Sometimes I feel acceptance but also regress to the prior stages. It is almost like I forget something and have to go through it again to remind myself. It comes in waves. Letting go by being ok with the thing being there... What a journey.
Yep, I’m the same. It feels super cyclical. But on reflection I’ve realised that the more I do it the more I learn and can go ‘oh wait I’ve been here before I know how this goes’. So learning is definitely happening hahaha
I'm so happy I got over this stage where I couldn't accept things for what they are. I finally just accepted everything, and it has made a big difference in my life.
Can confirm that resisting your reality is a cause of great suffering. Better to accept your situation and focus instead on the things you can control.
Agreed. So much of therapy is grieving our losses. Grieving is the opposite mechanism of trauma. Those feelings have to come out. Ideally in a safe relationship.
This hits very close to home for me. I've lost my dad just a couple of months ago and now I go to a psychologist exactly to reach acceptance. Right now I'm just in complete denial
"it takes a really emotionally open and strong person to work through them" ive been doing exactly this all year and it was just so encouraging to hear someone say that! thank u!
This is so tough but absolutely needed for growth, mental health/illness recovery, and overall long-term happiness. And in a way, that kinda sucks... but you just gotta accept that life can be hard and can suck sometimes. But don't forget about all the wonderful things about life too! 😍 I often share this concept of acceptance and staying present in the moment with trauma survivors and those with OCD and GAD whenever I do volunteer advocacy work, and there are many, many times where I've spoken to someone 6 months, a year, more than a year, and I have to continually say that you have to accept where you are and realize you cannot control the world, your thoughts, your feelings, other people--all you can control are your actions. I can help only to a certain extent, and then it's up to someone to accept my words and the resources I've given them, and move forward in healing oneself. No one can heal you but yourself. That needs to be accepted before moving forward. People can guide you in the right direction, hold your hand when you're feeling down, etc., but it's ultimately your choice to work on changing yourself. I know it's hard because it took me nearly a decade to get to where I am, but you've got to let go of the need to control the world and those in it. Acceptance is key to healing.
-Denial - Projection of reality being unaltered and in stable mental place, with lingering doubt's of mental wellbeing. -Anger - Event has settled in, mental wellbeing has turned into negative emotions (defiant behavior (you really don't like the outcome)) -Bargaining - You become obsessed with changing variables on how the outcome could have changed, with (complete night and day behavior/habit changes) that are not healthy nor sustainable. -Depression - Complete disbelief of any plausible solution to change the outcome and a wall of adapting to from the change from the event. -Acceptance - To become neutral with the trauma from the event, and converting the trauma into abstaining from behavior or what lead to the event, accepting the outcome could not have been changed (is apart of life), or separating the onus on who's behavior catalyzed the issue and either learning to refrain those certain type of people/or change your approach to how you come across to others.
Never reached acceptance until I learned: •that anyone who ever truly loved you would never want you to suffer. •that everything in this world is made of energy, including you and your soul. Energy cannot be created nor destroyed, only changed from one form to another. Therefore, they still exist in a different form. Or in the zero point energy we're all entangled within. •that the only constant is change. •in a technique mental regression self therapy, I sit and comfort my child self.
This is one of my favorite videos of yours. So much you explained resonated with me, especially anger being a secondary emotion meant to mask a more painful emotion and in my case it was betrayal. I’m happy to say I’ve worked through my grief about the situation and have moved on. Thanks again for all the insight Ana
This is a great way to conceptualize some of the wild emotional/mental pinball I've been having the last few months working through a lot of stuff. Dropping weed and porn cold turkey was probably the smartest thing I did. I've been numbing for so long, I never processed all kinds of dark shit I just pushed down. I'm sure this will be a long journey, but I'll try to keep this in mind.
This video resonated with me. I came to understand that i had been stuck in the grief process regarding a friendship group in discussions with a therapist. I did have to reach a rock bottom moment, as you describe, to finally get to a place of acceptance by processing all the stages of grief. It was very painful but very much worth it. It is so nice to see this in a video!
