Thank you so much to everyone sharing their own journeys with this topic in the comments. I sincerely appreciate the kind words and feel such a sense of kinship knowing that many of us share similar experiences. ❤️ Also, there were a couple of things I forgot to mention in the video: -Slowing down while eating really helped me listen to my hunger/satiety cues. It’s hard to know when to stop if you’re chewing faster than you can think. I take my time with food now, I savor it, and I check in with myself repeatedly towards the end of the meal. -My relationship with exercise also had to change. I used to work out super intensely almost every day, and I thought it would be the end of the world if I took it slower. In truth, I think I was inflamed from all the constant intense exercise! I feel much healthier now that I just try to move my body more gently. Trust me, the world won’t come crashing down if you go for a walk or some light Pilates instead of HIIT or cardio. I do think it’s important to my health to try to make some sort of movement most days, and I love a good challenge now and then, but it has to come from a place of self-love rather than punishment.
i would love a video about your relationship/journey with exercise! i feel you and i have had very similar ed expeirences. i also felt i was really inflamed by constant weight lifting... i just took 2 months off the gym and i think my body is really thnkful for it... thank you again for the brilliant and insightful video. xx
Thank you for being vulnerable like this. I honestly think sharing stories like this gives psychologists more credibility than being a blamk slate or whatever. Everyone who goes into psychology has been through something or has a family member who has. As a client, I feel like I'm talking to someone who has struggled with something similar rathar than some kind brainy expert on the human mind
This story definitely struck a chord. I'm actually surprised with how much I relate. When I was a teenager, for a few years, I basically had depression. Never clinically diagnosed (that I know), but it was quite quite bad, and at some point I truly hit absolute rock bottom. Like, it was suicide or nothing. You said it right. At this stage, you realize what your options are. This whole time, the choice was to dig deeper, again and again, but then you touch the bottom and you think "damn. Point of no return now." And again like you said, it's a flip of a switch. You realize you can't play this card anymore and now you must abide by the rules you've been avoiding this whole time. Your videos are awesome. Thank you for what you do :)
Wow. It's crazy how similar your story is to mine. I was diagnosed with OCPD, which was the basis for my ED. You saying "obsessive compulsive thoughts" reminded me of it. Its amazing to hear somebody say that it's okay to want to like your own body, as long as your lifestyle is healthy. I'm so glad that we overcame it - it is merely a shadow from a distant past for me. I hope this helps many people 💕
I’ve struggled with the same ED as you for almost 15 years and it’s been much harder lately as I put on some weight after having two major surgeries last year. I’m still recovering from said surgeries which has made regular exercise take a backseat to lots of medical appointments and procedures to manage complications. Accepting that right now my body doesn’t look the way I want it to is the key to staying in my window of tolerance most of the time, and living well day to day. And that restricting isn’t an appropriate response to an unavoidable change in my body resultant from multiple life-altering surgeries. And that I will get back to the me that I recognize, and it’s ok to feel some distress around the fact that my body right now just isn’t the body that I recognize.
I used to be restrictive with my food intake and would withhold food from myself if I did poorly in a class. I'm 24 now and can't remember a time when I felt satisfied with the image, but this video was really beneficial and has allowed me to think more deeply about how I internalize things.
you uploaded this video at the right time! after a year of recovering from my ed, I relapsed. and I've been feeling awful and paranoid about my appearance and my weight lately. thank you, Anna. I couldn't be more grateful.
I appreciate you being so vulnerable, Ana. I just want to reach out and give you a big hug!!! To be honest, reaching the beauty ideal is ALWAYS going to be elusive, and IMPOSSIBLE to attain. That's the whole point. Also, that therapist sounds terrible, no offense. You took the right decision to stop working with her.
I never got down a low weight or was diagnosed with anything but there has been so many years that i was so obsessive about food or my weight and it is still a struggle but definitely just accepting life helps so much. Even with other things that make me sad in my life it is just acceptance and moving on being positive helps me the most.
Thank you so much for sharing. It’s made me think about my own struggles with an eating disorder. Mine started during puberty and got worse during my parents messy divorce when I was 18. I remember reaching rock bottom when I was trying to finish my master’s. The ED + stress + being in an emotionally toxic relationship made me reach such a low point. I remember being in bed for days on thinking “this can’t be life”. My story was slightly different as in that moment I said to myself “I can’t do this anymore” and immediately called my GP, later got admitted to hospital as an outpatient for bulimia and anorexia and started antidepressants. Over time I gradually got better, but it really did take reaching rock bottom and something clicking in my mind.
I am not fully recovered (my treatment resistance is a big issue for me), but I've been making progress to be able to be a functioning adult 10 years after being diagnosed. One of the things you mentioned is so crucial: becoming untriggerable! A few years ago, public ed/ weight/ body conversations would send me into a sprial... now I just sit there and nod. I couldn't care less
29:40 “focusing on something else that is healthy instead of focusing on diminishing this thing that had a huge presence in my life” A tweet from @visakanv that reminded me of that was: “Focus your time and energy in what you want to see more of” (Ie: When driving, focus on the road instead of the curbs to avoid hitting them) Which for me helps me understand the large impact one’s mindset has in shaping their attitudes and one’s healing process. Thank you for sharing!
I have never had any issues related to EDs, but it's really helpful to know all of this information. I also kept thinking how much of the distress concepts apply to my brother's depressive situation right now, and me not being overbearing is what I hear I need to do in order for him to hopefully get better. Thanks so much
You remind me of my younger self & I've always thought you looked like a ballerina ☺️ still do. Intelligent & accomplished women you are... thank you for sharing.
I was underfed as a baby for months because my parents were dumb and listened to pediatricians that said to feed me on a schedule, so i wasnt being given food when i was actually freaking hungry. Thankfully a friend told them they needed to feed me when i wanted food, and i was okay, but its always made me wonder if thats when it started for me. I was diagnosed with an*rexia at 18, i turn 29 this year. Its a long journey. I was diagnosed with OCD at 4 or so, it was EXTREME. So i know that also played a role.
Thank you for sharing. I have a young daughter & I’m always looking to learn more of possible issues that may come up in her adolescence. I want to be able to know what to do just in case & it’s nice to hear someone with experience tell their story.
