@@StephanieLynCoaching I got blame for something that I didn’t cause or said and my brother yell at me on this and he told some one else about it and now it’s messy and now he’s acting all mad like I had something to do with it it’s putting me and a vulnerable state and he thinks that i about to cause him to go to jail I don’t get it please help
Its hard to set boundaries particularly having no back up from emotionally immature parents since childhood. I didn't think I had any rights to express my opinion.
This is something I discovered as some of my struggles as well. What you just explained is so accurate, my parents are emotionally immature as well and the examples of how to set healthy boundaries etc was not the environment I grew up in.
I'm literally terrified of standing up for myself. When someone confronts me I feel my heart sink into my stomach and I get anxiety and I try to please and appease the other person. As if it weren't enough I keep on going over it in my head for months/years!
Sounds like me as well. I get petrified that if I were to express any contrary ideas or reaction that it could set off a potential violent response which I would then not be able to confront or defend against.
Narcissists and toxic people hate any feedback they perceive as negative, even when putting it in "I" statements. Anything that isn't about them sets them off.
Yup!! And my father wonders why my sibling and I don't have a close relationship with him. 🙄 You stand up for yourself and they get offended and say "you're attacking them".
If i talked back or tried to stick up for myself, i would get screamed at, threatened, or hit or beaten. I am afraid of authority and confrontation and it has crippled me and stunted my development and life.
That's why there is a timevto just LEAVE from the person. If communicating with them and setting bounderies causes them to abuse you use all the resources available possible to get RID of them out of your life entirely !!!
SAME and it still is a problems at my age. When I used to speak up I got beaten up by multiple people and the last time it happened my cousin defended me and got stabbed because of it. I developed a crippling fear of confrontation.
My childhood was highly abusive. My parent's saw the word no as defiance. We were severly disciplined for saying no. I learnt not to offer an opinion because I wouldn't be listened too. I married someone who verbally abused me on a daily basis, his mother was just as bad. Im free of that now but I still have the scars. Ive tried therapy, but ive given up. Im too scared to really open up, ive also set boundaries which are constantly being pushed. For me it's too much, ive just retreated back into my shell. I know im not dealing with the effects of the trauma but im not being pushed too far. Or having flashbacks from being pushed.
you know what's sickening when you tell people what bothered you, and you Tell them what you wish they would do, and they do exactly what you ask them not to... Toxic people live for that, stepping over your Healthy Boundaries I've learned to remove myself gracefully and humbly....
Nobi_Bklyn thank you 💯 I told a certain person like three times to stop doing something and keep doing it. So I cut him off . Now he looks like this 😮 I told him and I warned him. I feel like he would do it purposely. Anyway love your comment I would give 1000 likes if I could 👏
Yes! Ugh. I asked him for open communication and he then proceeded to give me the silent treatment, now on week 4 of silence. He just ghosted bc I simply asked for better communication. I'm moving on.
Hmm that's a fact and the reality of things. Most people are biased in their own thoughts and would only consider what is close to their hearts and nothing else. Even if it is simply themselves that they hold dear. I think it really is best to simply walk away regardless of the taunts and manipulations they hurl at you. As long as you did what is right (or tried the least) and stood up for yourself. That is good enough. At some point in our lives.. we will discover that flowers can't talk to trees on how to bloom. As to monkeys can't fly like an eagle. It simply is that we are all unique even within out own specie. Due to our individuality. Even dogs nor cats nor birds aren't all the same and act the same.
@@laylacooper861 Thank you so much for your time, I understand I had to leave a job because of this, I told the supervisor that I not would be doing a job that is meant for two people, I'm overwhelmed, guess what, they kept putting work on me that I was not hired for, I peacefully walked away, I'm glad you walked away, have a beautiful day 💜
@@crissyw2320 Yes move on from Toxic people, anyone you have to ask to treat you like a human being, is not the one who needs to be in your life, silent treatment is not Healthy, thanks for your time, have a good day 💜
As a man, I refrain from standing up to myself because it would be an acknowledgment of the hurtful action. If I remain quiet, it gives me a sense of security in the sense that it did not affect me. However, I've learned that this is cowardly and there's nothing more empowering than recognizing when something in fact has hurt you and standing up for yourself.
I really needed to read this...I’m constantly refraining from confronting someone on being unfair or inappropriate behavior because i tell myself “its not worth it” but really, I’m letting fear get the best of me and letting that person overpower me, I’m enabling that behavior because I’m too scared to speak up. I feel its not worth it to speak up for myself.
Yess to all of this!! I can’t believe at the age of 45, I am just now developing self worth/confidence. I was always fearful of confrontation or rocking the boat out of FEAR... fear the person would not agree, leave or the relationship would end; platonic and romantic. Confrontation is an unavoidable part of life... I feel so free ending co-dependent, people pleasing and fearful behaviors... Avoiding the possibility of the relationship/friendship ending and keeping them together at ALL costs IS NOT WORTH IT!!! 💖
Yes! Knowing your worth and value is the first steps in protecting yourself and living a better life. I really think that we must start teaching self confidence and worth in schools. I am glad you have started you journey so many of us just need to start
Do not think of it as "confrontation". See yourself describing, in faith, the way you would like to be considered and treated and speak it out loud. Often we must be the people to decide how it goes to have the better life. It is not always like a fancy hotel, where it is all set up for you. You have to create it.
I think that, unfortunately, enemies can sense when you are struggling to define yourself and in those situations you find out, by standing up, who your friends really are.
I can sense it in others, and those are tje kinds of people I can feel relaxed and become friends with. I can't go near confidence because it intimidates the fuck out of me.
@@RealityClubX Truly confident people do not abuse others because they don’t have a need to. They hold little to no insecurities and they believe everyone around them is equal to them. Abusive people may portray strength but are not confident.
It is true: I spend 99.9999% of my time venting to my friends & loved ones about somebody who wronged me, said something unjust unfair about me, to the point that my friends & loved ones get angry at me and distance themselves from me, rather than confronting the person who wronged me.
I am 58 years old and have finally figured out how to handle confrontation in a positive gentle way to show how I feel without hurting the other person and still getting across what I need and want. Being kind and gentle but firm. I love myself 😍
I'm almost 30 and just learning how to do this. It is very difficult because I've always "let things go" and I'm the only miserable one. Here's to my 30's.
This is all spot on. The confusing part to me is that in my experience most people do not like being disagreed with. The moment i voice my feelings that don't agree with someone else they get offended and in some cases will never speak to me again. It's a challenge to be true to yourself and voice your feelings when there are so many people that just are incapable of having a constructive conversation that disagrees or challenges their behavior.
Another great video Stephanie. I’ve been suppressing my own feelings with my wife for 18 years because she is naturally aggressive and very controlling. It’s very depressing when you realize you can’t voice your opinion because it leads to fighting, and sometimes physical abuse. They will start attacking you for disagreeing with them. If you disagree with them in any way, they think you’re attacking them. So, in order to keep any kind of peace, YOU have to shut yourself down so you don’t “Rock the Boat”. I do try to stand up to her when she attacks the kids in some way that I feel isn’t right or appropriate. I get flak for it every time. She accuses me of not being on the same team as her, or the same page. She says “you’re all ganging up on me”. Of course, when I know that’s not true, it’s very hard to not react to that. My parents weren’t like that at all, but for some reason I was always afraid to voice my opinion and confront people. Not sure where I got it, but it definitely got enflamed when I got married and found out she was abusive and controlling.
