The Narcissist's Emotional Justification for Hurting You
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- Опубліковано 21 жов 2024
- Every narcissist has a running narrative they force on you that gives legitimacy to their behavior. It's usually a dramatic "tall tale" of how they're constantly exploited by everyone else. It's so prevalent however that it remains invisible until you know these signs.
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A sane person adjusts their feelings to fit the facts. A narcissist, on the other hand, will continually adjust the facts to justify their feelings. This is because they have absolutely no truth, only lies and manipulations to get what they want.
Bolt Upright never mind that! a co-narcissist adjusts themselves to the narc until they're suicidal or dead or crazy
Nailed it.
Great way of explaining it and so true!
@@outofthegoldfishbowletcete762 yes indeed...and they watch in the wings peering out from behind the curtain with a creepy inquisitive smirk on their face. It's like they're watching the Price Is Right and are so excited and energized while watching you squirm like a worm on a sidewalk in the full sun.
@@bubblywaters3116
Not if you know how to avoid them.
Check out my play list called Dr Peter Groves
Narcissists want all the control while you have all the responsibility.
Wow you just summed it all up in one sentence
Omg this is so groundbreaking it's not even funny. I have been reading and learning about this for about 3 years now and I listened to Sam vaknin and numerous you tubers. I NEVER HEARD ANYONE PUT IT THIS WAY BEFORE. This will definitely help me explain this condition to people in one sentence. Thank you
Exactly! Just like a two year old. They seem to have the stamina and will power of a two year old as well, and will throw tantrum after tantrum, beating you into submission if you stay around.
I didnt realize the extent of the parent / child relationship with narcs, until I read comments and watched this and other videos by Scott.
Thank you Scott!
Its so true..I was with one for a very short time, a little over 3.5 months and looking back on it, he whined like a child about so many things when he didnt get his way..and he made darn sure that you knew he was upset..He'd abruptly leave the room and pout somewhere like a child would do.
If you leaned on his arm, or had bodily contact with him in any way by accident, he'd say, Ouch!, that hurt!..I remember at the time thinking, wow, he sounds so juvenile when he says that, where an adult wouldnt say anything and let it go. He said it so often that it became annoying after a while.
He'd also refer to alot of people as being "mean" to him..Or if we were having a discussion and he didnt particularly care for and took offense to what I had said, he'd ask me why I was being "mean". He used that word often, like out of the ordinary often. (childlike)
Im beginning to beleive narcs child like vocaublary is a huge charater trait they have, as well as them copying certain words and phrases from your voabulary and using them torwards you or someone else.
This was apparent when he was in the midst of discarding me..It was obvious looking back on it now that he was onto another supply as his vobaulary in his texts that he sent to me sounded akwardly different / polite like, as he was using his new supplies vocabulary on me.
His out of the blue "I hope you are well" text greeting to me on occasion was one of a few tell tale signs that something was up as
he never texted anything close to that during our 3.5 month realtionship.
CelineJones he will work at least, I'll give him a mop he clean everything
It all comes down to "Narcissists think they're better than you " bottom line . They also want everyone in the room to know it.
So true they have a wrong perception of human nature, they think people are inherently evil and should be subjected to their "abuse" so that people will turn normal. whereas its the other way around people are normal with certain flaws which can be worked out with awareness and not any sort of abuse.
I've been doing my own research keeping myself educated about narcissism which in turn is also helping me understand human nature as well. Appreciate your work man been watching all your videos, you put everything in perspective in everyday language.
They are caught in a loop. They keep living the same nightmare over and over, dragging those around in with them.
Stephan Smolka those people who get dragged back in are usually ecstatic that the narc is back. the love of their life hadn't abandoned them after all.....
We all have our destructive addictions...
Stephan Smolka yes but unless we learn to deal with them they destroy us.
how horrible
Inablility to evolve and grow and learn from their mistakes. I think they are both masochistic (as they always hurt themselves in hurting others) and sadistic
zero reaction to their BS keeps them off balance
they talk madness but when you ask them something intelligent they go MUTE.
THEY ARE BORINGLY PREDICTABLE
So true.
Act just like them when they are bored to tears with one on one simple conversation you're having with them over coffee or dinner and they call YOU rude.
