I just had to send my youngest son off with his partner and her son. She does nothing. They were with me two weeks, this is the third time. He works two jobs and she takes 3-4 hours to put in make up. I fed her son, bathed him and well on and on. So I told them they had to leave two days before, they did get an apartment, AGAIN! This is very timely, thank you!
This seemed pretty oversimplified to me. Dealing with a toxic adult child is anything but simple. They are manipulative, cruel, and experts at laying on the guilt and blame. These are all tidy little ideas, but not very practical in a real life drama.
Hey Jan... its only a 5 minute video ---> but its a start. - Assemble a TEAM and get some support. Start a plan and keep working on it. What's the alternative? More of the same? I appreciate the suggestions and I am going to keep reading and keep asking and keep trying.
I would really love to have more information on how adult children can set boundaries with their toxic/narcissistic parents who has routinely overstepped many critical boundaries their whole entire life.
Thanks for your comment, friend. We can understand why you’d like us to produce a program that discusses how adult children can set boundaries with their parents. We’ll certainly pass along your suggestion to our Broadcasting Department. They’re always on the lookout for new ideas on how we can meet the needs of our listeners. In the meantime, we want to let you know that we have a staff of licensed counselors who would be happy to speak with you about this topic (at no cost to you). If at any time you would find this helpful, please call us at 1-855-771-HELP (4357) between 6:00 A.M. and 8:00 P.M. Monday through Friday. We would also encourage you to check out the book "Boundaries" by Dr. John Townsend and Dr. Henry Cloud, which addresses boundary setting in many different relationships and settings (bit.ly/3H1PbGa). We hope this helps. Blessings to you!
@@stevedavis5776 it must be for financial reasons i guess from my own experience To be out on your own these days is taking longer IF WE DON'T INTEND TO MOVE BACK IN, Living below our means certainly helps a lot but it has to start even before we actually move out, and then move out at the right opportunity, right time I'm 33, and hoping to accomplish this before year end, it's almost done 😊 Don't "plan" to go no contact, but at least low contact, no nastiness as they are still family and we are in the same city but low contact is important because there's really not that much time to give to toxicity 😅 when you're trying to lead a sustainable self made life
Lol my father kicked me out of the house, put my clothes in trash bag and threw them into the street, I learned pretty quickly it was his way or the highway for me, at the time I resented it, but now I thank him for it, it made me a man in the long term
Yes, u must have been very hard to deal with ….. children (young/adult) are so quick to point their finger toward their parents but never realizing how hard it is to deal with a troublemaker or a difficult child or adult
Some parents are afraid to set boundaries with their kids simply because they don't want to acknowledge their reality due to divorce, etc and they think it's easier to be a friend to that grown child instead of a parent. They would rather live within the fantasy of having their child back at home instead of putting their foot down because they feel that they can make up for lost time and hopefully correct mistakes they made with their kids while also trying to fix their kids problems. What they also fail to realize...at some point...fantasy becomes reality and it's no longer fun and games with mom and dad when the rent is due.
Yes, this is often the case. Pray with you spouse. Be of one mind. Set a time to meet up with your adult child along with your spouse. Write your thoughts down and then send a brief message. Meet outside home. Ask questions . Say , "could you please help me understand..." very often you both haven't been listening to one another. Avoid destructive decisions. Arrive at middle grounds. Each car is different. Definitely first step is to wean your adult child of dependency on you at least gradually. Keep praying for consistency!
Hello, Daphene. As part of our ministry here at Focus on the Family, we have a staff of counselors available to offer reassurance, answer questions, and pray with you. We’d like to invite you to call one of them at your convenience at 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459) weekdays between 6:00 a.m. and 8:00 p.m. (MT). The Family Help Center staff member who answers the phone will arrange for a licensed counselor to call you back. One of them will be in touch just as soon as they’re able. In the meantime, we encourage you to take a look at this book -- bddy.me/3sbngjv. We said a prayer for you, your daughter, and your grandchildren. May God give you the guidance and wisdom you’re seeking.
I need some advice my daughters boyfriends stays two nights a week and most Weekends I’m going back to work soon and it’s getting a lot for me to cope with . I’ve done this for years now and I’m tired of it all the noise the mess just want my house back how would I tell my daughter without hurting her feelings ❤
Hey there. Your daughter is an adult. You can't take away her property, impose curfew or control her activities outside of the house, but you can control what does and doesn't go on inside your house. You can set a clear rule: she won't bring her boyfriend over and that's that. Her boyfriend won't be allowed under your roof.
