It’s so lonely. It just such a lonely place being the spouse married to an addict. Questioning, doubting, wondering and praying. Being the parent your kids need. I am so lonely and tired. 🙏 Praying for you all.
I am going through this. have been for 13 years. some years have been better than others. I felt like we were going to ok, but now the pattern is coming back. I can see it. I hate his feeling. the only people who really know I am still going through it are my son and daughter. I hate that they have to know. i am praying screaming to God to make it all better.
I filed for divorce today from a man that I deeply love because he is alcoholic. I am sad, but he refused to get help. We have a one year old, and she cannot witness his alcoholism. Say a little prayer for me.
I'm the daughter of an alcoholic, single mother who loves me to death but will always protect her alcoholism first. It's been so hard to understand this my whole life. I applaud your strength. I'll say big prayers for all three of you.
Lord cover Amanda in our peace today - let it settle over her home and child, give them high quality rest this Christmas season, and protect them Lord as only you can. Bring Your peace Lord, we are eager to receive it. Thank you for walking before us every single day and making the way clear.
i guess im the only one in this comment section with an alcholic wife. this situation we're all going through is tough. i love her way too much to leave. thats why im searching online for videos on coping and helping the best i can. i wish all of you goodluck and thank you to the lady in the video.
I am dealing with an alcoholic wife...I finally had the courage to tell her that if she doesn't stop, I will leave. She's been crying for the past three days. She can barely look at me. To be honest, I'm not sure our marriage can stand this, but I have no other options. I'm done enabling her.
On the outside world he’s a hard worker. He is. Never raises his voice, never abusive. We don’t need anything, bills are always paid. But his only joy is beer. When the children were young, I was busy with them. Now that their gone, I’m so lonely. I’m depressed, I teach, so I look forward to work. I’m lonely 😞
Hun, I know you feel lonely. I feel lonely as well. I’ve often wondered if I’m the loneliest married person on earth, even though he is physically right next to me ☹️ I don’t understand how someone can actually enjoy the feeling of being drunk and cranky every single night, but apparently lots of people do, otherwise there wouldn’t be so many alcoholics. With mine, his only joy is beer as well, but he also gets extremely mean. He’s much older than me, he has 4 grown kids, I have no kids, I have a job, but I don’t take shifts as often as I used to because his drinking and tantrums literally keep me up all night, so I dread taking hours because I know I won’t get much sleep before going in. My job is stressful enough as it is even without this mess. This is a messed up way to live, but I love him. I don’t have any advice, but I want you to know you’re definitely not alone 💖
I feel your pain I'm here too God Bless message back how are you now I've been through it alone and its hard but it's time to let go, you got this girl
I unfortunately am that guy. My wonderful wife of almost eleven years left me a month ago. I lied and told her I hadn't drank for the last year. When in reality I started again six months ago. We filed for divorce yesterday. I am so sorry for what I have done to her. But I have been sober again for a week. Am taking counseling. As well as church. I may have messed up our lives and love. But she is willing to be my friend. She's my angel and I will make her proud.
This is exactly my story. Although I don't have kids, but drinking is one of the reasons - I don't see a safe place for kids here. But my husband doesn't do anything mean to me. He is working, paying bills, but can't live a day without beer, and doesn't understand what problem I am talking about! But I can't stand it anymore. Even when I think "I'm not gonna say anything to him" my face says it all. I feel stuck. I love him, but I feel lonely. If I leave him, I'd have to leave the country, which means no second chances, and this is the step I don't dare to take. Thank you for sharing your story 🙏
“For years it’s so sneaky that you questions whether or not it’s a problem and wondering if you’re just making it all up in your heard…” wow this hit home.
@@kimmoore5881 I thought I was the problem, genuinely. I thought I was just being boring, he told me it’s because I wasn’t any fun and that everyone drinks this much. Yet none of my friends or family drank like he did. I convinced myself of this for years. I’m out of it now, but the hurt and anger sits with me every day still.
I just called off my wedding and walked away from my fiance because of her addiction to alcohol. I find myself stuck and lost in life now that 4 months has gone by since I said goodbye to her. I was with her for 4 years and lived with her for 2.5 years. We got a puppy together, were looking for a house together, and we even survived the pandemic together. One would think if we survived that we could do anything. Unfortunately, I too kept her addiction with alcohol private. I put all of my time and energy into hoping she would get past it. I didn't give up on her the first time she lied to me about her drinking. I didn't run when she drank too much at a friend's going away HH. I didn't leave when I would come home and she had puked all over the bed and floor from drinking while I was gone for just an hour. I didn't leave after she embarrassed herself in front of her family at Thanksgiving. She would get so mad at me for asking her if she had been drinking and would blame me for making such an assumption. I was the bad guy every conversation I tried to have with her. I couldn't help it when I would arrive home and she was acting all funny as if she had been drinking a lot but there was no alcohol around. I knew she was hiding it and lying to my face for a long period of time. The fights were exhausting me. I sat her down and shared with her how it was hurting me. I tried to take the high road after I found the booze hidden in her tall boots in the closet. I told her if you lied to me again about alcohol I couldn't stay. I gave up drinking out at social events with her to support her and show her that our relationship doesn't need alcohol (our household no longer had any either). She made it 5 months until she lied to me again. That entire 5 months I lived in fear of what I would come home to after being away. I feared her next relapse. The anxiety building inside of me sucked the joy out of me. The realization that I would be marrying an alcoholic took away all the excitement I should have been feeling about my upcoming wedding. The hardest thing I've ever done is leave her. I wanted to help her. I wanted to fix her. I wanted to see her get better and beat this demon. As I find myself dealing with heartbreak these days I'm searching for similar stories. I'm blessed to have come across Kim Moore's story. Although a sad one, it has helped me get through today. I've read almost all of the comments and will be reading them over again. This is proof that I need to let down the walls, open up to joy, and share my story. I think it's the only way to healing. I hope everyone on here has found peace and is happy again in their life. You are my hope now that I will too someday.
Hi i am in a similar situation my boyfriend is the same. I am about to move in with him after he lost his job at a well known tech company because of his drinking. He has gone to rehab but it didn’t help and now he has no job because he can’t control himself. He binge drinks for weeks at a time. I understand the way you feel. I used to feel that way too. To some extent I let go of the fixing but the anger it still inside. In my heart I know I should walk away but having a hard time making that step. You did the right thing. I think I’m almost there. And I hope god helps with that decision. I am sure she is lovely person but alcohol really does steal the joy. I also stopped drinking and haven’t in a year because of him and to support him but nothing one does will help them see the truth. I endure fights were he is says hurtful things and the next day he wants to pretend that life is ok. You did the right thing. ❤
@@PowerGurhl hi 👋🏻 I’m sorry you are going through this too. We have a lot in common unfortunately. The fights are devastating and really took their toll over time. There’s so much truth in what you said about the next day the person pretends like nothing happened and probably can’t recall. We fell in love with amazing people who, when under the influence of alcohol, turn into the scariest people we’ve ever seen. Those close to me on the outside shared with me that by staying with her I was enabling her to continue. It’s the hardest place to be especially when you love the person and are trying to build a future together. I gave myself an ultimatum and I openly shared it with her during one of our conversations when she was sober. This was after I found the booze she had been hiding. I told her if she lies to me again when it comes to alcohol that I would have to leave her. 5 months later she did and that ultimatum is what helped me follow through. I can’t tell you what to do but I can share with you what I did and what I was thinking. You will feel completely lost and as if you no longer have a purpose in life because you’ve been taking care of them and trying to save your relationship. I was so hesitant to bring down the life we had created and were about to enter into. I didn’t know which direction to go, I literally was lost. That second lie broke all trust between us and finally I felt as if I had broke. Trust was gone and I was soon to follow. I’m always here willing to share more with you or anyone. Thank you for sharing with me. As sick as this sounds, I’m comforted by your story. Praying for both you and him 🙏🏻
Just wanted to share a part from the other side. I’m the alcoholic, I’m still young and in active recovery. My long time partner had left me and even that wasn’t enough to drag me back of course. But a few months later I did quit and thankfully I got my partner back and we live a happy sober life. I’m lucky and I’m thankful for the second chance him and I both get to have. I almost lost the love of my life and that was the same for him but I’m grateful I finally saw it for what it was. Things can getter better but it’s a tough fight for sure.
I left my Love two weeks ago. He went into depression and cried for me to get back and get through this together . No I'm doing all the work. I'M Looking for a therapist and psychiatrist . I even bored money ftom his mother to get us through this.. now I'm filled with anxiousness about him going back to drinking after few month. If he is not in the house he is out at night I get so anxious. Not sure if it will work or not. I couldn't bare the fact of him getting so ill a depressed because of me. It is so hard at the moment I know at someone I need to protect myslef
I just broke up with the love of my life, because he is also an alcoholic who refuses to get help. I just did it tonight. This has been very helpful. Thank you.
Me too. I told him I cannot marry him. He is high functioning, has a high paying job and is a runner so he thinks it's ok to drink every night. I tell myself sometimes that maybe it's ok. But i cannot be ok with drinking every night.
@@alexanotfromamazon he says he eats absolutely right and works out a lot , remains happy so won't have health issues. I don't agree but what can I say. I hope he never has them. Other than that when he drinks every night, I miss the sober talks. I feel like he is not available for me. So that's an issue.
Update - he actually told his mom what's happening and is actively looking to get help. I still kicked him out and told him to find a new place, but it seems like this was the push he needed to at least start taking this seriously.
Watching this made me break down and cry because I never tell people about my partners drinking and its making my life is difficult and miserable. I feel so much less alone from the comments. I've felt like I really am alone but this helps. I cried at the thought of my partner dying from this disease. Sending love to all of you in the same situation.
The pure emptiness and loneliness kills me. When I am in crisis and need help in my life the most devastating thing is that no one is there for me. It broke me.
I have the same problem currently with my husband. I soak up every thing I can find online about what we as the wives deal with. :( Thank you for being so real. I cried.
Here for the same reason. Trying to come to terms with it. Feeling like I’m crazy because it’s starting to seem like he’s losing control but in denial.
@@spaceballs44 my husband is passed out as well he is on wine now no more vodka but his heart is bad and his health is terrible. What my youngest child has been through is awful but I am not with out sin I'm 7 months sober.