Hi Dr. Ana! Could you make a video on what it means to “know yourself?” I’m 24F and recently graduated college, and 6 months out of a 2 year relationship, & I’m trying to figure out who I am and what it means understand myself as a person. I think it would be cool to have a video on something related to this or something about navigating your 20s. Thank you so much and love your work! ❤️
One thing I keep telling myself is “I’m no longer trying to chase happiness, I’m trying to be present” and it’s really helping me to accept the current moment + how I’m feeling. It’s still a work in progress though
Last spring I reached rock bottom, a dark night of the soul that continued for months. I’m still not ok but at those moments I felt that’s exactly what I needed to feel. I am beginning to wake up slowly…
Just went through all those stages, wow. Went from acceptance, then through a grief cycle, to ultimately come to a deeper sense of acceptance. Did that process, put my life in danger, probably. But that’s on those who subject me to having to go through the process of grief time and time again. What does it prove, that the people who were charged with crimes and went to gaol, indeed the judge was justified in their judgements. Good work.
Please remember that anger is also a necessary activating emotion, which is ESPECIALLY important if you're prone to depression. It's not just there to hide grief. It protects your boundaries, cuts unhealthy bonds, and starts a new process. I've seen several patients stuck in depression for years, because they got told that anger is just a masking emotion that should better be avoided. No - anger can do things that sadness can't (and vice versa). All emotions are needed to an extent and should balance each other out.
This sounds right to me. When I was in high school, a friend's mom told her to think of her breakup as a death and go through the death process actively. I want to point out (maybe you already did and I missed it) that the stages of grief can go in any order; it's just about letting each of those five basic feelings have their time to dominate the thinking process and do their evolutionary magic.
Got broken up with 4 months ago and still can’t get to this stage. I feel like hope is the only thing guiding me and making me get up in the morning unfortunately.
Grief has not stages it's all at once. There is no denial, no anger, no bargaining. Just intense grief that fades in time as I feel it. It brings up memories. Some make me cry, some make laugh, some just hurt. I'm not sure but i'm very logical so denial doesn't work. No real room emotionally to be angry. Bargaining for the impossible seems pointless but we do want to make sense of things, I don't really see that as bargaining. Depression doesn't even make sense. Yeah there will overwhelming sadness. That's normal, expected and how our bodies work. So can't be depression. That leaves only grief.
It’s the delusion of permanence that causes grief. It’s the “this should not be so” battle against reality that is the origin of grief. If you go through life recognizing the obvious fact that *nothing* in this physical universe is permanent, then you’re never at war with reality when something or someone is lost. The stages of grief arise from our culturally fostered delusion of permanence. Without that disconnect from realty, you are *always* ready to accept loss as never being unexpected. 🙏🏻☺️🌿
@@BurroDevelops that is a good observation that he passed on to you. When we stop arguing with the universe and simply embrace the reality that *nothing* is permanent, life becomes *much* easier. 🌿
i think the reality is much more erratic than this, which you do allude to. people can feel grief and not move on, or not feel grief and come to terms. or vice versa, and other scenarios
I think one point about dissolving dysfunctional relationship is often missed. In my case I had whole psychological pyramid based on my relationship with my partner ("reverse pyramid, lying on it's tip). Removing partner from my live would meant this whole structure would collapse (family, some friends, ... etc. it was like 10 very important things for my psychological "survival"). This was the biggest issue. I had to find replacement/solution to at least some of these psychological structures, then I became able to watch the whole drama from another perspective. Yet I was not still able to dissolve it - I had to correct relationship with my parents, so as they are not idealized. After that it went all pretty quickly. And I do not regret it.
The betrayal, the cheating, the hurt, the confusion and the blame shifting can take years to recover from... In my case I had to fully cut off cold turkey. It worked for me...
I remember my abuser adopted a lot of self improvement lingo to hype herself up as someone better after having been abusive towards me for not only the 2 years of our relationship, but the 2 years after as well, and made fun of me for "going trough the 5 stages of grief" when i got mad at her because she refused to take accountability for her actions
I’m afraid this video came at a time where I don’t want to hear this 😅. I’ve been a smoking 🍃 every day nonstop to numb my pain for 8 years now. I’ve spent this time learning about trauma and thinking about my childhood, but I’ve always known at some point I need to stop thinking about it and feel it. It’s insanely terrifying because I think being high 24/7 helps me repress memories of my childhood ab*se. I know I need to get sober and face this, but it’s so hard 😞
Acceptance is the ultimate truth. It is seeing things for what they are and letting them. Calling yourself something you are not is lying to yourself. Ex : Someone you love doesn't love you. Acceptance would be letting them not love you. Letting them be with their own feelings and carrying on your life without them, whilst accepting all the painful emotions and longing. Lying to yourself would be deluding yourself into thinking you have a chance. Maybe if you were more attractive or richer, they would love you. Committing to changing everything about yourself in hopes of getting them to love you. That is closer to lying to yourself.