Funny, my ex narc used to be bored whenever it was my turn to speak..he'd roll his eyes, ask me if I was done yet, etc. I did the same to him several times after he did it to me.
He'd say "Wow that wasn't very nice" or "Would you let me finish what I was saying?" I'd reply, well you cut my conversation short all the time, how does it feel?
He, as usual would tell me that I misunderstood him, he'd never do that to me, etc.
Really? Yes you would, and you just did.
After going back and forth about it, I'd change the topic.
Every time he'd pull his narc bs on me, I called him out on it. It got no where but at least he knew I was on to his games he was trying so hard to play on me.
He didn't care, but I did enough to not let him stomp on me and treat me like garbage.
Our time together was cut short by him.
I was unabusable and not someone he could sh*t on and try to destroy.
He used this tactic very early on, maybe 2 months into our entanglement together, (before I realized he was a covert narcissist)
It was one of the first signs that he was rude and denying things that he was blatantly doing.
Narcissists have to weaken you emotionally in order to keep u trapped as supply
When I was a little kid, before I could understand all of this, I asked my Narc mom why she was always rude and nasty right off the bat with strangers or service people. She would turn on the emotion show and just say, "because if you're not ASSERTIVE, people will just WALK ALL OVER YOU!" and then be really angry. Nobody ever "walked all over her", she was just being aggressive because she thought it put her in control.
Huh I have more respect for over narcissists than covert because the covert ones are really nice to strangers and stuff but then they're mean to the people they're closest to so it's like a whole another form of gaslighting
Why do so many people believe the lies? When you look close enough there is always something off about them despite the charm.
It's a world where substance is overlooked for appearances
That’s true
It's so sad that these people (Narcissist) will never know what love is even if it's staring them in the face. That in itself must be such hell which is even more sad. I'd rather feel the hurt than nothing at all. Thank you for you vidoes
What you do and how you eloquently explain things so very accurately is quite amazing - You go into great detail at the Micro level - it's this level of understanding that a majority of people including myself have problems putting it into words - your very thorough in your explanations which are spookily accurate - Thankyou for empowering us with your knowledge and such great detail - Respect 👍🏼
Jye t
Jye
Excellent comment, Jye! I couldn't have said it better! What's extremely frustrating is that friends and family don't understand it; I think because it's way beyond anyone's wild imagination how these individuals can be so damaging, and like he says in his video, it's a "hard sell." I am on cloud nine, as I am counting down the days of freedom as my divorce will be final after 14 years of marriage.
Great comment Jye, very well articulated! I've lived with the same type of narcissist he described and it was a living hell. I actually made a video about that person on my channel as method to vent, to seek validation and also to document what I was going through. You know a person's narcissism is acute when they would even become harmful to a chronically ill and physically handicapped person. I've lived this horror for years and finally escaped and cut that person off. My life is so much better and peaceful now, but I am still dealing with the outcome of all they did to me and all they put me through.
Lauranicole84 same and after 19 years of marriage
Hey Scott. I've watched just about all of your videos and never commented. But this one is especially close to home for me. You have a wonderful eloquence and balanced perspective. I really think this is the root of so much of narcissistic behaviour. If they actually reflected on what they were doing, they couldn't live with themselves. So they alter reality. Even when presented with overwhelming facts and evidence - they have done nothing wrong. I call it the OJ Simpson phenomenon. I think narcissists (or pathological liars) actually have the ability to believe the lies. They genuinely believe them so strongly, truth and reality is literally altered in their heads. Keep up the good work. You are great x
I always knew that I was being 'set up'. He did it every few months, with all the planning in between. Even though we are separated he is still at it. This explains so much in detail and very gently explained. I do like your style and find it very calming in the midst of all this crazy making stuff.
This explains a lot of why he is full of rage so often
Thank you for sharing with us your great gift of compassion, understanding, and eloquence. People are learning so much from you and you bring us the sense of peace. All the best to you - keep up your good work.
Right On! Also keep aware of their temper. When they freak out on you if you've said something that threatens their "game" their "agenda". I realised I don't have to get mad or defend myself, now I just sit back and watch them go thru all the phases/drama. Now its sadly entertaining b/c I'm able to see it for what it actually is. On my part is kind of like turning the tables.
