Today I believe that families living together can help each other. The high cost of living is terrible. As a young woman years ago while living on my own, I struggled. There was no one to help me. Now my sister and I are both in our 60’s and we live together. It helps with us financially.
I agree. We’ve gotten away from multigenerational families living together helping with and doing life together. Our society has made it hard for families to stay together by creating rules that feed other agendas. Plus money has become the rule. Chase more to get more and never be happy with simple things.
I would love to live with my daughter and her family. I could help financially and I’d get help emotionally by not being alone after my husband’s death. But she doesn’t think it would work. 😢
Hard to do when your daughter brings home your grandchildren. Our daughter chose life and I feel like we need to support her as best we can. I am all for letting our children experience the results of their decisions but not at the cost of our grandchildren. We are retirement age and we did not expect this 😞
I was 21 years old when I moved out of my parents house with 2 room mates. My Dad was very hurt and upset and thought I did it because I disliked him. He yelled I'd be back in 6 months because I couldn't survive without them. Actually it was a great learning experience for me to become independent and self efficent. I'm now divorced and a senior citizen
American parents seem to always be in a hurry to "kick their children out" without adequately teaching and preparing them for it,then complain when they come back home.These times are very different for young people compared to the generation who are now 65-76 or older.The cost of living is impossible and don't tell me it's all relevant and we are not even talking about the kinds of evil challenges they are exposed to in these times.Enjoy the company of your older children if you are fortunate enough to have them in your life still!Life is way too short.!
Not true. Many "adult" kids are living in their parent's basements & have been for a long time. Be very careful of using the word "always." American parents ARE NOT "ALWAYS in a hurry to kick their children out." I know MANY who are enablers & let adult kids keep living at home WAY WAY LONGER than they should have, which has lead to big problems.
I’m not so sure about that approach. Yes life is difficult now but so it was for us but in a different way. Our job is to prepare them to live an independent life and to learn to cope with issues and obstacles in their way not to make life so comfortable that they no motivation to succeed on their own.
No other society uses the term ‘adult children’ They are adults and should be treated as such. Respected as adults and they should respect you as an adult too
It’s heartbreaking listening to this lovely woman’s account of her struggles with her son. As a mother I think we always seem to blame ourselves for our sons or daughters behaviour but some children are a lot more challenging than others so I certainly wouldn’t always blame the parent.I consider myself lucky with mine but my brother was tricky. He found life difficult and still does.
Because of economy, I would prefer my kids be house mates than work 60-80 hours JUST to pay all the bills. When rent is $2500 for a two bedroom apartment, cars are 2xs more expensive and insurances on cars require you list everyone in the household on your insurance, with$15-19 per hour after taxes, making barely$3K a month... Burnout is a thing. Now, I have four kids, older three are on their own. Teaching is key
Btw, a "household" can be one person legally. My house had four housemates and therefore four households under one roof. Been living this way for many decades, so you learn. 😊
Yes it really touched me. To hear her talk I really felt alone. With the burden of an adult child and feeling noone understands. Thank you. For giving me hope.
Speak up set boundaries. Know inyour heart that you are doing the right thing. Don't complicate it. Kids have a way of complicating things when they don't want to do something
It certainly is a fine line between helping & enabling, 2 of my grown children are addicts, my youngest & only daughter is 28 and has been on drugs almost 6 years, lost her 2 girls 3&6,my middle son has been in this life for 18 years but only a few weeks ago went through his first, hopefully his last rehab🙌🏼 I haven't seen him yet but he's supposed to come here 2 days from now, Thanksgiving!!! I know for sure I need the help of holy spirit because our relationship has been a disaster while he was using, had finally told him not to come back until he got help, so praying this time will be different, peaceful and the beginning of our restoration 🙏🏼
I wish u the best w/ your son. I wonder if u attend NA support meeting for the family or friends of the addict or alcoholic? Relapses are common, especially if the addict isn’t doing daily AA or NA meetings. One addict I know, now about 50 and using since 15 or so, had been to rehab around 25 times.
It truly does! Our daughter on her 18th birthday estranged from us suddenly and we are trying to re establish contact and communication; it is so painful!
@@aaronford3083 ..and when you do..tell her how sorry you are for the mistakes you made & ask her to tell you what hurt her. Brace yourself & when she does talk don't interupt just let her go & the only thing you say or: what else/anything else? Let her go till she has exhausted herself. Then ask her to forgive you. Later she will understand or you may be able to talk some things..but later. And..be praying about such a time..pray for God's help in the situation..or even let her go for now, trusting her in His hands & for His intervention.
Ha! I wanted my Son to feel the suffering of life so he could learn to get off the ground when he fell on his face! He is now 27 years old and I am so proud of how he approaches life’s struggles! He beat addiction and poverty on his own…. It doesn’t help to enable them!
I think a lot of parents worry, if they set healthy boundaries, their children won't love them anymore. As parents we are the guiding light, if necessary, we must let them stumble and fall and get up and keep going, because the shift goes from their physical body, to their emotions, they then need to learn about emotions, boundaries, self love. Most parents haven't learnt that for themselves
Unless the parents abuse their children physically or emotionally, they should not feel guilty. Kids need structure and guidance, not more possessions. Parents need to parent and not become a friend.
It’s the hardest job in the world. But sometimes we can’t help these kids. It’s hard to workout when we are enabling our children to not take responsibility and when we are helping them
I think multi generations can live healthy together. Finding the right boundaries in each family case, is very tricky. Adult children can still fall on their faces in a multi generational home. Healthy boundaries have to be in place for every individual, in a family, in friendships, whether they live together or not.
