I finally found someone who could articulate everything I’ve ever felt. Thank God for you and coming into this platform. I feel connected to you, it’s in the eyes, I can see it. Everything has started to fit into place. You are an extraordinary teacher. God bless.
100% agree. Teal is beyond words, there's just no word that's enough to describe her. I've never seen anyone like her before and know I'll never again. Absolutely DIVINE 💫💓
You know, usually watching these videos hurts my ego. But this time, I think it's more a confirmation for my progression so far. I'm proud of myself. Thanks, Teal.
obviously I ain't able to do anything Was kannst du eignetlich obviously - nothing run,... talk fluff, have mental breakdowns, go on the train that's it
I did Sadhguru's online class a year ago. In it, he talks about how if two people start fist fighting, is it your responsibility to break up and try to stop the fight? It is no one's but yet someone will take it as their responsibility to and try to stop it. If you see a piece of trash on the ground, who should be the one responsible for picking it up and throwing it away? We have no way of knowing how the trash got there, it could have been blown by a tornado several years ago or was blown by the wind from the dump itself. Whoever chooses to pick it up is "responsible" for picking it up. No one is required to take responsibility for anything (the earth, your room/house, yourself, animals, your relationships to other people) but yet I think the best possible life we can create is by taking as much responsibility as we can for the things that are within our power.
Exactly . And Swan would say Sadhguru is spiritual teacher who don't care how others feel 😕 See when everything we experience is happening from within us , isn't it normal consequence that we treat everything as we want to treat ourselves ? Someone can be unconscious and angry with you , so should we feel "duty" to pick their emotions and be responsible ? Or should we just take charge of how we feel and therefore empower all that comes to us to feel good . Only "duty" to feel how others feel is fear of being left alone , fear of suffering . If we make ourselves feel good , obviously we would understand by nature everyone else and why they feel they way they does . All else is nonsense
@@ms7HD Why do you think she would say that about Sadhguru? I believe from all what I have seen she and Sadhguru have very similar ideas. I might be wrong, so I’m asking if u have that information. She is definitely not happy about the “only think positive” gurus, but Sadhguru teaches how to stop poisoning our minds, no?
I was brought up to think and believe that I was responsible for how others feel. It has messed me up my whole life in that I felt it was my responsibility to make a loved one feel better about themselves at the risk of my own mental and emotional health.
Same here. I’m now trying to find a healthy balance between honoring my feelings first, and realizing that while you can effect someone, you are not responsible for the way they handle that effect, as long as you are conscious in how you might be effecting them.
@Barbe Summers Yeah the thing is that I don't do it in an "obvious" way, like I'm really introverted and I don't exactly try to "deal" with other peoples feelings in any way, it's just that I internalise that responsibility and make everything my fault. And I feel like I have to make sure no one thinks of me in a negative way (which is poor boundaries). I'm glad you were able to break free from that, hopefully I can also learn to be more conscious of what I take on.
Thank you so much Teal for all of your videos here on UA-cam! Your work is impeccable! And your view is so encompassing! You have helped me immensely and I can’t wait to meet you someday! I’m still amazed everytime I listen to one of your videos! They are so deep. I also loved Shadows Before Dawn! All my love to you and your tribe! I can’t thank you enough!
You ARE responsible for how people feel if you actively treat them like crap or are emotionally abusive or don’t allow others to speak or feel, and listen and be open. To say you’re not responsible at all gives people the excuse to treat others however they want to. Drives me crazy when people do that. It’s very apathetic and selfish. But you’re not responsible for others feelings in that it’s not your job to fulfil others voids if they expect you to or if they expect you to make them happy, like in the way some parents make their kids feel responsible for their parents happiness. Great video.
can I please start over with a lesser pedigree and a lesser obligations socially?!? I was overwhelmed from first day on in this town and simply do not get it.
Ich kann ja nix, außer laufen, rennen, schlecht hüpfen, vergangenen Träumen hinterherträumen, ich kann in den Bus steigen, ich kann in den Zug steigen, und das war es so ziemlich. Alles andere ist mir zu hoch
Even then you're not responsible for how they feel unless they are taking your feelings into consideration too. It is on the abused person to leave and heal their own feelings and wounds, not the abuser, unless the two want to work things out in which case both need to care for each others feelings. But if someone is abusing someone else to me it makes no sense to stay and care for the abuser, that feels self hating. An abuser isn't uisually capable to taking responsiblity for other people like that. So saying it's on the abuser to care for the abused person's feelings is just wishful thinking and fantasy land.
I am a therapist and only six minutes into the video. I truly appreciate you Teal. Thank you for your wisdom making the world a better place. Thank you for the peace you bestow on me.
When I think about the dynamics between me and my three older sisters and our mother...all of this make SO much sense. A single mother trying to be responsible for the feelings of 4 daughters. Four daughters feeling responsible for how their mother and other sisters feel and then each reacting differently to that feeling of responsibility. Everyone trying and failing to be self-sufficient and creating a climate where it's not okay to need attention. All of the dysfunctional coping mechanisms. It's no wonder we grew so far apart. We had no idea how to be there for each other. We couldn't even accept ourselves, let alone each other.
For a while I thought I was an empath, and now I realize that I am a recovering co-dependent. I dealt with severe enmeshment trauma in childhood with having to be forced to be my mother's therapist in the wake of my father not taking emotional responsibility for my mother. So I ended up being a sort of 'surrogate husband', and it was such a painful thing to go through that I disconnected from not only my own needs, but also my own entire sense of ego and personal power. If I showed care towards my own goals, I faced negative backlash from my mother, accusing me of 'not needing her' anymore and 'growing up too fast'. As I got older, I became afraid of forging my own path and taking action without first checking with other people.
So glad that you are realizing that. But also very important to not resent your mother but to understand that her actions also are a response to her own traumas.
@@parcejedi Whatever someone else feels in response to abuse is completely reasonable. I don't know why everyone is so quick to push people to forgive their abusers before they're able to truly heal themselves first. By failing to hold abusers truly accountable and pushing victims to forgive prematurely it reinforces the idea that the abused individual isn't important or worthy and their feelings don't matter. Sure, it sounds really nice to hold hands and forgive everybody and sing songs together or whatnot, but forgiveness is a very personal individual matter and it's harmful for randos to tell survivors of abuse how they should feel about it. Of course most abusers survived some trauma or another, there's always a reason for awful behavior if you search for one, but being a survivor of trauma is ABSOLUTELY NO EXCUSE for abusing other people, especially children. Saying things like this can be very damaging to survivors because it minimizes their experience and doesn't leave room for very normal and healthy responses to trauma on the path to healing, such as resentment and anger. Once those feelings are dealt with healing can happen but telling survivors not to feel those things is adding more harm to an already burdened individual.
This comment honestly unlocked something in me that I had no idea was there. I am 25 and was struggling to figure this out. I thank you for bringing this to my awareness so that I can work this out and spiritually grow.
Be compassionate, but don't enable, Speak the truth; don't tell a fable, The secret to everything-responsibility, And then you will achieve invulnerability.
@@chrisbrussel5818 you're right, there can be a vulnerability to love because there's a risk of losing it or being rejected. I think what Sbeast means is that the more we are able to accept and understand what happens or doesn't happen to us, the better placed we are to deal with our vulnerability and either lean into it, embracing it, or if we are threatened, to respond effectively.
Responsibility is your RESPONSE-ABILITY or your unlimited ability to respond to anything, with whatever limited action you are capable of... If you take responsibility for everything you are free, you can respond instead of react impulsively
@CR Eng the kind of responsibility you probably think, that may be the case. But there is no need to control anyone or anything if you see the responsibility is within you, and doing best for your self, not bulldozing yourself, accepting yourself fully and working with your shadow, all of that mirrors into your life and the life of those closest to you. Thats the responsibility Teal is talking about, not the controlling one you think about, where you project your insecurities onto others and tell them how to live their lives.
Teal is underrated as fuck. Her messages are so insightful yet she's only at half a million subs. So many people actually need to know this so that we can function in harmony as a society.
Interesting, I used to diminish myself for others. I was afraid to lose people. I suffered just to keep them, even though I was the one who wasnt satisfied with relationship. I took me lot of courage to stand up for myself. They never gave as much as I did. So... why should I feel sorry for them, if they never asked how I really felt...