I think finding your own voice and not letting someone whisper in your ear what to say might be more important for some than for others. Self-expression proceeds self valuation and proceeds validity
I have questions. I’d like to reach acceptance but I’m stuck in bargaining, anger and depression. In 2022, I cut off a lot of people in my life because I started developing emotional intelligence and noticed a lot of my relationships just weren’t healthy and even abusive. It’s been at least 2 years since I’ve spoken to any of these individuals but when I’m tired I ruminate about what should have happened, getting even or just replying the facts and crying about it. I have moments of acceptance depending on emotional regulation but every now and then I think “but people can change. Maybe if I say it another way…?”
I'm not angry, but my inner child is still angry at my dad. He was never there for me emotionally, or physically in fact. I'm only just now deciding I don't want to talk to him anymore at 29 years old. I haven't communicated this to him, because I know he's a narcissist and it's a waste of time even trying, and it's only going to make this harder than it needs to be. Any form of communication is a form of bargaining so I'm not doing that. I'm not depressed because this is something from my childhood, so the 5 stages of grief isn't perfect or always linear. I have reached a point of acceptance but still want to process some of the grief so I'm going to write him an imaginary letter from my inner child that to him and never send it. He's not getting anything more from me.
i am in denial about the 5 stages. i don't need stages to deal with the fact that my fridge is empty - why wouldn't i be able to apply the same method to everything else?
Is it possible to accept an unfulfilling relationship? Like the example with Jeremy but without the abuse. A partner who is not abusive but also not able to be supportive due to something like autism.
because it is work. you can't process trauma and grief without education and labor. watching this video is a method of educating yourself. then reflecting on it and applying it to your own life is a method of labor. i hope this helps you understand.
@@edgaraspolujanskij1597grief is a feeling all human beings will experience in their lives. not everyone will experience clinical depression. everyone can have feelings of depression, but to be clinically depressed involves a chronic state of mind that impacts your ability to function in the world. hope this helps
it's acceptance of reality that helps someone overcome it. the civil rights movement wasn't spearheaded by people hoping that their white slavers would one day feel empathy for them.
Sometimes I feel acceptance but also regress to the prior stages. It is almost like I forget something and have to go through it again to remind myself. It comes in waves. Letting go by being ok with the thing being there... What a journey.
Yep, I’m the same. It feels super cyclical. But on reflection I’ve realised that the more I do it the more I learn and can go ‘oh wait I’ve been here before I know how this goes’. So learning is definitely happening hahaha
Perhaps it's helpful to remain silent when becoming distressed... feels like succumbing to early cognitive impairment..
I think that's normal, and the periods of acceptance get longer over time.
I'm so happy I got over this stage where I couldn't accept things for what they are. I finally just accepted everything, and it has made a big difference in my life.
Aye.... Do what must be done.
Grief is the process of moving complicated dirty sadness to clean pure sadness unsullied by regret or shame or denial.
Beautiful
Can confirm that resisting your reality is a cause of great suffering. Better to accept your situation and focus instead on the things you can control.
Negative past experiences, such as bullying or rejection, can make individuals more cautious and hesitant to open up in new situations
Agreed. So much of therapy is grieving our losses. Grieving is the opposite mechanism of trauma. Those feelings have to come out. Ideally in a safe relationship.
This hits very close to home for me. I've lost my dad just a couple of months ago and now I go to a psychologist exactly to reach acceptance. Right now I'm just in complete denial
"it takes a really emotionally open and strong person to work through them" ive been doing exactly this all year and it was just so encouraging to hear someone say that! thank u!
