ANGER AS MEDICINE (Special topics lecture with Irene Lyon)
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- Опубліковано 11 лип 2024
- Hi folks! Been doing these special topics lectures about once a month, and this one is all about the emotion anger and its utter importance for human health and well-being.
Here are some Questions/Topics I discuss in this chat:
00:00 - Welcome and introduction
03:30 - What is anger?
13:22 - Example of early aggression and life force energy
16:11 - How does anger get stored?
16:20 - Autoimmune diseases, chronic illness, MS, ALS
17:21 - Cancer & anger
18:31 - Emotional repression
22:08 - How to work with stored aggression (and other emotions)
25:23 - How fight and flight is stored when in freeze
27:51 - Survival stress
28:27 - What is trauma and Micro-traumas
29:46 - How does this work start?
31:20 - Cancer and connection to trauma
33:13 - Research and cancer/autoimmune - Gabor Mate
33:34 - Ace study
35:43 - Epigenetics
36:51 - Can older adults heal the stored aggression?
37:47 - Following your biological impulse
41:15 - Importance of getting Angry (Edgar Cayce)
43:56 - Thyroid
45:19 - Pro-active in our healing
46:37 - Being ‘human’ and feeling anger
48:25 - Stored anger and building capacity
50:31 - Orienting and importance of it when building capacity
51:00 - How anger can come out (parenting example)
52:05 - Mindfulness
53:42 - What might come up when we start to work on healing?
54:22 - Importance of connecting to the frustration & anger when releasing
57:25 - Restoring regulation
58:28 - Afraid the anger is too big & annihilation energy
1:01:38 - Kill energy (review and importance)
1:05:20 - Titration, capacity and feeling safe when letting anger out
1:06:49 - Stretching and movement
1:12:20 - Can TRE help to heal anger?
1:13:44 - Up & Down Movement Workshop
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Resources I mention during this video:
► What is Healthy Aggression
• What is healthy aggres...
► Gabor Mate - book - When The Body Says No
drgabormate.com/book/when-the...
► The Body Keeps the Score - by Bessel van der Kolk M.D.
www.amazon.ca/s?k=Body+keeps+...
► Functional freeze explained
irenelyon.com/2020/07/12/func...
► Origins of The ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) Study:
/ origins-of-the-ace-study
► Edgar Cayce
www.edgarcayce.org/edgar-cayc...
► Zack Bush
zachbushmd.com/
► Drop In Class
irenelyon.com/drop-in-class-1
► What the heck is orienting? (and why is it so important?!)
• What the heck is orien...
► What do you do when you have unresolved trauma? Two types of orienting
• What do you do when yo...
► This is when its ok to annihilate somebody - Seth Lyon
sethlyon.com/this-is-when-its...
► Healthy Aggression: The way to un-frustrate frustration
sethlyon.com/healthy-aggressi...
► 21-Day Nervous System Tune Up
irenelyon.com/tuneup/
► There is no "exercise" that heals trauma - Seth Lyon
sethlyon.com/no-exercise-heal...
► Up & Down Movement Workshop
www.updownworkshop.com/
► Healthy Nervous System Revolution FB Group
groups/nervo...
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Thank you for being here!
1. Leave a comment and let me know how this video impacted you. Feel free to leave a question (my team answers them each week!)
2. To get more nervous system health resources, plus learn more about me and my credentials, plus the many ways you can work with me at the practical level, head to my website: irenelyon.com
3. Follow me on social here:
Instagram: / irenelyon
Facebook: / lyonirene
LinkedIn: / irenelyon
SoundCloud: / irenelyon
4. GOT QUESTIONS? Send an email to: support@irenelyon.com
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Please know that…
The statements on this UA-cam channel or in videos are simply opinion. Content presented or posted on this channel is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment or a professional therapeutic relationship. Content presented or posted is intended to provide general health information for educational purposes only and you should contact the appropriate healthcare professional before relying on any such information.
My website is a wealth of free resources and information on how to start this work, so here it is one more time: irenelyon.com
I love how you prepare people to watch your video, showing the viewer how they can pace themselves while they're watching your video. How insightful and thoughtful. How rare. Your material is so on point and so needed in this NOW moment of our Human Evolution. You're at the forefront. Thank you!
Yes, totally ☺️ Irene is a true super hero 👍
Been doing SBSM work nearly a year, now. This is the missing link, I believe, the lynchpin of missing information, among all the various healing practices that aim to restore human well-being.
Anger, I’ve slowly become aware during my healing journey, is a constant in my body. I am so. Angry. All the time, it seems. And yet, on the surface, what people have consistently said to me since my teens, is; you’re so calm! That always puzzled me, even decades before I gained any awareness of the rage simmering within. Calm? It didn’t make any sense. I wasn’t consciously aware of how terrified and angry I was, but somehow, hearing people exclaim over what a “calm” person I am,…there was this huge, baffling disconnect. On some level, I knew it was the opposite of my truth. Of course, now, finally, I realize that what they perceived was profound freeze. It was something they sensed, and was so strong an impression they probably felt somewhat unsettled by it, but not having this information that Irene teaches, they had to process it as, “wow, what a preternaturally calm person this is”.