Amazingly well said and so accurate! Yes they need to act out their negative emotions and they need you to provide a springboard for that.... but they also just need you to feel bad for any or absolutely no reason. For 10 years I tried to figure out why the narcissist would attack my character and pour scorn on tiny things I'd done or said. These instances were not about him being wronged. They were purely to wear me down and destroy my self worth so that he could gloat and play the one upmanship game and win! It was all about winning with him, every single interaction was another opportunity for him to assert his superior nature and prove how much better he was than me. Better in every conceivable way.
Sick aren’t they
To put it simply:
What they want you to believe is:
They use aggression for a purpose.
Where in reality:
They use a purpose for aggression.
I love how the name of this channel is Understanding Narcissists, thank you so much for the insight you put into these videos.
This video is so spot on that I feel you've truly been in my shoes. Thank you so much!
I started learning alot when I switched roles from loving, naive, wife and daughter to an observer of the madness. Knowledge is powerful.
I love it who is responsible for all of the nonsense. There is no greater truth, I used to say that to my ex all the time. I finally had to accept that it was him and the chaos and crazy only existed whenever he was present. It is the crazy making behavior that is always present with narcs. If there is constant chaos there is a large chance you have a narc on your hands.
It just helps so much, that even after you've put your finger right on the most awful realisations, you can still smile so sweetly at all of us....it must be because when we get away from them it feels so good! You have to experience it to be able to really smile like that! I can smile like that now too!!
Thanks
And thank YOU, Scott! You are looking a bit happier these days-- and I'm happier too from hearing your wisdom. A fear that can be named is cut in half.
I can't thank you enough, really, for almost a year of good advice, highly intelligent explanations, and some warmth & humour.
For We deserve better than Narcs' behavior. We ARE better than this. We are not the sum of their mistreatment. We have ears pitched to finer music than Narcs' lies. We must find those parts of ourselves that are still clean, whole, & good and never let go!!
Amerye K. --I love your thoughts, especially when you said "Fear that can be named is cut in half". So so true! Lots of happiness to you :)
Nailed it.
Not all narcissists were victimized, some were spoiled and entitled. That's the case with my narcissist at least.
Also, putting a child on a pedestal and making them "the golden child" or the "scapegoat child" are both forms of abuse.
Yes, she definitely was the golden child. She was told that she was beautiful, smart and got everything she wanted. It's funny because I was sort of the golden child but I rejected the programming and felt the compliments were given in order to get something. I became loved for what I could do, not for who I am.
Exactly, I understand.
It is actually the combination of the two that creates the disorder. A golden child is also abused, because it has to be something that it is not and it never gets any realistic feedback whatsoever.
I get what you're saying on some level and it does make sense. But I hear many times that the narcissist had terrible trauma or something really bad happen to them to make them this way. Mine however, was spoiled rotten and goes on about what a great childhood they had and how popular, smart and pretty she was. She lived up to that role easily and expects to be treated the same as an adult. I however, live in the real world and know not everyone will like you and that I am not perfect at all. This is coming from a former Golden Child. I was always suspicious of compliments although I get them all of the time. If someone starts complimenting me a red flag goes up and I think to myself, ok what do they want?
So much of this made sense to me regarding my N mother who showed up on my doorstep needing a place to live 8 years ago. As the scapegoat child it made no sense. Except now she gets to project the illusion of that special Mother/Daughter bond to the world that has never existed. And she gets to continue being victimized (and abusive) by my not conforming to her unreasonable expectations. And I get to the be the only one who knows all her dirty little secrets, and yet no one would ever believe half of it, so I look like the crazy one to the outside world if I speak up. Spot on.
Awake Kate have you considered throwing her out?
@ampersand etcetera - It's a complicated situation and yes I have thought about getting out of it. I ask myself if putting my own mental health at risk is worth this all the time.
