Q&A Chat with Irene Lyon on Healthy Aggression and The Emotion Anger
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- Опубліковано 2 сер 2024
- Hi folks! Thanks for being here and watching the Q&A live chat. Some of the Articles and Vlogs I mention are related to Anger, and some related to Nervous System healing.
Resources I mention during this video:
► The real deal on fear. And, why we’ve become masters at avoiding it
irenelyon.com/2015/11/27/the-r...
► Feeling angry?
irenelyon.com/2015/04/01/feeli...
► That which makes us angry… we share.
irenelyon.com/2017/06/14/make...
► Anger Is Essential || Education EPISODE || with Irene Lyon
• Anger Is Essential || ...
► How to work with anger in a healthy way || EDUCATION + DEMO
• How to work with anger...
► Anger As Medicine || why anger is healing || Irene Lyon
• Anger As Medicine || w...
► The ACE Study. Connections with Psychological Trauma & Physical Illness
• The ACE Study. Connect...
► Gratitude & love aren't enough || An educated rant on feeling the dark side || with Irene Lyon
• Gratitude & love aren'...
► 9 Common Human Experiences That Can Be Traumatic (but are often seen as not)
irenelyon.com/2019/01/15/9-co...
► The importance of titrating trauma release
• The importance of titr...
► On Healing Toxic Shame
irenelyon.com/2019/07/15/on-h...
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Thank you for being here!
1. Leave a comment and let me know how this video impacted you. Feel free to leave a question (my team answers them each week!)
2. To get more nervous system health resources, plus learn more about me and my credentials, plus the many ways you can work with me at the practical level, head to my website: irenelyon.com
3. Follow me on social here:
Instagram: / irenelyon
Facebook: / lyonirene
LinkedIn: / irenelyon
SoundCloud: / irenelyon
4. GOT QUESTIONS? Send an email to: support@irenelyon.com
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Please know that…
The statements on this UA-cam channel or in videos are simply opinion. Content presented or posted on this channel is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment or a professional therapeutic relationship. Content presented or posted is intended to provide general health information for educational purposes only and you should contact the appropriate healthcare professional before relying on any such information.
My website is a wealth of free resources and information on how to start this work, so here it is one more time: irenelyon.com
Thank You for the work You do and the insights You share...for some one who's learning to dance with anger this is so very helpful. 🙏
Excellent teaching and thorough! Thank you SO much!❤
Babies ; toddlers ; and young children are often treated rejectingly - and when treated abusively or hatefully - this response of their caregivers , teaches violence ; abuse and stimulates growing feelings of rage - which lead to violence and criminality .
I am going out on a limb here - but like you , I believe our mammalian drive for communion and attachment is a base of rapport and empathy - when our caregivers can feel welcoming and wise in our ability to respond to our babies and young ones !! ❤
I wish I had known this. It would be really great if there were parenting coaching on how to healthily bring up a baby, toddler.
"...18 nervous systems here..."😂😂
Great stuff! Missed it live but will try to catch the next one. Thanks Irene!
Thank you so much for this Q&A... I couldn't listen to it live but I am so glad I was able to watch it... learned so much and this is what I have been working on with in my studies as a life coach and will pass the information on to some close to me that I know are struggling with it
So great to see you are exploring things from this angle.
Thanks for watching and for passing the information on Amy!
If you're after any free resources, here are a few...
irenelyon.com/free-resources/
All the best in your process.
Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator
Thanks Irene for this amazing information!
Thanks for watching!
Thank you Irene
Thank you for always watching Rachel!
Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator
I am grateful for the work you do! Thank you .
I have being watching your videos for a while and I struggle to find some guidance to my question, so I thought I would give it a try and post it here.
How would one begin to heal when experiencing hate and resentment towards themselves, and the people who caused the pain these being the parents, which makes it more difficult for so many reasons.
When even sensing feet on the ground and orienting becomes difficult due to the anger stored for decades which has now manifested into intense resentment, hate, anger, disgust, frustration.
Does this have much to do with letting go of the past and forgiving? Such a dark place…
I appreciate your response.
Thank you ☺️
Hello, Sophia from Team Lyon here. Thank you for your share and sorry to hear you may be navigating a challenging situation. Here is a recent video snippet of Irene and Seth talking about healing: ua-cam.com/video/DAkFzkXqFHk/v-deo.html . Here is another video about disgust: ua-cam.com/video/gKi7_rzlbBs/v-deo.html and anger: ua-cam.com/video/3PyydXbP4tA/v-deo.html . You can type any keyword you're interested in the chanel home's search bar and you will find more relevant material to watch, if you feel inclined.
What Irene teaches is around working with and befriending your own nervous system. She offers some great free resources and a mini-training that I highly recommend: irenelyon.com/free-resources/ I hope this helps
I remember the one time I try to spank my daughter, as soon as I put my hand on her I felt so disgusting, then I thought how could my parents do this, now I know how deregulated and the trauma that they were functioning from, and pass on to their children.
Arlene thank you so much for all of your offerings the knowledge and education it is invaluable.
I am from Croatia, how to start doing with freez mode?