So sad for you Michael. I think a lot of men suppress with controlling wives. Good for you for standing up for the kids. Was married briefly to controlling man and nearly went under. May you find your voice and the right support to help you navigate your marriage as two equal adults. 🙏
Your channel has literally saved my life I was being manipulated and abused a lot and I didn't realize it was my brother the problem, remova all assumptions and do fact checking always work!
Suha Missy , I can afford a therapist but I come from a background where it’s so much shame to go. Plus I’m with a narc. I didn’t even think I needed therapy until I started watching these videos. I also want to hug her and hug you. I don’t know how she knows me or gets me.... it’s crazy!
I work with someone who targets me because I have a low sense of self and she picks up on that energy. She bats me around like a ball of yarn and she's a big fat cat. I'm getting tired of her manipulative, narcissistic treatment. Thank you for this..it came at the right time
I have always been afraid of confrontation cos of my approval addiction. I feared disapproval and conflict. I just wanted to be loved and accepted. So I tried to please everybody and I stayed away from confronting issues. Fear of rejection and abandonment... This video meant alot to me. I plan to start practicing confronting issues and verbally communicate my feelings with love and self acceptance
I have come to realise that I’m a people pleaser, I can never say no, I do all I can until I’m drained and when I finally say no, I find that I lose my job, friends and relationship and that’s because they realise that I have a voice and they don’t want the word no being a regular thing so for them they got what they needed and discard you. That’s when you feel abandoned and feel like you did something wrong. I’m taking responsibility for not staying how and what I wanted from the start because I let them think they had the right and will continue having the right to me. I’m now learning to say no if that’s how I feel at the time and from the start so they know that I have a voice and I’m not going to bend to what they want. You will always lose if your a people pleaser, stand up for yourself from the start and don’t be a push over. That is what I’m taking from my life experience.
This video made me burst into tears. It completely stripped me to the core, and now I have a huge understanding. You probably changed my life. I was diagnosed with PTSD and my anxiety is in overdrive.
This is great if you are dealing with a healthy person in a healthy relationship and I think that is the context you mean. If you are dealing with someone who has repeatedly been emotionally abusive and toxic by lying and gaslighting you then it seems the wiser course of action would be to leave that person asap. I think this advice is great for a healthy relationship where you hopefully get positive feedback but if not it may be time to think about distancing yourself from a possibly toxic person. Great video as always Stephanie.
This is true.. BUT sometimes when I deal with someone who upset me (indeed not a narcissist, those are vile and love drama) and whom I can't avoid.. even though I DO fear confrontation.. sometimes I naturally am nasty to them back and feel happy about f***ing up their day. Because I know they deserve it ! It makes me feel good about being honest with myself
Discussion always became arguements. Always had to be careful what I said to my ex because you never knew what would make him blow. Unfortunately, I was a yeller when disciplining my children. Just learning how to have calm conversations with my now young adult children. Wish I learned sooner while they were growing up.
A good start and re-establishing a relationship to children would be to own up to your yelling and apologize to them and tell them that you realized it was wrong and that you are working on being a better person! This will show them a great example of being able to admit you're wrong and trying harder to be better!
@@astrialindah2773 is right. One single hard slap from my father as a child, because i was defending myself verbally and the teacher thought it was okay for the girl, but not for me, and it took me 30+ years to realize that my father wasn't a person to fear. But i never talked about it with him, and he apparantly forgot. In retrospect this was one single incindent during moving out to another country and taking many risks, other than that, i had very loving and caring parents. Yet, never talking about it, it defined my whole life. So i applaud you to trying to make it better. But still: Putting some things into persepective can only do good.
More like fear of not being liked. Once you overcome that, life becomes easier. I'm glad my narc ex was a tool the universe gave me to teach me to heal my childhood wounds and become who I was meant to be.
I lived my whole childhood and teen years afraid of confrontation.. I was born and raised in such a religious society, when a devout say or do something the whole society would easily believe him, so i was a victim of that situation, i was abused sexually and psychologically, and when I spoke about their abuse everyone started to blaming me and shaming me ( starting with my own family) after that i was scared to say to confront, and scared to speak for my self, when i was 19 I confronted those religious men , and got rid of them, i left that society for good and never going back, I graduated and got a good job, but still i notice I'm afraid of confrontation and afraid to rock the boat, I'm trying to change and your video is a great help, Thank you.
Great video. I am a 6 foot, 230lb man who is absolutely terrified of confrontation and people with strong personalities . To make it more funny, I am a licensed therapist. Imagine being able to help others through this process but not yourself. It has caused me depression and anxiety. My wife has lost her emotional attraction to me. I'm trying very hard to break through this issue which has really held me back in life. I know it comes from our childhood. It's difficult!!
I am currently trying to build up the guts to have this exact conversation with someone who has hurt me multiple times. And you hit the hammer on the head, but I still feel this anxiety coming into how Im going to start this conversation. And I need to do it because I keep putting it off.
Gosh I needed this. I’ve literally broken down in tears before and during confrontation. I just found your channel and I want to say thank you for sharing this knowledge!
You rock Stephanie you are so real about these things and this is so awesome that you coach people. I am so sick of people who are therapists and they know this same content or pretend to know, but oh my god don't expect them at all to share this, so inflexible outside their compartmentalize brain. This played out with one of my therapists as I planned to have an open personal boundary and set the rules, standards and expectations she wants to fully follow. Well, she got a D maybe D+ on trying to take any full responsibilities for her actions looking at things from my perspective. Again Stephanie you are doing an excellent service to the abused, lost, never learned how to properly do what your coaching. You're a blessing.
Like my mother always said. All the horrible things that people did to make you this way is NOT your fault, but it is your responsibility to work on every day if you want to heal!
Yes my father is this way and I'm the same way which i developed codependent tendencies 😔 i know deep down I'm strong and confident woman I'm just tired of repeating myself cause some people don't care 💔
When you are dealing with Narcissistic people they dont want to hear you. They dont want a dialogue to get an understanding because they already know they are abusive and rude. I like to start off saying, ' you may not like what I'm about to say." Nevertheless, you are absolutely right that they have to be confronted and held accountable. If they dont like it they can leave and get their negative supply somewhere else. Being alone and feeling abandoned is better than being abused; Especially when we practice self love and care. It's like an addiction you have to replace it with something positive.
Awesome. I have an aunt that has been disrespectful to me and my kids. I don't want to hurt her feelings but she obviously doesn't mind hurting ours. It's triggering pain from my childhood. This video is going to help me to start advocating to myself. You helped me to identify and organize my thoughts and feelings to put them in a proper space. I am going to be nice and respectful when I confront get and not worry about get reaction. I was having difficulty identifying my feelings and allowing my feelings to be valid
Writing down the instances that affect me is a great piece of advice, Stephanie! Also giving the info on what you would like is appreciated very much. Why didn't I know this on my own? Thanks for this video. You are helping me a lot.
This has happened to me for years and I truly think I need help because now I have constant anxiety and depression. I always fearful to confront people about some things.
