Yes, That's Gaslighting! - "Romantic" Manipulation Tactics They Use To TRAP YOU! | Mariel Buque
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- Опубліковано 1 чер 2024
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Repeat after me, ‘their poor behavior is not my fault.’ Waking up to realize how much your own words or insecurities, pains and traumas have been used against you to keep you under control is devastating, So this episode is for my homies who are tired of being victimized and living at the mercy of manipulative people who don’t deserve you!. Let’s reclaim your power and shut them down!
Join me in this explosive episode of Women of Impact, as I sit down with psychologist Mariel Buque to unpack the most effective ways to deal with manipulative individuals. It doesn’t matter if they’re your romantic partner, your mother, co-worker or a questionable friend. We’re going to make sure you have practical strategies to escape the vicious cycles of manipulation and gaslighting.
Recognizing the signs and patterns of toxic behavior is crucial, and Mariel Buque is the perfect voice to guide women in manipulative, toxic relationships. In this empowering conversation, Mariel shares examples of how she escaped a toxic fiance and discovered truths that every woman should know.
Don't let toxic character assassins twist your truth any longer. I want you to earn how to dodge the controlling partners and slam the door on manipulators. This is the playbook that will help you find your authentic self again and kick some toxic ass!
Join my homie, Mariel Buque and myself, Lisa Bilyeu on Women of Impact and embark on a journey towards freedom from manipulation. Ready to break free? Don't miss this transformative episode of Women of Impact!
If you’re ready to deep dive on healing intergenerational trauma and breaking the toxic cycles you find yourself in, check out Mariel’s book, Break the Cycles: www.amazon.com/gp/product/059...
Chapter Markers:
[00:00] Manipulation Tactics We Fall For 💩
[11:06] Cancel Years of Manipulation 😮💨
[15:45] Character Assassination 🥷
[27:58] The Control Game 🎲
[39:46] Your Gut Tells You Everything 😬
[49:36] Break The Toxic Cycles Now 💔
[1:01:50] Are You Forgiving Too Much? 🥴
[1:08:55] Manipulator Proof Boundaries 🧱
[1:25:38] Don’t Tolerate Disrespect with Tracy Tutor
****Bonus Episode: Stop Allowing the Disrespect with Tracy Tutor***
Tracy Tutor is the celebrity agent you’ve seen on Million Dollar Listing LA that’s not afraid to conduct business confidently in a crop top and heels. Being disrespected by the people closest to you is never easy. We make excuses and even ignore it and give passes when something has been said or done that we find offensive.Tracy is not one for being intimidated or silenced when boundaries have been crossed, and in this bonus episode we’re getting ideas on how to handle that disrespectful person in your life.
Powerful Words from Mariel Buque:
“When you start wondering if you yourself are someone of worth and value, then we have to really start getting you out of whatever connection you have with that person that is actually making you question your own worth.”
“We may never actually get any kind of ‘I’m sorry’, any kind of validation for our experiences, and so what we need to do is move on and find ourselves yet again.”
“Whenever we have people in our lives that we understand we cannot change, the goal is to change ourselves.”
“My body was literally telling me you are unwell, there is a toxic element of this relationship that is literally manifesting in your body, you need to let it go.”
“Everyone should know what narcissism looks like, what manipulation looks like, the ways that these people hoover their way into your life, how they suck you into cycles, we should all feel some kind of protection from these experiences in relationships.”
“We have to step outside of the relationship we have and really disconnect from it for a moment and identify the beautiful things that we desire, but also that we need for the long-term.”
Follow Dr. Mariel Buque:
Website: www.drmarielbuque.com/
Podcast: breakthecyclewithdrmariel.buz...
Instagram: / dr.marielbuque
UA-cam: / @dr.marielbuque
Follow Tracy Tutor:
Website: www.tracytutor.com/
UA-cam: / @asecretagent
Instagram: / tracytutor
Follow Me Lisa Bilyeu:
Website: www.radicalconfidence.com/
Instagram: / lisabilyeu
Facebook: / lisabilyeu
X: / lisabilyeu - Розваги
WARNING: I will never ask for your contact info in the comments section, that is someone impersonating me!