If I'm speaking from alignment and know I'm not being an asshole, when people think I'm being one, it really shows where their wounds are. I know I'm in a dysfunctional relationship. I'd enjoy meeting their wounds when they're not lashing out, rather speaking to me from a vulnerable honesty. Until I'm met from that place when I'm giving enough of my loved-on wounds, I hold strong on not being responsible for their butthurtness. I've grown. They can grow. I'd love to grow more with them instead of outside of them.
I completely feel the part about taking all the responsibility and the option of being empowered when you let that go. From a young age I was blamed for my 'bad' behavior and how it made other people feel. Even when I said something neutral or a matter-of-fact, they still punished me for... something? Even back then, they felt angry and I always felt like I made them feel that way. Later I was blamed for worse things, there's a lot of responsibility on my shoulders about our family, our house and finances, their happiness etc. and all that started when I was a little child who didn't understand anything about money and other grown-up things yet. They even say that I'm responsible for everything directly to my face. If you think you're responsible for bad things from such a young age, you start to think YOU ARE the bad thing.
People who don't wanna take or can take responcbility's blaim other people.. Thats where boundaries are important.. Whats deels good doe you and what not.. You are strong and learn.. to choose yourself.. and you are perfect.. don't forget..
Teal, I love you. You have a way to verbalize the things everyone feels, that they didn't already know how to verbalize themselves. I feel like you've helped me know myself in ways that would have been nearly impossible to know by myself. Thank you!
oh i love that last bit, for people like myself who have abandonment and take too much responsibility in relationships and are often match to people with enmeshment who don't want any responsibility in relationships- for us it is definitely about figuring out what responsibility to let go of. you cannot inspire someone who doesn't want to do their 50%. your responsibility is to yourself and to extricate yourself from those relationships.
This video is so empowering, for now I realize I have a freedom of choice dependent on individual circumstances / people. It makes me want to find my partner who wants to take responsibility for things I don't and visa versa. Or things we agree to take responsibility for. This approach is revolutionary yet so simple. Thank you, Teal Swan
Thank you Teal! I was just thinking that trying to be responsible for absolutely everything in my life is self cruelty and this video comes out, LOL The most paradoxical to me is the more I intend to take responsibility for everything, the more dependent I become... an more frustrated I feel with that situation... the idea of finding that flexibility, being responsible and let others also being responsible at the same time, each one in the area of their preference is like a lighthouse in the dark, seems so obvious once you bring it to light... 🙏🙆❣❤❤❤
Three words: Find Healthy Boundaries! ....speaking for the aspect of you that IS an individual, that is. .. For the aspect of us that is connected, It's a GOOD thing (IMHO) to lovingly allow and even EXPECT even those you're close to, to take responsibility for what they're able to, while at the same time staying attuned enough to discern if/when they may need a little nudge in the right direction...or even a little support....or help finding that support, if it can't come directly from you. When we ourselves take on any more responsibility than this......especially when not specifically asked....we are crossing into "unhealthy" territory.
I love that Teal always covers all of the bases when she does these. Its not just something she threw together overnight. Lots of background and lots of permutations. And always personal and vulnerable. So well done. And its just EVERY time.
I agree with this so much! I think most people don’t want to sacrifice their positive self image aka ego by admitting to be at fault for another’s feelings
*The guru should NOT be alone on the mountaintop!* SPLENDID INTUITION, friend. :) However, Earth is very low 1st sphere awareness and mystical Eastern philosophies popular here max-out/peak in 6th sphere consciousness where there is still poor understanding of SOUL-splitting and the mitosis (twin) dynamic which becomes fully understood by 8th sphere. In fact, by the time a half-soul reaches 8th sphere consciousness, he or she will ALWAYS KNOW exactly who their twin flame is. Gaining this awareness while still incarnate on 1st sphere Earth is a very rare attainment which can greatly accelerate spiritual growth and happiness SHOULD those twins actually connect and work together energetically to realize the other's dreams. By the very nature of their similar intellects which are spawn of the same soul.. this is not so difficult ONCE the connection is made. However, FEAR by either party can easily prevent this priceless connection from being realized. PEACE. :) NOTE: Most people claiming to be with their twin-flames are really just relationship-needy humans in sympathetic addiction & hence attraction.
18:16 "We divide up the responsibility according to who does it most naturally, and likes it the most" --> new motto for the new educationnal system/career system of the future.
Amen! I suppose they try to teach us that indirectly when they say follow your passion - but without more explanation such as Teal gives, I couldn’t get it.
It was surprisingly like hearing her describe my life, my past relationships and my current relationships. She literally went through my 41 years of life in about 5 minutes.
Awesome Teal! Thank you!!! While I knew in my heart it was not correct or healthy to try to be responsible for all people... that seems obvious... I struggled to reconcile my feelings about the other philosophy and it always bothered me... that that implied a lack of empathy and a convenient ‘out’ for anyone causing anyone else suffering... I think it’s something about extremes in general not being healthy!!! Anyway... I am now currently addicted to listening to your videos as I potter about doing mundane tasks... and am always left feeling lighter, relieved and with a greater sense of direction. Having listened to you detail you back story, I am horrified that anyone should ever have to suffer abuse as you (and sadly so many more have), and thank you from the bottom of my heart for using this for good.... I think you have probably helped more people than you can even imagine!!!!
Huge fan of your work - you have clearly dedicated your life to it and it clears up that ambiguous and much debated view of ' I am not responsible for your feelings' - thank you!
Oh god. Tealy dragging my ass for 30 minutes straight. I am living for it 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 I was a “let her cry it out” baby 😭 still trying to learn how to be vulnerable with others and allow them to help me sometimes. I thought being fully independent was the ideal way to be. But it’s not. It’s quite lonely.
Treasure those around you who care enough to get sad when you are sad, get happy because you are happy, get angry because you are angry, and feel hurt when you are hurt.
This was brilliant and exactly the perspective I need. Thank you very much. ... I know, that the place you were in when you did the heart wrenching "TS answers to haters"- video was a very very hard one. Without denying any of the pain and the injustice of what happened to you - you followed your promise ("I will do the work"), and it shows. The last videos I watched provide a whole new level of insight, that I admire, really need in my life right now and am deeply grateful for. All the best to you. Open roads, friendly skies.
This just unlocked something in me. I, though, still feel an immense responsibility to help/heal/hold space for those who are suffering - because I have managed to shake hands with my Ego, talk with her, and let her assist me in being other peoples servants. I foolishly (and to a degree, still do) think that my love, patience and courage to help will be unending and healthy eternally, even neglecting my own biological needs. Perhaps I have this fear of being selfish, or think that my true self can be realised through constant help. But in truth, I feel exhausted and sad. Not everyone wants space held for them, and I wonder how many times I will shove myself aside for others, because I feel compelled to. I just wanted to vent here. Thanks, Teal. You are priceless.
Yes... So a person who has chosen the scapegoat role in order to survive, their path of healing is in the direction of no longer taking responsibility for others where perhaps they had before. This will be freeing and healing for this person, and empowering for all. The other will be forced to look at taking responsibility. It is quite magical how it all sorts itself out. And yes, feeling is awesome. It feels so disempowering and weird sometimes when people are wanting to take responsibility for things that are not theirs. When I say no thank-you in these cases, there can be offence taken. Thank you for this message☯
The best! What would my life be without ur wise words?!;) Deeply thankful for your support on my “journey”. So much love and happily wishes to you and your family dear, great Teal Swan. Namaste
I love youu teal this is exactly what I needed to comprehend. I've been searching for this answer, and just after I hit the bell notification another of your gold insights is my key to true authenticity
I have just finished abandonment video and this one. Thanks for making it more clear to me, it makes a lot of sense ! I really appreciate these informations ❤. I have felt emotions like wow(amazing) and being in kind of shock too. I may wait / watch it again to adjust some of those straightforward trues, before I watch other topics from you. I appreciate the work you are doing. You are helping me becoming a better version of me and that is what I am seeking right now. Bless you 🙏.I thank you.
I am not responsible for the world. I will not add to someone's ill situation, but I am NOT GOING to suffer with that person! I am not responsible. If I work with someone who is unhappy because of my direct interaction then I WILL do something to remedy this problem. Other than that "I go my own way..."