I can sooo telate to your share about being perceived & described as so calm & calming for OTHERS
Seeing it as a learned freeze response helps. Being "calm" was the only response allowed without punishment as a child.
It became my default way of being....til the dam burst.
Now a lifetime of repressed emotions are coming forth like tsunami sometimes.
At least it's flowing!
Various outlets help me to move & release it safely in a healthy non-repressive way ... writing ... physical movement
Where you at with it now?
*typo in 1st line: relate
you are amazing!!!!! after having followed dr Levine for about one year I searched for a somatic therapist in Athens and started since last October!!! it is the most proactive, healthy, affectionate and forgiving thing I have ever done for myself❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ thank you for being so generous with your work to all the eager ears around the world ! blessings
Excuse me..?😮somatic therapist in Athens...where? You don't mean massage therapy right?
Your videos are like switching from a black and white tube TV to high definition color LCD TV.
I was raised in the 60’s and taught the credo “children are seen, not heard.”.
Thank you for putting your life changing videos on UA-cam.
This is what I know to be true. Thank you.
This is such a rich topic we should all be discussing! As a woman who tests 10 out of 10 on the ACE test, was shut down my entire life, and as an adult sought healthy peaceful communities to feel held with safety. Unfortunately, I felt more shame as i am not called to forgive and move on, which is a mantra in many communities. Your words Irene, about building safely to the annihilation energy, feels so healthy! Brilliant work!
Thank you for sharing! I can relate to the sense of shame... for anger & rage & then shame for not following the "spiritual" protocol.
Moving through the motions of being all sunshine can be a form of spiritual bypass.
ThANk YOU, Irene.
This was the most validating video I’ve experienced.
I laid down and so much energy moved through me while listening.
I’ve been incredibly disconnected from my biological impetus my whole life. Addiction, self-loathing, powerlessness… all the things.
Ayahuasca was the last straw that showed me my wounding.
I’ve been integrating and learning so much the past three months.
The deeper I go, the more “duh” it seems.
Your wisdom is helping me connect so many dots.
Shame and self-judgment are melting away.
Compassion, focus and empowerment are taking its place.
Thank you.
Thank you!
I especially connected to the definition of aggression, because I’ve always felt very disconnected from a sense of assertion and taking up space since my teen years.
This is so powerful for all of humanity to learn.
Deeply grateful for your devotion!
I agree with stretching. But then how to you release this tension in the body . How do you release the anger in a world that doesn’t understand what is normal, that doesn’t respect authenticity, common sense. I am kind of ok now with myself among people that don’t realize the lack of authenticity and respect of self and others.
Adiction is probably the ultimate self abandonment (all self regulation externalised) the most non assertive ppl
@@anneluciebrusadinsetrakian628yell as loud in a pillow or in nature. Xi earthstar academy also has a video I believe abt anger release but I haven't done it
Irene, I happened to come across your lectures. My God, you are incredible!! I love what you are teaching us. Thank you so much ❤ xxx
Anger…. Such a triggering topic. Possibly the reason i have had fibromyalgia most of my life and am a loner. Thank you Irene. I’m willing to learn about my hidden, stored anger but it scares me so much.
Hi Vere Kat, Jen here from Team Lyon. I read your post and wanted to mention that many of us are scared of our anger, and/or have other associations with it. Working with these experiences in this nervous system way often makes space for the healthy aggression to flow more freely.
Thank you for this! Im learning how to safely and healthily process anger. I do yoga and indoor walking exercises a few times per week to allow the energy to flow through my body otherwise i get so fatigued, stiff and get into crippling pain and have all sorts of body issues. However, if i do too much movement my nervous system goes into overdrive. So finding balance is key
I think this is Irene's best video on anger. Love it.
This was such a helpful and important video for me to hear right now at this moment in my journey. So grateful for all of the resources you have out there in the world. Looking forward to doing more in the future when time and resources align with the programs you have created. Thank you Irene! 🙏🏼
Excited for this one
TRE therapy has been very effective to help release trapped trauma, and suppressed emotions. But in addition to other recovery therapies like talk counseling and education w application...
Rhythmic dance.
Art therapy.
Screaming in isolation.
DBT.
CBT
Gaslighting work books.
Boundary work.
Reframe Therapy...
And so much more.
But in addition w other resources.
Thanks for addressing thos exceedingly important topic.
I've been a huge advocate of this work over 30 years and met w such resistance and abuse from society and even colleagues as a whole.
.
Incredibly helpful.. actually bought tears to my eyes in places, my whole body feeling heard probably 🙂thank you so much ❤️
As always, your videos are incredible. Thank you for the amazing work you do! 🙏🏻
Anger can be great if expressed appropriately.
Thank you for this & the resources ❤
Re: Stretches, I think there are also different kinds of stretching. Stretching via movement, stretching via force, and stretching through relaxing. I think it's important to make those distinctions as each one has a very different effect on our bodies.
wow this is so refreshing to hear that these energies to feel them can be natural, kill energy if your hurt,,noone ever tells you that to feel like you wanan rebel fight back is actually natural this is refreshing to hear so thank you, im gonan read seths post about annihilation energy
Yes , Irene , 🎉Thank you and your team and Seth for your thorough and Clear teaching and sharing ! ❤
Thank you Irene for this really important topic.
