Breaking Down Your Intrusive Thoughts | Episode 34 | Give It To Me Straight Podcast
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- Опубліковано 6 сер 2024
- Intrusive thoughts are an unwanted part of every relationship but they do need to be addressed when they come up. Avoiding them will only allow them to linger and get worse, possibly to the point of acting on them. In this episode, Alex and Jon answer listener questions about the need for prenups, dealing with insecurities about your partners past, setting boundaries with your aging parents, the negative impact of trauma dumping on a friend, and when a husband’s intrusive thoughts may lead to a scary reality.
(0:00) Intro
(12:56) Is FOMO A Reason To Have A Child?
(17:55) Money And Prenups
(22:26) Your Insecurities Speak Volumes
(24:46) I Have The Perfect Partner But I Don’t Love Him
(28:58) What’s The Big Deal With Taking A Last Name Anyway?
(35:31) Setting Boundaries As Your Parents Caretaker
(38:48) Trauma Dumping And How That Can Impact Your Friends
(42:12) Comparison Will Only Hurt Your Relationship
(45:17) When Your Intrusive Thoughts Almost Become Reality
(50:32) Body Image Issues Are A Real Thing
(57:34) No Invites For The Black Sheep Of The Family
(1:01:53) Icks
(1:05:30) Listener Review
Visit our website www.giveittomestraightpodcast.com
Visit our other website www.alexjon.com
I never judge a couples decision to not have kids. But, I'll say as a mom, you will NEVER be ready. You just have to do it. And, man.. the perspective kids give you on life... priceless. I'm sad for those who don't have that, but I also understand and respect their decision!
Thanks for saying that! Good parents are somewhat rare, I think. And I think kids deserve good parents (safe home, good role models, lots of love, etc.) I'm the oldest of 6 kids and ended up with guardianship of two of my siblings after my mom died. Some of us choose not to have kids because we've taken care of people our entire lives... and we just need a break. ❤
👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾
Absolutely. My wife and I said a couple times “we’ll wait till we’re ready mentally”. Even if you waited till 50 you wouldn’t be ready. It’s a giant change to your life that you couldn’t possibly prepare for.
Obviously there’s other things such as are you ready financially, have a home, where you’re at in your relationship etc. but mentally you won’t ever be fully ready.
Also when we were age 23 to age 26 we were more on the side of not wanting kids at all and suddenly we both felt we couldn’t miss out on what a giant blessing kids are and ended up starting in our late 20s. The best decision we’ve ever made.
But if you really don’t want kids please don’t have them. Even when you want them they are an incredible challenge 😅
Very well said. Understand and respect anyone’s decisions but wish everyone could feel the joy I feel. Being a mom is my favorite thing ever. I have 3 and I didn’t think I’d ever have 1.
@@lizwright1635 yes! Well put: the joy we feel! I wish all could experience that.
"I wanted to hit you but I didn't" seems like a red flag x2 to me. Getting to that place in the first place, then telling you that afterwards. Feels like he wants you to know you're lucky he held himself back (this time)
Spot on. He wanted her to know 😮😮😮
For the woman whose husband thinks about physical hurting her. He needs to talk to a psychological professional and strangers on the Internet are not equipped to handle that situation. It’s more than just intrusive thoughts if he is actively thinking about harming yourself or somebody else no matter the situation. It is a big deal. please stay safe.
I applaud you guys for the amount of thought you've put into having children, and I wish more people would do that. My husband and I have chosen not to have children for a multitude of reasons, and I wholeheartedly agree that FOMO is a horrible reason to have a kid. I've never in my life wanted kids, the whole experience sounds like a nightmare to me, but I'll love the shit out of my nieces and nephews.