Thank you, Lisa. While I was on Instagram, you would reply to my post to connect with you on Whatsapp. I knew immediately... your account was hacked! You rock, Lisa 🙌🏻✨️❤️🍀
How do you know people are toxic? Maybe they are "just not your cup of tea." Don't you think that people who prey on strangers, violate, exploit, target, abuse, stalk, defame, and enslave random strangers for years to promote yourself? You cannot call anyone toxic, creep.
I can relate to this, I was seeing someone who made me feel uneasy, when he texted me, my stomach would be tied in knots and it was as if my body knew he was bad and wrong for me. I never felt calm or safe. And how I was more permissible with him treating me badly which I never would’ve let anyone else do. He was very manipulative often gaslighting me, especially when I would bring up his lies or betrayals. He always turned it around and made it seem like I was the one in the wrong. I too was lucky to have a community of friends that I knew loved me and could see what was happening. Not everything you lose is a loss. I thank god I finally woke up and I’m free now!
If you can’t meet me we’re I am in life .. physically.. mentally.. spiritually.. emotionally and financially.. stay were you are. Please and Thank You. My peace ☮️ of mind is priceless. ✅
Omg last year I had a relationship that seemed so innocuous on the surface, but after a while whenever I visited his place, for one reason or another I became ill to the point of vomiting. But each time I thought it was due to bad food, drinking too much, mold, a virus, whatever. Then suddenly a hand injury came out of nowhere and took me out of work for months. Followed by a 6-week long respiratory illness that no doctor or lab could diagnose. Only after a year with him did I realize, or perhaps admit, he had no good intentions. After cutting him loose, my body healed and strengthened so quickly, I'm back to breaking personal records again. My life and job changed for the better. That was a lesson in never ignoring my body's signals again!
Wow. Glad you r ok.
My body started itching. I went to several doctors too. Now that I left him thru OOP my body is healing. Working on my nervous system now.
He says I’m emotionally unstable. I go nuts, when he has no response to me. He just sits there and stares. Then I go crazy.
Yup...the Narc Stare and the Silent Treatment. Master manipulators.
He wants you to go crazy. You're falling for his tricks every single time. Record your conversations, without him knowing. Just for yourself, then listen to it several times afterwards
@@jenster29very good advise. And indeed... if we are bothered by their silence then we have some inner healing to do as well. Usually it indicates anxious attachment.
@@zion367 yeah the silent treatment is a known manipulation tactic to break you. If it works and he keeps doing it and you keep breaking then you're trauma bonded.
I've been in this exact situation for 20 years and didn't realise it was abuse until I got trauma therapy and realised I was extremely anxious. Now that I'm not, it's causing issues 😳
@@jenster29 okay. Thanks for sharing.
I wonder, because in my case I do not deal with a partner, but with my sister. I send het texts with questions about hpw she is experiencing school and public transport in my country (she lmmoved to the netherlands last september) and i do not get any response. They I sended a text after 3 weeks and still no reply to my questions.
Then at newyears she called me, but I was hangover so I didnt pivmck up the phone, but imshe called me to leet me and hang out.
For me this doesn't feel good. First you stonewall me for 6 weeks and then you want to hang put.....
Maybe I do take it too personal, but for now it seems that I can not move on until she tells me why she ignored my texts for 2 months.
In some sense I know it has nothing to do with me, but on the other hand it does not feel good to be ignored like this....
I wonder which part is my own unhealed trauma and which part is my boundarie. Any feedback will be appreciated.
She was great!!! She touched on the fundamentals of the toxicity
The money section of this video really hit home for me.... I married an extremely wealthy man who liked to use his money as power.. I sold my house when I moved in with him.... He did everything he could to try to get me to spend my money from my house so I would have to depend on him and could also not be able to leave him. I was so glad I didn't go out and blow my money on all the frivolous things he wanted me to buy because when I could no longer take his narscisstic abuse I at least had enough money left to afford to buy a house back in my home state
Good for you
Let be smart here...
If you adress hoovering no toxic person is ever gonna admit they are breadcrumbing or hoovering you. Heck, they might not even be conciously aware of their behaviour. All that will happen is that they come up with some BS excuse and draw you back in by playing a pity card.
Therefor be wise, thank them for the flowers and let them know you have no further interest in connecting with them.