I am one of those kids you refer to who grew up in a lot of adversity, which of course creates a pattern that continues throughout life, unless and until it is acknowledged and worked with. I've been on this healing journey for some time now (about 3yrs), but only around six months at the somatic/nervous system level. It is both the most difficult and at the same time most rewarding work I have ever undertaken. I am almost 49. I'd love to get everyone doing this work, but know that each one comes to it when they are ready. I realise the only one I can change is me and so am focused on doing that. Something much bigger than all of us is taking care of everything else, I believe.
You and your team are playing a very important role in my journey and for that, I say thank you.
Thank you for sharing this information and working so hard at helping people.
Hello from Hong Kong. You're doing amazing work. Thank you thank you so much!! This makes me understand why practicing yoga left my body feeling more hurt and tired.
Thank you 🙏🏻 ❤
I feel angry all the time. A lot of it at my mother due to her not dealing with her own psychological trauma and therefore passing it onto me. But its not even just the fact that she is of that generation that didn’t have as much information as readily available - but that she has always been in denial of it, or that there was any need to seek help. She saw it as a ‘waste of time’. And therefore she has always been in denial of the damage she did to me in addition to my father. She was supposedly the perfect mother. When the reality is her behaviour created a lot of difficulty in my own life that has gone I acknowledged. She was always held up in our family (by my father and brother and me in my younger years) as being the only perfect one and on a pedestal and she has enjoyed that position and has clearly not wanted to give that up. But as I get older and things get clearer I have been getting angrier as early childhood memories keep surfacing. Anyway it’s difficult to get over. I would really be sad if my own children end up feeling this way over me, but at least I’m aware enough to acknowledge the mistakes I’ve made. And I’ve tried not to be covertly manipulative like my mother was/is because I can’t stand that trait having grown up with it. Being manipulative seems to be the M.O of the baby boomer generation. Particularly the women. And its also difficult because she’s elderly and not particularly well (partly as she has always been out of touch with her body and health and refused to make that connection or try anything natural) and so may not live much longer in which case I’ll be left with the mix of feeling bereft of the only ally I had in the family (which she had a role to play in as she did not call out my father or brother for their crappy behaviour toward me and she enjoyed being at the centre, but also anger at her arrogance and decision to remain ignorant and then guilt no doubt for simply not feeling straight forward grief and loss, just the same way I felt when my father died. I hate the fact that it won’t be straight forward like that and that I won’t be able to share that fact with anyone because then I’ll be scapegoated for it. I wish relationships were more straightforward and less full of manipulation, selfishness and betrayal.
I totally undestand you..🤗
I feel you…❤
Hi Irene. Today is April 28th, 2024. I recently found you on the networks, looking for information for the therapeutic work I am doing with my psychologist. Last year I was diagnosed with cancer. A malignant tumor of the tongue with metastasis to the lymph nodes. The post trauma disorder to what I experienced, connected me with all the events of aggression, invalidation, abuse that I have experienced since I was a child until recently, with my family, relationships, even the political and economical situation of my country (Venezuela). I was diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome years ago. Fortunately over the years I tried to manage and find some balance. Intuitively, I looked for tools to support myself: Being in nature, meditation, healthy habits, etc. Maybe that's why I'm here writing this today. I have done everything for survival, but it was not enough. All It matches what you explain. I hope I have life to be able to do the work and be able to pass the way in peace. Thanks a lot.
@marisol_6 Hello, Sophia here from Team Lyon. Thank you for your comment and sorry to hear you're navigating such a tough situation, we appreciate you sharing. We are glad you are finding value in Irene's teachings and hope you continue to do so. If you're familiar with Irene's free resources yet, here is a link to access everything, including the mini-training "Healing Trauma" irenelyon.com/free-resources/ Wishing you a smooth onward healing journey.
@@IreneLyon Thank you so much Sophia. Yes, I´ve being reading and watching Irene´s free resourses. I deeply apreciaciate all the kowledge she shares. And your words too.
I wish you healing and strentgh. This is really hard. But you can do it🙏
@@adapv9584 💜🙏🏻
I was present at the birth of my son the thing that strucked me the most was how sober his stare was, right after birth he was looking around carefully like an alien or a spy from another world. He was able even to defend himself against a hug from unknown creature - me.
Surprising how complex anger and annihilation can be. As a little child, and without recognizing or realizing, but tacitly experiencing, those were so generalized as to encompass even myself. The ambivalence of a confusing environment doesn't allow for definition or specifics, just for a generalized impression of chaos, anger, and alarm until one can get their bearings, which doesn't happen on its own.
timothy bollenbaugh, I really appreciated how clearly you articulated and captured the experience and impact of growing up in a confusion environment. Well said. - Jen from Team Lyon
Thank you ♥️
I’m lovin your videos & soaking it all up!! Thank you!!
I wrote this at another time, from my experience, on the subject:
Anger can be complicated; like they say, it often is a secondary feeling, a defense against more vulnerable feelings that come with the experience of being powerless, especially as children, especially with abuse.
To be healthy, it's necessary to be able to express anger, as a healthy reaction to boundary crossings, of ourselves or others. My ability to express anger was completely destroyed in me, from being violently abused as a young child, and the natural expression of anger to that violation was met with immediate, consistent violent response. So, I became passive externally, but internally was full of pain and rage.