Crying right now watching this, I’ve been holding on to a relationship with my girlfriend who struggles with alcoholism. Weve been together 6 years going on 7 but I am unsure how much longer we can make it. We’ve been thru so much together, since we were 19 we’ve always took on the world together and were unbreakable. However, as the years passed, a series of choices on both of our parts heavily affected our future. When she was 20 I first started seeing the signs, but because I wanted nothing but to make her happy, I would buy us alcohol and we would drink and smoke. That was my first mistake, fueling her habits and not seeing the big picture. My second mistake was grilling her and getting upset after every screw up. There were highs and lows but nearly every time we had a big problem with it, I would blow up and become angry, which never helped the situation. Everything must be done out of love and i see that now. It’s easy to push someone away in their times if need but we need to be stronger for our loved ones and see them for who they are. They are not monsters, they have been corrupted by one and fight it everyday, more often than not alone. But we need to show love, understanding, support, and compassion or else we are doing just as much damage as they are. The last time we had an incident I threw her out of my house. She had gotten smashed, bar crawled, and drove all night drunk, eventually making it home, but with more than 1000$ worth of damage to her brand new car. She was quite violent, and although I kept my composure and got her to bed, I slept on the couch and knew that tomorrow she would have to go. My worst mistake. Abandonment affects trust and creates fear, which are perfect ways to drive someone away, and back into the botttle. Although it has been nearly 4 months of us being separated(we lived together 5 years) we are still together, and fighting this monster. There are ups and downs but I fear that I learned from my mistakes too late sometimes, and it clouds my vision but I do my best to calm my own mind, for her. I haven’t given up yet, and am trying to turn things around for the better. Despite all my faults and failures. It’s a tough road, and although sometimes doubtful, I am fully hopeful that we can defeat this demon. Stay strong everyone 💙
How do you put up boundaries when they are breaking your heart with every broken promise? Realising you cant go camping it do normal things for fear you will be stuck alone with a drunk?! I feel like i have ocd now and ptsd. I want to die. They make you the problem!! I cant take this anymore.
I appreciate this Ted talk so much. I am currently struggling with my baby's father's severe alcoholism. It has made me so unhappy and unable to fully enjoy my daughter's young years because I'm so distracted by my struggling partner. Life is so hard right now and this has given me some strength back.
Happiness is within you save some money , just in case , you may need it and rethink if you want this kind of life is not goingto get easier, only you can change it , he wont he is too sick and selfish to think about you and your baby have some kind off support tell someone, sick for help.
Go to Alanon, it free and the help cannot be stressed enough, I know it’s hard to get out with a young child..take the baby with you. Hitch a ride, borrow a car, take the bus. There are meetings all over the country. It will save your sanity and your life.
Let me give you some advice. Leave your partner, go and live with your parents if possible. It's just not worth the long term affect on your children. It's bloody awful, get out now.
I can feel it coming too. There’s a break in the pattern and I know it’s the drink. The constant verbal abuse is the worst, he seems cold and even malevolent when he drinks but he’s so sweet and regretful when sober…and sorry. I forgive him a lot, always, he’s my soul mate. It’s killing us both. The irony is I grew up with alcoholic parents who fought a lot and verbally and physically abused me. I don’t even drink. Thankyou for sharing.
It’s not irony my dear, with all respect it’s trauma. I know cause I did the same. We choosing situations that seem familiar when we have experience the same in the family. And it’s not a conscious choice, it’s just familiar.
I like how you say "a break in the pattern" and that's exactly how it is. They keep trying to make it look like nothings up, but every time, he's been consuming again...
My alcoholic husband is currently in the hospital for the second time in two months with high blood pressure and multiple strokes from his drinking. He is destroying his family, but I refuse to be destroyed along with him. I have rallied everyone with the truth, and I am not helping him hide his addiction or be complicit in his secrets. At this point we are destined for his death or our divorce if he doesn't choose wisely. I accept that I have no control over the outcome, all I can control is my attitude.
@angcho3 I am truly so sorry to hear about your husband, and can understand what you may be going through and would like to give you hope, if anything for yourself. I myself joined AlAnon online through their app and found a lot of empathy, support, and my own strength that was independent from my husband's sobriety or addiction. Thankfully my husband accepted that his drinking would kill him and willingly went to rehab after we staged an intervention with our closest friends and family. He has been sober since his release and has embraced changing his life for the better. We are still together, the marriage was saved, and we are moving forward together. I did my very best to disassociate the man I loved from the alcoholic, whom I viewed as a different person, a demon, like he was possessed if that makes sense. Doing that helped me not hold on to any grudges against him when he was in active alcoholism, I named that alter ego/demon "Mungo" and thankfully I haven't seen Mungo since early 2023. I wish you the best of luck, and hope for the very best outcome as you go through the horrendous ordeal of alcoholism. ♥️🫂
Thank you for this beautiful share. I am a father of 2 beautiful children ages 2 and 3 and my wife is an alcoholic. She easily drinks a bottle of vodka a day. She has been 4 times in rehab too in the space of 3 years. Everytime she come out, I feel I have my wife back. A few months later we are back to being enslaved by the bottle. I love my wife but everyday I loose more and more love for her through the emotional and physical abuse I receive when trying taking her bank cards and car keys away from her. We barely have any intimacy because she is more than often drunk. This week my little babies had their bath for the 1st time in 5 days when I left work early because I couldn't focus on work and what was happening at home. Today I came home to my wife out cold on the bed while my babies were playing in the lounge unsupervised and this is 3:30 in the afternoon on a beautiful sunny day. I don't have friends and a social life that is nonexistent because of her addiction. You are absolutely right!! We are not making enough noise about the impacts of alcoholism and how it impacts our families. It's scary to think that she could die from it, leaving me and my babies alone on this earth. Everyone including me is so afraid and ashamed of the challenge I'm facing, for one to protect her and more importantly afraid that my kids will be taken from me. At this point I am so lost and scared but after watching your share I want to make a stand and call alcoholism out for what it is. It's a horror at the expense of my little children's well-being. Thank you thank you, thank you so much. I wish to hear more stories like yours and hopefully I one day could share my story too.
My god, your story is mine right now. You have to leave. My husband would do the same thing when I would come home from work, I had to leave my job due this alcoholism to protect my child. I filed for divorce even though I love him. Get out. CPS will remove children if you aren’t protecting them. Think of them- they have a sober Daddy. You are enough for them. She has to make the change regardless if you are there or not. Stop enabling. Children are so vulnerable and pick up the stress. There is so much hope. You need to get you and your babies out of that environment ASAP.
Thanks for sharing your story. My partner and I have now lived apart for 7.5 years. We have been together for 8.5 years. He moved in with me quite soon after a work friendship turned into a relationship. It was through living with him that I discovered he had a problem..he has fallen many times and I worry for his safety. On one occasion in the past few months he fell onto his back and was laying in the road. Some people stared. One pulled over and asked if we were OK. I explained he was drunk and I had been unable to support his bodyweight. I was crying. The driver drove off. I was really upset, embarrassed and alarmed all at the same time by what had happened. I wish he could find a way forward without alcohol. I'm not sure he ever will. I've not given up yet but im scared. I wish there was a cure
Thank you for reading my story. This is Kim. I am sorry for all you are enduring. You are not alone in wishing for a cure. The heartache, especially when people don't offer help is something I have felt too. We suffer too. I now devote my life to supporting people affected by a loved one's suffering with addiction. We need to heal too.
Bookmarking this video!!! Everything you have spoke on resonates with my 18 years and two kids who have an alcoholic father. It’s a disease I would hear….stay with him and maybe things will change..his denial can’t be changed by me or his two beautiful, talented daughters who come second to his vodka. The worst part is my mental health and depression because his drinking has robbed me of everything that brought me joy..got a lawyer this week and praying for another chance at new life!
You didn't cause it, you can't cure it. Start living life for you. What are your needs, your wants? Try several Al-non meetings, take a class, go for a walk, read a book. Take care of you. ❤
When you have experienced tip toeing around the house trying to fill her water bottle or cooking her supper, worried that you will trigger your spouse during an alcoholic episode which happens almost every day.. then you will understand why people gravitate to a video like this.
I listened to your video. You are a strong woman to talk about this in such a calm manner. This is not an easy situation to deal with. I have an alcoholic husband as well. Your video made me shed a tear. I will surely listen to your video again. Prayers and more prayers can make a difference if we only have faith that God can and will answer our prayers in due time because it has to be at his time and not ours. Let us who have alcoholics husband continue to pray and find joy in our situation. Thanks for your video.
Thank you for your inspiration and wisdom 🙏 I am at the beginning of the divorce from my wife of 31 years. I am absolutely lost and heartbroken that she refuses to quit. I am sad, angry and disappointed to my core. I cannot stand this feeling of hopelessly. It's so hard to watch the love of your life self destruct from this poison 💔 I can repair and create so many amazing things, but I am powerless to save her.
I walked away from my partner last night who is an alcoholic. The verbal abuse is the worst! And I could not take it anymore! I need to protect my mental health as before him I was with a drug addict who overdosed and lost his life to heroine 💔
I have been married for 41 years to my husband, 2 beautiful grown daughters and 4 grandchildren - he has slowly become an alcoholic over the years coming home drunk most nights. Both my parents were alcoholics as well and both died from alcoholism. I am SO JOYLESS right now and will be 60 next month - not sure how much longer I can live like this!
Ask him to try the Sinclair method if he wants to temper his drink but feels incapable of going completely sober. Ultimately though Sheila, put yourself first and if he needs to go to rehab then so be it. X
This is quite helpful. I am living with an active alcoholic. After 40 years of marriage, I finally had enough, I am tired of the caos. I finally reached for help, but I am still at home, haven’t been able to let go. I know that’s the next step. Your talk is very helpful, thank you.
I went through something similar last night (the situation in the restaurant). I’ve been with my partner who is an alcoholic for almost 4 years. We have broken up. This was helpful. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you, I needed to hear this tonight… I’m struggling with detaching, because I know he is ill and will eventually end up in the hospital, I just don’t want it to be too late.
I can relate. I have a son who has a problem with drinking since he was 16 he'll be 37 and he's still drinking vodka and smoking cigarettes. I go to bed with the fear that when I wake up . I will no longer have my son.
1) Let down the walls. Let people in. 2) Open up to joy. Look for joy around you every day. 3) Interrupt the silence. Find someone to talk to. Talking helps.
Thank you. I have goosebumps. I've come to a point with my mom, the person who brought me into this world, that I have to step away for a while because I can't bear it anymore, at least I can't for right now.
Don't be embarrassed. This is not your fault. You are brave enough to let your voice be heard and I commend you for it. God bless you. You are in my prayers
I am on the verge of divorce due to this same addiction. I love my husband. I pray for him everyday. I try to help him and he refuses to change, stop or get help. He loves it more than he does me. One day I will be brave enough to leave but I am holding on to the same hope of him changing. I don’t believe he ever will change. Pray for us.
I finally let him go after 6yrs of the same cycle hurt each other alot .I let my self go trying to understand and help him.he made me feel like I was the boring one that didn't party like him ... Missed alot of good moments in our daughter's life .. finally got the courage to leave him it was hard letting him go because when he was sober he was the best men I loved 😭
Same is my feeling because when he was sober ,it felt all heaven.Finally after 8yrs of marriage i have decided to leave him so that my kid can get a better future....though i still lve him alot....