"There is only so much progress you can make when you're giving so much energy to something that's negative in your life. And, ironically if you want to remove that thing from your life, at some point, you HAVE to *turn your attention to something positive* " Emphasis mine. That is one big mic drop Ana. Congratulations on your recovery, growth, courage and being an amazing human being. My other personal-level takeaway is checking in with what my body needs and not give a single fuck if that's "overeating" once in a while or "undereating" if I'm not hungry anymore for that meal. And the concept of ED voice. I almost miss it, and the concept of emotional hunger and its relation to well...emotions and anything that makes them fluctuate. I "devoured" this video. Sorry for the bad joke.
Thank you for making this video. It has helped me to recognise certain things within myself and my relationship towards food. Tonight I think was the first time I have ever eaten intuitively, and it feels really good 😌 Thank you again!! I’m so happy things are better for you now also.
a video solely on body dysmorphia, where it stems from, and how to overcome it would be great! im so stuck on this, i think about my appearance so much, unfortunately.
Thank you thank you Thank you. When I first heard you mention you had an ED in the past on your other channel, i couldn’t believe it. I’ve been watching your channel for years and for the last five years I’ve been managing an ED, been in and out of recovery, had ups and downs with my mental health. I’m feeling really positive about my recovery this time. Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story. So many things you shared sounded exactly like me. It really is like that: I either choose that this is the way my life will be forever, I believe that recovery is possible for me and I actually DO the things that I KNOW I have to do. For the last couple weeks I have been feeling what you described near the end, that being in ED treatment puts so much focus on it and makes the ED thoughts more frequent. I have a strong desire to tell my team that I’m done with therapy for the time and want to give it a shot on my own, but I’m not sure how they’ll take it. Anyway long rant but basically this video was a beam of hope and I feel so motivated to keep going and reach full recovery 😊⭐️❤️
Challenging share, thanks. I always ate my feelings (fat kid) when I was young & my sister went the other way into AN as a kid & the opposite as a mature adult. My weight's yoyoed, through poverty, fitness, bodybuilding, injury, feast & famine. I had to gain weight when working with refugees bc more than a few of them are quite chonky & I had to be less easy to throw around. I lost thirty kg at the start of covid using keto & exercise, but the shots have ruined my health, so my weight's going back up, have been told 'not to exert myself' & stressed, especially as I'm still experiencing housing insecurity & not yet on disability. No pill is going to fix any of that. Nothing is more satisfying than a pattern that has worked before.
From the ages of 12 to 15 I had a very weird relationship with food. I would feel disgusted with myself after eating and my body dysmorphia was peak, I remember having intrusive thoughts about hurting myself because I was so disgusted. But now I like my body and I also carefully try to feel what I need. By the way, can you make a video about coping with the loss of a pet? Or do you have any videos that deal with grief? I just lost my baby cat who was family to me and it’s so immensely hard for me. She died suddenly of a heart attack, and I was the one who found her, she was healthy, but must’ve had some sort of congenital defect. It was too sudden.
I also tend to just eat as I feel like. Often healthy because meals with lots of flavours/ingredients tend to be vegetable based, but also takeaways, deserts and whatever. The only thing is I wonder how my organs are, I'll think "I've had a lot of chips this week, where is the fat, is it internal?". Growing up a few times I bought huge bags of sweets and gained no weight. I'm not really sure how much I actually eat compared to others.
Love and appreciate you so much! Thank you for having the courage to share this. Been watching you for years and years, since you were just a psychology student :,) So proud of you and how far you’ve come & I hope you share more in the future if you wish to 🫶
At 11:47 you say that the only thing you really control is your body. How's that so? Do you send instructions to your heart to beat? do you give individual orders to each cell in your body to do it's proper job?
You are extremely beautiful, just stay how you are. Btw., I am also from Romania. When did you migrate from Romania? Your english is like that of a native speaker.
i remember when someone assumed that im hating on people with anorexia (because i said ed twitter is a fucked up place) and i cried as well, it is absolutely hurtful when people assume you dont have struggles.
You appeared on my main page, Ana - I have just realized that acceptance is needed to fix your relation to the present moment. Your story is captivating and I can fully relate to it. I have always been having the feeling of not being enough in the back of my mind. I recently noticed that I proceed to extremes when it comes to eating, working out, socializing, engaging activities and thus ultimately dismiss the present moment. It seems to be a broken way to coping with unpleasant reality in the past. This seems to be stronger than me at the moment, but I believe with time I will be able to handle it. I am really grateful for your video. Keep the quality contact up. Greetings from 🇲🇹
thank you for sharing this. you have been a role model to me for many years and are part of the reason I am pursuing a doctorate in clinical psychology. I struggled with eating in similar ways and your framing of eating disorders as a refusal to accept reality resonates a lot with me. knowing you dealt with and overcame an ED gives me even more hope for the future. thank you for your vulnerability 😊❤
Just started my intuitive eating journey this year but for the opposite reason where I would use food to cope with difficult life situations and would restrict as a punishment and would vassalate between binging and restricting.
Dr Ana your authenticity inspires me everyday!! I know exactly what you mean about finding your effortless equilibrium. I’ve been recovered from my ED for about 4 years, and I’m a healthy weight without exerting any control over my body cues besides occasional, minor corrections. I have so much energy, I’m not obsessed with food, and like you said you really crave nutritious foods when you get out of the binge-restrict cycle ❤️❤️❤️
My psychiatrist openly told me once that medication isn't really an exact science. You just have to give a patient something, hopefully starting with a low dosage, to see how *they* react to it. Efexor was 100% fine for me, but a similar medication gave me anxiety and another one felt completely safe, except for when I tried to drive for the first time LOL I felt fully lucid, but somehow I was driving like someone who's slightly drunk. Meds are weird. Really happy you're doing great now!
14:07 on getting an epiphany/mental breakthrough (which won’t be exactly the same as her as you have to feel/experience it for yourself) “you have to feel how you do not have any other options except acceptance. You have to be in that place where you feel so incredibly trapped, where you feel at rock bottom, that it becomes vividly and abundantly clear to you” Powerful! That description helped me to see and map that threshold of hitting rock bottom mentally in a clear way that I could easily connect for myself to use as a guide when I get to that point. Thank you for openly sharing your vulnerability and I hope and pray it becomes a catalyst for continued healing not just for you but for anyone else watching this!