I was having the question lately about whether we’re responsible for others’ feelings or not and now this video happens. Wow. And thank you Teal for the video.
Living like this takes great courage and commitment. I am going to look at the ways I can live more truly and in alignment. I realize that I often feel like I am 'cheating' when I choose to embrace and do the things I love. And, I realize I do not fully speak up with others to let the, know I do not want certain responsibilities. I am sorry for this and will correct this instead of being evasive. Thank you for the potent message, Teal.
Thank you! I had never come across 'caretakers' before, but it's just right. All I ever heard of was about codependents and people pleasers, which never really resonated with me, because I don't act a victim, and am not particularly passive or feel a strong need to please others - yet I do feel responsible for their emotions, particuarly anger etc, and feel the need to 'solve their problem', if someone shows negative emotions. This makes so much sense, finally!
Another awakening & Life changing session with Teal! Deeply Thankful for everything and everyone who made this video possible for us to watch for free. Thank you Thank you Thank you ✨👑🌿
Hoooooly Malloley I just want to cry my face with such relief... So grateful she has been able to put all this into words where (those who choose to consciously listen) people could understand what to do about this impacting dilemna they face everyday! Thank you Teal!
This is very, very validating. Thank you. This explains why I feel uncomfortable when I state I'm not responsible for other people's feelings. This is what I was taught (and I really needed it as I tend to feel overly responsible for others). But I feel like that's not completely true/accurate. We are responsible to some extent. And the responsibility lies in how we express and behave ourself. Oneness. Got it. I have updated my beliefs, haha :).
Responsibly has gotten jumbled as a concept. To take responsibility for another's emotions is to see the role you play in everything. You make effects in every movement and to acknowledge that is taking responsibility. The non responsible part is seeing you do not hold the responsibility of peoples actions and views towards everything. It is a balance in every action to see where each is held in each relationship. I love you Teal and thank you for this community! I love you all~!!!
Most of what people look for in the spiritual field is ‚please I don‘t want to feel bad’ and than bs spiritual teacher teach them these coping meachanism... it is so damaging. It makes people even more disconnected and in complete denial... LOVE YOU TEAL
Because you have taken responsibility willingly for both yourself and others I am able to heal and become a more healthy person. Your labors have been a great benefit and for that you deserve great rewards. Excellent work! Thank you so much for sharing your insights.
This is indeed not an easy topic to think about, but one all of us can relate to. I usually care a bit too much about how I make others feel, and while I don't consider myself a caretaker, I do at some point explain myself away, because I've always felt like I owed everyone an explanation for anything I did. Right now, because of the astrological energies, it's brought up a lot of intense heavy energies from within me and I'm deeply needing to be in solitude. However, I live with my live-in landlord who follows me around every chance he gets because he likes being in my positive energy and he constantly wants his ego validated. Lately I've been avoiding him and I can tell it's bothering him greatly. While I feel that I am avoiding him because I just need to be with myself in order to recharge, this is something I'm doing for me, I am very confused on if I should explain what I'm going through so he doesn't feel bad anymore. I don't want to feel responsible for his emotions, but if by me taking care of my own needs first makes him feel bad, is it wrong of me to let it be, to not explain myself to him? He's a middle-aged man who counsels traumatized clients, shouldn't he understand??? Right now I don't think I owe him an explanation, I'm going to keep being in my own bubble, avoid being around him. I feel like I'm betraying myself if I explain myself again, or to apologize for me needing to be in my own space to recharge.
It does not matter what the topic is Teal has a great response to most situations. I utilise her teachings in most aspects of my life. The way I pay is by purchasing from her merchandise. So far I am getting so much more however that is ok. I love this economic system of giving and taking and paying 🎉 🎉🎉.
it takes two to maintain a connection and this episode also goes great with Teal's quote that its not always the person who physically leaves the relationship that ends it. It is not simply the one who pulls away or ends a relationship that is by default the one that ruined a relationship. A person can behave in a way that ruins a relationship and so the other, at face value, ends it. " - Teal Swan
Just what I needed right now! thank you, Teal ^^ I take way too much responsibility for others and now I realize I have to let go of alot of that to heal myself and feel more empowered. You too have a good week!
Hey Teal. This was amazing. You put words to what I have been trying figure out myself bases on my childhood, relationsships and worklife. Thank you for putting it out there. Much love 💚
I simply Love this Wonderful Woman... She stopped My Soul... She floats My Boat Everyday of the Week. Im dealing with this exact freakin thing. I knew I had it right. Im so freakin out of control with this.... Ive never felt safer.... And I Simply Love it!! Thank you Teal.
This has the icky feeling of being told to find the people who will enable you to be who you want to be (stagnation) instead of finding the people who will help you be the person you need to be (growth).
Speaking of car engines and things we don't want responsibility for.... My car's battery died last week....couldn't get myself to work...had to deal with it....Ended up walking to our local auto parts store...bought a new battery....carried it home and installed it myself.(Average female here) This is something I DO NOT really WANT to have to be responsible for...but the way I look at it is that "Sh#$ happens"....and there's not always someone there who will take it off your hands....and the sooner we acknowledge that fact...the easier getting through it will be. Sure I could have had my car towed to the Honda dealer and had them officially diagnose the problem and install a new battery for me, but this would have added another couple of hundred dollars to repair. Because the auto parts store was literally three blocks from my house (stroke of luck!) and because I happened to already have the right wrench...and knew that batteries are not difficult to replace, I made a "tradeoff". No I didn't want to have to do it, but I wanted even less to have to spend $300-plus that day.....and want even less than that to pair up with a guy merely for his mechanical skills! So, basically, I think what I'm getting at here is that there's no such thing as the constant "ideal"...But we often do have options to "choose" from. Love the idea of the "middle way" or "and consciousness"... There's an amazing article I found a few years ago entitled "7 habits of highly depolarizing people"...I highly recommend Googling it for anyone interested in freeing themselves from polarity....So many insights on how to find that "middle way"....and how to recognize when we're letting ourselves be unconsciously dragged into polarity....My favorite line from the article which I haven't yet forgotten was: "In thinking through any challenge or conflict, the highly depolarizing person’s first question to him- or herself is, “Can I count higher than two?” :)) (a little humor to help the message go down)
I needed to hear this so badly, thank you Teal!♡♥♡♥ I was taking responsibility for everyone most of my life and then when I realized how unhealthy that was I went to the opposite extreme and that felt isolating and cold. Very happy to hear there is a third option!
Hello Teal thank you for reminding us , that we are responsible for the way we reflect in relationship to our brothers and sisters in their projections . It took me a few day to wrap my mind around what you said , then it made total sense . Thank you again!!!
The word responsible (the ability to respond) is key here. I doubt many people are claiming you are not able to respond to other people's emotions. What they mean is that you are not the final causative agent for someone's emotions since emotions are a reflection of one's needs and perceptions. When you are considerate to someone (taking into account their perception and needs), you can act with the intention that their needs will be met and as a result have positive emotions. You can respond to their emotions either way. However, you ultimately do not cause them. If you run over a child, there are a number of needs, perceptions, and choices that might arise. For example, one person dedicates themselves to fix pot-holes. Another person dedicates seeing that you go to jail for as long as possible. Different emotions exist among these possible responses, and you did not cause any of them. However, you certainly can respond to them.
Wow so much wisdom in this video how is it free??? As a kid I was a people pleaser because I felt that I was responsable for everybody’s feelings because I was born by an affair so my existence was DRAMA. Even tho I always kept my heart warm and tried to be there for others, kinda escaping my own pain, after doing the self love journey I came to the conclusion that I wasn’t responsible for anyone’s emotions and this gave me so much power on myself bc I can only control myself right, but I started to have problems with others by not really caring for their emotions, and I feel really bad but I thought that was the only way. Now I get it, I choose to care by also caring about my own emotions, there’s plenty of room to feel. Thank you so much 💝 healing and light
Again, the concept of duality and finding the correct balance has come through in a very informative message. I really do need examples of how behaviors could and do happen in real time. I am always looking for the "for example" statement. Teal is very good a doing this. GBTS!🗿
I am responsible for how I make other people feel. I am responsible for my reaction to what other people do and say. I am also responsible for my own feelings and thoughts.