I have tried braking FREE! I reached out to my husbands family/brother/sisters/daughters/son & apparently this is something I need to deal with because he is my husband! WOW!!! Many years of placing my husband in rehabs! He works the system to only get out to start his drinking! Telling me he will do better and stop drinking! When I sense that he is drinking, I go looking & always find the liquor hidden in his vehicle or behind a piece of furniture! At the end of my rope for sure!
Get to alanon, as fast as you can..wonderful help and it is free. The sharing is priceless and will give you new hope. Don’t give in to the illness of alcoholism.
Al anon made me more depressed. It made me see so many others suffering this pain and learning to live with it is their answer. Maybe I didnt give it enough time. Or I was too desperate when I arrived crying at a meeting. Seeing so many broken people struggling made me feel more desperate. Love to you. Bless
I don’t agree with the gender roles that Alanon promotes. i.e. a women is most likely with an alcoholic because she’s maternal and wants to nurture him. This is not true at all and harmful tropes.
Thanks for sharing, once again... In our family, it was my mum who suffered from severe alcoholism. But some years before she died, we spoke together from heart to heart and our relation was filled with love and genuine comprehension till the end :) Today my children struggle with the same problem with their father and they do their best to achieve kind of a sincere talk...
If you meet someone and get into a relationship with them knowing they're an alcoholic or any kind of addict for that matter, unless you demand they stop before the relationship goes any further, you're complicit in the behaviour and this is not healthy for either of you. I 100% know what I'm talking about, having been both the addict and later the sober part of the relationship and it simply is deeply unhealthy. I stopped being willing to date people who claim to be able to drink normally any more. Most people who say that arent telling the truth!
This is true but there is a nuance to it. If you are someone who is a social drinker and can totally control what you drink, unless you have been in a serious relationship with an alcoholic before, you'd think it was as easy as it is for you for them not to drink. I went into a relationship with an alcoholic because I lacked the knowledge that AUD was a real disease. Now I know better and could never make the same mistake again. I just have to find a way to walk away from her after 5 years. It's hard but it has to be done. 3 serious incidents in the last 7 weeks. 1. Throwing up all over my flat, 2. drink driving yet again and 3. totally wasted in the back of a taxi, dropped off in the middle of nowhere and missing/unreachable for 5hrs. I am done!
Thank you for sharing your life to help others.. I too have been married to a wonderful wife who , after 30 years of excellent marriage ,somehow slipped into alcoholism. I’m in no way judgmental of her .. love her dearly.. she is the most loving when sober,but when she is intoxicated Im left feeling alone ,or if around her ,will do something wrong that will create even more distance . I feel so helpless.. it’s one thing to feel loss, but the worst thing is being powerless to help.. Thank you again
I broke up with my gf because of her alcoholism. She has mental illness as well, but cannot attempt to manage that until she handles her drinking. I’m 6 years sober myself and watching her unravel is so painful.
This is spot on with my wife. I'm considering leaving her. When she said i could feel the drunkenness about to start was very true. My wife looks for excuses to drink and usually looks for things I do. Im mentally drained. Im literally her punching bag verbally and physically. Her friends and even family are what I call drinking assassin's. They always encourage her to have fun be you. Have a drink and just have a few sips, but they don't have to deal with the aftermath. Im out of options, but still i don't want my kid to have separated parents. It breaks my heart.
I'm in desperately need of a solution, my husband and I been married for 7 years now. Unfortunately about a year ago he started to drink more and more over the weekends. He's still able to work and function normal around family and friends but when the weekend hits he starts drinking. Every single time he does it we fight, he becomes verbally abusive, he hurts me with his words. The next day he Acts like nothing happened, and wants to nice. I just don't think I can handle the situation, our relationship is braking down, and I feel there's nothing I can do to help him. I have tried to ask his mom for help, but there's wasn't much she could do. I'm just so miserable every time he comes home like that.
I can relate to the verbal abuse and acting like nothing is wrong. How are you doing? I'm in the process of deciding whether to end the relationship ❤️
I am in the same problem married for 10 years he is loving and caring but only when he is drinking everything turns for the worse.We have a 4 year old together but there is no love any more a just feel sorry for him dont know what to do anymore. Only god can be my our rescue I am thinking of ending the relationship😞
Update : I am now separated. It feels great not having drama now. It's been 1.5 months apart and he has not stopped drinking. It says alot, not even one AA meeting. It's hard though, I'm grieving the loss of what I thought I had.
35 years with a functional alcoholic. Still afraid tell my story & take down walls. I avoid being with friends for fear that when I come home my spouse will be drinking. The drinking is ruining me more than affecting him. In the long run he'll be fine but I won't be. 😢
Great advice and I think I was doing it right because I usually open my problem with the alcoholism of the father of my daughter to some close friend. They help a lot, they pray for me and my family. I still feel sad sometimes and want to get away but I still choose to stay.
It is so awful. I never ever would of been aware of how terrible this is until I became the girlfriend of an alcoholic. It’s extremely sneaky, and if you think a stint at rehab is going to solve all your problems you better think again! It’s so sad an all consuming. We have a 5 month old daughter and on top of the stress and sadness of dealing with my partner, I am basically a single mother to her, and feel immense guilt for brining her into this situation. He was sober when I got pregnant, and has been going on weekly drinking sessions since she’s been born. Disappearing, and then the days of wallowing and getting sick to follow when he finally returns home. I find it hard to ask for help, but since I have started talking to people about it, it doesn’t make the pain go away, but it makes life a little bit easier. Nobody is perfect so I don’t know why we try to portray the perfect life. Today we paid a therapist to tell us what I already knew (and have been saying)- that a fulfilling and safe relationship is not possible while he still drinks. He thinks we have ‘normal’ relationship issues, but is so blind to the fact that it doesn’t matter how much of an effort we make, nothing will change unless he is sober. In fact it’s just getting progressively worse. Zero intimacy, zero trust. We decided to end things, and although I do feel a sense of relief and feel like I can help him better from a distance, I am also angry and hurt, that he has chosen alcohol again and again. He has made no plans to get himself clean and is still in denial that his drinking is the main reason we are ending. It’s crazy how it warps their brains Into fooling themselves! I told him he’s like leonardo di caprio in shutter island- just when you think he’s starting to see sense, he falls right back into the delusion.
Trying to lead a normal life since my marriag...not a single day I have smiled from my heart...I remember how I used to laugh when I was a child....all my hopes have gone just like you...nothing worked out after marriage...everyday same routine, drinks in the night, the fear of losing him..I have already lost everything..
My fiancee was a high functioning Alcoholic. He works all day, cooks, is very responsible at everything but at night wants to drink mostly everytime. I postponed the marriage because I was too scared of how I was gonna deal with this.
This talk hit too true. The difference for me, I wasn't strong enough to leave. My "support system" was a family of alcoholics. He died from alcoholic liver disease at 50 years old, in our 19th year of marriage, leaving behind his wife and 2 children (ages 2 & 8). Life without him is so much lighter. As my son said when his father died, I'm glad the disease is dead, but I miss him anyway 😢
Thank you, so good to be reminded that there is joy outside of what has happened to our family due to one person. It is still so sad, how did this happen? Why did it happen? I have a life and I am going to live it.
I'm a child of alcoholic parents. The abuse was extensive. I wish mom would have left when we were young. Good for you. I feel like i got sentenced to life because i dont know whst normal is.
The love of my life is an alcoholic she nuked our relationship. Told me I can do better. I don't want anyone else I want her and so desperately want her to get help. She deserves love she deserves life
I've been married for 30 years and 20 of those with an alcoholic and telling my self that I need to leave him for my children sake and mine, my kids are grown and I still want to leave, if you are young and with this problem know that they don't change and you just get older and more discourage to leave I am still getting a divorce so I just prolonged my suffering and my misery aldo I'll be free soon.
@@ellaineheart5766 Love yourself more , with time you'll find someone that will love you the right way remember that is better to be by yourself for a while than with someone abusive for life, you're life is too precious to waist it.
Thank you Sandra. That's so honest and so heartbreaking to hear. I'm 8 years with mine and have recognized for a good few years that things are bad, but just kept thinking it would get better... It hasn't. And this has reminded me that he's unlikely to get better. I need to leave. For myself. I'm so unhappy. I'm always walking on eggshells. It's hurts my heart to hear that you've been dealing with this for so long. I hope you find strength and happiness soon. Xxx
So much respect 🙌 to all those helping others heal. 🦋 It's a true calling. I absolutely found my purpose in telling my story of borderline death ☠️ and life implosion 🤯 to healing my brain and body to get my life back! Much luv! 🕉 You can heal!
I think about burning down every liquor store. I think about destroying every alcohol ad I see, whether at a bus stop, bulletin, in a magazine, my phone or TV. Alcohol makes people hurt themselves and other people. It makes some people kill people. On purpose and by accident. I can't understand why it is so normalized in the world. We got cigarette ads off TV and magazines, why can't we do the same with alcohol. "Drink responsibly"
Wow, I’m not sure when or if I’ll see my comment in the future. My husband lives with heavy pain that stems from childhood trauma. He hardly has any strength to deal with life’s problems because any sight of pain since he was 13 he would drink it away. He is talented, handsome, has a huge heart for animals, he’s generous, sensitive…. yet depression and alcohol have blinded him. He lives in hypnosis. I am scared, sad, that his clock is ticking. He does not care to die. It’s a difficult situation to be in because I have a positive influence in his life. I do believe if I wasn’t around he wouldn’t live long… but it is hard to witness how he handles his pain, it is hard knowing he might not come home one day.
Thanks for such a wonderful talk . It's very helpful.i see my husband daily consumed by the alcohol . I have realized I can't help him out myself . I hope he becomes alright . It's painful loving an alcoholic .
Thank you. 💯. I am in love with an alcoholic don't have no support really or anyone to talk to you about this then the man has two grandchildren that he's trying to raise
thank you for this, I hate going to bed at night sleeping beside somebody who might die beside me. the anxiety is awful, if he falls will he hit his head, will he die? will it be worse and he have a stroke. its terrifying
Its not easy to find joy when you know your husband is doing things to ruin his life, health of alcoholism.. it is just easy to say but when you’re in the situation its hard to find joy.. sharing with trusted people in your life perhaps is a help
Thank you for your story. Like a lot of the comments here I’m struggling to be with an alcoholic. I broke it off for 6 months because he was coming home everyday lying to my face about drinking for 2 months. When started to doubt him I thought about how sweet he is and convinced myself that he wouldn’t lie to me. What I don’t see commonly in everyone’s relationships with an alcoholic, is that my boyfriend isn’t abusive when he drinks. He’s not mean. He has more of a child like mind and get a a child like voice when he drinks. I just can’t handle the lying. A lot of his friends say he’s not a cheater but when you’re very drunk how do you know what’s happening. If he can lie to my face about drinking what else could he be lying about. He has made progress since the break up, but he just lied to me again about drinking and in my gut I knew he had. I know how he is when he drinks. His mother says he needs to know im going to stick by him or he will treat me like im going to leave everyday. I feel the stress and anxiety when he has the day off and I work. Because when he gets really drunk at the bars in our neighborhood people start offering him coke and that’s the worst part of it all. I’ve already lost my best friend to alcohol and I don’t know if I go through this again or maybe he’s worth it to stick around for. I’m conflicted because he’s loving, but how can someone that loves you lie to your face so easily?