I went back home after living on my own for 25 years. I was planning to move to another state. When i got home, my mom broker her hip. So, i stayed for a year, paid her bills and took care of her, drover everwhere..and found a temp job. A year later i moved out, and lived alone again- until now. I was a sibling who helped raise the younger siblings. I was very responsible. I have my issues, but i think moving home wasn't a set back. The bigger problem were a couple of adult siblings.
I would like to see a conversation about establishing healthy boundaries with Aging and adult parents too. There are cultures that require children take care of parents, where the parents exploit their children to no end creating resentments. This is very common in most non-western cultures.
I used to tie my teenagers shoes while he was still sleeping so we could get to school on time ... Four boys ... Now he doesn't speak to me... and another son is struggling to launch. 🙏🙏🙏🙏 thank you for your amazing advice.
@@tamitippins2654hope it gets better, I’m 25 year’s old female, struggling to launch too, I dropped out of college 3 times due to insecurities, anxiety, depression, I’ve decided to work, even if I don’t make much, at least I’m doing something, work and pay for therapy, maybe later I go back to college.
I believe all children should have an experience studying a music instrument and participating in competitions. Those experiences teach children to be able to stand on their own feet because parents cannot help them on stage. It is not just about music, it is about life. I also homeschooled my children until they went to college at their early teens. Both were very musical, high achievers of classical piano, personal, friendly, engaging, and extremely hardworking children. They were very successful in their college education and graduate school education, one MDPhD and one JD. I am very fortunate and I am grateful.
I would love to be with my adult children but they now have partners or married and focused on living life on their own, so that seems to be unlikely. I would love to have land and houses on it for each of us. My children are fractured among themselves and prayer is so needed. I would love to be under on roof again. It's so sad to me that they are divided and it brings so much heartache to me. We all need prayers to come together in love and joy and unity.
We’re sorry to hear that, friend. Please know that we'll be praying for you and your children, asking the Lord to intervene in your situation, draw you closer to Himself and to each other in the days ahead. He cares more deeply than we can imagine and is faithful to respond according to His perfect will. Also, we have counselors here who can listen and pray with you. Here’s the contact info: bit.ly/2ItKdoE. May God's comfort and peace be very real to you.
Thanks Tammy, for your comment. The economy in especially rural, the Covid. The war in Ukraine. Things have shifted since baby boomers. It’s not just co dependent in every case. There are shootings, the drugs, bullies, and fear just going to come home safe for kids after school. Perhaps, the Lord is using these trials for us older parents not to just retire, say I did my job, but be supportive with boundaries and learn the truest form of agape love. ❤
After traveling a long road of bumpy, difficult relationship with my daughter the last straw was when she wouldn't say goodbye to her dying father and she didn't speak to me when I took her son to the ER when he needed to go and I was closer in location to him. I am done. I can pray for her and her family. I do not need to see or talk to her.
It's not wise for kids to leave until they are ready. 2 of mine came home bcz it was necessary. Sure they could pay rent but, their health is ruined. They were too exhausted to make meals after shopping & working odd hours. They are taken advantage of by apartment owners keeping their deposit while the owners fail to quickly remedy a kitchen ceiling that came down. Then the expense of cars, being robbed, legal fees - just insane dynamics. So silly to have huge house, empty - and wasteful to hand hundreds to rent & expenses individually. Smart to use home as a base. We like to travel, are all hard workers AND do not waste money to prove we are some grand distinction - we are independent, launched etc.
it is also down to the culture thing, western culture always dictates that once children reached the age of 18 they should move out, which personally I think is too early, 18 is still a child, not mature enough, and the financial situation now is very difficult for young adults, Maybe take a lesson from the Asian culture where children usually move out when they got marry, instead of kicked them out at 18, that way, these young adults can be well prepared, save more money, have a more stable job by the time they moved out, thus minimize the dependence on their parents
Yes, Asian adult children normally don’t move out until they get married or graduate from college, if they are responsible and moving forward in lives.
Well when the kids aren’t living healthy and decent lifestyles, they aren’t going to find a partner for marriage and will continue to stay and possibly take advantage of parents for most of their lives.
We’re sorry to hear that, Moxy. Please know that we’ll be praying for you and your sons, asking God to bring healing and restoration to your relationships. Also, we want to let you know that we have a staff of counselors here at Focus. One of them would be happy to have the chance to talk with you on a personal level and offer assistance. You may call from 6:00 A.M. to 8:00 P.M. (MT) Monday through Friday at 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459). When you get in touch, a Family Help Center staff member will take your contact information and arrange for a counselor to return your call just as soon as possible. There’s no cost to you - we just want to help in any way we can. Grace and peace to you.
We try not to talk about politics with our kids - they live in California and are very influenced by the liberal agenda. Can only prat and love them. Heard another message about having multiple points of contact - finding something you can talk about.
I'm going through it now with my ungrateful adult daughters. Have cursed me out, claims that I ask too many questions, no calls, no contact unless there's an opportunity to drain my account without even a Thank You. Pray for this generation.
Hello, Dee. Your love for your adult children were very evident in what you shared. Be assured we’ll be praying for you and your daughters, asking God to bring healing and restoration to your relationships, according to His perfect will and timing. For further help, we have counselors here at Focus who are available to talk with you by phone to offer encouragement and assistance (at no cost to you). If you'd like to discuss your specific situation with a caring individual, we invite you to call us at 1-855-771-HELP (4357) weekdays between 6:00 A.M. and 8:00 P.M. (MT). The Family Help Center staff member who answers the phone will arrange for a counselor to call you back. One of them will be in touch just as soon as they're able. May the Lord comfort, strengthen, and uphold you as you look to Him in faith, friend.
Just maybe you ask too many questions. Maybe they are saying you don't respect their boundaries. A therapist told me to stop giving advice to my child unless I was asked for advice. It is hard to hear the truth. Maybe you need to make some changes. We parents are not always right.