Jon was really bringing good advice this ep, not gonna lie x
My husband and I got married when we were 27 and we are now 38… we have a 2 1/2 year old boy who is the light of our life! We waited 8 years to get pregnant and we had so many people telling us we should have already had a few kids by then but you can’t listen to anyone else. I will tell you, you will never feel like you are ready but we just knew there was a soul who wanted Erik and I as their parents so we honored that knowing deep inside us. Your life will never be the same and will go down a completely different path, in the best way possible ♥️♥️
To the intrusive thoughts person: your partner sounds like they are being emotionally abusive by basically threatening violence and masking it with self-pity. You are being prepared to stay in an abusive scenario. It is on them to change their ways and realize they are being manipulative. Many people use the “look at what you made me do” framework. Take care of yourself ❤ very sweet and heartwarming to hear Jon’s immediate reaction. Love u guys.
Completely agree with your thoughts on the abuse question John. 👍
your work ethics is so inspiring! the fact that you're so tired and still recorded the podcast, legends! can't wait to watch it :)
Thank you!! ❤❤❤
Your podcast is my new obsession. Currently binge listening
Alex and John, I just love you guys so muchhh! I deeply thank you for your input and effort to bring us a piece of your thought. It is uncomparable. To the girl who takes as a threat her brother's girfriend - please be confident and believe in your own skills, comfort and beauty. In case you are catching kind of emotion on your boy's end it means he really does not appreciate you. I totally feel you!
Thank you thank you!! ❤
I would just like to say, i think you guys are great. But I tend to side with Jon with topics. Straight forward, honest answer and it makes me laugh.
I’m pretty sure inheritance is exempt form being considered in a divorced settlement anyhow check your state laws but the overwhelming majority of states it’s exempt
It sounds like the intrusive thoughts person is going through an OCD flare up.. OCD will take the things you love/care about the most & try to make you think the worst. Like the knife example, it just intensifies the thought & puts people in distress.. they should talk to someone, but it doesn’t mean they are a threat or want to/will do anything. They seem distressed about it so it seems like they have OCD & don’t understand.
Forging (crafting) foraging (gathering food)
I love the part where one of them is doing the sponsorship and the other one is acting everything out comically 😂 it's so cute
Love y’all! I’m a medical social worker so you guys are right, this does happen a lot! But in home care is VERY expensive. Non medical home assistance is only covered by Medicaid (income based) so people with Medicare don’t get that benefit. It leaves lot of families in tough situations. But her siblings need to step up 💯
I have a friend whose husband took her last name to honor her family. It’s a cool last name too so that’s a plus. And I took my husbands last name because he’s the last male Dimovski in his family AND I thought that was an awesome last name.
This is the first full episode I’m watching and this is FUNNY 😂 even better than the reels
Always so excited to WATCH your podcast. ❤
Yesss!!! Thank you!!!!
Regarding the intrusive thoughts, it’s definitely something to speak to a therapist about, it happened to me with my ex husband, we had a big fight and I had a lot of repressed anger, I had a violent episode and really thought about killing him and threw some stuff at him, I had to stop myself and get out of the house, and that same day I moved out. He has to consult with a professional to find out the underlying issue and why this is happening to him.
Forging ahead.
If anyone is having any thoughts at all about hurting you, get away from thay person. They need to get help on your own. You do not need to put yourself in danger because you love that person. And it might not feel dangerous now but who is to say that person won't snap one day and act on those thoughts?
My main question with the prenup question is does she have a reason why she didn't want to tell him in the first place? It feels off to me, if she already has a reason to not trust him with information that may be a bigger issue.