Some people just see confrontation as just plain petty and fear ( while in some cases will) doesn’t need to have anything to do with it. The real error of assumption is that people that have better things to do with their time are Assumed to be to weak to stand on their own. Thanks for your presentations and please see this as constructive feedback.
Java Donut sorry about the delay in my response. I was making my supper. I know that is on the right message because there’s definitely room for improvement with many peoples assertiveness. I also can appreciate the difficulty in addressing audiences of this magnitude. I just feel that it is important to covey the message that it’s also okay to be coping differently if you are choosing to do so. Thank you very much for your response as I appreciate all constructive feedback.
2 or 3 fears together: (1) if I stand up for myself people will think I childhish, selfish, better than others, superior to others, (2) people wont listen, (3) no matter what I say, it wont happen, I wont get that, it'll always no. This morning I had a full blow just because of a simple thing. My inner child is ao afraid that they'll tell her no. (They never give me what I want, peope dont care about me. I'm always criticised). If I'd see a child saying that I'd for sure hold her. My inner child was an angel, my mother used to say that
thank you so much for your video! I always avoid any hot hit moments when I want to communicate for myself, but my fear always hold me back and I don't even know what is that fear and how do I face it, it's fear of confrontation, now I understand it a little more.
This is me 100%. I've been married 22 yrs. My husband drinks every night, and emotionally and verbally abuses me horribly when he is drinking. During the day when he's sober he's a different person, very nice. He refuses to stop drinking, I can't even bring that up. I try to talk to him about what he says to me and how he treats me when he's sober but he refuses to talk about any of it. When he refuses I just completely back away because I can't handle the thought of arguing because I get severe anxiety. I live with anxiety daily. I'm to the point now I'm seeing a cardiologist because I was just in the ER because my chest pains and palpitations were so bad, I honestly thought I was having a heart attack. They did CT scans and exrays and other things and ruled out a heart attack. I'm so dependant on him and have been for so long I don't even know how I could leave. I know people say just leave...i wish to God it was that easy.
Alanon will change your life for the better. You are NOT alone. You do NOT have to leave your husband . This is an opportunity for you to have a richer life than you ever thought possible . I hope you go.
I’m a business owner of a successful detailing business in Alabama. I’m watching this video not because I struggle in my personal life, but as a leader of employees. I’m awful at confrontations, candor, being a leader when necessary. This video has helped me so much and certainly makes sense. Especially when you mentioned the parent situation. My entire childhood was that way. Thank you.
Thank you so much for another great video steph. You’ve easily became my favorite UA-camr. You’re so well spoken and I don’t think enough people learn everything they need to that you touch on in your videos. I’ve sadly found myself in a relationship with a very nice assisted person that I’m working on getting my way out of through practicing are these implementations. This video in particular is some thing I have and continue to struggle with in my every day life with every single person I come across and it’s so frustrating.
I struggle the most with feeling that invade me after I confront people. It really takes a toll on me. I starts stressing out so much that I freeze. I feel scared of other people's reactions. I do realise that I can never control other people's reactions or how I will be treated afterward. I feel like I am being pushy as you said.
Thanks Stephanie, you have taught me so much. I have watched nearly all your videos and it helped me for almost 1 year on. I am improving slowly and taking baby-steps to become happy and strong person.
This was happening to me from last 10 years. I finally gathered courage to confront and now I can think everything clearly. It's like I found my Spark back.
💕💕 been trying to do this somewhere in the pandemic. I realized I need to stop holding back. This is how people take advantage of you or family. I used to be so good lol but life happens. I did learn boundaries while in university in 2017-2019 and did speak up but went through life challenges and was hard to speak up at one point just because I emotionally was shutting down & depressed.
The panic come from my higher self alerting me that I’m at the moment to stand up for my self THIS time. In order to repair the time in the past I didn’t stand up for my self. I can change the past by changing the present and by quantum entanglement and proxy you can reap the benifits so that when that moment happens again I’ll be triggered to the past where I DID defend my boundary.
I cannot describe to you how significant and valuable your advice, insight and guidance have and continue to be, you enlighten even a somewhat lost soul such as yours truly, thank you for your words
You said two things: A person who fires back at you - a person who you never talked to. Let's do one: That person "Sue" has anxiety, processing issues, misunderstands... Sue bites my head off over a simple conversation or me stating my thoughts. I am not at fault for this. I will now keep Sue at a distance and protect myself. That is how controlling people control- they bite our head of so that we don't stand up for ourselves again. With someone like Sue, I will avoid for my sanity. I am the nice loving empathetic person. I will not be abused by those like Sue again. Sure, I can call her out for this - I will if I have to live with her, however, if not, I am staying away from an abusive person who doesn't let me have a normal discussion and talk freely. It is not my ego, it is that someone else has issues and takes it out on me. Yes, their problem, but I will stay away from them. Normal people like me do speak up for ourselves. Boundaries save my sanity.
Exactly, they love to emotionally exhaust into submission out of threat of their insecurity. Self-love is removing yourself and not exhausting / falling into their taunts even when boundaries are established. Giving them satisfaction would be giving your emotional labor.
Loved your examples, makes it easier to apply. And the fact that you explain why things happen also helps me understand more about myself and others. ❤
I'm the daughter of a mental health patient. Mom was very hurtful and tough on me as a child. I'm now I'm my 40s and your videos have helped me alot. I did therapy for a time and that was good too. I journal alot ,I meditate and watch your videos as further Self-Care. Thank.you for this safe space.
One of the times I hesitate to confront is when I feel like, that person hasn't earned the right to see that side of me. Confrontation , in a social setting , with friends / acquaintances, is essentially a plea to be seen. It's saying, hey, see me! I'm here. My needs matter. And sometimes I just don't feel like the person is worth of that. worthy of knowing how they made me feel. That it bothers me. And that I'm prepared to give up time and energy to confront them. Which essentially means, I value them. Because you wouldn't confront someone if you don't care. That's how I feel sometimes. Like nah, I'm not going to confront you. I'm just going to distance myself from you, because clearly in spite of how much you know about me you still did this thing that you know I don't like. That nobody would like. So instead of giving you the time of the day and releasing my emotions on you, which is essentially, a gift. I'm just going to keep my emotions to myself and distance myself from you. And let my actions speak rather than my words.
I did this with someone for awhile but I eventually exploded on her in public the way she did me, then I didn't ever speak to her again. She tried calling from different numbers but I just blocked her every time.
@@kynathomas4809 That's the problem. We hold it in, hold it in, and then, all of a sudden, We let it out. And then we block, because we don't want to deal with the aftermath. I don't do that anymore. By the way.😊
Wow, I really needed to hear this today. I have been running situations in my mind over and over trying to think of how I could possibly bring up this issue i've been having with someone who was a dear friend of mine. And my thought has been from the beggining, "a real friend would never have done this to me in the first place, maybe she's not the friend I thought she was. It feels like it would waste my time." But you hear over and over how you need to stand up for yourself. But is it worth trying to stand up to someone who disrespected you SO badly in the first place that it makes you want to walk away? I'm struggling with knowing when to stick up for myself and when to walk away...