What an incredible journey Allison has lived. I completely agree with her principles of not enabling your children and allowing them to become self sufficient and successful on their own. There is a fine balance that needs to be practiced and understood with helping and enabling. Thank you for this💕💕💕💕
Thank you Allison, I am going through the same. All along I have been searching myself. My adult child who's now 31 turned to be something I can't even explain because he wants to leave life I do not have as specially as a single parent. I could say that he made sure that my life get paralyzed and always at risk living in fear because I couldn't fund his demands. There are time where I feel that life is unfair why do I have to live this.
What happens when you've set your boundaries and they use your grandchildren as a weapon. Now I'm cut out of my grandchildrens life and I don't know how to cope with that any longer.
Is there an episode on adult children setting healthy boundaries with parents? How do you show honour but also have boundaries with your parents as an adult child.
Hello, Natasha. We value your interest in our daily broadcast, and appreciate your asking about a program on the subject you mentioned. We want to come alongside you, and the best way we can is to invite you to contact one of our Christian counselors. They would be pleased to offer encouragement and any helpful information they're able. You may call 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459) weekdays between 6:00 a.m. and 8:00 p.m. (MT). They would be pleased to offer encouragement and any helpful information they're able. The Family Help Center staff member who answers the phone will arrange for a counselor to call you back. One of them will be in touch just as soon as they're able. Grace and peace to you.
Why is it wrong to have them in your home especially w cost of living, I never said I can't wait until they move out, I personally don't have a issue w that but everyone else does. It is tired some me always cooking and not offering from any one to do cooking or dishes, boundaries have been crossed w responsibility w chores.
Could this book help with a young adult who lost both parents when he was 14 and now has lost his way into drugs and his older half brother and his sister do not know what to do.
We'd like to encourage you to call us at 855-771-HELP (4357) weekdays between 6 A.M. and 8 P.M. (MT) to talk with one of our counselors (at no cost to you.) They can give recommendations on resources for your situation. In the meantime, please know you're in our prayers.
There are so many factors in the differences between those generations. It used to be that you didn't always need a degree for entry-level positions. There are more bills to pay for. There are students taking degrees for jobs that aren't available or don't pay much. Drugs are so readily available now. People are lazier because of the internet. Both parents are working now, so the children aren't being watched or giving essential guidance for life. Or there is only one parent who is working full time and doesn't have the extra time to spend with them. Extreme liberalism is teaching them that their parents abused them by grounding them or spanking them growing up. Our politicians want their vote, so they support any legislation that throws money at these young adults or gives them more advantages to live with their parents. No one is holding them accountable to the choices they're making.
Im a prime example of an adult son still liveing at home,,, he has issues with drugs and alcohole and hasnt been able to hold down a job and he lost his first apartment and had to move in with me. He donesnt want to work or even look for work, the rest of the family dont want him around and Im the last person to help him.
Children watch their parents grow up.....as the video mentions, there's no training for being parents. My children did lauch.....however they hold resentments towards me, because my Son wanted a new Mustang when he graduated from H.S., and I did not do that for him. In addition I divorced their Dad, because he had a long history of buying prostitutes and worse. I could not stay married that way. Daughter, finds reasons like her Dad did to me.....to pick me apart and be angry. She makes up reasons to be angry. So now, I'm having no contact to figure out what to do about dealing with Adult kids that did launch and still feel ENTITLED, and see me as their maid/slave. I do know their Dad teaches them to behave Entitled and I can not stop him from doing that to them.
Glad their on there own. Stay strong enjoy your life what else can you do. You did your best. Life is hard they will learn that soon enough maybe one day!
You made the right decision the entitlement issue seems to be very prevalent today and I see it all the time. I believe if they want something car etc.. they have to work for it. Even if I have the money that's for me my retirement they are 30 years younger they have youth on their side. They need to work it just like we/I did. We/I struggled for the things I wanted they can to. They need to sacrifice like we did.
My teenager kids feel entitled too and I believe the reason for it is that they saw the relationship between their dad (now my ex) and me and learned from an early age that I was the one to provide for everyone, takes care of everything and fix everything bc my ex is just useless. Changing that with only conversations is hard. We gave too much and now it’s their time to realize it (or not) but not for us to worry about. Continue your life, you did the best you could.🙏
Parents: just shut up! Don't say anything. Your kids as teenagers, young adults, young marrieds, new parents... don't want our advice or opinions. So I've learnt to just shut my mouth and let them get on with it. When they are confused or in trouble they will soon be asking for help . So just shut up till then!!
@@katemiller7874 teens yes,,maybe, but they know everything!! So when they get themselves into trouble after the parents have given them advice which they have poo-pooed, they will come running to mommy and daddy soon enough. I have three sons ( all now married) and NOW I keep my mouth shut . Don't give advice unless it's asked for. It just gets called "interferring"! So to keep the peace and enjoy being together for birthdays, Christmas etc. just shut up!!
It's very hurtful,especially disrespect. Over and over again. When I have to provide for them food and shelter. Very depressing. Could I get the phone #. I am very nice to them.But, they are verbal abusive.
Thanks for your comment, friend. We're sorry, but we're unsure of the "launch" that you are referring to. If we can be of assistance, please feel free to reply to this comment with additional details and we'll be happy to help! Blessings to you.
I have the opposite problem. My mom is “ always the victim” and has told me multiple times that she hates me. Since my father passed away (6-5-33), I’m struggling wanting to visit her knowing she hates me. Yet, she’s the “ Christian “ that listens to all the faith based shows and books.
Seeking the help to deal with the after affect of Not having my children,an get them when teenagers and are doing trouble,Long struggle in family court,year by year,Since 2012 till 2021...An im now struggling for my children to accept what the law approved back in 2012 ,Drug tests,owning my past of living in abusive relationshio with the father,No support for myself nor children to.