Awake Kate personally I think it's a no-brainer
ampersand etcetera Why so smug ampersand? People on here are in a vulnerable state and are working through stuff. They need support not glib, cliched remarks from you! People on here are also extremely brave and have made the decision to open up. They have been through enough! You don't know who you are talking to and you have no idea of personal circumstances. It's a big mistake to make sweeping, generalised statements with no knowledge of the details. It sounds like it is YOU who is getting triggered! If you are bitter and opinionated you need to go elsewhere and allow people to support each
other in an appropriate way.
Xena Jade sorry if that came zcross as smug. I am pretty direct because that's what helped me to cut through my denial and confusion. I have been through this whole process from first glimpse of reality about my narc stepmother eight years ago through a narc marriage that ended in 1990 and two longterm (? three years plus) relationships with narcs. So I've been thru the idealising/rejection/Hoovering tango multiple times and now it's so crystal clear all I really want to do is help other people to see that they're being played with and abused and they're not crazy they're confused by the narc's deliberate gaslighting. The woman with the long lost narc mother is not happy and her guilt is misplaced. Her filial love is bring exploited by her mother. Maybe I was triggered because I can see my half sister in the same situation with her mother (my step mother) . Thanks for calling my attention to my tone.
Thank you Scott, for all that you are doing to help us as a community. I have learned a lot from all of your informative and insightful videos, and from your book as well. I'm happy to report that I finally have real clarity. The lightbulb moment is worth a million dollars when you finally do have it!
Anyway, I just wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to spread the word and educate people. It's an important cause.
The Narcissist's Emotional JUSTIFICATION for their Actions would be different from the REASONs they commit the Abuse on the Victim.
My Narcissistic Sister would Abuse me, emotionally, to show how Powerful she is than me.
She wants to show me how inferior I am to her. She always tries to devalue me...
The word 'DEVALUE' c/o Polly Phemus.
She will Justify her Treatment of me by telling others the Acts I have done or the Negative habits I have to create doubt about my Character to the Public.
Or that she has done nothing wrong to me for me to punch her.
Scott great detail video. Mine always made me think
I was in the wrong.
I so appreciate you and your insight into the reality (and false realities) of the N. After being married to an N for 20 years, I was fortunate enough to realize (brought to my attn by good people with no agenda outside of helping me) that my "normal", was absolutely NOT normal. I always felt that deep down, but figured I was "trying to be a victim", or misunderstood, eventually convinced that I was full on crazy (as my N would say). I was far from perfect, but this video sums up beautifully how our mistakes will be used as "proof" that we are the selfish, devious, problem-causers in our relationship. I finally mustered the courage to leave, and listening to your videos pulled me through much of the times I was considering going back. Thank you so much for what you do.
lesli moyes much love to anyone who's still recovering 💕
they feel they are in danger because their false self is flimsy and their ego functioning is defective.
You are so spot on - brilliant and very accurate explanation 👍🏼 - It's very reassuring to know that someone understands it and endorses such behaviours because I can say for certain based on my own dealings with an ex narc partner - that what you are saying is extremely accurate and quite spooky really in the context of being so exact. Thankyou - Your posts have helped enormously in understanding this and narrowing down the issues as why they are like this. Brilliant 👍🏼
I'm so glad I watched this video. I've been trying to come up with a way to address the issues in our family, and it's probably just a lost cause.
Running from Chaos Yes don't waste your time & heart. They'll never ever own up to it. Everything they do they'll twist it back onto you. I grew up w 2 & at 43yo I'm working so hard to get better. I was caught in double binds constantly! Just walk away. No contact & protect yourself. My mom got me to believe so much & she would put literally fear into me but she'd tell me, "Oh I just loved you. I'm sorry."
West green 27010 I'm married to a narc family dynamic. walking away is harder than it sounds. it's mostly my SIL but hubby is conditioned in their ways. heartbreaking. I hear exactly what you're saying tho.
spot on scott ,, this is how I felt with my mom, an ex lover, a friend , they are all insane .. thank you so much ..
Scott- Thank you for all you have done for me. I hope you are doing well. You are amazing and again I thank you.
The conclusion to this video is well-expressed and profound.