In my 20s, after nearly dying of self starvation, but before doing too much damage to anyone else, I found a body oriented therapy (Primal) that allowed me to begin to process that pain load. Not by "getting out the pain", or deliberately "moving the pain", but by allowing the body/emotional body to bring to the surface the specific pain I was ready to spontaneously feel and process through, without any controlling, directing involved, except maybe to start, as a catalyst to connect and start the feeling flowing by it's own energy.
23:14 (controlled, directed anger release)
I found there was a big difference between the anger that's expressed in a more controlled, self directed way, from my adult self, and the anger that comes as a result of a full body connection with the (inner child) feelings of powerlessness inherent in the experience of abuse, any boundary violations. So when the more vulnerable feelings of abuse are allowed to be felt, stayed with and not deflected from, there is often grief there beneath the anger.
But there can also be a completely 'spontaneous combustion' experience that is pure anger or rage as it would have been expressed when I was 3 or 4 years old, in the vocabulary of myself at that age (a 'primal'). That's very different than staying in my adult self and hitting a mattress with a bat, for example (23:14), in which the underlying more vulnerable feelings are avoided, and that pure cosmic inner child anger/rage doesn't have a chance to be fully connected with and allowed to flow to resolution (unless there is a complete letting go of control in the midst of the feeling).
The expression of adult anger/rage can definitely be preferable to stuffing it (or acting it out on others), and may be exactly what is needed to feel a sense of taking back power that was taken when we were children. But there is also a kind of deeper relief (in my experience) that the more vulnerable way to connect with underlying feelings can (which may include real anger/rage), if or when a person is ready to go there, to drop into the level beneath the control.
Reconnecting, 're associating' (from dissociating) on a deep level with all my feelings, especially my spontaneous anger and rage has been a process of getting back, reclaiming my soul/spirit/real self that was lost from the pain overload.
Practically speaking, a soundproof, or semi soundproof space is helpful, maybe necessary, to feel safe enough to allow whatever sounds might need to happen spontaneously without worrying about disturbing the neighbors. Some people use their cars with the windows rolled up, but you won't have the freedom of movement that is best, but still better than stuffing. I have a minivan with a foam pad bed in the back, as well as a somewhat safe space in my apartment. I've processed a vast amount of pain over the years, because I was carrying a vast amount.
I accessed this feeling experience, to 'primal', originally in Primal Therapy. But once the process opened up in me was able to process on my own, alone, in a safe setting, with some support in my life from another primaler, ahead of me in the process. Other trauma experiences (like birth trauma) can be processed as well, as they arise to be felt and processed through.
*******
The other video of Irene's I saw on anger release, demonstrating someone squeezing someone's arm, was probably good for someone who is really terrified of their real, raw anger, and needs a very tame, safe way to begin to start to access their anger. But it really falls short of what is needed for a real, effective release (like I described above).
Physically metabolizing stress is no joke. My cousin’s babysitter scared her playing around when she was seven years old laying down on a couch and she fainted sent to hospital. She was a happy healthy normal girl but when she woke up her tongue muscle had nerve damage from the shock of how the babysitter scared her and she never recuperated. She couldn’t talk properly for the rest of her life. When she tries to talk she sounds like when a mute person tries to talk. This is an extreme case but there’s micro stresses that can build up over time and they slowly metabolize in our organs.
Fenomenalno! Hvala
This is such valuable teaching - I will tell everyone I know (who will listen) about you. Many thanks.
Great to hear you found this valuable Sodham G'morris. Thanks for spreading the word! Jen from Team Lyon.
thank you, Irene, i appreciate your video so much. i have all those books, and enjoyed them immensely.
This was so good. Resonated deeply. Thank you for your honesty. ❤
Thank you Irene
Thank you.💛
Brilliant 🙏
A young animal is always doing exactly what it's biology needs to develop properly. From the outside we don't understand what's developing usually.
Interacting with developing animals I always let the living beings do what their biology tells them, but I follow along, describing what they are doing. Oh is that a flower, are you seeing flowers, nice your picking flowers, your done with that flower, ok, oh you want to walk ok, we're walking.. no force, describe what's happening, then clarity and communication, connection can happen.
My grandparents used to live to be 120 before Europeans invaded. The wisdom of the elders who knew people from 7 generations was immensely deep. Time with my elders has been stolen, half my life has been stolen, there is nothing your dominant culture can do to make up for the horror you visit upon the native people.
Return what's not yours or you will never heal.
Love this
„Be angry but sin not“ Psalms 4:4
:) Thanks Irene for your content! It is soooo helpful and much appreciated on my end! Please keep it up :)
This is amazing !!!
You have brilliantly presented so much in such a short time! Seemingly unrelated events in my past are connected in literally an UNFORGETTABLE way, things that affected me & that I observed happening to others that followed us over our lifetimes.
I’ve been running a prolonged thought experiment about the highly-developed [essential?] emotional capacities, beginning w/ empathy, that humans had to refine to survive in the wild in small, self-sufficient bands - this over hundreds of thousands of years before the Holocene & plantation agriculture, as our brains completed their growth via evolution, w/ the addition of new executive & analytical brain regions/functions.