Overlooking that Narcissist parent who exerts and martyrs themselves not due to their concern for the child, but for their need to control their child as a possession - cruel and selfish motivations.
Minute 22: got it backwards. The kids are narcissistic and the parent here is the codependent. She had no boundaries, which is the essence of codependence. The children have no gratitude, respect or sense of duty, the essence of narcissism.
I am struggling right now with my 22 year old. She is very financially irresponsible spends her money on her friends 24/7. Barely comes home...talks back and tells me that she is an adult now and to leave her alone. She wants to move out. I'm still her mom so it hurts me deeply to see that my only daughter is so evil and disobeying me when all Im doing is help her. 😢
Average cost of rent is $600 per week - my sons house is $800 per week ( no car no job ) Europeans live together fine I think its everyone working towards helping the house run and doing some kind of work
This is sterling content. A book I read along these lines was transformational for me. "The Art of Saying No: Mastering Boundaries for a Fulfilling Life" by Samuel Dawn
Hi, Marianne! We appreciate your inquiry in our daily radio program. Part 2 of our broadcast “Establishing Healthy Boundaries with Adult Children” is available to listen online on our website here: bit.ly/3V1qVMh. God bless you!
Thanks for your question. We want to help in any way we can. We'd like to encourage you to call us at 855-771-HELP (4357) weekdays between 6 A.M. and 8 P.M. (MT) to talk with one of our counselors (at no cost to you.) In the meantime, please know you're in our prayers.
Hello, Jody. We appreciate your asking about the book: Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children. Unfortunately, this is not available in the ebook format. Do let us know if we can help you in any other way. May God bless and guide you, friend.
My children don't talk to me ...they don't listen to my opinion .....I have no opinion ...my daughter told me that that I have nothing to say to her because I was divorced!
Me too! I have been going through this with my son for 3 decades now, I don't know how he is still alive and myself for that matter!! It is devastating to the soul!!
Peace and pardon. Even with my mentally ill family, we knew it was best to marry or go to college. If lived at home past 18 must work and pay rent. Trades or military considered next best options. We got jobs as teens, had to get loans for college. Amazes me anyone can afford it today.
![Lp. Сердце Вселенной #60 РОЖДЕНИЕ ЛОЛОЛОШКИ [Финал] • Майнкрафт](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/YoR0pAV9FVQ/mqdefault.jpg)
Today I believe that families living together can help each other. The high cost of living is terrible. As a young woman years ago while living on my own, I struggled. There was no one to help me. Now my sister and I are both in our 60’s and we live together. It helps with us financially.
Agreed. Thats how it should be.
I agree. We’ve gotten away from multigenerational families living together helping with and doing life together. Our society has made it hard for families to stay together by creating rules that feed other agendas. Plus money has become the rule. Chase more to get more and never be happy with simple things.
I would love to live with my daughter and her family. I could help financially and I’d get help emotionally by not being alone after my husband’s death. But she doesn’t think it would work. 😢
I agree
@@FreeIndeed-Teleo yes and no . Money is something everyone should be taught to be able to obtain in todays world. Family first for sure
To the lady, thank you for being raw and honest. It is easier to take advice from someone who is not trying to paint themselves as perfect .
Right? 💯
😢gut
Sometimes there are no supportive people around when you are going through something like this
There’s a fine line between helping and enabling .
She seems like a enabler
Not really. Enabling is about emotional coherence while help is giving without having to sacrifice yourself.
@@beckylieb2637Enabling is doing for someone what they can and should be doing for themselves.
@OScaddydaddy21 I agree with you 100%
@@Gemmarose9012💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
Hard to do when your daughter brings home your grandchildren. Our daughter chose life and I feel like we need to support her as best we can. I am all for letting our children experience the results of their decisions but not at the cost of our grandchildren. We are retirement age and we did not expect this 😞
I was 21 years old when I moved out of my parents house with 2 room mates. My Dad was very hurt and upset and thought I did it because I disliked him. He yelled I'd be back in 6 months because I couldn't survive without them. Actually it was a great learning experience for me to become independent and self efficent. I'm now divorced and a senior citizen
Well done yet it sounds like life wasn't easy for you. Are you a happy senior citizen?
American parents seem to always be in a hurry to "kick their children out" without adequately teaching and preparing them for it,then complain when they come back home.These times are very different for young people compared to the generation who are now 65-76 or older.The cost of living is impossible and don't tell me it's all relevant and we are not even talking about the kinds of evil challenges they are exposed to in these times.Enjoy the company of your older children if you are fortunate enough to have them in your life still!Life is way too short.!
Not true. Many "adult" kids are living in their parent's basements & have been for a long time. Be very careful of using the word "always." American parents ARE NOT "ALWAYS in a hurry to kick their children out." I know MANY who are enablers & let adult kids keep living at home WAY WAY LONGER than they should have, which has lead to big problems.
I’m not so sure about that approach. Yes life is difficult now but so it was for us but in a different way. Our job is to prepare them to live an independent life and to learn to cope with issues and obstacles in their way not to make life so comfortable that they no motivation to succeed on their own.
Could not agree more,!
African parents too😅
No other society uses the term ‘adult children’
They are adults and should be treated as such. Respected as adults and they should respect you as an adult too
I so needed to hear this, constant prayer has been my remedy for peace🌷
Mine too!
Me too ❤
It’s heartbreaking listening to this lovely woman’s account of her struggles with her son. As a mother I think we always seem to blame ourselves for our sons or daughters behaviour but some children are a lot more challenging than others so I certainly wouldn’t always blame the parent.I consider myself lucky with mine but my brother was tricky. He found life difficult and still does.
Thank you for these words- they spoke directly to me
Well said!