Thanks great video i needed this. Fuck what you think what they will think of if you confront those that hurt you or give you a hard time wether its at work or anywhere else... You take care of yourself first no matter what. Set your own boundaries of what you expect from others and what not, otherwise you will suffer. That suffering will really affect your self esteem, confidence and your life personally, mentally keep you cripled and weak, unable to grow, essentially keep you unable to stand for your self or for others and thats disgusting.
this is the first youtube video that I'm commenting on, this video was really helpful, i was constantly worried that i will get confronted and not being liked if i said my true feelings but when i literally wrote msg and said everything i felt relief and smiled on my own, before this i felt my feelings are being controlled by another person and i was not able to express emotions on my own but now i feel free.
Thank you for creating these videos. I feel like you are speaking directly to me and my situation. Makes me feel less alone if other women are going through the same situation
Steph you're amazing. Some of the pointers you provide are gems AND I love your makeup, how you carry yourself or talk. Huge fan. I'm sure you'll go far more places ❤️
Stephanie I just want to say THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. I realized that I have a problem with confrontations and I had no idea how bad its affected my life either it be at work, relationships etc. I decided to do something about it and stumbled upon your video after looking for some helpful info. I even took the initiative to start writing down how I feel, my life as of today has done a 180 and all for the right reasons.
Wow blown away at how spot on I think you were. Not only that but a great example I thought of just a down to earth way to communicate or way of expressing one's self. This video deeply resonated with me and you've gained a huge fan tonight I'm 100 percent impressed! Also, side note, you looked absolutely lovely dear
Thank you so much for this advice today at work a costumer was being very disrespectful and verbally aggressive and i tried to stand up for my self but my throat got so tight i could barley speak and i started to cry because of how uncomfortable and unsafe i felt
The suppression of my feelings at a young age definitely included my anger which turned into passive aggressive behaviors in my early adult life. I even claimed to not like passive aggression because my understanding of it was incomplete. Getting to know myself let me know my feelings are valid and sometimes my boundaries are gonna piss folks off and that ain't my problem! Confrontation is spookyyyy but I've been challenging myself to speak my peace until it feels comfortable.
...feelings are just as important as anyone else's. Self-acceptance hasn't always been a strong point for me. However, this is a value and standard that I have been developing overtime. I had to keep pulling back the layers on that onion so I could start feeling better about myself and not feeling inferior. Self-acceptance is a highly valued and important standard to possess. It makes me not to have anxiety, depression or any negative emotions. It helps me to express myself in a positive light and to show my true self. It also helps me to have a more positive self-image. You talk with your hands just like me. When I talk with my hands, it helps me to get my point across more effectively. Thank you for this video. It really has much valuable information to help me.
this really is traumatic, especially when you have to live with a parent that’s so immature. We could have a simple disagreement and it leads to my dad screaming and using violence to prove that he’s right. And learned me that I had to earn love and it was not just a default for parents to show affection. This lead me to have complication in my social life where I feel like I have to people please people to “show” that I’m important enough. And then it becomes a vicious cycle where I have anxious/avoidant attachment style and this continues. I’m literally a freaking child, I don’t deserve all of this. Thank you for making this clearer for me, will definitely be repeating affirmations.
Stephanie you're a literal champion. I think I told about 20 people about your channel just because of how helpful you are and how wonderfully I've grown and improved my life thanks to your videos. I said this on many other videos of yours (I doubt you remember me you've almost half a million subs) but you really do amazing work I'm grateful I found your channel
This is so so important. Thank you for this video. I'm using these principles in my work relationships, some of the most difficult relationships I've had were with coworkers since I have no choice on being around them. But that doesnt mean they can walk all over me.
This video really helped me. My current shift will be eliminated in June, after 15 years, and I really need to learn these skills when I am confronted. I've been in therapy for 2 1/2 years after 25 years of narcissistic abuse and I consume this type of information. I'm so glad I found your channel! thank you!!!
Stephanie Lyn! You have helped me a GREAT deal , in opening my eyes to the toxic and abusive relationship that I was in far, far too long! Keep the HEALING videos going and coming my way. I am regaining my life back again, by listening and applying what you say and what I'm learning in your videos. THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!
Needed to hear this!! Thank you..today I realised that maybe even after an year of a horrific break up, I haven't really healed. And now my journey towards self love shouldn't be delayed any longer ❤️
I love this channel 💖
I'm learning a lot ❣️
Love hearing that! 🙌
@@StephanieLynCoaching I got blame for something that I didn’t cause or said and my brother yell at me on this and he told some one else about it and now it’s messy and now he’s acting all mad like I had something to do with it it’s putting me and a vulnerable state and he thinks that i about to cause him to go to jail I don’t get it please help
Yes, ma'am!
I usually come out on the loosing end of confrontation
Its hard to set boundaries particularly having no back up from emotionally immature parents since childhood. I didn't think I had any rights to express my opinion.
Me too ☹️..takecr f urself
This is something I discovered as some of my struggles as well. What you just explained is so accurate, my parents are emotionally immature as well and the examples of how to set healthy boundaries etc was not the environment I grew up in.
Who you telling.. ts
Me too! My feelings were completely ignored and never hears....was too scared to express myself.....
Same here
I'm literally terrified of standing up for myself. When someone confronts me I feel my heart sink into my stomach and I get anxiety and I try to please and appease the other person. As if it weren't enough I keep on going over it in my head for months/years!
Sounds like me 😞
Sounds like me as well. I get petrified that if I were to express any contrary ideas or reaction that it could set off a potential violent response which I would then not be able to confront or defend against.
Narcissists and toxic people hate any feedback they perceive as negative, even when putting it in "I" statements. Anything that isn't about them sets them off.
SO true !
🔨🔨🔨
Yup!! And my father wonders why my sibling and I don't have a close relationship with him. 🙄 You stand up for yourself and they get offended and say "you're attacking them".
“Be the person you want to attract” love it
If i talked back or tried to stick up for myself, i would get screamed at, threatened, or hit or beaten. I am afraid of authority and confrontation and it has crippled me and stunted my development and life.
Ditto. Still experiencing these things with my family. You are loved.
Same
That's why there is a timevto just LEAVE from the person. If communicating with them and setting bounderies causes them to abuse you use all the resources available possible to get RID of them out of your life entirely !!!
SAME and it still is a problems at my age. When I used to speak up I got beaten up by multiple people and the last time it happened my cousin defended me and got stabbed because of it. I developed a crippling fear of confrontation.
My childhood was highly abusive. My parent's saw the word no as defiance. We were severly disciplined for saying no. I learnt not to offer an opinion because I wouldn't be listened too. I married someone who verbally abused me on a daily basis, his mother was just as bad. Im free of that now but I still have the scars. Ive tried therapy, but ive given up. Im too scared to really open up, ive also set boundaries which are constantly being pushed. For me it's too much, ive just retreated back into my shell. I know im not dealing with the effects of the trauma but im not being pushed too far. Or having flashbacks from being pushed.
you know what's sickening when you tell people what bothered you, and you Tell them what you wish they would do, and they do exactly what you ask them not to...
Toxic people live for that, stepping over your Healthy Boundaries
I've learned to remove myself gracefully and humbly....