"suppress, even the happiness" wauw...ouch
this might seem a weird question, but is it possible that feelings of love can feel like anger and disgust for some people? i was so confused in a bpd relationship bc the more gentle, understanding and loving i have been to them, the more bpd rage it seem to trigger and went on to abuse, punishment and temper tantrums as a reaction.
Not a weird question at all.
Our brains are very interesting - and associating feelings of love with anger and disgust is totally possible.
We call this over-coupling.
The key is to tease them apart - some support in this might be helpful as it's not an easy process! It can be like untangling a knotted ball of yarn.
Let me know if you have more questions about this Diana.
Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator
Would you plz post again the links that were shared in the comments during the live broadcast related to Irene's articles ? Thanking you in advance
See above Jackie
@@IreneLyon Nothing appears from the previous comments (during live video), only new comments
@@Jackie_YG All the links that Irene mentioned are in the "Show More" Section right under the video title.
If the one you're looking for is not there, please let us know!
Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator
Question,
going from being a shut down, passive, people pleasing, silent, frozen, not taking up space, child.. to an adult that has explosive disconnected anger, and still has trouble setting boundaries, and some people pleasing tendencies,
how does one tap into the anger I should have felt as a child? I can recall plenty of things that should have made me angry, but because I was repressed (or still am) but I just feel sad when thinking about my inner child in those situations. I can get angry when things happen now, but a lot of it is rage, I am working on connecting to my anger in the present day, but still lost as to how to tap into the old anger.
Also, would you consider addressing in one of your coming videos, how to learn to play, for people who grew up parenting their parents, or who were not safe to play as children?
Thank you so much for the work that you do.
Hi Clara Maccaro, Jen here from Irene's team. The anger you experience now as an adult is connected to the anger you didn't have the opportunity to express as a child. By working with the anger - what we call healthy aggression - now, you help to heal your childhood experiences too.
It's also important to note that sometimes when we slow down and feel things in detail/move towards feeling things with presence and awareness, we find that there may be other layers such as grief or fear "in front of" the healthy aggression. In this case we may need to build capacity before working with the healthy aggression. I'll link to some of Irene's related resources as well as to an article by her husband and colleague, Seth Lyon in case you want to learn more. And I'll pass your request along to Irene too.
Healthy Aggression: The way to Un-frustrate Frustration - sethlyon.com/healthy-aggression-the-way-to-un-frustrate-frustration/
What is healthy aggression? - irenelyon.com/tag/healthy-aggression/
Thank you again so much for your wisdom! :) I listened to 15 minutes and had to stop. My baby is 6 months old and she is grabbing EVRRYTHING. My hair, my husbands beard, she is srcathing and biting. I dont feel pain when she does this, but thought that it is not okay to teach her to pull peoples hair. So I asked my therapist about this. She said that I can make a sad face when my baby pulls my hair, so she learns that she can hurt. But is this too making her to shut down her life force?
Hi Päivi,
Nicole here from Team Lyon.
I would say that making a sad face would still keep you socially engaged with her, plus you are teaching her in a healthy way that her actions are creating pain. This is important! This is how we learn what's right/wrong.
I suggest checking out this video on shame as it might have some helpful pieces in it relative to this - ua-cam.com/video/TOMCmr3MFyc/v-deo.html
I mention a lot of resources in this Q&A - here are some of the Articles and Vlogs that are related to Anger, and some related to Nervous System healing.
The real deal on fear. And, why we’ve become masters at avoiding it
irenelyon.com/2015/11/27/the-real-deal-on-fear-and-why-weve-become-masters-at-avoiding-it/
Feeling angry?
irenelyon.com/2015/04/01/feeling-angry/
That which makes us angry… we share.
irenelyon.com/2017/06/14/makes-us-angry-share/
Anger Is Essential || Education EPISODE || with Irene Lyon
ua-cam.com/video/CUDlnH4sZIY/v-deo.html
How to work with anger in a healthy way || EDUCATION + DEMO
ua-cam.com/video/4wdeBJ39Cuw/v-deo.html
Anger As Medicine || why anger is healing || Irene Lyon
ua-cam.com/video/xNrIf4rb4TY/v-deo.html
The ACE Study. Connections with Psychological Trauma & Physical Illness
ua-cam.com/video/XljF770X1Mg/v-deo.html
Gratitude & love aren't enough || An educated rant on feeling the dark side || with Irene Lyon
ua-cam.com/video/kkJ3JvS4VGs/v-deo.html
9 Common Human Experiences That Can Be Traumatic (but are often seen as not)
irenelyon.com/2019/01/15/9-common-human-experiences-that-can-be-traumatic-but-are-often-seen-as-not/
The importance of titrating trauma release
ua-cam.com/video/EdWtz8H0WK8/v-deo.html
On Healing Toxic Shame
irenelyon.com/2019/07/15/on-healing-toxic-shame/
Have you done a video on Cervical Dystonia?
She hasn't Letty.
Did you have a specific question?
Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator
Neutologist are telling me I have cervical dystonia and blepharospasm. The only thing available for that is Botox injections to paralyze the muscles. I have a feeling that I’m stuck in fight or flight response.