I would love to talk with this woman she is so wise and understanding
Allison Bottke's book on Relationship with Your Adult Children helped me so much!!
Me as well! I am buying my own copy after listening on Audible!
Because of economy, I would prefer my kids be house mates than work 60-80 hours JUST to pay all the bills. When rent is $2500 for a two bedroom apartment, cars are 2xs more expensive and insurances on cars require you list everyone in the household on your insurance, with$15-19 per hour after taxes, making barely$3K a month...
Burnout is a thing.
Now, I have four kids, older three are on their own. Teaching is key
Btw, a "household" can be one person legally. My house had four housemates and therefore four households under one roof. Been living this way for many decades, so you learn. 😊
Yes it really touched me. To hear her talk I really felt alone. With the burden of an adult child and feeling noone understands. Thank you. For giving me hope.
Never lose hope!! Hope has been my anchor for all my struggles.
Speak up set boundaries. Know inyour heart that you are doing the right thing. Don't complicate it. Kids have a way of complicating things when they don't want to do something
Touche!
I think moving out also has something to do with getting married and people these days aren’t getting married and moving out like they used to.
Who they marry makes a huge difference too. It can have a big influence on your adult child.
It certainly is a fine line between helping & enabling, 2 of my grown children are addicts, my youngest & only daughter is 28 and has been on drugs almost 6 years, lost her 2 girls 3&6,my middle son has been in this life for 18 years but only a few weeks ago went through his first, hopefully his last rehab🙌🏼 I haven't seen him yet but he's supposed to come here 2 days from now, Thanksgiving!!! I know for sure I need the help of holy spirit because our relationship has been a disaster while he was using, had finally told him not to come back until he got help, so praying this time will be different, peaceful and the beginning of our restoration 🙏🏼
Praying very hard for you and your children- I so can relate
How did it go when your son came back? I hope your relationship can be restored.
I wish u the best w/ your son. I wonder if u attend NA support meeting for the family or friends of the addict or alcoholic? Relapses are common, especially if the addict isn’t doing daily AA or NA meetings. One addict I know, now about 50 and using since 15 or so, had been to rehab around 25 times.
🫢🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Keep thanking Lord for His grace that is sufficient for you each day & tell Him you can't do it without Him.
We're the bride, He is the bridegroom. Love it when you listen well, letting the guests talk.
I just caught that and came to say the same thing.
This is a fantastic topic, thank you so much for your information and advice. I appreciate this programming.
I always appreciate John and Jim's demeanor in wisdom and compassion. Thank you.
Cutting the umbilical cord at birth doesn't hurt; but cutting the cord at eighteen hurts beyond description.
It truly does! Our daughter on her 18th birthday estranged from us suddenly and we are trying to re establish contact and communication; it is so painful!
@@aaronford3083 ..and when you do..tell her how sorry you are for the mistakes you made & ask her to tell you what hurt her. Brace yourself & when she does talk don't interupt just let her go & the only thing you say or: what else/anything else? Let her go till she has exhausted herself. Then ask her to forgive you.
Later she will understand or you may be able to talk some things..but later.
And..be praying about such a time..pray for God's help in the situation..or even let her go for now, trusting her in His hands & for His intervention.
@@yvonnerahui8729 Amen! This is what we have done and restoration is happening! The Lord is a miracle worker!
Or at 23.
Ha! I wanted my Son to feel the suffering of life so he could learn to get off the ground when he fell on his face! He is now 27 years old and I am so proud of how he approaches life’s struggles! He beat addiction and poverty on his own…. It doesn’t help to enable them!
That takes alot of courage to do what you did. Many parents cannot do this and the enabling continues.
Tough times not right time
@@mmp495 I'm one of those parents. I helicopter over every time she suffers anything
Ok, but it could have gone the opposite way, despite what you did or did not do.
I think a lot of parents worry, if they set healthy boundaries, their children won't love them anymore.
As parents we are the guiding light, if necessary, we must let them stumble and fall and get up and keep going, because the shift goes from their physical body, to their emotions, they then need to learn about emotions, boundaries, self love.
Most parents haven't learnt that for themselves
Well said.
Unless the parents abuse their children physically or emotionally, they should not feel guilty. Kids need structure and guidance, not more possessions. Parents need to parent and not become a friend.
About 15 years too late for me...
It’s the hardest job in the world. But sometimes we can’t help these kids. It’s hard to workout when we are enabling our children to not take responsibility and when we are helping them
Lord in your mercy hear our prayers 🙏 🛐
Oh my goodness, this subject matter is upfront and personal to so many families. Thank you so much for offering this segment of Focus on the Family!
I think multi generations can live healthy together. Finding the right boundaries in each family case, is very tricky. Adult children can still fall on their faces in a multi generational home. Healthy boundaries have to be in place for every individual, in a family, in friendships, whether they live together or not.
I went back home after living on my own for 25 years. I was planning to move to another state. When i got home, my mom broker her hip. So, i stayed for a year, paid her bills and took care of her, drover everwhere..and found a temp job. A year later i moved out, and lived alone again- until now. I was a sibling who helped raise the younger siblings. I was very responsible. I have my issues, but i think moving home wasn't a set back. The bigger problem were a couple of adult siblings.
This is a national issue, which I’m also dealing with currently. Thanks for sharing.
I would like to see a conversation about establishing healthy boundaries with Aging and adult parents too. There are cultures that require children take care of parents, where the parents exploit their children to no end creating resentments. This is very common in most non-western cultures.
Absolutely! The Hispanic culture is huge on this.
As Christians our old culture goes and we take up Gods culture.
The bible tells us to look after our elderly parents.
I can imagine some parents could be like that especially in non western cultures and I can see how it can cause resentment.
I used to tie my teenagers shoes while he was still sleeping so we could get to school on time ... Four boys ... Now he doesn't speak to me... and another son is struggling to launch. 🙏🙏🙏🙏 thank you for your amazing advice.
