This is spot on. Another flag is that they will change history, convincing you that your memory of an event is wrong; sometimes to the point that you doubt your own sanity.
I have quite a collection of audio recordings that prove a lot of what she denies. But, I learned from her that if it wasn’t for me she wouldn’t say those terrible things. 😂
I couldn't help but break down during this video. I've experienced all of these. The worst is losing your desire to stand up for yourself just to keep the peace.
Choosing to do something against your own core ideals to see if it would please them? I've been finding myself for the past month. I wish you the same!
You could not be more right. And that snowballs downhill because the narcissist will use that against you when others are around (Especially your children).
One giant red flag is a lack of introspection. They just can’t see themselves as ever being at fault to themselves. It’s always someone or something else’s fault why they behave a certain way.
Very true. And they just go on from one relationship to the next without ever having to pause and introspect or grieve. It's like, they cannot stand isolation and need the validation to continue from the next person.
Like when I tell her she’s being a rude and condescending, her reaction to me saying that is far worse, as if I’m doing something terrible to her for calling out bad behavior for what it is.
I was already depression, couldn't notice any signs of my ex-wife started MLM. She used up all our savings in a very short period of time on a bunch of MLM crap, then told me it was all my fault we lost our money.
Many of us here have been where you find yourself now. We are testament that there is a way out and a way back to the you that you remember and are comfortable with.
Jup. Giving them a gift is a waste of time. I think it affects their sense grandiosity-to be given a gift makes them feel inferior. Interestingly, they are as stingy as hell. They hate giving.
OMG, u hit that nail on the head! For my narcs b-day I gave him a few things that he mentioned he liked & cash. He complained. This year I gave him nothing. Why bother? And I want zero from the narc, so I hope that’s clear now. Always the dark cloud over them that Lise mentioned. Ugh!
Yes. My former friend seemed to take great joy in causing me pain. The look of satisfaction on her face when she said or did something that would make me upset, it was almost indescribable. For example, she's spread an entirely untrue rumor that I caught an STI from a one night stand. She knew it wasn't true and she said it anyway. When I pointed out that I could sue her for a slander and defamation of character, she went to pieces. She had ran her mouth to anyone who would listen. Then when I told her that I had enough proof to ruin her marriage because she was chasing after another man (it also didn't help her cause that she never wore her wedding ring or talked about how much her husband was a bad guy and claimed he was abusing her, which he didn't), she was terrified. She left me alone for a long while because she knew that I meant what I said. Of course, she got over the fear and went right back to being a witch. Like many other examples in this video, she did not handle not getting her way well. I remember she wanted to use my car every time I came to visit because she didn't maintain her vehicle. When I demanded gas money, she said she didn't have it and then I reiterated my original answer of no, she threw a tantrum that would have embarrassed a toddler. She was walking around stomping her feet while pacing and flailing her arms while casually glancing back at me to see if I was reacting. When I didn't, she stopped and pointedly asked me what I was looking at. I said and I quote: “Just seeing where your son gets his shitty behavior from.“ That was enough to set her off and ask me to leave. Naturally, right afterwards the voicemails and angry phone calls started because she could never not handle not getting the last word. This was a typical exchange between the two of us. If she wasn't the center of attention, she would make herself the star of whatever situation was going on. If there was nothing to talk about, she made things up. If there were no problems, she would obsess over every little insecurity until they became great big imagined problems. For goodness sake, she even lied about having cancer to get attention from people. She truly is an unwell individual. I hated her for a long while and wished her ill will. It was only through my recent saving by the grace of God that I've been able to forgive her. I pray for her every night because she needs help.
@@iononcantomascrivo Notice how all of our stories are describing the exact same phenomenon. These people are completely unrestrained by conscience. Because they lack the ability to experience affective empathy, they have no confidence in their ability to predict how others are feeling and will behave. Therefore they make bad decisions. When they make bad decisions, they cannot learn from them. They just throw tantrums. They are like wild animals. The world is a terrifying place for them because they lack the ability to experience affective empathy. Now consider that these ones which we know are the least camouflaged of the bunch. Those who are better camouflaged rise to the very top of the social hierarchy. Corporate CEOs. Politicians. Central bankers. Considering the narcissists we know, we should ask ourselves, what would these people do if they had real power? What might they be capable of? Would they use money printing to impoverish the people and enrich themselves? If their scam was about to be discovered, would they seek to avoid justice? Would they try to divide and rule the people? Would they release a bioweapon? Would they impose forced vaccinations to make people infertile and kill them? Would they destroy the food supply so that the people starved to death? Would they try to thin the herd and enslave those who remained with a CCP-style social credit system called a Central Bank Digital Currency (CBDC)? Please go to Rumble.com. Watch this video: “Q The Plan To Save The World” Tell others what you have learned. This is the Great Awakening. This is the final battle between good and evil.
@@iononcantomascrivo she sounds like my ex with center of attention and lying on me saying I was bad to her and abusive that she tellls everyone she meets in our very small town. She’s a major extrovert and loves being center of attention and I’m a sigma male aka very introvert and too myself. So I don’t get out and about to tell the truth about her to all these people but she sure smear campaigns me like no other and the looks I get at the grocery store of a few that are now friends with her is unsettling to say the least. I’m gonna have to move.
@@BLUExEYEDxSLICKT I'm sorry to hear that your ex did that to you. That constitutes slander, libel, defamation of character and a slew of other laws that she's violating. If you have proof that she's doing it and she knows that she is slandering you thus sullying your reputation, you can take legal action. Only you can decide if suing her for the harassment is a worthwhile course of action.
The female narcissist will always always always play the victim. In every disagreement she will be the victim - making you feel like you crossed some line etc… just wild. Thank you for putting this out there - people need to know.
Getting out of one of these relationships was one of the most emotionally painful things I've been through. A year later, I have healed and can watch these videos every once in a while and smile. I know now that walking away from her was the best decision I could have made. It must be so exhausting living with NPD, never being happy, always having to be right, the best looking etc. Time is their only true fear in life as their youthfulness fades away with every empty relationship. A never ending cycle that is always someone else's fault.
walking on eggshells, Hollow eyes, can't let you speak one sentence without interrupting, mrs know it all, the unaknowledged super talent, the big mouthed diva, etc
Unacknowledged super talent is a great way of putting it. Somehow was always so close to great achievements but never got them because of someone else.
You described my marriage of nearly 30yrs. She passed away about three years ago, and through content like yours here, I am starting to get my sense of self and identity back. Thank you for recognizing the abuse that men face from the female narcissist.
How did she die? And were you sad when she died? When did you realise she was a narcissist? Before or after she passed away? Do you miss her? Sorry ! So many questions!
Another red flag is when they have an overly negative opinion of someone you know to be a good person. My ex used to say that my Dad was manipulative. Obviously I have known my dad my whole life, he has only ever been a gentle kind person, he would never manipulate someone. If your partner starts describing people you know to be nice as being bad people, be careful.
This is the tactic the CN uses to isolate you from family and friends. The CN cannot stand that their partner has any relationships, and are jealous of even their own children. They seek to destroy connections to their partners parents or anyone perceived as a threat to them. If ypu share children they will be used as weapons to control and manipulate you.
This is something that I noticed about my current gf as she spoke negatively about colleagues of ours at work, colleagues I knew were sweet and decent people. Her paper-thin excuses for saying she didn't like someone deeply troubled me and it took me awhile to figure out that she has some narc tendencies that would motivate her to say such things.
These flags are spot on! Seven years ago I walked away from a five year relationship that was horribly emotionally, verbally (and physically at times) abusive. I don't know why UA-cam recommended I watch these videos on female narcissists but they've really helped me understand what I went through. From 23-27 I was with someone who was 21 years older than I am, and at the time I was too naïve to see the red flags. The first year was pretty good except for a couple of weird incidents. The first big one that I can recall was about a month in and I went to the guitar store with my roommate while she went to the grocery store (which I didn't even know at the time). She was unreasonably mad at me for not being around to help her carry in the groceries and ghosted me for two days while I wondered what I did wrong and I scrambled to try to make things better. We weren't even living together at the time and I wasn't spending all of my time at her house so I didn't think I had to be around for groceries yet. That's just the first of many situations. She repeatedly accused me of cheating, hacked into my phone to see who I was texting all the while she was doing the same as I found out later (but denied it when I brought it up). She refused to let me get a job so she could keep me under financial dependence and I finally was able to convince her to let me go back to school and get a job. The first opportunity I could move out, I did. I just moved everything out one day without telling her while she was convinced that I was cheating on her. Sorry for the long post but I haven't really spoken a lot about it in seven years so it's good to get it all out. I'm now married and quite successful and my wife is the complete opposite and I couldn't be more grateful.
You're the reason I got out of a toxic relationship after 9 months of it being her verbally abusing me and reeling me back in. Thank you so much for all the great videos!
I was in a relationship with a female covert narcissist for 3 years and experienced these exact events and more. I was left devastated and dumbfounded and it wasn't until I left the relationship and got my life back that I became whole again. That narc ability to "flip the switch" and go from a hot to cold persona without explanation is unlike anything I have seen before. They're sick and demented creatures.
@@stevenkleinhenz1017funny my former female malignant Narcissist told me that God brought me into her life for a reason. She also said right at the beginning of the relationship that her x husband was a narcissist and that “when Gods really mad at you He’ll bring a narcissist into your life”. little did I know that this was her way of saying that she vied God as a punisher. I had know Idea about narcissism, I do now unfortunately.
i just got discarded after 4 years of Jekyll and Hyde. the unstable random mood swings is truly the most intense and eggshell walking discomfort you could ever experience. it makes you feel like you're losing your mind. after having time without them it all makes sense. its super hurtful to go through dating somebody like this. they never cared about you and you stayed to work through all the BS you thought was real but never was
Another thing to look out for is the absence of female friends. A woman who can’t form friendships with other women is trouble. I know from experience!
this was the one that got me lol. she only had like 2, and they would fight a lot. but also.... to be fair my first ex had not many friends either and she was a doll. At least to my knowledge. but i never felt she was cheating really. she was a very good person. just very quirky.
Things that struck me in addition to what has been said here: 1) She called others narcissists. 2) She can't stand being criticised. 3) One cannot clarify misunderstandings. 4) One cannot establish genuine emotional closeness. 5) If you allude to something, it was just a joke. 6) She doesn't stick to agreements. 7) She ist self-righteous - and tells the world and me how sincere and good she is. 8) She is vain - even if she says, that she is so relaxed, easy going and down to earth. 9) She doesn't always tell the truth.
@guenthermarschall01 Exact same list as mine - thanks, it helps to have others see what for twelve years I managed not to see clearly. And ref your no. 4 and 7 - yes, I got taken in by her 'sensitivity' to herself, it turns out this is simply a sensitivity to her ego being bruised, and hides a complete lack of introspection and self-awareness. She was unable to discuss her real emotions, had no interest in mine. Because we had so much in common, I didn't see that we lacked emotional closeness, as you mention. Such a waste of my passion, and a waste of her life, she could have had a lot to give. I hope you are managing to move on, it's a struggle...
OMG when did you meet my adulteress wife? She’ll make a great pastors wife with the pastor she got “counseling” with in parks while lying to me and hiding her car behind other buildings.
Always told me never cheat while she was cheating. And, she would not quit her job with the guy she cheated with. Disgusting! Going through a divorce now.
100% tick, tick and tick. I paid for our family to leave the city after having this plan sabotaged for years by my partner. She now denies that I paid anything. We've since split up but are living together until she gets her finances together. We also have a kid. Can you guess what job she does for no more than 10 hours a week...she is a psychotherapist! I kid you not. At home she rages, is passive aggressive to me and our 9 year old and then goes online and gives therapy sessions where she's all sweetness and light. Mental...
Wow. I can relate to almost all of these in regards to my ex and it's eye-opening when they're all laid out this way. 1.) She called ME a narcissist when breaking up for reasons that don't even make sense given the context. She essentially blamed me for the break-up because of my behavior and attitude. Immediately after breaking up with me, she was nonstop posting about how "happy she is" and how "grateful and thankful" she was for things she would constantly tell me she hated (her job, her coworkers, etc.) Ironically, two days later she was also rubbing her new relationship with her coworker that according to her she "did not cheat" on me with in my face. I say "rubbing in my face" because she didn't block me or post privately. She was publicly posting these things and I'm pretty sure it was done with the intent to hurt me. At the very least, past ex's have had the decency to block me or go to a private account. 2., 5.) I could never complain about anything she did, ever. If I complained that she left a full cup of water on my desk, complained she left clothes on my floor, complained she was leaving a mess in my area, etc. I was being "rude" and "evil" to her. When I'd tell her it was a simple criticism and that it wasn't actually that serious and I just wanted a bit of respect for my space, it was suddenly "just a joke." Any sort of backlash from her was always "just a joke." She developed this unhealthy obsession with my boss simply because my boss would treat me nicely and I would tell her she was being nice to me. It escalated to a point where she came over and kept complaining about a "headache" because she "saw the enemy today" and it just so happened that that same day, she visited me at work and saw my boss interacting with me and my boss also talked to her and said pleasantries. When I brought up if this "enemy" she saw was my boss, she denied it and claimed it was an inside joke she had with her coworkers about "a weird customer" and that she was "sorry I wasn't in on the joke." Yeah, right. 6.) The week before breaking up, she randomly started "hanging out with friends" and ignoring previously made plans with me to do so. She'd come over late and be upset at ME for being upset that plans we made days and days in advance were not being honored in exchange for something that popped up that day. Also found out the coworker she cheated on me with was at these hangouts, lol. There were also the plenty of times she told me not to buy myself something because she would get it for me, and she almost never did. 7.) Probably the biggest one here. She was outspoken about world issues, but the façade was very clearly an ego stroke and everything was always said in a "Hey!! Look at me and look at how morally superior I am!!" manner. I don't think she ever did anything to truly help with these issues she was so "outspoken about" besides repost infographs and berate anyone who "didn't care" or "didn't educate themselves" on the matters. She'd still buy and consume boycotted products pretty regularly. 9.) Within the first two months of knowing her and ultimately dating her, she was spouting white lies over the most inconsequential things before I called her out on her bullshit. She would lie about going to sleep or being awake, lie about what she was going to eat for dinner, lie about where she was going after work (We met at work). It wasn't until we got serious and I called her out on her lies when she finally mentioned she "doesn't know why she lies" but that she'd stop. Her sister was the exact same way, if not worse. The break-up is still very fresh and I am still angry at the betrayal, but reading and typing all this out really makes me realize she was not the person I thought she was. I ignored a lot of red flags and maybe I should've jumped ship when I noticed them. These points you listed definitely helped the fog lift a little bit. If only I could erase all the memories and speed up the healing process.
Thank you very much. This is so well explained. You brought tears to my eyes because it is hard to accept that someone.who you thought loved you has just used you
Another red flag is what I would refer to as a “poke/watch.” It’s something my ex would do all the time. She would often test my boundaries early on (and occasionally as time went on) by saying something that would illicit a reaction out of me, like a subtle insult, a negative comment or a condescending remark. Then, it was as if she’d step back with guarded body language and watch me intently, searching my face, closely watching how I would respond. It’s something I’ve encountered with other narcs as well. It seems to be their way of gathering intelligence and chipping away at your boundaries until they’ve completely infiltrated your defences.