Simple, kind, respectful, honest and empowering.❤
I dealt with it for 23years!left me confused, until he started saying that he is worried about my mental health even though I knew exactly what was happening. Gaslighting,triangulation,manipulation,Stone walling,silent treatment etc!Gave up everything and walked out 4 years ago!divorced him eventhough he refused to sign the papers or to pay child maintainance or any help with the children.I still did it!walked out with my 3 children and my blessings and nothing else.Am living my best life now,and he lost everything and contracted incurable STD. His rejection was my protection.Ive started my own channel too to warn people and save someone's life outhere.
Thank you Lisa for your guidance and wisdom
What's ur channel
I have tried addressing gaslighting to my ex partner; it ended up as my fault and I was blamed as if I was a gaslighter. In my experience, trying to address this kind of issue with truly toxic person is a waste of time.
Amen. Arguing with a narcissist is a complete and total waste of time. Logic and truth does not work in their world.
Blaming
You is gaslighting
Thank you. This conversation has been so enlightening. There’s something about your guest that really made it sink for me. Truly understand. Thank you. And thank you for your shows. I’ve started watching your shows recently and the more I do, more it’s making a difference
Am i going crazy is *not* the first cue.
The first cue is your judgement questioned repeatedly instead of being engaged with, until you're second guessing yourself to try and avoid the gaslighting
Can be very hard when you're in it and You grew up with narcissists so you think its normal/love. I had an undiagnosed illness and was getting weaker by the minute, I was saved from a narc "friend" by my current partner showing up. I was easily isolated because all my friends started having babies . If my partner hadn't showed up I don't think I would still be here
4:19 Oh no, I give NO ONE the benefit of a doubt I have about THEM. Learn that from being married to a narcissist.
20:49 lying is the downfall of this gals last relationship. ❤
I almost never have headaches. I was eating aspirin like candy when married to the NARC. The day he moved out that ended.... it's been 17 years, and I have hardly had a headache since.
Tension headache is real
I lived with someone temporarily. This guy was very toxic and very unstable. The feeling she talking about is very real. I had to cut him loose and block him. I had felt the level of anxiety like that. He was a very terrifying person. He showed no remorse. Now ive learned valuable lessons from that period of time.
The world pressures women to be married and have children, we are taught there is this ONE person in the whole world that is for you, all lies and fairy tales
By the time you realize what is happed it’s too late
Unless you have$$$$$$ it’s almost impossible to get away
Yes, having a community is important but your family may not be the best especially, if you come from a Narcissistic family (which you may not understand); a professional is required to gain this knowledge and a community with understanding of Narcissistic behavior is required to heal; it takes years to regain control of yourself or if your from a Narcissistic family, to gain control of yourself. I eventually had to let go of my siblings, my last step, of course, they had ostracized me first.
Very good point about families. My parents didn’t want anyone to split up. Could not talk to them about any issues.
I respect the journey of the second woman who was cheated on. However not everyone who forgives has to “hang out” with the people who cheated on them. Choose the boundaries that work best for you.
50:02 I can relate on this right now… 😂 broke things off this week and going out with the ladies this weekend ❤❤❤❤❤ keeping a record of things was the hugest part of my healing journey because this isn’t the first time. 😢 thank you Lisa😍🥰🥰🥰
Thank you for being so transparent! You said so many things that made sense to do for us to move on from the toxic relationship we were in with dignity. This is a must watch!❤
I always here this ‘community’ thing..
Seriously that’s probably the last thing abused people have.
Unless you are one of those people who are really not that wounded, but have met a toxic person.
If you’re already vulnerable, there’s no way you’ll have anyone to help you. That’s where women’s aid organisations are so so important.
Yes , I didn't see much sisterhood in my 30s I told my female friends about DA that happened in my twenties, in fact five of them victim blamed me. But I don't blame them for not seeing when I was involved with a narcissist, because I didn't see it myself. But community, yes, some are lucky to have it, others not so much- much more awareness and education needed
They turn your support against You.
Dunno how she still had support. Good for her.
19 minutes in and I think any form of toxicity, just GET OUT. There is never, never enough conversations you can hold with a toxic person, trying to get them to admit their behaviors. Don't engage, just leave.
Exactly,because honestly they know how they’re treating people and know they wouldn’t take that from anyone either.
@@ajohonly3721EXACTLY
Absolutely well said !
It can be difficult for people with cptsd and attachment disorders. It’s work for these people that takes time.