I can to a crashing point my self being addicted I had check into the ER from with my significant other. I am getting sober for her now because she is the most important thing to me way more than alcohol could ever be. You have to find support and you can’t be around other people who drink when you are trying to recover. Whole life style changes need to happen. Remember you can fight this don’t let the inner demons control you. Don’t let the poison kill you
I’m making the most important decision of my life to leave my husband now. We are together 5.5 years. Married 1.5 year with no kid. He is a functional drinker. He does the work of the house. Working hard and making good money. He tries to work out to stay healthy to compensate with drinking. In deep down, I knew he has problems but drinking. 3 months ago, he got into an big accident that almost killed his own life. He quitted drinking for 2 more months and started back which disappointed so much. We had a beautiful relationship. Everything was great. I just had to keep reminding him not to drink. But this time I have the feeling that things can get worse and I’d better leave before our relationship gets worse. I don’t want to have kids and let my kids go thru this. It is sad to leave because you feel guilty not being their side to help them. It is sad to leave because we had so many beautiful memories and we don’t even fight in relationship. It is sad to leave when things are still doing good. But it is better than waiting to things got worse.
Resonate. My husband was a beautiful person has a heart of gold but this illness will get worse. It's a progressive chronic brain disease. Leave or not leave you will feel the pain if you love that person.
Believe me it gets worse, kids had to go through him verbally abusing me again and me crying from the shame of knowing I am the one exposing them to him. They love him so much, the little one is struggling so much to understand what his daddy does, he acts like it's ok, cause his so used to it. Don't think he would cope without his dad. So tired, so broken, so scared, and don't know what to do. If I divorce and he gets visiting rights, they'll still be subjected to him, It won't make it better. This I know. Please leave before you have kids. They don't deserve any of it. Wasn't always this bad, he used to help in the house as well. Please leave while you can.
I feel like his drinking has destroyed me as a person I am so bitter depressed and most times not very happy saying to my self do I want to spend the rest of my years I have like this or want to be with him I know he will never stop drinking he enjoys drinking
If somebody loves a thing more than you, it's a good clue to confront your emotions. I don't think that anyone is worthy of your love if they hurt you like this.
My joy is in music. I've had enough of the alcoholic, I know it's a disease but it makes me feel sick, day in day out. I just don't know what to do anymore.
Is it wrong that I think giving up on the person you love because they are sick is wrong? I will bury my wife because of alcohol, I can't stop it, I know, I've tried. But I love her and she loved me once, now she loves alcohol. I will bear the weight of her addiction with her. She slowly wastes away and I do too.
No not wrong in my opinion. Very honourable and selfless. But In it’s simplest form, you are prioritising her life over yours. Much as I have done for 17 yrs and am still doing. I feel I am halfway out of the door emotionally though so I think the question you should ask yourself is, is the love what it was? Or are you hoping it will be again one day? I find myself hoping and imagining a life I’d like to have with mine. It never has worked out that way so I ask myself why I’m still here. Sending best wishes and strength to you. As much as I love my partner, he has sucked the life out of me through his selfish behaviour.
I’m struggling right now with an alcoholic wife. She has 3 DWIs devastated our finances and just last week had a major seizure. I thought she was dying when she turned blue and I feel so guilty thinking maybe she will die and I can move on without the stress of her actions. I don’t know how to leave without her giving up completely on life and committing suicide Me and my daughter is really all she has I work or sit on the couch and stare at the wall.
THANK U THANK U 🙏🏽💕I so hope you and your babies are smiling more GOD BLESS U! I talk to GOD often and how to proceed I believe he sends messages when we’re open to receive them. Smile and I will too
I found this video because my friend of two 1/2 yrs wants a serious relationship with me. He's an admitted functional alcoholic which I only learned about a month ago. He's a veteran with PTSD from fighting in Afghanistan and he has a emotional support dog. He's respectful, considerate and tries to be an emotionally available friend. But he struggles. He's waiting to get into a VA rehab that he'll be in for about 4 months. I care about him deeply, but I'm very scared and I know I can't take this serious step with him. It breaks my heart to say no. I've been divorced 16 yrs now & my ex husband is an alcoholic. I've done too much work on myself to go back to that lifestyle. 😢
I came to this video a most of us do. To understand our partner and to learn if we could do anything. The comment section provides no hope for me. So many people who had to leave their loved ones.. im just 1.5 year into this relation. And i wanted to give it all i had, but can we really beat a alcoholic?
I’m not the right person to respond to your comment. I’m an alcoholic. I try to stay away from the drink, but every now and then, mostly around winter time, I relapse. I’m married to the most beautiful woman. We have a wonderful son together. I pray for hope. I want to get sober. Completely. When I go to the liquor store I’m fully aware that it’s not normal. I know how much damage it causes my body and my family. I want and need it to stop before it breaks my life apart. All I want is for my family to love me and stay by my side, but in order for them to be there for me I have to be there for them. I’m trying.
@@casperingels2220 i really hope you find the strength to beat your addiction. I dont know what it must be like, on paper it looks so clear. Alcohol is bad for.your health and for your relation, but in reality something is making you do the wrong thing. Its demanding on your partner but im sure you feel guilty already, i have figured it out to deal with it yet. Be strong my brother, i hope you will make changes
I am so broken. Like my heart is falling out of my chest. My fiancé is destroying everything. As I sit here at work trying to hold back all my tears. Responding with, I'm fine, every time someone asks me how I'm doing. In my head I'm saying please don't ask me. It's so hard trying to hold it all together. This morning I looked at him different and it broke my heart. That man laying in our bed this morning isn't the man I fell in love with. My God, this hurts! I have this dry lump in my throat, this pit in my stomach, this pain in my head from all the pressure from holding back my crys. I'm loosing the love of my life. We have been together for 4 years and have a beautiful blended family. All 5 of our children are like best friends our families are so close and get along so well. My children, 18, 15, & 8, never had a father until I met my fiancé and they love him so much. And his daughters 17 & 13, are my baby girls, they didn't have a mom until I came along. Us not being together would be devastating for the whole family. Many probably wont agree with me for getting my kids involved but, I've asked our children on our bad days if they want us to stay together. They have never hesitated, they always say yes please stay together. It breaks my heart. I feel guilty even considering ending it all. I know our babies want a whole family they deserve it. But I don't know what to do. We've gotten to the point of our bad days happen way more than our good days. I seriously feel like screaming. He's killing us, he's killing himself. Im so mad and hurt. With every sip he steals our happiness. I want him sober so bad, we need him to be sober. I want my husband, even with him right next to me I miss him so much. Every time I ask him to please stop he says this is how you met me. We aren't getting any where. I really want my love to get sober. But I'm afraid I will loose him before that happens.
It’s so lonely. It just such a lonely place being the spouse married to an addict. Questioning, doubting, wondering and praying. Being the parent your kids need. I am so lonely and tired. 🙏 Praying for you all.
I am going through this. have been for 13 years. some years have been better than others. I felt like we were going to ok, but now the pattern is coming back. I can see it. I hate his feeling. the only people who really know I am still going through it are my son and daughter. I hate that they have to know. i am praying screaming to God to make it all better.
And I am praying for you
Amanda, you expressed so well. I am crying so much that I can’t write anything. Prayers 💔
They make it worse when they use manipulation and gaslight you for trying to help
💔
I filed for divorce today from a man that I deeply love because he is alcoholic. I am sad, but he refused to get help. We have a one year old, and she cannot witness his alcoholism. Say a little prayer for me.
Stay strong mama! Protect that little angel of yours ❤️❤️
I wish I had the strength to do that😔🙏🏼...I'm praying for your comfort and peace🙏🏼💕
I am glad you found strength 💪
I'm the daughter of an alcoholic, single mother who loves me to death but will always protect her alcoholism first. It's been so hard to understand this my whole life. I applaud your strength. I'll say big prayers for all three of you.
Lord cover Amanda in our peace today - let it settle over her home and child, give them high quality rest this Christmas season, and protect them Lord as only you can. Bring Your peace Lord, we are eager to receive it. Thank you for walking before us every single day and making the way clear.
i guess im the only one in this comment section with an alcholic wife. this situation we're all going through is tough. i love her way too much to leave. thats why im searching online for videos on coping and helping the best i can. i wish all of you goodluck and thank you to the lady in the video.
@ThePizzageek thank you
I am in the exact same situation. You are not alone.
I am dealing with an alcoholic wife...I finally had the courage to tell her that if she doesn't stop, I will leave. She's been crying for the past three days. She can barely look at me. To be honest, I'm not sure our marriage can stand this, but I have no other options. I'm done enabling her.
@ThePizzageek She's trying...It's been over a week now with no drinking so I'm hoping she can stick to it. Thanks for your support!
Naltrexone, The Sinclair Method
On the outside world he’s a hard worker. He is. Never raises his voice, never abusive. We don’t need anything, bills are always paid. But his only joy is beer. When the children were young, I was busy with them. Now that their gone, I’m so lonely. I’m depressed, I teach, so I look forward to work. I’m lonely 😞
Hun, I know you feel lonely. I feel lonely as well. I’ve often wondered if I’m the loneliest married person on earth, even though he is physically right next to me ☹️ I don’t understand how someone can actually enjoy the feeling of being drunk and cranky every single night, but apparently lots of people do, otherwise there wouldn’t be so many alcoholics. With mine, his only joy is beer as well, but he also gets extremely mean. He’s much older than me, he has 4 grown kids, I have no kids, I have a job, but I don’t take shifts as often as I used to because his drinking and tantrums literally keep me up all night, so I dread taking hours because I know I won’t get much sleep before going in. My job is stressful enough as it is even without this mess. This is a messed up way to live, but I love him. I don’t have any advice, but I want you to know you’re definitely not alone 💖
I feel your pain I'm here too God Bless message back how are you now I've been through it alone and its hard but it's time to let go, you got this girl
I understand. 😭
I unfortunately am that guy. My wonderful wife of almost eleven years left me a month ago. I lied and told her I hadn't drank for the last year. When in reality I started again six months ago. We filed for divorce yesterday. I am so sorry for what I have done to her. But I have been sober again for a week. Am taking counseling. As well as church. I may have messed up our lives and love. But she is willing to be my friend. She's my angel and I will make her proud.
