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How To Overcome The Fear Of Conflict - Teal Swan- -
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- Опубліковано 18 сер 2024
- Because social cohesion is so important to us at a primal level, most of us have at least some measure of resistance to conflict. But some of us are debilitated by it. We spend our lives trying to keep everyone happy, trying to be nice, trying to conform and fit in, trying to pacify everyone and trying not to rock the boat. The result is, we are secretly deeply unhappy. We spend our lives trying to avoid what we don’t want to have happen, instead of living according to our own sense of what we do want and the individual values we do hold. We lose our integrity in the name of trying to keep other people happy. The result of losing integrity is that our self worth plummets. In this episode, Teal offers us awareness about why we fear conflict and how to move beyond the fear of conflict so we can live more fulfilling lives.
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Teal Swan is a revolutionary for personal transformation and is one of The Most Spiritually Influential Living People in the world. As a renowned author, speaker and social media star, she travels the world teaching self-development and teaching people how to transform their emotional, mental, physical and spiritual pain.
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Beginning Song:
Kuan Yin's Mantra (c) 2002 Lisa Thiel
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I noticed that when voicing my opinion I automatically feel ready to lose that person...
you too eh I know that feeling lol
same...because my mother raised me with the belief that it will happen
If you don't voice it, you lose yourself
dunno if anyone cares but if you guys are stoned like me atm then you can stream pretty much all the new series on instaflixxer. I've been watching with my gf during the lockdown =)
@Ezra Kamari Yup, been using InstaFlixxer for since december myself :D
The fear is of a violent reaction. As a child, a beating was the result. This is so ingrained
This is the same for me. I feel that I'm going to be punched to death if I get into conflict from someone.
At 14 years old, my aunt told me that my grandmother was glad that her punches to me as a fetus didn't kill me.
That feeling of being punched to death that I get all of the time in conflict makes complete sense with that knowledge I got from my family.
been there done that not fun growing up hence is why I am a introvert partly not whole
felt that
I fear becoming violent myself.
Hmm- at 6’ 3” and 300# I always wound up in relationships w/ petite women who had violent/ explosive tempers (just like my mama). And I never fought back. I would retreat feeling unwanted and unloved and then we would repair the relationship after we cooled down. Now I realize there are better ways to deal with conflicts.
Since becoming more self aware this is by far the most frustrating aspect of myself! I've noticed how by avoiding any kind of conflict or uncomfortable situation im soooo inauthentic with people and I want nothing more than to just be genuine and have genuine connections. Adding this video to my favs so I can keep working on this :)
Kayla Reusch how are things going with you since watching this video? I'm just finding out out about this video. And I'm also just starting to work with myself regarding this.
@@UptownGirl27 & @kayla reusch
I only found this video now. How is it going for you, ladies?
Relatable.
'People - pleasing' is common. I think we were brought up to do this, especially female persons. Teal Swan is a wonderful teacher. Kay x.
I have a problem with people pleasing. I always consider everyone else but myself.
I read the title, yesterday evening, and I was like "yeeah sure, this topic isn't really relevant to my experience. Whatever, I'll listen to it one day or another".
Now I'm two minutes in, and this is like one of the KEY problems of my life. Self awareness is surely a curious business.
Me too! "Hmm maybe this will help me understand others who have this issue" *start watching video after a few minutes * "oh god this is helping me understand my SELF!" Hahaha
Saaame
Teal, avoiding conflict doesn't automatically mean that your boundaries are weak. In some situations engaging in conflict could mean being kicked out of the house and having nowhere to go, no one to turn to or even being killed. In these situations it's not that the person has weak boundaries, it's just that they would be unable to cope with the consequences.
Why would you have nowhere to go? There are no relatives, no school counsellors, no police, no community resources or just that you had not thought of or knew about their resources?
It's nice to watch this video again. I remember when it first came out I was living in my car, and heavily avoiding conflict with my family.
Over 4 years later, I'm in a much better living situation, but I've come up with even better coping strategies to avoid conflict and feel emotionally safe.
I'd say I'm doing pretty good ^_^
💪😘💖
The best part about Teal's videos: watching them again.
And the inside joke that makes her laugh at the human condition - like it's a private joke - I feel like I understand and I'd also really like for her to share what makes her laugh in those moments :)
I became Passive Aggressive because of this avoiding....conflict thing...
