now so thats my job 😡😡😡😡
@@s.g2344 Society hates women. This is why I refuse to listen to society and serve any man or risk birthing a daughter to serve a man.
I had 2 pregnancy loss, I see so many Women with kids. Bitter, unhappy, Angry. At least when you are childless, you do not have to be stuck. You can go out and have fun, plus you have a lot of free time. 😊
You can focus on the things, you want in life.
Mama of 4 littles and i am so thanful for these children. God gave them to me to train up for Him. Yes motherhood is hard but hard isnt the same thing as bad. Hard pushes you to do better, to be better. I do agree that mamas dont have near the help they would of years ago but you can still figure iut ways to help your days run smoother.
The point of mothers need help, it’s no one else’s responsibility to help you with the people you chose to bring into the world. The people you want help from had no say in the decision of you having children. Yet mothers always expect it. People need to start taking sole responsibility for their decisions.
This attitude is so f**kup tbh and I say that as a childfree woman. This society is pathetic and anti-female if this “you’re on your own moms” attitude is acceptable and ratified in the culture (which it is). It’s bullshit misogyny and we need children raised within support structures so women are able to flourish with or without the choice to have children. Especially in America who is disgustingly behind for a supposed “developed” country on motherhood and child supportive society. I don’t have time for the motherbashing - these women are being abandoned by a capitalist society running out of ideas and American women are losing their lives due to “you shouldn’t of had sex then” attitude of law-makers. Enough.
This is only true in modern societies.
In societies of old children were raised by the whole village mothers were surrounded by other mothers and entire communities to help.
Only those who are really strong ask for help when they need it.
Yes, the idea that others are supposed help in raising a child is insane. The village isn't going to raise your child, there's lots of other kids running around. Parents putting their children on pedestals drives me nuts. I don't care if your child can play the flute does, he/she really want to?
@@tuffguydoe7937You clearly don’t understand the concept then. We’re social, pack animals at heart and our ways of living have becoming increasingly unnatural since industrialisation and hyper capitalism. We know from observing tribes and some of close relatives in other species that we now expect too much of mothers and nuclear family units when it comes to raising our young. Within tribes still intact from modern influence, a crying baby is held by someone other than the mother 80% of the time. There is supposed to be a village and mothers sense it is missing when they are left vulnerable and isolated in our modern and regressive set up. Child rearing really is on hard mode in an individualistic capitalist set up without any structural support such as free childcare. It’s literally unnatural not to have any village when humans are that vulnerable during early motherhood and infanthood.
Honestly, these comments about not helping mothers sound so American and regressive. By that I mean - individualism can’t helping your country flourish in the long term and it shows in your decreasing quality of life.
It's not our child's fault. We need to be talking about making the world supportive for parents and moms.
Parenting was never easy. This is nothing new. It stresses me out and sometimes I need a break but regretting our children? Too far in my book. I will never want to normalize that conversation. I know people who have mother wounds because their moms spoke like this.
Just ew.
Exactly my thoughts! And putting this on the internet so their children can see when they're older. Just book them into therapy now cuz they'll end up there anyways with mom's like these.
This is really tricky because on one hand yes, we should normalize conversations about this topic, but at the same time, I don't think you should ever tell your kids that you regret having them. Bc that's something that can fuck them up for life.
it doesnt sound like a lot of these parents regret being parents, it sounds like they are overburdened by how the expectations of parenting. I've been to other countries, and honestly it seems like americans (compared to "eastern" people) put a LOT more expectations on parents, not to mention parents being constantly overloaded with dangers and the fact that you are held severely liable for kids safety (compared to other countries where kids are allowed to roam free unsupervised.) I've seen people who were okay with their kids and suddenly feeling imprisoned as SAHM after coming to the U.S. !
Helicopter parenting is also prominent in my country, in Eastern Europe, and no - children under certain age are not allowed to roam free,it's regulated by law. We are also painfully aware of dangers lurking at every corner, and our civil liability.
@@vintarusproximus2854 I didnt say eastern europe lol, I said eastern world. Europe is still considered part of the west. There are a lot of countries were its okay and safe for kids to be out. When I went back home, I saw kids as little as 4 out picking up groceries. People felt comfortable doing that.
Parents fear for their kids everywhere but here in america past the age of social media, it was become anxiety central. Almost everyone with kids is constantly dealing with overstimulation and want a break from their kids. Whereas just 25 years ago, our parents would send us outside and wouldnt know where we were all summer.
If you regret the role then you regret your children.
You can regret literally any decision you make in life.
Doesn't make you a bad person.
@@songsthatarecatchy Nah not at all.
Yeah I feel the same way…mothers try to clean it up by saying they don’t regret their kids but they do cause they regret the role….their lying to themselves or maybe they feel guilty for feeling regretful
It's not lying lol. You can like a person and not like being their indentured services. I'd rather be the aunty vs mom to the same kids. The roles are different
Exactly @@anisjt
A lot of these feelings are environmental. I didn't have these feelings of guilt and regret until it became so difficult just to put food on the table or I no longer felt safe sending him to school or had to worry about keeping a roof over our heads as rent skyrocketed and the pandemic wrecked havoc on me financially and mentally. These past 4 or 5 years have been a nightmare for all parents. I love him more than life itself. I wouldn't be alive without him, but I will never have another one. The world was different when he was born and I had so much hope back then. It's not the same anymore. He is always the reason I keep going despite it, though. I will never regret having him. I just regret what the world he is growing up in became. However some of the things being said are concerning. I always wanted at least one child. Motherhood came second nature to me. Some women just arent built for it and its sad that they didnt listen to their intuition before bringing an innocent life into the picture. All i have to say to the women who dont like their children is if they grow up to be great successful people dont you dare act like you had something to do with it or like you cared all along or are entitled to be a part of their success. Youre selfish.
Thank you for sharing this.
Moms who get alot of help with their kids in general love their kids a lot. That whole idea that a mom should constantly be around her kids is not okay. People think that when moms shouldn't be allowed to miss their kids which is very wrong. This is very important for mom. Allow mothers to miss their kids for some hours or days. I
being childfree is the best choice for me
nice to see people talking about this...
I wish I could turn back time for them. 🥺😥
I knew I didn’t want kids since I was a teenager bc I grew up with a single mom and a brother w/ADHD and Autism. In the 90’s they didn’t have much treatment or knowledge about that stuff so she relied on me to help with my brother. That was draining. I’m 39 now and my husband is 47. Even if we would have had kids, we wouldn’t have been good parents. I would have been a suffocating mother and he would have been the dictator father. Not everyone is meant to have kids 😢
What you admit but still don't realize is that your huzzzband is a child too. He chose someome almost 10 yrs younger so that you will take care of him as he ages and his health declines. Yet he will never return the favor, and he designed it that way.