I'm inspired by the depth and impact of this material. A book with akin themes offered a significant shift in my life. "The Art of Saying No: Mastering Boundaries for a Fulfilling Life" by Samuel Dawn
OH SURE WRITE THEM AND TELL THEM UR boundaries .... HOW CAN U DO THAT WHEN THEY DONT HAVE CONTACT WITH YOU ? block them on ur phon e> why ? they never call or reply .and rare chance they do reply its some false excuse why they can't talk
I agree with 80 percent of this but a really bad idea is to treat anyone with bipolar like a child or ypung adult with addiction issues its NOT the same Treatment or causes on conditions. Letting a child know a problem shared is a problem have solved and closed mouth dont get fed, your not alone
My girlfriend who is 44 keeps being abused by her bad 26 year old son. I want to marry this woman but can't because I lost alot of respect for her. Guess that's why I drink on my days off and looking at options
John, this sounds like a tough situation. We believe God designed us for healthy relationships where each person is treated with dignity and respect. If you or your girlfriend would like to speak free of charge with one of our counselors, we hope you'll give us a call at 800-232-6459 to set up a phone visit. And if your girlfriend is in immediate physical danger, please urge her to get to a safe place and call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233. God bless you.
It's very hard to do but I just keep trying and trying and try some more for me it's all about maintaining now....I give my son and his addictions and mental health to the Lord, but I still have my responsibility to him that I accept, same with my daughter thank you Jesus for the strength you give me everyday 🙏 😢 💔 ❤️ 💙
The problem is these parents are so arrogant, entitled, and cut off from their own feelings, they're clueless what's going on with their own children, even as adults
A lot of the problem and what I see today is too many parents are over parenting their kids and what I mean by over parenting is they keep doing things for them that they're totally capable of doing for themselves. The parents are doing too much and tolerating too much, they cannot become strong adults if you keep doing everything for them one day you're going to pass away and they need to learn how to be strong on their own. Let them go through a little bit of hardship they will be okay. I say all this sincerely
Please pray for my son and I. This is a hard time. Praying for healing for all you here in pain. Fearing for your child is a scary place to be in.
Sometimes we need to step back and let our adult children make their own mistakes and be there for them if they need us or if they ask for advice
I agree wholeheartedly. I learned this the hard way.
I just had to send my youngest son off with his partner and her son. She does nothing. They were with me two weeks, this is the third time. He works two jobs and she takes 3-4 hours to put in make up. I fed her son, bathed him and well on and on. So I told them they had to leave two days before, they did get an apartment, AGAIN!
This is very timely, thank you!
This seemed pretty oversimplified to me. Dealing with a toxic adult child is anything but simple. They are manipulative, cruel, and experts at laying on the guilt and blame. These are all tidy little ideas, but not very practical in a real life drama.
Hey Jan... its only a 5 minute video ---> but its a start. - Assemble a TEAM and get some support. Start a plan and keep working on it. What's the alternative? More of the same? I appreciate the suggestions and I am going to keep reading and keep asking and keep trying.
Thanks I personally needed to hear your response so I can stop feeling so guilty . Any suggestions on what else to watch to help ?
@ Jan Clark
you're so right... even threatening to commit suicide if you don't meet the demands of the moment while they bleed you dry...they destroy life
Listening to the advice in this video and stopping making excuses will be a start.
I would really love to have more information on how adult children can set boundaries with their toxic/narcissistic parents who has routinely overstepped many critical boundaries their whole entire life.
Thanks for your comment, friend. We can understand why you’d like us to produce a program that discusses how adult children can set boundaries with their parents. We’ll certainly pass along your suggestion to our Broadcasting Department. They’re always on the lookout for new ideas on how we can meet the needs of our listeners.
In the meantime, we want to let you know that we have a staff of licensed counselors who would be happy to speak with you about this topic (at no cost to you). If at any time you would find this helpful, please call us at 1-855-771-HELP (4357) between 6:00 A.M. and 8:00 P.M. Monday through Friday.
We would also encourage you to check out the book "Boundaries" by Dr. John Townsend and Dr. Henry Cloud, which addresses boundary setting in many different relationships and settings (bit.ly/3H1PbGa). We hope this helps. Blessings to you!
I moved 2000 miles away. Worked great. They never bother to call me and I check on them about once every 3 months. Problem solved.
Just curious are you still living in the narcissist home and if so why?
@@stevedavis5776 it must be for financial reasons i guess from my own experience
To be out on your own these days is taking longer IF WE DON'T INTEND TO MOVE BACK IN, Living below our means certainly helps a lot but it has to start even before we actually move out, and then move out at the right opportunity, right time
I'm 33, and hoping to accomplish this before year end, it's almost done 😊
Don't "plan" to go no contact, but at least low contact, no nastiness as they are still family and we are in the same city but low contact is important because there's really not that much time to give to toxicity 😅 when you're trying to lead a sustainable self made life
Lol my father kicked me out of the house, put my clothes in trash bag and threw them into the street, I learned pretty quickly it was his way or the highway for me, at the time I resented it, but now I thank him for it, it made me a man in the long term
Yes, u must have been very hard to deal with ….. children (young/adult) are so quick to point their finger toward their parents but never realizing how hard it is to deal with a troublemaker or a difficult child or adult
Some parents are afraid to set boundaries with their kids simply because they don't want to acknowledge their reality due to divorce, etc and they think it's easier to be a friend to that grown child instead of a parent. They would rather live within the fantasy of having their child back at home instead of putting their foot down because they feel that they can make up for lost time and hopefully correct mistakes they made with their kids while also trying to fix their kids problems. What they also fail to realize...at some point...fantasy becomes reality and it's no longer fun and games with mom and dad when the rent is due.