Bang!! Spot on!! I've experinced this as well... but i only realised all this in retrospect as i started to learn on the topic... Its scary, crazy, very very frustrating, dissapointing & heartbreaking... Wish everyone to be blessed with a joyous life ahead! Knowledge is indeed power! Tc 🙏🏽
I’ve experienced narcissistic abuse from a friend. The first red flag was when she told me she doesn’t have “girlfriends”, because she gets along better with men. Now I know why she doesn’t have any girlfriends. I consider myself a good judge of character but my gosh was I duped.
I have a few girlfriends but get along better with men. Is that a symptom? I don't think so. Lol. I think men are generally more direct and I like that.
@@kathryncainmadsen5850 it is definitely a red flag for me and I don't trust women who "get along better with men" because straight men very rarely are interested in a woman for friendship alone. these women typically enjoy male friendships because men are easily manipulated when the promise of future sex is involved. my aunt is like this - she hates women but acts like men are gods and manipulates men into feeling sorry for her, yet she's incredibly abusive towards any other female she thinks is competition in her warped little mind. she terrorized my grandmother up until the day she died, she used to bully me as a child, and only treats her daughter nicely because her daughter is not physically attractive (to her) at all so is not a threat to her. if my cousin was beautiful, i doubt she would be as nice to her as she is. i noticed this pattern with her in my 20's when she was fighting with her coworkers at her job...i found it strange all her so-called "enemies" were female. she never had ANYTHING bad to say about the men who worked on her job, and most of her coworkers were men. and yet she was always at war with some female but never the dudes. it all started when her old male supervisor "d." retired and was replaced by a woman whom she claimed hit her in the head with a bathroom stall door when they were in the restroom together. my grandmother was the one who called her out on the story since it didn't make any sense how a bathroom door could up and knock you in the head unless you were either standing directly in front of it or it magically came off its hinges and hit her itself. my grandmother asked her to her face, "were you terrorizing that woman?". which obviously made her angry because this is what the new supervisor claimed during the workplace investigation - she said my aunt was following her in the bathroom screaming at her/acting like a nut and she used the bathroom door as a "brace" between them since she was being violent. i believed it because she did the same thing to me a few years ago when she cornered me in the laundry room. my grandfather used to buy into her crap and had him running around behind her like a little lapdog until she started taking her anger out on him now that he's older and he isn't writing her sister, my mother, out of his will.
I have known this girl in my neighborhood for 15 years but we were never friends but she started going out with my boyfriend's friends by saying she was a friend of mine and so hanging out with us, too. She wasn't. All her relationships with them ended in disaster. I had no clue what a female narcissist was or even a male narcissist was til now. She starts love bombing my boyfriend and he fell completely obsessively in love with her and basically ruined every part of our relationship with her manipulation. Recently told my boyfriend she would have f#@k with him right away when they met but didn't because she was my "friend" and has to much respect for me and my family and so they can't have sex. Which is a brilliant piece of manipulation cause he started resenting me even more and blames ME for her not being with him.( Hello you have a girlfriend. ) He stop having sex with me as soon as he met her 5 years ago I realized. Recently he started partying with her everyday. He has started to pay her rent and see her secretly and lying about it. Yet she is supose to be my "friend" and even justified HERSELF seeing him without me when i confront her about it, as she is trying to" help him." Wtf. Their relationship has become sexual in that she won't f#@k him but found other girls who will. That way keeps him interested in her and yet satisfied sexual and coming back for more. They get into wicked fights because she is also seeing other men and has a boyfriend. And i just left 3 months ago after 8 years together because my sanity couldn't handle what turns out to be two narcissists. After looking at video on subject he is classic text book narcissist and why our relationship never improved and why it took me years to leave. This is the reason I don't have a lot of girlfriends. This is the second girl he cheated on me with. The first was a girl HE wanted me to BECOME friends with because he said i needed female friends. (All my friends were mostly male whom i have known for more the 15 years and even my boyfriend i had met 20 years prior and nothing happen.) But this other girl, she sat at my table and drank my wine, and then f@#k my boyfriend. He could deny it but video says otherwise. I still stayed. I have girlfriends now who truly are friends, not many , but without them i would be toast right now. Thank you for sharing your stories as well. It helps to show i am not crazy or overreacting. Becareful with those narcissist bitches, they are no joke.
@@sandracastillo3317 Bless your soul, what a nasty mess some human beings tend to be. It's truly a pretty dark part of life, and worse yet? These people seems to be pleased acting this way. To me, their entire lives will be a sorrowful empty nightmare and a mess. From start to end. Whatever makes them happy, stay the hell away from me.
Yes. This is what I went through with my former friend. Although she never tried to sleep with me, like this video talks about, she probably would have if she thought that it would have gotten her somewhere. After all, I had a resource that she wanted: my life savings. Once I cut her off, she turned into a total bitch. More accurately, the mask fell off and I got to see her for what she was: a lazy waste of space who would let her own kids starve rather than get and keep a job and trash talk her hardworking saint of a husband than put any effort into her marriage. The whole time that I knew her she lived in a fantasy world thinking she was going to make it as an actress, but it takes more than faking a resume and using a camera phone photo for a headshot. Also, talent is needed. My former friend could not act. That's neither here nor there.
Thank you for this video! My ex-wife is a covert narcissist who also has Borderline Personality Disorder. I ignored the red flags early on and it was only after 3 years together when she pushed for a separation (claiming I was abusing her) when the lights finally came on and I realized I was taken for a ride. I wish I had seen your videos earlier. Thanks to a good support network and therapist, I’m now not going to ignore my instincts again when I’m in my next relationship.
Same thing here. She convinced me that I had issues with managing stress and frustration. I started to see a therapist. After 40 minutes the therapist told me "we'll explore better the roots of your frustration but you need to know that you are describing borderline behaviours". I did not know what that meant. I went home and started googling things and I found myself in shock. I started a study journey of cluster b personality disorders and I had never experienced that mix of validation and anxiety. I started to take some baby steps towards divorce during a silent treatment of a few months, having to negotiate an extremely difficult agreement on property division (she had nothing while all my assets where on the line). After 4 psichologists, 5 lawyers, one apartment and all kind of anti-social behaviours I managed to get a signature.
OMG, you added the last stone. 25y to late, but at least the picture is complete. So 2 children, 1 house and 1/3 of a life later, I‘m on my own (nearly) again and now a single dad of 2 adult girls. They „love“ their „mother“ as much as I do.
In my case my former friends and family that covered up abusing me turned out to be covert Narcissists and used corrupt doctors and lawyers and District Attorneys and Family Court judges and psychologists and psychiatrists to cover up underaged marriage and abuse with military and police and churches and coaches and teachers and Professors involved and libeled my mental stability reputation and renegotiated the family trust and trashed my reputation in retaliation for reporting abuse. I have had female friends, but unfortunately they seemed to not be very good friends because they profited off of keeping abuse covered up.
This was the script (word for word) for my marriage with my ex wife of 9 years. I wish I would have known back then what she was. It’s been over a year now and even with therapy and education I still feel brokenness. I feel for anyone that has had to walk this road.
I wish all the best in future. Take a month of no Contact, and then another and so on and on. Ones a therapist told me " Nis, your wear a sign on your back saying "Psycopat Magnet""
These red flags are absolutely spot on. I just left a gaslit relationship run by a female covert narcissist certified in social work and adept at emotional psychology. She really knew the ropes. Easily could have written "How To Be A Master At Narcissistic Gaslighting." It's a dangerous situation to be in. If you're in one of those relationships, leave now.
I had a friendship with a girl like this. When I ended it after some unreal gaslighting that snapped me into reality, she was getting her MSc in psychology. Scary shit.
A girl I dated for almost 3 months had an MSc in Psychology and worked with kids. She admitted she did it to try to heal herself along with telling me on a few occasions that she was crazy and had a string of short-term relationships that she ended. Because she was so sexy and alluring, I naively brushed it off not knowing they were major red flags. It was sad and devastating that she discarded me so harshly as I really liked her. But it gave me a valuable insight into what Covert Narcissism is.
It's amazing how many cluster b personality disorders decide to be in the "helping" professionals as counselors, social workers, and psychologists so that they can 1) work their own damage out on someone else, 2) use the psycho-spiritual and emotional manipulations tactics they learned in their professions to extract "supply" in an intimate relationship.
@@OnderHassan I just went through this same thing, 3 month relationship, love bombing/sex bombing, false future planning all of the above, she had a masters and also did social work. Once she lied to me one time I called things off then shamefully bent the knee trying to reconcile with her. I was discarded and replaced so fast I couldn't believe it. It's been about a month now, still hurts but seeing this videos gives me a better understanding to the closure I will never receive, and quite honestly should start accepting that I shouldn't want to receive it. For weeks I wanted her to reconcile with me, and more recently my emotions have transitioned from sadness to anger, mostly at myself for not identifying these flags so early on in the relationship. I really liked her as well, and it is hard to see the true colors she has shown me since she built this massive fantasy of who she really is.
The private/public conduct was a kick to the head. You absolutely nailed her behavior! I commented to my friends numerous times that what she showed in public was the complete opposite of how she behaved in private. Attentive, affectionate, and doting were all a facade, only for public consumption.
I think that this problem stems from young girls, adolescents, and grown women never getting over the "Little Princess" syndrome. Not realizing it, I was engaged to a covert narcissist. Luckily her father took me aside and very forcefully told me to take a second look. I took his advice and soon realized that she was not a good woman, so I canceled our engagement. Her reaction to that was she threatened to kill me. Understanding that she meant it, I quit my job and moved to a different city.
@@ironjohn5914 "Psychosis ... a severe mental disorder in which thought and emotions are so impaired that contact is lost with external reality." Are you implying that circumstances of life and environment don't directly relate to psychosis? Whatever the reasons for the condition, all I'm saying is run from a covert narcissist as soon as you recognize one.
@@mrbill2600 I was dating a women who was borderline personality disorder with an alcohol addiction she was a ton of fun but also a nightmare at the same time she also had psychosis I believe her environment and upbringing and genetics are what made her how she was her mother was a 100% Narcissist.
One of the major red flags I noticed with my ex was this pathological jealousy. She couldn't stand the thought of me being with anyone else before her, even partners from 10 years ago. It got to the point where I simply couldn't talk about my past out of fear she would be triggered. Definitely walking on egg shells is another.
@@ragnar7023 ohhh they hate that! I was in a similar situation on Halloween where this girl wanted to get a photo with me and the costume I had on. She had gone to the bathroom at the time. When she came out, she was fuming
My ex wife I bought her a mattress which was $3000 the day when we came home she started saying that you know what if you were with your ex you could have bought her the $6000 mattress I was like where did that come from she was jealous of creating scenarios in her mind which never happened
I can relate. Also, mine narc was made jealous at the way I interacted with strangers. Apparently being pleasant and cordial was too much for her. Meanwhile, she was horrendous to people and strangers.
I endured this exact sequence of events, followed by the ultimate betrayal. It's an extremely distressing experience. Just knowing people like this exist, makes you lose faith.
Yes, I agree. However, I must be honest,, major RED FLAGS were there, in different ways with different narcissists, and I let it go on and on and on. With a significant other, I was in a new city & desperate for company. Then w/ my inner circle, I was desperate for family. A lot of detachment is key to seeing reality rather than an illusion. But, Some narcs are on their best behavior until they’ve really sucked u in…. It seems that letting go immediately, if anyone ever treats us with disrespect is what we MUST do.
They exist because they’re damaged. Someone hurt them when they were very young. Nothing you can do but avoid them once you’ve experienced the signs. And pity the next person who falls into their cycle.
Exactly. … Now my PTSD will be hearing any woman saying I’m their best in anything and their world cause every time I’m told this they turned out fake and used me. A few was narcissistic so yes. I will now not trust those words and one day a new love may mean them and yet I’m mentally emotionally scarred by those words now and won’t believe it and will run.
This is spot on!!! My encounter was 2017-2019 and I'm so happy to report that content has exploded. More and more people are understanding the disorder.
I've been in such a relationship for 5 weeks only. After she started pushing me away and complaining about her bad experience, I broke up with her. Now, I recognize all 10 flags mentioned in the video.
You described my ex. At the end she told me: " I don't love you, never did and never will, after cheating on me, that was her final blow. The last time we talked, she started crying and told me it would be much easier for her if I hated her. I told her I don't hate her and that I forgive her. All the crying stopped, she changed her attitude and got angry. I told her she has a problem and that she should get help. She got angrier and asked, what is my problem? I told her, if you can't see it, I can't tell you, you gotta want to be a better person to see it. She rushed to hang up. Crazy
my wife has most of these traits and i just realized she has been cheating behind my back for years. i also realized that our relationship is not normal. nothing i did was ever good enough but then she say that only I could make our lives better. i got a six figure job and it still wasn't good enough. she would always find something to demean me, saying i'm dumb, fat etc... but even when i got incredibly ripped just to get attention from her....she ignored me still. then pull be back in with buying me things...the sex life was just as described here....there would be like a month of intense sex then months of nothing.
Male mental health and relationship support is so undervalued, at least in my country (Greece), where men are supposed to just "take it like a man" and "get better". What people like you are doing helps a ton.
I wish it was more understood in society tbh. People always seem to assume men's mental health issues are simple, and they're really not. If they were simple, we'd know how to treat them better. I get this feeling that society as a whole cares about women much more than men, and sadly it makes many good men who have much to offer, and should be valuing themselves, give up
I like what you said about making you feel like you're everything and then making you feel like you're nothing. I feel like what was missed is that they can do it in the same conversation. Moment to moment you can be everything or you can be dirt. They have an amazing talent for doing this! All while simultaneously apologizing for how they've been in the past. No rhyme or reason; just head spinning blame shifting and live bombing. IMPOSSIBLE TO FOLLOW LOGICALLY.
It's amazing that you can hear the word Narcissism /narcissist bandied about and not really appreciate or grasp the true depth to its true meaning. It's only after the fact that you learn and "wake up" and appreciate you for you. It's a savage journey from which I have learnt a lot.
My last 8.5 year relationship was with a covert narcissist. We broke up for the last time at the end of last year. I've been learning a lot about narcissists since then. I'm convinced that my ex is not only a narcissist but a sociopath (no empathy, no remorse, risk taking behavior). Our relationship was a roller coaster of intense highs and devastating breakups - but I quickly learned that the breakups weren't actually breakups - they were punishments and the relationship was never actually over. Eventually I was the one doing the breaking up and she was the one contacting me to reconcile - but almost never offering an apology or committing to do anything to fix any problem whatsoever. Sometime in the middle of the relationship I noticed that my car was collecting key marks. There never seem to be any rhyme or reason, they would just show up inexplicably. A couple of weeks into our last break up I bought a new car, and it was keyed the day after I brought it home. I was so upset that I installed cameras on my house, and the mysterious car keyer turned out to be my ex. She had been keying my cars in the middle of the night for years. Things got ugly after that. Police were involved - but reading some of the stories written here, I think maybe I got off easy.
My relationship was similar. Either everything was perfect or it "wasn't working". We would also "break up" then get back together Normally after a week or two.