So happy when I saw your podcast pop up ❤
Love to hear that, thank you!!!❤
Brrrooo I love GITMS Alex and Jon just straight up goals. Im not looking but I will not settle until I find someone who is on the same level as me mentally and emotionally because damn watching and hearing you guys arguing like a married couple is just fuckin mint 👌🏽🫡🙏🏽
Yes I know they are married but the nostalgia of a married couple of not talking down to each other but actually talking and agreeing to disagree is what a marriage is about 🙏🏽🤙🏽
My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years as well! We had our daughter a year and a half ago, and before that we went back and forth on whether to have kids or not. It's a real sacrifice of your freedom of just the two of you and not a decision to be taken lightly. I think you two are doing the right thing to stop and think about it. I think no matter what you chose there will always be the question of "what if" (what if I didn't have kids or what if I did- what would my life look like), but either way you'll make the most of your life. Have a kid if you're willing to sacrifice your freedom and selfishness- if not- don't. Before we had kids I thought Id change my life around to make room for her, but kids change you in every way. You grow up, you become less selfish (you have less time) you gain a whole new perspective on life. You don't lose yourself entirely but you do become a different person. Kids are a challenge on a marriage but also a blessing. And weirdly our intimate relationship has gotten way better after having a baby. I don't know how but it has so that is a bonus. At the end of the day what's meant to be will be- Alex you won't be more of a woman if you have a child- so if you feel that societal pressure- don't. I will say though having two people like you- who care enough to think that deeply about kids, would make excellent parents. Because you clearly care about each other and your possible child's future. The choice is ultimately yours but I think most parents agree- its f**ing hard. But worth it.
Well done Jon. Re intrusive abusive thoughts
It’s absolutely not OK
I think saying that intrusive thoughts become reality is very misleading and dangerous. Intrusive thoughts come and go and trying to say it means something about you or you’re going to act on them could not be further from the truth. That only causes further anxiety and OCD.
The girl with the pre-nup question should tell her fiancé that she'll inherit money from her aunt and uncle and per their request, they want her to get a pre-nup. Then it's not like she doubts their relationship, she's just following her family's wishes upon receiving a ton of money.
I love my kids. It’s hard , but it’s worth it. I’m super grateful for them.
I live in Mexico, traditionally we dont change our names. Our full name states your father's last name and your mother's last name. When you get married you can present yourself as Mrs. (Husbands) name but there is absolutely no reason/need to change it legally.
Jon reminds me so much of my husband 😂 with the animations to go along with the sponsor 😂😂 please keep that goofy up 😂 had me cracking up bc I was like halfway watching, folding laundry & i looked down & seen some movement, thought nothing about it & looked down again & seen that shit... I straight seen it 2x when it finally made sense 💀damn 😩
Edit: ALEX DOES IT TOO!!! 😂😂😂😂 THIS IS FANTASTIC 😂
Just making up stuff as we go 😂😂
Omg I love this podcast
❤❤
John should plan something at 11:30pm so after 12:01am they celebrate on both the 28th and 29th as it starts on one day and ends on the other day and he covers his bases
Working out at the gym while listening to your podcasts sometimes is a bad idea 😂 you guys have me dying most of the time and people stare at me like wth is wrong with this chick 😂 but I can’t help it you guys suck me into all these conversations 😭😭
Hahaha, we might have to put a disclaimer out so we aren’t liable for injury 😂😂😂
OMG THAT DISNEY RIDE WAS THE WORST. My husband and I chose the hard one and did not expect the G force and had a headache the rest of the day.
Had a friend who trauma dumped, unfortunately when I started to take care of myself (and even told her so why the distance), she ended our friendship. I ended up going through therapy to help me heal because that was definitely my rock bottom. My therapist said she never respected me and only used me for my compassion and time :(
The black sheep in the family question is tricky for me because in my family there is a sibling who is the black sheep who doesn’t usually get invited to everything but there is a big history there. It’s never been out of spite or being intentionally hurtful they just have always been negative, Start arguments, manipulated and lied to us for years and hung their child as bait because they would always take our resistance to their behavior as not accepting and if we didn’t accept them we couldn’t see their kid. So I would be curious to get more detail and see what this person is like with their family and how she got to that point.
About the kids topic - my husband and I were in the same boat as you guys about wether or not we wanted them. I kind of always told myself to decide/really discuss it by the time I turned 30. I turned 30 last October and we knew we had so much more love to give, felt financially ready (bc this economy 🫠), and knew we were mentally prepared to take on the responsibility. I am now pregnant ready to give birth at any time! And although I don’t feel “ready” we both feel excited to start the next season of our lives. I agree with other comments of never feeling “ready” but I appreciate so much how much time you two are taking to actually make such an important decision.