This is so tough but absolutely needed for growth, mental health/illness recovery, and overall long-term happiness. And in a way, that kinda sucks... but you just gotta accept that life can be hard and can suck sometimes. But don't forget about all the wonderful things about life too! 😍
I often share this concept of acceptance and staying present in the moment with trauma survivors and those with OCD and GAD whenever I do volunteer advocacy work, and there are many, many times where I've spoken to someone 6 months, a year, more than a year, and I have to continually say that you have to accept where you are and realize you cannot control the world, your thoughts, your feelings, other people--all you can control are your actions. I can help only to a certain extent, and then it's up to someone to accept my words and the resources I've given them, and move forward in healing oneself.
No one can heal you but yourself. That needs to be accepted before moving forward. People can guide you in the right direction, hold your hand when you're feeling down, etc., but it's ultimately your choice to work on changing yourself. I know it's hard because it took me nearly a decade to get to where I am, but you've got to let go of the need to control the world and those in it. Acceptance is key to healing.
❤ 💯 😘👍
-Denial - Projection of reality being unaltered and in stable mental place, with lingering doubt's of mental wellbeing.
-Anger - Event has settled in, mental wellbeing has turned into negative emotions (defiant behavior (you really don't like the outcome))
-Bargaining - You become obsessed with changing variables on how the outcome could have changed, with (complete night and day behavior/habit changes) that are not healthy nor sustainable.
-Depression - Complete disbelief of any plausible solution to change the outcome and a wall of adapting to from the change from the event.
-Acceptance - To become neutral with the trauma from the event, and converting the trauma into abstaining from behavior or what lead to the event, accepting the outcome could not have been changed (is apart of life), or separating the onus on who's behavior catalyzed the issue and either learning to refrain those certain type of people/or change your approach to how you come across to others.
I pushed my grief down since I was 4
Never reached acceptance until I learned:
•that anyone who ever truly loved you would never want you to suffer.
•that everything in this world is made of energy, including you and your soul. Energy cannot be created nor destroyed, only changed from one form to another. Therefore, they still exist in a different form. Or in the zero point energy we're all entangled within.
•that the only constant is change.
•in a technique mental regression self therapy, I sit and comfort my child self.
Well.said!!
That's a great realisation, I hope you're doing the work to heal !
This is one of my favorite videos of yours. So much you explained resonated with me, especially anger being a secondary emotion meant to mask a more painful emotion and in my case it was betrayal. I’m happy to say I’ve worked through my grief about the situation and have moved on. Thanks again for all the insight Ana
This is a great way to conceptualize some of the wild emotional/mental pinball I've been having the last few months working through a lot of stuff. Dropping weed and porn cold turkey was probably the smartest thing I did. I've been numbing for so long, I never processed all kinds of dark shit I just pushed down. I'm sure this will be a long journey, but I'll try to keep this in mind.
This video resonated with me. I came to understand that i had been stuck in the grief process regarding a friendship group in discussions with a therapist. I did have to reach a rock bottom moment, as you describe, to finally get to a place of acceptance by processing all the stages of grief. It was very painful but very much worth it. It is so nice to see this in a video!
Hi Dr. Ana! Could you make a video on what it means to “know yourself?” I’m 24F and recently graduated college, and 6 months out of a 2 year relationship, & I’m trying to figure out who I am and what it means understand myself as a person. I think it would be cool to have a video on something related to this or something about navigating your 20s. Thank you so much and love your work! ❤️
Wow. ❤I’m 51 years old and I’m only just now reaching this level of acceptance in my life. (You must be extremely wise for your age) 😘👌🙌😉✨💕
this might be the best video i've ever seen. thank you Ana
One thing I keep telling myself is “I’m no longer trying to chase happiness, I’m trying to be present” and it’s really helping me to accept the current moment + how I’m feeling. It’s still a work in progress though
Babe wake up, Dr. Ana dropped another banger
This one hit hard, somehow you always call me out in the most beautiful ways
Last spring I reached rock bottom, a dark night of the soul that continued for months. I’m still not ok but at those moments I felt that’s exactly what I needed to feel. I am beginning to wake up slowly…
Me too
Thank you for posting, you make me feel Not alone in this weird and messy world.❤
0:53 You don't miss! Great video.
This is so wise and has given me a new perspective 🌟
This video came at a time when I needed it the most. Thank you for your perspective!
Just went through all those stages, wow. Went from acceptance, then through a grief cycle, to ultimately come to a deeper sense of acceptance. Did that process, put my life in danger, probably. But that’s on those who subject me to having to go through the process of grief time and time again. What does it prove, that the people who were charged with crimes and went to gaol, indeed the judge was justified in their judgements. Good work.