That’s my ex but so far she hasn’t done the stuff she bragged about doing to her ex husband which she did the same but worse. She and her oldest daughter would put sugar among other stuff in his gas tank and ruined it and cutting tires on many ex’s cars and bragged about doing it to me for years. Now I’m the ex as of the same time End of last year and she’s many times hoped for nothing but the worse for me. So I better keep a close eye on my ride too. Has me nervous now she lives not far away at all too.
@@jaklumen Well after being married to one for 15 years and then was dumb to be with another one I figured out later on that was worse than my ex wife…. I’m way wiser to what to avoid now.
Fighting back tears watching this, I haven't felt so vindicated in years. I am in the emotionally responsible/ caring group...and I made the mistake of organising counselling for her. This video has blown me away.. I'm so exhausted trying to fix up our house and be good partner etc..but I'm at my limit. I needed to see this today, thank you ❤
OMG! I needed to hear this, this is the best description to date. Every red flag is 100% my life for almost 30 years. I have tried so hard to help her during the last 7 years (red flag 6) when the mask come off. I even told her she was like Jekle and Hyde at times and I thought she had depression or something. I blamed myself a lot and questioned myself everyday to find where I went wrong, when in fact it was never me. I very much did give her the moon and stars and more, but nothing was ever enough. Even now, she can be all smiles and super affectionate in public (red flag 8), but walk in the door 10 minutes later and she is the devil... Its like flicking a switch on and off. Id say, I am with a text book narcissist and I only started to realise what a narcissist was via research trying to help her. I was too busy trying to please her and I unfortunately have reached Red Flag number10. I am now seeking ways discretely to help me regain my 'self' .. It is true for me, I have no idea of who I am, what I like, what I want etc.. I used to be so full of life and motivated. I hope every person, both women and men out there can be awake sooner than I was to this horrible thing.
Same. I thought I was doing something wrong. She kept calling me a narcissist. I finally googled it and realized she was projecting herself onto me. I'm out of that relationship now. I became sick and needed a transplant. She kept telling me I was going to bankrupt her with my medical expenses. Then she divorced me. I had to leave the house I bought before we were married and move into an apartment that doesn't allow dogs. She said she would allow me to see the dogs, which she did initially. Now I have a house and she realizes I'm not moving back with her. Now she won't let me see the dogs. I miss the dogs terribly. I don't miss her at all. There went 15 years of my life down the drain - and a lot of my money. Looking back I think all of our lives hinge on a couple of key decisions that we make. Each decision sends our life down a different path. The paths branch out like a tree. After a while you find yourself out on a limb looking at the other limbs on the tree! I did get a great son that I love very much. He is an adult now and married. We have a great relationship and we did many incredible things together and still do. That makes all of the bad times with my wife worth it,
I was married to a female covert narcissist for 16 years. Looking back I realize I experienced and observed all 10 red flags exactly as described. It is good to be divorced and 1500 miles away...
28 years with mine, broke up with me 4 time and slept behind my back in between ,I have 3 kids to her.the only thing she said is the truth is her name .her all personality is false.my all relationship was fake.
Ultimate goal convince all men to never get married, then these types of women will have to be in their a-game 24/7 and any good women will have no problem sticking by a man they love without a three party contract with the givernment. Honest decent women will have no problem with that arrangement.
This is ridiculous... I have no words. I can't even... I just want to thank you. You are helping me at the end of my grieving. I'm 28 years old, have been through breakups before, and NEVER has a woman made me so confused and messed up in the ways this one did. I felt used, exposed, betrayed by my own self and mind, and in TWO MONTHS I couldn't handle it anymore and we both left each other. It's been two months since then, she did tried to reach out sending me a song saying it reminded her of me and "i hope you're ok! kisses" also putting me back on her close friends and posting stories there with stuff like "don't let a good love leave cause you're confused" Anyways... I silenced her, i don't wanna hear from her, I'm done talking about what i've been through with this person, and EVERYTHING, i mean... EVERY SINGLE THING on your narc content is spot on. Thank you again. Now i know what happened to me and how i was caught, being through a hard time financially and emotionally and getting to attached to this person in the wrong ways. God bless you, Lisa.
Thank you for breaking all of this down. My ex narc contained ALL 10 of these red flags and what was only a 3-month “relationship” felt like 3 years lol. Damn this hit home hard! Another red flag I’d like to share is for those who’ve been with single mothers which was my case. If she has kids with multiple baby daddies and/or is jealous of you developing some kind of bond with one of her kids like I did, please take that into consideration! Also, this is a big one… Keep an eye on how she handles her phone and laptop. If she rarely leaves it out in the open or hides it, that’s a HUGE red flag. My dumb ass was too blind to notice that fact. When she would connect her phone to the charger, she kept it stored inside one of the kitchen cabinets. When I asked her why, she said she didn’t want her youngest daughter to go reaching for it. That was so bizarre to me. She would also store her laptop in the bedroom closet before bed. I should’ve cut the cord and left right then and there but I wanted sex too which tells you how low my self-esteem was at the time. She was so good in bed but I now realize that all the crazy good sex wasn’t worth it. Unfortunately I sacrificed my own well-being to cater to her needs.
Took me 17 years 3 kids to finally say enough is enough. Can’t help someone that doesn’t want to be helped. Seeing this scenarios brings back flashbacks. Wish I knew a decade earlier.
Hi, I'd like to add to this list of red flags, before I realized my ex had many covert narcissistic traits, I noticed she would never admit to any wrong she may have done and would never say sorry. While I was with her, I secretly researched this and came to realize she has a fragile ego, at the time I actually felt sorry for her. When I was deep in the relationship with her, I found myself making more and more excuses for her bad behaviour and reminding myself that no one is perfect. I had no doubt at this stage, I'd never leave our relationship until I was ultimately discarded for the last time. It was only after our relationship had ended, did I start to learn about covert narcissist's. I'm glad now she discarded me because like I said, I don't believe I would of ever left her...
Or you call out their bad behavior and end up having to apologize for the way you made THEM feel bad for calling out the behavior. I feel you on the excuses for their behavior, I did the same, she's just having a bad day, had a bad childhood, no one is perfect, it's a result of her past trauma, and on and on until one day you wake up.
Amzing how you described exactly what I have gone through. Everything started as a dream and ended as the most painful traumatic experience in my life... thanks for sharing your videos. Best regards, Alwin
Oh man this is my ex exactly. I wish I knew this. She completely destroyed me over 5 years. Discarded me 7 months ago. I'm finally healing and realizing what happened
@@brakenoodle105 im very sorry to hear that and hope your doing really well. It's been a long healing journey so far but what I can tell myself is I know I tried my very best for someone who was very broken. Wishing you well
The video is amazing. It describes my past 8 years exactly. I have decided to stop and move away 4 days ago after she left me 9 months ago and found out she was seeing another person (a second time).I could never disconnect because of our child together. I have learned so much in that time. Reading the comments helps very much. Seeing that others have gone through this, that there is nothing wrong with me. After all that abuse. I am lost but started the journey to find my identity again
I managed to get out by naturally taking the 10 steps and stop giving her supply as I was not playing anymore and she kicked me out… best thing that happened, then I learnt about this disorder and now I understand it 💪🏻
Lucky you! I‘m still in somehow, as my ex is now making a live of our daughter and the grandson a mess. She told the police she’s afraid my daughter would kill her. Step by step this fear is going from full fiction to reality.
Great video, in my experience the first nine Red flags rang all the bells, I got out before red flag 10 got a grip of me, in a moment of clarity during an incredible episode of madness I told her I had enough but recovery has been really tough. The usual post relationship events with a person with this disorder ensued, Hoovering me, yet smearing me to select friends and members of her family etc, continuing with behaviour that was contradictory and equally as confusing as the relationship was. Before I learned of this disorder I somehow had the insight to go no contact pretty much straight after, my gut feelings from the beginning had not been deceiving me after all sadly, the fairytale was an illusion. Years later she still tries different ways to access my life from time to time. It's as if they are from another dimension, very sad and disturbing individuals.
I'm in a 'relationship' with one of these. We have a beautiful son, who thinks the world of me (and vice versa), and I feel obligated to give him a stable childhood. Many of these red flags apply though. I'm an absolute nobody and everything I've achieved or earned is worthless in her world. Only my utility really counts and even that is never enough. Happy days. Good video. Nice to know that I'm not as alone as I feel.
If you stay, do what you can for your son, to mitigate the ultra-conditional love she gives him. Mine was preparing early for her next step and divorced me, moving in with the next victim as soon as my son left for college.
I lived your „take care for the child“ for more than 20y. But I‘m afraid it‘s only over when she leaves this planet. She is currently very successful in destroying the live of her children and grandchildren. The only good thing I can see for you is: you already know.
I am currently going through a separation/divorce with my covert narcissistic wife. Its difficult for the kids and it was difficult for me at the beginning. However what I can say is that within 2 weeks of having her out of the house, I realised that I was surrounded by a calm environment. Something I have not had for years. Now two months in my self esteem has never been so high. My anxiety and depression have all but vanished. The pressure I felt on a daily basis is gone. It will be difficult if you separate but there is a whole different world after. Do what is best for you, but I would push you to look up 'grey rock method.' Best of luck.
I've watched a trillion videos on narcissism (it certainly seems like a trillion anyway) but this video is the clearest and most understandable. Thank you.
You have exactly described my marriage of almost 10 years. All the way up to never telling her or sending her videos like this one. Its a long road ahead with our children, but I am soooo happy that I get to grow old with integrity and real relationships. I am sad for her because she will decay. She is using everyone around her.
I was with one for 10 years. Meek and treated me wonderfully to my face. Constantly doing everything she could behind my back to destroy me financially, reputationally, and any other possible way. Always told me she loved me more than she had ever loved any man and that I was her soulmate. Was on a covert smear campaign from the very beginning to isolate me from family, friends, coworkers, and neighbors. Sex drive was absolutely over the top. That never changed throughout the whole relationship. Always played the victim and described all of her previous marriages as abusive. I realized after it was over, that she had cheated on me throughout the whole relationship. (was in denial) She was very irresponsible financially. Committed numerous forgeries on me. After we divorced, she remarried within months and was divorced again within 5-6 months. She had a teenage son from a previous marriage with type 1 diabetes. She neglected him and left him home alone without proper nutrition while she was out whoring. He went into a diabetic coma and died ! And she got away with it. No charges at all. I could go on and on and on. She was truly a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
Thank you, Lise, for making me see the light and remove myself from the scene. This 18 month relationship has seriously damaged my mental and physical health. I will now have to work on why I ignored all the red flags when my gut instantly knew that sth was seriously wrong. Listen to your gut feeling is one thing I‘ve taken from this
@@chaptermastertiberius No doubt, I've been there, we just get drawn to people we think we can fix. We feed off feeling needed. The answer is to work on yourself and build better boundaries.
This is scarily accurate. I am going through a breakup with a woman who I thought was extremely empathetic and giving. I am now putting the pieces together. Thank you for this video, it is very helpful for those that still feel like they are to blame for everything going wrong.
I have lived in the past with a wonderful narcissist. Caring, sexy, loving, cruel, ruthless, sadistic. I think your video would have helped me at the time. Anyway, I managed to go away, but I lost some dear friends who took her defense in the process. I'm happilly maried today, and I just regret to have wasted so much time in my past with someone who tried to hurt me by any means at her disposal.
I have found the DSM categories to be mostly useless because they are not rooted in neuroscience. The key trait of the narcissist seems to be a lack of grey matter in the left anterior insula which makes it impossible for them to experience affective empathy. Many borderlines have this trait but some, like Marsha Linehan, clearly do not.
I was married for 25 years, along the way of course there were bumps in the relationship. But what was frustrating is how she performed at home and how she behaved with families and friends. When both my parents passed away everything changed slowly, throughout the last 5 years I was treated with verbal, hitting, blame, abuse, egg shells & putting myself in danger. I cried for help to a uncle who saved me, my mum knew about my situation and passed on to him before her time the plan to get me out. Thank God I live a normal life 🙏 but taken me 3 years to get out, but it was worth it from transferring work buying a house & making new friends with a new life again. I'M NOT GOING BACK ONLY FORWARD WITH HAPPINESS!
I am at that point, "deeper in the relationship". 32 years. I have written a poem about my struggles. It helps a little to write and talk to yourself, because no one will believe you anyway. Concentrate on keeping your sanity! Thank you for this video. I am new to the subject, but sure am glad I found it. I guess I am not imagining. Thank you Ms. LeBlanc.
This is so incredibly on-point. I've dealt with a majority of these, and I have a sibling currently going through it. These kind of women are treacherous, spiteful, and will do anything to have control of everything. Avoid them at all costs, fellas.
One other characteristic of narcissists in general is an inability to be on their own/alone. My ex was always in touch with someone if alone- texting, calling, etc.. As it turned out later, her 'communication' at that point consisted of setting up and maintaining multiple affairs with ex-boyfriends on her list (other 'supplys'), eventually divorcing me and moving in with one. He will pay dearly for taking up with her, a married woman at the time- that is a small comfort to me.
One of the most redeeming things about a girl cheating on you and then getting into a relationship with that person is the knowledge that the guy was stupid enough to date a girl he knows is a cheater. Id never be mad at a dude for that because not only did he take her off my hands but now I know hes going to end up hurt as well, so what reason do i have to hold a grudge against him
I met a few narcs like that. This Type of a Narc will also tell us that they are independent. That they don't need a man. However they can't take care of themselves.
Yep. My ex had a great "relationship" with her boss. She spent a lot of time on the phone with him. Always said it was about business. I always suspected she was sleeping with him. Oh well, luckily I was able to move on. Now I'm on my own. Honestly I enjoy it. I'm 60 y/o. I can't see getting into another serious relationship with a woman.
I have a sister like this. I cut her off 20 years ago. They can do a lot of damage and think nothing of it. From what's in the news lately your advice can help alot of people out there so they don't get hurt.
@@livelife5890 Mine used to brag about the horrible things that she did. They do think about their actions but in a gloating way. They think they’re smart and they like to tell you how smart they are and brag about all the horrible things they’ve done to people and gotten away with and the energy they get from other people’s pain is what motivates them in their daily life. Without it, without a scapegoat, without someone to purge all their hatred upon I think they would wither away and die.
@@thirstonhowellthebird It's sad, because we did not cause their initial hurt that triggered them down this dark path.......yet we get to experience their bitterness. Also, other family members just cannot fully understand when you mention why you've gone no contact with the narc. They just cannot seem to understand your experience and that you have no choice, in order to continue progressing in life.
@a aa Sorry to hear. The longer you intermingle with them thinking you can save them.....the more your health deteriorates. Im one of the fortunate ones that experienced the narc abuse but quickly found out what was going on. Very sorry for what you endured. I went no contact with no intention of looking back. Such evil cold blooded people.
You just simply leave them, it's very hard to do for a person going through this torment due to the fact that you don't want to feel alone. When you leave, its a similar type of feeling you get when you are about to bunji jump or sky dive for your very first time. The fear of leaping from the edge of a high platform or out of a plane. But the feeling you get after you have made that leap is overwhelming and removes such a great weight from your shoulders, mind and conscience. It's a healthy feeling of freedom to say the least. No more bad thoughts running through your mind consistently throughout the day. Bad cognitive thought processing will break you down badly when you are with these types of people.