Thanks for sharing your story. EDs are way more common than we think and talking about it more certainly helps rudece some of that shame associated to them. I also had a 'lightbulb' moment to overcome my ED, which had nothing to do with therapy (I'd had CBT) or medication (never took any), where I just made the decision that I'm not doing this anymore. I would rather live and wanted to be a good partner for my husband, which simply isn't possible when your mind is consumed by an ED. Nice Iceland video too, I enjoyed a trip there with my husband last year, and it wouldn't be possible to enjoy it in a relaxed way without having overcome my ED first. All the best!
I ever since I remember have suffered from a food eating disorder called "ARFID" it is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I am 20 now and still suffer from it and have a very limited diet, somethings that come with it are being afraid of textures, smells, words, looks of different food, and more that I can't name off the top of my head. It is very stressful. I stress so much about it where I don't like eating out in restaurants bc what if they don't have the few things that I like (safety foods). I'm always scared that someone is going to judge me or make fun of me where I have no control over it, well I do but mentally I cannot get myself to try new things. Having this makes me very tired thru out the day and have little to no motivation. Whenever I go to my brothers house for dinner I usually eat before hand or bring like a plain cheese pizza that I can have which is very embarrassing. I know counselling can help with it but it just costs too much money, and I'm afraid that it'll never be cured. There is obviously a lot more that comes with it, but that's just the surface level. Watching this video has inspired me to keep on pushing and get thru this one day at a time!
I've never experienced ED, but this message of acceping yourself fully + understanding identity changes and grow + it's ok to want to pursue your own beauty, resonates with me completely. Yes the world needs more love and compassion, but also more dedication and beauty from people!
I had the same epiphany with my OCD. My compulsions ranged from flicking the lightswitch on and off and on, to kissing the walls when I entered, to eating food like french fries in even numbers, to spacing out every piece of clutter in my desk so that they would not touch eachother, and so on and so on. For 4-5 years I was a slave to my own anxiety, to that voice in my head that said my whole family would die if I didn't do all these things. I remember one night, I wanted to go to bed, but I was stuck in a loop of tapping my alarm clock until it felt "just right". Took half an hour of tapping it until I felt safe. Woke up the next day, and said to myself "you know what? **** this. I don't care anymore. I'm no longer going to do it. throw your worst at me, universe." And nothing happened. The universe didn't punish me. I won against my OCD. I still have some intrusive thoughts once in a while, but I recognize them for what they are, and I ignore them or I do the opposite of what that voice tells me to do.
I did not even know you were struggling too… I look up to you so much and this video and the fact that you talked about your ED helps me so much with understanding that EVERYONE struggles even the smartest and best people. Thank you.
I've always been a skinny dude, ppl say that I'm so lucky, what they don't realize is that amount of times of attempted to force feed, or have had to strategize to consume more, just to not be. Either end of the spectrum sucks
The idea that you now "forget to eat" honestly shows so much healing because idk about you but when I was in the depths of it, I would literally think of nothing else. The idea of there being an hour of the day where I could "forget" about food was just unthinkable. Well done and thank you
Yes!! Thank you for highlighting that. People who have never struggled with this might take it for granted, but when you’ve spent years obsessing over food, it feels like such a lifesaver to rarely think about food. And it makes hunger cues so much more trustworthy, where you can just realize, “Ah! I’m having a thought about food, because I’m hungry. I think it’s time to grab something to eat.”
I had a similar epiphany moment that was a full stop in a years-long E.D. For me it was: I’ve done this for years, the cycles have been the same, never helped me actually feel better about myself. In retrospect it was almost like: I’m BORED with this. Had to find some different things to do when I was in emotional distress/dysregulation but I dropped that one.
your therapist sounds not the best tbh, no one should coerce their patients into taking a medication or sound *tired* with them or make them feel guilty.
I struggled with body dysmorphia and restrictive tendencies growing up, starting as a pre-teen and the disordered eating lasted all the way until 16, I didn't feel fully recovered until 18. Your videos about EDs were very informative when I was recovering, I am glad to know you are doing better now. Thankyou for making the videos you make, it's helpful to have all this knowledge condensed and accessible. Take care, wishing the best for you ❤
Wasn't expecting the mention of intrusive thoughts and mental compulsions. OCD (which I also have) really is mental torture!! Based on how you described it, sounds like clinical OCD, not sub clinical during that moment. Mental compulsions are still compulsions. You may have just fallen under "pure O", meaning you mainly get mental compulsions instead of real action compulsions. Both still count as OCD. Unfortunately many therapists are not properly trained in recognising mental compulsions as being part of OCD, which in my life caused me to have a misdiagnosis 😢
Thank you for this video. It’s inspiring to see how you’ve recovered, and feel more free to enjoy life. I’ve gained some of my weight back, and I’m trying to feel okay in my skin. I’ve had a few people around me make comments about me eating a lot, and I try not to let it bother me but it still does. I hope I can become untriggerable too one day
For someone to make an assumption that your world is all rainbows shows how consumed people are in their own pain. We love you in the cluster b community btw! You cover a lot of what we experience. You are truly a light. Seeing the title was surprising to see! A lot of us can relate. Thank you for sharing with us.
This reminds me of what you said in another video about how resistance to pain causes suffering. I can see how resisting anything true can lead to suffering. I've been making progress in this area but this is a great reminder to have an acceptance attitude in more things. I've also noticed this mindset helps a lot with OCD intrusive thoughts. One thing that works for me is letting the thoughts "stay" in the corner of my mind like a little TV playing, and just tell those thoughts that I don't mind that they're there. Eventually they stop being important and fade away on their own. Fear is self-fulfilling, I like to say. Thank so much for sharing your story!
Thank you for sharing this Ana. Very similar to my experience about reaching that rock bottom. I still remember feeling so grateful after the first "unhealthy" meal I was able to eat with peace. I intentionally fucked up my rules and "rode the wave" of discomfort. That ED voice is still there but it doesn't have nearly the same hold. Thanks for your vulnerability with us 💛
Although in DSM/ICD, you are talking about two different disorders ( ED and BDD), I think I know where you are coming from. They can overlap, and we can be too blinkered, rigid when treating patients.
I appreciate you acknowledging that many ED therapists want to neutralize body and call all diets "bad". I heard one ED therapist call Keto diet a fad diet to which I objected saying it was designed to help epileptic patients reduce seizures. Sometimes in an attempt to fight an issue we can swing too far into the other direction.