The rock bottom, is a move the Rock does to drop the Opposition, setting them up for the people’s elbow, for the 3 tap.
Please remember that anger is also a necessary activating emotion, which is ESPECIALLY important if you're prone to depression.
It's not just there to hide grief. It protects your boundaries, cuts unhealthy bonds, and starts a new process. I've seen several patients stuck in depression for years, because they got told that anger is just a masking emotion that should better be avoided. No - anger can do things that sadness can't (and vice versa). All emotions are needed to an extent and should balance each other out.
Thanks. Yes, this video helps.
This sounds right to me. When I was in high school, a friend's mom told her to think of her breakup as a death and go through the death process actively. I want to point out (maybe you already did and I missed it) that the stages of grief can go in any order; it's just about letting each of those five basic feelings have their time to dominate the thinking process and do their evolutionary magic.
I am ugly. I am trying to accept this.
Got broken up with 4 months ago and still can’t get to this stage. I feel like hope is the only thing guiding me and making me get up in the morning unfortunately.
Grief has not stages it's all at once. There is no denial, no anger, no bargaining. Just intense grief that fades in time as I feel it. It brings up memories. Some make me cry, some make laugh, some just hurt.
I'm not sure but i'm very logical so denial doesn't work. No real room emotionally to be angry. Bargaining for the impossible seems pointless but we do want to make sense of things, I don't really see that as bargaining. Depression doesn't even make sense. Yeah there will overwhelming sadness. That's normal, expected and how our bodies work. So can't be depression. That leaves only grief.
Great insights great clinical advice for daily conflicts. Reality made EZ. Thanks 😊
Sometimes people's thinks that they have overwhelming grief, but in the end someone wakes up himself, everyday, like a Metamorphosis Kafkian mode xd
It’s the delusion of permanence that causes grief. It’s the “this should not be so” battle against reality that is the origin of grief. If you go through life recognizing the obvious fact that *nothing* in this physical universe is permanent, then you’re never at war with reality when something or someone is lost. The stages of grief arise from our culturally fostered delusion of permanence. Without that disconnect from realty, you are *always* ready to accept loss as never being unexpected.
🙏🏻☺️🌿
It's not that simple, wish it were. It's beyond logic
My dad used to say "Everything is fleeting"
@@BurroDevelops that is a good observation that he passed on to you. When we stop arguing with the universe and simply embrace the reality that *nothing* is permanent, life becomes *much* easier. 🌿
i think the reality is much more erratic than this, which you do allude to. people can feel grief and not move on, or not feel grief and come to terms. or vice versa, and other scenarios
100% you can't heal if you don't grieve
Everything you said is true ❤
I think one point about dissolving dysfunctional relationship is often missed. In my case I had whole psychological pyramid based on my relationship with my partner ("reverse pyramid, lying on it's tip). Removing partner from my live would meant this whole structure would collapse (family, some friends, ... etc. it was like 10 very important things for my psychological "survival"). This was the biggest issue. I had to find replacement/solution to at least some of these psychological structures, then I became able to watch the whole drama from another perspective. Yet I was not still able to dissolve it - I had to correct relationship with my parents, so as they are not idealized. After that it went all pretty quickly. And I do not regret it.
The betrayal, the cheating, the hurt, the confusion and the blame shifting can take years to recover from... In my case I had to fully cut off cold turkey. It worked for me...
I remember my abuser adopted a lot of self improvement lingo to hype herself up as someone better after having been abusive towards me for not only the 2 years of our relationship, but the 2 years after as well, and made fun of me for "going trough the 5 stages of grief" when i got mad at her because she refused to take accountability for her actions
I’m afraid this video came at a time where I don’t want to hear this 😅. I’ve been a smoking 🍃 every day nonstop to numb my pain for 8 years now. I’ve spent this time learning about trauma and thinking about my childhood, but I’ve always known at some point I need to stop thinking about it and feel it. It’s insanely terrifying because I think being high 24/7 helps me repress memories of my childhood ab*se. I know I need to get sober and face this, but it’s so hard 😞
good luck my friend.
Thank you!