Is it characteristic of a narcissist to know what you want or need and withhold that from you? I'm in a relationship with someone who is totally irresponsible and if he's getting he wants he's happy but the minute I need help he refuses to help and punishes me for even asking and then gives me the silent treatment
The narcissist I know said he likes to play a game of monopoly with people. He goes around the board and still gets to collect $200. He never elabored on what he meant but I'm assuming he plays with people's minds, controls, manipulates and still wins. It's all fun and games at other people's expense.
Thank you so much for making these videos. This one especially really helped me.
you have such a deep awareness of this subject..thank you for sharing and allowing someone like me to see and confirm 'validation' of the narc in their life./or was in their life.
Could the abuse be that they were ignored by their parents? That is the only explanation I can come up with for my sister.
I thumbed this one up because of your amazing smile breakout at the end.
Thanks for your courage and helping us. Always excited for your next vids!
I was so intrenched in the narcs cesspool of a life, this very topic is hard to concur, until I got help to understand how to deal with it. If any of you think this sounds like the narc you are dealing with, take it seriously. It is my opinion, they are dangerous to reg people.
really appreciate this u are a super nice and I learn so much to deal with my mom and I listen to u while I clean my house your voice is so comforting
Grest video; all great comments. The narcissist doesn't feel love, so they substitute attachment.
Your thoughts on this subject are helpful, interesting and really well said. Every voice on this subject is illuminating in it's own way and the fact that so many of us are aspiring writers I think is significant! Someone should start a writing club. But until then, it is so nice to be heard and read here. Thank you.
i never try to convince anyone that someone is a narcissist. i only try to find out how they feel about the narcissist and if they like him, i distance myself.
Wow you have such insight and knowledge, amazing , thank you!!!!!
This makes a lot of sense, and is what I observed with all family members, friends and colleagues who had (I saw) been neglected, never given the experience of being loved. We can say "get over it" but they are literally starved and did not grow the internal "limbs". When we as victims understand this, we do not need to concentrate on the abuse but forgive their parents. The child in them literally lost consciousness at that point of overwhelming distress, and the "mask" allows them to function. Their lives have never, ever involved them just being a person.
If the narcissist has violated your boundaries, particularly sexually, they are telling you their own story.
I hope I'm not a narcissist. Are you ever emotional from being a victim/enabler. We're you ever emotionless? Should I stop trying NOT to cry? It's even more damaging because they're not worth my tears.
Hey, i hope you're doing great. I love your videos:)
this is exactly what just happened to me. I went through it for years. got away. this scenario just happened again. thank god I am experienced enough to see it now! but THANK YOU for putting it into words. you are right, it is verbatim.
Very interesting! Thank you!
Thank you so much for your videos they are really helpful and there isn't really that much on youtube about narcissist parents
0:51 Something that makes their story BELIEVABLE...
Thank you. Good observation explained.
Thank you so much for doing what you do. This is so helpful and validating!
Excellent video. Imo it confirms that no contact is the only way to co exist in this world with these types while you are healing.
How he has justified abandoning his own child I have no clue.
Wow, thank you. Talking about this I am beginning to understand.
The narcissist ex husband was victimized by aging. Despite being married it became his right to sample sex with barely legals. His righteousness in doing so was appalling to the point he thought I should accept his behavior no questions asked. That it didn't "mean" anything as he continued to do it and that it had nothing to do with me or our relationship. That's how off-planet he was. And I was supposed to empathize with him. The fact he took those opportunities because he had the chance to do it. I was supposed to have been thankful he gave me his younger virile most productive years. I shouldn't have a problem with it. After all, all men do that when they get the chance. Why would I think otherwise?
Randy Andretti younger ppl aside - if you did the same things for the same reasons, boy would you catch hell from the narc!
FirstHalfMoon 1734 - I never would have. From someone who supposedly knew me, it was such delusional thinking. No part of me bought it, which seemed somewhat surprising to the narcissist.
Randy Andretti just a hypothetical. it is said that we as targets expect the best from ppl, and it just so happens that basic human decency is too much to expect from a narc.
I experienced this with x narc with claiming I was cheating. He is was so obsessed with finding evidence I was cheating. when he couldn't find it he began to plant it. he needed it to be true to have a reason for the rage and abuse.
Great video Scott! Thank you:)
fantastic video thankyou !