Almost 20 years later
@@tamitippins2654hope it gets better, I’m 25 year’s old female, struggling to launch too, I dropped out of college 3 times due to insecurities, anxiety, depression, I’ve decided to work, even if I don’t make much, at least I’m doing something, work and pay for therapy, maybe later I go back to college.
I live with my parents. I wish they would communicate more, kinda felt ignored growing up, but it’s fine, I will overcome whatever…
I think sometime kids don't respect like they should and moms do too much
@@belle3055 You’ve taken the first big step. I think your’ll be ok 💕
I believe all children should have an experience studying a music instrument and participating in competitions. Those experiences teach children to be able to stand on their own feet because parents cannot help them on stage. It is not just about music, it is about life.
I also homeschooled my children until they went to college at their early teens. Both were very musical, high achievers of classical piano, personal, friendly, engaging, and extremely hardworking children. They were very successful in their college education and graduate school education, one MDPhD and one JD. I am very fortunate and I am grateful.
I would love to be with my adult children but they now have partners or married and focused on living life on their own, so that seems to be unlikely. I would love to have land and houses on it for each of us. My children are fractured among themselves and prayer is so needed. I would love to be under on roof again. It's so sad to me that they are divided and it brings so much heartache to me. We all need prayers to come together in love and joy and unity.
We’re sorry to hear that, friend. Please know that we'll be praying for you and your children, asking the Lord to intervene in your situation, draw you closer to Himself and to each other in the days ahead. He cares more deeply than we can imagine and is faithful to respond according to His perfect will. Also, we have counselors here who can listen and pray with you. Here’s the contact info: bit.ly/2ItKdoE. May God's comfort and peace be very real to you.
You are not alone in this situation. 🙏God's intervention for your relationships with your adult children to turn around.
in 2023, Blessings 🇨🇦
Thanks Tammy, for your comment. The economy in especially rural, the Covid. The war in Ukraine. Things have shifted since baby boomers. It’s not just co dependent in every case. There are shootings, the drugs, bullies, and fear just going to come home safe for kids after school. Perhaps, the Lord is using these trials for us older parents not to just retire, say I did my job, but be supportive with boundaries and learn the truest form of agape love. ❤
The so called "War" in ur a bidokrine--- is a ?$"" Laundering laundromat
After traveling a long road of bumpy, difficult relationship with my daughter the last straw was when she wouldn't say goodbye to her dying father and she didn't speak to me when I took her son to the ER when he needed to go and I was closer in location to him. I am done. I can pray for her and her family. I do not need to see or talk to her.
Sometimes you need that space for your own sanity.
Such a important topic…. Thank you 🙏🏻
IM SOOOOOOOO LOVING EVERY SINGLE WORD OF THIS....ITS SAD AND THERAPEUTIC
It's not wise for kids to leave until they are ready. 2 of mine came home bcz it was necessary. Sure they could pay rent but, their health is ruined. They were too exhausted to make meals after shopping & working odd hours. They are taken advantage of by apartment owners keeping their deposit while the owners fail to quickly remedy a kitchen ceiling that came down. Then the expense of cars, being robbed, legal fees - just insane dynamics. So silly to have huge house, empty - and wasteful to hand hundreds to rent & expenses individually. Smart to use home as a base. We like to travel, are all hard workers AND do not waste money to prove we are some grand distinction - we are independent, launched etc.
There can always be an excuse
Certain opinions hold MORE WEIGHT.
Your comment is the most sensible one I have read here so far!
What a trooper this woman is!
I love this lady! Amazing book!!
it is also down to the culture thing, western culture always dictates that once children reached the age of 18 they should move out, which personally I think is too early, 18 is still a child, not mature enough, and the financial situation now is very difficult for young adults,
Maybe take a lesson from the Asian culture where children usually move out when they got marry, instead of kicked them out at 18, that way, these young adults can be well prepared, save more money, have a more stable job by the time they moved out, thus minimize the dependence on their parents
Yes, Asian adult children normally don’t move out until they get married or graduate from college, if they are responsible and moving forward in lives.
Well when the kids aren’t living healthy and decent lifestyles, they aren’t going to find a partner for marriage and will continue to stay and possibly take advantage of parents for most of their lives.
Our adult sons have disowned us due to politics, and more. Trying to love them through prayer. Any thoughts?
We’re sorry to hear that, Moxy. Please know that we’ll be praying for you and your sons, asking God to bring healing and restoration to your relationships. Also, we want to let you know that we have a staff of counselors here at Focus. One of them would be happy to have the chance to talk with you on a personal level and offer assistance. You may call from 6:00 A.M. to 8:00 P.M. (MT) Monday through Friday at 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459). When you get in touch, a Family Help Center staff member will take your contact information and arrange for a counselor to return your call just as soon as possible. There’s no cost to you - we just want to help in any way we can. Grace and peace to you.
My cousin from San Francisco did the same she rails against Christians,but claimed Buddest teachings 🤪
Don’t support a liar, sociopath, adulterer and multiple felon.
We try not to talk about politics with our kids - they live in California and are very influenced by the liberal agenda. Can only prat and love them. Heard another message about having multiple points of contact - finding something you can talk about.
I'm going through it now with my ungrateful adult daughters. Have cursed me out, claims that I ask too many questions, no calls, no contact unless there's an opportunity to drain my account without even a Thank You. Pray for this generation.
Hello, Dee. Your love for your adult children were very evident in what you shared. Be assured we’ll be praying for you and your daughters, asking God to bring healing and restoration to your relationships, according to His perfect will and timing.