I worry i am edging along side an ed.. 😅who develops an ed at 40. but i love the idea of emotional hunger. When I was doing well. Not stressed. I ate well. No stressed with work feeling that constant „i don’t have time „ pressure. my eating is up and down. I feel properly guilty eating a slice of bread and end up eating 5. I stopped weighing daily. And often really anxious about the weight and body fat. But i also have ADHD which makes impulse control HARD. But being in a good place leaves you with so much more energy and power to be strict with yourself and if that control isn’t sapping ALL your energy then it doesn’t feel hard. Good times will be back though new job is tough but it won’t be forever or 😅 it might but I’ll deal then
Thanks for sharing. I'd love a video on the 'eating healthy' part. When my traditional eating disorder was recovered, I fell into health anxiety and fear of food for the ill health it can cause (like plastics, too much red meet, ultra processed food). That middle ground without anxiety has been, so far, extremely hard for me to achieve.
its sad to hear people are judging like that without knowing what someone is going through💜 wish you all the best💜 youre brave to talk about this💜 i got scared by that brain zaps thing tho😅 one of my meds is setralin and it has really helped me and i dont think i have get brain zaps but tics tho, before meds i almost never got tics, once when they tried to give me venlafaxin for some time it led me feel very down so i decided to trying to quit my meds all of a sudden and it didnt go well.. first i got poo accident, then fever and then when i finally ended up reading online what are the risks and i learnt that i could get seizures i got scared and then i decided to take meds to prevent that from happening and ig i took too much because the next 2 days were kinda blurry even tho i was having pretty good time and i almost end up doing stupid things but my partner managed to stop me from buying flying tickets and unnecessary expensive adult toys online but yeah😅 some kinda medically induced hypomania or something🙈 never again😂
I recently recovered from EDs in various forms for 20 years after a late ADHD diagnosis and learning a large driver was disegulation of emotions. Medication was the missing piece to help me control my emotions and therefore able to stop leaning on food as a coping mechanism. Thanks for the video Ana ❤
This video feels so important. It seems to me you're a really good therapist because you CAN put the distance which makes me think you're a really good listener. But you're also experienced with struggle and you're able to take an empatic approach to others thanks to that. I've been in therapy for years and i had therapist who definetly shared too much but the best therapist knew how to share just enough for the relationship to feel safe and open and a little bit more equal.
I know that it sounds silly but its real. Once you turn 25 your brain really done cooking and everything just makes so much sense. Its not like you will be completely changed but its more of you had all the pieces and now they are in the right place of the puzzle!
this made me think about the concept of radical acceptance, It’s to the point of simply just accepting everything and letting go of the resistance when things begin to fall back into place
I have OCD so even though I don't struggle with body image issues this was helpful to watch. I'm in the thick of it and since my obsessions are very "general" literally anything can trigger me. I just let it come and consume me.. it won't kill me will it? Does still make me feel like shit though.
I currently weigh the most that I have in years (gained 10 lbs from having a hard time resisting all the sweets offered in my office) and I’m currently very insecure about it. I felt so heard when you mentioned about feeling competitive. Whenever another girl talks about how little she’s been eating (regardless of her intention) I get so triggered and start having the habit of comparing how much I’ve eaten compared to another person. I’ve been trying to lose weight in a healthy weigh by snacking on fruit instead junk food and counting calories.
Hi Ana ☺️ thank you for this video. You being so frank and transparent on your own experience feels amazing and I think for many of us makes us relate to you even more. I am wondering one thing. If the therapist that you stopped going to was not the very best fit or maybe you outgrew her or her approach? Just a thought 💭 or maybe it was acceptance as you were saying. You know best but i wondered 🙏🏻
It takes a lot for someone to put out a video of their struggle and I don’t have any type of eating disorder but whoever does, this is a great video to put out into the mass audience of UA-cam!
That’s crazy that you talk about OCD, cause I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD either, but I do have some characteristics in my personality that are like OCD.
You shouldn’t be worried about your weight, unless your weighing like 200 pounds, but if you’re in great shape for your height then don’t worry about it.
I've had emetophobia for most of my life so I can relate. Like, a bunch of food-related fears, anxiety and even disorder comes out when you have emetophobia. A common situation I had to face on my teenage years is that when in public, no matter how hungry I was, I was never able to swallow food, as if I were full. Except I would be starving immediately after. To this day even with medication eating in public feels like hell sometimes.
Hitting rock bottom is exactly what I feel about my own experience and trajectory with difficult times. Once you're there, your mind is in a position where all the rubbish you might be distracted by is no longer visible, and although not everyone has the same rock bottom level, I think everyone has a threshhold at some point where you realize enough is enough, and then you head back upwards. Its not instantaneous improvment, but its a directional shift in the energy you feed, less rumination, more constructive behaviors and thoughts.
Thank you so much to everyone sharing their own journeys with this topic in the comments. I sincerely appreciate the kind words and feel such a sense of kinship knowing that many of us share similar experiences. ❤️
Also, there were a couple of things I forgot to mention in the video:
-Slowing down while eating really helped me listen to my hunger/satiety cues. It’s hard to know when to stop if you’re chewing faster than you can think. I take my time with food now, I savor it, and I check in with myself repeatedly towards the end of the meal.
-My relationship with exercise also had to change. I used to work out super intensely almost every day, and I thought it would be the end of the world if I took it slower. In truth, I think I was inflamed from all the constant intense exercise! I feel much healthier now that I just try to move my body more gently. Trust me, the world won’t come crashing down if you go for a walk or some light Pilates instead of HIIT or cardio. I do think it’s important to my health to try to make some sort of movement most days, and I love a good challenge now and then, but it has to come from a place of self-love rather than punishment.
Slowing down has helped me! I would actually eat in public and slow down to overcome binging. I was anxious to eat in public but I did it anyway!
i would love a video about your relationship/journey with exercise! i feel you and i have had very similar ed expeirences. i also felt i was really inflamed by constant weight lifting... i just took 2 months off the gym and i think my body is really thnkful for it... thank you again for the brilliant and insightful video. xx
I appreciate the "shut the fuck up" and accept reality part. Honoring the body instead of the brain's thoughts that aren't ours.
my auntie's a therapist and one of the things she told me that stuck is: "Acceptance is freedom from hell"
I like that a lot
This !!!