Amen 🙏🏼 Amen 🙏🏼
Lisa you really help me with a lot of things I have had to work through. I wish you success in everything you do. Blessings upon blessings to you and Tom and your business. You are amazing.❤❤❤
I walked away and vented to a friend how hurt and frustrated I was after he betrayed my feelings and trust. She ran it all back to him and then made me feel like I was the bad guy because he was mad for venting. Now I feel like such an asshole.. I don’t know if I was wrong or the toxic one… I hate this😔 I truly didn’t mean to hurt him, but got he hurt me to my core…
Awesome topic, and I love your content, I am from South Africa by the way, and downloaded most of your discussions, Love it, You rock, And yes, I agree I'm 44 and don't care what people think about me, I rock in my shorts and skirts with cellulite and all as long as I feel comfortable and confident.❤
Sitting! 💜💜💜
My ex boyfriend tried to drive me crazy given me mixed signals, i went back twice and i was getting sick, so.i decided to leave this narc forever.
Interview is amazing!
OMG Lisa this video is coming up at a great timing in my life it’s most def a sign oh boy 😆 thank you for all these valuable videos 🙏
Lisa, the value you bring to women through your channel is invaluable. I’ve regained my sense of self and personal power through your guests. I feel safe being me and it is such a peaceful and loving place. Learned a lot today.
❤❤❤
“Roll back the tapes!” I’d scream! I told our marriage counselor the only thing that might help our marriage is video cameras around the home documenting the truth! “Roll back the tapes!” Was my way of fighting against the gaslighting. This was all before I really knew what was going on, and before busting our phones out to record everything was commonplace. I should have set up various cameras on my own and just gathered the facts and then compiled everything into a truth file. Who has the time for that during the trauma though!?
Interesting!
My gut instinct just knew...and my heart, soul, mind, and body was never the same when I was him.
Gaslighting was a frequent occurrence before this term became popular.
As an Empath, anything I felt was HUGE experience since I go very deep.
I finally walked away for Me since I didn't want any of that behavior and the feelings that came with it, in my life going forward.
My values, along with my wants and desires were thankfully, never degraded. I am a more refined Me after this experience. 😊❤
Truly enjoyed this podcast since it hit home. Thank you ladies!! ❤
Thank you wonderful ladies! Lisa you give so much to your viewers and everyone who wants to listen and learn - will listen. Some people are so stuck in their comfort zone the only step they take is cyberbullying. It only shows how much we need this channel to elevate.
This beh. is the mental health team 😢the words they use to frighten and control ...
So much inresolved trauma
In nurse ratched everywhere
i I can't see a way through sometimes but i must stay cool i feel like i am being controlled by the one lifeline i have / and it's legalised abuse 😢what gets me through is faith in love, music, nature and writing while i wait for the right moment the right idea and intuition guiding me to my new home somehow
Thanks Lisa you help me feel stronger in myself❤
I’m glad I have no partner lol yay
Hello Lisa, first time commenting..Love you and all your guests you have on your show… Growing up I had a very narcissistic Mother, who only passed away a couple of months ago at 101 years old.. I did have a lovely father who passed at 85 years old… They were married for 60 years, and I don’t know how my father put up with her.. I did ask him and he said that he loved her…. I never knew what a narcissist was growing up and I had two broken marriage because my husbands were very controlling and abusive like my mother was…. My oldest daughter got married and I had to face my first ex husband again, which was ok… After all that day was my daughter’s day and it wasn’t mine… Sometimes you wish that you don’t see them again, but when you have children with them you have to…. All the best Lisa.😊
the ladies needed a lunch break toward the end in my headphones. Feed the women
Yes. I wish I would have seen this long ago!