It’s a big decision, I just wonder if sometimes we over think it 🤷♂️
Actually bro I’m trying to find a friend like Jon damn man straight up and to the point people need this in life 🙏🏽🤣
Arrgghh I see what you guys are doing. Loving this format
Thanks for the support!!!
Forging was correct. (Foraging = finding food)
😂😂 good to know
…live ur shirt Alex! Where is it from?
You’re thinking of “forging ahead” Alex 😊
Jon, stop making that New Year’s resolution-it’s not working and we all clearly love you just the way you are😆 embrace the no BS-it’s a gift to the world.
😂😂😂
Me and my boyfriend have the same anniversary as you guys :))
Yo Jon being sleepy sometimes
Might be
Lyme positive
Esp after living in VA and idk maybe I heard correctly abt NC * living?!
Anyway all of us have Lyme just comes out in diff ways if at all
Thanks ❤😊
I think the black sheep person is not being told the real reason why her family doesn’t invite her. She isn’t wanted or they would invite her. Maybe her family doesn’t want to hurt her feelings but maybe find the real reason why. “If people wanted to they would.” That saying has helped me with all my relationships. It goes for spouses, family, any relationship out there. If they wanted to they would!
Oh the titty one I understand. What changed my thoughts in my early 20s was my fitness path. It opened my eyes and mind to realising being as natural as possible was the ultimate peace I found for and within myself. Over the years I’ve had several opportunities to go and get but always always decided against it. It is what it is and I just dgaf enough.
The girl that is insecure about herself and comparing herself to brothers girlfriend needs to commit to professional help.
It depends how the boyfriend is responding to the big boobs, that could be feeding her insecurities!
To the girl with the "itty-bitties" .... just know that there are some of us that prefer that than the enormous alternative 💯
Men when it comes to food.... quantity over quality. Food is fuel.
Sounds off without the 3 “gracious’s”. Bring back the 3 camera angle kick off!
Love you guys! You’re completely wrong on the first question. There isn’t a person on the planet that looks at a toddler having a tantrum and thinks, oh that looks so fun 😂
When you have your own baby everything changes. I didn’t know if I would ever have kids but having my daughter is the most amazing thing I’ve ever done. Yes she does all of the toddler things and you just learn to roll with it. Don’t base your decision to have kids on other peoples kids. You guys would be great parents by the way😊
PoOoOrRr JoOnNn
I HATE THAT 😂😂😂😂 (Jon)
Jon get it together sir you gotta plan something for your anniversary! Alex gonna kill you
If youre confident enough that you feel you need a prenup, then you probably don’t trust your partner enough to get married.
My husband and I purposely waited 8 years to have a baby. We knew we wanted to have at least one but when we got married we said we would first enjoy each other and then commit to having a baby because we knew it would be life changing. We had the best 8 years together and we just had our first baby girl 3 months ago and let me tell you, we absolutely adore her!!!! You will never be ready to be parents but you can plan for it so that it's less hard. Also, you never know how your baby will be. So far, our baby girl is sooooo easy!!! She rarely cries and she sleeps A LOT! So we haven't really experienced the chaos yet. Don't be scared! Your friend's situation doesn't have to be your situation. Parenthood humbles you and allows you to experience a love like no other!
FUN FACT: A prenup discloses all your moula and moula potential inheritance
Changing your last name is a bitch!!! I had to mail my DL & SS CARD by mail during covid(offices closed) and they asked me to take a picture of my DL in case I get pulled over like wtf😂 and this took like a month to complete so I feel for her!
This guy she slept with 10 years ago... Ok. Let us hear her BF's side of this story. Are there additional boundaries being broken? Maybe it has nothing to do with sleeping with the guy or that's like just a small piece of the puzzle.
Sounds like you guys experienced a haboob in palm springs 😆
wait is jon wearing crocs? alex, that's an ick
😂😂😂😂