I am experiencing all the first four stages at the same time, during different times of the day but am failing to reach acceptance.
do therapists become therapists to each other or is there a final boss therapist?
Genuine question:
What is the difference between acceptance and lying to yourself?
Acceptance is the ultimate truth. It is seeing things for what they are and letting them. Calling yourself something you are not is lying to yourself.
Ex : Someone you love doesn't love you. Acceptance would be letting them not love you. Letting them be with their own feelings and carrying on your life without them, whilst accepting all the painful emotions and longing. Lying to yourself would be deluding yourself into thinking you have a chance. Maybe if you were more attractive or richer, they would love you. Committing to changing everything about yourself in hopes of getting them to love you. That is closer to lying to yourself.
The example scenario was exactly how i felt about my ex girlfriend before I broke up with her
I think finding your own voice and not letting someone whisper in your ear what to say might be more important for some than for others. Self-expression proceeds self valuation and proceeds validity
ive said half jokingly that when i used to drink, I would use alcohol to travel backwards on the stages of grief chart.
I like the new thumbnails
I have questions. I’d like to reach acceptance but I’m stuck in bargaining, anger and depression. In 2022, I cut off a lot of people in my life because I started developing emotional intelligence and noticed a lot of my relationships just weren’t healthy and even abusive.
It’s been at least 2 years since I’ve spoken to any of these individuals but when I’m tired I ruminate about what should have happened, getting even or just replying the facts and crying about it. I have moments of acceptance depending on emotional regulation but every now and then I think “but people can change. Maybe if I say it another way…?”
Could you please make a video regarding how spoiled kids/adults are made. And what to do to reverse this.
great video
I'm not angry, but my inner child is still angry at my dad. He was never there for me emotionally, or physically in fact. I'm only just now deciding I don't want to talk to him anymore at 29 years old. I haven't communicated this to him, because I know he's a narcissist and it's a waste of time even trying, and it's only going to make this harder than it needs to be. Any form of communication is a form of bargaining so I'm not doing that. I'm not depressed because this is something from my childhood, so the 5 stages of grief isn't perfect or always linear. I have reached a point of acceptance but still want to process some of the grief so I'm going to write him an imaginary letter from my inner child that to him and never send it. He's not getting anything more from me.
This is the plot of succession
love this
i am in denial about the 5 stages. i don't need stages to deal with the fact that my fridge is empty - why wouldn't i be able to apply the same method to everything else?
great vid
Ouch, Charlie! Oooooouch!
Hi Ana, your videos are great. I wonder by any chance would you be interested in adding English & Spanish subtitles to your videos?
Memento Mori 🖤🖤✝️🕯
Is it possible to accept an unfulfilling relationship? Like the example with Jeremy but without the abuse. A partner who is not abusive but also not able to be supportive due to something like autism.
Why do we use the word "work" in "work through pain"? It feels like something to do....
because it is work. you can't process trauma and grief without education and labor. watching this video is a method of educating yourself. then reflecting on it and applying it to your own life is a method of labor. i hope this helps you understand.
best!!!
How can people fail to abide by its parameters...... you just never ran into a wall? Do it!
Does limerence have something to do with this?
There is no evidence whatsoever for the validity of Kubler Ross's stages of grief. They are a baseless fiction.
i dont know i might have missed it, but what is the difference between grief and depression?
or is it just that in grief you dont accept the reallity of the situation, if i understood you correctly?
@@edgaraspolujanskij1597grief is a feeling all human beings will experience in their lives. not everyone will experience clinical depression. everyone can have feelings of depression, but to be clinically depressed involves a chronic state of mind that impacts your ability to function in the world. hope this helps
this format really suits me
❤
Toxic relationships in a nutshell :
So if you're a slave, you should just accept that you're a slave?
it's acceptance of reality that helps someone overcome it. the civil rights movement wasn't spearheaded by people hoping that their white slavers would one day feel empathy for them.
Just go through the emotions and don't resist. That's all. It's easy and painful.
Simple doesn't exactly mean easy, but I understand what you're trying to say
Drop the struggle, confront the agenda
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Heey 🧸
🥲💔🙏❤️
Holly shit
1️⃣
Genuine question:
What is the difference between acceptance and lying to yourself?
Genuine question:
What is the difference between acceptance and lying to yourself?