Thank you for this very insiteful breakdown. You just described perfectly in every detail my last relationship. She moved onto someone else 3 weeks ago and let me go, the day after telling me how perfect I am to her. 2 years of jumping through hoops and treading on eggshells to be constantly told I'm not good enough and everything which made her sad was my fault. The sex was amazing and the love bombing off the charts but the childish tantrums, physical and mental abuse were tiring. I can only hope every man stays clear of her and others like her before she can get her claws into them.
Great video- very eye-opening and glad you are helping us guys dealing with these people. The changing of history/gaslighting I have been experiencing is exacerbated by the fact I suffer from CTE (at least that's the current theory). My short-term memory is attrocious, and this person knows this just like every other person that knows me. It's bad. Anywho, I started actually texting myself things they said and interactions because it was to the point I was ready to give up on everything- nothing I knew was right and everything was different than how I remembered. Then I realized I was being intentionally manipulated by someone I loved who was willfully using my illness against me. To call that an awakening in my life is an absolute understatement.
This is really interesting. I think many men need to hear this as often they don’t have the support, or feel embarrassed or guilty in a relationship with a covert NPD. There is a lot more support and information for women in an NPD relationship.
@@amandagagne4916 The last few tears were just awful--i got no attention--i knew she was cheating--stealing from Bank Accounts--Gambling--the last straw was when i found out that she was selling all the Gold/Diamonds i had got here over the years--i was Hurt so Bad that i decided to leave--i left 2016--divorced 2017--i still have Trust Issues--im taking things Slowly at this point--J.--THANKS.
You literally just described my ex-fiancé! I’m mind blown!!!! All 10 red flags you mentioned outlines my previous relationship. Gaslighting was a major issue as well! I wish I knew about these red flags before I fell victim to her narcissism.
In my relationship, she unilaterally planned and finalized a girl trip with her GF. After I got over the shock (took weeks) I challenged her about it. Gaslighting and blame followed but I rejected it all. She finally apologized. But Joe I’m reflecting that it wasn’t genuine. It was to shut me up. SMH. Thanks to videos like this I’m getting a clue. This stuff isn’t my fault and I can’t fix crazy. Thanks Lise and all posters.
My son is currently going through this with his girlfriend and he doesn't even close to realize it! Every sign mentioned here is exactly what is and has been happening and it's at the stage where she is trying to separate him from our family. This video is a very strong accurate representation of this kind of behavior it's scary how spot on this is! If you see anyone like this and suspect these signs, please seek assistance! Don't let these people fool you into separating from your friends, family or loved ones! This is devastating for all of us involved and we are praying he sees the truth soon enough and can make it out!
I have a son who is also in a relationship with a covert narcissist. She is systematically destroying our family. No remorse and my son if he sees it cant admit it. He is broken. Sad....
The biggest red flag for me is always playing the victim and never taking responsibility, this is a mental cancer that spreads to all levels of their personality and I have witnessed this. Other red flags is that they cannot maintain long term personal relationships, has few female friends many male "friends" (more like guys just waiting) and allows her phone to be a constant interruption when she is with you. Run guys don't walk someone particularly who cannot take responsibility means they can never do anything wrong and therefore can never change themselves.
She plays on your emotions by telling you how much other guys desire her but she only loves you. And yes, constantly on her phone talking about other people's messy lives or how much they want her opinion on their relationships.
Very interesting. I am in a relationship with a girl that has no female friends. She sings on weekends and she says this is why she has mainly male friends. She has just the odd female acquaintance who I believe she uses for her needs. Always thought this to be odd. Thanks for sharing.
Of course they constantly act as the "victim" and constantly claim you're the villain. Because "You are only rebellious in the eyes of those who can't manipulate or control you."
@@mostlypeacefulcitizen8006 She sets boundaries for me that do not apply to her. Never takes responsibility as she twists matters around and then I am the one that does not understand. When I would like to express my needs she does not enter into a debate. She goes silent, ignores me or says she is stressed. At the beginning she was ultra kind now she starts making remarks and being sarcastic. We never talk about our stuff like weekend plans, doing things together, etc. She tells half truths and comes up with stories to justify what she wants to do. Walking on eggshells is not uncommon. The US has been replaced by I. Basically, I feel like an empty shell…..emotionally tired.
Yes, everything you said, I experienced. I'm blown away at the accuracy. Shit, I did as you say. But thank God it's over. I said I can no longer bear the up and down hot and cold and silent treatment
I wish I had known this before. Great information, I hope more people will see this video. My narcissist acted exactly like this, I’m wiser now. Thank you.
Thank you. I’ve been decimated by a fillippa covert narcissist. Her last partner died. The sex bombing is so accurate. I’ve never been so psychologically damaged in my life.
@@janeblogs324 well, the 10% probably applies to my brain cells. Trauma has a tendency to damage the prefrontal cortex. I certainly think that she has caused me some brain damage. Not trying to sound like a victim. But I definitely don’t think the same way that I used to
My heart is bumping so fast right now. All my relationships went like this (I'm at 34 years right now). However, as an diagnosed ADHD, Asperger and "highly intellectual" (don't question that, as at the moment I'm stressed out I'm not able to communicate properly) I'm the type of person who tries to solve all the problems. I saw this problem in my still going relationship. I told her .. so many times. But in reality I provided her with all the stuff she needed to improve her covering. I think, no one is safe. We only can learn. At least, I regained my ability to stand my ground some time ago, as I really know I'm right about so much (after my diagnosis of this intellectual stuff - for the first time I'm now grateful for this trait). I don't know what I'd do if I wouldn't remember everything she did all the eight years ago till today. I really wish I could share this ability with everyone who is in the same situation. And I did wonder so long why my feelings are really cold at her, but warm with other females. My body knew it long before.
Thats something I worry about a lot, ya know "In pointing this issue out to her am i helping the relationship strengthen or am i helping her to cover up these issues". "When I tell her that Im not okay with certain things is she taking that in properly to improve the relationship or is she taking notes on how to make me upset when she feels like it"
It just may be that if all of your relationships went like this, that YOU are the problem. Don’t be so quick to diagnose someone as narcissistic, especially if you have Asperger’s. Most people on the spectrum don’t see things clearly or feel the same things that most other people do. You don’t read people well at all. You can judge someone to be completely the opposite of what they truly are. I know because I’m married to an Asperger‘s man.
@@givefreely8424 That's what I believed at first. I saw always the best in people. But in retrospective I found out, what lead me to the conclusion I wrote above. I'm not mad about all of this stuff. We're always learning and need to be open to new stuff. However, this video gave me some connections I didn't had before. For example, one of my relationships went like this: Man meets woman. Both like each other. Both are moving into one house. Woman tries to get a baby and "accidentally" forgets the pill (didn't know this at the time), but isn't successful. She then start arbitrary fights about anything. After that, she went into a rehabilitation clinic for depressed ones, meet some other guy, gets pregnant, marries him short after. Some months later she divorced him. Conclusion for me? She only wanted an easy way out (as she then got alimony). I mean, you're right if you think, I can't know this for sure if I give you only this information. However, there's so much more to it and I'm not 100% perfect in grammar in english. All I say is, I can't take all the people as angels as I did this as I was younger. However I can't take the stress to look for an honest person either, which is sad. But I'm not mad about it. Really funny thing is, I can read people. If they're talking to each other, I always know what they're up to. But if they talk to me, that's something completely different. I can't differentiate if they're telling the truth or if they say something and want something else. But that's another story.
I have literally been thrown under the bus and almost took my life. Everything said in the video is spot on. She made me question my identity and my beliefs. She started to reach out to my friends on FB and asking them if I was sleeping around. Well she did get a very strong answer and when I confronted her she changed the topic altogether. Everything I have done for her was nothing in her eyes.
Dated a girl for 6wks after my wife and she turned out to be another covert narcissist, so I stop dating, to work on myself. It's been 7yrs and I'm still not confident to put a toe in the water.
@@eternalshitbreak9649 ofc they do, divorces are more traumatic for men in general, why would they go through this again ? And you thinking that just because they don't remarry they don't have option is, I'm sure you'll agree, pretty naive. maybe they just don"t want to.
Imposing own rules on others or on a man in relationship.Using victim card, never at fault blaming you for some general stressful situations.Never taking critique but criticizes your dress code, you not being smiley enough, changing plans mostly suit to her.Also telling everybody how good partner you are but tells you otherwise.Being addicted to online social media and people's feedback and "likes".Telling you obvious things you already know treating you as student. Also she will seek your support but would never thank you for yours.
You just pretty well described perfectly the courting and marriage to my Narcissistic wife. She finally pretty much took herself out of my life by moving away from where I live to be with her daughters and grandchildren who were being born and came onto the scene. Even though her daughters were full grown women when we married they were ahead of me in the priority list, and then one of them started to have grandchildren. They moved out of our city so she left to go and live with them and continues to this day. We keep in touch but the interaction is minimal. Just a random text message from time to time.. I never ask any questions because she's a compulsive manipulative liar. I knew something was wrong soon after we met, but like most other people who are ignorant of the situation I down played the seriousness of those red flags. As an aside both of my parents are Narcissist so I grew up around this as well, but still didn't understand the Narcissism until I took some time to learn about it in recent years. I'm more immune to it these days due to my increased knowledge of them and I don't engage the Narcissist. When I see the traits in any person I begin to shut down communication with them. I totally agree with the comment made by Lise that the worst advice for dealing with them is to try and call them out on their behavior. It doesn't work, and they'll merely try and turn it all around and gaslight you making you the person with the problem.. Maintain your sanity.. Don't get sucked into their game, and don't think for a second that you can fix them.
@@ren7ee It's great advice, and it's never untrue. Even with a woman that a man has the children with, the natural father. The same will happen with him. Kids, grandkids come first.
I appreciate how concise and sort of narrative driven this is. Boundaries is a HUGE one for me in retrospect. People that love us feel connection when we share boundaries. To a narcissist, boundaries are an affront.
This is spot on. Another flag is that they will change history, convincing you that your memory of an event is wrong; sometimes to the point that you doubt your own sanity.
Had that happen!
That's textbook gaslighting.
Yep - gaslighting.
That’s an evil b***h pumping the gas ! Never forgive, never forget
I have quite a collection of audio recordings that prove a lot of what she denies. But, I learned from her that if it wasn’t for me she wouldn’t say those terrible things. 😂
"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option." Mark Twain
Doesn't sound like Twain.
@@michaelmisczuk1188 Still true.
Should've listened to those wise words.
@@BLUExEYEDxSLICKT word
The first FCN I was involved with used those exact same words to pull back from me. I was a wreck after being with her.
I couldn't help but break down during this video. I've experienced all of these. The worst is losing your desire to stand up for yourself just to keep the peace.
Choosing to do something against your own core ideals to see if it would please them? I've been finding myself for the past month. I wish you the same!
Yes! Holding back of my real thoughts and attitudes because to put them forward is always a fight. An exhaustive and in the end futile endeavor.
I went from being the family mouse to having a sailors mouth when I started standing up for myself. I'm not proud of it but in a way i'm happy i did.
I fully feel you so did I ❤
You could not be more right. And that snowballs downhill because the narcissist will use that against you when others are around (Especially your children).
One giant red flag is a lack of introspection. They just can’t see themselves as ever being at fault to themselves. It’s always someone or something else’s fault why they behave a certain way.
Very true. And they just go on from one relationship to the next without ever having to pause and introspect or grieve. It's like, they cannot stand isolation and need the validation to continue from the next person.
My wife constantly says, “that’s not my fault”
Like when I tell her she’s being a rude and condescending, her reaction to me saying that is far worse, as if I’m doing something terrible to her for calling out bad behavior for what it is.
I was already depression, couldn't notice any signs of my ex-wife started MLM. She used up all our savings in a very short period of time on a bunch of MLM crap, then told me it was all my fault we lost our money.
"When you think everything is someone else's fault, you will suffer a lot" - Dalai Lama
I'm shaking... you've pinpointed what I've suspected. I'll be looking for help to gain control of my life again. Thank you.
Many of us here have been where you find yourself now. We are testament that there is a way out and a way back to the you that you remember and are comfortable with.
Lack of showing gratitude is a big one. Not hearing the simple phrase "thank you" from a covert narcissist is a massive red flag.
Jup. Giving them a gift is a waste of time. I think it affects their sense grandiosity-to be given a gift makes them feel inferior. Interestingly, they are as stingy as hell. They hate giving.
They'll say thank you and anything else they need to say to drain you... It's all an act
To add, the sly ones know to be thankful ... but only verbally. They might even follow it with a gesture, but it'll be a token gesture at best.
and an apology when they've done you wrong...since narcissists are never wrong.
OMG, u hit that nail on the head! For my narcs b-day I gave him a few things that he mentioned he liked & cash. He complained. This year I gave him nothing. Why bother? And I want zero from the narc, so I hope that’s clear now. Always the dark cloud over them that Lise mentioned. Ugh!
Another flag: Effortless dishonesty.
Zero internal conflict
Yes. My former friend seemed to take great joy in causing me pain. The look of satisfaction on her face when she said or did something that would make me upset, it was almost indescribable.
For example, she's spread an entirely untrue rumor that I caught an STI from a one night stand. She knew it wasn't true and she said it anyway. When I pointed out that I could sue her for a slander and defamation of character, she went to pieces. She had ran her mouth to anyone who would listen. Then when I told her that I had enough proof to ruin her marriage because she was chasing after another man (it also didn't help her cause that she never wore her wedding ring or talked about how much her husband was a bad guy and claimed he was abusing her, which he didn't), she was terrified. She left me alone for a long while because she knew that I meant what I said. Of course, she got over the fear and went right back to being a witch.
Like many other examples in this video, she did not handle not getting her way well. I remember she wanted to use my car every time I came to visit because she didn't maintain her vehicle. When I demanded gas money, she said she didn't have it and then I reiterated my original answer of no, she threw a tantrum that would have embarrassed a toddler. She was walking around stomping her feet while pacing and flailing her arms while casually glancing back at me to see if I was reacting. When I didn't, she stopped and pointedly asked me what I was looking at. I said and I quote: “Just seeing where your son gets his shitty behavior from.“
That was enough to set her off and ask me to leave. Naturally, right afterwards the voicemails and angry phone calls started because she could never not handle not getting the last word. This was a typical exchange between the two of us. If she wasn't the center of attention, she would make herself the star of whatever situation was going on. If there was nothing to talk about, she made things up. If there were no problems, she would obsess over every little insecurity until they became great big imagined problems. For goodness sake, she even lied about having cancer to get attention from people. She truly is an unwell individual. I hated her for a long while and wished her ill will. It was only through my recent saving by the grace of God that I've been able to forgive her. I pray for her every night because she needs help.
@@iononcantomascrivo Notice how all of our stories are describing the exact same phenomenon. These people are completely unrestrained by conscience. Because they lack the ability to experience affective empathy, they have no confidence in their ability to predict how others are feeling and will behave. Therefore they make bad decisions. When they make bad decisions, they cannot learn from them. They just throw tantrums. They are like wild animals. The world is a terrifying place for them because they lack the ability to experience affective empathy.
Now consider that these ones which we know are the least camouflaged of the bunch. Those who are better camouflaged rise to the very top of the social hierarchy. Corporate CEOs. Politicians. Central bankers. Considering the narcissists we know, we should ask ourselves, what would these people do if they had real power? What might they be capable of?