@@lettyperez8845 Listen to that feeling! Because there are way more options to help you move out of that! When our system is stuck in fight/flight - or in a self protecting response, believing that danger is still happening, it can lead to all kinds of interesting symptoms.
Here are some free resources that might be helpful - irenelyon.com/free-resources/
I also recommend checking out the 21 day Program. irenelyon.com/tuneup/
Some one on one support with someone trained in Somatic Experiencing, and hopefully also Somatic Practice (Kathy Kain's work) might be super helpful as well.
Where do you live? Hopefully there's a practitioner near you 🤞🏼
Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator
@Irene Lyon, thank you, I just received this reply from you. I live in Hacienda Heights.
After years of sleep deprivation it’s impossible to tell what is stored anger and what is irritable exhaustion. The exhausted mind cannot deal with this stuff, but then you’re told that you won’t be able to relax until you release whatever stored stress is causing the sleep deprivation. It’s like there’s no way out when the body is so on edge.
‘No safety before regulation’, but the body doesn’t feel safe enough to regulate. It’s enough to cause extra frustration, and it’s impossible to tell what is stored anger and what is just normal frustration from trying to make sense of these contradictions.
Sorry to comment so frequently on this channel, but I’ve found this work has just created more stress and frustration for me, and I’m hoping one day someone can clear this up, because SE therapists have just added to the frustration.
Hi Pedro, Jen here from Team Lyon. I hear your frustration. It can be a lot to learn, especially when we're feeling tired.
When we are feeling exhausted, it can often be helpful to turn towards what nourishes and resources us. This might be rest, or listening to music, or time in nature, to name a few.
And as far as the frustration goes, it doesn't matter where it comes from (stored anger or from something frustrating in present day). We can work with it in the same way.
It can be important to explore what we're feeling (e.g., the frustration) a little at a time, in a titrated way when overwhelm is present..
@@IreneLyonHi Jen. Along my whole SE journey I feel like I’ve been told to calm *and* release intense energy at the same time. It’s like being told to take two roads simultaneously. It stresses me out so acutely because I never know what I’m supposed to be doing at any given moment. It all seems a bit like a cruel joke.
‘You can’t relax until you release this energy, but I want you to try and relax’. That’s how this feels to me. I feel like I’m in a Kafka novel.
I’ve tried to make sense of it but no therapists have been able to explain this contradiction to me. They just look at me as if I’m over complicating things. I’m baffled that this doesn’t seem to be a stumbling block for more people.
I’m not sure I’m explaining myself properly. I’m posting here because I’ve spent all my savings on SE and it’s left me in a far worse state than I was in before. I’m totally bewildered and very concerned about my health because my system is so on edge all the time.
@@pedrom8831, Jen here again. I'm truly sorry to hear that your experience with SE has been bewildering and unhelpful. SE is originally more geared towards working with acute trauma. Working with early/developmental trauma can require a different (though at times overlapping) approach that is not taught in SE. Some SE practitioners also learn to work with early/developmental trauma, an many do not.
Some practitioners (including Irene) shy away from the word "relax" in part for the reason that you mention. I hear that you've spent your savings. If you're open to it, you might check out and for a time practice Irene's free resources and see what you notice. It's often helpful to keep an eye out for very subtle or small shifts, anything that seems a little different, or a momentary glimpse of something.
@@IreneLyon hi Jen, thank you for getting back to me. Unfortunately I still don’t know what I’m looking out for because of the mixed messaging - am I looking out for relaxation, or a build up of all this pressure and buzzing energy
so it reaches a crest and then finally calms down.
This is one reason why I’m so stuck, because I’ve been told by therapists that the energy needs to build up in order to peak, but also that I should be trying to calm myself down. How can these two things be done at the same time?? It just makes no sense to me whatsoever.
I literally never know if I’m doing the right thing or not. All I know is that my hip is stuck in a spasm and it emanates this ferocious energy all around my body and It won’t go anywhere. My body is revving, always revving.
I’ve watched hours of Irene’s content over the years. It’s great that she’s willing to share so much for free, but I’m unfortunately none the wiser :( I still have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing at any given moment - calming, or feeling the energy.
There’s no overwhelming emotional component, it’s just raw, intense energy. I’ve tired squeezing, pushing, twisting, tearing, clenching. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do.
@@pedrom8831, Jen here from Team Lyon. I hear your confusion. If you get a few minutes, you might reread this thread as I address aspects of this above where I talk about the difference between working with acute/shock and developmental trauma.
To reiterate, with early trauma, we don't have the capacity to hold and integrate big energy "peaks" so we need to grow capacity and work in a titrated way. Irene isn't able to tell you what to do in a given moment in a video because it will be different depending on one's personal history and unique nervous system.
I'm not able to give you individual guidance as we're here for general education, and generally speaking with early trauma it's often important to focus on growing capacity and access to resources alongside learning to titrate and pendulate as we explore what we feel.
The minchin
What's the minchin?
Let me know if you have questions around anything.
Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator