Effectively Helping An Addict Or Alcoholic Find Recovery (2020)
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- Опубліковано 30 вер 2024
- If your family member is an addict or alcoholic, I'm sure you've already been trying to help them find recovery. BUT, ARE YOU DOING IT EFFECTIVELY? In this video, you'll discover the crucial dos and don'ts for helping an addict or alcoholic find their recovery. It's not your fault your loved one is struggling with addiction, nor is it your responsibility to make sure they recover, but there are some things you could be doing to slow down the process.
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Thank you! THANK YOU!! I NEEDED TO HEAR THIS!! I WISH THERE WERE MORE PEOPLE LIKE YOU WHERE I live. Small town and no resources!
You're very welcome. I'm so glad that my videos are helping people. That's exactly what keeps me going. Thank you for taking the time to leave kind feedback! ❤️️❤️️❤️️
Good advice!!!! Normally it seemed like people from the AA think you are not practicing tough love. Sometimes admitting you need help is a huge step , then expect them to do all the leg work too is just too overwhelming for the addict. They call us their enabler! Sometimes its confusing.
You're right, suvk1, many people would consider that enabling. I just think that many people in active addiction just don't have the ability to stay focused and willing enough to do all the research and calling.
I have a 40 year old son who is addicted to meth. He got put in the state hospital for being gravely ill with a diagnosis of schizophrenia so when they released him after 28 days, (not enough time) I took him in, thinking I will help him get back on his feet and help him get Social Security Disability and a roof over his head. It is clear he is not going to stop using and I cannot have this in my home, it's dangerous. Sleeping with one eye open and wondering if they spiked your milk. By the time he got SSI, and a home I was worn out and done. I am him Payee so his bills get paid, but he burnt house down because there were demons in the walls. Stupidly I let him stay a few days and then quickly got him into a motel, when the money ran out, he was on the street. For my own sanity and safety I choose to take care of my own life and he can do what ever he wants. I told him I loved him when I took him a blanket and pillow so he could sleep in his car, but I could not help him as long as he chose to do meth. I would rather wonder how he is than have him under my roof. His father was an abusive alcoholic and his fathers father was the same. And his grandmother on that same side had mental health issues and was addicted to pills. I know the power of God and I know he is able to change them, and so I pray for them all and give them to God, he can help them more than I can.
Honesty is a tough one for my husband. He has lied about his drinking for our whole marriage (23 years). He’s sober now because in order to reconcile after our separation, my boundary was that I didn’t want to be with him if he continued to drink. He chose to go to AA (own choice), but I sensed he was reluctant and that he only said it to get back home. Now he’s not attending AA Zooms (I’m not interfering) and I just know he’s in denial because he keeps dropping hints that he’s going to start drinking again. An example being, he suggested he was going to try making home-made cider the other day. Truth is, he can’t be honest with himself let alone me. What is the way forward with regards to my response to this situation? I’m attending Al-Anon 2/3 per week and working the steps for my own personal recovery, but feel frustrated that we can’t have a close relationship because the ‘elephant’ in the room is still very much there! 😓
Hey Saskia, Sounds like you're picking up on some relapse warning signs. In the event that he does relapse, your job is to hold steady and not get back on the roller coaster with him!
Put The Shovel Down yes, I agree. I’m so grateful for your videos and Al-Anon’s help at the moment. Thanks Amber!
This is such a tough one I’m in a similar situation where they went to rehab but they are still lying about it and somehow getting away with it in a sober home I’m trying to hear these videos and practice what I’m learning but I’m starting to feel that I’m just at the end of my ropes with it. I have kids involved and a baby on the way and still they can’t seem to get it together trying to decide how to proceed without making the situation worse for them and without me getting back on the “roller coaster” oyyyy🤦🏽♀️
My husband just made 1 year sobriety after his slip! That also means I've been watching you for over 1 year. 😊
That's a LOT of videos! You should have some kind of addiction certification by now!!! 😀
@@PutTheShovelDown hahaha!!!
They can't because they don't want to. I know from experience, plus testimonies from several ex-addicts around me. Once you make up your mind, willpower will follow.
I think the biggest help was my family not enabling me. And yes it is a journey. And taking acnolegment and admitting is what changed me.
What’s your stance on dumping out alcohol or removing it from the house without them knowing? I’m guessing that’s a front door approach, but curious as to your thoughts. Thanks.
I think it will just cause fights and keep you both in a cat and mouse game.
You think you want to know the whole story. Then after finding things out you realize you were better not knowing. All the trauma and betrayal. Ignorance really can be bliss sometimes.
I agree 💯
I am binge watching and catching up!!! script almost amazing and soon picked up... watch this space xx
Yey! that's so exciting!!!
Whoa that research part hit home ...he keeps saying he's gonna do it but I'm calling and finding something for him ...opioid addiction just sad
Thanks for the feedback Hasiyna!
Thank you for your content. Ive found myself dealing with an addicted love one recently and these videos really help uncover what is truly unfolding around me and I am no longer left to my own imagination. I really feel steps ahead of my interactions. Maybe not 5 steps yet but definitely ahead of this demon of addiction. Im working on building trust for my addicted loved one. Alot of damage has occurred by not knowing what I was dealing with. But learning how to communicate motivational is really helping thanks to your videos. Thanks again!
Wow Angela! It sounds like you're really making some good progress. That's fantastic. I'm sooooo happy to hear it.
It doesn't do anyone any good if you tell the addict they're messing up their life with their substance abuse. They already know this. I have had poison come out of my mouth more than once. Practical solutions are best.
Totally agree!
Wow, Amber! Thank you for this concise information. I have been ignorant in the past and just need to continue learning how to help.
You are so welcome, Paula!
As usual, your video hits all the nails on their heads. I agree that navigating the horrible waters of rehab, treatment centers, IOP, and therapists for my SUD child is the right thing to do. I wouldn’t expect a teenager who is sick with a brain disease/disorder to do it so why would it be different for SUD? Great confirmation and affirmation of my efforts and a help in keeping on the right path going forward.
I'm right there with you Tara. Navigating the addiction treatment wold is a nightmare. It even makes me feel overwhelmed!
Thank you so much for making these videos! I felt so lost and alone dealing with my husband and my mother in law being active addicts. Well my mother-in-law is in early recovery and is living in a halfway house and my husband is about to go to rehab. Thank you 🙏 it’s helped me so much the last couple of days watching your videos and doing research.
You're so very welcome!
My boyfriend says he wants to drink because it's all he has left and because he doesn't have anyone he doesn't Acknowledge that he has me and for this reason I had to take a step back it's sad and draining feeling like I can't help him 😭
So my fiancé is in his late 50’s and in 2016 was in ICU cause he went through something no parent should go through and started drinking vodka around the clock . Eventually he blood started coming out of both ends . His esophagus was clamped . It was discovered he has a fatty liver and lesions on it . He wound up picking up from there and going to the gym , got into a healthy lifestyle. He did this till 6 months ago when he bought a house . Lots of stress in that and he caught himself slugging vodka down . I did not know for 3 weeks. We do not live together. He came clean to me when we woke up one morning and was very sad about it. Said he is an Alfa male and it’s hard to admit I have a weakness , said he should have never let the stress of buying this house cause him to start drinking vodka around the clock . He did stop but went to beer instead and roughly a month later stopped completely . That lasted 3 months . Did it on his own . All of a sudden the was like I’m not an alcoholic, I could have a beer if I want to . As you can guess he started drinking beers a few times a week. 2 weeks ago he started urinating blood . Said it was probably from sex. I begged him to go to the ER. He told me if it continued the next day he would. It did continue the next day but not as bad. The next day in the evening he stopped off to get food at a bar/restaurant that he does business with an old friend of his walked in and they wound up having a couple of beers together. I could tell he was drinking when we spoke on the phone. I asked him and he said no I’m just tired. A few hours later he called me after sleeping and he sounded perfectly fine told me he ran into his friend earlier and had a couple of beers completely forgetting that he had lied to me. Then that morning at 5 AM he did go to the hospital and he spent three days there they discovered a mass in his bladder. After three days in the hospital he was discharged I called him on my dinner break at work that Thursday night and he sounded like he was drinking beer again I was completely sure so this time I got mad because I couldn’t believe he did that when he left the hospital. I said I can’t talk to you right now because you’re drinking he started being condescending and say he wasn’t drinking he was just tired I came in to pick up a check of money that was owed I guess that means I’m drinking blah blah blah. I hung up on him the next day I wrote him a very loving text message how alcohol is affecting his health and he needs to follow up with care with the doctors which I believe he will do because he’s pretty good at doing that. I told him in the text that I know I can’t control his drinking but that every time I see him drink it breaks my heart. But I want him to live a long happy and healthy life and then I love him more than anything. I ended up saying that I am praying that I hear from you and then you tell me you’re going to do everything possible to be healthy. I have never heard from him since then. I know he’s OK as in alive because I do see that he checks in on Facebook. I know this is a very long drawn out message. It’s the first one I ever left on this UA-cam lol and I’m using a microphone with it makes it easy to just go on and on with. I would like anyone’s suggestions that will help. In my heart I feel that what I did was the right thing. He knows how much I love him. And I do know that he’s in love with me and I know that deep in his core he knows he’s an alcoholic because he told me that one time he had a weakness to it even though he decided to go into denial after that I feel that he knows.