Nobi_Bklyn thank you 💯 I told a certain person like three times to stop doing something and keep doing it. So I cut him off . Now he looks like this 😮 I told him and I warned him. I feel like he would do it purposely. Anyway love your comment I would give 1000 likes if I could 👏
Yes! Ugh. I asked him for open communication and he then proceeded to give me the silent treatment, now on week 4 of silence. He just ghosted bc I simply asked for better communication. I'm moving on.
Hmm that's a fact and the reality of things. Most people are biased in their own thoughts and would only consider what is close to their hearts and nothing else. Even if it is simply themselves that they hold dear.
I think it really is best to simply walk away regardless of the taunts and manipulations they hurl at you. As long as you did what is right (or tried the least) and stood up for yourself. That is good enough.
At some point in our lives.. we will discover that flowers can't talk to trees on how to bloom. As to monkeys can't fly like an eagle. It simply is that we are all unique even within out own specie. Due to our individuality. Even dogs nor cats nor birds aren't all the same and act the same.
@@laylacooper861 Thank you so much for your time, I understand I had to leave a job because of this, I told the supervisor that I not would be doing a job that is meant for two people, I'm overwhelmed, guess what, they kept putting work on me that I was not hired for, I peacefully walked away, I'm glad you walked away, have a beautiful day 💜
@@crissyw2320 Yes move on from Toxic people, anyone you have to ask to treat you like a human being, is not the one who needs to be in your life, silent treatment is not Healthy, thanks for your time, have a good day 💜
I clearly remember sitting at the top of the stairs many a night listening to my parents yelling at each other and feeling sooooo sad and alone.
Exactly! Me too. Now I realize why I can't handle even the thought of confrontation... I have associated confrontation with nothing but negativity.
😔
That is so sad, I'll bet you are a really sweet person now, in spite of that.
I can totally relate to you. Emotionally immature parents with poor problem solving skills are a hell tonlive with.
Exactly 😭😭😭😭
As a man, I refrain from standing up to myself because it would be an acknowledgment of the hurtful action. If I remain quiet, it gives me a sense of security in the sense that it did not affect me. However, I've learned that this is cowardly and there's nothing more empowering than recognizing when something in fact has hurt you and standing up for yourself.
The False Critic Proud of you!
I don't think this is cowardly, this is the first step, and speaking is empowering
omg I thought the same thing like if I don't speak up I can pretend that the comment didn't hurt being in denial and stuff....
I feel you my guy for real
I really needed to read this...I’m constantly refraining from confronting someone on being unfair or inappropriate behavior because i tell myself “its not worth it” but really, I’m letting fear get the best of me and letting that person overpower me, I’m enabling that behavior because I’m too scared to speak up. I feel its not worth it to speak up for myself.
Yess to all of this!! I can’t believe at the age of 45, I am just now developing self worth/confidence. I was always fearful of confrontation or rocking the boat out of FEAR... fear the person would not agree, leave or the relationship would end; platonic and romantic. Confrontation is an unavoidable part of life... I feel so free ending co-dependent, people pleasing and fearful behaviors... Avoiding the possibility of the relationship/friendship ending and keeping them together at ALL costs IS NOT WORTH IT!!!
💖
T Dstar it is better to let go
Hi same here, i am in my forties and just started to learn to stand up for myself.
44 and same here! Maybe that's why this is considered the best decade...we begin to truly love ourselves in spite of what others think of us!
👏👏👏👏
Yes! Knowing your worth and value is the first steps in protecting yourself and living a better life. I really think that we must start teaching self confidence and worth in schools. I am glad you have started you journey so many of us just need to start
Do not think of it as "confrontation". See yourself describing, in faith, the way you would like to be considered and treated and speak it out loud.
Often we must be the people to decide how it goes to have the better life. It is not always like a fancy hotel, where it is all set up for you. You have to create it.
I think that, unfortunately, enemies can sense when you are struggling to define yourself and in those situations you find out, by standing up, who your friends really are.
I can sense it in others, and those are tje kinds of people I can feel relaxed and become friends with. I can't go near confidence because it intimidates the fuck out of me.
@@RealityClubX Truly confident people do not abuse others because they don’t have a need to. They hold little to no insecurities and they believe everyone around them is equal to them. Abusive people may portray strength but are not confident.
Truth.
@@lovegals1Yes, yes -- absolutely!
yep.....lost several that way. well, dodged those bullets
It is true: I spend 99.9999% of my time venting to my friends & loved ones about somebody who wronged me, said something unjust unfair about me, to the point that my friends & loved ones get angry at me and distance themselves from me, rather than confronting the person who wronged me.
I am 58 years old and have finally figured out how to handle confrontation in a positive gentle way to show how I feel without hurting the other person and still getting across what I need and want. Being kind and gentle but firm. I love myself 😍
How? Without hurting other persons feeling when you standup for yourself
I'm almost 30 and just learning how to do this. It is very difficult because I've always "let things go" and I'm the only miserable one. Here's to my 30's.
This is all spot on. The confusing part to me is that in my experience most people do not like being disagreed with. The moment i voice my feelings that don't agree with someone else they get offended and in some cases will never speak to me again. It's a challenge to be true to yourself and voice your feelings when there are so many people that just are incapable of having a constructive conversation that disagrees or challenges their behavior.
That is because most people have not learned to practice letting go of their egos and being ok with someone not agreeing with them
Communication between people ,is the most important skill.
Yehudit Bruck,You look stunning 🌹🌷🌺 dear
This is an issue I struggle with and never was taught how to speak up for myself in a healthy way.
Another great video Stephanie. I’ve been suppressing my own feelings with my wife for 18 years because she is naturally aggressive and very controlling. It’s very depressing when you realize you can’t voice your opinion because it leads to fighting, and sometimes physical abuse. They will start attacking you for disagreeing with them. If you disagree with them in any way, they think you’re attacking them. So, in order to keep any kind of peace, YOU have to shut yourself down so you don’t “Rock the Boat”. I do try to stand up to her when she attacks the kids in some way that I feel isn’t right or appropriate. I get flak for it every time. She accuses me of not being on the same team as her, or the same page. She says “you’re all ganging up on me”. Of course, when I know that’s not true, it’s very hard to not react to that.
My parents weren’t like that at all, but for some reason I was always afraid to voice my opinion and confront people. Not sure where I got it, but it definitely got enflamed when I got married and found out she was abusive and controlling.
So sad for you Michael. I think a lot of men suppress with controlling wives. Good for you for standing up for the kids. Was married briefly to controlling man and nearly went under. May you find your voice and the right support to help you navigate your marriage as two equal adults. 🙏
Your channel has literally saved my life I was being manipulated and abused a lot and I didn't realize it was my brother the problem, remova all assumptions and do fact checking always work!
After watching this video I want to hug you and really thank you, I can't afford having therapy, you really helpful 💐
Suha Missy , I can afford a therapist but I come from a background where it’s so much shame to go. Plus I’m with a narc.
I didn’t even think I needed therapy until I started watching these videos.
I also want to hug her and hug you.
I don’t know how she knows me or gets me.... it’s crazy!
Sending you positivity and hoping you can afford it soon, therapy has truly changed my life 💕
Trust me, therapists aren’t this good. Hahahah.
I work with someone who targets me because I have a low sense of self and she picks up on that energy. She bats me around like a ball of yarn and she's a big fat cat. I'm getting tired of her manipulative, narcissistic treatment. Thank you for this..it came at the right time
Hii are you ok now?