This is exactly my story. Although I don't have kids, but drinking is one of the reasons - I don't see a safe place for kids here. But my husband doesn't do anything mean to me. He is working, paying bills, but can't live a day without beer, and doesn't understand what problem I am talking about! But I can't stand it anymore. Even when I think "I'm not gonna say anything to him" my face says it all. I feel stuck. I love him, but I feel lonely. If I leave him, I'd have to leave the country, which means no second chances, and this is the step I don't dare to take. Thank you for sharing your story 🙏
“For years it’s so sneaky that you questions whether or not it’s a problem and wondering if you’re just making it all up in your heard…” wow this hit home.
I hope you found it helpful. Trust your gut. Deep down you know.
@@kimmoore5881 I thought I was the problem, genuinely. I thought I was just being boring, he told me it’s because I wasn’t any fun and that everyone drinks this much. Yet none of my friends or family drank like he did. I convinced myself of this for years. I’m out of it now, but the hurt and anger sits with me every day still.
I thought that I was the only one who was making a problem when there is not. But there is a problem and we have it.
It's lonely ,even besf freind can't understand. Outwardly , all looks good.
I just called off my wedding and walked away from my fiance because of her addiction to alcohol. I find myself stuck and lost in life now that 4 months has gone by since I said goodbye to her. I was with her for 4 years and lived with her for 2.5 years. We got a puppy together, were looking for a house together, and we even survived the pandemic together. One would think if we survived that we could do anything. Unfortunately, I too kept her addiction with alcohol private. I put all of my time and energy into hoping she would get past it. I didn't give up on her the first time she lied to me about her drinking. I didn't run when she drank too much at a friend's going away HH. I didn't leave when I would come home and she had puked all over the bed and floor from drinking while I was gone for just an hour. I didn't leave after she embarrassed herself in front of her family at Thanksgiving. She would get so mad at me for asking her if she had been drinking and would blame me for making such an assumption. I was the bad guy every conversation I tried to have with her. I couldn't help it when I would arrive home and she was acting all funny as if she had been drinking a lot but there was no alcohol around. I knew she was hiding it and lying to my face for a long period of time. The fights were exhausting me. I sat her down and shared with her how it was hurting me. I tried to take the high road after I found the booze hidden in her tall boots in the closet. I told her if you lied to me again about alcohol I couldn't stay. I gave up drinking out at social events with her to support her and show her that our relationship doesn't need alcohol (our household no longer had any either). She made it 5 months until she lied to me again. That entire 5 months I lived in fear of what I would come home to after being away. I feared her next relapse. The anxiety building inside of me sucked the joy out of me. The realization that I would be marrying an alcoholic took away all the excitement I should have been feeling about my upcoming wedding. The hardest thing I've ever done is leave her. I wanted to help her. I wanted to fix her. I wanted to see her get better and beat this demon. As I find myself dealing with heartbreak these days I'm searching for similar stories. I'm blessed to have come across Kim Moore's story. Although a sad one, it has helped me get through today. I've read almost all of the comments and will be reading them over again. This is proof that I need to let down the walls, open up to joy, and share my story. I think it's the only way to healing. I hope everyone on here has found peace and is happy again in their life. You are my hope now that I will too someday.
Thx
Thank you for sharing your story. You are in my prayers.
Hi i am in a similar situation my boyfriend is the same. I am about to move in with him after he lost his job at a well known tech company because of his drinking. He has gone to rehab but it didn’t help and now he has no job because he can’t control himself. He binge drinks for weeks at a time. I understand the way you feel. I used to feel that way too. To some extent I let go of the fixing but the anger it still inside. In my heart I know I should walk away but having a hard time making that step. You did the right thing. I think I’m almost there. And I hope god helps with that decision. I am sure she is lovely person but alcohol really does steal the joy. I also stopped drinking and haven’t in a year because of him and to support him but nothing one does will help them see the truth. I endure fights were he is says hurtful things and the next day he wants to pretend that life is ok. You did the right thing. ❤
@@PowerGurhl hi 👋🏻 I’m sorry you are going through this too. We have a lot in common unfortunately. The fights are devastating and really took their toll over time. There’s so much truth in what you said about the next day the person pretends like nothing happened and probably can’t recall. We fell in love with amazing people who, when under the influence of alcohol, turn into the scariest people we’ve ever seen. Those close to me on the outside shared with me that by staying with her I was enabling her to continue. It’s the hardest place to be especially when you love the person and are trying to build a future together. I gave myself an ultimatum and I openly shared it with her during one of our conversations when she was sober. This was after I found the booze she had been hiding. I told her if she lies to me again when it comes to alcohol that I would have to leave her. 5 months later she did and that ultimatum is what helped me follow through. I can’t tell you what to do but I can share with you what I did and what I was thinking. You will feel completely lost and as if you no longer have a purpose in life because you’ve been taking care of them and trying to save your relationship. I was so hesitant to bring down the life we had created and were about to enter into. I didn’t know which direction to go, I literally was lost. That second lie broke all trust between us and finally I felt as if I had broke. Trust was gone and I was soon to follow.
I’m always here willing to share more with you or anyone. Thank you for sharing with me. As sick as this sounds, I’m comforted by your story. Praying for both you and him 🙏🏻
@@theducksflytogether you have very strong personality if you had the strength to leave her
Just wanted to share a part from the other side.
I’m the alcoholic, I’m still young and in active recovery. My long time partner had left me and even that wasn’t enough to drag me back of course. But a few months later I did quit and thankfully I got my partner back and we live a happy sober life.
I’m lucky and I’m thankful for the second chance him and I both get to have. I almost lost the love of my life and that was the same for him but I’m grateful I finally saw it for what it was.
Things can getter better but it’s a tough fight for sure.
I left my Love two weeks ago. He went into depression and cried for me to get back and get through this together . No I'm doing all the work. I'M Looking for a therapist and psychiatrist . I even bored money ftom his mother to get us through this.. now I'm filled with anxiousness about him going back to drinking after few month. If he is not in the house he is out at night I get so anxious. Not sure if it will work or not. I couldn't bare the fact of him getting so ill a depressed because of me. It is so hard at the moment I know at someone I need to protect myslef
I just broke up with the love of my life, because he is also an alcoholic who refuses to get help. I just did it tonight. This has been very helpful. Thank you.
Me too. I told him I cannot marry him. He is high functioning, has a high paying job and is a runner so he thinks it's ok to drink every night. I tell myself sometimes that maybe it's ok. But i cannot be ok with drinking every night.
@@meetu7817 right, there's a healthy limit for everything. Runner or not a fatty liver gets all of them if they do not ask for help
@@alexanotfromamazon he says he eats absolutely right and works out a lot , remains happy so won't have health issues. I don't agree but what can I say. I hope he never has them. Other than that when he drinks every night, I miss the sober talks. I feel like he is not available for me. So that's an issue.
Update - he actually told his mom what's happening and is actively looking to get help. I still kicked him out and told him to find a new place, but it seems like this was the push he needed to at least start taking this seriously.
@@meetu7817 agreed. It is an issue, and maybe you thinking about you alone could be the push he needs to get himself together.
Its hard to break free from the misery when it just consumes you. When you are still living with an alcoholic the anxiety over powers everything.
it's crippling 😔
I’m with you :(
Yes, currently dealing with the anxiety.
can't say better
Leave!!! Take it from me after 35 years
Sending all of you who are in love with an alcoholic, tons of love, virtual hugs & positive vibes. ❤
And also to you
Thank you❤
Loving an alcoholic is tough. It's comforting hearing your inner thoughts because I too think those thoughts.
Watching this made me break down and cry because I never tell people about my partners drinking and its making my life is difficult and miserable. I feel so much less alone from the comments. I've felt like I really am alone but this helps. I cried at the thought of my partner dying from this disease. Sending love to all of you in the same situation.
I am in the same situation. Good luck to us both.
Tell a support and you will feel a little better. Keeping that to yourself will eat you alive. Praying for you
The pure emptiness and loneliness kills me. When I am in crisis and need help in my life the most devastating thing is that no one is there for me. It broke me.
I feel I am in same situation, but I believe God will be with us
There’s never anything for the sober partner.
Yeah, no one ever to help me. crazy.
I have the same problem currently with my husband. I soak up every thing I can find online about what we as the wives deal with. :( Thank you for being so real. I cried.
Here for the same reason. Trying to come to terms with it. Feeling like I’m crazy because it’s starting to seem like he’s losing control but in denial.
@@spaceballs44 my husband is passed out as well he is on wine now no more vodka but his heart is bad and his health is terrible. What my youngest child has been through is awful but I am not with out sin I'm 7 months sober.
Sitting here crying my eyes out, losing will and motivation. Just wanted to give it all up and walking away but never can I do it.
@@juthamaspalfrey7799 you’ve got an army behind you
@@whenimfamous9993 good for you, please stay sober with us ❤
Crying right now watching this,
I’ve been holding on to a relationship with my girlfriend who struggles with alcoholism. Weve been together 6 years going on 7 but I am unsure how much longer we can make it. We’ve been thru so much together, since we were 19 we’ve always took on the world together and were unbreakable. However, as the years passed, a series of choices on both of our parts heavily affected our future. When she was 20 I first started seeing the signs, but because I wanted nothing but to make her happy, I would buy us alcohol and we would drink and smoke. That was my first mistake, fueling her habits and not seeing the big picture. My second mistake was grilling her and getting upset after every screw up. There were highs and lows but nearly every time we had a big problem with it, I would blow up and become angry, which never helped the situation. Everything must be done out of love and i see that now. It’s easy to push someone away in their times if need but we need to be stronger for our loved ones and see them for who they are. They are not monsters, they have been corrupted by one and fight it everyday, more often than not alone. But we need to show love, understanding, support, and compassion or else we are doing just as much damage as they are.
The last time we had an incident I threw her out of my house. She had gotten smashed, bar crawled, and drove all night drunk, eventually making it home, but with more than 1000$ worth of damage to her brand new car.
She was quite violent, and although I kept my composure and got her to bed, I slept on the couch and knew that tomorrow she would have to go. My worst mistake. Abandonment affects trust and creates fear, which are perfect ways to drive someone away, and back into the botttle. Although it has been nearly 4 months of us being separated(we lived together 5 years) we are still together, and fighting this monster. There are ups and downs but I fear that I learned from my mistakes too late sometimes, and it clouds my vision but I do my best to calm my own mind, for her. I haven’t given up yet, and am trying to turn things around for the better. Despite all my faults and failures. It’s a tough road, and although sometimes doubtful, I am fully hopeful that we can defeat this demon.
Stay strong everyone
💙
Alcohol is the problem.
How do you put up boundaries when they are breaking your heart with every broken promise? Realising you cant go camping it do normal things for fear you will be stuck alone with a drunk?! I feel like i have ocd now and ptsd.
I want to die. They make you the problem!!
I cant take this anymore.