Why are you not with 1 million subscribers yet ? I need this . Same pattern same results . If he can’t see to hard core change to my approach must be different
That's what I'm saying😂. Thanks for the kind words Melissa. I'm glad this was helpful to you.
But I’ve never even talked about it to him in 50 years. Lived with it, stayed passive. Don’t know where to begin.
Hi Tricia, Maybe start with the playlist called "motivating someone to get sober". ua-cam.com/play/PLaaJWwIpP_zYtiUsXjYwB-GJEy2iJ24a4.html
I love this, especially the don’t expect them to do the research!! Hello recovery coach🙋🏼♀️
Crystal Campbell thanks Crystal. I’ll bet you’re a phenomenal recovery coach!
He has no idea anyone sees him as an alcoholic because they see him the same way all the time all these years. Most know hi. Only one way. I’m the only one who sees the other side of him which only exists in the morning.... before 11:00 am.
I am so glad I found you channel because I am learning so much so I can help myself and my loved ones .
That makes my heart happy, because that's exactly my goal!
Thank you so much for this. It’s such a hard and exhausting process. 😞
It really is!
I did this for him and made appointments for a mental health practitioner to reassess him. Had 2 appointments with the drug and alcohol team came hone from the 2nd one drunk. Now he won't let me go to the mental health appointments either.
😂😂😂 my frustration just melted and it feels after years...I have found a good person to listen to ....thankyou ❤
What I have learned is that there are a lot times when the addict falls off the wagon. Pretty sure they hate it as much as we do.
I am leaving because mom has been used and blamed for everything for over 32 years!!! I'm gone
Number 5 hit home hard; I was expecting them to be an open book, no omissions, and always the truth, not realizing that this wasn’t and is not about me, but about my best friend. Sometimes we need to try to put ourselves on their shoes and feel for at least a moment what they are feeling; pain, shame, fear, etc.
You make a really good point!
What do you think about involuntary commission with someone who knows they have a problem but dont want to give it up
Great questions. Typically I'm okay with it, because often times a person needs to get clean for their brain to work properly and decide that they want to get clean. The nature of addiction is that people don't want to get sober.
Fiancee is a high functioning alcoholic. He is happy the way he is, work during the day and end the day with a few drinks. I feel frustrated because I have spoken to him multiple times and he doesn't even want to limit drinks to weekends or particular number of days in a week. Feel like leaving on certain days but still stuck here. What do you think?
Hi Meetu, it sounds like your fiancee is in the "precontemplation" stage. Basically that means, completely unaware there is a problem. Usually the person that lives with them is the first to really see the issue.
@@PutTheShovelDown Yes I agree. I guess nothing can be done for such a person except leave them or wait for them to be better?
@@meetu7817 I really hope you made the best decision for YOU in the end and the trouble with the latter option is that you could lose yourself even more and the years go by so fast. Of course, it would be ideal if your partner chose to stop drinking though. ❤
@@cyndigooch1162 after contemplating for long, I did end up breaking up with him. That happened 2 months ago and after several attempts in the past to end things. You are right I did lose myself when I was with him, my health suffered too. Because I was anxious and stressed I lost weight and so much hair. I am better now, mentally doing great, physically need to put in more work. I don't miss him. All I miss is someone by my side but definitely do not want to be associated with someone who drinks everyday. It was a torture.
I need this info. I found your channel the other day, and it’s given me hope. I watched someone close to me drink themselves to death a few years back, and I don’t want to see it again.
Welcome to our little community. So glad you're here.
Thank you for sharing. You're very wise!
You are so welcome. Thank you for the positive feedback, Amanda!
I love your videos ,they are very helpful thank you for doing what you do and educating!
So glad you like them Jslife Tv!
@@PutTheShovelDown you’ve helped me tons with myself and ive implimented lots of the stuff you teach with my addicted love one I appreciate you !
People become addicts because of a break up?
Thank you Amber! I totally agree with you #3. That's why we have so much homeless! People suffering from Mental Health Issues need the help in the footwork.
So true, Teri!
Why is the transcript in Vietnamese?
My husband and I have been fighting to get our marriage back on track. He admitted to cheating on me a few years ago and I almost asked for more details than I needed to know. He came clean, I'm trying to work on the trauma. He was deep in the addiction and now that he's trying to get clean he is trying to do better
Amazing. Thank you
I have been an addict most of my life. I am 51 was on heroin since I was 25 stopped that about 8 years ago and never started taking anything but for the last 3 weeks I have been taking crack and I know what will or is happening and it’s really doing my head in what do you say to someone like me.
I hope you are in a better place right now, Lesley. You’ve done it once, you can do it again. Stay strong! :)
I am getting there but it is a 100 times better life do not know how I have wasted years on that shit thanks for your reply xx
😢 🙏
Thank-you