Sadly I'm still learning how to do this.
It takes time. Don't get discouraged.
Thankfully you are learning it. Better than just remaining a doormat.
Learning self love, confidence and how to set boundaries is an ongoing process. Just dont give up!
Autumn tha biblophile same
@@spider3772 this!
having abusive parents make people have fear of confrontation. Thank You Stephanie.
I have always been afraid of confrontation cos of my approval addiction. I feared disapproval and conflict. I just wanted to be loved and accepted. So I tried to please everybody and I stayed away from confronting issues. Fear of rejection and abandonment... This video meant alot to me. I plan to start practicing confronting issues and verbally communicate my feelings with love and self acceptance
Same here❤️
I have come to realise that I’m a people pleaser, I can never say no, I do all I can until I’m drained and when I finally say no, I find that I lose my job, friends and relationship and that’s because they realise that I have a voice and they don’t want the word no being a regular thing so for them they got what they needed and discard you. That’s when you feel abandoned and feel like you did something wrong. I’m taking responsibility for not staying how and what I wanted from the start because I let them think they had the right and will continue having the right to me.
I’m now learning to say no if that’s how I feel at the time and from the start so they know that I have a voice and I’m not going to bend to what they want.
You will always lose if your a people pleaser, stand up for yourself from the start and don’t be a push over.
That is what I’m taking from my life experience.
At 34 still learning how to Stand Up for myself, i feel Like a mess but tank this video and the comments now i know im Not alone
This video made me burst into tears. It completely stripped me to the core, and now I have a huge understanding. You probably changed my life. I was diagnosed with PTSD and my anxiety is in overdrive.
GOD JUST DELIVERED ME THROUGH THIS VIDEO !!!!
Now it all makes sense ♥️
When you set boundaries but do not force consequences when they are crossed you are a perfect target for narcissistics. Never forget about that.
This is great if you are dealing with a healthy person in a healthy relationship and I think that is the context you mean. If you are dealing with someone who has repeatedly been emotionally abusive and toxic by lying and gaslighting you then it seems the wiser course of action would be to leave that person asap. I think this advice is great for a healthy relationship where you hopefully get positive feedback but if not it may be time to think about distancing yourself from a possibly toxic person. Great video as always Stephanie.
I agree
This is true.. BUT sometimes when I deal with someone who upset me (indeed not a narcissist, those are vile and love drama) and whom I can't avoid.. even though I DO fear confrontation.. sometimes I naturally am nasty to them back and feel happy about f***ing up their day. Because I know they deserve it ! It makes me feel good about being honest with myself
Discussion always became arguements. Always had to be careful what I said to my ex because you never knew what would make him blow. Unfortunately, I was a yeller when disciplining my children. Just learning how to have calm conversations with my now young adult children. Wish I learned sooner while they were growing up.
A good start and re-establishing a relationship to children would be to own up to your yelling and apologize to them and tell them that you realized it was wrong and that you are working on being a better person! This will show them a great example of being able to admit you're wrong and trying harder to be better!
@@astrialindah2773 is right. One single hard slap from my father as a child, because i was defending myself verbally and the teacher thought it was okay for the girl, but not for me, and it took me 30+ years to realize that my father wasn't a person to fear. But i never talked about it with him, and he apparantly forgot. In retrospect this was one single incindent during moving out to another country and taking many risks, other than that, i had very loving and caring parents. Yet, never talking about it, it defined my whole life. So i applaud you to trying to make it better. But still: Putting some things into persepective can only do good.
@@astrialindah2773 I have apologized to my children. They understand.
More like fear of not being liked. Once you overcome that, life becomes easier.
I'm glad my narc ex was a tool the universe gave me to teach me to heal my childhood wounds and become who I was meant to be.
Awuondo L.
Well said 👍
Narcissists are tools of transformation 😁
I lived my whole childhood and teen years afraid of confrontation..
I was born and raised in such a religious society, when a devout say or do something the whole society would easily believe him, so i was a victim of that situation, i was abused sexually and psychologically,
and when I spoke about their abuse everyone started to blaming me and shaming me ( starting with my own family) after that i was scared to say to confront, and scared to speak for my self,
when i was 19 I confronted those religious men , and got rid of them, i left that society for good and never going back,
I graduated and got a good job, but still i notice I'm afraid of confrontation and afraid to rock the boat,
I'm trying to change and your video is a great help, Thank you.
This message really resonated with me. I love how you are focusing more now on HSP and "people pleasers".
Great video. I am a 6 foot, 230lb man who is absolutely terrified of confrontation and people with strong personalities . To make it more funny, I am a licensed therapist. Imagine being able to help others through this process but not yourself. It has caused me depression and anxiety. My wife has lost her emotional attraction to me. I'm trying very hard to break through this issue which has really held me back in life. I know it comes from our childhood. It's difficult!!
I am currently trying to build up the guts to have this exact conversation with someone who has hurt me multiple times. And you hit the hammer on the head, but I still feel this anxiety coming into how Im going to start this conversation. And I need to do it because I keep putting it off.
Gosh I needed this. I’ve literally broken down in tears before and during confrontation. I just found your channel and I want to say thank you for sharing this knowledge!
You’re helping me become a strong woman at a young age . Thank you so much ❤️
stood up to my dad today because of you. thank you!
You rock Stephanie you are so real about these things and this is so awesome that you coach people. I am so sick of people who are therapists and they know this same content or pretend to know, but oh my god don't expect them at all to share this, so inflexible outside their compartmentalize brain. This played out with one of my therapists as I planned to have an open personal boundary and set the rules, standards and expectations she wants to fully follow. Well, she got a D maybe D+ on trying to take any full responsibilities for her actions looking at things from my perspective. Again Stephanie you are doing an excellent service to the abused, lost, never learned how to properly do what your coaching. You're a blessing.
I just love the way you coach. I am glad I came across your videos about a month ago.
At 60, I am finally having the courage to be myself! 🕉☮️💟
Like my mother always said. All the horrible things that people did to make you this way is NOT your fault, but it is your responsibility to work on every day if you want to heal!
my dad is passive-aggressive.He fears confrontation.I think he put it into me.I have codependent tendencies.I'm working on it.
Same here...then I act the same with my partner...aggghh
wendell ignatin same here. Let’s get through this together.
Yes my father is this way and I'm the same way which i developed codependent tendencies 😔 i know deep down I'm strong and confident woman I'm just tired of repeating myself cause some people don't care 💔
My same situation exactly. You're not alone, and neither am I and that's reassuring
wow. thanks. What does your father do to you? Do he abused you verbal/emotionally?
When you are dealing with Narcissistic people they dont want to hear you. They dont want a dialogue to get an understanding because they already know they are abusive and rude. I like to start off saying, ' you may not like what I'm about to say." Nevertheless, you are absolutely right that they have to be confronted and held accountable. If they dont like it they can leave and get their negative supply somewhere else. Being alone and feeling abandoned is better than being abused; Especially when we practice self love and care. It's like an addiction you have to replace it with something positive.