One hypothesis that occurs to me, oversimplified, is that, for the new functions (hardware) to work in harmony w/ our ‘legacy’ hardware for survival, existing emotional software/firmware had to evolve/develop to harmonize, sync, align these radically different structures to ensure survival. What developed originally as emotions that fostered individual survival may have grown to serve humans’ social survival as nomadic hunter-gatherers.
Example: Confusion may have originated as a Paleolithic survival emotion, eg, the quick-acting legacy brain translates cues too subtle & urgent for time-consuming analysis into prompt life-saving action (the hunter jerks around w/ his spear just in time to see a puma pouncing from a limb).
In the social context, one tribal elder may begin to get similarly subtle cues of growing resource constraints. The resulting confusion leads the tribe to a quicker realization that a wandering tribe is a threat to their resources. Because they have time, they use their slower, but more deeply analytical new brain functions to decide how to survive this resource threat (their social options including more complex versions of ‘fight/flee/freeze).
I started w/ tribes’ necessary high-level devt of emotions & empathy, based on the hypothesis (scientists are brilliant, so I’m assuming they can make it falsifiable) that, since the transition to agriculture, non-indigenous humans have tended to lose most of these capacities, esp. on a social level.
The restoration of these qualities & skills may be needed to give our societies the ability to make the changes need to survive the climate crisis: there are angry competent people qualified to make progress on acidifying oceans & global heating if their anger is recognized.
The well-developed social studies curriculums that existed in many well-funded US public school systems mid-20th century need to be restored, so that we once again treat students as citizens, rather than consumers. Such a curriculum begins with the individual in pre-K to 1st grade, the perfect place to begin learning & recognizing emotions and practicing empathy as a predicate for everything to follow.
So good :)
Thank you Irene for your wisdom, I have learned so much from you, especially as you illustrate the learning points so beautifully.
I so appreciated this lesson, learned a lot, specially the letting the killer out, I always feel such relieve only to feel guilty afterwoods aswell, now i know that that is not needed then I will let it out, ofcourse not in real(although I want to lol)
I also notice when some physical pain or so comes up and I ask what it needs or want to say that it actually begins to talk, but I also notice that I sometimes all of a sudden start to vomit and then ifeel relieve afterwoods, does that mean that the emotion comes out with that ?
Thank you so much Irene for all you do and you always come right on time, that is so wonderful!!
Hi there, they way to know if emotion is moving through is if you feel an emotion. Sometimes we also release/integrate survival energies by feeling sensation without emotion being present.
If you are vomiting repeatedly, it might be worth seeing if you can titrate your experience a little bit. Doing Irene's starter nervous system program "The 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up" and or working 1-1 with a trained nervous system practitioner might also be worth considering. Can't have enough support on this path! - Jen from Team Lyon
irenelyon.com/2020/04/26/titration-explained-never-rush-trauma-healing/
21daytuneup.com
Not sure how to work with anger explosions… adds up, with so much unfairness, sadness and loneliness, isolation…. Sometimes hopelessness sinks in with anger, shame, disgust… never comes to an end… it keeps coming back still very strong. How to be in such an unfair, apathatic world, and be ok with it… I don’t know how this can happen.
Hi Irene and team,
I completely understand and agree about how we've been conditioned to suppress and be chronically stressed etc...and I'm comfortable letting out gas for example when I'm home or around familiar people but I can't imagine doing it in the school transportation car I drive with students in the car. I get what you're saying but you make it sound a little too simple. People can't just fart etc wherever they are lol. Help me with this please. Thanks!
Hi Erin M, Jen here from Team Lyon. I hear you on this one. We can actually fart wherever we are and some people do so. If you're interested in exploring this, you might start with your close friends and go from there. It's also a personal choice, and being in relationship with your body and physiology is the key here. For example, if you choose not to fart in public, you might let your biology know that you're listening and will make some space to let it out as soon as you can!
Thanks!
Mindfulness slows people down...thats why it only helps at an initial point... Collect yourself at center then resume movement& action. Do not stay in now or mindfulness- u get stuck in now.
I think we can get the relationship between anger and disease, but the question about “fault” is an important one. Just because someone participated in creating an illness doesn’t mean they are at “fault.” Not everything is in our control but I do appreciate the fact that many things are. I just think blaming ourselves holds a different energy than self responsibility
Hi DeeAnn Macomson, Jen here from Team Lyon. I'm not sure how Irene worded it in this video and what you wrote is in line with how I hear her teach - that what happens to us is not our fault, and we can take responsibility as adults to take steps towards healing (which also isn't saying that it's easy to do so!).
I recently discovered this work and am so grateful to have access to this information. Thank you! 🙏
Do you (or can anyone here) recommend a network of therapists or practitioners I could seek out for couple’s therapy? Do you personally offer therapy of this sort? Just thought it was worth asking. Would love to work with someone who holds this knowledge. Thanks in advance for your time!