Jesus, I took like 4 pages of notes and it is 2 am. I need to sleep. Thank you for this video. I was raised and conditioned through a broken family to avoid conflict, and what you said literally resonates with EVERYTHING that I experience with everyday life. I will continue to watch this in the morning, swell as watch your other 2 videos. Thank you very much Teal, take care!
@CJ Walters 😝
That would have been imp for you that's why.
Lol i take notes too. I have a book for this. 200 pages square ruled for maximum resourcing
Again, amazing how Teal says "...in many families however, especially families where the parents seek to have their identity validated through the child, difference is not acceptable...and is treated with punishment..." almost as an aside...but this tiny clause encapsulates so many of my relationship struggles with my mother. It doesn't just explain that differences were punished, it explains WHY (they seek validation through their child), in a way that makes forgiving her for it and having compassion SO FREAKIN EASY. Thank you so much!
I find it soo hard. I’m so scared to talk to people about how I feel that I just tell everyone but the person that I feel all the things about. I just want to be able to go up to them and be honest, but it scares me so much. I’m scared to start an argument or get in a fight. This was really helpful ❤️❤️❤️
Damn Teal, you’re really out here saving the world by repairing relationships one person at a time.
I admire that👏
I absolutely love this. I WISH this was taught in schools for the very young!
I quit a internship I needed so bad just to avoid a conflict with a co-worker. I gave other excuses but I was literally I avoiding the conflict , no more now
I always called my family situation a "war zone" because I was always triggered without knowing why. Now i know why. I see conflicts everywhere.
I'm starting to show up for myself and to get to know myself. One month ago, I asked myself: what are my feras? What am I afraid of? And I found no Answers to those questions. I was triggered, and about two weeks ago I remembered my inner child traumas.
As far as I can remember, fear of conflict did not come from my parents, although they might have not prepared me to stand up for myself. I had a friend Who would always command me to do or not do sometjing, or else she would not be my friend anymore. Our relationship was based on power and fear. I would do anything to keep her as a friend.
I know that my fear of conflict and my communication problems comes from this period of my life. And that I am constantly suffering from my lack of boundaries and my fear of conflict. You gave me Some really good advice Teal, thank you.
My opinion is not unworthy compared to theirs. I have the right to express myself. If the other person is not okay with that, I must distance myself from them.
Emotional sécurity is met when I can express myself without being dominated by others.
Hannah Charpin I had a friend too growing up that I think now had a big part in affecting my shutting off behaviour and self esteem. We often think it's our family but friends can be as destructive, especially in those early years when we have no blueprint for being treated better, or how to cope or stand up for oneself. Friends (or family friends etc) outside the family home can accentuate the negative coping strategies we live by and then it's reinforced early on ..oh man I did not expect life to be so full of conflict when I came into this world 🐢 I was So Confused why everything felt so wrong. why everyone was acting out. hence the psychological spiritual interests seeking answers and yrs later still searching!... teals video on compassion is really good too, came to mind linked with this one..
That’s beautiful!
This is my major problem... i even escape conversation immediately cause i just dont wanna be in a conflict... thank you so much teal
I love her random bursts of laughter. Then they have to cut the camera and say come teal this is serious 😂 at least that’s what I picture.
This woman is smart. Thank you so much for this video.
Ok, this might actually be the most important piece of information I’ve ever come across about why I can’t seem to resolve the conflicts in my life.
I think I’m going to watch this one 10 more times.
Video by video, you are changing...and saving...my life. Thank you, Teal. From my heart and soul, thank you so, so much. 🦋✨💗
1. Avoid conflict - is to misrepresent ourself, by creating shiny curtain, but when soon later shiny curtain falls, people get confused who you were…
2. Fear of conflict - boundaries issues, lack of them.
3. If there is going to be discomfort anyway, is avoiding the conflict worth it?
4. Conflict is opportunity, not a disaster. Perfect time to gain knowledge about yourself, authenticity
5. Ask fear - what would be so bad to upset someone?
6. Conflict - can deeper the connection with someone
I find your videos
extremely useful. Your delivery is very on-point, as is your message.Thank you.