Awesome. I have an aunt that has been disrespectful to me and my kids. I don't want to hurt her feelings but she obviously doesn't mind hurting ours. It's triggering pain from my childhood. This video is going to help me to start advocating to myself. You helped me to identify and organize my thoughts and feelings to put them in a proper space. I am going to be nice and respectful when I confront get and not worry about get reaction. I was having difficulty identifying my feelings and allowing my feelings to be valid
Probably the hardest, scariest and truest lesson/advice I ever heard before.
I've struggled with this my whole life. Didn't realize it was a big problem until today. Thank you for this, I really needed this
Writing down the instances that affect me is a great piece of advice, Stephanie! Also giving the info on what you would like is appreciated very much. Why didn't I know this on my own? Thanks for this video. You are helping me a lot.
This has happened to me for years and I truly think I need help because now I have constant anxiety and depression. I always fearful to confront people about some things.
I hope things are better for you now. I am currently in the same situation.
Especially on these jobs with Toxic Bosses and Coworkers.
Don’t be afraid to offend jealous women that are mad at you bc they are jealous ❤
Some people just see confrontation as just plain petty and fear ( while in some cases will) doesn’t need to have anything to do with it. The real error of assumption is that people that have better things to do with their time are Assumed to be to weak to stand on their own. Thanks for your presentations and please see this as constructive feedback.
Java Donut sorry about the delay in my response. I was making my supper. I know that is on the right message because there’s definitely room for improvement with many peoples assertiveness. I also can appreciate the difficulty in addressing audiences of this magnitude. I just feel that it is important to covey the message that it’s also okay to be coping differently if you are choosing to do so. Thank you very much for your response as I appreciate all constructive feedback.
Sorry about the error in your username.
Thanks for the thumbs up
real eye opening, I recall a lot of situations in which I could have made a difference for myself !!! Thank you Stephanie
2 or 3 fears together: (1) if I stand up for myself people will think I childhish, selfish, better than others, superior to others, (2) people wont listen, (3) no matter what I say, it wont happen, I wont get that, it'll always no. This morning I had a full blow just because of a simple thing. My inner child is ao afraid that they'll tell her no. (They never give me what I want, peope dont care about me. I'm always criticised). If I'd see a child saying that I'd for sure hold her. My inner child was an angel, my mother used to say that
Divine Divine,You got a lovely smile 😊!!
thank you so much for your video! I always avoid any hot hit moments when I want to communicate for myself, but my fear always hold me back and I don't even know what is that fear and how do I face it, it's fear of confrontation, now I understand it a little more.
This is me 100%. I've been married 22 yrs. My husband drinks every night, and emotionally and verbally abuses me horribly when he is drinking. During the day when he's sober he's a different person, very nice. He refuses to stop drinking, I can't even bring that up. I try to talk to him about what he says to me and how he treats me when he's sober but he refuses to talk about any of it. When he refuses I just completely back away because I can't handle the thought of arguing because I get severe anxiety. I live with anxiety daily. I'm to the point now I'm seeing a cardiologist because I was just in the ER because my chest pains and palpitations were so bad, I honestly thought I was having a heart attack. They did CT scans and exrays and other things and ruled out a heart attack. I'm so dependant on him and have been for so long I don't even know how I could leave. I know people say just leave...i wish to God it was that easy.
Anxiety Attack
Please leave!
Alanon will change your life for the better.
You are NOT alone.
You do NOT have to leave your husband .
This is an opportunity for you to have a richer life than you ever thought possible .
I hope you go.
I’m a business owner of a successful detailing business in Alabama. I’m watching this video not because I struggle in my personal life, but as a leader of employees. I’m awful at confrontations, candor, being a leader when necessary. This video has helped me so much and certainly makes sense. Especially when you mentioned the parent situation. My entire childhood was that way. Thank you.
Thank you so much for this video. I really needed to hear this. I’ve always feared confrontation with others and it stems from my childhood
It is like trying to make sense of stupidly. Thanks again beautiful lady. You are appreciated.
Thank you so much for another great video steph.
You’ve easily became my favorite UA-camr.
You’re so well spoken and I don’t think enough people learn everything they need to that you touch on in your videos.
I’ve sadly found myself in a relationship with a very nice assisted person that I’m working on getting my way out of through practicing are these implementations.
This video in particular is some thing I have and continue to struggle with in my every day life with every single person I come across and it’s so frustrating.
I struggle the most with feeling that invade me after I confront people. It really takes a toll on me. I starts stressing out so much that I freeze. I feel scared of other people's reactions. I do realise that I can never control other people's reactions or how I will be treated afterward. I feel like I am being pushy as you said.
Thanks Stephanie, you have taught me so much. I have watched nearly all your videos and it helped me for almost 1 year on. I am improving slowly and taking baby-steps to become happy and strong person.
This was happening to me from last 10 years. I finally gathered courage to confront and now I can think everything clearly. It's like I found my Spark back.
Well done 🙌
💕💕 been trying to do this somewhere in the pandemic. I realized I need to stop holding back. This is how people take advantage of you or family. I used to be so good lol but life happens. I did learn boundaries while in university in 2017-2019 and did speak up but went through life challenges and was hard to speak up at one point just because I emotionally was shutting down & depressed.
The panic come from my higher self alerting me that I’m at the moment to stand up for my self THIS time. In order to repair the time in the past I didn’t stand up for my self. I can change the past by changing the present and by quantum entanglement and proxy you can reap the benifits so that when that moment happens again I’ll be triggered to the past where I DID defend my boundary.
I cannot describe to you how significant and valuable your advice, insight and guidance have and continue to be, you enlighten even a somewhat lost soul such as yours truly, thank you for your words
You said two things: A person who fires back at you - a person who you never talked to. Let's do one: That person "Sue" has anxiety, processing issues, misunderstands... Sue bites my head off over a simple conversation or me stating my thoughts. I am not at fault for this. I will now keep Sue at a distance and protect myself. That is how controlling people control- they bite our head of so that we don't stand up for ourselves again. With someone like Sue, I will avoid for my sanity. I am the nice loving empathetic person. I will not be abused by those like Sue again. Sure, I can call her out for this - I will if I have to live with her, however, if not, I am staying away from an abusive person who doesn't let me have a normal discussion and talk freely. It is not my ego, it is that someone else has issues and takes it out on me. Yes, their problem, but I will stay away from them. Normal people like me do speak up for ourselves. Boundaries save my sanity.
Great insight!
Exactly, they love to emotionally exhaust into submission out of threat of their insecurity. Self-love is removing yourself and not exhausting / falling into their taunts even when boundaries are established. Giving them satisfaction would be giving your emotional labor.
Perfect!
That’s what I have been doing with two co workers i don’t say anything if it’s not work related . I keep it really short from now on...
Loved your examples, makes it easier to apply. And the fact that you explain why things happen also helps me understand more about myself and others. ❤
Holy shit!! U have really made me see things clearly! Wish I would’ve known all of this 30 years ago!
I'm the daughter of a mental health patient. Mom was very hurtful and tough on me as a child. I'm now I'm my 40s and your videos have helped me alot. I did therapy for a time and that was good too. I journal alot ,I meditate and watch your videos as further Self-Care. Thank.you for this safe space.