I will NEVER give up on my beloved wife despite her addiction but instead of protecting her habit, I can let down the wall and let help in. THANKYOU!
I think my wife is giving up on me how do u do it?
I appreciate this Ted talk so much. I am currently struggling with my baby's father's severe alcoholism. It has made me so unhappy and unable to fully enjoy my daughter's young years because I'm so distracted by my struggling partner. Life is so hard right now and this has given me some strength back.
Hope things are getting better ,can you not get help
Happiness is within you save some money , just in case , you may need it and rethink if you want this kind of life is not goingto get easier, only you can change it , he wont he is too sick and selfish to think about you and your baby have some kind off support tell someone, sick for help.
Great username. I appreciate the medulla very much.
Go to Alanon, it free and the help cannot be stressed enough, I know it’s hard to get out with a young child..take the baby with you. Hitch a ride, borrow a car, take the bus. There are meetings all over the country. It will save your sanity and your life.
Let me give you some advice. Leave your partner, go and live with your parents if possible. It's just not worth the long term affect on your children. It's bloody awful, get out now.
I can feel it coming too. There’s a break in the pattern and I know it’s the drink. The constant verbal abuse is the worst, he seems cold and even malevolent when he drinks but he’s so sweet and regretful when sober…and sorry. I forgive him a lot, always, he’s my soul mate. It’s killing us both. The irony is I grew up with alcoholic parents who fought a lot and verbally and physically abused me. I don’t even drink. Thankyou for sharing.
The regretful next day is what kills me. It’s a vicious cycle
This is my exact experience. It’s so difficult.
Wow I know this feeling all too well. Praying for you ❤️. Sometimes you have to walk away if they’re not willing to get help.
It’s not irony my dear, with all respect it’s trauma. I know cause I did the same. We choosing situations that seem familiar when we have experience the same in the family.
And it’s not a conscious choice, it’s just familiar.
I like how you say "a break in the pattern" and that's exactly how it is. They keep trying to make it look like nothings up, but every time, he's been consuming again...
My alcoholic husband is currently in the hospital for the second time in two months with high blood pressure and multiple strokes from his drinking. He is destroying his family, but I refuse to be destroyed along with him. I have rallied everyone with the truth, and I am not helping him hide his addiction or be complicit in his secrets. At this point we are destined for his death or our divorce if he doesn't choose wisely. I accept that I have no control over the outcome, all I can control is my attitude.
Hi. Would you mind sharing an update? Struggling with an alcoholic husband.
@angcho3 I am truly so sorry to hear about your husband, and can understand what you may be going through and would like to give you hope, if anything for yourself. I myself joined AlAnon online through their app and found a lot of empathy, support, and my own strength that was independent from my husband's sobriety or addiction. Thankfully my husband accepted that his drinking would kill him and willingly went to rehab after we staged an intervention with our closest friends and family. He has been sober since his release and has embraced changing his life for the better. We are still together, the marriage was saved, and we are moving forward together. I did my very best to disassociate the man I loved from the alcoholic, whom I viewed as a different person, a demon, like he was possessed if that makes sense. Doing that helped me not hold on to any grudges against him when he was in active alcoholism, I named that alter ego/demon "Mungo" and thankfully I haven't seen Mungo since early 2023. I wish you the best of luck, and hope for the very best outcome as you go through the horrendous ordeal of alcoholism. ♥️🫂
Thank you for this beautiful share. I am a father of 2 beautiful children ages 2 and 3 and my wife is an alcoholic. She easily drinks a bottle of vodka a day. She has been 4 times in rehab too in the space of 3 years. Everytime she come out, I feel I have my wife back. A few months later we are back to being enslaved by the bottle. I love my wife but everyday I loose more and more love for her through the emotional and physical abuse I receive when trying taking her bank cards and car keys away from her. We barely have any intimacy because she is more than often drunk. This week my little babies had their bath for the 1st time in 5 days when I left work early because I couldn't focus on work and what was happening at home. Today I came home to my wife out cold on the bed while my babies were playing in the lounge unsupervised and this is 3:30 in the afternoon on a beautiful sunny day. I don't have friends and a social life that is nonexistent because of her addiction. You are absolutely right!! We are not making enough noise about the impacts of alcoholism and how it impacts our families. It's scary to think that she could die from it, leaving me and my babies alone on this earth. Everyone including me is so afraid and ashamed of the challenge I'm facing, for one to protect her and more importantly afraid that my kids will be taken from me. At this point I am so lost and scared but after watching your share I want to make a stand and call alcoholism out for what it is. It's a horror at the expense of my little children's well-being. Thank you thank you, thank you so much. I wish to hear more stories like yours and hopefully I one day could share my story too.
God bless you. I’ll be keeping you and everyone in this situation in my prayers~
My god, your story is mine right now. You have to leave. My husband would do the same thing when I would come home from work, I had to leave my job due this alcoholism to protect my child. I filed for divorce even though I love him. Get out. CPS will remove children if you aren’t protecting them. Think of them- they have a sober Daddy. You are enough for them. She has to make the change regardless if you are there or not. Stop enabling. Children are so vulnerable and pick up the stress. There is so much hope. You need to get you and your babies out of that environment ASAP.
Its so incredibly difficult but seeing so many others get how I feel makes me feel stronger as a mother. Thank you for speaking your truth
Yes yes yes your not alone others exsperience this too I'm here with you 🙌🏽🙏🏽
Thanks for sharing your story. My partner and I have now lived apart for 7.5 years. We have been together for 8.5 years. He moved in with me quite soon after a work friendship turned into a relationship. It was through living with him that I discovered he had a problem..he has fallen many times and I worry for his safety. On one occasion in the past few months he fell onto his back and was laying in the road. Some people stared. One pulled over and asked if we were OK. I explained he was drunk and I had been unable to support his bodyweight. I was crying. The driver drove off. I was really upset, embarrassed and alarmed all at the same time by what had happened. I wish he could find a way forward without alcohol. I'm not sure he ever will. I've not given up yet but im scared. I wish there was a cure
Thank you for reading my story. This is Kim. I am sorry for all you are enduring. You are not alone in wishing for a cure. The heartache, especially when people don't offer help is something I have felt too. We suffer too. I now devote my life to supporting people affected by a loved one's suffering with addiction. We need to heal too.
Bookmarking this video!!! Everything you have spoke on resonates with my 18 years and two kids who have an alcoholic father. It’s a disease I would hear….stay with him and maybe things will change..his denial can’t be changed by me or his two beautiful, talented daughters who come second to his vodka. The worst part is my mental health and depression because his drinking has robbed me of everything that brought me joy..got a lawyer this week and praying for another chance at new life!
I’m at the point that I just don’t want to live anymore. I’m so tired of trying to control it for him.
Reach out to Alanon. Focus on you and your wellbeing.
I understand I hope that you are well I’m praying for you and sending love I’m going through the same thing
You didn't cause it, you can't cure it. Start living life for you. What are your needs, your wants? Try several Al-non meetings, take a class, go for a walk, read a book. Take care of you. ❤
When you have experienced tip toeing around the house trying to fill her water bottle or cooking her supper, worried that you will trigger your spouse during an alcoholic episode which happens almost every day.. then you will understand why people gravitate to a video like this.
I listened to your video. You are a strong woman to talk about this in such a calm manner. This is not an easy situation to deal with. I have an alcoholic husband as well. Your video made me shed a tear. I will surely listen to your video again. Prayers and more prayers can make a difference if we only have faith that God can and will answer our prayers in due time because it has to be at his time and not ours. Let us who have alcoholics husband continue to pray and find joy in our situation. Thanks for your video.
Thank you for your inspiration and wisdom 🙏 I am at the beginning of the divorce from my wife of 31 years. I am absolutely lost and heartbroken that she refuses to quit. I am sad, angry and disappointed to my core. I cannot stand this feeling of hopelessly. It's so hard to watch the love of your life self destruct from this poison 💔 I can repair and create so many amazing things, but I am powerless to save her.
Resonate. It's a hopeless disease
Me too. 30 Years😭
I walked away from my partner last night who is an alcoholic. The verbal abuse is the worst! And I could not take it anymore! I need to protect my mental health as before him I was with a drug addict who overdosed and lost his life to heroine 💔
I hear you, Bless you with strength and perseverance you got this let it go
I find the silence to be horrible.
Al-Anon Family Group it’s a support group for families of alcoholics. Attending to this group gave me a new perspective and a new life.
I have been married for 41 years to my husband, 2 beautiful grown daughters and 4 grandchildren - he has slowly become an alcoholic over the years coming home drunk most nights. Both my parents were alcoholics as well and both died from alcoholism. I am SO JOYLESS right now and will be 60 next month - not sure how much longer I can live like this!
You need to look after Sheila! I am sure your daughters would encourage you!
Ask him to try the Sinclair method if he wants to temper his drink but feels incapable of going completely sober.
Ultimately though Sheila, put yourself first and if he needs to go to rehab then so be it. X
@@njr1222 thank you!
❤️
Stay strong, Sheila 💗
The easiest, most Practical way for.....
freedom from alcoholism, I have seen is..... SURRENDERING to JESUS 🙏🙏
This is quite helpful. I am living with an active alcoholic. After 40 years of marriage, I finally had enough, I am tired of the caos. I finally reached for help, but I am still at home, haven’t been able to let go. I know that’s the next step. Your talk is very helpful, thank you.
I went through something similar last night (the situation in the restaurant). I’ve been with my partner who is an alcoholic for almost 4 years. We have broken up. This was helpful. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you, I needed to hear this tonight… I’m struggling with detaching, because I know he is ill and will eventually end up in the hospital, I just don’t want it to be too late.
I can relate. I have a son who has a problem with drinking since he was 16 he'll be 37 and he's still drinking vodka and smoking cigarettes. I go to bed with the fear that when I wake up . I will no longer have my son.
This is such an amazing talk. Found myself in a whirlwind.
This has really helped me.
Alcoholism is such a tragedy.
❤️
1) Let down the walls. Let people in.
2) Open up to joy. Look for joy around you every day.
3) Interrupt the silence. Find someone to talk to. Talking helps.
I hope you found that helpful.
Thank you. I have goosebumps. I've come to a point with my mom, the person who brought me into this world, that I have to step away for a while because I can't bear it anymore, at least I can't for right now.
I am going through with my husband same story .I am feeling so embarrassed and ashamed and lonely.
Don't be embarrassed. This is not your fault. You are brave enough to let your voice be heard and I commend you for it. God bless you. You are in my prayers
same here, I keep telling myself he has no control over me, he cannot control how I feel, I don't know if it works but I have to try and believe it
I am on the verge of divorce due to this same addiction. I love my husband. I pray for him everyday. I try to help him and he refuses to change, stop or get help. He loves it more than he does me. One day I will be brave enough to leave but I am holding on to the same hope of him changing. I don’t believe he ever will change. Pray for us.