Bless you Teal, cannot tell you how many crazy things this explained how much i understood through this and got validated through this, i hope you are doing well and growing at the pace that is comfy but a little faster, cause that ensures growth best doesnt it 😊 thank you so much for the video and all of what you do❤
That was amazing!!!I can't say I understand it all but I'm going to listen till I do. I'm really thankful you exist as you are Teal, you are the voice I've needed to hear all these years.
holy crap.. this was intense... def to be rewatched/heard... I identify with taking responsibility for everything and everyone, and myself... always. gotta work on that :) thank you, Teal.
I agree relationship is about connectivity and for me it has been a connectivity to The Most High God. I also encountered that forgiveness is important to let go of that which others have done against you. Yet self forgiveness is less spoken of. And it is needed to release oneself of their reactions toward others. Seek The Most High for truth. For philosophy starts with I think and ends in I think. I hope you get the message. Peace.
Why ppl divorce?and some divorce over again. From universal perspective, Marriage supposed to be two adults (meaning 2 individuals both separatly responsible for how they themselves feel and for what they themselves do ect.) coming to mutual agrement (via consious choice) that they are ready and willing to further their personal responsibility to one other,their partner,becoming not just responsible for oneself but also for the relationship and their partner. That is first progression of self responsibility, second is when that couple is ready to together take responsibility for another i.e child. And so on. Ever thought about why some couples live for 10years relativly easily together,then get married and break up in two years? They are not being tested while living as couple and after the signature to marry they are. (Read on if you think "we don't need thst papir":D ) That is bcs from universal perspective,Marriage is to test ur commitment and responsibility to self and another. After this basic union of family,it goes to larger groups ect. But we have bounch of "teenagers"(in their 20ties,30,40) getting married even without self responsibility in the first place..and that is what our children are tought to do as well. Hence more and more divorces,even repeated for thoose never learning this lesson.
Remember that she said that in a relationship, both people are responsible for connection; and a willingness (with our free will) to feel - their own and others’ feelings. This approach recognizes our mutuality and interconnectedness with other people in a way that appreciates how we together build and co-create our own realities. Another concept is being responsible in our area of preference.
Right on time teal, Literally a few hours ago had a big struggle with a friend about this and i don't feel like dealing with it right now... but i'll watch this video and return
Wow! I see how I've taken responsibility for my parents growing up and even now! I've also learned that it is wrong that people take responsibility for me in my life in some ways :'( I can totally see that in my life from watching this video :'( I do have troubles letting someone else or believing someone else can, will or want to take responsibility for me in any way :'(. Thank you @TealSwan❤❤ Thank you :')
I've always hated the saying "you're never responsible for how others feel". My dad used to say this to me when I would say "you're making me mad/frustrated" or "you're making me sad/upset". He'd say "I can't make you feel anything." An issue with this is that it undermines emotional impact of words/actions and the gravity of pain that can come through that. I.e. if you punch someone in the face nobody would say "oh, well I'm not responsible for how you feel." Because we see that in the absence of the punch the pain wouldn't have been there. It's taken more seriously when its physical pain. That being said, everyone has a biased, tinted filter of life consequently from their unique experiences and biological/neurological structures. You add that with some trauma/fragmented filters, someones objectively none-harmful remark/action can be percieved as incredibly hurtful. In that sense, like teal said, it seems you have a choice here. It may not have been anything you did that is at the root of ones pain, but you can choose to be compassionate and receptive/accepting (if it's safe for you to do so). To say "I cant make you feel anything" or "I'm not responsible for how you feel" is not accepting, its rejecting and disconnecting. So there....those are my thoughts.
you nailed it again!!! you have answered every question that has been in my head that no one else could answer!! you are helping me to slowly put my pieces back together xo thank you thank you thank you!!!!!! luv u
I agree. This is very groundbreaking, but it seems like most of humanity isn’t yet ready to face their emotions and take full responsibility for themselves in an integrated way
Teal I'd really like you to make a video on addiction to gratitude / mantra chanting! You really love to rip apart the current paradigms! Thank you for your help so far.
No and yes... No as in not directly but yes we should respect other peoples rights to be upset or happy or disappointed etc with our words and actions and this should be universal
It's quite a feat to be able to fit this topic into 30mins and cover it in many angles and nuance. You could easily spend several days exploring it. This was a great talk that's made me want to rediscover some of the old philosophers and humanists.
wow. thank you for supporting my lifelong views I guess? wow. I always thought something was off with the spiritual community teaching that you are alone in the world responsible for you and only you. THANK YOU for bringing this into light- as usual, from every perspective possible . rock on!!!!
My mum has always been the one who wanted to take responsibility for how everyone felt and has oppressively projected that image of herself upon me all her life, 50 years and counting. As a result I’ve adopted the opposite view of her which has lead us into arguments, intense frustration, anxiety, tears and me taking stimulants, psychedelics and alcohol to escape her hammer drill voice and presence that can almost drive me to insanity if I spend too long in her company. Yet I love her so much because she’s my mum and I know she loves me, what to do about all this ?
Maybe feelings are not the best pathway to happiness? feelings can change, influence decisions temporarily and blind you from rationality. Maybe how other people feel is dependent on the other person's ability to understand their ego, where one person may have a different reaction to another simply based on their reticular focus. In a conflict you could always "talk it out" but that is boring, long and sometimes manipulative. I find it more authentic to state you're true intention and describe what you were hoping to achieve so that the physical manifestation is not a determinant of your relationship (Unless that is you are materialistically oriented, hey I'm not here to judge). If you can recognise peoples emotional attachment after the fact then you have the opportunity to acknowledge the other person frustration by describing their state, what they may possibly be feeling, and why they may be potentially feeling that way, once you understand the issue you will be better-equipped handle emotional reactivity or attachment. I don't know how it is for women but for a guy, you are totally accountable for your emotions (The ones you show and want to show as well as the ones you can't). You can 'Be yourself' around certain people by reframing reality but its very hard to do when it comes to a larger scale like society. In western society, this is particularly backwards and you have to accept this chaotic matrix knowing it's backwards.
Wow that’s next level, Sometimes listening to Teal makes me feel better, other times like now it makes me feel so archaic in my ways. Baby steps I guess. Thanks Teal, great stuff 🥰
How is it that teal swan hasn't been on operas master class couch is beyond a mystery to me. Her perspective on everything is like beverage that can forever cure thirst! Thank you for the video 🤓.
I finally found someone who could articulate everything I’ve ever felt. Thank God for you and coming into this platform. I feel connected to you, it’s in the eyes, I can see it. Everything has started to fit into place. You are an extraordinary teacher. God bless.
Exactly. Happened to me in 2014. Wishing you the best 2 yrs after your comment
100% agree. Teal is beyond words, there's just no word that's enough to describe her. I've never seen anyone like her before and know I'll never again. Absolutely DIVINE 💫💓
Oh my god, Same.
Beautiful comment, bless you sweet being
Yessss. I even feel like I come from the same place she does (in the universe), like we have a shared soul aspect or are somehow soul-related
You know, usually watching these videos hurts my ego. But this time, I think it's more a confirmation for my progression so far. I'm proud of myself. Thanks, Teal.
obviously I ain't able to do anything
Was kannst du eignetlich
obviously - nothing
run,... talk fluff, have mental breakdowns, go on the train that's it
I did Sadhguru's online class a year ago. In it, he talks about how if two people start fist fighting, is it your responsibility to break up and try to stop the fight? It is no one's but yet someone will take it as their responsibility to and try to stop it. If you see a piece of trash on the ground, who should be the one responsible for picking it up and throwing it away? We have no way of knowing how the trash got there, it could have been blown by a tornado several years ago or was blown by the wind from the dump itself. Whoever chooses to pick it up is "responsible" for picking it up. No one is required to take responsibility for anything (the earth, your room/house, yourself, animals, your relationships to other people) but yet I think the best possible life we can create is by taking as much responsibility as we can for the things that are within our power.
Exactly . And Swan would say Sadhguru is spiritual teacher who don't care how others feel 😕 See when everything we experience is happening from within us , isn't it normal consequence that we treat everything as we want to treat ourselves ? Someone can be unconscious and angry with you , so should we feel "duty" to pick their emotions and be responsible ? Or should we just take charge of how we feel and therefore empower all that comes to us to feel good .