Hi katerss, Jen here from Irene's Team. Great to hear that Irene's teachings have been of interest. Irene doesn't do 1-1 work these days, a number of us on Team Lyon work with individuals and a few may also work with couples. I'll link to info about the Team here. I'll also link to the Somatic Experiencing practitioner directory where you could search for practitioners who specialize in couples work. You might also be interested in a vlog Irene also created where she discussions factors to consider when choosing a practitioner. I'll share that as well.
irenelyon.com/meet-the-team-3/
directory.traumahealing.org
ua-cam.com/video/04XF7ANnqGk/v-deo.html
Team Lyon Thank you so much for taking the time to provide this information! So appreciative of your reply - looking forward to learning and evolving. ❤️🙏
All I hear is being a mom is making me sick. (16:40 in). Whoever I am is so flipping buried and angry, I want to run away every day (however I definitely have screaming attacking bursts at my children ). Maybe part of why I put on 50lbs on carnivore and can’t lose a pound(also 20 previous weight loss journeys and uterine cancer this year, which I was super placid about because I’ve always expected to get it). …will continue listening now that I vented a little.
Thank you for your work. It's changing my life. I have a history of trauma that I wasn't aware of until my oldest turned 2.5... The age my trauma started.
2 years later I'm still learning as much as I can about my own healing journey, but I now have a 2 year old son and my daughter is 4. Even today, my son pulled my hair and hit me when I was bringing him back inside after he ran out the front door alone.
All the research I'm doing says what not to do with kids' big emotions, but what options do I have? Life happens and healing trauma while raising little ones is a lot to juggle. I can't always make a game out of his aggression.
I also think I know where his trapped trauma is already... For example, an extremely fast birth where he came out with a bruised face.
Can I help him release it now? Or does he have to be a lot older?
Hi Angela, Seth here from Team Lyon. Yes, it's definitely true that we can't spend all our time helping our kids with their stuff, what matters is that we do our best. If you are taking time and space here and there the best you can to help him find ways to express his aggression that is fantastic. Also, honoring his authenticity is very important as much as possible. If your son is two and able to hold still for at least 5 minutes or so he could likely benefit from the Touch Work of Kathy Kain, but you can also help with this. Try, when he's going to bed at night, or even when he is already asleep, spending 5 minutes or so with your hand on his back at the level of the kidneys - send them the intention of 'shhhh, there there, it's alright little one'. This will communicate to his kidney/adrenal system that it might be ok to let go of some of that activation.
Cranio Sacral Therapy could also be a wonderful option for both of you. All the best.
@@teamlyon3109 thank you!
Thank you for this question and the reply. Helpful for me too 💖 you’re doing great awesome mama
Fabulous, I'm now looking for the freeze function video you mentioned. There's So much I can relate to from this, thank you. I'd also love to know more about the up and down movement class and if you still do online? This sounds similar to a project I created in 2020 called "move with your inner child" movement and feel. I was no where near where I am.now my ANS and yet I was doing the right thing. Thank you Irene, I'm in love with you and.peter Levine, I wish I'd known about you years ago, and grateful I do now 😊
So hard. Im sick right now and I feel like I can t control anger. I need it more than ever to come out. Contained does nt relieve me. The only relief is sadly a lot of times “too violent”
This was incredible, thank you! I think anger is starting to become my favourite topic because I am sensing more and more how much (healthy) power is hidden behind it.
I have a question. You were talking about building capacity to get anger out and getting to that place where it will come out directly, without hesitation and questioning. How do I know that it will not come out in an aggressive/ harmful way in that case? Or, the idea is that if we build capacity we will end up releasing the anger in a healthy way because it will be contained, we will be present with it?
Hi Andrea C, Jen here from Team Lyon. It's great to hear that you're sensing more and more how much healthy power is hidden behind anger. It can be a life changer for sure.
As to your question, what you said is accurate - the more we grow capacity and regulation, we have a bigger container AND there's usually less charge and more access to the strength and power that are released as we practice expressing aggression in healthy ways. And, it can also be helpful to give ourselves space to express the healthy expression outside of relationship too (or in relationship with a practitioner or person in our lives who "gets" this work and can be supportive) where we can move, push, make sound, etc.
“It takes two to Tango…” Anger not heard is lost & your emotional capacity does not grow. You want emotional capacity to grow for everyone, narcissists excepted by definition. Therefore, you’ll want to recognize healthy anger in others by empathizing w/ them (so the benefit of that asset is not lost to society). Mirroring back that righteous anger to the person can greatly increase the chances they will feel heard. Call it the golden rule of emotions - positive emotion expressed, empathy received.