For further help, we have counselors here at Focus who are available to talk with you by phone to offer encouragement and assistance (at no cost to you). If you'd like to discuss your specific situation with a caring individual, we invite you to call us at 1-855-771-HELP (4357) weekdays between 6:00 A.M. and 8:00 P.M. (MT). The Family Help Center staff member who answers the phone will arrange for a counselor to call you back. One of them will be in touch just as soon as they're able. May the Lord comfort, strengthen, and uphold you as you look to Him in faith, friend.
They are a very very selfish me me me generation
Just maybe you ask too many questions. Maybe they are saying you don't respect their boundaries. A therapist told me to stop giving advice to my child unless I was asked for advice. It is hard to hear the truth. Maybe you need to make some changes. We parents are not always right.
What an incredible journey Allison has lived. I completely agree with her principles of not enabling your children and allowing them to become self sufficient and successful on their own. There is a fine balance that needs to be practiced and understood with helping and enabling. Thank you for this💕💕💕💕
Thank you Allison, I am going through the same. All along I have been searching myself. My adult child who's now 31 turned to be something I can't even explain because he wants to leave life I do not have as specially as a single parent. I could say that he made sure that my life get paralyzed and always at risk living in fear because I couldn't fund his demands. There are time where I feel that life is unfair why do I have to live this.
Keep strong you don't need this.
I feel your pain as I am in the same situation its very stressful and I'm the one that wants to run away
Her testimony is AMAZING!!!!
Thank you, thank you, thank you
What happens when you've set your boundaries and they use your grandchildren as a weapon. Now I'm cut out of my grandchildrens life and I don't know how to cope with that any longer.
Blessings &gratitude 💝🙏
Thank you for sharing lady you are an amazing mum.
I was an enabler and unlearning this is not easy but it is progressing 💜❤
Tough time not right now
Thank you for this information and program
fantastic woman and the team 😉 thank you so much.
Allison I can't tell you went through a trying time with your son because YOU look beautiful. Your hair is flawless
Is there an episode on adult children setting healthy boundaries with parents? How do you show honour but also have boundaries with your parents as an adult child.
Hello, Natasha. We value your interest in our daily broadcast, and appreciate your asking about a program on the subject you mentioned. We want to come alongside you, and the best way we can is to invite you to contact one of our Christian counselors. They would be pleased to offer encouragement and any helpful information they're able. You may call 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459) weekdays between 6:00 a.m. and 8:00 p.m. (MT). They would be pleased to offer encouragement and any helpful information they're able. The Family Help Center staff member who answers the phone will arrange for a counselor to call you back. One of them will be in touch just as soon as they're able. Grace and peace to you.
This is usually ignored by most Christian based ideologies. I discovered this in recent years.
Why is it wrong to have them in your home especially w cost of living, I never said I can't wait until they move out, I personally don't have a issue w that but everyone else does. It is tired some me always cooking and not offering from any one to do cooking or dishes, boundaries have been crossed w responsibility w chores.
@Friends: Thanks, everyone, for sharing your heartfelt comments! We’re here for you if you need us -- 800-A-FAMILY (232-6459). God bless you.
This also happens to grandparents. Hmmm....how would I know? Thanks for the discussion.
Could this book help with a young adult who lost both parents when he was 14 and now has lost his way into drugs and his older half brother and his sister do not know what to do.
We'd like to encourage you to call us at 855-771-HELP (4357) weekdays between 6 A.M. and 8 P.M. (MT) to talk with one of our counselors (at no cost to you.) They can give recommendations on resources for your situation. In the meantime, please know you're in our prayers.
Hope In Christ Jesus is all we need.
Love listening to Jim. Hi Jim
There are so many factors in the differences between those generations. It used to be that you didn't always need a degree for entry-level positions. There are more bills to pay for. There are students taking degrees for jobs that aren't available or don't pay much. Drugs are so readily available now. People are lazier because of the internet. Both parents are working now, so the children aren't being watched or giving essential guidance for life. Or there is only one parent who is working full time and doesn't have the extra time to spend with them. Extreme liberalism is teaching them that their parents abused them by grounding them or spanking them growing up. Our politicians want their vote, so they support any legislation that throws money at these young adults or gives them more advantages to live with their parents. No one is holding them accountable to the choices they're making.
Im a prime example of an adult son still liveing at home,,, he has issues with drugs and alcohole and hasnt been able to hold down a job and he lost his first apartment and had to move in with me. He donesnt want to work or even look for work, the rest of the family dont want him around and Im the last person to help him.
Thank you 🙏🏽
I didn't pay for my sons college. He worked at a business he established and went full time.
Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you so much for this
I needed to watch this
Boundaries should have been set as children.
Children watch their parents grow up.....as the video mentions, there's no training for being parents. My children did lauch.....however they hold resentments towards me, because my Son wanted a new Mustang when he graduated from H.S., and I did not do that for him. In addition I divorced their Dad, because he had a long history of buying prostitutes and worse. I could not stay married that way. Daughter, finds reasons like her Dad did to me.....to pick me apart and be angry. She makes up reasons to be angry. So now, I'm having no contact to figure out what to do about dealing with Adult kids that did launch and still feel ENTITLED, and see me as their maid/slave. I do know their Dad teaches them to behave Entitled and I can not stop him from doing that to them.
I think you did the right thing Jacqueline.
Glad their on there own. Stay strong enjoy your life what else can you do. You did your best. Life is hard they will learn that soon enough maybe one day!
Correction: Glad they're on their own 🙂
You made the right decision the entitlement issue seems to be very prevalent today and I see it all the time. I believe if they want something car etc.. they have to work for it. Even if I have the money that's for me my retirement they are 30 years younger they have youth on their side. They need to work it just like we/I did. We/I struggled for the things I wanted they can to. They need to sacrifice like we did.