If by victimized you mean treated too special making them believe they can do no wrong. I guess I would call this victimization since the narcissist parent raised the child to love themselves so much that they hate others unless those others are giving them attention and praise. Narcissists feel under attack simply by disagreeing with them.
how is it that the narcissist will continue on with their emotional justification even after the abusive parent (the primary abuser) suddenly dies, leaving the narcissist and ultimately the wounded inner child with no chance of ever having closure. death pretty much closes that door, forever. thank you for another great video.
Boy you really hit it on the head when you said they expect you to be their parent. I kept telling him all along he wanted me to play a "bad mommie" role and I was exactly right. He really pushed my buttons to make me act like bad mommie too. These people are on their never ending hamster wheel of 6 yrs. old. My ex liked to play the role of his mom and his dad. His mom playing victim and his dad being cheater and never there for family but there for any stranger on the street.
sending you tons of love :) thanks scott!
Your supposed to pay for all their mistakes,the things they do wrong when they lose there temper,and your supposed to pay,they want to make it right by forcing you to do what they want so they never become accountable.
Really great video, make on just on the shaming please :) I play your videos on my tablet and my cat even likes listening to you :) my narc would always make me feel bad on if my kids hadn't called that day or visit ect like he was just making me feel like they dont care and say well he calls his Mom ect ...drove me nuts I have awful nerve damage and and chronic nerve pain 24,,7 ,, he would get madder the more I reached out for caring compassion. I ended up calling him a MoFo and he hung up lol he dishes it can't take it ...love all your info dont stop take care :)
the more I learn about this.. the worse I feel... I knew I was in a abuse cycle... I just didn't have the words... i just knew i was trying to make sense out of nonsense ... i wish I listened to my gut and left ... I would have saved my sanity and safety 😢😢
Thanks!! Yet another great video! woul love you to talk about, they nitpick from your words and use them against you???
thanks for that timely and relevant info
Excellent videos! Can u put a pretty picture on the wall? A little bit more visual stimulation helps me learn alot better. Your speaking and facial expressions are very soothing and calming so a little color in the background would be more stimulating. Sorry to ask if it's offensive.
🌿💜🌿
The problem is that narcissistic behavior spreads like wildfire. Desperate people need to be accepted and when three or more people gather together it's so simple to get them to do anything. I've met some of the nicest people that did pretty horrific acts just to be accepted. Their remorse would have been obvious, but instead they were surrounded with their group cheering them on. Breaking someone down so drastically that they'd rather kill themselves than live, that is the result of a self-obsessed society that doesn't value human life. The narcissist is usually not the person doing the bad Deeds but instead the instigator of those deeds. They can put a plan in action, but they're normally the people running the show. For example as I type, I have to go over my work again and again because someone has put bugs on my phone so that no matter what I type it is changed as I type. Inherently selfish people always seem to run the show. There simply isn't room in society for trusting people. We operate on a completely different platform.
Brilliant analysis
Wow Its amazing how on point you are.
Perfect explanation! Bravo!!
God was the ex narc's ultimate justification for all his crazy actions. He was so upset that I wouldn't believe his stories ... That God told him to leave our marriage and instead be with the affair person. He used scripture to liken himself to biblical characters who obeyed God's difficult commandments. He'd say he'd be destroyed if he didn't leave me. I saw through all his delusion, but I was already traumatized by his consistent gaslighting and projection throughout our marriage. At the end, I was shocked to see the chaos he brought into our marriage with his narrative and get away with it with family, friends and church. This same story - just a slightly different "God narrative" - he will eventually play out with the affair wife. It's all about patterns. Thank you for this validation. It helps in my healing from narcissistic abuse.
Awe Seeking you might find SelfLoveU helpful. also Lisa A Romero and Ross Rosenberg. their videos are more focused on how to heal. also Melanie Tonia Evans of vourse🙂
You tied this into a family situation, but it's not clear how this would affect being in a relationship with one (girlfriend). Would love to see examples of both, because I can't pin this on a family member but would like to see an example of how they justify it in a relationship (cheating?)