Only "duty" to feel how others feel is fear of being left alone , fear of suffering . If we make ourselves feel good , obviously we would understand by nature everyone else and why they feel they way they does . All else is nonsense
I love it you are right on .thanks for your post .
@@ms7HD Why do you think she would say that about Sadhguru? I believe from all what I have seen she and Sadhguru have very similar ideas. I might be wrong, so I’m asking if u have that information. She is definitely not happy about the “only think positive” gurus, but Sadhguru teaches how to stop poisoning our minds, no?
nope
Key idea: choosing to.
This came at the perfect time. 25 and I'm still dealing with being "responsible" for other's emotions all the time.
Me too at every job too
People pleao
Co dependent
I was brought up to think and believe that I was responsible for how others feel. It has messed me up my whole life in that I felt it was my responsibility to make a loved one feel better about themselves at the risk of my own mental and emotional health.
Same here. I’m now trying to find a healthy balance between honoring my feelings first, and realizing that while you can effect someone, you are not responsible for the way they handle that effect, as long as you are conscious in how you might be effecting them.
Wow I didn't realise that I take responsibility for how people feel, and that it's part of the reason why I care so much what people think of me.
@Barbe Summers Yeah the thing is that I don't do it in an "obvious" way, like I'm really introverted and I don't exactly try to "deal" with other peoples feelings in any way, it's just that I internalise that responsibility and make everything my fault. And I feel like I have to make sure no one thinks of me in a negative way (which is poor boundaries). I'm glad you were able to break free from that, hopefully I can also learn to be more conscious of what I take on.
Saaaame.
Wish you the best journey!:)
@@silje8711 need to bring that change in me too . I am drained
Thank you so much Teal for all of your videos here on UA-cam! Your work is impeccable! And your view is so encompassing! You have helped me immensely and I can’t wait to meet you someday! I’m still amazed everytime I listen to one of your videos! They are so deep. I also loved Shadows Before Dawn! All my love to you and your tribe! I can’t thank you enough!
You ARE responsible for how people feel if you actively treat them like crap or are emotionally abusive or don’t allow others to speak or feel, and listen and be open. To say you’re not responsible at all gives people the excuse to treat others however they want to. Drives me crazy when people do that. It’s very apathetic and selfish. But you’re not responsible for others feelings in that it’s not your job to fulfil others voids if they expect you to or if they expect you to make them happy, like in the way some parents make their kids feel responsible for their parents happiness. Great video.
can I please start over with a lesser pedigree and a lesser obligations socially?!?
I was overwhelmed from first day on in this town and simply do not get it.
Ich kann ja nix, außer laufen, rennen, schlecht hüpfen, vergangenen Träumen hinterherträumen,
ich kann in den Bus steigen, ich kann in den Zug steigen, und das war es so ziemlich.
Alles andere ist mir zu hoch
I agree....
It sound like you said what teal said but angry .
Even then you're not responsible for how they feel unless they are taking your feelings into consideration too. It is on the abused person to leave and heal their own feelings and wounds, not the abuser, unless the two want to work things out in which case both need to care for each others feelings. But if someone is abusing someone else to me it makes no sense to stay and care for the abuser, that feels self hating. An abuser isn't uisually capable to taking responsiblity for other people like that. So saying it's on the abuser to care for the abused person's feelings is just wishful thinking and fantasy land.
I am a therapist and only six minutes into the video. I truly appreciate you Teal. Thank you for your wisdom making the world a better place. Thank you for the peace you bestow on me.
When I think about the dynamics between me and my three older sisters and our mother...all of this make SO much sense. A single mother trying to be responsible for the feelings of 4 daughters. Four daughters feeling responsible for how their mother and other sisters feel and then each reacting differently to that feeling of responsibility. Everyone trying and failing to be self-sufficient and creating a climate where it's not okay to need attention. All of the dysfunctional coping mechanisms. It's no wonder we grew so far apart. We had no idea how to be there for each other. We couldn't even accept ourselves, let alone each other.
This is enmeshment
@@mandolaathat’s great thanks for sharing this 💚🙏
This makes me feel...
Validated.
🙏
For a while I thought I was an empath, and now I realize that I am a recovering co-dependent. I dealt with severe enmeshment trauma in childhood with having to be forced to be my mother's therapist in the wake of my father not taking emotional responsibility for my mother. So I ended up being a sort of 'surrogate husband', and it was such a painful thing to go through that I disconnected from not only my own needs, but also my own entire sense of ego and personal power. If I showed care towards my own goals, I faced negative backlash from my mother, accusing me of 'not needing her' anymore and 'growing up too fast'. As I got older, I became afraid of forging my own path and taking action without first checking with other people.
that is fucked up but YOU ARE SO POWERFUL NOW FOR SEEING THE THING THAT REALLY HAPPENED.
May I ask how you were able to free from this relationship with your mother? My husband is going through the same thing
So glad that you are realizing that. But also very important to not resent your mother but to understand that her actions also are a response to her own traumas.
@@parcejedi Whatever someone else feels in response to abuse is completely reasonable. I don't know why everyone is so quick to push people to forgive their abusers before they're able to truly heal themselves first. By failing to hold abusers truly accountable and pushing victims to forgive prematurely it reinforces the idea that the abused individual isn't important or worthy and their feelings don't matter.
Sure, it sounds really nice to hold hands and forgive everybody and sing songs together or whatnot, but forgiveness is a very personal individual matter and it's harmful for randos to tell survivors of abuse how they should feel about it. Of course most abusers survived some trauma or another, there's always a reason for awful behavior if you search for one, but being a survivor of trauma is ABSOLUTELY NO EXCUSE for abusing other people, especially children. Saying things like this can be very damaging to survivors because it minimizes their experience and doesn't leave room for very normal and healthy responses to trauma on the path to healing, such as resentment and anger. Once those feelings are dealt with healing can happen but telling survivors not to feel those things is adding more harm to an already burdened individual.
This comment honestly unlocked something in me that I had no idea was there. I am 25 and was struggling to figure this out. I thank you for bringing this to my awareness so that I can work this out and spiritually grow.
Be compassionate, but don't enable,
Speak the truth; don't tell a fable,
The secret to everything-responsibility,
And then you will achieve invulnerability.
but where does compassion stop and enabling begin exactly? Thats the question
Sbeast ... Don't you mean *Vulnerability?
Because that is the whole point. We are here to feeeeel. And to Love is to be Vulnerable.
@@chrisbrussel5818 you're right, there can be a vulnerability to love because there's a risk of losing it or being rejected. I think what Sbeast means is that the more we are able to accept and understand what happens or doesn't happen to us, the better placed we are to deal with our vulnerability and either lean into it, embracing it, or if we are threatened, to respond effectively.
Responsibility is your RESPONSE-ABILITY or your unlimited ability to respond to anything, with whatever limited action you are capable of... If you take responsibility for everything you are free, you can respond instead of react impulsively
@CR Eng the kind of responsibility you probably think, that may be the case.
But there is no need to control anyone or anything if you see the responsibility is within you, and doing best for your self, not bulldozing yourself, accepting yourself fully and working with your shadow, all of that mirrors into your life and the life of those closest to you. Thats the responsibility Teal is talking about, not the controlling one you think about, where you project your insecurities onto others and tell them how to live their lives.
Teal is underrated as fuck. Her messages are so insightful yet she's only at half a million subs. So many people actually need to know this so that we can function in harmony as a society.
Interesting, I used to diminish myself for others. I was afraid to lose people. I suffered just to keep them, even though I was the one who wasnt satisfied with relationship. I took me lot of courage to stand up for myself. They never gave as much as I did. So... why should I feel sorry for them, if they never asked how I really felt...
+
If I'm speaking from alignment and know I'm not being an asshole, when people think I'm being one, it really shows where their wounds are. I know I'm in a dysfunctional relationship. I'd enjoy meeting their wounds when they're not lashing out, rather speaking to me from a vulnerable honesty. Until I'm met from that place when I'm giving enough of my loved-on wounds, I hold strong on not being responsible for their butthurtness. I've grown. They can grow. I'd love to grow more with them instead of outside of them.