I can sense that you really appreciate Teal Swan's insights, and I want you to know that I understand how important it is to have someone you admire in your life. It's great to acknowledge when someone is right about something, and I'm glad you feel that way about Teal Swan.
what a beautiful analogy in the begining, if we were patient enough to listen to each other this could end wars
How much information is just one Video of Teal is absolutely mind blowing
The last tip about asking questions literally got me over the fear of avoiding communicating (knowing it will be confrontational). I loved the added push to not sleep on it. So I sent the message I’ve been procrastinating for 3 long days. Thank you Teal.
I have an experience of overcoming fear to share. About two and a half weeks ago I was in the woods by myself in the middle of the night just trying to spread good energy and giving off kind thoughts. Then I got the idea to create a ball of light with my hands. I don't know where it came from but I became determined to do it. So I tried for hours and all I could do was get my hands to glow(which I was very proud of at the time). So I tried again the next night and had the same results. Then on the 17th I was there just after dark and I started doing my thing. After about an hour and a half all I could do was get my hands to glow, then it happened. A tiny ball of light appeared between my hands and went straight up. A huge rush went through me and two seconds later I made another one. It was about the size of a pinhead but very bright. It also went straight up into the sky. The excitement I felt was incredible! Just as I was about to create another, the nastiest most unearthly growl came from the darkness about six feet from me. My heart nearly exploded! I knew right away it wasn't an animal for no animal on this planet would ever make a noise anywhere close to that. My first thought was of gargoyles or something similar. I stood frozen for about ten seconds. From the time I was a child up until then, the fear I'd felt my whole life combined was not even close to what I felt at that moment. My heart was beating so hard that it hurt the next day.
After about ten seconds I felt an unbelievable strength surge through me and I said NO! I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOU! THIS IS MY RIGHT AND MY FREE WILL! I'M STAYING TILL DAWN! So for the next four hours or so, I continued to create balls of light, a couple of which shot straight up into the sky growing in size, others shooting down the path lighting up the forest as they went, while dozens of these things made the nastiest noises at me and putting terrible thoughts into my head. But I would not be defeated! I had love to spread and nothing was going to stop me. I was prepared to die! Every time fear started to rise up(which happened quite frequently) I would spread my arms out, breath deeply and say "I'm right here" and I would continue to dig deep and find my courage. I was so deep into the energy field that I saw them several times. They walked on two legs, had a rounded like snout, were like black shadow and had a red outline like broken electricity. They were between five and seven feet tall and I could only see them when they moved. As dawn came, they slowly moved back into the woods, keeping in the darkness. When I left my life had changed forever. I felt so powerful that words cannot describe it. I have been out till dawn almost every night since and so much has happened that words cannot describe it. We are powerful my friends! Just recently my pineal gland opened up so much that it felt like a hundred pounds of pressure was right in the center of my forehead. This is so incredible! My whole life is now dedicated to spreading the most loving energy I possibly can. I feel so good! If anyone has had an experience like this please share. Blessings to you my friends.
+John Smith Please teach me how to create fireballs and open up my pineal gland. Thank you
Well, I have never made a fireball in my life. I've made light balls. As for opening up your pineal gland, I believe that nature is key. You must spend a lot of time in the forest and actually feel as one with nature. Try to see the energy around you. The more you see, the more will open up to you. Once you see it you can play with it, move it around and start to gain a sense of control over it.
Being in a loving state is crucial. If you are afraid or are worried or just thinking negatively at all, it won't work well for you. If you understand that you are a God having a physical experience with the goal of expanding the whole of everything, it will help you to have an open mind. There are no limitations! You can do anything you want if you believe you can! Try drawing energy from everything around you and concentrating it into one area. People have done amazing things throughout history because they believed in their power and would not let anyone tell them otherwise.
You have the power my friend. Go and have some fun with it.
Peace and love to all.
John Smith Unfortunately, I am unable to get into nature for the sole reason of being afraid of being on my own in nature. Fear holds me back. Also, I have no friends who like to be out in nature. But how do you light up your hands? Do you use Chi?
Yes I believe it is Chi. I didn't understand or even delve into any of this before May of this year. I have much to learn. For lighting up my hands, it was basically just drawing energy into me from all life around me. I draw a lot of energy from the entities around me. It's because I know who they are and where they come from. This eliminates my fear of them no matter how big and loud they are, and allows me to love them which is key. They give me their essence because of this love.
i get so over emotional when i watch your videos, thx teal, finally a great understanding loving person has a arrive to help us in our daily lives, thx again!