I finally let him go after 6yrs of the same cycle hurt each other alot .I let my self go trying to understand and help him.he made me feel like I was the boring one that didn't party like him ... Missed alot of good moments in our daughter's life .. finally got the courage to leave him it was hard letting him go because when he was sober he was the best men I loved 😭
Same is my feeling because when he was sober ,it felt all heaven.Finally after 8yrs of marriage i have decided to leave him so that my kid can get a better future....though i still lve him alot....
@@saniakapoor6244 do you still love him now?
damn right its the silent pandemic, tragic story but well done for sharing it. you deserve to be happy
and people need to hear this.
Thank you so much.
I have tried braking FREE! I reached out to my husbands family/brother/sisters/daughters/son & apparently this is something I need to deal with because he is my husband! WOW!!! Many years of placing my husband in rehabs! He works the system to only get out to start his drinking! Telling me he will do better and stop drinking! When I sense that he is drinking, I go looking & always find the liquor hidden in his vehicle or behind a piece of furniture! At the end of my rope for sure!
Get to alanon, as fast as you can..wonderful help and it is free. The sharing is priceless and will give you new hope. Don’t give in to the illness of alcoholism.
Al anon made me more depressed. It made me see so many others suffering this pain and learning to live with it is their answer. Maybe I didnt give it enough time. Or I was too desperate when I arrived crying at a meeting. Seeing so many broken people struggling made me feel more desperate. Love to you. Bless
I don’t agree with the gender roles that Alanon promotes. i.e. a women is most likely with an alcoholic because she’s maternal and wants to nurture him. This is not true at all and harmful tropes.
Thanks for sharing, once again... In our family, it was my mum who suffered from severe alcoholism. But some years before she died, we spoke together from heart to heart and our relation was filled with love and genuine comprehension till the end :) Today my children struggle with the same problem with their father and they do their best to achieve kind of a sincere talk...
My boyfriend died several weeks ago. It's so painful. It's wrong to lose people like that. We as a society should do better.
If you meet someone and get into a relationship with them knowing they're an alcoholic or any kind of addict for that matter, unless you demand they stop before the relationship goes any further, you're complicit in the behaviour and this is not healthy for either of you. I 100% know what I'm talking about, having been both the addict and later the sober part of the relationship and it simply is deeply unhealthy. I stopped being willing to date people who claim to be able to drink normally any more. Most people who say that arent telling the truth!
Yes. I have told that to my partner. The problem is they would say they would stop to get you back but they won’t multiple times.
This is true but there is a nuance to it. If you are someone who is a social drinker and can totally control what you drink, unless you have been in a serious relationship with an alcoholic before, you'd think it was as easy as it is for you for them not to drink.
I went into a relationship with an alcoholic because I lacked the knowledge that AUD was a real disease. Now I know better and could never make the same mistake again. I just have to find a way to walk away from her after 5 years. It's hard but it has to be done. 3 serious incidents in the last 7 weeks. 1. Throwing up all over my flat, 2. drink driving yet again and 3. totally wasted in the back of a taxi, dropped off in the middle of nowhere and missing/unreachable for 5hrs.
I am done!
I’m in tears at this very moment as my husband is currently on a binder. I feel so damn hopeless
Thank you for sharing your life to help others.. I too have been married to a wonderful wife who , after 30 years of excellent marriage ,somehow slipped into alcoholism. I’m in no way judgmental of her .. love her dearly.. she is the most loving when sober,but when she is intoxicated Im left feeling alone ,or if around her ,will do something wrong that will create even more distance . I feel so helpless.. it’s one thing to feel loss, but the worst thing is being powerless to help.. Thank you again
I broke up with my gf because of her alcoholism. She has mental illness as well, but cannot attempt to manage that until she handles her drinking. I’m 6 years sober myself and watching her unravel is so painful.
I had a girlfriend that is a drinker . But had to walk away because they are sneaky and tell lies . Heartbreaking
This is spot on with my wife. I'm considering leaving her. When she said i could feel the drunkenness about to start was very true. My wife looks for excuses to drink and usually looks for things I do. Im mentally drained. Im literally her punching bag verbally and physically. Her friends and even family are what I call drinking assassin's. They always encourage her to have fun be you. Have a drink and just have a few sips, but they don't have to deal with the aftermath. Im out of options, but still i don't want my kid to have separated parents. It breaks my heart.
I feel for you. My husband is the same and contemplating leaving too. At the same time we have 2 children so I understand
I'm in desperately need of a solution, my husband and I been married for 7 years now. Unfortunately about a year ago he started to drink more and more over the weekends. He's still able to work and function normal around family and friends but when the weekend hits he starts drinking. Every single time he does it we fight, he becomes verbally abusive, he hurts me with his words. The next day he Acts like nothing happened, and wants to nice. I just don't think I can handle the situation, our relationship is braking down, and I feel there's nothing I can do to help him. I have tried to ask his mom for help, but there's wasn't much she could do. I'm just so miserable every time he comes home like that.
I’ve experienced the same sister
I turn the world around but I left him
I can relate to the verbal abuse and acting like nothing is wrong. How are you doing? I'm in the process of deciding whether to end the relationship ❤️
I am in the same problem married for 10 years he is loving and caring but only when he is drinking everything turns for the worse.We have a 4 year old together but there is no love any more a just feel sorry for him dont know what to do anymore. Only god can be my our rescue I am thinking of ending the relationship😞
Update : I am now separated. It feels great not having drama now. It's been 1.5 months apart and he has not stopped drinking. It says alot, not even one AA meeting. It's hard though, I'm grieving the loss of what I thought I had.
Im crying watching this I want to really let go this time. I want to be done this hurts too much.
35 years with a functional alcoholic. Still afraid tell my story & take down walls. I avoid being with friends for fear that when I come home my spouse will be drinking. The drinking is ruining me more than affecting him. In the long run he'll be fine but I won't be. 😢
Great advice and I think I was doing it right because I usually open my problem with the alcoholism of the father of my daughter to some close friend. They help a lot, they pray for me and my family. I still feel sad sometimes and want to get away but I still choose to stay.
I dearly and truly love Frankie. Today I realized I had to walk away. It hurts so badly 😞😭 But I honestly fear for both our lives.
It is so awful. I never ever would of been aware of how terrible this is until I became the girlfriend of an alcoholic. It’s extremely sneaky, and if you think a stint at rehab is going to solve all your problems you better think again!
It’s so sad an all consuming. We have a 5 month old daughter and on top of the stress and sadness of dealing with my partner, I am basically a single mother to her, and feel immense guilt for brining her into this situation. He was sober when I got pregnant, and has been going on weekly drinking sessions since she’s been born. Disappearing, and then the days of wallowing and getting sick to follow when he finally returns home.
I find it hard to ask for help, but since I have started talking to people about it, it doesn’t make the pain go away, but it makes life a little bit easier. Nobody is perfect so I don’t know why we try to portray the perfect life.
Today we paid a therapist to tell us what I already knew (and have been saying)- that a fulfilling and safe relationship is not possible while he still drinks. He thinks we have ‘normal’ relationship issues, but is so blind to the fact that it doesn’t matter how much of an effort we make, nothing will change unless he is sober. In fact it’s just getting progressively worse. Zero intimacy, zero trust.
We decided to end things, and although I do feel a sense of relief and feel like I can help him better from a distance, I am also angry and hurt, that he has chosen alcohol again and again. He has made no plans to get himself clean and is still in denial that his drinking is the main reason we are ending. It’s crazy how it warps their brains Into fooling themselves! I told him he’s like leonardo di caprio in shutter island- just when you think he’s starting to see sense, he falls right back into the delusion.
im so sorry you had to go through this, hoping you and your baby girl are doing better now
@@BeautyByKeeks how are you doing now?
The joy is leave for yourself, extremely hard but do it for you
Trying to lead a normal life since my marriag...not a single day I have smiled from my heart...I remember how I used to laugh when I was a child....all my hopes have gone just like you...nothing worked out after marriage...everyday same routine, drinks in the night, the fear of losing him..I have already lost everything..
😭
My fiancee was a high functioning Alcoholic. He works all day, cooks, is very responsible at everything but at night wants to drink mostly everytime. I postponed the marriage because I was too scared of how I was gonna deal with this.
@@meetu7817 good that you are taking a stand, otherwise it become worse when we think things will get better...
@@shiprasarkar6123 I told him today that I cannot marry him. It's is the end and it's very difficult.
You are strong and brave. Bless
Thank you so much. It's so hard. Thank you for your words.
Sometimes death can be healing. Thank God through his passing he gave you peace. Sometimes our spouses death can give us peace.
Thank you Jesus. Thank you for this message.
❤️
Thank you.Twenty years sober and I still need to hear this..
This talk hit too true. The difference for me, I wasn't strong enough to leave. My "support system" was a family of alcoholics. He died from alcoholic liver disease at 50 years old, in our 19th year of marriage, leaving behind his wife and 2 children (ages 2 & 8). Life without him is so much lighter. As my son said when his father died, I'm glad the disease is dead, but I miss him anyway 😢
Thank you, so good to be reminded that there is joy outside of what has happened to our family due to one person. It is still so sad, how did this happen? Why did it happen?
I have a life and I am going to live it.
I'm a child of alcoholic parents. The abuse was extensive. I wish mom would have left when we were young. Good for you. I feel like i got sentenced to life because i dont know whst normal is.
The love of my life is an alcoholic she nuked our relationship. Told me I can do better. I don't want anyone else I want her and so desperately want her to get help. She deserves love she deserves life
@@sneebs666 how are you now?
Stay strong 💪 you will get through this 💟
I've been married for 30 years and 20 of those with an alcoholic and telling my self that I need to leave him for my children sake and mine, my kids are grown and I still want to leave, if you are young and with this problem know that they don't change and you just get older and more discourage to leave I am still getting a divorce so I just prolonged my suffering and my misery aldo I'll be free soon.
Mam I left my alcoholic partner. I thought he will changed but he just found someone else what should I do? I still love him
@@ellaineheart5766 Love yourself more , with time you'll find someone that will love you the right way remember that is better to be by yourself for a while than with someone abusive for life, you're life is too precious to waist it.
Thank you Sandra. That's so honest and so heartbreaking to hear. I'm 8 years with mine and have recognized for a good few years that things are bad, but just kept thinking it would get better... It hasn't. And this has reminded me that he's unlikely to get better. I need to leave. For myself. I'm so unhappy. I'm always walking on eggshells.
It's hurts my heart to hear that you've been dealing with this for so long. I hope you find strength and happiness soon. Xxx
So sorry for your immense hardship. I lost my best friend to alcohol this week its unbearable
So much respect 🙌 to all those helping others heal. 🦋 It's a true calling. I absolutely found my purpose in telling my story of borderline death ☠️ and life implosion 🤯 to healing my brain and body to get my life back! Much luv! 🕉 You can heal!