27:35 this was very interesting when I had learned about it because I enjoy, relaxing/gentle modalities of massage where I feel most people like really hard pressure styles and spanning back to my late teens, despite being pretty skinny whenever I’m receiving a “shoulder” (To be precise, I’m actually referring to the upper trapezius )massage, or even somebody would perform a gentle kind of reassuring squeeze of the shoulder. There would be this immediate response along the lines of being very stressed and the amount of tension in my shoulders or tightness. And I found it interesting that even though I didn’t particularly focus on back when lifting weights, and by no means, was I able to achieve one of those muscular bodies I would say more like just lean that I was gifted with naturally muscular trapezius! I have aphantasia and it’s co-occurring deficiency and auto biographical memory and so I feel I’ve been dealt a pretty crappy hand mental health wise, because how does one process, especially early life traumas which they don’t recollect or have a snapshot image have something happening but other than that no idea how long how many times is so in it so forth. I do have a lot of self compassion. I do meet myself with a lot of self praise, as well as astonishment by which I’ve been able to accomplish professionally, and that which should be able to help others. But unfortunately, I was naïve to social norms surrounding being a person of color and the rules by which people of color must follow in the workplace, and this has been met with catastrophic results. Without the knowledge, nor noticing the pattern, when there was recurrent negligence and dismissal, or even validation of the staff member assumption over scientific fact, checking, resulted in recurrent adverse preventable events with patients there’s only so much Can take before the cumulative boundaries by which are not only being violated of the practitioner, but of the patients is going to boil over. And unfortunately, the structures aren’t looking at due process or abiding by the policies within the organization. It’s governed by the internal, colonial mindset normative values, and therefore the individual who erupted in anger due to recurrent preventable patient harm not being addressed, and even validating to continue negligence, was met with expelling the physician and retaining the individual engaging in neglectful practice. It’s a type of betrayal trauma that has fundamentally changed me because it came at the end of years of bullying and eventual, mobbing and mental health providers who are not familiar with the social psychology of how exactly bullying and mobbing occur and it’s largely subconscious directed actions of the group and the mechanisms Have an extremely high risk of further traumatization of the patient because of the events that are being recalled are so mind-boggling, seemingly impossible that the diagnostic algorithm will take the mental health provider into a completely erroneous route effectively gaslighting the patient as the workplace and these so-called trauma informed providers even with a doctorate. What I found interesting about that was the therapist one point saying that I feel that she tried the Kool-Aid like the rest. And the irony that she is employed by the organization, which is inflicting the trauma, and therefore subconsciously, she is part of that tribe and therefore it’s a conflict of interest which I think explains a lot of the very odd responses by which, through content creators with mental health, expertise and knowledge, cared such as yourself have illustrated what approaches a person with trauma need what approaches you want to avoid and paradoxically, noticing the avoid approaches where the approaches that I was presented. So surprised that I’ve now found myself in the most profound can’t give a shit state of life ever. I accomplished my goals that I had set out. I’m so proud of myself for doing it. I grieved the loss of hitting that peak and not being able to actually experience it, but as Jung States, life is suffering. And one can only have so much resilience. And beyond that, it’s just the most bizarre thing to have a collective psychologically abusive approach to a healer who exceeds the metrics by the university is aiming for embodies it vision all because that individual was so oblivious to, his skin color and having to adjust expectations and communications accordingly. And the whole well why should you is one of those things that I feel despite race, all women are familiar with is that at this point in our society that’s where things are at it’s not fair it sucks we can have discussions about it but it’s the current and only hope that in the future equalitywill be closer and closer
28:56 woooow!! My parents used to get in some pretty intense arguments, and I remember telling them to just get divorced and wishing that they would get divorced! Sadly, it’s only after four decades did I realize that I’ve never had a conversation with my dad, in fact, my dad is unable to have conversations in the normal sense, he half listens to whatever is being said, and then responds to whatever comes up in his mind About whatever peace he picks up on in the conversation so I imagine much of these arguments that would occur were rooted in the fact that she’s married to this man who is literally incapable of taking information and and only engages on what he wants to put out. And my dad is completely docile such a sweet nőies Passionate about humanity so and so forth but sadly is incapable of a very important aspect of humanism that being the ability to listen and respond rather than merely hearing
The words that got me: "This level of work (with kill or annihilation energy) is not about vengeance... it's about COMPLETION."
Boom. Hit me right in the chest.
YES
What about self-hatred? Should i work with this anger the same way like with the anger from a dog's bite for example?
Drom Dart, Jen here from Team Lyon. As you may be aware, we aren't born hating ourselves - experiences of self-hatred are often anger (what we call healthy aggression in this work) that we direct towards ourselves because it wasn't safe to direct this anger externally. So it's important to ensure that we direct the anger outwards as we explore it. And yes, with this in mind one way to work with this anger would be in a similar way to you might explore the anger related to a dog's bite.
@@IreneLyon hmmmm I see. Then do self-disgust works the same way?
@@dromdart3563 - Seth here with Team Lyon. Yes indeed. Self-disgust is essentially internalized aggression, and resolving it often will include allowing ourselves to really feel that disgust but to project it outward through affect, sound, etc.. And the affect (facial expression) of disgust is an easy bridge to rage, which is ultimately about protecting ourselves from the words, blows, energy, etc.. that came at us, which formed the self-disgust in the first place, but which we were unable to protect ourselves from at the time. Irene made a video about this... ua-cam.com/video/2KlV1zD5asw/v-deo.html
@@IreneLyon i see thank you. What about overhelm. When I work with fight-flight responses next is overhelm. that's coming out. Is that overhelm only part of the old and big one? And why does it "contain" within itself so much unrealistic scenerys?
@@dromdart3563, when you're feeling the aggression and/or disgust, and then go into overwhelm, it's usually a sign that we need to titrate more and may need to grow capacity to hold our experience. I'll link to a few related resources.