It's true. I can't remember a single time one of my parents actually apologized to the other one. Instead they kept blaming the other one for being upset and waited for dust to settle on its own.
It's true conflict in the right way does deepen the connection with others
3 minutes into the video and i am crying already. 😭💚
teal, watching your videos brings more light and understanding into our human conditioning than any psychology master's degree out there! who needs a therapist, when they can watch your videos? thank you dear! may you be blessed with so much love
Teal , I appreciated you because, isee myself in what you talking about.
Hey Teal, what about an episode on being anti-social?
dealing with conflict is my specialty. You covered many key points. good work!
Literally just starting watching her vids not for even a whole week. I've already made some changes and it helped me so much, I've always felt stuck for these past years and now I feel like I'm getting somewhere in life
Theres nothing I want more than to face my conflict.. but I never felt a pain like the anxiety when i do.. it feels a million times worse. I only feel safe on my own.
I love how much she gives me different perspectives and now I’m dealing with my fears instead of just avoiding them 🙏🏼❤️
It’s crazy how much of perspective can do and change a human.
Teal is a lifesaver. I love Teal Swan!!
I was so anxious and afraid I became Agoraphobic. Thank You Teal Swan for giving me permission to Assert MYSELF despite the risks of losing contractual and conditional Love.
10:38 - 11:26 is SO IMPORTANT!! That is literally the single reason my fear of conflict is so rampant and destructive. Thank you SO MUCH for putting this into words
I was told to stay in my lane . Not always easy when you need people to hear what you have to say.
wow. just wow. this explains so much of my life, especially the connection to early childhood + absence of guidance on how to deal with emotions
I'll need to rewatch this video... SO much good info. Thank you
Another masterpiece from Teal.
This is a great way of framing it.
Teal,
Can you make a video on how to deal with conflicting needs within yourself?
Thank you
She did! The healing trap
We are avoiding conflict because we are running from love 💘
I've been a pawn all my life
Used and abused
This brings light to my life
This is good timing, I have a conflict brewing and can't stop worrying about it Thanks!
I love you Teal swan. U r my daily dose of reality and power.
I'm all about self-improvement and spirituality but I also think that's a gorgeous sweater Teal is wearing.
Mireille good good
Pure gold. I wonder how she keeps all these videos organized... there are literally thousands. Very impressive.
Thank you for covering this issue. I know and have known for a long time I have trouble dealing with conflict. I know this spans from emotional abuse as a child caused by my step mother. This video has helped me on my road to recovery.
this video just solved one of the main issues i have with myself. thank you teal for all of your wisdom and energy.
Everytime she tells a story of toxic family, I can see myself as the child.
This is the first video I ever watched from you!!! My first huge obstacle in life being a people-pleaser conflict-avoider good-natured door-mat. I've come a long ways since this!!!
I saw terrible fights and arguments at home and I was the youngest one out of all. Everyone used to take charge except for me. Id either end up crying or retreating into myself trying to cope with everything I feel. I was never asked what and how I felt and wasn't comforted by anyone. infact i was given the tag of being the the weak one and dissed if i tried to stop them. I lived life in terror for these 25 years of my life. Now I can't stand arguments my body reacts before mind does. Palpitations trembling weakness hysterical. I beg people to stop fighting and then I feel like a loser for being this way. It's a loop I am unable to escape. My family doesn't even know me and what I feel. I fear confronting thinking that it'll lead to another fight among them or worst someone will kill someone because nobody learnt to keep their emotions in check esp anger. I carried this fear all my life and kept my mouth. Shut. Just cried out or. Wrote it down.but now I can't stand to live like this anymore.
I am manifesting my twin flame here that he is also Teal’s follower . Teal you have no idea how much I relate to your teaching and knowing myself more ❤ Thank You Goddess 👑
Yes! Exactly one of the questions I need answered along with how to speak up for yourself and learn to be assertive
It's impressive how perfect these Pictures in Teals videos fit the Things she say.
Thanks Teal,not to be on the defensive in a conflict,invaluable!
I used it.
I just found your channel a few days ago. I love you!! You're really amazing, thank you.