Thank you for sharing your story and being brave
I am so tired dealing with this that I start thinking the death of alcoholics ,who makes there’s family suffer, is only way out.
I understand, but the way out is the time that you decide I'm out the door to start new ,to live, not just to be alive.
I am becomming a numb person.I am Broken .Giving up is a word that i don't understand but on thé otherhand it is draging me in thé hole.
I think about burning down every liquor store. I think about destroying every alcohol ad I see, whether at a bus stop, bulletin, in a magazine, my phone or TV.
Alcohol makes people hurt themselves and other people. It makes some people kill people. On purpose and by accident. I can't understand why it is so normalized in the world.
We got cigarette ads off TV and magazines, why can't we do the same with alcohol. "Drink responsibly"
Recovery is the answer, the healthiest of us die inevitably, all challenges & obstacles can be overcome & recovered from.
I wasted three years on a drunk! I have had enough! I am emotionally, mentally, financially exhausted!
I have also dealt with the same , 3 yrs , miserable... Always hoping he'd change , time wasted... Sadness beyond words
Wow, I’m not sure when or if I’ll see my comment in the future. My husband lives with heavy pain that stems from childhood trauma. He hardly has any strength to deal with life’s problems because any sight of pain since he was 13 he would drink it away. He is talented, handsome, has a huge heart for animals, he’s generous, sensitive…. yet depression and alcohol have blinded him. He lives in hypnosis. I am scared, sad, that his clock is ticking. He does not care to die. It’s a difficult situation to be in because I have a positive influence in his life. I do believe if I wasn’t around he wouldn’t live long… but it is hard to witness how he handles his pain, it is hard knowing he might not come home one day.
Praying for a miracle for Brian and his 7 children
Thanks for such a wonderful talk . It's very helpful.i see my husband daily consumed by the alcohol . I have realized I can't help him out myself . I hope he becomes alright . It's painful loving an alcoholic .
❤️ this made me cry ....
❤️
Me too. ❤
The thing with alcoholics is simple, they love that alcohol a lot more than they love you
Thank you so very much for sharing your story. Just now, after listening, I don't feel so alone. ❤️
I am battling this journey, this helped me,
15:08 15:08 15:08
Thank you. 💯. I am in love with an alcoholic don't have no support really or anyone to talk to you about this then the man has two grandchildren that he's trying to raise
thank you for this, I hate going to bed at night sleeping beside somebody who might die beside me. the anxiety is awful, if he falls will he hit his head, will he die? will it be worse and he have a stroke. its terrifying
Its not easy to find joy when you know your husband is doing things to ruin his life, health of alcoholism.. it is just easy to say but when you’re in the situation its hard to find joy.. sharing with trusted people in your life perhaps is a help
Thank you for your story. Like a lot of the comments here I’m struggling to be with an alcoholic. I broke it off for 6 months because he was coming home everyday lying to my face about drinking for 2 months. When started to doubt him I thought about how sweet he is and convinced myself that he wouldn’t lie to me. What I don’t see commonly in everyone’s relationships with an alcoholic, is that my boyfriend isn’t abusive when he drinks. He’s not mean. He has more of a child like mind and get a a child like voice when he drinks. I just can’t handle the lying. A lot of his friends say he’s not a cheater but when you’re very drunk how do you know what’s happening. If he can lie to my face about drinking what else could he be lying about. He has made progress since the break up, but he just lied to me again about drinking and in my gut I knew he had. I know how he is when he drinks. His mother says he needs to know im going to stick by him or he will treat me like im going to leave everyday. I feel the stress and anxiety when he has the day off and I work. Because when he gets really drunk at the bars in our neighborhood people start offering him coke and that’s the worst part of it all. I’ve already lost my best friend to alcohol and I don’t know if I go through this again or maybe he’s worth it to stick around for. I’m conflicted because he’s loving, but how can someone that loves you lie to your face so easily?
I hope you've left
This is extremely moving ,and all true . Thank you for your message, Nathalie
My hubby is also alcoholic, but i still find light and joy. I still hoping he will widraw that alcohol addiction
Very sad. very brave of you. Thank you so much for sharing
im bawling crying
I can to a crashing point my self being addicted I had check into the ER from with my significant other. I am getting sober for her now because she is the most important thing to me way more than alcohol could ever be. You have to find support and you can’t be around other people who drink when you are trying to recover. Whole life style changes need to happen. Remember you can fight this don’t let the inner demons control you. Don’t let the poison kill you
I’m making the most important decision of my life to leave my husband now. We are together 5.5 years. Married 1.5 year with no kid. He is a functional drinker. He does the work of the house. Working hard and making good money. He tries to work out to stay healthy to compensate with drinking. In deep down, I knew he has problems but drinking. 3 months ago, he got into an big accident that almost killed his own life. He quitted drinking for 2 more months and started back which disappointed so much.
We had a beautiful relationship. Everything was great. I just had to keep reminding him not to drink. But this time I have the feeling that things can get worse and I’d better leave before our relationship gets worse. I don’t want to have kids and let my kids go thru this.
It is sad to leave because you feel guilty not being their side to help them. It is sad to leave because we had so many beautiful memories and we don’t even fight in relationship. It is sad to leave when things are still doing good.
But it is better than waiting to things got worse.
Resonate. My husband was a beautiful person has a heart of gold but this illness will get worse. It's a progressive chronic brain disease. Leave or not leave you will feel the pain if you love that person.
Believe me it gets worse, kids had to go through him verbally abusing me again and me crying from the shame of knowing I am the one exposing them to him.
They love him so much, the little one is struggling so much to understand what his daddy does, he acts like it's ok, cause his so used to it.
Don't think he would cope without his dad.
So tired, so broken, so scared, and don't know what to do.
If I divorce and he gets visiting rights, they'll still be subjected to him, It won't make it better. This I know.
Please leave before you have kids.
They don't deserve any of it.
Wasn't always this bad, he used to help in the house as well. Please leave while you can.
Thank you. I have been praying to God to please help me ❤
I feel like his drinking has destroyed me as a person I am so bitter depressed and most times not very happy saying to my self do I want to spend the rest of my years I have like this or want to be with him I know he will never stop drinking he enjoys drinking
If somebody loves a thing more than you, it's a good clue to confront your emotions. I don't think that anyone is worthy of your love if they hurt you like this.
My joy is in music. I've had enough of the alcoholic, I know it's a disease but it makes me feel sick, day in day out.
I just don't know what to do anymore.
Is it wrong that I think giving up on the person you love because they are sick is wrong? I will bury my wife because of alcohol, I can't stop it, I know, I've tried. But I love her and she loved me once, now she loves alcohol. I will bear the weight of her addiction with her. She slowly wastes away and I do too.
No not wrong in my opinion. Very honourable and selfless. But In it’s simplest form, you are prioritising her life over yours. Much as I have done for 17 yrs and am still doing. I feel I am halfway out of the door emotionally though so I think the question you should ask yourself is, is the love what it was? Or are you hoping it will be again one day? I find myself hoping and imagining a life I’d like to have with mine. It never has worked out that way so I ask myself why I’m still here. Sending best wishes and strength to you. As much as I love my partner, he has sucked the life out of me through his selfish behaviour.
I’m struggling right now with an alcoholic wife. She has 3 DWIs devastated our finances and just last week had a major seizure. I thought she was dying when she turned blue and I feel so guilty thinking maybe she will die and I can move on without the stress of her actions. I don’t know how to leave without her giving up completely on life and committing suicide Me and my daughter is really all she has I work or sit on the couch and stare at the wall.
THANK U THANK U 🙏🏽💕I so hope you and your babies are smiling more GOD BLESS U! I talk to GOD often and how to proceed I believe he sends messages when we’re open to receive them. Smile and I will too
I found this video because my friend of two 1/2 yrs wants a serious relationship with me. He's an admitted functional alcoholic which I only learned about a month ago. He's a veteran with PTSD from fighting in Afghanistan and he has a emotional support dog. He's respectful, considerate and tries to be an emotionally available friend. But he struggles. He's waiting to get into a VA rehab that he'll be in for about 4 months. I care about him deeply, but I'm very scared and I know I can't take this serious step with him. It breaks my heart to say no. I've been divorced 16 yrs now & my ex husband is an alcoholic. I've done too much work on myself to go back to that lifestyle. 😢
I came to this video a most of us do. To understand our partner and to learn if we could do anything. The comment section provides no hope for me. So many people who had to leave their loved ones.. im just 1.5 year into this relation. And i wanted to give it all i had, but can we really beat a alcoholic?
I’m not the right person to respond to your comment. I’m an alcoholic. I try to stay away from the drink, but every now and then, mostly around winter time, I relapse. I’m married to the most beautiful woman. We have a wonderful son together. I pray for hope. I want to get sober. Completely. When I go to the liquor store I’m fully aware that it’s not normal. I know how much damage it causes my body and my family. I want and need it to stop before it breaks my life apart. All I want is for my family to love me and stay by my side, but in order for them to be there for me I have to be there for them. I’m trying.
@@casperingels2220 i really hope you find the strength to beat your addiction. I dont know what it must be like, on paper it looks so clear. Alcohol is bad for.your health and for your relation, but in reality something is making you do the wrong thing. Its demanding on your partner but im sure you feel guilty already, i have figured it out to deal with it yet. Be strong my brother, i hope you will make changes
I am so broken. Like my heart is falling out of my chest. My fiancé is destroying everything. As I sit here at work trying to hold back all my tears. Responding with, I'm fine, every time someone asks me how I'm doing. In my head I'm saying please don't ask me. It's so hard trying to hold it all together. This morning I looked at him different and it broke my heart. That man laying in our bed this morning isn't the man I fell in love with. My God, this hurts! I have this dry lump in my throat, this pit in my stomach, this pain in my head from all the pressure from holding back my crys. I'm loosing the love of my life. We have been together for 4 years and have a beautiful blended family. All 5 of our children are like best friends our families are so close and get along so well. My children, 18, 15, & 8, never had a father until I met my fiancé and they love him so much. And his daughters 17 & 13, are my baby girls, they didn't have a mom until I came along. Us not being together would be devastating for the whole family. Many probably wont agree with me for getting my kids involved but, I've asked our children on our bad days if they want us to stay together. They have never hesitated, they always say yes please stay together. It breaks my heart. I feel guilty even considering ending it all. I know our babies want a whole family they deserve it. But I don't know what to do. We've gotten to the point of our bad days happen way more than our good days. I seriously feel like screaming. He's killing us, he's killing himself. Im so mad and hurt. With every sip he steals our happiness. I want him sober so bad, we need him to be sober. I want my husband, even with him right next to me I miss him so much. Every time I ask him to please stop he says this is how you met me. We aren't getting any where. I really want my love to get sober. But I'm afraid I will loose him before that happens.