Thank you for being vulnerable like this. I honestly think sharing stories like this gives psychologists more credibility than being a blamk slate or whatever. Everyone who goes into psychology has been through something or has a family member who has. As a client, I feel like I'm talking to someone who has struggled with something similar rathar than some kind brainy expert on the human mind
The connection between daily grief over the present moment and eating disorders is something that really spoke to me; thanks for this video
This story definitely struck a chord. I'm actually surprised with how much I relate.
When I was a teenager, for a few years, I basically had depression. Never clinically diagnosed (that I know), but it was quite quite bad, and at some point I truly hit absolute rock bottom. Like, it was suicide or nothing.
You said it right. At this stage, you realize what your options are. This whole time, the choice was to dig deeper, again and again, but then you touch the bottom and you think "damn. Point of no return now." And again like you said, it's a flip of a switch. You realize you can't play this card anymore and now you must abide by the rules you've been avoiding this whole time.
Your videos are awesome. Thank you for what you do :)
Wow. It's crazy how similar your story is to mine. I was diagnosed with OCPD, which was the basis for my ED. You saying "obsessive compulsive thoughts" reminded me of it. Its amazing to hear somebody say that it's okay to want to like your own body, as long as your lifestyle is healthy. I'm so glad that we overcame it - it is merely a shadow from a distant past for me. I hope this helps many people 💕
I’ve struggled with the same ED as you for almost 15 years and it’s been much harder lately as I put on some weight after having two major surgeries last year. I’m still recovering from said surgeries which has made regular exercise take a backseat to lots of medical appointments and procedures to manage complications. Accepting that right now my body doesn’t look the way I want it to is the key to staying in my window of tolerance most of the time, and living well day to day. And that restricting isn’t an appropriate response to an unavoidable change in my body resultant from multiple life-altering surgeries. And that I will get back to the me that I recognize, and it’s ok to feel some distress around the fact that my body right now just isn’t the body that I recognize.
I used to be restrictive with my food intake and would withhold food from myself if I did poorly in a class. I'm 24 now and can't remember a time when I felt satisfied with the image, but this video was really beneficial and has allowed me to think more deeply about how I internalize things.
you uploaded this video at the right time! after a year of recovering from my ed, I relapsed. and I've been feeling awful and paranoid about my appearance and my weight lately. thank you, Anna. I couldn't be more grateful.
I’m so sorry to hear that❤️
I appreciate you being so vulnerable, Ana. I just want to reach out and give you a big hug!!! To be honest, reaching the beauty ideal is ALWAYS going to be elusive, and IMPOSSIBLE to attain. That's the whole point. Also, that therapist sounds terrible, no offense. You took the right decision to stop working with her.
I never got down a low weight or was diagnosed with anything but there has been so many years that i was so obsessive about food or my weight and it is still a struggle but definitely just accepting life helps so much. Even with other things that make me sad in my life it is just acceptance and moving on being positive helps me the most.
Thank you so much for sharing. It’s made me think about my own struggles with an eating disorder.
Mine started during puberty and got worse during my parents messy divorce when I was 18. I remember reaching rock bottom when I was trying to finish my master’s. The ED + stress + being in an emotionally toxic relationship made me reach such a low point. I remember being in bed for days on thinking “this can’t be life”.
My story was slightly different as in that moment I said to myself “I can’t do this anymore” and immediately called my GP, later got admitted to hospital as an outpatient for bulimia and anorexia and started antidepressants. Over time I gradually got better, but it really did take reaching rock bottom and something clicking in my mind.
I am not fully recovered (my treatment resistance is a big issue for me), but I've been making progress to be able to be a functioning adult 10 years after being diagnosed. One of the things you mentioned is so crucial: becoming untriggerable! A few years ago, public ed/ weight/ body conversations would send me into a sprial... now I just sit there and nod. I couldn't care less
You helped me so much whilst I was recovering from anorexia and an abusive relationship. Sending so much love your way.
feels like you are telling my own story
29:40 “focusing on something else that is healthy instead of focusing on diminishing this thing that had a huge presence in my life”
A tweet from @visakanv that reminded me of that was:
“Focus your time and energy in what you want to see more of”
(Ie: When driving, focus on the road instead of the curbs to avoid hitting them)
Which for me helps me understand the large impact one’s mindset has in shaping their attitudes and one’s healing process.
Thank you for sharing!
I have never had any issues related to EDs, but it's really helpful to know all of this information. I also kept thinking how much of the distress concepts apply to my brother's depressive situation right now, and me not being overbearing is what I hear I need to do in order for him to hopefully get better. Thanks so much
You remind me of my younger self & I've always thought you looked like a ballerina ☺️ still do. Intelligent & accomplished women you are... thank you for sharing.
It is so nice that you share this «unperfect» part of yourself.
I was underfed as a baby for months because my parents were dumb and listened to pediatricians that said to feed me on a schedule, so i wasnt being given food when i was actually freaking hungry. Thankfully a friend told them they needed to feed me when i wanted food, and i was okay, but its always made me wonder if thats when it started for me. I was diagnosed with an*rexia at 18, i turn 29 this year. Its a long journey. I was diagnosed with OCD at 4 or so, it was EXTREME. So i know that also played a role.
Thank you for sharing. I have a young daughter & I’m always looking to learn more of possible issues that may come up in her adolescence. I want to be able to know what to do just in case & it’s nice to hear someone with experience tell their story.
"There is only so much progress you can make when you're giving so much energy to something that's negative in your life. And, ironically if you want to remove that thing from your life, at some point, you HAVE to *turn your attention to something positive* "
Emphasis mine.
That is one big mic drop Ana.
Congratulations on your recovery, growth, courage and being an amazing human being.
My other personal-level takeaway is checking in with what my body needs and not give a single fuck if that's "overeating" once in a while or "undereating" if I'm not hungry anymore for that meal. And the concept of ED voice.
I almost miss it, and the concept of emotional hunger and its relation to well...emotions and anything that makes them fluctuate.
I "devoured" this video. Sorry for the bad joke.
12:14 ❤❤ summed it all for me. Thx so much. Can also apply to my other struggles too.
I used to suffer from Bulimia and I tound this video helpful and also relatable.