Would they use money printing to impoverish the people and enrich themselves?
If their scam was about to be discovered, would they seek to avoid justice?
Would they try to divide and rule the people?
Would they release a bioweapon?
Would they impose forced vaccinations to make people infertile and kill them?
Would they destroy the food supply so that the people starved to death?
Would they try to thin the herd and enslave those who remained with a CCP-style social credit system called a Central Bank Digital Currency (CBDC)?
Please go to Rumble.com.
Watch this video:
“Q The Plan To Save The World”
Tell others what you have learned.
This is the Great Awakening.
This is the final battle between good and evil.
@@iononcantomascrivo she sounds like my ex with center of attention and lying on me saying I was bad to her and abusive that she tellls everyone she meets in our very small town. She’s a major extrovert and loves being center of attention and I’m a sigma male aka very introvert and too myself. So I don’t get out and about to tell the truth about her to all these people but she sure smear campaigns me like no other and the looks I get at the grocery store of a few that are now friends with her is unsettling to say the least. I’m gonna have to move.
@@BLUExEYEDxSLICKT I'm sorry to hear that your ex did that to you. That constitutes slander, libel, defamation of character and a slew of other laws that she's violating. If you have proof that she's doing it and she knows that she is slandering you thus sullying your reputation, you can take legal action. Only you can decide if suing her for the harassment is a worthwhile course of action.
It's because they have no guilt. They can do nearly anything to you
The female narcissist will always always always play the victim. In every disagreement she will be the victim - making you feel like you crossed some line etc… just wild. Thank you for putting this out there - people need to know.
That’s *every woman* talking about her previous relationship 😂
Insufferable is what I call it
I mean that's pretty much every narcissists regardless of gender. But yes it is extremely frustrating. It's gaslighting at its finest.
That’s every woman brother
No its not, If you understand a female narcissist you would not say this.
It breaks my heart how accurate this is. If this video had been released 7 years ago it wouldve saved me from a mountain of suffering.
Getting out of one of these relationships was one of the most emotionally painful things I've been through. A year later, I have healed and can watch these videos every once in a while and smile. I know now that walking away from her was the best decision I could have made. It must be so exhausting living with NPD, never being happy, always having to be right, the best looking etc. Time is their only true fear in life as their youthfulness fades away with every empty relationship. A never ending cycle that is always someone else's fault.
walking on eggshells, Hollow eyes, can't let you speak one sentence without interrupting, mrs know it all, the unaknowledged super talent, the big mouthed diva, etc
Unacknowledged super talent is a great way of putting it. Somehow was always so close to great achievements but never got them because of someone else.
You described my marriage of nearly 30yrs. She passed away about three years ago, and through content like yours here, I am starting to get my sense of self and identity back. Thank you for recognizing the abuse that men face from the female narcissist.
I'm sorry you were abused.
Was it Arsenic by any chance lol
*"Passed Away..."* It's okay, this is a safe space 🤣
Dude, that's the dream right?
How did she die? And were you sad when she died? When did you realise she was a narcissist? Before or after she passed away? Do you miss her? Sorry ! So many questions!
Another red flag is when they have an overly negative opinion of someone you know to be a good person. My ex used to say that my Dad was manipulative. Obviously I have known my dad my whole life, he has only ever been a gentle kind person, he would never manipulate someone. If your partner starts describing people you know to be nice as being bad people, be careful.
This is the tactic the CN uses to isolate you from family and friends. The CN cannot stand that their partner has any relationships, and are jealous of even their own children. They seek to destroy connections to their partners parents or anyone perceived as a threat to them. If ypu share children they will be used as weapons to control and manipulate you.
THIS IS A REAL KEY FACT!!!
my fiance is like this. 🤦🏾♂️🤦🏾♂️🤦🏾♂️
People skip over this, but this is exactly right
This is something that I noticed about my current gf as she spoke negatively about colleagues of ours at work, colleagues I knew were sweet and decent people. Her paper-thin excuses for saying she didn't like someone deeply troubled me and it took me awhile to figure out that she has some narc tendencies that would motivate her to say such things.
These flags are spot on! Seven years ago I walked away from a five year relationship that was horribly emotionally, verbally (and physically at times) abusive. I don't know why UA-cam recommended I watch these videos on female narcissists but they've really helped me understand what I went through. From 23-27 I was with someone who was 21 years older than I am, and at the time I was too naïve to see the red flags. The first year was pretty good except for a couple of weird incidents. The first big one that I can recall was about a month in and I went to the guitar store with my roommate while she went to the grocery store (which I didn't even know at the time). She was unreasonably mad at me for not being around to help her carry in the groceries and ghosted me for two days while I wondered what I did wrong and I scrambled to try to make things better. We weren't even living together at the time and I wasn't spending all of my time at her house so I didn't think I had to be around for groceries yet. That's just the first of many situations. She repeatedly accused me of cheating, hacked into my phone to see who I was texting all the while she was doing the same as I found out later (but denied it when I brought it up). She refused to let me get a job so she could keep me under financial dependence and I finally was able to convince her to let me go back to school and get a job. The first opportunity I could move out, I did. I just moved everything out one day without telling her while she was convinced that I was cheating on her. Sorry for the long post but I haven't really spoken a lot about it in seven years so it's good to get it all out. I'm now married and quite successful and my wife is the complete opposite and I couldn't be more grateful.
Your story really reminds me of the song Maggie May, by Rod Stewart
@@aucapuig9043 I looked it up, not that far off I guess
You're the reason I got out of a toxic relationship after 9 months of it being her verbally abusing me and reeling me back in. Thank you so much for all the great videos!
I was in a relationship with a female covert narcissist for 3 years and experienced these exact events and more. I was left devastated and dumbfounded and it wasn't until I left the relationship and got my life back that I became whole again. That narc ability to "flip the switch" and go from a hot to cold persona without explanation is unlike anything I have seen before. They're sick and demented creatures.
Thank you Jesus for delivering this man!
You are not alone!
Same with my situation..
@@stevenkleinhenz1017funny my former female malignant Narcissist told me that God brought me into her life for a reason. She also said right at the beginning of the relationship that her x husband was a narcissist and that “when Gods really mad at you He’ll bring a narcissist into your life”. little did I know that this was her way of saying that she vied God as a punisher. I had know Idea about narcissism, I do now unfortunately.
i just got discarded after 4 years of Jekyll and Hyde. the unstable random mood swings is truly the most intense and eggshell walking discomfort you could ever experience. it makes you feel like you're losing your mind. after having time without them it all makes sense. its super hurtful to go through dating somebody like this. they never cared about you and you stayed to work through all the BS you thought was real but never was
"When someone shows you who they really are, believe them the first time . . ."
Maya Angelou
Another thing to look out for is the absence of female friends. A woman who can’t form friendships with other women is trouble. I know from experience!
I never had female friends I just got bullied does that count?
@@Hopelessromantic666 Yes, just in a different way perhaps.
Exactly
Wamans cant make friends
this was the one that got me lol. she only had like 2, and they would fight a lot. but also.... to be fair my first ex had not many friends either and she was a doll. At least to my knowledge. but i never felt she was cheating really. she was a very good person. just very quirky.
Things that struck me in addition to what has been said here: 1) She called others narcissists. 2) She can't stand being criticised. 3) One cannot clarify misunderstandings. 4) One cannot establish genuine emotional closeness. 5) If you allude to something, it was just a joke. 6) She doesn't stick to agreements. 7) She ist self-righteous - and tells the world and me how sincere and good she is. 8) She is vain - even if she says, that she is so relaxed, easy going and down to earth. 9) She doesn't always tell the truth.
@guenthermarschall01 Exact same list as mine - thanks, it helps to have others see what for twelve years I managed not to see clearly. And ref your no. 4 and 7 - yes, I got taken in by her 'sensitivity' to herself, it turns out this is simply a sensitivity to her ego being bruised, and hides a complete lack of introspection and self-awareness. She was unable to discuss her real emotions, had no interest in mine. Because we had so much in common, I didn't see that we lacked emotional closeness, as you mention. Such a waste of my passion, and a waste of her life, she could have had a lot to give. I hope you are managing to move on, it's a struggle...
OMG when did you meet my adulteress wife? She’ll make a great pastors wife with the pastor she got “counseling” with in parks while lying to me and hiding her car behind other buildings.
Always told me never cheat while she was cheating. And, she would not quit her job with the guy she cheated with. Disgusting! Going through a divorce now.
100% tick, tick and tick. I paid for our family to leave the city after having this plan sabotaged for years by my partner. She now denies that I paid anything. We've since split up but are living together until she gets her finances together. We also have a kid. Can you guess what job she does for no more than 10 hours a week...she is a psychotherapist! I kid you not. At home she rages, is passive aggressive to me and our 9 year old and then goes online and gives therapy sessions where she's all sweetness and light. Mental...
Wow. I can relate to almost all of these in regards to my ex and it's eye-opening when they're all laid out this way.
1.) She called ME a narcissist when breaking up for reasons that don't even make sense given the context. She essentially blamed me for the break-up because of my behavior and attitude. Immediately after breaking up with me, she was nonstop posting about how "happy she is" and how "grateful and thankful" she was for things she would constantly tell me she hated (her job, her coworkers, etc.) Ironically, two days later she was also rubbing her new relationship with her coworker that according to her she "did not cheat" on me with in my face. I say "rubbing in my face" because she didn't block me or post privately. She was publicly posting these things and I'm pretty sure it was done with the intent to hurt me. At the very least, past ex's have had the decency to block me or go to a private account.
2., 5.) I could never complain about anything she did, ever. If I complained that she left a full cup of water on my desk, complained she left clothes on my floor, complained she was leaving a mess in my area, etc. I was being "rude" and "evil" to her. When I'd tell her it was a simple criticism and that it wasn't actually that serious and I just wanted a bit of respect for my space, it was suddenly "just a joke." Any sort of backlash from her was always "just a joke." She developed this unhealthy obsession with my boss simply because my boss would treat me nicely and I would tell her she was being nice to me. It escalated to a point where she came over and kept complaining about a "headache" because she "saw the enemy today" and it just so happened that that same day, she visited me at work and saw my boss interacting with me and my boss also talked to her and said pleasantries. When I brought up if this "enemy" she saw was my boss, she denied it and claimed it was an inside joke she had with her coworkers about "a weird customer" and that she was "sorry I wasn't in on the joke." Yeah, right.
6.) The week before breaking up, she randomly started "hanging out with friends" and ignoring previously made plans with me to do so. She'd come over late and be upset at ME for being upset that plans we made days and days in advance were not being honored in exchange for something that popped up that day. Also found out the coworker she cheated on me with was at these hangouts, lol. There were also the plenty of times she told me not to buy myself something because she would get it for me, and she almost never did.
7.) Probably the biggest one here. She was outspoken about world issues, but the façade was very clearly an ego stroke and everything was always said in a "Hey!! Look at me and look at how morally superior I am!!" manner. I don't think she ever did anything to truly help with these issues she was so "outspoken about" besides repost infographs and berate anyone who "didn't care" or "didn't educate themselves" on the matters. She'd still buy and consume boycotted products pretty regularly.
9.) Within the first two months of knowing her and ultimately dating her, she was spouting white lies over the most inconsequential things before I called her out on her bullshit. She would lie about going to sleep or being awake, lie about what she was going to eat for dinner, lie about where she was going after work (We met at work). It wasn't until we got serious and I called her out on her lies when she finally mentioned she "doesn't know why she lies" but that she'd stop. Her sister was the exact same way, if not worse.
The break-up is still very fresh and I am still angry at the betrayal, but reading and typing all this out really makes me realize she was not the person I thought she was. I ignored a lot of red flags and maybe I should've jumped ship when I noticed them. These points you listed definitely helped the fog lift a little bit. If only I could erase all the memories and speed up the healing process.
Thank you very much. This is so well explained. You brought tears to my eyes because it is hard to accept that someone.who you thought loved you has just used you
Another red flag is what I would refer to as a “poke/watch.” It’s something my ex would do all the time. She would often test my boundaries early on (and occasionally as time went on) by saying something that would illicit a reaction out of me, like a subtle insult, a negative comment or a condescending remark. Then, it was as if she’d step back with guarded body language and watch me intently, searching my face, closely watching how I would respond. It’s something I’ve encountered with other narcs as well. It seems to be their way of gathering intelligence and chipping away at your boundaries until they’ve completely infiltrated your defences.
So true!!!
I call that "poking the barking dog": get it riled up, then when the dogs snaps or bites, the tormentor plays the helpless victim.
Yes!
So so true
Bang!! Spot on!! I've experinced this as well... but i only realised all this in retrospect as i started to learn on the topic... Its scary, crazy, very very frustrating, dissapointing & heartbreaking... Wish everyone to be blessed with a joyous life ahead! Knowledge is indeed power! Tc 🙏🏽
I’ve experienced narcissistic abuse from a friend. The first red flag was when she told me she doesn’t have “girlfriends”, because she gets along better with men. Now I know why she doesn’t have any girlfriends. I consider myself a good judge of character but my gosh was I duped.
I have a few girlfriends but get along better with men. Is that a symptom? I don't think so. Lol. I think men are generally more direct and I like that.
@@kathryncainmadsen5850 if you think about whether you are one, you can’t be one. They would never do that.
@@kathryncainmadsen5850 it is definitely a red flag for me and I don't trust women who "get along better with men" because straight men very rarely are interested in a woman for friendship alone. these women typically enjoy male friendships because men are easily manipulated when the promise of future sex is involved. my aunt is like this - she hates women but acts like men are gods and manipulates men into feeling sorry for her, yet she's incredibly abusive towards any other female she thinks is competition in her warped little mind. she terrorized my grandmother up until the day she died, she used to bully me as a child, and only treats her daughter nicely because her daughter is not physically attractive (to her) at all so is not a threat to her. if my cousin was beautiful, i doubt she would be as nice to her as she is. i noticed this pattern with her in my 20's when she was fighting with her coworkers at her job...i found it strange all her so-called "enemies" were female. she never had ANYTHING bad to say about the men who worked on her job, and most of her coworkers were men. and yet she was always at war with some female but never the dudes.
it all started when her old male supervisor "d." retired and was replaced by a woman whom she claimed hit her in the head with a bathroom stall door when they were in the restroom together. my grandmother was the one who called her out on the story since it didn't make any sense how a bathroom door could up and knock you in the head unless you were either standing directly in front of it or it magically came off its hinges and hit her itself. my grandmother asked her to her face, "were you terrorizing that woman?". which obviously made her angry because this is what the new supervisor claimed during the workplace investigation - she said my aunt was following her in the bathroom screaming at her/acting like a nut and she used the bathroom door as a "brace" between them since she was being violent. i believed it because she did the same thing to me a few years ago when she cornered me in the laundry room. my grandfather used to buy into her crap and had him running around behind her like a little lapdog until she started taking her anger out on him now that he's older and he isn't writing her sister, my mother, out of his will.
I have known this girl in my neighborhood for 15 years but we were never friends but she started going out with my boyfriend's friends by saying she was a friend of mine and so hanging out with us, too. She wasn't. All her relationships with them ended in disaster. I had no clue what a female narcissist was or even a male narcissist was til now. She starts love bombing my boyfriend and he fell completely obsessively in love with her and basically ruined every part of our relationship with her manipulation.