Self respect
As a meditation teacher that has also worked in conflict resolution, I would feel that at the end of each mediation session, I just wanted to hand out my ‘learn to meditate’ card as soon as possible! This would address much that has to be worked through prior to reaching any agreement. It is the continual internal unresolved states that attracts conflict as well. I always recall that saying: 'Don’t attract it’. True, conflict is inevitable for us all to some degree, some immerse themselves all the time and others skim the surface of it. This work is done at both ends, quietly, with the felt sense and also by Allowing. A combination of allowing and our own self- mastery. Watching this video actually helps you be more comfortable with potential minor conflicts and would be great for anyone to view! Thank-you Teal-always enjoy your videos!
This video is in perfect sync with the FOMO one...😨 fear of conflict and Fear of missing out 😓
The things she says are deeply profound and valuable to know.Teal gives some excellent advice.
This has been the reason of why some of my relationships has ended.
I felt leftover in my family and my oppinion was never taken into consideration. (an old wound I became aware of)
We are all a result of being a work in progress, and this will be the next task in my healing process to be the authentic self and less critic to my reactions to my way of dealing with my fears
Thank you. Just in time.
Loose people....gain yourself. Never be afraid of differences or conflict!!!!
Thank you
Hi teal, could you maybe do a video about specifically about healing parental relationships? Thanks for your insights they are always much appreciated xx
What do you do when you are honest and very direct about who you are, but people find that offensive?
As always, much love Teal
Conflict causes be to get depressed, i realised that there was no such thing as resolving conflict growing up. so thanks to this video i have changed my meaning if what conflict is and isnt
Wow, thank you! I'm going to start working on myself.
I'm a full time caregiver living in a state of exhaustion all the time because I work 7am to 10pm and I'm always dealing with confrontation with clients
Teal Swan .... Great video! Very insightful, well thought out and communicated.
I keep learning that all of my problems start from childhood. What a shame. I swear Im going to abandon my trash parents when I move out. I put that on God. I swear to God.
Teal that video for me was synchronicity you couldn't imagine the guidance its given me thank you so much.
Everytime I see one of your videos Im like I dont have a problem with X subject but let me listen to her wisdom. And each time you prove me wrong. Alway receiving great value, insight and aha moments. Thank you for sharing with us. Bless this woman.
Thank You Teal. A very good exposition and good comments on some ideas and these topics You mentioned.
I was extremely triggered by this video. Excuse me while I tend to how I feel.
Alexander Craig take ur time
Alexander Craig it's ok bro, it happened to all of us. First time here?
Alexander Craig I know that feel bro...
If you sense a feeling inside you,it may be an indication of an insecurity inside :)
Alex-Aries Hanma that's a brilliant Saturday routine 😍
This helps me a lot to understand myself
Wow! Thank you for this video! I have learned through research that I totally fear conflict. I over analyze every outcome to "prepare" for conflict if I have to. I have been on a journey to find me, to know what my authentic truth is, realizing I have to find and heal my inner child. My only issue is that I don't know where I lost her. I have no memory before age 7, so I'm struggling to heal her-me. Why do we, usually after 40 years just start figuring this out?!
I love her chuckles 😻
THanks Teal. PERFECT timing!
Love your videos Teal. Thank you.
Incredibly profound!
This is SUPER enlightening to understand and get over a failed relationship. Much love, Thank You!!
There is so much to learn and adjust...I've been doing personal development for 2 years now I still feel like I have a long way to go in order to get to the place of total self confidence and become emotional healthy
5:20, 5:47, 9:52(only during the good times), 10:20 Turncoat dynamic 11:13, 22:34
Thanks Teal👍
BRILLIANT VIDEO!! Really, Really, REALLY Good!!!! Thank YOU Teal ♥ Love You
Wow, her voice is so soothing.
Thank you Swanny!
So amazing! Just what I've always truly wanted to hear without realizing it:') thank you Teal Swan
Hey you rap?
So on-point and incredibly helpful. Most of your videos are like that, but this one in particular just cut down like seven years worth of therapy. Thank you for offering so much value, it's deeply appreciated.
Thank you universe for the perfect timing of this video.
Teal hits the nail on the head once again :) I have actually practiced facing conflict & loving detachment. It has helped my twin flame relationship so much. There has been more head butting in this relationship than any other one but I understand I needed it for growth & boy oh boy this man is fast-tracking my spiritual path like no other lololol