I completely feel the part about taking all the responsibility and the option of being empowered when you let that go. From a young age I was blamed for my 'bad' behavior and how it made other people feel. Even when I said something neutral or a matter-of-fact, they still punished me for... something? Even back then, they felt angry and I always felt like I made them feel that way. Later I was blamed for worse things, there's a lot of responsibility on my shoulders about our family, our house and finances, their happiness etc. and all that started when I was a little child who didn't understand anything about money and other grown-up things yet. They even say that I'm responsible for everything directly to my face. If you think you're responsible for bad things from such a young age, you start to think YOU ARE the bad thing.
People who don't wanna take or can take responcbility's blaim other people.. Thats where boundaries are important.. Whats deels good doe you and what not.. You are strong and learn.. to choose yourself.. and you are perfect.. don't forget..
Teal, I love you. You have a way to verbalize the things everyone feels, that they didn't already know how to verbalize themselves. I feel like you've helped me know myself in ways that would have been nearly impossible to know by myself. Thank you!
oh i love that last bit, for people like myself who have abandonment and take too much responsibility in relationships and are often match to people with enmeshment who don't want any responsibility in relationships- for us it is definitely about figuring out what responsibility to let go of. you cannot inspire someone who doesn't want to do their 50%. your responsibility is to yourself and to extricate yourself from those relationships.
This video is so empowering, for now I realize I have a freedom of choice dependent on individual circumstances / people. It makes me want to find my partner who wants to take responsibility for things I don't and visa versa. Or things we agree to take responsibility for. This approach is revolutionary yet so simple. Thank you, Teal Swan
Thank you Teal! I was just thinking that trying to be responsible for absolutely everything in my life is self cruelty and this video comes out, LOL The most paradoxical to me is the more I intend to take responsibility for everything, the more dependent I become... an more frustrated I feel with that situation... the idea of finding that flexibility, being responsible and let others also being responsible at the same time, each one in the area of their preference is like a lighthouse in the dark, seems so obvious once you bring it to light... 🙏🙆❣❤❤❤
Three words: Find Healthy Boundaries!
....speaking for the aspect of you that IS an individual, that is. ..
For the aspect of us that is connected, It's a GOOD thing (IMHO) to lovingly allow and even EXPECT even those you're close to, to take responsibility for what they're able to, while at the same time staying attuned enough to discern if/when they may need a little nudge in the right direction...or even a little support....or help finding that support, if it can't come directly from you. When we ourselves take on any more responsibility than this......especially when not specifically asked....we are crossing into "unhealthy" territory.
@@macoeur1122 🙏 Can't agree more! ☺
Wow, you are gifted with a high EQ! I'm impressed! You are so articulate!
I love that Teal always covers all of the bases when she does these. Its not just something she threw together overnight. Lots of background and lots of permutations. And always personal and vulnerable. So well done. And its just EVERY time.
My philosophy: you are not responsible for how other people feel but you do have the option to care. It’s a choice.
This!
Imagine intentionally not caring bc you think it takes your power away. Gulp.
I agree with this so much! I think most people don’t want to sacrifice their positive self image aka ego by admitting to be at fault for another’s feelings
When I was a kid I wondered why the guru was alone on the mountaintop.
Hadley Scott McIntyre "If you start to think that you are enlightened, go spend a weekend with your family" Ram Dass
*The guru should NOT be alone on the mountaintop!* SPLENDID INTUITION, friend. :) However, Earth is very low 1st sphere awareness and mystical Eastern philosophies popular here max-out/peak in 6th sphere consciousness where there is still poor understanding of SOUL-splitting and the mitosis (twin) dynamic which becomes fully understood by 8th sphere. In fact, by the time a half-soul reaches 8th sphere consciousness, he or she will ALWAYS KNOW exactly who their twin flame is.
Gaining this awareness while still incarnate on 1st sphere Earth is a very rare attainment which can greatly accelerate spiritual growth and happiness SHOULD those twins actually connect and work together energetically to realize the other's dreams. By the very nature of their similar intellects which are spawn of the same soul.. this is not so difficult ONCE the connection is made. However, FEAR by either party can easily prevent this priceless connection from being realized. PEACE. :)
NOTE: Most people claiming to be with their twin-flames are really just relationship-needy humans in sympathetic addiction & hence attraction.
pavanatanaya.....Love this, and have said it many times! This isn't about blame, this is about excavation of a sorts, of Self.@@pavanatanaya
I've always pictured them alone on a mountaintop with a peach tree nearby and people (or animals) coming to bother them every now and them. 🤗
Because people suck.
18:16 "We divide up the responsibility according to who does it most naturally, and likes it the most" --> new motto for the new educationnal system/career system of the future.
Amen! I suppose they try to teach us that indirectly when they say follow your passion - but without more explanation such as Teal gives, I couldn’t get it.
It was surprisingly like hearing her describe my life, my past relationships and my current relationships. She literally went through my 41 years of life in about 5 minutes.
Awesome Teal! Thank you!!! While I knew in my heart it was not correct or healthy to try to be responsible for all people... that seems obvious... I struggled to reconcile my feelings about the other philosophy and it always bothered me... that that implied a lack of empathy and a convenient ‘out’ for anyone causing anyone else suffering... I think it’s something about extremes in general not being healthy!!! Anyway... I am now currently addicted to listening to your videos as I potter about doing mundane tasks... and am always left feeling lighter, relieved and with a greater sense of direction. Having listened to you detail you back story, I am horrified that anyone should ever have to suffer abuse as you (and sadly so many more have), and thank you from the bottom of my heart for using this for good.... I think you have probably helped more people than you can even imagine!!!!
Huge fan of your work - you have clearly dedicated your life to it and it clears up that ambiguous and much debated view of ' I am not responsible for your feelings' - thank you!
Oh god. Tealy dragging my ass for 30 minutes straight. I am living for it 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I was a “let her cry it out” baby 😭 still trying to learn how to be vulnerable with others and allow them to help me sometimes. I thought being fully independent was the ideal way to be. But it’s not. It’s quite lonely.
Treasure those around you who care enough to get sad when you are sad, get happy because you are happy, get angry because you are angry, and feel hurt when you are hurt.
This was brilliant and exactly the perspective I need.
Thank you very much.
... I know, that the place you were in when you did the heart wrenching "TS answers to haters"- video was a very very hard one.
Without denying any of the pain and the injustice of what happened to you - you followed your promise ("I will do the work"), and it shows. The last videos I watched provide a whole new level of insight, that I admire, really need in my life right now and am deeply grateful for.
All the best to you.
Open roads, friendly skies.
This just unlocked something in me. I, though, still feel an immense responsibility to help/heal/hold space for those who are suffering - because I have managed to shake hands with my Ego, talk with her, and let her assist me in being other peoples servants. I foolishly (and to a degree, still do) think that my love, patience and courage to help will be unending and healthy eternally, even neglecting my own biological needs. Perhaps I have this fear of being selfish, or think that my true self can be realised through constant help. But in truth, I feel exhausted and sad. Not everyone wants space held for them, and I wonder how many times I will shove myself aside for others, because I feel compelled to. I just wanted to vent here. Thanks, Teal. You are priceless.
Yes...
So a person who has chosen the scapegoat role in order to survive, their path of healing is in the direction of no longer taking responsibility
for others where perhaps they had before. This will be freeing and healing for this person, and empowering for all.
The other will be forced to look at taking responsibility.
It is quite magical how it all sorts itself out.
And yes, feeling is awesome.
It feels so disempowering and weird sometimes when people are wanting to take responsibility for things that are not theirs.
When I say no thank-you in these cases, there can be offence taken.
Thank you for this message☯
The best! What would my life be without ur wise words?!;)
Deeply thankful for your support on my “journey”. So much love and happily wishes to you and your family dear, great Teal Swan.
Namaste
I love youu teal this is exactly what I needed to comprehend. I've been searching for this answer, and just after I hit the bell notification another of your gold insights is my key to true authenticity
I have just finished abandonment video and this one. Thanks for making it more clear to me, it makes a lot of sense ! I really appreciate these informations ❤. I have felt emotions like wow(amazing) and being in kind of shock too. I may wait / watch it again to adjust some of those straightforward trues, before I watch other topics from you. I appreciate the work you are doing. You are helping me becoming a better version of me and that is what I am seeking right now. Bless you 🙏.I thank you.
I am not responsible for the world. I will not add to someone's ill situation, but I am NOT GOING to suffer with that person! I am not responsible. If I work with someone who is unhappy because of my direct interaction then I WILL do something to remedy this problem. Other than that "I go my own way..."