Thank you for making this video. It has helped me to recognise certain things within myself and my relationship towards food. Tonight I think was the first time I have ever eaten intuitively, and it feels really good 😌
Thank you again!! I’m so happy things are better for you now also.
a video solely on body dysmorphia, where it stems from, and how to overcome it would be great! im so stuck on this, i think about my appearance so much, unfortunately.
Thank you thank you Thank you. When I first heard you mention you had an ED in the past on your other channel, i couldn’t believe it. I’ve been watching your channel for years and for the last five years I’ve been managing an ED, been in and out of recovery, had ups and downs with my mental health. I’m feeling really positive about my recovery this time. Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story. So many things you shared sounded exactly like me. It really is like that: I either choose that this is the way my life will be forever, I believe that recovery is possible for me and I actually DO the things that I KNOW I have to do. For the last couple weeks I have been feeling what you described near the end, that being in ED treatment puts so much focus on it and makes the ED thoughts more frequent. I have a strong desire to tell my team that I’m done with therapy for the time and want to give it a shot on my own, but I’m not sure how they’ll take it. Anyway long rant but basically this video was a beam of hope and I feel so motivated to keep going and reach full recovery 😊⭐️❤️
This helped! Thanks for the perspective, thanks for being vulnerable
Thank you so much for sharing, you’re helping a lot of people❤
Thanks for sharng, Ana. Had similar experience, and went through the same mind journey. Keep it up!
You have the best channel in all of youtube
Challenging share, thanks.
I always ate my feelings (fat kid) when I was young & my sister went the other way into AN as a kid & the opposite as a mature adult.
My weight's yoyoed, through poverty, fitness, bodybuilding, injury, feast & famine.
I had to gain weight when working with refugees bc more than a few of them are quite chonky & I had to be less easy to throw around. I lost thirty kg at the start of covid using keto & exercise, but the shots have ruined my health, so my weight's going back up, have been told 'not to exert myself' & stressed, especially as I'm still experiencing housing insecurity & not yet on disability. No pill is going to fix any of that.
Nothing is more satisfying than a pattern that has worked before.
same thing happened with my really bad social anxiety when I was a teenager!
This is a very sweet and thoughtful video. Thank you.
From the ages of 12 to 15 I had a very weird relationship with food. I would feel disgusted with myself after eating and my body dysmorphia was peak, I remember having intrusive thoughts about hurting myself because I was so disgusted. But now I like my body and I also carefully try to feel what I need. By the way, can you make a video about coping with the loss of a pet? Or do you have any videos that deal with grief? I just lost my baby cat who was family to me and it’s so immensely hard for me. She died suddenly of a heart attack, and I was the one who found her, she was healthy, but must’ve had some sort of congenital defect. It was too sudden.
Can you make video about your skin care journey . Your skin looks flawless ❤😊
this video was very helpful Ana!
I also tend to just eat as I feel like. Often healthy because meals with lots of flavours/ingredients tend to be vegetable based, but also takeaways, deserts and whatever. The only thing is I wonder how my organs are, I'll think "I've had a lot of chips this week, where is the fat, is it internal?". Growing up a few times I bought huge bags of sweets and gained no weight. I'm not really sure how much I actually eat compared to others.
"I am inevitable"
~Thanos
"I am untriggerable"
~Ana
Thanks for sharing
Thank you for posting this & sharing your personal experience & expertise . I think this will be helpful for a lot of people!
❤
Love and appreciate you so much! Thank you for having the courage to share this. Been watching you for years and years, since you were just a psychology student :,)
So proud of you and how far you’ve come & I hope you share more in the future if you wish to 🫶
At 11:47 you say that the only thing you really control is your body. How's that so? Do you send instructions to your heart to beat? do you give individual orders to each cell in your body to do it's proper job?
You are extremely beautiful, just stay how you are.
Btw., I am also from Romania.
When did you migrate from Romania?
Your english is like that of a native speaker.
would you keep apatite or carnelian crystals around to stimulate appetite?
So grateful for you 🤍✨ and how you’ve helped me reframe
i remember when someone assumed that im hating on people with anorexia (because i said ed twitter is a fucked up place) and i cried as well, it is absolutely hurtful when people assume you dont have struggles.
You appeared on my main page, Ana - I have just realized that acceptance is needed to fix your relation to the present moment. Your story is captivating and I can fully relate to it. I have always been having the feeling of not being enough in the back of my mind. I recently noticed that I proceed to extremes when it comes to eating, working out, socializing, engaging activities and thus ultimately dismiss the present moment. It seems to be a broken way to coping with unpleasant reality in the past. This seems to be stronger than me at the moment, but I believe with time I will be able to handle it. I am really grateful for your video. Keep the quality contact up. Greetings from 🇲🇹
Thank you very much! I’m so glad this video found you and resonated with you
"I'm untrigger-able" - THANK YOU for this! Truly life changing. I'm claiming this for myself from now on. 💖
thank you for sharing this. you have been a role model to me for many years and are part of the reason I am pursuing a doctorate in clinical psychology. I struggled with eating in similar ways and your framing of eating disorders as a refusal to accept reality resonates a lot with me. knowing you dealt with and overcame an ED gives me even more hope for the future. thank you for your vulnerability 😊❤
Just started my intuitive eating journey this year but for the opposite reason where I would use food to cope with difficult life situations and would restrict as a punishment and would vassalate between binging and restricting.
Dr Ana your authenticity inspires me everyday!! I know exactly what you mean about finding your effortless equilibrium. I’ve been recovered from my ED for about 4 years, and I’m a healthy weight without exerting any control over my body cues besides occasional, minor corrections. I have so much energy, I’m not obsessed with food, and like you said you really crave nutritious foods when you get out of the binge-restrict cycle ❤️❤️❤️
My psychiatrist openly told me once that medication isn't really an exact science. You just have to give a patient something, hopefully starting with a low dosage, to see how *they* react to it.
Efexor was 100% fine for me, but a similar medication gave me anxiety and another one felt completely safe, except for when I tried to drive for the first time LOL
I felt fully lucid, but somehow I was driving like someone who's slightly drunk. Meds are weird.
Really happy you're doing great now!
14:07 on getting an epiphany/mental breakthrough (which won’t be exactly the same as her as you have to feel/experience it for yourself)
“you have to feel how you do not have any other options except acceptance. You have to be in that place where you feel so incredibly trapped, where you feel at rock bottom, that it becomes vividly and abundantly clear to you”
Powerful!