C A when thry chest it's your fault because
1. they thought you were cheating
2. they felt unloved by you
3. You're too fat/thin/pretty/ugly/rich/poor/oversexed/undersexed/intellectual/stupid for them.
they're exceedingly perceptive so they'll KNOW which lie to use that you feel sensitive or insecure about.
so Scott, is it o.k. to just come out and ask the narc,Hey, is there something bad going on? I'll try it and it back to you. I love your videos.
Narcs are the worst.
Theinsomniac826 not really. if there weren't any co-narcs they wouldn't survive
ampersand etcetera Their victims would beg to differ.
Theinsomniac826 that's why they're victims. the real reason why they're victims is because they are unwilling to clean up their act. if they refused to lie to themselves their kids their friends and their family about what's really going on, they would find the courage it takes to break free. a the fact is that they think they're better off one way or another if they stay in their intolerable situations. in other words they are vixtomising themselves by staying. unfortunately they're also victomis8ng their poor children. Co-narcs are irresponsible and selfish. just like narcissists. And the longer they stay the sicker they become and more toxic.
ampersand etcetera Why do you want to write these vicious comments? Are you trying to give people a big wake up call or something? Nothing wrong with expressing an opinion but you take it too far! Some people do not know what narcism is and have no way to get an intellectual handle on it. Even YOU didn't know what it was until you found out! Instead of paying out on others who may still be stuck maybe you should look at your own healing process. Only damaged, bitter people feel the need to say the sort of things you say! Also you are making a LOT of assumptions about individuals who you do not know! Not a good idea.
Well done.
Like yo uI am so fascinated by psychology & behavior that I think it is so interesting to re-watch these a few years after I found them & when I re-listen some of the things you say are even more true & come true Especially about how this illness has these criminal abusers devastate their own lives mostly because part of the abuse is to treat you like you dont exist & that you never existed & were never there meanwhile they rake in money from well intentioned people claiming to put human beings on the map it is truly shocking disgusting And you are right they do it to themselves & all anyone can feel towards you *unless they are sick & abusive too* is grateful - for exposing them. Its so excuse me extremely fucked up but real yes. But this is how crime is, how crimes are-, you know that.
Lots in this video - I'll listen to it a few times more, but for now... I always had this idea that every so often he needed to get his bad feeling out, and I eventually connected it with something he would say that was so out of context and weird. It got to the stage that when he said something strange, like one day out of the blue he came out with "well, you ARE an old trout, aren't you?", I would know that there would be a follow up with some hurtful action. I think it goes like this for the narcissist: 1) I feel bad (bored, etc) 2) How to feel better? Attention from someone else 3) How to justify? Make a reason to leave or go on the computer to gain attention from the latest person I'm flattering (he's cerebral, so no sex needed) 4) Reason? Make partner horrible so good reason to go - cause fight about... well, anything really 5) Done.
I was told that the abuse against me was 'meant for my own good'.. through a series of twisted logical fallacies that were explained to me as if it were completely true, despite evidence in hand to the contrary. Such disordered thinking is what started to make me realize that something was seriously off with this person.
Non-Religion based Zealotry!
Secular Self-focused Zealotry!
Narcissists ARE Zealots Towards their own Self-Interests!
Yes they think someone's out to get them but they want you to believe it's you who's doing this, very paranoid people
They think up a crime, when they feel low and need to arrest someone.
Yes, they do feel vulnerable, threatened, insecure, desperate, etc. That's why it is best not to confront them because then you will get that narcissistic rage and smear campaign. Just let them fade out of your life and have excuses to give them. In my case anyway. Just cut your losses and cut your ties. Sometimes in rare moments, you can also see the demon that resides inside their head. That is frightening too.
Dammm this was real good thank you ..
When your isolated they will try to get you to believe they are in the right,I've seen this many times, taking your sense of right and wrong and changing it,you sometimes think,are they really serious, or are they f**ing with me, but they are serious.
in my case i was trying bery hard not to enable but when the shadow parent showed up all hell broke lose and i quickly became the enemy. then the abuse and me going far away and forever
Excellent. What about the middle aged down to fall of the male narcissist ? Something changes in their head. They seem to be aware something is wrong and seek help. It would it would be great to hear your detail description of that.
Theresa Brewer they cling onto whatever they can and rewrite history to present themselves in the best light and also as victims of course. some of harm become slightly more mellow but most don't.....