Love you Lisa and your awesome guests. Many many thanks for your work. You are doing great things for women and setting us free. God bless you 😊❤
we are all programmed to accept everyone. that's wrong. respect everyone and expect the same or more them, and if that's ever not the case, you get out of that toxicity before you get trapped in it
I love you Lisa for the empowerment. You are an angel heaven sent on Earth. Fucking bad ass lifting us!🎉❤😂
Toxic is another stress...I'm single....I might stay single for a while...plus this person I used to talk to, till living in the past...why? He still talk about is ex wife..he crazy too....nah I'm good I stay single until
My issue is that I consider everyone to be manipulating me, so I’m constantly on the defence. I’m sure my CPTSD doesn’t help, but thank you for helping me be more aware of my surroundings when others are in the moment.
you have no trust thats y ❤
@sassykassie6070
Look up Nicole de La Pera and Terry Cole.. Their expertise will be invaluable to you. Dr La Pera specialises on CPTSD and it's recovery and Terri Cole is a boundary legend (boundaries are VERY important when it comes to CPTSD).. I say this from experience. Journal, yoga and meditation also help (Boho Beautiful is a great resource). It's okay to feel played, hurt and betrayed. It's also important to understand that there are ways to empower ourselves so we don't enable or put up with bad behaviour from others. Sending you so many hugs ❤
💜💜💜
"Staying calm"; walking away would send my husband Crazy, he would then go into assassination mode; say horrible things or bring up personal things that I shared and turn it at me & then, if that didn't work he would get physically abusive, that's if he could catch me. I would lock myself in one of the rooms until... I felt safe, he had calmed down. He eventually, took All the locks off the doors.
Much love to you from my heart for your healing. ❤
Yes Mariel! In the schools is a necessity. I've been saying that for a while now. I resonate with what you said about knowing something was off and feeling it but not knowing the language. Question Mariel: I'm 4 years out from a 16 year relationship with a man that was abusive in all the ways. How do I hold on to my good memories and talk about them with my kids while also holding on to this person is dead in my life?
Hay, maybe write down all the good things/ situations u remember about him? If something is gonna come in your mind just note it on your phone right away. Having it all written down gonna make it easier to talk about it to your kids. Have a nice day:)
@kingajadwizyc2746 Thank you, and likewise!
My body tuned in before I ever met I particular person who asked me out (online). I didn’t trust it, thinking I was over reacting or nervous because I hadn’t dated since my divorce (5 years). Boy, have I learned a lesson. Call it gut or intuition, I believe it’s the same.
Your lucky! I wish my gut told me something was wrong when I met this guy on line, who lied to me about who he was. I talk to him for 5 months before I even met him. He was the opposite of what he betrayed himself to be. The lies went on and on until I finally broke it off. He actually made me physically sick.
❤❤❤
1:11:38 so helpful
So much thank you to share and explain with so accurate words. In my case it was my ex wife. I felt exactly the same from my gut. And so surprised about discovering it was narcissisme, same. Since I said stop, my health is going so much well, i even lose weight easily now 😂
sometimes they isolate you in very sneaky ways. After a while, you don't really want to go anywhere b/c they poke fun at you in front of others. They say something wrong in front of others to get you to react, they invite you out and lie about who all are going to be present. They ogle someone. They cuss or tell a dirty joke, knowing you don't like that. They do things to eventually make you say that you are just not a people person, you are an introvert, you like to be alone....... They have isolated you! Also be careful of people who say they are a people pleaser - sometimes a covert narc says this about themselves to through you off - and there may be parts of them that go out of their way to make others happy ---- but it is more about how they look in public!
I can relate to Everything you said! To a T!
I agree with you. It’s very sneaky. I haven’t been going out but when I ask to be taken to the grocery store, he either tells me he’s busy and I have to wait longer or he’ll take me and say hurry up and rushes me to buy food.
Your talking about my baby sister
Yes and when you try to paraphrase something they said, they will say they didn't say that - only b/c you did not repeat word for word what they said. They also will tell you to do something a certain way (like how they like the blinds angled) and after years, one day they will tell you they don't like it that way and you say that you have always done it that way b/c that is the way they said they liked it. They say they never told you this. You only question this, years later when you see it as a pattern. Early on it is hard to see it as a pattern b/c this exact behavior may not show up a lot, but the pattern is a variety of questionable behavior which makes it harder to spot. Gaslighting: Your too sensitive. Your jealous. Stop complaining, I work really hard/I'm busy. Future-faking: it will get better when I am not so busy, when I retire.... Enablers: It is more convenient for them for you to stay with a toxic person b/c they like you both. I've never had a problem with them. It will get better, just be patient. They didn't mean it. Now add in a pregnancy, a wedding, financial dependence and this is very bad! Women have to be very careful b/c we suffer most from these dynamics.