Recently told my boyfriend she would have f#@k with him right away when they met but didn't because she was my "friend" and has to much respect for me and my family and so they can't have sex. Which is a brilliant piece of manipulation cause he started resenting me even more and blames ME for her not being with him.( Hello you have a girlfriend. ) He stop having sex with me as soon as he met her 5 years ago I realized. Recently he started partying with her everyday. He has started to pay her rent and see her secretly and lying about it. Yet she is supose to be my "friend" and even justified HERSELF seeing him without me when i confront her about it, as she is trying to" help him." Wtf. Their relationship has become sexual in that she won't f#@k him but found other girls who will. That way keeps him interested in her and yet satisfied sexual and coming back for more. They get into wicked fights because she is also seeing other men and has a boyfriend. And i just left 3 months ago after 8 years together because my sanity couldn't handle what turns out to be two narcissists. After looking at video on subject he is classic text book narcissist and why our relationship never improved and why it took me years to leave.
This is the reason I don't have a lot of girlfriends.
This is the second girl he cheated on me with. The first was a girl HE wanted me to BECOME friends with because he said i needed female friends. (All my friends were mostly male whom i have known for more the 15 years and even my boyfriend i had met 20 years prior and nothing happen.) But this other girl, she sat at my table and drank my wine, and then f@#k my boyfriend. He could deny it but video says otherwise. I still stayed.
I have girlfriends now who truly are friends, not many , but without them i would be toast right now.
Thank you for sharing your stories as well. It helps to show i am not crazy or overreacting.
Becareful with those narcissist bitches, they are no joke.
@@sandracastillo3317 Bless your soul, what a nasty mess some human beings tend to be. It's truly a pretty dark part of life, and worse yet? These people seems to be pleased acting this way. To me, their entire lives will be a sorrowful empty nightmare and a mess. From start to end. Whatever makes them happy, stay the hell away from me.
Add to the list: "Everyone else is right, and you're always wrong" and "Shamed for expressing frustration."
Conversely, everyone else is always wrong, and THEY are always right. They are truly twisted individuals.
Oh yes. I've seen that sometimes, they might not shame you directly, but still twist things around subtly to suggest it's your fault.
Told "you have problems"... when truth was pointed out
Run run run as fast as you can ........🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️💃
Plus being called aggressive if you disagree.
Yes. This is what I went through with my former friend. Although she never tried to sleep with me, like this video talks about, she probably would have if she thought that it would have gotten her somewhere. After all, I had a resource that she wanted: my life savings. Once I cut her off, she turned into a total bitch. More accurately, the mask fell off and I got to see her for what she was: a lazy waste of space who would let her own kids starve rather than get and keep a job and trash talk her hardworking saint of a husband than put any effort into her marriage. The whole time that I knew her she lived in a fantasy world thinking she was going to make it as an actress, but it takes more than faking a resume and using a camera phone photo for a headshot. Also, talent is needed. My former friend could not act. That's neither here nor there.
Thank you for this video! My ex-wife is a covert narcissist who also has Borderline Personality Disorder. I ignored the red flags early on and it was only after 3 years together when she pushed for a separation (claiming I was abusing her) when the lights finally came on and I realized I was taken for a ride. I wish I had seen your videos earlier. Thanks to a good support network and therapist, I’m now not going to ignore my instincts again when I’m in my next relationship.
Me to same thing. 😔
yes, you get punched in the face in a fit of rage but you are the abuser.
Same thing here. She convinced me that I had issues with managing stress and frustration. I started to see a therapist. After 40 minutes the therapist told me "we'll explore better the roots of your frustration but you need to know that you are describing borderline behaviours".
I did not know what that meant. I went home and started googling things and I found myself in shock.
I started a study journey of cluster b personality disorders and I had never experienced that mix of validation and anxiety. I started to take some baby steps towards divorce during a silent treatment of a few months, having to negotiate an extremely difficult agreement on property division (she had nothing while all my assets where on the line). After 4 psichologists, 5 lawyers, one apartment and all kind of anti-social behaviours I managed to get a signature.
I’ve suffered all 10 in the exact order you explained it….. it took years. 8yrs I’ve suffered. Thank you for putting this out here
My last two girlfriends shared many of this traits. One thing I may add is the lack of long term female friends. (Maybe they can see through their BS)
OMG, you added the last stone. 25y to late, but at least the picture is complete.
So 2 children, 1 house and 1/3 of a life later, I‘m on my own (nearly) again and now a single dad of 2 adult girls. They „love“ their „mother“ as much as I do.
No they fight with all their long term female friends , they are brutal.
Often also have ‘daddy issues’
i learned that the hard way. so true
In my case my former friends and family that covered up abusing me turned out to be covert Narcissists and used corrupt doctors and lawyers and District Attorneys and Family Court judges and psychologists and psychiatrists to cover up underaged marriage and abuse with military and police and churches and coaches and teachers and Professors involved and libeled my mental stability reputation and renegotiated the family trust and trashed my reputation in retaliation for reporting abuse. I have had female friends, but unfortunately they seemed to not be very good friends because they profited off of keeping abuse covered up.
I told her straight out that she was a Narcissist & needed help! Great, she did the fastest disappearing act I've ever seen. GONE !!! I'm happy
This was the script (word for word) for my marriage with my ex wife of 9 years. I wish I would have known back then what she was. It’s been over a year now and even with therapy and education I still feel brokenness. I feel for anyone that has had to walk this road.
I wish all the best in future. Take a month of no Contact, and then another and so on and on.
Ones a therapist told me " Nis, your wear a sign on your back saying "Psycopat Magnet""
I really had no idea what I was dealing with. After some googles and UA-cam videos, this is the playbook, wow.
This vid hit hard. Thanks Doc!
Hang in there, you lucky you got away alive and in tact. Good luck 🤞
Mark, I have 23 yrs. 55 and yes, Self is broken. Im past the point of wanting her back. I just want me back. Good luck man !
@@ronstallings3156 good luck to you as well! It’s not easy but I think our best years are ahead of us!!
These red flags are absolutely spot on. I just left a gaslit relationship run by a female covert narcissist certified in social work and adept at emotional psychology. She really knew the ropes. Easily could have written "How To Be A Master At Narcissistic Gaslighting." It's a dangerous situation to be in. If you're in one of those relationships, leave now.
I had a friendship with a girl like this. When I ended it after some unreal gaslighting that snapped me into reality, she was getting her MSc in psychology. Scary shit.
"How To Be A Master At Narcissistic Gaslighting." If you think you are a match it will blow up in your face.
A girl I dated for almost 3 months had an MSc in Psychology and worked with kids.
She admitted she did it to try to heal herself along with telling me on a few occasions that she was crazy and had a string of short-term relationships that she ended.
Because she was so sexy and alluring, I naively brushed it off not knowing they were major red flags.
It was sad and devastating that she discarded me so harshly as I really liked her.
But it gave me a valuable insight into what Covert Narcissism is.
It's amazing how many cluster b personality disorders decide to be in the "helping" professionals as counselors, social workers, and psychologists so that they can 1) work their own damage out on someone else, 2) use the psycho-spiritual and emotional manipulations tactics they learned in their professions to extract "supply" in an intimate relationship.
@@OnderHassan I just went through this same thing, 3 month relationship, love bombing/sex bombing, false future planning all of the above, she had a masters and also did social work. Once she lied to me one time I called things off then shamefully bent the knee trying to reconcile with her. I was discarded and replaced so fast I couldn't believe it. It's been about a month now, still hurts but seeing this videos gives me a better understanding to the closure I will never receive, and quite honestly should start accepting that I shouldn't want to receive it.
For weeks I wanted her to reconcile with me, and more recently my emotions have transitioned from sadness to anger, mostly at myself for not identifying these flags so early on in the relationship. I really liked her as well, and it is hard to see the true colors she has shown me since she built this massive fantasy of who she really is.
The private/public conduct was a kick to the head. You absolutely nailed her behavior!
I commented to my friends numerous times that what she showed in public was the complete opposite of how she behaved in private. Attentive, affectionate, and doting were all a facade, only for public consumption.
The aspect is chamaleonic too. In public she would look awesome and then with you alone she will look miserable
I think that this problem stems from young girls, adolescents, and grown women never getting over the "Little Princess" syndrome.
Not realizing it, I was engaged to a covert narcissist. Luckily her father took me aside and very forcefully told me to take a second look.
I took his advice and soon realized that she was not a good woman, so I canceled our engagement.
Her reaction to that was she threatened to kill me. Understanding that she meant it, I quit my job and moved to a different city.
Very often 'the golden child' is a N.
psychosis is real.
@@ironjohn5914 "Psychosis ... a severe mental disorder in which thought and emotions are so impaired that contact is lost with external reality."
Are you implying that circumstances of life and environment don't directly relate to psychosis?
Whatever the reasons for the condition, all I'm saying is run from a covert narcissist as soon as you recognize one.
@@mrbill2600 I was dating a women who was borderline personality disorder with an alcohol addiction she was a ton of fun but also a nightmare at the same time she also had psychosis I believe her environment and upbringing and genetics are what made her how she was her mother was a 100% Narcissist.
@@ironjohn5914 I think her mother had much to do with her problems. Her childhood must have been a nightmare.
One of the major red flags I noticed with my ex was this pathological jealousy. She couldn't stand the thought of me being with anyone else before her, even partners from 10 years ago. It got to the point where I simply couldn't talk about my past out of fear she would be triggered. Definitely walking on egg shells is another.
Well, talking about past partners with your current one should almost always be avoided.
@@ragnar7023 ohhh they hate that! I was in a similar situation on Halloween where this girl wanted to get a photo with me and the costume I had on. She had gone to the bathroom at the time. When she came out, she was fuming
My ex wife I bought her a mattress which was $3000 the day when we came home she started saying that you know what if you were with your ex you could have bought her the $6000 mattress I was like where did that come from she was jealous of creating scenarios in her mind which never happened
@@shoaibinam541 they will create drama out of anything. They love it
I can relate. Also, mine narc was made jealous at the way I interacted with strangers. Apparently being pleasant and cordial was too much for her. Meanwhile, she was horrendous to people and strangers.
I endured this exact sequence of events, followed by the ultimate betrayal. It's an extremely distressing experience. Just knowing people like this exist, makes you lose faith.
Yes, I agree. However, I must be honest,, major RED FLAGS were there, in different ways with different narcissists, and I let it go on and on and on. With a significant other, I was in a new city & desperate for company. Then w/ my inner circle, I was desperate for family. A lot of detachment is key to seeing reality rather than an illusion. But, Some narcs are on their best behavior until they’ve really sucked u in…. It seems that letting go immediately, if anyone ever treats us with disrespect is what we MUST do.
Totally
They exist because they’re damaged. Someone hurt them when they were very young. Nothing you can do but avoid them once you’ve experienced the signs. And pity the next person who falls into their cycle.
Exactly. … Now my PTSD will be hearing any woman saying I’m their best in anything and their world cause every time I’m told this they turned out fake and used me. A few was narcissistic so yes. I will now not trust those words and one day a new love may mean them and yet I’m mentally emotionally scarred by those words now and won’t believe it and will run.
This is spot on!!! My encounter was 2017-2019 and I'm so happy to report that content has exploded. More and more people are understanding the disorder.
I've been in such a relationship for 5 weeks only.
After she started pushing me away and complaining about her bad experience, I broke up with her.
Now, I recognize all 10 flags mentioned in the video.
Had the same. Met a girl who copied me, even our phenotypes and speech pattern was so similar, but it was all fake.
same thing 3 months don't know why i let go that long signs came after 1
You described my ex. At the end she told me: " I don't love you, never did and never will, after cheating on me, that was her final blow. The last time we talked, she started crying and told me it would be much easier for her if I hated her. I told her I don't hate her and that I forgive her. All the crying stopped, she changed her attitude and got angry. I told her she has a problem and that she should get help. She got angrier and asked, what is my problem? I told her, if you can't see it, I can't tell you, you gotta want to be a better person to see it. She rushed to hang up. Crazy
She was looking to get excused for what she has done to you.You were too soft for her,she will never learn.
My ex told me "I can't love you" but implying it was my fault. That really hurt.
my wife has most of these traits and i just realized she has been cheating behind my back for years. i also realized that our relationship is not normal. nothing i did was ever good enough but then she say that only I could make our lives better. i got a six figure job and it still wasn't good enough. she would always find something to demean me, saying i'm dumb, fat etc... but even when i got incredibly ripped just to get attention from her....she ignored me still. then pull be back in with buying me things...the sex life was just as described here....there would be like a month of intense sex then months of nothing.
Truth is their kryptonite....the closer it gets the faster they flee...
Male mental health and relationship support is so undervalued, at least in my country (Greece), where men are supposed to just "take it like a man" and "get better". What people like you are doing helps a ton.
I wish it was more understood in society tbh. People always seem to assume men's mental health issues are simple, and they're really not. If they were simple, we'd know how to treat them better. I get this feeling that society as a whole cares about women much more than men, and sadly it makes many good men who have much to offer, and should be valuing themselves, give up
it's a worldwide issue.
Not just in your country but world wide, men have been treated as expendable for millenia
You captured my thoughts exactly! Abuse by men on women is talked about, but abuse by women on men is often ignored or even mocked.
Same in UK
My jaw just dropped. This matched my experience 100%. Thank you so much for this.
Good list. With a master's in psychology, I probably should know all these but of course I learned the hard way.
I like what you said about making you feel like you're everything and then making you feel like you're nothing.
I feel like what was missed is that they can do it in the same conversation. Moment to moment you can be everything or you can be dirt. They have an amazing talent for doing this!
All while simultaneously apologizing for how they've been in the past.
No rhyme or reason; just head spinning blame shifting and live bombing.
IMPOSSIBLE TO FOLLOW LOGICALLY.
So true
Dead on
Wow. You hit the nail square on the head.
Thank you folks... and believe me, Im glad I studied and understand. Wishing I didn't have to - and still worried about my kids
It's amazing that you can hear the word Narcissism /narcissist bandied about and not really appreciate or grasp the true depth to its true meaning. It's only after the fact that you learn and "wake up" and appreciate you for you. It's a savage journey from which I have learnt a lot.
My last 8.5 year relationship was with a covert narcissist. We broke up for the last time at the end of last year. I've been learning a lot about narcissists since then. I'm convinced that my ex is not only a narcissist but a sociopath (no empathy, no remorse, risk taking behavior).
Our relationship was a roller coaster of intense highs and devastating breakups - but I quickly learned that the breakups weren't actually breakups - they were punishments and the relationship was never actually over. Eventually I was the one doing the breaking up and she was the one contacting me to reconcile - but almost never offering an apology or committing to do anything to fix any problem whatsoever.
Sometime in the middle of the relationship I noticed that my car was collecting key marks. There never seem to be any rhyme or reason, they would just show up inexplicably. A couple of weeks into our last break up I bought a new car, and it was keyed the day after I brought it home. I was so upset that I installed cameras on my house, and the mysterious car keyer turned out to be my ex. She had been keying my cars in the middle of the night for years.
Things got ugly after that. Police were involved - but reading some of the stories written here, I think maybe I got off easy.