I think this is exactly what she's talking about.
@@Theantinarc I stand by my statement. How do you respond to Teal's observation?
Ty, once again Teal for delivering wicked truth to a confused world.
You're the best. Blessings
Escapism, is often horribly destructive. Stop this behavior it's not an answer to problems, blocks, or day to day living situation.
Teal loves casually slapping me in the face with truth and I’m here for all of it lol
Thank you for clearing this unclarity up in my mind which possibly was a split...
Your teachings, Teal, are just a Gift to the World!
I was having the question lately about whether we’re responsible for others’ feelings or not and now this video happens. Wow.
And thank you Teal for the video.
Living like this takes great courage and commitment.
I am going to look at the ways I can live more truly and in alignment.
I realize that I often feel like I am 'cheating' when I choose to embrace and do
the things I love. And, I realize I do not fully speak up with others to let the, know
I do not want certain responsibilities. I am sorry for this and will correct this instead of being
evasive.
Thank you for the potent message, Teal.
Thank you! I had never come across 'caretakers' before, but it's just right. All I ever heard of was about codependents and people pleasers, which never really resonated with me, because I don't act a victim, and am not particularly passive or feel a strong need to please others - yet I do feel responsible for their emotions, particuarly anger etc, and feel the need to 'solve their problem', if someone shows negative emotions. This makes so much sense, finally!
Another awakening & Life changing session with Teal! Deeply Thankful for everything and everyone who made this video possible for us to watch for free. Thank you Thank you Thank you ✨👑🌿
this makes so much sense put so much information it is hard to process. im shook
Hoooooly Malloley I just want to cry my face with such relief... So grateful she has been able to put all this into words where (those who choose to consciously listen) people could understand what to do about this impacting dilemna they face everyday! Thank you Teal!
This is very, very validating. Thank you. This explains why I feel uncomfortable when I state I'm not responsible for other people's feelings. This is what I was taught (and I really needed it as I tend to feel overly responsible for others).
But I feel like that's not completely true/accurate. We are responsible to some extent. And the responsibility lies in how we express and behave ourself.
Oneness. Got it. I have updated my beliefs, haha :).
Responsibly has gotten jumbled as a concept. To take responsibility for another's emotions is to see the role you play in everything. You make effects in every movement and to acknowledge that is taking responsibility. The non responsible part is seeing you do not hold the responsibility of peoples actions and views towards everything. It is a balance in every action to see where each is held in each relationship. I love you Teal and thank you for this community! I love you all~!!!
Most of what people look for in the spiritual field is ‚please I don‘t want to feel bad’ and than bs spiritual teacher teach them these coping meachanism... it is so damaging. It makes people even more disconnected and in complete denial...
LOVE YOU TEAL
Because you have taken responsibility willingly for both yourself and others I am able to heal and become a more healthy person. Your labors have been a great benefit and for that you deserve great rewards. Excellent work! Thank you so much for sharing your insights.
This is indeed not an easy topic to think about, but one all of us can relate to. I usually care a bit too much about how I make others feel, and while I don't consider myself a caretaker, I do at some point explain myself away, because I've always felt like I owed everyone an explanation for anything I did. Right now, because of the astrological energies, it's brought up a lot of intense heavy energies from within me and I'm deeply needing to be in solitude. However, I live with my live-in landlord who follows me around every chance he gets because he likes being in my positive energy and he constantly wants his ego validated. Lately I've been avoiding him and I can tell it's bothering him greatly. While I feel that I am avoiding him because I just need to be with myself in order to recharge, this is something I'm doing for me, I am very confused on if I should explain what I'm going through so he doesn't feel bad anymore. I don't want to feel responsible for his emotions, but if by me taking care of my own needs first makes him feel bad, is it wrong of me to let it be, to not explain myself to him? He's a middle-aged man who counsels traumatized clients, shouldn't he understand??? Right now I don't think I owe him an explanation, I'm going to keep being in my own bubble, avoid being around him. I feel like I'm betraying myself if I explain myself again, or to apologize for me needing to be in my own space to recharge.
Very helpful to say these things out loud.
It does not matter what the topic is Teal has a great response to most situations. I utilise her teachings in most aspects of my life. The way I pay is by purchasing from her merchandise. So far I am getting so much more however that is ok. I love this economic system of giving and taking and paying 🎉 🎉🎉.
it takes two to maintain a connection and this episode also goes great with Teal's quote that its not always the person who physically leaves the relationship that ends it. It is not simply the one who pulls away or ends a relationship that is by default the one that ruined a relationship. A person can behave in a way that ruins a relationship and so the other, at face value, ends it. " - Teal Swan
Just what I needed right now! thank you, Teal ^^ I take way too much responsibility for others and now I realize I have to let go of alot of that to heal myself and feel more empowered. You too have a good week!
Hey Teal. This was amazing. You put words to what I have been trying figure out myself bases on my childhood, relationsships and worklife. Thank you for putting it out there. Much love 💚
This is such a great topic. Thank you Teal! ❤
I simply Love this Wonderful Woman... She stopped My Soul... She floats My Boat Everyday of the Week. Im dealing with this exact freakin thing. I knew I had it right. Im so freakin out of control with this.... Ive never felt safer.... And I Simply Love it!! Thank you Teal.
Wow very deep. Thank you Teal you’re such a blessing to me and all of us people 💕
This has the icky feeling of being told to find the people who will enable you to be who you want to be (stagnation) instead of finding the people who will help you be the person you need to be (growth).
Speaking of car engines and things we don't want responsibility for.... My car's battery died last week....couldn't get myself to work...had to deal with it....Ended up walking to our local auto parts store...bought a new battery....carried it home and installed it myself.(Average female here) This is something I DO NOT really WANT to have to be responsible for...but the way I look at it is that "Sh#$ happens"....and there's not always someone there who will take it off your hands....and the sooner we acknowledge that fact...the easier getting through it will be. Sure I could have had my car towed to the Honda dealer and had them officially diagnose the problem and install a new battery for me, but this would have added another couple of hundred dollars to repair. Because the auto parts store was literally three blocks from my house (stroke of luck!) and because I happened to already have the right wrench...and knew that batteries are not difficult to replace, I made a "tradeoff". No I didn't want to have to do it, but I wanted even less to have to spend $300-plus that day.....and want even less than that to pair up with a guy merely for his mechanical skills! So, basically, I think what I'm getting at here is that there's no such thing as the constant "ideal"...But we often do have options to "choose" from.
Love the idea of the "middle way" or "and consciousness"... There's an amazing article I found a few years ago entitled "7 habits of highly depolarizing people"...I highly recommend Googling it for anyone interested in freeing themselves from polarity....So many insights on how to find that "middle way"....and how to recognize when we're letting ourselves be unconsciously dragged into polarity....My favorite line from the article which I haven't yet forgotten was:
"In thinking through any challenge or conflict, the highly depolarizing person’s first question to him- or herself is, “Can I count higher than two?” :)) (a little humor to help the message go down)
I needed to hear this so badly, thank you Teal!♡♥♡♥ I was taking responsibility for everyone most of my life and then when I realized how unhealthy that was I went to the opposite extreme and that felt isolating and cold. Very happy to hear there is a third option!
Hello Teal thank you for reminding us , that we are responsible for the way we reflect in relationship to our brothers and sisters in their projections . It took me a few day to wrap my mind around what you said , then it made total sense . Thank you again!!!
U awsome teal thank you for all your teachings
The word responsible (the ability to respond) is key here. I doubt many people are claiming you are not able to respond to other people's emotions. What they mean is that you are not the final causative agent for someone's emotions since emotions are a reflection of one's needs and perceptions. When you are considerate to someone (taking into account their perception and needs), you can act with the intention that their needs will be met and as a result have positive emotions. You can respond to their emotions either way. However, you ultimately do not cause them.
If you run over a child, there are a number of needs, perceptions, and choices that might arise. For example, one person dedicates themselves to fix pot-holes. Another person dedicates seeing that you go to jail for as long as possible. Different emotions exist among these possible responses, and you did not cause any of them. However, you certainly can respond to them.
Wow so much wisdom in this video how is it free??? As a kid I was a people pleaser because I felt that I was responsable for everybody’s feelings because I was born by an affair so my existence was DRAMA.