4 Simple Steps to Calm Overwhelm - irenelyon.com/4-steps-to-calm-overwhelm/
Titration: Why it's important in healing Trauma - irenelyon.com/2021/10/17/titration-why-its-important-when-healing-trauma/
I never even feel anger. I feel sadness very easily. How can I start feeling angry?
Catherine Shepard, this is very common, especially for those of us with a history that includes early developmental trauma (EDT). Taking steps to grow nervous system capacity and how to be with the feelings that do arise in a nervous system informed way usually shifts this over time. Along the way, it's important to make space for the sadness, and whatever else may arise (we don't want to force the anger to show up). - Jen from Team Lyon
That was me as a teen and in my 20s
Work with a therapist I suggest
Thank you Irene and all very much. Most appreciative of the feedback.
Personally it's a bad example for me. Having been abused by mothers and sisters who scapegoat me and point me out as some threat they can must all attack. Do I need to point out that I was probably sitting quietly and reading a book when these events occur. I just wish the motherhood instinct could be used less.
That’s really understandable. It’s hard cause certain metaphors can be difficult to imagine from our own traumas and such. Perhaps you can imagine it in a different context. Or maybe even seeing that as an example of positive motherhood/sisterhood or even femininity in general
@@xdinoify - I’m confused… Kahlo Diego seems to describe the negative, destructive anger of narcissists. How is that relevant to preserving the power of positive anger for the person presenting it? Kahlo needs empathy for the great suffering, and betrayal she experienced at the hands of a parent who she was most entitled to trust.
But maybe I’m not understanding - Is Kahlo asking about the difficulty of expressing their own anger (which would be facilitated by the listener recognizing them about the inexcusable nature of their suffering)?
@@xdinoify - I’m confused… Kahlo Diego seems to describe the negative, destructive anger of narcissists. How is that relevant to preserving the power of positive anger for the person presenting it? Kahlo needs empathy for the great suffering, and betrayal she experienced at the hands of a parent who she was most entitled to trust.
But maybe I’m not understanding - Is Kahlo asking about the difficulty of expressing their own anger (which would be facilitated them about the inexcusable nature of their suffering)?
When I remember how my mother treated me I do feel like i want to hurt her badly, and when i met her again at 29 i let her have it but I was alcoholic by then, sisters saw her ongoing but i wouldn't go near her, she was poison!
Hi Irene! Id love to read Seths articule but the website says "Host Error" 😢
Hei irene 🙏 what about the emotions that became anger? As i understand anger comes from ex feeling powerless, having no control.. Greets from Denmark 🌟
Thanks anyway.🤪
I bet you hear this a lot, but I'm gonna add to them: "I wish you were my mom..." :) :))
oh yeah, constantly wanting to kill my torturers. going through the murderous constant anger while cycling the constant trauma due to 5 years of physical and mental torture by a gang.
comes fairly quickly when triggered, and sadly almost everything triggers me. its straight up almost unbearable to even take a walk with the no stop flood.
instinctively - the bear would protect / react to the threat
Hi! Sometimes. I really need to scream but I can't because my neighbours would hear. I live in an apartment and I don't have any where to go like a big forest either. I 've tride screaming in a pillow but I could hear it loud anyway. What do I do? Any suggestions?
What about an empty parking lot in your car such as a park if there are not any people there or houses too close to it. Actually, if there are a lot of children at the park and you scream inside your car, most likely no one will even notice. Maybe someone else can give their opinion on this I don’t want the police being called out to save you when you don’t really need them. I’m just saying that I have done it with loud rock music blasting. However, in my neighborhood screaming happens often and no one calls it in. Unfortunately, there were times they were needed. Wishing you the best. God Bless🙏Praying for your healing 🙏
If you live near a karate studio, I am sure that if talk to the owner, explain why you need to scream for healing, they would allow you to go in and do some screaming. You might feel a bit embarrassed asking but it will be worth it. Just trying to think outside the box to help you.
Wow you are so beautiful! Live your smile 😊
She is pretty yes. I sent my sister one of her videos and she watched it and then listed her thoughts and #1 was "she's really pretty."
Not sure I would call the Instinctual protective posture of Wild Animals like a Mama Bear could be translated into Anger?? Certainly they wouldn't know they were Angry unless a Human told them that's what they were.
Hi Sheldon Sugar, Jen here from Team Lyon. Not sure if you're heard the expression and it's pretty common to use the term "Mama Bear" to refer to the experience of a strong, protective mother the way a mother bear will protect it's cubs. I understand to be saying that access to this fierce, protective energy in humans is grown and strengthened by working with our healthy aggression (and anger is one expression of this). Hope this helps to clarify.
@@teamlyon3109 It was perfectly clear to me but possibly not to the Mama Bear.
I like you.
I don’t think it’s google parents and people want to take the easy coward victim way out
You say that most cancers come from not taking good care of ourselves. How come great psychotherapists who clearly are good at self-care and processing emotions still get it? Is there a research that actually shows a strong corellation with emotinal regulation skills and developing cancer?
Hi Sabina Khachaturyan, if you're interested in this topic, you might read "When the Body Says No" by Gabor Mate. His views and teachings tend to be aligned with Irene's Here's a link if you'd like to learn more.
When the Body Says No - drgabormate.com/book/when-the-body-says-no/
- Jen from Team Lyon
She would just go into acction