Thank you for defining an applicable action plan. I can use this.
That last line was so powerful ...thank you.
Wow this really spoke to my spirit. I receive this
Wow. I needed this. Thank you so much.
Powerful Wisdom, thank you!
Amen ✝️ Blessings to you all!
I really needed this. Thank you.
Thank you for an extremely helpful video!
My bro is 43 and lives in my parent’s basement and resents me for being independent. He has a kid so he’s really sewn in there. My mom prays a lot:D
Thank you!
Some parents dont know how to talk to their adult children either.
You don’t wait until they’re adults, you stop it when they’re young
Yes, this is often the case. Pray with you spouse. Be of one mind. Set a time to meet up with your adult child along with your spouse. Write your thoughts down and then send a brief message. Meet outside home. Ask questions . Say , "could you please help me understand..." very often you both haven't been listening to one another. Avoid destructive decisions. Arrive at middle grounds. Each car is different. Definitely first step is to wean your adult child of dependency on you at least gradually. Keep praying for consistency!
Amen
My parents need to see this... my older siblings walk all over them😒.
Great advice.
I deal with my bipolar daughter because of my grandchildren. I feel my daughter uses that to her advantage. How do you set limits in that scenario?
Hello, Daphene. As part of our ministry here at Focus on the Family, we have a staff of counselors available to offer reassurance, answer questions, and pray with you. We’d like to invite you to call one of them at your convenience at 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459) weekdays between 6:00 a.m. and 8:00 p.m. (MT). The Family Help Center staff member who answers the phone will arrange for a licensed counselor to call you back. One of them will be in touch just as soon as they’re able. In the meantime, we encourage you to take a look at this book -- bddy.me/3sbngjv. We said a prayer for you, your daughter, and your grandchildren. May God give you the guidance and wisdom you’re seeking.
Very helpful advice, thank you.
I need some advice my daughters boyfriends stays two nights a week and most Weekends I’m going back to work soon and it’s getting a lot for me to cope with . I’ve done this for years now and I’m tired of it all the noise the mess just want my house back how would I tell my daughter without hurting her feelings ❤
Hey there. Your daughter is an adult. You can't take away her property, impose curfew or control her activities outside of the house, but you can control what does and doesn't go on inside your house. You can set a clear rule: she won't bring her boyfriend over and that's that. Her boyfriend won't be allowed under your roof.
🙏💕blessings gratitude
I'm inspired by the depth and impact of this material. A book with akin themes offered a significant shift in my life. "The Art of Saying No: Mastering Boundaries for a Fulfilling Life" by Samuel Dawn
I needed this
Yeah,, reality is more intense.
OH SURE WRITE THEM AND TELL THEM UR boundaries .... HOW CAN U DO THAT WHEN THEY DONT HAVE CONTACT WITH YOU ? block them on ur phon e> why ? they never call or reply .and rare chance they do reply its some false excuse why they can't talk
Great
Great video!
I agree with 80 percent of this but a really bad idea is to treat anyone with bipolar like a child or ypung adult with addiction issues its NOT the same Treatment or causes on conditions. Letting a child know a problem shared is a problem have solved and closed mouth dont get fed, your not alone
It’s also a culture thing too
My girlfriend who is 44 keeps being abused by her bad 26 year old son. I want to marry this woman but can't because I lost alot of respect for her. Guess that's why I drink on my days off and looking at options
John, this sounds like a tough situation. We believe God designed us for healthy relationships where each person is treated with dignity and respect. If you or your girlfriend would like to speak free of charge with one of our counselors, we hope you'll give us a call at 800-232-6459 to set up a phone visit. And if your girlfriend is in immediate physical danger, please urge her to get to a safe place and call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233. God bless you.
It's very hard to do but I just keep trying and trying and try some more for me it's all about maintaining now....I give my son and his addictions and mental health to the Lord, but I still have my responsibility to him that I accept, same with my daughter thank you Jesus for the strength you give me everyday 🙏 😢 💔 ❤️ 💙
I am afraid of being left tottally alone
💙🙏✨
Wealthy people have no boundaries, only wins. I accept my boundary of being celibate and natural. They do not need me.
The problem is these parents are so arrogant, entitled, and cut off from their own feelings, they're clueless what's going on with their own children, even as adults
A lot of the problem and what I see today is too many parents are over parenting their kids and what I mean by over parenting is they keep doing things for them that they're totally capable of doing for themselves. The parents are doing too much and tolerating too much, they cannot become strong adults if you keep doing everything for them one day you're going to pass away and they need to learn how to be strong on their own. Let them go through a little bit of hardship they will be okay. I say all this sincerely
The amount likes is almost scary