My relationship was similar. Either everything was perfect or it "wasn't working". We would also "break up" then get back together Normally after a week or two.
@@ragnar7023 Yep - that's about how long my breakups with my ex were. About a week or two.
That’s my ex but so far she hasn’t done the stuff she bragged about doing to her ex husband which she did the same but worse. She and her oldest daughter would put sugar among other stuff in his gas tank and ruined it and cutting tires on many ex’s cars and bragged about doing it to me for years. Now I’m the ex as of the same time End of last year and she’s many times hoped for nothing but the worse for me. So I better keep a close eye on my ride too. Has me nervous now she lives not far away at all too.
@@BLUExEYEDxSLICKT install cameras on your house now. Seriously. Good ones too.
Oy vey!
This lady is good she just accurately described covert narcissism that's not easy to do this will definitely help a lot of people
The life coaches I work with have said it is VERY difficult to explain.. especially to those that don't experience it. They speak from experience.
@@jaklumen Well after being married to one for 15 years and then was dumb to be with another one I figured out later on that was worse than my ex wife…. I’m way wiser to what to avoid now.
Fighting back tears watching this, I haven't felt so vindicated in years. I am in the emotionally responsible/ caring group...and I made the mistake of organising counselling for her. This video has blown me away.. I'm so exhausted trying to fix up our house and be good partner etc..but I'm at my limit. I needed to see this today, thank you ❤
Thank you for this. I watched this video and cried. Everything makes so much sense now.
OMG! I needed to hear this, this is the best description to date. Every red flag is 100% my life for almost 30 years. I have tried so hard to help her during the last 7 years (red flag 6) when the mask come off. I even told her she was like Jekle and Hyde at times and I thought she had depression or something. I blamed myself a lot and questioned myself everyday to find where I went wrong, when in fact it was never me. I very much did give her the moon and stars and more, but nothing was ever enough. Even now, she can be all smiles and super affectionate in public (red flag 8), but walk in the door 10 minutes later and she is the devil... Its like flicking a switch on and off. Id say, I am with a text book narcissist and I only started to realise what a narcissist was via research trying to help her. I was too busy trying to please her and I unfortunately have reached Red Flag number10. I am now seeking ways discretely to help me regain my 'self' .. It is true for me, I have no idea of who I am, what I like, what I want etc.. I used to be so full of life and motivated. I hope every person, both women and men out there can be awake sooner than I was to this horrible thing.
Same. I thought I was doing something wrong. She kept calling me a narcissist. I finally googled it and realized she was projecting herself onto me. I'm out of that relationship now. I became sick and needed a transplant. She kept telling me I was going to bankrupt her with my medical expenses. Then she divorced me. I had to leave the house I bought before we were married and move into an apartment that doesn't allow dogs. She said she would allow me to see the dogs, which she did initially. Now I have a house and she realizes I'm not moving back with her. Now she won't let me see the dogs. I miss the dogs terribly. I don't miss her at all. There went 15 years of my life down the drain - and a lot of my money.
Looking back I think all of our lives hinge on a couple of key decisions that we make. Each decision sends our life down a different path. The paths branch out like a tree. After a while you find yourself out on a limb looking at the other limbs on the tree!
I did get a great son that I love very much. He is an adult now and married. We have a great relationship and we did many incredible things together and still do. That makes all of the bad times with my wife worth it,
I believe my friend is suffering in his marriage of over 30yrs too. I wish one of his male friends would help him see the truth
I hear and feel you, at least I learned to feel more,
The depression gets really dangerous at times…just knowing who you live with now is life saving!!
I was married to a female covert narcissist for 16 years. Looking back I realize I experienced and observed all 10 red flags exactly as described. It is good to be divorced and 1500 miles away...
28 years with mine, broke up with me 4 time and slept behind my back in between ,I have 3 kids to her.the only thing she said is the truth is her name .her all personality is false.my all relationship was fake.
@@darrelltregear3571 That is terrible man.
Congratulations. Enjoy your freedom. 👍
Dood, I feel ya, 19+ years married, 6 month courtship and nearly 2 years divorce, an utter nightmare. But there is light at the end of the tunnel :)
Ultimate goal convince all men to never get married, then these types of women will have to be in their a-game 24/7 and any good women will have no problem sticking by a man they love without a three party contract with the givernment. Honest decent women will have no problem with that arrangement.
This is ridiculous... I have no words. I can't even...
I just want to thank you. You are helping me at the end of my grieving.
I'm 28 years old, have been through breakups before, and NEVER has a woman made me so confused and messed up in the ways this one did.
I felt used, exposed, betrayed by my own self and mind, and in TWO MONTHS I couldn't handle it anymore and we both left each other.
It's been two months since then, she did tried to reach out sending me a song saying it reminded her of me and "i hope you're ok! kisses" also putting me back on her close friends and posting stories there with stuff like "don't let a good love leave cause you're confused"
Anyways...
I silenced her, i don't wanna hear from her, I'm done talking about what i've been through with this person, and EVERYTHING, i mean... EVERY SINGLE THING on your narc content is spot on.
Thank you again. Now i know what happened to me and how i was caught, being through a hard time financially and emotionally and getting to attached to this person in the wrong ways.
God bless you, Lisa.
try 40 years more fool me,, but kids...
Thank you for breaking all of this down. My ex narc contained ALL 10 of these red flags and what was only a 3-month “relationship” felt like 3 years lol. Damn this hit home hard! Another red flag I’d like to share is for those who’ve been with single mothers which was my case. If she has kids with multiple baby daddies and/or is jealous of you developing some kind of bond with one of her kids like I did, please take that into consideration!
Also, this is a big one…
Keep an eye on how she handles her phone and laptop. If she rarely leaves it out in the open or hides it, that’s a HUGE red flag. My dumb ass was too blind to notice that fact. When she would connect her phone to the charger, she kept it stored inside one of the kitchen cabinets. When I asked her why, she said she didn’t want her youngest daughter to go reaching for it. That was so bizarre to me. She would also store her laptop in the bedroom closet before bed. I should’ve cut the cord and left right then and there but I wanted sex too which tells you how low my self-esteem was at the time. She was so good in bed but I now realize that all the crazy good sex wasn’t worth it. Unfortunately I sacrificed my own well-being to cater to her needs.
She's a product of feminism.
Took me 17 years 3 kids to finally say enough is enough. Can’t help someone that doesn’t want to be helped. Seeing this scenarios brings back flashbacks. Wish I knew a decade earlier.
Wish I knew three decades earlier!
Just went through it never knew what a narcissist was until now after I’ve moved out 4 weeks no contact
Unfortunately I wish I could go no contact. Kids make it a lot harder to go without it
@@jigjones936 I have a child as well but got a 3rd party member to hand over and text between ourselves
Hi, I'd like to add to this list of red flags, before I realized my ex had many covert narcissistic traits, I noticed she would never admit to any wrong she may have done and would never say sorry. While I was with her, I secretly researched this and came to realize she has a fragile ego, at the time I actually felt sorry for her. When I was deep in the relationship with her, I found myself making more and more excuses for her bad behaviour and reminding myself that no one is perfect. I had no doubt at this stage, I'd never leave our relationship until I was ultimately discarded for the last time. It was only after our relationship had ended, did I start to learn about covert narcissist's. I'm glad now she discarded me because like I said, I don't believe I would of ever left her...
I first discovered the word narcissist by searching the Internet for “someone who never apologizes”.
Definitely a red flag 🚩
Or you call out their bad behavior and end up having to apologize for the way you made THEM feel bad for calling out the behavior. I feel you on the excuses for their behavior, I did the same, she's just having a bad day, had a bad childhood, no one is perfect, it's a result of her past trauma, and on and on until one day you wake up.
That’s a solid red flag. I tested a guy in this way by taking the blame for something he had done and he let me. He really marked his flag there.
My ex would never apologize either, at least authentically. The closest she got once was to say “I’m sorry you felt like I hurt you”
Me to brother. I felt sorry for her , I stayed for 8 years
Amzing how you described exactly what I have gone through. Everything started as a dream and ended as the most painful traumatic experience in my life... thanks for sharing your videos. Best regards, Alwin
Oh man this is my ex exactly. I wish I knew this. She completely destroyed me over 5 years. Discarded me 7 months ago. I'm finally healing and realizing what happened
Me as well. I found educating myself about NPD really useful. The knowledge helped me understand why a long marriage went so horribly wrong.
@@brakenoodle105 im very sorry to hear that and hope your doing really well. It's been a long healing journey so far but what I can tell myself is I know I tried my very best for someone who was very broken. Wishing you well
The way you describe a female covert narcissist is so unique and easy to understand. Everything is so spot on described. Thank you very much Lise. 💯👍
The video is amazing. It describes my past 8 years exactly. I have decided to stop and move away 4 days ago after she left me 9 months ago and found out she was seeing another person (a second time).I could never disconnect because of our child together. I have learned so much in that time. Reading the comments helps very much. Seeing that others have gone through this, that there is nothing wrong with me. After all that abuse. I am lost but started the journey to find my identity again
I managed to get out by naturally taking the 10 steps and stop giving her supply as I was not playing anymore and she kicked me out… best thing that happened, then I learnt about this disorder and now I understand it 💪🏻
Lucky you!
I‘m still in somehow, as my ex is now making a live of our daughter and the grandson a mess. She told the police she’s afraid my daughter would kill her. Step by step this fear is going from full fiction to reality.
I just kicked out too. I feel so free of dead weight. I had no idea until I was free
Great video, in my experience the first nine Red flags rang all the bells, I got out before red flag 10 got a grip of me, in a moment of clarity during an incredible episode of madness I told her I had enough but recovery has been really tough. The usual post relationship events with a person with this disorder ensued, Hoovering me, yet smearing me to select friends and members of her family etc, continuing with behaviour that was contradictory and equally as confusing as the relationship was. Before I learned of this disorder I somehow had the insight to go no contact pretty much straight after, my gut feelings from the beginning had not been deceiving me after all sadly, the fairytale was an illusion. Years later she still tries different ways to access my life from time to time. It's as if they are from another dimension, very sad and disturbing individuals.
You nailed it!
I'm in a 'relationship' with one of these. We have a beautiful son, who thinks the world of me (and vice versa), and I feel obligated to give him a stable childhood. Many of these red flags apply though. I'm an absolute nobody and everything I've achieved or earned is worthless in her world. Only my utility really counts and even that is never enough. Happy days. Good video. Nice to know that I'm not as alone as I feel.
I’m right there with you. I’m getting out. Have to for my own sanity.
Get out and don’t get used any further, when the kids grows up she’ll leave you anyway so cut the ties NOW.
If you stay, do what you can for your son, to mitigate the ultra-conditional love she gives him. Mine was preparing early for her next step and divorced me, moving in with the next victim as soon as my son left for college.
I lived your „take care for the child“ for more than 20y. But I‘m afraid it‘s only over when she leaves this planet. She is currently very successful in destroying the live of her children and grandchildren.
The only good thing I can see for you is: you already know.
I am currently going through a separation/divorce with my covert narcissistic wife. Its difficult for the kids and it was difficult for me at the beginning. However what I can say is that within 2 weeks of having her out of the house, I realised that I was surrounded by a calm environment. Something I have not had for years. Now two months in my self esteem has never been so high. My anxiety and depression have all but vanished. The pressure I felt on a daily basis is gone. It will be difficult if you separate but there is a whole different world after. Do what is best for you, but I would push you to look up 'grey rock method.' Best of luck.
I've watched a trillion videos on narcissism (it certainly seems like a trillion anyway) but this video is the clearest and most understandable. Thank you.
You have exactly described my marriage of almost 10 years. All the way up to never telling her or sending her videos like this one. Its a long road ahead with our children, but I am soooo happy that I get to grow old with integrity and real relationships. I am sad for her because she will decay. She is using everyone around her.
I was with one for 10 years. Meek and treated me wonderfully to my face. Constantly doing everything she could behind my back to destroy me financially, reputationally, and any other possible way. Always told me she loved me more than she had ever loved any man and that I was her soulmate. Was on a covert smear campaign from the very beginning to isolate me from family, friends, coworkers, and neighbors. Sex drive was absolutely over the top. That never changed throughout the whole relationship. Always played the victim and described all of her previous marriages as abusive. I realized after it was over, that she had cheated on me throughout the whole relationship. (was in denial) She was very irresponsible financially. Committed numerous forgeries on me. After we divorced, she remarried within months and was divorced again within 5-6 months. She had a teenage son from a previous marriage with type 1 diabetes. She neglected him and left him home alone without proper nutrition while she was out whoring. He went into a diabetic coma and died ! And she got away with it. No charges at all. I could go on and on and on. She was truly a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
Thank you, Lise, for making me see the light and remove myself from the scene. This 18 month relationship has seriously damaged my mental and physical health. I will now have to work on why I ignored all the red flags when my gut instantly knew that sth was seriously wrong. Listen to your gut feeling is one thing I‘ve taken from this
I’m a rescuer type personality, getting divorced now but I went through all of these, not very good at spotting red flags. Devastated my life.
You are probably codependent, we are magnetised to people like this. Don't blame yourself too much.
@@benmjt I just don’t want a repeat of it, I’ve had 2 in a row now and it’s creating a massive hole in my pocket!
@@chaptermastertiberius No doubt, I've been there, we just get drawn to people we think we can fix. We feed off feeling needed. The answer is to work on yourself and build better boundaries.
yep,, I am one as well, works well as a teacher, not in a marriage with a loose cannon
This is scarily accurate. I am going through a breakup with a woman who I thought was extremely empathetic and giving. I am now putting the pieces together. Thank you for this video, it is very helpful for those that still feel like they are to blame for everything going wrong.
It's easy to tell a female narcissist.....they're breathing.
I have lived in the past with a wonderful narcissist. Caring, sexy, loving, cruel, ruthless, sadistic. I think your video would have helped me at the time. Anyway, I managed to go away, but I lost some dear friends who took her defense in the process. I'm happilly maried today, and I just regret to have wasted so much time in my past with someone who tried to hurt me by any means at her disposal.
I wish more therapists who make these narcissism videos would address the Covert Boss. Especially Communal Covert Bosses.
The intimacy is too intense and too fast, can also be someone with Borderline personality disorder
I have found the DSM categories to be mostly useless because they are not rooted in neuroscience.
The key trait of the narcissist seems to be a lack of grey matter in the left anterior insula which makes it impossible for them to experience affective empathy.
Many borderlines have this trait but some, like Marsha Linehan, clearly do not.
True
You just saved me from so much headache and hassle... THANK YOU!!
Honestly you are the most spot-on person I've ever heard talk on the internet about all of these things. You are truly a blessing to others.
I was married for 25 years, along the way of course there were bumps in the relationship. But what was frustrating is how she performed at home and how she behaved with families and friends.
When both my parents passed away everything changed slowly, throughout the last 5 years I was treated with verbal, hitting, blame, abuse, egg shells & putting myself in danger.
I cried for help to a uncle who saved me, my mum knew about my situation and passed on to him before her time the plan to get me out.
Thank God I live a normal life 🙏 but taken me 3 years to get out, but it was worth it from transferring work buying a house & making new friends with a new life again.
I'M NOT GOING BACK ONLY FORWARD WITH HAPPINESS!
Egg-shellng.