My teenager kids feel entitled too and I believe the reason for it is that they saw the relationship between their dad (now my ex) and me and learned from an early age that I was the one to provide for everyone, takes care of everything and fix everything bc my ex is just useless. Changing that with only conversations is hard. We gave too much and now it’s their time to realize it (or not) but not for us to worry about. Continue your life, you did the best you could.🙏
very interesting story
Life circumstances, price hikes, and some were not raised well, or unfortunately, low income or no income families do not have the means.
Parents: just shut up! Don't say anything. Your kids as teenagers, young adults, young marrieds, new parents... don't want our advice or opinions. So I've learnt to just shut my mouth and let them get on with it. When they are confused or in trouble they will soon be asking for help . So just shut up till then!!
Are you kidding. Teens need guidance and advice
@@katemiller7874 teens yes,,maybe, but they know everything!! So when they get themselves into trouble after the parents have given them advice which they have poo-pooed, they will come running to mommy and daddy soon enough. I have three sons ( all now married) and NOW I keep my mouth shut . Don't give advice unless it's asked for. It just gets called "interferring"! So to keep the peace and enjoy being together for birthdays, Christmas etc. just shut up!!
Where is part 2 please?
It's very hurtful,especially disrespect. Over and over again. When I have to provide for them food and shelter. Very depressing. Could I get the phone #. I am very nice to them.But, they are verbal abusive.
Same here the abuse was awful. I made him sign a 6 month lease so that I could legally kick him out when it was over.
How old are they?
Still waiting for the launch.
Thanks for your comment, friend. We're sorry, but we're unsure of the "launch" that you are referring to. If we can be of assistance, please feel free to reply to this comment with additional details and we'll be happy to help! Blessings to you.
maybe she's still waiting for her adult child to launch?
thank you so much for this video!
God bless you, Clara! If you ever need further assistance, please don’t hesitate to call us at (800) 232-6459.
I have the opposite problem. My mom is “ always the victim” and has told me multiple times that she hates me. Since my father passed away (6-5-33), I’m struggling wanting to visit her knowing she hates me. Yet, she’s the “ Christian “ that listens to all the faith based shows and books.
Seeking the help to deal with the after affect of Not having my children,an get them when teenagers and are doing trouble,Long struggle in family court,year by year,Since 2012 till 2021...An im now struggling for my children to accept what the law approved back in 2012 ,Drug tests,owning my past of living in abusive relationshio with the father,No support for myself nor children to.
Overlooking that Narcissist parent who exerts and martyrs themselves not due to their concern for the child, but for their need to control their child as a possession - cruel and selfish motivations.
Its v painful. Hope is answer for better means ahead.
Minute 22: got it backwards. The kids are narcissistic and the parent here is the codependent. She had no boundaries, which is the essence of codependence. The children have no gratitude, respect or sense of duty, the essence of narcissism.
I wish this country would be inter generational homes. Doing hospice and watching a elderly patient try to live or die alone.
Americans are beginning to rethink the issue of intergenerational homes as more and more baby boomers begin to become seniors in the digital age .
What about grandparents who try to enable through you, the parent? How do you stop this?
I am struggling right now with my 22 year old. She is very financially irresponsible spends her money on her friends 24/7. Barely comes home...talks back and tells me that she is an adult now and to leave her alone. She wants to move out. I'm still her mom so it hurts me deeply to see that my only daughter is so evil and disobeying me when all Im doing is help her. 😢
Average cost of rent is $600 per week - my sons house is $800 per week ( no car no job )
Europeans live together fine
I think its everyone working towards helping the house run and doing some kind of work
This is sterling content. A book I read along these lines was transformational for me. "The Art of Saying No: Mastering Boundaries for a Fulfilling Life" by Samuel Dawn
, it says (Part 1) . where is part 2 ?
Hi, Marianne! We appreciate your inquiry in our daily radio program. Part 2 of our broadcast “Establishing Healthy Boundaries with Adult Children” is available to listen online on our website here: bit.ly/3V1qVMh. God bless you!
What do you do when you have failed?? My sons are both in their 30’s and i did all the things you said not to and now the damage is done
Thanks for your question. We want to help in any way we can. We'd like to encourage you to call us at 855-771-HELP (4357) weekdays between 6 A.M. and 8 P.M. (MT) to talk with one of our counselors (at no cost to you.) In the meantime, please know you're in our prayers.
Jesus is the bridegroom and the church (believers) is the bride.
A few minutes in I’m doubting these people have enough of a mental health expertise to help my situation.
your video helps a lot....
Is thus book available in an ebook format? I need this help desperately.
Hello, Jody. We appreciate your asking about the book: Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children. Unfortunately, this is not available in the ebook format. Do let us know if we can help you in any other way. May God bless and guide you, friend.
Tough love !!
This has been me 😞
My ex is an A plus enabler. And there's not much I can do. It is his need to feel important and get HIS needs met.
My children don't talk to me ...they don't listen to my opinion .....I have no opinion ...my daughter told me that that I have nothing to say to her because I was divorced!
So how does she say to establish boundaries?????!!!!!
Remember, she is selling a book. You have to buy book to find out.😊
I have PTSD because of the constant fear for my sons life. I’m surprised I have made it to 70.
Me too! I have been going through this with my son for 3 decades now, I don't know how he is still alive and myself for that matter!! It is devastating to the soul!!
🙏🙏
I’m so sorry. Sending hugs. Our 25 yo son is addicted to marijuana and doesn’t have any more money left to buy more. I told him we’re not an ATM.
❤Lord I lift every child that needs to come home to your heart. Help them heal and come home
Peace and pardon. Even with my mentally ill family, we knew it was best to marry or go to college. If lived at home past 18 must work and pay rent. Trades or military considered next best options. We got jobs as teens, had to get loans for college. Amazes me anyone can afford it today.
The man in the white shirt is very calming.