That description helped me to see and map that threshold of hitting rock bottom mentally in a clear way that I could easily connect for myself to use as a guide when I get to that point.
Thank you for openly sharing your vulnerability and I hope and pray it becomes a catalyst for continued healing not just for you but for anyone else watching this!
Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable story, Ana! So glad you're doing better!💗
Soooo proud of you and your transparency. U are so awesome.❤
Thanks for sharing your story. EDs are way more common than we think and talking about it more certainly helps rudece some of that shame associated to them. I also had a 'lightbulb' moment to overcome my ED, which had nothing to do with therapy (I'd had CBT) or medication (never took any), where I just made the decision that I'm not doing this anymore. I would rather live and wanted to be a good partner for my husband, which simply isn't possible when your mind is consumed by an ED. Nice Iceland video too, I enjoyed a trip there with my husband last year, and it wouldn't be possible to enjoy it in a relaxed way without having overcome my ED first. All the best!
I ever since I remember have suffered from a food eating disorder called "ARFID" it is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I am 20 now and still suffer from it and have a very limited diet, somethings that come with it are being afraid of textures, smells, words, looks of different food, and more that I can't name off the top of my head. It is very stressful. I stress so much about it where I don't like eating out in restaurants bc what if they don't have the few things that I like (safety foods). I'm always scared that someone is going to judge me or make fun of me where I have no control over it, well I do but mentally I cannot get myself to try new things. Having this makes me very tired thru out the day and have little to no motivation. Whenever I go to my brothers house for dinner I usually eat before hand or bring like a plain cheese pizza that I can have which is very embarrassing. I know counselling can help with it but it just costs too much money, and I'm afraid that it'll never be cured. There is obviously a lot more that comes with it, but that's just the surface level. Watching this video has inspired me to keep on pushing and get thru this one day at a time!
I've never experienced ED, but this message of acceping yourself fully + understanding identity changes and grow + it's ok to want to pursue your own beauty, resonates with me completely. Yes the world needs more love and compassion, but also more dedication and beauty from people!
thank you so so much for your honesty and vulnerability!! it is incredibly inspiring to hear your truth!!!
I had the same epiphany with my OCD. My compulsions ranged from flicking the lightswitch on and off and on, to kissing the walls when I entered, to eating food like french fries in even numbers, to spacing out every piece of clutter in my desk so that they would not touch eachother, and so on and so on. For 4-5 years I was a slave to my own anxiety, to that voice in my head that said my whole family would die if I didn't do all these things.
I remember one night, I wanted to go to bed, but I was stuck in a loop of tapping my alarm clock until it felt "just right". Took half an hour of tapping it until I felt safe.
Woke up the next day, and said to myself "you know what? **** this. I don't care anymore. I'm no longer going to do it. throw your worst at me, universe."
And nothing happened. The universe didn't punish me. I won against my OCD.
I still have some intrusive thoughts once in a while, but I recognize them for what they are, and I ignore them or I do the opposite of what that voice tells me to do.
I used to be like this, too with my OCD. People don't understand the torture it is, living in your mind.
I did not even know you were struggling too… I look up to you so much and this video and the fact that you talked about your ED helps me so much with understanding that EVERYONE struggles even the smartest and best people. Thank you.
I've always been a skinny dude, ppl say that I'm so lucky, what they don't realize is that amount of times of attempted to force feed, or have had to strategize to consume more, just to not be. Either end of the spectrum sucks
The idea that you now "forget to eat" honestly shows so much healing because idk about you but when I was in the depths of it, I would literally think of nothing else. The idea of there being an hour of the day where I could "forget" about food was just unthinkable. Well done and thank you
Yes!! Thank you for highlighting that. People who have never struggled with this might take it for granted, but when you’ve spent years obsessing over food, it feels like such a lifesaver to rarely think about food. And it makes hunger cues so much more trustworthy, where you can just realize, “Ah! I’m having a thought about food, because I’m hungry. I think it’s time to grab something to eat.”
thank you for making this video and your vulnerability
Thank you for sharing Ana
I had a similar epiphany moment that was a full stop in a years-long E.D. For me it was: I’ve done this for years, the cycles have been the same, never helped me actually feel better about myself. In retrospect it was almost like: I’m BORED with this. Had to find some different things to do when I was in emotional distress/dysregulation but I dropped that one.
your therapist sounds not the best tbh, no one should coerce their patients into taking a medication or sound *tired* with them or make them feel guilty.
Thank you Ana, your story is important for me to hear
I struggled with body dysmorphia and restrictive tendencies growing up, starting as a pre-teen and the disordered eating lasted all the way until 16, I didn't feel fully recovered until 18. Your videos about EDs were very informative when I was recovering, I am glad to know you are doing better now. Thankyou for making the videos you make, it's helpful to have all this knowledge condensed and accessible. Take care, wishing the best for you ❤
Wasn't expecting the mention of intrusive thoughts and mental compulsions. OCD (which I also have) really is mental torture!!
Based on how you described it, sounds like clinical OCD, not sub clinical during that moment. Mental compulsions are still compulsions. You may have just fallen under "pure O", meaning you mainly get mental compulsions instead of real action compulsions. Both still count as OCD.
Unfortunately many therapists are not properly trained in recognising mental compulsions as being part of OCD, which in my life caused me to have a misdiagnosis 😢
Thank you for this video. It’s inspiring to see how you’ve recovered, and feel more free to enjoy life. I’ve gained some of my weight back, and I’m trying to feel okay in my skin. I’ve had a few people around me make comments about me eating a lot, and I try not to let it bother me but it still does. I hope I can become untriggerable too one day
For someone to make an assumption that your world is all rainbows shows how consumed people are in their own pain.
We love you in the cluster b community btw! You cover a lot of what we experience. You are truly a light.
Seeing the title was surprising to see! A lot of us can relate. Thank you for sharing with us.
This reminds me of what you said in another video about how resistance to pain causes suffering. I can see how resisting anything true can lead to suffering. I've been making progress in this area but this is a great reminder to have an acceptance attitude in more things. I've also noticed this mindset helps a lot with OCD intrusive thoughts. One thing that works for me is letting the thoughts "stay" in the corner of my mind like a little TV playing, and just tell those thoughts that I don't mind that they're there. Eventually they stop being important and fade away on their own. Fear is self-fulfilling, I like to say.