Even tho I always kept my heart warm and tried to be there for others, kinda escaping my own pain, after doing the self love journey I came to the conclusion that I wasn’t responsible for anyone’s emotions and this gave me so much power on myself bc I can only control myself right, but I started to have problems with others by not really caring for their emotions, and I feel really bad but I thought that was the only way.
Now I get it, I choose to care by also caring about my own emotions, there’s plenty of room to feel.
Thank you so much 💝 healing and light
Again, the concept of duality and finding the correct balance has come through in a very informative message. I really do need examples of how behaviors could and do happen in real time. I am always looking for the "for example" statement. Teal is very good a doing this. GBTS!🗿
Dear Teal, would you pls do a video about "How to let go of a responsibility?" I think this would be super useful for many of us!!
I am responsible for how I make other people feel. I am responsible for my reaction to what other people do and say. I am also responsible for my own feelings and thoughts.
Love this. About the only teacher out there that makes any sense to me and my own thoughts and beliefs ❤ thank you ❤
Gosh... Thee impact that this video or this kind of knowledge has made on my life is unparamounted. 🔥🦋
Bless you Teal, cannot tell you how many crazy things this explained how much i understood through this and got validated through this, i hope you are doing well and growing at the pace that is comfy but a little faster, cause that ensures growth best doesnt it 😊 thank you so much for the video and all of what you do❤
That was amazing!!!I can't say I understand it all but I'm going to listen till I do. I'm really thankful you exist as you are Teal, you are the voice I've needed to hear all these years.
holy crap.. this was intense... def to be rewatched/heard... I identify with taking responsibility for everything and everyone, and myself... always. gotta work on that :) thank you, Teal.
I agree relationship is about connectivity and for me it has been a connectivity to The Most High God. I also encountered that forgiveness is important to let go of that which others have done against you. Yet self forgiveness is less spoken of. And it is needed to release oneself of their reactions toward others. Seek The Most High for truth. For philosophy starts with I think and ends in I think. I hope you get the message. Peace.
Why ppl divorce?and some divorce over again. From universal perspective, Marriage supposed to be two adults (meaning 2 individuals both separatly responsible for how they themselves feel and for what they themselves do ect.) coming to mutual agrement (via consious choice) that they are ready and willing to further their personal responsibility to one other,their partner,becoming not just responsible for oneself but also for the relationship and their partner. That is first progression of self responsibility, second is when that couple is ready to together take responsibility for another i.e child. And so on. Ever thought about why some couples live for 10years relativly easily together,then get married and break up in two years? They are not being tested while living as couple and after the signature to marry they are. (Read on if you think "we don't need thst papir":D )
That is bcs from universal perspective,Marriage is to test ur commitment and responsibility to self and another. After this basic union of family,it goes to larger groups ect. But we have bounch of "teenagers"(in their 20ties,30,40) getting married even without self responsibility in the first place..and that is what our children are tought to do as well. Hence more and more divorces,even repeated for thoose never learning this lesson.
Thank you so much Teal ❤❤❤
this is an awesome video Teal
Thank you!
I sort of get it, but I don't like to be around people that don't get me dont want to talk about their pain and see only what they want from me
Remember that she said that in a relationship, both people are responsible for connection; and a willingness (with our free will) to feel - their own and others’ feelings. This approach recognizes our mutuality and interconnectedness with other people in a way that appreciates how we together build and co-create our own realities. Another concept is being responsible in our area of preference.
sounds like you're hanging out with incompatible people. the self loving thing would be to find people you do want to be around.
Right on time teal, Literally a few hours ago had a big struggle with a friend about this and i don't feel like dealing with it right now... but i'll watch this video and return
Wow! I see how I've taken responsibility for my parents growing up and even now! I've also learned that it is wrong that people take responsibility for me in my life in some ways :'( I can totally see that in my life from watching this video :'( I do have troubles letting someone else or believing someone else can, will or want to take responsibility for me in any way :'(. Thank you @TealSwan❤❤ Thank you :')
I've always hated the saying "you're never responsible for how others feel". My dad used to say this to me when I would say "you're making me mad/frustrated" or "you're making me sad/upset". He'd say "I can't make you feel anything."
An issue with this is that it undermines emotional impact of words/actions and the gravity of pain that can come through that. I.e. if you punch someone in the face nobody would say "oh, well I'm not responsible for how you feel." Because we see that in the absence of the punch the pain wouldn't have been there. It's taken more seriously when its physical pain.
That being said, everyone has a biased, tinted filter of life consequently from their unique experiences and biological/neurological structures. You add that with some trauma/fragmented filters, someones objectively none-harmful remark/action can be percieved as incredibly hurtful. In that sense, like teal said, it seems you have a choice here. It may not have been anything you did that is at the root of ones pain, but you can choose to be compassionate and receptive/accepting (if it's safe for you to do so). To say "I cant make you feel anything" or "I'm not responsible for how you feel" is not accepting, its rejecting and disconnecting.
So there....those are my thoughts.
you nailed it again!!! you have answered every question that has been in my head that no one else could answer!! you are helping me to slowly put my pieces back together xo thank you thank you thank you!!!!!! luv u
I agree. This is very groundbreaking, but it seems like most of humanity isn’t yet ready to face their emotions and take full responsibility for themselves in an integrated way
Teal I'd really like you to make a video on addiction to gratitude / mantra chanting! You really love to rip apart the current paradigms! Thank you for your help so far.
We are responsible for others feelings when other's feelings are presented to us. We are not responsible to assume how others feel in a given moment.
No and yes... No as in not directly but yes we should respect other peoples rights to be upset or happy or disappointed etc with our words and actions and this should be universal
you're right teal, this was a very timely video. i saw myself in a lot of aspects here, had to pause several times to integrate. thank you.
It's quite a feat to be able to fit this topic into 30mins and cover it in many angles and nuance. You could easily spend several days exploring it. This was a great talk that's made me want to rediscover some of the old philosophers and humanists.
wow. thank you for supporting my lifelong views I guess? wow. I always thought something was off with the spiritual community teaching that you are alone in the world responsible for you and only you. THANK YOU for bringing this into light- as usual, from every perspective possible . rock on!!!!
My mum has always been the one who wanted to take responsibility for how everyone felt and has oppressively projected that image of herself upon me all her life, 50 years and counting. As a result I’ve adopted the opposite view of her which has lead us into arguments, intense frustration, anxiety, tears and me taking stimulants, psychedelics and alcohol to escape her hammer drill voice and presence that can almost drive me to insanity if I spend too long in her company. Yet I love her so much because she’s my mum and I know she loves me, what to do about all this ?
Maybe feelings are not the best pathway to happiness? feelings can change, influence decisions temporarily and blind you from rationality. Maybe how other people feel is dependent on the other person's ability to understand their ego, where one person may have a different reaction to another simply based on their reticular focus. In a conflict you could always "talk it out" but that is boring, long and sometimes manipulative.
I find it more authentic to state you're true intention and describe what you were hoping to achieve so that the physical manifestation is not a determinant of your relationship (Unless that is you are materialistically oriented, hey I'm not here to judge). If you can recognise peoples emotional attachment after the fact then you have the opportunity to acknowledge the other person frustration by describing their state, what they may possibly be feeling, and why they may be potentially feeling that way, once you understand the issue you will be better-equipped handle emotional reactivity or attachment.
I don't know how it is for women but for a guy, you are totally accountable for your emotions (The ones you show and want to show as well as the ones you can't). You can 'Be yourself' around certain people by reframing reality but its very hard to do when it comes to a larger scale like society. In western society, this is particularly backwards and you have to accept this chaotic matrix knowing it's backwards.
I love you Teal - this is exactly what I am braving in my life right now. Thank you 🩵
Wow that’s next level, Sometimes listening to Teal makes me feel better, other times like now it makes me feel so archaic in my ways. Baby steps I guess. Thanks Teal, great stuff 🥰
This is priceless. Teal you are in your element. Beautiful. ✨
How is it that teal swan hasn't been on operas master class couch is beyond a mystery to me. Her perspective on everything is like beverage that can forever cure thirst! Thank you for the video 🤓.
Loved your video! And, I agree with U. Thank you for showing how being involved in healthy ways begins to look.
So excited to watch this!! Perfect timing in my life, thanks Teal :)