Yes yes true . I didn’t say that! Your crazy! Your confused! Oh but you did say that I have it even in a txt you want to see? Him- Yes show me. Him- umm umm well yes but blah Blah. Me- but stop twisting it . Him- okay you got me this one time. Me- one time? I got like 50 of those you want to see? Or if you ask him if he ever put his Percocet In his nose and sniffed it and he said umm no …but I think it would get you the effect at a faster speed. Then a month later he said I put Percocet in my nose once a while ago . I said I thought you said you never did? He says no you asked me if I ever sniffed it and I only did it once so that doesn’t count. Like wtf this guy is insane . That’s only one tiny example.. after him I need professional help.
Unfortunately, I fell in love with a narc type/sociopath. I gave him a 2nd chance after being away from him for over 3yrs. He didn't isolate me, bur he was a master manipulator, gaslighter & EXTREMELY irrational & argumentative. I knew I couldn't WIN nor have PEACE playing his game, so the 2nd time around, I REFUSED to engage in ANY debate & I just walked & blocked him. I haven't heard from him in almost 2yrs.
Wonderful never look back they don't change
I've talked with this guy for about 7 months we're both senior citizens this guy seems to talk like he's 18 he said he's been International around the world plenty of women in his life I noticed he says the word b**** a lot and whole lot that turns me off he's very insecure he talks about his mom and grandma a lot he wants to know if he's handsome he's very Vain and then he accused me of overflowing his toilet that I never used told me I had issues and he told me you know you ask God for me in your life I mean it's been 8 years for me by choice I've met two toxic guys in my life 2023 toxic men also women I will not act like I'm in the military and stand attention to him and his toxic mess I really insulted him he cannot enter into my life he's very childish to be 71 years old
Run …narcissistic and maybe misogynistic
It's not men who keep women down it's the women.... AS long as they keep on being jealous and trying to bully and exclude their perceived competition, we will be doomed to be bottom scratchers for as long as humanity exists.
I experienced that most men are the ones who supported me , almost never the women. Its a real taboo though, to admit jealousy
It's both and either, to be fair.
I had to go through what I did with the person that I did, to learn about my own self-worth. I had to get to the point where I saw the pattern in order to heal it.
His truth is a lie his heart is deceitful the truth is not in him he is so human I have actually heard him lie but using different words impacting up his little statements the devil is a liar I seen that before it even happened because he talks a lot how can I categorize this as gaslighting or manipulation I thought it was just mean and Evil😮😮? I really thought it was me and very rude and disrespectful is that manipulating
younger men are great
I’m starting to think I’m very manipulative because one of this is knowing my partner doesn’t like that I’m friends with my ex I thought I kept my ex around because I truly want to be friends with him but it’s really so he didn’t hurt himself and he knows someone care no matter in a relationship or not but that made my whole relationship fail cause I couldn’t give my partner the love he needed I need help cause I have severe abandonment issues from family to relationship my whole life how do I not keep my exes around
Hey Lisa would it be possible to have a video where the guest explains what to say in reality when a person is ready to break up with a narc or toxic person 🙏
Don't put your life in danger by saying anything. Slowly and quietly disengage while you quietly plan your escape and slip away. Why would you tell a controlling manipulator that they are going to lose power over you?
If you don't go no contact nothing will work you will have to be completely done with them because you are their life source if they c that ur not completely serious they won't stop trying to get you to not go please know messing with these type of people are no joke u have to be ready.
It is adviced that you do not say anything at all..if you do they will experience narcissistic injury…big crisis and they may act violent, stalk or even harm you by spreading rumours about you etc….some may hurt ur child , set house on fire etc…be careful. Exit carefully
Lisa, you had that misogynistic interview with Sadia. Why?
Thanks for asking! She works with men and so I found it an interesting discussion to have. I try to look at all angles and bring people on with different view points so I do not become dogmatic in my thinking. Even if I don’t agree with them, it’s important to me to keep an open ear and listen to other people’s perspectives. Hope that explains it and brings some clarity.
Valuing diverse perspectives is commendable, but endorsing victim-blaming, particularly in the context of empowering women, is not. If I consider subscribing again, I would appreciate clarity on your stance.@@LisaBilyeu
Does anyone else find it to be a red flag that Lisa wears literally the biggest, clownish Gotti jewelry I’ve ever seen?
It’s her style
Why would that be a red flag? A red flag for what exactly? 🤔 🤷♀️