One of the times I hesitate to confront is when I feel like, that person hasn't earned the right to see that side of me. Confrontation , in a social setting , with friends / acquaintances, is essentially a plea to be seen. It's saying, hey, see me! I'm here. My needs matter. And sometimes I just don't feel like the person is worth of that. worthy of knowing how they made me feel. That it bothers me. And that I'm prepared to give up time and energy to confront them. Which essentially means, I value them. Because you wouldn't confront someone if you don't care. That's how I feel sometimes. Like nah, I'm not going to confront you. I'm just going to distance myself from you, because clearly in spite of how much you know about me you still did this thing that you know I don't like. That nobody would like. So instead of giving you the time of the day and releasing my emotions on you, which is essentially, a gift. I'm just going to keep my emotions to myself and distance myself from you. And let my actions speak rather than my words.
Wow. I’ve never relate to a comment so much. Thanks for typing out the feelings I struggle to say too.
I did this with someone for awhile but I eventually exploded on her in public the way she did me, then I didn't ever speak to her again. She tried calling from different numbers but I just blocked her every time.
@@kynathomas4809 That's the problem.
We hold it in, hold it in, and then, all of a sudden, We let it out.
And then we block, because we don't want to deal with the aftermath.
I don't do that anymore. By the way.😊
Wow, I really needed to hear this today. I have been running situations in my mind over and over trying to think of how I could possibly bring up this issue i've been having with someone who was a dear friend of mine. And my thought has been from the beggining, "a real friend would never have done this to me in the first place, maybe she's not the friend I thought she was. It feels like it would waste my time." But you hear over and over how you need to stand up for yourself. But is it worth trying to stand up to someone who disrespected you SO badly in the first place that it makes you want to walk away? I'm struggling with knowing when to stick up for myself and when to walk away...
You spoke out of the depth of my heart. Right on point how I feel. Really appreciate this video. Thank you. 🧡
Thanks great video i needed this. Fuck what you think what they will think of if you confront those that hurt you or give you a hard time wether its at work or anywhere else... You take care of yourself first no matter what. Set your own boundaries of what you expect from others and what not, otherwise you will suffer. That suffering will really affect your self esteem, confidence and your life personally, mentally keep you cripled and weak, unable to grow, essentially keep you unable to stand for your self or for others and thats disgusting.
this is the first youtube video that I'm commenting on, this video was really helpful, i was constantly worried that i will get confronted and not being liked if i said my true feelings but when i literally wrote msg and said everything i felt relief and smiled on my own, before this i felt my feelings are being controlled by another person and i was not able to express emotions on my own but now i feel free.
This is gonna be on replay for me. Thank you
Thank you for creating these videos. I feel like you are speaking directly to me and my situation. Makes me feel less alone if other women are going through the same situation
I came here for advise on how to confront someone I hate as hell...now I'm in therapy . This spoke to my suppressive soul I love it
Thanks, this was very helpful. I have this fear and I think it comes from being abused as a child if I spoke back or tried to take up for myself.
This is deep. I need to see it as self-care. God bless you
your analysis is thorough and hits all the points.
Like that all of assumptions have to go out the door. Thank you, Stephanie
Steph you're amazing. Some of the pointers you provide are gems AND I love your makeup, how you carry yourself or talk. Huge fan. I'm sure you'll go far more places ❤️
Stephanie I just want to say THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. I realized that I have a problem with confrontations and I had no idea how bad its affected my life either it be at work, relationships etc. I decided to do something about it and stumbled upon your video after looking for some helpful info. I even took the initiative to start writing down how I feel, my life as of today has done a 180 and all for the right reasons.
I am happy for you 😊.
Wow blown away at how spot on I think you were. Not only that but a great example I thought of just a down to earth way to communicate or way of expressing one's self. This video deeply resonated with me and you've gained a huge fan tonight I'm 100 percent impressed! Also, side note, you looked absolutely lovely dear
Thank you so much for this advice today at work a costumer was being very disrespectful and verbally aggressive and i tried to stand up for my self but my throat got so tight i could barley speak and i started to cry because of how uncomfortable and unsafe i felt
The suppression of my feelings at a young age definitely included my anger which turned into passive aggressive behaviors in my early adult life. I even claimed to not like passive aggression because my understanding of it was incomplete. Getting to know myself let me know my feelings are valid and sometimes my boundaries are gonna piss folks off and that ain't my problem! Confrontation is spookyyyy but I've been challenging myself to speak my peace until it feels comfortable.
...feelings are just as important as anyone else's. Self-acceptance hasn't always been a strong point for me. However, this is a value and standard that I have been developing overtime. I had to keep pulling back the layers on that onion so I could start feeling better about myself and not feeling inferior. Self-acceptance is a highly valued and important standard to possess. It makes me not to have anxiety, depression or any negative emotions. It helps me to express myself in a positive light and to show my true self. It also helps me to have a more positive self-image. You talk with your hands just like me. When I talk with my hands, it helps me to get my point across more effectively. Thank you for this video. It really has much valuable information to help me.
You “hit the hammer on the nail”, .. a lot of men struggling with this (I for one should know)….. I will work @ this .. THANKS!!!!!🙏🏽
You are a very gifted speaker! incredibly helpful video. Thank you for sharing your knowledge!
Thank you so much Stephanie I love how you do step by step on communication hot to teach someone how to treat you!
You are enough! Love yourself enough to have those difficult conversations.
Thanks Stephanie! This is exactly what I needed to know about myself. I feel more confident now! Blessings!
Hi Steph, the household, oh my, every man for himself,
this really is traumatic, especially when you have to live with a parent that’s so immature. We could have a simple disagreement and it leads to my dad screaming and using violence to prove that he’s right. And learned me that I had to earn love and it was not just a default for parents to show affection. This lead me to have complication in my social life where I feel like I have to people please people to “show” that I’m important enough. And then it becomes a vicious cycle where I have anxious/avoidant attachment style and this continues. I’m literally a freaking child, I don’t deserve all of this. Thank you for making this clearer for me, will definitely be repeating affirmations.
Stephanie you're a literal champion. I think I told about 20 people about your channel just because of how helpful you are and how wonderfully I've grown and improved my life thanks to your videos. I said this on many other videos of yours (I doubt you remember me you've almost half a million subs) but you really do amazing work I'm grateful I found your channel
This is so so important. Thank you for this video. I'm using these principles in my work relationships, some of the most difficult relationships I've had were with coworkers since I have no choice on being around them. But that doesnt mean they can walk all over me.
Same with me... I always agree with others with everything.... Bcs of fear in confrontation... 😒 after oneyear what are all the changes you feel???
This video really helped me. My current shift will be eliminated in June, after 15 years, and I really need to learn these skills when I am confronted. I've been in therapy for 2 1/2 years after 25 years of narcissistic abuse and I consume this type of information. I'm so glad I found your channel! thank you!!!
Hoo Rae,I admire your pretty smile ☺️!!
Stephanie Lyn! You have helped me a GREAT deal , in opening my eyes to the toxic and abusive relationship that I was in far, far too long! Keep the HEALING videos going and coming my way. I am regaining my life back again, by listening and applying what you say and what I'm learning in your videos. THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!
Needed to hear this!! Thank you..today I realised that maybe even after an year of a horrific break up, I haven't really healed. And now my journey towards self love shouldn't be delayed any longer ❤️
Whew you are spot on. I needed this and will come back again.