I am at that point, "deeper in the relationship". 32 years. I have written a poem about my struggles. It helps a little to write and talk to yourself, because no one will believe you anyway. Concentrate on keeping your sanity! Thank you for this video. I am new to the subject, but sure am glad I found it. I guess I am not imagining. Thank you Ms. LeBlanc.
This is spot on! My ex share all these traits.
Wow, you totally nailed it! Your description of my relationship with the covert narcissist is spot on!
This is so incredibly on-point. I've dealt with a majority of these, and I have a sibling currently going through it. These kind of women are treacherous, spiteful, and will do anything to have control of everything. Avoid them at all costs, fellas.
One other characteristic of narcissists in general is an inability to be on their own/alone. My ex was always in touch with someone if alone- texting, calling, etc.. As it turned out later, her 'communication' at that point consisted of setting up and maintaining multiple affairs with ex-boyfriends on her list (other 'supplys'), eventually divorcing me and moving in with one. He will pay dearly for taking up with her, a married woman at the time- that is a small comfort to me.
One of the most redeeming things about a girl cheating on you and then getting into a relationship with that person is the knowledge that the guy was stupid enough to date a girl he knows is a cheater. Id never be mad at a dude for that because not only did he take her off my hands but now I know hes going to end up hurt as well, so what reason do i have to hold a grudge against him
I met a few narcs like that. This Type of a Narc will also tell us that they are independent. That they don't need a man. However they can't take care of themselves.
@@kevinowens6010 Yes- rebellious, without realizing how truly dependent she is- now freeloading off another man (he is the fool ).
Yep. My ex had a great "relationship" with her boss. She spent a lot of time on the phone with him. Always said it was about business. I always suspected she was sleeping with him. Oh well, luckily I was able to move on. Now I'm on my own. Honestly I enjoy it. I'm 60 y/o. I can't see getting into another serious relationship with a woman.
I have a sister like this. I cut her off 20 years ago. They can do a lot of damage and think nothing of it. From what's in the news lately your advice can help alot of people out there so they don't get hurt.
Me too-NC 5 years! Such a miserable, evil person. They are so diabolical. Sorry for what I know you endured😞
Me too. Same. I cut her off as well. They think nothing at all of their actions.
@@livelife5890 Mine used to brag about the horrible things that she did. They do think about their actions but in a gloating way. They think they’re smart and they like to tell you how smart they are and brag about all the horrible things they’ve done to people and gotten away with and the energy they get from other people’s pain is what motivates them in their daily life. Without it, without a scapegoat, without someone to purge all their hatred upon I think they would wither away and die.
@@thirstonhowellthebird It's sad, because we did not cause their initial hurt that triggered them down this dark path.......yet we get to experience their bitterness.
Also, other family members just cannot fully understand when you mention why you've gone no contact with the narc.
They just cannot seem to understand your experience and that you have no choice, in order to continue progressing in life.
@a aa Sorry to hear. The longer you intermingle with them thinking you can save them.....the more your health deteriorates. Im one of the fortunate ones that experienced the narc abuse but quickly found out what was going on. Very sorry for what you endured. I went no contact with no intention of looking back. Such evil cold blooded people.
You just simply leave them, it's very hard to do for a person going through this torment due to the fact that you don't want to feel alone. When you leave, its a similar type of feeling you get when you are about to bunji jump or sky dive for your very first time. The fear of leaping from the edge of a high platform or out of a plane. But the feeling you get after you have made that leap is overwhelming and removes such a great weight from your shoulders, mind and conscience. It's a healthy feeling of freedom to say the least. No more bad thoughts running through your mind consistently throughout the day. Bad cognitive thought processing will break you down badly when you are with these types of people.
Thank you for this very insiteful breakdown.
You just described perfectly in every detail my last relationship.
She moved onto someone else 3 weeks ago and let me go, the day after telling me how perfect I am to her.
2 years of jumping through hoops and treading on eggshells to be constantly told I'm not good enough and everything which made her sad was my fault.
The sex was amazing and the love bombing off the charts but the childish tantrums, physical and mental abuse were tiring.
I can only hope every man stays clear of her and others like her before she can get her claws into them.
eggshells and landmines.....
Spot On! I was married to one for 23 years and it's like you are talking about her!
Great video- very eye-opening and glad you are helping us guys dealing with these people. The changing of history/gaslighting I have been experiencing is exacerbated by the fact I suffer from CTE (at least that's the current theory). My short-term memory is attrocious, and this person knows this just like every other person that knows me. It's bad. Anywho, I started actually texting myself things they said and interactions because it was to the point I was ready to give up on everything- nothing I knew was right and everything was different than how I remembered. Then I realized I was being intentionally manipulated by someone I loved who was willfully using my illness against me. To call that an awakening in my life is an absolute understatement.
This is really interesting. I think many men need to hear this as often they don’t have the support, or feel embarrassed or guilty in a relationship with a covert NPD. There is a lot more support and information for women in an NPD relationship.
I truly appreciate you saying that
I could write a book on what my now EX did to me--J.
james mcginn i am so sorry you experienced this. I am glad you were able to get out.
@@amandagagne4916 Thanks for that-ive been out for a while now and i still have Trust Issues
@@amandagagne4916 The last few tears were just awful--i got no attention--i knew she was cheating--stealing from Bank Accounts--Gambling--the last straw was when i found out that she was selling all the Gold/Diamonds i had got here over the years--i was Hurt so Bad that i decided to leave--i left 2016--divorced 2017--i still have Trust Issues--im taking things Slowly at this point--J.--THANKS.
You literally just described my ex-fiancé! I’m mind blown!!!! All 10 red flags you mentioned outlines my previous relationship. Gaslighting was a major issue as well! I wish I knew about these red flags before I fell victim to her narcissism.
Thank you! It was very enlightening. Also from my experience, they never saying ‘’ I am sorry’’
In my relationship, she unilaterally planned and finalized a girl trip with her GF. After I got over the shock (took weeks) I challenged her about it. Gaslighting and blame followed but I rejected it all. She finally apologized. But Joe I’m reflecting that it wasn’t genuine. It was to shut me up. SMH. Thanks to videos like this I’m getting a clue. This stuff isn’t my fault and I can’t fix crazy. Thanks Lise and all posters.
this video deserves more appreciation! Wish I had watched this before
My son is currently going through this with his girlfriend and he doesn't even close to realize it! Every sign mentioned here is exactly what is and has been happening and it's at the stage where she is trying to separate him from our family. This video is a very strong accurate representation of this kind of behavior it's scary how spot on this is! If you see anyone like this and suspect these signs, please seek assistance! Don't let these people fool you into separating from your friends, family or loved ones! This is devastating for all of us involved and we are praying he sees the truth soon enough and can make it out!
I have a son who is also in a relationship with a covert narcissist. She is systematically destroying our family. No remorse and my son if he sees it cant admit it. He is broken. Sad....
I often sing like Elvis "We're Caught in a Trapp"
The biggest red flag for me is always playing the victim and never taking responsibility, this is a mental cancer that spreads to all levels of their personality and I have witnessed this. Other red flags is that they cannot maintain long term personal relationships, has few female friends many male "friends" (more like guys just waiting) and allows her phone to be a constant interruption when she is with you. Run guys don't walk someone particularly who cannot take responsibility means they can never do anything wrong and therefore can never change themselves.
She plays on your emotions by telling you how much other guys desire her but she only loves you. And yes, constantly on her phone talking about other people's messy lives or how much they want her opinion on their relationships.
Very interesting. I am in a relationship with a girl that has no female friends. She sings on weekends and she says this is why she has mainly male friends. She has just the odd female acquaintance who I believe she uses for her needs. Always thought this to be odd. Thanks for sharing.
Of course they constantly act as the "victim" and constantly claim you're the villain. Because "You are only rebellious in the eyes of those who can't manipulate or control you."
@@2006canna usually there are more red flags, doss she exhibit any more?
@@mostlypeacefulcitizen8006 She sets boundaries for me that do not apply to her. Never takes responsibility as she twists matters around and then I am the one that does not understand. When I would like to express my needs she does not enter into a debate. She goes silent, ignores me or says she is stressed. At the beginning she was ultra kind now she starts making remarks and being sarcastic. We never talk about our stuff like weekend plans, doing things together, etc. She tells half truths and comes up with stories to justify what she wants to do. Walking on eggshells is not uncommon. The US has been replaced by I.
Basically, I feel like an empty shell…..emotionally tired.
Yes, everything you said, I experienced. I'm blown away at the accuracy. Shit, I did as you say. But thank God it's over. I said I can no longer bear the up and down hot and cold and silent treatment
I wish I had known this before. Great information, I hope more people will see this video. My narcissist acted exactly like this, I’m wiser now. Thank you.
that's a very good explanation. it is largely a description of what i experienced in my last relationship. thank you for this.
Thank you. I’ve been decimated by a fillippa covert narcissist. Her last partner died. The sex bombing is so accurate. I’ve never been so psychologically damaged in my life.
Ah well, you only lost 10%
@@janeblogs324 10%?
Decimated
There is a 27% chance the ex bought the Farm from that Narc.
Thank your lucky stars!
Narcs are capable of doing anything. Incuding Murder.
@@janeblogs324 well, the 10% probably applies to my brain cells. Trauma has a tendency to damage the prefrontal cortex. I certainly think that she has caused me some brain damage. Not trying to sound like a victim. But I definitely don’t think the same way that I used to
My heart is bumping so fast right now. All my relationships went like this (I'm at 34 years right now). However, as an diagnosed ADHD, Asperger and "highly intellectual" (don't question that, as at the moment I'm stressed out I'm not able to communicate properly) I'm the type of person who tries to solve all the problems. I saw this problem in my still going relationship. I told her .. so many times. But in reality I provided her with all the stuff she needed to improve her covering.
I think, no one is safe. We only can learn. At least, I regained my ability to stand my ground some time ago, as I really know I'm right about so much (after my diagnosis of this intellectual stuff - for the first time I'm now grateful for this trait). I don't know what I'd do if I wouldn't remember everything she did all the eight years ago till today. I really wish I could share this ability with everyone who is in the same situation.
And I did wonder so long why my feelings are really cold at her, but warm with other females. My body knew it long before.
Thats something I worry about a lot, ya know "In pointing this issue out to her am i helping the relationship strengthen or am i helping her to cover up these issues". "When I tell her that Im not okay with certain things is she taking that in properly to improve the relationship or is she taking notes on how to make me upset when she feels like it"
I share some „features“ with you and can tell you: we are perfect victims.
It just may be that if all of your relationships went like this, that YOU are the problem. Don’t be so quick to diagnose someone as narcissistic, especially if you have Asperger’s. Most people on the spectrum don’t see things clearly or feel the same things that most other people do. You don’t read people well at all. You can judge someone to be completely the opposite of what they truly are. I know because I’m married to an Asperger‘s man.
@@givefreely8424 That's what I believed at first. I saw always the best in people. But in retrospective I found out, what lead me to the conclusion I wrote above. I'm not mad about all of this stuff. We're always learning and need to be open to new stuff. However, this video gave me some connections I didn't had before. For example, one of my relationships went like this: Man meets woman. Both like each other. Both are moving into one house. Woman tries to get a baby and "accidentally" forgets the pill (didn't know this at the time), but isn't successful. She then start arbitrary fights about anything. After that, she went into a rehabilitation clinic for depressed ones, meet some other guy, gets pregnant, marries him short after. Some months later she divorced him. Conclusion for me? She only wanted an easy way out (as she then got alimony). I mean, you're right if you think, I can't know this for sure if I give you only this information. However, there's so much more to it and I'm not 100% perfect in grammar in english.
All I say is, I can't take all the people as angels as I did this as I was younger. However I can't take the stress to look for an honest person either, which is sad. But I'm not mad about it.
Really funny thing is, I can read people. If they're talking to each other, I always know what they're up to. But if they talk to me, that's something completely different. I can't differentiate if they're telling the truth or if they say something and want something else. But that's another story.
There is only one sure way to deal with a Narcissist....RUN and DON"T LOOK BACK!
I have literally been thrown under the bus and almost took my life. Everything said in the video is spot on. She made me question my identity and my beliefs. She started to reach out to my friends on FB and asking them if I was sleeping around. Well she did get a very strong answer and when I confronted her she changed the topic altogether. Everything I have done for her was nothing in her eyes.
Dated a girl for 6wks after my wife and she turned out to be another covert narcissist, so I stop dating, to work on myself. It's been 7yrs and I'm still not confident to put a toe in the water.
@@eternalshitbreak9649 i thought you girls were independent
@@eternalshitbreak9649 I don't see how you took that as an attack on all women an not someone sharing a bad experience. Zero empathy.
@@eternalshitbreak9649 ofc they do, divorces are more traumatic for men in general, why would they go through this again ?
And you thinking that just because they don't remarry they don't have option is, I'm sure you'll agree, pretty naive. maybe they just don"t want to.
Imposing own rules on others or on a man in relationship.Using victim card, never at fault blaming you for some general stressful situations.Never taking critique but criticizes your dress code, you not being smiley enough, changing plans mostly suit to her.Also telling everybody how good partner you are but tells you otherwise.Being addicted to online social media and people's feedback and "likes".Telling you obvious things you already know treating you as student.
Also she will seek your support but would never thank you for yours.
Good points, can relate
You just pretty well described perfectly the courting and marriage to my Narcissistic wife. She finally pretty much took herself out of my life by moving away from where I live to be with her daughters and grandchildren who were being born and came onto the scene. Even though her daughters were full grown women when we married they were ahead of me in the priority list, and then one of them started to have grandchildren. They moved out of our city so she left to go and live with them and continues to this day.
We keep in touch but the interaction is minimal. Just a random text message from time to time.. I never ask any questions because she's a compulsive manipulative liar.
I knew something was wrong soon after we met, but like most other people who are ignorant of the situation I down played the seriousness of those red flags. As an aside both of my parents are Narcissist so I grew up around this as well, but still didn't understand the Narcissism until I took some time to learn about it in recent years. I'm more immune to it these days due to my increased knowledge of them and I don't engage the Narcissist. When I see the traits in any person I begin to shut down communication with them. I totally agree with the comment made by Lise that the worst advice for dealing with them is to try and call them out on their behavior. It doesn't work, and they'll merely try and turn it all around and gaslight you making you the person with the problem..
Maintain your sanity.. Don't get sucked into their game, and don't think for a second that you can fix them.
Don't try and fix them...amen to that. I educated myself about NPD and went Grey Rock. Know your enemy etc.
That stands to reason. My mother always used to tell me to never get involved with someone who has children. Their children will ALWAYS come first.
@@ren7ee It's great advice, and it's never untrue. Even with a woman that a man has the children with, the natural father. The same will happen with him. Kids, grandkids come first.
@@fredflintstone8048 True, and I don't think that's attributable to NPD.
@@fredflintstone8048 I am living proof!!!
I appreciate how concise and sort of narrative driven this is. Boundaries is a HUGE one for me in retrospect. People that love us feel connection when we share boundaries. To a narcissist, boundaries are an affront.
Superb. Super analytical. Wonderful to the point presentation. Please have your A++ again. God bless you. Amen ❤
3rd time going thru this...learned all my lessons this time and came out stronger than ever...great video and advice.Freedom at last,!