Thank so much for sharing your story!
Thank you for sharing this Ana. Very similar to my experience about reaching that rock bottom. I still remember feeling so grateful after the first "unhealthy" meal I was able to eat with peace. I intentionally fucked up my rules and "rode the wave" of discomfort. That ED voice is still there but it doesn't have nearly the same hold. Thanks for your vulnerability with us 💛
Thank you for your channel and all of your experiences and videos you share with us! Keep it up 💪🏼
Your hyper intelligent I love it I learn so much thanks ❤ also you'd be like the perfect teacher at a school
Although in DSM/ICD, you are talking about two different disorders ( ED and BDD), I think I know where you are coming from. They can overlap, and we can be too blinkered, rigid when treating patients.
I appreciate you acknowledging that many ED therapists want to neutralize body and call all diets "bad". I heard one ED therapist call Keto diet a fad diet to which I objected saying it was designed to help epileptic patients reduce seizures. Sometimes in an attempt to fight an issue we can swing too far into the other direction.
I worry i am edging along side an ed.. 😅who develops an ed at 40. but i love the idea of emotional hunger. When I was doing well. Not stressed. I ate well. No stressed with work feeling that constant „i don’t have time „ pressure. my eating is up and down. I feel properly guilty eating a slice of bread and end up eating 5. I stopped weighing daily. And often really anxious about the weight and body fat. But i also have ADHD which makes impulse control HARD. But being in a good place leaves you with so much more energy and power to be strict with yourself and if that control isn’t sapping ALL your energy then it doesn’t feel hard. Good times will be back though new job is tough but it won’t be forever or 😅 it might but I’ll deal then
Thanks for sharing. I'd love a video on the 'eating healthy' part. When my traditional eating disorder was recovered, I fell into health anxiety and fear of food for the ill health it can cause (like plastics, too much red meet, ultra processed food). That middle ground without anxiety has been, so far, extremely hard for me to achieve.
its sad to hear people are judging like that without knowing what someone is going through💜 wish you all the best💜 youre brave to talk about this💜
i got scared by that brain zaps thing tho😅 one of my meds is setralin and it has really helped me and i dont think i have get brain zaps but tics tho, before meds i almost never got tics, once when they tried to give me venlafaxin for some time it led me feel very down so i decided to trying to quit my meds all of a sudden and it didnt go well.. first i got poo accident, then fever and then when i finally ended up reading online what are the risks and i learnt that i could get seizures i got scared and then i decided to take meds to prevent that from happening and ig i took too much because the next 2 days were kinda blurry even tho i was having pretty good time and i almost end up doing stupid things but my partner managed to stop me from buying flying tickets and unnecessary expensive adult toys online but yeah😅 some kinda medically induced hypomania or something🙈 never again😂
I recently recovered from EDs in various forms for 20 years after a late ADHD diagnosis and learning a large driver was disegulation of emotions. Medication was the missing piece to help me control my emotions and therefore able to stop leaning on food as a coping mechanism.
Thanks for the video Ana ❤
This video made me realise I have had an ED for at least the last 6 years. Oh god.
Great video.
29:21 💯 Trying to not focusing on something is focusing on said thing.
Ana, do you do any meditation?
you're so pretty
This video feels so important. It seems to me you're a really good therapist because you CAN put the distance which makes me think you're a really good listener. But you're also experienced with struggle and you're able to take an empatic approach to others thanks to that.
I've been in therapy for years and i had therapist who definetly shared too much but the best therapist knew how to share just enough for the relationship to feel safe and open and a little bit more equal.
Thank you with my heart for the vulnerability, the inspiration, and the joy.
Thank you for sharing, I'm glad you're doing much better now
I know that it sounds silly but its real. Once you turn 25 your brain really done cooking and everything just makes so much sense.
Its not like you will be completely changed but its more of you had all the pieces and now they are in the right place of the puzzle!
I hope so.
this made me think about the concept of radical acceptance, It’s to the point of simply just accepting everything and letting go of the resistance when things begin to fall back into place
I have OCD so even though I don't struggle with body image issues this was helpful to watch. I'm in the thick of it and since my obsessions are very "general" literally anything can trigger me. I just let it come and consume me.. it won't kill me will it? Does still make me feel like shit though.
I currently weigh the most that I have in years (gained 10 lbs from having a hard time resisting all the sweets offered in my office) and I’m currently very insecure about it. I felt so heard when you mentioned about feeling competitive. Whenever another girl talks about how little she’s been eating (regardless of her intention) I get so triggered and start having the habit of comparing how much I’ve eaten compared to another person. I’ve been trying to lose weight in a healthy weigh by snacking on fruit instead junk food and counting calories.
Hi Ana ☺️ thank you for this video. You being so frank and transparent on your own experience feels amazing and I think for many of us makes us relate to you even more. I am wondering one thing. If the therapist that you stopped going to was not the very best fit or maybe you outgrew her or her approach? Just a thought 💭 or maybe it was acceptance as you were saying. You know best but i wondered 🙏🏻
It takes a lot for someone to put out a video of their struggle and I don’t have any type of eating disorder but whoever does, this is a great video to put out into the mass audience of UA-cam!
That’s crazy that you talk about OCD, cause I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD either, but I do have some characteristics in my personality that are like OCD.
I’ve never heard of Effexor?
You shouldn’t be worried about your weight, unless your weighing like 200 pounds, but if you’re in great shape for your height then don’t worry about it.
It seems like you eat pretty healthy as long as you’re eating a good amount of fruits and veggies!
If your full, your full, there is no reason to finish the meal.
I've had emetophobia for most of my life so I can relate.
Like, a bunch of food-related fears, anxiety and even disorder comes out when you have emetophobia.
A common situation I had to face on my teenage years is that when in public, no matter how hungry I was, I was never able to swallow food, as if I were full. Except I would be starving immediately after. To this day even with medication eating in public feels like hell sometimes.
Hitting rock bottom is exactly what I feel about my own experience and trajectory with difficult times. Once you're there, your mind is in a position where all the rubbish you might be distracted by is no longer visible, and although not everyone has the same rock bottom level, I think everyone has a threshhold at some point where you realize enough is enough, and then you head back upwards. Its not instantaneous improvment, but its a directional shift in the energy you feed, less rumination, more constructive behaviors and thoughts.