My ex Narc has it even more tough I think with her too obvious false narrative of her reality towards and about me. Her Willy Nilly Wonka Land makes me the sole cause for all her ills. Literally, if anyone including our son's asked her, "is there anyone else to blame in this world for your divorce and illnesses except for Dad Mom", her answer would be nope. Just Dad.
I'm the one that caused her PTSD, her allergies, PMS, Trigeminal Nueralgia, shingles, anxiety, insecurities!! So if she's blamed me for all of these ills, over our 37 year relationship, how can her siblings not see her insanity and at least minimally stop supporting her narrative that I caused the divorce, ruined her life, and was a bad person. And thus justifies her infidelity before and after leaving and divorcing her husband. And, believe it or not, I am still having trouble not feeling and believing it wasn't me. Some how, they can get even the victim to believe their reality. Even when it makes no sense can can not logically make sense, I still feel some shame and responsibility for not doing enough. It's a spell or hypnotic stuff. Or, what some folks say, evil spirits.
The only thing I can think of is some how being able to get the victim to feel/believe that their wrong doings which I did at the end over 18 months of saying verablly mean things which I never hid nor deny and discussed in counseling was enough to cause her pain and behavior over 37 years of abuse.
I know it doesn't make since, but I still can't shake completely the fact that my misbehavior at the end of our marriage that lasted for about 18 months is NOT the cause of her issues that existed for 37 years. Some how, I'm still convinced that my misbehavior at the end of our relationship is responsible for all prior abuse from her. How does the Narc sustain this narrative that what I did the last 18 months of our marriage (over drank and became verbally abusive), only after I was devalued into nothing, justify her divorcing me and treating me like a mass murderer and a 37 year abuser. When in reality, I walked on water for the first 35 years.
And get this, even I buy into the narrative until I actually pull out my index card of who I was up until the last 18 months of our 37 year marriage. It's been 5 years since she left, 3 years since the divorce. Left and never looked back. Zero communication. Yet to this day, I still feel I failed the marriage and caused her issues when I was the one who got all the counseling, cried for help, begged to be listened too. I believe the narc stuff is very evil sinister creepy stuff. Including their flying monkeys. Keep up the great work. Take time out for yourself though.
The narc I know fooled us all for many years, and about 5 1/2 yrs ago the Narc came out, and she came up with the most elaborate, delusional, and ridiculous "scenarios" as she calls them, against her husband that just grew larger & larger over time. He is the main target of her rages , and she told anyone who'd listen her tall tale. The only people he associated with on a regular basis was her family. It was her faux pas to let them get to really know him before the worst of her Narcissism reared it's ugly head. She smeared him in every way possible & continues that. Her problem was that none of them believed her. This enraged her, and she turned on them, and me, with her viciousness. then would show her fake side & make up later. She has gone to extreme measures trying to "prove" her allegations. His life is hell on earth, especially since to her it's his fault no one believes her, and he's the one fooling everybody. There is violence & especially emotional abuse all the time. He never knows what he'll walk in to when he gets home from work. 3 yrs ago she went as far as insisting he get a lie detector test. He passed with flying colors, and she was ticked! From there she said his "whore" had hacked in to the Technician's system, and changed the results. This pretty much blew her out the water to everyone, but she continues to this day making his life miserable with the same ridiculous accusations. I fear for his safety every single day, but she has got them so financially bankrupt he can't afford to support his son & himself if he leaves. This is a very condensed version of what's gone on, but it'd be a book if I went on. Breaks my heart for him & the kids.
What are about narcissistic people that act with emotions or use empathy as a way to manipulate and hide. They notice emotions of others and gas light you. My family would tell me my ex would lie to me. I didn't believe it until I notice the inconsistencies in stories she's already told me. I would call her out. She would swear my memory was bad(I'm a computer science major)
excellent video, i;ve got a question about a situation with a possible academic narc who has shown several of the traits talked about here, if you were signed up for a class at a local college and experienced that lead teacher had these traits what would be your approach ? because I really enjoying the subject just one of the teachers seems like a narc and the others are ok...
👏🏻 spot on good lord, spot on